#why couldn’t i like the jsa like a normal person
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ok im officially rebranding as a titans account. batman? never heard of him. i bet he can’t cook though
#roy harper#donna troy#teen titans#arsenal#troia#dc comics#Mart#why do i keep putting myself in these positions#why couldn’t i like the jsa like a normal person
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Boomerang | Chapter 34 - Act Two: Summer 2017, Part II
Here's the next chapter of my Childhood friends Avalance AU, you can also read on Ao3
“That’s pretty much it,” Oliver shrugged from his seat next to one of his collections of arrows.
“Ollie, you’ve had a kid for what, eleven years and never knew?” She chuckled. “I’m not sure you can just say, that’s pretty much it. Who’s the mom?”
All three of their eyes looked down, “She passed, on Lian Yu a month ago.” Sara had to hold in a sigh. Why was everyone in Oliver’s life obsessed with that godforsaken island. The only reason she’d go back was if she was forced at gunpoint. “Her name was Samantha Clayton.”
Sara paused as she thought back to the rough time period it would have happened, “Wait, I think I remember her? Stick straight brunette? Pretty tall?”
“Yeah,” He answered.
Sara couldn’t help but roar with laughter, “I can’t believe you hooked up with her and got her pregnant! She seemed so,” Boring? Basic? God, Sara just remembered being completely unimpressed with her. The three stared at her in shock as she kept laughing.
“How are you laughing about this?” Felicity said shortly.
The smile dropped from Sara’s face, “Ollie having a kid he didn’t know about is the least surprising thing about his life.” She gestured around at the whole Arrow cave. “Obviously, her dying and keeping it a secret sucks,” Sara said, “But pregnancy was one of the things I made sure didn’t happen when I was self-destructing.” She shivered. And when birth control hadn’t been available she’d just prayed.
“I wasn’t self-destructing,” Oliver shot back.
“No, you were just a dick with a trust fund.” Sara said.
He rolled his eyes, “I wasn’t a dick.”
Sara shrugged, “You cheated on your girlfriend more times than I have fingers. Including with her own sister.”
“That was you!”
She shrugged, “Well I was self-destructing.”
Dig laughed, “You’re still a dick.”
Oliver opened his mouth and closed it in betrayal, shooting a desperate glance at Felicity who refused to do anything but roll her eyes.
“Remember when you just made me your executive assistant without telling me and had me run the entire company?” Felicity asked.
“Hey!”
Dig chuckled, “Meanwhile, like a normal person I waited three years to date my brother’s ex.”
“Okay,” Sara said, turning to him, “That doesn’t seem normal.”
“Not all of us can flit from person to person,” Felicity said.
Oliver let out a cough that sounded suspiciously like Ray and Barry. Sara chuckled as Felicity swatted his arm.
“I don’t flit from person to person,” Sara defended, “I open their eyes and we both have a good time with no strings attached.” She wasn’t even sure she could make an actual relationship work, not even including the complications of time travel. She’d had two relationships that had lasted longer than a couple weeks and both endings had almost killed her.
“How?” Oliver said, “Aren’t you in a bunch of different time periods? I thought you can’t interact with the past?”
“The Legends aren’t sticklers for the rules, and we have to do recon, that leads to meeting people,” Sara said, “But let’s see, there was Lindsay from 1958. And Chastity, a wonderful girl stuck with the Puritans, hope she’s doing alright. Almost got me hanged but it was worth it. Oh and Queen Guinevere and the Queen of France.”
“Guinevere?”
“The Queen of France?”
“Okay,” Felicity said, “First off, Guinevere isn’t real.
“You could say she’s a legend,” Sara smirked as the rest groaned.
“Which Queen?” Felicity ignored her.
“Anne,” Sara smirked. “I got her all prepared for conceiving the Sun King.”
Dig rubbed his temples, “You’re life is weird. I don’t know which is worse, you or Barry.”
“Come on Dig!”
“Obviously, I like you better,” Dig rolled his eyes.
“Excuse me, I’m still stuck on Queen Guinevere.” Felicity said.
Sara shrugged, “Short version is that Stargirl from the JSA used a fragment of the Spear of Destiny to create Camelot as a way of hiding it from,” She sighed, “The Legion of Doom.”
“Stargirl?”
“JSA? Legion of Doom?”
“Spear of Destiny?”
Sara grinned at them, “Vigilantes have been around forever and, well Jesus’s blood has magical powers. But there’s no need to get into that,” She looked around, “I know you’ve expanded your operation here,” Her eyes flitted to the newer mannequins, “But since I’m stuck in 2017, I was wondering if I could help out. Part time.”
“Part time?” Oliver frowned.
“You’re going to have to explain the Jesus blood thing to me.” Dig said as everyone ignored him.
“That’d be great!” Felicity said and elbowed Oliver in the side.
Sara chuckled, “I still need to find an actual job, and no I’m not working in your office.” She pointed at Oliver threateningly. It was bad enough to bum off her dad, she didn’t need to work under him in a position she was vastly underqualified for. “But my skills are much more suited for this.”
“Sure,” Oliver said, “Just let us know when you can start.”
“How about tonight?”
Her face felt plastic as she exited Sink, Shower, and Stuff, but she couldn’t help but feel the flush of relief at having a real, paying job. The manager was a dick, she already knew that she’d spend too long daydreaming snapping his neck, but she would be earning money again. Minimum wage felt like a victory.
At least she could stop bumming off her parents.
Mostly.
Her dad had insisted that she could stay with him as long as she wanted, and Sara had accepted knowing that she wouldn’t qualify for an apartment, let alone have the money for probably a year. If not longer.
Living with him wasn’t bad, half the time he cooked dinner, he left her the crosswords on the paper newspaper he still got, and she had her own bedroom and bathroom. His hours were mostly regular, and he didn’t bat an eye at her going off at odd times. He’d even put together an extensive medical kit in her bathroom, which so far, Sara had only had to use once.
But, she was almost thirty and living with her dad. With, as that one movie Laurel used to love, no prospects. Or one prospect, she supposed. Now she got to stock shelves and fold towels.
Nate had spread her number to the other Legends, and a petty part of her was happy that Ray hadn’t had much success in getting funding for his miniaturization tech. He’d been in Silicon Valley doing who the fuck knows, and Sara was disappointed that he hadn’t stuck around Star City. But besides him, the Legends were settling into “civilian” life without problem. Stein seemed happier than he’d ever been with his family, Jax was going back to school, Nate and Amaya were almost gross with their relationship, and Mick was finally making his way to Aruba.
It seemed like she was the only one that couldn’t figure it out.
Hopefully, Sara thought, after her first paycheck, she could take her dad to dinner. Okay, maybe after her second paycheck. She still needed to pay him back for the phone, the train ticket, something for all the food and utilities she’d used, probably some rent. So, it might have to wait until the third paycheck.
“You didn’t have to come,” Sara said to a dubious Felicity.
“Yeah, like I was going to let you stalk a top secret government agency alone.” Felicity scoffed.
“It’s run by Rip,” The name tasted sour in Sara’s mouth, “It’s not like they’d ship me off to prison.”
“You don’t know that.” Felicity said quickly, her eyes flitting from Sara to the nondescript building they were parked across the street from. Sara wasn’t positive, but she had a feeling Felicity was regretting agreeing to find a secret government agency.
She watched the building carefully. It looked like any other office building in Star City, but she trusted Felicity, and Felicity’s skills to uncover things that people didn’t want found.
This was the office of Rip’s Time Bureau.
Or one of them anyway.
“So what’s your plan here?” Felicity finally asked. “I can call Oliver-”
“No, I’m not leading a heist.” She didn’t even know if the Waverider was here, but even if it was, what would she do, run away by herself trying to figure out how to find and solve anachronisms? “I’m just trying to get some information.”
“Why?”
Sara didn’t have an answer. She wasn’t sure that she could explain it to herself.
“It would be stupid to break in.” Sara said, “I’m just casing it, you know, if I ever do have to break in.”
“Are you sure this Rip guy wouldn’t just let you in? Aren’t you friends?”
Sara considered it for a moment. “He’d be too suspicious.”
Felicity sighed beside her, “What’s the plan?”
Sara smirked at her, “We are here around five.”
“So?”
“Felicity,” Sara grinned and waggled her eyebrows, “It’s a Friday.”
Felicity stared at her, “No.”
Sara shrugged, “I’ve slept with people on more dubious terms.”
“Ick,” Felicity said.
Sara rolled her eyes, “It’s not like they’re gonna think I want to marry them. We’ll have a nice time and I’ll get some information that they,” She shrugged, “Might not realize they’re giving me. There’s a bar two blocks from here. We’re just going to confirm that some of the people go there,” Sara said, “And I’ll take care of the rest.”
“I feel like I should stop you.”
Sara stared at her.
“I’m not, this just feels, I don’t know, gross? Wrong? Questionable, but then I guess you were an assassin, and,” Felicity took a breath, “There’s a group leaving now.”
They were all wearing the same ugly navy suit and Sara watched as they headed towards the bar she’d staked out earlier. “Do they have a uniform?” Sara muttered, and had Felicity start the car once they’d crossed the street.
Sure enough, they were heading towards the bar. It was trendy, with those stupid light bulbs and stainless steel metal tables and chairs that were extremely uncomfortable. Sara wished it could have been a little more divey, but if this was where the Time Bureau men preferred, well, she didn’t have a choice.
“Alright, you coming?” Sara asked once Felicity had swung into a parking spot.
“Only for a little bit.” Felicity muttered.
“I was hoping you’d say that.”
The bar was slowly filling up when they entered, mostly with people getting a drink after work as a way to welcome the weekend. The Time Bureau lackeys were a bit harder to spot, their navy suits blending in with some of the others, but Sara saw that a group of five were gathered in one of the corners, identical pins with an hourglass on their lapels.
Felicity started to walk towards them and Sara grabbed her arm, “Not yet.” She muttered.
“I just want to get this over with.” Felicity mumbled.
“You can leave at any time,” Sara said as she guided them towards the bar.
“What if they’re ax murderers?”
“We’re literally vigilantes.” Sara rolled her eyes as she ordered a whiskey for herself while Felicity got a vodka martini.
“What?” Felicity asked.
“When did you become a vodka martini person?” Sara asked once the drinks were placed in front of them.
“I need something in my hands,” Felicity said, “And occupying my mouth.”
Sara snorted as she took a sip of her own drink.
“Not like that,” Felicity grumbled.
Sara turned around and surveyed the bar, eyes lingering on some of the other groups before she made eye contact with one of the Time Bureau men. He was decently handsome, with short brown hair and a smile out of a Sears catalog. Boring and safe, which would be perfect.
She raised an eyebrow at him and took another sip from her drink before she turned back to Felicity.
“How do you do that?” Felicity asked.
“What?”
“Just be so smooth like that. You just look around and have half the bar dying to talk to you. And you didn’t even do anything!”
“Well, I do have extensive training on how to get a target’s attention. Especially to get them alone.” Sara said, “I also know I’m hot.”
“See, I’m not-”
Sara put her finger to Felicity’s lips, “Don’t finish that sentence Felicity. You’re very hot.” She grinned as Felicity’s cheeks flushed red.
“You had some really, really, good training, like scarily good, like I might,” Felicity shook her head. “I’m in a relationship.” Felicity finished.
Sara laughed, “How are you and Ollie?”
“It’s weird,” Felicity sighed, “He wants to be a good father for William, but William is admittedly pissed off about the whole situation. Which he has a right to be, but he’s eleven.” Felicity sighed, “And I can’t figure out if Oliver really wants me to get to know him?” Felicity shrugged, “Maybe? He wants to ease William into everything, but it's just so confusing of where my boundaries are supposed to be. Because Oliver doesn’t seem to know and William, is well,” She sighed.
“Yeah,” Sara said. “Wish Tommy was around.”
“Tommy?”
“You know, since his mom died when he was a kid too. He was younger though.” Sara hadn’t known him yet, had just met Tommy when he was all grins and the occasional flash of anger when his dad was mentioned. Laurel had warned her to not say anything about his mom and threatened to tell their parents about where the old crystal bowl actually went if she did.
“Right,” Felicity said.
“And the new team?”
“They’re hardly new,” Felicity scoffed. “You’re just not around enough.” She bumped their shoulders together.
“Well, I’ll be around a lot more now.” Sara sighed, “So I’ll actually get to know them, I guess.” She’d met everyone but Dinah so far, and they seemed, nice? She hadn’t really worked with them, letting them back up Oliver when they were available, while she’d patrol on her own, with Dig, or just Felicity on tech.
“You sound thrilled.” Felicity said and laughed. She finished her drink and then looked behind Sara. “The one you were looking at keeps looking over here.”
“Excellent,” Sara nursed her own drink. “You can go home,” Sara nodded, “I have it handled from here.”
“Are you sure?”
Sara nodded, “And hey, I have you on speed dial now.”
“Okay, and no one calls it speed dial anymore.” Felicity grabbed her coat and put down some cash for their drinks.
“You don’t have-”
“Sara, you have a minimum wage job. I can buy us some drinks. I need to do more fun things with friends that don’t involve people getting shot with arrows. It’s a thank you for bringing me somewhere where there's no punching.”
“Okay.” Sara sighed and then waved as she walked out the door.
Sara finished her own drink and placed the empty glass to the right of her.
“Can I get you a drink?” A voice behind her said. Sara turned around and grinned when she saw it was the man she’d been eyeing earlier.
“That would be great,” Sara said.
Craig (and Sara wasn’t completely over the fact that she’d slept with a dude named Craig) had been, well, technically, satisfying. He’d lacked creativity, but hadn’t made her regret all of her life choices. He’d been smart enough to not say anything too incriminating about his top secret job, and to tell just enough that if she didn’t know better she’d be impressed.
He also slept like the dead.
It had been easy in the morning to go through his wallet until she found his official Time Bureau badge and hide it in her dad’s gun safe. Luckily, her father was out of town for the weekend doing something political in Central City because she wasn’t sure he’d been okay with this.
She slipped back into bed, kicking him slightly until he woke up.
“Hey,” He grinned at her, voice groggy and Sara smiled back.
“Hey.” She looked at him and debated for a moment, and then slipped out of bed, “I actually have somewhere I need to be.”
“Oh,” He blinked a couple times, “Yeah, no problem, I’ll get out of your hair.”
“Oh really,” She fluttered her eyelashes as he pulled up his pants. “Thank you.”
“Can I leave you with my number?” He asked.
“Of course,” Sara said and dutifully pretended to type the number into her phone. “I’ll text you later.”
“Great.” He smiled.
She ushered him through the living room and the front door, letting him leave her with a kiss on her cheek. She opened the safe back up, and kissed the card emblazoned with the Time Bureau emblem.
She had done it.
