#y’all are just incorrect (respectfully)

[galacticscrotum]

Hello!

I don’t really like introducing myself.

I get stressed out trying to capture the essence of who I am in a reasonable amount of words. I’m far too complex for that. Not in a “I’m so complicated and cool and mysterious” way, but more of a “I literally don’t even fully have a grasp on my own existence” way.

So instead of trying to summarize my personality, I’ll just list some random things I’d like you to know if you follow me :) (If it’s too long to read, I put key info in bold)

My name is Em, it’s nice to meet you!

I’ve rotated around the sun 21 times. No wonder I’m dizzy.

I am autistic and have ADHD and CPTSD. All three conditions are intrinsically linked for me, I cannot fully relate to any of the conditions on their own without the other two.

I have several symptoms of BPD (abandonment issues go brrrrr)

I never want to speak over people with higher support needs so please (respectfully) tell me if something I say is incorrect or offensive.

Autism and neurodivergence are huge special interests of mine! (Comorbidities hellooo)

I have a ridiculous and sarcastic sense of humor. I’m a goose that is rather silly.

Communicating requires a lot of my energy, so I don’t like any criticism on how I do it, like how often I punctuate or what words I use. I’m doing my best to get my thoughts from my internal realm to the outside world.

I love to learn about anarchy and communism. Even more, I love learning about and imagining better ways of life outside of any common ideologies.

I am fucking queer as fucking shit.

My pronouns are they/them. she/he are okay too

I edit this post a lot.

I love you and I want to be your friend :)

I use :) a lot and I will not stop :)

I love The Sims 4! (I have three of the expansion packs, city living, cottage living, and cats and dogs, and I do use cheats, and I have wicked whims because tiddies)

I am half Slavic/Balkan and that’s important to me because I was disconnected and removed from my culture when I was 5. (Other half is boring western European white American). Began to reconnect with my culture when I turned 18.

Learning languages is sooo fun for me! Def a big special interest. I’m semi-fluent in Spanish, and have little knowledge of: Portuguese, Mandarin, Serbian, Russian, Hungarian, toki pona (this one is so fucking cool to me).

I love music and sharing recommendations! I used to play several instruments including viola, violin, cello, guitar, and piano. Viola is forever my main instrument. Haven’t played in a while though.

Music genres I like: reggaeton, Afrobeats, house/techno/EDM, 2000-2010s pop, Serbian folk/pop, Mexican/Chicano rap, Spanish guitar, punk rock, Falling in Reverse (genre of its own tbh).

I’m very interested in the origins of humanity, early human migration, language evolution, and related topics.

I like to sew and embroider :)

I’m not religious. I have been finding my own spirituality with Mother Earth and I love it. I like learning about others’ beliefs. I don’t care what your religion is, I’ll accept you as long as you’re not in my DNI list :)

As a queer, neurodivergent, mentally ill person, I will reclaim slurs if I choose to. If that offends you, block me. I’m not here to cater to your sensitivities, I’m here to freely express myself. The language is not being used towards you, you’re just being a cop.

Anonymous asks are now OFF because y’all can’t fucking behave 🙄

DNI: under 18, homophobes, transphobes, racists, bigots, bootlickers, ableists, misogynists, porn blogs, general assholes

If you’re under 18 and want to interact just DNI with any of my posts labeled nsfw/mdni.

Thanks for reading :) Always open to questions! And memes. The more absurd the better.

#introducing myself #intro post #introduction #introductory post #introduction post #self introduction #autism spectrum #autism #autistic women #autistic #i am just a result of the universe taking lsd and hallucinating that it exploded and became alive #audhd #actually autistic #actually audhd

[thelonesomequeen]

If the AD article with Chris was initially on the strike list, but it was written after that, how did they know in June it referred to Chris as engaged in it? ….. Because those are two separate things that have nothing to do with each other?//

“It was initially on the strike list, but the article was written after that” makes it sounds like the article was written after the June update you were given because the strike didn’t start until mid July. To me at least the June update made it seem like the article was written, including describing Chris as engaged, and pretty much ready to go, but it got delayed because AD was just waiting for reno to finish for final details/photos. I’m not trying to discredit y’all, or pull some gotcha moment. The semantics just genuinely got me on this one.

