#which. fucking sucks. its fine. its fine . im just

[opens-up-4-nobody]

God. The thing abt the uchiha is that. Yes. It was fucked up that no one trusted them and they got pushed further and further from the village center. However. They were also a clan of ninja cops with fucked up magical eyes that they supercharge by getting horrifically traumatized. So like. I also would not fucking trust them.

#like maybe its just that ive been too influenced my senju propaganda but i just think the uchiha as a clan kinda fucking suck #at least by the time we get to sasuke's dad leading things. they seemed fine when madara joined with the village #so its just that the resentment at feeling pushed out has risin by then. and maybe im not remembering things right but like Tobirama #made them the cops right? and they got pissed that they weren't given any political power but like u get so much fucking power as the polic #? and also it just seems like the worst fucking idea to put that all on one clan. like THE WORST job u could give to 1 clan of fucked up #eyeball freaks. and i can never tell if they r legitimately being prejudiced against but like they kida have good reason not to trust them #bc they were legit gonna overthrow the government. so like where did it start? i just kinda feel like they think theyre entitled to power #but r also intentionally standoffish to outsiders. but again maybe im just biased bc i dont like Sasukes dad and the nameless uchiha so muc #ugh. its too messy and its all built on the back of what may or may not have been a slight against them. and the rift just kept getting #wider. i mean knowing Tobirama it was probably a slight... but idk im not power hungry enough to understand y they got so mad abt it #konoha. the village in which everyone sucks and the children suffer. #naruto ramblings #naruto

[puppyeared]

i am playing professor layton and the curious village on my ds. very fun!!!

I don't know if i'm very far in because most of the time spent in that game was me being confused and bad at puzzles. it's fun though.

!!! im glad to hear youre enjoying it!! its one of my fav titles and honestly such an underrated series, id love it if more ppl gave it a try!

the puzzles can be difficult but very rewarding!! i used to dread them as a kid but now i find them nice and challenging. the math ones are still hard, but if u speak to Flick at the cafe he'll give you chess puzzles which i think were my favorite ^_^

#its nice because its story driven but gives u enough room to do the puzzles on your own to make progress.. and the rewards like #the gizmos painting pieces and furniture for the minigames are also a nice bonus because it gives u a little extra incentive to solve as #many puzzles as possible!! ngl i didnt know how the hotel room minigame worked but i had fun completing the painting and robot dog #plus the variety and the fact that u dont know which puzzles youre gonna get makes it interesting. and theres no harm if u cant finish or #end up missing some because you can find them in the riddle shack or just do a different one instead and its fine. very cool #i have dyscalculia so the math ones have always been hard for me and id need my brothers help so we'd work on it together #or i'd just search up the answer as a last resort............ #actually im gonna save u the trouble. if u get the camera case puzzle the answer is 95. ITS FUCKED UP I KNOW BUT ITS 95 #it took me like 2 hours with my brother just to figure that out and i dont want anyone to get a headache from that one ITS FRUSTRATING #ive only played curious village and pandoras box bc its the only ones i had as a kid. replaying pandoras box rn actually!!! #i have cracked versions of unwound future and azran legacy which come after CV and PB BUT my version of unwound future is broken #it freezes on the opening cutscene every time i try to play it which SUCKS bc i really wanna play the games in order. maybe ill emulate it #professor layton #ask #answered #yapping #doodles

[sodrippy]

i love waking up early but going to bed early??? is there no joy in this world??? must i be denied even the simplest of pleasures????

