#yes i am aware what time it is

[aromacaque]

every time i see "old" aro/ace terminology that isn't nearly as commonplace as it once was because the online communities that either created them or promoted them got destroyed during the peak of exclusionism during the 2010s i get so sad

it was genuinely horrific watching aspec communities dwindle in numbers online in real time during 2015-2019 (i'm sure it is a major contributor to how bad my internalized arophobia was at the time) and i wish people other than aro/ace people spoke up about it or even Acknowledged the amount of damage it did to our community

this post was brought to you by black ace rings, white aro rings, ace of spades, ace of clubs, ace of hearts, ace of diamonds, and all of the other symbols we had that have been lost to newer generations due to so much of the community being effectively harassed away by TERFs

#aromantic #asexual #aspec #yes i am aware these things are still used and prevalent in the communities BUT they aren't as well known within the communities compared t #what i saw in the past (and this is coming from someone who was very new to the community during that time which speaks volumes)

[jklpopcorn]

#fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf sb #security breach #memes #time to continue my tradition of making some memes when a new game comes out >:) #spoilers #ruin spoilers #fnaf spoilers #cassie #gregory #roxanne #mimic #maskbot #<- this mf #anyway the dlc is great! loved it sm :) #and yes i am aware that this is not word for word what greg says but <3

[corallapis]

#novelization doesn't do justice to this scene tho. #his awkward lil cough. #'forged of course.' 'of course! but immaculate.' #& the way the master is content to leave the doctor alone as long as the doctor doesn't mess up his plans. #seriously need more of them just bumping into each other on a random planet. #(yes i am aware the time lords DID send the doctor. you know what i mean.) #doctor x master #dw

[kaladinkholins]

"why would you ship mizu and taigen together they're sooooo toxic ugh taigen is AWFUL and mizu should be with ME instead!!!"

of course they're toxic they're both deranged and terrible and that's why they're perfect for each other.

cuz like omg you think mizu would treat you well? mizu would abandon you. look at how she left ringo multiple times. ringo who treats her so well and is nothing but patient and caring and loyal. if you are insecure she will laugh at you because she has no social tact. look at how mikio said "it's a stupid dream" talking about his ambitions of regaining his honour and mizu straight up chuckles and tells him he's right because it IS a stupid dream. and at this point their relationship was cordial and she was even warming up to him!

like. arguably, taigen would be a better romantic partner (per the ideals of his time and culture of course), or at least he would be on paper. cuz i mean as a husband, as he is now, i think he'd be awful. but i'm talking about if you and him were dating or courting or just seeing each other romantically, he would be good to you. like we saw how he behaved with akemi and he was nothing but sweet and gentle. the very reason akemi wanted to marry him so bad was because she KNOWS without a doubt that he respects women and would treat her well. "oh but he cheated on her with the prostitutes while celebrating his engagement!" yeah but per the norms of the time and place, it was not considered cheating and akemi (as well as any wife or romantic partner of that period) would not have minded or even cared.

and yes taigen IS an asshole and he IS obnoxious but come on. so is mizu, if she is allowed to act like herself around you. mizu will tease you and mock you and challenge you and even poke at your insecurities (see:her goading mikio on even though he clearly did not view her teasing as light-hearted banter and took it all very personally). she would tell you to your face if she thinks you're being annoying (see:mizu rolling her eyes and telling akemi to straight up just "shut up" when she'd believed mizu had killed taigen).

mizu is not merely a hot and talented badass with a sword and the insane hyperfocus on her desire for revenge which literally drives her to withstand like, extreme amounts of damage and survive it. mizu is also flawed and the show does a good job at showcasing this, and showing us that she's not merely a victim but also a multilayered person. we see throughout that mizu is blunt and sarcastic and prideful.

oh what's that? oh right, very similar to taigen, who is also hot and talented with a sword and with insane hyperfocus on his desire to duel mizu and regain his honour. taigen who is also flawed (though, arguably, more so) as he is blunt and sarcastic and prideful.

the only thing that sets mizu and taigen apart is the fact that taigen is a man and is not mixed race, which thus affects their positions in society and how people perceive them. these are external factors. taigen being a boy who is not blue-eyed allowed him to easily mingle with the other kids in the village, all of whom were similarly fed the same prejudiced values which led them to gang up against mizu and bully her.

