#you're definitely sharting | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

strawberriianime · 3 months

Note

Hear me out… or use this as inspo anything I love ur writing xx

Stoner!Choso x femreader tw: weed, oral sex m receiving, cum slurping and dirty talking?

Reader and Choso are smoking and she’s getting hottttt watching him roll the blunt and lick the paper and his painted nailssss oooofffffff. Super sexual tension and flirty remarks until she ends up sucking choso’s HOT cock dry and occasionally he’s pulling her hair up to blow smoke in her mouth and calling her sweet names (bc at the end of the day Cho’ is sub LMFAO)

♡ ahhhhhh so crayz you mentioned stoner Choso bc I had that idea before but never wrote ittt. I love this like Choso's already so sexy and watching him roll a blunt is like a dream of mine.

♡ cw: 18+ content, use of weed and descriptions of weed, high oral sex, stoner choso and stoner reader, oral sex (m receiving), dirty talk, deepthroating, swallowing, oral sexxxxxx!

It wasn't unusual for Choso to come and chill at your place, you two would split a zip, buy a pizza, listen to music, and catch up on each other's life. However, this time something was....different. Maybe it was the neon pink LED lights illuminating the living room or the sweet strawberry candle you had lit earlier.

It was him. This time he had come over wearing a baggy pair of grey sweatpants with a hoodie which he discarded earlier leaving him in a black tee highlighting his toned abs. You always thought he was attractive, but something is making him hit differently now. Your eyes followed his as he broke down the weed his freshly manicured black nails reflecting under the pink light. Digging into his pocket, he pulled out a pack of raw papers, got two out of the pack, and lined it onto the rolling tray. Taking the broken-down weed, he sprinkled it into the papers, folding it slightly, and brought it up to his pale pink lips. His lips swiped along his bottom lip, licking a slow long stripe along the paper. "I wish you'd lick me like you lick those papers" you spoke pulling him out of his concentration. He chuckled, going back to rolling the blunt licking slowly at the paper once more. It was as if he was teasing you, any other time he rolled he'd be done in mere seconds so why is he going so slow this time? "Or I could lick you....? You wouldn't last one minute if I did" Teasing Choso was fun, he wouldn't say much but you know deep down he was burning up inside. You heard a lighter flick as you turned and watched him hit the blunt, a thin cloud of smoke leaving his area as he reached out to pass the blunt to you. Grabbing it, you brushed your hand swiftly over his own before bringing the blunt to your own lips and inhaling slowly. "Mmh, I bet you're really skilled with your hands." You passed the blunt back to him. "They're really soft, and I bet they feel really good." His ears were flush red, you knew you were getting to him if that wasn't a sign the twitching in his sweatpants definitely was. "Seem's like you have a little problem, mind If I help you with it hmm?" Your hands grazed over the bulge in his pants, feeling his dick twitch from the light touch.

Your black nails found their way to the top of his sweatpants, pulling at the material as Choso was quick to shimmy down his pants allowing his stiffened dick to make contact with the cool air of the living room. His tip was red, beaded with precum that began running down his shaft stopping just at the middle. Taking your right hand, you grabbed his shart, thumb rolling circles on the tip spreading the precum along feeling him twitch in your warm hands. You moved in closer, salivating your mouth to the fullest before dropping a glob of spit onto his tip using it as a lubricant to stroke his dick up and down. You started off with teasing slow kitten licks, tongue circling only the tip sucking on it slowly as you moved your right hand up and down. You felt a slight tug on your hair, lips creating a thin trail of saliva as your own were met with Choso's. He brought the blunt to his lips, inhaling slowly before bringing his lips to your own. You felt the smoke filling your mouth before he pulled back, leaning back onto the chair, pushing lowering your head back to his dick.

Without hesitation, you lowered your hand as your warm mouth sank down onto his dick, causing him to twitch once more. He let out a low groan as you began to move your head up and down his shaft, making sure whatever area your mouth couldn't reach, your hand made up for. Slightly tightening your jaws, you moaned softly as you bobbed up and down, tasting just about every inch. You began tracing every vein that throbbed, begging to be caressed by your warm tongue, your hand moving to cuff his balls using the saliva that trailed as lubricant once again. "A-aah fuck, you're so good at this pretty." you heard him groan, causing you to moan on his dick, feeling the throbbing between your own legs and panties getting soaked by the second. You felt a slight tug on your hair once more pulling off his dick once again, lips glistening under the pink lights. "You look beautiful like this." He took another hit of the blunt and brought your lips to his, smoke filling your mouth once more. His eyes were low, watching you with complete adoration and lust as he placed a small kiss on your temple.

Dropping down once more, you flexed your right hand, now adding your left hand to the mix, and you swallowed his dick, sucking on it as if it was a watermelon blow pop. Your head bobbed as your wrist worked in areas you could reach. "Baby, you're gonna suck me dry." Choso moaned, throwing his head back on the sofa, one fist tightly gripping at your hair, the other taking another hit of the blunt. You removed one of your hands as you shoved his dick deeper down your throat, the sending hand following shortly as well once you were comfortable. "Shit. I've never been this deep before. You're doing so good beautiful.... you feel amazing. You suck me up so well." You could tell he was close based on the babbling he always does when he's about to cum. "I-Im about to cum. Baby, can I cum down your throat." You bobbed your head faster, sucking slightly harder as you felt that familiar twitch once more before your mouth was flooded with bittersweet, sticky webs of cum. He let out a loud moan, balls emptying shooting his warm load into your mouth. You eagerly swallowed up what you could but, this has to be a record of how much cum he was able to produce. Your tongue was quick to lick up whatever was left over that you weren't able to suck down cleaning him up with your delicate tongue. You felt a set of strong hands bring you up to his toned chest as his chest heaved catching his breath from such a powerful orgasm. "I gotta pay you back."

