#time to continue my tradition of making some memes when a new game comes out >:)

[jklpopcorn]

#fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf sb #security breach #memes #time to continue my tradition of making some memes when a new game comes out >:) #spoilers #ruin spoilers #fnaf spoilers #cassie #gregory #roxanne #mimic #maskbot #<- this mf #anyway the dlc is great! loved it sm :) #and yes i am aware that this is not word for word what greg says but <3

[absolutepokemontrash]

The undatables as uncles need more love, so... What if L!MC and the rest of the children just go to the castle or purgatory Hall for a few days because the Bros got tired or just need a day of rest. Idk this makes no sense

Yes, more uncle shennaniganery!

A Day at the Demon Lord’s Castle

Masterlist

It was Demon-Flu season, and no demon in the House of Lamentation was spared from its sniffly wrath. It started with Belphegor waking up and sneezing right next to Beel, and it was all downhill from there.

Notice how I said “demon”, the dear little Half-Demons were all fine thanks to the efforts of M!MC who for some reason had bought a bunch of plague doctor masks the week prior.

“Why... why did you buy these?” L!MC asked, their voice muffled by the badly fitting mask.

“I saw em’ in a store window and I decided I wanted them.”

Three out of four of the Brat Brigade (plus the cat) were on their way to the Demon Lord’s castle to stay until the house’s little epidemic passed. Lord Diavolo had oh so graciously asked (begged) to be allowed to host the kids for a while.

What could go wrong?

Many things could go wrong.

For one, the first thing A!MC saw when they first arrived, was a rat. Not one of the gross scary ones, but one of the absolutely adorable ones that turns you into the ‘gently holds’ meme.

“I’m going to call you Templeton!” “*squeak*” “Yay!”

Barbatos of course came to greet the guests, and explained that they have a little... issue with rats at that moment. Butler-dad assured them it wouldn’t be a problem, just if the children saw any of the vermin running around to tell him and he’d dispose of them.

Templeton the rat was promptly hidden in one of A!MC’s pockets.

The Purgatory Hall crew was there as well, apparently Solomon decided to make brunch and Purgatory Hall’s kitchen exploded.

Lord Diavolo finally makes his entrance and declares that everyone should unpack and relax, his gorgeous/terrifying castle was their gorgeous/terrifying castle.

“So,” L!MC rested their head on their hand and rotated the knight in their free hand as they stared half vacantly at the chess board. “Did you take care of the snake in the labyrinth, Dia?”

Diavolo lit up when he heard his seldom used nickname. “Well, Henry 1.0 isn’t exactly bothering anyone down there at the moment, and I don’t think Levi is equipped to deal with a fifty foot long untamed snake.”

L!MC smirked and placed their knight down. “Yeah, at least not right now.”

The moment L!MC removed their hand from the knight, Diavolo moved his bishop and took their queen. Shit.

“Aw man...” L!MC mumbled, after a cursory look at the board, the poor thing realized that they had been screwed for the last five turns and Diavolo was just prolonging the match.

“Don’t feel too bad, L!MC.” Diavolo gave them a pat on the head. “Lucifer can’t beat me in chess either.”

“Hmph.” They wouldn’t admit it but... that did make them feel a little better.

“That reminds me, I have a favour to ask of you.” L!MC almost outwardly drooped at the mention of... ugh... a task. “Do you mind reviewing some dad-jokes with me to make sure they are suitably dad-like?”

“...what?” Quickly remembering they were in the presence of honest to God (poor choice of words... uh... Grandfather?) royalty, L!MC straightened their posture and tried their best to look respectfully curious instead of completely and utterly confused. “Pardon?”

“M!MC and several others have said I have ‘dad vibes’, so I’m leaning into it!” Diavolo smiled so brightly if L!MC hadn’t been the child of the Morning Star they may have been blinded. “My father wasn’t one for jokes, so I’d like to run these by you before I say them to others.”

Suppressing a snort of laughter, L!MC nodded. “Go for it, I’m all ears.”

Diavolo pulled out quite the long list and began to read out loud... L!MC quickly realized that this may take longer than expected. “Okay, to begin: I’m afraid for the calendar, it’s days are numbered.”

“Oh not-that-good-Lord...” L!MC muttered under their breath.

The dad jokes continued, some were funny, some were absolutely awful, some sounded like they were made for children in the Victorian era... overall, it was a good- holy shit that took over two hours...

“Finally,” Diavolo squinted at the last joke. “I went to the liquor store and they asked for my ID, while I fumbled for my wallet, my Blockbuster card fell out, the cashier said ‘nevermind’.”

L!MC furrowed their brows. “What’s a Blockbuster?”

“That was what I was hoping you’d explain to me... is it a dad requirement to get a card for that establishment..?”

“Mmmm...” L!MC pursed their lips. “Probably not. I mean, Lucifer doesn’t have one.”

“That’s true...” Diavolo looked at the clock, then stood up and began to shoo L!MC out the door. “Look at me, taking up all your time that you should be spending with your friends. Thank you for your help, L!MC, now don’t let me keep you any longer!”

Giggling slightly, L!MC shot a wave over their shoulder as they left the room. “Bye dad! See you later!”

They were half way down the hallway when they realized their verbal slip-up.

“Oh.” L!MC’s face burned with embarrassment. “Shit.”

Dad-volo was totally delighted and very cool about it, don’t worry.

M!MC and Bean the cat were hanging out with the angels in the very pretty royal gardens when that mess was going down.

Luke was being absolutely adorable and was snuggling Bean while he and Simeon looked at the pretty plants.

In traditional M!MC fashion, they were engaging in an average game of ‘lightly tease the chihuahua’.

“It’s just... you’re so small.” M!MC took the opportunity to rest their arm on Luke’s head as he stopped to observe a colour changing flower bush. “How many years have you been this height? 100? 200?”

M!MC had taken the news that Luke was older than them in stride, finding new opportunities to make the little angel do his adorable angy face. They were obviously succeeding in their jerkwad-endeavours as Luke pushed their arm off and fixed his now smushed hat.

“You be quiet! I’m perfectly average height for an angel my age.” Luke huffed, petting the cat, who hissed at M!MC. The stupid cat absolutely hated them for some reason, it brought L!MC never ending joy to bring the cat into their shared room and watch it hiss and swipe at them. L!MC should really show some more respect for their older cousin!

“Are angels normally the size of a fifth grader?” M!MC snickered. “Is Simeon considered a freak for his height?”

“No, M!MC, I am not.” Simeon chuckled. “Rest assured, Luke will grow.”

“Yeah! And I’m sure I’ll be taller than you!” Luke added.

M!MC smirked deviously and pinched Luke’s cheek. “Well, I’ll have to take advantage of your smallness and baby face while I still can!”

“Hey! Stop that!” Luke tried to swat their hands away, but M!MC had inherited their father’s reflexes and his penchant for being a little shit every once and a while, so Luke’s swatting only resulted in more pinches.

“Never!” M!MC teased. “Surrender to your smallness!”

“No!”

Luke took off deeper into the garden, surprisingly quickly considering he was holding a cat that was hellbent on clawing M!MC’s eyes out. M!MC laughed and gave chase.

“Luuuuuuuke! Come back! I promise I’ll be nice!” M!MC lied right through their teeth like the little heathen they were, as they ran down the path they noticed that they couldn’t see Luke up ahead anymore, nor could they hear him yelling for Simeon to make them quit their teasing.

“Heheh...” M!MC wheezed as they stopped to catch their breath. “Luke c’mon, don’t be a baby. It’s real immature to hide like that!”

There was no response, which made M!MC just a little nervous, just a smidge. The plants had changed from pretty flowers and gorgeous trees to a much darker clump of vines and twisting branches. It all seemed to be the same plant, M!MC noted as they scanned the area for any sign of Luke and the cat, or Simeon for that matter.

“Luke? Bean? Come on! Haul your asses over here, this isn’t funny any-” M!MC paused and looked down as something coiled around their left leg. “-more?”

The vine tightened and yanked them backwards, M!MC fell right to the ground and clawed at the path to stop them getting pulled into the brush. Another vine wrapped around their right leg, any resistance that digging their nails into the ground was nullified as both vines yanked M!MC into the bushes.

Well, this was a nightmare of epic proportions. The vines continued to wrap around the helpless half demon until they were completely unable to move. As M!MC looked around frantically, they made eye contact with an all too familiar pair of blue eyes. Ah! There was Luke!

“Mmmph!” Only Luke’s eyes were visible, but the eyes are the gateway to the soul or whatever, and M!MC took an educated guess and decided that Luke’s soul wasn’t too happy with them.

“Mmth! Mmth!” M!MC tried to speak, but their mouth was covered by the vines. The two would have to communicate with their eyes only.

‘This is your fault!’

‘How the fuck is this MY fault?’

‘If you hadn’t teased me this never would have happened!’

‘Grow thicker skin, you chihuahua!’

‘Fuck you!’

Listen, Luke probably wasn’t capable of trying to communicate a swear word, but it was incredibly funny for M!MC to think about.

“M!MC? Luke?” Simeon stepped into their limited field of vision. “Where are you two? This plant is carnivorous.”

Oh... lovely. That was good to know.

“Mmemph!”

“MFTH!” Luke and M!MC tried to call out to Simeon, only for the vines to wrap around them even tighter. Wow, what a way to go... strangled by a plant... ugh. L!MC would never let them live that down...

“Hm,” Simeon looked down at the vine that was coiling around his leg. “What a bother.”

Quick as lightning, Simeon grabbed the vine and sent a burst of shining gold magic shooting through it. The magic quickly spread to the rest of the plant and the moment the magic slammed into M!MC they nearly passed out from the searing pain that shot through their entire body.

They clamped their eyes shut and clenched their teeth to stop them from rattling as they felt the massive wave of Celestial magic wash over them. It was weirdly warm, like a hug from a friend, but it wasn’t a pleasant sensation, at least not to M!MC.

The plant let out an otherworldly scream as it threw Luke, Bean, and M!MC back onto the path at Simeon’s feet.

Luke picked Bean back up and dusted off his clothes like he didn’t have a care in the world. M!MC lay on the ground, if you listened closely you could hear them sizzle a bit. Nothing like being nearly strangled by a plant and then roasted by holy ‘fuck you’ magic.

“I’m glad you’re both okay,” Simeon pulled Luke into a hug and helped M!MC off the ground. “Did I ah... use to much magic?”

M!MC half-scowled at their saviour and wiped down their outfit. “Yeah. A little too much.”

“My bad,” Simeon ruffled M!MC’s hair. “I hope this serves as a learning experience for you two, Luke, don’t run off like that, and M!MC,”

The half demon nearly jumped in fear and surprise as Simeon swivelled to look at them. The smile on his face was far from comforting. “Don’t tease poor Luke too much, okay?”

“Uh... uh huh.” M!MC quickly nodded.

“Good! Now let’s head back, I think we’ve all had enough of the Royal Gardens.”

As the group returned, they passed a very red in the face L!MC and wondered what exactly went down in the time they were gone.

It’s common knowledge that Barbatos hates rats, it’s also common knowledge that A!MC is the embodiment of a ray of sunshine.

What does this lead to, you may be asking, well...

A!MC and their dear rat Templeton needed to hide from the politely homicidal Barbatos.

“Sh!” A!MC whispered into their pocket, the rat responded with an indignant squeak.

The Demon Lord’s Castle was absolutely massive, and trying to navigate it without a map was akin to wandering around an ancient pyramid filled with death traps. A!MC and their dear companion were wandering the place without a map and trying to hide from a butler that had the power to see into the future. The two fugitives were at a clear disadvantage.

A!MC had managed to stumble into an area that had paintings and statues completely everywhere, it was then they realized they were completely lost.

While quietly perusing the room, A!MC took notice of quite the lovely portrait of a woman. She had long flowing locks of golden hair and the most gorgeous captivating eyes... A!MC nearly shrieked when the woman’s eyes snapped to their’s and her face contorted into a scowl.

“Do I know you?” The woman asked, A!MC gulped and shook their head.

“N-no ma’am, I don’t think we’ve met...” A!MC mumbled before sticking out their hand for a handshake. The painting woman stared down at their outstretched hand, very unimpressed. “I’m A!MC, it’s nice to meet you.”

The half demon offered their cutest smile, their dad had lovingly taken the time to coach them in the art of being so darn tootin’ adorable that everyone would fall over themselves to get A!MC to like them. The moment the woman registered the smile, her scowl returned for a brief moment, then vanished entirely.

“Oh,” The woman smiled sweetly. “I do think I know you, do you mind coming a bit closer so I can see you better?”

Suffering from a complete inability to detect red flags, A!MC happily moved closer.

“Ah, just as I suspected. You look like Asmodeus.”

“You know my dad?” A!MC asked.

“Yes,” The woman’s eyes narrowed. “I know him quite well.”

A!MC was suddenly knocked off balance as a massive gust of wind shoved them closer to the painting. They frantically clawed at the stone ground as Templeton squeaked and squirmed in their pocket.

“Your father is the reason I’m stuck in this painting,” The woman explained coldly as A!MC tried to scramble away. “He escaped the labyrinth twice, but I don’t plan on letting you escape.”

“I-uh- m-muh-my dad’s probably really sorry about whatever he did! There’s no need to be rash!” A!MC stuttered.

“Yeah, no.” The woman huffed. “He had his chance to fix things. I’m getting even.”

“Not right now you’re not.”

A!MC swivelled their head around to see Barbatos calmly holding out a pair of scissors.

“Now Helene, I’d recommend releasing the child before I’m forced to take drastic measures.” Barbatos clicked the scissors together twice, and Helene paled. The wind pushing A!MC towards the painting dissipated and the half demon ran and hid behind the butler.

“Th-thank you...” A!MC mumbled.

“It’s not a problem, A!MC. Now I believe it would be a wise choice to move to another room.”

The two, (plus the hidden rat) ended up in the kitchen. A!MC shifted nervously as Barbatos began prepping lunch.

“Is there something you need to tell me?” Barbatos asked suddenly, A!MC straightened their posture and nodded.

“I um... promise you won’t be mad...” A!MC mumbled.

“I can assure you, I won’t be too upset.”

“I made a friend.” A!MC took Templeton out of their pocket and held him closely to their chest, Barbatos’s calm smile froze on his face. “He’s really sweet, please don’t kill him!”

“...A!MC.” Barbatos began slowly. “I’m not mad... just make sure it doesn’t escape and run rampant... now... please get it out of my kitchen.”

“Yes sir! Thank you sir!” A!MC turned and sprinted to their room.

Ugh... Barbatos, haven’t you ever watched Ratatouille? The rat can cook dammit!

When Luke went in to bake with his second dad he was very confused as to why Barbatos looked like he was having war flashbacks.

Huh... weird right? Anyway...

Good ol’ weird uncle Solomon suggested that after dinner everyone should get together and watch a movie.

L!MC and Solomon suggested that they watch The Conjuring and that idea got immediately shot down.

M!MC brought up that the most “family get-together” movie they could think of was Star Wars.

So they watched A New Hope.

“We could be watching the Conjuring right now.” L!MC murmured as they watched Luke Skywalker fumble his way to Obi Wan Kenobi.

“Yeah.” Solomon whispered back. “You know, I met Ed and Lorraine Warren.”

“Cool,” L!MC smiled. “My ren took me to their house once, when I went in to see all the haunted objects all the demons inside wanted to hang out with me.”

“Huh,” Solomon snickered. “Did they think you were Lucifer?”

“Yep. It was funny, Annabelle’s a pretty big asshole though.”

“I’d be an asshole too if I were stuck in a raggedy Anne doll since the 60s and not allowed to leave.”

“Both of you sh!” M!MC hissed, they threw some popcorn over their shoulder, which L!MC threw right back.

A while into the movie, M!MC elbowed Solomon and pointed at one of the aliens. “That’s you.”

“I’m so hurt…” Solomon pouted.

“And that’s you.” L!MC pointed at a stormtrooper that had just gotten shot with a blaster. M!MC scoffed and rolled their eyes.

“I’m not some dumb stormtrooper.”

“Yeah, you’re a little short for a stormtrooper.”

“HEY!”

“SHHHHHHH!” A!MC and Luke turned and started throwing their own popcorn…

The mess that they all had to vacuum after the movie was much more terrifying than The Conjuring ever could have been.

So, after a few days, Lucifer called to say that everyone was back to normal and the last remnants of the Demon-Flu were gone.

Yay! The kids could go back to their really overcrowded house!

The goodbyes were something to behold.

“Goodbye everyone! Come back sometime soon!” Diavolo waved from the doorway.

“Bye, Lord Diavolo!” L!MC smiled brightly and returned the wave. M!MC snickered and nudged them.

“That’s a pretty cold way to say goodbye to your dad-”

“Shut up…” L!MC growled.

“L!MC, what are they talking about?” Lucifer asked.

“Nothing!”

M!MC looked like they were weighing the pros and cons of surviving the conversation, then shrugged.

“M!MC, no, you have so much to live for!” A!MC pleaded.

“L!MC called Lord Diavolo dad!”

Mammon erupted into hysterical laughter while Asmo giggled and half heartedly patted L!MC on the head. Lucifer was not impressed.

“You know,” L!MC sighed. “I’m moving out. Lord Diavolo can I come live here?”

“L!MC, come back.” Lucifer trailed after his very embarrassed spawn.

A!MC pulled on their dad’s sleeve and cleared their throat.

“Yes sweetie?”

“D-dad, do you have a vehement hatred and or fear of rats?”

“Um-”

“Meet Templeton, he’s adorable and my friend.”

————————

Author’s note, The next part of the main series is coming next week… or this week… idk how long things take.

(Probably this week)

#the next mission is making sure the rat doesn’t get eaten by Detective Toe Beans… #Obey me #Obey me! #Obey me Fic #obey me shall we date #Obey me! headcanons #obey me! shall we date? #obey me headcanons #Obey me MC #Obey me Diavolo #Obey me Luke #Obey me Simeon #Obey me Barbatos #Obey me Solomon #Obey me Lucifer #Obey me Mammon #Obey me Asmodeus

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP Meme from "Chapter One: The Bad Old Days" in the Bone Gnawers book from "Werewolf: The Apocalypse" Part 2 of 2

"Soon you’ll be blind to the world around you!"

"Oh, and then there was the long-discarded ideal of actually giving a shit about the human race. Remember that?"

"We fought to defend everyone, before we became so damn cynical and skeptical."

"It is our pleasure to serve. And it is a pleasure to entertain you."

"Look at this poor sap. Living off garbage. Sleeping in the street in that smelly cloak."

"What’s so great about being homeless?"

"For what? Money? Power? Privilege? For nothing."

"They say we’re cowards, bastards, lazy, selfish, or worse. Don’t buy it."

"Let me be straight; I’m not dumb enough to try to save

everyone."

"Most folks aren't worth saving."

"The world is corrupt, so people are corrupt."

"Ninety percent of everything is crap, including humanity."

"It’s like a big garbage dump."

"I can’t just laugh off the world."

"My world is different."

"In my world, when I walk down the street, no one looks me in the eye. They lock their doors. They keep their distance."

"People on the sidewalks reach out for help, and all they get is nothing."

"I don’t want to play the fool."

"It’s up to us. It’s time we acted up."

"You’re only a bum if you want to be a bum.

"You want to be a hero? Get to work."

"We had to save the world."

"The meek were set to inherit the Earth, but they were going to get dirt unless they took what they needed."

"We fought for anyone that had been cast out, kept down, or ripped off."

"Clearly the next taleteller has an edge, or perhaps a bit of influence in the right place."

"Quit your growling!"

"Okay, so maybe it went a little easier on us."

"Women laying down with wolves to mate with them, bearing their spawn. Men breeding with beasts in animalistic rites. Stalking demons showing up in the dead of night to claim their children from human parents."

"Millions suspected of witchcraft and heresy writhed on the flames of bonfires."

"No more finding food for the hungry to eat. No more protecting places where the homeless could sleep."

"Cowardly freak."

"Humans found the remains, stripped of flesh and gnawed to the bone."

"No matter where we came from, we came together in America."

"We’ve fought for a lot of ideals, as you can tell, and we’ve certainly suffered when they’ve failed."

"This time, we wouldn’t take the cowardly way out."