but take all that away. strip them down to the bare essentials. suddenly it's like they are the same person copy and pasted.

and that's what makes them even more interesting. yes absolutely they would be toxic. whatever souls are made of, mizu's and taigen's are the same (derogatory). and we literally see them fight all the time!!!! but the thing is they are both deranged when it comes to this.

do you get me. they both literally get turned on by sparring. mizu's whole spar with mikio was her way of flirting. just look at how she smirked at him and said "unsheathe it" like it's clear that this is an innuendo of not just unsheathing his weapon but also what's in his pants. then during the chopsticks fight with taigen in the snow, despite mizu literally being injured and taigen trying to attack her, mizu gets attracted to him. meanwhile taigen got a boner after wrestling with her in the forge.

taigen goes around saying he wants to kill mizu to regain his honour but he still literally risks life and limb for her constantly. mizu gives ringo stomach ulcers by going around flinging herself into near-death situations 24/7. she ups and leaves her beloved swordfather with barely a goodbye twice to pursue her batshit far-fetched quest for revenge (against people she doesn't even KNOW btw because she literally starts off with practically No Leads and not even knowing the NAMES of the white men who are her maybe-fathers).

these bitches are crazy and you know what good for them. that shit needs to be contained and quarantined though and that's why in that sense they would be good together.

i want to put them both in a jar and shake it very hard and see what happens. personally i think they will argue and insult each other while working perfectly in sync with each other to break out of the jar and then proceed to kill me and make out sloppy style over my dead body while they're both covered in blood.

like that's it that's the dynamic. send post.

#this is written half in jest btw dont take it too seriously. ppl can dislike what they want and ship x reader if they like #what annoys me is just when ppl are being rude about other ppl's ships like. unprovoked. like girl.... #taimizu #taigen x mizu #mizu x taigen #blue eye samurai #im active on twitter again and the algorithm keeps putting bad takes on my tl against my will !!! #also yes i am aware im saying all this while writinf a tender yearning-filled slowburn fic of them #bcs i DO want them to be gentle. definitely i do. but that comes muuuuuuch later after they both wear each other's edges down ykwim #bcs if they get together any time soon they will literally be a flaming hot mess #sexy hot mess tho #but a mess nonetheless #they have the range! love them for that #fandom.rtf #shut up haydar #wank.mp3 #kinda #might delete later

[mercisnm]

Sweater weather shenanigans

Plus the lines, before I throw colours on it like an excitable squirrel:

#yes i am aware that squirrels are colour blind #anyhow #sometimes i draw things #tissaia de vries #yennefer of vengerberg #it's been *cold* lately and i hate going outside so much #ill think of my blorbos being warm and cozy and comfy thank you #every lesbian's dream: to have an older girlfriend whose lap you can use as a pillow plus she will make you hot drinks if you ask nicely #yes tissaia in frumpy comfy cardigans. she has a collection of tartan blankets too. she's very Grandpa fight me #yennefer in one of those super large but comfy looking turtle neck cream colour sweaters and grey sweatpants #she wears the sweatpants as an experiment because everyone her age seems to go crazy over their partner wearing it so whats about tissaia #(tissaia doesn't give a shit about sweatpants. doesn't own them. doesn't need them. doesn't find them aesthetically pleasing) #(i've used the word comfy way too many times in these tags and i don't regret it one bit) #also i have that seal plush. just smaller

[arsenicflame]

absolutely delicious flavour of edizzy is where theyre Actually Married but neither of them know it, while also being acutely aware of everything-

they celebrated 25 years of their matelotage. they are having sex on the regular. both of them think the other thinks their contract is purely for financial reasons and the sex is just fun + convenience.

#'hes just having sex with /me/ because he knows im not going to stab him in the back (literally)' #meanwhile theyre having the most tender schmoopy sex known to man because theyre both so fucking in love #(not 2 say anything abt the actual sex theyre having they can be as rough as they want itll still be tender because theyre having FEELINGS) #'of course we have a matlotage it'd be silly to not have a financial agreement when our lives are so entwined. whats mine is his' #and at the same time theyre celebrating anniversaries with blowout bashes and gifts and shit and just #theyre so fucking aware of their marriage but theyre SO STUPID about it #'but what if he doesnt like me like that' about the man whos slept next to him for decades #nyxtalks #ofmd #izzy hands #israel hands #edizzy #blackhands #anyway it ends when someone else finally points it out #classic steddyhands set up. eds talking about his relationship with izzy and stedes like 'youre married' 'yeah but not like that' #'absolutely yes like that edward- am i the other woman?????' and it takes a few days and a lot of convincing but they talk about it #and realise oh theyve been real actual married all their lives huh #que more fucking schmoopy sex. hand holding and tears and shit and maybe its a little cringe but its their wedding night ok ????????