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randoimago · 3 months

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hi kat ! um could i request some kinda hurt-comforty headcanons of reader being worried that the discrimination they face in being a drow, tiefling, or something of the like, would come to affect their romantic partner (maybe gale and shadowheart?) if they decided to get together, and their partner reacting to reader's fear that they could get hurt while with them.

Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3

Character(s): Gale, Shadowheart

Note(s): Fantasy racism is always such an interesting thing. Kind of wish there were more "Go fuck yourself" comments you could make if you played a gnome considering there's quite a few times you can defend yourself as a tiefling or drow meanwhile gnomes are constantly clowned on (spoken by someone that played a gnome the very first time I've ever played D&D)

I wrote Gale with Drow Reader and Shart with Tiefling

Gale

Oh he definitely understands your fear but he's more concerned about your safety than his own. There is a lot of discrimination towards drow especially with the Absolute nonsense.

If he does hear anything rude said then he's casting some hideous laughter their way and taking you to a garden or a nice book store to relax with him instead.

If you're ever worried about his opinion on you because of the racism you've gotten from others, then he's more than happy to tell you all about how much he loves and appreciates you.

Shadowheart

Considering her reaction to Karlach, she definitely doesn't mind your race at all. As for how others react, she'd tell you to ignore them. The thoughts and opinions of random populace mean nothing to her.

She won't completely dismiss your worries, she understands your fear, but know that it won't make her view you any differently in her eyes. Now hold her and stop worrying!

Shadowheart really would be the one to hear someone say something rude or offensive about you and then immediately pull you into a kiss. Wouldn't care who watches. And if they continue talking crap then she has a few spells ready to go.

#Anonymous #bg3 x reader #baldurs gate 3 x reader #shadowheart x reader #gale x reader

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brighteyedbushybrowed · 1 year

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𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬

Inspired by this video and TikTok audio. I just wanted to get out my headcanons about what would happen if you tried that on the ghouls, Copia, and definitely totally a sibling of sin Mary Goore. I will do a separate one for the ghoulettes too, I promise! Also this isn't proofread because we die like men (also I bashed all this out straight onto tumblr rather than in a word document like I usually do oops)

There's no smut in this, but it is suggestive so minors please DNI or I'm going to pull a Copia and shart in your car.

The two of you had been flirting for two or so months now, the tension between you both growing gradually as time went on. In the greatest of wisdom one could only be bestowed in the early hours of the morning, you decided that you had enough of the silly games. You both wanted each other and you knew you had feelings for them but you also were aware of the fact that they were enjoying this back and forth too much to end it any time soon. So, you were going to take matters into your own hands.

The next day, you sought them out at the place you knew you could usually find them. They raised their hand in greeting when they saw you, but you gave them no chance to say anything as you pushed them up against the nearest surface and pinned them their, a thigh between their legs and one of your hands grasping their chin to make eye contact.

"That's it," you hummed with a smile as you pressed in closer to them. "Yes, this is perfect. You just keep looking at me with those pretty eyes. Don't take your eyes off of me."

𝐒𝐨𝐝𝐨

While you weren't unwelcome in the underground dens, Sodo hadn't expected to see you today. Not that he was complaining, of course. Seeing you and getting to enjoy the thrill of your back and forth flirting was his favourite part of the day, but this? Being pushed up against the kitchen counter as you commanded his attention made a flush of heat run through him at the thoughts of what else he'd like you to do to him in here. Anyone could walk in at any moment, and that just made the moment all the more delicious.

The fire ghoul's tail wrapped around your leg as his clawed hands settled on your hips. "Only if you keep looking at me like that, sugar. You might even get a kiss out of me if you lean in just a little bit closer."

He thought he got you at first, the cogs turning in your head practically visible on your face. He couldn't help but inhale your intoxicating scent - a mix of your shampoo and excitement - when you began to close the gap. Just as he was about to press his lips against yours, you moved to speak into his ear.

"Why don't we take this somewhere a little more... private? If you're down for that."

Sodo grinned as he lifted you and began to carry you towards his room, your legs wrapped around his hips and the two of you barely making it in before he attacked your lips and locked the door behind you both.

𝐀𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫

To say Aether was shocked would be an understatement. He gazed into your eyes just as you commanded, your words repeating in his head as he tried to process what was going on. It wasn't that he thought you were shy or anything like that - quite the opposite in fact. It had just never crossed his mind that you could be so forward.

It also hadn't crossed his mind how hot he'd find it.

You let out a quiet gasp when one of his hands reached round to rest on your ass, his thumb caressing back and forth as he pushed you into him. Your noses touched as neither one of you dared to look away. The quintessence ghoul felt the shift in your mood from confident and mischievous to aroused and he purred.

"What's brought this on, angel? Hm?" he asked, his voice low as his warm breath fanned against your lower face.

"Huh?" You blinked at him and he chuckled.