"In a sense, the war almost became a game to us — a deadly, glorious game."

"Sweet, glorious freedom."

"If we didn’t have a place of our own in Europe, then we’d have to make a home in America."

"Because we fought for it honorably, we felt like we’d earned it."

"Fair play is the American way, after all!"

"But right now, you’re on my turf!"

"We each tell the story to serve our own ends."

"Maybe I’m just proud of who I am. You got a problem with that, pal?"

"Ancient and powerful undead stalked the corridors of Versailles. Tainted vampires took obscene pleasure in sipping the blue blood of the French nobility. Evil ancients remained content to maintain their facades of power and privilege."

"And we don’t do that sort of thing, do we? Well, do we?"

"They didn’t understand what we were fighting for!"

" And then again, maybe we should have paid less attention to human society and more to our own."

"But if your lot in life involves getting humiliated on a regular basis, it’s time for a change."

"You see, we’ve been cast out and kicked out and beaten up over and over again, but we never gave up, and we never give in."

"Some bit of hope or foolishness kept us going, and enough of us believed in it back then that it started to make a difference."

"If we weren’t good enough for the old traditions, we’d make up new ones."

"And remember, anyone can be a success if they work hard enough!"

"When the Romanovs lost power, the people surged up to retake what was rightfully theirs."

"Hey! I ain’t no Commie! But I got a lot of sympathy for anyone who’s been beaten down for so long."

"Sometimes you have to survive any way you can."

"Someone preaches a high ideal, we do the hard work, someone else reaps the rewards."

"You keep fighting until you win."

"If everyone works, everyone wins."

"You were still a hero."

"We didn’t want to die; we played to win."

"So where the hell are we?"

"Drunk off our asses and freezing cold."

"We should get involved."

"How is the world going to end?"

"Or is the Apocalypse just the dawn of a new age, where everything’s going to be created all over again?"

"I live here and now!"

"I’m alive, and I’m going to stay that way, no matter comes my way!"

"We’re gonna survive, even if we have to scavenge the bones of the carcass of the world!"

"Look into the flames! That is what the world will look like, and soon!"

"THE END OF THE WORLD IS HERE!"

"Life in the shadows continues."

#rp meme #rp memes #rp starters #roleplay starters #roleplay meme #roleplay memes #owod #wta #Werewolf the Apocalypse #World Of Darkness #bone gnawers

[iwaisa]

request. Hi! I'm pretty new here and i really love your witing! (I hope to find time soon to binge your masterlist!) I saw you wanted some requests so i was wondering if maybe i could request a oneshot with akaashi x fem reader in which they are out at night and she's cold so he gives her his hoodie? They are best friends crushing on each other and maybe end up confessing? (I hope i requested this ok, i'm sorry if it's too specific 👉🏻👈🏻) Thank you so much!!💕 stay safe and have a good day/night!!✨ - @greywarenns​

a/n. i had so much fun writing this ugh. i love akaashi with my whole ass heart. i hope you enjoy ! <3 also, this was my first time using text messages in my fics! it was super fun to make even if the characters might be a little ooc lol.

► now playing...

- pairing. akaashi x female reader

- genre. best friends to lovers

- warnings. there’s one failed confession + angst, but it’s a happy ending :))

- word count. 2.3k+

movie nights with akaashi weren’t uncommon, so why were you damn nervous? 

almost every friday since your second year of junior high, the two of you continued the tradition of walking to your house after school and watching movie after movie until the two of you fell asleep on the couch in your living room. 

however, as years went by, you began to change. and so did akaashi. 

the first time you encountered him in your second year of junior high, you took note of his chubby prepubescent face and short black locks of hair that seemed to frame it perfectly. 

at the time, you weren’t aware of how beautiful akaashi really was, but as you watched him grow, you came to the conclusion that you began to have a crush on the boy.

now, his face was no longer chubby. instead, it was thin, and his cheekbones were more prominent. his hair had grown out as well. he was taller, and because of volleyball, his muscles were a feat you couldn’t miss. 

another thing that solidified your decision in liking the raven-haired boy were the mannerisms that akaashi portrayed.

whenever he was nervous before a test or a volleyball game, he would shake his leg in an attempt to get rid of the invasive negative thoughts that plagued his mind. in class, he would twirl his pencil in between his fingers, and occasionally tap the eraser end to his temple as if he was attempting to knock his thoughts onto the paper in front of him.

in the midst of your movie marathons, you would glance over to see akaashi wringing his fingers together, and over time you grew accustomed to the sudden sound of him cracking his knuckles. 

you would be lying if you claimed you didn’t find these fidgets endearing. you found yourself carrying out these mannerisms as well, which did not go unnoticed by the black-haired male, who would tease you for copying him.

akaashi too kept note of your mannerisms. he watched with piqued interest as you paid more attention to what was going on outside of the classroom than inside, which always earned you a scolding from your teacher. during his games or practices, you would bite your lip in concentration, making akaashi smile. 

“if you bite your lip too hard, it’ll start bleeding,” he teased. you swatted his hand away from your head as he reached down to ruffle your hair. 

he loved your hair. in fact, he loved everything about you. akaashi was never one to fall for girls purely based on looks, but you seemed to have it all. you were gorgeous to him, and not to mention incredibly hilarious. 

akaashi never had an interest in memes until the two of you exchanged numbers at the beginning of your friendship, leaving him confused when you texted a meme that had absolutely nothing to do with the current conversation. laying in his bed at an ungodly hour of the night, he found himself unable to stop his laughter as he read the same meme over and over. your voice on the other end of the phone was addicting, and he found himself wanting to call you whenever he could.

akaashi also found himself wishing to be around you during any free time he had. the two of you ate lunch together, studied together, had classes together, and you hung out around the gym to walk home together. hell, the two of you even had sleepovers every friday. 

this was another thing akaashi grew to be extremely nervous about. if he told you how he felt, would you stop being friends with him? that would mean awkward classes, no more eating lunch together or studying, he wouldn’t see you around the gym anymore, and he would lose the only thing he was looking forward to at the end of each week. 

the bell signaling the end of the day was the only thing that could snap him out of his intrusive thoughts. he began gathering his books and turned to where you were standing a few feet away, a fake frown plastered on your face. 

“you were so deep in thought, keiji. even when i was throwing eraser bits at your head you still wouldn’t snap out of it,” you crossed your arms. 

what you said was true, as he looked at his desk to see bits of pink rubber strewn across his desk. 

he clicked his tongue, “you gotta clean that up now.” 

you skipped past him towards the doorway, “nuh uh. we have to get home. that new movie you mentioned last month came out a few days ago, and i wanna watch it.” he sighed while chuckling, as he swiped the remainders of your pencil erasers into the palm of his hand, walking to the bin. 

another thing akaashi loved about you was your impeccable memory. not only did you remember his birthday each year, but you remembered every minuscule detail about him. small things about how his favourite food is nanohana no karashiae, to something he had texted you months ago.

each birthday gift he received from you he kept in the bottom left drawer of his desk. one year, you remembered his favourite author, and ended up buying him a signed copy of a book that had just come out. 

he’s not ashamed to admit that he’s read that book a total of seven times, just to reach the message at the back of the book that read, ‘happy birthday, keiji! love, f/n.’

akaashi loved your name. he loved the way it sounded as it rolled off your tongue when you first introduced yourself to him, and the way it remained in his head days and weeks and even months after. 

although, he hated how quick he was to snap his head up whenever your name was called in class. he hated the uncomfortable feeling of his palms growing sweaty and his mouth becoming dry whenever he heard your laugh echo throughout the classroom. 

most importantly, keiji akaashi hated how he couldn’t tell you how he felt. so, like any person with half a mind, he continued on as if nothing changed. he continued making weekly trips to your house, only to grow increasingly nervous whenever he would walk down your street. 

he continued having these sleepovers with you, even though most of the night he would spend staring at the ceiling. he knew that if he turned his head even a tiny bit, he would come face to face with yours, which was something he would not be able to handle. occasionally, he would allow himself to drink in your sleeping appearance from across the couch. you looked so peaceful while in a deep slumber, which was quite the opposite of what akaashi was feeling at the moment.

little did either of you know, you both hated the same thing; not being able to confess to your crush of five years.

“ready to go?” akaashi called out to you as you fell into step with him. you hummed in agreement, and the two of you started down the path to your homes. 

the two of you bid a temporary farewell before making your way to your separate streets. you didn’t waste any time in bursting through your front door and running to the bathroom to wash your face. you threw on some shorts and a t-shirt and continued to spiff up your living room while playing soft music from your phone. 

your music was soon interrupted by a ding which signaled akaashi’s arrival. you took a deep breath in through your nose and exhaled through your mouth before turning your music off. you quickly ran to the front door to let him in.

“hey. come here often?” you lightly punched akaashi’s stomach as you chuckled at his god-awful pickup line. 

“it’s my house, idiot.” he made his way into your house and slipped off his shoes. 

“oh. guess i was too lost in your eyes to remember.” you smacked his shoulder as he laughed at your flustered expression. 

“by the way, we ran out of popcorn and i’m craving ramune right now, so do you want to head to the store?” he smiled and nodded, following you to your front door. 

even though it was still technically summer, it was pretty chilly. you were quick to rub your hands up and down your arms in an attempt to warm yourself up. 

“that’s what you get for wearing shorts and a t-shirt,” akaashi sighed. you were about to retort, but you were quickly confused as akaashi began taking his jumper off. 

“wear this,” he mumbled as he slipped it over your head. you giggled as you waved the extra-long sleeves around. 

“come on, stop being childish,” he smiled. 

he grabbed your wrist and began rolling the sleeve until your hand was freed. he continued to do so for the other sleeve, but his movements were slowed as he looked up to see you staring at him. he let his hand linger on yours for a moment, still keeping eye contact with you. neither of you said anything, but your eyes said it all. you watched as his gaze flickered down to your lips and you felt yourself leaning closer to him. 

his thoughts of doubt became too suffocating for akaashi, and he quickly pulled away, leaving you confused and a little heartbroken. 

“we gotta get back quickly to watch that movie,” akaashi mumbled as he cleared his throat. you nodded slowly, continuing to walk behind him.

the two of you grabbed your fair share of snacks from the convenience store and you hesitated before stepping outside to meet up with akaashi. were your feelings not reciprocated? is the rest of the night going to be this awkward?

the five minute walk back to your house seemed excruciatingly long. you continued to walk behind akaashi, and you watched as he typed away on his phone. you sighed louder than you meant to, earning a glance from akaashi. 

he quickly slipped his phone into his pocket and slowed down to walk beside you. neither of you said anything until you walked into your house. 

“i’m going to use the restroom,” akaashi excused himself, leaving you to set everything up. you slumped down onto the couch with a frown etched onto your face. you heart was breaking with each second akaashi kept giving you the silent treatment. you wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t want to be friends with you anymore.

“boo,” akaashi whispered into your ear, his lips grazing your skin. you jumped, earning a laugh from him. 

“d-don’t do that,” you pouted. he sat on the seat next to you, eyes searching your face. 

“if you keep frowning like that, you’re gonna get wrinkles,” he jested, making your heart ache more. 

“how can i not frown,” you retorted. 

you stood up to walk to the kitchen to begin popping the popcorn. you hoisted yourself up onto the counter and waited for the microwave to beep. you watched as akaashi entered the kitchen, his eyes looking at everything but you. 

“y-you know...i didn’t mean to… uhm…” he trailed off, rubbing his temples. you tilted your head as you watched him pull his phone out of his pocket. he handed it to you, his eyes still glued to the floor. 

“the chat explains everything...i can’t seem to find the words i want to say right now,” he stepped back, twiddling his fingers. you held your breath as you watched akaashi. he was nervous. why was he nervous?

you glanced at the phone and began reading the texts.

you snapped your head up to look at akaashi, who’s gaze was still fixed on the floor. 

you placed his phone next to you and hopped off the counter, leaning down to look up at akaashi. he continued wringing his fingers as he made eye contact with you, a look of worry etched onto his face. 

“do you really feel this way about me? did you really want to...kiss me?” you asked slowly. akaashi sighed and stopped wringing his hands, bringing them up to rest on your shoulders. 

“yes, f/n. i’ve liked you for so long but...i never wanted this friendship to end. i’ve been dreading the day where i let my crush on you slip and you would never want to see me again, and it just broke my heart. i really hope this doesn’t affect anything,” he finished quietly.

“keiji...i...i really like you. i’ve liked you since junior high,” you smiled up at him, cupping his cheeks. 

the two of you stood in comfortable silence as you grazed your thumbs over his cheekbones, letting out a sigh of relief. 

“that’s good to hear,” he chuckled, with you humming in response. “will you let me do something?” you nodded.

you held your breath as akaashi moved his hands to rest on your hips and leaned down. you two tapped noses and chuckled, before he grazed your lips with his. 

“i really like you, f/n.” he mumbled before pressing his lips to yours. it was a sweet, quick kiss. you felt yourself smile into it, and you moved your hands to cup the back of his head. 

the two of you pulled away, and he softly bumped his forehead with yours. you chuckled, earning a smile from him. 

“that was amazing, keiji...” you whispered.

he used one hand to pull you closer, and he reattached your lips. you hummed in surprise, and melted into the kiss. you moved your hands to tug at his hair, and he tilted his head to deepen the kiss. he nipped at your bottom lip before pulling back, keeping eye contact with you.

“the popcorn is burning,” he quipped. 

you pulled out of his embrace and ran to the microwave, pulling the bag of burnt popcorn out. you turned around to watch akaashi laugh, and you felt your heart flutter. 

“be my boyfriend?” you blurted out. 

he stopped for a moment, before walking over to press a kiss to your temple. “yes please.”

#akaashi x reader #akaashi keiji #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu!! #keiji akaashi #akaashi

[niamhuncensored]

Can I see the essay on Into the Spider-Verse?

of course! this was written as a film analysis for my Intro to Humanities class. for the sake of your dash, and to avoid spoilers, the essay is under the cut.

Great Expectations (And Refusing to Meet Them)

           There is a phrase often used to describe the experiences of minorities, especially in America. “Twice as good for half as much.” A minority, in the case of this analysis, Black people, know that they will never get the same level of praise as a white person, even when doing exceptional work. This was likely in the minds of Phil Lord and Rodney Rothman, the men who wrote Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse.

           Spider-Verse came out in December of 2018, following nine prior movies, including Peter Parker’s introduction to the high-profile Marvel Cinematic Universe, not to mention all of the TV shows, video games, and the extensive history of Spider-Man comic books.

           All of those nine movies, and as many TV shows as I have personally seen, were about Peter Parker, a white high schooler, or college student, in the latter parts of the Raimi trilogy.

           The producers of Spider-Verse saw the surrounding films in the genre and chose to do something different. Rather than the typical live action movie, they chose to make the movie with 3D animation. Rather than make that animation hyper-realistic, like previous animated films, they animated it as if it were a comic book. And rather than make a movie about the same white kid from Queens, they introduced the movie-viewing world to Miles Morales.

           Spider-Verse features the origin story of Miles Morales, a young artist living in Brooklyn, whose parents are PDNY officer Jefferson Bridges and nurse Rio Morales. Miles struggles in his new boarding school but has an outlet in his uncle Aaron. One night, they sneak into the subway to put up some graffiti, and it is there that Miles is bitten by a radioactive spider.

           Miles’s powers develop overnight, getting him into a number of embarrassing situations the next day, before discovering a plot by villain Kingpin, and witnessing the death of his universe’s Spider-Man. From there, he discovers additional spider-people, learns to control his powers, and stops Kingpin.

           The plot of the film is consistent with other works in the genre, but the artistic style is a love letter to the original medium of the character, comic books, in addition to being a refreshing change from the typical live-action format of superhero movies and an introduction to Miles Morales.

           The art style makes itself apparent from the first frame. The camera zooms into and through the Sony logo, revealing that it has been constructed of pixels in multiple colors. The pixelated theme continues into the movie, not only because it is animated, but because everything is shaded with halftones, or dots of varying sizes and distributions. This mimics the Ben Day dots and printing styles of classic comics.

           Characters are drawn with sharp lines and bold colors but are not outlined perfectly. Fingers are more squared-off than usual, and the irises in characters’ eyes are not circles, but ovals. Blur effects are created by misaligning colors in the halftones. The animators repeatedly make new, imperfect, yet still interesting stylistic choices. This even supports the film thematically. Just as the animation style is imperfect and interesting, so is Miles. He leaves his shoes untied. He deliberately makes drips in his artwork, even on his own suit. Miles himself is imperfect as Spider-Man: he lacks experience, he is not trained as a fighter, he even breaks the object he needed to complete his universe’s Peter’s dying wish. But he is an interesting character, nonetheless.

           Not only are the characters drawn as if they had come straight from a comic page, but the movie is shot the same way. Shots, while not always innovative, are often interesting and make frequent use of center framing, mimicking issues of a comic book. Comic mimicry quite often appears much more literally. Miles’s thoughts appear in yellow boxes around his head. Onomatopoeia and burst cards appear frequently. Panels appear on screen to break up the flow of action, make the scene more engaging, or to draw attention to multiple details in a short amount of time. Even more clearly, some frames in the action sequences are actually drawn in a comic style. The background is drawn in bright colors with high contrast and full Ben Day dots. One clear example is during the first chase sequence, through the subway. Miles jumps in front of an oncoming train, and for a few frames, the scene turns black and orange. Additionally, though less in the comic style and more similar to Miles’s graffiti, the first meeting between Peter and Miles is similar colored with block color. Peter in red and blue, the colors of his suit, and Miles in green and purple, perhaps as symbolism of his coming growth and the name of comic series, “Ultimate Spider-Man,” as purple is associated with royalty, or for the combination to signal how this change is discordant with his current life, or how confused he is.

          Comparing this movie to others in the genre, one gets the sense that most live action films are almost embarrassed of their comic origins. Spider-Verse embraces them.

          Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse breaks the mold of the superhero media audiences have become accustomed to. It is not an adaption of a comic book so much as it is an homage. It does not try to be high-brow and traditional. Instead it does something new. It is animated. It is animated in a new style.

          It features a Black kid from Brooklyn.

          Spider-Verse was not perfect by the contemporary standards of Hollywood. But it was refreshing and made with care.

          Miles was not a perfect spider-man. But he was unique, and vibrant, and new.

          And if any more proof were necessary to show that Spider-Verse forgoes the standards of previous Marvel films, recall that Marvel films always include an after-credits scene, usually for slight comic relief or to tease the next movie. Spider-Verse has one, too.

          Spider-Verse ends on a meme.

#Into the Spider-Verse #Spiderverse #Spider-verse #Miles Morales #Essay #spider-man #spiderman #Ultimate Spider-man #willow-of-stars #ask

[all-things-mlqc]

Boys reaction to MC who never have date before meeting them. Like, the boys as MC's first love.

My first HC on here and I was memeing half the time while writing it. Included what the boys would do after hearing this news as well because why not. I’m not a Lucien fan but lord have mercy on my soul, I couldn’t help making his romantic af. He is the ideal boyfriend/date minus the l i e s that come in the MS and I hate it. All the crossed out stuff is just commentary because I couldn’t help myself. Hope you enjoy~ Thank you for your ask <3

How the MLQC boys react to being MC’s first love below the cut~

Victor:

Follows with some snarky comment after he calls her “Dummy”.

Let’s be real here, if he doesn’t call her dummy immediately, then something is wrong. Reminds me of when we streamed the first episode of MLQC and we were all yelling “CALL US BAKA” the second Victor came on screen.

While he seems cool and collected on the outside, you can hear the computer shutdown sound play on the inside.

To him, this is a shocking confession.

Victor: I’m not surprised a dummy like you hasn’t been in a serious relationship before.

Victor, internally: How has she never been in a serious relationship before??

He’s not very good at expressing himself honestly through his words but he truly admires MCs hardworking nature.

He finds that very attractive in a woman and is surprised that other men in the line of business haven’t taken their shot with her yet. it’s because they can feel your death stare on the back of their heads, kind sir

One thing he struggles with is being himself. He tries to act like everything is in his control all the time.

Because of this, upon hearing MCs confession, he invites her to a fancy dinner at his penthouse insert Victor’s Dazzling Date because THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. Jkjk haha... unless...

