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ibijau · 2 years

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Price of Wishes pt8 / On AO3

While Lan Xichen learns to be a Lan, Nie Huaisang makes new friends

If Nie Huaisang thought the Cloud Recesses were boring last year, it’s nothing compared to being there now. None of the other guest students have arrived yet when he gets there, and Lan Wangji is in seclusion with Lan Xichen to teach him the basics of being a Lan, and the other Nie disciples are out enjoying their last moments of liberty before classes start, and Nie Huaisang is all alone, stuck in his cabin, spending his days copying various texts as offerings for Lan Xichen.

It’s boring.

It’s lonely.

After spending almost every waking hour in the company of Lan Xichen during their journey from Qinghe, Nie Huaisang got used to having someone to talk to. Someone interesting, who doesn’t mind that he’s not too clever. Someone patient, who listens to what he has to say. Someone kind, who smiles at him like he really wants to be there with him.

To go from that to being completely alone is something of a harsh awakening: that’s what life is really like, all these nice moments with his god were just a temporary reprieve from reality. Sometimes Nie Huaisang just wants to run away again, because the Cloud Recesses are just too depressing. He doesn’t, though. First, because he got into so much trouble last time he tried to run away, and it terrifies him to imagine what might happen this time. Secondly, because if he leaves,his god’s powers might stop working and Lan Xichen will be in terrible trouble, which is unacceptable.

They’re a team.

So Nie Huaisang, sad and lonely as he is, dutifully spends his days copying a list of books that Lan Wangji gave him. It is tedious work, but Lan Qiren hears about it and comes to see him so he can praise him for trying harder to be a good student this year. He even suggests some different, easier books for Nie Huaisang to check, which he probably intends as a kind gesture. It’s hard to say for sure, but Nie Huaisang can’t shake the feeling that Lan Qiren is better disposed toward him than he was before. Of course, last year Nie Huaisang was just that little idiot who distracted Lan Wangji from his studies. Now, on the other hand, he’s the clever boy who noticed that Lan Qiren’s other nephew was unwell and who helped him make his way home undetected.

It makes Nie Huaisang very uncomfortable to see how much other people seem to like Lan Xichen. It was one thing when Nie Mingjue was friendly with him, because that was explicitly on Nie Huaisang’s list. But when other people speak well of Lan Xichen, Nie Huaisang feels guilty, like he’s lying to them and deceiving them. Which is exactly what’s happening, of course. And he knows every person who likes Lan Xichen is another person who will be furious if the truth ever comes to be revealed.

But that’s not the only reason Nie Huaisang is uneasy when he hears others praise Lan Xichen. The truth is a little uglier, a little worse.

Nie Huaisang doesn’t want Lan Xichen to be liked by other people, because then his god might also like them back and realise that he’s made a huge mistake in accepting to be tied to Nie Huaisang in any way. His god will realise he could do better.

Perhaps that’s why, in between books and lists of rules, Nie Huaisang makes sure to drop a few more personal offerings here and there. A flower he found while walking to the dinner halls, a quick sketch he made to relax, a favourite poem he hopes Lan Xichen might enjoy. Little things to make sure Lan Xichen doesn’t forget him even after several days apart, to remind him that Nie Huaisang isn’t just there to feed him with his belief.

Then, after almost a week, other guest students start to arrive, and Nie Huaisang’s loneliness eases a bit. He doesn’t really expect to make friends among the other boys, since he failed to do so last year (nobody wants to befriend an idiot that’s bad both in class and in a fight), but at least observing them should offer a fun distraction, and he thinks about writing down his observations to entertain Lan Xichen.

Out of everyone who has come to study in the Cloud Recesses this year, Wei Wuxian stands out.

There is something about Wei Wuxian that draws people to him like moths to a fire. Nie Huaisang feels it from the first moment he sees him, an instinctive pull to get close and try to befriend him. He knows the other students do too, all of them enchanted by this boy. Wei Wuxian is the sort of person who can make any story fascinating, whose every plan sounds like good ideas. Nie Huaisang, after being so bored, feels alive again now around this extravagant boy who refuses to see rules as more than suggestions. Nie Huaisang is so glad that he’s made this new friend.

And they are friends. Out of everyone present, out of several talented young masters, Wei Wuxian quickly selected him as a new companion for himself and Jiang Cheng.

Nie Huaisang can hardly believe it at first. He’s never been chosen by anyone before. Everyone he loves just tolerates him out of obligation: Nie Mingjue is his brother, Lan Wangji is awkward around strangers, and Lan Xichen has a contract with him. Meanwhile, Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian could have picked anyone, or even no one at all since they appear to already make such a good team… and yet, from the first moment they’re introduced, Wei Wuxian decides that Nie Huaisang must be included in all their conversations, all their games.

Nie Huaisang can’t believe he was chosen as a friend by such cool people.

He’s not even particularly hurt when he realises after a few days that he’s not Wei Wuxian’s first choice.

They’re all hanging out in Nie Huaisang’s cabin when that particular revelation comes about. The three of them were meant to be studying, and they even brought their notes for that day’s lesson and some paper to copy it in an attempt to memorise it. But none of them has even made an attempt at preparing any ink. Instead they’re sitting on cushions, eating candies that Nie Huaisang smuggled and chatting about their impressions after a week of classes.

It’s no surprise when the topic of Lan Wangji comes up, and it’s even less unexpected that Wei Wuxian is the first one to mention him.

“I really, really want to befriend that Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian confesses. “I’ve told you about our duel in the moonlight, right?”

“Too many times,” Jiang Cheng grumbles, shoving a few more candies inside his mouth. “Please, don’t tell us another time or I think I’ll fall asleep.”

“You don’t get it,” Wei Wuxian retorted. “He’s just extraordinary. I’ve never seen anyone fight like that. He’s like a martial god turned mortal!”

While Jiang Cheng’s expression only grows darker, Nie Huaisang startles at that turn of phrase. Lately he doesn’t like to think too much about gods of any sorts, and that particular comment hits just a little too close to the truth.

“Nie-xiong, you know Lan Zhan pretty well, right?” Wei Wuxian asks. “Don’t you think you could properly introduce me to him? Maybe then he’ll stop giving me the cold shoulder. Nie-xiong, Nie-xiong, please help me and I’ll fulfill any wish you have! I just really want him to like me”

This, far more than any comment about gods, makes Nie Huaisang uneasy.

After all, there are limits to how stupid he is. He’s noticed that Wei Wuxian, after accidentally fighting with Lan Wangji once, on his first night in Gusu, has become a little obsessed with the other boy. Everyone has noticed that. Wei Wuxian is always trying to catch Lan Wangji’s attention, always offering to spend time together. So far Wei Wuxian is convinced that his efforts are in vain, that Lan Wangji hates him, but…

But Nie Huaisang knows Lan Wangji.

He knows that his friend should not be sitting like this in his uncle’s class, because he’s never done that before, and should have even less reason to do so this year, when he’s meant to be helping Lan Xichen learn how to be a Lan. And Lan Wangji doesn’t just walk around in random areas of the Cloud Recesses, where he somehow always nearly bumps into Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji might refuse to chat, might reject every offer to play together, but that doesn't mean he’s indifferent.

If Nie Huaisang were a better friend to either Wei Wuxian or Lan Wangji…

A decent friend would help them realise that they like each other and are just expressing it in different ways. A decent friend would realise that Lan Wangji never once displayed the slightest romantic interest in Nie Huaisang, and that there’s no reason to keep hoping for that to change. A decent friend would do the right thing.

Well Nie Huaisang is a shitty friend then, because he’s not ready to accept the idea of Lan Wangji being in love with anyone who isn’t him, and he’s determined not to help.

Something must show on Nie Huaisang's face, because Jiang Cheng punches Wei Wuxian’s shoulder and starts scolding him.

“Look, you’ve made Nie-xiong uncomfortable!” he grumbles, before turning to Nie Huaisang. “Don’t you worry, he’s just like that. He’ll get fascinated by people for a while, bother them until they pay attention to him, and then he moves on to someone else as soon as he’s tired of them. He never bothers with anyone for very long.”

“That’s not true!” Wei Wuxian objects. “I’ve bothered with you for how many years now?”

“It’s different!” Jiang Cheng retorts, looking furious all of a sudden. “I don’t think you want with Lan er-gongzi the same relationship you have with me! Or am I not enough for you now?”

Wei Wuxian bursts out laughing, and sets out to comfort Jiang Cheng, promising him that he’s the best shidi in the world, that nobody will come between them, that Wei Wuxian will never leave him behind. Jiang Cheng grumbles and scoffs, but it’s clear that he enjoys being told that sort of things, and Nie Huaisang suddenly wonders at the relationship between those two. They’re shidi and shixiong, and they often act likes brothers or very close friends rather than like the future master of a sect and one of his disciples, but… but it’s not unheard of for boys of a same sect to fool around together, and there’s really something odd about these two, Nie Huaisang thinks.

The way Jiang Cheng acts so possessive of Wei Wuxian makes him think of his own feelings for Lan Wangji or Lan Xichen.

“Do you want to go out for a walk?” Nie Huaisang asks when he gets tired of watching the complicated game of affection between his two friends.

“Didn’t we say we’d be studying?” Jiang Cheng objects, glancing at their abandoned school work.

“We’ve been here nearly a shichen, and we haven’t gotten anything done,” Nie Huaisang retorts. “I don’t think we’ll study today, so let’s at least do something fun. I’m so bored.”

“A walk does sound pretty nice!” Wei Wuxian quickly agrees, probably thinking that they might stumble upon Lan Wangji somewhere. They probably will, too. They always do. Nie Huaisang already regrets suggesting they go out, but it’s already too late, since Jiang Cheng too has now agreed, albeit more reluctantly. So they all get up, gather their things, and prepare to head out.

When they open the door, they find themselves face to face with Lan Wangji.

Or at least it appears to be Lan Wangji, until his eyes meet Nie Huaisang and he smiles brightly in a way that denounces him as Lan Xichen.

It has been well over two weeks since the two of them have had a chance to meet, and in that time Lan Xichen appears to have become more radiant than ever. Either the Cloud Recesses are doing him a lot of good, or Nie Huaisang daily prayers and offerings have been feeding him well. That, or Nie Huaisang had just forgotten how handsome his god is.

“Oh, you’re not Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian exclaims when he recovers from the surprise, sounding first puzzled, then delighted. “I didn’t know he had a brother. Jiang Cheng, did you know?”

“Hmf,” Jiang Cheng just answers, eyeing Lan Xichen with suspicion, the way he does everyone who might be more handsome or more skilled than himself.

For less than a heartbeat, Nie Huaisang wonders if it is possible that Lan Xichen’s power of persuasion failed to work on these two, just as it did on Lan Wangji. He quickly decides that it is very unlikely. Lan Wangji is truly exceptional, there is no one else like him in the world, that’s the only reason he resisted Lan Xichen’s power. Those two are very cool, sure, but there’s no way they’re a match for his god.

“I hope I’m not disturbing anything,” Lan Xichen politely tells Nie Huaisang. “I’ve finally been given permission to leave the house again, and I wanted to chat with you, Huaisang. But of course if you’re busy…”

“No, I’m not busy!” Nie Huaisang exclaims, ignoring the way Wei Wuxian snickers at that half lie.

He really isn’t busy, though. They were just going for a walk out of sheer boredom. Between that and a chance to chat again with Lan Xichen, to hear about his progress, to find out if perhaps Lan Xichen missed him a little, when Nie Huaisang missed him so much… of course it’s an easy choice. And while Wei Wuxian looks ready to tease Nie Huaisang to death for being so willing to ditch them, Jiang Cheng is a little more kind, or perhaps just eager for a chance to spend time alone with Wei Wuxian. He grabs his shixiong by the arm and, after a quick bow to Lan Xichen, he drags away Wei Wuxian who protests and complains but doesn’t offer any real resistance.

Nie Huaisang is really curious about what’s going on between these two, but right now it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters but Lan Xichen who came looking for him the instant he was allowed outside again. Perhaps he really missed Nie Huaisang.

It would be nice to have been missed by Lan Xichen. Just that thought sends Nie Huaisang’s poor heart racing.

Meanwhile, Lan Xichen quietly watches Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng go away, and only turns his attention back to Nie Huaisang when the other two boys are completely out of view.

“Hello, Huaisang,” he says, smiling warmly. “You seem to be well.”

“You too. How have things been?”

“I’ve learned a lot,” Lan Xichen says. “I can read a little now, and I know most of the rules of this place, even if I don’t always understand them.”

Nie Huaisang hears himself giggle at that, and quickly presses one hand to his mouth to cover the noise. He too doesn’t understand all those rules, and there’s something oddly comforting in knowing it’s not just because he’s stupid, that a litteral god might struggle too.

“You must have been so bored, with nothing but those rules!”

“I would have been,” Lan Xichen agrees, “if not for your other offerings. I’ve enjoyed those poems a greal deal. Are they of your invention?”

“Of course not,” Nie Huaisang exclaims, embarrassed and pleased that anyone could think him capable of writing such beautiful things. “They were just things I’ve read.”

Lan Xichen considers that new information, and smiles again.

“Thank you for sharing those with me,” he says with such sincerity that Nie Huaisang feels his cheeks heat up. “It had been a very long time since I enjoyed poetry, and I think I used to like that a great deal before. I also liked the flower.”

“Oh, I just picked it up, I don’t even know why.”

“I liked the paintings as well.”

“Well, those are mine,” Nie Huaisang confesses with a grimace. “Which you could probably guess from the fact that they’re not very good.”

Again, Lan Xichen takes a moment to consider that statement. There is a slight frown on his face, which makes Nie Huaisang fear that his god will be disappointed to find that he was offered something of so little value, a mere sketch by someone so talentless.

“I think they were very beautiful,” Lan Xichen says instead, again sounding so earnest that it is almost painful to hear. “That one of a mountain you offered a few days ago… it gave me a lot of comfort to see it. It reminded me of home, of my temple in the mountain, where you found me. I’d started feeling a little lonely in that house, especially since Lan Wangji has been so busy with other things, but that painting reminded me why I’m making those efforts.”

“R-really?”

Lan Xichen’s expression eases into a new smile, one that feels like being touched by sunlight.

“Yes. And now, I’m seeing you again, and I don’t feel lonely anymore.”

“Oh, now I feel a little bad,” Nie Huaisang mumbles. “I’ve spent most of that time with new friends, while you were all on your own like that… but I’ll work harder now, and prepare even better offerings for you! I’ll do my best so things are good for you”

“I’m happy with anything you can give me, and I’m glad you’re making friends,” Lan Xichen assures him. “I think you deserve to have many friends. Although, those two people who were with you when I arrived…” Lan Xichen hesitates, his eyes darting in the direction when the two boys went. “Might I ask who they were?”

