#which ought to be a good thing

[theemperorsfeather]

Had a bad notion while rehanging the plastic that the stuff I ordered from Home Despot was a thinner material than what I picked up locally, but the HD listing didn't explicitly say what thickness it was so I assumed it had to be the same . . . But I am pretty sure it is thinner stuff, which probably partially explains why all of that succumbed so badly to the wind (and then KEPT COMING DOWN SO FUCKING EASILY OH MY GOD I wanted to cry multiple times this afternoon, it was windy on and off and UGH the PLASTIC!!!) as well as why it was so much less expensive than what I bought locally. Bleh. Well. Anyway. It's all up, and I have extra, which I didn't realize I had until I was done and packing everything inside, which is annoying because I have one narrow "panel" I had to cover with the opaque, thin sheeting I can't see through but OTOH, it's in a spot where maybe I don't care if I can't see through. . .

The wind fucking sucked! It wasn't gusting like mad like it was last night but it didn't take much wind for the sheets to get pulled free; naturally it died down about the time I was finishing up, because of course.

But, anyway, the majority of the project is done; there are some places I need to add some extra plastic to block drafty spots, plus make a cat flap, but the most/worst of the project is complete

#angst and woe #i'm going to be so sore tomorrow from stapling plastic to wood over my head #weh #feathering the nest #dunno how warm the space will end up being BUT it should prevent wind from hitting that side of the house #which ought to be a good thing

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Lackadaisy Enrichment

#in our enclosures!! #video linked as source; which i'm glad to see already has a million views and is trending. That's Right #lackadaisy #WHICH i have been reading since at least '07 when i was thirteen my god b/c this animation is based on the ongoing webcomic #like does its influence show up Directly in some Discrete way i can point to in my art? not very easily probably. And Yet. #the inspiration....i wasn't able to be Regularly Only for at least another year / art done Nonprofessionally Online was novel to me #like wow ppl can make & post fanart of w/e they love huh....didn't know webcomics were a thing & i never really read that many since but. #good god the quality of Lackadaisy at its onset is like this is superb?? this person putting in all their talent and effort??? #and Then you get years & years more art and i don't even know what superlatives to throw out abt its quality as it evolves. obsessed w/it.. #if i see a new lackadaisy comic page i Will be acting out. obviously this animation is a delight & also stunning. and fascinating to also #juxtapose as a Translation / Interpretation of the comic in a different medium & standalone snippet of Story #and that we're not even quite there in the comic timeline; Taking Notes abt character info we get distilledly here....genuinely love like #take it back to '07 i'm like oh boy can't wait for the dream team to assemble. then a decade later when it did? Oh Boy. that is payoff lol #namely hooray for stitches and mudbug at the field office for every passing gangster. killing one marigold associate but not the other #which seems like a promising start to shootouts w/the other dream team triumvirate. i adore that in canon so far mordecai freckle & rocky #have met but only over a nice brunch. re: all intentions anyways. anyways i'm like Gifs Must Be Made while i'm also so riled afresh abt the #comic that i've been sooo hype for for over fifteen yrs now babeyyy Deservedly. i've done a couple of rereads & ought to do another.... #For Interest it'd probably take a few sittings to catch up from the start but there is much to be engaged over....this ongoing story that's #historical fiction prohibition bootlegging cats with plenty of focus on characters & several Mysteries. which i'm better at parsing now lol #like one of the more recent rereads like Oh Of Course x (probably) accidentally killed his y & z took the fall & that's a binding secret... #Not [oh of course] abt the circumstances surrounding a's death & how b & c were involved. nor the ''what's marigold's damage'' mystery #which is great. love to not know things. love that we can readily follow all the emergent drama everyone's wading in nowadays. hell yeah #anyways admire my organized approach to gifs here. four shots each Expressions Atmosphere Action Groupshots #sure might've muddled through gifmaking for this anyways but fr being a huge lackadaisy comic enjoyer for now most of my life helps #and its very Overall Inspiration like. just really getting the [you can really just draw stuff out here] going. fr the art's detail & skill #and that enrichment like i'm gonna have a great time following this. And I Have #you don't expect a crowdfunded indie animation in the mix back then but hell yeah fellas #SIGH ok removing a 4th gif that's broken / not displayed despite reuploading then entirely remaking it. if it's a bug i'll try again later