He wants to impress her as much as possible even though he knows deep down that she doesn’t care about what a person has and rather how they are as a person

BUT ALAS. The stress be real for her first boyfriend.

He wants her to know she made a good decision without verbally telling her out of his own bitch mouth I love you, please call me baka so he goes over the top with their first date.

Basically pulls a Mr. Krabs when taking Mrs. Puff on a date. Just add shades to Mr. Krabs to represent Victor’s “I’m calm. I’m chill. I’m all good. We vibin out here.”

All MC wants from him is his honest and genuine thoughts. and a lifetime stock of pudding because good god a girl has chocolate needs

MC eventually figures out Victor’s intentions with all the gifts he rains on her because hE dOesNt nEeD tHeM he can’t give her anything more than a cup of pudding up front

MC knows this and accepts the secret gifts with a smile.

She sends a gift in return to his office the following day along with a thank you for the wonderful date.

Can you hear that? It’s the sound of Victor’s heart rate slowing to the average persons.

Kiro:

insert pikachu meme

This boy is mind blown.

“How have you never been in a relationship before??? That can’t be true!”

Kiro sees the good in everyone, so hearing that MC has never been in a relationship before him is

He gives her a bright smile and playfully hugs her from behind.

The two of them laugh together as he whispers genuinely in her ear,

“I promise to make you happy. You won’t regret it.”

He immediately drags her off to Loveland’s Amusement Park, where they spend the whole day together.

Rides, snacks, games, you name it, they did it all.

Kiro naturally spoils MC without putting much thought to it.

It’s like a reflex for him. It’s just who he is as a person. Always wants to share the happiness in the world with the people he cares about.

As for how anxious he is after hearing the news about being MC’s first love, he is screaming at a pitch only dogs can hear.

Almost 100% of the time he has a smile on his face and even convinces himself that he’s not worried about it.

But he is.

It only hits him when he thinks about another man taking MC away from him after seeing her talking with another guy.

MC will catch him without his carefree smile at times and eventually confronts him about it.

He shows her a wide smile and says there’s nothing to worry about.

L I E S. BABIE LEMME HOLD YOU I PROMISE YOU DONT NEED TO WORRY.

After a few attempts of trying to get Kiro to open up about it, he gives in and says he’s worried he’s not good enough for her HAHAHHA, GOOD ONE KIRO

MC, however, turns it around on him

MC: I’m afraid IM the one who isn’t good enough for you.

They both smile and embrace each other, knowing they’ll get through any little concerns like this.

Gavin:

He knows.

We’re talking about the boy who has been in love with MC since high school; Who has protected her behind the scenes ever since he laid eyes on her.

He would know if she had been in a previous or current relationship.

It only comes as a shock when she says she’s never been interested in anyone else romantically before. Lies. Have you seen the other suitors, MC. In a world where guys are that hot, you must’ve had at least 1 crush, c’mon sis.

Gavin respected her personal boundaries and never looked into her personal affairs so he had very little knowledge of her views on other guys.

He gets a little bit nervous, since he believes her standards must be high if she hasn’t been interested in anyone else before.

Does the full on soldier oath, bend the knee cliche which includes “I promise to always protect you” and “Nobody will ever be good enough for you”

Mc: Gavin no...

Gavin: NOBODY WILL EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.

Spoiler alert: You are waayyyyy too good for me, Gavin.

He doesn’t have too much anxiety over the thought of being MC’s first love though since he’s very good at staying true to himself and knows MC is one to admire that about others.

Gavin is a quiet guy in general. He’s more of an observer and watches MC to take note of what she enjoys.

When he sees her eyes shine bright after seeing a delicious dessert cafe, he offers to take her. He makes sure to express how he also wants to go since he knows she won’t accept unless he is interested as well.

Boy literally has no interests the moment he’s with MC. He is essentially that vine

Doesn’t even wait until the question is over and just “Absolutely. Let’s do it”

MC: But I haven’t even said anything yet...

He isn’t much different from how he is now. Has around the same amount of anxiety just from being in MCs presence.

Boy just wants to PROTECC and is always panicking on the inside but tries to remain calm.

He is very good at calming his anxiety though since he’s had so long to understand what MC values and knows she just loves people for themselves.

That’s all he needs.

Lucien:

His eyes widen slightly at MCs confession.

It’s nothing too mind blowing for him since he knows how refined MC is and how dedicated she is to her work.

It’s still surprising to him that nobody has tried to sweep her off her feet yet.

With how kind MC is, it would be hard for her to refuse a date with a gentleman.

Lucien gently presses a kiss to MCs hand upon hearing her confession.

Lucien: I am honored to be given the opportunity TO WOO to take such a beautiful lady out on a date~ AND MORE PLEASE

Lucien is the definition of a gentleman shhhh we aren’t speaking of current chapters in the main route Lucien. Cover your eyes. Pretend you do not see.

With little to no anxiety showing on his face after the reveal that he is MCs first love, he insists on taking her out to a nice restaurant the most classy and romantic 5 star restaurant Loveland City has to offer as a way to thank her for dealing with his bs (both his bullshit and black swan hahaha I’m so funny oml) being given the opportunity to treat her as a beautiful young lady should be treated.

He’s also more on the less anxious side of being MCs first love.

Lucien is a traditional man and does stuff by the book.

Because of this, he respects and likes the idea of being MCs first love.

He doesn’t go over the top yet isn’t cliche with dates and little actions.

He knows exactly what to say and when to say it. Though he may struggle with being openly honest about his own thoughts and feelings, he tries his best to express himself for MC. a lot of the time he just assumes talking to her about his personal affairs would bring her down.

This, however, gets better overtime as they continue to date.

They spend a lovely evening at dinner together and take a midnight stroll through the city oh god city stroll PTSD

He gently wraps his jacket around her bare shoulders with a soft smile as he thanks her once again for believing in him believing he is worthy of her

Bonus:

Shaw:

Shaw, smirking: Is that so?

Oohhhhh you know what that smirk does to me. DOWN BOY D O W N.

He’s surprised but his reaction is very mutual.

His internal thoughts are more on the line of “Hmm I’m her first boyfriend, aye?” and “OYA OYA”

He very likely most definitely places his hand on the wall beside her head and leans in closely to get a reaction from her as he growls,

Shaw: So that means you really like me, yeah? I’m making this way too hot gdi. Shaw stans please enjoy your food

MC looks up to see that same playful smirk resting on his face.

highkey don’t know how to respond because Im just “ok think of 3 things she would probably say and go from there” while my brain just computer error sound

MC: and what about yourself? I’m sure there are tons of girls throwing themselves at you yet you choose me.

He pulls away and places his hands in his pockets with a chuckle.

Shaw: I’ve had my fair share before.

iVe HaD mY fAiR sHarE bEfoRe MY ASS

I’m convinced he’s had one time things with girls purely for information or he isn’t the least bit interested in relationships because he thrives on stimulation and entertainment and nOboDy iS gOoD eNouGh plus he literally asks what people do on dates when taking mc out in his first date in game SO

Either way, this is a LIE. The man can’t relationship for the life of him so he has no RIGHTS to tease her.

Just let him believe or you can try to tease him about it in hopes of getting a little pouty face out of him.

Honestly, their first date would just be the first date we got in the game and nobody can convince me otherwise.

Shaw is a wild child and doesn’t care for romantic dates. at least that’s what he wants you to think

A little insight on his character: He’s very blunt and easily pushes people away all the while keeping them close enough to gather intel. He doesn’t get emotionally attached to anyone and makes sure it’s mutual on both ends. Personal relationships only drag him down, especially in his line of work. He prioritizes other things before relationships which makes him so damn FRUSTRATING BUT I SWEAR I WILL CRACK YOU OPEN LIKE A WALNUT JUST YOU WATCH ME.

With that being said, after actually being in a relationship with MC for a while and opening up about their personal lives more, Shaw can be very romantic. He may be awkward for a bit at first since he literally doesn’t know what a date is but he gets there eventually.

He’s still full of fun but is also very gentle and makes sure MC is enjoying herself.

I got sidetracked with the actual HC on this one but Shaw stans need food I NEED FOOD

#mlqc #mr. love queen's choice #mr. love #mlqc gavin #mlqc shaw #mlqc kiro #mlqc victor #mlqc lucien #i had to limit myself because i started writing A LOT #i also had the BRILLIANT idea #*not really brilliant* #of Lucien offering to walk MC home after their date #and MC just ‘that’s ok. Youve already done so much for me tonight’ #Lucien: Our apartments are right next to each other mc #MC: #*hello darkness my old friend plays in the bg* #she just wanted to be polite and the fucking LOGIC FLEW OVER HER HEAD LIKE #logic? dont know em #ms. walks in front of cars every day #i really enjoyed shaws too just because i love his bitch ass #like being able to meme 24/7 is my dream and that is legit all he’s good for #the S A S S #we love a sassy bitch #and his date we got in the game is all i need to say about their date after mcs reveal #shaw: cool so what IS a date exactly? #mc: youre kidding right? #shaw: well i mean i know it’s for couples but wtf do we do #mc: shopping/dinner/a movie #shaw: *jerry squints* thats boring as hell. lets go do some illegal shit

[seriousbusinessforhumans]

Feb 2018

The Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) counted over 100 people killed or injured by alleged perpetrators influenced by the so-called "alt-right" — a movement that continues to access the mainstream and reach young recruits.

On December 7, 2017, a 21-year-old white male posing as a student entered Aztec High School in rural New Mexico and began firing a handgun, killing two students before taking his own life. At the time, the news of the shooting went largely ignored, but the online activity of the alleged killer, William Edward Atchison, bore all the hallmarks of the “alt-right”—the now infamous subculture and political movement consisting of vicious trolls, racist activists, and bitter misogynists.

But Atchison wasn’t the first to fit the profile of alt-right killer—that morbid milestone belongs to Elliot Rodger, the 22-year-old who in 2014 killed seven in Isla Vista, California, after uploading a sprawling manifesto filled with hatred of young women and interracial couples (Atchison went by “Elliot Rodger” in one of his many online personas and lauded the “supreme gentleman,” a title Rodger gave himself and has since become a meme on the alt-right).

Including Rodger’s murderous rampage there have been at least 13 alt-right related fatal episodes, leaving 43 dead and more than 60 injured (see list). Nine of the 12 incidents counted here occurred in 2017 alone, making last year the most violent year for the movement.

Like Atchison and Rodger, these perpetrators were all male and, with the exception of three men, all under the age of 30 at the time they are alleged to have killed. The average age of the alt-right killers is 26. The youngest was 17. One, Alexandre Bissonnette, is Canadian, but the rest are American. 

The “alternative right” was coined in part by white nationalist leader Richard Bertrand Spencer in 2008, but the movement as it’s known today can largely be traced back to 2012 and 2013 when two major events occurred: the killing of the black teenager Trayvon Martin and the so-called Gamergate controversy where female game developers and journalists were systematically threatened with rape and death. Both were formative moments for a young generation of far-right activists raised on the internet and who found community on chaotic forums like 4chan and Reddit where the classic tenets of white nationalism — most notably the belief that white identity is under attack by multiculturalism and political correctness — flourish under dizzying layers of toxic irony.

The Killings Started in California

The timeline for alt-right killers began on May 23, 2014.

On that day, college sophomore Elliot Rodger stabbed his three roommates to death before driving to a sorority house at the University of California, Santa Barbara, and shooting several women. He then killed or injured several pedestrians with both gunfire and his vehicle before exchanging fire with police and eventually taking his own life. He ultimately killed seven and wounded 14.

Rodger left behind a sprawling 107,000-word manifesto titled, “My Twisted World: The Story of Elliot Rodger,” which contained passages lamenting his inability to find a girlfriend, expressing extreme misogyny and various racist positions including disgust for interracial couples (despite the fact that he was multi-racial himself (half-Chinese)).

“How could an inferior, ugly black boy be able to get a white girl and not me? I am beautiful, and I am half white myself,” Rodger wrote. “I am descended from British aristocracy. He is descended from slaves.”

Rodger frequented PUAhate, a deeply misogynistic forum populated by failed “pick up artists” dedicated to revealing, “the scams, deception, and misleading marketing techniques used by dating gurus and the seduction community to deceive men and profit from them.” Discussions about women on the forum are at best objectifying and at worst, violent.

The term, “white sharia,” allegedly coined by Sacco Vandal of the popular alt-right site Vandal Void, is a radical response to Patrick Buchanan’s argument in Death of the West: that the increase in immigration and decline of white birthrates is leading to the end of Western civilization. Rodger’s celebration at the 504um, one of the premier alt-right forums, is the rule rather than the exception, and locates misogyny at the core of the alt-right.

Andrew Anglin, the neo-Nazi Daily Stormer’s founder and chief propagandist, has his own troubling history of vicious misogyny, tracking all the way back to high school.

In the aftermath of Rodger’s killing spree, a user at 4chan/b/ posted a photo from Rodger’s Facebook page with the note, “Elliot Rodger, the supreme gentleman, was part of /b/. Discuss.” This sentiment was echoed by other /b/ users who found similarities between his lexicon and that of the noxious board, including the term “beta,” used by men online to describe themselves as lacking the physicality, charisma and confidence associated with alpha males.... The term resurfaced on 4chan/r9k/ in the wake of a shooting at Umpqua Community College in Roseburg, Oregon, by Chris Harper-Mercer, who killed nine and wounded at least seven others at the college on October 1, 2015. “This is only the beginning. The Beta Rebellion has begun,” one anonymous user wrote. “Soon, more of our brothers will take up arms to become martyrs to this revolution.”

Although never proven, it is widely speculated that Harper-Mercer was a user on the board as warnings against attending school the following day that circulated on the eve of the shooting. Authorities believe Harper-Mercer, who like Rodger was multi-racial, was also motivated by white supremacist ideas. The Government Accountability Office categorized the Roseburg killings as “white supremacist” in an April 2017 report.

2017: A Year of Alt-Right Violence

The first killing in 2017 that can be tied to the alt-right occurred on January 29 in Canada. A 27-year-old university student named Alexandre Bissonnette allegedly brought a semiautomatic rifle into the Islamic Cultural Centre of Quebec City and shot and killed six worshippers while injuring 19—two critically.

On May 20, 2017, Sean Urbanski, a 22-year-old University of Maryland student, allegedly stabbed and killed newly commissioned Lt. Richard Collins, III. Authorities described the attack as “totally unprovoked.” Urbanski approached Collins, who was black, and two friends at 3 a.m., seemingly intoxicated, and said, “Step left, step left if you know what’s best for you.” When Collins refused, Urbanski stabbed him. Urbanski, however, was a member of a Facebook group called “Alt Reich: Nation”.

Less than a week later, Jeremy Christian, a 35-year-old Portland resident, allegedly stabbed and killed two people and severely wounded another passenger on a train while they were defending two young women from his anti-Muslim and racist remarks. Christian, who identified as a white nationalist and had a history of violence and mental illness, had a Facebook page filled with racist and bizarre political content. Witnesses at an alt-right free speech rally in the month preceding the stabbing saw Christian wearing an American flag cape, yelling racial slurs and making Nazi salutes. 

Two months later, on July 14, 2017, Lane Maurice Davis, 33, allegedly stabbed his father, Charles Davis, to death at the family home in Skagit County, Washington, after accusing his father of pedophilia. Davis, a conspiracy theory obsessive who went by the name ‘Seattle4Truth’ online and accused his father, not based on his own experience, but instead on his belief that liberals around the world are participating in secret pedophilia rings. Davis was reportedly a researcher for Milo Yiannopoulos and claimed to have ghost written pieces on Breitbart News for the former tech editor. 

In the months leading up to Unite the Right, members of the alt-right colonized and organized themselves on the gaming chat platform Discord. This includes Auernheimer who was a frequent participant in the Daily Stormer’s server, “Thunderdome,” where he regularly interacted with site readers and put out calls for action.

Young, White, Angry, Male

According to Dr. Eric Madfis, author of a 2014 paper on the intersectional identities of American Mass Murderers, young, white, middle class, heterosexual males commit mass murder at a disproportionately high rate relative to their population size in the United States.

The rate of mass murders spiked in the 1970s and 1990s. Between 1966 and 1999, there were 95 cases of mass public shootings. Between 1976 and 2008, mass murders occurred roughly twice per month, claiming an average of 125 deaths each month. A more recent study published by Mother Jones identifies 95 mass shootings in the United States since 1982. Of those, 55 (59%) were committed by white men.

FBI crime data suggests that ages 16 to 24 are peak time for violent crime. According to Dr. Pete Simi, Director of the Earl Babbie Research Center at Chapman University, "This is a period of substantial transition in an individual's life, when they're less likely to have significant attachments in their life that deter them from criminal violence."

Madfis’s 2014 paper from the University of Washington investigates the role of intersectional identities in mass murder incidents and argues that young, white males' unique downward social mobility, relative to his expectations, accounts for their overrepresentation as perpetrators of mass murder.

Only one in five mass murderers are “likely psychotic or delusional,” however, according to Dr. Michael Stone, a forensic psychiatrist at Columbia University.

A 2001 study conducted by Meloy examining 34 adolescent perpetrators of mass murder found that 59% were the direct result of a triggering event. That rate jumped to 90% among adult mass murders. 

Dr. Elliott Leyton, an expert on serial homicide, argues that contemporary mass murderers often target the perceived source of lost financial stability or class prestige. The alt-right, which couches its mission in terms of surviving literal extinction, routinely laments so-called reverse racism and affirmative action as well as immigration in all its forms.

The grievances collected by those motivated by the white nationalist ideology at the heart of the alt-right often do not begin with racist propaganda, but rather in the toxic communities of the men's rights movement... The age-old racist argument - that black men are 'taking our women' — is made regularly. Racist slurs are chucked around casually. There seems to be a significant overlap with organised white supremacy." 

Andrew Anglin once wrote “[o]ur target audience [for the neo-nazi website Daily Stormer] is white males between the ages of 10 and 30.”

Wiring Young Neurons

“Our target audience is white males between the ages of 10 and 30,” Anglin wrote in his “PSA: When the Alt-Right Hits the Street, You Wanna be Ready.” “I include children as young a ten, because an element of this is that we want to look like superheroes. We want to be something that boys fantasize about being a part of. That is a core element to this. I don’t include men over the age of 30, because after that point, you are largely fixed in your thinking. We will certainly reach some older men, but they should not be a focus.”

[Richard] Spencer told Mother Jones in December of 2016 before a contentious speaking engagement at Texas A&M University. “I think you do need to get them while they are young. I think rewiring the neurons of someone over 50 is effectively impossible.”

Undeniably, their efforts have had success. Mainstay racist conferences, like the annual gatherings of American Renaissance and the National Policy Institute, are attracting larger audiences, no longer dominated by their once singular demographic of middle-aged white men.

On a panel at Harvard University in October, Derek Black, son of longtime white supremacist Don Black, who once represented the future of the movement until he renounced racism during college, described his surprise at seeing so many young participants in Charlottesville:

I can say for sure my entire life in white nationalism I went to conferences many times a year. I spoke at them. I tried to organize them. I organized online through my dad's site [Stormfront] through organizations whether Jared [Taylor]'s AmRen or David [Duke]'s EURO or Council of Conservative Citizens … Everybody at these things is gray-haired. Me and two other people would be under 40. That was it. Which is partly why I took this impression that this is not gonna last. And a lot of that is because young people have a lot to lose … Young people who show up to a rally like that are going to get their identities exposed online and then it's gonna be hard for them to get jobs … I cannot actually explain what changed. The one striking thing about Charlottesville…was there's a ton of young kids like college-age or actual college students who got on buses and went to this who I don't think had been to an event like that before. 

Alt-right groups such as Identity Evropa and Vanguard America are marketing themselves exclusively to college and high school-aged individuals.

Then, on October 19, barely two months after the chaos of Charlottesville, the University of Florida was forced to host a Spencer speaking engagement under threat of a lawsuit........................ Hours later, three of his supporters were arrested for attempted murder after an alleged confrontation with protestors in which Spencer’s supporters threw stiff-armed salutes and one fired a shot at the urging of his accomplices. 

Not Even 21

James Alex Fields was only 20 years-old when he drove his Dodge Challenger into a crowd of attendees and protestors during August’s Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, injuring 19 and killing 32-year-old Heather Heyer. Fields stood with members of Vanguard America during the rally and carried a shield with the militaristic, alt-right group’s insignia on it.