I think without having all the information it’s easy for thing to get misinterpreted (respectfully, and to a degree, not to the point of delusion and threats). Y’all are in such a lose lose situation with stuff like this. You don’t share inside info you get? You’re gatekeeping. You do? You get a bunch of people creating their own timeline for how it happened. Idk how y’all do it. I wouldn’t have the energy. Hope you’re saying cool and enjoying the end of summer 💗

To clarify, the commentary about a strike list was a conversation we had with our contact earlier in the summer when we reached out to ask if the strike could cause any issues. That was at a time the strike started when no one really knew what was going on with any of that. Whether interviews could be done, whether actors could attend comic con or not, etc. The “strike list” was essentially a list of articles with actors they had to look into to make sure it was still okay to go ahead with those articles without violating the terms of the strike. We never really shared that part on the blog because we didn’t need to and once it turned out it was all going to be fine, mentioning it kind of made it a moot point since the article was and is still set to release. Hopefully that makes sense.

Yes, we believe the article was written after our June update, but as the update said, there was no reason to believe it would include anything about Alba because her rep info wasn’t listed.

Yes, a delay occurred because the renovations weren’t done. But that delay occurred before we knew anything about the article at all and before we mentioned it on the blog.

Misinterpretation can happen from time to time, but it doesn’t help when people do it intentionally to spread lies. It’s blatantly obvious when they do that. If genuine confusion takes place, people need to come ask us for clarification instead of running to other blogs and making assumptions with other people who then take those incorrect assumptions as fact and start spreading it around. 🦎

[sunflower-butch]

ok ok as fun as watching the incorrect theorising from the background is, i think it’s only fair i threw you guys a bone.

1. im not part of the polycule or main gc BUT i am mutuals w most of you (including yourself)

2. as far as i know, i am only one person!

3. not a hint but the memes are so good. incredibly funny. this tiny section of tumblr is hoarding a lot of comedic talent it’s honestly unfair

4. im reluctant to come off anon bc i AM afraid of a shark attack. but i will admit that i rly only sent a message to em for two reasons: drama is fun!! what better way to spice up an already compelling romance than throwing a competitor into the mix?? what’s hotter than jealousy, am i right? and secondly, ofc i’ll swoon for a sports lesbian mutual. otters have weaknesses too.

5. but on a very real note their pda on the dash is adorable while also sickening. i am a full sharky x princess shipper. the only critique i have is: get!!! a!!!! room!!!! challenge (level: impossible, apparently)

anyway love your speculating- those big brain writer gears were TURNING. also completely unrelated but your werewolf robin has rotted my brain like im not the same woman i was before you wrote that au. u have a gift and it has cursed me

- 🦦

Oh my god HELLO otter, I am absolutely shocked to be receiving this message, and I am cackling over this

Thinking so hard about shared mutuals rn and making notes. It’s a fun little puzzle to figure out, I’ll admit!!

You really have to hand it to Grace. @avocadosockz is a comedic fucking genius and I wish I was half as funny 💀 Y’all don’t even see all the memes she makes. Maybe someday they’ll leave the containment of the gc lmao

Honestly, incredibly valid. You made a VERY compelling season of CDLM, it was very welcome and I applaud you. Honestly you’re pretty damn smooth. I’m with you on the sports lesbian thing. They are just so incredible and I am looking respectfully

Shark anon is a little terrifying, I’ll give you that. Love you Becca 🤪💛 That said,

Again I regretfully say y’all only see the half of it. Real quote from the group chat: “i said yearn on the dash not make a sex tape on the dash” - Grace. Get a room challenge FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE APPARENTLY. Disgustingly adorable. Gross.

I am. Going to cry. I cannot believe THE otter anon is a fan of my werewolf Robin. Brb screaming into a pillow. Thank you so much dude!! It really means a lot!!!

#the plot thickens! #cdlm #otter anon #you seem like a chill dude #loving the vibes

[oh-katsuki]

some of y’all gravely misunderstood what i said last night about fanfiction and the way people tend to be incredibly critical of it in a way that feels almost disrespectful. 

i was not saying in any way, shape, or form that fanfiction cannot be criticized / should not be criticized. it’s an art form worthy of being acknowledged the way any other art form is. it’s a learned skill, as with any creative craft, and criticism of it is absolutely valid. 

that being said, i was referring very specifically to a certain genre of criticism on here that is not constructive nor proper criticism, but rather an expression of opinion that cannot be properly articulated into actual criticism. i was referring specifically to a certain ideology prevalent on here that feels almost pretentious and often conflates personal opinion with objective good and bad. 

fanfiction, like any other creative pursuit, is an art form, which means that good and bad is relatively subjective if grammar, sentence structure, and writing prose are used properly. it also means that there is a correct way to critique and an incorrect way to critique that is directly correlated to being able to improve upon hearing it. if someone comes and says “this writing style is bad” and offers no other commentary, it’s not proper criticism, it’s a personal opinion and a disrespectful way to critique someone’s work. 

