#yes his name was chicka chicka boom boom

[batrachised]

I will never get over Faith's poor rooster Adam...

Almost 20 years since I first read the book and I could still cheerfully do a violence to the aunt on Faith's behalf.

LM Montgomery is so skilled at writing situations where you're gnashing your teeth at the sheer injustice of it! Poor Faith! Poor Adam! I do love the little snippet we get of Adam's perspective:

“Shoo, there,” commanded Mrs. Davis, poking her flounced, changeable-silk parasol at him. Adam shooed. He was a wise rooster and Mrs. Davis had wrung the necks of so many roosters with her own fair hands in the course of her fifty years that an air of the executioner seemed to hang around her. Adam scuttled through the hall as the minister came in.

While i'm on the subject of roosters though, I do have a story. When we were little, my family rescued a chick from a school that had done that weird "have dyed chicks for easter" thing. If you don't know what that is, I have no explanation. All I know is that apparently in some places around Easter they have dyed chicks as presents or decorations (?!), and this little chick was literally green. Since this was obviously not a great situation for the wee ball of fluff, we took it home and raised it while it was still small.

My older sister took the charge. She decided that if this rooster was going to survive, he had to be tough. So, in something straight out of the karate kid, my sister (who went on to work in animal training related things lol) put together a program. She taught him karate (yes, really) by trying to train him to kick on command, along with a series of other (non-harmful) exercises that I don't remember at this point. He'd stand on top of her head. She tried to get him to wade in his water bowl. All in all, I'd say he received an thorough education, at least as thorough as a ten year old girl can bestow.

As the rooster got older, we decided to give him to a relative who lived in the country and needed a rooster. He deserved more space, he needed to go on to live his rooster life, and this worked out well for everyone. More than well - apparently this was one of the best roosters my relative ended up ever having. You know why? He viciously protected those hens lmao. He was the king of his domain, and he made sure everyone knew it. Whenever we visited this relative, we could hear him from across the yard crowing loudly, lengthily, and repeatedly, in a bold sing song of a "COCKLE-DOODLE-DO." He lived a very content life as master of all he could see. After a rough beginning, he rose to the top in something out of every sports movie. He was the Caesar of the coop.

Unfortunately, years later I learned that he had passed. Ah, I thought to myself, even the best of us must go. I was a little taken aback to learn that he'd been killed by a younger rooster. Overthrown, you might say. Well, that's nature, I thought to myself. Cold and brutal in ways we can't understand. It's simply the circle of life, to quote the lion king. While he had an arc straight of the sopranos (he went from the streets to the throne), our rooster was finally at rest, I believed.

Not my sister. My sister maintained fiercely that--and I am in no way exaggerating--that our rooster had been murdered, and murdered in cold blood. By our relative, you might be thinking, given the context of the passage above? No--by the younger rooster. What I chalked up to nature she chalked up to premeditated intent. I'm not going to lie, I found this ridiculous. Cause of death, sure, but murder? She railed on about injustice; I thought to myself, "It's chickens."

Fast forward a decade later. I'm remember this story and laughing about it - hey, remember when you were little and thought our rooster was murdered? - only to get this response from my nearly thirty year old sister:

I then proceeded to learn some facts of the case I hadn't known before.

What I'd heard as a child: a younger rooster killed him. I presumed in a fight or squabble of some sort.

What I learned as an adult: he was surrounded by more than one younger rooster and attacked, in a straight up Ides of March moment.

My comparison to him as a character in the Sopranos - as Julius Caesar himself - was more accurate than anyone could have known. Rise up to the top, only to be defeated by (likely) his own sons, those closest to him. As my sister stated:

#yes his name was chicka chicka boom boom #thanks for the ask!! #i know this got super off topic but I was likE CHILDHOOD DRAMA AROUND ROOSTERS?? more relatable than you'd think

[getawayaccount]

Matter To You ('Cause I know I) (2)

Their second date went well enough for Connor to request the third one and Will to agree to it. They had dinner at a place with a view of the lake. The establishment was definitely fancier than the last one but not tux-mandatory level of fancy either. Will wore the tie and he couldn’t say he didn’t like the way Connor couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of it. Dinner was just as easy as the first time. They never ran out of things to talk about and the silence, when they occurred, wasn’t awkward nor tense. Still, Will was briefly surprised when Connor took his hand that was resting on the table into his, moving slowly and gauging his reaction, but Will didn’t shy away. He smiled and squeezed Connor’s hand lightly. They didn’t let go until the tab arrived.

Will was the one who took the initiative to grab one of Connor’s hands as they walked back to their cars. And if an older couple, who happened to be exiting the restaurant as well, gave them a weird look, neither of them cared.

Will turned on his heels without letting go once they reached his car, so they would face each other and Connor smiled:

“I had a great time,” he said.

“Me too,” Will almost whispered.

He couldn’t look away from Connor’s face and caught himself biting his lower lips nervously. Connor was still smiling and soon his free hand found its way on Will’s jaw:

“Is it okay if I kiss you right now?” he asked.

“Yes,” Will answered immediately, sounding short of breath.

He didn’t remember the last time he had anticipated, nor wanted, a first kiss so freaking much. And if he was honest, at least with himself, he knew it still had a chance to end badly. What if he didn’t like it? What if it did nothing for him? Sure, he was growing more and more fond of Connor with every passing day and he knew the man was attractive, but he was still exactly that: a man. And Will had seen plenty of male bodies in his life and had never desired any of them. But Connor wasn’t them, wasn’t he? And when their lips finally touched and Connor kissed him in one of the softest ways he had ever experienced, he felt as if his heart was going to explode and realize he had been worrying about the wrong thing all along.

* * *

Will bit his lips in a mildly successful attempt to conceal the ridiculous smile that was trying to form on his face. He didn’t seem to be able to help himself and it would happen every time he caught sight of Connor. Every. Single. Time. And Will knew he was a romantic at heart, also he didn’t always own it, but he really needed to get a grip or all the ED staff would catch up with them and their secret, sooner rather than later.

“What am I watching?” Maggie asked.

Will jumped. He hadn’t seen nor heard her approach.

“What?” he said.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Big Red,” Maggie answered sternly. However, her expression morphed into something more playful as she added, wiggling her eyebrows and moving her shoulders in a fake suggestive manner: “Did you, you know, boom-chicka-wah-wah?”

“What, no!” Will protested. And it was true. Not that it spared him from turning bright red in embarrassment. “And please don’t ever do that again. I beg you.”

“Whatever you say, Halstead,” his friend concluded as another nurse called her name.

* * *

Owen was born and also Natalie’s life was the one taking a turn, Will couldn’t help but think his had done so weeks ago. A few weeks ago, he thought his crush on Nat was actual love. He thought he knew exactly what - or who - he wanted and needed to live a happy and fulfilled life. And couldn’t have been more wrong.

“Do you want children?” he asked suddenly. He almost immediately regretted it. Connor and he were walking to their cars after the little welcome party the ED team had thrown in Nat’s room. “I’m sorry.”

He was an idiot. It was hardly the moment to ask this kind of question. It was too early. They didn’t even ever have sex yet and -

“It’s fine,” Connor said. He read straight through Will’s bullshit, as always. “Will? It’s fine, it's a perfectly normal question to ask someone you are dating.”

Will nodded weakly and Connor offered him one of those small tender smiles Will was slowly but surely falling in love with.

“And to answer your question: it’s not my priority right now,” Connor added after a beat. “But, with the right partner, I’ll be far from opposed to it. What about you?”

“I do,” Will said immediately. “I - I guess it was never even really a question for me. I just knew I wanted to have my own family. White picket fences and everything, as ridiculous as it may sound -”

“It doesn’t,” Connor corrected him. He stopped Will to catch his gaze and make sure he knew he meant it. “It doesn’t.”

And Will didn’t care if anyone saw them. He crossed the distance between them and kissed his stupidly understanding and ridiculously loving boyfriend.

* * *

It - stupidly enough - didn’t cross Will’s mind Connor may have insecurities of his own before he came face to face with one of them. They had been dating for weeks, months even, by that point and were spending their evening together at Connor’s condo. The day had been nothing short of exhausting also they had concluded that take-outs and a bad movie were all they wanted, which was how they ended huddled together on the couch. Will was having one of these moments where he couldn’t help but wonder how this was his life now when Connor looked up at him with a strange expression on his face.

However, Will didn’t get to ask him what it was about as the other man moved slightly in their embrace so their lips could meet. And, also it was a nice surprise, Will didn’t expect what happened next. He felt Connor move next to him but couldn’t help but freeze when he felt the other man settle on top of him. Which, of course, sent the wrong message to his partner.

“Sorry,” Connor said simply.

And he was about to move away when Will’s brain finally caught up.

“What? No, no,” he said hurriedly. “It’s fine. More than fine actually.”

“You’re sure?” Connor asked after a beat.

He was looking at Will with a slight frown on his face, his lips turned down in a way they rarely ever were when they were together.

“Yes,” Will answered immediately. “I mean, I’m fine with taking things slow, but I definitely wouldn’t reject you if you wanted to take things up a notch. Or three.”

Connor blinked, hard. He looked more confused than anything else now. Then he groaned and hid his face into his palm, confusing Will even more in the process.

“What- ?” Will started.

“I’m an idiot,” Connor interrupted him.

He sighed and Will frowned, his fingers tracing calming circles where they rested on his partner’s hips.

“I thought maybe you didn’t want me,” Connor admitted after a pause.

And, wait, what? That was probably one of the most ridiculous things he had heard Connor say since they met - and the man had his moments.

“I - I mean I have been the one who has initiated everything physical that has ever happened between us and I was thinking maybe you weren’t attracted to me, the way I’m attracted to you, and maybe, you didn’t know how to tell me and -”

“I do, I am,” Will corrected him. “I just, I thought, I don’t know. It’s just not how I work I guess.”

“Yeah, that’s what Maggie said,” Connor said, looking contrite.

“You talk to Maggie?” Will asked, more surprised than anything else.

“I was very desperate,” Connor said. “But then she told me that it was how you worked. Not only with me but with everybody else she has ever seen you dating. You are a romantic and you adapt to your partner’s speed, were her exact words. And I didn’t quite believe her but…”

“It’s true,” Will concluded as Connor trailed off.

“So,” Connor said after a brief pause.

“So?”, Will repeated, a smile tugging on his lips.

“Wanna take this up a notch? Or three?”

Will drew him closer and captured his lips rather than answering.

#rhodestead #connor rhodes #will halstead #maggie lockwood #chicago med #cmed #one chicago #fanfic #fanfiction #fic #first kiss #fluff #softer than marshmallows

[chattingwiththelightkeeper]

A Display Of Twue Dumbinance

I am going to start with this, I know I spelled true wrong in the title. Calm your britches trolls because “twue” is lifestyle slang for balderdash. Now that is out of the way, I want to talk about this guide to finding a true/real dominant that I bumbled upon the other day. This little ditty has zoomed around Tumblr and I am sure many of you reading this have read it and maybe even liked/reblogged it because on the surface some of it sounds great. As I read through it, I found myself cringing, facepalming, and the more I read of this supposed guide to finding “twue” dominance I knew I would be talking about this here on my blog.

As I read through this list the very first time, I was convinced that I wanted to do something I very rarely do and address the hogwash point by point by linking back to the original post and blog. However, when I reached the end of the drivel came a surprising statement that this post was not this “master’s” but he liked it, copied, and pasted it to his blog without ever crediting the person who originally concocted this nonsense. I did discover some great news upon reading Master Cox’s (name changed to protect the guilty) about me section for the ladies of Tumblr, please feel free to submit a nude and/or boobie selfie because he will be happy to post and comment about your body and boobs. It does come with the disclaimer that you may not like what he has to say about your body. This is pure Tumblr gold! Send him a picture, he will body shame those he wishes and as a bonus, he saves all photo submissions for his personal use. Ding, Ding, Ding, ladies we have a twue wiener! So as much as I want to quote this craptastic masterpiece of malarkey, I will paraphrase since crediting the original dumbinant is sadly not an option.

Submissives, did you know that a twue dominant will never approach you demanding your submission, naked pictures, and/or gangbangs? I know, this is a huge news flash and we better call the news networks to get this unfair and unbalanced revelation out to the masses (This is such big news for the masses that I bet we could get the Pope to talk about it at mass!). In all seriousness, a respectable d-type will not contact a submissive with incredulous demands, and a dominant worth their salt will be respectful in all communications. This is cynical but if you believe that this lifestyle works by dumbinants making crass demands and then following them, please change your self-identifier from submissive to stupidmissive. Sorry, this is not news but is simply common sense.

Hey submissive ladies, did you know that a twue dominant man can get laid anytime he wants? Oh, you betcha (said in my best Fargo accent). The reason for a twue d-type’s ability to bow-chicka-wow-wow three hundred and sixty-five days a year with an equal amount of different women is because all women just cannot resist dominance. All a d-type has to do is approach a lady in the produce section, show her his kumquats, and they will be shagging in the Piggly Wiggly parking lot five minutes later. Okay back to reality, this goes to the crap-o-la that dumbinance preaches about all women naturally desiring a dominant man. If you are submissive, single, attracted to humans with penises, then you may want a dominant man as a partner but sorry Master Malarkey, not all women want a dominant man. There are women to want a submissive man because they are dominant and there are other women who are vanilla and do not want a dominant or take-charge guy (in vanilla terms). Now, this one blows the minds of the twue dumbinant, but not all women want, need, or are attracted to people with penises. As shocking as this news is, the twue dumbinant never grasps that all women do not want him, and there are women who are not attracted to humans that have baloney ponies and are involved in the lifestyle. Being dominant does not suddenly make someone so sexy that all the ladies of the world swoon when he passes near.

It is time to get into a bit of shady business and it is whatI call the Christian Grey effect since this has become fake news fodder since Fifty Shades of Hay descended upon the lifestyle. This twue dumbinance theory goes like this, all real dominant men are successful, wealthy, white-collar professionals and all a submissive needs to do is check the brand of cars driven, logos on clothes, and bank account balances to find out if a d-type is the real deal. So college students, construction workers, mechanics, HVAC techs, those who work in the trades, or an enlisted person in the military are all excluded from being d-types. This twue myth links career to the lifestyle and is simply rubbish because how anyone earns their living has nothing to do with the lifestyle or their role within it.

I would like to dedicate this tale to the submissive ladies out there. Okay, ladies, the reason why you have never had a successful relationship in the vanilla world is that men who are not dominant are scared of sex. Yes, ladies, it is twue, Vinny Vanilla is just soooo scared of sex that when you asked to be spanked, he ran home and cried to his momma. This tale tells that all vanilla men are scared of sex, sexuality and thus this lifestyle leaves them cowering in fear. The simple truth here is that if a person needs, wants, and desires to have this lifestyle be part of their relationship then engaging in a relationship with someone who is a vanilla bean is going to leave some things unfulfilled no matter if you are a dominant, submissive, switch, or any other lifestyle role.Once again, it is time to cause Master Malarkey’s mind to blow, vanillas can have sex, even kinky as heck swinging from the chandeliers sex, enjoy the living hell out of it, and some vanilla folks are even more sexually adventurous that lifestyle people. Sex is just sex and sex does not make a relationship nor does it mean that someone who is vanilla is scared of it.

Guess what readers, our guide to twue dominance is still hung up on sex, and get ready for some more sexciting news. Ladies, the good news is here! Your domly dream man is already god’s sexual gift because twue dumbinants are great in the sack, skilled in the art of making women orgasm, and will never engage in vanilla sex. I bet all the single, submissive women seeking d-type men and reading this are super excited to learn that he dominant of their dreams will never make love because whenever the bedroom boom-boom happens it will be of the kinky fuckery variety. A twue d-type must have had many sexual partners (seriously this part of the malarkey manifesto), so if you are a young man or a more life experienced man without a plethora of sexual partners, you better get out there, fornicate with as many willing women as you can find because until you have, you ineligible to be dominant. Did anyone else besides me facepalm here? Being male and dominant does not mean the guy has had many sexual partners nor does the role of dominant transform anyone into a sexual dynamo.

The menu of twue d-types is now moving a bit away from sex and into the realm of kinkicious play. The chef who created this dumbinant menu requires the man who wishes to attain twue dumbinance statues to acquire, have, and own accouterment of the lifestyle. If a dominant fails to have whips, chains, floggers, and the toy de jour then sorry Sir Charlie, a dominant you are not. I hope there is a collective of heads shaking because toys do not make a person, let alone a dominant. Maybe this ties back into the part of the myth about being Richie Rich and by having thousands of dollars in toys it is another symbol of wealth, success, and therefore dumbinance?

Whew, we are finally away from sex and toys (at least for now) but we do need to pause for a moment. Readers, please take this brief pause, to put your boots on because we are about to step into a few large piles of poops. Seriously, it is about to get worse…

Submissives, a twue dumbinant will select you. It does sound sort of nice and maybe a bit romantic to be selected by a dominant but there is a huge BUT here. Just like any relationship, a lifestyle relationship requires two people, or more if you are poly, to say I like you and want to be with you. Now it is time for that big but (Am I the only one here singing Sir Mix-A-Lot’s Baby Got Back now?). One of the most basic things in this lifestyle is that the submissive must offer their submission to the dominant of their choice. A dominant does not select, choose, or demand submission but it must be freely given by the submissive partner. So it may sound romantic to be selected by a d-type but this is rubbish. In my opinion, this is nothing more than a ploy to make it sound okay for a dumbinant to demand submission from a submissive.    

Everyone knows that humans are mistake-prone creatures and this mythology plays upon this. Remember a few points back when a twue d-type needed to be fabulously fornicating with many partners? Well, it is expected that one who follows this how-to guide would come from a background of many failed lifestyle relationships because the twue dumbinant will make mistakes along the way to the submissive they select. The thing here is that failed relationships might be labeled as mistakes sometimes but they are always life lessons. A broken relationship from the past is not something to chuck in the fuck-it-bucket and move forward. It is a lesson to learn as you move forward in life. What this myth is doing, I believe, is making people disposable as the twue d-type must fuck many, gain experience, before they “seize” the submission of who they select. This bit is just a way to justify the sordid past of a fuck boy. No more, no less.