#honestly in an ideal world i wake up at 4am fuck around for 2 hours workout second-breakfast then office hours #unfortunately that means i have to go to bed at 6pm and thats insane behaviour even if i didnt finish work at 6 #we should have evolved out of needing so much sleep its really lame. except when its awesome #not to mention i have absolutely no energy living like this which is also so fucking sucks #like i want to DO stuff after work i want to read and paint and embroider #instead im so fucking tired i just die #anyway its fine ill adjust i just have to fahking soldier through. i think this week might be a washout though :/

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

#delete later #i have three medical appointments in the work day in the next three weeks #one on Thursday then two mid/late January and i know that its good bc i need these appointments but i get so #anxious that ppl ay work are mad at me for having so many #im also scared about thirsdays one bc its for my ankle and hand pain and ironically the hand is way better and the ankle is also #more stable. something clicked again a couple days ago and fixed the pain in half of ky foot. no idea what happened there but #the click itself hirt like a bitch which is new. most of my pain doesnt start with a click and most clicks are painless #so fun #im just in a permanent state of being afraid i wont be taken seriously. my physio wanted a scan on my foot so om gonna #relay that but like idk what theyre gonna say. also if they do want to swnd me for a scan that's gpnna be ANOTHER appointment #so fuck me i guess. at the very leasy its not like severe psin any more so they wont send me to a and e for an x ray like they did #with my hip that one time. that would fucking suck to explain tp my manager #hey julia im fine but ive been sent ro rhe hospital for a scan so i guess ill be back when im back? #fuck me im anxious. and i hace so much apprenticeship work tp do i want to scream #also was distracted by my aching hands bc often they just ache abd successfully triggered myself so bow time to play what #is actual acge and what is remembered ache oh joy #one of the other appointments is gender clinic appointment abd im hoping to get referred for top surgery now ive been on t #for 9 months. waiting list gonna be like four fucking years but debating saving like mad abd going private bc jesus Christ #i cant bind bc of sensory problems and constantly aching ribs and last time i taped i ripped chunks of skin off so kinda #think i shouldn't do that again but like it sucks. not as bad now that my voice is dropping abd shit but still not fun #we'll see!

[wabblebees]

.

#have been attempting to make a self-tape for this audition for DAYS #after a whole helluva lotta bullshit having to do with hunting down a time+space+camera to film with i Finally managed to get some takes #then some weird bullshit with the camera's sd card happened where i wasnt able to pull the files off onto my laptop #FINALLY able to copy the files to my laptop. FINALLY able to access playback (the video camera i borrowed wouldnt let me access its gallery #FINALLY watching them... they all kinda suck so far but thats Fine at least i Have Them yk #get to take 7 and its actually not nearly as terrible as the previous 6!! feelin pretty good abt this one!! dont get hopes too high ofc but #i mean hey this ones acceptable if the last few arent any good either & just in case i cant go thru with my plans for tmrw to do a reshoot #so yk i start to rename the file so i can tell which clip it is! #Whole Laptop Crashes #WAHOO #typed this up to avoid freakin out while carefully rebooting her. bbg dont do this to me #luckily i already saved multiple contingency copies just in case (bc ive already had so many issues i was feelin Extra Cautious) #so i at least dont have to worry about dealing with the sd card bullshit Again. ugh #EDITING TO SAY: SHE LIVES!! laptop is fine after powering back up & files are unscathed!! was able to retitle & keep on truckin no problem #god i hate dealing with video as a medium #*this* is why im a stage performer not a screen actor lmao #fuck this shit. juust gimme a floor and an audience and ill make it worrk #cameras are fickle creatures on-par with printer machines #im rly excitednervous abt this audition tho; only submitted my resume+headshot on a whim & didnt rly think anything would come of it #but they contacted me and asked for a tape!! so im like !!!!! okayy sure id love to send that !!! i just have to face The Horrors first #if i dont get it then thats not the end of the world or anyth; but itd be SO FUCKING COOL if my v first submission landed me my first gig!! #so uhh. pls put out a good thought to the universe for my self-tape landing me the chance to perform in this queer play festival !! #bee speaks #🤞🤞🤞

[tea-earl-grey]

every time I get an asthma attack from existing in an indoor public place because someone is smoking they should have to pay for the $75 of asthma meds I take every month.