"What? Lost for words? Where's all that boldness from a moment ago gone? It suits you."

He relished the smirk that appeared, already hoping he'd get to see more of that more dominant side of you.

"Maybe if you weren't feeling me up and looking at me like you're about to bend me over a table I'd be able to think straight," you replied.

He quirked an eyebrow at you. "Maybe I don't want you to think about anything other than me. How does that sound?"

Your tongue brushed against his lower lip and he shuddered. "I think that sounds perfect."

As you pulled him towards his room, he couldn't help but mentally curse at how tightly you unknowingly had him wrapped around your little finger.

𝐑𝐚𝐢𝐧

The first thought that round through Rain's head the moment you pinned him against the tree by the lakeside was oh. While he may have come out of his shell more over the past few years, he was still one of the more reserved ghouls at the ministry. He hadn't considered that he'd ever be in this position with you, worried that your flirting was just you being nice to him, so now he was ill-prepared for how to react if you pushed him up against something and made your interest in him so clear.

"What's wrong, Rainy?" you asked, tone lightly teasing. "Cat got your tongue?"

The water ghoul ran one of his hands through his hair as he exhaled, trying to calm down and not appear as flustered as he felt. "I wanna kiss you."

Immediately, Rain's eyes widened and he hid his face behind his hands. That was not what he'd meant to say. Now you were going to laugh at him and look at him funny and think he was weird. Great! Maybe if he wished really hard, Mountain would make a hole appear beneath him and he would vanish forever so he wouldn't have to live down the embarrassment.

"Hey, there's nothing to be ashamed of! Please don't hide from me," you cooed, trying to gently pull his hands away so you could look at him.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say that. I mean, I did mean what I said. I just -"

"No need to apologise, Rainy. Please let me see you. I'm not going to laugh or think you're creepy or anything like that, I promise."

After a moment to collect himself, the ghoul dropped his hands. They were immediately replaced by yours as you placed a gentle kiss on his lips, making him blush.

"That wasn't so bad, was it? Come on, let's go sit down by the lake and we can talk."

Relieved, Rain nodded and allowed you to pull him over to the lakeside.

𝐌𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧

"You think my eyes are pretty?" Mountain asked, completely unfazed by the fact that you'd managed to pin him against the wall of the practice room. No, instead it was your words that struck him more. He was used to hearing other siblings of sin talk about how much they loved the colourful glowing eyes of the other ghouls. He was happy to be the only ghoul with eyes that didn't glow, but he sometimes felt that his eyes weren't as attractive or interesting to them because of this.

You couldn't help but laugh in surprise. "I... Mountain, I literally just pushed you up against a wall and laid it on as thick as I could and you're focused on the part about your eyes?"

When you said it out loud, he had to chuckle. "I suppose when you put it like that..."

As he trailed off, he reached up to cup the side of your face with one hand while the other rested on your shoulder. Just as you asked, he didn't take his eyes off yours for a moment. He took in every fleck of colour in your irises, every eyelash, every detail he could.

"Nobody has ever told me they think my eyes are pretty before. You're the first."

You grinned in response. "Your eyes are the prettiest out of all of them. They're so different to the others. Don't get me wrong, their eyes are interesting, but there's only so much glowing orbs in the middle of the night I can handle, you know? Your eyes are calming. They feel like home."

The earth ghoul felt himself blush. He'd admittedly never thought of that before. As an earth ghoul, his eyes didn't glow because of how accustomed he was to hunting outside and trying to blend in so he wouldn't chase away his prey. He assumed that you would find his eyes to be boring because of that.

You snapped him out of his thoughts when you turned your head to kiss the palm of his hand, finally breaking eye contact.

"Why don't we go head back to the dens? And I'll tell you all about everything else I find pretty about you."

With a hum and a kiss to your forehead, Mountain led the way, a fluttering in his stomach as you intertwined your fingers with his.

𝐒𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐬

Heart thudding, Swiss forced himself not to just spill all the filthy words he wanted to say to you. He was used to being the more dominant one in relationships, always taking control and being the one to make others flustered with just a few words. Now, however, he found that he enjoyed the control being taken away form him a lot more than he originally believed. So much so, that he had to shift his position a little so that his erection wouldn't be so obvious to people walking past you both in the corridor.

"Mm, someone's feeling obedient today," you commented, smirking as you noticed him changing the way he was stood up against the wall.

"Hey, I'm always good and obedient! Just ask Papa," the multi-ghoul replied, feigning offence.

You leaned in ever so slightly, reveling in the way his breath hitched for a moment. "That's not what I've heard."

"Oh yeah? And what's that then?"

Swiss' eyes rolled into the back of his head when your lips brushed against his ear. He could smell how much you enjoyed taking charge, picking up on your feeling of satisfaction and the rush it gave you. He may not have as strong a sway over emotions as Aether did, but he could still feel everything you were feeling when you were pressed up against him like that.

"Rumour has it that Swiss likes to be a brat for Papa and doesn't like being told what to do. Is that true?"

Fuck, the way you teased him had his head swimming. "Shit, maybe. Would that be so bad?"

Relief washed through the ghoul when you leaned back, though he felt a knot form in his stomach when your thumb tugged on his bottom lip.

"Why don't you take me back to your room and I'll show you how much I hate brats that don't know their place."

He didn't know if you were just saying that because you'd figured out that he liked being treated like a naughty brat, but he certainly wasn't going to waist time complaining.