So the break from sexy stuff did not last too long and this should give everyone a great laugh. The twue dumbinant will never, ever, never ask a submissive for nude or naughty pictures because d-types will “never beg” for anything. The twue man is soooooooo irresistible that a submissive who has conversations with him will just not be able to control themselves and will be “dying” to send him naked photos. Anyone else laughing out loud with me? So guys, if your inbox is not crammed with pictures of naughty bits every morning, the twue dumbinants are coming to take your dominant id card.

Remember when I warned about the poop level getting deep, well, here are the last two bits of the hit parade and it is going to get deep. I hope that everyone reading these words would agree with me that trust and honesty are hallmarks of a solid relationship and are even more important in a lifestyle relationship. So without further ado, it is time to get to the twue truth and it might hurt.

It is fairly common online to encounter a blog post from a submissive who discovered their dominant is actually in a relationship with someone else and they are simply the submissive side piece. Not to worry though because the twue dumbinant will never lie about being in a relationship because he will come right out and state he needs you to be his subbie side action, on the down-low. We should all applaud Mr. Twue for being honest with Subbie Susie, right? I am sorry but that is just crap. This lifestyle is all about being trustworthy and honest. So that is great that Twue has told Susie she is number two in his life, he still is being dishonest with number one in life (his wife) and is trying to build as well as lead a relationship that has a lie at its foundation. It is not going to work and Susie, you may think you are number two behind the wife, but depending on Mr. Twue’s day, you are number five or six.  

So, here is the last bit of twue d-type poppycock from this guide. It once again circles back to honesty. It has been established that it is acceptable for a twue dumbinant to be honest about being dishonest. Not only is that okay, but it is expected for the d-type to lie about somethings (Serious, a twue dumbinant will lie and it is supposedly okay). To paraphrase the twue example given (sorry this may gross a few of you out) but it is okay for a twuebie to say they agree with a submissive’s hard limit of no water sports but believe that swallowing a golden shower is right up that s-types alley (thus they are going to do it anyway). Relationships require honesty. It is that simple. Even hard questions such as does this make me look fat or aren’t you excited my mom is coming to stay with us for a month, can be answered with tact and honesty. There should never be a reason to disrespect a submissive by saying that you agree with a hard limit while plotting to make her swallow pee. It is simple, just be honest and say that you will respect the limit but also express if that is your thing, that it is a thing for you. Maybe someday the submissive will want to do to for you if you find yourself in a relationship with them. Be honest because if you are not your relationship will fail.

Okay, this concludes the busting of this twue dumbinant discovery guide. I know that it can sound amazing, especially if you are new, to have certain things to look for and/or lookout for. If you are new to the lifestyle, get to know people, ask questions, and learn from their experiences rather than read a blog post and think “oh that sounds good, I will go with this as a guide”. This guide about twue dumbinance has parts that sound great but when you dig closer, it is nothing but a document that excuses the behavior of fuck boys masquerading around the lifestyle as d-types. The thing about this lifestyle is that things may look amazing at first glance but you must always read between the lines as well as every bit of the fine print.

As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer.

©TLK2021

[howdoyousleep3]

But also. Consider Chris and Seb with twin toddlers.

Love this yes, yes <3 <3 <3 chaotic thoughts:

Chris would refer to his parenting strategy as “Man to Man Defense” because there are two nuggets and there are two Daddies, one to one

Chris is “Daddy” and Seb is “Tată” which the internet told me is a Romanian name for father so we’re rolling with it, correct me if I’m wrong and you’re knowledgeable

Bedtime story time would be LIT can you imagine! Kiddos would have the biggest bookshelf with all the choices but they always go back to either “Chicka Chicka Boom Boom” because Daddy reads it fast and with a loud voice and booming noises or “I Love you to the Moon and Back” because Tată’s voice is soothing and he turns the book so they can see the pictures fully

Chris crying like a baby when they say their first words, tugging the nugget close to his chest and shouting for Seb as he laughs with watery eyes

Mornings are slow and crisp, eating breakfast together and greeting the day with energy and snuggles. They sit around this table, little beans testing out their newfound ability to drink from a cup with no lid or straw and still giggling when Daddy choo-choos some food into their mouth even though Tată insists they’re old enough to try on their own 

Daddy in the pool clapping his hands and stretching them out for one of the babes standing at the edge of the pool, wiggly toes, with arm floaties on

Sometimes, if they’re cutting it too close to bedtime, they’ll all just jump into the shower and clean themselves off in a chaotic slippery mess, each holding a babe and making sure they’re squeaky clean, rubbing them down in fluffy towels and practicing brushing their teeth as they sit on the sink

Seb teaching them Romanian from a super young age, practicing in real slow exaggerated movements as he speaks. Flower, blue, dog, ocean. He films every attempt and sends it to his mother

Children museum visits, picnics in the park, zoos, Disney World. Giggles and wobbly runs all day and balloons. Tuckered out nuggets all sleepy as they get carried to the car, Daddy and Tată holding hands, each with a baby on their hip

C H R I S T M A S  M O R N I N G

Seb listening through the monitor to Chris holding a very unhappy baby at two in the morning shhing them and singing them a song that he can’t quite hear but knows for certain it’s a Disney tune

The shouts and cheers and Chris’ tears that would transpire when a bean stands to take a wobbly step...and then another...and then another. Chris would call his Ma. 

This is the shit I needed today and forever ilysm, nonnie. 😘😘😘💗

#askK #evanstan

[bluezey]

Bedtime Story

To help Judy go to sleep, Ian and Barley tell the story of their quest for the Phoenix gem.

Get your tissues, bitches.  Time for a good cry.

"Daddy?... Daddy?..."

Ian was stirring in his sleep, trying to avoid a nightmare. In his dream it was a normal day at school, but one by one everyone but him disappeared, and he was alone in the shadowy, barren halls. All he could hear echoing through his school was...

"Daddy?..."

Ian rolled over in his sleep, last sign that he was about to wake. He tried to keep asleep by placing a hand over his closed eyes.

"Mommy?..."

He recognized that voice. Ian sat up from his sleep, looking around Ian and Barley's shared bedroom. He caught Barley up and awake, then quickly turned away when he caught Barley quickly putting on shorts. Why does Barley have to sleep in just a shirt and underwear? "Barley."

"Its Judy," Barley explained as he finished getting dressed and headed out the door. "She's gonna wake up mom and dad."

Ian hopped out of bed. Thankfully he's dressed in an old t-shirt and some sweat pants. He quietly but quickly followed Barley up to Judy's bedroom. The boys caught Judy sitting in her bed, dressed in a pink nightshirt, her blankets tossed off of her. Ian looked down at his watch, it was almost midnight.

"Judy, what's wrong?" Barley asked.

"I can't sleep," Judy replied.

"Is that all?" Barley asked.

"Can you read me a story?" Judy asked.

Barley sighed as he flipped on the lights. Ian groaned from the sudden brightness before entering the room. The boys crossed the room and knelt by a small bookshelf, leafing through a handful of books.

Ian began reading the titles. "We got the Princess and the Pea, Little Red Riding Hood, Which Witch is Which, Chicka Chika Boom Boom..."

"I've heard those before," Judy replied.

"How bout Pretty Pretty Centaurs and the Mystery Tea Party?" Ian suggested.

Judy pouted. "I want a new story."

A smile grew on Barley's face. "I've got a story. A story you've never heard of. A story... starring your big brothers!"

Judy's elfin ears perked. "Really?"

Ian looked at Barley as he jumped to his feet. "Really?"

"The story of Ian and Barley's first grand and noble quest!" Barley declared.

Judy squealed with excitement, but Ian shushed her. "But you have to keep quiet, mom and dad are sleeping."

Judy covered her big excited smile with both hands.  Barley tucked Judy back into her bed as she laid back down, the best way a centaur can sleep in a bed anyhow.  Ian picked up the Princess Idina doll off the floor and handed her to Judy, which Judy caught in a big hug.  Once Judy was tucked in for bed, Barley sat on the foot of the bed, with Ian sitting close to him on the side.

“Long ago,” Barley began, “long before you were born…”

“It wasn’t that long ago,” Ian corrected.  “It was about a year before she was born.”

“That’s still a long time for a four year old, Ian,” Barley commented, before continuing.  “Back then, it was just me, Ian and mom.”

“You mean there was no dad?” Judy asked.

“Colt was just dating mom,” Barley clarified.  “That’s what grown ups do before they get married.”

“So there was a dad?” Judy asked.

Ian paused, realizing this story may be a bit complicated for a four year old.  “It’s complicated.  See, long before Colt- dad… your dad… Barley and I… we had another dad.”

Judy’s eyes grew wide with astonishment and confusion. “You had two dads?”

Barley and Ian laughed a little at the comment. Ian continued.  “Our dad was named Wilden, and he was an elf.  He was around when Barley was little, but right before I was born, he…” Ian paused, not sure how to explain death to a young child.  “He… disappeared.”

“Why?”  Judy asked. “Where did he go?”

Ian quietly replied, “We… don’t know.”

“But,” Barley interrupted, bringing back the acting bard side of himself, “today was the day we were going to bring him back. The day of Iandore’s sixteenth birthday!”

“Wow!” Judy exclaimed.  “Ian, you were old!”

Barley burst out laughing while Ian had a flat look on his face.  “Barley, we’re supposed to keep quiet.”

Barley stopped laughing and cleared his throat. “Anyway, our story begins the evening of Ian’s sixteenth birthday.  That was when mom gave us a very important present.  It was a gift that our dad had saved for us until both me and Ian turned sixteen.”

“What was it?” Judy asked.

“It was a wizard staff!” Barley replied, Ian shushing him.

Judy, however, was loud too.  “Ian’s staff!”

“Eventually,” Ian continued.  “Until then it was just a staff.  Barley tried to use it first, but it didn’t work.”

“Oh, because you have the gift and not him,” Judy stated.

“That’s right,” Ian replied.  “But he didn’t know that.  And neither did I.”

“Not until you used the wizard’s staff,” Barley added playfully, before continuing the story.  “With the staff was a powerful stone called the Phoenix gem, and an equally powerful spell that could bring one person back for one whole day.”

“And you brought your dad back, right?” Judy asked.

“Not exactly.”  Ian explained.  “Something went wrong, and it only brought dad halfway back.  Like, just his legs.”

“And that’s when we knew our quest began,” Barley told the tale.  “We only had twenty four hours to find another Phoenix gem, and bring back our dad.”

Judy was in awe.  “Wow.”

“Dang right wow,” Barley replied.

“First, we needed to know where to find a Phoenix gem,” Ian said.  “And Barley had his own gift of knowledge, which helped us find someone who had a map to the gem.”

“The Manticore,” Barley declared.

Judy lit up with excitement and sat up from her bed. “Aunt Corey!”

Ian smiled as he motioned for Judy to lay back down.  “Yeah. Back then, though, she wasn’t part of the family yet.  Just a big, scary beast who ran a tavern.  At first, she wouldn’t give us the map.”

“Why?” Judy asked.

Ian paused, but realized this next part involves flames and a burning tavern, and he thought that would scare Judy and keep her awake.  “She… was testing us,” he quickly changed the story.  “But, she eventually saw the Heart’s fire inside me and Barley and knew we were worthy of the map.  And the map said we should go to Raven’s Point.”

“So, with our destination, we headed north,” Barley continued the tale.  “Towards the mountain.”

“But first, we had to stop to get gas for Guinevere,” Ian added.

“You mean the van?” Judy asked, pointing to the window outside.

“This was a different van,” Barley explained.  “A different Guinevere.”

Judy was surprised.  “You had two Guinnyveres?”

“Had, yes.”  Barley got sad at first, but then shook his head.  “But, we’re getting ahead of ourselves.  So, we’re getting sustenance for ol’ Guinny, when we were suddenly chased by a gang of sprites.”

Ian made a concerned, worried face.  He skipped over the fire, but Barley left in the biker gang?  However, it made Judy laugh.  Probably because Judy was imagining them as sparkly little pixies, and not vengeful blood-thirsty thugs.

“The sprites rode these wicked awesome motorcycles,” Barley told Judy, “so we had to get rid of them by going on this action-packed car chase.”

“And we got rid of the sprites,” Ian interrupted, before Barley got into any scary details, “but it got some cops attention.”

“Daddy?” Judy asked.

“Not yet, two different cops,” Ian explained.

“Oh!  But we did use the disguise spell to pretend to be Colt!” Barley added.

“Right, the disguise spell,” Ian continued.  “We used the spell to convince the cops as Colt to let us go.  It was really hard to keep the disguise, because I had to keep telling the truth, and…”

Barley’s smile faded too.  “Oh.  This part.”

Judy was confused and on the edge of her seat. “What?  What happened?”

Ian paused a moment before explaining, “The spell revealed something that I thought about Barley.”

“What was it?” Judy asked.

Ian didn’t have the heart to explain it. Instead, he skipped ahead.  “I remember, whatever it was, it got Barley mad. And, we had a fight.  But then…” Ian began to laugh.  “And then, dad…” Ian couldn’t help it, he began to laugh even more, and Barley was laughing along with him.

Judy tilted her head as one of her elf ears perked up.  “What’s so funny?”

Barley tried to explain through his laughter.  “Our dad… which remember, is just a pair of legs at the time… he just… starts dancing.”

“Oh my gosh, it was so terrible,” Ian laughed.

“Yeah, it was something like this!” Barley stood up and started dancing erratically in the middle of the room.

Judy laughed the loudest of all of them.  “Your dad sounds funny!”

Ian realized it was supposed to be a bedtime story, and the last thing they need is energy.  “Okay okay, everyone settle down.  Let’s finish this story and go to bed.”

“Okay okay.”  Barley cleared his throat and sat back down on the foot of the bed.  “So, we continue on our quest, following the ancient Path of Peril to Raven’s Point.  When suddenly, we hit another obstacle in our quest:  a bottomless pit.  And the lever to release the drawbridge so we can safely cross over said pit was on the other side.”

Judy gasped.  “What did you do?”

Ian gulped.  There was no sugar coating this part of the story.  “Barley had the bright idea to use the trust bridge.”

“But it worked!” Barley explained as he mimed with his arms and hands.  “The trust bridge is a magic spell that creates an invisible bridge that you can walk across.  But it only works if you trust the bridge is there.”

“And I was nowhere near as confident to believe that,” Ian continued.  “So Barley had another bright idea of tying a rope around my waist in case the spell failed and I fell.”

“Oh, this is my favorite part!”  Barley took over the story.  “So after one or two tries, Ian has enough confidence for the spell to work.  And he begins walking over the invisible bridge, right?  But, halfway across the pit, the rope slipped off of Ian.”

Judy gasped loudly.  “Ian fell in?”

“No, thank goodness,” Ian sighed.  “I didn’t notice the rope was gone, so I thought it was still tied to me.  That was thankfully enough confidence I needed to cross the bridge, get to the lever and lower the drawbridge.  But, I still wasn’t happy to know that the rope was gone.”  Ian glared at Barley.

Barley shrugged.  “Hey, it’s not like you needed it.”  Judy laughed before Barley continued.  “So just as we’re about to embark on the quest, we get stopped by Colt.”

“Daddy’s in the story now?” Judy asked with a smile.

Barley paused, remembering how this part went.  “Oh.”  He glanced over to Ian for help.

Ian tried to explain, “Colt didn’t know what we were doing, so he thought he was doing the right thing when he told us to turn around and go home.  It’s not his fault, he didn’t know any better,” he added quickly, seeing Judy frown. “So, Barley and I got in the van and… that’s when I did something stupid.”

Judy was in suspense.  “What did you do?”

Ian admitted, “I ran from the cops.”

Judy gasped in shock.  “But daddy says not to run from the cops!”

“I know I know, and it was stupid thing for me to do,” Ian quickly admitted.  “Cause we ended up at a dead end and…” Ian paused.  Then he turned his head to Barley.

Barley quietly warned Judy, “This is when we lost the first Guinevere.”

Judy frowned sadly.  “Oh no, what happened?”

“I drove her into a cliff to cause an avalanche to block the cops from getting to us,” Barley said.

“Why would you do that?” Judy asked in disbelief.

Barley stated, “At the moment… I wanted to risk anything so me and Ian could see dad.”

Ian waited a moment before continuing softly. “So, we followed the ravens.”

“I thought you were going to Raven’s Point,” Judy said.

“No, that’s the thing,” Ian explained.  “While at the bridge, Barley found this statue of a raven.  And it pointed to another raven statue, then another, and then another.  And he realized the ravens were pointing us to the gem.”

Judy’s eyes grew wide.  “Wow, that’s smart.”

“Why thank you,” Barley playfully boasted, causing Ian to playfully smack him in the shoulder.

“So, we followed the ravens to a river,” Ian continued, “but at that point we realized that we were running out of time if we wanted to get the Phoenix gem in time to see dad.  So, we used a growth spell on one of Barley’s cheese curls, and used a velocity spell to turn it into a magic jet ski.”

Judy clapped her hands.  “Can we do that?  That sounds fun!”

“Later, later.”  Ian helped Judy lay back down.  “So we follow the river to the end.”

“The final gauntlet.”  Barley continued.  “This is when the quest threw everything it had at us.  Booby traps.  Gelatinous cube.  Spike pits. Water trap.  But with our Heart’s fire, we made our way through all of them and to our victory!”

“And you got the Fee-next gem!” Judy cheered.

“No,” Ian replied.

Judy quieted down in confusion.  ��No?”

Ian explained.  “We ended up home, in front of the high school.  And… that’s when I got mad.  And… I said some things I shouldn’t have said to Barley, and stormed off. I ended up watching the sun about to set, alone with dad, thinking of all the things I wouldn’t be able to do with him.  I never got to meet dad, and there was so much I wished that I did with him.  Play catch, take a walk, laugh together… share my life story with him.  But, as I thought over what I wanted to do with my dad… I realized that I did all that with Barley.   I never had a dad… but I always had my brother.”