[amedetoiles]

listen i was all ready to rank dfqc’s father as worst father of the year right up there with jiang fengmian and now what am i supposed to do with this knowledge that he actually loved his son and played kick ball and gave him hUGS?? that in order to save their people it seems, he had to make dfqc powerful enough even if it meant dfqc would have no emotional connection that’ll prevent him from killing his father to ascend the throne. that dfqc might still love his father and their people even if he doesn’t understand what that means anymore. and their tribe? loves him too????? enough to be angry that he unintentionally abandoned them??? LET ME LIVE

#[ yvonne talks ] #dongfang qingcang #lbfad liveblog #love between fairy and devil #every moment of this show is just a continuous case of what the fuuuuuck #😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #YES I AM AWARE I AM NOT READY FOR WHAT IS STILL TO COME #WHO DECIDED TO MAKE WORST FATHER OF THE YEAR ACTUALLY AN OK DAD WHO HAD RESPONSIBILITIES TO HIS KINGDOM #BUT STILL HAD TIME TO PLAY AND HUG AND LAUGH WITH HIS SON #JFM U COULD NEVER #every character is grey and complex and i am succumbing to the brainworms tHIS IS UNACCEPTABLE #😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #OLD LADY MOON TRIBE VILLAGE CHIEF IT’S NOT HIS FAULT #also am i supposed to like shuiyantian because it’s not looking good lmao 😅

[anghraine]

I think it's interesting that when Gandalf describes Denethor's ability to "perceive, if he bends his will thither, much of what is passing in the minds of men," he ties it less to his wisdom or general insightfulness (though he possesses both) than to his difference from "other men of this time," his near total Númenóreanness, and as bolded here, the active exercise of his will.

Tolkien also attributes Denethor's resilience against Sauron (by contrast with Saruman) to not only his right to use the Anor-stone, but "great strength of will." He notes that Sauron had no servant with greater mental powers than Saruman or Denethor, and Gandalf remarks that Denethor was "too great" to be subdued to Sauron's will.

Denethor and Gandalf have a strange and unsettling silent confrontation, carried on by their gazes, yet it strikes Pippin as like "a line of smouldering fire" and "as if reading each other's mind." Gandalf afterwards says Pippin was stuck between two "terrible old men," lumping Denethor in with himself. Pippin also sees some kind of kinship between Denethor and Gandalf, as Sam saw between Faramir and Gandalf.

In his letters, Tolkien said that the ancient Númenóreans became barely distinguishable from Elves in appearance and in their powers of mind. In Unfinished Tales, he notes that they loved their horses, and when a Númenórean had a strong bond with a horse, it was said that the horse could be summoned "by thought alone."

In LOTR, Faramir—who has inherited Denethor's Númenóreanness/wizardliness—has a reputation for command over both animals and men. When everyone else is thrown by their horses upon being chased by five Nazgûl, he not only keeps his seat, but mysteriously gets his horse to ride back towards the Nazgûl. And during the retreat across the Pelennor, the soldiers in the city conclude that Faramir must be with the men who are managing to retreat in order, repeating Beregond's remark that he has some undefined command over both men and beasts.

Gandalf suggests that this is a result of Faramir pitting himself against the effects of the Nazgûl in some way, but his abilities (whatever they are) are outmatched. In the event, the effect of Faramir's Aura of Courage commanding abilities remains until he's shot and finally falls to the Black Breath.

Faramir also makes repeated references to perceiving or reading things in Gollum's mind. At one point, he describes Gollum's mind as dark and closed, yet unable to prevent Faramir from detecting that he's holding something back about Cirith Ungol specifically. Noticeably, this only happens when Faramir orders Gollum to look at him (which Gollum does "unwillingly"), and the light drains from his eyes as he meets Faramir's. It seems decidedly reminiscent of the later Gandalf vs Denethor duel-by-eye-contact.