𝐂𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐚

The best way to describe Copia in that moment was a beautiful, stuttering, breathless mess. Still in his Papal robes and his smudged paint from the night before, his hands gripped onto the shelves of the bookcase behind him. He hadn't expected you to come seek him out in the library, especially not before morning mass, and he was feeling conflicted about how to react. Depending on his reaction, he could end up ruining whatever the two of you had or take things past the point of return and he wasn't sure which would be better or worse.

"You're overthinking again," you stated, taking in the way his chest rose and fell with shallow breaths.

"I am not," he retorted, trying and failing to sound casual about it.

You sighed. "That wasn't very consisting, Copia. Would you like to try that again?"

The way you said his name made him want to fall to his knees before you. How did you make it sound so good coming from your lips? He hated it when other people called him that while playing the role of Papa, yet when you did it it sounded so right. So sinful.

Fuck, he was in deep shit here.

Copia's voice wavered. "Why do you have to make me feel like this, eh? What black magic is this?"

"If I'm making you uncomfortable we can drop it and pretend this didn't happen," you said, letting go of his chin and starting to back away.

You gasped when he grabbed hold of your hips, moving you back into position. "Oh no, you don't get to run away after that display. I am not uncomfortable, just... unsure."

"Ah. Because you're Papa, and I'm in a position beneath you."

"Satanas, the way you say these things! I just worry about ruining what we have by making the wrong move. That's all."

You didn't need his face to be bare to tell he was blushing, the tips of his ears reddening. Smiling, you rested your hands on his chest and kissed him, not caring if his paint transferred to your lips.

"Why don't we just take it a day at a time and figure this out together? It doesn't have to be anything more or less than what we want it to be."

Copia couldn't help but feel reassured at your words, nodding in agreement and basking in the way you beamed back at him.

𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐫𝐞

"Shit, babe, you know how to make a dead guy's blood start pumping again," he joked, hands resting firmly on your hips to stop you moving away. His little hiding spot inside the booth after confession had become a place for the two of you to hang out as of late, but the two of you had never been so close in proximity with this much sexual tension before.

He wouldn't have been opposed to having a little fumble in here.

You scoffed. "You're not dead yet, Mare. As much as you like to say vampires are dead, the fact I hear your heartbeat every time you fall asleep in my room says otherwise."

He rolled his eyes. "One day you'll actually play along with me. I thought people ate up that Twilight sparkly dead vampire shit."

"Oh yeah, because everyone wants to Creep-o Cullen with his weird habit of breaking into a seventeen year-old girl's room to stare at her while she sleeps. No thank you."

Mary laughed at that, his thumbs rubbing back and forth over your clothed waist. "Don't think that I don't know you watch me when I drift off in your room. You're just as bad as him."

He watched you bite your lip and wanted nothing more than to do that himself. Maybe even draw some blood if he bit hard enough. He didn't know if you'd be into that, but if you were into him and all his weird eccentricities then he was willing to bet you'd enjoy it just as much as he did.

"You know," you teased, "vaguely insulting me isn't the way to get into my pants. Or anyone's pants for that matter. Well, maybe Swiss' or Sodo's. They both seem like they'd like the arguing and degradation."

Mary hummed, dragging you closer so that your chest was pressed against his. "What about compliments and praise then? You've been such a good sibling of sin, haven't you? So good I could drag you away somewhere and have my way with you. Would you like that?"

Silence filled the confession booth for a moment before you burst into laughter, making him pout in irritation.

"Wow. Okay, Mare. First of all, thanks for the praise because that is actually kinda hot. But was that really the best compliment you could come up with? 'You're so good that I want to fuck you'?"

He tutted, tilting his head back to hit the wood. "Shut up. It's not my fault I can practically smell how horny you are."

You smacked his chest with a giggle. "Like your dick isn't pressing against my thigh right now, hypocrite."

Mary smiled, ducking his head to suck your bottom lip into his mouth and graze his teeth against it.

"Maybe I'm a hypocrite, but you love it all the same."

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pokechampash · 10 months

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This story includes detailed farting, sharting, and diarrhea, don't like it? Scroll! All characters used are 18+

Finally got around to doing the prompt that someone sent in

Most high schools have a star student, a student who stands out from everyone else, someone who's in throughout the whole school and maybe even other schools for their talents, sometimes they could be a football jock, and that would be the case for Bob, or as most of his teachers and peers like to call him Bubble Butt Bob! He was known for his awesome trick shots and natural talent for football, he even had his own all boys fanclub, but by far the thing that made him most popular was his rocking body, especially his muscular ass! If only he was as good at academics as he was at football and flexing his huge muscles.

“Dude seriously another E?” Jake giggled as Bob groaned, obviously annoyed, Jake was Bob’s childhood friend and the second best player on their football team. He and Bob are very close but he still sometimes takes great joy in his buddy’s downfalls.

“It's not funny dude, if I fail this class coach is definitely gonna bench me for the rest of the season, I gotta get my grade up, at least enough for it to be a passing grade” Bob said, crumbling up his report card and throwing it into a nearby trashcan.

“You'll have to get at least a B or higher on our final exam then, better hit the books buddy” Jake said with a wink as he gave Bob’s ass a firm slap, it jiggled for a few seconds as a result.

“Alright we can study at my house tonight since the exam is tomorrow, and stop touching my ass man!” Bob said, rubbing his ass cheek.