According to police records, Fields also had a troubling history of childhood domestic violence — which experts see in about 1 in 6 mass killers. In 2010, Field’s mother called 911 after he attacked her for telling him to stop playing a video game. Other records reveal that he brandished a 12-inch knife at her on a separate occasion. His disabled mother uses a wheelchair.

Just three months prior to Unite the Right, another young, white man with a history in the alt-right, 18-year-old Devon Arthurs, allegedly killed two of his roommates... in Florida. Arthurs, who was taken into custody by authorities after holding employees of a tobacco shop hostage, had converted to Salafism, an ultraconservative form of Sunni Islam, and begun defending ISIS online a year prior. He was previously a leader of a National Socialist group known as the Atomwaffen (“Atomic Weapon”) Division which formed on the fascist forum Iron March. 

In the year leading up to the shooting, Arthurs appeared to be blending his alt-right beliefs with his newfound adherence to extremist forms of Islam. His username changed from Weissewolfe to Kekman Al-Amriki, a combination of the trollish god of “meme magic” common to 4chan and the name of an American member of al-Shabab, an Islamic militant organization. According to VICE, Arthurs also spoke of “white sharia,” a concept exemplifying the brutal, misogynistic core attitudes of the alt-right and those it has inspired to violence.

Leaderless Resistance

In 2014, after longtime Klansman Frazier Glenn Miller Jr. killed three at a Jewish community center and a retirement home in Overland Park, Kansas, Brad Griffin of Occidental Dissent published an article on the topic of “self detonating lone wolf vanguardists.” According to Griffin, “a ‘self detonating lone wolf vanguardist’ is someone who is radically alienated from society and who has given up on persuasion, a fanatacist who is inclined toward violent methods of bringing about eschatological political change, who usually acts alone or with an accomplice in the name of a movement without the support of assistance of any group, and who typically explodes, lashes out, or ‘self detonates’ without warning in rampage shootings, murder-suicides, and bombing campaigns.”

In its just over four years of operation, the Daily Stormer’s audience included at least three readers who were either convicted or indicted for murder. 

"An Age of Ultraviolence"

On June 17, 2015, Dylann Storm Roof killed nine African-American worshipers and wounded one while attending a Bible study class at Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, South Carolina. Roof, then 21, told his victims, including Reverend and State Senator Clementa Pickney, that, “I have to do it. You rape our women and you’re taking over our country, and you have to go.”

In a manifesto posted to his website, lastrhodesian.com, Roof cited the Trayvon Martin case as his inspiration for searching on Google for “black on White crime.” According to Roof, “I have never been the same since that day. The first website I came to was the Council of Conservative Citizens. There were pages upon pages of these brutal black on White murders. I was in disbelief.”

On March 22, 2017, another Daily Stormer reader, James Harris Jackson, was arrested after stabbing 66-year-old black man Timothy Caughman with a sword in Manhattan. Jackson, an army veteran, was 28 at the time of the alleged stabbing. He travelled to New York from Baltimore, Maryland, to conduct a “practice run” for what was intended to deter white women from race-mixing. He told a media source after his arrest that, “the white race is being eroded.” 

On Friday, December 27, a 17-year-old white male, reported to be Nicholas Giampa, allegedly shot and killed the parents of his ex-girlfriend in Reston, Virginia, before turning the gun on himself. According to reports, the parents had facilitated the break-up after learning that Giampa held neo-Nazi beliefs.

Giampa’s account also attempted to engage with those of alt-right leaders and organizations like Mike Peinovich, VDARE, the Traditionalist Worker Party, Identity Evropa, as well as Vanguard America, the neo-Nazi group that James Fields was photographed with in Charlottesville. One of Giampa’s main obsessions, however, was the hardcore neo-Nazi group Atomwaffen.

2018 is already off to a disturbing start. On January 2, Blaze Bernstein, a college student who was gay and Jewish went missing and was later found murdered. Friends of the accused murderer, Samuel Woodward, told ProPublica that Woodward was a committed neo-Nazi and member of Atomwaffen which may have as chapters in as many as eight states.

This former Atomwaffen member also said that the events in Charlottesville had a major impact on the group. Its membership doubled.  

(selected sections of article)

#southern poverty law center #far right #alt right #american extremists #Elliot Rodger #Andrew Anglin #Richard Spencer #Dylan Roof #2010s #2017 #Derek Black #crime and violence data #killers #mass shooting #mass murder #domestic terrorism #white supremacists #men's rights #incels #misogynist terrorism

[solitvdcs]

someday i will come up with wanted connections but today is not that day

* darren barnet, cis male + he/him | you know spencer novak, right? they’re twenty-six, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, two years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to i got you (i feel good) by james brown like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole messy piles of sheet music, button-ups with rolled up sleeves, slow motion running thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 8, so they’re a libra, which is unsurprising, all things considered.

basic info

full name: spencer ryan novak

birth date: october 8, 1994

pronouns: he/him

hometown: seattle, washington

sexuality: pansexual

height: 6′4″

eye color: brown

hair color: brown

build: lean

tattoos: none

piercings: none

style: used to just be graphic tees with loser sayings on it, but after being in the public eye (and now as a teacher) he was forced to up his game. now he’s got nice, tailored button-ups and jeans/slacks that show off his ass. it’s like queer eye came and fixed him

favorite color: green

favorite food: everything

zodiac: libra sun, sagittarius moon, libra rising

mbti: enfj

hogwarts house: hufflepuff

enneagram: type 2 wing 3

temperament: sanguine-phlegmatic

spencer was a very loved, very planned, very wanted baby, so as far as traditional “family drama” went, he had none. he and his younger sister have always gotten along well, his parents are still together and very much in love, and have always supported their children and their paths in life no matter what. they were an upper middle class family, with enough to have their needs met and most of their wants, but not enough to spoil themselves. it was very picturesque, and spencer didn’t realize how well adjusted he was until he got to college.

a lifelong band geek and first chair trumpet player with enough dorky charm to start a high school glee club without being creepy about it, it was no surprise that spencer decided to go to school for music education. ohio state university was far from home and not necessarily where he wanted to end up (who wants to end up in ohio for the rest of their lives, really) but they’d offered him a hefty scholarship and had one of the best marching bands around, so he couldn’t turn it down.

the hitch in the plan came in his sophomore year of high school, when america’s next top model decided to add guys to their roster. spencer knew nothing of modeling and had no desire to enter the industry, but after losing a dare to his frat brothers, he ended up submitting a casting video. he may or may not still have been tipsy while filming it, but he was pretty and tall and charming, so he somehow made it through to the filmed audition episodes. he made a distinct impression on the judges despite not having a great walk (miss jay, he found out later, was jumping at the chance to work his magic) and lo and behold, spencer made the top 14.

for the first few weeks, spencer mostly stayed in the background of episodes, watching the drama unfold. sure, a lot of it had been staged, but seeing how well his competitors could fall into place scared him a little (a picture of him clutching a pillow and staring at a catfight has since been turned into a viral meme). he expected to get eliminated early on, but found himself floating near the middle of the pack from week to week instead of at the bottom. the only time he seemed to stand out was the week of a late shoot, where he hadn’t told the crew about his diabetes and passed out on set after not eating for too long. (it’s still one of the most “omg moments” in top model history.)

and then the time for commercials came, and spencer’s star really started to shine. for all the things he wasn’t as polished on as the other contestants, nobody could compete with his natural charm. things started coming together for him after that, and he cracked the top four before getting sent home. still, he’d set into motion something he could never have accounted for, and suddenly everybody wanted a piece of spencer novak.

as soon as the season was done airing, spencer’s phone would not stop ringing. agents and managers and publicists, oh my!! a dare from his frat brothers had opened up a whole new world of possibilities for him, and suddenly he had a choice to make: would he continue with his plan of being a high school band director, or take the once in a lifetime opportunity of seeing where an acting career could take him?

the acting career went as most do for realty show stars. he had a staring role on a show that got cancelled after a season (too many teen dramas had saturated the market), and it seemed that all anybody wanted him to do was take his shirt off. sure, he’d packed on some muscle since being a lanky high school band geek, but it just wasn’t him. while filming another teen movie in irving (yes, he played a mermaid and yes, he was very excited about the part), he fell in love with the town. he’d never considered himself a beach guy before, but irving had convinced him. after filming ended, he decided to go back to the original plan, finished his degree and teaching certification in north carolina, and got a job at the local high school. his agent is still hounding about coming back, but he’s made his choice and he’s content with it. if you’re missing seeing him on film, though, you can still catch him on #hotteachertiktok.

#irvingintro #let's gooooooooooooooooooooooo #i still haven't figured out who's on discord and who's not so if we haven't plotted yet pls ??? yell at me????????????

[leahazel]

More about my morally-grey heroines and their messed-up relationships

I wanted to elaborate on this post I wrote about D&F and BFS, but it turns out that adding readmore links to reblogs is a PITA, and I just now that this is gonna turn into a fucking novelette. 

So here we go.

Time to go into some detail about this!

Let’s define our terms:

“Decline and Fall” is my 120K+ series of loosely chronological, interconnected short fics, set in a tiny fandom for a visual novel that’s been in alpha development since 2015. For the record, the word count disincludes unfinished drafts, and stories that I’m holding back because they’re based on canon spoilers.

“Blood from Stone“ is my 100K unfinished Skyrim WIP, which began as a response to a kink meme prompt, and is not so much a rarepair as a non-existent one.

Both of these stories centrally feature young female protagonists and their sexual relationship with a much older man. Both heroines are... “grey” to say the least.

Let’s compare our fandoms, shall we?

Skyrim is a juggernaut fandom for a super-popular RPG which is part of a 30-yo franchise. The setting is moderately dark and casually sprinkled with murder cults, cannibalism, secret police death squads, and the prison industrial complex. The player character can be a thief and a murderer and everyone just learns to be okay with it because the only alternative is a fiery apocalypse. They also rob graves for the lulz.

Seven Kingdoms: The Princess Problem is a pinkie-toe-sized fandom for a hybrid RPG and dating sim where attractive young people flirt and date for the purpose of brokering world peace. The setting is one where you can actually broker world peace effectively. The player character can perpetrate a fair amount of proxy violence, but maintaining a good reputation dishonestly is legitimately difficult.

Now, let’s compare our heroines:

Corinne is a 24-year-old bounty hunter who became a folk hero, a soldier, and a cult assassin. She’s living alone and working for a living since she was 18. She’s never been in love, but she’s had multiple sexual and romantic relationships in the past. I deliberately wrote her as being very sexually confident and self-assured. She also has combat training, magical training, her special Dragonborn powers, and an incalculable amount of social clout. By every metric, she’s a powerful character. Though she can talk her way out of a tight spot (all my favorite characters can), she can also fight her way out.

Verity is (at the beginning of D&F) not yet 18 years old. She’s a princess from a very conservative kingdom who was raised to become a barter bride in a diplomatic marriage. The values that were passed to her were duty, tradition, and absolute obedience. Her primary skills are social, charisma, eloquence, and persuasion. Then she was dropped into the deep water of a diplomatic summit and had the weight of future history put on her shoulders, without ever having been taught how to make her own decisions or live with her regret.

To sum up, we have one hyper-competent, confident, and independent badass, universally recognized as powerful and dangerous, and then we have someone who’s basically a deconstruction of a traditional fantasy princess.

Okay, what about the more specific setting within the game world?

BFS is set in Markarth, arguably the most corrupt city in Skyrim, and the site of a localized war, on top of the 2-3 other wars that Skyrim has going on. The city is controlled by the cartel-like Silver-Blood family, and their enemies are swiftly and brutally eliminated. The rule of law is a joke. When the player character arrives at Markarth, they witness a chain or murders and are drawn into a conspiracy that sees them sentenced to life in prison for a crime they didn’t commit. The ruling elite suppress the native underclass by a variety of inventive methods. The roads into the city are controlled by the remnants of a violent but failed uprising, and this uprising is actually the origin story of Skyrim’s entire civil war storyline.

D&F is set in Revaire, explicitly the most violently war-torn of the seven kingdoms. Once the epicenter of a conquering empire, it was a country full of arts and culture, until a bloody coup slaughtered the entire royal line and instituted a new and more brutal regime. The new regime is on shaky grounds and foresighted people predict its imminent fall to rebel forces. So much, so canon. In D&F, I made a point of developing the new royals and their small coterie of supporters, as well as illustrating their constant struggle to conceal how widely reviled they are by the populace, and most of the former nobility. Their apathy to the plight of the common people is underscored in contrast to Verity’s compassion, which is ridiculed as a sentimental feminine affectation.

I’m attracted to certain themes, as you might have noticed.

Now, we get to talk about love interests.

Thongvor Silver-Blood is rather anemically characterized in Skyrim’s canon, so much of the information that I include in BFS is inferred. From his limited number of dialogues in the game, we know that he’s politically ambitious, a Stormcloak supporter, easily angered, and that he has one legitimate friend in the city. Like most Skyrim characters of his age bracket, he served in the Great War. He’s defined by his relationship to his generational cohort. In BFS, he’s def8ined in contrast to his brother. Thonar is comfortable being thought of as a villain. Thongvor still needs to believe that he’s the good guy. And I’m gonna get more into that in later chapters, too.

As a love interest, he’s initially in awe of Corinne, and always genuinely adoring, but more than a little jealous and possessive. BFS is not a story about love redeeming bad men (don’t get me started), but Thongvor shows different sides of his personality to different people, and the side that Corinne gets to see is much nicer than what most people do.

Hyperion Asper is a character of my own devising, whose existence in 7KPP canon is purely implied. We know his children, Jarrod and Gisette, and we knew that he organized a coup to seize the throne. I posit him as a tyrant and unrepentant child-killer (not directly stated in D&F, at least not yet). He’s ruthless and manipulative and his sole purpose is maintaining a sense of personal power. I structured him as the bad example that Jarrod tries -- and fails -- to live up to.

As a love interest... look, he’s a man who’s cheating on his wife with his son’s wife. He seduces Verity and manipulates her, and takes a special delight in pushing her buttons. All his compliments to her are mean-spirited and back-handed. He’s also jealous and possessive... which is especially pathetic, since he’s jealous of his own son, whom Verity doesn’t even like. His rage is a constant implied undercurrent in the narrative.

And the relationship dynamics themselves?

Corinne kisses Thongvor, proposes marriage to him, and then sleeps with him before riding off into mortal danger. She’s fond and affectionate, but she shies away from intense emotions, whether negative or positive. Since they spend most of their time apart, their marriage has been defined by Thongvor yearning like a sailor’s wife, while Corinne ran around doing violence and crime. They only just had their first fight. It will change when they get to spend some more significant time together... but on the whole, their marriage is fairly happy, and the emotional dynamic favors Corinne -- so far. It’s not a pure gender reversal, but that element is definitely dominant.

Hyperion starts seducing Verity on their very first meeting, and relies on a combination of magnetic attraction and Verity’s inexperience in life to keep her coming back, against her better judgment. Their relationship is mutually defined by a combination of attraction and resentment of that attraction. The danger of the situation is an essential element, to the point where it’s hard to imagine their affair would survive without it. It’s a puzzle and a battle, a source of fascination but not of comfort. There’s lust involved, and curiosity, but not a shred of love or even like. The closest thing to genuine affection is when Verity briefly imagines that there could be a version of Hyperion she actually liked, cobbled from his various, hidden good qualities. Any trappings of a genuine relationship are deliberately discordant.

I have tried, more than once, to imagine an alternate universe in which these two could be happy. It can’t be done. they are a study in dysfunction.

So where’s the similarity, with all these differences outlined?

Corinne’s choice to marry into the Silver-Blood family makes her complicit in their rule of the Reach, corrupt and reactionary as it is. Her reluctance to accept being called by their name reflects a reluctance to confront unpleasant truths that’s fundamental to her character. Choosing to be one of them affects and will continue to affect how other people see her, mostly negatively, and mostly without her being aware of it. Being Thongvor’s wife has gained her enemies. The fact that she doesn’t share his more reactionary views is something that they’ve both chosen to elegantly ignore, but the rest of the world won’t be so generous.

Verity’s choice to marry into the Revaire royal family makes her complicit in their violence against the forces rebelling against them, albeit in a more subtle way. Her personal dislike of Jarrod and the fact that their marriage was purely political will not absolve her in anyone’s eyes. Neither will her compassionate and charitable character, which can only be seen as a fig leaf to the Revaire royals’ general brutality. She has lost at least one good friend -- who will never see her the same way, since she chose to throw her lot in with his enemies. She will go down in history as an Asper wife -- but if she’s lucky, not just as that.

Both Corinne and Verity choose to accept some of the violence of the system that they live under, in order to serve their own lofty, long-term goals. Both of them are more image-driven than they care to admit, and though they are genuinely caring and compassionate, they will readily sacrifice compassion in service on their goals. They are queens (or queen-like figures), one-degree-of-separation members of the ruling class, implicated but not directly in control.

And their relationships serve to highlight what they are willing to accept, even though it goes against their conscience.

Is there a conclusion to be drawn here?

Sort of. I want to write about power, compromise and complicity. For whatever reason, it turns out that yw/om relationships are... a really good vehicle for exploring that. I can’t really explain why that is, just yet. I just... have had these thoughts floating, unstructured, in my head for months on end. I needed to get them out on paper, and give them some semblance of order.

I don’t even know why anyone but me would read this, as long and meandering as it is. But having it accessible might be of use to me.

#blood from stone #decline and fall #train wreck verity #i don't know why anyone would read this #it's nearly 2k words #and it has no real conclusion #hazel's d&f/bfs meta spiel

[honeypirate]

As The Crow Flies pt 2

Asahi x y/n

Part one Masterlist

The next morning you’re up at five am, going for a run before making your way to the school. showing up a little early at 6:55 the whole team is there except Tanaka. When you ask about him they all start to make fun of him and how he’s always late. You place your bag off to the side out of the way, dropping your track jacket and pants there too, leaving you in your black volleyball shorts and a simple white tee shirt. You warm up with them joking around and having a good time and when Tanaka comes running in apologizing for being late and you smile at him, smirking when he blushes. You practice receives and serves before deciding to play a few practice games. As you throw yourself to the ground diving for the ball, your hand barely makes it as one of Hinata and Kageyama’s quick attacks catches everyone off guard. “That was amazing y/n!” Asahi calls out from the other side of the court causing you to blush a little as you nod at him. This wasn’t the first time you kept the ball in play after one of those attacks, you were able to catch all of them except the first one you saw and it was the most you’ve been pushed in a long time. You felt amazing and couldn’t stop smiling the entire time. Your side won the first set, theirs the second and third. You colapse on the floor with a few laughs “you guys are so good!” Noya grabs your water and his and comes and sits next to you “you are as well y/n! You got every spike! You’re so fast and talented. I’m really impressed with your receives too” you sit up and smile “You get every blocked ball! How do you do that?!” You accept your water from him and take a long drink as he starts to give you tips “guys circle up! You too y/n” Daichi calls out and Noya pops up offering you his hand. You take it with a smile and as he helps you up you notice the blush on his cheeks and the jealous Tanaka watching you both. You join their circle around Coach Ukai and he gives everyone pointers telling them where they need to improve, he gets to you and you smile waiting for his criticism “y/n you’re pretty well rounded and it’s obvious you practice a lot. Your hard work is paying off and I might even say you’re better than Noya here in a few places. But from what I saw you’re stiff when you serve and you’d play better if you weren’t making eyes at Asahi the whole time.” You blush at him calling you out, not even denying it, and bow “thank you sir!” You pretended not to notice the eyes of serval boys on their team watching you and Asahi after that as you help them clean up the gym, Asahi had a blush the whole time. You decide it’s best to pretend it never happened, wait and see if Asahi would say anything. You fell in really easy with them all and considered them all your friends now, except Tsukishima, he was harder to read. You opted to throw your track pants and jacket in your gym bag, too sweaty to wear them home and since the weather was nice why not enjoy it.