i work a lot with art, so critique and criticism is something that i’ve had a lot of experience with since it’s something that the art community does a lot in order to improve. i enjoy getting better at writing and improving upon what i wrote the day before. i regularly ask people to beta-read fics for me because i can learn from that experience and from their comments.

that being said, not everyone is like me. not everyone wants to get better even if it means hearing unsavory things about their work and that is completely fine and valid even if i don’t understand it. what is not fine is shouting an opinion that is often rude or vague from the rooftops about someone else’s work, disguising it as a critique, and disregarding the effort they already put in. 

part of criticism, at least from a creative improvement perspective, is acknowledging the process and work put in and saying something that will allow someone to improve off of it. the internet is a public place. if you are posting your work, it comes hand in hand with the idea that you will receive criticism. my argument is not that you should not think critically about fanfiction (partially because i think that doing that does a disservice to the author, but also because fanfic is still a valid form of writing in every sense). my argument is simply that critique in a fanfiction sphere should be offered respectfully and with the acknowledgement that most people do this for fun. 

this is obviously different within a professional sphere, but most of us are not professionals (yet at least) and that’s okay. some people do this for fun and that’s totally cool. making comments that make an entire community feel shitty is just not a cool thing to do and im not sure why that’s a topic of debate. 

i guess all im saying is that critique of fanfiction and fanficition trends are valid, but it’s important to remain respectful and still respect the craft itself and the time/effort someone put into it. 

#especially since people put this out there for free #read work critically... enjoy it and connect with it and analyze it.. that makes writer's SO happy #but also just be respectful? #there is a way to offer critique while still being kind / respectful and it's really not difficult #especially since this isn't a professional sphere.. so the concept of 'im doing it for your own good/practice' that typically flies with- #harsh art critics / book critics doesn #really apply the same way #unless there's been clear communication with an author that that is what they want #and even then... a lot of those harsher critics can lose credibility based off of how harsh their critique is and whether or not- #they can back up their claims with comparison of similar art genres.. art movements.. or techniques #so many critics have lost credibility based on that #so just #idk if im making sense #i guess my whole thing is like... be respectful #discourse

[myownworstenemyyy]

All I Wanted - Part 6

a Javier Peña x Reader series

Word count: 4k  (gif by @pedropcl​)

Warnings: FEELS, violence, mentions of blood/cuts/bruises, insinuation of having sexually assaulted someone (like, what?), PAIN, #justhospitalthings, dat angsty angst y’all know I love

S/O: my super lovely Tumblr wife Sarinaaa @captainclod (she writes AMAZING Pedro fics, go check her out - respectfully)

A/N: this is all from Javi’s POV, right after Part 5 (with flashbacks of course) Also, sorry if some of the medical lingo is super technical or completely incorrect - i hope y’all enjoy this one! Thanks for reading 💜 (masterlist in bio)

Part 6 – Feeling Sorry

“Wait - they put her into a coma?” Javier asks Connie incredulously, his hands propped on his hips. He’s been in the waiting room for hours, worrying, hoping, and sometimes even praying - though he only did that once Steve left him alone to interrogate one of your captors.

“Yes, a medically-induced coma. She suffered severe trauma to her brain and chest, Javi. The doctors were able to control the bleeding in her abdomen but all the bruising needs to heal on its own while she sleeps. She–” Connie takes a second to clear the lump that’s formed in her throat, “God, I don’t know how she survived all that,” Connie says softly, a pained expression plaguing her features. 

Javier runs a shaky hand through his hair as he closes his eyes, but all he sees is your bruised and battered body being rushed on a gurney into the emergency room.

“Javi, you can’t come back here - it’s hospital staff and patients only,” Connie tells him quietly but urgently. She places her hands on his chest when he continues to follow the group of people wheeling you into the ER. 

Steve had called Connie - who works as a nurse in the hospital - when they found you in that cabin, informing her of the extent of your wounds, so she could prepare hospital staff for your arrival. She met them at the hospital and Javier felt the tiniest bit of comfort knowing she would be there with you when he couldn’t. 

“Connie,” Javier’s voice cracks when he looks towards her, reluctantly peeling his eyes away from the double doors they rolled you through just minutes before. For the first time in his life, he feels completely and utterly lost. When he’d barged into that room and seen you tied to that chair - seemingly lifeless - his whole world had shattered.  