#avalance#legends of tomorrow#sara lance#my writing: avalance#my writing: lot#my writing#boomerang au#mine
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She had suppose the mission was simple, two days with him wouldn’t- or it shouldn’t kill her. They had been more aggressive towards each other in the recent months, from more verbal arguments turning into almost all out brawls but he wouldn’t hit a woman. ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀
Grasping at straws. ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀
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Alan couldn’t refer to it as anything else. The entire point of their mission to stop Dr. Richard Torres from polluting the waters of Lake Erie was a low case for the Mystery Men of the 40’s, and a perfect mission for the two rivals. A two day all expenses paid for vacation typically, except for the minor arrest and take down planned for six o’clock the second morning. Planted in a hotel about 30 minutes into Michigan was beautiful highlighted by the clearest skies Ted had ever seen and even with the hot and hotheaded broad he was going to be staying with. They had taken a train here, quiet for the most part as Ted stared out his window and Hippolyta had read over her notes several times on Richard Torres. Only sounds heard in the train car were the small whispers of the children behind them and the roaring engine and chug of the train as it skated down the tracks, passing through the state. ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀
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When they had arrived to the city, he had given her a small pat on her thigh as they approached the station. Hippolyta’s glare had made him exit the train first. Grabbing both of their bags as their feet touched the platform. They were undercover, no needed for masks or bracelets as she wrapped her arm around his. Posing as Henry and Mary Troy; Henry for Ted’s fathers name- easy for Polly to remember, and Mary- just in case Ted slipped up and called her Polly. The last name came from the only Greekish word Ted knew, and Hippolyta had gone with it to not hurt his ego- despite the temptation in doing so.
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The hotel was rather large, and Hippolyta had specifically requested with Alan for two rooms. Not wanting this to be any harder for either of them, he had agreed. Going as far as putting them on separate floors, leaving them two as far away from each other when needed.
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After they both had settled, they had met at the bar. Whispers on when and where Torres would be between sips of alcohol. They both knew they had to watch him today, and attempt to gather more intel on how to bring him down at his meeting tomorrow but Ted wasn’t going to be upset if he left the bar with some hostess that looked a little too long at him.
Several times and trust me, she counted- Hippolyta had slapped his hand or arm in an attempt to get his staring under control. Maybe that’s what she hated about him, his boldness.
“You are disgusting.” She rolled her eyes as she took her final sip. “Just like every other man, Henry… You are a pig.”
Ted’s ears went red, his face finally finding hers as she continued her rant. “Maybe if you didn’t shut down when you needed to talk about your problems, you’d like men a lot more. What was holdin’ up on an island gonna do for you?”⠀⠀⠀
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She blinked at him, sliding her glass forward on the bar and scoffing. “I know the man with murder charges is not telling me to give men a second chance. Better yet, a man who doesn’t even know why The Amazons are where they are now.”
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His laugh angered her, and she showed it by her movements. Slight tapping of her nails against the mahogany bar as he continued to antagonize her. “I’ll guess. You got your little heart broken, and suddenly we’re all monsters. News flash, doll face… Not all men are out to hurt you, maybe some are just trying to show you what you’re missin’ out on.” ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀
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The scrape of the bar stool on the hard tile was loud, and she had stepped out. The blazer she had on was pulled tighter as she left the bar. Making it to the massive empty lobby before almost running into Torres. He had smiled and tipped his hat at her, a small wave and smile back gave her chills as she did so. ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀
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She watched as he went to the elevator, pressed his floor and the elevator closed. Years and years of observing had shown her that he had pressed the very top floor, giving her and Ted exactly what they needed. ⠀⠀⠀
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It wasn’t long before the Cat had found his way into the lobby, he had probably taken the time to finish off his drink before coming to find her. “Mary?” He had asked, making her look up from the journal entry she was currently writing for the JSA Archives, part of her job as Secretary. “Henry. After running our expenses, we could stop in New York on the way home. Pizza from Gio’s like we used to get in high school.” Ted’s expression was nothing short of confused as he sat next to her, reading over her shoulder but not making out any words as it was in Themysciran. ⠀⠀⠀
“Yeah, that would be nice.” He said, his hand found her thigh. It always did when he sat next to her. She figured it was something he did with every girl who even let him get that close, but Ted would never tell her it wasn’t. ⠀⠀
“The bartender was telling me about the event tonight, all guests invited. He might be there.” He had whispered in her ear, to a passing civilian they would look like two love birds attempting to talk in public, but his lingering and hot breath on her ear didn’t help the image. ⠀⠀⠀
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Slowly, her head had moved to face his. They never really looked at each other, and when they did it was normally when they were screaming obscenities at each other halfway across the room during a meeting. “He didn’t break my heart. I want you to apologize.”. She whispered back, “and maybe I’ll go to the event with you.”
⠀⠀⠀
His eyebrow rose, a common thing for him, a cute thing for him when he was confused. “What did he do?” Just like that, that factor was gone, and she had pushed him away. His hand falling from her thigh and her rising off the small sofa placed in dim light far away from the reception desk. “Gonna run away again? Run away and start a new island?” He was standing now, she hadn’t even made three steps towards the elevator. “Why do you do that?” ⠀⠀⠀
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“Why can’t you just apologize, why must you be so invested in someone’s personal history.”⠀⠀⠀
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“Most personal histories don’t turn broads into bitches, I’ve done nothing to you. You haven’t liked me from day one!”⠀⠀⠀
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“I didn’t like you because your first instinct was to flirt with me. You think of no one else, you are nothing but an arrogant selfish palooka with issues.” They were face to face now, she had made her way closer to him with every insult. “If you thought with your head on your shoulders and not the one between your legs, Ted, maybe I would like you. I wont even go into how much you look like him-“ ⠀⠀⠀
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He had cut her off, with his hands in his pockets he had stuttered. “You- wait, who? What?” A lot was happening, they hadn’t spoken this much of their feud except in a meeting between them and Alan when debriefing. Being asked personal questions about their hatred wasn’t fun, and neither was this for the boxer. ⠀⠀⠀
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“I leave ‘em satisfied, don’t I? Scared you’re missing out, Mary?” He smiled, his grin almost reaching ear to ear. Hippolyta’s face was hot from anger, and she grabbed his suit jacket with both hands. “I hate you, you do nothing but bring up bad things for me. Every question, every smirk, every damn joke.” She was practically snapping at him, mere inches away from his face. ⠀⠀⠀
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The position they were in gave no way for either to look away. Facing each other head on, and locking their blue eyes together. “I want nothing to do with you.” Ted’s hands had found her waist and then her lower back. The drinks had set in for him, and his boldness was showing again. Pulling her closer to him until her arms were pinned by her body against his, to the point she could feel his breath on her lips. They stood there, him essentially holding her. A couples quarrel is what this would be chocked up to from the people entering and leaving the bar. ⠀⠀⠀ Neither had noticed how long they had been there, nothing happening just watching each other for someone’s next move. Hippolyta took it, leaning back from his grasp before pulling him into an actual kiss. Freeing her arms to almost dance her hands up his face, holding him as they caved. He was the one to break their kiss, and silently they made their way to the elevator. The soft music played as the doors reopened. ⠀⠀⠀
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“He lives here, she pointed towards the upper floor. Event tonight, we get up early and follow him out.” She briefed him, not making eye contact as her floor was the first to open. Stepping out and finding her room without looking back was hard, coming upon 207 and unlocking it as soon as she heard the elevator doors beep close once again. ⠀⠀⠀
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She stepped in, closed the door behind her and immediately fell upon the Queen sized bed. Her hand finding her face as she slowly dragged her fingers across it, rubbing at her temple once she crossed it.
“What did you do?” She asked out loud, to no one really. No Gods meddled, no random entities, no love spells and certainly not enough alcohol made her make that choice. ⠀⠀⠀
Shedding her clothes, she disappeared into the small but neat bathroom. Almost identical to hers at home with Diana Prince, making her feel almost comfortable. Hot showers always helped but not today. Almost as if she had a film of dirt on her outer skin she couldn’t wash away, maybe it was guilt or something more. ⠀⠀⠀
Sitting on a hotel shower’s floor might’ve not been Hippolyta’s greatest moment, but it felt as if her world had sunk. A million questions danced through her head as she felt the water pool beneath her. A loud knock could be heard, she didn’t know how with the water running but it was almost crystal clear. With the shower turned off, she had yelled, “who is it?”⠀⠀⠀
A mumbled Cat was heard, and she inhaled before telling him he could use his spare to get in. ⠀⠀⠀
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She had turned the shower back on when she heard the door latch. Knowing they had more than enough time to shower, she wasn’t surprised the Cat had opted out of one. ⠀⠀⠀
With the shower curtain, she was positive he couldn’t see anything if he decided to take a peek. She hadn’t even shut the door when she came in, but that was before she had thought a cat would come to the door. ⠀⠀⠀
Hippolyta was no stranger to the feeling she held between her legs, the sudden intrusion was only adding to the thoughts that were in the back of her mind already when she had jumped in this shower. ⠀⠀⠀
When he had knocked on the open door, her hand had found it’s way down. Now standing in the shower, if he HAD seen anything, it would look to someone as if she was just cleaning herself. Thankfully when she opened the curtain a bit, he had just held out a towel into the bathroom. His head not to be seen, just a very ironed tux sleeve and a white cotton towel. She had forgotten he had taken the towels they had given them at the desk, and her face was red. Thankfully unknown to him, she had said thank you and grabbed it from him before turning off the water. She realized she didn’t even actually get to showering before he had intruded and left her dazed, but nonetheless it was a much needed shower. ⠀⠀⠀
When she stepped out, she immediately shut the door. Even wrapped in a towel, seeing him in her state wasn’t going to do any good in a small hotel towel. She dried herself, placing the towel around her body and stepped out. She found the cat sitting on the end of her bed, twirling his thumbs as he looked at the closet door, opposite of her direction. “I uh- I’ll go, just wanted to make sure you got a towel.” He had stuttered out, his boldness gone. “If you stare at that corner, we can just leave together.” She prompted, moving past him to get her bag from the chair next to the bed. “It’ll take ten seconds.” She smiled as he turned to look at her, and then pointed at the corner of the room where the front door was. He smirked and stared, placing his chin in his hand as he waited. ⠀⠀⠀
Hippolyta’s silk black dress was probably scandalous for the 40’s, but on Ted’s arm they looked like a real couple, just with a man who liked to show off his prize. They still didn’t say much except for small smiles and light hearted comments as they walked through the lobby, only an hour ago they were here, in each other’s arms as lovers not enemies, but neither commented on it as they strolled into the banquet room that held the event. A lot of eyes were on them, but Ted just had grabbed her hand and spun her around as they entered the dance floor. His hand finding her waist once again, this time in the standard waltz style. “I don’t know how to dance.” She had said, looking up at him. ⠀⠀⠀
“Don’t dance much on that island of yers?” His smiled returned as she squeezed the hand that lead, their feet attempting to find a rhythm. “Not any American traditional dances, I suppose we are usually nude for our traditional dances but I do prefer this one to the typical.” Her head found his shoulder, following what other women were doing to their husbands. They swayed for a few, laughing and talking about how some of their coworkers would react to the sight. ⠀⠀⠀
When the song ended, Hippolyta had looked up. Her smile had finally returned, one she only showed around when Jay or Alan would make a witty remark or when Ma made her favorite for dinner. Ted had smiled back before they both looked up to find every couple on the dance floor staring at them. Hippolyta quickly let go of Ted’s hand and went to adjust his tie, which was slipping off his neck from such a bad knot. “They’re staring.” She whispered, fumbling with his tie once more. He had grabbed her hands and pulled them down, leaning into her ear to whisper.
“They’re not staring because you were bad, doll face. They’re staring because some guy from Brooklyn is dancing with a real life angel in his arms.” He squeezed both her hands, before leaning fully back and dropping her hands.
The event had ended an hour later, but they had several glimpses of the Doctor himself. Listening in as they danced, but neither telling the other they weren’t quite listening at all, instead enjoying the moment the two were sharing.
It was the elevator ride back up. It was a short one, but when the two entered as friends-
“Now you can say you’ve danced with Ted Grant.” He smiled at her, his hand around her waist as the other held the railing.
“I’ll be sure to put it on list of achievements right between taming a pegasus and becoming Queen of Women.” His eyebrows ironically cocked at her cockiness, his grip tightening as the doors to the elevator opened. “I thought I had an ego!”
She didn’t realize they were both out of the elevator on her floor until the elevator doors closed, and she stood in front of her hotel room with this man on her hips. Attempting to play the whole situation off as a good mission, she turned around and put her back on the wooden door. “Well, Mr. Troy… I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy your company tonight, but I believe it’s time for a goodnight.”
His eyes had roamed her, the black dress she wore with two small straps holding the garment on her olive skinned shoulders, and her curves very prominent to the boxer. “Well, Mrs. Troy… normal couples say goodnight a different way.” Suddenly, his hand was placed on the door, and his other on the small of her back. The Cat’s hand always did find its way somewhere it shouldn’t.
In a second, they were there. In that hotel hallway, with its pristine interior, great service and overall pleasant hotel experiences…
His lips were locked on hers, almost rough in his kisses. No thoughts, head empty, his leg had managed to work its way between her thighs, her hands in his suit as she clawed at his chest.
Deep down, this is what Hippolyta had needed. Every insult, every argument they had ever had had came down to this single moment, and maybe the one before or even when she was getting dressed. Her hips weren’t helping as she couldn’t control them, a single thought ran through her mind as she almost- She was just so close. “Theodore..” She whispered, panting against his ear as her hand found the back of his neck, pulling him closer once again. She knew deep down she wanted this, she needed this, her entire body is begging for him. She rolls her hips against his leg, and again, and again- once their lips met again, she was almost-
He had broken their kiss, for the second time that night. “Why?” Her only word she was able to breathe out before he had gave her a two finger salute, before leaving her practically panting against her hotel door. She had straightened herself, all while wondering if anyone had seen them or heard them as she was- to be blunt, humping his leg in a hotel hallway, and by how she felt- loving every second of it.
She had inserted her key and fell into the room, completely and utterly exhausted after the turn of events. Her face hit her pillow before she could speak a word of prayer and she was asleep.
She had awoken an hour later, probably from the uncomfortable dress or the even more uncomfortable mess between her thighs. Attempting to console herself, she placed her face in her hands. Breathing a sigh of disbelief as she swung her legs from the bed and realizing how badly she had messed up. Shrugging out of the tight black dress and everything else, she had given up. Returning all the items to her bag before finding her journal. It was only about 1 am, giving her time to figure out her plan for tomorrow.
Not even ten minutes into her work, she had gripped her pen so hard her knuckles were turning white. Many many thoughts of disbelief and doubt, along with a few moments of guilt that was soon replaced by “Why shouldn’t I?” She began talking out loud at this point, angry with herself but also with others. “I am a grown woman.” She said, “a woman.” She repeated, grabbing at the sheet that was the only thing covering her if someone were to walk in at this exact moment and climbed out of the big bed for one.
She didn’t know what she was doing or if she was really moving in that moment. Something had drawn her to his door, she was currently outside of his room in nothing but a hotel robe. She could’ve turned around at the elevator but she didn’t, she had continued.