Faramir's exact words about Gollum's secrecy are "That much I perceived clearly in his mind," in reference to his earlier questioning of him. He says that he can "read" previous murders in Gollum and Gollum cries out in pain when he tries to lie to him.

When Faramir gives staves to Frodo and Sam, he says that a "virtue" of finding and returning has been placed on them, with zero explanation of what he means by that. He adds a hope that the virtue will not altogether fail under Sauron's power in Mordor. He describes the people who did the woodwork but not who placed the virtues (it doesn't seem inherent to the wood itself, given his phrasing).

We do know that Dúnedain can potentially embed enchantments into items. The Barrow-daggers carried by Merry and Pippin are specifically enchanted against the Witch-king of Angmar by an unknown Dúnadan of the North, and when Merry stabs the Witch-king, the dagger breaks enough spells for Éowyn's ordinary sword to finish the job.

Meanwhile, Aragorn uses his healing powers to help the city, wishing for the presence of Elrond, because he is their eldest of their kind and more powerful. Aragorn, also, has at least some part of this ability to actively exercise his will and mental powers, perhaps an equal share, though he uses it less often.

In the book, he doesn't physically attack the Mouth of Sauron, but instead holds his gaze (again, eye contact is important!). There's another silent struggle that involves no weaponry or any other contact.

He prevails in some way over the Mouth of Sauron (not a warped creature of Sauron in the book, but a cruel Númenórean who has "learned great sorcery"). The Mouth indignantly says he has diplomatic immunity and can't be attacked like this.

But, I mean, maybe they're all just smart and perceptive, it's really unclear.

#eldritch dúnedain WHEN #because i am very aware that this could be deeply unsettling if presented just a bit differently! #but it is wild to me that tolkien can outright say 'this guy is a númenórean who learned sorcery' #and people are still like 'but can númenóreans use magic. i guess we'll never know.' #or have faramir give his whole speech about what gollum's mind looks like to him and what he can see clearly in it #fandom: idk it's just really unclear #gandalf: denethor can see what happens in other people's minds if he exercises his will #fandom: a great mystery ... maybe he's just very wise and insightful??? #tolkien: the dúnadan who enchanted the daggers would be happy to know his spells worked and helped defeat the witch-king #fandom: númenórean craftmanship is /skilled/ of course but how can we make this about elves #honestly it seems like people don't /want/ númenóreans to have supernatural abilities and i'm not sure why #humans who have elvish-style powers and appearance yet can never escape their humanity is SUCH a concept #(yes i will harp on this until the end of time) #anghraine babbles #legendarium fanwank #legendarium blogging #long post #húrinionath

[ride-a-dromedary]

Alright, the jack in the box is wound, and the coherence is coming to me. Halsin and the dryad, I was talking about his response if the PC indicates that he is most comfortable after a supper large enough to induce hibernation:

"Mindless gorging...? No, that is not right. I did not realize you thought that of me."

And why this keeps catching in my mind is not necessarily what he says, but how he says it (so I am commending Dave Jones' voice acting here). The rest of Halsin's responses to incorrect answers are generally even toned and corrective; firm, usually, but not inherently overly emotional. Much like a teacher correcting a student. But this one...he sounds genuinely surprised and taken aback that the PC would even suggest that. The "no, that is not right" is even firmer on its heels. And the last part...the last part, his voice is smaller. Less forward. I would not go so far as to suggest hurt, but it is approaching that territory. It comes so fast after his firm no, that it almost sounds like something that slipped by accident. Like something that was meant to be muttered under the breath, but it slipped from him because the surprise was so organic.

Alone, it doesn't mean too much. It's a slight offense to an obviously nonfactual statement. And that's likely all it is. I'm about to read too deep into this, I am aware.

But combined with the other things spread throughout Halsin's dialogue, particularly the implication that he is otherwise used to people making commentary on his physical appearance or the physicality of his being, it suggests an extra layer of hurt. An extra layer of: "I did not expect this from you, of all people." Not quite a betrayal, but approaching one.