“I know, Javi. We are going to save her, but you need to stay out here, OK? I’ll come back with any news as soon I know anything,” Connie squeezes his arms in reassurance before rushing through the doors where hopefully - God, did Javi hope with every fabric of his being - the doctors could save you, even if it was only so he could have the chance to tell you-

“Javi?” Connie asks hesitantly when he doesn’t respond. He nods to let her know he’s still listening, though he’s struggling to focus on anything other than the fact that you’re somewhere in this hospital, fighting to stay alive, and in a coma.

“Can I,” Javier clears his throat before he continues, “Can I see her?” he asks quietly. He grabs Connie’s hand with both of his, whether to plead with her to let him see you or for his own comfort, he’s not sure. 

She gnaws on her bottom lip as she looks behind her to the nurses’ station and back at Javier again. “Give me a second,” is all she says before she walks back to the counter and converses with one of the other nurses for several seconds. Javier remains awkwardly standing in the middle of the waiting room, picking at the bandages Connie had insisted on wrapping around his hand and wrist after seeing them bruised and swollen. He releases a shaky breath, feeling about as weary and hopeless as he looks. 

Connie returns saying, “OK, I can take you back there now, but it’s family-only, so…I had to tell them you were her fiancé,” she says with the slightest of smiles before she continues, “I would’ve said ‘husband’ but I didn’t want you to have a stroke,” she tries for a light chuckle and Javi appreciates her attempt at humor, given the grave situation at hand. And though he’d never tell her, he really wouldn’t have minded if she’d told them he was your husband. His stomach flips just thinking about the hypothetical situation, but he quickly shoves that thought aside to dwell on at another time - like when you’re not lying unconscious in a hospital bed.

He nods in response and motions for Connie to lead the way through the double doors of the intensive care unit. The two of them walk silently down a long hall until they come to a stop in front of the very last door on the left. Javier takes a long, deep breath and motions forward before he’s stopped in his tracks when Connie gently grabs his arm, saying, “It’s - she looks pretty banged up, but she’s stable - for now. I just - wanted to warn you, I guess,” Connie’s sentence dies out when she sees the expression on Javi’s face. He looks like a zombie, the bags under his eyes making him look years older than he is and his hair is sticking out in odd places from him running his hands through it constantly. 

Without a word, Javi turns and pushes the door open slowly, thinking he doesn’t want to wake you - but then he remembers you’re in a coma, so the likelihood of you being woken up by a creaky door is basically nonexistent. He takes about four steps into the room until he sees you lying in the hospital bed. 

His heart nearly stops from the sight of your injured body decorated with an assortment of bruises and bandages, lying completely still - save for the subtle up-and-down movement of your chest. It’s that motion alone that has him moving his feet closer to the bed - she’s breathing, she’s alive, he reassures himself as he slides into the chair that rests by your bedside. He immediately reaches for your hand that’s resting on your thigh above the blanket. But then he stops just before making contact, looking to Connie for permission because he doesn’t want to hurt you in your already-fragile state.

Connie nods softly and takes a couple more steps into the room, closing the door behind her. Javi intertwines your fingers in his and the first thing he notices is that your hand is freezing, so he brings his other hand to cover the top of yours, trying to share his warmth with you. “What are - all these machines?” Javi asks, never looking away from your face.

“She has a couple fractured ribs, but the doctors didn’t think she was strong enough to fix them in surgery, so they’re keeping a close eye on her breathing and heart rate in case–” Connie cuts herself off, unsure if she should proceed with Javier already being so shaken.

“Say it,” he turns his head slightly toward her while keeping his hands intertwined with yours. Connie takes a deep breath through her nose and continues, “in case one of the fractured ribs punctures her lungs, and they need to resuscitate and intubate her - so she can breathe.” Connie looks down at her feet, afraid she might start crying from seeing the fear and pain in Javi’s eyes at hearing how perilous the situation is.

He nods his head, feeling desensitized to everything. He hasn’t really felt much of anything these days - ever since he’d discovered you had been captured. But at that moment, it’s as if he’s not really in his body - he feels your hand in his, slowly becoming warmer by the second, but that’s the only part of his body that has any sort of sensation. Every other part of him is just - numb. 

Javier takes in a shaky breath and doesn’t release it until he’s sure the tears welling in his eyes won’t fall - not in front of Connie, at least. “I’ll leave you alone with her, stay as long as you like,” Connie murmurs as she slowly backs away towards the door. 