“H.. hey uhh y/n I was just uhh wondering if I could get your number? So we can share uhh libero tips and stuff” Noya didn’t even make eye contact as he asked you, he was nervous and jumpy, blush dusting his cheeks and you smile “of course Noya! Can I see your phone?” He smiles and hands it to you and you put in your number and make a new contact, setting your name to libero master before taking a cute selfie throwing up a peace sign and a wink to set as the contact photo. Tanaka and a few other of the boys coming over to get your number as well, you set your name as different cute things about being a libero in their phones and personalize the contact with different selfies. When the boys go to get their stuff you head outside to enjoy the sun as it goes down, Asahi coming out to talk “sorry about them. They get eager around pretty girls.” You knew he was talking about Tanaka and Noya but you couldn’t help but mess with him a little and you turned to face him “so you think I’m pretty?” You say and smile at him, enjoying the way he got flustered. “I mean. I don’t think you’re not I just was saying I mean you are gorgeous no one would think other wise..” you laugh and touch his arm “I’m really glad you think I’m pretty Asahi. And you don’t have to apologize for them, they don’t bother me at all. They’re entertaining.” The way you smile at him makes his mouth dry and his heart pound. He brushes it off and composes himself “good. Good. I’m glad.” You drop your hand from his arm and the rest of the team comes outside. You bow slightly “thank you for letting me train with you guys today. You’re all really impressive I was shocked I could even keep up” you smile at them all “are you guys going to the shop?” You ask and Daichi responds “yeah it’s like a tradition now. You coming with?” You nod your head “If you guys aren’t tired of me then I’d love to!” “We are tired of you” Tsukishima says in passing as he starts to walk off you laugh “thank you Tsukishima! I like you too!” you say after him and laugh “don’t worry about him. He’s just like that” Yamaguchi says before running after Tsukishima. You just laugh and start walking with the rest of them. Daichi asks for your number while walking and you take his phone, setting your name as Daichi’s Favorite Libero and instead of making the contact picture of just you, you pull him down to your level and take a selfie of you both holding up peace signs, Asahi just laughs at how popular you were. You always were like this, everyone you met loved you and wanted to be your friend, and you wanted to be their friends as well. Your really close friends group was relatively small tho, it was your family, a couple of your team members(yes they were your family and team but you werent really closer than that), then Asahi, and now some of his team as well, the only one who was indifferent to you was Tsukishima but you think he’s just pretending.

You end up spending a lot more time with them than you meant to, losing time in the conversation and jokes, when you leave the shop it’s super dark out. Asahi sets a hand on your back and you turn to him “do you want me to walk with you?” He asks and you smile “if you would I would be grateful. I mean I can take care of myself but with you I won’t have to” you set your hand on his wide chest as you say you for added emphasis “It’s not too far so your walk home shouldn’t be too long either.” He hopes you can’t feel his heart beat under your hand. He had the hugest crush and before today he thought he for sure had no chance with you, but with why Coach said he has more hope. You drop your hand and he immediately misses your contact as you turn to the rest of the boys “the rest of you, text me any time. And if any of you decide you want to text me and don’t have my number well you can get it from me at school” you send a pointed look at Tsukishima and he rolls his eyes but he can’t hide his blush on his cheeks “also I’m a beast at text games so watch out” you add with a laugh before waving and saying goodbye as you walk off with Asahi. After a few minutes of comfortable silence you bump shoulders with him softly “so I hear you have a game up against date tech in the prelims” you say softly and before he can respond you continue “and I’m sure you already know your whole team is supporting you. But I just want you to know you have mine as well. I know you’ve been working hard and anyway. I’m just saying that no matter how hard it is, what’s important is you do your best.... I know you’ve heard this all before but anyway I’m just saying that I’m here for you if you ever want to talk about anything. Even if it’s not about volleyball.” You say with a little huff. “Y/n” his voice was soft “thank you” he pulls you into a hug and you feel your face get hotter. He lets you go and you continue your walk in comfortable silence. When you reach your house you smile at him “thank you for walking me home I really appreciate it, text me when you get home safe” “no problem y/n, and I’ll let you know when I’m home” he waves as he walks away and you watch him until he disappears in the dark before you head inside.

You check your phone when you get inside and you check the notifications. You have a message that Noya started a text game with you and Tanaka sent a volleyball meme. Then there’s a message from Daichi saying how he thought you’re an amazing player. You smile and play Noya back, sending back a meme to Tanaka, and then to Daichi you responded, thanking him, and saying how you enjoyed watching him play.

As you got into bed you got a text from Asahi which said “I’m just letting you know I got home safe and I wanna say you’re an amazing player and I would have to be blind to not think you’re pretty.” You blush and reread it like fifty times before you respond “I’m glad you’re home safe, and I’d have to be blind to not think you’re handsome. 🙈 Goodnight Asahi ☺️” he sends back a simple “Goodnight” and you set your alarm for 5:00am before falling to sleep thinking about him.

#azumane asahi #haikyuu azumane #azumane x reader #haikyuu!! #hq x you #hq imagines #haikyuu asahi #asahi x you #asahi x y/n

[sarah-blue-eyes]

2020 In Review

Hoo boy, here we go.

[Ok just before I begin. I had this queued to post in the first month of January but it doesn’t seem like that ever happened haha. Better late than never I suppose!]

So I am a nostalgic bitch, and since 2011, have loved to make memory boxes for each year, where I put trinkets and memories into a shoebox. This year I have continued that tradition, but I have also kept track of my happy memories throughout 2020 in my planner. This was done with the intention for me to upload a year-in-review sort of thing in hopes that maybe like, 3 people max on this god-forsaken site will read it. This sort of reminiscence was inspired by my friend @a-lbeit​, who has done these for a few years now and me, as a slut for nostalgia, was encouraged to do the same back in January (I think? What even is my memory at this point?)

2020, as it has been for many, was a very shit year, and I am no different. I would safely say that this year has undeniably been the worst I have lived through. But I am here. I am present. And I have made it through some of the darkest times to face 2021 with a new sense of hopefulness. Keeping track of my happier memories has been something that has truly got me through this clusterfuck of a year, so I am glad that I can finally go through them all again and share them with you.

Read it, or don’t, I don’t give a shit what you do with your time, but if you do, I hope that you aren’t bored to tears. And I hope to keep myself accountable to continue to do this for years to come.

Buckle up, grab a hot drink and a snack and get comfy, because this is a JOURNEY.

January:

· Kicked the new year off with hosting a 1920’s themed party with some of my closest friends at my family home at the beach. Had fun with drunk SingStar, playing What Do You Meme, creating a playlist with everyone’s top 3 songs of the decade (it was a bangin’ playlist I must say), and just overall drinking too much and having a riotous time

· I remember going to the beach New Year’s Day (as is tradition in Australia) and playing ultimate frisbee in the shallows and completing a crossword puzzle on the sand (I am a 75-year-old woman, it is just a fact of life)

· I also had my friend Kirsten from South Australia stay with me for the New Year’s period and it was lovely to have a guest over! I haven’t spoken to her much this year, she sort of fell off the face of the planet, but I hope she is doing ok.

· Went town to Torquay (a beach town in Victoria) for the 6th time for Beach Mission, which is essentially a holiday program for kids in preschool-year 9 where we run activities for them. It’s a Christian-based program but the aim isn’t to convert the kids or anything like that, it’s more to show God’s love to them through our actions and how we as Christians live our lives. It’s also a convenient way for parents to dish their kids off for a few hours too haha. This was my final year of being a part of this program, and I am so pleased to have made so many memories and (hopefully) impacted many children’s lives during my time there

· I remember going on a late-night beach walk with my boyfriend Josh, talking about what the year had in store for us. We were just sitting on the beach, as you do, and I saw a shooting star. I can’t remember what I wished for (if anything) but in that moment, life was a dream.

· The week after beach mission I started at my new internship! It was for a place called KidsCo, who run school holiday programs at workplaces, so parents don’t need to take time off work to look after them. I helped with client relations and a lot of behind-the scenes stuff. I really loved it there

· On the very first day of my internship I remember there was torrential rain, and the train home was delayed by like, an hour or so lol

· One of the best parts about interning at KidsCo was that they were the official child-minding service for the Australian Open. I make an effort to go each year, but I was lucky enough to get free ground-entry for me and a guest for the duration of the event. I went quite a few times and got to take my mum and Josh along as well.

· Saw my only concert of the year, The Veronicas, at the Australian Open. When I say the moment the violin riff at the start of Untouched absolutely went the fuck off is an understatement. Grade 5 me would have cried (and 23 year old me did a little bit too tbh.) Yet another of one of my “all-time-favourite-songs” that I’ve had the pleasure of hearing live. (I also went through the year feeling sad that this was the first time in 11 years I hadn’t gone to a concert, but this one certainly fell through the cracks)

· Started planning my trip to the UK to see my twin sister, and best friend, Jess

· Went away to Rye for the Australia Day weekend #changethedate. An excellent time with excellent mates, and went to the beach pretty much every day and got mindlessly sloshed every night

· Listened to the Triple J Hottest 100. I think 4 of my picks made it in, which was pretty good

· Continued my job as the office manager/events coordinator at my church

February:

Basketball started back after the summer break for my two different teams, The Vikings and The Wildcats (honestly such a highlight of this year with how the rest of it ended up going)

As a team-bonding activity at KidsCo we hired a boat for a few hours and I got more drunk that I had been for a while. It was a very fun time jetting down the Yarra, waving drunkedly at the people jogging by

For Valentine’s day Josh and I had an indoor picnic with our favourite food! The weather was shit for Feb, hence the indoor nature of the picnic

Saw Shrek the Musical with two of my closest pals, Bec and Katie (I honestly forgot that this happened in 2020 hahaha) but it was ICONIC

Had a Jackbox night with The Boys

Had my cousin Amy from England over for dinner! I hadn’t seen her in 5 or 6 years, so it was so lovely to connect again like no time had passed at all

Went to Healesville Sanctuary, a lovely conservation park which focuses on preserving and educating its visitors about Australian animals, with Amy

 Went to mini-golf for a friend’s birthday on the leap day. He technically celebrated his 6th birthday which was excellent

Saw Cody Ko and Noel Miller live with Bec and Katie

Finished working at the church office to make room for the potential job opportunity at KidsCo

March:

Ahhh March, you shitstorm of a month. This is where everything started going downhill.

The first thing of note that happened this month was me injuring my ankle at basketball, which had me out of action for a few weeks. It was especially bad because I was nearing the end of my internship and was hoping to do my best work so that I would be chosen to stay on as an employee, but had to take a week or so off to rest my ankle. My ankle would continue to be tender and sore for most of the rest of the year

Went away for the Labour Day long weekend with the family

Finished up my internship at KidsCo. Honestly was lead to believe that I would be staying on as an employee and felt sort of betrayed after all the work I did for them, but whatever

 Had a party at Bec’s house to listen to Triple J’s Hottest 100 of the Decade. One of my favourite songs was number 1 which was a pleasant surprise

Went down to the holiday house for a few days just to have so me time and sort myself out

Animal Crossing New Horizons came out haha. Honestly was one of the highlights of this year though. I stayed up until midnight so I could download it as soon as it was available because that’s the sort of person I am  

Mum’s birthday dinner with Dani, one of my best friends, and her girlfriend Amy

Went for a hike at Sugarloaf Reservoir with Josh and got spooked by a mob of kangaroos

April:

My mental health started really taking a downward spiral this month for multiple reasons which I won’t get into here, but this is more a note to my past self to say that it will all be ok I guess? Idk I just felt like this needed to be here

Did my ankle badly again on Good Friday

Watched the Overwatch League live with my friends and just memed in the livechat lmao

WARNING - this is a bit TMI but I am going to share anyway since it was a big part of this year, and if you are reading this you are either a stranger or a good friend so I really don’t care lmao: This month I also started to get bad pains in my uterus, like, not period pains but deep, stabbing pains. This continued on for the next few weeks without me doing anything about it, except for increasingly getting stressed about it, although I will talk a bit more about this later.

Josh and I celebrated our 6th year together which was ~wholesome~

Called my friend Ashley from the US and just caught up. It was nice to see her face again. She is a good egg. I haven’t talked to her since but I really hope she’s ok.

May:

Watched Star Wars with Josh and his family for “May the 4th”

Started a volunteer job at Kivuli, a non-for-prophet that is based in Kenya, and started helping out with their website and social media stuff

Zoom movie time with my friends, we watched How To Train Your Dragon I think? Athough everyone was talking over the movie so I didn’t really get anything out of it

Played Scattergories (one of my favourite games) with Bec and Jess on zoom and just wrote really stupid and funny answers and I remember this being just what I needed

Went for a long walk with mum and one of her friends and her daughter on a track we don’t usually go on, which was a nice change of scenery

Went down to the holiday house for the first time in forever since restrictions were eased, at least for a little while lol, with the fam

Went to Portsea for a walk along the beach with Bec and her husband Trevor

Did an online trivia night that night with a big bunch of friends

Had a doctor’s appointment to see what was goin’ on down there. Honestly freaked that it could be something REALLY bad. Got booked in to have an ultrasound the next week, so at least I’d be finding out what was wrong soon.

The day after I got my results was the 21st of May, the day my mum and I were meant to be flying out to the UK to see my sister and her boyfriend. It was already hard enough a month or so before when I had to cancel my flight, but this day was so SO difficult. I can’t remember the last time I cried so hard. I am so blessed to have a boyfriend like Josh though. He was by my side the whole day, and held me as I cried. Oh man I am crying as I write this now, it was such a hard time but I know I will see my sister again.

And then the day after THAT whole ordeal was my birthday, which was meant to be spent in London with Jess but it turned out to be the first birthday we’ve had apart. This day was also hard, but made better by being with loved ones and having dinner at my grandma and grandpa’s house. Grandma’s roast potatoes make everything better.

Went to Geelong to see the other side of my family, it was so good to see my nan again. I love her very much.

Went to the Briars with Bec and went on a lovely nature walk and saw a lot of little wallabies and even an emu

Had an ultrasound and my pain turned out to be a 10cm wide cyst!!! So fun!!!!! Thank the heavens it wasn’t a child. I was so relieved. It is still in my body so that’s cute tho.

June:

Applied for a bunch of jobs, and even got a few interviews! Still no job.

The absolute highlight of this month, and maybe even the whole year, was going away to Lake’s Entrance and Yarram with mum, dad and Josh. It was so good to go to the country, I love country towns so much and the wildlife and nature is so beautiful in the eastern part of Victoria. If you ever get the opportunity I recommend going there!

We ate so much nice food and just relaxed. It wasn’t a perfect replacement for not going to Europe, but it was something at least.

Did more work for Kivuli which kept me busy

Went to Bec’s house to bake a cake. She came out to me as bi this day too, and the cake was coloured like the bisexual flag!

Started a short course through the university I went to in Facebook for Business. It was a great way to build up my skills.

Played Animal Crossing with Dani’s little sister, Tami, a very wholesome time

Looked after Josh’s dog Jed while his family went away for the weekend (also went into the start of July) and was honestly the greatest time

July:

Halfway through the year. Thank fuck.

Had another job interview

Went on lots of walks

Was just generally cold

Did a lot of cleaning

Painted the downstairs rooms at church, which took a few days and a lot of back pain, but it’s cool to think that I was able to contribute my energy and time to something while I was not feeling good at all

The restrictions were tightened again, meaning that I couldn’t go further than 5kms away from my house, except to see Josh, so this was a really lonely time for me.

Really got into Masterchef with mum this season. They had all returning contestants from other seasons so that was really fun to watch.

Got and assembled a new couch upstairs that I can say I actually own myself. I absolutely love it.

More walks, despite the cold

This was a very uneventful month, but that’s ok!

August:

Had a call with the hospital I’ll be having my cyst surgery with. It was good to know that things would be started. I had to have a blood test and a second ultrasound then put on the waiting list for surgery. Still no sign on when that will be happening though 6 months later. Just so lucky to live in Australia where all of these appointments are free.

Went for a really nice long walk with Josh. Got shat on by a bird.

Did lots of stuff around the house, just tidying and watering the plants and sorting through my wardrobe to purge all the clothes I grew out of

Had an online Switch games night with some friends which was fun. We played Smash Bros. and Mario Kart and just had a great time!

Ok this sounds super lame but my favourite podcast, The Jenna & Julien Podcast, finished forever which came as a surprise and was just really sad. I really hope it comes back one day.

Did my tax return lmao

Baked rice puff/marshmallow bar things

Made an ASOS order to fill my happiness with material things. Did get some cute clothes and lingerie tho 😉

More games with Bec and Jess, we played Golf With Your Friends this time

Had a cocktail night with Josh, where we just made a bunch of fun cocktails and got drunk. I can’t wait to live with him so we can do this all the time.

Lots of Kivuli work, as we are planning for our 10th anniversary fundraising event

September:

Baked cookies, which was something I did a lot at the start of lockdown but sort of drifted away from. I absolutely love to bake.

Started working for Media-Wize, a small PR company that was started by someone I know at church.

Started playing Among Us at the start of the month

So many Among Us nights omg, just call me queen impostor please

Did my induction for Media-Wize

Got  n e r v o u s  because I kept getting things wrong in my new job. I always seem to fuck up the good things and opportunities that I get

Did a livestream reading of The Great Gatsby on my friend’s Twitch stream. It was really fun and something I had never done before. I voiced Tom Buchannan, which was interesting but cool to sort of get into the character. I hope to do something like this soon.

I burnt my hair while cooking dinner and had to give myself a haircut lmao. It was the first time since 2018 that I had cut it so it was a long time coming anyway.

So much Media-Wize work. It felt good to finally be getting paid to do a job

Got locked out of my bathroom so I had to climb up the laundry chute to unlock it from the inside, all because a fly outsmarted me (it’s a long story… and honestly best told by speaking it)

October:

Had the Kivuli 10th anniversary livestream. Lots of work went into it and it was so much fun! It’s incredible that a non-for-profit that has benefitted so many children and families is still going strong. Such a blessing to see.

Dad’s birthday, and we had a picnic with grandma and grandpa and saw them for the first time since lockdown was somewhat lifted

Walked to Beasley’s nursery with Josh and got a coffee. This was the first proper, not McCafe coffee I had had in months and it was SO good

Played Animal Crossing with Dani

More Among Us, a theme for the last few months of 2020

Watched the AFL Grand Final. Wasn’t super exciting this year tbh, especially since we couldn’t have a BBQ or party or anything, but hopefully next year will be different

Nearly moved out of home with a friend of a friend, but since I didn’t have a job, didn’t think it would be a wise decision. Would’ve been nice though

Did some more Media-Wize work. I haven’t been given anything to do since this time though, so I don’t know what’s going on with that? They really be ghosting me tho.

Applied for JobSeeker so I would at least be getting a little income

New Jackbox came out, and had a games night with The Boys playing all the new games

Voted in the local election

Went to Westerfold’s Park with Josh for a lovely long walk

Played lots of The Sims 4 (but tbh I have been doing this all year)

November:

This month things sort of started to turn around, as Covid wasn’t hitting my state hardly at all, so I was actually able to see family and friends again!

Went to my old primary school with Dani and played basketball and just shot around and talked. She also came over for dinner. It was so nice, and she is a true friend.

Had a picnic at the park at the top of the street with my dad’s side of the family, all together at last

Melbourne Cup Day, not that I really care but it’s nice to get a day off. Went on a day trip to the Dandenong mountain range. It was so, so nice and bought some lovely little things from local shops, went for a bushwalk and had a bakery lunch

Went to the park to throw the frisbee and kick the footy around with Josh and his friends, although they are my friends too tbh

Had a picnic with a group of friends that I hadn’t seen since January, so it was so, so good to catch up with them and have a delicious BBQ dinner

My favourite online comedy group, Aunty Donna’s Netflix series came out! Had a virtual watch party with a few friends and binge watched it all in one go

Had lunch with grandma. This used to be a weekly occurrence but for obvious reasons was put off for this year. I absolutely adore her and every lunch we spend together is so precious to me

Went to Kyneton with some of the family as another day trip

Christmas shopping time again. So weird to be at the shops and feel sort of normal? I went 4 different times in the span of a week and a half haha

Josh’s birthday! We went to this maze place with has a bunch of big mazes and other fun activities. It was such a perfect day. Then we had dinner with his family.