(disclaimer – I fully support the decriminalization and legalization of marijuana. i just also support the right for people with respiratory disabilities and sensitivities to exist)

#personal #vent #im on a FUCKING TRAIN. while im WEARING A MASK #its so easy to NOT SMOKE ON A TRAIN #im fine but my lungs are just gonna be uncomfy for the next two and a half hours. #if its outside its fine i can just move even if im annoyed #but whyyyyyy do so many people think its okay to smoke inside all of a sudden???? #if you need to smoke weed for anxiety i get it bro. but there are options that dont involve putting people at actual medical risk #i had someone tell me it wasnt a big deal once and i got to pull the “i have medically recorded lung damage from covid” card #anyways if youre a smoker cool but please be nice to people with respiratory disabilities. having asthma attacks suck. #i like being in cities but ive learned with how bad my asthma is i just usually have to leave my mask on while im walking around #which is a good practice regardless #i just wish i didnt HAVE to just because of The Smoke and Smells #and btw YES weed smell and smoke can trigger asthma attacks just as much as cigarette smoke!!!!! if not more so for me #same with strong perfumes and stuff #my posts

[sucktacular]

Hey y'all weed posting on main, hope u don't mind. So anyway, babies first weed plant is working away!!!

#weed #drugs #shes a bit scraggly but also her seed was from a dried up weed branch i found in the back shed #that had been there for god knows how long (at least a year) lol #so im surprised she even got this far WOOWOOO LETS GO GIRL YOURE BEAUTIFUL #also those bulbs with the orange bits are okay and fine right? #my research suggests theyre just female parts but i was like oh god what if shes turning hermaphroditic #i think... i think shes okay tho. honestly i hope she finishes up soon cuz its getting cold out at night... worried for her #sucktacular sucks #ive no fucking clue what strain she is but judging by online research + old roomies weed preferences shes probably a sativa! #which idk how thats gonna go for me cuz im an indica bitch #my anxiety is insane dude im too scared of sativa lol #anyway everyone please give her a kiss goodnight!!!! 💕💕💕 #also i hope this isnt the most pathetic weed ever grown LMAO shes doing so good all things considered

[hecksupremechips]

Persona romance routes are all pretty bad but damn they really hit rock bottom with p3p femc route like the misogyny is very blatant and it’s almost hilarious like look at the Shinjiro romance. When you do his social link he’s like very clearly respectful of Kotone as a leader and explicitly says stuff like "oh yeah you’re clearly the best fighter we have, I don’t really know much about fighting like you do, I hope I’m not dragging you down, you’re doing a good job as leader just remember to take care of yourself, everyone looks up to you I know you can rely on them" etc. like he has faith in her leading abilities. But then when you romance him he’s like got dialogue like "bwah bluh i gotta look after you because you’re a GIRL and you need to stick by me, a big strong MAN so you don’t get hurt" and "don’t wear that revealing outfit in front of other guys 👺" and it’s like. Does he respect her or not and also like it doesn’t make sense for him to look down on her for being a girl cuz he literally has never not been led by a girl leader during his time in sees and Mitsuru in particular really has her shit together when it comes to being responsible and a good fighter and she’s always known the most about Tartarus

It’s also like. Idk maybe its just me I’m not a girl so FUCK IF I KNOW but to me the appeal of romancing Shinji is the fact that he’s sweet and sensitive and gentle and has respect for you despite the fact that he acts all scary. That’s like, what made me like this character in the first place. But the writers seem to think what women want is for a BIG STRONG MAN to protect them because they are just DELICATE WOMEN who are inferior in every way it’s like. Shut upppp thanks