Two knocks was all it took, not very loud ones either. The Cat had opened his door in nothing but a pair of his boxing shorts, complete with his logo. “I-“ She didn’t even get to start before he had stepped away from the door, pulling it open for her to come in.
Without hesitation, she stepped in. The white fluffy robe bit at her ankles, practically telling her to stop. She had mirrored his image perfectly; sitting on the end of his messy bed, but this time- it was different.
He had sat next to her, messing with the comforter on the bed a few times to get it situated behind him as he spoke, “are you wearing any-?” He simply asked, that eyebrow cocked high above the other. “Are you?” She pulled at the loose boxing shorts. A small laugh was exchanged between the two before he had asked, “Why are you awake?” He asked his second question, this time with more of a smile. “Nightmares?”
“It’s different.” She had blurted out.
“Different?” His hand found her thigh again, this time not shielded by clothes or even the robe as it had rode up at the ends. “Different from him, I did get my heart broken but it wasn’t that reason..”
Her head found his shoulder, a new comfort for her but it did make this conversation a little easier. “It’s 2 am, I’m sitting in a hotel with a man I’ve hated for six months… and for the last six hours I’ve been dreaming of things with you, and I just can’t do this whole thing.”
“What kinda things?” There he was, the reason for this whole mess. His cockiness, the boldness in his choice of words, and the way his smile made her heart jump. No. No, no. She did not want this. Her mind was just playing dirty tricks with her, she did not want to be in this hotel room and she couldn’t get her sex drive under control all of a sudden. He had reminded her so much of /him./ She could’ve puked. “Lots of things, killing you is one of them.”
The joke lightened the mood, her arms wrapping themselves around his arm that held the hand that slipped between her inner thighs. He was so close to her when he leaned in, his coarse whisper didn’t help. “I don’t know what he did, you don’t ever have to tell me. That’s your history, I’ll shut my trap aboutit, I stopped earlier because I want to make sure you want this. This could be some joke one night stand, or this could be somethin’ else.”
They were close, very close to each other now. His hand was stroking her inner right thigh, and he continued to speak against her head that laid on his shoulder.
“We are not going to do anything you are not comfortable with.” That was it, that level of consent given by Ted Grant was something she didn’t think she’d see or didn’t know if she wanted to see. “Wildcat..” She was looking at him now, untwined herself from him and his hand found her spot before she could get a word in.
“I’ll stop.” He said as his fingers attempted to coax her button out, her breathing became hard to focus on as she stared into those blue eyes for the third time that night, except this time she had several nerve ending chills running down her spine. “Don’t.” She grabbed his hand between her thighs, and pulled it away.
“This is a bad position, if you’re going to pleasure a woman there are several better angles to do that from.” She scoffed at him one last time in joking fun as she stood from the bed.
The robe had dropped as soon as she stood from the bed, giving Ted a full view of what he wanted. “Ted.”
She stood before him, his mouth opened at the thought and the picture in front of him. His hands finding her hips as he stroked up and down her body as she stood at the end of the bed in front of him.
“I want this.”
That was enough, he was up from the bed in mere milliseconds, their lips locked once again as they embraced. His rough calloused hands pulled at the back of her thighs, pulling her up as she wrapped her long legs around his waist, digging into the curve of his back with her heels.
This wasn’t going to be a typical thing, she had told herself. It was nothing more than a fun ‘one night stand’ as he called it, nothing more.
Soon, he was over her as she laid on the bed. Nibbling his way down her body and leaving small marks underneath the curvature of her breasts and peppered those kisses up and down until the hand that wasn’t supporting him over her found it’s way to her already hard nipple. His tongue signing his name into the other as he kneaded and played with her. Years of solstices and other traditional feasts showed Hippolyta the best of the best when it came down to the art of foreplay, but Ted Grant didn’t really need a grand entrance.
The hotel room was still and quiet as he stared down at her, nudity amongst amazons was never an issue- but with him? Hippolyta was insecure, and felt he was belittling every curve and scar that littered her body. “Please continue.” She had whispered out, one hand; that previously held a tight grip on his bed sheets, went straight for his jawline. Circling his lips that were once on hers and /her/ mere seconds ago. His mouth parted slightly as his eyes wandered over her.
Both of his hands found underneath her, pulling her by her thighs closer to make their centers touch. Small laughs were shared as his loose boxing shorts did little to hide the hardening member between his legs. “Isn’t this why you’re here?” He had asked, grinding against her as he did. Those same shivers rolling down her spinal chord once again. “I can’t do this with you… You’re my coworker, I barely know you…” She had whimpered against his cheek as his lips found her neck. Kissing along her jaw to her earlobe he spoke calmly and in a dominating tone, “Let me touch you.”
She could hear and /feel/ her heartbeat as his hand ran it’s way back towards her outer thigh. “Hippolyta, can I touch you?” He asked again, his third question for the night. A slight nod and a hip thrust in agreement was all he was given, but soon he found her spot again. This time his middle finger circling her as the others explored her folds. She could feel his erection hard on the back of her leg, and his grin from ear to ear in the crook of her neck. He brushes against her clit twice more before dropping his finger to her wet center.
The embarrassment was adding to the heat that was invading her as his smile fell, a small nibble to her earlobe was felt. “You’ve been like this all night? Poor thing..” Suddenly, she felt his finger slide in her. It took all her strength to not grip at him and rock her hips, all of her strength to not moan for more. “Ted..” A small short moan was heard, her voice choking in the back of her throat- unable to form a sentence.
“I- I need this… I need you- to-“ She wasn’t paying attention to her words as he twisted and fucked his finger into her. “Sh…” He had cooed into her ear, his thumb finding her clit as he continued his task. “We’re going to do whatever makes you the happiest…” His speech felt alien like to her ears as she couldn’t focus.
“You just- Youre so…” She was half moaning and half groaning out words as he slid in another finger, almost stretching her from the size of his hand compared to an average Amazon. “I can’t stop thinking about you fucking me, I can’t stop-“
“It’s okay.” He had spoke softly, withdrawing his hand completely. A soft but annoyed gasp escaped her lips. She knew she looked pathetic as he moved to stare at her once again. He was sitting back on his knees once again, and watching over her body. She was a quivering mess as he admired his prize.
“Please don’t ask me again.” Her small voice broke their silence in the quiet hotel room that was once filled with her moans.
“Do you trust me?” He had asked as he stroked his hands up and down her stomach once again. “Not at all…” She had whimpered, annoyed with his edging and his ego for the final time tonight.
As strange as it sounded to her, she thought this had been incredibly easy. Mere hours alone with the man and she was sprawled out on her back for him, completely nude as he raked his nails down the sides of her breasts. “Well, where do I fill out a form to dine on the Queen?”
The eye roll that followed made his grin return, right before it fell to continue his crusade along her body. As he moved down, he moved his body to the edge of the bed. His knees touching the floor as he pulled her to his tongue from her thighs once again. From the manhandling, his kisses that littered her thighs with hickeys and the overall ache from being toyed with by this man left Hippolyta a mess. He had moved in with no restrictions, his mouth over her as if he was built to eat her, his tongue flicking over her clit several times before coming to rest as he began to suck on her. His moan vibrated within her, and her head had bucked back against the bed, “do that again..” She had moaned, rather loud in a groveled attempt. The first moan he made came from simply how much he enjoyed eating her, the second was purely for her pleasure. A slow and verbal hum was made against her as his tongue flicked her clit and fucked her.
Her hand was tangled in his sheets, his smell lingering on the blanket that was beneath her. “Please touch yourself…” She stared down at him, their eyes meeting once again.
He had complied, giving her what she wanted- or more in fact, what she needed. Soon his shorts were around his thighs and his hard cock in his hand. As his tongue continued its assault, and the thought of him pleasuring himself to her flashed through her mind, “Ted… oh my Gods- please- I-“
Everything happens at once, a flood of relief washes over her body as his tongue continued to lap at her. Countless nights on Themyscira had never amounted to this kind of orgasm. His mouth was so much better than her own fingers and if she had known-
She had came in his mouth, his moan found it’s way out again, that slow groan that he held as he cleaned her. The noise of devotion for her and her pleasure.
She didn’t mean to stare, but as he rose from the end of the bed- she saw him in his glory. They had taken multiple showers together at the Brownstone, but they were never like this. Never in the afterglow of an orgasm had she seen Ted Grant.
As her heart came to a normal pace, he had moved his way to the top of the bed with her. The two finding their way into the sheets that were half on the bed and half off. He had one arm wrapped around her as she returned his jawline kisses. “You’re… different.” She said again, returning his love bites lower on his shoulder.
#ted grant#wildcat#queen hippolyta#justice society of america#hippolyta#wondercat#i’m new here leave me alone#dc comics
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Oh, My Life Is Changing Everyday
A/N: You can also read it on my AO3 here
Rick couldn’t believe Courtney realized what was happening sooner than he did. How did he not realize what was happening until she pointed it out to him? It didn’t make him angry, necessarily, but he sure as hell wasn’t happy about it.
It was a totally normal day, about two weeks after he had started working for Pat three times a week in the garage. Courtney decided to keep him company, get some homework done, be the annoying sister he never asked for. Suddenly Beth walked in around 5 hugging a Tupperware container to her chest.
“Rick?” At the sound of her voice, he stood up straight, banging his head on the hood of the car he was looking at. “Ohmigosh! I’m so sorry!” Beth reached forward and gently placed her hand on the tender spot on the back of his head, making him wince.
“I didn’t realize you hadn’t seen me.” Beth sheepishly brought her hand back as Rick gave her a pained but amused grin.
“It’s all good,” he reached back and rubbed the back of his head a few times, it was definitely going to be a big welt “What brings you here?” Beth held out the Tupperware cautiously.
“Well, you’ve been telling me that your uncle stopped getting groceries, what with him being the worst and all,” Rick chuckled at her words, “So I figured you could use a nice dinner of something other than snacks that the rest of us bring you during school and training.”
Rick stood stunned for a moment. This girl had brought him something to eat for dinner? This is the most anyone has thought of him since his parents died, and he really doesn’t know what to do about it. After another moment of staring he shakes his head slightly, attempting to clear his head before smiling brightly and taking the container.
“That is the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me. Thank you, Beth.” She grins brightly up at him before turning to Courtney.
“I’m sorry, Court, if I had known you were here, I would have brought enough for you, too.” Courtney gave her a knowing smirk before brushing it off.
“It’s all good, my parents are actually making us have family dinner later tonight, but thank you.” Beth smiled brightly at her before turning to Rick.
“Well, I should get going, my parents are actually taking me out for dinner tonight, and I told them I’d be at the hospital at a quarter past five,” she leaned in and gave him quick hug before turning and giving Courtney one last wave before running out the garage door.
Courtney watched amused, as Rick stared after Beth with a stunned look on his face. Beth had made him, Rick Tyler, dinner, and not only that, but it was specifically meant for him? How was he supposed to properly process any of this?
“So…” Rick’s head snapped towards the sound of her voice, “How long have you been in love with Beth?” His face became beet red in a millisecond.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Rick spoke as he walked toward her to put the food down on the armrest.
“Rick, do not even try to pretend,” she kicked his shin when he got close enough, “If it had been literally anyone else that made you hit your head, they would still be here listening to you tell them, with some colorful language, where they could go.” Rick looks as though he is going to protest that for a moment before he quickly realized that she was 100% right.
“Ha! See? You’re totally in love with her!”
“Just because I like her more than you doesn’t mean I’m in love with her.”
“But you totally are! Not that I can blame you, she’s the best.” Rick felt his cheeks burn at that. Because he could never admit to Courtney that she was right, about her being the best and that he was in love with her. How had he not realized it before this moment? How had he gone this long without realizing it? He also couldn’t admit that she was right because if he did, Courtney would hold it over his head for eternity. She was right and he was an idiot for not realizing it sooner.
“I think you’re crazy, and imagining some weird shit.” He finally managed to say. Courtney just folded her arms knowingly and raised her eyebrows, but when he returned it with a death glare she raised her hands in defeat.
“Okay, they are your feelings, I guess you would know more about them than anyone else,” she spoke, clearly still skeptical, before reaching into her backpack for her history book. Rick eyed her for a few more moments before returning to the car to finish up.
When he got back to his house that night, he still couldn’t stop thinking about what Courtney had said. He didn’t even notice his uncle passed out on the couch, beer bottle still in hand, as he kicked his shoes off and made his way to his room. He flopped down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling for a few minutes before sitting up and shooting Beth a quick text.
Thank you again for the dinner
It was amazing!
No problem:)
Just let me know next time you work so I can bring you some more!
Rick’s heart skipped a beat. She wanted to bring him dinner again?
You do not have to do that
I know, but I want to!
:)
Rick stared at the message in awe for more seconds then could possibly be normal. No one had ever gone out of their way to do anything that nice for him. Not since his parents died. Which was insane for him to think about. He hadn’t felt this welcome and at home in nine years, that was ridiculous!
Has anyone ever told you you’re the best person ever?
No.
But none of them were you, so maybe I just wasn’t paying attention;)
Rick really had no idea what to say to that. What did you say to that? Especially when the only thing he could think was: WTF! WTF! WTF! WTF! WTF!
It took Rick about fifteen minutes to have anything remotely close to a coherent thought, and then another fifteen to decide on what to say back to her.
Well, maybe you should start paying attention
I’ll give it a shot!
Rick sighed pulling the phone towards his chest and lying back down to stare at his at his ceiling some more, thoughts filled by what she could possibly mean by that. Because there was no way in hell someone like Beth Chapel could love him too, right?
The next week flew by way to fast for Rick’s liking. He tried several times to get Beth alone to talk to her about everything, but it was impossible. When she brought him dinner the next time he worked, Pat and Courtney were both there, and there was no way he was having the conversation in front of those two. He would rather burn in hell. Then after JSA training that Thursday, he asked if she wanted to get ice cream, she excitedly agreed, and turned around and invited Henry, Yolanda and Courtney, and they each immediately agreed. But, tonight was Friday and he was heading over to Beth’s house so she could help him study for an English test he had on Monday. He’d finally have a chance to talk to her, and maybe, possibly, finally understand what the heck that text that had left him incapable of functioning for half an hour meant.
When Rick walked up to her at her locker after his last class she was having deep discussion with Henry about who the greatest fictional detective was. Beth was adamantly defending Hercule Poirot while Henry had taken the predictable, but fair, stance of Sherlock Holmes. Rick’s heartbeat quickened and he bite back a smile. This whole being in love thing was getting ridiculous and he really wished it would stop.
“Hey…” Beth turned and her scowl slowly morphed into a wide smile.
“Perfect! Rick, please tell this man he knows nothing and the Hercule Poirot is clearly the superior detective!” Rick held his hands up in surrender.
“You know I don’t read murder mysteries,” Beth’s scowl returned and Rick quickly tried to backtrack to put the smile on her face once more. “But I guess I’ll agree Poirot because you are right about everything else.” Beth beamed up at him before turning to Henry and giving him a triumphant look. Henry just rolled his eyes in amusement.
