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willgrahamkinnie · 1 year

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No I’m fine, it’s just…Will admitted he enjoyed killing Hobbs to Hannibal so quickly, yet kept his distance in fear of growing too close to him, and thus ignored his own painfully obvious feelings for him, and then once he discovered who Hannibal was and what he had done to him, he was so hurt he wanted to hurt him back in the one way he knew Hannibal would forgive him for (Murder), and then once he realized he actually wasn’t dead he was upset not because Hannibal wasn’t dead but the fact that he had to wrestle with his feelings for him again, even though he wasn’t consciously thinking of that, and then once Will was out of jail he played both the side of wanting to be with Hannibal and wanting to see him locked up, and once again used the act of murder (Randell and then the lie about Freddie) to grow the bond between them even more, and THEN, even with all that, Will still has trouble knowing how to feel about him, even once he admits he would’ve gone to Florence with Hannibal once he heard his voice on the other end of the phone, and even after Will went all the way to Florence just to tell Hannibal he forgave him, and then once Hannibal was locked up and Will had moved on, the moment he came back and almost forced himself to tell Hannibal he didn’t return his feelings, just so he could find a way to get back at him for killing Abigail and to make Hannibal not have a feeling of leverage knowing Will loved him back, and then at the final scene where they kill the dragon together, aka the one moment where they killed together, Will finally realizes that he does in fact love him, and that from the moment he admitted he liked killing Hobbs was the beginning of his spiral into full blown love for Hannibal, and it all came full circle at that moment, and Will knew despite that, however much it pained him, that he still had to throw both of them off the cliff, because he couldn’t bear to see Hannibal live freely just as much as he couldn’t bear to love Hannibal, and so finally he tells Hannibal truly how he felt to give Hannibal what he’s always wanted, and so that the both of them could go to their graves with no secrets between them, and Will spends his last moments truly loving Hannibal, resting his head on his chest and breathing in tune with the man he truly loved, before he dragged them off the cliff, Hannibal going along because he knew that was Wills plan the entire time, and this time Hannibal truly did want what was best for Will and he loved him so much that he let him do it…lol why do you ask?

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blowsomey · 2 years

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guys!! just sharing you an edit i made about byler, kinda happy with the finale result :)

i’d love to know your thoughts and i really hope you’ll like it!!

#byler #byler s4 #byler season 4 #byler better be canon #byler edit #mike x will #will byers #stranger things #conan gray #yours conan gray #byler is canon #byler is endgame #yeah im crying

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pretty-amorphous-blob · 2 years

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Skin is not always so pretty

familial / platonic c!beeduo and sbi x reader

Disclaimer: there are a lot of pet names used in a familial/platonic way and a lot of platonic physical affection. Also somewhat graphic depictions of eczema and pain.

You cursed as you woke up, feeling the tightness in your face and inevitably the rest of your body, groaning quietly at the pain. The eczema was really bad today.

Getting up took about ten minutes, with the incrimental shifting towards the tub of salve on your bedside table, and a combo pain and healing potion made for you especially by Philza. Eventually sitting up you took the potion mixture, making a face at the taste, and rubbed the salve onto your joints, it wouldn’t solve the problem, but it would at least allow you to hobble towards the shower.

Walking to the shower was a grueling task, you carried a topical ointment also from Philza and salve with you as you went, as well as the linen strips for wet wraps and clean cotton pajamas. Every inch your skin moved made you keen in agony, and tears began to form in your eyes. It hurt so bad, you wanted to curl up and cry, but you knew the only way to fend off the burning dryness was to shower and moisturize.

The bathroom wasn’t very far, and you were almost there when you heard a familiar voice call your name drowsily.

You tried your best to hide it from them since the flare up had started, wearing long sleeves all the time, covering your face with a mask, showering incredibly early and late at night, blaming it on workout routines. You built a schedule to avoid them seeing the red scaly patchiness on your skin, downing numbing potions like they were going out of stock everyday to keep the constant twinges and itchiness away. Philza was a saint, keeping your secret nd experimenting with Techno to come up with treatment potions.

They noticed the strange behavior of course, but they just ignored it in favor of respecting your boundaries. They all had weird things, Ranboo hated eye contact and Tubbo hated fireworks, but this? This was disastrous, Tubbo was awake, and he seen your uncovered face, your arms, everything. His eyes widened in shock, seeing the red patches and wrinkled dry skin around your joints. It was humiliating.

You froze, tears still collecting in your eyes, this time from shame as well as pain. You didn’t have time to explain though, you needed to shower, or you were gong to die. Well not literally die, but the pain was making you lightheaded even with the potion.

You rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door shut, hurriedly sorting all your care items on the counter and turning the fan on. Now for the hardest part, undressing. You always dreaded this, peeling clothing off the oozing cracks hurt so much. Sometimes it was easier to literally get in the shower and then take off your clothes as the water softened your skin and washed away the crusted blood and fluid.

You hissed in pain as you gently peeled away your shirt ignoring the fire burning across your body. The process took at least five minutes, and you muffled pained groans and gasps by biting your hand. Not the best coping strategy, but hey, hiding a severe medical condition from your bestfriends wasn’t easy.