“Haha sorry, couldn't resist. I love the way it jiggles!” Jake chuckled making Bob blush, the two friends continued their banter as they started walking to Bob’s house.

The next morning

“Hey jackass wake up, we gotta get some breakfast and get to school, we have the final today” Jake said as he nudged Bob until he was awake, the two quickly got ready together and made their way to the nearby gas station for a quick breakfast, Jake suggested some Twinkies.

“Do those things have milk? You know how I get when I eat anything dairy” Bob said remembering the time he almost shit himself while he was on a run because he mistook regular milk for soy milk.

“No you'll be fine bro, I think they're vegan or something” Jake said with confidence, believing his friend Bod ended up eating a lot of Twinkies and rushing over to school. They made it to their math class a bit early so they sat down and prepared for the quiz, their math teacher Mr. Henry was also in class preparing all the testing materials.

“Well look what we have here! I see you're both earlier, guessing you need a good grade on your final to pass huh? I wasn't expecting either of you to show up considering you goofed around in my class the whole year” Mr. Henry said bitterly, giving Bob a stern, Bob and Jake said silent with guilty expressions on their faces. The class started filling up with more students, Bob was starting to get cramps in his stomach but he just ignored it thinking it was just him being nervous about the test.

“Alright the test is coming out now, good luck!” Mr Henry said as one of the students started passing the test, soon the room was silent as everyone started their test, including Bob who was still dealing with cramps, and now it was feeling like gas.

“Fuck why am I feeling like this” Bob thought as he shifted his big ass and careful let out a silent fart, luckily no one heard it but it was obvious the kid behind him could smell it. Bob continued the test letting out farts from time to time to relieve his cramping stomach, however his farts were starting to get bigger and louder, and each time he let one out they got wetter, he was slowly starting to feel like he wa going to shit himself, and his classmates were getting annoyed by the smell as the whole classroom was starting to smell like fresh shit.

“Ugh, did someone shit their pants or something?” one of the students from the back said with a look of disgust.

“Smells like a public bathroom here” another annoyed student added.

“God it smells like my bathroom after my dad eats taco bell” a kid from the front row chimed in, Bob started to sweat and desperately raised his hand, Mr. Henry sighed.

“What is it Bob?” Mr Henry asked sternly.

“C-Can I use the bath-” Bob started as he let out another ripe fart but Mr. Henry cut him off by slamming his hand on his desk.

“So you think you can goof off in my class for the whole school year then go run off to the bathroom so you can skip this final? Yeah not happening buddy, and you should eat less fiber, your farts stink” Mr Henry said firmly glaring at Bob, some of Bob’s classmates looked at him disgusted as they now knew who was stinking up the classroom, Bob tried to open his mouth to plead his case but he ending up letting out an especially wet fart, shivering he rushed through the final section of the quiz and raced out the class with his hand on his clenched ass wet farting as most of the class started to laugh at him.

“The closest bathroom from here is the second floor bathroom next to Mr. Cedric’s class” Bob thought frantically as he started to run towards the first floor’s staircase, however he was quickly stopped as someone jumped from around the corner blocking his way. It was one of his many friends Chase!

“Hey Bob, how's our best football player doing?” Chase said, nudging Bob’s arm with a wink.

“O-Oh hey Chase, I'm doing good, I actually have somewhere I really have to be so if you could get out of my way that be great” Bob said clenching his large ass cheeks

“Oh come on man I haven't seen you for a long time, at least stick around long enough for Miles to get that burrito you like from downtown” Chase said giving Bob a puppy dog eyes look, his stomach rumbled dangerously loud as he heard the word burrito.

“Next time I promise dude just get out of the way or I'll do it by force” Bob said, bouncing his leg a bit.

“Okay okay no need to get aggressive I'm moving, can I get a feel of your ass first, everyone tells me how heavy it is but I wanna see for myself” Chase said as he slid out of the way but before Bob could answer Chase firmly grabbed Bob's ass then felt it and gave it a hard slap causing a juicy fart to burst out, Bob rushed away and up the staircase. He ended up running into a few students from his fanclub who insisted on getting autographs and pictures with him, not wanting to be rude Bob accepted causing him to let out more farts to relieve the pressure, as soon as he signed the last notebook he ran up to the second floor, his urgent need to go had gotten worse since people kept smacking ass causing him to fart by surprise, unfortunately for him the ass slaps continued as he ran into more friends from the football team and fanclub members, their slaps were starting to get harder with more force causing Bob’s farts to become wetter and bigger, his boxers were starting to feel damp, everyone seemed to be in love with his giant ass!

“Ugh finally, almost there just gotta make it to the bathroom before someone else tries slapping my ass” Bob thought as he slowly made his way over to the toilet door hugging his gurgling stomach, he was so focused on keeping his gas in and holding his stomach he didn't even notice one of his teammates and best buddies Alex was charging up behind him with his hand up ready to slap his ass as hard as he could!