Judy sniffed, tears beginning to roll down her cheek.

“Hey, hey, don’t cry.  You got us too.”  Barley wiped a tear from Judy’s face.  “Now dry those tears, cause this is where it gets good.  Cause it turns out, while Ian was having his big moment, I found the Phoenix gem!”

“I thought there was no Fee-next gem,” Judy said.

“So did I,” Barley explained.  “But, across from the school was an old fountain, and inside the old fountain was the gem.”

Judy was excited.  “You can bring back daddy!”

“Not yet, because the fountain also released a curse,” Barley told.  “It released a giant dragon, made of metal and concrete, and breathed fire and flew on mighty wings.”

“Oh no,” Judy gasped.  “What did you do?”

“First, mom took care of the beast,” Barley said.

“Mom’s in the story now?” Judy asked.

“Oh right.”  Ian told Judy, “You have to tell mom her side of this story, she tells it so good. Anyway, mom fought off the dragon so I could have time to cast the spell.  But, it wasn’t long enough.  So, Barley and I had to decide who was going to distract the dragon.  And I thought Barley should stay with dad and say goodbye.”

“Goodbye?  You mean hello?” Judy asked.

Barley grew quiet as he sadly explained.  “Yeah, we almost forgot this part.  See, before dad di… disappeared, I was supposed to say goodbye to him.  But, he wasn’t himself.  Dad was fun and energetic, but before he left, he was tired and sick.  I got scared… and I didn’t go in.”

“When I knew,” Ian added, “that’s when I knew Barley had to see dad.  If it was just one of us, it had to be Barley.”

“But… you never got to see dad,” Judy said sadly.

“Yeah,” Ian replied softly.  “But, Barley got to say goodbye.”

Barley told Judy.  “I only had a few minutes to speak to dad, before he disappeared forever. He said that he is proud of the men me and Ian grew up to be.  And, he also said to give Ian this.”  Barley then leaned over and softly gave Judy the biggest, strongest, longest, loving of hugs.  Judy sniffled, before squeezing Barley as tight as she could.  Ian smiled as his eyes glistened with joy.  Barley finally released the hug and sat back up.  “The end.  Time for little princesses to go to bed,” he said with a soft boop of Judy’s elfin nose.

Judy’s eyes were still wet with tears, but she managed to snuggle under the sheets with her princess doll.  “I love that story.  Can you tell it to me again tomorrow?”

“Definitely, sister,” Barley nodded.

Ian smiled and nodded.  “Of course we will.”

Judy smiled, then closed her eyes.  Knowing she’s not asleep yet, the boys began to creep out of her bedroom.  “Ian,” Judy called out, “can you cast a light spell for me?”

“Sure I can, oh shoot, I left my staff downstairs,” Ian whispered back.  “I’ll be back in a second.  You get some sleep.”

Judy closed her eyes again.  “Good night.”

“Night, Judy.”  Ian closed the door.  He turned to see Barley was stopped in the hallway as well.  In front of them were Laurel and Colt, both in their pajamas, both with the biggest, warmest, sweetest smiles on their faces.

“That was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen,” Laurel finally said quietly as she went in to hug Ian and Barley.

Barley was caught in the hug, but Ian managed to escape at the last second.  “Okay, mom,” he laughed quietly, “I gotta cast a light spell for Judy and go to bed.” On his way down the hall, Colt placed his hand on Ian’s head, mussing up his hair.

“Proud of you boys,” Colt quietly told them with a proud smile.

Ian smiled back.  “Thanks, dad.”

#pixar onward #sir iandore of lightfoot #ian lightfoot #barley lightfoot #judith judy lightfoot #judy lightfoot

[blankdblank]

Loki Baby Pt 5

…    Pt 1 - Pt 2 - Pt 3 - Pt 4 - ...

Wk 19 -- “…I left it in my room…”

… @sdavid09​, @theincaprincess​, ...

Through the line giggles filled the room Scott and his little girl were playing and joking around for a few moments before the father answered, “Scott here.”

Tony smirked answering, “Scott, Tony Stark here, got a job for you and that suit of yours.”

“Um,” he said glancing at his girl moving onto putting together some snacks, “Tony, I don’t know about that, last time in Germany-,”

“This is not about that, trust me, this will not have any federal repercussions. It is entirely domestic, child play really for a pro like you.”

Scott’s brows furrowed and he leaned against the doorframe asking, “If it is so simple then why me?”

“Because the target hates me and I need an alibi.”

His lips pursed for a moment then he asked, “This is not an approval, but, what am I supposed to be after?”

Tony, “I need you to break in and take this pen,”

Scott laughed out loud, “A pen?!”

Tony, “It looks like a pen, but it isn’t, and I need you to get it so I can test it and find out what it is exactly.”

With a tilt of his head Scott’s lip curled for a moment and he turned to grin and wave at his daughter and said, “Send me the details, I’ll scope it out.”

“Good, fifteen grand in it for you when you deliver the pen.” Scott had to hold back his giddy laugh and sharing of the deal until the following morning when he went in to work in handing off his little girl for the weekend trip to an amusement park out in Florida.

.

Off to his job he raced and through the door he stepped with arms out saying, “None of you are going to guess who just hired me for a job today.”

Kurt, “Bruce Springsteen.”

Dave turned to look at him with a momentarily scrunched face, “Man, no way is Bruce Springsteen even on our radar.” Looking to Scott he said, “Ugh,” he said snapping his fingers, “What is that guys name?” Again he snapped then pointed at Scott, “Guy Fierri!”

Kurt, “Who is Guy Fierri?”

Dave, “He’s that tv chef with blonde spiked hair and that dark goatee. My lady’s got me hooked on these cooking shows, and-,”

Kurt, “Oh, yes I saw that Kitchen Rescue show. Cannot get enough.”

Luis turned in his chair after having untangled his chair from the phone and internet cable looking over the trio as Scot waved his hands, “Guys! No!”

Dave sighed leaning back in his chair faking interest in the change of subject, “Fine Scott, who did hire you?”

“Tony Stark!” He replied quickly receiving a room full of blinks. “Guys, ok, I know what you’re thinking, after the Germany thing, though this time, this time entirely domestic and so simple!”

Kurt, “What, he wants to have us install security system in one of his offices?”

Dave, “Nah man, he’s got his own grid, why would he go about hiring us?”

Scott bounced on his feet in a momentary crouch, “He wants me to steal a pen!” Brows rose and he added, “For fifteen grand! Though it’s not really a pen he thinks it just looks like a pen and he wants me to get it so he can check it out.”

Kurt’s eyes narrowed, “Is it pen gun?”

Scott’s eyes turned to Dave as he said, “Ooh, one of those poison dart pens? Saw one of those in a spy film once.”

Kurt, “Can’t be a grapple hook pen, completely illogical.”

Dave, “From that Johnny English film, yes!” turning to Scott he asked, “Why you?”

Scott looked between them then said, “Apparently he’s hated by the person with the pen and needs an alibi.”

Luis climbed out of his chair to join the others as Kurt asked, “Who’s the target? Some mastermind villain?”

Scott glanced at his phone rereading the message with all the info in it, “Some lady named Jaqi Pear.”

Luis, “Woah, woah, woah! Back that bus up you are not telling me that you accepted a job to rob one of the sweetest ladies on this planet, not counting my Grandma and your little girl. Cuz man, if you did I gotta judge our friendship a bit closer for your motives on that spectrum siding with Stark against the sweetest lady on the planet!”

The whole speech fired out rapidly and nearly had Scott reeling before he replied, “How do you know her? I’ve never heard of her.”

Kurt, “Pear? Like the fruit Pear?”

Scott nodded and Dave waved his hand and clicked his tongue, “Man, you mean you accepted a job from the woman who backed our company loan?!”

Scott, “Wait, what?! No, I though Master Industries backed us.”

Kurt, “Master, founded by a Miss Pear, the leading security and technology company in this country with resources even Stark cannot touch.”

Scott haltingly replied, “I, did, not, know that…”

Luis crossed his arms, “So, what does this Stark assume the sweetest lady on the planet ever could possibly be up to with this pen?”

Scott shrugged, “I don’t know man, he just said he wanted the pen.” Looking his friend over he asked, “Wait, how does one of the biggest tech and security companies take the time and money to invest in our band of misfits?”

Luis clicked his tongue, “Man, that goes way back to my Mom, when she was fresh out of high school,” with a grin he pointed at himself, “She just had me, and she needed  place to get a job, and she heard from these guys on the street corner while waiting for the bus that this ‘dragon lady’ had spent half an hour railing them on their credentials and kicked them to the curb. Well, moms was straight up impressed, cuz these guys were in like top of the line suits with those really shiney shoes, one of ‘em wearing their Harvard pin on their tie. So she goes, ‘Hey, any chicka crazy enough to send these money bags off to the curb has got my interest.’ So she goes three blocks over skipping an interview for a maids job over to this just glass wrapped building thinking ‘Worst comes to worst I can shine the hell out of these windows and floors have this chicka working in a bomb office!’”

The guys nodded and Luis wet his lips saying, “So she goes right past the doorman, who for his nice suit didn’t say a thing bout her bringing me with her, and she strolled right up to the desk saying, ‘I came to see Miss Pear.’ Again no comment form the man behind the counter, kind of shifty in her mind at first, cuz they should have said something cuz she wasn’t really at the top of her game that day, her curling iron died and had to head out in last night’s makeup after a colicky night with me. But she gets told ‘go to the elevator’ so she does and up we go. Right in the line of suit clad guys Mom just sat her self down and waited for the line to go through, each time seeing a guy, who’s like a twin to the guy downstairs, only he’s got a red shirt on, who looked like the guy at the door, so she’s figuring maybe they’re all related somehow?”

Scott nodded, “Makes sense.”

Luis nodded and continued, “Right so surprisingly half an hour later the guy comes out again after the last guy looks at the list and turns around saying, ‘We have an unnamed applicant.’ And my Moms hears this honey dipped angelic voice say, ‘Show them in.’ She gets up, little bit wobbly, cuz, again, not top of her game, but she draws it in and struts right in, just working the confidence and sits right down across from this just top notch woman. Sleek green dress leaned back in her leather chair just working her figure, with long curled ponytail laying over her chest and just this stunning smile though it wasn’t till she leaned forward and that’s when she saw it.”

Dave, “The pen?”

Luis, “What? No! Her eyes! Bright purple! Shook my Moms hand and asked her her name and how do you do’s and all that then she got to the big question, ‘What brings you in today?’ and Moms just busted out with her hearing about those guys and her just knowing that this would be the right place for her and said that she’d be grateful for even a cleaning job.”

Kurt, “So she got the job?”

Luis smiled wider, “Miss Pear gave her an assistant job,” parting their lips, “I know right! Ya, took a chance on my Moms, and she just nailed it right out of the park. Sure she’s a bit,” his teeth flashed in a tilt of his raised hands, “Low key immortal but all around-,”

Scott, “Wait, what?”

Dave, “Did you say immortal?”

Luis, “See, she’s older than I am, cuz clearly I was a baby at the interview, but Mom said it wasn’t that big of a deal cuz Gran met her once and said there was nothing shady there, ‘sometimes there’s just those that are sent down to bless’ and that’s what she did. Cuz for 25 years she employed my Moms and even helped to get me a better lawyer to take up my appeal case pro bono and then after I got out insisted she take time off and see a specialist for that lump she had on her neck. Turned out it was cancer, and even when the company insurance refused to pay Miss Pear paid for everything, even the driver service to get her to each appointment and when my Moms passed she got top of the line everything down the line.

And of course I felt a bit bad you know, my growing up in the office and then taking that wrong legal turn that maybe I shouldn’t go there, but we had such a great idea and I knew that she would understand my idea and that if there was a problem with the pitch she would help me fix it, so I called the number and she says just drop by. Right in my Moms old chair is my second cousin in law Trish, who just sent me right in saying she cleared her morning for me. We caught all up and she wanted to hear all about how I’ve been doing and cleaning up after getting out and then I showed her the plans and how the banks refused the loan applications and asked how I could fluff it up for the business world.

All she does is do what she always did to seal the deal, lean her way back in that chair, still one bomb chicka after all these years and she dials the phone and makes a call, says ‘Charles, I’m sending someone over, give it to him.’ Then looks over to me when she hangs up ‘Just head over to Brumson Bank head straight up to Charles’ desk and tell him I sent you.’ And,” Excitedly he mimed a bomb exploding, “Boom! We got our loan!” his grin dropped and he said to Scott, “Now tell me you didn’t take a job to rob the sweetest lady on the planet?”

Scott felt his stomach drop a foot lower in hearing how this woman had changed his best friend’s life and his own by backing their company and he rubbed the back of his neck, “Um, I mean, it’s just a pen.”

Dave pursed his lips for a moment then asked, “Maybe, you could just talk to her? Maybe explain the situation, she might let you take a picture of the pen or something.”

Kurt nodded, “Yes, any woman that kind may be understanding.”

Luis pulled out his phone saying, “I’m gonna give you her address and send her a message you’re dropping by her office, and you better clear this up!” Luis typed on his screen and then said, “She’s shopping right now but she’ll be in her office in an hour. She will see you then.”

Scott nodded and said, “Cool, cool…” his lips pursed a moment and he said, “Wonder why Stark said she hates him.”

*

Waffles filled the air of your apartment that Loki let himself into after an otter opened the door for him and closed it behind him. The usually alluring scent you gave off was nearly doubled making his fingers clench around the sleeves of his sweater as his slippers tapped silently across the carpet in your warm living room making his flannel pants seeming all the more cozy nearly driving him to curl up on one of your couches for some more sleep. A striking glimpse of you however halted him in his tracks, fully done up and dressed to the nines, but groggily pacing in a stunning aura of something he could only explain as ‘snuggle up with me’ you finished setting out the various clearly freshly made fruit jams and spreads for the waffles, cinnamon raisin bread and muffins you had made.

A brush of your curled bangs that fell into your face from behind your ear clearly from the mess of curls pulled up into a messy bun on top of your head. In passing the island to fetch the juice for you, and milk for the tea brewing he caught sight of the short shorts in yellow under your grey baggy t shirt, tall socks pulled up to your knee in moose slippers had him wetting his lips and moving closer. Turning your head you spotted him and even in your clearly drowsy expression he forced a grin onto his face reminding himself to breathe. You were stunning with makeup and now he had seen you untouched, sleep wrinkles and indents from pillows still pressed into your cheek. Though the thing overpowering him was the scent wafting off you.

“Morning.” He forced out and you grinned back turning to fetch the whistling kettle.

“I have tea, and so many things.” You said turning granting him a change to exhale and let his hand rest on the counter blinking through the surge of hormones racing through his body before burying that behind another grin. “Um, it’s all on the table, help yourself, be right there.”

He nodded and turned trying not to shake from the powerful waves crashing through his body urging him to close the distance between you. Into his seat he lowered and filled his plate with his eyes drifting back up to you, he was never one to be lost to the throws of lust and very rarely found himself even pretending he was sexually attracted to anyone. Yet his eyes locked on you and wouldn’t leave the longer he stared at you sending his blood pumping causing his left arm to drop to his waist to manage the visual issues of this sudden pull to you. Managing a cool tone he asked, “Did you sleep well?”

In a half turn holding the kettle your hand was raised smoothing around the back of your earring untangling a strand of hair from it as you answered, “Sort of, got woken up by this call-.” In a sudden lift of your gaze your fingers stroked along the skin under your ear not feeling the strip of pheromone blocker you normally added when you had company. The absence of which fully explaining the bright red eyes of Loki locked on you, the enhanced pheromones you inherited from your father mingled with your Time Lord genes only worsening your attraction abilities on others and even more so when you were ovulating, shaking your head you carried the kettle over and poured out into your mugs set out. His chest rising in his deep inhale as you drew closer to his side, “Just some work thing.” You set the kettle down on the cooling mat on the table and said, “I forgot something, …I left it in my room…right back,”

Turning to cross the floor to your stairs you felt his gaze following you as you mentally berated yourself. Blinking his eyes Loki felt the wave drop all at once in him after you crossed the first rug and the scents of the meal you had made leaving him absolutely puzzled for what had just happened. True he knew the most of Frost Giants and their home but nothing of their physical, or chemical makeup through their lives. They had no study on it. True his mother had done what she could to learn enough to help him through what he had assumed to be his only flash of puberty when he was younger, but this had never happened to him before.

Thor sure enough like other Asgardian males had gone through a flash of heat where he had to be managed to keep from populating a kingdom of his own like other males sent off to traditional secondary planets far from any females in their own wave of hormone fueled misery instantly evening out when separated from the other gender. Loki saw this, from a bystander’s view, feeling none of the agitation or rage at not being able to breed to their fullest potential, his came three years later and lasted twice as long spurring on a special job from his mother to hide this from others. But even that was nothing like this, instant on and off again instantly making him hope that this was not true and he would not be putting you in any danger by being around you through this. He would never hurt you or force you in any way but with your size difference and his clear silver tongue mastery of persuasion no doubt it could be left to you having no choice in the matter of sleeping with him surely ruining things if he could not control this.

Down again you came and thankfully his below the waist situation had calmed enough he could sit up straight and flash you a grin slightly uncertain of the much more diluted excitement in seeing you again somehow troubling him more than the initial surge of attraction. As if now he ached in missing the unhelped attraction he could not dream of fighting, though he could never dream of wishing to have that for anyone but you for an even more puzzling truth settling in his mind worrying him as to why. Flashing a grin of your own you felt the circular patch fading into your skin beneath your ear radiating your pheromones into an aura of green apples around you, a simple solution to a problem your parents had showed you how to make on your own when you were younger for this very reason.

Into your seat you lowered and Loki looked you over with eyes narrowing for a moment at the scent of apples washing over him in your tending to your morning tea you raised for a sip to test how much honey to add to it. “Forgive me, but, did you put on perfume?”