Soon enough you had finished your shower, despite the fact that you had to be incredibly gentle and took way longer than what would be considered normal. You definitely would have to go back to Philza at some point to make sure nothing was infected but for the time being you were dead set on not getting caught scurying back to your room in shorts and a tank top that barely covered your back.

When you left the bathroom you saw Ranboo and Tubbo speaking in the kitchen looking concerned as their ears twitched and ranboo’s tail flicked back and forth anxiously. You snuck by them and got to your room, laying a towel on the floor, and attempted to rub the ointment Philza made you into the problem areas. You were trying your best to avoid the wing friendly tanktop and running shorts you had on. They were the only clothes you had that didn’t cover the problem areas but also wouldn't absorb the precious concoction Philza had so graciously made you.

A knock on your door made you jerk suddenly and you whimpered in pain. You knew it would be easier to let them help you, but the humiliation and shame of letting them see your condition made you shrink into yourself. You didn’t want them to see your skin, they would think you were hideous. A monster, despicable, they would shun you like a leper.

“Sunshine? Is your skin acting up?” you heard Tubbo’s gentle voice come through the door, and you let out another quiet whimper. “I’m gonna take that as a yes. Is it alright if Ranboo and I help you?”

You wanted them to, it would be so nice to be taken care of, gentle hands helping you put the ointment and salve on and then helping with the bandages. You always did them in a hurry, leaving them sloppy and barely effective, good enough to get the job done but not remotely like the first time Philza showed you how. The vulnerability was terrifying, but you knew you were part of their family, and they would care fo you just the same as Tommy, Michael, or Shroud.

It would be the same as Tubbo applying Michael’s anti-necrotic potion each night to stablize his condition.

It would be just like Ranboo massaging Tubbos left shoulder when it had phantom pains from the execution.

It would be like you and Tubbo searching for Ranboo in the dark hours of the morning, only to lure the lanky man’s enderwalk state back home with chorus fruit and grass blocks.(Ranboo stocked up on both for such events.)

You knew they would care for you so you opened the door, stepping back and hanging your head in shame, while shivering with pain

Ranboo immediately rushed to your side, softly stroking your hair and examining your skin gently. “Oh honey, it's really bad huh?” you sniffle as he softly runs his free hand over your arms and back, gently moving you to sit on the towel Tubbo moved to your bed. “Shh, its alright, Tubbo’s gonna help okay? We’re here. We’ve got you.” as forgetful as the guy was he could be awful sweet.

Tubbo shuffled onto the bed with you, picking up the tub of ointment and the salve. “Where do I put the ointment sunshine?”

You let out a small sigh at that, tears continuing to roll down your cheeks. You look at the floor and mumble “Back, arms, and the l-lower part of my legs.”

Tubbo starts to apply the potion, his touch is ever so gentle and caring, and it makes you weep all the more. You felt so vulnerable and scared, the only person who had ever helped you with this before was Philza, and he was practically your dad. The soft rubbing sensation eased the burning and throbbing pain rushing through your skin, and Tubbo softly hushed your whimpers as he worked on your arm.

Ranboo kneels in front of you, somehow still taller than you, and moves to card one of his hands through your hair. You catch it and push it away, for fear of hurting him with the wet strands.

“I took a water resistance potion love, it’s fine.” he smiles genuinely and you move your hand back to your lap. Ranboo immediately puts his hand back against your head, gently tugging through the hair and softly smiling down at you. It feels too loving, too real.

Tubbo had finished your back and moved on to your left arm, and it hurt. Your muscles were stiff and your skin felt tight and painful. “Hey boo, do you wanna do their legs to get it done faster?”

Ranboo immediately warbled in agreement, and started to work on your legs, rubbing gently and softly, careful to not scrape you with his talons.

Tubbo then shifted closer to you, and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “We’re almost done, Yeah? You’re doing so well sunshine, so proud of you.” he murmurs reassurances as he moves to the right arm. The muscles ached from lack of use, a side effect of hiding in your room all day to avoid being seen, and every press on them hurt a little bit. It felt so nice, but it also felt so so so scary. Would this make them see you different?

Ranboo interrupted you thoughts, seeming to catch on to the negative spiral as he started on the left leg. “You wanna watch some movies and cuddle with us after this? I can give Michael to Tommy for today, he’ll understand. Plus he’s been hinting at a playdate with Shroud for a while now.” He was watching you carefully as he spoke, relieved to see your tears becoming less and less as you sank back into Tubbo, relaxing a bit from the care you were being given. It was so tender, and strange, you never treated your skin this delicately, there wasn’t time for that.

You hummed in affirmation as Ranboo finished up your legs, slumping even further into Tubbo and curling into his chest while shivering from the waves of razor sharp pain. They both cooed at you in sympathy. Ranboo has a distorted enderian trill as he softly rubs your cheek, and Tubbo’s hand moves to your hair and he mutters more reassurances quietly into your hair.

“Ranboo can you grab a numbing potion, some gauze and the linen strips? I don’t want to move them y’know?” Ranboo smiled again and nodded moving away from you.