Got a letter from the IRS saying that I needed to provide them with proof of identity, so that was fun trying to sort that out. We love the outdated US tax system <3

Went to a bridal shower for my friend Katie

Went for another hike with Josh to the mountains

Drove down to Geelong for a friend’s wedding and stayed at my nan’s house

Had a pub dinner and Jackbox night while down in Geelong with The Boys

A good friend of mine was leaving to live in Japan for two years, so I went to her house one last time to say goodbye and chill in her pool and just hang out

God why is it so hard to get a job?

December:

Omg we have made it to December. It truly is a miracle with how this year went tbh. And if you have read this far, thank you but also, how little of a life do you have?

Went to my friend Katie’s wedding. Sort of surreal to go to a wedding during a pandemic but it was fun and I got to see a lot of friends I hadn’t seen in a while

Enjoyed the hot weather and went to the beach a number of times with a variety of friends

Went Christmas shopping, and just shopping in general since it was safe to and shops had finally opened again

Got a job at a talent agency where you get gigs as a paid extra in TV shows and movies, which was pretty cool! I even had a professional photoshoot to get headshots done, something that I had never done before. Glad that I could get some pictures to use on LinkedIn though haha. Still haven’t been cast in anything but here’s hoping.

Had dinner and drinks with Josh, Bec and Trev in the city for the first time since it reopened. God I love Melbourne so much. It is just so magical on balmy summer nights. This was such a special evening, and was so good just to be in the city again

Had a lovely day with Dani, starting with breakfast and then going on a hike before the weather got too hot. We went to Sherbrooke Forest, a place I hadn’t been before, and it was incredibly beautiful

Had a number of job interviews this month too, none of which got back to me which was annoying :/

Now it was heading into the time where every weekend is packed with Christmas do’s so I’ll just collate them in this point. Lots of drinks were consumed and many delicious roast dinners

Had our annual Christmas Carol’s service at church. It was a blessing to be back in the building for the first time since March, and to be able to do something I love (singing) with some of my best friends was the best

Christmas eve I went to my grandma and grandpa’s house (on dad’s side) to help them set up for Christmas lunch. Spending time together just the three of us is so special, and I am so glad I was able to come over and just chat and be in their loving presence. Then that night I went to our 11pm church service to bring in Christmas day. It was a great service and was great to see our kick-ass minister give a sermon face-to-face.

Ok here we go, Christmas was a doozy, let’s go. So Christmas lunch was, as I said, with my dad’s side of the family, which is always a great time. Cracking open crackers and fighting over who’ll get the bottle opener or nail clippers is always a highlight haha. But we had the fucking best roast potatoes I swear. I need to know what my grandma puts into them because I could genuinely eat 20 of them and still have space. Then the rest of the afternoon was spent in a food coma until I went to Josh’s house to spend dinner with his family. Another delicious meal and great banter was what I needed, although I can safely say that I put on at least 5 additional kilos after that day.

The next day the fam and I headed to Geelong to see my mum’s side of the family. Was a great drive down and I listened to all of The Avalanches new album which had just released. Easily the greatest album of the yeah hands-down. So we spent lunch there and absolutely stuffed ourselves with more food. Three Christmas meals really took a toll on me, but I am just blessed as it is to have a loving family and food on the table.

The next day dad, Josh and I headed to the beach to spend that weird time between Christmas and New Year’s. To get there we took the ferry that goes from Queenscliff to Portsea, which is always a fun time, since we don’t often go from one side of the bay to the other (if you don’t know the geography of Victoria I apologise lmao). Mum didn’t come with us as she had some symptoms of Covid, so went home to isolate and get tested. Thankfully she tested negative and she joined us the next day.

Once I got back home I had to prepare the house for my friend Jono who was visiting for new years from SA. Many last-minute chores and cleaning was done haha.

New Years Eve! Went to pick up Jono and my other friend Sarah from the airport and dropped Sarah off at her accommodation and ended up staying there with Jono for a while as this was where the New Year’s party was going to be. Although, in true Victorian fashion, our premier announced that there was going to be a limit of 15 visitors at any house from 5pm that night. Excellent. We love a last-minute change of plans. So we had lunch and spent the afternoon at my friend’s house before heading to a local park to chuck the frisbee and kick the footy around. We also had our second annual NYE trivia competition, which my team lost by 1 point!! Dang I get so competitive, but we will win next year, I can feel it. The new year came through uneventfully, we were in the middle of a game of Scattergories or something like that when someone changed the channel on the TV to see the Sydney fireworks across the screen and like, 4 second left of the countdown. I gave Josh a bog ol’ smooch and gave my friends a big hug. We had done it. 2020 was defeated.

Conclusion (damn this really be an essay tho)

This year was undeniably the hardest year I had ever been through. Going through unemployment for the majority of the year and having no sense of purpose hit me hard but I am entering 2021 with the hope and willingness to get on track with my career. And I think I will be successful. A lot of truly awful things happened around the world this year as well, with the devastating bushfires at the start of the year, the powerful BLM protests, Coronavirus absolutely destroying lives and many, many other global events but through it all, here we are. I hope you all keep well this year and that your 2021 is infinitely better than your 2020.

Song of the Year: Tangerine – Glass Animals

Album of the Year: We Will Always Love You – The Avalanches (I CANNOT stress this enough, but you absolutely must listen to this album!)

TV Show of the Year: The Mandalorian - Season 2

Movie of the Year: Bombshell (the only movie I saw at the cinemas so didn’t have much to go with)

Memory of the Year: Going away with my family and just enjoying time away with each other

Thank you for reading this, if you’ve made it this far, you’re a real one <3

#me #2020 #2020inreview #nostalgia #anactualnovel #iapologise

[deitiesofduat]

BASTET: “As it turns out, the project has been due for this type of update for some time -- which the artist @tenicola​ (aka @teninini, colacanvas, and "Teni") finally got around to, after having enough headspace to approach it. 

“And just to avoid worrying anyone seeing this -- nope, Teni is not dropping DEITIES project anytime soon. She's not going anywhere, and neither am I! Or the rest of my pantheon! 

“But Teni mentioned she was worried about projecting that outcome, due to how inactive she's been online, and how quiet she's been about progress. She's hoping this update can add some clarity on what's actually going on, and what to expect going forward.”

“The rest of this update is below the cut, as text mixed with panels. It's on the long-ish side, and while it's best to skim through everything for context, you can also skip to the section "SHIFT IN [PUBLIC] SCOPE" if you just want to get to the point.

“Without further ago, let's start with some history that Teni wanted to share for full context -- again, under the cut!”

--------------------------------------------------

[ HISTORY OF DEITIES PROJECT ]

BASTET: “DEITIES Project -- and the main story for said project (Deities of Duat: The Chaos Seal), which is intended as a long form webcomic -- has been in development, privately and offline, since late 2014. Teni meant to keep it private for as long as possible, until she felt “ready” to share it.

“However, she was motivated to take the plunge and reveal the project's existence with these color tests and with this comic, as part of her coursework for her visual storytelling class. You know the one…”

“The surge of encouragement from both her classmates and her followers motivated Teni to create this blog -- the one you're visiting right now! It was Teni's full intention to use this blog to share progress on the main story, as a full-length webcomic, while building and engaging her audience.”

“However, along the way were a few... unforeseen obstacles that reared their head. Some obstacles were mitigated by making steady updates to the story and blog, but some were much more challenging, and she thinks it only fair to disclose some of them for context...”

--------------------------------------------------

[ OBSTACLES OF LIFE ]

BASTET: “The first obstacle was the sudden onset of chronic lower back pain -- just before the launch of the DEITIES blog in 2016. She still has it to this day, and says this ache makes it unbearable to sit or stand in the same position for too long. Among several inconveniences this causes, it also means she can only draw in short bursts before her stamina taps out, or before needing pain relief -- like heat, ice, and pressure.”

“As you might imagine, it's not the most fun condition to have when you enjoy drawing! And it's taken a while for Teni to cope with this daily frustration. She's still planning to find answers and a treatment to help reduce it, but has also accepted that she's been dealt this hand -- not unlike other creatives that deal with some form of chronic pain.”

“The back pain was one obstacle, but having to deal with different interpersonal struggles and friction was another. Some spiked her usual feelings of anxiety, and in one relationship's case, made her question whether or not the project was worth continuing. (On that note -- Teni does not want to call out anyone or guilt them, she just wanted to bring it up as a factor for the larger point she's making — just bear with us!)

“The third big obstacle a few years back, was having a day job that had an... ‘unfriendly’ work environment, and was paying a lot less income than she fairly deserved. And near the beginning of 2018, she was laid off from said job, putting a halt to any income she was earning only a week after signing the lease to her first apartment!”

“Teni didn't go into detail about those months of job hunting and taking tech classes, though she explains bits of it in previous updates. But the lack of financial stability at the time hung over her head constantly. The way she put it was: ‘It was hard to motivate myself to indulge in something I loved, but that didn't provide income, while I was in the middle of an extended job hunt.’"

“She didn't expect all these obstacles in succession when she launched the project. And she admits that she felt a combination of frustration, impatience, and disappointment for not updating the project at the same pace she started.”

“This was not because of any pressure from followers -- she told me you all have been incredibly understanding and patient! It was because of the fact that the project had been publicly promoted for so long, and she set her own expectations and goals so high -- without factoring the likelihood of life getting in the way. There was also the lingering fear of disappointing a lot of people, if one day she had no choice but to stop the project for her own livelihood and health.”

“Ah, why am I adding to this creative angst -- Teni didn't want this to be a sob story! I'll move on haha.”

--------------------------------------------------

[ IN A BETTER PLACE ]

BASTET: “Thankfully, in spite of all those obstacles, things are turning around for Teni in this new decade. A year ago she found a job with a feasible income to support herself, and an overall healthy work environment within her team. She's also fostered healthier relationships with her family and friends, and even made closer connections with the best friends she's had for ages!”

“And while her back pain is… still there, it's a manageable part of life that she's still determined to find answers for and improve.

“Not to mention that in the past year, she's been able to work on other projects, more quietly, and indulge in drawing other characters and fanart for fun. She's consumed more of her favorite media in the interim as well to support others, and to sate her own curiosity and interests.”

“Moving on to how this relates to this update, now that we have some backdrop for what's been happening...”

--------------------------------------------------

[ AREAS OF INTEREST ]

BASTET: “Again, Teni is not dropping DEITIES Project -- she admits the fear of having to make that call had crossed her mind, but it's not something she thinks she'll need to reconsider right now. Her bigger concern has been how to approach this project publicly, moving forward. And after giving it some thought, she's made some observations that may shed light on this answer.

“Teni wanted me to emphasize the idea of her doing a ‘reset’ for the public presentation and development of DEITIES Project -- not to change or hide the development thus far, but to reframe the project's scope -- what it's focus and goals are, more or less.

“...Oh-- looks like she made some visuals to help with this -- you two mind lending me a hand?”

“You all might have figured it out by now, but Teni absolutely loves drawing character art and designs. She also likes panel-style comics, as well as the dialogue, expressions, and SFX that comes with it. She can work on them offline without prompting, but she also loves sharing what she comes up with!

“What she's less fond of sharing is some of the other... *ahem* unmentionables and time-consuming work that comes with traditional comics. Things that take hours to set up and hours to practice, let alone execute for the final product -- an unfortunate hurdle when you're a one-person production team, and you can only draw in small bursts at a time.”

“She initially tried to put off the more indulgent art that she liked, in order to focus the less-favored obligations... but she realized that this just made her feel demotivated to work on anything, and less got completed as a result.”

“Overall, Teni's coming to terms with both her own limitations and her personal drive, and wants to shift her priorities accordingly for the project -- even if it goes against the grain of what's considered ‘good’  or well-meaning advice for a personal project.”

--------------------------------------------------

[ SHIFT IN [PUBLIC] SCOPE ]

BASTET: “Instead of treating the DEITIES main story/comic as the ‘end game’ goal of this project -- and pouring all her available energy in preparing for it and hyping it up -- Teni wants to shift the main story as a future, and more private ambition, until she's in a better place to execute it and share it publicly.

“No, she does not have any estimate or TBD date for when this will be, or when she'll make public updates on it’s progress or launch. It may even remain private indefinitely. And for now, she's okay with this.

“Because (1) The main story "The Chaos Seal" is not the only story that's worth telling from this project. Smaller side- and backstories, and even small character interactions, have their merit as well -- something Teni learned from drawing askbox responses, completing memes with the cast, and character exploration with friends. And with the main story not sucking up all the oxygen, she thinks it'll leave room to tackle the others more easily -- whether they're planned ahead of time or are spur-of-the-moment, and as comics or different formats.

“(2) Removing the DEITIES main story from its public pedestal will also allow her to work on other non-DEITIES things as they crop up -- and with less irrational guilt to indulge in things that aren't ‘priority’ for completing the comic. Meaning more art of her original characters, fanart, giftart, collabs, memes and bandwagons, and other smaller projects. Heck, she might even give herself permission to relax.

“And (3), perhaps most importantly -- Teni realized that DEITIES Project shouldn’t have to start and end with the so-called main story, and placing the story aside wouldn’t mean the project suddenly becomes a waste of time -- as she originally worried about projecting when her life took a twist.

“DEITIES Project just… is. It already exists, and the characters and world already exist -- with or without a completed webcomic to validate that existence.”

“But anyway, I side-tracked. The point is, Teni's planning to shift DEITIES project to just that -- a project, with room to continually grow, explore, and experiment with, and to engage with others as she feels comfortable, without the pressure of having a giant epic to tell.

“So while the main story and comic is going to shift to something more gradual and private -- the way it was originally meant to be -- this shift in scope will help adjust the project’s longevity, and also set the stage for some changes to be made around the blog, and for the public presentation for DEITIES.” 

“However, that content will be less scheduled and remain sporadic -- things will ‘happen when they happen,’ but what Teni has in mind will hopefully be enjoyable for those following the project.”

--------------------------------------------------

[ WHAT'S NEXT-- ]

BASTET: “Here’s the thing: we actually had more to share, but Teni made the call to save it all for another day -- to avoid making this update longer than needed, and to also avoid announcing any plans prematurely. No need to risk building pressure all over again or burning out, right?

“She asks for everyone’s patience and to give her another few weeks to re-calibrate things, address pressing questions, and work on some overdue housekeeping on the blog -- and to just draw whatever pops to her mind, cuz hey, why not? After that, she'll wait until any project items are already in the works and on the road to completion, before she announces that they're coming -- an ‘under-promise but over-deliver’ approach.

“But one thing you can look forward to are more featured deities from the main cast and the supporting cast -- including those colors tests she's been working on since last year, and then some! There's no shortage of inspiration or fodder, so to speak.”

--------------------------------------------------

[ IN CONCLUSION ]

BASTET: “So to recap! DEITIES Project will be shifting its scope and priorities, so that the main story and comic is developed more privately, and more characters and lore will be explored online at a more manageable pace. On the surface, that may not look like much is changing, but hopefully this update can make expectations more clear.

“Teni knows that there may be some in the audience who may feel down about this decision, or who were looking forward to the webcomic to be completed above all else. She says that's totally fair, and encourages anyone looking for stories to check out her recommendations. But she also hopes you'll understand, and be willing to stick around for other content in the meantime.”

"That brings Teni -- and me -- to one final point. Which is to sincerely thank you for all of your support, encouragement, and patience these past few years. In addition to things that are still in the works, there's a lot of content on this blog that had been inspired by everyone's engagement, which we can't thank you enough for!

“Teni and I, and everyone else from the pantheon, are excited about what’s next for Deities of Duat and DEITIES Project. And we’re looking forward to sharing more content, more freely, in the upcoming year for you all to enjoy.”

#// If there was only one long-winded update I would encourage you all to read it's definitely this one #// Partially for the actual update and also cuz those panels took a while lmAO;;; but I did it for the sake of this announcement! #// I think Bastet explains it well enough for now; that the project is shifting it's scope online #// But if anyone has questions then feel free to leave it as a comment; I'll try to answer what i can directly and/or in the next update #// Thanks again for all your support and patience everyone; I'm genuinely thinking this shift in scope will be good for the project overall. #// Now excuse me while I draw something other than these mascots for a bit; it was nice to draw them for the first time in a while though #DEITIES Project #Deities of Duat #DEITIES updates #Bastet #Set Spawn #Ba #animals #characters #DEITIES text #artwork #comics #mini comics #egyptian mythology

[warsofasoiaf]

Please do a small essay for Planescape Torment! Love to read your blog!

A game as transcendentally excellent as Planescape: Torment cannot be satisfied with a small essay. This is heavy spoilers so readers beware, so I’ll write something on the Nameless One and the journey he undertakes.

Planescape: Torment is widely considered one of the best written RPG’s in the history of computer games. At a first glance, it’s hard to get into. The setting is incredibly dense and strange, which can be incredibly discouraging to new players who find it difficult to connect to a game that’s so far removed from a traditional fantasy. Similarly, combat in the game can be frightfully tedious, even a slog at times to get to the next part of the game. You can’t die permanently save in a few specific circumstances which helps remove the threat, but you usually end up either back in the Mortuary or in some tucked away corner of a map, so you have to march your way back, which takes up time just like reloading a saved game would. The mandatory combat exists partially as a limitation of the setting and of the engine, partially of game design because otherwise it would be a long chain of text boxes and exploring down decision trees to get to your objective. But for those who are willing to put up with it, the journey is deep and thoughtful. For all the weirdness that Planescape offers, the adventure that you go through is actually quite familiar. It’s a moody, introspective journey about regret, about the impact you have on others, about belief, about atonement, and about meaning.

The Nameless One waking up on a mortuary slab is an iconic opening, because it changes the blank slate of character creation on its head. Unlike traditional Infinity Engine D&D games, you do not pick a class, race, even a portrait. You’re always some zombie-looking dude with sick dreadlocks and a bunch of tattoos, which end up being a written record of helpful hints. Certainly, this is a bizarre way of delivering exposition and quest direction, but let’s be honest RPG’s often have NPC’s whose job it is to further your game progress and enrich its world. Making them tattoos is unusual but it still performs the same function. Similarly, your first companion is a friendly, floating, wisecracking skull. That seems weird of course, but often the first companion you get in an RPG is a friendly sort to help you get your feet wet during the game, as well as provide exposition. Imoen from Baldur’s Gate was perky and bubbly, but both Morte and Imoen provide comic relief to help keep things light in the initial stages even though you as the character have gone through some rough stuff, and Morte says that he’s a mimir, which is a literal repository of knowledge and thus a natural source for an exposition dump according to the rules of the setting. The first couple of puzzles in this dungeon are mostly finding items, fulfilling requests from NPC’s, and exploring the map, which are standard fare for the Infinity Engine games. The window dressing is strange, but the functions carried out are still familiar, helping to ease the player into the strangeness to come. But even at character creation, there’s hints to come that you aren’t the traditional blank slate character. The Wisdom stat suggests that remembering things will be important, and the tattoos clearly had to come from somewhere before the game starts, so it’s in the back of the mind while the players start to acclimate themselves to the mechanics of the game

As the journey continues though, and the exposition of who you are starts becoming more apparent. A ghost on the first floor of the Mortuary calls you “my love” and you can feel the strength of that, and that what you might say could be very dangerous so you must pick your next words with care, so very soon, the game gives you two critical pieces of information. What your character did before the game is going to be important, and you’re going to need to read and think about what you do in the text boxes just as much as you will in combat. This ghost is one of the most important characters in the game, but here you’re as confused as the Nameless One is, replicating the character’s confusion in the player. There’s a lot of information in Planescape: Torment, and the use of dialogue-heavy boxes encourages taking your time, slowly exploring and discovering things, remembering them, and piecing them together, and presenting them means replicating the Nameless One piecing everything together by forcing the player to do likewise. This was the right decision to make because exposition and discovery are the primary ways that the themes are explored, and so establishing a slow pace is a way for the game to let the player mull the things over in their mind (along with the ubiquitous ‘updated my journal’ line that the Nameless One says to make sure the player reads the darn thing). So, in a rare dramatic move, an amnesia plot is actually given the respect it deserves using the unique advantage of video games by allowing the player to be the one to make the discoveries rather than attempting to carefully script reveals in more passive media that often end up fumbling. Who is the Nameless One, why did he wake up in a Mortuary, and what the heck is going on in this game?