“That was Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian,” Nie Huaisang explains. Then, because he’s a bit of a masochist apparently, he asks: “Maybe Wangji has mentioned them?”

A shiver ran through Lan Xichen’s body as he turns to glance over his shoulders, trying to catch another glimpse of the two boys.

“Which one is Wei Wuxian?” Lan Xichen asks, confirming Nie Huaisang’s fears that the other boy has caught Wangji’s attention.

If his heart hadn’t been broken yet, then this would certainly have done it. But of course, someone like him, how could he have competed with a person such as Wei Wuxian? Still, Nie Huaisang tries his best to smile as he answers the question and explains which one of the two is Wei Wuxian. He refuses to let his pain show, because he knows he shouldn’t be hurt by this. He has no rights over Lan Wangji’s heart.

“Ah,” Lan Xichen says. “Then we have a problem. That person is not a human.”

#xisang wishes au #xisang #nie huaisang #lan xichen #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #wangxian #just a little but they'll get there #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #jau writes

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ibijau · 3 years

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Price of wishes pt7 / on AO3

Lan Xichen meets his new relatives in the Cloud Recesses

Lan Xichen gazes upon the gates of the Cloud Recesses, and feels…

Not scared, not quite, but nervous certainly. The more he travelled with Nie Huaisang and his brother's disciples, the more Lan Xichen became struck by how much the world has changed while he was clinging to his last believers and trying to survive. Towns are bigger, houses are more durable, people from different places mix, and they sell as common things items that he remembers being rare luxuries.

The world has changed, and Lan Xichen is striving not to show how unsettled he feels.

And then, there's this writing business. Out of every passing fashion that had to stick around…

In spite of how he feels about this writing fad, Lan Xichen has been trying his best to learn. Trying isn’t succeeding. Lan Xichen can read some characters, and he knows certain texts thanks to Nie Huaisang’s efforts, but it simply isn’t enough to maintain the illusion of the person he is supposed to be.

Hopefully, Nie Huaisang’s other plan will work.

The Lan disciple guarding the gate is startled when he's told that the young master of his sect has returned, but by the time Lan Xichen asks that his uncle be warned he lost his jade token in an incident, that young man in white has already accepted his existence. It's not surprising, not when Lan Xichen has already convinced Nie Mingjue whose mind is much stronger, but it's still a relief.

The Lan disciple dutifully sends a message to master Lan Qiren who arrives quite fast to the gate, followed closely by a boy whose features are eerily similar to Lan Xichen. He got that much right, it seems.

Lan Xichen bows politely before the man who is now his uncle, the boy who he will call his brother for a full mortal lifetime, and smiles at both of them. He can feel for a moment their doubts about his presence, forming a stronger wall than Nie Mingjue’s did, but he only needs to absorb some of Nie Huaisang’s belief in him to make that wall crumble. It is not hard at all, and Lan Xichen can’t help but feel that those two are almost relieved by his intrusion in their lives.

It was the same with Nie Mingjue. He might act tough and stern, but he is young, not ten years older than Nie Huaisang. He’s also as desperate for company as his brother but in a position that forbids him from seeking out new friends. And now, as Lan Qiren caves into the invasion, Lan Xichen gets a flash of gratitude, because having a nearly fully adult nephew means someone he can rely on. Lan Qiren, like Nie Mingjue, is a lonely man, and shouldn’t be so resigned to it at such a young age.

“You weren’t supposed to be gone this long,” Lan Qiren scolds his nephew. “You should have been here a while ago to help prepare the arrival of the guest disciples. And what's this I hear about your token being lost?”

Nie Huaisang, unnoticed by nearly everyone, lets out a shaky breath.

“My apologies, shufu,” Lan Xichen says with another bow. “A few things came up while I was gone that delayed my return. In fact, I would like to speak to you about this immediately, if you have the time. Wangji as well, this will concern him. And… I think it might be good if Nie gongzi came as well.”

Lan Wangji, exactly as silent and austere as Nie Huaisang described him, stares at his brand new brother with emotionless eyes. When those eyes turn to Nie Huaisang though, they let a certain curiosity shine through, to which Nie Huaisang reacts by turning a little pink and averting his eyes. But no objection is made to Lan Xichen’s request, and they all retire to the house Lan Qiren shares with his nephew for a private conversation.

It is not an unpleasant place. Austere but elegant, as everything appears to be in the Cloud Recesses. One thing immediately attracts Lan Xichen’s attention: the number of books. This house alone appears to contain as many as all of Qinghe Nie’s library. This makes Nie Huaisang’s panic over Lan Xichen’s inability to read all the more understandable. If the entire sect is similar to Lan Qiren, then Lan Xichen’s meagre powers might not be enough to counter their surprise at a young master who cannot read fluently.

Tea is poured as refreshment for the travellers, and all four of them sit down. Lan Qiren allows his new nephew a moment to drink, then asks again about the delay in returning.

"The situation is this," Lan Xichen explains. "While I was away, something happened and I lost all my memories. I cannot be sure what it was exactly, but I do not appear to have any physical marks on me, nor did I detect anything that would indicate a curse. All I know for sure is that I barely knew who I was when this started."

His new relatives are startled at the news, especially Lan Wangji who glances at Nie Huaisang in a silent question, but with the slightest of push on Lan Xichen’s part they do not think of doubting that story.

"As I wandered, I stumbled upon the Unclean Realm where Nie Mingjue welcomed me and treated me as if we knew each other. I played along and didn't mention my predicament. I thought Nie Mingjue did not feel like an enemy, but I didn't know how much to trust my instincts. After a while, Nie Huaisang realised something was wrong, encouraged me to share my secret with him, and agreed to help me hide this for the time being. We both feared someone might try to take advantage, should my situation be revealed."

"A wise decision," Lan Qiren agreed, a severe expression on his face as he stroked his beard. "It is lucky you wandered into friendly territory, when others might have been less kind than the Nie."

Meaning the Wen sect, Lan Xichen guesses. There's a feud of sorts between the Wens and the Nie, he understands, but really the whole cultivation world appears scared of them.

"Our thanks to Nie gongzi for his help," Lan Qiren says.

"Mn," Lan Wangji agrees, cramming a surprising amount of emotion in that single sound. Or maybe it is the way he's looking at Nie Huaisang, his pale eyes intense and sharp.

Nie Huaisang blushes intensely and squirms a little, clearly uncomfortable with the attention, or perhaps with being praised over something that never happened. To rescue him from his discomfort, Lan Xichen promptly continues.

“The memory loss is actually rather severe,” he explained. “We are still figuring out what I can and cannot remember. While I was in Qinghe, I dared not say too much to Nie zongzhu, even after deciding he was friendly, because I couldn’t be sure of the extent of that friendship, and I knew I had to think of my sect’s safety. But after making me confess the truth on the way here, Nie gongzi has been of great help in figuring out just how much I have lost. He happened to have with him a number of texts concerning our rules and customs which he shared with me, though I must confess reading is not easy at this time. It causes me terrible headaches after even a very short while.”

Hearing this, Lan Qiren’s concern only grows, marking him to Lan Xichen as a far warmer person than Nie Huaisang prepared him for. Not that he blames his young friend for his judgement: it is not unexpected for a man to behave differently toward a student than he would with a relative, especially when the student is Nie Huaisang, who has made it clear that learning does not come easily to him.

Worried for this nephew he’d never met just half a shichen earlier, Lan Qiren quickly comes up with a plan. First, he will go fetch a doctor to check Lan Xichen, since an external eye might detect more than he did himself. If they can identify what ails him, they might return him to normal. Should that fail (Lan Xichen will have to use his powers on the doctor as well, though he’s getting tired and might require a large offering from Nie Huaisang that night) they will need to keep the situation secret, for fear that certain people try to take advantage of the situation. In that case, Lan Qiren decides that his nephews will isolate themselves together for a few days, until the lectures for the guest disciples start, so that Lan Xichen can be reminded of the knowledge and behaviours expected of a young master of their sect.

Lan Wangji makes no objection to this plan. His only remark is to ask that Nie Huiasang stay with them until Lan Qiren returns with a doctor, so he can be further questioned about the present situation. Lan Qiren agrees, and leaves the boys alone.

As soon as they are just the three of them together, something shifts in Lan Wangji’s attitude. So far he hasn’t given the impression of a particularly expressive person, and yet Lan Xichen can instantly tell that his new brother is incredibly upset.

“Nie gongzi,” Lan Wangji says, his voice monotone and yet heavy with carefully refrained emotion. “Who is this person sitting with us?”

Nie Huaisang goes pale, as if he might faint, then turns a bright shade of red, before he starts laughing in a nervous manner.

“Ah, just as could be expected of you!” Nie Huaisang exclaims with a painful grin. “Lan gongzi is really something else! Anybody else could be fooled except you, I should have known!”

Lan Wangji makes no answer. Lan Xichen cannot tell if his new brother is aggravated or relieved that Nie Huaisang isn’t even trying to hide that something is wrong.

As for Lan Xichen himself, he feels too keenly the pain of disappointment. While Lan Wangji does appear to be a powerful young cultivator, and strong willed for his age, Nie Mingjue and Lan Qiren were still his superiors. The only reason he resisted where they gave in, Lan Xichen suspects, is because Nie Huaisang has more faith in Lan Wangji’s strength of spirit than in his, creating a weakness in his powers.

“Explain,” Lan Wangji demands, and Nie Huaisang obeys without hesitation.

Not only does he not hesitate, but Nie Huaisang appears sincerely relieved to share his secret as he retells the way he ran away, how he became lost and unknowingly made a deal with a god who then took human form.

Lan Wangji listens, glances over Lan Xichen, and frowns.

“He looks like me. Why?”

From being merely a little nervous, Nie Huaisang panics at the question with such intensity that it nearly makes Lan Xichen physically sick. For a torturous second there is no more belief sustaining him, replaced by a terror that cannot feed him. It doesn’t last longer than a heartbeat before Nie Huaisang pulls himself together and laughs awkwardly, but Lan Xichen is left shaken.

“Well, I ran away because I felt so lonely and unappreciated, right?” Nie Huaisang explains. “And I wanted to not feel alone. And so I thought of you, because I…”

He hesitates, his entire face flushed red. For the second time in just moments, Lan Xichen feels Nie Huaisang’s belief waver, replaced by a sentiment entirely directed toward Lan Wangji.

“I think of you as my best friend,” Nie Huaisang miserably lies, “so of course I wanted someone like you at my side.”

Hit by a sudden realisation, Lan Xichen stares at the young man who gave him a chance to live again. With parts of Nie Huaisang modelled after Lan Wangji, of course Lan Xichen knew already there had to be some attraction involved. But this isn’t mere attraction that he is witnessing.

Instead, Nie Huaisang is in love with Lan Wangji.

That discovery alone is already painful. In their short time together Lan Xichen has become quite fond of Nie Huaisang and has seen nothing in him that could make him fear the ‘marriage’ part of their deal. To find that he has a rival, one of true flesh and blood, one who doesn’t need the world explained to him, who can read and write and do all those things that matter so much to Nie Huaisang, is like being stabbed in the guts.

But things only get worse when Lan Wangji, so impassible thus far, huffs ever so slightly at Nie Huaisang and smiles at him with all the warmth his nature allows him.

It might not be love yet, but fondness is a first step in that direction.

Meaning that Nie Huaisang might never have needed Lan Xichen and just didn't know it yet.

"Nie gongzi always makes things interesting," Lan Wangji placidly comments, which Nie Huaisang appears to take as criticism, while Lan Xichen suspects it to be a compliment. "I will allow this person to remain."

"Really ? Wangji, that means lying!"

"Hm. This person is meant to be my older brother, correct?"

Nie Huaisang again panics, explains, apologises, but Lan Wangji's attention has shifted to his new brother. Under such a piercing gaze, Lan Xichen feels exposed, though he doesn't detect any bad feeling coming from Lan Wangji, only curiosity and a sharp flicker of hope.

"He may stay," Lan Wangji repeats. "If he stays long, he will in some years announce that he steps down in my favour. Until then, this person may carry the title of heir."

Silence falls for a long moment. Lan Xichen hasn't finished processing what this means (more effort, more lies, more pretending, all to fool not only this sect but also all others) when he notices that Lan Wangji is smiling again, while Nie Huaisang starts howling with laughter.

"Wangji! Lan gongzi! No, wait, it's Lan er-gonzi now, right? Either way, who knew you had it in you to be crafty! Dumping your responsibilities on someone else like this… why, it sounds like something I would do!"

"You are my friend," Lan Wangji soberly replies, though his eyes shine. "And a bad influence."

Nie Huaisang only laughs harder, joyful and free in a way Lan Xichen has never seen him.

It might be good to look for new followers quickly, the god decides. Before this fountain of belief dries out as Nie Huaisang realises he already has everything he wished for, sending Lan Xichen back to the misery and despair of his old existence.

#xisang #nie huaisang #lan xichen #lan wangji #lan qiren #a little hint of one sided wangsang in there too #jau writes #xisang wishes au #still no fucking idea where I'm going with this au tbh

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ibijau · 3 years

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If wwx is a god and jc his follower, that explains why jc's always feeding him :)

jc @ lwj: that's my god, find your own!

lwj: you don't even care for it right

jc: I give him food, shelter, prayer, and enrichment, what more are you supposed to give gods??

lwj: smooches.

jc:?????

lwj, pointing at nhs and lxc making out: s m o o c h e s

jc: D<

wwx: >D

#jau rants #xisang wishes au #I have a very bad headache and I don't know if this is funny or not

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ibijau · 3 years

Text

Price of Wishes / on AO3

Nie Huaisang tries to find a solution to his newest problem

The unexpected words ring loud into the room, shaking Nie Huaisang to his core. He gapes at Lan Xichen, eyes round and mouth open in shock, hardly able to breathe. The god looks down at the book, seeming mildly embarrassed, while Nie Huaisang manages to get himself under control.

"You can't read this particular style of characters?" he asks, all too hopeful. If that’s the problem, then with a little practice...

"I can't read at all," Lan Xichen announces, ruining Nie Huaisang’s fragile hope. "It didn't exist when I was alive. By the time it came up, I had started to decline as a god, and I was too busy surviving. Besides, I'd figured it was just a passing fad."

"You… just how old are you?" Nie Huaisang gasps, feeling nearly dizzy.

If Lan Xichen is so old that writing didn't exist when he'd been mortal… then he had to be born centuries ago, or even a dozen centuries, or more. His head spins trying to understand that length of time. Nie Huaisang’s own sect was founded only a few centuries ago, there are records of it. Even Gusu Lan and Qishan Wen, by far the oldest of the major sect, and older than most sects in general, are much younger than the invention of writing.