“He’ll say anything to make you happy, Beth, so this totally isn’t fair.” He spoke before pulling his backpack farther up on his shoulder. He gave a small wave goodbye and walked down the hall toward the buses. Beth looked up at Rick’s flushed face, and Rick attempted to return the smile, but it looked kind of painful.
“Don’t hurt yourself, Rick,” Beth nudged his arm before grabbing her book bag and gently closing her locker. Rick brought his hand up to try and cover his the look of embarrassment written all over his face, which made Beth laugh loudly. Rick was so screwed, there was no way he was making it through this study session without doing something really stupid, like kissing her.
“Are you mad at me, Rick?” Rick whipped his head up to look at Beth, who looked downcast. Rick’s heart sunk to his feet.
“Why would you think I was mad at you?” Beth played with her comforter nervously and Rick felt the panic rise in his chest. He couldn’t bare to let Beth feel like that. But he didn’t know what to say. How could she ever think he was mad at her?
“It’s just… You’ve been… Weird since we got here, and I dunno… I guess I thought that meant you were mad at me… For, ya know, bringing into that silly argument with Henry.” Rick stood up from his spot on Beth’s desk chair and hurried over to sit down next to her. He gently placed a hand on her back.
Rick rubbed her back slightly as she leaned into his chest. He was sure she could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage.
“Beth, I could never hate you.”
“Yeah right.” Beth playfully pushed his arm off of her back.
“No, seriously, I think it’s physically impossible for me to hate you,” Rick lifted his arm up to rub the back of his neck. She looked up at him with curiosity in her eyes.
“Beth, I…” Rick paused taking a deep breath and closing his eyes for a few beats, “I really really like you.” Beth face slowly morphed from confusion to elation.
“For a while now, but it wasn’t until last week that I realized what was so different about the way I felt about you…” Beth launched herself up at him and the pair fell back unto her pillows. She laughed as Rick tried to keep himself from sinking into the pillows. A large grin appeared on Rick’s face after a failing a few too many times at sitting up and soon they were both overcome with fits of giggles.
“Beth,” Rick finally sat up after they had spent way to long calming down from their laughing fit, and then talking about what what he said meant for them, “I’m glad you feel the same way.” Beth’s eyes flickered up from Rick’s hand, gently resting atop hers, to his face.
“I’m glad you told me,” Beth pulled Rick towards her and kissed him softly. His heart stopped for a few minutes while he kissed her back. Beth pushed him up away from her slowly. “I thought I was being so obvious about liking you, I was starting to think that you didn’t like me back.”
Rick smiled down at her sadly.
“How could I not?”
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Night falls, I'm cast beneath her spell.
An hournite fic -
Summary: Rick has been engaging with a mystery girl online, he hopes that she reveals herself to be his long time crush beth... maybe he gets what he's hoping for. <3
read on AO3
---
Rick had always been good at keeping things to himself. He never understood how some people can go around telling others every aspect of their own lives. He was especially that way in school and on social media. His classmates knew absolutely nothing about him, if you asked them they'd probably just say he's the angry kid with the drunken dad (of course no one knew he’s actually his uncle). Or recently they'll mention how he hangs out with those weird girls all the time, meaning Beth, Yolanda and Courtney. But that's about all the knowledge Rick's peers have about him.
Sitting on his bed rick scrolls through his Instagram feed, where he keeps himself anonymous. A noise comes from his phone to show that he has a notification. It's a message, and there's only one person it can be from. He checks it to see that it's from a user by the name of BubblyGirl04. A grin comes across Rick's face as he reads the notification. Rick and this girl have been messaging non stop for the past months, they've been talking even before he found out about hourman and the JSA.
With a giant smile on his face Rick opens the message to see an image attached, it's a photo of delicious looking pasta. Under it the mystery girl wrote.
Bubblygirl04: So... What do you think? Do i just get better or what?
YellowMustang: It looks amazing, my mouth is actually watering up... And to answer your question, yes, you do in fact get better.
Bubblygirl04: Thanks!! You're too sweet for you own good!! <3
Rick looks up from his phone, his face heats up as his cheeks turn a reddish color. Luckily he was alone in his room, he would die if anyone caught him blushing the way he is now.
BubblyGirl04: So tell me, do you think that i should join the cooking class at our school? I don't want that to make it easier for you to figure me out.
YellowMustang: Join as you please, I don't think the cooking instructor will see you coming. She's probably gonna have to call up Gordon Ramsay to our school.
YellowMustang: Alsoooo... What's so scary about me figuring out who you are??
Bubblygirl04: Lmaoo Gordon Ramsay? No i definitely can't handle the pressure of him tasting my food, i would go into anxiety overload. And we talked about this, I don't think i'm ready to reveal who i am... Not quite yet anyway.. sorry :(
Just like that, he could feel his heart sink in his chest. Like blades being pulled out of it, he would always suggests that she tells him who she is, but she never seems to be ready. But Rick could understand, he wasn't sure if he was ready to reveal himself to her yet. He would never admit it but he was afraid she'd be disappointed. She's sweet, smart, talented and funny, he couldn't imagine losing her because he wasn't good enough.
Yellowmustang: Yeah ok, don't be sorry, i understand.. it's just.. sometimes i wish we could be something real.
Bubblygirl04: We are real?? Are we not??? We talk everyday, and we tell each other everything about our lives?
Yellowmustang: ... It's not real until i get to hold you... It's not real until i get to whisper in you ear that you're mine..
-read-
Rick's mind made up so many situations as to why she didn't reply, it's been forty minutes since he had sent the text and still, nothing. He lays down on his bed with both palms covering his face. He groans when the thought of his message comes across his mind. He wonders if he should get up and do something to distract himself, but honestly nothing can really take him mind of this girl.
A ping can be heard from his phone, Rick jumps up and sees the phone laying at the bottom of his bed. He chuckles with the hope that it's a text from the mystery girl. Leaning forward he grabs the phone and checks the notification. The banner across his phone reads "JSA GC". It was from the imessage group chat that him and the girls made a few weeks back. His excitement toned down when he realized it wasn't from the girl he had hoped.
Courtney: Rick!! WTF!?!??! You're like super late, where are you??!?!
Yolanda: Relax Court, i'm sure he's just held up... Rick we need you here, pat has a whole thing set up for us... You know how he is.
Rick: Sorry, i had something come up. But i'm on my way.
Rick sends the text and quickly gets up and puts on his shoes. He puts his hoodie on and rushes out the door. He knew that if he were any later, he would never hear the end of it from Courtney. He gets in his yellow mustang that belonged to his father, thanks to pat it's now a working engine. Driving to the Pit stop where the group is, Rick couldn't help but ponder on everything that happened with the mystery girl. But he knew he couldn't think about that at practice, he needed to have his full attention on practicing, the injustice society was still out there somewhere and they needed to be stopped.
Arriving at the pit stop entrance Rick is approached by Courtney immediately.
"What the hell rick? It took you long enough, doesn't taking down the ISA mean anything to you?" Courtney lectures.
"Yeah of course it does you know that, i just.. got caught up in something but it's fine now."
Yolanda walks towards Rick as she stands besides Courtney. "You okay rick?" Yolanda questions. She looks at Rick with a sincere concerned look, she could tell something had been bothering him.
Rick pretends not to notice her concern. "Yeah, i'm fine. Can we just get started already." He says while walking further into the pit stop. He notices Pat has dummies of the ISA up again, well at least they aren't as cheesy looking as the ones Courtney destroyed. There are around four cpr dummies on sticks decorated with makeup and costumes resembling the ISA members. Wow, is this what pat spends all his free time doing? Rick thought.
"Rick! Good to see you buddy. Alright now that we're all here, i'll tell you what we're going to be studying today." Pat stated to the four teens as they stand in front of the bleachers awaiting his instructions.
While Pat was rambling on about teamwork and it's important on the field, Rick zoned out after noticing Beth. Something was different, her hair wasn't down as it usually it, it was braided down into crown braids. Rick stared in awe as she shyly looked at Pat while paying close attention to what he was saying, she cared so much about these missions and never missed a single practice. Rick admired her efficiency, he admired her everything.
"Alright so today we're going to be focusing on how your abilities work together on the field. So we will start off with each of you being paired with one another and we'll see how you can use your powers to help each other out. Then we'll do one last practice with all four of you, got it?" Pat explained.
"Got it." The three girls say in unison.
"O-oh, yeah got it." Rick says shortly after them once he's focus is back on pat and off of beth.
Pat sets the dummy of icicle in the center of the room. "Alright first we need Courtney and Yolanda, let's see how stargirl and wildcat can work together to beat icicle." Pat states.
Courtney picks up the cosmic staff from beside her feet, she gets in a fighting stance. "Alright, i was born for this." She lets out eagerly.
"Uhh, Yeah me too!" Yolanda adds on.
"Okay let's go, and while we're practicing, Rick and Beth you guys can wait on the bleachers until it's your turn." Pat explains.
Beth goes to seat in the middle of the bleachers and sits down before taking out her phone and staring at it longingly. Rick's eyes follow her as he can't help but to gaze at her.
"Gee, i get lectured for being late only to be benched? Quite a team we have going here." Rick complains sarcastically before walking to sit next to beth, his legs began to rush because of his excitement of finally be able to be with her all day but he tries to slow down as to not seem too eager.
Booms and zaps can be heard as Courtney and Yolanda practice on the dummies. As always Courtney is complimenting herself after every success and Yolanda is just excited to put use of all the amazing things her cat suit can do. Rick watches them practice for a second before turning to Beth, she still had a sorrowful look on her face as she stared at her phone.
Rick notices she hasn't said a word to him all day, which was unusual of Beth, she's usually the first to initiate every conversation. She didn't ask anyone how their days were or talk about all the amazing things her and chuck talked about, nothing.
Taking a deep breath Rick tries to think of something to say to break the silence. "So... How are you beth?" He asks, sliding closer to her on the bench.
Beth looks up from her phone and towards Rick, their eyes meet. Rick heart begins to beat out of his chest as he glanced into her honey brown eyes.
"Oh hi rick.." Beth says looking up from her phone. "I'm fine... Super excited for practice.. How about you?" Beth says, not sounding like her normal chipper self.
Rick couldn't help but think back to the mystery girl, because for a while he had hoped beth would reveal that she was behind the account. It made sense, both beth and the mystery girl had so much in common. They both are have no siblings, they have distant parents and not to mention their talent for cooking and baking. But Rick thought he was just getting his hopes up, he felt as if he let his existing crush on beth cloud his judgement.
Even though Rick really liked this mystery girl, his heart belonged to beth since the first grade. Ever since she was the only one to remember his birthday (rick's asshat of an uncle was too drunk to bother remembering). She brought him in cupcakes that she made herself, they were chocolate and fudge, with vanilla frosting and the words "happy b day rick" written on top in green frosting. Him and Beth sat together at recces that day and at the cupcakes on the bench.
Rick was never the type to remember specific details, but he could easily go on about the gorgeous blue sundress beth wore that day, he remembered her telling him she wanted to wear something special for his big day. She sang him happy birthday in the most beautiful harmony. He never forgot how beautiful she sounded, even when the teachers couldn't bother to do something for his birthday, he knew he could always count on beth.
"I'm okay i guess." Rick responds fidgeting in his seat.
"Well thats good to hear." Beth says going to look back at her phone.
Rick notices how often she had been staring at her phone screen today, which was fairly unusual. Beth was never the type to use her phone during conversations. "You waiting on a text?" Rick suggests, hoping to get some type of explanation out of her.
Beth jumps and quickly puts her phone away upon hearing those words. "No, it's nothing i was just thinking about something a friend of mine sent me." She says vaguely, turning her vision to rick finally.
He could tell something was wrong, he knew her better than he knew himself. "Hey, how about we let wildcat and stargirl do their thing in here, and go get some fresh air while we wait for our turn." Rick suggests, hoping to get some alone time with beth for the first time today.
"Sure! I could use a breath of fresh air." Beth responds, getting up and walking towards the exist, rick follows behind her.
The summer sun rays touch Rick's skin, the heat was really starting to come in now that summer has officially started. He smiled and watched as beth took off her cardigan and tied it around her waist.
"So, umm beth... I think i have something that i want to ask you, i mean i have been wanting to ask you about this for some time, but i was a little too embarrassed in case you'd say no and it's well its a lot-" Rick rambled on, preparing himself for what he was about to ask, he couldn't believe he had finally gained the courage to do so.
Beth walk closer to rick, placing her hand gently on his arm to calm his nerves. "What is it rick? You know you can tell me anything!" She reassures him.
He did know, thats what made her so amazing. "Beth... I have feelings for you." Rick admits.
For a second it felt like time had stopped as rick glanced at beth's precious face to see her reaction to his words. She gapes her mouth and her eyes widen in shock. He soft hold on Rick's arm becomes a soft grip.
"You... have feelings for me?" Beth asks rhetorically. Rick nods his head in responds, he slightly pouts, afraid of what she might say next.
"Do you feel the same way?" He asks. He could feel his heart beating out of his chest, his palms were dripping with sweat. He felt as if he could faint any second.
Beth eyes light up, her shocked expression turns into a grin. "Oh my god- RICK!?!? OF COURSE I LIKE YOU!" She shouts as she rushes in for a hug.
The warmth of Beth affection calms Rick down immanently, a grin as bright as the sun comes across rick's face as he sighs out of relief. They embrace each other for some time, not even realizing how much time had passed.
Once the hugs ends, beth lays her hands on rick's shoulders, as he grabs her waist slighting to bring her closer to his height. Rick's heart flutters as he stares into beth's eyes, he would always catch glances of her eyes when they hung out, but he was always to shut to look into them for too long. But not today, he felt like he could stare into her eyes forever, looking at her had always made him feel safe.
Rick couldn't even think about the mystery girl, whoever she was, if she wasn't beth, it didn't matter to him.
"Can i confess something to you Rick?" Beth questions, with a look of concern in her eyes.
"You can tell me anything, beth." Rick replies, he knew that she couldn't say anything that would dim his happiness. The girl of his dreams had just admitted to having feelings for him too, this moment was too special to be ruined.
"Well, i've kind of been having a thing with this guy-" Beth begins, those words sank Rick's heart. He never experienced such intense jealousy in his life, the euphoria he felt had slowly began to fade away as he listened to beth speak.
"And well we met online and never actually talked in person, in fact i'm not exactly sure who he is. And I don't know if i'm gonna keep talking to him, because... whenever i talk to him, i've always imagined you." Beth lets out.
Rick's joy comes rushing back upon hearing the end of beth's sentence. She imagined him, even when she talked to other guys, he always dreamed of being on her mind as much as she was on his. Then slowly, rick's logic comes into play when he ponders upon beth's situation with this guy.
He thought back to how he was in an exact similar situation but with a girl, could it be? After all this time imagining beth, could it actually be that Rick was right.