“Hey, Connie?” Javi calls after her with a little more strength in his voice. He releases your hand and takes a couple steps until he’s standing in front of Connie. She stops and turns, looking at him expectantly, “Yeah?” He looks down into her now-glassy eyes, trying to convey how much he appreciates everything she’s done for you - for him, “Thank you - I don’t know what would’ve happened - what I would’ve done - if you weren’t here.” He takes her by surprise when he pulls her into a strong embrace. 

Connie slowly reaches her arms around him and returns the hug as they stand like that for a few seconds, each trying to find comfort in the other. When Javi releases her and steps back, he watches Connie wipe her cheeks with her sleeve and sniffle. “Of course, Javi. You don’t have to thank me. I care about her too, and - it kinda sorta is my job to care for the sick and injured,” she laughs lightly and sniffles again. 

Javi nods his head with the smallest of smiles and waves to her as she turns to leave the room.

He stands there facing the door for what feels like hours, but really is just a couple minutes. He can’t help but think that if it were anyone else - maybe even Steve - in that hospital bed right now he wouldn’t hesitate to walk through that door and never come back - not even for a visit. He’s always hated hospitals - hated the way he could practically feel Death lurking around in every room - but as he takes a step closer to the door and closes it with a click, he’s never felt more sure of himself - and more determined to keep Death from so much as thinking about entering your room.

Javier walks back to your bedside and sits in the chair, exhaling heavily. He takes your hand again and brings it to his lips as he leans his elbows on the bed, looking up at your sleeping face. 

“You know,” he whispers, “that first day I saw you at the DEA - all smiles and greeting everyone like you’d known them for years - I thought ‘This girl’s not gonna last a week down here’,“ he smiles at the memory, "Then when I actually met you and I tried to mess with you with the whole ‘what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this,’ line and you smirked at me,” he chuckles to himself, “I thought maybe I had a chance at getting you into my bed. But then - you knocked me on my ass when you said, ‘I’m here to catch Pablo fucking Escobar. And you - what are you doing here?’” Javier closes his eyes as he remembers the details perfectly, “And you offered me the sweetest smile I’d ever seen. It was right at that moment that I knew I was in trouble.”

Javi leans back in the chair, your hand still entwined in his, “I knew I had to stay away from you - that I shouldn’t–” he wipes his other hand down his face with a sigh, “I couldn’t risk spending time with you or getting to know you because I knew - I knew I could fall in love with someone like you,” he’s quiet for a minute as he watches you sleep, seemingly lost in his own thoughts when he murmurs, “Guess I never stood a chance, huh?” 

He throws his head back against the chair with a sigh, feeling the weight of the past few days finally taking its toll on him. It’s only a matter of seconds before he falls into a restless sleep.

“Fuck this,” Javi curses as he shoves his door open and jumps out, barely noticing the DEA vehicles driving toward him. 

“Peña, what the fuck are you doing?!” a fellow DEA agent shouts from one of the approaching vehicles, but Javier doesn’t even acknowledge him as he sprints across the dirt road as quick as he can with the heavy weight of weapons and ammunition lining his bulletproof vest.

He barely stops to think as he approaches the front door of the cabin, taking the few stairs two at a time until he reaches the porch. With his back up against the wall, opposite the hinges of the front door, Javier takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment to collect his thoughts. Please, God - whoever’s listening - please let her be alive. Please don’t take her from me. 

Javier opens his eyes to find his partner approaching with a handful of agents following, all with their guns drawn and ready to take down anyone that walks out the front door unannounced. Steve looks his way with a nod - I’ve got your back, brother, he seems to be telling him when he and the group of agents come to a stop on the other side of the door.

Javi nods back and puts his hand on the door knob slowly turning it and, to his surprise, finds it unlocked. Those smug fuckers didn’t even bother locking the door, Javi thinks as he reaches into his vest for the smoke bomb he pocketed there earlier. Pulling the pin out with his teeth at the same time he opens the door, Javier tosses the bomb inside and waits one second, two seconds, then BANG, the bomb goes off just as it’s intended to and Javi swings the door open with his gun drawn.

He hears the voices of two men cursing, no doubt because of the flash of light that went off just before the smoke erupted from the bomb. He scans the open area quickly, looking for the sources of the voices, when suddenly he’s getting tackled from the left side. He hits the ground with an oof! but quickly throws an elbow into the face of his attacker. The smoke clears as the two men get to their feet. Javier faces Serpiente, who now has blood leaking from his nose thanks to Javi’s elbow. 