“I’m not quite sure my age,” Lan Xichen admits, frowning slightly as he tries to remember. “Keeping track of that hasn’t been a priority. I… I’m sorry. Is it really so inconvenient that I can’t read?”

Nie Huaisang wants to cry, and bursts out laughing instead, his voice high and hysterical. He brings his knees against his chest, trying to ground himself, while Lan Xichen watches him with ever growing concern.

“Inconvenient doesn’t even begin to cover it!” Nie Huaisang squeaks, desperately hugging his legs. “Gusu Lan is a sect of scholars! You’d be expected not just to know how to read, but to be exceptionally well-read, to know all the classics, to have a deep understanding of poetry…"

Nie Huaisang pauses, nearly breathless with horror. He didn't think to put these things on his list. His mind was so full of his stupid crush on Lan Wangji, it seemed so obvious it didn't need to be detailed, and now this is biting him in the ass.

Again.

"This is an absolute disaster," Nie Huaisang hisses. "We're going to be caught, and I’ll be in so much trouble, and then da-ge will hear about it and he’ll be furious, and he won’t keep your altar, and then what will happen to you? You’re nice, I don’t want you to die! But I also…" he gasps in horror. "Oh no, Lan Qiren is going to kill me if he figures out that I’ve…”

“I won’t let anyone harm you,” Lan Xichen earnestly interjects, setting aside the book to put his hands on Nie Huaisang’s shoulders, trying to comfort him. “I will protect you. What happened is my fault more than yours, I’m the one who misunderstood what you wanted.”

Nie Huaisang, whose laughter has turned into weak tears, pitiful nods. It says a lot about Lan Qiren and the terror he inspires that Nie Huaisang feels even a god might not be enough to protect him from the venerable teacher's wrath.

Then, realising something, he gasps.

“My list! How did you understand it if you can’t read?”

Lan Xichen’s hands move away. Instantly Nie Huaisang misses their weight on his shoulder, the slight warmth of them. It really had comforted him to be touched like that.

“I’m not sure how that was possible,” Lan Xichen says after taking a moment to consider this. “I don’t think I read it exactly. But you offered that list to me, and so I understood it, if that makes sense?”

Nie Huaisang’s tears stop, and he quickly wipes the lingering wetness from his face.

“Then maybe…”

Just as quickly as he fell into despair, Nie Huaisang's brain starts racing. There's got to be a solution. Already he can think of one… no, three things to test that could solve their problem. If this one doesn't work, then that one. Or maybe they could…

He stands up again, and goes through his qiankun pouch once more until he finds some blank paper and his ink. While a puzzled Lan Xichen watches, Nie Huaisang paints a quick portrait of the god, one that he would normally be ashamed to ever show anyone, but which is enough for his purpose. Then it’s just a matter of setting a piece of fabric on the nightstand, putting a candle there, installing this picture of the god, and making a first offering out of some candies Nie Huaisang has on him.

It’s not the best of altars, and any other god would surely be deeply offended by this, but surely Lan Xichen won’t mind.

“You really don’t need to pray to me right now,” Lan Xichen mumbles as he comes to stand besides him, sounding mortified.

“I do,” Nie Huaisang retorts, rushing to grab the discarded book of Lan rules and placing it on his improvised altar. “My lord, accept this humble offering,” he says in the most formal tone he’s capable of, putting the book on that improvised altar.

Nie Huaisang bows down before his little altar, then waits a moment before turning to look at Lan Xichen who appears more puzzled than ever.

“It didn’t work,” the god sighs. “Whatever you were trying to do, it didn’t work. I’m sorry.”

Nie Huaisang shrugs. “It’s fine, I didn’t really expect that to work,” he admits, going through his pouch again.

He's still panicking, but it's a productive sort of panic now so it's fine. Fear just makes him think faster, which is what they need right now. They only have three weeks to prepare, every instant counts.

“I’ll just try something else, until something does work. And I have a plan if nothing works, as well," Nie Huaisang explains with a grimace, "but it’ll involve more actual lying than I’d prefer, so it’s a last resort.”

Grabbing the book again, he opens it at random and copies the rule there onto a piece of paper. He tries to be more careful with this than he was with the portrait, trying to make the character nice and neat in spite of his trembling hands. Before the ink is even dry, he presents that new offering onto the altar, bowing before it and praying silently to Lan Xichen.

“Oh!” Lan Xichen gasps. “Have a strong will and anything can be achieved. Is that right?”

“It is!” Nie Huaisang exclaims with a grin. “And if you look at the paper, does it change something?”

Lan Xichen comes close to the altar, and picks the quickly scribbled piece of paper. There is a slight frown on his face as he inspects it, but he eventually nods.

“Now when I look at those characters, I can recognise them,” he admits, before sitting down to pick up the book and observe it as well. “Have a… strong… oh, the way you wrote that one is really different, so it’s harder to recognise. Then… anything… can be… yes, I think I can recognise them, once you’ve offered them to me. So I suppose if you were to offer me every character there is…”

“I’ll have to,” Nie Huaisang sighs, the initial joy of his discovery crushed as he realises the enormity of the task ahead of him.

That’s a few thousands characters to share, and Nie Huaisang knows he’s nowhere near as cultivated and well-read as a young master of Gusu Lan would be. He’ll have to do more tests, see how much his own understanding of characters is necessary if they are to be transmitted to Lan Xichen. And that won't solve the problem of all the books Lan Xichen should have read, books Nie Huaisang definitely doesn't have on hand right now.

“This is a nightmare. I don’t know if I can…” Nie Huaisang takes a deep breath, fighting a sob. “I don’t think I can. But we’re going to try anyway.”

He sighs again, and looks at Lan Xichen who seems so truly sorry that Nie Huaisang can’t even be angry at him. It's annoying, because it means he can only be angry at himself.

“And you’re also going to try to learn the normal way as well,” Nie Huaisang announces. “I’m going to find you a book to teach children, so you can study while we travel. It’s… we’re going to make this work." He hesitates, and looks up at the god. "We are, right?”

Lan Xichen doesn’t answer right away, as if seriously considering their chance of success. For some reason, and in spite of his anxiety, Nie Huaisang likes that better than if the god had immediately agreed. It makes it more meaningful when Lan Xichen finally nods.

“We will do our best,” Lan Xichen says. “I will learn all I can, and... If you believe in me, I know I can convince others that I am what you wish me to be. I will work hard to ensure I do not bring trouble for you.”

Nie Huaisang smiles weakly. He trusts Lan Xichen to try his best, which surprises him, considering they haven’t known each other very long. Nie Huaisang doesn’t think of himself as particularly trusting. Aside from his brother, his cousin Nie Zonghui, and Lan Wangji, he just can’t think of anyone in his life worth trusting. Those three, and now Lan Xichen too, never mind they have just now started being honest with each other.

Even though it is already late, Nie Huaisang decides to copy a few more rules for Lan Xichen to learn, this time starting from page one. No matter how many times he’s been forced to copy those stupid rules before, it’s the first time he’s paying so much attention to every word of them. He is careful to use his most legible style of writing, so Lan Xichen can learn the words properly, so he can recognise them more easily if he encounters them in another style. Lan Qiren would probably approve of his efforts, which would be funny if the situation weren’t so strange.

Nie Huaisang only manages to copy a dozen rules that night before he gets too tired to write properly. When he figures he won’t manage more than that, he places his sheets of paper in front of his improvised altar and offers them to Lan Xichen. The god recites the rules one by one, flawlessly, and even manages to read part of the next ones, since it touches on similar concepts. It is incredibly encouraging, Nie Huaisang decides, though with only three weeks ahead of them, they might still lack time to do everything.

It's fine. He has an idea for that, as long as they can get Lan Xichen to a certain level of familiarity with Gusu Lan's way. Nie Huaisang wants to start explaining that, but his god stops him.

“You must rest,” Lan Xichen advises, giving Nie Huaisang a critical look. “It has been a rather intense evening for you. Let’s go to bed, and see in the morning how to proceed next.”

Nie Huaisang nods sleepily. He should feel his modesty take offence at the idea of undressing in front of a near stranger, but he’s too exhausted to care. Anyway, Lan Xichen is so old he doesn’t really count, and also they might get married someday, and then it’ll be normal to undress like this, so Nie Huaisang doesn’t see why he should make a big deal of it.

That logic makes sense in his exhausted mind, but it can only go so far. Nie Huaisang, once in his under clothes, looks around to decide which bed to pick, only to realise with horror that there’s only a single bed in this room.

“I thought this was a room for two?” he gasps, feeling a little faint.

Lan Xichen, slowly divesting himself from the many, many layers he has to wear to pass as a Gusu Lan disciple, nods distractedly.

“It is a big bed, Nie gongzi,” Lan Xichen says. “we could fit three or four in there.”

It might be exhaustion, or it might be embarrassment, but Nie Huaisang feels a little faint. Sleeping in the same room as someone else was already big, but this is huge. The last time he’s slept in the same bed as someone else was…

It hasn’t happened since those first few months after his father’s death, when he had nightmares and couldn’t stand to be alone, terrified that his rageful father would return during the night and do something terrible. So it's been years, and at least Nie Huaisang was young back then, which excused the impropriety.

Maybe if Lan Xichen showed any trace of unease, Nie Huaisang would try to protest. But the god treats this situation as if it’s perfectly normal, and maybe it is for him. Maybe in the olden days, people just slept like that. Nie Huaisang thinks it’s something poor people do, but of course he wouldn’t really know. He is too tired to try to explain why it’s odd, anyway. If Lan Xichen thinks this is fine, then it’s probably fine. Gods are supposed to know what’s right and what’s wrong, don’t they?

If Lan Xichen doesn’t mind, Nie Huaisang will try not to mind either.

Before things can get a chance to get awkward, Nie Huaisang climbs in bed and curls up under the blanket, as close as possible to the edge of the mattress so there will be plenty of space between the two of them, for propriety. He then closes his eyes tightly, desperately trying not to notice when Lan Xichen comes to lay down next to him.

He fails in that endeavour.

Lan Xichen doesn’t lay particularly close to him, the way lovers do in certain books that Nie Huaisang isn’t supposed to own, but he isn’t particularly careful to keep distance between them either, as if this doesn’t mean anything to him.

Perhaps it doesn’t.

Nie Huaisang can’t help but curl a little tighter when he thinks just how much of a stranger the man in bed with him is. All Nie Huaisang knows for sure about Lan Xichen is the fact he had been lying to everybody, and would have lied to him as well if he could have gotten away with it.

Or would he? Lan Xichen said he wants them to be friends, that he doesn’t like feeling Nie Huaisang’s fear of him. Was that the truth, or another lie to fit with what the list demanded?

Maybe Nie Huaisang doesn't know anything at all about this god he’s going to help deceive everyone.

What he does know, then, is that he wants to trust Lan Xichen, even if it goes against all good sense. Lan Xichen hasn’t done anything to hurt him so far, has he? On the contrary, he has been kind, he allowed him to take refuge in his temple, granted him a wish so huge that Nie Huaisang hadn’t ever thought to actually ask for it, and now he’s trying his best to make Nie Huaisang comfortable and…

It’s not that Nie Huaisang has much to complain about. He knows he’s lucky, that he’s never lacked for anything, that his brother loves him, in his own manner. The Nie elders don’t like him too much, and he’s not close to any disciples, but he has a friend in Wangji, and he has his birds, so he’s not lonely, not really.

Not exactly.

He’s not lonely, but nobody has ever acted like being at his side was worth making an effort. Wangji just doesn't have anyone else, his brother can't go against blood, his birds are kept in cages. Nobody had much of a choice. Not until he met this odd god, who is ready to go to incredible extremes just to be around him.

A mean little voice in the back of Nie Huaisang’s head tells him that it’s just because Lan Xichen is so desperate for believers he’d latch onto anyone at all, that Lan Xichen is forced like all the others, but… but it’s still nice to have been the one who entered that temple, who made those offerings, who prayed to that abandoned altar, and thus became worthy of those efforts. At least, he hopes he’s worth it. He hopes Lan Xichen won’t regret choosing him. He hopes…

“You need to sleep,” Lan Xichen orders, shuffling closer, close enough to almost touch Nie Huaisang. “Is there a problem? Is the bed not comfortable? Are you cold?”

Nie Huaisang curls so tight on himself that his chin pokes the space between his knees. Briefly, a sill thought crosses his mind. If he says he’s cold, what will Lan Xichen do? Hug him for warmth like people do in stories? The idea makes him shivers, and he quickly shakes his head, because he’s terrified Lan Xichen would really do something like that, because it’s ridiculous how much he wants a hug right now. It’s been an awful, intense evening, and he’d give anything for a hug, but he’s sure he’d die of embarrassment if Lan Xichen were to hold him.

“If you’re nervous about this situation, we can always think of another way to deal with this,” Lan Xichen offers. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow if you like, but for now…”

Lan Xichen puts a hand on Nie Huaisang’s shoulder, seeking to offer comfort, or to calm him perhaps, but Nie Huaisang flinches so violently that he nearly falls off the bed.

The offending hand is immediately removed, and Nie Huaisang can feel the god’s eyes on him. He braces himself for questions, or accusations, or anything at all really. But Lan Xichen just sighs sadly, and moves away, closer to the other edge of the bed, and that’s the end of it.

Nie Huaisang curses himself. Of course even when something good happens, when someone tries to be nice to him, he has to ruin it.

Sighing as well, Nie Huaisang tries his best to fall asleep, while cursing himself for making things so awkward when clearly Lan Xichen is just being friendly. What else but friendly could he be, anyway? Even if he modelled himself after Nie Huaisang’s list, it’d be stupid to ever expect him to fall in love or anything. After all, Nie Huaisang knows he isn’t a very likeable person, or else his brother wouldn’t always be angry at him, and he wouldn’t have needed to invent a version of Lan Wangji that doesn't just tolerates him.

Likeable people don’t need a deal with a god to find someone to marry them.

And with that thought in mind, Nie Huaisang finally manages to drift to sleep.

When he wakes up in the morning, the other half of the bed is empty, and Nie Huaisang finds that he has been carefully tucked under the blanket. It must have happened recently, because he knows he moves a lot in his sleep, something his brother has complained about at length those few times they shared a bed.

Nie Huaisang knows he should get up, get dressed and grab some breakfast so they can continue their journey toward Gusu. He should do that, but instead he stays in bed as long as he can, enjoying the warmth of that blanket so meticulously wrapped around him, and pretends it means something even when he knows it doesn’t.