“Of course, I’ll call Tommy to get the kid as well” Ranboo leans down and presses a kiss to your forehead and chirped quietly.

After about ten minutes he came back with a worried looking Tommy in tow.

“Are they alright, do I need to get Philza?” you winced at your loud friend, barely comprehending anything over the blood rushing in your ears from pain, snuggling closer to Tubbo when he entered the room.

“Oh” Tommy breathed. “How long will it take the flare to go down, do ya think?” they were talking in hushed whispers and Ranboo shrugged.

“They’ve never had one this bad, but hopefully soon. I hate seeing them in pain.” a small pained trill came from him as he walked over and sat on the bed with a potion and two sets of bandages. “You should probably go though, they need treatment and probably a lot of rest.” Tommy nodded in agreement, looking over at you and Tubbo, smiling fondly at the scene before leaving to collect the two children running rampant in the house.

“Hey darling, I’ve got a numbing potion for you,” you perk up at the sound of that and shift to look at him, “here, it should help.” Ranboo presses the potion to your lips and Tubbo continues to brush your hair, soothing the throb of pain throughout your body.

Soon the numbing potion took effect and you could move and speak easily without too much pain. It had subsided into a dull burning sensation and you could sit up enough for ranboo to start the wet wraps.

“I was supposed to soak the bandages in two parts water and one part potion correct?” Ranboo looked to you for guidance.

“Yeah, thats what Philza said. He also said to cover them with dry dressings and wear pure cotton clothing while I have a flare, so.” you slurred tiredly as Tubbo hummed in agreement, still stroking your hair.

Tubbo shifts behind you, moving his arms to push you up a bit “Can you sit up so we can apply the wrappings?” you nod carefully, and Tubbo guides you to sit up fully, facing Ranboo again. His ears are twitching and his tail lazily wraps around just above your knee, avoiding the tender skin on your lower legs.

“Okay, we’ll be gentle and try to do this quick, alright sunshine?” you hum, not in nearly as much pain as before, but still not quite with it. Ranboo takes a small vial out of his pocket and drinks it before grabbing the wet linen strip for application.

The process is still painful but less of a mind numbing, searing pain, and more, a dull throbbing pain. They work quickly and efficiently, the bandages applied with expert care. probably a side effect of wartime first aid. The wet wraps help a lot and soon they’ve applied the gauze, you notice how much more secure it is, as well as how dry the outer layer is.

Tubbo pulls you back into his chest and Ranboo crawls up onto the bed, sitting in front of you and Tubbo, while sroking the line of your face.

“All done kiddo, we can watch a movie and relax now okay?” Ranboo smiles at you and looks back at his husband who hasn’t let you go since this whole thing started forty minutes ago.

“yep , just like boo said, we’re all done sunshine. You can relax and sleep now, we’re not going anywhere.” he turns so you were on your side and Ranboo covers you with a light blanket, laying beside you two.

You feel so sleepy and taken care of, it’s hard to stay awake, especially when you hear Ranboo’s little trills and Tubbo’s soft bleating. Somehow you fall asleep on top of Tubbo with Ranboo’s tail around your waist, and for the first time in a while you have a peaceful sleep.

And if Techno and Philza come around occasionally with inventory full of salves and potions intended for you, well that’s nobody’s business.

And if shroud mysteriously has playdates with Michael on the really bad days, well, Tommy just has really good timing.

And if Ranboo and Tubbo devote the early hours of the day and the late hours of the evening helping you with your skin until the flare goes down, well, no one had to know.

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ifeltfree · 2 years

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they played demolition lovers for us and they played kids from yesterday for themselves

#yeah im crying #what of it

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berryunho · 1 year

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currently sitting in a yunho birthday cafe thinking about how I'm 20 years old in seoul celebrating my favorite dude's birthday the way I've always wanted to and even if I'm alone I'm happy and life will rarely be this good again

#nostalgic for the moment im in right now #like i suffered so much through my life but im literally here rn #this is all ive ever wanted and im here #i won #literally holding back tears in public FJSKRNSKSKQQ #IM JUST SO HAPPY #I GOT HERE #FINALLY #!!!!!!!!!!!!#shit is insane #life is so crazy the world is so crazy #SUNRISE JUST STARTED PLAYING.#.....#yeah im crying #like actual tears falling down my cheeks #LIFE IS GOOD #lauren is in korea #berryunho.txt

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cherrysfeelings · 8 months

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Everything that can be beautiful, can also be poisonous. Yes it also can aply with people

#thoughts #hurt/comfort #yeah im crying #im tearing up #my neck hurts #my eyes also hurt #the post doesn't have anything with the reason I'm crying #I'm so good at crying #I'm choking with my saliva #not funny

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whoschr · 10 months

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posting that heeseung smau master list tomorrow because again it’s all about impulsiveness

#★ — talk that talk!#yeah im crying

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effervescentdragon · 2 years

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the.. ceasefire.. and zombie.. and the carrie scene and the cinematography... this show is amazing

#derry girls #yeah im crying

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inkskinned · 11 months

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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone #yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr #ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person #and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens #have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists #and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference #we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender #and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different #i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.

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