"¿Viniste a rescatar a tu novia preciosa?” Serpiente mocks, “¡Adelante! Yo ya la probé y - bueno - ella sí es un polvo MUY deliciosa,” he smiles darkly, baring his blood-coated teeth, and Javi reacts instantly, lunging at the other man with vengeful purpose. Serpiente knows it coming and goes to dodge, landing a punch to Javi’s jaw - but Javi recoils quickly, the assault only stoking the flames of his fiery rage. He shoves his foot downward onto Serpiente’s kneecap, sending him crumpling to the ground in pain. Then Javier really lets him have it. 

Grabbing the man by the collar of his shirt, he roughly lifts him to his feet only to pound his fist into the fucker’s face, sending him back to the floor. He continues to pummel Serpiente’s face with his fist, all the while shouting obscenities in two different languages, “MOTHER-” a vicious strike, “-FUCKER,“ another merciless blow, “HIJO DE,” punch to the gut, “PUTA,” Javier slams his fist into the man’s face with a crack. Whether the crack is from Javier’s own hand or the other man’s mangled face, he doesn’t know - and I don’t give a fuck either, he thinks. 

Javier leans into the man’s face, so close their noses bump. "Te voy a matar, cabrón,” he seethes as he clasps his hands around Serpiente’s throat with an iron grip. He’s so blinded by an all-consuming rage that he doesn’t notice Serpiente reach for the blade in his pocket until it’s raised above his head, ready to plunge into Javier’s heart. 

But he doesn’t get the chance to bring the knife down on Javier before a bullet is put between Serpiente’s eyes. Javier snaps his head up and turns around to see Steve, his now-smoking gun aimed at Javier - no, aimed at Serpiente, whose body hits the ground with a dull thud.

Breathing hard from the exertion of the brawl, he struggles to find his bearings until Steve offers him a hand, pulling him upward. “Thanks,” Javier tells his partner, referring to more than just Steve helping him to his feet. Steve nods and tilts his head toward the center of the room. Javier looks around the room and sees another, more hefty-looking, man bleeding from his stomach on the floor across the way, but he couldn’t give two shits about ese cabrón. 

Then he sees you, seated in - no, tied to - a chair in the middle of the space. Javier shoulders passed Steve and doesn’t stop until he’s standing toe-to-toe with you. ¿Dios mio - qué te hicieron? He thinks as he stumbles to his knees in front of you.

Your chest and arms are covered with various cuts and bruises - your shirt having been ripped open, leaving your chest exposed. Your bottom lip is split open and one of your eyes is bruised black. There’s a long gash on the side of your forehead that goes down to your temple and your cheeks are bruised various shades of purple and blue. Javier rests a shaky hand on your knee, “(y/n)? Hey, wake up! C’mon, hermosa, look at me,” he begs, his voice cracking.

When you don’t respond he places his hand on your cheek, careful not to touch the cuts on your face. His heart nearly flies out of his chest when you begin to stir - and even smile. “Please - please open your eyes,” he says your name in a voice that sounds as desperate as he feels.

“Ja-vi,” you croak out when you open your eyes, and he swears he’s never heard a more beautiful sound in his life. Sí, mi amor, soy yo - aquí estoy contigo y nunca te voy a dejar, he thinks, unable to speak because of the emotions overwhelming his senses and gripping his heart like a vice. You’re alive, you’re alive, his brain repeats like a mantra as he stares into your eyes for the first time in what feels like years. 

And when you smile - God, he’s missed that smile - sunbeams burst through his chest. But then the pain-filled expression on your face brings him back to reality and he quickly goes to work untying you from the chair. 

He notices the puddle of blood before he sees the stab wound in your side. The joy and relief he was feeling just moments ago is quickly snuffed out when he looks back to your face and notices for the first time how pale your skin looks compared to the last time he saw you. 

“Javi I–” you start but it quickly turns into a wince of pain, making Javier’s stomach drop. 

“Don’t speak. Save your energy. We’re gonna get you to the hospital,” Javi rushes the words out to prevent you from trying to speak again. It feels as if time is slowing down as he watches your eyelids start to close again. “Tell that ambulance to hurry the fuck up!” Javi shouts to the other agents in the room, his desperate tone instantly putting everyone on edge. No, God, please, he thinks as he cradles your face and looks into your eyes, “Hey, stay awake. You’re gonna be OK, mi amor, I promise,” his eyes frantically search yours for any indication that you’re hearing him. C'mon, hermosa, please - stay with me, but even his thoughts are laced with despair.

Then in a strained voice, ��‘Mi - amor’?” you whisper and he nods his head, feeling a small ounce of relief that you’re still responsive. That’s right, mi amor - stay awake, let me see those beautiful eyes, he smiles softly and brushes his thumb over your cheekbone with just a feather of a touch. But his face instantly falls when your eyes close again, mumbling, “m-m - love.” 