#persona #persona 3 #shinjiro aragaki #this is soooooooo obviously not the only romance route that sucks in this game yall know which one im referring to 🤨 #and i actually tend to think of the shinji romance as the best one in the series cuz at least his confession scene is the only unique one #that really highlights who he is as a character and goes with the story #but ughh just idk its so annoying how the writers cant decide if hes sexist or not its really weird and its like #really shows how poorly the writers think of women playing their game its like all the romance options are trash and then your boyfriend is #sexist to you and its so clearly done in a way thats supposed to be romantic which is. ew #like idk if my partner was like talking about how i need to stay close to them because im a weak girl and they are strong man #especially when im literally the leader of the team and have been doing perfectly fine thus far and am clearly the strongest here #id simply run him over with a bulldozer #and its like this will all the guys in this game its like girl shut up and eat glass #meanwhile when youre a male protagonist your gf will kiss your ass to the point its infuriating #and their character arcs can never be too grand cuz then they might not wanna fuck you if they realize they have worth #uh sorry my brain is all over the place basically i hate persona romances lol and i hate how they wrote shinji in his #like dammit i dont want him cuz hes gonna protect me like a man i want him cuz he isnt great at fighting and prefers cooking and puppy dogs #and has respect for me and trusts my judgement and asks me to talk about my life and interests and smiles sweetly #but god forbid a woman in this series be respected i guess

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sorry i cant shut the fuck up today. i think i just feel worse on the weekends bc i kno i shoulf b relaxing #ppl r telling me to relax. take a break. let me kno how i can help. let me kno if theres a problem. bc my behavior is apparently ya kno like #visibly somethings not right. but how tf am i supposed to relax when i have so much to do #so im stuck spiraling like dont work but also think insistently abt working. but get nothing done. its horrible #mostly rn im stressed abt all the grading i havent done and the work on my masters data i havent done #but its like. something in my head is on fire and it's burning thru all my cognitive energy. i am just trying to keep existing #how tf am i supposed to find the energy to read 45 lab reports? im like illiterate #and idk i just feel bad about coming into a new lab being so sick. i just dont like being a problem #it also does not reflect well on my future career that im being such a flake on things. like sorry if i have to work on my research #assistant data rn i might die ✌️ ugh. itll b fine. i just need to find a way to effectively manage my head #and i keep hearing my dads voice in my head talking abt personal responsibility but like i dont even kno how to employ that. i could suck #it up and double down on productivity but that way leads to burnout and self destruction. do i doubke down on relaxing? #i dont kno how to do that. like u would probably just have to drug me. which is y i do not partake in substances. that way also leads #to self destruction. so what am i do to? cross my fingers and pray for a fluctuation in my general mood? #hope that aliens invade and that an incoming invasion sharpens my focus onto only one single thing? #idk. but my sister is finally working on the fish i askrd her yo draw me. so i gotta think of how i wanna get it tattooed #bc shes not an art person and its an act of indulging chaos to get an imperfect image tattooed onto me #so i might have to do some things to make it make me not insane. i asked for this bc i like causing myself problems. also i was in a #slightly altered state of mind when i asked lol but i stand by it haha. anyway. idk things r just annoying and hard rn as i knew they would #b. and im good at catching myself before things get dangerous but it sucks that i feel like a ticking time bomb of destruction. ugh. #unrelated

[soldier-poet-king]

What to do when you want to *** but you're "not supposed to" drink yourself silly BC it's 11am, and also you can't leave your room without running into family and also you are useless and pointless and can't do anything right and that's just. How it's gonna be forever.

#franposting #ignore me. its just #oh it sure is a day #this was supposed to be a good long weekend #i really just want to be unconscious for the entirety of it and then also forever after permanently #i cannot spend the whole weekend drunk but i want to #and im supposed yo go see hamilton sunday as a bday gift with my mother which like #1 seeing it w my mother hell. shes gonns fuckin flipm she doesnt know abt the cheating plotline #and in my fucked family??? god i shkuld jjust kms #2 even if i wasnt going with her im just. depressed and useless and want to do notbing but lie in a hole and wait to die #bc i cant escape myself #anyway its just :) #physically i am fine pls dont worry #im just. well. u know #a piece kf shit. AND failed my highway test again. which is 90$ a pop. bc i cant do basic child shit #or bc everyone in the goddam city drives so bad and i dont even WANT TO USE THE HIGHWAYS #and the ttc sucks ass and i cant afford to live somewhere where u can just use transit (ie. parts of europe. parts of asia) #anyway!!! just.!!!! wow i hate it