What makes it particularly catching, is that one of the things you are able to wrench (and I say wrench because getting Halsin to share mundane personal details about himself is a production - and it makes *sense* it's a production if a. We keep in mind that Halsin himself doesn't seem all too sure who he is beyond his preoccupation - which elves are prone to but Halsin also just has...a lot on his plate that have evidently stunted his identity formation - to the point where he even claims he was forgetting who he was, and b. If he is used to questions concerning himself and his experience leading into questions regarding his sex life or his physical activities, see: the companion banter with Wyll and Karlach, he likely...doesn't really keep ready details about himself personally on tap anymore. He's so unused to people being interested in Halsin, that he's taken aback when they are. It becomes the "In the moment, I forget everything and anything I like to do for fun" mentality - no one really cares about what I like to do anyway - if you will. He even goes so far as to joking that the PC may be a doppelganger because *why else would they want to know these things*) out of Halsin when you ask him about himself is that he has a sweet tooth. That he likes honey, and people find that amusing. He chuckles, but his face falls, evidently prepping for the PC to make a similar comment (and he attempts to beat you to the joke about that, though a PC can still call that "on the nose" to which he responds that there is little point in denying oneself if it doesn't hurt anybody - indulging isn't a bad thing). If the PC instead chooses that he should pay little attention to what others think, he gives that infamous: "sometimes I think people look at me and imagine my feelings can't be hurt" line. Which implies - regardless of whether he verbalizes it or not - things in this thread hurt his feelings. Comments or assumptions about his body and his person hurt his feelings. He won't say it, but they do. The PC is likely aware of this by this point in the relationship.

Halsin does not otherwise bring up eating or food to any level of significance or directness - the sweet tooth comment was the only time (you could assume outside of canon interactions that they've had other conversations between them and that perhaps this was brought up, but we are going to base this solely in what Halsin reveals in canon). He brings up hibernation, but specifically the sleeping part of it. Nothing else.

So, the PC then potentially goes ahead and makes an assumption of him during the dryad. How'd they arrive at this conclusion, as it obviously surprises Halsin that they did? It reads, very much, that the PC is making this assumption based on the comment about his sweet tooth, his comment on indulgence, and his physicality (note: the ha ha bear and hibernation thing almost seems like an afterthought - Halsin latches *very* quickly onto the "mindless gorging" part). All things that he has shown very evident discomfort (which is ironic because the question is when he feels most comfortable) or hesitance towards (he claims there is nothing wrong with indulgence, but never seems to indulge himself beyond sex, if that. Gee, what does that remind you of?)

Halsin entrusted this individual with this information, as frivolous as it was, potentially revealed that it hurts his feelings when people make assumptions of him, and this individual then went used that information and made the assuming connection: "So, this is a big man. He said he liked sugar, so he must like to eat and indulge. It must be his favourite thing to do because look at him." I am going to essentially ignore everything else I could have possibly heard, and make a bear hibernation joke that has nothing to do with sleeping being a comfort, but emphasize the eating part.

So, yeah, he's a little taken aback - incredulous, you might say. A little hurt. Resigned, almost. Because at that point, you can make a very logical assumption that Halsin came to a very quick snap realization that perhaps this person was not so different from the others as he thought. That it always eventually comes back to that. What else was he expecting? When has it ever been any different for him?

#BG3 Musing #Halsin Posting #does this make sense i don't think it does but it's like...jumping from a - z based on assumption and you know what they say about that #note: this isn't actually this deep i am just making it this deep - also yes i'm aware it probably means none of this #i have a degree in bullshit #but this is also why halsin should have had a legitimate bear like build of a body #i understand why he didn't - but this is *verbatim* what fat individuals receive as assumptions on their person #*all the time* that oh you must overindulge yourself you must eat a lot you must you MUST #and in that thread of thought of halsin's relationship with his body #there's also something to say when halsin says 'my ears are all yours...any part of me is yours should you wish it' #because he *begins* by offering his sympathy and understanding...but follows it up with 'but if i am more valuable to you in this way #then that's fine too - i'm used to that' #almost parallels (inadvertently) astarion's: #'i think i'll enjoy having halsin around not for his wit or wisdom he'll just make an excellent shield if we're attacked' #he's self aware #and in regards to how halsin sees his body as a separate entity - a. body dysmorphia and b. i don't think he truly does #halsin claims he sees his body as a vessel to serve nature and wrinkles his nose at vanity - but i feel there is enough old hurt in him #that this can never be true of him even is he so desperately wishes it was #does he have a level of confidence in himself? obviously he does - but it is marred - it's an exchange #there's always going to be that little voice in the back

[tleeaves]

The art is lovely and now I'm gonna ramble because that's what I do when I care about something.