[willow-lark]

lark's recently-read byler fic recs

thought people could use some uplifting 💕🫶 please remember to hype up your favorite fics and art and other creative work & remember there's always something new to enjoy!! browse the tag or ao3 page & give someone's work a some love!! xoxo

If Time Runs Out by @rainypebble07 (T, ongoing, 14k+) - BYLER PIRATE AU!!! 🏴‍☠️ i literally just discovered this one today and i'm actually obsessed. i have never seen any other pirate aus (🤨) n i just wanna say u guys are missing out on the concept and on this fic bc i'm so invested. i'm so excited to see where this fic goes. royal mike x pirate mike is SO GOOD.

how to get your crush to believe you love him: a guide by mike wheeler by @newlesbianprideflag (T, 3/4, 11k+) - mike goes across the country to visit will at college in an attempt to confess his feelings to him. will, who has a boyfriend already and would like to think himself very over mike, thank you, is not impressed. this one deconstructs a lot of popular/fanon tropes and is really great so far!!

california show your teeth by @fireflywitch (T, 8/19, 63k+) - ok this one mayyybe only has background byler but i'm reccing it anyway bc it's one of my FAVORITE regularly updating fics maybe EVER. in early 1985, chief hopper and his average, normal family move from lenora hills, california to hawkins, indiana--the latter of which has had multiple tragedies over the past few years, to which the new chief's family may or may not be linked. LIKE WHATTTT 👀 go read it RN. masterpiece

All Good Dogs by @hellfiremike (T, 1/1, 3.8k) - this one actually made me cry. featuring: an EXCELLENT character study of will byers, a heartfelt examination of canon and what comes after, and chester the dog getting the attention he deserves and never got in canon 😭

kiss me (try to fix it) by birthofv3nus (T, 1/1, 4k) - will has kissed every member of the party except for mike, who is, understandably, taking this news *SO* well and is not jealous about it at *ALL.* but maybe his situation is not quite as dire as he believes it to be....ugh this one was such a fun read, and you know i loveee party dynamics!!

drank my poison all alone by silverluminoqity (T, 1/1, 4k) - mike is going through it, and, though vecna seems to have been vanquished, maybe he's not so completely gone as everyone thinks.... this is an excellent exploration of both mike's guilt as well as his evolution as a character, and how he views himself. super in-character and super good!!

high tide came and brought you in (and i could go on and on) by silverluminoqity (T, 1/1, 8k) - MOTEL FIC MOTEL FIC MOTEL FIC 🥳 or, mike and will have yet another heart to heart, and some things are revealed. this fic is just so completely heartfelt and UGH i was MELTING the ENTIRE TIME, holy SHIT. probably in my top 3 motel fics EVER tbh.

Chasing Heartlines by @cherryisgone (T, 1/2, 6k+) - i was so excited to read the first chapter of the sequel to maybe one of the best byler fantasy aus ever!! knight mike pining after prince will is something that can actually be so personal to me. i love a good mike-won't-shut-up-about-will fic. the attention to detail in this fic is actually INSANE.

#byler #byler fic recs #byler fic rec #will byers #mike wheeler #stranger things #fic recs #posts of lark #tbh i feel like this is exactly how i ought to operate my tumblr #pop on every once in a while to rec fics and then whoosh away again into the unknown #*bangs on ceiling which is the floor of byler tumblr's apartment* #READ FICS YOU COWARDS THERE'S SO MUCH GOOD SHIT OUT HERE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING OUT ON #COMMUNITIES DON'T WORK UNLESS THEY'RE RECIPROCAL #SO GO SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION FOR A NEW WRITER TODAY. OR FOR A WRITER YOU'VE NEVER SPOKEN TO BEFORE #go tell them how much they mean to you!! #anyways. love u all 💕

[cassatine]

Rhaenyra getting more shit for staying on Dragonstone instead of in King's Landing to play the political game or whatever than Viserys gets for recalling Otto as Hand, thus pretty much handing power to the faction he knows to be his heir's political opponents and metaphorically shooting Rhaenyra in the political kneecaps, is one of the most Takes in a fandom full of Takes