#xisang #nie huaisang #lan xichen #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #jau writes #xisang wishes au #I've had a rough week so nhs gets to have high anxiety and a small breakdown #as a treat

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ibijau · 3 years

Note

I saw a post about, not sure where god!lxc fic goes next? I assume nhs insists on going back to the cave to make a proper offering. Lxc accompanies b/c nhs is still a little sick and nmj is busy. Nhs continues panicking about this uber-powerful god. Lxc enjoys the offering, it's nice, but not the panicking, and hey he committed to being honest? so he tells nhs he's the god. This does not have the calming effect he was hoping for --the anon who got super excited about god!lxc can't read sideplot

ok so, didn’t quite use all of that, but big thanks anon for giving me a way to at least write a little more on that AU which is very dear to me

Price of Wishes on AO3 (can’t remember my tumblr tag for it... orz)

Lan Xichen stares at the altar.

It is a small one, hurriedly installed among others inside the Unclean Realm. Its only decoration is a bolt of pale embroidered fabric from which Nie Huaisang apparently once wanted to have a robe made, and a portrait of Lan Xichen that Nie Huaisang personally painted, as promised in the temple. It doesn’t look like Lan Xichen does in this mortal form, and it probably doesn’t look the way he once did as a god, but the main attributes of his last remaining statue are there.

How long has it been since he was granted a new altar? Not since before this Nie sect even came to be, he thinks.

And now not only was he given this altar, but there are offerings on it. Nie Huaisang put incense to burn and offered flowers and rice, yes, but surprisingly others did the same, and thanked Lan Xichen for keeping their young master safe when he ran away. Even the stern Nie Mingjue, who clearly didn’t share his brother’s certainty about a godly intervention, still lit up some incense and bowed before the altar, simply because he realised how much it mattered to Nie Huaisang.

It had been a flight of fancy to help that boy and get him into the temple, just a sudden impulse to feel like a real god again, but Lan Xichen finds himself more than rewarded for this kindness. If he can keep this up, if they continue honouring him, he might well survive a century more.

Lan Xichen had forgotten what hope feels like.

But hope or not, Lan Xichen knows to whom he owes this. As days pass, he sticks close to Nie Huaisang, who is currently his strongest believer. Even the old lady, dear to Lan Xichen as she is, never had such unwavering faith in his power. She prays to him mostly out of habit, while Nie Huaisang does so out of conviction. Being near him feels like stepping into the sun after an eternity in darkness, and Lan Xichen cannot get enough of the sensation.

Besides, if they are to be married, he needs to know more about the young man whose life he will share.

Nie Huaisang is an interesting person, Lan Xichen thinks. He acts a little spoiled, but of course he is young, and Lan Xichen vaguely understands that the Nie family has gone through rough times in the recent past, and Nie Huaisang’s childishness might be how he dealt with it. At his core, Nie Huaisang is more serious than he lets on. For example, he is determined to fully repay the debt he contracted toward Lan Xichen. The altar he set up is but a first step. In spite of his brother’s warnings, Nie Huaisang has inquired what it would cost to have a safe road to the mountain temple, just as he promised to do. In fact, he goes beyond his promise, determined to find every possible detail about Lan Xichen so that he may be worshipped properly. To that end, he spends day after day in Qinghe Nie’s immensely rich library, reading through books with a speed which astonishes Lan Xichen, writing letters to make inquiries as if it is the easiest thing in the world.

Lan Xichen thinks Nie Huaisang might just be the cleverest person he has ever met, and the most stubborn as well. Both are qualities he appreciates in a follower, and in a person.

It’s quite funny to Lan Xichen to realise that Nie Huaisang is considered lazy. Perhaps he only puts efforts into things that interest him. Lan Xichen, of course, is glad to be one of those things.

In general, he’s just glad to be around Nie Huaisang. The steady warmth of belief is quite nice, of course, but that’s not the only reason. Nie Huaisang, although he apparently realises to some degree that Lan Xichen shouldn’t exist as a mortal, still tries hard to be kind to him. He gives him delicious foods, and tries to find subtle ways to look for gaps in Lan Xichen’s knowledge of the mortal world so he can fill him in and help him fit in better. He is a pleasant person to talk to, a pleasant person to silently spend time with, a pleasant person to look at even, his youthful face showing every sign that he will develop into a handsome man someday.

In just this little time, Lan Xichen finds himself quite fond of this little mortal. It won’t be unpleasant to marry him as agreed.

First, though, Nie Huaisang must mature. And part of that means heading out toward the Cloud Recesses, where Lan Xichen himself is supposed to come from, according to the narrative Nie Huaisang demanded in his prayer. It is a stressful perspective, since Lan Xichen isn’t sure he is quite strong enough to shift reality around people who have much stronger reasons to refuse his intrusion into their life, but he will try his best. It is the deal he made with Nie Huaisang, and he will see it through.

To Lan Xichen’s relief, just before they are set to head south toward Gusu, Nie Huaisang begs his brother for a full ceremony at the mountain temple, with incense and prayers and everything that can be done to honour Lan Xichen. Nie Mingjue grumbles and complains and even gets angry, but he eventually gives in, as seems to be common for him when his brother makes a request. Nie Mingjue is a wise man, and he apparently understands that little can be done when Nie Huaisang is in a mood to be stubborn about something.

So the three of them head out into the mountain, followed by a few Nie disciples who carry food offerings and some tools to clean the temple.

The temple’s floors are swiped clean. Rubbles are removed. The nearly faceless statue has its layers of dust carefully cleaned away by Nie Huaisang who climbed on its pedestal so he can reach every part, revealing details that Lan Xichen himself had forgotten. There are even some traces of colour here and there.

“I’ll have to make another portrait,” Nie Huaisang notes. “Mine isn’t accurate at all after all.”

“I’m sure this god is already more than happy with what you have given him,” Lan Xichen says, lifting his gaze from the altar he’s wiping clean. It is a struggle to keep himself from crying from joy, and his voice comes out a little strangled, but Nie Huaisang doesn’t appear to notice.

“I need to do better,” Nie Huaisang says with a shiver. “I cannot risk offending him.”

He sounds almost afraid, and his hands tremble slightly as he carefully dusts the statue. Lan Xichen stares at him a moment more, and sighs.

However pleasant everything else has been, this is one thing that doesn’t sit right with him. For whatever reason, Nie Huaisang seems to be afraid of his god self, and it taints his every prayer. This doesn’t change the value of those prayers, it doesn’t make his belief any less strong and valuable, but Lan Xichen can feel that fear almost constantly and he doesn’t enjoy it. He is too used to the old lady’s belief, simple and companionable. She treats him like an old friend to whom she can make requests, and he wishes Nie Huaisang would do the same. They are set to be married, it is the deal, and Lan Xichen doesn’t like the idea of a union set in fear.

“I am sure that god would not be offended,” Lan Xichen quietly insists. “You haven’t found anything about him in all your books and your letters, have you? So he must not be a very important god, and your efforts are sure to have been noticed and appreciated.”

“But it’s not enough,” Nie Huaisang retorts, gritting his teeth. “It can’t be enough. Nothing I do is ever enough, there’s got to be more I could do!”

Lan Xichen frowns, and looks around until his eyes land on Nie Mingjue. He heard this, and is staring at his brother with some concern.

From what Lan Xichen understands, the reason Nie Huaisang took refuge in his temple a few weeks ago was because of a great argument with Nie Mingjue regarding his capacity to do… nearly anything, really. Nie Mingjue, taking Lan Xichen as the confident Nie Huaisang asked that he be, admitted to him one day that he is terribly worried for his brother’s future. There might be a war, he said, and Nie Mingjue could die in it and leave Nie Huaisang alone to lead their sect before his time. Nie Mingjue confessed he is terrified that the elders of their clan won’t respect Nie Huaisang because his mother was of lesser birth, that some of their cousins will attempt to rob him of his birthright, that even if he becomes sect leader he will not be respected and some people will try to take advantage of his inexperience. So Nie Mingjue pushes his brother as hard as he can, demanding more efforts, more results, but it is all in vain because Nie Huaisang has stubbornly decided he isn’t good at anything that matters, and refuses to try anymore.

It was a terrible argument they had that day, Nie Mingjue said. And then, proving all his fears right, Nie Huaisang nearly died after running away and catching a fever, showing to all his future enemies how vulnerable a target he would be without Nie Mingjue to protect him. At the same time, that Nie Huaisang was ready to run away showed that he took it to heart every time he was scolded for not doing more, and now Nie Mingjue doesn’t know how to handle him anymore.

After Nie Mingjue confided in him this way, Lan Xichen promised he would look after Nie Huaisang, no matter what. It is part of the deal, as far as he’s concerned, because spouses must support one another, but also…

Lan Xichen is quickly becoming quite fond of this pair of brothers. Having been lonely for so long, he finds joy in the closeness they share, no matter how strained it might be at times. It is clear to him that Nie Mingjue loves his brother, though he struggles to show it when he has so much on his mind, and Nie Huaisang feels the same, to the point it was inconceivable for him to marry someone who wouldn’t be friendly with Nie Mingjue.

“Nie gongzi, you’ve done all you could for that statue,” Lan Xichen says, grabbing Nie Huaisang by the waist and pulling him down from the pedestal.

Nie Huaisang squeaks in surprise, fighting for a second before going rigid with fear as Lan Xichen puts him down. His face is a bright crimson when he looks up at Lan Xichen, who wonders whether that’s anger at being manhandled this way, but the other Nie just start laughing at his expression.

“Don’t seduce my brother like that, Xichen,” Nie Mingjue scolds, more of a joke than a real warning. “Look at him, he’s two heartbeat from asking for your hand now.”

Amazingly, Nie Huaisang manages to blush an even brighter colour, and leaps away from Lan Xichen. Nie Mingjue laughs again, apparently content with his brother’s perceived crush. Perceived, or real. Lan Xichen isn’t really sure what goes on in Nie Huaisang’s mind. He can feel is never ending flood of belief, the undercurrent of fear, but no particular affection so far. Then again, with fear that strong, it would be hard for any other emotion to flourish. Lan Xichen hasn’t wanted to talk directly about their situation yet, assuming that Nie Huaisang might want the illusion that this is all perfectly normal, but he’s rethinking that strategy. It is clear that Nie Huaisang, for whatever reason, is immune to the narrative that Lan Xichen created for his sake, so why not talk about it openly? If it can make Nie Huaisang any less afraid…

That is a problem for later. Right now, the temple is as clean as can be achieved with what little time they have available, so Nie Mingjue conducts the ceremonies necessary to consecrate the temple again, and invites Lan Xichen to inhabit again this place dedicated to him. Incense is put to burn for him, offerings are left on the altar, thanks and prayers are presented to him. Even Nie Mingjue, so openly reluctant to believe that there was any divine intervention to help his brother survive in the mountain, does provide a small stream of belief, hinting at a mind just as strong as his brother’s. Lan Xichen hopes that they can truly become friends over time, though he is unsure that’s possible with the lies he’s had to weave so he could fulfill Nie Huaisang’s request.

Still, there’s no harm in trying. If Lan Xichen is to spend one lifetime as a mortal, he wants to make the best of it, not only as a god in need of believers, but also as a person left alone far too long.

#xisang #nie huaisang #lan xichen #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #jau writes #that's not the tag I've used before but it'll do until I can find the right one again #Anonymous #xisang wishes au

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ibijau · 3 years

Text

Price of Wishes / on AO3

Nie Huaisang learns a few things and has a mild breakdown over it

It will take a full three weeks for Nie Huaisang to get to Gusu for his second attempt at studying there, because he is such a weak flyer that just attempting the trip on Chiwen would kill him in about a shichen.

That means three weeks of traveling with Lan Xichen, alone save for two pairs of other Nie disciples. Nie Huaisang must be paying for some crime he committed in a past life. This much time with Lan Xichen, this much time to stress over how the Lan will react to this new young master thrown into their midst… this is going to be torture.

The first day doesn't go too badly though. Lan Xichen can ride a horse, which is a relief for sure. He also chats quite easily with the other disciples, asking about their lives like he cares, taking time to really listen to their answers. Of course, that too was on Nie Huaisang’s list, but he can't help being a little star struck at how perfect Lan Xichen is. If he were a real person, there's no way Lan Xichen would look twice his way, but he is so kind that sometimes Nie Huaisang almost forgets none of this is real.

At night, they stop in a small inn on the side of the road. It isn't a very luxurious place, but everything is clean, and there's a pleasant smell coming from the kitchen. The down side is that there aren't a lot of rooms available, so they'll have to share.

"Since one of the rooms can only take two people, I'll share with Nie gongzi," Lan Xichen offers. "Unless that is objectionable?"

"Of course not, we trust Lan gongzi," Nie Tianru says with a laugh before Nie Huaisang can object. "And Nie gongzi will behave himself, right?" she adds with a wink.

Nie Huaisang is mortified, his face aflame. He scampers away to order their dinner, ignoring the snickers of the Nie disciples, and Lan Xichen's gently amused smile.

They all think he has a crush on Lan Xichen. Even Nie Mingjue does. Which is… it's not wrong. Lan Xichen is everything Nie Huaisang could ever want, except for the fact that he has no choice in this matter.

Nie Huaisang eats his dinner quickly, and goes to bed at a much earlier hour than he ever would normally. His plan is to jump in bed so he can pretend to be asleep by the time Lan Xichen joins him. It's an excellent plan, but Lan Xichen spoils it by leaving the table at the same time as him and following him to their room.

As far as inn rooms go, it's not a bad one. Well, Nie Huaisang guesses it's not bad. He barely looks around, half sick with nervousness. It is the first time in his life he's sharing a bedroom with someone outside his family, and of course with this situation, with the reason Lan Xichen exists… nothing between them has been particularly romantic so far, but maybe Lan Xichen was just waiting for the right moment, maybe he'll say something now that they're alone, or try to kiss him, or…

"Nie gongzi, could I have a word with you?" Lan Xichen asks, suddenly standing far too close to Nie Huaisang.

Nie Huaisang squeaks and leaps away.

It's happening.

Just because he asked for it, it's happening.

He can't let this happen.

"Lan gongzi, can't this wait?" he asks nervously. "I'm really tired, and we have to be up early. We don't want to get to Gusu late, right?"

We don't want to get to Gusu at all, Nie Huaisang thinks, terrified of what will happen if the truth about Lan Xichen is uncovered. He will be in so much trouble.

"You must miss you uncle and brother after so long," Nie Huaisang babbles, desperate to stop Lan Xichen from saying anything embarrassing. "I know I certainly miss them. Well, I miss Wangji anyway. I don't really miss master Lan. No offence! But, I mean, well, I mean…"

He trails off, unnerved by Lan Xichen's calm smile. Nie Huaisang, already nervous by nature, keeps losing his cool whenever Lan Xichen smiles like this.