For the love of women, please PLEASE can fan artists remember to add muscle to their Shadowhunter ladies? I'll commend Bowater for cleverly giving James that sculpted and lean look without making him a beefcake (nothing against beefcakes, I'd love to hug them), but Cordelia is once again suffering from Arms And Shoulders Too Slender It's Hard To Even Imagine Her Picking Up A Sword. There is some there, yes, but artists shouldn't be afraid of giving particularly Female Main Characters weight and toned muscle. Cordelia is supposed to be nearly the same height as James as far as I can remember, and she's curvy, and full, and she wields a sword like it's second nature to her. Please explain why she looks so tiny in James' lap.

Also I'm pretty sure marriage runes are supposed to go over the heart whenever possible (thinking about Will's parabatai rune being over his heart instead -- he didn't get Tessa to draw over the scar, did he??) and... either I'm looking at the picture wrong or James' rune is not over where his heart should be.

For the matter, where are their other runes and scars?? James' Voyance rune isn't even on his hand. And I'm pretty sure he's right handed. I could have that wrong though.

Another thing: no one can ever decide what Cordelia's hair looks like and it's the funniest thing to me. This is what happens when all you do is vaguely say the colour is like fire but also like rose petals but also a flowing river of those things but also is Red (probably for redhead, but then from there I never understand where the rose petal analogy comes from considering the typical rose is a deep bloody colour -- I do acknowledge the existence of those light orange varieties though which might more closely resemble red hair). In the end, I'm glad readers can infer what they want and imagine the characters how they like.

Anyone else think James looks like he's built like a tennis player? Oddly specific, maybe, but it was a thought I had. Mostly the arms and somewhat narrow body.

James' hair is nice, his eyes are an interesting take on gold in the shadows. Bowater managed to also make him look closely related to his father, so bravo for that.

In the end, the focus is obviously on the marriage runes and not other physical aspects outside of it being clear that this is James and Cordelia. Bowater's style is very beautiful and elegant. Love the way fabric and lighting is done too. I'll add also that it is possible to be a smaller person who is slender but still strong so I mean Cordelia's not necessarily done wrong, I just interpret her appearance differently. Obviously, they're both hot and they're both attractive and I have my qualms with the series, chronicles, and author -- the fandom I am so-so on, though I'm still here, aren't I? And I'm taking the time to ramble about my thoughts on a piece of fanart -- but this is good. Gorgeous, even. Both James and Cordelia are beautiful.

#side note: am I the only one who thought cc made a mistake trying to describe james as handsome in cordelia's eyes #as opposed to matthew being the beautiful one #when there has always been a deep and aching strange beauty to james?? #james herondale #cordelia carstairs #vaguely crediting charlie bowater though it isn't like you can't find a dozen more copies of this with the credit #also yes I mercilessly picked this apart because I am still trying to find avenues to express my dissatisfaction with tlh #I search for flaws what else can I say #I am aware of it but it's hard to turn those thoughts processes off #maybe I'll write a post at some point all about the authors I once Loved that I am now deeply critical of #a lot of people would hate me for it but eh #also we all know about the marvelisation of cinema #but is it time to talk about the marvelisation of book series/worlds? #or perhaps it has a better and more book-focused name? the jkr approach? rick riordan's marvel-esque flaw? the sjm plague? the clare affair? #we'll workshop it #maybe it's the curse of middleschool-YA series and the issue of aginh readers in fandoms #and I don't mean this as discriminatory against anyone older in fandom because there is not really a limit nor should there be #for most media #but the issue of when the readers grow up amd authors try to accomodate for that -- not necessarily by making their work more adult -- #but by making MORE because there is also an influx of new fans and they want to stay relevant while retaining the old #it's a whole thing though I'd need to sit down to properly organise my thoughts to talk about it

[ramayantika]

Okay but the life of the legendary Shovana Narayan altered my brain chemistry, a superb academic record hold, a maestro in kathak and then also a civil services officer with a long distance marriage and motherhood

If she could do this in the 50s and 60s, wtf is stopping me from doing so, when I have never wanted just one thing to define me