“No, no, no. Please, hermosa!” he repeats your name over and over while shaking your shoulders with desperation, but you never open your eyes again. 

Javier wakes with a start, nearly falling out of the chair. His breathing is unsteady and he thinks he’s about to pass out again when suddenly he remembers where he is. He looks up and sees you lying in the hospital bed in the same position as when he first drifted off.

Breathing deeply, he leans his head back against the cushion of the chair and closes his eyes, but he quickly re-opens them because all he sees is your body sagging in that chair, completely lifeless. Fucking dream, he curses to himself as he finds your hand to take in his again. He leans forward and presses a soft kiss to your pale knuckles, which have gone cold again while he was sleeping. 

How long was I out? He looks at the clock mounted on the wall and his eyes nearly bug out of his head, “Six hours?!” It felt like he was out for ten minutes, not six hours. Fuck - I don’t even feel rested after that fucking nightmare.

“Oh, you’re awake,” a quiet voice comes from behind him. A small, older woman with shoulder-length brown hair walks into the room carrying a tray with what looks like a medicine vial and a long needle. If she wasn’t wearing nurse’s scrubs, Javier would’ve grabbed his gun from his holster - the gun he had to give to Steve to take home because they didn’t allow firearms in the hospital rooms. Oh, right, Javier runs a hand down his face, willing himself to wake the fuck up.

“Sorry,” he mutters, not entirely sure why he says it but feeling the need to anyway. “No se preocupe. You must’ve been in a deep sleep. You didn’t even notice when I came in to check her vitals - twice,” the woman explains with a chuckle. He’s surprised she knows english so well, though the nurse has a bit of an accent, but he’s too tired to question any further. She practically skips to the opposite side of the bed and sets down the tray she’s carrying on the bedside table. 

She turns to face Javi suddenly, saying, “You are Javi, right?” He nods his head, assuming Connie must have told the nurses who he was - he wonders if she also told them he was your “fiancè”. The nurse’s face glows with delight at his answer as she goes to work giving you medication. When she’s done, she looks up at Javi again and says, “I think she’s been dreaming about you,” she offers a sweet smile.

Javi furrows his brow in confusion and responds, “What makes you say that?” He sits up, suddenly very interested in what the woman has to say.

She brings her voice down to a whisper and leans forward like she’s sharing the hottest gossip in town, “Well, I was already in the room when they brought her in here and I heard her say - very clearly - ‘My Javi’ just before they put her to sleep,” the woman ends with a smile so wide, even Javier’s cheeks begin to hurt.

My Javi - he looks down at the very woman they’re talking about like he’s just seeing you for the first time. Your breathing is even, heart rate steady, and he swears there’s a bit more color in your cheeks than there was six hours ago.  

My Javi - your hand is warmer now, so much so that you’re the one providing him warmth. He turns your hand over and kisses your palm, then places it against his cheek as he continues to gaze at you with adoration and awe and love.

My Javi - he closes his eyes and imagines you saying those words, the light bouncing perfectly off your skin and the way your eyes smile at him. He could fall asleep just like this and hope to never wake up if it meant being this close to you.

Javier is so lost in thoughts of you, he doesn’t notice the loud beeps of one of the machines until it turns into a low, consistent tone like a - flat line.

His eyes shoot open just in time to see the nurse smash a button on the wall as she shouts, “CODE BLUE! AYUDA!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Translations:

Viniste a rescatar a tu novia preciosa? - Did you come to rescue your precious girlfriend?

¡Adelante! Yo ya la probé y, bueno, ella sí es un polvo MUY deliciosa - Go ahead! I’ve already tried/tasted her and, well, she is a VERY delicious fuck.

Hijo de puta - son of a bitch

Te voy a matar, cabrón - I’m going to kill you, motherfucker (loose translation on the last word lol)

Dios mio - qué te hicieron?  - My God, what did they do to you? 

Sí, mi amor, soy yo - Yes, my love, it’s me

Aquí estoy contigo y nunca te voy a dejar - I’m right here with you and I’m never going to leave you

No se preocupe - Don’t worry about it/No worries

Ayuda - Help

****I was going to make the whole exchange between Javier and the nurse be in Spanish, but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how “Code Blue” would translate in a Columbian hospital lol so I decided to just leave it in mostly English

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What’d you guys think?? This chapter is probably the one with the most angst throughout, so we’re only going up from here lol i hope you guys enjoyed it, and thank you all SO MUCH for sticking with the series. it means a lot to me 😚💕

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[likesplatterpaint]

It’s been a damn good day and a great start to Sem 2.