"Nie gongzi, I'm sure my uncle and brother are wonderful people," Lan Xichen says, his voice deep and soothing. "But we are both aware that I have never actually met them yet, so I cannot say I miss them, that would be a lie."

Lan Xichen continues smiling peacefully, while Nie Huaisang’s blood turn into ice. The shock of that casual admission is such that his legs start giving under him, and he’d have fallen on the floor if the bed weren’t so close. He stumbles toward it, just barely managing to sit on it before the trembling of his legs becomes too great to stand. Even like this his body feels heavy, and his chest so tight he might just puke out of nervousness.

“What… what are you?” Nie Huaisang manages to ask.

He regrets asking, because Lan Xichen walks closer, kneeling next to the bed so their heads are at the same level. It’s meant as a comforting gesture, Nie Huaisang guesses, but really it’s just terrifying him.

“Are you something evil?” Nie Huaisang insists, all too aware it’s a stupid question to ask. He’s on the verge of tears, and wishes everything could go back to normal… but it’s wishing that got him in trouble in the first place, so that’s probably not a solution, is it?

“I don’t believe I am evil,” Lan Xichen says, lifting his hand to touch Nie Huaisang’s shoulder, only to stop midway when Nie Huaisang flinches. Lan Xichen’s smile falls, replaced by what appears to be sincere concern. “You really fear me so much?”

He sounds disappointed, or hurt, and it’s unfair that he is so handsome because Nie Huaisang can’t ignore him or scream for help, not when this gorgeous young man kneeling before him could be hurt… or hurt others.

“Of course I’m scared!” Nie Huaisang sniffles, his eyes burning with tears he won’t contain much longer. “You… what are you? Why are you here? I don’t understand, it was just… I didn’t think…”

“You prayed to me,” Lan Xichen explains, making Nie Huaisang freeze in terror. “Nobody had prayed to me in so long, and your mind and heart are so strong that for the first time in centuries, I had strength again… but not strong enough to find a person such as the one you were asking for,” he sighs, sounding sincerely sorry. “So I thought that I would offer myself, in exchange for what you promised.”

Tears fall down Nie Huaisang’s cheeks while he laughs almost hysterically. He promised a road, and followers, and then dropped that stupid list about his dream husband.

Nie Mingjue is going to kill him.

Or else, this god is going to kill him for failing to fulfill his part of the deal.

Either way, he’s so dead. He’s dead, he’s dead, he’s…

“From my point of view, you have already done your part,” Lan Xichen says, his warm voice gentle and careful in answer to Nie Huaisang’s panic. “You made me offerings, and convinced others to do as well. My temple has had its first visitors in many lifetimes. I am very grateful to you, and I will do my best to be everything you wished for in a husband.”

Nie Huaisang laughs harder and sobs just as hard, tears and snot staining his face. This is madness. He’s gone mad. He’s gone completely mad, maybe he’s still lying on the floor of that abandoned mountain temple, ravaged by a fever and slowly dying while hallucinating all this. It would make more sense than what’s happening, than a god talking about marrying him.

But suddenly there’s a hand on his arm, warm even through the fabric, irredeemably solid, a presence such as his mind couldn’t have invented.

Nie Huaisang flinches away from that touch, scrambling back on the bed, putting as much distance as possible between himself and…

“What’s is your… what is my lord’s name?” he asks, hiccuping from crying so hard. “This humble one has been so rude to my lord, this humble one…”

He should get up from this bed, and kowtow. Nie Huaisang is being so rude, it’s a miracle he hasn’t been struck down yet, but just breathing feels like an immense effort, he can barely speak, and if he gets down from the bed he’ll have to get close to this god and he can’t, he just can’t.

Lan Xichen, still kneeling, looks at him with an air of sadness, perhaps even of pain.

“Nie gongzi can continue calling me Lan Xichen,” he says.

“But my lord’s real name…”

“I don’t know my name,” Lan Xichen whispers, his voice so low Nie Huaisang barely hears him, and he looks away as if in shame.

His first prayer in centuries, he’d said earlier, and in the midst of his panic, Nie Huaisang feels some pity. What must it be like to be a god without followers? To be this alone, for this long?

“Is that your only temple?” Nie Huaisang asks, wiping his tears with the back of his hand.

Lan Xichen nods, and lets out a forlorn sigh. “It is my last one,” he admits. “And before you found it, I only had one altar left, in the house of an old woman. But you gave me a new one in your home, you made offerings to me… I was on the brink of death, and you gave me new life, Nie Huaisang. For this I am eternally grateful, and I will repay you.”

Nie Huaisang blinks a few times, and doesn’t notice that he’s finally stopped crying. This is still a huge mess, but he feels a little less terrified now, because the situation is less unequal than he previously thought. He didn’t contract a crushing debt just out of foolishness, and Lan Xichen could probably have found other ways to repay him for that offering in the mountain if Nie Huaisang had been repulsive to him.

“Would you really have married me?” Nie Huaisang asks.

“If you will have me,” Lan Xichen replies, sounding more insecure than any god has a right to be.

Nie Huaisang almost starts laughing again. He certainly can’t fight a manic grin, and feels a few new tears on his cheeks. This is absolute madness.

“I need to think about it,” he sniffles. “I… I know I had this list, but I’m not quite ready to marry yet and I… I don’t really know you, right? I think I’d prefer to know you a little before making a big choice like that.”

“Of course,” Lan Xichen says with a smile. “Nie gongzi is wise not to rush into things.”

“I don’t think that’s a quality people usually associate with me,” Nie Huaisang says, chuckling. Then, feeling a little less anxious now, he scuttles closer to the edge of the bed, toward Lan Xichen. “I’ve really made a huge mess of things… but also… I mean, please don’t be too mad, my lord…”

“Lan Xichen. Or just Xichen is fine.”

“Fine, I can try. Lan Xichen, you’ve made a huge mess too, I think. What are we going to do when we get to the Cloud Recesses? They know that Wangji doesn’t have a brother!”

Lan Xichen doesn’t answer right away, carefully thinking things through. Nie Huaisang, in spite of himself, admires him as he gets so serious, amazed that even the slight crease between his eyebrows is elegant. Truly, only a god could be this handsome, and Nie Huaisang’s heart thumpers wildly in his chest at the thought that he could have such a person as his partner for life, if he just says the word.

“So far, when I’m with you my powers are strong,” Lan Xichen says at last. “I can’t explain it, but you have a very strong mind, and your belief feeds me like that of a thousand people. I think as long as you believe that I can pass as a young master of that sect, nothing should be a problem.”

Nie Huaisang’s cheeks heat up. People have called him stubborn often enough before, but when Lan Xichen says he has a strong mind it feels different. Like it’s a compliment, instead of another item added to the list of his defects.

“Then that might give us a little extra time to deal with…” Nie Huaisang waves his hands to signify this crazy situation they’re in. “We’ll still need to be careful though, my l… Lan Xichen. I have to say, so far you’re doing very well at impersonating a Lan. Have you met some of them before?”

It would make sense, Nie Huaisang figures. Gusu Lan is a much older sect than Qinghe Nie, and perhaps this god’s territory extended south once, or else maybe some Lan cultivators came near Qinghe, back in the days before there was a sect there to protect common people.

That neat little theory crumbles when Lan Xichen shakes his head.

“I was able to look into your mind for details about that requested husband,” he explains. “I found the man you wanted me to look like, checked the type of dress his sect would have favoured, and hoped for the best.”

“You do look like Wangji,” Nie Huaisang mumbles. “I’m sorry for that, it must be uncomfortable to take a face that’s not yours…”

“I don’t remember what I look like,” Lan Xichen replies in a casual manner. “And this is not a bad face.”

A mix of dread and pity worms its way into Nie Huaisang’s heart. Without really thinking, he slides off the bed to sit crossed legged next to Lan Xichen, and once again observes him.

“You really don’t mind?”

“No. And this,” Lan Xichen gestures elegantly at himself, “pleases you, right?”

“Yes. But… not if it doesn’t please you as well. I… I don’t like that it’s not real,” Nie Huaisang admits, looking down at his legs and fiddling with the edge of his sleeve. “Not just your face, but also… you’re behaving according to my list, right? That’s just… it’s not…”

“If any item on your list had been unbearable to me, I would not have entered a deal with you,” Lan Xichen replies. “But it is a very reasonable list, and I found you wanted a husband similar to what I think I once strived to be. It is no hardship for me to be the sort of man you want.”

“Oh. That’s good if you don’t have to force yourself for that,” Nie Huaisang says. “Still, you’re forcing yourself to be around me.”

At this, Lan Xichen falls silent. He remains quiet long enough that Nie Huaisang risks a glance at his face, only to find Lan Xichen staring at him with great attention, as if he were appraising a painting. It is so embarrassing that Nie Huaisang quickly looks away, mortified to be the center of such focus.

“It is no hardship either to be around you,” Lan Xichen says after another long moment passes. “You have a good heart, and a pleasant personality. It has pained me to feel your fear toward me up until now, but I hope this will be less of an issue from now on. I…” he stops for a moment, looking for words. “I have been alone for a very long time, and I told myself I did not mind. But now I see you chatting with your brother, enjoying your hobbies, and trying your best to do what you think is right and… I am reminded that it is pleasant to be around others. That it is pleasant to be alive. And I hope whether or not you decide to have me as a husband, you will at least have me as a friend. That would bring me great joy.”

Nie Huaisang looks up again, to find Lan Xichen smiling shyly at him, as if unsure whether that request might be rejected. It is a rather odd feeling for Nie Huaisang to have his company desired this way. Sure he gets along with some of the Nie disciples fine, and of course he’s friends with Lan Wangji, but this feels different. The Nie disciples don’t have much of a choice, they have to put up with their young master. As for Lan Wangji, well, it’s the same, he can hardly afford to openly reject the young master of another sect, not when they’re both sect heirs, can he?

But Lan Xichen has a choice. He had a choice in the mountain, when Nie Huaisang dropped that stupid list in front of him. And he has a choice now, when he could just say he’s only doing this because he feels obligated to it.

Lan Xichen has a choice, and he’s choosing Nie Huaisang.

“I also hope we can be friends!” Nie Huaisang says, eagerly grabbing Lan Xichen’s hands for a moment, only to suddenly remember he’s still talking to a god and probably shouldn’t be so familiar. “Ah, sorry, my lord! I just got a little excited here…”

“It’s quite fine,” Lan Xichen replies, grabbing Nie Huaisang’s hands before he can fully pull away. “I don’t mind.”

Nie Huaisang looks away again, wondering if blushing so much is perhaps unhealthy. It’s got to be. It feels mortifying for sure, and also a little irritating. Lan Xichen is just too unbearably perfect, and it is going to be hard to deal with that.

“So, hm, you only know about the Lan because I know about the Lan,” Nie Huaisang says, eager to change the subject to something that will not make his face burn like this. “That could be a problem, because I don’t know that much about them. There’s a reason I failed my tests so badly last year. It’ll be hard to pass you as one of them, unless…”

“Unless?”

Nie Huaisang tears his hands away and jumps to his feet so he can check the qiankun pouches he’s carrying his things in. It takes a few tries before he finds the right one, but before long he sits again on the floor next to Lan Xichen, careful to leave a respectful distance between them as he presents the god with a heavy book.

“Gusu Lan’s rules!” Nie Huaisang announces. “I’m supposed to have learned them by heart, but I really haven’t.”

Lan Xichen gingerly takes the book, a slight frown on his handsome face as he opens it and quickly checks the pages. It is a normal reaction. There’s just too many of those damn rules, it’s unreasonable to expect anyone to remember them all… yet Lan Wangji does, so it figures that a brother of his would as well.

“Nie gongzi, what do you want me to do with this?” Lan Xichen asks.

“Read them, learn them if you can. It’ll help pass you off as a true Lan.”

“Ah,” Lan Xichen says, closing the book. “An excellent plan, certainly, but there is an issue.”

“How so?”

Lan Xichen sighs deeply.

“Nie gongzi, I cannot read.”

#xisang #nie huaisang #lan xichen #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #xisang wishes au #next update might take longer but I got very excited over writing this so yeah

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ibijau · 3 years

Note

I'm looking forward to a chapter of god!lxc where nhs is freaking out about a Lan who can't read and how to hide it, while lxc is just a bit bemused.

Nhs: this is a DISASTER WE ARE SO DEAD

Lxc: I don't get this obsession with reading anyway, back in my days people just memorised things and it worked fine.

Nhs: we are so dead and I'm semi-engaged to a boomer, great

#jau rants #xisang wishes au

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ibijau · 4 years

Text

Nie Huaisang too has a list of requirements for his future spouse. This eventually comes to bite him in the ass in an unexpected way.

also on AO3

The first time Nie Huaisang hears someone say that he'll be hard to marry, he's eight. It's the first time he gets to accompany his father and brother to a conference, and while he's desperately trying to be good, he gets bored pretty quickly and disappears to explore a bit. Nightless City and the Wen's palace aren't fun places, and he's too worried about getting lost to go very far, but there's still a few interesting things to look at.

Not far from the main halls where the conference is happening, he almost stumbles upon two adults whom he recognises as friends of his father. Well, friends might be pushing it. But Father tries to be polite to them to their face, and that's not an effort he makes with everyone. So, Nie Huaisang counts them as his father's friends, and knows they have the power to scold him if they spot him somewhere he shouldn't be. As they approach, Nie Huaisang finds a curtain to hide behind, and waits.

"And that second son of his is a disgrace," the man in red says as they pass by him. 'Wen Bastard', Father used to call him when chatting with mother, which always made her roll her eyes. "That's what happens when blood weakens."

"Only a fool marries a woman like that," says the other one, 'that greasy Jin merchant'. "A dancer… That's just what you call a prostitute who can't live without making extra efforts. With a mother like that and how weak he's said to be, they'll never secure a match for that boy."

"Qinghe Nie isn't what it used to be. And that saber of his…"

Nie Huaisang doesn't hear the rest, because the men are already gone. He doesn’t want to hear more, anyway. Just that bit about his mother upsets him. It’s not news to him that his mother didn’t have the most respectable of lives before meeting his father, and he’s vaguely aware that some people looked down on their marriage for that, but hearing it put in such crude words hurts.

As he returns to his father’s side, Nie Huaisang slowly realises that those comments he overheard won’t leave his mind. He can’t say anything, though. Father gets too upset whenever something reminds him of mother. Nie Mingjue isn’t an option either, because he’s so hot-tempered, and even Nie Huaisang can tell that those words were pretty strong insults that the men would never have dared to say in public. It could lead to bad things if he were to repeat what he heard.