#samridhi speaks #also to my ex who told me things likw your relationship will never work out with him because of different life goals #lol this woman married a diplomat and they managed a long distance marriage too #her husband paved doors foe collabs with the West with Indian dance back then #this is the kind of love I want sure physical intimacy is needed and what not but God I am never giving up all of this to marry #and I still remember him saying you give those soft mothet vibes who is a part time mother and dancer #bye I will girlboss all my life and be all right in front of guys like some of my cousins who think we girls his sisters will just marry #and settle down amd to my ex too for thinking I will be easy and live out a simplw life #fuck everything the only understanding men in my life have been my father brother and my boyfriend at this point #weird that he never grew up around sisters but still is so aware and understanding of women and our desire for dreams #lol I am ranting but yes I have an exam in 6 hours my sleep got over by 2.30 #and then I was googling gpat niper prep #yeah it's first sem but I keep wanting to updatw on the info #and God knows what struck me to google dancers randomly who were into civil service academia and still being legends in the arts #then shovana narayan came up

[charmac]

#this is funny yes #but let me be annoying real quick #and by annoying i mean personal and parasocial here #i hate. touching and physical affection and what not #very much relate to charlie that way #my knee jerk reaction is to not touch people and not let people touch me #and i am not aware of how avoidant i am most of the time #and like. its worse the more i know someone #or like. the more i care for them and think about them #when i met charlie and glenn i didnt really. actively think about it cos they were seated at a table #and i was on the other side and walked around and what not #and i did not initiate touch with either of them #but charlie kept touching my shoulder RAHH. #like we are one in the same in this aspect and yet. he initiated contact with me when i was keeping distance #and he did it again the next week when he saw me at radio city #and its so fucking insanely comforting like. #just hand on shoulder grounding me #connecting. but not having to TOUCH #he like. doesnt want to be touched and i dont want to be touched and that. the shoulder thing. its good. #charlie day i deeply love you i fear #also when i met glenn again he tried to hug me and i actively backed away (which i didnt realise until i saw video of) so #i hope and think he understands... its a thing and nothing against him LMFAO

[aro-culture-is]

quick note - this blog is gonna be sparse again for at least this week. trying new medications and tbh initial side effects are not super pleasant + actual effects build up. as a result: currently as if unmedicated for mental health, with anxiety+ side effect, extra fatigue, dizziness, and fatigue. it's uh, sure something.

totally recognize that most of y'all know we're absent at times due to health things, just wanted to give a heads up that this one is at least anticipated.

#fun fact sometimes condensing meds just means poorer treatment of some conditions #this is a re-expansion + new thing #so that instead of poorly treating my mental health and using an unusually high dose SNRI for another (physical) condition #i will hopefully both be in less pain AND not depressed af AND also have an appetite again #i doubt i will be lucky and not have a fucked stomach due to meds but one can hope that an appetite will allow me to eat foods that upset #my stomach a lot less #my health is forever a massive balancing act #every time a medical thing is like 'so what meds do u take' i'm like here i wrote it down for u #and they're like 'oh. ooookay. let me just...' *five minutes of typing and clicking later* #'so! what did you come in for again? uhuh. you said you experience pain daily? with your chronic pain thing? hm. have you tried yoga?' #/gen #like. straight up every time i say 'i am in pain all the time due to fibromyalgia' they are like 'ooh studies say regular exercise helps' #and like. theoretically yes! but also. i would be lying if i said the fibromyalgia studies i've skimmed don't set off general 'bad science' #alarm bells in my brain #like... cool you performed a fibromyalgia study with... all male lab rats? mhmm? so are you aware fibromyalgia appears to occur #overwhelmingly in women? like. data seems to suggest between 70-85%? #(not that the data can't still indicate things but it certainly makes male rats a poor choice of model for tests on it) #also just... idk i've looked at some metaanalysis and been like 'okay cool theory and for all i know about human bio or bio in general that #sounds more or less correct BUT. you never discussed that one study on this subject that did NOT support your conclusion. #and that's 1) interesting when it was the most diverse group of subjects and the exceptions often teach just as much as the 'rule' #2) just shitty science. tell me how your theory is still credible when some evidence doesn't fit the model. #like... 'given that all other studies were primarily conducted on white american women in their 30s to 40s it is possible that this model #only explains (the early effects of fibro since that's a typical onset period) / (a possible genetic link primarily found in white women) / #(a possible sign of bias in diagnosis that demonstrates the possibility that there are different causes) / combinations of all of those #like... idk a paper that just throws out things that don't support it is a pretty big red flag #it doesn't mean the conclusion is entirely incorrect but it is often important to understand the context in which it applies #like... it's very easy to jump to an incorrect conclusion if you used something in the wrong context #ie: thumbs up is a good job / positive thing in a lot of western civilizations. teenage kee once went to china and discovered it to be #neutral to offensive in many areas outside of major tourist locations that were used to it #anyways i gotta sleep