#like if you're gonna point to rhaenyra fucking up on that one you ought to point to viserys too #could she have done more to shore up her claim? sure. could viserys have done more to shore up her claim? hell fucking yeah #sorry but showing up on his literal last day wasn't enough #he should have made *her* the hand after lyonel's death #the fact that he didn't and instead recalled otto is the dumbest most insane decision taken by anyone in the show so far #and the one thing that most contributed to creating the conditions for the aegon/rhaenyra face-off to happen #also like if we're talking optics how do you think it looks like to the court & co that instead of HIS ACTUAL HEIR #he chose otto?? it looks like he doesn't trust his heir to rule is what it looks like #and also!! it's a pattern with viserys. he keeps rhaenyra as cupbearer after naming her heir. he puts alicent on the small council for some #reason even as she's going around in hightower loyalties green. which is even more ?? when you remember the firing otto scene #ep6 shows alicent ordering rhaenyra around shooting her down etc. viserys doesn't even try to fight on the helaena/jace proposal #with otto back as hand even if she'd been in kl rhaenyra would have been in a shit position #and the optics wouldn't have been good either everyone would have seen power was on the otto&alicent side not the heir's #again: could she have fought harder? sure. did viserys create the conditions for her to be sidelined in the first place? duh fucking duh #house of the dragon #westerosi politics

[emsloe]

was doing laundry this morning and looked at one of my ratty 10-year-old sports bras and realized I get to retire all four of 'em this month... peace and love on planet earth

#I keep having this weird feeling of 'maybe i ought to keep them to wear at work to hide that the surgery im getting is top' #which is so stupid. yeah I'll save up my whole life so I can spend over 10 grand out of pocket to get rid of booba just to #pretend i still have them so the people who already dislike me won't dislike me even more. lmao. #anyway GOOD RIDDANCE i am so excited to put these things in the trash soon!!!!! they've been on their last legs for yeeeaaarrrs

[lobotomyladylives]

I'm starting to firmly believe that I'm only attracted to men in theory not in practice. Dope

#ive never in my life been able to picture myself having sex with a man without it making me nauseous #which i thought was a trauma thing i ought to work through but honestly? who gives a shit. why should i ''work through it'' #when i could just. be with a woman. or alone. #sidenote obviously im not saying this makes me a lesbian id never call myself that bc there is still an attraction its just like #entirely removed from myself. i dont want to be involved #feels good to accept this. i feel like i never fully allowed the realization to occur before bc i didnt want #my trauma to define my life. but i dont need to fuck or date men to overcome the trauma #im not letting my rapist ''win'' by only partnering with women. its me who is winning. he's burning in hell & im alive #thats what matters

[chiropteracupola]

scribblescrabble samuel...

[you know what it is. collaboration with @dxppercxdxver again.]

#em draws stuff #flintlock fortress #team fortress 2 #after several hours of Gazing and Staring at john singer sargent's work I wanted to give (an imitation of) watercolor over graphite a try #and then Things Happened and I worked it a little too much to want to paint over it #this particular fellow's got some serious shapes to his face so I thought he'd make a good subject for the style #it's rather strange because he ought to be the easiest to draw for me out of the whole cast (I do like a man made primarily of triangles) #but despite his Triangularity I never can get him quite right #or I've just been staring at this for far too long. which is also true. #well! practice does incite Improvement if not Perfection. guess I've just got to draw him again! #one day I will draw something that isn't flintlock fortress again but it's not looking like that day is today.

[oscill4te]

the idea of using chronometer or tracking any food/nutritional stuff is so stressful wtff

#if i am malnourished then so be it... #jk but yeah get a blood test every now and then #ive somehow been doing good w bloodtests despite putting no effort in #which is funny bc my family has tried convincing me for years that im going to be malnourished and starve from not eating meat >.> #I've been vegetarian for a long time and vegan for 3+ yrs and im balling #i just have to remember to take a multi/eat nooch for the b12 every now and then. i prob dont do that as much as i ought too #once i had a doctor suggest i keep a food diary just for being slightly overweight... cringe #idk tracking food that much seems unhealthy for most people #i think the only thing i care to track is sugar bc i notice i feel like shitttt if i have more than the recommended amount #but otherthan that i dont track anything else