[aastarions]

fiance and i have another open house today for a place we're certain will receive offers for like 70-80k over asking but we're gonna go anyways for the wishful thinking :')

#c shut up #i say this bc our realtor told us this one 2 bed condo we were looking @ #it was already priced kinda high and he told us the agent said they already received an offer 70k over asking #i have a feeling were gonna end up in an apartment which is fine!! #but :') #just sucks how shit the market is now and how impossible it is #for A NEARLY MARRIED COUPLE TO GET A HOUSE #cause its all these stupid fucking investors destroying the market and the interest rates and i just #im so upset about it sometimes #we just want a home we can have a family in >:( with our pretty decent combined income but apparently thats too much to ask for

[rainbowresurrection]

I ended up reading The Price of the Phoenix and while it didn't make me want to bleach my eyes like Killing Time, I still didn't like it as much as I hoped I would. Don't get me wrong, the homoeroticism was intriguing to me, but the actual writing and storyline itself left me with a headache. I think I get my hopes up with these books, given all of the possibilities that the written word has for Trek, and it inevitably sets me up for disappointment lol

#if u liked it thats fine I just kind of hated it #star trek #The only ones Ive genuinely liked so far is STTMP and the one about Garak written by Andrew Robinson #i wish Roddenberry had written more. STTMP was no literary masterpiece but his writing style had a lot of potential and I feel that #he actually captured the characters authentically and you could relate to their feelings #Price of the Phoenix had all of this corny alpha male shit going on that almost made me feel #like the author just didn't know how to write men or something #Like they relied a lot on stereotypes of the time which sucked considering that Kirk and co. are supposed to be living in the future #the dialogue was clunky and even confusing at times #and the characters were just #idk. vapid to me #Like Kirk and Spock's love for each other is portrayed which is nice but basically everything else about them just didnt feel #accurately characterized or otherwise explored #it was basically just muliple chapters of several different versions of Kirk getting his ass kicked & this big weird villain dude taking up #space on the page with his plan to take over the universe or whatever #the reincarnation concept was intriguing but the themes just weren't clear enough for me #the end haha #sttos #k/s #review #price of the phoenix #well Im glad I read it anyway I was curious #i get kind of leary of certain K/S content TBF since a lot of it- esp around that time- comes off as voyeuristic towards M/M relationships #a lot of those ppl didnt exactly care about queer movements as much as they cared about seeing their two fictional favs fuck #yes there were queer writers but we didnt always exactly get center stage in these things #you can tell what is written with respect and whats just kinda. written. you feel me #i love K/S and its history but Im not gonna pretend all or even half of it was written with the intention of uplifting queer men #i ended up having more to say than I realized uhhhhhh to be continued at another date

[boyfeminism]

not sure if theres any hope of me getting back to sleep which sucks

#speaking #might wake peach up a little bit #whenever theyre awake they ask me to wake them up when im having moments like this but ive not actually done it yet #comtext is toast is comstipated and im constantly fucking scared #im trying to be calm and normal bc he isnt straining anymore #so i think whats on his butt now may be just either leftover or substrate #im scared hes been eating substrate bc its pretty fine i need to add those leaves today #his food is always given to him in a seperate container so i dont think its highly likely? #he may have eaten some roaches last night unless they escaped which i dont think they could have #dies and dies and dies and dies #the dream was that i fucking tried to help with like tweezers and drowned him it sucked so bad i am so deeply awake rn