[smilepaint]

anyway the concept of passing is a scam. we will never be liberated until the idea that a trans person's inherent value and worth and validity is directly proportional to their resemblance to a cis person. and i say this not just to those who struggle to or do not fit into that box, but to those who very much do and are counting themselves lucky.

the same way that its unhealthy and unreasonable to expect a same gender couple to conform to notions of what a heterosexual family should be, its unhealthy and unreasonable to have to expect a transgender experience of identity and a transgender body to conform to a cisgender ideal. not only does it further the marginalisation of trans people and drive a wedge in our community, but it's an unhealthy way to see the world and relate to yourself. its not fair to expect a human being to go their whole life in states of checking the value of their body and their life against a societally imposed, often unattainable model that may not even reflect their own desires or goals.

it's tough, i know how tough it is to go against everything you've been taught, and the right to seek medical intervention to reshape ourselves in a way that deepens and solidifies our connection to our bodies is and will always be important. but for your own mental health, whatever shape you take must reflect yourself first. not a cis persons. transition is about making a home out of the body you're living in, in whatever way works for you.

you deserve the mental freedom that comes with removing "passing" from your emotional radar entirely. trans bodies are good bodies.

#text tag #transgender #nonbinary #transition #gender #this is kind of a loaded take so to tack on some things #i am a trans person who's struggled with severe dysphoria for many years and was obsessed with passing as cis for a long time #there was a long time in which i would've preferred to stop living over going the rest of my life with visible surgery scars #just think about that.. idk how fucked is it that teen me thought it would be better to literally die than have one clear tell that im trans #im so much happier post surgery scars and all and like yes i fucking hate them. but i know i shouldn't and im trying to heal #also im very aware that passing as cis is OFTEN a safety issue and thats not what im speaking to here #im talking about mental health and longterm societal change and the gradual betterment of gender diverse peoples #not just from a gender standpoint but honestly from a decolonial standpoint #from a te ao māori perspective there was never an ideal of passing as “cis” for trans or takatāpui individuals #anyway yea obsession with passing wears people down into self hating wrecks and im sick of seeing that happen to our youth #and to every trans person regardless of where they're at in their journey

[inkydinks]

I got to dress up for a wedding for the first time today and I now have Sufficient Proof that I'm a hot date to bring to matrimonials, so inquire within 👁 👁✨️

#basil shut up omg #I am just so proud of my fit and I felt so good and euphoric for the first time in SO LONG #WHAT A GIFT #also yes I'm aware I look like nonbinie Draco Malfoy shut up

[moonchild-in-blue]

Just got here. Tf is happening?

#strawbebies?? #halo my love are you okay?? #everyone clap i spent the last 4 hours totally offline 👍 <- was playing sims #(game is going well in case you're wondering) #(yes i am still building jorgen and mona's house. it took me a while to get everything exactly right) #(we are decorating now FINALLY) #it's been 4 days yes i know. listen. i take this seriously #no they are not my active family. they are simply my Sims's besties #yes im aware i will spend very little time inside their house. so what. i want my friends to have pretty and luxurious homes #the helvigs are living GOOD. got them a little inside pool and all #because why not #it pains me to make it all celebrity white minimalism but i gotta stay true to them. #the Scandinavian architecture does make it a lot better. nice warm wood accents and floors to make it less sterile #still. i gave them the most obnoxious wood centre table for the main living room and put exactly one (1) single flower there #i don't mind minimalism but this is too much uhg. i hate how vogue catalog this is turning out #ngl i am very seriously considering getting a minor only degree in interior design. like. I'm halfway there already #ANYWAYS. how is everyone? all we are alive still? facing the horrors? being brave?