- slept in an hour and 45 because snow day/virtual learning day

-had delish vanilla bun for breakfast, courteous of the best lesbian baker in existence @wallacewellsbian

-met all my new kids. Already adore 80% of them. PAMC has two great groups. IMP was a little quiet but I’m guess that’s just the first day.

-I had several kids tell me on my intro survey that they took their course specifically because I was teaching it 😍 one already told me she loves my personality, and she just met me today.

-I have several new sophomores and juniors, and one senior who are dead serious about making this their career and god that’s so exciting to me as a teacher.

-I stayed professional with the nerdy 6th grader who thinks he’s hot shit at computers. He tried to correct me on something or another like three times. Which is already a pet peeve of mine- but bruh you were incorrect lmao. I have a feeling I’m going to have to lay him out at some point for either interrupting me or just being condescending. And the middle school babies I’ve raised from like kindergarteners will just be like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-one of my new freshmen respectfully helped me fix a sound issue I didn’t know I had over zoom 😂 (sorry Sem1 kids. You’re too polite)

-delicious crock pot dinner I threw together on “brunch” cuz our lunch is stupid early.

-I got to laugh at the Superintendents “big plan” to have kids start hybrid today. Snow had other plans! Dare I hope for more?

-planning a Galentines day painting time with three amazing ladies I adore. (We’re all at least partially vaccinated, yay!) I really want to celebrate the female friendships in my life more y’all. They’re everything.

-comfy beb. Something stinks and I can’t figure out if it’s Duncan’s banket somewhere, or the comforter

-why is music so Good?

[dilutedapplejuice]

Rise and shine!

I know y’all’s hate boomers and anti-vaxxers and flat earthers and whatever, and I’m not saying I agree with them so if anyone even looks at this post you better not fricking hate me for this (or love me for do who you are) BUT————

Have you ever tried thinking from their perspective? No not thinking from their perspective but with all of you’re prejudices, I mean THEIR perspective and prejudices.

For instance: random strangers whose words you cannot trust for the life of you are saying to put some mystery substance that they explain with faulty logic into you and your children, and because you reject them the whole world hates you now and at this point you couldn’t go back even if you wanted to because you’ve gone too far to turn tail, especially in front of your kids, so all you can do is advocate for your opinion and hope others don’t get sucked in to hurting themselves and their family. You are anti-vax.

You believe yourself to be a very intelligent person, and know that your logic is very sound. You don’t trust the information you were given about your Earth, so you decide to look into it a little more. You find some evidence that, to you at the very least, seems for real than the other “facts” that you have been presented with. I mean, why in the world is Earth the only planet with biological life on it? Why haven’t we made contact with other life forms? If there is a specific zone/distance from the sun for life to be sustained, it should be a lot more common, right? No, the only explanation is that Earth is a very rare exception to the rules of time and space (if those rules are even true). That is the only possibility. And of course, almost the whole world is against you, except the few people that think like you do. The more people talk badly to and about you and your friends, the more you are driven away from their logic, the more faulty it seems. Now, all of a sudden you are encapsulated with your theory and you find any way you can to make it right. Not matter what happens, you will not stray from your path. That’s right, you are a flat earther.

Everything around you is changing. The young people around you don’t like the sort of things you like anymore, talk like you anymore, think like you anymore. They hardly even try to be friendly to you anymore. It hurts when you see all of your friends fade and drift away from you. It makes you bitter and all you want is a friend, but the people you reach out to in your own way turn from you, so you give up and just decide not to care about other people, since they don’t seem to care about you any more. It’s lonely, but it keeps you from getting hurt. The only kinds of things you do now is get your well-needed revenge against the ones who turn you away thinking that you domt matter, and you also unknowingly lash out at other strangers too, be it in social media or real life. Yes, you guessed it, you’re a boomer.

Disclaimer: I have not experienced any of these viewpoints and they’re all probably completely incorrect for some, if not all people, so I apologize for that if I do not match your memories. That being said, you are a complete arse if you think that that makes my point any less valid.

Look, I’m just trying to say that being empathetic to other people’s viewpoints will help you a lot in life, and the world would be a much better place with it. If you think otherwise, I respectfully ask for you to frick off with mean comments. I’m not looking for upvotes or whatever, just consider this: other people have feelings too. Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk.

-some random fudger

#think about it #empathy #pls dont hate me #just saying my thoughts #oop