Of course, the answer to the second question is an easy answer but it evokes questions all its own. The Nameless One woke up there because he was dead and that’s where bodies go. This case of death though doesn’t seem to be very fatal. Indeed, when you die you get back up again. In D&D, where death is not as permanent as it is in real life, there are plenty of jokes and memes about the revolving door afterlife, but in Torment, this becomes another great mystery. What the heck is happening here? Clearly, this is powerful magic, but who is casting it, and how are they constantly able to get to you no matter where you seem to be? There’s another goal here, to get the player to think of death in combat not as a means to immediately reload the save game like you would in Baldur’s Gate (even if it’s an NPC that dies instead of the plot-critical main character, it’s usually better just to reload then cart yourself over to the temple than deal with picking up their inventory - at least until higher levels when you have a party member cleric or druid to cast the spell), but rather it’s a nuisance to have to get back to where you were, just as annoying than the cranium rats or other minor monsters you fight, so that you no longer fear it, which is an excellent way to channel players to not worry about it so that the punch can land later. Later, when a Sensate asks to kill you so she can experience the sensation of murdering someone with her bare hands while not actually killing anyone, it’s treating as a bizarre commercial transaction, not the seriousness that such an act would normally be. 

Upon leaving the Mortuary, the Nameless One is prodded to find Pharod, but there’s no sense of urgency by placing a time limit on it, leaving you open to explore Sigil and find out about this world. It’s here where the setting can really start to be reinforced by letting the player explore it. Almost every character can provide an interesting piece of setting and worldbuilding that helps immerse players in the experience, and the themes start to get reinforced here. The importance of belief is a central theme in the setting, but the hints of it are seeded when Mourns-For-Trees asks you to believe in them and for you to get your companions to believe in them too, and it pays off when you get enough of your party members to believe in it by dispensing XP as a quest reward. Far before finding out that learning your name is a central part of the game, the Crier of Es-Annon worries about the loss of the name, and the Nameless One can help by getting the name recorded on a tombstone, freeing the Crier to pursue a new life. By being mindful of the central themes, the writers could seed the themes through the game early, to get the player to think about them before revealing how important they were all along.

The factions are one of the best ways that the worldbuilding of the setting reinforces the central aspects of the character and the quest and how that enriches it. The factions are great on their own, because they explicitly deal with the meaning of life and existence which are important philosophical concepts, and are difficult to reach in a setting of infinite possibility like Planescape. One of the central themes in the setting is called the “Center of All.” Since the planes are infinite, nothing can be proven to be the center, so the center is where you are right now. In a game with that as a setting, it’s no wonder that the quest is a deeply moody and introspective one. It would seem counter-intuitive, Planescape is literally infinite which means you can do whatever you want, but that makes the most sense when evaluated under the “Center of All,” the journey of the self is the journey of the planes and vice versa, and the factional understanding of existence is mirrored within as the player and the character have to rationalize existence as best they can. The arc words of “what can change the nature of a man” take on weight when evaluated under the Center of All. Since changing a man’s nature means changing the center of the planes, the question asks what is so powerful that it changes reality, and it’s these beliefs, underlining its importance.

The factions that you can join represents an element of the Nameless One’s past and/or his journey. The Sensates are the clearest example, since The Nameless One has been a Sensate before, and the unique circumstances of him constantly being reborn but forgetting means that he probably has one of the most experiences in the multiverse, combining an immortal lifespan with a mortal’s curiosity and subjective perspective. The Sensates are true empiricists, they believe that once someone experiences everything that they will achieve enlightenment, but despite all that the Nameless One experiences, the amnesia he has on death means he loses them, and so he never reaches it. The Believers of the Source believe that life is a trial and that it must be overcome to ascend, and indeed, the Nameless One is caught in a trial that he must constantly struggle toward completing, in a meta sense that’s the game itself. The Dustmen believe that death is false and purging yourself of passions is necessary to reach a nirvana-like state of True Death, and for the Nameless One death is indeed false and he seeks a way to end that state. The Independent League states that the factions are delusional and need to be overcome, and indeed, to complete the game you need to use at least two factions to get the tools you need to reach the endgoal. The Chaosmen are the hardest one to pin down, because alignment is determined by your actions and you can be lawful instead of chaotic, but the state of the Nameless One is a transgression against the natural laws that the Chaosmen struggle against. 

As you adventure though, you start learning about how the Nameless One’s past incarnations effected the world, and often for ill. You learn that your past selves have been some of the worst people that the multiverse had the misfortune of experiencing. The Practical Incarnation is the most infamous of these, and he is a man utterly driven by self-serving utilitarianism. Other people are nothing to the Practical Incarnation except as tools, and he uses and discards them as if they were mere objects without thoughts or feelings, friends and enemies alike. When he found that Dak’kon possessed a zerth blade, he resolved to bring it under his control. The Practical Incarnation found Dak’kon broken and adrift, where a crisis of faith weakened the walls of the githzerai capital and sanctity Shra'kt'lor, as the walls were forged of belief and in Dak’kon moment of doubt the real walls crumbled. The Practical Incarnation took this broken man and devised an elaborate ruse to get Dak’kon to come to the conclusion that he wanted to so that he would be useful. A deeply personal moment of faith was taken and manipulated as if it were nothing more than puzzle pieces that needed to be put together. Another incarnation, the Paranoid Incarnation, awoke confused as angry ghost and shadows leaped out at him, leaving him incapable of trusting anyone. He learned the most obscure language in the world and then murdered its only other practitioner just so he would be the only one to know his thoughts. Another incarnation found a sick enlightenment in torture and suffering and taught a wizard this path to power, torturing him so that he might learn power, and after that incarnation was gone, that wizard became that same conception of power, revisiting the crimes of the Nameless One on other potential seekers of knowledge. In an excellent scene, you can see when you lured Deionarra, the ghost from the Mortuary, to her death, and in a brilliant moment of writing, you experience both sides of it. You experience Deionarra’s love for you, and you feel your hatred of her. Not only do you experience your own act of cruelty but you explicitly feel the pain of what you were betraying. In Planescape under the Center of All, this deeply personal act of betrayal has much meaning because of how much it meant to Deionarra as she is the Center of All. The infinite planes may experience an infinite such betrayals, but this one had meaning to her, and through her experiences, to you.

The symbol of Torment on the Nameless One’s arm acts as a metaphorical beacon for the broken to drift to him, and plenty of the broken are the way they are because the Nameless One broke them. The more crimes you learn, the more the discomfort grows. You did not do those things, the Nameless One awoke as a blank slate and you the player never did them, but they were done in the past and the hurts are still there. Will the player address them in this new incarnation? Will he feel bound by them and try to rectify them? Do you try to rectify them because it’s the right thing to do? Do you give up knowing that the next incarnation might do them again? Or do you take the lesson from them that this is what you have to do to escape, and thus continue betrayal after betrayal? As is common in an RPG, the chioce is yours. Unlike most RPG paths, the evil path is not considered the opposite of a binary choice, and the most evil you do is not stock Evil Overlord type stuff but rather deeply personal betrayals. You can betray Morte and shove in back into the Pillar of Skulls, you can sacrifice Annah and/or Fall-From-Grace to them for knowledge, you can sell your companions into slavery, you can give the Modron Cube to Coaxmetal for a powerful weapon of entropy while letting him roam free to destroy everything, you can lie to Deionarra one more time, leading her love to you along one final time to squeeze out just a little more usefulness out of her.

It’s also reinforced in the mechanics of the game. As mentioned before, the game treats death as an inconvenience, but not something to be undone. The Nameless One simply gets back up again. It’s an easy thing to do, and then you discover later through the game after you’ve already died the true and terrifying cost. Every time you die, someone in a Prime Material plane somewhere dies and you pay for your new life with theirs. The reveal of it hits hard if you’ve gone through the game dying without thinking. That Sensate who didn’t want to murder someone but wanted the experience, so they offered to kill you because they thought there were no consequences. There was for you and her both, she paid you to kill someone and you took those coins without thought, but there were true and dramatic consequences. There always are, just as you learn through the game that your past incarnations’ efforts to learn had consequences from Ignus’s mania to the Practical Incarnation’s betrayals, the player ignoring the deaths mattered, and will continue to matter. You had been killing people, snuffing out lives and leaving heartache for countless souls on the Prime Material. Those who died ended up becoming horrible shadows, condemned to a terrible fate, just so you could have a bit easier of a time at it all. You had infinite time to fix everything, someone else just paid the price.

Much later, you find out that even all of that paled in comparison to what you had done previously. You committed great crimes, and to avoid punishment you sought out Ravel Puzzlewell. Using her powerful magic, she separated you from your mortality, and thus the Nameless One’s First Incarnation was supposed to be freed of the cosmic consequences, but it didn’t turn out that way. Since you forget what you did, the goal of making up for the crimes ended up being impossible since the Nameless One could not even know what it was that he did. His pursuit of freedom left him instead chained, chained to an amnesiac body that slowly becomes more and more scarred as his travels literally turns him into a walking mass of scar tissue. Scars are often used in literature to signify a remnant of a past pain, and that the Nameless One is nothing but scars from head to toe shows that he is inexorably trapped by the past even if he can’t remember it. What he has gone through show him to be not a person so much as a collection of past regrets. This is reinforced through the ending, where the finale takes place in a fortress literally forged by the regrets of your past, and since you have had so many lives and so much regret, they become a literal manifestation of your final journey. The monster at the center is the Transcendent One, the monster of your own mortality attempting to stop you from reaching this place and ending its own existence.

Yet, the Nameless One isn’t doomed. Ravel’s magics are weakening to the point where he doesn’t forget anything, either in the momentary flashes of insight that come up or in that the player remembers everything that happens when the Nameless One dies instead of starting over again. Similarly, the Transcendent One is weakening to the point where he can’t leave the Fortress of Regrets and has been for a while, making the journey possible instead of having him snuff you out like a candle. And during this journey, the Nameless One can make up for the things he did. He can go through the Practical Incarnation’s fake Unbroken Circle of Zerthimon and reveal its deception to Dak’kon, allowing him to come to his own resolution. He can apologize to Deionarra for what he did and allow her grieving father access to her room at the Sensate’s to give him some peace. He can apologize to the linguist that the Paranoid Incarnation murdered and learn the same language, not out of paranoia, but compassion. You can visit that compassion to the Paranoid Incarnation, showing that you are not an enemy, giving empathy to his plight of living in a confusing world where everyone wanted to kill him, and let him absorb into you so he no longer has that terrible burden. And at the very end of the game, you can learn about the First Incarnation, and you can complete yourself by learning your name, an act that gives you a whopping 2 million experience points, far more than anything else in the game, if you kept the Bronze Sphere MacGuffin and allow the memories of it to become with you again.

When that happens, the Nameless One is truly complete and nothing more can stop him. The finale has great ways to resolve itself. The arc words “what can change the nature of a man” can be posed to your lost mortality. A static thing since it was ripped from you, it retorts that nothing can change the nature of a man, but the Nameless One’s journey can already show that such a thing cannot be true, because the planes were shaped by belief, the Center of All shows that the centrality of belief is paramount, and so belief is the thing that changes the nature of a world and of a man, and that both are the same thing. Even stronger, by knowing your own name you show that you are completely dominant over this monster of your own mortality. You can force it to merge with you, force you and it to stop existing, and even its neverending hatred of you cannot stop your will. The Nameless One can end the blight of their existence that continually saps the lives of others, and fix one of the greatest cosmic wrongs to ever stain the multiverse and a man both, the Center of All demonstrates that both are equally as important. And so even an eternal punishment in the Blood War is not as bad as what was, and the Nameless One moves forward, free of what came behind and capable of making his own path.

Why is the game considered one of the best written games of all time? Because I wrote that much about it and barely touched any of it. I didn’t even discuss the companions or the major characters like Ravel or Trias. There’s so much to say about Planescape: Torment because there is so much there. 

If anyone is interested in essays on other parts or components of the game, let me know.

Thanks for the question, Messanger.

SomethingLikeALawyer, Hand of the King

#planescape: torment #planescape #writing #the nameless one #video game reviews #character analysis

[moonscngsarchive]

bitch do every single one of our ships u feel like doing for that last meme thank u

i bet u thought i forgot hoe .... u rly thought huh !

 ok. .. . . besley first. 

who hogs the duvet: beck oof

who texts/rings to check how their day is going: ummmm i feel like neither? i feel like they would eventually become big on letting the other know that they were safe somewhere when they’re apart for some reason ? the inner machinations of my mind r an enigma.... but i know blake texts him stupid shit like “today is the new moon have u set and manifested your intentions” at 3:45 on a wednesday NO ONE ASKED!!! 

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts: BLAKE i’m sorry beck

who gets up first in the morning: prob beck.... blake stays up all night looking @ her real tru luv (the moon) 

who suggests new things in bed: i don’t feel like either one of them would be like “👉👈 can we....” i rly feel like they both just wing it 100% of the time

who cries at movies: blake :/ 

who gives unprompted massages: beck ?? i think. unless he had a rly rough show or smth then blake would try to be nice.  

who fusses over the other when they’re sick: this is probably a time both of them would be sweet to the other.... so i say both here. they’re the most comfortable w/ each other when one of them is weaker akdmsfaksmgadsf

who gets jealous easiest: BOTH!! but beck . it’s beck.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music: i feel like beck has secret favorites. blake takes herself too seriously fmadsfmam

who collects something unusual: i feel like beckham probably collects beer tabs or broken glass idk he scares me

who takes the longest to get ready: blake. and then she’ll just decide not to go lmao.

who is the most tidy and organised: u m blake no question

who gets most excited about the holidays: neither, they both don’t believe in commercialism/pagan tradition but i know blake puts up a xmas tree

who is the big spoon/little spoon: beck is big spoon :-)

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports: BOOOOOTHHHHHHHHH OF THEM. i feel like blake normally wouldn’t be competitive against anyone BUT beckham. 

who starts the most arguments: lmao..... it’s a toss up. a shit show luv xx

who suggests that they buy a pet: blake would just bring one home. it would be a stray with one eyeball and mange and she would be like “this is my grandma from a past life that is astral projecting into this dog and she lives here now”

what couple traditions they have: i imagine in my head on every anniversary (they probably don’t know an exact date, so rotate picking one day out of the year that they choose is their anniversary like the queen does w her bday fkasdmf) they go find an old abandoned road and try drive quick enough to see the other side of the moon or go see a show at the venue they met @ : ) idk i feel like they try. also their tradition is acting like they don’t like each other.

what tv shows they watch together: i thought abt this so hard. i know they watch unsolved mysteries, probably twin peaks. i also feel like blake likes to watch the crown to fact check everything and beck acts like he hates it but then starts asking her questions. 

what other couple they hang out with: is this... even a question. savannah & brooks ! 

how they spend time together as a couple: fighting or being really nice. no in between. also making fun of other ppl.

who made the first move: did we decide that? KMFDKSMGANS i feel like it was mutual. probably beckham though.

who brings flowers home: neither. lol

who is the best cook: blake ! i feel like she would rly try :( and beck probably burns jello 

BAVANNAH !! 

who hogs the duvet: brooks and he denies it

who texts/rings to check how their day is going: i feel like both do. they’re annoying and r probably like “how are u? where are u at today? what do u need from me?” hate them

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts: i feel like brooks would rly try but savannah would obliterate him. they probably have competitions every year and he continuously loses. 

who gets up first in the morning: brooks, for sure. he never sleeps. stays up too late and wakes up too early and has a coffee iv somwhere probably.

who suggests new things in bed: brooks most likely lmao they probably don’t have sex until they’re 36 tho

who cries at movies: my angel ms savannah . and brooks puts it on his instagram story

who gives unprompted massages: brooks, probably, just 2 ****

who fusses over the other when they’re sick: savannah !! i know it in my heart. brooks always thinks he’s dying.

who gets jealous easiest: BROOOOOOOOKS

who has the most embarrassing taste in music: savannah :/ i’m sry girly

who collects something unusual: i feel like savannah collected weird stuff as a kid fkasmdfasm idk where that vibe came from but i’m sticking w it

who takes the longest to get ready: savannah again..... mdmfmdfm

who is the most tidy and organised: SAVANNAH .A;D,FSKDF IM SORRY. brooks is privileged and had a maid i know he leaves his shit everywhere.

who gets most excited about the holidays: ok i do feel like this is both of them.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: brooks is a very secretive little spoon and makes savannah sign an NDA that she won’t tell beck

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports: brooks !! is!! very!! competitive!!!

who starts the most arguments: um .  brooks again he’s an aries

who suggests that they buy a pet: this is savannah : - ) i love her

what couple traditions they have: idk abt traditions but i feel like they probably have a lot of rituals... like he has to play w her hair for her to fall asleep or smth. now i’m emo.

what tv shows they watch together: i know they watch gilmore girls together i kNOWWW ITTTT and brooks probably made her watch breaking bad.

what other couple they hang out with: if u know u know he heh eheh

how they spend time together as a couple: very touchy feely, a lot of affirmation, naps and watching tv, probably staying up too late playing board games or watching home movies from when they were kids

who made the first move: um literally neither and that’s the worst part

who brings flowers home: brooks ! ! !

who is the best cook: savannah bc brooks is again privileged 

ok last but not least.... brasher :/ i’m scared

who hogs the duvet: they have separate duvets like europeans to avoid conflict 🥰 but brynn probably just gets underneath asher’s anyway

who texts/rings to check how their day is going: both ! i feel like both of their days are really busy, so it probably varies but i know they both do

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts: also feel like this could be both. i feel like they’re both sentimental, but brynn is probably more creative. 

who gets up first in the morning: asher for sure. brynn pulls all nighters all the time.

who suggests new things in bed: also think this is asher akmfmsadf brynn is vanilla

who cries at movies: brynn omg 

who gives unprompted massages: again i think this is brynn ? asher’s always stressed lmao

who fusses over the other when they’re sick: BOTH and they’re both big weenies

who gets jealous easiest: asher when they were younger, brynn as adults.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music: dis brynn. she still loves abba ?? ?

who collects something unusual: brynn collects 100 yr old diaries of strangers from thrift shops bc she thinks they’re romantic and asher thinks they’re all haunted

who takes the longest to get ready: probably brynn bc she procrastinates 

who is the most tidy and organised: this is probably asher. brynn is unknowinging slob, she has to be really intentional abt cleaning up after herself akdsmfaskmd her mind just moves too quick ! 

who gets most excited about the holidays: brynn x29389283. she decorates and goes all out.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: i feel like brynn is just always laying on asher somehow, idk abt cuddling but she’s just always koala’d on him. 

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports: they’re both competitive, they’re fire signs y i k e s 

who starts the most arguments: asher :( sowwy

who suggests that they buy a pet: idk why but i feel like this is asher. brynn probably is too anxious abt giving a pet a good life akmfdkamf

what couple traditions they have: date nights r probably big and they’re probably always leaving handwritten notes to each other 🥺

what tv shows they watch together: they’re probably really into limited series documentaries and get really offended when the other watches an ep without them. i also think they rly like bbc kamdfkasdmf

what other couple they hang out with: they’re hermits prob but mabye one of asher’s clients? ? ? idk.

how they spend time together as a couple: i feel like ever since they lost time while they were apart, they just like to literally be around each other even if it’s doing nothing. that made me emo adkfmadsf. they prob like going on night drives like when they were younger.

who made the first move: back in the day ?? asher for sure.

who brings flowers home: :( i feel like they both bring home things for each other. also this question feels sexist idk why

who is the best cook: i honestly don’t know bc brynn is always moving so fast and asher is rich so ... .. . i’m stumped. neither? 

#ssunveins

[thesteadydietofeverything]

Top 10 Games of 2019

This was an extremely good year for games. I don’t know if I played as many that will stick with me as I did last year, but the ones on the bottom half of this list in particular constitute some of my favorite games of the decade, and probably all-time. If I’ve got a gaming-related resolution for next year, it’s to put my playtime into supporting even smaller indie devs. My absolute favorite experiences in games this year came from seemingly out of nowhere games from teams I’ve previously never heard of before. That said, there are some big games coming up in spring I doubt I’ll be able to keep myself away from. Some quick notes/shoutouts before I get started:

-The game I put maybe the most time into this year was Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn. I finally made the plunge into neverending FF MMO content, and I’m as happy as I am overwhelmed. This was a big year for the game, between the release of the Shadowbringers expansion and the Nier: Automata raid, and it very well may have made it onto my list if I had managed to actually get to any of it. At the time of this writing, though, I’ve only just finished 2015’s Heavensward, so I’ve got...a long way to go. 