Lowering your mug you wet your lips, watching his eyes trailing after your tongue, actions like that only worsening your pheromone problem as your attraction to the one affected by it only made your body give off more pheromones to drown the poor creature in them. He was clearly still feeling some effects of that initial hormonal draw to you, “No, it um,” your brows furrowed and you decided to tell a tiny white lie. “I’ve been working on my power cells lately, a new mechanism for it exactly, and recently I’ve noticed my pheromones just bursting out. I made some patches for it to block that, I forgot to put it on. Sorry about that, didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

Exhaling sharply he couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t relieved in your explanation, yet meanwhile disappointed it wasn’t something genuine for and from you sank in and he had to force his grin to remain in place until his mind flashed back to your flinching from staring at him in changing his shirt followed clearly by your stating that you did find him attractive. Bite by bite he felt his reminders that this was merely financial slipping away, with his hormones and attachment building in his urge to people please this was a losing battle he would hold no regrets over losing.

He had sworn to himself not to lose control and get attached but that damn calming innocence you exuded just lulled him right into the trap and that wave of hormones had him trying to steal glances to find that patch you had mentioned to see how simple it might be to brush against you and remove it to see what would happen. Before he knew it the meal was through and he was back in his closet staring at his clothes trying to choose which clothes to wear simple enough for your trip to the market for his pantry and basic supplies. Keeping it simple he chose a pale orange shirt he tucked into his black pants he pulled on with his boots tied on after. At his mirror he inhaled fixing his sleeves looking himself over only to shake his head at the thought on what to do to make you more attracted to him. Or rather which features you were attracted to helping you to choose him over someone like Thor.

Turning away he wet his lips heading back to the stairs to meet you in the hall, down he trotted hurrying to meet you hoping he hadn’t taken too long. With the door between you he paused smoothing his hand over his chest ensuring his shirt was smooth over his chest and stomach before opening the door to find the hall empty. Lowly he mumbled, “I cannot have taken too long..”

Your doorknob turned however and he stepped out using his key on the ring he had been palming to lock the door behind him then turned to grin at you looking over the jeans and blouse you were wearing with a flash of mint green from your heeled boots helping to get you to his shoulder. A click behind you and a grin eased across your pink painted lips. Back to your dolled up appearance his chest ached, already missing the intimacy of seeing the face and curls you kept to yourself. True makeup made little change as you used little of it to accent your eyes and lips but still nothing could touch the stunning shift of you in your most comfortable setting calling to his own urge to remain lounging in a book filled nook all day. That was his new daydream, hiding the day away with you reading or being read to as one of you lounged against the other, a perfect day filled with cuddling and stolen naps between sharing words of wonder and longing.

A compliment was given and sheepish chuckles were traded in the turn for the stairs down to the waiting car, it was a short drive but still you needed the trunk to transfer everything inside. Four steps in a stretch of his index finger looped around your pinky finger and the connection held for the trot down to the first floor. It seemed so simple, just a finger hold but a welcome invitation for a hand to hold was too much to pass up on. Another part of his dissolving line between the fantasy of this all and whatever it truly was. Settling into the car however the hold broke only to have his hand mold around the top of yours when it rested between your thighs, his thumb tenderly tracing pathways across the backs of your knuckles.

Turning his head he asked, “How long do we have?”

With a smirk you replied easing out his grin, “As long as you like, whole day’s clear.”

Locked in place his hand remained on yours even in the slide out of the car, which he used to help steady you to your feet and shifted to retain in the stroll to the front entrance. His spare hand used to guide the cart he tugged free from the corral and even a his eyes scanned the store he asked, “Where should we start?”

“Um, we could start with soaps and such if you like? Usually I leave frozen and refrigerated items to last.”

“Good plan, soaps and such it is.”

Each and every aisle he went down collecting a supply of possible necessities keeping up the conversation you had started and always claimed your hand again after each step away to inspect or fetch something new. The food half was next and from basics to comfort food and snacks came next, though lost between two chip flavors his head turned slightly seeing you draw your phone out of your purse after it’s buzz and chime. In a full glance your way as you read the message he asked, “Work calling?”

‘Miss Pear, I was wondering if you might be able to meet up with my best friend sometime. Seems he’s got himself in a bit of a jam and needs someone to talk to.’

To yourself you let out a hmm in confusion and raised your gaze to Loki, “Friend of a former assistant of mine wants to talk to me about something.”

Hastily you typed back, ‘Tell them we can meet in an hour at my office.’

“You need to go now?”

Shaking your head you replied with a grin, “No, said I’d meet them in an hour.” His lips parted then closed and he nodded making you move closer and loop your arm in his making him grin, “Don’t look like that I’m not abandoning you. Plenty of time for you to pick a bag of crisps and finish the aisles. The otters will make easy work of the bags.” Looking at the bags he was stuck between you asked, “Ridges or barbecue?”

“I know I would care for one in one occasion but the other in different occasions.” Turning his head his gaze lowered to yours at the resting of your cheek against his arm while the thumb on your free hand traced a muscle in his bicep, “I suppose I could choose both, however the question is how long the bags would last.”

“If you mean freshness usually they last a few days before growing stale, though usually they are a bit addictive, even I can get through a majority of a bag before I’ve realized it.”

Loki nodded, “I shall pick both then, I rarely have gotten to try them, the team usually rushed in snatching them away.” He said claiming two flavors he added to the cart before eyeing the other flavors, “I suppose I could try a new pair a week. There are so many to choose from.”

“Sounds like a plan.” You said as he guided you along hoping you would stay draped against and around his arm for as long as possible. Through the line you did up to the car where you helped him fill the trunk and grinned to yourself when his hand melted around yours again. Inside the car again he looked to you in a subtle scoot closer to you and wet his lips before asking, “Any plans after your meeting?”

Turning your head you caught a flinch of his eyes over your face as you drew in a breath to keep your pulse slow noticing he’d moved closer again making your eyes flinch to his lips for a moment, “Just heading back. I doubt it would take long,”

Taking the words out of your mouth he asked, “Up for a film after?”

“Sure, give you a chance to break into those chips of yours.” Back home again into the garage you went and in a sea of floating otters with their arms full of bags you rode the lift up to his apartment he unlocked and chuckled in following the adorable floating otters to his kitchen to put everything away. Stealing a glance at you he flashed you a grin as you said, “I should pop off. I will see you after, and be careful they tend to alphabetize everything, while the one with spots tends to sort things by color.”

Loki couldn’t help but chuckle, “I will monitor the situation, thank you.” His eyes followed you in your path out of the apartment down to your car again.

Down the steps you trotted asking, “What could this possibly be?”

Pt 6

#Tale Teller’s 52 Week Writing Challenge #Loki x Reader OC

[lovelykat001]

7 Minutes in Heaven- Clint

A/N: This is probably my favorite one because I just remember thinking it was so funny when I wrote it a few years back. Let’s see if it still holds up!

Word Count: 1,989

Warnings: Smut, Cursing

Prequel

I immediately stuck my hand in the bag not wanting to show any hesitation. I just went ahead and grabbed onto the first thing I felt. Is it a doll? I pulled it out to observe. As soon as my eyes fell upon the trinket, I knew who I had. It was a little cupid doll. Complete with wings and an arrow.

I smiled to myself and said, "This could only be Clint."

"And it could've only been Tony to pick that out. Where did you get that anyway?"

"I got it as a Christmas ornament so we could put it on our tree this year."

I sighed. It could definitely be said that I liked Clint. I just loved how funny and quirky he was. And the way he interacted with me! He was always calling me cute names such as: Sugar, Sweetie, Sweetie pie, Baby, Hun. It was adorable! But we have a really good relationship. We are always joking around and spending time with each other. I would hate to ruin that. Besides, Clint probably doesn't feel the same way about me. It's a hopeless crush. It'll go away eventually. I hope.

Clint gets up and walks over to me and offers me his arm. "M'lady." He gives a soft smile. I return the smile and wrap my hand around the inside of his elbow. We started off down the hall with Tony just behind us. I came to an abrupt stop.

"Umph." Tony ran into my back. Clint just started laughing. "What was that for?"

"No real reason. Just wanted to do it."

"Okay then. In you go before I get the wind knocked out of me." Tony quickly closed and locked the door.

"And then there were two," Clint said in an ominous voice. Bringing his hands up to pat his fingers against each other like an evil villain would.

"Clint if you're going to murder me..." I paused and took a breath for dramatic effect. "Just do it in the bathroom so nobody has to clean up my mess."

We both fell into a fit of giggles. "So you chose my object." Clint stated.

"Yup." I stressed the "p" to make a "pop" sound.

"Feeling the wings didn't tip you off that it would be me?"

"Honestly, I didn't feel it. I just grabbed what was on top."

He eyed me carefully. "You sure? I just think you wanted to get some action here." He started walking toward me singing the porn music. "Bow- Chicka Bow- Wow." He lifted his eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh please." I held my arm out to stop him near me. "You wish." I say with a sarcastic smirk.

He chuckles before letting his eyes drift down my body and then back up to my eyes. He quickly looks away, blushing guiltily.

What was that? Did he just check me out? No way!

"Who were you hoping to get?"

I smile and look down. "Nobody."

"Oh that is such bullshit. Come on, who is it?"

"Nobody," I say a little louder and more desperate.

"I bet it's like Thor. You'd be able to say you slept with a God. Literally. Or maybe Captain America. Everybody wants to get their hands on Captain America."

"I don't." I say lifting my eyebrows up.

"That's a lie. Even I do." Clint says pointing toward himself.

"Oh wow, Clint. I haven't seen that side of you." I giggled a little bit.

"Well get used to it, babe." He swung an imaginary scarf over his shoulder and put his hands on his hips. We were both in a fit of laughter.

"Okay so maybe I wouldn't mind getting my hands on Captain America." Clint averted his eyes and started fidgeting. Is he jealous? "But I've always been the type of girl to fall for her friend." I say stealing a gaze at him.

His head shoots up. "Really?"

"Yeah."

Clint takes another step towards me. "Do you mind if I try something?"

"No, go ahead."

Clint shuffles his feet closer to me with his head down. He looks up and lets his hand rub against my cheek. He leans in with his eyes focused on mine until he lets them rest on my lips. I let my eyes close. That's when our foreheads hit together and ruined the moment.

"Ow" I said half-laughing and rubbing my forehead. He did the same.

"Well there is a reason I said try. Does that mean it just wasn't meant to be?"

"No, Clint. It means we are clumsy fuck-ups."

We both laughed. "Are you sure?" He says looking into my eyes sincerely.

"Clint, just yesterday I ran into a wall and you dropped a bowl on your toe." He laughed at the memory. "I am 99.9% sure that it happened because we are clumsy fuck-ups. Now will you get over here and kiss me."

He just smiled at me and leaned in until he granted my wish. Our lips met in an eager kiss. Our lips danced upon one another. Moving in sync. He smiled into the kiss which made me do the same. We pulled away laughing.

"Mind if we try again?"

"Not. At. All." I punctuated each word with a kiss on both cheeks and his lips.

He pulled me closer into him and captured my lips in his. My hands came up and rested on his shoulders. He let his hands hold on to my waist. His thunbs rubbing circles there. He broke away and gave me a quick kiss before he moved down to my neck. Giving me little kisses all the way. My fingers ran through his hair. He let out a soft moan and nipped at my neck. This made my breath catch. He smirked liking what he was doing to me. His hands went down to my ass before giving it a light squeeze. He came back up and gave me a passionate kiss.

"I think we're going to run out of time before we can finish this."

"I'll buy us some time." He moved away from me and started pushing the dresser toward... Oh shit.

"The vent!"

"Yes. Come on up." Clint says already up in the vent.

I groaned. I got up on the dresser and reached my arms up. "I really wish I was taller." After I said that Clint reached down and grabbed my arms. Without waiting for consent, he pulled me up and before I knew it, I was in the vent.

"You good?" I nodded. "Okay. Follow me. My room should be this way." He gives me a quick kiss before turning around to lead the way.

"Should be?" I said with both amusement and hesitation in my voice.

"I am 99.9% sure it is this way." I could practically hear the smirk playing on his face.

I followed behind him for thirty seconds before I broke the silence. "You're such a romantic, Clint Barton." I said sarcastically.

"Ha I'll make it up to you."

"Although I must admit that I really like the view." I say before giving his butt a nice smack. Clint shrieks. I couldn't help but laugh at that.

"This probably isn't the best place for this talk but I just want you to know that this isn't some fling. I really like you. I have for a while now."

"Oh thank God. It is such a relief to hear you say that. I feel the same way. And that was probably the most beautiful confession to ever happen in an air duct."

He laughed at me. "Good. Alright here we are." Clint removes the vent and climbs through. Since this is his room and he is in the air vents so much, the dresser is right below us so it makes it easier for me to get down.

I step down off of the dresser and Clint wraps his arms around me. His lips start attacking mine in a fervent kiss. My hands grab the front of his jeans and pull him closer to me.

"Oh. How forward of you. I like it." Clint smiles and I laugh. I start to unzip his jeans as he takes his shirt off. After the shirt is over his head and his pants are kicked off, he attaches onto me. Leaving kisses down my neck and to my breasts. He pulled my shirt off effortlessly. His hands move to my back and unclasp my bra. He throws it across the room and it lands on the door handle. I burst out into laughter.

"What?"

"My...M-My bra." I tried to get the words out because I was trying to speak while I was laughing. I pointed at the door. He turned his head and burst out laughing as well.

"What can I say, I have really good aim." I smiled at him and pulled him to me once again.

He knelt down and started undoing my pants. I shimmied them off and my panties were soon to follow. He darted his tongue out and it connected to my wet heat. I became weak at the knees. He guided me to sit on the bed and then spread my legs. His tongue lapped at my core. I could feel myself becoming more turned on by the second. He soon inserted a finger into me and watched as I moaned and grinded against his hand.

"Am I making up for it?" He winked at me.

I laughed but also moaned. "Oh yes!"

He then added another finger into me and started pumping them. He got off of his knees and came up to give me a fierce kiss before assaulting my breasts with kisses. He continued to switch from one to the other. While his mouth was on one, his hand was on the other. He curled the fingers that were inside me and my back arched into him with a load moan. Clint grunted.

"Now. Fucking, now!" I screamed wanting to feel him inside of me.

He took his fingers out and I immediately felt the absence until it was replaced with his manhood. We continued at a slow pace. We just enjoyed being so close. My hips met with each thrust. They became harder and reached deeper. We became needier. I felt the knot forming in my stomach and I knew I wouldn't last much longer.

"Clint!" I moaned out.

He called my name out breathlessly. I came. My hips still met with each thrust. Riding out my climax. Clint was soon to follow. I was in shock. That was so good. We lay there. Clint on top of me and me playing with his hair. We scooted up closer to the pillows. Clint went to grab the blankets to pull over us but when he went to pull, he smacked himself in the face. I was in a fit of laughter.

"See? We're just clumsy fuck-ups." He laughed at me and kissed my forehead. He then successfully pulled the blankets over us and I laid my head on his chest. His fingers brushed through my hair.

"Here they are!" Natasha and Thor burst into the room. A few others following suit.

I hear a slight "oh" come from Steve and he walks out embarrassed.

"We are sorry to have intruded upon your love-making." Thor boomed from the door. I buried my face in Clint's chest while he laughed at Thor's comment.

"Guys I'm lost!" I hear a familiar voice echo from the vent. God Dammit, Tony! This had everyone in hysterics.

"Okay we will leave you guys alone." Natasha says while ushering the others out and closing the door. She stops for a moment. "Oh cute bra!"

"Thanks!" And with that the door is closed and we are alone again at last. I leaned up to give Clint a kiss. That's when we hear Tony again.