Before he could even think of the words to say in response to beth's confession, rick leans in his lips brushed her, delicately. The warmth from her lips caused rick to shiver as he cupped the back of her neck with his right hand.
After a while, when the kiss is over, rick dazedly stared into beth's eyes again. She stared back, her face surprised but pleased with Rick's response.
"Hey beth." He says.
"Yes?" She replies.
Rick leans into her ear and whispers, "You're mine." He could feel beth freeze up upon hearing him speak those words, just like that it clicked to her as well. "Now it's real." He says finally.
#hournite#hournite fic#fanfic#beth chapel#rick tyler#Courtney Whitmore#Yolanda Montez#pat dugan#stargirl#dc stargirl#my work
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⭐️!
“Useless,” Agnes said haughtily. She beat the bone in a steady rhythm against the wall, almost in defiance of Gerry. Thump, thump, thump. “A spoiled child, an aimless teenager, a disaffected young adult. Gertrude bound her and her cult members fawned over her. Then she had some stupid crisis of faith, doubted herself and her journey, and abandoned everything. She was just a useless coward. I’m much better than she ever was. I’m stronger.”
“Dude, you’re going to break the Archivist’s rib -”
“It’s not enough to just not want to end the world,” Agnes said, and she realized for the first time that her head was crowding with the familiar smoke of her anger. She didn’t care, didn’t even try to tamp it down. Thump, thump, thump. “You have to want to save it. She had all of that power, the full flames of the desolation on her side. And she just walked away . She could have done something, could have - could have stopped Jon, stopped Jonah, done something . But she just decided that she wanted to keep living in the world, and she didn’t even fight to keep it. Adults are so - fucking - useless!”
Something splintered underneath her hands, cracked and shattered, and Agnes didn’t even care. She always destroyed whenever she was mad.
“She didn’t even try!” Agnes cried, and drove the rib further into the wall. Her hand punched through the thin drywall, widening the quickly growing hole, and with a cry of fury she whirled around and put her foot through it too. “Now we have to clean up after the grown-up’s mistakes, like fucking always, and it’s not fair! We aren’t the ones who killed the world! Why do we always have to save it!”
Agnes! Agnes! Agnes! She was so much fun writing in TCF I’m afraid she might be a mainstay in future works, lol. This right here is the second half of the capitalist discussion: Jon as the privileged content to live in luxury, Agnes as the privileged who’s fighting to change the system. (There should also be a voice from the people who are actually suffering, and to an extent that is Sasha - but those voices in the narrative is ultimately Martin and Basira, who really didn’t get enough screentime to talk about that due to just how much was happening that late in the story. I consider this a fault and a weakness in the story, and it’s something I’d change on revision).
I joke with my friends a lot that Agnes is protagonist coded, along with Gerry, and she absolutely is. Agnes is explicitly the teen girl protagonist in the dystopian YA novel. She is Katniss Everdreen, she is Greta Thurnberg. She’s a super special flame princess messiah with cool superpowers and a legion of cultists, but with her sidekick brother she’s gonna CHANGE THE SYSTEM. Unfortunately this is not a YA novel, so her lamebrain adopted uncle and aunts don’t let her do anything cool. Believe it or not I turn characters into teenagers for a reason lol - Agnes and Gerry being young people is very crucial to their arcs, and it’s THOSE characters specifically who I find are extremely interesting as teenagers - because they are defined by legacy, family, and their futures.
It’s interesting to me that Agnes would hate her past self. Like Gerry, Jon, and Daisy, she has a past self who feels very different from who she is now - but where Jon and Daisy are scared and actively avoid knowledge of their past selves, Agnes is bitter. She considers her past self part of the problem - that she saw the game was rigged, and she bowed out of the game instead of trying to fix it. Agnes is willing to look at what she did wrong and learn from her mistakes, unlike Jon and Daisy, but it’s because she considers these mistakes the mistakes of the previous generation. It wasn’t teen Agnes who fucked everything up, it was the adults - the cult members, the Avatars, humanity. The big point of her arc was the confrontation with Jude - because it was at that point that Agnes accepted that there was no reconciliation with Jude and her viewpoint, that she could not abide willful ignorance or malice. She didn’t get to kill Jude, but I wouldn’t have wanted her to - she just had to decide to reject her, and then see by what Jon did to her how violent the ideological differences are.
It is a big part of Agnes that she does essentially want to be a normal person. But she’s been robbed of that. She’s not getting the American Dream (metaphorically), the cheap college, the affordable house, the white picket fence - the idiocy of the adults ruined that for her. There is no possibility of a normal life for her anymore. And it makes her very angry. And she knows just who to blame for it.
Agnes is the white, upper middle class angry Gen Zer who is part of JSA and wants to be a civil rights lawyer because she physically can’t imagine not caring about other people. It’s never explicitly stated, but Agnes would probably care a lot less if she hadn’t met Gerry - who is part of the group suffering, even if Agnes protects him, and has experienced hardship too. Gerry, for his part, just wants to find his people and stick by his people and survive - but Gerry will always care about doing the right thing to, because that’s part of love for him.
Agnes and Gerry are characterized very strongly by their love and compassion - for the world, for their family, and for each other. It’s alienated people around them, as seen with Jude, but they want to do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. They just had no idea how, or no idea what taking action would mean - until they met Sasha, and then a lot happened very quickly. This care and compassion was very inspiring to Jon, who couldn’t really imagine just caring about something because it was the right thing to do.
They’re good kids. I love them. Thanks for the ask!
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As I said in my last post, one of my biggest complaints about fandom discussion about Rip Hunter is how it always resorts to easily debunked accusations rather than an honest and interesting discussion about the man’s ACTUAL flaws.
Rip is a complicated guy. He has a lot of flaws. That’s part of what makes him interesting. Unfortunately, since I generally end up finding myself motivated to defend the guy from baseless accusations, I never really get around to talking about what I think his flaws actually are.
So this is my list of what I, as a biased Rip fan, see as Rip Hunter’s primary flaws. (This is by no means exclusive, by the way.)
1. Rip Hunter is single-focused. This can be a strength and a flaw. But the fact of the matter is that when Rip has a goal in mind, he tends to ignore other people that can be helped, other good that can be done and thoughtlessly puts himself and other people at considerable, and sometimes unnecessary, risk.
2. Rip Hunter is secretive and dishonest. Rip is a funny guy when it comes to honesty. He seems to be a pretty terrible liar, and any time he does overtly lie to the team, it comes out within the same episode. But that doesn’t generally stop him from trying. Even at times when the lie is less useful than the truth. (For example, the crew probably would have been more inclined to help rather than less, if he’d openly admitted that his own family had died at Savage’s hands.)
Rip is far better, however, at lying by omission. The man keeps a LOT of secrets and a good many of those secrets directly impact the team and their safety. The team had the right to know about the spear of destiny, or at least that it was likely to make the mission they’d signed on for more dangerous. Sara had the right to know about Laurel’s death long before she actually found out.
3. Related to #2: Rip does not trust his team. I think he wants to trust them, and certainly, he wouldn’t have recruited them for either mission if he didn’t trust them on some level. But the fact of the matter is that most of Rip’s suffering in season two was absolutely unnecessary and brought about, primarily, because Rip never chose to share his burden with the team.
If the team had known about the spear, or at least that Rip was protecting part of an artifact from people who’d stop at nothing to get it, then it’s possible they could have helped him. He might not have had to lobotomize himself. He might not have fallen into Eobard’s hands. And it might not have been so catastrophic that the only person who had any idea of where the spear pieces were ended up under Eobard’s control.
4. Rip makes unilateral decisions for the team. This connects to 2 and 3 of course. Possibly, it’s all the same flaw in the end. Rip does most of what he does with noble intentions, but the fact of the matter is that he generally doesn’t consult them first. ESPECIALLY when he gets it in his head to try to protect them.
Rip freaks out after Snart’s death and abandons the team in 2016, with no discussion and no closure or choice.
Rip decides to fly the last meteor piece into the sun, risking his own life in the process (and possibly stranding the team in 2033, though I doubt he was thinking about that), again without consulting the team.
Rip scatters the team to protect them from the nuclear blast, again, without consultation. It’s very likely that, had they known what was at stake, most of the team would have wanted to stay on board.
Similarly, Rip decides to lobotomize himself without even Gideon’s input (going so far as to shut her down temporarily so she can’t stop him.)
Rip means well, in each of these situations, but the fact of the matter is that he owes them the right to make these decisions for themselves. They deserve to know what he’s prioritizing and why, what dangers he’s expecting, and to have a say in their own fate.
5. Rip is somewhat judgmental. Especially early on in season one. He had a clear idea of who (he thought) the team was, and why he was recruiting them. There were certain characters that he was pretty quick to get along with: Sara, Martin, Jax, Kendra, even Ray to some extent. And then of course there was Snart and Rory. One of the quieter themes of the first half of season one involved Rip having to re-evaluate his initial thoughts on each team member, as he realized that Martin was more idealistic and rebellious than expected, that Sara and Kendra had their uncontrollable berserker qualities, that Leonard Snart actually did care about (some) people on the team, and so on and so forth. And of course, this ended up coming to a head with Mick Rory.
6. Rip is hot-tempered and emotional which gets in the way of his good sense. A LOT. I maintain that the Marooned confrontation was provoked, and NOT by Rip, but that still doesn’t excuse his harsh reaction. Or the stupidity of having it out while being prisoners on an enemy-controlled ship!
I always get amused when I see Rip characterized as cold in fanfics, because I think the show gives us a character who is the exact opposite. And that’s where he tends to fuck up. Rip burns hot. He’s impulsive. He has a temper. And we’ve seen him, more than once, disrupt his OWN plans because of guilt or altruism or anger.
He had a grand total of ONE workable plan against Savage, which he tossed out the window to get Carter’s body back. He knew that he was going to be leaving the team very soon, but had to explode into a temperamental lecture about everything they’d done wrong. He couldn’t follow through with killing Savage, the one time that it was actually fool-proof because his conscience got in the way. And so on and so forth.
Hell, even his capture by the Legion kind of fits this, because it’s pretty clear that whatever his post-Time Drive lobotomy plans ACTUALLY were, they didn’t involve Phil Gasmer stupidly jumping out into an ambush, getting captured, getting his tooth extracted, and then having his backup mind drive re-written.
Honestly, I doubt that Rip Hunter has ever made a cold, clear-headed, unclouded-by-emotion decision in his life. And if he had, he fucked it up about three minutes later in a fit of pique.
7. Rip is stubborn and arrogant.
This is a pretty consistent character trait. Rip is a Time Master and knows he’s a Time Master, and as mentioned, wasn’t particularly inclined to consult with the group. Often times, he’s right. He does generally have a superior knowledge base than most of the rest of the team. But then we have situations like River of Time, where Rip’s insistence that he had piloted the Waverider for thirteen years and knew what she could do, exploded pretty royally in their faces.
Rip’s trust in the Time Masters overall is a pretty good example of this. It was somewhat understandable in White Knights, even though he ignored Mick’s realization that Druce had set up an obvious trap. By River of Time, there was no reason to expect that they’d be dealt with fairly.
His handling of Sara’s issues in Star City highlighted this arrogance too. He was dead set in the way that he was looking at the issue and refused to consider her side. He was, at least, smart enough, and cared enough, to wait for her longer than he promised. But it was a good thing that Martin talked sense into him when he did.
8. Rip is ridiculously self-destructive.
I don’t really think I have to elaborate on this one. Do I? Just watch like ANY episode of the show that features Rip. Yeesh.
9. Rip is A SOCIAL TRAINWRECK.
I mean, really, does this need an explanation? The man is pretty much incapable of anything resembling a normal social interaction with anyone! I think the closest thing we’ve seen to a casual conversation with anyone who wasn’t Gideon was with Doctor Mid-Nite right before he killed him!
His general social interactions with people he actually LIKES seems to be: make unilateral decision, apologize, get punched in the face, apologize again, move on.
Honestly, I think the only character who’s ever gotten anything personal about the guy that didn’t directly have to do with whatever disaster was directly at hand was Jax, when Rip revealed his candy preferences.
There are some implications, I think, that he was pretty friendly with Mid-Nite and Commander Steel in the JSA. At least there are implications that he actually did discuss some personal matters such as his family and his concern about the Time Masters. But they were still pretty formal with each other.
Presumably, he managed some kind of positive social interaction with Miranda and Jonah. But then, Miranda was from the same fucked up society and thus likely had the same frame of reference. And Jonah...well, he was pretty quick to forgive Rip in the end, which probably implies he’s used to Rip being fucking weird. Also, remember how he came back to the ship after being rescued in Outlaw Country and only once inside did he go “where’s Rip?” Like he actually expected the guy to be hiding in his office AGAIN.
And to round it out to an even 10. Rip is a TERRIBLE LEADER.
Bluntly speaking, he is. He was from the pilot onward. He’s known from day one that he cannot control any of these people. He’s never been willing to take any steps necessary to control any of these people. He doesn’t even try to manage tempers, or rein in idealism. He doesn’t try to forge emotional connections with the crew, or maybe clear the air with the people that he clashes with the most BEFORE things explode horribly.
He seems to do well enough in field missions or pitched battles, when he’s right there, they’re all in the thick of it, and there’s a very clear objective. But as soon as it gets to a more general mission, when people go off on their own, he’s sunk.
So, there you go. Ten flaws. I could probably expand that list farther pretty easily. Rip’s actual flaws are part of what makes him such an interesting character, which is why it gets so frustrating when people are lazy critics, and resort to blatant misrepresentations instead.
#rip hunter#legends of tomorrow#rip hunter defence squad#...does it count as a defence post if it is critical?#Should I be tagging this ANTI-Rip Hunter?#Oh well
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Disabled in Theresa May’s Britain #4: Stewart
From Shropshire
In July of last year I injured my back at work and have been unable to work since because of it. After weeks of messing around going to the doctors, seeing a physiotherapist and taking a cocktail of pills, I was firstly put on crutches, as I can't put full pressure on my left foot, and sent for an MRI scan. This showed I'd got 3 prolapsed discs in my lower back which explained why I was my getting the pain in my back but also my leg and hip. My back has gone into a kind of cycle where it will be a mild type of pain but every 2 or 3 days it will feels like it just drops and then the pain is horrific. I am a 44 year old single male who lives on his own, in a ground floor flat, thankfully, so as you can probably imagine doing normal everyday activities is really difficult. Washing and bathing I struggle with as can't stand at the sink but rather sit on the side of the bath or on the toilet seat and I find it difficult to get into the bath but then really really struggle to get back out of it again ,I do not have a shower and can only wash my hair and shave when I am in the bath, as being in the warm water relaxes my back enough to be able to do this (what I gain in the bath though I lose getting out). I am unable to drive as I can't put enough pressure on the clutch because of the pain I get not only in my back but also my left leg and hip, but also because of the medication I am on makes me feel drowsy, I can only travel short distances as a passenger in a car (and even less on a bus) because the constant rocking during acceleration or breaking hurts my back. I can just about get away with cooking myself a meal but when my back goes I can't do this so am surviving on bowls of cereal. Doing any type of housework is virtually impossible on a good day and totally impossible when my backs gone, I can only do the very basics anyway and my mother has to do the rest for me. I have also not been able to clear my yard and little bit of garden I have so it is covered in weeds and overgrown. My mother also has to take me anywhere I have to go, i.e. appointments or shopping, and the only reason I go out shopping with her is it's some form of face-to-face human contact as I am virtually house bound at the moment and relying on just Facebook for daily contact. The problem with that is I sometimes aggravate my back then I can't get to sleep because I can't get comfortable in bed because of the amount of pain I am in. Even saying that though sometimes my back has been that bad I've had to ask her to go for me and I've stayed home. I also have two cats, that were former strays so now won't go out cause they've got somewhere warm, dry, and they get fed regularly (well sort of at the moment) don't want to go out again and panic when I've put them in the harness and taken them outside because they think I'm kicking them out, so changing there tray is really difficult and sometimes impossible to do at all,, so they end up using the paper by the side of it and once again sometimes I've had to ask my mum if she'll come over just to do there tray.