[undermostcorgi]

the media which consumes your entire soul at age 12 will forever be a part of you. this is an unavoidable consequence of living and you have to accept this fact. no matter how old you get, no matter how long it has been since you last saw its smug face peeking out from the bushes as it follows you, no matter if you think you have outrun it for good and that you're finally finally safe and you hardly even remember it exists anymore and your brain knows a few brief moments of true peace, it WILL catch up to you in your moment of weakness. and listen you don't want to hear this but sometimes this is necessary for your mental health. you will on instinct want to reject it and run away again but sometimes. sometimes you just need to watch that old show or listen to that silly song or read that weird book again as an adult and it will hurt you a little bit in various little ways but it will also heal you a little bit. you can call it nostalgia you can call it connecting with your inner child or whatever you want but just listen to me it WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TOO AT SOME POINT AND YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED FOR THIS (i am forcibly dragged off the stage by security)

#heed my warning boy #it seems i am not well today #recently made the reluctant decision to revisit what was probably my VERY FIRST real hyperfixation #something that i don't necessarily want to mention by name right now because. well #its pretty objectively bad LOL like i dont think i know of ANYONE still posting about it or really proud of having liked it back in the day #i dont think it is as well known to the general public so it wont get me hunted down for sport even if i did name it probably hopefully #but for those who know its. probably not the best thing to be revisiting lmao (even though i think it might still be being made?? wtf) #but i felt i had to because i was about to start my period and was going crazy insane like you do you know how it is #and i randomly remembered a fanfic i loved and then remembered my fav character and how much i loved him #my actual first ever blorbo oh my GOD he was everything to me #so i reluctantly decided to rewatch “just the first few episodes” just to see how much i remembered and also to prove to myself it sucks #but surprise surprise: nostalgia and hormones are making me actually kind of enjoy it #and now i am suffering from fucking Catholic-like Guilt for not hating it which i think is pretty silly lmao #so im kind of posting this in an attempt to convince myself that its like. FINE and cringe is dead and all that #and that sometimes i gotta be nice to my little mentally ill brain and give it the junk food (bad media) it craves #ESPECIALLY when im on my period LMAO #anyway completely unrelated: why the FUCK do i still remember almost every single fucking word to the delicious tomato song SDHJFKSAJF #i hope no one actually reads this far in the tags bc i know that reveal will probably deal psychological damage to some of you LMAO SORRYYY #ok yeah posting this and then immediately going to bed so that the Haters cant reach me LOL SEE YA

[thefabulous-mostgroovy]

.

#vent ig #cuz who tf else do i tell this too i just need tk get it out #i wanna move out of my parenrs house so fucking bad its driving me crazy #but i dont have anyone i can move in with #i have one friend who has no plans kf moving out soon which like fine fair enough were both 19 its suoer early to move out nowadays #but i dont think j can stand being around peolle this transphobic anymore #im not even out and they fucking suck #like #i just went through my mums twitter #its all this fucking #terf brainrot bullshit #she follows people with the terf colours in their bio #someone called the What Is A Woman Project or some shit #its all just. transphobia and hatred kf trans women #and im transmasc #but i just know i KNOW that neither of them will accept it #i need out this fucking house but everywhere i look costs half my paycheck and thats just the rent #i domt know what to do #i dont know if i can ever come out to them and kts really fucking scary #anyway rant over #just putting this here cuz ive barely talked to my friends in days and i don't wanna text them just to ask to complain at them #so enjoy ig

[toastsnaffler]

fucked up the substrate I spent an hour making so I have to redo it....... going to the work bathroom to put my head between my knees and start screaming

#the only reason i fucked it up is bc i cant just fucking drop this and bc im ruminating im not paying enough ATTENTION!!!!!! #i dont even care abt the substrate like its fine i have time to redo it. just angry at myself for allowing this shit to distract me #it doesnt even fucking matter anyway girls will upset themselves over things which are immutable facts they have no control over #and that will never ever change for the rest of their lives. sad! get over it #everything just fucking sucks. well back to the lab i guess! gotta pep myself up for another meeting in an hour and a half ugh #its fine really like what can i even do. such is life im not gonna kms over it. sighs so loud and hard ok bye #.diaries