"Seriously Clint how the fuck do you do this!"

~~~~~

#clint barton #clint barton x reader #clint barton x you #clint barton x y/n #clint barton imagine #clint barton smut #clint x reader #clint x you #clint x y/n #clint imagine #clint smut #hawkeye #hawkeye x reader #hawkeye x you #hawkeye x y/n #hawkeye imagine #hawkeye smut #avengers smut #marvel smut

[iknownothingihearnothing]

Game of Thrones 8.4 “The Last of the Starks”

I. Am. MAD.

This...this week’s offering right here is an example of an episode I loved and loathed in equal measure. There were lovely moments of--

And then...then there were even more ones of--

Y’all know what I’m talking about. From Brienne’s heartbroken face to that motherfucking Northern stubbornness, to Missandei’s capture and death, to Jon still not knowing enough (he’s so naive), to Euron shooting poor Rhaegal out of the sky, to JON BEING A HORRIBLE WOLF-DADDY!

He just ABANDONED Ghost! Without even a pat goodbye! Even if he had to leave him, he could’ve at least spared a frigging goodbye. Yeah yeah budget blah blah. You couldn’t get an actual big, white, fluffy dog for the few seconds needed for Jon Snow to bid his wolfy buddy who RISKED HIS LIFE for him a proper farewell?! 

I pet my dog and call him a good boy when he gets the ball and goes poop outside. You couldn’t spare more than a “laters, brah” nod to your poor puppy?!

LOOK HOW SAD HE IS!

I want to hug him and kiss him and snuggle him and tell him he’s the goodest boi in the North. Pawning him off to Tormund to live Beyond the Not Wall where he knows no one, what’s the matter with you, Jogon of House Snowaryen?! 

Dany may be leaning a biiiiiit too far into her House Targaryen roots but at least she is a dedicated pet owner. We know she loves her...scale...babies? They have spines, right? Spine babies? Fire babies. 

Ugh, let’s get into this week’s slice of sadness. 

The episode opens with a massive funeral for those that died in the Battle of Winterfell. Including Jorah, Lyanna, Theon, Mr. Edd, and Beric, who is now definitely out of lives.

Dany, crying, leans over Jorah’s prone body, kisses his forehead, and whispers something we’ll never know into his ear.

At least, we’ll never know unless either Emilia or Iain decide to spill the deets. Iain Glen said in a post-ep interview with Entertainment Weekly that it was “something definitely profound”. But who knows, he could be bullshitting us and she actually said “I like muffins” or something and he had to lay there pretending to be dead.

On second thought, she’s English. So perhaps she prefers crumpets. 

Sansa is sniffling over Theon’s body and places a House Stark pin in his shirt. Jon is looking out at this sea of corpses like--

There is no more Ol’ Nighty to bring them back.

Or so we’re led to believe. 

The camera pans across the mourners and we catch a glimpse of our favorite furry friend.

He’s such a good, loyal doggo. Wolfo? Direwolfo. 

Oh Jon I am so MAD AT YOU!

Saving my rage for a bit further down. Barely.

Jon gives a farewell speech about all their dead--they defended the realms of men, no one will ever see their like again, etc. etc.--and then some of the mourners who knew the dead best are given flaming branches in order to set the bodies alight. In the North, they burn their dead. I guess cus the ground is forever frozen and one day someone from House Whyrevr said fuck it and lit his dead grandma on fire. 

Afterwards, they have a joint funeral/”glad we’re alive” party because of course they do. Kinda reminiscent of our shiva except people are sitting on chairs. At the head table, Jon is looking awkwardly at Dany--apparently, that whole “we’re technically related and oh you have a better claim to the throne than me” stuff has lingered beyond fighting for their lives. Damn. Not even surviving Team Undead’s invasion could get them out of that business. 

Elsewhere, Gendry asks the Hound if he’s seen Arya. Does Robert’s bastard have a wee more on his mind than all the death? Like, say, his wee-wee?

Some things never change, no matter what century it is.

Gendry tries to stutter that it’s not about that but the Hound knows it is. Gendry’s alive and the dead are not. Might as well take ASS-vantage of it.

Eh? Eh?

Srsly, this is like the worst party in the history of Westeros. Uh, aside from the Red Wedding (but not the Purple one, #ByeJoflecia). They just buried burnt a heap of their dead, two of their hosts are keeping a huge secret from everyone (and being super weird around each other because of it), and Dany’s endlessly fighting against that frigging Northern hardheadedness. It’s not GREAT, Bob.

Speaking of that famous Northern jackassery, Dany sees an opportunity to crack that stubborn ice as Gendry crosses the party hall. Calling him over, she at first inquires about his parentage, asks him if he knows that Robert Baratheon kinda had her whole family killed and wanted to slaughter her as an infant. Gendry’s like “Whoa, did not know that he was my daddy until after he was dead” and Dany’s all “Yep he dead and so are Renly and Stannis so who’s Lord of Storm’s End?” and no one knows.

This is Dany’s chance to make good.

Not only did Gendry survive the battle, he got laid and made a lord!

You go, Glenn Coco, Gendry Baratheon, Lord of Storm’s End!

Ser Davos, the onion knight (lol) leads the room in a toast to Gendry, the newest Lord on the block.

Don’t be fooled cus he’s now a Lord, he’s still he’s still Gendry from the Forge.

Tyrion remarks that now Gendry will forever be loyal to her and Dany says that he is not the only one that is clever.

Sansa, hearing this, looks at her like bats just sprouted from her head and flew out her ears while her eyes turned red as she chuckled evilly. 

Oh, come on! This is what people in powerful positions on the show do. That’s how they secure allies without, you know, marrying their allies. You want someone’s loyalty, do something for them. Dany’s not the first one to try that. And it’s not like she had Drogon Dracarys the hell out of one of Gendry’s enemies to secure that loyalty. She made him a damn Lord. 

The Starks are annoying me this season. Except when Arya laid the smacketh down on Ol’ Nighty. 

In another corner, Jaime and Brienne are celebrating by gettin’ crunk. She offers a halfassed excuse but Jaime’s all “Dude, we defeated a horde of zombies. Drink up!” and she does, giving him this look:

Bow chicka wowowwwwwwwwwwwwww chicka chicka boom.

Not that I can blame her. Aside from all that incestin’, Jaime’s a fine slice of Kingslayer pie.

Ser Davos of House Onion and Tyrion are talking about Melisandre, who last episode took off her necklace and aged into evaporation. Davos tells Tyrion that he swore to Melisandre he would kill her next time he saw her but he never got the chance, as she did it to herself. Or the Lord of Light took her. Or whatever. They don’t like him much. They fight his war and then he fucks off. 

Tyrion crosses the room to BranBot, who is reading in his wheelchair, which Tyrion calls a clever invention. I keep forgetting that wheelchairs aren’t really a thing in Westeros. 

BranBot, as animated as he’s programmed to be, delights in telling Tyrion that it is reminiscent of the one Daeron Targaryen made for his nephew over a hundred years ago. Just your regular episodic reminder that BranBot is...BranBot. 

Tyrion says BranBot’s BranVision will come in handy as the Lord of Winterfell, which he technically is as Ned Stark’s last surviving “trueborn” son. But BranBot doesn’t want it. BranBot doesn’t really want anything or anyone. He totally just doesn’t care, man.

Tyrion envies BranBot’s ability to not give a shit and and BranBot tells him not to because--

Yes, yes. You’re an “old soul”, BranBot. BranBot calls himself a grandpa in a teenager’s body. He forgets what generation he is and refers to people his own age as “you youngins”. He constantly crows that he is a “proud introvert” who’d rather be reading. We KNOW, BranBot!

Tormund leads a toast (with his awesome tusk cup) to the Dragon Queen and everyone cheers so maybe Dany’s making headway. She herself turns her own toast to Arya, the hero of the Battle of Winterfell. 

Jaime, Brienne, Tyrion, and Pod are playing a Westerosi version of Never Have I Ever with wine and Tormund, a bit drunk off his red ass, is going on and on about how awesome Jon is. Meanwhile, Dany is listening and though she toasts him she knows that she will always be an outsider to these people and they fucking love Jon.

Also, this happened:

“May I have your name?”

“Daenerys Stormborn, the Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Mother of Dragons.”

“Okay, that’s Daniellris Shoehorn, the Sunburnt, Keen of Mean Girls, Bean of the Sandals and the Thirsty Hen, Call Sweetie of the Eight Assed Bee, Brother of Wagons. Is that correct?”

“Ugh. Just write Dany.”

“Okay, Fannie.”

The PTB at HBO have since digitally removed The Cup from the episode but wah bro I think they should have kept it in. That’s hilarious. I want to live in a world where Starbucks exists on Game of Thrones. And it survived the battle. Of course House Styrbycks is right around the corner from Winterfell, conveniently situated at the heart of the town square. 

And you better believe there’s a ride-thru for the horseman on the go.

I enjoy how HBO came out with a statement that Dany ordered herbal tea. I can see Dany ordering herbal tea.

In warmer climes, though, she’s definitely a dragon fruit smoothie girl.

Aside: Liam Cunningham recently went on Conan and gifted him The Cup:

He swore it was the actual cup. How is that even possible?! Wouldn’t someone have tossed it after all this time? And the fact that it was still around had to signal to someone on set that a) trolol a person in Consistency fucked up and at least one dude on GoT knew it before the ep aired and b) that Emilia’s discarded latte appearing in a scene would be gold. 

I want to believe it’s legit. I want to believe so hard that it’s the real Cup and that all these circumstances came together to land the Cup in Liam’s hand all this time later. I want to, and so I shall.

(Yes, I know it is not the real Cup but shh I want to BELIEVE!)

So, Dany is watching everyone have fun and be close with each other, especially how everyone seems to love Jon here, and she’s feeling even more like an outsider (and not a bit insecure about her claim to the throne) and she gets up and leaves. Varys starts to follow her with his watchful Varys eyes.

Jaime, Brienne, Podrick, and Tyrion are still playing their game and getting increasingly drunker doing so. Drunker and more giggly. Everything’s all well and good until Tyrion suddenly sits up, looks Brienne in the eye, and accuses her of being a--dun dun dun--virgin. Pod nonchalantly sips his wine.

Brienne clambers out of her seat and mutters that she has to piss. Tormund, also drunk as a skunk, stumbles to their table, celebrating, and asks--

Well? Who did shit in Tormund’s pants?!

It’s kinda awks because Tormund is into Brienne but Brienne has feelings for Jaime and when did GoT become a teen soap opera? It’s like The North 00000 up in here.

Tyrion pours more wine into Tormund’s tusk as Jaime follows Brienne out.

Dramz. Will they? Won’t they? Stay tuned next week!

No, they totally will right now. 

But first, Tormund is going to bitch.

I was cheering for Tormund to win his Big Woman, I really was. But then Jaime showed up and their chemistry just...reignited. 

Tormund expresses sadness until a Northern lady volunteers to take up his time. The Hound continues to drown his sorrows--tho idk what he’s sad about, he’s alive--ignoring even the prospect of sexytimes until Sansa, finally able to make eye contact with the Hound, shares his table. It was a long time ago when she couldn’t even look at him, back when she was just a little bird. But now she’s a dark phoenix (see what I did there? Because Sophie Turner is starring in Dark Phoenix!) risen from the ashes, having had her revenge against her latest torturer/husband, Ramsay Bolton via his own hounds.

None of if would’ve happened if Sansa had left K.L. with the Hound way back when. But Sansa gently squeezes his hand and says that without Ramsay, Littlefinger, and all those assholes, she’d still be that same naive little bird.

Anyone else get the vibe that David and D.B. are kinda...trying to justify what Ramsay did to Sansa here? Just an itty bit? All that’s missing is Sansa belting out Christina Aguilera’s “Fighter”. 

Outside, Arya is practicing her archery skillz when Gendry, the new Lord of Storm’s End, is imbued with way too much enthusiasm after being dubbed by Dany and legit blurts out a proposal to his one night stand right then and there.

Ugh. I can’t wait until my shitty copy of Phhotoshop arrives. Until then I have to use paint shop. Look at those corners! They are making me itch.

Anyway, Arya obvs rejects Gendry’s proposal and it’s d’awww. Gendry is like that guy you hook up with once because he’s hot and afterwards, he won’t stop calling you and texting you and trying to add you as a Facebook friend and messaging you on Twitter suggesting that you fly to Michigan to meet his parents for Thanksgiving. This is something I know nothing about.

Ah, now we’ve circled back to the Jaime and Brienne Show!

That’s if he’s not still obsessed with his siiiiiiiiissssterrrr (she’s a psycho!)

Brienne’s throwing more wood onto yet another hearth (there are a lot of hearths in Winterfell) when Jaime knocks on her door and unceremoniously proclaims that she did not drink when Tyrion accused her of being a V to the gin. He pours her some Dornish red and mutters about it being hot in here; Brienne has learned in the North to always keep a fire going. Jaime has learned in the North that he hates the fucking North. Brienne counters that it grew on her.

Jaime wonders if Tormund Giantsbane also grew on her. He seemed quite sad when she left.

He wants the V-card and the V.

Jaime chuckles awkwardly and begins to pull at the collar of his shirt because “it’s bloody hot in here”. Brienne watches him warily for a second until she gets annoyed and unties the garment herself.

You see where this is going.

First time for Jaime, too. He’s never slept with a knight before.

Has he ever slept with anyone who isn’t his sister before?

Shows how much he cares about Brienne. Letting someone in who isn’t Cersei. That’s a good, non-incestuous step forward, Jaime.

It’s a big moment for Brienne, too, aside from the obvious. She’s had a thing for Jaime for years. This is like that guy you’ve been secretly pining for suddenly realizing he’s totally into it.

In the next scene, Dany confronts a “slightly drunk” Jon, who did not know Ser Jorah very well, but he is pretty sure that if he would’ve chosen a way to die, it would have been protecting Dany. Dany knows Jorah loved her, but she couldn’t love him back--not the way he deserved, not the way she loves Jon.

They kiss and it’s like before Jon ever found out he’s also Aegon until--

“Does Westeros have any support groups for this? Maybe I should ask Ser Jaime.”

Jon wishes that Dany had never told them that they were related and I’m sitting here like--

He would’ve figured it out sooner or later, right? I mean, if he knew he was half Targaryen and all and Rhaegar was his daddy. I understand math is hard but...

Dany tries to forget and sometimes almost succeeds until tonight when she saw all those people gathered around him, looking at him like I’m The Hero! People have looked at her like that before, lots of people, but not here, not on this side of the Narrow Sea. She begs him not to tell anyone of his Targaryen lineage, to swear Samwell and BranBot to secrecy, so that things could go back to how they were before between them. 

But Jon must tell Sansa and Arya because family and nobility and Starkism and all that. And we all know Sansa no likey Dany, despite the fact that HER ARMIES SAVED YOUR NORTHERN ASS.

She begs him some more and he promises that she is his Queen and they can all live together. And they can, if Jon keeps his trap shut.

In Brienne’s quarters, if the animal pelts are a rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’!

Warm enough in there now, Brienne? 

In the War Room--damn, don’t we all aspire to have a War Room?--our favorites are gathered around the Great Table or whatever with a map of Westeros in the center and some old timey Checkers pieces standing in for the two sides’ respective armies. Obvs, the Battle of Winterfell has depleted Dany and Jon’s forces greatly, but they still have enough to wage hell on Cersei. Yara has taken back the Iron Islands in her name, and the Prince of Dorne pledges his support. Still, Cersei has the Golden Company led by Guyliner Greyjoy and the Lannister Army fresh and ready to fight. 

Dany is not appeased. No matter how many noble people declare their fealty to her, while Cersei still sits on the Iron Throne, she can still call herself Queen of the Seven Kingdoms.

Jon, Tyrion, and Varys reassure her with talk of dragons and the people of K.L. having rebelled against their King before. Sansa adds that she wants to give the armies time to recuperate, which is also--

--since they just fought Team Undead and all. But Dany wants to hit up K.L. NOW NOW NOW because the longer they wait, the stronger her enemies become. Or something.

Someone’s starting to lean a wee too far into her Targ roots. It’s just common sense, Dany. Take a chill pill.

But Jon sticks up for his GF. Very sternly, he swears the North will honor its commitments and allegiance to the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms and blah blah blah. 

Dany appears smug.

Silently, Arya and Sansa trade glances like--

Tyrion narrates that Jon will lead the remaining forces up the Kingsroad while a smaller group of them will take a fleet to Dragonstone while the Queen will follow on...dragonback.

Jaime will remain at Winterfell as a guest. 

The camera ticks to Brienne’s expression at the mention of her former crush and new lovah’s name:

She’s trying to outwardly remain passive, but inside--

She’s getting laid and she’s not dead. Those are good times in Westeros.

Dany completes the conference and Arya demands a word with Jon. Outside, Jon is like “We’d all be DEAD if not for her” which is again DUH and Sansa snides “Arya’s the one that killed the Night King”. Arya wouldn’t have had the chance to kill the Night King without Dany’s armies because they’d all be DEAD. Seven Hells, you people are ridiculous. “We don’t trust her, ShE’s nOt OnE oF Us.” That is an absurd reason not to trust someone. I’m from New Jersey. It’d be like me about to be murdered and refusing help from someone because they’re from Florida. Don’t trust her because of her personality not because of where she is from.

And then, like a naive idiot, Jon actually thinks because he swore them to secrecy, Sansa and Arya will for sure totally keep his true lineage behind zipped lips.

This here was one of the scenes that made me roll my eyes so hard, they almost got stuck.

From that, thankfully, GoT moves on to one of my favorite scenes of the episode. Jaime and Tyrion sitting there over drinks gossiping like yentas. Jaime’s giving his younger brother all the deets vis-a-vis his liaison with Brienne. When Tyrion doesn’t say anything snide, Jaime is visibly uncomfortable, and Tyrion claims he’s happy Jaime is happy. 

And--

Tyrion has been waiting for ages to make tall person jokes.

He also wants to know what she’s like “down there”. Jaime calls him a dog.

But then Bronn shows up, finally after Creepy Qyburn hired him to kill Cersei’s “traitorous brothers”, a bit drunk off his ass, brandishing that crossbow. After he smacks Tyrion in the nose, he tells them that Cersei offered him Riverrun, but he knows the Queen is fucked after seeing Dany’s dragons, even with their depleted forces. And Cersei can’t pay up if she’s dead, so...

So Tyrion counters the offer. Highgarden for Riverrun. Bronn would be made Lord of the Reach. It’s certainly open now that House Tyrell has been decimated (RIP Olenna, you ultimate badass). Jaime blanches. How could Tyrion just give him Highgarden? Well hell, it’s better than being dead. 

Jaime doesn’t think Bronn will seriously kill them. Jaime is wrong.

Jaime scoffs Highgarden will never belong to a cuttrhoat but Bronn laughs pish-posh. Isn’t that how all the great Houses started? Kill a few hundred, they make you a Lord. Kill a few thousand, they make you a King?

Tyrion gives Bronn-y his word he’l give him Highgarden as long as they take King’s Landing. Bronn opts out of leading the fight, but wishes the brothers luck with a casual “Don’t die”.

The Hound yells “FFS!” when he meets up with Arya on the Kingsroad. Yep, they’re both goin’ Kings Landing way. Nope, Arya doesn’t really care to hang around, even if she is the hero after knifing that horned fucker. Yes, she probably will abandon the Hound again if he gets hurt.