For the first 28 weeks I was off I was getting SSP, but my employers were topping this up so I was still getting my full wage but this run out on the 19th of January this year. I then had to go onto ESA and was told I'd have to attend a medical assessment. Firstly instead of starting my claim on the 20th of January they started it on the 21st, which they then realized was a Saturday so I was then sent another letter saying my claim would now be taken from the 23rd, this was even though my employers had given me the SSP1 form they need to process a claim which clearly stated that my SSP ran out on the 19th. I then received a phone call last thing in the afternoon of the 22nd of February asking if I could attend my assessment the next morning. I said yes but was taking a gamble that my mother wouldn't be busy as I'd need her to take me but I also wanted her in there with me as a witness, luckily she was available. I arrived for my assessment after having only 3 hours sleep the night before and feeling drowsy because I'd only taken my medication an hour before. While being in the waiting room I had to go and sit on my own in the only arm chair as I couldn't sit comfortably on the other chairs next to my mum. The assessor called us in and I explained all the things I am going through and how much I am struggling, I also explained that I can only cover short distances before having to rest, this I estimated to be between 20 to 25 meters. During this time I had to get up and start moving around as my back started to hurt as I couldn't sit comfortably in the chairs we were in. My mother assisted me getting out of the chair by offering me her forearm and lifting her arm at the same time I used my crutch on my other side to be able to stand up. As I was hobbling round my mum was talking to the assessor and filling her in on my condition.The assessor then told me to get up onto the couch which I tried to do but couldn't 3 times facing forward so she told me to turn around and try doing it backwards, which I eventually managed to do on the 2nd attempt. She then asked me to try and get into certain positions which I managed to do pretty easy with my right leg but struggled with my left, I'm not the type of person to shout out or scream the place down but was grimacing and biting my lip while doing them, a fact that can be confirmed by my mother. She then did a test where she held both arms in the air and told me to push against her hand, to see how much pressure I can put through my legs, the only thing is she didn't offer any resistance so I was able to do it pretty easily. I even said this to my mum when we got back outside and even she said she was surprised at easy I found it. I have since checked with two different doctors I've seen and a physio I spoke to on the phone and they all confirmed that you are supposed to put a little resistance when getting somebody to do this, the one doctor even got me up on the couch and got me to try and I couldn't do it. The first sick note that I had to send to the benefits agency in January they told me to take into my local Job Centre, as they needed it to finalize my claim and the Job Centre would be able to scan it straight across, but all the other ones I would be picking up after that to post them in. Then in February I received a letter, with a free post label, saying that my sick note was about to run out so I needed to send them a new one. I already had an appointment booked at the doctors a couple of days before this was due to run out so collected one and sent it off before the date my last one had run out. I then received another letter on the 2nd of March saying they hadn't received one and my claim would be closed down if I didn't send one immediately. I phoned them up straight away and explained that I'd sent one in and was then told that they probably hadn't got to it in the mail yet but she'd have a look on the system, I was then told to my utter shock that my claim had been closed down because I'd been deemed fit for work and the letter explaining their decision must be on its way. I then received their letter the next day, 3rd March, dated the 28th February and this indeed confirmed that my claim had been closed down but from the 23rd of February and I would now have to swap over to JSA, look for work, (even though I have a job already, I’m just going through the medical procedures so I can get back to it), I would also have to attend the job centre and sign on. I sat there and read through their report on my assessment in total disbelief as they have totally contradicted me, with what I said in the assessment and what I put on the form I had to fill out in, they have even had the cheek to contradict everything my mother told them. They have exaggerated the distance it took me to get into the assessment room and have doubled the distance I can cover before coming to a rest. They have then go on to say that I have no problems doing all my housework, cooking a meal every day and being able to wash and shave and have a bath any time I want. They have also doubled the amount of times I told them I go to my local shop and the amount of times I go shopping with my mother, as I told them that I go once a week and once a fortnight respectively and they have put I go to my local shop twice a week and shopping with my mother once a week.They have also doubled the distance it is from my flat to the shop as I said it's about 20 to 25 meters away and they have put 50 meters. Even covering that distance I have to rest on the way there and on the way back, another fact they've failed to mention. I was thinking up till this point that maybe I'd not come over very well because as I said before I'd had hardly any sleep and was high as a kite on pain killers so they'd got confused by what I was saying. My confusion then turned to anger when I read the medical assessment part cause what they'd put there made me look like an Olympic athlete. They'd put that firstly I had no problem being able to stand up unaided, (even though as I said before my mother had helped me), I had no problem being able to get onto the couch what so ever and without assistance, (once again nothing about me not being able to get onto it at all facing forward and taking two attempts to do it backwards, also failed to mention the fact she'd had to tell me to turn around which under the eyes of the law is considered to be verbal assistance). Then they have put that out of all the exercises she got me to do I only struggled with one (nothing about me grimacing and biting my lip, that my mother could see me doing from the other side of the room,, makes you wonder how come the assessor couldn't see it stood next to me). Also they have put I had no problem with the leg pressure test (as I said she didn't carry this out properly). The best thing is they have even contradicted themselves in their conclusions because they have put that I have no problems with covering 200 meters before resting (when they have put I can do 50 meters but I said I could only do about 20 before having to come to a stop). I'd already asked my mum to pick up some shopping for me, as my back was really playing up, so showed it to her when she got here and without having to say a word to her she was saying "well that's not what you told them, or that, or that" all the way through and when she got to medical report she just said "...", I better not put what she said as it wouldn't be printable.
I am now getting JSA and having to go into the Job Centre to sign on fortnightly, to be fair my adviser has been nothing but sympathetic as she can understand what I am going through as she told us, yes my mum has to come with me, that she did the same a few years ago. They left me for 3 weeks before being paid anything and then when they did pay me I only received 5 days JSA. I then phoned them and played Chinese whispers going through the call center, cause you can't speak to anybody from the benefits agency directly, I explained the situation to them and he said he'd have to speak to the benefits agency about it so I asked him to phone me back. He then called me and said that I would have to fill in a form to be able to get the rest of the payment I was old. I then received a text message 10 minutes after the call center closed saying that they'd received my "new" claim and would be sending me out the paper work. It wasn't a new claim all I wanted was what they owed me. The great thing about this is it was my birthday, not that I was planning on doing anything but could have nicely done without the stress. My adviser had told me if I had any problems with my first payment to give her a call so the next day I did. Fair play to her she must have put the phone down on me and rang them straight away cause she was back on my phone 10 minutes later saying they were going to call me in a couple of hours. They then called me to say that they had sorted it but I would have to wait a few more days for it to go into my bank. The same day that it finally went in I received a letter, dated on my birthday, explaining why I was only getting the 5 days because I hadn't met the job seekers requirements, like to know how I was supposed to meet em when I didn't even know at that point I was supposed to be looking for work. My adviser can't even tell me what type of work to try looking for. My employers also have asked for a report from my doctors to see if there is any other type of work they can offer me but have come to the conclusion that there is nothing they can offer me, even working in the office because I'm unable to sit long enough in one place to be able to complete a task. It's now 10:06 am and I started writing this at 3 am after repeatedly trying to get to sleep last night and being unable to, and now having to repeatedly get up and move around as I can't sit still long enough to type it all in one go. I have now started the process of appealing but have been told that I need to go through a mandatory reconsideration first. I have had to go to my doctors to try and get my medical records but have been told not to pursue this as I'd have to pay for them when the DWP will apply for them free of charge when the appeals process starts, seems to be the wrong way round to me as how can they make a proper decision about my health and well being without even looking at my records.
I have so far seen numerous GPs and a consultant at the hospital who referred me onto the pain clinic. I saw a specialist form the pain clinic for a consultation at my local hospital in Shrewsbury in December. He said that I would need a nerve block injection so i waited till March before having this. However to receive the injection I had to travel all the way to Telford as they had stopped offering this service in Shrewsbury anymore. I am now waiting for my follow up appointment to come through, before they decide on the next course of action to take, as to be honest my back has felt worse not better after having it done. I have only just had my assessment for PIP this Tuesday (18th April) so am now awaiting there decision but after being screwed over once I'm not holding out much hope. I think it is a total disgrace the way the government have been treating the sick and disabled, after all I didn't intend to go into work and injure myself that morning so would like to know what I've done wrong. What Theresa May fails to understand is if she'd actually put the money into the NHS she's claiming to, instead of cooking the books, when they are not even investing half of what they claim they are, then I, and others in the same boat as me, might be able to get treated in a reasonable amount of time and be back at work before ever needing benefits. I think it's laughable as well that all she wants people to concentrate on during this election is Brexit cause lets face it if they're looking at Europe they might actually forget what's going on at home. Only thing is there might be a few million people who've had to suffer the indignity of one of these assessments, and been screwed over by the process, who might just have something to say about that. I myself voted leave but the devil will be juggling snowballs before I'd ever vote for her or any of the evil ****** in her party.
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What’s up everyone! Welcome to Beyond The Panel. Coming at you today with talk about DC’s Stargirl “Brainwave”! Well, we know who they are going to focus on next! By the end of last week’s episode we all came to learn that Henry Jr. did in fact inherit his father’s powerful psionic abilities. Though surprise surprise that Courtney of all people will jump at the opportunity to add brainboy to the JSA ranks. Could you imagine a better way to create tension with her own team? Aside from running into another fight on her own again… which I do hope they are going to address that again, because I think we’re beginning to see a pattern.
Wow, this one was a lot to take in. Before I get into anything else, let’s first of all talk about Henry Jr., the reason why this episode is titled “Brainwave”. Now I’m not going to lie, I had my concerns about a character like this. There is a track record with comic book shows, and where they tend to drop the ball is when it comes to characters who both read minds and move objects with their minds. There had to be something about the story they were ready to tell that would break from the mold. And break from the mold they did from start to finish. I was impressed by their approach to both giving a backstory to Brainwave, and allowing this to easy Henry Jr. into an understanding of what changes he is now going through. There was only so many times they could show us that room with the tapes before we actually go to see them for ourselves. It was a chilling progression because it takes quite an experience for someone like Henry Sr. to become the villain he is now. Through the tapes we came to understand what motivates him to participate in what the plans of the ISA, and what drives him to do the things he does as a villain. It made a huge difference that his powers played such a crucial role in this too. You don’t view the world the way he does without first experiencing on such an intimate level. Though some might also call it invasive…
Stargirl — “Brainwave” — Image Number: STG109c_0325r.jpg — Pictured (L-R): Jake Austin Walker as Henry King and Brec Bassinger as Courtney Whitmore — Photo: Mark Hill/The CW — © 2020 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Stargirl — “Brainwave” — Image Number: STG109a_0097r.jpg — Pictured (L-R): Brec Bassinger as Courtney Whitmore, Anjelika Washington as Beth Chapel, Yvette Monreal as Yolanda Montez and Cameron Gellman as Hourman — Photo: Annette Brown/The CW — © 2020 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
In turn, this helped to shape Henry Jr. who honestly has been lacking in anything that was truly making him stand out. His dad was in the hospital, but there had to be more than that going for him at a point. They did something with telepathy that I wish most writers dared to do. That is mold the person around the very things they hear. Often the person simply gets overwhelmed by the voices and worries about the pain. Though here’s Henry Jr. focused on the actual things these people think both directly and indirectly. That can do something to just about anyone who isn’t ready for their reality of the world to be shaken up to that extent.
Now as I said above, there was some difficulty in accepting that Courtney would really be the kind of person to suggest bringing Henry Jr. into the fold. You would think she couldn’t be more bold and reckless, and then she decides to strike a conversation with someone who can read her mind. Yet with that said, she somehow finds one of her most endearing moments having a conversation you didn’t think she had in her, given what she has been through so far.
Stargirl — “Brainwave” — Image Number: STG109a_0221r.jpg — Pictured: Brec Bassinger as Courtney Whitmore — Photo: Annette Brown/The CW — © 2020 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Stargirl — “Brainwave” — Image Number: STG109b_0097r.jpg — Pictured (L-R): Brec Bassinger as Courtney Whitmore and Luke Wilson as Pat Dugan — Photo: Mark Hill/The CW — © 2020 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
One thing we knew that was being set up in this episode was this dinner Barbara decided to invite Jordan and his family over for. Surprisingly they dodged a lot that I thought was going to happen predictably. When you get these family dinners with extras, normally you prepare yourself for disaster. However, they did us the biggest favor by going for something that was pretty much straight to the point. Where that twist came in? You could have seen it coming maybe a minute before it happened, but not at all before that. In fact, I was more bracing myself for them to think this was the best time to stir some drama with Jordan seemingly having a thing for Barbara. So that, and what came after the dinner is what catches you off guard. Given the images they showed us before the episode aired, I had my suspicions about what they were planning to do with Barbara finally making a trip to the basement. Did I think it was going to happen in that moment? Not at all, yet at the same time I do appreciate that they did not drag out when said thing was going to become a situation for Courtney and Pat.
That aside, I was a bit disappointed that the others didn’t have too much of a role to play in this. Beth and Rick were really just there to give their input on certain things which either worked for them or didn’t. You knew what to expect from her perspective on the things they had to do, and you knew what to expect from Rick who does what Rick wants to do. They had their discovery on their own, but it was nothing really in contrast to other things unfolding. Though Yolanda on the other hand, at the very least you could appreciate the effort they put into her state of mind given the part Henry Jr. now plays in this battle of good versus evil. Even now, there is no way that someone like Yolanda can be expected get over what was done to her, and what she is still going through to move forward. You look at the person who hurt you, and it makes things that much harder. For that fact alone, you could not fault her for what she did to confront those feelings.