So Nie Huaisang remains silent until they all go to bed. They’ve been given a nice bedroom for their stay in Nightless City, but there was a misunderstanding and Nie Huaisang himself wasn’t expected to be there, so he doesn’t have his own bed. Nie Mingjue refuses to share his, because he’s too old for that apparently. Good. He kicks and steals the blankets, so Nie Huaisang wouldn’t have wanted to share either. Of course they could have asked for another bed to be brought to their room, but Father decided it would be too much of a bother. Instead, Nie Huaisang gets to sleep with him, which is nice. Father is always so warm at night, and doesn’t mind that he moves too much.

Cuddled against his father, safe and warm in the darkness of their room, Nie Huaisang would be perfectly happy if not for that conversation he heard earlier. It still nags at him. The thing against his mother is bad enough, but the other comment they made, the one about him…

"Father, will I get married someday?" he asks when he figures that he can’t fall asleep without figuring that out.

His father huffs, an amused smile visible on his lips even in the low light.

"You're too young for that!" Nie Mingjue grumbles from his bed. "I get to have someone first!"

That remark gets a short laugh out of their father, which in turn makes Nie Huaisang giggle. Nie Mingjue is always complaining about this or that lately, which apparently is a normal side effect of being fifteen.

"You can both get married if it pleases you," their father announces. "The order doesn’t matter much, either. You'll find someone. You're both handsome, clever boys, with the fame of our clan to make you seem even more handsome. And if you don't find it on your own, I'll try to find it for you."

"I want a pretty girl," Nie Mingjue quickly says. "With a gentle personality, but who is still my equal in a fight, and…"

Father groans.

"It's too late for this, Mingjue. Make a list and give it to me later. You too, Huaisang, if it worries you so much."

Nie Huaisang nods, relieved that this gives him time to think about the problem, and shuffles closer to his father. Sect leader Nie pulls him against his side, one arm wrapped over his son's shoulders in a protective gesture. It feels so safe to be like this, and Nie Huaisang soon falls asleep.

In the morning, still bored at that conference, Nie Huaisang starts a list of what his future spouse ought to be. He decides, pretty quickly, that he'd rather marry a man. His own mother has just died with the baby she carried, and Nie Huaisang doesn't want to feel that pain again.

So, it will be a man. He must be handsome, the most handsome in the world. Intelligent, too. And… he has to get along with Nie Mingjue, of course.

He doesn't dare show the list to his father, feeling it is not yet complete, but it is nice to have it.

Some weeks later, Father's sabre breaks during a hunt.

The months that follow are rough.

Nie Huaisang adds 'kind' and 'patient' and 'just' to his list.

Nie Mingjue says, several times, that he shouldn't judge their father based on those last few months, because he was unwell and that's not who he really was. He’s right of course, because until then Father has always been good to both of them and to everyone around. He just got sick. So sick he died.

Nie Huaisang also adds 'calm mind' to the list, just in case.

If things were rough while Father was ill, they become worse after he dies.

For one thing, Nie Mingjue gets very busy. Of course he’d started getting more responsibilities in the sect since forming his golden core, and again during Father’s sickness, but now Nie Huaisang hardly ever sees him except at meals or during training, when Nie Mingjue mostly shouts at him for not doing better.

It’s funny. Nie Mingjue never used to care too much that Nie Huaisang can barely hold his sabre, but suddenly it’s absolutely essential that he becomes as tough as everyone else in the sect and that his cultivation improves.

At least Nie Mingjue does that because he’s worried. Nie Huaisang knows his brother enough to see that. But the rest, the elders, pick on him over everything just because they don’t like him. It comes as a shock to realise that, but his father’s cousins and uncles hate that their former sect leader had married a dancer, that he’d disgraced the clan like that. They never dared to say anything while Father was alive because he wouldn’t have allowed it, but Father isn’t there anymore, and Nie Mingjue is too busy to notice.

When Nie Huaisang tries to complain to his brother that the elders are mean to him, Nie Mingjue tells him to work harder to prove them wrong, like he’s doing whenever someone says he’s too young to lead their sect. It sounds like good advice, but Nie Huaisang’s efforts bring no results with regard to his cultivation or to the elders' opinion of him, so he just ends up giving up.

Meanwhile, his list gets a little longer. Now his future husband must love him (he never thought of that until one day he had a bad argument with his brother and wondered if anyone cared for him at all). He must also be accepting of Nie Huaisang’s weaknesses, and value his strength, whatever they are. Hopefully, this perfect husband will help him find them. He must also be honest, because Nie Huaisang still hurts from the fact that all his uncles have just lied for years about liking him and his mother. And it won’t hurt if he is skilled in all the arts, and if he has great cultivation and even greater fighting skills, so that nobody ever dares to pick on Nie Huaisang again.

It was planned to send Nie Huaisang to study in the Cloud Recesses at the same time as all the other young masters of the Great Sects, but something happens with the Wens, and Nie Mingjue hurriedly decides to send him there one year early.

It’s not the worst.

Sure the food is bad, the lessons are tedious, and Lan Qiren is a horrible teacher… but the scenery is nice, and most people don’t really pay attention to Nie Huaisang, which is a nice change from home where everyone always watches what he does.

And also, there’s Lan Wangji.

The two of them have been encouraged to try and spend time together, since there used to be a friendship between their fathers. Well, there’s a friendship between them as well now. It surprises a few people, because they’re so different, Lan Wangji so quiet and studious, Nie Huaisang so chatty and careless, but that’s because people only look at the surface. After all, Lan Wangji doesn’t mind chatter too much if it’s from the right person and on the right subjects, while Nie Huaisang can make himself very quiet when he finds something worthy of his attention. They often go on walk together, admiring the mountains around the Cloud Recesses, painting a little, chatting about things.

They have a lot they can chat about.

Lan Wangji, just like Nie Huaisang, has lost his mother when he was young, and it left a deep impression on him. They also both have complicated feelings about their fathers, and that’s… such a relief to finally have someone who can understand that.

Nie Huaisang doesn’t have very close friends at home, and Nie Mingjue refuses to hear anything about those last few months of their father's life, acting as if because their father wouldn’t normally have done those things, then it doesn’t matter that he still actually did them. And Lan Wangji seems glad that someone will listen when he says that he just wishes his father would see him sometimes, that he’s working so hard to be worthy of his attention.

Lan Wangji doesn’t like to be touched, but they hug a few times, and cry as well.

So maybe, just maybe, Nie Huaisang puts even less effort in his studies than he would have, just so he fails his years. Nie Mingjue has told him he’d stay in Gusu until he passes when his grades started reaching him, and Nie Huaisang isn’t above using that to his advantage.

While he is in the Cloud Recesses, his list of requirements for a husband continues getting longer.

It’d be nice to marry someone from the Lan clan, Nie Huaisang figures. Someone who is trustworthy. Someone who is a good listener. Someone serious but with a surprising sense of humour when you know him. Someone with a face that looks carved out of marble, with eyes that look almost golden in the right light. Someone tall, with the manners of a scholar and the posture of an emperor. Someone who maybe is next in line to lead his sect.

Nie Huaisang might have a bit of a crush. He knows it’s one sided, though, and he doesn’t mind too much. His list is a fun thing to think about, but he’s starting to realise that maybe Jin Guangshan and Wen Ruohan were right that day: he’s not exactly the most marriageable person in the world.

Well, he’ll just have to stay at his brother’s side and help him once he’s old enough for that. It’s not a bad fate.

Still, that list is getting a little too specific. Just for the sake of plausible deniability, Nie Huaisang also adds ‘smiles a lot’ on it.

Later, Nie Huaisang can’t even remember what the argument with Nie Mingjue was about. His grades and failure in Gusu, maybe. Or the fact that his golden core is really little more than a slightly tinted dustball. Possibly, it was because Nie Huaisang blew so much of his allowance into buying paper and a pretty new fan. But really, it might have been something else entirely. It doesn’t matter.

What matters is that the argument blew up into a huge fight, with Nie Huaisang and Nie Mingjue shouting at each other for what feels like hours, until Nie Mingjue says that he never wanted to have a brother anyway, to which Nie Huaisang replies that good, because he doesn’t have one anymore now, right before storming off to his room.

They’ve always had arguments. It’s in their temperament. Back when father was alive, it wasn’t too much of a problem because he always found ways to make them reconcile within the day. The fights they’ve had since his death have been nastier, brought on by Nie Mingjue’s exhaustion from working so much and Nie Huaisang’s frustration at never being enough. They’ve been vicious sometimes, but never like that day. That day, it feels like something broke.

As soon as he reaches his room, Nie Huaisang grabs the largest qiankun bag he can find, and shoves inside all his most precious possessions. Fans, robes, brushes, books… some jewellery and money too, because he’s not stupid no matter what some people seem to think. If he’s running away to Gusu, then he’ll need to pay for inns and food… and for a horse as well, because he’s certainly not going to fly there. Nie Mingjue can keep that stupid sabre.

Figuring that the guards might stop him if he tries to leave through the front door, Nie Huaisang decides to go through the back of the Unclean Realm and take the mountain path. Surveillance there is lesser, and he is quite capable of using his cultivation to quickly climb the high walls, thanks. After that, it's only a matter of finding his way back toward the road to Qinghe, and from there he'll have no trouble going toward Gusu.

At least, that's the plan.

The truth is, those mountains around the Unclean Realm are rough and hard to navigate, with heavy fogs making it hard to find one's way. It doesn't take long for Nie Huaisang to get lost. He gets a brief moment of hope when the fog lifts after a few hours, until he realises that's only because it has started raining. It soon turns into a downpour and Nie Huaisang, who isn't dressed for that weather, starts getting very cold.

Desperately trying to find a place to hide from the rain, Nie Huaisang would have missed that little cavern if he hadn't tripped face first right in front of it. He thinks, later, that it might have been fate. For now though, it's just a dry place where he happily takes refuge.

As bad as he is at cultivation and Night Hunts, Nie Huaisang has suffered through enough lessons to know what to do in this situation. He removes all of his drenched clothes, and puts on one of the robes he brought, the thickest one he can find. The wet clothes are laid flat on the floor to help them dry, Nie Huaisang eats one snack, and then sets out to explore his refuge and make sure that nothing there is dangerous.

One slow burning flame talisman in hand, Nie Huaisang discovers that he isn't in an ordinary cave, but in an abandoned temple. He'd be hard pressed to say who the temple is dedicated to. Time has erased names and signs, and the divinity's statue has suffered so much that he can't even decide if it's a man or a woman. Still, Nie Huaisang isn't one to take unnecessary risks, so he bows before that statue, and offers thanks for the refuge.

Kneeling before that forgotten god, Nie Huaisang feels something poking at him inside his sleeve. He almost laughs when he discovers that stupid list of his, and then nearly cries instead.

The list, which for years has brought him comfort, suddenly feels like the physical manifestation of how stupid he is. Did he really think anyone would love him, let alone a person as perfect as the one he's described? And what was he thinking, trying to run away? Even if Lan Wangji somewhat puts up with him, the instant he steps into the Cloud Recesses, Lan Qiren will send him back to Qinghe. That's if he even makes it to Gusu, though, which seems unlikely when he is so badly lost in those inhospitable mountains. He can't even fly up to find his way, because he's a stubborn, talentless little idiot who left his sabre at home. He's probably going to die here, and no one will miss him. If anything they'll be glad he's gone, one less problem to bother them.

Nie Huaisang does cry in the end. He doesn't want to die, and he's tired of never being good enough for anyone.

He wonders if that forgotten god would understand the feeling, left behind in this old temple, without anyone praying to them. If that was the god's only temple, then they must have faded away long ago, just like Nie Huaisang might die if he's not rescued. At least, he'll die in a fitting place.

Outside, night falls. Inside, Nie Huaisang is shivering, no matter how many robes he puts on. He vaguely wonders if he might have a fever, but his head feels too fuzzy to really care. Bored and cold and burning, he starts chatting with that faceless god, almost as if they were old friends.

"We will be if I die here," Nie Huaisang points out as he meticulously divides his snacks so half of them will go to this unknown god. "I hope you don't mind chatter. I'm told I talk too much sometimes."

When his task is finished, he puts the snacks on the dusty altar, and bows again to the deity. It feels like a pitiful offering, but he dares not put his money and jewellery there.

"I'll need them to have a road built to this place if I survive," he explains. "And then I'll come whenever I can, and encourage others to come too. I think that's a good deal, right?"

There is no answer. He's not quite feverish enough to expect one. Still, it doesn't feel like he's giving enough. Biscuits and a promise… But it's all he had. That and a stupid list about all the things he'll never have, all the things he'll never be.

"Do you want this as well?" he asks, unfolding the list and laying it on the altar. "Listen, I just want for things to get better. It's all, you know ? Make sure it gets better, and I swear I'll get people to come pray to you again."

The hidden temple remains silent, save for the sound of heavy rains outside. Growing tired of this one sided conversation, and just tired in general, Nie Huaisang curls up before the altar, wrapped as comfortably in his many robes, and closes his eyes.

He wonders if Nie Mingjue has even noticed yet that he's gone. Probably not, he figures before losing consciousness, and even if he has, he most likely doesn't care.

When Nie Huaisang wakes up, it is to the familiar comfort of his own bedroom in the Unclean Realm. He’s tempted, at first, to think that everything was just a bad dream, that he never ran away and found that little temple. It sounds like the sort of stupid dreams he’d have. Quickly though, he figures that something is slightly wrong. First of all, there’s a chair next to his bed. It is empty at the moment, but Nie Huaisang finds vague memories coming back to him, telling him that it has been occupied for a long time. Then, there’s the fact that Nie Huaisang is very thirsty and positively starving, something that rarely happens to him. He never goes for long without snacks of some sort, unless he’s ill.

He thinks back of the temple, how cold and hot he was. Uh. So he really got a fever from all that rain then. It’s embarrassing, and Nie Huaisang is sure that as soon as it’s clear he’s healthy again, he’ll be scolded for his low cultivation that allowed this to happen.

That’s a problem for later. For now, Nie Huaisang’s only worry is that he’s starving. Scoldings he can deal with, but he can’t bear to have an empty stomach. With great effort he rises from his bed, finds a robe to throw on, and leaves his room. He hasn’t taken two steps into the corridor that he finds himself in front of Nie Zonghui and a servant carrying on a tray a bowl of what smells like broth.

“Nie er-gongzi, I’m glad to see you’re well,” Nie Zonghui says, and quite amazingly he seems to mean it. “We were all very worried about you.”

Nie Huaisang rolls his eyes before glancing toward the bowl of broth. He’s salivating already, it’s disgraceful.

“You were so worried that I woke up alone,” Nie Huaisang teases. Then, unable to resist a second longer, he grabs the broth and starts greedily drinking it, manners be damned. He almost chokes on it a few times, but it doesn’t matter, he’s just too hungry to care.