They both have “unfinished business”. Arya to scratch Cersei off her infamous Kill List. The Hound, presumably, to finally fulfill our fantasy of Clegane Bowl!

Elsewhere, Dany is getting ready to leave the fucking frozen North, petting her dragons. And on this show, that is not a euphemism. One of them, presumably Rhaegal, takes flight.

While Drogon remains with her, that mama’s boy.

On the bridge, Sansa is watching Drogon and Rhaegal lift off, trying to shoot them down with her eyes.

Before he leaves, Tyrion tries to convince her one more time that Daenerys is it, or at least a way better option than Cersei, and he believes in her, her people love her, Jon loves her, etc, and he’d totes appreciate it if they were at least allies, and he turns to leave as the camera pans close on Sansa’s face; she calls him back to spilleth the beans..eth.

Did I win?

As Jon is loading up his Horshon Wagon, Tormund jokes that he’s not riding the dragon down south. Jon laughs that Rhaegal needs a break; he doesn’t need Jon weighing him down.

Tormund says that he has had enough of “the south” and plans to take the Free Folk back Beyond the Not Wall through Castle Black. It’s not home, not where they belong. Or, suddenly, where Ghost belongs either after EIGHT YEARS.

Yeah, this is where I RAGE.

Jon insists the North is no place for a direwolf and asks Tormund to take Ghost with him back Beyond the Not Wall, where he knows no one, will be lonely, and have to contend with even colder weather than what he’s used to. Tormund tells Jon that he has the “real” North running through his veins and “maybe” they’ll meet again before he departs and Jon goes to HUG EVERYONE. 

ALMOST.

RAGE! RAGE AGAINST THE JONCHINE!

I know, I know working with the CGI wolves is ExPeNsIvE, blah blah. I DON’T CARE. There are dragons that spit actual fire on this show. Y’all couldn’t substitute a real big, white, fluffy doggie so Jon could bid his furry friend a real goodbye?! This was the saddest scene in GoT history. Forget Ned’s beheading or even the Red Wedding. This right here is inhuman.

The episode’s director, David Nutter, tried to defend himself, weakly, by insisting he thought this way was more powerful. He obviously does not own dogs. Or any pets of any kind. He did not anticipate how much we all love our furry friends. As soon as the episode aired, Twitter lit up with #GhostDeservedBetter. Poor Ghostie. He lost an ear for you! You’re leaving forever. I snuggle my dogs when I just leave to go to the bathroom. I shall honor Ghost here, First of His Name, Protector of the Realms of Men, the One Eared and the White Furred, Warden of the North. Or at least Warden of the Woof. 

I had to watch this portion a few times to get the right screenshots so now I must go snuggle my own doggies. And tell them they are my own little direwoofies and I will never ever leave them. Especially for King’s Landing.

Jon “I’m the worst Wolf Daddy in Westeros” Snow rides off and Sam, Gilly, Tormund, and Ghost watch him go, even after his owner slighted him, because he is the goodest boi on the continent.

On the way to Dragonstone, Tyrion has immediately spilled to Varys because let’s be honest: Jon’s true parentage was always going to stay a secret for about, meh, an hour? And now eight people know--Jon, Dany, Sansa, Arya, Tyrion, Varys, Sam, and BranBot. Which makes it less a secret and more info. If the internetz had existed back then, the whole of Twitter would’ve known within fifteen minutes. #JongonSnowgaryen would trend worldwide. Westeroswide? 

I need to start following The_Mastr. 

People like Jon. They follow Jon (even tho he’s a terrible pet owner). If this were to get out, Dany would lose the North--Winterfell and the Vale. Sansa would see to that. 

Tyrion suggests marrying them and they could rule together. They love each other, but Varys ain’t so sure Jon could ever see beyond that whole “she’s his aunt” thing. And Dany doesn’t like to have her authority questioned. Then Tyrion cheerfully suggests that Cersei could end up killing them all anyway and that would solve their problems.

And then Guyliner Greyjoy comes out of nowhere and motherfucking shoots down Rhaegal!

I literally gasped “NOOOOOOOOO!” out loud when this happened. My animal-loving heart can only take so much, Game of Thrones. There’s a fan theory that technically we didn’t see Rhaegal die and two somethings appeared in the sky in the trailer for the next episode so he could come back with a vengeance. Please come back with a vengeance, Rhaegal. 

Dany is furious that Captain Maybelline shot her baby and orders Drogon to make a beeline for him. But afraid for her other baby’s life, she turns at the last minute. Euron, annoyed that he only took down one dragon, instead aims for the boat carrying Team Daenerys, which explodes under the force of multiple scorpion arrows. 

All of them swim to shore--all of them, except one. Just before the arrows flew, Grey Worm ordered Missandei to seek refuge on the skiff, and, when we shift to the castle gates, we see Cersei presiding over thousands of innocents who will be caught in the crossfire of war between her and Dany, her child (which she tells Captain Maybellne is his), and a captured Missandei.

In the War Room at Dragonstone--every Great House has a War Room, it seems--our merry band is presiding over a map of King’s Landing where Varys looks Dany in the eye and begs her not to attack the castle. They have Missandei, they killed Rhaegal, yes, but thousands of innocents are held inside the Red Keep, which is Cersei’s modus operandi. Varys pleads with her not to destroy the city she came to save but Dany believes she has a destiny to rid the world of tyrants, and she will fulfill it, no matter the cost.

That sounds vaguely culty, Dany. It wasn’t that long ago you were doing all you could to avoid a battle inside King’s Landing, cus you didn’t wanna destroy the city and the people you were gonna rule over. What happened? Don’t go all Aerys on us.

Tyrion suggests offering Cersei her life in exchange for the throne to avoid carnage. Dany knows Cersei will never go for it, but it’s good for PR, anyway. The people will know that Daenerys Stormborn tried to avoid bloodshed, and Cersei Lannister refused.

Take it back a few, Dany. Just a few, mkay?

At the hearth--there is always a hearth chat going on, and Dragonstone is no exception--Tyrion and Varys are having A Talk. Varys has served many tyrants, and they all talk about destiny and stuff. But, Tyrion negates, Dany has walked through fire and made dragons and lived, maybe she really is destined to rule the Seven Kingdoms. 

Varys considers How To Solve A Problem Like Jon Snow. Who may not be a problem so much as a solution. Who would make a better ruler, Jon or Dany? Varys knows Jon doesn’t wanna rule, which is partly why he bent the knee, but maybe a good ruler would be someone who doesn’t want to rule at all.

And Jon’s a dude, which, in ye olden times, was important. Also why he’s got a tighter claim to the throne than Dany does. They’re talking treason right now. Tyrion accuses Varys of abandoning all of the kings he served under. Varys reaffirms that he will always serve what’s best for the realm and the people, thousands of whom will die if the wrong person sits on the throne. 

Tyrion asks what happens to Dany and Varys gives him a look like “What do you think?” 

At Winterfell, the Northerners are rebuilding while Sansa and Brienne are being all secret-like, talking in whispers and glancing at Jaime. He follows them, having the creeping sensation that they’re talking about something that pertains to him. When he asks what’s up, Brienne tells him that they just got word of Guyliner Greyjoy’s ambush on Dany’s ships, Rhaegal’s death, and Missandei’s capture. 

And another for Jaime Reacting to Bad News screenshots:

BUT what exactly is he reacting to? That Cersei is going to die or that he isn’t going to do it himself?

That night, Jaime is watching Brienne sleep, then creeps outside to pack up his mighty steed to head back to the capital. Too bad Brienne wakes up and catches him. The city is going to be destroyed, they all know this. And Jaime doesn’t have to die alongside Cersei.

Jaime doesn’t think he’s a good man. He pushed a boy out of a window and crippled him for life (which led to him becoming BranBot) for Cersei. He strangled his cousin to get back to Cersei. He would’ve killed every man, woman, and child in Riverrun to get back to Cersei. She’s a monster. And so is Jaime.

And then he leaves and Brienne is heartsick and her POOR FACE. 

THIS EPISODE IS KILLING ME.

But--and I know a lot of other people think this, too--after I wrung my hands a bit, I thought about this moment. I think Jaime’s going back to K.L. to off Cersei himself, leaving Brienne to believe he left because he thinks he doesn’t deserve her. It still SUCKS but it’s less sucky than thinking he’d rather have his twin sister’s V. 

In said capital, the remaining Unsullied and Dothraki forces, along with Dany and her merry men, are lined up outside the gates. Cersei, Pirate von D, and Cersei’s ever lurking zombie Mountain are on the battlements with a chained Missandei. The camera sweeps to show both sides and when did King’s Landing get so FLAT?

Isn’t King’s Landing supposed to be all lush and hilly? What has Cersei done to the place?! This is Dubrovnik, ffs!

Creepy Qyburn comes out of the gates and Tyrion goes to meet him, Hand to Hand. Queen Daenerys demands Cersei’s unconditional surrender and the return of Missandei, unharmed. Queen Cersei demands Daenerys’ unconditional surrender. It’s a stalemate and they’re not getting anywhere so Tyrion tries to appeal to Creepy Qyburn’s logic. They have a chance to prevent bloodshed. To not cause the screams of thousands of children as hellfire is rained down upon them. It’s not a pleasant sound, Qyburn agrees. Alas, he still goes on about Cersei being the one true Queen so Tyrion pushes past him to speak to his sister himself.

Meanwhile, the rest of us are all--

Dany also thinks this is not a good idea.

Some of the Lannister army up on the battlements with Cersei and Co get their bows and arrows ready but as Tyrion approaches, Cersei waves them off with a smug smile. Calling up to her, Tyrion says he knows Cersei doesn’t care about the people of the Seven Kingdoms; they hate her and the feeling’s mutual. 

He mentions her children, her unborn child. How she loved them more than life itself. And just because her reign is over doesn’t mean her life has to end, her her child has to die. 

Just for a moment, one moment, it appears as if his words are getting to her. Cersei takes a deep breath, lets it out shakily. Lena’s acting in this instance is superb. And then, she crosses to Missandei as Dany and Grey Worm race toward the gate in alarm, and murmurs “If you have any last words, now is the time”.

Missandei’s last word?

With her last word, Missandei is telling Dany to fuck it all and burn King’s Landing to the ground.

Cersei gives zombie Mountain the nod to take off Missandei’s head, and poor Grey Worm can’t watch as the undead monster kills his girlfriend.

Dany shakes, turns, and walks away as Cersei smiles triumphantly.

The Mother of Dragons is so done fucking around, y’all.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh this episode was a ride. I wanted to wring SO many necks. Jon Snow, how does it feel to be the villain of the internet? Jaime, you best be headin’ back to K.L. to kill Cersei. Don’t you be breaking Brienne’s heart for nothing. Burn it all down, Dany! #Cleganebowl!

I am EXCITE for the penultimate ep. So EXCITE!

#game of thrones #game of thrones recap #game of thrones 8 #emilia clarke #Kit Harrington #nickolaj coster-waldau #gwendoline christie #kristofer hivju #Sophie Turner #maisie williams #jacob anderson #nathalie emmanuel #ghost #ghost deserves better #warden of the woof

[annzybwrites]

“Reading Together” Ch. 1: First Day Reading

Fandom: Teen Titans Summary: Beast Boy and Raven found something they both enjoy doing - reading books to children.  Rating: T Pairing: BBRae, some Robstar

---------------------

It’s not that Beast Boy didn’t enjoy reading. He loved to read comic books, manga, and webcomics! It wasn’t his fault that staring at a page full of nothing but text gave him a headache. He even tried listening to audiobooks like Raven suggested, but the soothing voice of the narrator often ended up putting him to sleep rather than enticing him to want to keep listening to the story.

This didn’t really bother him. A lot of people didn’t like to read books, in fact he’d go so far as to say he was in the majority.

Something that Beast Boy did enjoy doing was volunteering. It started out when Cyborg told them he was going to be helping out with repairs at a homeless shelter. Starfire had liked the idea of helping out the people of Jump City so much that she and Robin started researching other volunteer opportunities, and within a few days they had presented a variety of options to the rest of the team to choose from if they wanted. It ranged to everything from picking up trash on the streets to helping build homes, and Beast Boy’s favorite activities by far were helping out at animal shelters (for obvious reasons), and helping out with fundraising activities. Not only could he be as loud as he wanted to bring attention to the fundraiser, whether it be selling cookies, being duck-taped to a wall*, or planting flowers, but he was also helping raise money for worthy causes. That wasn’t to say he didn’t try his hand at a few other volunteer activities, too, but his favorite was definitely fundraising.

There was one volunteer activity that he usually shied away from, but… well, he couldn’t get away from it forever.

“Is anyone coming with me to read to the kids today?”

It was a simple enough question that Raven posed to Robin while they were all seated in the common room watching TV. It was also enough to make Beast Boy sink down into his seat.

“Actually,” Robin sat up a little, turning to fix his masked gaze onto the boy trying to hide away. “I was thinking Beast Boy should go.”

“Why?” He groaned, sitting up fully to pout at their leader.

“Because some people are starting to think you’re illiterate.”

“What?! That’s ridiculous!” Beast Boy argued. “I read comic books in public!”

“Come on, BB,” Cyborg nudged him with his elbow. “Reading to children is easy - it’s mostly pictures anyway.”

“You can just do the voices,” Raven told him. “I’ll be the narrator.”

“Oh, yes!” Starfire piped up, clapping her hands together by her head. “Being the voices are so much fun! You can make the children smile and giggle and jump up and down!”

“...” Beast Boy had to admit, that sounded appealing.

“Just one time won’t kill you,” Cyborg teased.

“All right, I’ll go,” Beast Boy relented, turning to grin at Raven. “If only because I can’t see you doing voices.”

Raven’s eyes were slightly bigger, as if something had just surprised her. “I tried doing them once. I’m just… not that good at it.”

So that was why someone always went to the library with her to help read. He had wondered about that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What is that?!” Beast Boy’s mouth fell open at the sight of a very peculiar advertisement hanging on the library’s front billboard. Among all of the brightly colored posters displaying all of the activities they had going on the public library, there was one slightly darker poster in the center with a very simple message:

Reading expands your mind.

That wasn’t the interesting part, no. The interesting part was that the picture above the words was of Raven in her meditating stance, except she was holding a book while a circle of other books floated around her. The library’s logo was in the corner.

“What?” Raven couldn’t hide her small smile. “I’m already a mascot for gum. Might as well be a mascot for the Jump City library.”

“Wait, you’re a mascot for gum, too?!”

Raven shook her head. “Yes. We need to get going.”

“Don’t avoid this conversation!” Beast Boy pouted. “When did you even have this picture taken?”

“We really need to get going.”

Beast Boy knew what she was going to add to that sentence from the look in her eyes. “Don’t you -”

“Garfield.”

Beast Boy’s groan filled the room. Good thing they weren’t actually in the library yet - just the space before the library. “One of these days I won’t care if you call me that.”

“Luckily for me, today is not that day.” She turned and floated off into the library, leading them to the children’s section. And by section, he basically means an entire wing dedicated to rows and rows of children’s books and wide-open, comfortable spaces for reading, as well as a few play areas.

“Hello, Raven!” A peppy, motherly-looking woman greeted them at the entrance of the wing with an excited whisper, eagerly shaking her hand. She wore a dark red polo-shirt and khaki pants. “The kids are all so excited you’ll be reading today!”

“I’m glad.” She smiled softly. “Is Sarah here?”

“Yes!” the woman chuckled and put her hands on her hips. “She’s really enjoying the Katie Kazoo books you suggested.”

“Katie Kazoo?” Beast Boy questioned.

“Oh!” The woman turned to him now, smiling wider but not answering his question. “Beast Boy’s joining us today? Jax will be excited!”

“I’m counting on it.” Raven sounded just a bit too mischievous for his liking. “Well, shall we get started?”

“Right this way!” The woman turned around and started leading them further into the children’s section of the library.

“That’s Ms. Dimple,” Raven whispered to her teammate. “She runs most of the reading programs here.”

“She seems nice.”

“She is.”

“So what’s this about Jax?”

Raven grinned a little. “Let’s just say he loves animals. Especially one particular kind of animal.”

“Which one?” He really wanted to meet Jax now. He loved talking with any animal enthusiasts, no matter their age.

“Let’s see if you can guess when you see him.”

They were lead into a fairly large room that contained three tables with plenty of chairs on one half and a large circle rug with two chairs on the other half. In the middle was a bookshelf, a toy box, and a costume box, and there were already at least ten children inside the room. A few were working on a puzzle, a few were reading, and others were playing pretend with whatever costumes they found. Right now it seemed to be a princess fighting a viking? Pretty cool.

Beast Boy’s ears pricked towards the sound of a particularly loud gasp, and before he knew it he was being hugged by small kid with short, dark hair. “Beast Boy!!” the kid exclaimed, looking up at him with the biggest, melt-your-heart smile he had ever seen.

“Hey!” Upon closer inspection, BB noticed the kid was wearing a dark green shirt and pants that had little turtles all over it. “You must be Jax.”

The kid nodded, just looking up at him with those wide, sparkling eyes.

“Let me guess - you like turtles?”

“Mmhm!” Jax’s already bright face got even more blindingly happy at the mention of his favorite animal.

Beast Boy didn’t wait any longer - he morphed into a turtle and smiled inwardly as he felt Jax hug him tight.

“Turtle!!” He ran right up to Raven and Ms. Dimple then, displaying the too-green turtle to them as if they hadn’t just witnessed the whole thing.

Ms. Dimple laughed and shook her head fondly, while Raven just smiled. “Be careful not to hug it too tight, Jax!”

“I won’t, Ms. Dimple!” Jax chirped before going back to hugging Beast Boy and looking like the happiest kid on the planet.

The changeling started to realize that maybe morphing wasn’t the best idea, as another kid ran up to Jax and demanded Beast Boy turn into a rabbit. Then another kid requested he turn into a puppy, and another wanted a goldfish, and another wanted a parakeet, and then they all started shouting out the names of animals they knew until Ms. Dimple clapped her hands.

“Okay, kids! We need to let Beast Boy and Raven look over the books they’re going to read for you today, all right? So let the… mongoose go!”

The green mongoose was very grateful and scurried over next to Raven before turning back into his more human form, panting slightly. He forgot how exhausting a big group of kids could be.

“You’re an instant hit,” Raven teased him quietly as they walked over to the bookshelf.

“What can I say?” He grinned back. “Everybody loves me.”

Raven rolled her eyes, but he could tell she wasn’t actually annoyed. “We’re supposed to read these two today.” She showed him the thin books, Blueberries for Sal and Chicka Chicka Boom Boom.

“What?” Beast Boy laughed as he grabbed the second book, wondering what the heck it was about. Raven must not have known either, as she looked over his shoulder to see what was written there. It was about the letters of the alphabet climbing up a coconut tree, and Beast Boy could already feel the natural rhythm of the words as it was all one, giant, fun poem. “I think I can handle this one by myself.”