“Nice ass captain!” Alex said with a wink as he slapped Bob so hard he stumbled back a bit in shock, the force of the slap was to hard for Bob and his stomach gave in as he feel on sharted himself, and more of his leaky diarrhea was starting to come out, Bob raced into the bathroom and tried all the stall doors but they were locked! Bob started fully shitting himself in front kf fhe stall as chunky diarrhea flew out of his giant ass as he let out more sharts, once the people in the stalls came out and saw the massive pile of liquid shit on the floor they fanned the air and covered their mouths running in disgust, poor Bob was mortified. After that whole scene he hided in the toilets until school was over then made a mad dash home so he could go change, he was horrified to find out his was wearing his lucky black boxers, the shit stain was to deep to wash out and the smell wasn't going away so he had to trash them, and the cherry on top of Bob’s shitty sundae was Bob score was one percentage away from passing meaning he'd need to do summer school this year! Poor Bubble Butt Bob!

#diarrhea #toilet story #men on toilet #toilet use #poop scene #jock #football jock #blond jock #cocky jock #alpha jock

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 8 months

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Hey sex witch! This is a sex ed related question that’s a bit detailed if you don’t mind.

I’m an afab trans man. When I was about 13, I discovered gay porn, and for some reason could only become sexually aroused while holding in pee physically when I had these fantasies about being the penetrator. There is no psychological aspect to this; I do not have a piss kink, and I find the idea of holding a full bladder during sexual acts puts me off significantly.

Much later at 18, I had a revelation and felt desires for being penetrated, and experimented with it, but it went away after a while, and I no longer feel like it’s for me. Notably, however, I did not need to have a full bladder to feel sexual arousal in this case; in fact it did the opposite and made me less aroused.

I have been regularly holding in pee for years because of this. I identify as asexual and have a very limited libido, but I suppose I got used to doing it since it gives me free happy chemicals.

This is definitely not healthy and I don’t want to do it anymore. I also want to be able to experience arousal without that physical sensation. Is there anything I can do about it? Everything online is about how do safely have sex with a full bladder and that’s the opposite of what I want.

I guess I’m also curious as to how something like this can even happen; how can it be that a physical sensation is sexually arousing in one context but repulsive in another?

Sorry for this long ask, and thank you so much!!

hi anon,

I always feel like a bit of a shart when someone writes out a very long and detailed question and I reply with something comparatively short, but.

if you want to stop masturbating with a full bladder then the way to do that is to. you know. stop masturbating with a full bladder. if you're in the mood for that free dopamine go to the bathroom first and proceed from there.

it will absolutely feel different at first if you've really trained y our body into this, but habits are rarely broken without some amount of annoyance and discomfort. don't expect everything to feel exactly the same right away, and let yourself explore what masturbation can feel like without that particular type of stimuli. focus on chasing what feels good, but don't worry about results beyond that. orgasm isn't a sign of success; it's just one of many possible outcomes. if you want something similar that doesn't necessitate holding in urine, try practicing your kegels - tightening and loosening the pelvic floor muscles. if you're not familiar, they're the muscles you flex to stop peeing mid-stream, and are the same muscles that contract during orgasm. flexing them purposefully can cause all kinds of fun sensations.

as to your second question, about why something can feel good in one context and not another - well, the context kind of is the deciding factor there, and that's true of most things. why does food brought out from a restaurant kitchen look delicious but food laying on the middle of a sidewalk doesn't? why is getting bitten in a sexual context fun but a stranger biting me on the street would be horrifying? why is watching a scary movie fun but getting chased by a for real ghost would suck? different vibes, man. nothing is good all the time.

#sex edventures 2023

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optiwashere · 2 months

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Congrats! You're inspiring me to write for my gnome tav x Shadowheart at some point because. Well I never really romance good ol Shart so I wanna give that a shot!

Ayyy, nice! I'm always flattered to be someone's inspiration 💜

Enjoy the romance and have fun writing! Also, we definitely need more of the shorter folk in fics.

#hey you can ask me things!

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bardic-inspo · 2 months

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OH and while I'm stream-of-consciousness posting,,

I was super bothered with how the getting-touch-back engine tune up was handled on the Karlach Origin playthrough. I've definitely seen videos where, if in a romance with Astarion, he has a special dialogue for Karlach in response to her request for a smooch to the effect of "YES I've been SO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT LET'S DO IT" and after he sighs dreamily and says something like "that was so worth the wait."

But for the Shart romance, we didn't get the option to smooch then until after the Nightsong. And then, it was just generic smooch dialogue and generic smooch scene. Nothing special re: it being their first kiss, or Karlach's engine tune-up. In the Act I romance scene, there was all this lamenting over how much they wish they could kiss, so it felt like the ball was dropped a bit on the follow up there.

But maybe this is sort of normal to the Shart romance progression in Act 2 for Tav as well, I'm not sure. I didn't make it to Act 3.

And nobody in your party like, shakes your hand or hugs you or anything (I think Dammon might if you let him but I didn't go down that route so I truly don't know!!) after the engine tune-up happens when you're playing Karlach origin. They do have some kind things to say, but no touching from anyone.

I did enjoy the little bit I played of Shart origin, you get a lot of insight into every time her hand hurts/what that's calling back to. And I think it's super neat that the origins are playable at all.

But maybe not my cup of tea. They felt a little flat/lifeless to me after already knowing the characters from other playthroughs and being able to pick out what was missing in those interactions.

#I was wary of posting this because I simply do not do discourse and will not do it and that's not my intent here #but I thought it worth mentioning in case anyone's wondering about the origin runs #karlach cliffgate #karlach #bg3

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raestarz · 10 months

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Rookie Hour

Chapter two - How bad is this gonna get?!