“Slow down!” Nie Zonghui orders him, only to be ignored. “And I had to drag your brother out so he’d have a look at his mail instead, but you can’t have been alone more than five minutes, so don’t complain.”

The bowl emptied, Nie Huaisang puts it back on the tray and thanks the servant. Maybe Nie Zonghui had it right about going slow, because he feels a little nauseous now, but… no way he’ll admit to that.

“Nie zongzhu has been at your side the whole time,” Nie Zonghui insists. “He’s the one who found you, too. Nie gongzi, we really thought we had lost you. What were you thinking, going to such an isolated place? If your brother hadn’t found you when he did…”

Something in his cousin’s tone makes Nie Huaisang shiver. In all honesty, now that he’s not upset about whatever argument he had with Nie Mingjue, he does realise that it was stupid of him to run away like this. He knows the mountains are dangerous, he’s grown on tales of people getting lost or falling to their death. And that’s without getting into the spirits and demons that live there, waiting for whoever will be foolish enough to enter their territory.

“I didn’t mean to worry anyone,” he mutters. “I just wanted to go out without being seen. I was just going to…”

“Tell that to your brother,” Nie Zonghui cuts him. “He’ll be happy to see you’re well enough to be running around. Although you might want to dress a bit more, because…”

Nie Huaisang dashes off without listening. He feels a bit wobbly on his legs, which tells him he might have been out for at least a day or two, but it doesn’t matter. If he looks a little pitiful, Nie Mingjue will be less angry at him for being such a mess of things.

When he enters his brother’s office, Nie Huaisang has the surprise to find that Nie Mingjue isn’t alone in there. There’s a stranger with him, the two of them chatting quite amicably. It must be what Nie Zonghui tried to warn him about. For a moment Nie Huaisang feels rather embarrassed to be seen like this by that very handsome stranger, his hair unkempt, wearing nothing but underwear and a hastily put on robe… but he doesn’t get a lot of time to worry. In an instant Nie Mingjue jumps from his chair and crosses the distance between them to hug him so tight it almost hurts.

“You little idiot,” Nie Mingjue huffs, sounding as if he’s fighting tears. “What are you doing up? Did the healer say you can?”

“I was bored and hungry and I wanted to see you,” Nie Huaisang retorts, glancing toward the stranger and wishing he’d go away. He has apologies to make, but he can’t do that in front of an audience. In fact, he expects his brother to make the young man leave. Their fights are always awful, but they’ve never not reconciled before, and they both get so tearful over it, which Nie Mingjue doesn’t want anyone to know because he has a reputation.

It’s a shock when Nie Mingjue doesn’t say anything to that stranger, and starts apologising anyway.

“I’m sorry we had that fight,” he grumbles. “I was tired, I shouldn’t have said that… A-Sang, are you ok? You had such a bad fever, I really thought… don’t run away like that again, you hear me?”

Nie Huaisang nods. He wants to return the apology, but there’s still that young man, looking at them with a fond smile, and it’s starting to make him very uncomfortable. He’d like some privacy, thanks.

“Who’s that?” he asks, nodding toward the stranger.

The young man frowns at the question, while Nie Mingjue pulls away from the hug to give his brother a concerned look. He even goes so far as to put his hand on Nie Huaisang’s forehead.

“No, the fever’s gone,” he says. “Huaisang, is this a joke?”

“Why would I be joking?”

Nie Mingjue glances behind at the man who looks just as puzzled as him, and frowns.

“Huaisang… that’s Xichen.”

His tone of voice makes it clear that the identity of the young man is very obvious to him, and should be obvious to Nie Huaisang as well. Intrigued, Nie Huaisang looks more closely at the young man, trying to remember if they’ve met before.

“Lan Xichen?” he hazards, judging by the embroidered ribbon and the pale robes, to which his brother nods.

It doesn’t ring any bells. If there’s a Lan Xichen in the inner Lan clan, then Nie Huaisang has never met him, never heard of him… which is very odd, because this young man seems barely older than him, so they should have been introduced when Nie Huaisang went to study in the Cloud Recesses. Besides, he’s sure he would have remembered someone that handsome, with features so similar to Lan Wangji’s that they could be twins. Not only that, but the quality of his sword and the jade token hanging from his belt mark him as being very high in the hierarchy of Gusu Lan, so really Nie Huaisang can’t imagine how he wouldn’t have taken notice of such a person.

“I was in the area and I thought I should say hi to Mingjue,” Lan Xichen explains with a warm smile, his voice gentle and pleasant to the ear. “I was told you had been unwell, but I’m glad you are getting better.”

“I don’t know how much better he is if he doesn’t remember you,” Nie Mingjue grumbles. “You’ve only been visiting me every other month for the last four years, and spent a whole damn year tutoring him in Gusu. Damn brat left his bed too soon. I’m taking him back and then we can chat some more, Xichen.”

Nie Huaisang blinks a few times, and takes a step back.

Something is wrong.

Something is very wrong.

His brother never speaks so casually to people outside their sect. In fact, even inside their sect, there’s only a few people he’ll talk to like this, mostly Nie Huaisang, Nie Zonghui, and a few other cousins close in age. Nie Mingjue doesn’t trust anyone outside of Qinghe Nie, and he does his best to keep his distance from others so nobody forgets to treat him as a full sect leader in spite of his youth.

Aside from that, Nie Huaisang might have somehow missed a Lan Xichen while he was in Gusu, but he would have noticed if the Unclean Realm had gotten such a frequent visitor for this long, and he certainly would remember if anyone had tried to tutor him last year.

“With your permission, I’d like to stay here until your brother gets better,” Lan Xichen offers. “My uncle’s business is dealt with so there’s no emergency, and that way we could travel back to Gusu together so I keep an eye on him. I know Wangji wouldn’t forgive me if I let his friend go alone after such an ordeal.”

Nie Huaisang tenses, his eyes going wide.

Nobody calls Lan Wangji like this except his uncle. Everyone else gives him a very polite Lan Wangji, or more likely calls him Lan gongzi, to show the proper respect and deference due to a future sect leader.

“Still can’t believe your brother took a shine to that brat of mine,” Nie Mingjue huffs. “Opposites attract can only go so far.”

Lan Xichen laughs, and it’s the most pleasant sound Nie Huaisang has ever heard in his life, but he barely notices it because he’s panicking.

Lan Wangji doesn’t have a brother. Nie Huaisang knows this for sure because it’d be kind of a big detail to miss about his friend.

Lan Wangji doesn’t have a brother, but Nie Mingjue apparently thinks he does, and that it’s this young man in front of them.

A young man who does look like Lan Wangji, down to the golden flakes in his eyes, but smiles as if the whole world makes him happy.

A young man who apparently gets along very well with Nie Mingjue, who is kind and considerate and who, judging by the way he keeps glancing toward Nie Huaisang, might have some fondness for him as well.

A young man who looks right out of Nie Huaisang’s wildest fantasy, but is apparently real and standing right before him.

Nie Huaisang feels his legs go weak under him, and has to grab his brother’s arm to avoid collapsing.

Make sure it gets better, he asked that forgotten god, handing them a list full of his wildest dreams. It certainly wasn’t what Nie Huaisang meant. All he’d wanted was to not die and go home and maybe not be scolded too hard, not this.

“Huaisang, what’s wrong?” Nie Mingjue shouts.

“His pulse is too fast,” Lan Xichen says, having come closer and grabbed his wrist. “He must not have been as well healed as it seemed… Mingjue, you have to make him lay down, I’ll got get the healers.”

In a daze and feeling darkness creep upon his mind, Nie Huaisang almost wants to laugh.

This is such a mess.

Also, apparently, he has a debt toward a god now.

#xisang #nie huaisang #lan xichen #mo dao zu shi #the untamed #based on a discussion on the xisang discord that I couldn't stop thinking about :D #jau writes #xisang wishes au

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ibijau · 3 years

Note

new chapter of god lxc oh yeah!!!!! my mind is going the route of like. nmj is fine because god powers and has a bunch of kids so nhs can safely devote his life to being a high priest and stay by the sides of his divine and mortal loves, like full romance novel love triangle where he hasn’t fallen out of love with his first love but is falling in love with his new one... lots of heated kisses in tucked away places that are fraught because of the uncertain nature of their relationship... at the end nhs confessing to being very selfish and wanting too much and them figuring it out from there. I guess what I’m saying is that I wasn’t expecting to be so into the wangsang but. they’re friends and apparently delight each other! maybe they should kiss also!

I'm glad you're enjoying the story!! :D

I love this also!!! and for some reason, it makes me think of, like. WWX also being a forgotten god, but one who met jc and is basically pulling the exact same con as lxc, but with the Jiangs. Except he thought he'd be clever and invent a better backstory, only for it to backfire massively when Madam Yu became super jealous of the mother he invented for himself

wwx then gets to gusu with jc, meets the lan jades, and shenanigans ensue, with a very subtle rivalry between wwx and lxc to convert some followers since neither wants to die, jc being hurt that wwx pays so much attention to lwj as if it isn't jc whose belief saved him from obscurity, lxc unsure if he should let lwj know that the new cute kid in school is also a god or if he should let wangxian happen so he can keep nhs to himself, and nhs constantly on the verge of a major panic attack because everything is such a mess and he's sure he's going to be blamed for it

plot twist: lwj was rendered immune to godly manipulation when he 'resisted' lxc so he knows what wwx is, he just doesn't really care. He's also aware of the true reason why nhs made lxc look like him, because he's a smart boy, and he also doesn't care. so lxc and wwx are going to have to learn how to share their boyfriends followers.

not sure if I'll go in that direction but you know what, it's not like I have a plot anyway

#jc thinks everyone else is stupid and that they think too much about kissing #but also he gets three whole friends out of it #and also lwj is there sure why not he can live witht hat #jau rants #xisang wishes au

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ibijau · 4 years

Note

im big fan of god!xichen who is like oh!!! a worshipper! and sees this list and goes OH!!!! i can do that!!!!! :DDDD huaisang im here <3 <3 <3 and then he goes from loving huaisang because he thinks he has to, to loving huaisang because he does. plus angstiness of huaisang not realizing

y’all really like the god option best uh?

welp ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

They have been forgotten, or near enough.

Once, long ago, they were human. Those were different times, simpler times. They miss their humanity sometimes.

They don’t remember how they ascended, but they remember that it was nothing like what they expected. Godhood came with so many restrictions, so many limits. They remember feeling powerless, in spite of their efforts to answer prayers.

There used to be so many prayers, so many offerings, at least in this area. They don’t think they were ever a big god, the sorts that cross the boundaries of kingdoms and have temples scattered across the country. But they weren’t too small either. They had a few temples here and there, private altars as well. Their favourite temple was always the one in the mountain cave.

They can’t remember when things changed. It might have been a gradual fade, or a sudden change. They can’t remember. There’s just so much they can’t remember. They are so weak now.

The temples have been abandoned. Nobody has come for them in the mountains in decades. There is only one family that still sometimes makes offerings to them, one that adopted them as a household diety, but their last daughter never married and she is old. She can barely afford her own food, they don’t blame her for not making offerings to them, even if they feel themselves weakening along with her. When she dies, they will disappear. They should mind. They don’t. This old woman has become their whole world, and it would be odd to survive her.

Sometimes, when they have the strength, they do her a small favour. She finds a bush with ripe berries out of season, or she is followed by a limping chicken who lays eggs all winter in spite of the lack of food. Pitiful miracles, but that’s all they can manage, and it makes the old woman happy.

When they are not with the old woman, they retreat to the mountain temple. It is home. It is their last temple standing. It has their last statue. They like to look at it and try to remember what they were. It was so long ago, and they are so tired. They think that once, they used to grumble that the statue never looked like them. Now, with its weathered and erased face, it feels like a good representation of what they have become.

They are in the temple one afternoon when a rainstorm starts raging in the mountains. It is not unusual. The weather in these parts is unpredictable. They wonder sometimes if they used to be a weather god, since that would have been needed in this region. Today, their usual introspection is interrupted when they realise there is a human nearby.

They can feel the human’s distress before they see him. They guess he must be lost, as that’s the only reason anyone would be here these days. There used to be villages, but they’ve been abandoned long ago. People only come to the mountains to hide or to die.

It would be easy to ignore this human. It would be logical. They are so weak, so tired. But whatever else they are, they must have once been a merciful god, because the idea of leaving anyone to suffer is unbearable to them.

By some stroke of luck, the old woman made an offering to them not long ago, one egg from her limping hen. It gives them just enough power to trip the lost human at the right time for him to discover their temple.

The human is so young. It almost breaks their heart that someone this young could radiate such despair.

He is so young, but he is strong as well. When he offers thanks to them, they feel rejuvenated in a way that the old woman’s prayers and offerings haven’t done in years. This boy’s prayer is a cup of water in the desert, and he doesn’t even believe in them. They can’t remember when was the last time they felt so powerful.

They’re not, of course. Not by any normal standards, and there are humans in this world who could defeat them without breaking a sweat. But after centuries on the brink of death, they feel alive again.

Then, because this boy is a gift that keeps on giving, he makes an offering to them. Not a big one, biscuits and dried meat, but it is a treasure compared to what the old woman can afford these days. Not only that, but there’s the promise of more, of a road, of bringing new followers. For the first time in decades, in centuries, they feel hope.

“Make sure it gets better,’ the boy asks, carefully laying a sheet of paper on their altar, “and I swear I'll get people to come pray to you again."

He goes to sleep soon after, under the hungry gaze of a deity who hasn’t felt such hopes in many lifetimes. This boy in precious clothes, who carries treasure and food and paper as if it costs him nothing.

They check on the piece of paper, wondering what could have put this boy in such a state of despair. They almost laugh when they discover a list of requests for a future spouse. It is so small, and it is so big. It reminds them that humans might have changed, but they also stayed the same. They remember that once, they heard many prayers from boys and girls hoping to be loved back, and they always felt fondness for those children.

The list, on the whole, is reasonable enough. If they could, they would find such a person for that boy who is offering them so much hope. They don’t have the power to scour the world like this, though. But that need not stop them. Tonight, they feel powerful and daring and maybe, just maybe…

They can be a man. They might have been one, once. Even if they were not, it doesn’t bother them to be one now. Handsome is easy as well. Intelligent… they’ll do their best. Getting along with others has never been a problem, so they’re sure to manage with this Mingjue person. Kind, patient, just… those are good qualities for a god, and for a person. He remembers striving for that, when he was still a real god. Calm mind… it takes a certain inner peace to accept fading into obscurity and the certainty of death, so that’s easy as well. Loving that boy? Well, he certainly appreciates his help, so he can shower him in affection as thanks. He can be honest, and he certainly can see the true value of this boy whose mind is so strong he could bring new life into a nearly dead god with a single prayer.