“Good,” Raven nodded. “Because I really didn’t want to say “skit skat skoodle doot.””

Beast Boy’s laughter gained the attention of literally everyone in the room, causing Raven’s cheeks to color softly.

“What’s so funny?!”

“S-say it again??” Beast Boy was still laughing.

“No way.” Raven glared before floating over to one of the chairs in front of the circle rug. “Now come here.”

Beast Boy still snickered as he bounded over, perching himself on the seat next to her with a grin.

“We want the kids to be able to see the pictures,” Raven told him, opening the book and holding it up near the side of her face so that the pages would face the audience. “So we hold it like this. It makes it a little more difficult to read, but not much.”

“Uh…” Beast Boy copied her, holding it up near the side of his face and squinting at the words. The light obscured some letters, but if he just moved it a little it was fine. “Okay, got it.”

“When you first start, say the title as well as who wrote the book.”

“Makes sense.”

“Be sure to read it slow.”

“Like I’m in a play?”

“Exactly. After we’re done reading,” she pointed over to the tables, “we’ll have a little craft to go along with one of the books. Ms. Dimple runs that, but we can help the smaller kids. Then it’s free time.”

“Huh.” Beast Boy looked out at everything. “Maybe I’d enjoy reading if I went to stuff like this as a kid.”

Raven didn’t know what to say to that, so she just continued in her explanation. “Er… Don’t be afraid if you mess up. Even I fumble a word sometimes.”

“Oh really?” Beast Boy turned to grin at her. “I’d love to see that.”

She rolled her eyes again before turning to skim through her own book. “Beast Boy?”

“Yeah?”

“You can talk while in your animal forms, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Well, this story involves talking bears.”

Beast Boy just stared at her for a moment. “... You want me to turn into a bear to read the story?”

“Just the dialogue that the bears say. I think it would get the little ones even more involved.”

He laughed and looked out at the kids, who were still busy with whatever they had been doing before his little animal show. “Sure, why not?”

“Thanks.” She looked up to catch Ms. Dimple’s eyes, causing the older woman to clap her hands and gain the children’s attention.

“All right kids, our readers are ready! Let’s all sit on the reading rug!”

Some kids cheered as they quickly headed over to sit cross-legged on the rug, looking up at the two superheroes in anticipation. One little girl ran right up to Raven and gave her a hug, much to Beast Boy’s surprise. “Do you have more book recommendations, Raven?” she asked.

“I’ll find something for you later, I promise,” Raven chuckled and pointed at the rug. “Go sit down, okay?”

“Kay!” She took a seat relatively close to the empath, beaming up at her.

“That’s Sarah,” Raven whispered to Beast Boy, as if that explained everything. “She reads the Katie Kazoo books?”

“Yeah, I still have no idea what those are,” he deadpanned.

Before Raven could say anything else, Ms Dimple appeared next to Beast Boy and clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s have our newest volunteer read first!”

“Oh, right!” Beast Boy cleared his throat and held up the book so the kids could see the cover. “So, uh, I’ll be reading Chicka Chicka Boom Boom for you all,” he silently commended himself for not laughing while reading the title, but he did smile a bit wider. “Written by Bill Martin Jr and John Archambault.” He really hoped he didn’t butcher that pronunciation. He cleared his throat and opened the book up, holding it to the side of his head like Raven instructed.

He had to admit, he was a little impressed with how quiet the kids were while he read, but occasionally a few of them would giggle just from the way the words sounded. He tried his best to read slowly, but due to the rhyming nature of the book he noticed himself wanting to pick up speed. God, reading slowly felt so awkward, or maybe he was just nervous?

Either way, he felt like he was done reading the book all too soon, and Ms. Dimple lead the kids into clapping for him. “Thank you, Beast Boy!” She put her hands on her knees, leaning forward to address the kids with an excited voice. “Now, who all here knows their alphabet?”

The older kids, of course, all raised their hands, but some of the younger ones looked like they had to think about it for a moment. That was enough for Ms. Dimple to chuckle and say, “How about we all sing the alphabet slowly before getting to our next book, okay?”

Beast Boy turned to give Raven an “is she serious?” look, to which she just nodded before singing the alphabet along with Ms. Dimple. So, of course, he felt compelled to join in as well. He looked out at all the kids, smiling when their expressions ranged from bored to confused to happy as they sang with. They all seemed used to joining in on chants and songs at the drop of a hat.

Once they were done, Ms. Dimple clapped so loud that Beast Boy jumped. “All right! Onto the second book!”

Raven nodded and held up her book. “I'll be reading Blueberries for Sal, by Robert McCloskey.” She opened to the first page and held it between her and Beast Boy so he could see it a bit better.

When she started to read, Beast Boy could feel how still and attentive everyone became, and he could understand why. There was this undertone of pure passion as Raven read, and it drew in everyone who listened. Even though her voice didn’t usually betray much emotion, Beast Boy was very attuned to listening to her emotions through her subtle tonal changes, and he had a feeling the children were equally adapted - kids tended to have that ability. Plus, he swore her eyes were sparkling with enjoyment. She really just had an appreciation for the written word, even in a story as simple as a children’s book.

He almost missed his cue to come in. Almost, because he could never miss those dark, violet irises looking up to meet his gaze. He jolted a bit before quickly turning into a bear and enjoying the delighted gasps of the children before he read his line as “Little Bear’s Mother” - which of course meant he tried to do a high pitched voice.

“Little Bear -”

“She said,” Raven cut in, the corners of her mouth twitching into a smile from his ridiculous voice.

“- eat lots of berries and grow big and fat.” He put his paws on his stomach to emphasize his point. “We must store up food for the long, cold winter.”

The story continued on after that, and Beast Boy decided that as long as he was already morphed into a bear he might as well try and act out what’s happening in the pictures. The next part of the story was about Little Bear (and a little human kid named Sal) eating blueberries from the bushes, so he mosied on over next to the children and pretended they were his blueberry bushes, though he kept his fingers pointed towards his palms as he “picked berries” so he wouldn’t accidentally claw anyone. He kept it up as the kids kept giggling and looking over at him with big smiles.

It was official, he was glad he came.

Apparently the main part of the story was about little Sal the human and Little Bear getting mixed up and following each others’ moms for awhile as they all picked blueberries off of blueberry hill. Beast Boy had to admit some lines were really funny, though he didn’t really understand the message of the book. Weren’t all children’s books supposed to have meanings or morals or at least teach you something? Maybe this one was just about making sure you stay close to your parents so you don’t get lost? Well, whatever it was about, he didn’t really have that many lines as either bear character, which allowed him to just pretend he was climbing up and down blueberry hill (or random chairs throughout the room) eating blueberries all the way.

When “the end” was finally said, the children all clapped politely again and Beast Boy padded back over to his seat to change back into his more human form. He glanced over at Raven, his grin widening when he saw her smiling. At him, not just in general, but right at him, with eye contact and everything. Getting someone elusive like Raven to smile at you was like winning a first-place trophy. That was why his heart was racing, because he felt like a winner! And that was also why he wanted to keep staring at her; he just wanted to enjoy his prize a bit more.

“All right kids,” Ms. Dimple started speaking again, so Beast Boy tore his gaze over to her. “What did you all think of this book?”

One kid rose her hand, and when she was called on she stood up, her childish voice stumbling out, “Um…” she played with the edge of her skirt, distracted. “I liked how - how the momma bear didn’t hurt Sal.”

“Yes, that was very nice, wasn’t it?” Ms. Dimple agreed. “And how Sal’s mother didn’t hurt Little Bear.”

The little girl nodded and sat back down. A few other kids were called on, talking about what they liked or found funny, or saying they liked watching Beast Boy act like a real bear. He felt mighty proud every time a little kid said they liked his act; he almost wanted to shift back into a bear, but he didn't want to interrupt the little discussion.  

Soon enough they were moving onto the craft portion. The main craft involved flat foam pieces and glue that would eventually form a 2D bucket full of blueberries if they glued the foam down correctly, but there were coloring pages of blueberry bushes offered as an alternate if a child didn’t want to work with glue or just prefered coloring better.

Beast Boy kind of wished he could build his own craft, but knew his place was to help the kids make their own. In fact, very soon he found himself in the middle of helping three kids build their foam buckets at the same time. This was obviously the perfect opportunity to show off, so he tried to juggle the foam pieces a little and twirl the little glue stick between his fingers, the latter of which resulted in a lot of glue getting stuck to his hands. Great, just his luck. He forced a nervous smile onto his face as he tried continuing to help the kids with their craft, but soon everything started sticking to his hands and he couldn’t get it off no matter how much shaking or pulling he did. He could feel himself blushing as the kids nearby began giggling at him, and he felt even more mortified when Raven started heading towards him. Of course the kids she had been helping were all done with their baskets and were free to go play dress up or read.

“I can help them,” she told him. “Why don’t you go to the bathroom and get that glue off you?”

“Yeah, okay,” he grumbled, feeling even hotter as the kids started laughing louder at his retreating form. Was this his punishment for trying to look cool? He grumbled to himself as he scrubbed his hands in the bathroom sink, wishing he could go back to them thinking he was awesome. Turning into a few more animals should do the trick, right?

He smiled a little, thinking of how thrilled Jax would be if he turned into a turtle again. That kid had the brightest little eyes! He bet he knew everything about turtles you could possibly know. When he came back out of the bathroom, he started looking for his little animal buddy, laughing a bit when he saw him sitting near a wall and reading a book that was literally shaped like a turtle. The craft tables were pretty much abandoned as the kids all played with the toys or read, so Beast Boy felt he was at liberty to walk right up to Jax.

“Hey buddy,” he plopped down right next to the kid with an easy smile. “What’cha readin’?”

Jax’s eyes lit up as he thrust the book towards him. “Turtles!! Did you know that a turtle’s top shell is called a carapace?”

“No, I did not.” He had done his own research on turtles before, but since they were rarely useful in battle he hadn’t committed much about them to memory like Jax apparently has.

“Yeah!” Jax continued, bouncing a little, “And the bottom one is called a plastron!!”

“That’s really neat,” Beast Boy laughed. God he loved how excited kids got about pretty much everything. “What else do you know about turtles?”

Jax started rambling on, talking about how turtles are born with their shells or that they’ve been around for 215 million years, and telling stories about turtles he’s seen (his favorites were the ones with the red and black underbellies) or how he and his dad always helped escort turtles across the road so they didn’t get run over.

By the end of it, Beast Boy was smiling fondly and ruffling Jax’s hair. “I bet turtles love you just as much as you love them.”

Jax’s wide smile made Beast Boy feel like the best man in the world. Soon he was being hugged by the little guy as he exclaimed, “I’m happy Raven finally brought you!!”

“Finally?” Beast Boy replied, a little confused. Had he been asking about him for a long time? This was the first he’s heard of it! He lifted his head to look for his teammate, a little surprised to see her sitting down with a little girl in her lap. Though as he saw her pointing to the pages and having the little child read them, he realized she was helping teach her to read. He found himself smiling, not finding such a sight so surprising anymore. Ever since Raven’s little escort mission with Melvin, Timmy, and Teether, she had actually started taking a real liking to kids. It still surprised him to see her so comfortable with them though, especially when she had seemed so clueless about children before.

“Can you turn into a turtle again?” Jax asked, looking up at him hopefully.

“Uh…” he hesitated, not wanting a repeat of before. “Ask me again before you leave, okay?”

“Okay!” Jax seemed content with this and sat back down, picking up his book again and resuming where he had read before. Beast Boy took that as his opportunity to go over and talk to Raven about his “finally” comment, but soon he was stopped by a little boy tugging at his hand.

“Play pretend with us!!”

“Be my knight!” a little girl added, grabbing his other hand and pulling him towards her.

“No! He needs to be a pirate!”

“No, wait! He should be my prince!!”

“Woah!” Beast Boy interrupted, laughing. “Uh, how about I’m a pirate prince?”

The two small children thought over his proposal, looking over at each other thoughtfully. They both started nodding before going to grab him a pirate hat and a plastic sword from the dress-up box. “Pirate prince!!”

Soon, he was dragged into their pretend world, where his backstory was made up on the spot. At first the little boy, named Charles, wanted him to be his pirate partner and help him steal the riches from the kingdom across the ocean, but the little girl, named Lola, wanted him to be a romantic prince like in Sleeping Beauty. That was the exact story example she gave before she went to lay down, evidently expecting Beast Boy to come save her from a sleeping curse.

“Don’t wake her up!” Charles insisted. “If she’s sleeping we can steal all of her gold!”

“Uh,” Beast Boy suddenly felt the need to tell this small child that stealing was wrong, even though Charles probably knew that and was just pretending. Was this what older adult daycare workers went through? The struggle to either play along with the kids or try and teach them lessons? “Well, I’m also a prince! And as a prince I have a duty to rescue princesses!”

“Awww!” Charles complained, but Beast Boy’s logic was sound enough. He let the changeling walk over to the girl and gently shake her awake.

“You have to wake me up with a kiss!” Lola argued, opening one eye to look at him with a knowing little smile.

Beast Boy tried desperately to think of a comeback to that, not wanting to ruin the game completely just yet, but thankfully Raven came to his rescue.

“Lola, Ms. Dimple has already talked with you about this,” she reminded the little girl, coming to squat beside her with a stern expression. “You can’t make boys kiss you during games.”

Lola pouted before sitting up. “The curse is lifted!” She ran over to begin “fighting” with Charles, trying to stop him from stealing her gold.

“Thanks,” Beast Boy breathed a sigh of relief as he and Raven stood up.

“You’re welcome. This isn’t the first time she’s pulled the Sleeping Beauty card.”

“Seriously?!” He laughed, watching the two pretenders “battle” it out. They mainly talked about how the battle would go, and pretended to throw punches and sat down quickly to emulate “falling.”  “Hope she grows out of that.”

“Mm.” Raven nodded, watching them with her more neutral expression.

“So,” Beast Boy grinned at her. “Jax said he was glad you finally brought me.”

“Did he?” Raven hummed. “What an interesting choice of words.”

He laughed shortly and shook his head. “Why didn’t you just tell me some little kid wanted to see me? I would have helped you read earlier.”

“Well,” Raven hesitated, looking off to the side. “To be honest, I was worried they might find out you don’t like reading, and that would make some of them stop.”

“Oh.” He felt a little guilty; that reasoning did make sense, but he wouldn’t just go around saying “reading sucks” or something to a bunch of kids in a library. Just because he didn't enjoy books didn't mean they shouldn't. Besides, not a lot of time was focused on solely reading - there was a lot more time for crafts and playing if they chose.

“Yeah.” Raven brushed some hair back behind her ear before looking at him out of the corner of her eyes. “But, you’re… having fun, right?”

“About as much fun as I could have in a library,” he joked, turning to give her an easy grin.

She huffed softly, looking away from him. “Enough to read with me every week?”

The proposal shocked him at first, mainly because he had never realized Raven went here every week. Then he wondered if he really did that good of a job reading - certainly Starfire made a better partner than him? She was the one who usually attended the reading sessions with Raven, or at least that’s what he thought. “You… really want me every week?”

“Yes.” Raven turned back to look at him, as serious as ever. “Most of the books feature animals anyway, plus… you have a nice singing voice.”

Beast Boy felt himself blush from the unexpected compliment. “What does that have to do with reading?”

“Ms. Dimple has been wanting to add a song and dance time to the little program here for awhile.” He immediately perked up, and Raven glanced away again. “You like dancing, too, right?”

“Hell yeah!”

“Language!”

“Right!” Beast Boy smiled sheepishly. “I mean, yes, I like dancing.”

Raven sighed softly. “I can talk with Ms. Dimple and she can send me some of the songs she was thinking about teaching the kids. If you really want to do this,” she added the last part hastily, realizing that Beast Boy had never actually agreed to her proposal.

“Hm…” He scratched at his chin, looking out at all the young, little, creative minds. “I mean… I guess it could be fun.”

“Is that a yes?”

Beast Boy started to feel a joyful warmth growing inside him. Raven actually sounded excited about this. She really did want him to help her with this every week. Him, she wanted him. He couldn’t recall a lot of times where someone wanted him specifically for anything. Even during missions he often times felt like his part could be done better by someone else, but not this time. This time he was being asked to do something because someone thought he was the best man for the job. How could he deny her when she was asking for him? “Yeah, I’ll do this with you.”

“Great.” Raven smiled, one of those tiny smiles that she probably didn’t even realize she had on. Beast Boy loved those smiles, and, actually, he realized that she wore those smiles a lot while in this environment.

As he looked out at all of these little faces happily reading, playing, and just having fun, and took note of how relaxed and open Raven was next to him, Beast Boy felt a joyful calm settle over him.

Yeah, he could definitely get used to this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*”being duck-taped to a wall” - basically a fundraiser that would involve Beast Boy standing on a chair against a wall and people buying duct tape for ~50 cents per yard to apply to him, thereby causing him to be stuck to the wall. They stop selling duct tape once the person stays on the wall without the use of a chair, and then they see how long they stay stuck there. Or maybe they don’t stop selling tape, who knows. I imagine they could get a lot of money to tape a superhero against a wall (and the other Titans would probably be around to make sure no villains would take advantage of it).

Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Click here for author notes and links to readings of the books mentioned!

#BBrae #Teen Titans Fanfiction #Teen Titans #Beast Boy #Raven #Reading Together #I will take critiques as long as they're polite #I just wanna start writing again #and not be afraid of posting stuff anymore #annzy writes

[sleepykittypaws]

Holiday in the Wild