Stargirl — “Brainwave” — Image Number: STG109b_0602r.jpg — Pictured: Amy Smart as Barbara Whitmore — Photo: Mark Hill/The CW — © 2020 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Stargirl — “Brainwave” — Image Number: STG109d_0531r.jpg — Pictured (L-R): Luke Wilson as Pat, Anjelika Washington as Beth Chapel, Cameron Gellman as Hourman — Photo: Mark Hill/The CW — © 2020 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Before I forget, I was thankful that with so much going on this episode, they did not forget to address what has now happened to Cindy. The actress did say that Cindy was in big trouble after what happened last week, but there was a difference between knowing and seeing what that meant for yourself.
All in all, DC’s Stargirl “Brainwave” was an emotional roller coaster. Plenty of discoveries, some gut-wrenching interactions, thought at the end of the day satisfies you because we got a unique origin to Brainwave.
Stargirl — “Brainwave” — Image Number: STG109b_0389r.jpg — Pictured (L-R): Luke Wilson as Pat Dugan, Amy Smart as Barbara Whitmore and Brec Bassinger as Courtney Whitmore — Photo: Mark Hill/The CW — © 2020 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Stargirl — “Brainwave” — Image Number: STG109a_0301r.jpg — Pictured: Anjelika Washington as Beth Chapel — Photo: Annette Brown/The CW — © 2020 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Stargirl — “Brainwave” — Image Number: STG109a_0105r.jpg — Pictured: Yvette Monreal as Yolanda Montez — Photo: Annette Brown/The CW — © 2020 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Stargirl — “Brainwave” — Image Number: STG109a_0138r.jpg — Pictured: Yvette Monreal as Yolanda Montez and Cameron Gellman as Rick — Photo: Annette Brown/The CW — © 2020 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Stargirl — “Brainwave” — Image Number: STG109a_0272r.jpg — Pictured (L-R): Anjelika Washington as Beth Chapel and Cameron Gellman as Rick — Photo: Annette Brown/The CW — © 2020 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
DC’s Stargirl “Brainwave” Review What's up everyone! Welcome to Beyond The Panel. Coming at you today with talk about DC's Stargirl "Brainwave"!
#Comics#DC Comics#DC Universe#DC&039;s Stargirl#DC&039;s Stargirl "Brainwave"#spotlight#Stargirl#Stargirl "Brainwave"#the cw#TV#TV Review#TV Series
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Stargirl - S1 E3 - Icle
Honestly, I wasn't nearly as impressed with this episode as the first two episodes. There were a few decent parts, but the story felt weak and a lot of pointless plot points that felt like something you'd see from an Arrowverse show.
The part where Pat took Courtney to the Justice Society headquarters was nice, but that felt like something that should have happened in either the first episode or the second at the latest. Ditto the ending, when Courtney takes the Justice Society gear to recruit new members; and I don't know how I feel about that either, as it feels a little forced.
And what's up with the JSA having giant banners of themselves hanging in their headquarters? I can buy the villains doing that, but it seems pretty narcissistic of the heroes.
I'm seriously over the trend that happens virtually every new show now to take for fucking ever just to set up the core premise of who the main characters are and what their dynamic is; get to the fucking point. Maybe I'm to impatient, but I saw nothing wrong with how they used to start a series by using the pilot to layout the framework of the series and then just hit the ground running telling the stories. Look at the first episode of Buffy, within the first two hours of the series (and let's be honest, "The Harvest" was part two of the pilot) we knew the "sitch" as Buffy would say of who the main characters were and what their deal was. We met Buffy, Joyce, Giles, Xander, Willow, Cordelia all in the first episode too; plus the big bad of the Master and they still advanced the plot by having the Master try to free himself.
Meanwhile, three episodes in it's obvious they're going to make Courtney and the girl who's being harassed and called a "slut" best friends, but Jesus they're dragging that out.
And while I applaud Courtney for trying to stick up for her, the dialog felt contrived.
Then of course they try to go to the opposite extreme by trying to rush an investment in a new character, just so they can kill them and try to milk some kind of sentiment for an intentional, yet seemingly pointless death.
I fully expect this magic kid (Joey, I think they said his name was) to also befriend Courtney in a Xander-esque capacity (not to lean too hard on the Buffy comparison), but come on, we're supposed to give a shit about this kid getting killed by Icicle just because we saw a couple of scenes of him doing some shitty card tricks (badly); and sharing one scene with the main protagonist? Let us learn more than his name first; or even just let us be sure his name is in fact Joey if you want us to care when kill him off.
And what the hell was up with the level of enthusiasm for this school's talent show? I think they said something about "regionals" or some bullshit, but come on. Is this one of those performing arts highs schools? And if it is, why did Courtney seemed so surprised by everyone being in costume? Why are they all in costume during the regular school day? There's need to be in costume all fucking day, rather than change right before your performance; that's what the call time is for. It's the time ahead of the show during which you get ready.
Why were so many students gathering around to watch this lameass card trick? Who would give a shit? Are they all stoned? Did serious no one else, besides the one guy, not see the card Courtney picked, to realize he later picked the wrong card? Because they absolutely would have called him on screwing up the trick if anyone else had seen.
I'm also starting to think the writers have no fucking clue what to do with Courtney's mom. What was the point of her coming home only to find Pat and Courtney were out? And why did they choose that exact moment to leave and take a tour of the JSA HQ, when at least Pat knew that what's name would be home before they could possibly get back; to say nothing of his own son.
Her being at...whatever that meeting was for city development, seemed random - especially since I either missed it or it wasn't made real clear who Icicle is supposed to be in his public life. Is he the mayor or something? Her comment on the community theatre was yet another instance in this episode that seemed random and kind of forced. And why are these characters, who I can only assume are elected officials, at least in the context of that scene, talking about the community theatre losing money; it's not a fucking subsidiary of a business you own. Maybe that theatre group is renting space from the city or something, but if they're losing money, that's not really the city's problem, unless they're in a position to support it; and they're not losing money from that fact, unless the theatre group is behind on their rent. But considering how big of thing the fucking high school talent show is, I'm kind of astounded to hear them suggest their community theatre is losing money. If they're losing money it's probably because all of the fucking high school students keep renting their costumes and wearing them all day, getting them all sweaty and stained at lunch (theatre rule #12: never eat in costume); and then drop them back off without washing them, so the theatre has to drop a shit ton of money to have all of those costumes drycleaned.
But apparently the writers just needed some contrived excuse to show Courtney's mom expressing interest in what's happening in her town to justify her joining whatever board or committee we see her attending later in the episode; rather than just having her say she'd decided to get involved by serving on this committee or whatever, like any normal fucking person would. And how much you want to bet it's not even the fucking the community theatre board she's joining, but just some random community development committee or something? Or even who fucking cares? Because in three episodes they've given her about as character much development as the kid they killed off this week; and I'm not even sure they've mentioned her name. It seems probable they did, but I'll be damned if I can remember it. So far the only defining aspect of her character is that she's played by Amy Adams, who is apparently a vampire, seeing as she doesn't appear to have aged in the last 20 years. We sure as hell haven't been shown anything to show that she and Pat are actually in any kind of romantic or sexual relationship. I can't even remember if they said they were married. I think they did, but much like her name, I can't fucking remember.
And why did Icicle kill Joey? What possible purpose did that serve? He seemed to have an ulterior motive for it, but I'll be damned if I can figure out what it could be, other than naming the community theatre after him and milking people's emotions over that. But they couldn't even be bothered to draw an association between him and the community theatre to make that make sense.
Is Icicle omnipotent, that he can so effortlessly manipulate the environment from a distance? He can light blow, from wherever the fuck he was, and make the road/bridge ice over in just the right spot?
Why would Joey just leap into traffic like that, just to retrieve of his stupid fucking playing cards? Spend a buck and buy another pack? A lot of card tricks tend to bend up or even tear their cards, so I'm sure you're regularly buying new decks anyway. Even if the road wasn't suddenly icy, he jumped into oncoming traffic, without a care of any cars heading his way. It's not like the ice made the car speed up; it just made it harder for the car to stop when some asshole jumps out in front of him.
And why should we care that his father is also murdered? It was obvious from the start that he was probably also a former member of the Injustice Society; and given how hard they leaned into the magic stuff in his introductory scene, it was equally obvious that he possessed real magic. Yet apart from whipping out his wand, so to speak, we don't actually see him display any real magic. Nor do they really tell us anything worth knowing about him throughout the rest of the episode; other than he was apparently some elected official.
Was Courtney's mom filling his vacancy? Was the why Icicle killed him? Because that just seems round about.
And, shock, gasp, the boy Courtney was talking to earlier turns out to be the son of Icicle! Who could possibly see that coming...other than people watching it with the sound on (and probably a few without sound)?
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World Mental Health Day 2018
With today, 10th October, being World Mental Health Day 2018 I thought I would explain about the mental health conditions that I suffer from and also give a big shout out to the people I think have helped me along the way.
1.) Autism with anxiety - Last November I did write a blog about my autism diagnosis:
http://itspaulc1stmyautism.blogspot.co.uk/
and I have just wrote a blog on my anxiety as well:
https://itspaulc1stmyanxiety.blogspot.com/
But, for this blog, a little explanation about it in a nutshell.
In May 2016, at a late age of 36, I was diagnosed with Autism and Anxiety.
At the time it was explained that three or four years ago I would've been diagnosed as having Aspergers but now everybody is classed as being on the Autism spectrum.
The main things that I suffer from with my autism with anxiety are:
1.) Routines - Examples of my routines are things like where I have to upload my vlogs to my YouTube channel on a Sunday night and fill in my diaries and organisers on a Monday night. If I don’t do this, I couldn’t do it on another day. I would have to wait until the following week. This may be difficult for people to understand if they don't have it themselves but it is hard.
2.) Anxiety - The way I would explain about my anxiety is that I worry a lot about certain things and I have to confirm things a lot and double check things a lot.
An example of this is if I try and ring someone and I can’t get hold of that person straight away I don’t think what any normal person would think and leave it until that person sees my missed call and rings me back.
I will ring several times until I can get hold of the person.
To the person that I am trying to get hold of this may be annoying but I cannot help it. It is part of my anxiety.
Another part of my anxiety is confirming things to make sure things haven’t changed.
For example, if I am due to meet someone on a certain day at a certain time, even though I know what time the appointment is, I always have to ring and confirm several times in the days leading up to the appointment or on the day of the appointment to check everything is still okay.
These are the main parts of my anxiety so if you ever find me ringing you several times or find me confirming plans several times, please be patient.
I don’t mean to be annoying.
It is part of my anxiety.
It's interesting to see what I have kept hidden behind closed doors all of this time and the things that have came out since my diagnosis.
What was also surprising was when I announced my diagnosis on Facebook, a lot of my mates said they assumed I already knew so it must have been pretty obvious to a lot more people than I realised.
Ultimately though.
Knowing all this won't change me as a person - I am still the same old Paul - at least it will explain why I act the way I do sometimes.
This is who I am and what I do.
2.) Hoarding - Although I haven’t got an official diagnosis of this, it’s pretty obvious that I suffer from this condition.
At my Autism diagnosis I was asked if I needed help with anything and I said I needed help with tidying my flat.
At the time of my diagnosis, it was in such a condition that someone I know in the police said it looks like the type of place they would break into to find a dead body.
The specialist asked my Mam and Dad if my bedroom was like this when I lived at home and they said yes.
Because of this, I was referred to get help from Adult Social Services at North Tyneside Council who in turn referred me to the Mental Health Renablement Team and Safe and Healthy Homes, both services provided by North Tyneside Council.
Safe and Healthy Homes arranged for a fire safety check to be carried out on my flat.
In 2016 when the fire brigade came out they told me that they wouldn’t enter my flat as there was no safe passage and was more of a risk to them getting injured.
Through the Mental Health Renablement Team I was assigned two mental health renablement officers who came in twice a week to help me tidy my flat.
However, the mental health renablement officers were only meant for short term so in December 2016 and January 2017 I was assessed by North Tyneside Council Adult Social Care to see if I would pass for a personal budget that I wouldn’t see but would pay for a Personal Assistant to come in and help me.
I passed for that and now have a lovely P.A. who helps me twice a week with my flat.
In August 2017 I had a second fire safety check carried out on my flat and the fire officer carrying out said they would enter but my living room was highly flammable with all the material in it like DVDs and books.
I also have had a recent third fire safety check carried out on my flat in August of this year and the fire safety officer who came out said my hoard isn’t the worst he’s seen and, again, said they would enter.
For my living room he used the term “fire loading” which means there are a lot of items that would feed a fire and he said if a fire ever broke out in my flat, by the time they got here, it would be well ablaze.
Considering that when I was first diagnosed with my autism in 2016 and was told then that the brigade wouldn’t enter due to it being too cluttered and there not being a safe passage to them saying now they would enter, there is definitely an improvement because of the help off my support worker but it’s just such a long process and the fireman who came out in 2018 said having hoarding and trying to sort it is like having a full time job.
The people that I would like to thank for helping me are:
1.) My Mam and Dad, my brothers and sister-in-laws - For having to put up with me and the way I am. I have put them through a lot and they still stick by me.
2.) Meegan-Paige Hall - Meegan was my manager at the Marie Curie shop in Forest Hall from 2014-2015.
She had worked with children with special needs in the past in America and said I was displaying classic signs of having autism as mentioned in this blog:
http://itspaulc1stmyautism.blogspot.co.uk/
My Mam and Dad had noticed it in me for years but when your parents say something you normally block them out but it was at this point, when an outsider noticed it that I thought I should get help and I was given a diagnosis a year later.
3.) My mates - I don’t mean to be putting people aside here but good mates like Christian, Gayle and Helen who we all had a BELTAAAA holiday at Seahouses in 2001, Adam from the D.H.S.S. who I am still in touch with as well.
Also Kerry and Shaun who always stick up for me if I need it and always ask if I am okay if I post a down update on Facebook.
Julia - although we see each other only every few months, you are always there to text as a good mate.
All my other mates but these ones stick out in particular.
4.) Ellie Langford - A special mention has to go to Ellie. Why ? Well as many of you may know, I upload my vlogs to my main YouTube channel, Paulc1st, every Sunday night, as part of my routine with my autism.
Earlier this year I asked Ellie, a graphic design student, if she could design a logo and banner for a second YouTube channel to which I could upload to during the week and get out of a routine.
All I said to Ellie was it must contain my new channel name and a picture of a Westie in memory of Charlie.
She created a lovely logo and banner which not only use on my new YouTube channel, Paulc1st Instant Vlogs, but also on a new Instagram, Paulc1stInstant Instagram so I can upload to straight away unlike my main Instagram account where everything has to be in order.
Just by Ellie doing this small thing it has made a big difference in my routine.
The latest thing ? I have created instant blogs to do on the go all because of this small thing.
5.) My support worker - If it wasn’t for Margrit my support worker I don’t know where I would be.
Although it is two steps forward and one step back with my flat and my hoarding, I wouldn’t have known where to start if it wasn’t for Margrit.
6.) Sarah Cushnahan - Sarah was my Learning Support Mentor at Newcastle College when I was given my diagnosis of autism with anxiety.