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

writing poetry sometimes feels like you gotta cut yourself open to express it idk smear all your organs all over the page and hope somebody else reads something beautiful. is that like divination the way it's expressed in various places and things? I dunno. poetry never slides off your skin like water off a duck's back. it's from within I think. sometimes you have to tear yourself apart to get at the words and sometimes it just wells up from within and gushes out. always from somewhere deep inside. sometimes it's difficult and horrible and painful but the alternative would be worse. sometimes it's from sheer joy that must overflow into words. I think that's beautiful personally. skin splitting from joy. it happens, I think, to us all at some point. or maybe I'm just a creature of extremes. maybe that online test I did because a friend recommended it is true. it said my symptoms were high. I don't know. maybe it is true, maybe it's not. I read a book once where there was a character named Nathan Hill-and-Dale, and while I'm not nearly as extreme as he was portrayed, in my extremes, I know I'm a fairly volatile person. funny, for most people who see me IRL seem to think that I'm fairly calm. nope, I'm a volcano. watch out, even when I'm apparently calm I might blow up one way or the other. one of my residents' family members said today that I was young and bubbly and she was glad to see it because happiness is the prerogative of the young. a part of me wished I told her. I have actively tried to kill myself once; I have come extremely close to the same actions countless times including yesterday; I would sooner hurt myself than others; if I had my own choice I would simply starve. of course I didn't tell her. sometimes I think I'll never get better. at this point I would consider it a very high chance that I will either die by suicide or end up in hospital following an attempt. not now, of course. but despite my fierce love for my course it has stress associated with it and I think that it's very likely that no psych help on earth would fix my mental health enough for that not to be an option mentally in this short time. I think it's possible to recover from all of the things I struggle with. God help me, I hope it is. the real question is whether I will survive long enough to recover from them. and the answer? I know not. I was reminded of a past interaction with the boy today, where he called my name - I turned - his grandfather, a photographer, was waiting to see if he could get a decent photo, for we were at a church conference and he was trying to get photos everywhere. they were laughing. I could not help but laugh. that memory is tainted now, for he would not look at me now, let alone try to pull such a stunt again. I don't blame him. I don't blame anyone for it. I wonder what would happen if I blocked all my friends on discord; who would seek me out? part of me hopes people would, another part hopes they would not. sometimes I just want to be left alone to curl up and die. it would be easier. so much easier than living, and living, and living. I tried writing poetry just now. it felt like trying to cut myself open, I couldn't get the words out. it only made me feel rather wild. I'm desperate for change, for something. something. what is that something? I don't know. did you know I'm a sadist? I would not in a public place express the thoughts that led me to that conclusion. but I am. I wish I wasn't. there's an obvious solution to that. quick, and easy. so easy. too easy. I tried writing poetry, and then instead of writing anything coherent, I wrote this.

#tw suicide #tw suicidal ideation #tw sh #personal #puddleglum hours #tried writing poetry and the very act of trying made me desperately want to harm. i think i'll break my streak today. all the things have #been so bad today. not so much the individual things as they all stack up together. almost the worst most constant dysphoria ive ever #experienced. coincided with eating new stuff which was scary. weighed myself yesterday on dad's recommendation and found out i *believed* #id gained like more than double what i *did*. feel so disgustingly fat and heavy tho why can't i just stop eating. why is everyone #prolonging my existence. serious question. this includes myself. whats the good. im tired but not. and oh so disgusted with myself. #weak. stupid. failing. only a fool talks like this. oh but don't worry im safe. safe enough anyhow. oh look nothing's real that explains #something. but i am safe. aint me as gonna commit suicide today. don't worry about me. im ignorin my friend who's worried about me bc she #has her own struggles. im not gonna ad to them at this point. selfish enough i am already. ive been choking on disgust all day even through #my jubilation over reaching a fourteen day streak. funny i literally don't care now. gonna break it. unless i'm too coward to do otherwise. #i ought. i ought to do other things too. i don't know how long i can keep on going like this. pray for me.

[svogliata-mente]

my plan for this year is to try to read at least one book per month, if I can manage that I think I'll be happy enough

#(excluding books for uni i don't think those ought to count for this) #i mean I'm pretty happy with 2023 i managed to come back into the swing of things and i think I've read like around twenty-fiveish books #which considering past years is sadly very good #me medesima

[transboysokka]

do you think it’s common knowledge that people who live in big cities have smaller carbon footprints?

#like urbanization is good for one thing #mine is TINY except for every couple years when I’m forced to take a transpacific flight #actually the biggest contributor to my carbon footprint is my dog which is WILD that’s a factor #like he’d be creating as much carbon living by himself on the mountains if I hadn’t taken him in lol #but anyway yeah it’s all bullshit anyway until big corpo takes responsibility #I ought to stop trying so much #text

[andthebeanstalk]

If you don't reblog this post,

nothing will happen.