A/N: Kyaire is 19 and as we all know Leon is 21, there will be smut but I love a good slow burn :)

Once again, thank you @neteyamsmunch for inspiring me to post this

Word count: 4.1 k

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As Leon and I entered the police station, I took a quick look around examining the two pathways, one being closed off, the other was a shutter that was left slightly ajar. I decided to take a chance while still looking around, “Hello! Is anybody here?!” I shout walking over to the shutter. I pull the lever and it opens the shutter a bit more before stopping. “Hey Kyaire, come look at this.” Leon spoke and I walked over to him, “Huh?” I glanced at what he was looking at on the CCTV laptop, “There has to be someone here right?” I nod slightly, “I guess so.” Not really sure if there would be anyone left considering how it looks inside of here, I see a man shooting at zombies in one of the cameras. “Hey! Look,” I point at the video. Leon clicks on the camera footage, “Not good.” Oh yeah it definitely wasn’t no duh, Leon. Leon continued to click to the next camera that the man showed up in, he eventually spoke through the camera, “David! Marvin! You there!?” the man sounds panicked and terrified, he looks at the camera and holds up a small journal to the camera, “I found a way out! It’s in here!” I squint my eyes at the camera and look at the slightly ajar shutter, “Huh…” I start to think and walk over to the shutter as Leon keeps watching the CCTV. I hear the man speak again, “Send reinforcements! East Hallway!” I start to connect two and two together, of course… This shutter is to the east. I hear Leon walk over to me and I turn to him, “We gotta find that guy Kyaire.” I nod, “I’m guessing he’s over here?” Nodding my head toward the shutter and grimacing seeing the blood trail and the “KEEP OUT” sign. Leon nods, “Alright fuck it, just know you're doing all the shooting till I get a gun.” Leon looks a bit confused, “You know how to shoot a gun?” I nod and shrug my shoulders. “I mean yeah, I’m friends with the gun shop owner in town.”

Leon nods and starts to climb under the shutter, looking around with his flashlight and gives me the clear when he doesn’t see any immediate threats standing up on the other side. “Alright, Kyaire. It’s okay.” I raise my brows, “For now.” I mutter and climb under the shutter after Leon. “Aw what the fuck…” I grimace as I climb through fully and see the blood on the floor and on the walls. I shudder looking at the blood and hold back bile as I look at surroundings, “You alright?” Leon asks softly, his voice was so kind and understanding. I nodded slowly, “Let’s just keep going, no time to waste.” Leon nodded and started to walk toward the location of that officer, I followed behind him closely keeping an eye out for him. As we made our way down this dark ass hallway I mentally groaned, I heard Leon mutter something, “Huh?” Leon looks back at me and scratches the back of his neck flustered, “Ah, nothing…Sorry.” I nod slowly as we continued to make our way down the hall, going into what looks like a conference room with more blood and a dead body in there, well shit who wants to bet twenty that, that fucker is gonna get up, and then dude looks like he farted and sharted on himself as well. Leon goes over to the corner switch flicking it on and surprisingly the fucker doesn’t get up and jump on him. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, looking around the room trying to find any sort of weapon I can use. Leon looks over at me, “Whatcha looking for?” I glance over at him, “Oh, just a weapon or something, I don’t wanna be a liability.” Leon nods slowly, “I’ll keep an eye out for something okay?” I nod back giving him a small smile as I take one of my dreadlocks and wrap it up and around my other ones to make a ponytail. Never be too careful…

…

We finally get to the corridor where the officer is, seeing plenty of dead officers bodies and civilians as well. I grimace, and go to the officer's body leaning against the wall, I search his body and find his handgun along with his flashlight. I checked his handgun, finding the standard twelve rounds and searching his body for more ammo, putting it in my back pocket. “Alright, now I can be the best final girl.” I laughed softly and kept the handgun in my hands, Leon looked at me as if asking if I was ready and I nodded. God, I can't believe pretty boy here wanted to be a police officer, actually I can believe it. I’m about to speak before I hear the officer screaming for help, “OPEN UP! HURRY! OPEN UP!” Both Leon and I’s heads whipped toward his voice and we jog into the office near the shutter to where it was coming from. We just get inside the little corner office before we hear a, “OPEN THIS GODDAMN DOOR!” I roll my eyes at the officer, but realize this is a life or death situation and no longer a game of cat and mouse, we move quickly to the shutter and start to lift it, the police officer starts to crawl under it face first he reaches his hand out holding the journal and it takes everything in me to not determine this cop a lost cause grab the journal and leave him for dead…Like everything in me, I sigh, “Give me your hand!” Leon shouts being a goodie two shoes as the officer begs for help as I continue to try to pull up the shutter Leon grabs the officer's hand helping pulling him out, “C’mon I got you.” he muttered. The officer turns over and grabs Leon’s other hand as I hear a zombie growling on the other side of the shutter. I groan, “Leon hurry!” still trying to pull up the shutter to no avail so I give up on it and try to help pull in the officer, the officer has blood splash all over his body and that can only mean one thing…the zombie fucker got to him, “Oh god…” I breathe a look of panic coming over my face Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. I can't do this, it's too damn much. I guess Leon sees the look on my face, his voice is reassuring but also determined to help this officer, “Kyaire focus, it’ll be okay.” I glance at Leon and nod, “Ok.” I breathe and focus on getting the officer out, the officer is now screaming in pain and there’s more blood seeping the floor into my jeans and my Doc Martens, oh great, I just got these yesterday dammit. There’s now more struggle pulling the officer in, “Hang in there!” Leon assures the screaming officer as the struggle finally stops and we pull out the top half of the officer's body, and my eyes widen as I see his guts on the floor…Oh hell no I didn’t sign up for this. Oh my fucking god.