When I was given the diagnosis she sat down with me over several sessions to go through a draft copy of an application for Personal Independent Payment (P.I.P.) in detail and asked me questions on each section.
It needed extra evidence a few months down the line but if she hadn’t sat down with me and gone through it then I would never have got it as the previous year I only applied on the basis of my epilepsy and missed a load of the form off.
7.) Jacqui Rogers - Jacqui was my support worker through the Monkey Project from January this year and as soon as she saw the state of my flat realised I needed to be taken off Jobseekers Allowance (JSA) and to be put onto Employment and Support Allowance (ESA) for people on the sick.
She came with me to my face to face assessment which resulted in me being put on the sick for 18 months.
8.) Paul Irwin - Paul was my boss when I was working at Eastcoast Taxis and when I received my diagnosis of autism with anxiety I sat down with him and let him have a copy.
Although I knew what I was doing in the job, I didn’t have the best telephone manner but Paul stuck up for me left, right and centre which I very much appreciated.
In the end though, he had to let me go as the job was getting to me but I will always be appreciative of him.
9.) Billy Shiels - One of my favourite places to go for escapism is Seahouses - maybe it stemmed from the May Bank Holiday Weekend up there in 2001 with Christian, Gayle, Gary and Helen as mentioned above - but I love going up there to try and spot dolphins or just on the Farne Island trips on the Grey Seal cruises and, one particular boat operator, Billy Shiels, is always welcoming when I go up so thanks to them.
10.) Ben Burville - One of my passions is spotting dolphins and during the summer into October, since 2015, I have been going out on the Ocean Explorer to the Farnes Deep to spot White Beaked Dolphins and Ben is a GP based in Amble who has a special licence to dive with the dolphins for research.
I love hearing about the passion he shares with me and when I am out on the boat, again, it’s escapism and great for mental health when you see theses mammals close up in the wild just off Northumberland.
11.) Martin Kitching - Martin owns a company called Northern Experience Wildlife Tours who, during the summer months, charter a boat called the JFK Two from the Royal Quays to spot dolphins off the Tyne and in the Farnes Deep.
Off the Tyne we see Bottlenosed Dolphins and White Beaked Dolphins and, again, in the Farnes Deep, White Beaked Dolphins.
From June through to August Northern Experience Wildlife Tours runs 4 hour evening trips from the Tyne up towards Creswell and, even if we don’t see anything, you see the coast from a different point of view which is good in itself and a chance to relax and escape life for a bit.
12.) Film crews - One of my other hobbies is following film crews around the North-East and watching behind the scenes to see how it is all made.See the blog below:
http://itspaulc1stfriendlystalking.blogspot.co.uk/
I would like to thank certain crew members that know how passionate I am and appreciate me for it. Crew members such as La’Toyah who I first met in 2012 when I was an extra on a Newcastle Brown Ale advert that she was working on, Mark and Davy who I have known since 2001, and some of the Titan lads from the old days.
Finally, the two charities that I volunteer for at the moment help me a lot by keeping busy whilst on the sick:
13.) CLICSargent - I have been volunteering with these since 2015, first as a bucket collector at various events and now as a Tin Manager approaching businesses to see if they will take on a charity tin for the company and I have support from a lovely area manager, Dee.
14.) VODA - Back in January I was introduced to VODA in North Tyneside, a charity that does different community projects.
The first project I worked on was the Kindness Project which involved us making a big heart shaped teapot to carry in the parade for the Whitley Bay Festival which I thoroughly enjoyed.
The current project I am working on is an idea of mine which has been titled “Then and Now” and has two of us volunteering to interview people to get peoples memories of North Tyneside how they remember them compared to now which I am enjoying doing as well.
Here is a blog on my volunteering:
http://itspaulc1stvolunteering.blogspot.com/
If it wasn’t for these people or companies I have around me as a support network I would be in a sorry state so thank-you to everyone. 😉
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I’m Not Alone It’s Good To Know
A/N: This is the ace!Rick fic I’ve been wanting to write pretty much since we really got to spend time with Rick. This fic is about 99% just me projecting thoughts I’ve had on my boy, so... uh... please be kind...
“Rick! Wait up!” He heard her shout. He pulled his bag farther up his shoulder as he slowed to a stop then turned to look at her face. Her wide grin brought the fluttering back to his chest. He felt the air get sucked out of his lungs as she touched his arm.
“Are you still coming over to study tonight?” She spoke as she pulled her hand away. Rick’s mouth went dry, of course he wanted to spend time with Beth, Friday nights were their nights. But after what Yolanda had told him during lunch, he didn’t know what to do.
“Of,” he stopped to clear his throat, “of course! I just, uhhh…” he looked down at his feet.
“I have, uh, something I have to do first, so I’ll be there in about an hour.” He looked up at her through his eye lashes, noticing Beth’s face fall. When their eyes met, though, Beth attempted to put on a bright smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Rick kicked himself for doing this to her, but he honestly didn’t know what to do.
“Okay, I’ll see you then!” Beth gripped her back pack straps, sadly walking in the direction of the buses. Rick watched her as she walked away, a sinking feeling in his stomach. He closed his eyes, frustrated with himself, before turning and punching the locker. He sighed leaning his back up against it and looked up at the ceiling. Why did Yolanda have to say something? If she hadn’t said anything Rick wouldn’t have been sitting here, overthinking everything.
“She wants you so bad!” Yolanda poked Rick’s cheek. He turned a bright shade of red, burying his face in his chest.
Rick liked Beth, a lot. Scratch that, he loved her. And he couldn’t lie that every time he saw her his heart did a little dance in his chest. But he also knew he was broken, and if Beth knew she wouldn’t want him. He tried to look Yolanda in the eye, but he couldn’t bring himself to.
“Uh-huh, sure.” He hoped he spoke in a nonchalante tone, when he caught sight of Yolanda’s face, he breathed a sigh of relief, because it was clear she bought it.
“She soooo does! And look at your face, you definitely want her too!” Yolanda shook his arm, a wide grin on her face. Rick gave her a tight smile, subtly pulling his arm out of his friend’s grip.
Rick almost told her right then. He’d only ever told one person before, and the reaction had left a bitter taste in his mouth. He didn’t really want to go through it again. So he kept his mouth shut. Because Yolanda wasn’t exactly wrong, Rick did want Beth, he wanted Beth so badly sometimes he would feel this aching in his chest. But the kind of want he felt was not the same he knew Yolanda was talking about. His wants were made up of late nights talking on the phone until one of them fell asleep. Driving down the highway with her with the windows down, while she sang along to some song playing on the radio. Sitting on his roof at night and watching the stars, hands intertwined. But that wasn’t normal, and he knew that. He was seventeen, his thoughts were supposed to be consumed by the normal things teenage boys wanted. But Rick learned a long time ago that he wasn’t normal, and he never would be. And he didn’t want to put any person through that. He definitely couldn’t put Beth through that.
“Rick!” His thoughts were interrupted by Yolanda’s fingers snapping in his face. He blinked rapidly, turning to face her.
“Sorry, what’s up?” Yolanda gave him a sad smile.
“I asked if everything was okay.” Rick looked her in the eye. He should just tell her. Just say it, get it over with, rip the bandaid off, quick and painless. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes.
He can’t.
His eyes popped open to look at Yolanda. Deep down, very very deep down, he knows his friend wouldn’t treat him any differently. But he really couldn’t handle another “You just wait until you’re older and in love, you won’t be saying that.” He felt panic rise in his chest, he couldn’t be here right now.
“I, uh, I have to go,” Rick hopped up and booked it out of the lunch room.
He didn’t stop until he made it to the bathroom. He propped himself up on the sinks, looking at his face in the mirror. He brought his hand up to wipe the tears away that he didn’t realize he had shed.
“This is stupid,” he whispered at his reflection, “It isn’t a big deal! It’s not.” His voice was so small, he hated it. He hated being afraid, he hated feeling like there was something wrong with him. He absolutely HATED feeling like this.
“Damn it!” He put his face in his hands for a moment, before slamming them into the sink.
Rick shook his hand, cradling it while he winced. This was not how today was supposed to go. He was supposed to go over to Beth’s and have a fun night full of studying and movies. Instead, he was sitting against the lockers, having his second near panic attack of the day. Trying to decide how he was going to tell Beth that maybe it was best they stop whatever was going on between them.
“Rick?” Rick’s head snapped up as he looked Artemis in the eye. “Aren’t you supposed to be at Beth’s house?” She asked as she sat down next to him, bonking her head back on the lockers.
Rick studied Artemis for a few seconds. He had no idea what to say. She had joined the JSA fairly recently after finding out about her parents and he hadn’t spent much time with her.
“Shouldn’t you be at football practice.” Artemis shrugged.
“Probably, but you looked like you needed someone to talk to.” Rick turned, unsure what to say. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it quickly. After a few times, he surprised himself and her.
“I really do.”
“What’s up?” She moves her body so she’s facing him, sitting crisscross. Rick takes a deep, calming breath. He can do this. It’s not like he’s that close with Artemis anyway.
“I really, really like Beth.” Artemis rolled her eyes.
“Yeah, congrats, you’re the last to know!” She spoke sarcastically.
“And I realized she might like me too…”
“I fail to see your predicament.” Artemis crosses her arms, giving him a questioning look. Rick groaned in frustration, dragging the palms of his hands down his eyes.
“But I’m broken.” He whispered through his fingers. Artemis’s expression morphed to one of concern.
“What?”
“I’m broken.” Rick tried to find the right words without saying THE word, he didn’t want to admit it aloud ever again. After several long, awful moments of silence, he finally gave up.
“I’m asexual and I can’t give her what she most definitely wants.” Artemis’s eyes grew to the size of dinner plates, which made Rick shift uncomfortably. This was too much for him. He knew he shouldn’t have said anything, there was no room on this earth for a freak like him, and there was no place in the JSA for a damaged boy.
“Rick,” He felt her hand rest gently on his shoulder, but he refused to look at her face. What if she was disgusted? What if she thought this was a faze? That thought made Rick’s heartbeat skyrocket.
“Beth doesn’t want sex,” Rick looked at the girl through his eye lashes, uncertain of the girl’s words, “She just wants you, trust me. She’s told me.” Rick gave her a skeptical look.
“She told you?”
“Well… not in so many words…”
“So I should totally believe you.”
“Of course! After Beth, I am the smartest, after all.” Rick couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his lips at that.
How was this possible? Before this moment, Rick and Artemis have had exactly one interaction outside of JSA training. How was she the one making him feel better about his brokenness.
“And if it makes you feel any better, I’m Demi.” Rick’s ears perked up at that. Maybe he wasn’t as alone as he thought. He turned to her, smiling wide.
“Makes us quite the pair doesn’t it?” She asked, smiling as she threw her arm around his shoulders. Rick laughed, placing his own arm around her’s.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me!” Artemis pulled away, “Just go talk to Beth!”
Rick gave her a nervous look, bringing his hand up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck.
“I don’t know if I can…” Artemis rolled her eyes before standing up, reaching a hand down and pulling him up.
“You have to, she deserves to know the truth.” Rick sighed deeply before nodding.
“I guess…”
“Go! I expect to get a call from Beth later telling me all about how you have told her everything.”
“Okay, okay, I’m going.” Rick made his way to the front doors.
The walk to Beth’s house was a long one, and about halfway there, Rick turned around and started walking home before he told himself that wasn’t fair to Beth. Beth. Rick closed his eyes for a moment as he thought about the girl. The sweetest girl he’d ever known. If Artemis could be accepting, Beth had to be too, right?
Wrong. The paranoid part of his brain told him. He stood in place for a moment, breathing deeply. He could do this, he could. He needed to, for his own sake at least. He couldn’t go on living like this.
Before he knew it he was walking up her steps. He knocked softly and stood back to wait. An agonizing minute later, Beth swung the door open, and when her gaze landed on Rick, her eyes lit up.
“You did come!” She grabbed his arm and dragged him into the home, looping her arm through his, “I was worried you were trying to avoid me!” She looked up at him, a twinkle in her eye that did not help Rick with his nerves. Gingerly he pulled his arm out and away from Beth’s. She turned to face him, a questioning look written across her face.
“I was.” He softly whispered, staring at her feet since he was unable to look at her face. He just knew hurt would be etched in every corner, and he hated that. He had caused that. But after today, he wouldn’t be doing it anymore, since she wouldn’t want anything to do with him after this was all over.
“Why?” The pain oozed into her voice, and Rick stole a glance at her face and felt his heart rip in two. She looked devastated. Which made him devastated because he had done that to her. He quickly looked away, bringing his hands down to fiddle with the zipper on his hoodie.
“Because…” he tried to calm himself by closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths, but it wasn’t working. He opened his eyes and brought them up to meet Beth’s, he immediately felt calmer, and he hated himself for it. He had put too much responsibility on Beth without her even knowing, it wasn’t fair to her.
“Because I really like you, but…” How the hell was he supposed to tell her? How were the words supposed to come out of his mouth for the second time today?
“But I can’t do anything about it because I’m broken and you deserve better.” He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t say it, not again. It was too much for one day.
“You’re not broken,” Beth brought her hand up to his cheek, gently cupping it, “You’re perfect just the way you are.” Rick squeezed his eyes shut, determined not to cry.
“And I love you.” Rick snapped his eyes open. He searched for the joke on her face, because he knew, deep down, that that couldn’t be true. He was unlovable. He didn’t deserve to be loved.
He felt himself begin to lean down ever so slowly, as Beth brought her face up to meet him. When he realized what was going on, quickly he turned so Beth brought her lips up to meet his cheek. She pulled back, clearly embarrassed. All Rick wanted to do was comfort her, tell her it was not her, but he didn’t know what to say that would make it better.
“Beth, I just… I can’t do this to you.” Rick gazed down at her face, bringing his hand up to stroke his thumb across her cheek.
“Rick, you’re starting to scare me, what’s wrong?” She clutched his hand, bringing it down to hang between them. Rick stared at their hands, he had to say it, she deserved to know everything.
“Beth, I… I love you but I can’t ever give you what you want.”
“And how do you know what I want?” Beth’s voice had an edge to it that shocked Rick to his core.
“Because you’re normal.” Rick whispered, giving a sad smile.
“Look at me, Rick,” Beth pulled her hands off of his to grab his face, “Look at me!” Beth’s eyes softened when she saw the brokenness in his eyes. Rick finally brought his hands up and held her waist, pulling her close.
“What does normal even mean?” Beth smiled, lifting herself up on her tiptoes, knocking her forehead against his. Rick closed his eyes and sighed.
“Please talk to me.” Beth begged. Rick opened his eyes, wrapping his arms around her waist, hugging her fiercely. Before he knew what was happening, he felt the tears streaming down his face, soaking the shoulder of Beth’s new sweater.
“Rick…” Beth held him tightly, moving her arms from his face to his shoulders, “I love you, nothing you can say will ever change that.” Rick pulled back, hands returning to her waist.
“You promise?”
“Of course.” Rick knocked their foreheads together once more.
“I love you.”
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