-One quick shoutout to the Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy that came out on Switch this year, a remaster of some DS classics I never played. An absolutely delightful visual novel series that I fell in love with throughout this year.

-I originally included a couple games currently in early access that I’ve enjoyed immensely. I removed them not because of arbitrary rules about what technically “came out” this year, but just to make room for some other games I liked, out of the assumption that I’ll still love these games in their 1.0 formats when they’re released next year to include them on my 2020 list. So shoutout to Hades, probably the best rogue-like/lite/whatever I’ve ever played, and Spin Rhythm XD, which reignited my love for rhythm games.

-Disco Elysium isn’t on this list, because I’ve played about an hour of it and haven’t yet been hooked by it. But I’ve heard enough about it to be convinced that it is 1000% a game for me and something I need to get to immediately. They shouted out Marx and Engels at the Game Awards! They look so cool! I want to be their friend! And hopefully, a few weeks from now, I’ll desperately want to redact this list to squeeze this game somewhere in here.

Alright, he’s the actual list:

10. Amid Evil

The 90’s FPS renaissance continues! As opposed to last year’s Dusk, a game I adored, this one takes its cues less from Quake and more from Heretic/Hexen, placing a greater emphasis on melee combat and magic-fuelled projectiles than more traditional weapons. Also, rather than that game’s intentionally ugly aesthetic, this one opts for graphics that at times feel lush, detailed, and pretty, while still probably mostly fitting the description of lo-fi. In fact, they just added RTX to the game, something I’m extremely curious to check out. This game continued to fuel my excitement about the possibilities of embracing out-of-style gameplay mechanics to discover new and fresh possibilities from a genre I’ve never been able to stop yearning for more of.

9. Ape Out

If this were a “coolest games” list, Ape Out would win it, easily. It’s a simple game whose mechanics don’t particularly evolve throughout the course of its handful of hours, but it leaves a hell of an impression with its minimalist cut-out graphics, stylish title cards, and percussive soundtrack. Smashing guards into each other and walls and causing them to shoot each other in a mad-dash for the exit is a fun as hell take on Hotline Miami-esque top down hyper violence, even if it’s a thin enough concept that it starts to feel a bit old before the end of the game.

8. Fire Emblem: Three Houses

I had a lot of problems with this game, probably most stemming from just how damn long it is - I still haven’t finished my first, and likely only, playthrough. This length seems to have motivated the developers to make battles more simple and easy, and to be fair, I would get frustrated if I were getting stuck on individual battles if I couldn’t stop thinking about how much longer I have to go, but as it is, I’ve just found them to be mostly boring. This is particularly problematic for a game that seems to require you to play through it at least...three times to really get the full picture? I couldn’t help but admire everything this game got right, though, and that mostly comes down to building a massive cast of extremely well realized and likable characters whose complex relationships with each other and with the structures they pledge loyalty to fuels harrowing drama once the plot really sets into motion. There’s a reason no other game inspired such a deluge of memes and fan fiction and art into my Twitter feed this year. It’s an impressive feat to convince every player they’ve unquestionably picked the right house and defend their problem children till the bitter end. After the success of this game, I’d love to see what this team can do next with a narrower focus and a bigger budget.

7. Resident Evil 2

It’s been a long time since I played the original Resident Evil 2, but I still consider it to be one of my favorite games of all time. I was highly skeptical of this remake at first, holding my stubborn ground that changing the fixed camera to a RE4-style behind the back perspective would turn this game more into an action game and less of a survival horror game where feeling a lack of control is part of the experience. I was pleasantly surprised to find how much they were able to modernize this game while maintaining its original feel and atmosphere. The fumbly, drifting aim-down sights effectively sell the feeling of being a rookie scared out of your wits. Being chased by Mr. X is wildly anxiety-inducing. But even more surprisingly, perhaps the greatest upgrade this game received was its map, which does you the generous service of actually marking down automatically where puzzles and items are, which rooms you’ve yet to enter, which ones you’ve searched entirely, and which ones still have more to discover. Arguably, this disrupts the feeling of being lost in a labyrinthine space that the original inspired, but in practice, it’s a remarkably satisfying and addicting video game system to engage with.

6. Judgment

No big surprise here - Ryu ga Gotoku put out another Yakuza-style game set in Kamurocho, and once again, it’s sitting somewhere on my top 10. This time, they finally put Kazuma Kiryu’s story to bed and focused on a new protagonist, down on his luck lawyer-turned-detective Takayuki Yagami. The new direction doesn’t always pay off - the added mechanics of following and chasing suspects gets a bit tedious. The game makes up for it, though, by absolutely nailing a fun, engrossing J-Drama of a plot entirely divorced from the Yakuza lore. The narrative takes several head-spinning turns through its several dozen hours, and they all feel earned, with a fresh sense of focus. The side stories in this one do even more to make you feel connected to the community of Kamurocho by befriending people from across the neighborhood. I’d love to see this team take even bigger swings in the future - and from what I’ve seen from Yakuza 7, that seems exactly like what they’re doing - but even if this game shares maybe a bit too much DNA with its predecessors, it’s hard to complain when the writing and acting are this enjoyable.

5. Control

Control feels like the kind of game that almost never gets made anymore. It’s a AAA game that isn’t connected to any larger franchises and doesn’t demand your attention for longer than a dozen hours. It doesn’t shoehorn needless RPG or MMO mechanics into its third-person action game formula to hold your attention. It introduces a wildly clever idea, tells a concise story with it, and then its over. And there’s something so refreshing about all of that. The setting of The Oldest House has a lot to do with it. I think it stands toe-to-toe with Rapture or Black Mesa as an instantly iconic game world. Its aesthetic blend of paranormal horror and banal government bureaucracy gripped my inner X-Files fan instantly, and kept him satisfied not only with its central characters and mystery but with a generous bounty of redacted documents full of worldbuilding both spine-tingling and hilarious. More will undoubtedly come from this game, in the form of DLC and possibly even more, with the way it ties itself into other Remedy universes, and as much as I expect I will love it, the refreshing experience this base game offered me likely can’t be beat.

4. Anodyne 2

I awaited Sean Han Tani and Marina Kittaka’s new game more anxiously than almost any game that came out this year, despite never having played the first one, exclusively on my love for last year’s singular All Our Asias and the promise that this game would greatly expand on that one’s Saturn/PS1-esque early 3D graphics and personal, heartfelt storytelling. Not only was I not disappointed, I was regularly pleasantly surprised by the depth of narrative and themes the game navigates. This game takes the ‘legendary hero’ tropes of a Zelda game and flips them to tell a story about the importance of community and taking care of loved ones over duty to governments or organizations. The dungeons that similarly reflect a Link to the Past-era Zelda game reduce the maps to bite-sized, funny, clever designs that ask you to internalize unique mechanics that result in affecting conclusions. Plus, it’s gorgeously idiosyncratic in its blend of 3D and 2D environments and its pretty but off-kilter score. It’s hard to believe something this full and well realized came from two people. 

3. Eliza

Eliza is a work of dystopian fiction so closely resembling the state of the world in 2019 it’s hard to even want to call it sci-fi. As a proxy for the Eliza app, you speak the words of an AI therapist that offers meager, generic suggestions as a catch-all for desperate people facing any number of the nightmares of our time. The first session you get is a man reckoning with the state the world is in - we’ve only got a few more years left to save ourselves from impending climate crisis, destructive development is rendering cities unlivable for anyone but the super-rich, and the people who hold all the power are just making it all worse. The only thing you offer to him is to use a meditation app and take some medication. It doesn’t take long for you to realize that this whole structure is much less about helping struggling people and more about mining personal data.

There’s much more to this story than the grim state of mental health under late capitalism, though. It’s revealed that Evelyn, the character you play as, has a much closer history with Eliza than initially evident. Throughout the game, she’ll reacquaint herself with old coworkers, including her two former bosses who have recently split and run different companies over their differing frightening visions for the future. The game offers a biting critique of the kind of tech company optimism that brings rich, eccentric men to believe they can solve the world’s problems within the hyper-capitalist structure they’ve thrived under, and how quickly this mindset gives way to techno-fascism. There’s also Evelyn’s former team member, Nora, who has quit the tech world in favor of being a DJ “activist,” and her current lead Rae, a compassionate person who genuinely believes in the power of Eliza to better people’s lives. The writing does an excellent job of justifying everyone’s points of view and highlighting the limits of their ideology without simplifying their sense of morality.

Why this game works so well isn’t just its willingness to stare in the face of uncomfortably relevant subject matter, but its ultimately empathetic message. It offers no simple solutions to the world’s problems, but also avoids falling into utter despair. Instead, it places measured but inspiring faith in the power of making small, meaningful impacts on the people around you, and simply trying to put some good into your world. It’s a game both terrifying and comforting in its frank conclusions.

2. Death Stranding

For a game as willfully dumb as this one often is - that, for example, insists on giving all of its characters with self-explanatory names long monologues about how they got that name - Death Stranding was one of the most thought provoking games I’ve played in a while. Outside of its indulgent, awkwardly paced narrative, the game offers plenty of reflection on the impact the internet has had on our lives. As Sam Porter Bridges, you’re hiking across a post-apocalyptic America, reconnecting isolated cities by delivering supplies, building infrastructure, and, probably most importantly, connecting them to the Chiral Network, an internet of sorts constructed of supernatural material of nebulous origin. Through this structure, the game offers surprisingly insightful commentary about the necessity for communication, cooperation, and genuine love and care within a community.

The lonely world you’re tasked to explore, and the way you’re given blips of encouragement within the solitude through the structures and “likes” you give and receive through the game’s asynchronous multiplayer system, offers some striking parallels for those of us particularly “online” people who feel simultaneous desperation for human contact and aversion to social pressures. I’ve heard the themes of this game described as “incoherent” due to the way it seems to view the internet both as a powerful tool to connect people and a means by which people become isolated and alienated, but are both of these statements not completely true to reality? The game simplifies some of its conclusions - Kojima seems particularly ignorant of America’s deep structural inequities and abuses that lead to a culture of isolation and alienation. And yet, the questions it asks are provocative enough that they compelled me to keep thinking about them far longer than the answers it offers.

Beyond the surprisingly rich thematic content, this game is mostly just a joy to play. Death Stranding builds kinetic drama out of the typically rote parts of games. Moving from point A to point B has become an increasingly tedious chore in the majority of AAA open world games, but this is a game built almost entirely out of moving from point A to point B, and it makes it thrilling. The simple act of walking down a hill while trying to balance a heavy load on your back and avoiding rocks and other obstacles fulfills the promise of the term ‘walking simulator’ in a far more interesting way than most games given that descriptor. The game consistently doles out new ways to navigate terrain, which peaked for me about two thirds of the way through the game when, after spending hours setting up a network of zip lines, a delivery offered me the opportunity to utilize the entire thing in a wildly satisfying journey from one end of the map to another. It was the gaming moment of the year.

1. Outer Wilds

The first time the sun exploded in my Outer Wilds playthrough, I was probably about to die anyway. I had fallen through a black hole, and had yet to figure out how to recover from that, so I was drifting listlessly through space with diminishing oxygen as the synths started to pick up and I watched the sun fall in on itself and then expand throughout the solar system as my vision went went. The moment gave me chills, not because I wasn’t already doomed anyway, but because I couldn’t help but think about my neighbors that I had left behind to explore space. I hadn’t known that mere minutes after I left the atmosphere the solar system would be obliterated, but I was at least able to watch as it happened. They probably had no idea what happened. Suddenly their lives and their planet and everything they had known were just...gone. And then I woke up, with the campfire burning in front of me, and everyone looking just as I had left it. And I became obsessed with figuring out how to stop that from happening again. 

What surprised me is that every time the sun exploded, it never failed to produce those chills I felt the first time. This game is masterful in its art, sound, and music design that manages to produce feelings so intense from an aesthetic so quaint. Tracking down fellow explorers by following the sound of their harmonica or acoustic guitar. Exploring space in a rickety vessel held together by wood and tape. Translating logs of conversations of an ancient alien race and finding the subject matter of discussion to be about small interpersonal drama as often as it is revelatory secrets of the universe. All of the potentially twee aspects of the game are balanced out by an innate sense of danger and terror that comes from exploring space and strange worlds alone. At times, the game dips into pure horror, making other aspects of the presentation all the more charming by comparison. And then there’s the clockwork machinations of the 22-minute loop you explore within, rewarding exploration and experimentation with reveals that make you feel like a genius for figuring out the puzzle at the same time that you’re stunned by the divulgence of a new piece of information.

The last few hours of the game contained a couple puzzles so obfuscated that I had to consult a guide, which admittedly lessened the impact of those reveals, but it all led to one of the most equally devastating and satisfying endings I’ve experienced in a video game recently. I really can’t say enough good things about this game. It’s not only my favorite game this year, but easily one of my favorite games of the decade, and really, of all-time, when it comes down to it.

#outer wilds #death stranding #eliza #anodyne 2 #control #judgment #resident evil 2 #fire emblem: three houses #Ape Out #Amid Evil #games #video games #GOTY

[undertalethingies]

Self Indulgent Self Insert Fic, Part 2

Part one here

--

“Why’d you shoot fire at him?” I ask, partially to fuck with her and partially out of genuine curiosity. He hadn’t been attacking me, after all, so it was odd that she’d intervene. What did he do to get her to set him on fire just for being near a human?

Toriel purses her lips, and I note that her hands are clenched tightly. Must’ve been bad, then.

“He hides a wicked nature behind a congenial facade. Please, my child, keep your trust out of his reach,”

Oh, she’s just as formal in person! That’s honestly kinda cool. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one I know who’s ever used ‘congenial’ in a sentence, but for her it just seems natural.

“I definitely have more questions about that, but first, can you not call me your child, please? We literally just met,” Seriously, it’s weird. I know she’s grieving, but spontaneously adopting every child that falls without their approval or consent is kinda messed up. 

If I manage to free the monsters, the first thing I’m doing on the surface is sticking them all in therapy. Seriously, these guys are worse than me, and I really don’t say that lightly.

Toriel’s face falls slightly, though she makes a valiant effort to hide it. (Seriously, what were you expecting me to say?)

“A-Ah, I suppose that is reasonable. May I ask your name, then?” Ok, people who are definitely reading this because I am 100% egotistical enough to assume y’all want to hear about my life. Listen up, because I’m going to say this as many times as the author wants me to. I know this is normally the part where I’d say ‘y/n’ but I want to make it clear that y/n is for reader inserts.

I am a self insert, which I know because no reader insert would ever have this much personality, those boring fucks. As a self insert, I am free to call myself Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and dye my hair black with purple streaks if I so desire.

(I don’t, I really don’t, My Immortal is a fun read if you want something to laugh at but no way in hell am I emulating that MC in any respect other than our shared enjoyment of MCR.)

ANYWAY, back to my conversation with goat mom! I’m not saying my real name because I’ve resolved that if I ever end up getting isekai’d I’ll go by my middle name, due to its general awesomeness. (My first name is also awesome, but it has a different vibe and aesthetics are everything in fantasy worlds)

“My name is Solena,” I say, responding after a reasonable pause in actual time and a weirdly long one in mental time. Now, my name looks like it would be pronounced ‘sol-een-a’ but it’s actually ‘sol-ain-uh’ which I’m stating because again, I’m fully confident that these thoughts are being written down somewhere by some enterprising author who is also very likely me from another timeline because no one else in existence is fully capable of conveying the Wonder that is Me.

“Thank you for telling me, Solena. My name is Toriel, and I will be your caretaker while you are in these ruins,” Toriel says, conveniently leaving out the fact that she’d prefer to keep me in these ruins forever, probably because I’ve already demonstrated some leeriness towards her.

Now, I could bring up Flowey again, seeing as her explanation for fireballing him was more than a little lackluster and I’m still pretending not to know this world inside and out, but I already know stuff about Flowey and there are things I’m significantly more curious about.

“Cool! Toriel, got it. Hey, if you live in a cave underground, how did you get such a nice dress? Do you have farms down here? Livestock? Do you harvest fibers from animal monsters?” 

Haha, you thought I’d ask more about the magic? Hell no! I’m way more curious about how society functions down here!

Toriel does a double take, her expression implying that she’s revising all of her expectations towards me. (Again)

“There are small plant farms in some areas of the underground. We have no livestock down here, as we were delivered to this cave system in a bit of a rush, but we do harvest some fibers from willing monsters, yes. How did you guess it?”

Let me tell you, the high I’m getting right now from those theories being correct? Very similar to what happened recently in the BNHA comic with Dabi’s true identity. I am living for this, just absolutely vibing with this new knowledge.

“Well, I don’t see how else you’d do it. How do you get the dyes?” Because I don’t see them having access to chemical dye, and it’s not like humans trash a lot of the stuff unless this is one of those illegal dumping spots, so what gives?

“Excellent question, Solena! There are professional tailors who transfer dye from clothes that fall from the surface! Many also simply wear clothes acquired from the trash, though mine are hand-crafted as befits-” She cuts herself off before she can let slip her (former?) royal status. I let it slide because I really don’t see a need to step on trauma landmines here.

“As befits someone who’s! Affluent! Anyway, we’ve entered the Ruins proper! There are many dangerous puzzles here, an old monster tradition, so I’ll need to focus more on guiding you!” Damn it, we’re at the first puzzle already? I completely missed the staircase room, which sucks because not only did I miss out on seeing one of my favorite rooms, I didn’t notice whether there was a save point!

Fuck!

I walk to the sign by the door. “Brave ones, foolish ones, both walk not the middle road. What’s that mean? I obviously get it in the proverbial sense, but it’s near this puzzle, so is it supposed to be a clue?” 

It straight up took me until my second playthrough to understand that sign, man. 

Toriel’s face just lights up. She looks absolutely delighted, and I remember that she’s always wanted to be a teacher.

“It is a misdirection! The sign tricks the reader into thinking about it metaphorically, when the answer is actually quite literal!” She demonstrates by stepping on all the buttons but the center two, before turning to smile at me.

“Oh, that’s genius! Because you’re supposed to ignore the tiles in the middle! It works as a puzzle while also having an easily remembered solution if you’re in a hurry!” It’s honestly my favorite puzzle in the game for that, even if you’re never given the opportunity to solve it yourself.

“That is exactly what I was thinking when I created it! It is wonderful to hear that the message came across to someone, even if my- my, ah, my friends had consistent difficulty with it!”

We continue chatting about puzzles as we walk into the next room.

Toriel explains the spike puzzle here and how you’re supposed to memorize the layout of the first room to safely traverse the spikes. She also explains that she locked the ‘incorrect’ spikes permanently in the ‘up’ position so that no one would get hurt, stating that puzzles should be fun, not dangerous.

Honestly, she’s giving way more exposition than she ever did in the game, probably because I’m a slut for knowledge. I only really half hear her explanation, though, because what comes next is going to be very important to knowing the kind of experience I’m going to have down here.

See, we haven’t gone down the hallway to the spike room yet, and I know full well there’s a Froggit waiting there to ambush me.

I have a few questions that this pseudo fight will hopefully answer.

One, are there options like there are in the game? Because if the battle system is the same, it could severely limit my choices when it comes to conflict resolution, especially if I have the same options as Frisk.

Two, do I have a narrator and is that narrator Chara? TwoA, do they have control over me in fights, as in some fics, or am I fully autonomous? TwoB, if they are here, are they evil or are they a person, because that’s also something the fandom intensely and frequently disagrees about. TwoC, can they hear my thoughts? I’m going with ‘probably not’ because I’ve made zero effort to exclude spoilers, but there's still a possibility and I need it confirmed. TwoD, can they hear thoughts deliberately directed at them? I hope so, it would be a huge pain to only be able to talk to them when no one’s around.

Three, are Froggits secretly cats because there’s a meme comic about that and I need it in my life.

With these thoughts in mind, Toriel and I turn down the hall, and the world goes black and white.

#undertale #undertale fanfic #undertale fanfiction #toriel #self indulgent self insert fic #trying to keep the chapters around 1800 words long #toriel is so fun to write dialogue for