REBLOG THIS POST

to make no observable effect on the indifference of the fates.

If you like this post instead of reblogging it,

neither act shall be counted for or against your sins when your soul is weighed against Anubis' feather at the end of your life. The gods have ceased to check our homework, if they ever did at all.

The magic you carry within you is simple but real, as dangerous as it is essential: nothing matters until you decide it does. I will never know your face as well as I know my own. But I carry you in my heart as easy as breathing.

#original #what do i tag this as? #egyptian mythology #brennan lee mulligan #for giving me the quote 'people are the instrument through which the universe cares. if you care then the universe cares. if you don't then #it doesn't.' #reblog within 30 seconds to apply an arbitrary time limit to your actions! no one will know either way! #hi i believe people ought to reblog art they wish to see more of but that a like is still a nice thing to say #but also! it is! your choice! and i fucking hate when posts say you're a BAD PERSON for not reblogging something #i don't fucking care if the post is like 'reblog if you believe puppies shouldn't be murdered!' if it is followed by a guilt trip fuck off #this is my space and i am here to be silly and peaceful in a brutal world and i will do as i please while doing no harm #i also dislike 'reblog in 30 seconds to make something good happen' posts #because i was raised catholic and the idea of being at fault for something good not happening due to my inaction or failure #in regards to arbitrary and impossible to verify rules' was... really fucking bad for me as a kid. #because if those posts DO work (like how prayers are supposed to work) then at what point is it my fault for not doing more??? #bc in Catholic school we were taught very clearly that it is indeed our fault for not doing more at all times bc it is #impossible to be good enough #but I suppose I shouldn't begrudge people their small spells and prayers. #I just don't like when they're directed at me with an imperative statement. #anyway everyone go watch dimension 20 it is a delight

[cool-as-steel]

in subjects unrelated to any movies I may or may not have very recently watched, I've decided to actually read all the way through dylan meconis's 'family man' (first attempt at it ~7 years ago didn't go that well) and I'm thus far intrigued to report that in the intervening years I have become the kind of person who really likes a lot of what is going on in that comic thus far.

#ramblings #really I ought to start a reading tag that isn't book-specific #the captain's library #<- there I did it #but YEAH the OUTFITS and the ENVIRONMENTS oh gosh oh wow #just. very well-done eighteenth-century moving-about in relation to Clothing. which always is something that I am very very into. #wigs! and lack of wigs at home at night! and luther puts up his hair differently in formal situations! #the shirts! the way stockings are drawn to fold around the ankle! academic robes!! #ariana has a fun gender going on!! #eighteenth century people not wearing Clothing Proper To Their Gender™️ is a guaranteed Em Excitement Moment. so you see. #also I hear there are going to be WEREWOLVES in here sometime so obviously I am V. KEEN ON THAT #there are Some notable design things that make me go Uhhhh in a bit worried manner but everything else so far has been good #also not excited about the fact that this comic ends mid-story and hasn't been updated for six years but Hey #it is not as if this is the first time that I go head over heels for a comic that does that (see also tf2 much to my chagrin :/ )

[miodiodavinci]

i need to be asleep but i'm looking at the tax return money i have stashed away and wondering just how much of a quality upgrade i should make in terms of mixing headphones

#the brand i've been using has served me fairly well #but i don't know if they're still in production because the last ones i've ordered came worn/damaged and had to be returned #and my current pair is Quite Literally hanging on by a thread #(read: it is taped together with electrical tape and a large tongue depressor to replace the broken hinge) #(and has a small bead jammed into the cup joint to prevent it from swinging outwards) #(and i have to put a folded sock on my head to counteract the compressed headband foam) #so i've been thinking i ought to upgrade just a bit from the $20 range to perhaps the $50 range #but i'm staring at the company i'm thinking about ordering from and wondering if i should just #go ahead and spend a little more to get a slightly more sensitive and collapsible studio-level pair #but spending more is scary ! ! ! ! #what if they're bad ! ! ! #what if they sound terrible and feel bad and get lost in the mail when i try to return them ! ! ! #or what if they sound so so good all my mixing things will sound terrible no matter what ! ! ! #or well i'm not sure how to describe that last fear but i think it basically amounts to #what if it makes vocal synth voices sound bad somehow #ughhgh i know it'll be better for me in the long run to invest now while i have the option #because no doubt the more expensive pair will last longer and give me better quality results #(evidence: an astounding number of people reporting they've used theirs for 5-10 years with no sound decay) #as opposed to my current ones which i've had to replace every 3 years #$70 for potentially 10 years of good audio . . . . #which is roughly what i'd be paying with the cheap pair but with only mid-tier audio #h m m m m m #i'll sleep on it i guess . . . .