The last part of the list is more complicated. He has a feeling it refers to a specific person. Looking into the boy’s heart, he finds that it is so, that some of the requirements are based on a friend of his. It is not hard to take that friend’s likeness, to borrow his clan name. He hesitates a moment as to the name he should use for himself, but quickly his mind offers the name ‘Xichen’ as an evidence.

He will be Lan Xichen.

And he will make sure that this boy is happy, so he will believe in him and give him offerings and prayers.

So neither of them ever has to suffer again.

#xisang #nie huaisang #lan xichen #mo dao zu shi #the untamed #jau writes #xisang wishes au #Anonymous

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ibijau · 4 years

Note

in the god au I’m imagining a farcical comedy of errors set like... 300 years in the future and they’re having a simple meal together and wwx is like “interesting how even with your terrible level of cultivation you still look young and fresh” and nhs is like “huh babe that’s because I’m married to a god, right?” and lxc is like “yes darling,” and the table explodes because somehow through events nhs and lxc think wwx and lwj knew that but They Did Not

Xisang assumes they knew, because nhs told them. More than once.

But of course, everyone just assumed that nhs was complimenting/bragging about his husband. lxc is nearly perfect, how could nhs not think of him as a god? lwj approves, he thinks that his brother deserves the level of adoration that nhs has for him. wwx thinks it’s a little weird that nhs has an altar with a painting of his husband, but he’s not judging (well, not where they can hear anyway).

Even when nhs straight up to their damn face explains that yes, his cultivation is shitty, but he’s married to a literal god and that comes with perks, they all just assume he means dual cultivation.

Then one day as they’re all together, lxc is approached by two strangers, one in red and the other in white, who explain that since this is his territory, they’d like to have his assistance with a certain matter. Lxc nods, kisses nhs, promises to be back soon... and the three just vanish. Wangxian is puzzled, they’ve never seen that sort of magic before, and the aura of these two strangers was out of this world.

nhs, of course, is unfazed like. Oh, yeah, that was Xie Lian and his husband. Cool guys. Bit weird, but who am I to speak right, ahah?

wwx: ... the god Xie Lian?

nhs: yeah xichen and him have been good pals for a while, we have them for dinners sometimes.

wwx: why would lxc be friend with a god??

nhs: he is one too?

wwx: when did he ascend???

nhs: dude I don’t know, it’s kinda rude to ask, but like... he thinks somewhere around the Shang dynasty?

wwx turns to lwj who is having a mini qi deviation over this, nhs is very upset that nobody ever fucking listens to him (except for his perfect husband who is the best)

#jau rants #xisang wishes au #slowly making my way through next chapter for that I swear!#Anonymous

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ibijau · 4 years

Text

The Price of Wishes / On AO3

Sitting by the bed once more, Nie Mingjue stares at his brother as if he’s lost his mind. Which he might have. Nie Huaisang, lying in bed, doesn’t know what to think about anything at the moment, but this… this is the one certainty he has.

“A road, really?” Nie Mingjue insists.

“And a small altar somewhere in the Unclean Realm,” Nie Huaisang repeats. “It’s very important. And… and we need to find that god’s name to send them proper prayers.”

He glances at ‘Lan Xichen’ who stands just a little behind Nie Mingjue, smiling peacefully as if none of this concerns him. He probably doesn’t know that he’s not a real person, so he must just think that this is only Nie Huaisang being weird.

“Huaisang, that’s a little excessive,” Nie Mingjue scolds. “I’ll go make an offering to that temple if you want me to, but…”

“I’ll pay for all of it,” Nie Huaisang announces, half panicked at the idea of angering a deity so strong that they created a whole person out of thin air. “I’ll sell my fans, and those silk robes I never wear anyway, and… and we can take it off from my allowance for as many years as needed. I’ll paint a portrait myself for the altar. But it is so important. I can’t explain why, just trust me.”

He winces and regrets the words as soon as they leave him. Trust him? Right after he did something so stupid that could have gotten him killed? Nie Mingjue already didn’t trust him before, but after that…

“Fine, you’re getting an altar if it matters so much,” Nie Mingjue sighs. “I’ll see for the road. Those things cost a lot, Huaisang, and it can’t be a priority. You understand that, right?”

Nie Huaisang meekly nods. He understands for sure. Nobody really says it, but their sect is kind of preparing for the risk of a war with Qishan Wen. They have to spend money on things more important than Nie Huaisang’s whims.

“I’m sure that deity will understand that you are doing your best to thank them for their help,” Lan Xichen intervenes, his voice deep and calm, exactly the sort Nie Huaisang likes. It isn’t even a detail that made it on his list, that god is just that great, apparently. “It is to your honour that you are trying to keep your promise.”

Nie Huaisang smiles weakly, and hopes that having Lan Xichen’s approval is a sign that the deity themself is also satisfied with his efforts, at least for the time being. He can’t do more than that anyway, not right then, because the healer joins them with a foul smelling potion that quickly knocks Nie Huaisang out for the rest of the day and the night that follow.

His sleep is not a quiet one, plagued by nightmares of his father, of Wen Ruhoan, of an angry statue without a face that demands the price of a lover Nie Huaisang never even really asked for.

When morning comes, Nie Huaisang is up much earlier than usual, almost with the sun in fact. In spite of his dreams, he feels perfectly rested and full of energy in a way he never is at sunrise. It's fine though, there's a busy day ahead. Nie Huaisang is determined to find out more about his god, and to start working on paying his debt. For this he'll need to spend some time in the library, and maybe send some letters to neighbouring sects and monasteries if he can't find information on his own.

First, though, he needs breakfast. He's a growing boy after all, and he hasn't had anything since that broth yesterday.

After dressing up hastily, Nie Huaisang starts making his way toward the kitchens. As he crosses the courtyard toward those, he spots an unfamiliar silhouette walking around. A young man in white who smiles at him and comes closer.

It'll take a while to get used to Lan Xichen.

"Nie gongzi, good morning. Are you feeling better today?"

His voice is really so, so nice, it's awful.

"I'm quite well, thank you. I was on my way to grab something to eat, do you want to come with me?"

It's a stupid thing to ask. Nie Huaisang doesn't want company, least of all that of this boy who shouldn't exist, but a year in Gusu has left him plagued with crippling politeness and a fear of offending anyone wearing white. Even from this far, he can't shake off the fear that Lan Qiren will hear about any misdemeanour and punish him for it.

"I would be glad to do so," Lan Xichen replies. "People here really sleep in late, don't they?"

"By Gusu Lan standards, for sure," Nie Huaisang says as he starts walking again, the other boy following him. "But everyone will be up soon. Are you going to spend the day with Da-ge?"

From what Nie Huaisang understood yesterday, Lan Xichen is supposed to be friends with Nie Mingjue. It was on the list, after all. As for how close he is supposed to be to Nie Huaisang… it doesn't seem like there's anything official happening between them, or Nie Mingjue would surely have said something when his brother 'forgot' that Lan Xichen exists. Still, maybe the god has decided to give them a secret romance, so Nie Huaisang needs to be very careful until he figures out where they stand.

"Your brother said he would be busy," Lan Xichen says. "My presence was unplanned after all. Maybe Nie er-gongzi will agree to let me keep him company instead?" he adds with a warm smile that Nie Huaisang can't bear to look at. "After your fever, and the way you fainted, it might be better if you were not left alone."

Whose fault was it if Nie Huaisang fainted? And he so doesn't want to spend more time together, but it's hard to refuse anything to someone who smiles at him like that and makes it sound like he might be disappointed if his request were denied.

"It probably won't be much fun," Nie Huaisang warns. "I'm just going to check our library for… Ah, but maybe you'll be able to help. I really want to find whose temple it was, in the mountains."

"Nie gongzi is very determined it seems," Lan Xichen notes.

Determined is just a nice way to say stubborn, which Nie Huaisang has been accused of in the past, though he still thinks he's not nearly as bad as his brother. But Lan Xichen says it like it's a good thing, and that's... nice.

"Debts must be paid," Nie Huaisang grumbles as they enter the kitchens. It's early for sect disciples, but the servants are already hard at work, so they'll have to be nice and stay out of the way. "Lan gongzi, do you want to eat something as well?"

Lan Xichen eagerly nods, glancing all around as if he's never seen food before. It's… cute, for lack of a better word, but it also worries Nie Huaisang. He's pretty sure that if the truth gets discovered he'll be in a ton of trouble, so lan Xichen really needs to learn to act as if he wasn't born yesterday. Only, how to tell him that? If Lan Xichen himself isn't aware of it, he'll think Nie Huaisang is crazy, or maybe he'll get upset over the fact that he isn't a real person.

It’s a problem for later. Nie Huaisang manages to steal two bowls of congee and a pair of buns (earning a slap on the shoulder from the laughing cook who threatens to tell his brother, as always) and quickly goes back outside so Lan Xichen and him can find a quiet spot to eat.

Lan Xichen seems particularly delighted with the food, as if it’s the best thing he’s ever had. It certainly is a lot better than what they have in the Cloud Recesses, as Nie Huaisang can’t help bragging about. Food is just nicer when it actually tastes of something besides bitter and watery. Nie Huaisang could have dealt with the absence of meat, but the lack of taste is something he just can’t handle at all.

“Nie gongzi is very outspoken on this matter,” Lan Xichen notes with a small smile.

The tone is nothing more than teasing, but Nie Huaisang quickly shuts down. He’s been told before that he complains too much, and it’s against the rules of Gusu Lan. Everything is against the rules of Gusu Lan. In fact, Nie Huaisang is starting to feel bad for even talking during this improvised meal, and can't help glancing over his shoulder, fearing to be scolded by someone. He finishes eating quickly and silently, imitated in this by Lan Xichen.

After their bowls have been dropped back to the kitchen, they two boys head to the library. It's not the most impressive room in the Unclean Realm, but it's still a fairly decent library, Nie Huaisang thinks. There's all the normal classical texts of course, a whole bunch of cultivation nonsense he won't get close to if he can help it, but also some essays and notes on the history of Qinghe and its region. At some point in the past, one sect leader decided that he felt ashamed for being descended from a butcher and ordered his more scholarly disciple to research the issue and find out if maybe his ancestor wasn't secretly someone a little more glorious, linked to local nobility. He was apparently very disappointed to find it wasn't so, but at least now Qinghe Nie has some surprisingly serious historical texts in its collection.

Nie Huaisang has read most of them in fits of boredom. He knows some of them mention powerful local family building temples and making offering to gods in times of crisis or celebration, so hopefully he'll find something about his god as well. Without losing a moment, he starts perusing the shelves.

"So what are we looking for?" Lan Xichen asks, glancing around at the books.

"Histories of Qinghe, or something on local beliefs, or… Anything, really. It was a big temple, and the statue was huge. It's got to be an important god. They felt… powerful. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if it were one of the really big ones. I bet the temple has just been abandoned because it's hard to get there."

Lan Xichen smiles at that statement, though there's something a little sad in his expression.

"Gods rise and fall," he points out. "Perhaps the one you encountered is among the latter, and you won't find anyone who remembers them."

Nie Huaisang shrugs, and grabs the first book he can spot that looks even mildly relevant, quickly browsing through it.

"I think you're wrong," he says. "I think they must be very powerful. They have to be. They listened to my stupid prayer and answered it so well and so quick! Isn't that the mark of a powerful deity? And even if they're not, I've got to try. I've got to make them good offerings, so I must find who they are and what they like."

"Congee and buns apparently," Lan Xichen murmurs, but Nie Huaisang is too taken by his book to hear him.

Morning passes quickly, and brings them nothing. In all honesty Nie Huaisang isn't entirely surprised, but still had to try, and it's better than training in the sun with everyone else. He even appreciates that Lan Xichen is trying to help, though he does catch him looking at the books with puzzlement a few times. Of course if Lan Xichen was created with memories of Gusu Lan's great library, this one must seem very pitiful to him.

Around lunch time, Nie Mingjue joins them in the library and starts scolding Nie Huaisang for yet again leaving his bed without permission.

"But Xichen-ge was there with me," Nie Huaisang shamelessly points out, batting his eyes innocently. "And you trust him, right?"

"Of course I do," Nie Mingjue retorts without hesitation. "The servants told me you were with him, or else I'd have dragged you back to bed already."

Nie Huaisang laughs, and makes a note that he can probably use Lan Xichen when dealing with his brother. It's not what he intended when he asked for a husband who would get along with Nie Mingjue, but if Nie Mingjue gets soft with someone, it might as well profit his brother.

As they exit the library and walk away to have lunch, Lan Xichen hesitantly turns to Nie Mingjue, looking almost shy now.

“Mingjue-xiong, about that matter I mentioned yesterday…”

Nie Mingjue nods. “The woman was found where you said, and given the money. One of the disciples is from that village and he’s asked his parents to keep an eye out for her so we can help again if needed. She’s almost destitute and doesn’t have any family left. Apparently she’s got a reputation for being a little mad and impossibly lucky. I guess her crossing your path confirms it.”

Lan Xichen smiles. He rarely ever does anything else of course, but Nie Huaisang gets the feeling that it’s a lot more genuine this time, as if it really matters to him that this old woman gets treated well. It’s… sort of sweet, if Nie Huaisang is honest. But of course, kindness was on his list, so he shouldn’t be surprised.

“Who’s that woman?” Nie Huaisang can’t help asking, surprised that this newly created man already knows other people in the area.

At this question, a spot of red appears on Lan Xichen’s cheeks, as if he’s been caught doing something bad. Nie Huaisang’s heart speeds up a little, which is ridiculous and annoying. Maybe he shouldn’t have demanded for his future husband to be so handsome, since he clearly can’t handle that.

“While running that errand for my uncle, I became a little lost,” Lan Xichen confesses. “This old woman helped me get back on the right path, and she even insisted on giving me something to eat, though it was clear she doesn’t have much. I was in too much of a hurry to repay her then, but I thought your brother might be able to do something for her. I’m glad I was right.”

There’s something wrong about that story, because Lan Xichen definitely can’t have been running errands and getting lost due to not even existing a few days ago. But the joy and relief on his face over knowing that this woman will be taken care of seem real, so Nie Huaisang decides not to question it for the time being. If that god in the mountain decided to give their creation some fake memories to make everything feel more real, it’s for the best.

It’ll make it less likely for others to realise something isn’t quite right.

#xisang #nie huaisang #lan xichen #mo dao zu shi #the untamed #xisang wishes au #jau writes #people had been worried for lxc's believer so I hope this comforts you! he cares about her a lot and wouldn't just abandon her #also nhs doesn't know how to deal with very handsome people

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