Original Airdate: November 1, 2019 (Netflix) Where to Watch?: It’s a Netflix original, so it should be available on the service forever

The first thing that, as a Hallmark/Lifetime movie vet, hits you in the face about Holiday in the Wild is the budget. I’d be willing to bet that the cost of this one film could have paid for about half of Hallmark’s 40 titles, and it’s one of the streamer’s lower-budget films.

Kristin Davis and Rob Lowe, even in his ridiculous Indiana Jones cos-play, are both more than competent actors, but their predictable, and almost-as-chaste-as-Hallmark, love story is really beside the point. The stars are the scenery—this was really filmed in Zambia and South Africa—and the realistic baby elephant puppets. 

Not that there isn't plenty of ridiculousness. When rich NYC housewife Kristin Davis’ husband leaves her, he does so immediately after their son (played by Rob Lowe’s real-life son, John) leaves for college, saying he waited till he left so as not upset him. But the door was literally barely closed. As bad husband gathers his already-packed suitcases (how did Davis not notice those in her immaculate apartment?), he must have met up with his son in the elevator, so quickly was their 20-year marriage dispatched.

And then, two days later, after giving away all of her husband’s bespoke suits to the homeless (which is never mentioned again), she’s off to Africa alone on their "second-honeymoon" safari where she totes roughly $20,000 worth of Louis Vuitton luggage, but we see they had coach seat assignments (“22A and 22B”). Umm, yeah, no way the hedge fund guy with the $20 million dollar Manhattan apartment was sitting in the cheap seats on his way to the luxury safari. C’mon movie!

Also, it’s August, y’all, as they take pains to point out. It’s gonna take a while to get to the holiday part of this movie. (My family didn’t even suss out it was a Christmas movie, despite the title, till about an hour in.)

After a meet-cute that isn’t, Davis quickly ditches her luxury lodge for a tent at an elephant sanctuary, which they conveniently had waiting for her even though she wasn’t supposed to be there, when they find an orphaned baby elephant on the plane ride. (Yes, Rob Lowe is not only a pilot, but also a rescuer of baby elephants.)

Oh and, she’s a vet, non-practicing. Which is mentioned early on, but she never acts like it. I mean, they have no animals. Have you ever met a vet without pets? Also, she quickly says she knows "almost nothing" about elephants. Huh? I mean, I changed my major from pre-vet in undergrad, but even I know that zoology, and the study of large animals, is a rotation you’d have had to complete to get your degree. So, even if you hadn’t worked with them since, you’d still know more than 95% of people.

And then she stays at this elephant sanctuary indefinitely, but they never once ask the rich white lady with luggage that costs more than most people in Zambia would see in a lifetime for a donation to the facility. Nope. Wouldn’t think of it, even though their funding is precarious. 

Eventually, we reach the part where her son (Rob Lowe’s son in real life) comes for Christmas, and it’s very confusing with Lowe talking about "her son," but you know it’s really his, and the audience is left kind of creepily wondering if she’s falling in love with Rob Lowe because of his elephant wrangling and leather hat, or because he looks astonishingly like her own kid.

By the way, if you’ve never seen how John roasts his dad on Instagram, it’s well worth a look, especially as many of the pics he and his brother have ribbed their dad over are from this movie.

Anyway, after Christmas she packs up her LV bags and heads to Manhattan where her 6,000 sq. ft. apartment has just been sitting vacant this whole time, which her completely docile and un-angry (ex) husband had no problems with that all. Though she’s sad when the divorce papers come, there’s no discussion of property division, or money issues—heck she never even hires a lawyer that we see—so I guess Davis was married to the only hedge fund guy in history who didn’t screw over (or try to) his first wife in the divorce. 

And then, in the least surprising turn of events ever, she finally learns, via a FaceTime call, that the sanctuary is in trouble. Hilariously, it’s implied that this happened because Rob Lowe stopped sleeping with the 25-year-old blonde who kept showing up in his tent. Yeah, because  what incredibly gorgeous, yet also conniving, 20-something doesn’t want to kill a bunch of elephants just because she can no longer get any from a guy 30 years her senior? 

By the way, we never even see anyone in this movie do anything but kiss lightly—and then only twice. This evil blonde we see only three times in the year-plus this movie spans, never even brushes Lowe’s hand. As far as we know, their entire relationship is basically her giving dirty looks to Davis when she finds the brunette (fully clothed) in Lowe’s tent, and Lowe then telling Blondie, “whatever this is, isn’t working,” before she dastardly declares if they can’t keep having these 30-second conversations every six months, she’ll murder all the elephants by cutting the foundation’s funding.

Yet, even then, Lowe still doesn’t ask the obviously wealthy lady who loves the sanctuary and lived there for six months for any money. Because his pride, like his penis to the blonde lady, is worth way more than those elephant's lives, apparently. Who works for a charity organization, but is above asking for money? That’s like…the whole point.

So, anyway, as anyone with two brain cells could predict, Davis’ wealthy NYC friends save the sanctuary in a matter of minutes just by writing a couple of checks. Something they likely do on a daily basis without a second thought, before rushing off to buy their fifth Birkin bag, or pick up their toddlers from $75k/year private preschools. I’m kidding…They have their $150k/year nannies do that. What I’m saying is…The stakes here are super low, folks, and the elephants were never in even the slightest danger.

Anyway, after Davis hilariously snail mails the checks to Zambia in a giant envelope with no notice at all (thanks goodness the sanctuary didn’t close while she was waiting for her surprise to arrive), she finally talks to Bargain Basement Indy on the phone and tells him she sold her apartment and is moving to Zambia. We know he loves her because we see he named his plane after her—one of the few nice beats the movie doesn’t really oversell. Anyway, knowing that, he should be more excited about, since that apartment was easily worth $20 million, so she’s basically saying they’re set for life, and then some. 

They get married and live happily ever after, and in case the lingering shots of their wedding in Africa didn’t convince you they made it legal, they actually add in her sending an email to her son—who she earlier saved from dropping out of college with the radical suggestion that he get a music degree—literally spelling out the fact they’re married, lest you think they’re sharing a tent in sin, I guess.

And that’s it, the end, Rob Lowe and the elephants live happily ever after on Davis' massive divorce settlement.

It’s weird that Netflix held this film for a full year—it was filmed in the summer of 2018—when Christmas was so little a part of its plot. Though it was important in that the park rangers who live full time with the elephants seem to only get to see their wives and children at the holidays, so I guess all those kids were conceived during that one week a year they’re all together? I mean, I don’t think it was goat stew that was the aphrodisiac if that’s the only time they’re together…if you know what I mean. (Boom Chicka Wah Wah)

And why was it safe and cool for Kristin Davis to just move right into the camp, but dangerous for the ranger’s families to be there anytime other than Christmas week? 

Still, despite the relative lack of holiday flare—if not for the name and Netflix’s insistence, I’d say this was actually a stealth Christmas movie, not an overt one—I enjoyed my time watching this. I’m an animal lover, and a holiday movie lover and the scenery really was as stunning as Rob Lowe’s outfits were ridiculous.

Final Judgement: 3 Paws Up (Or, 2 paws and a cat costume trunk, for veracity)

[moonlitjiminn]

Cuffs | Jungkook, You

Another story for my chicka @comeherejimin. Hope you like it!! 

BTW NO SEXUAL CONNOTATION FOR TITLE OKAY HAHAHA

What if we didn’t... hate each other?

You blinked as you looked at your now broken physics project. You had to make a prototype of a proton accelerator and you spent all week on it.

Anger bubbled inside of you as you turned to Jungkook, whose eye was twitching, it was his basketball that had flung over and crashed into the model in the first place.

“What are you going to do now? Huh? How are you going to fix this?” you yelled. You hated the boy, he wouldn’t give a care in the world for anyone around him nor would he dare respect another person. And the fact that he had just knocked over all your hard work and didn’t even apologize make you furious.

“Will you calm down? It’s not that serious,” he said and your eyes widened.

“What is this ‘calm down’ you speak of? I don’t know the term,” sarcasm dripping from your lips, you picked up his basketball and threw it over the balcony and into the field.

"I hate you,” he seethed and you smirked.

“Whoa there, you need to calm down.”

Picking up the remains of your project, you heaved yourself down the stairs and strode to your physics class, not knowing what explanation you were going to give your teacher.

--

You picked up a tray and walked toward the first lunch lady, but something – or rather, someone – stopped you. Looking up, your immediate reflex was to roll your eyes at the person standing in front of you.

“Get to the back of the line,” you said flatly, too tired to get mad… yet.

“I was here first, I just went to get m-”

“I don’t remember seeing you here before me, Jungkook, just get to the back before you cause a scene.”

“Before I cause a scene? Y/N, you’re the one making a big deal out of this, besides, I was here first.”

You sighed, putting the tray down, “Jungkook. Get. To. The. Back.”

“What’s holding up the line?”

“Can you hurry up? We’re starving here!”

People called from behind you and before you could scream something back like ‘Why don’t you ask Jungkook?’, Hana, your best friend dragged both you and Jungkook out of the line with your wrists.

“What are you doing?” you hissed as she kept pulling you two until you reached her bag.

“Uhm, Hana, yeah, I’m a bit bu-” Jungkook’s voice was cut off when Hana brought out a pair of handcuffs and snapped one on you and one on him.

Your eyes widened, “What are you doing?” you hissed again, but this time, much louder.

You wanted to ask her why she had handcuffs in her bag but decided that was a question for later.

“I’m sick of the two of you bickering, I need some peace and quiet too, okay?”

“Hana, take this off,” Jungkook asked softly but she shook her head.

“I’m not taking these off of you until you guys reconcile.”

“Yah!” you exclaimed, “You better unlock this.”

She didn’t say anything and instead picked up her lunch tray and strutted to the serving bays.

You and Jungkook exchanged glances.

“I have basketball training after lunch.”

“Great. This is just great.”

--

“What is this supposed to be, drama club?” a scary voice boomed when you entered the gymnasium with Jungkook.

He must have felt you trembling because he whispered, “Don’t worry, I’ll sort this out,” into your ear as you approached his coach.

“Coach, hi,” he started, “Can I skip training tonight? I have an important Physics exam tomorrow that I need to study for.”

“Physics? Jeon, I know you don’t do Physics.”

You gulped.

“Haha…” he gave an awkward laugh, “Did I say physics? English! I meant English, I have an important English exam tomorrow and I need to study for it.”

He narrowed his eyes on the two of you, “And you’re not doing this just to go on a date with your girlfriend, is it?” he pointed his chin at you and your eyes widened, shaking your head.

“Ah damn coach,” Jungkook laughed, “You caught me. It’s our one year anniversary, she’s been begging me to spend it with her…” you turned to look at him.

What?

His coach rolled his eyes, “Ladies. They just love celebrating every little thing, don’t they?”

Jungkook nodded, “You feel my pain?”

“Okay, just this once I’ll let you go, but tomorrow you’re training overtime.”

“Thanks coach!”

You bowed to him before being dragged out by Jungkook.

“Why did you say that?” you slapped his arm as soon as you were out of the gym.

“Coach is a hopeless romantic, that was the only way he’d say yes.”

“Why did you ask to get out of training?”

“Can you run twenty laps around that place? If you can, then let’s go-”

“Okay, good reason,” you pulled him away, “But what are we going to do now?”

“Well, I did get a coupon to a pretty fancy restaurant this morning,” he suggested.

“You want to go out. For dinner. With me?”

He shrugged, “We just told him it was our one year anniversary, why not act like it?”

“Jungkook…”

“Why? You got something better to do?”

“Uh… well…”

“Exactly, fancy dinner it is.”

He drove you there, your two hands touching as they rested over the gear.

Hana was definitely going to die the next time you saw her.

--

“What do you want to order?” Jungkook asked, looking over the menu in one of his hands. The other hand was sitting in the middle of the table, next to yours. You had put a serviette over the handcuffs so no one would get suspicious and now it just looked like you two were holding hands.

“I don’t mind anything,” you put the menu down, “I’m not used to this kind of food.”

“Neither,” he waved for the waiter to come and ordered something with the name in a language you could not understand.

“What did you order?”

“I have no idea,” he said innocently, “Let’s hope it’s not gross.”

You laughed, “You’re not making me feel safe at all.”

You froze. Did you just laugh at something he said?

“Is it my job to make you feel safe?” he teased, but you heard the slight sincerity in his voice.

“Huh?”

“You keeping up with College alright?” he asked, looking at you over the rim of his champagne glass.

“Yeah, I guess,  I mean I did fail a physics ‘make a proton accelerator’ project, but other than that…”

“You failed it?” his eyes grew wide. “But I thought I talked to your teacher-”

“That was you?” this time it was your turn to be shocked. You knew someone had told your teacher the reason your model was so broken but you didn’t know it was him.

“Well yeah, I couldn’t just let you burn because of me.”

“Jungkook, why did we never get along?” you asked, genuinely curious.

“I wonder the same thing every day.”

The waitress came with your food and you thanked him as he placed it on the table for the both of you, eyeing your hands under the cloth.

You shut your eyes in embarrassment but Jungkook didn’t seem fazed.  “Thank you,” he bowed before leaving.

“Looks nice enough,” you heard him say and you opened your eyes.

“You ordered different things for us?”

“Of course I did, that way we can eat each other’s if we don’t like our food,” he tapped his head, “Smart.”

You poked your fork into Jungkook’s food, popping it into your own mouth. “Hey!”

“You don’t even like broccoli anyway,” you said, thinking back to the time in preschool when Jungkook cried (yes, cried) after the teacher had put two pieces of the vegetable on his plate.

“Oh God, please don’t tell me you remember-”

“Oh I remember alright,” you nodded, smirking.

“And here I was thinking I finally lived that down.”

“Well it’s come back to bite you,” you both laughed, and when the laughter died down you were left staring at each other in the silence.

“What would we have been like if Hana hadn’t spilt her yoghurt on you in fourth grade?”

“That’s why we’re enemies,” he remembered, sitting back in his seat, but the cuffs pulled him back forward. “Maybe we would have been friends…”

“Friends,” you found yourself smiling over the mere though.

And then you shook it away. Friends? With Jungkook? That was the last thing you wanted, what were you on about?

“Or maybe more.”

You looked up at what he said to see him staring right back at you, his eyes burning into yours.

“J-Jungko-”

“Okay, Y/N, listen,” he tore his eyes from yours, “We’ve known each other since we were four, how does it make sense I know what you look like in a diaper and yet I don’t even know your favourite colour?”

“You know what I look like in a diaper?” you asked, horrified.

“That’s not the point,” he rolled his eyes, “But yes, I have photos of us back then.”

“I guess you’re right,” you gave him a tired smile, “We shouldn’t put our fourteen years of knowing each other to waste.”

“Fourteen years? Oh my gosh that’s embarrassing,” he pulled both his hands to cover his face, obviously forgetting that you literally were attached to one, making you fly forward, ending up only inches away from him.

He opened his eyes at the sound, widening them when he saw your close proximity.

Before he knew it, his face was getting closer, causing you to squeeze your eyes shut.

You were so sure he was about to kiss you.

When nothing happened, you opened your eyes to see him smiling cheekily at you, holding up the salt bottle. “You were in the way,” he whispered and you breathed out a sigh of humiliation, sitting back in your seat properly.

“So, what is your favourite colour?”

#btswriters #BTS Writing Squad #btsmaknaenet #armiesnet #OT7network #bts #jungkook #bts scenario #bts scenarios #jungkook scenario #jungkook scenarios #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #bts angst #bts fluff

[briantmarquis]

Life under quarantine doesn’t have to suck. We stay home to save lives. As parents, we’ve found one of the hardest things to do is to make life seem normal for a two-year-old. He doesn’t know why we can’t go to the playground, why we get frustrated at him for not wanting to wear his mask outside, why we use the rain cover on the stroller on sunny days, why we don’t let him touch the elevator buttons, and why mommy and daddy are now home twenty-four hours a day. Life took a major pivot, but our job is to keep him happy, feed his curiosity, and create some type of normalcy in this new normal. Now we have endless bubble sessions, a little more TV time allowed, spontaneous dance parties, an influx of visitors cycling through on the iPad, a lot of hide-and-seek, and why we leaned hard into this Two the Moon theme for his birthday.

During the week, we split our time with work and our son. Workdays go longer and sometimes bleed into the weekends. So for his birthday this year, we took the day off so we could give him 100% of our attention.

As I said before, I am going to take themed portraits of my kids on every birthday. They’re so much fun and we keep our family album updated. Win-win! For this Two the Moon theme, we went to outer space, rocked themed t-shirts, sang happy birthday over video chats, and ate a cake that looked the moon. Welcome to our party!

Lilies and Loafers has affiliate relationships, so we may get a small share of revenue from your purchases. Items are sold by the retailer, not by Lilies and Loafers.

Backdrop

Every photo needs a backdrop. What better backdrop than a rocket?! I cut out a rocket shape from a cardboard box (from a company named Pluto, yes we have new pillows, yes we love them), painted it, and used honeycomb spheres to create the flames. I loved how it came together.

[twenty20 img1=”35090″ img2=”35091″ offset=”0.5″ before=”Cardboard Box” after=”Painted and Decorated”]

Rocket Backpack

For a whole tutorial, check out our other post. We made this for Liam to wear in his photoshoot. He was quick to throw it off but eventually warmed up to it. Now he loves the backpack.

Party Favors

We came across these backpacks at Target months before his party. We’re crazy planners, so we scooped them up (on clearance) to use as party favors for the cousins. Although our in-person plans had to pivot, we still packed these up with Liam’s favorite snacks and sent them out the kids.

There’s No Place Like Space

Oreos

Boom Chicka

Bubble stick

Scooby Snacks

Fruit snacks

Favorite Toys

Favorite Snacks

Note for space cadets

Moon Cake

Check out our other post for all the details, but this was so much fun to make! I was pleasantly surprised by the end result.

Photo Shoot

Parents need to get in on the fun, too! We scooped up these NASA and Pluto Remembered t-shirts. I love my graphic tees, so this Pluto tee is a keeper.

[twenty20 img1=”35110″ img2=”35137″ offset=”0.5″ before=”Mom” after=”Dad”]

Our son’s onesie is from H&M. This runs extremely large, so be sure to size way down (if you can find it).

Liam’s Second Birthday: Two the Moon Life under quarantine doesn't have to suck. We stay home to save lives. As parents, we've found one of the hardest things to do is to make life seem normal for a two-year-old.