[elizabethrobertajones]

Thinking about how Ishgard isn't a full democracy if the house of lords still seems to be the final word over the house of commons, since Aymeric is still seen as the leader of Ishgard. There's no separate figurehead, or a joint weighting between the two houses. He's also still head of the army as far as I can tell, and informally carries a lot of weight with decisions on the future of the church that people are just giving him because they like him.

Then I started thinking about if there was a full election for a head of state, the guy who's been putting in the effort with the Firmament and redoing the Brume is Francel. So it would probably be a bitter run off between him and Hilda after Aymeric got knocked out because he's probably still wildly contentious with the lower classes and even if they're not quite in the mood to stab him any more, it's not like he's the perfect candidate for ALL of ishgard. Sometimes that's just how it is when you bring about dramatic change to a place, and he hopefully doesn't have the dictator instinct to claw at the power that opportunity gave him while he earnestly meant well and he deserved it as a liberator and change maker.

Anyway I'm a nerd so I'm thinking about their political campaigns.

#And Aymeric having a nap and being secretly glad he didn't make the final ballot. #the thing is Francel was given the same coat as Chai-Nuzz #who the narrative bent over backwards to prove was a Worthy Elected Leader #maybe it's just because there's like 3 fancy coats in game which don't have obvious combat attachments #but I like to think they're both well-meaning Good Leaders who mirror each other in some ways #and Francel is embedded among the people in a way Aymeric is not - he knows the common military man but not the rest #that said #Hilda has my vote despite the obvious red flags that she might have the Dictator Instinct having worked militias unprompted #for well-meaning reasons yes #but also her code is very different despite the shared goals and her experience is mostly in violence to solve problems #basically despite how classist it sounds because of the ways they distributed character tropes #I would sort of want her in power with one of the noble paladin-brain guys like Haurche Aymeric or Francel #gotta be a lawful good and chaotic good person working in tandem :P #anyway that's how the upper and lower houses ought to work together #Lyse and Raubahn co-parent Ala Mhigo... why do we never hear about Ishgard's lower house? #anyway I opened the newspaper today and looked at IRL politics and my brain shrank back and landed here #ffxiv

[variousqueerthings]

trans story time is that the first time I entered a space for trans people (a peer-moderated talking group) about... four or five years ago? (wow it really hasn’t been long, I need to breathe more easily about time) I had never seen imagery of any kind of trans men before and certainly nobody who was many years on T and so when I saw this guy in his late 40s who was moderating the group, rather than make the obvious deduction that he too, of course, must be trans (and that we grow older and that we carry our bodies confidently and that we may be strong enough to hold room for each other), I thought “oh how odd that a cis guy is running this, but nice that he cares,” (at the time it was almost only trans women who attended the group, and also whom I expected to see there -- I also had no inner projection of what a non-binary person might look like before I went) and it took me a few weeks to suddenly realise my mistake from one moment to the next 

a magical transformation and he’d changed nothing, but I changed drastically and irrevocably (for good)

#queer stuff #trans stuff #mix of things: 1. you dont know what youve never known #2. honestly though it ought to have been suggested by the *peer moderated* part but truly i needed to unblock my brain #3. i have also in the last couple of years come to understand that i carry things in me for a good deal longer than is considered average #before they can properly make their way to the front of my head with conclusions #this also goes for simply making decisions about things... my time runs slower than is expected of people (and i quite like that) #case in point: from seeing him to meeting trans guys my own age would be another 3 years #during which time I was mulling (without being fully conscious of it) about transmasculinity #3 years in considering things about queerness time isn't technically so long i think #it's more that he jolted something in me that i couldnt look at until a few years later despite it being a very immediate reaction #which happens a lot with me for non-queer things also #(I also think some part of it may have been covid... looot of time to sit with your brain then) #realisation to action takes time #me #queer