I take a breath to calm myself, then I see the zombie that tore the officer to shreds reaching out under the shutter grabbing his guts. Leon looks shaken up himself as the officer is somehow still alive like a chicken with its head cut off, Leon mutters, “Jesus Christ…” The officer dies in Leon’s arms and we both stare at each other, grief stricken for a moment before Leon shakes his head deciding not to live in this moment of sadness. He grabs the officer’s journal flipping through, not understanding the context within the contents. I hear banging on the door leading into the office, “Leon,” my voice croaks, sounding broken, “We…we gotta go.” I say between tears, gulping I shake away my feelings. I stand up fully and take my handgun out ready for whatever’s on the other side, a zombie bursts through and I’m quick to shoot a headshot into its skull three times before it bursts and goes down. We start to run out of the office and through the hall back to where we came from, dodging a zombie that bursts through the glass. Oh my god! How bad could this get?! I just want a break! Two more zombies pop up ahead of us, Leon yells a quick, “Jesus Christ!” And we both pick and take down each one with our guns. Quickly maneuvering around their bodies, back toward the shutter I get there first and start to climb under, barely getting through before I stand up out of breath. I see Leon coming under, having to lift the shutter up with his shoulders, damn he’s kinda built…this isn’t the time for that Kyaire! He’s almost out before a zombie randomly grabs his foot, he yells, “Goddammit! Kyaire!” I nod quickly and start to pull Leon under before another officer helps pull Leon out fully, “Watch out!” I warn and the officer slams the shutter on top of the zombie’s head with his foot. Both me and Leon look up at the officer who was clearly fucked…UP. Like bad, the officer is panting and looks at us both, “You're safe. For now.” The officer groans and leans against the shutter, “Thanks…” Leon breathed still out of breath and panicked from the incident. The officer introduced himself, “Marvin Branagh,” I nod in acknowledgement of his name. Leon talks first before I can, “Leon Kennedy and Kyaire Birkin…” Leon stammers trying to explain what happened earlier, “There was another officer…I-I couldn’t…We couldn’t…” He gasps taking shuddering breaths, I step toward Leon and crouching down, I put a comforting hand on his shoulder, “We tried, ok? That’s all that matters,” Marvin nods in agreement and helps lift Leon up. Marvin tries to give some extra reassurance, “I’m sure you did what you two could. Ok, Leon?” Leon nods.

…

Leon comes back from an off distance door in a police uniform and I let out a low whistle, I had no idea someone could look this good in a uniform. Marvin side eyes me and smirks as Leon walks in, “Does anyone know what started this?” Leon asks earnestly. Marvin shakes his head as he checks the CCTV on the laptop from before, “Not a clue. But honestly, all you two need to know is that this place will eat you alive if you aren’t careful.” I nod in acknowledgement as Leon hands me a holster with a pouch like he has, “Sorry, couldn’t find any female uniforms.” I grab the pouch and click it around my waist, “That’s fine, really wouldn’t wanna be associated with the RPD anyway.” I state smirking and the two officers give me a ‘Really?’ look and I shrug, “Sorry…” Leon checks his gun as he adjusts his uniform, “Yeah…well, I was supposed to start last week and I got a call to stay away. I wish I’d come here sooner.” Leon shrugs as if he was gonna actually be able to stop this outbreak a week ago, I shake my head and stifle a laugh. “You’re here now, Leon. That’s all that matters…” Marvin states and I nod in agreement. Leon glances at me to see if I’m ready and I nod, “I’m ready whenever you are, rookie.” I smirk teasingly, Leon shakes his head, a small smile gracing over his lips. Leon walks over to Marvin, “Ok. Lieutenant, we’re ready.” Marvin is looking at the journal we found earlier, going over the pages, “Hopefully, you’ll be able to find a way out of this station.” He sounds so hopeful, I sigh, listening to his words, “That officer you met earlier─Elliot,” I raise a brow in acknowledgement while, Leon nods slowly as Marvin shows him the stuff in the journal pointing at the pictures with the statues, “He thought this secret passageway might do the trick.” Leon takes the journal looking at where Marvin pointed and smiled looking at Marvin, who was shuddering in pain, “This is good news. We can get you to a hospital.” Leon said hopefully. Marvin shook his head, “No, no, I am not the priority here. You need to get you and her,” Marvin nods at me, “out of here.”

Leon looks at me and back at Marvin, “Lieutenant, I’m not just gonna leave you here─” Marvin looks at Leon and bursts out in anger but his voice was also stern, “I’m giving you an order, rookie. You save yourself and this girl first.” He takes a breath calming down his anger, “I’d come with you both, but I'd just slow you down…” I let out a sigh, feeling bad for Marvin and his situation. Marvin looks down and hands Leon a knife, “Now you’ll need this,” Leon shakes his head denying the knife, “I can’t take─” Marvin interrupts him, “Stop.” Leon sighs and takes the knife from Marvin. Marvin’s face goes serious as he looks at the both of us, “And don’t make my mistake. If you see one of those things─ uniform or not─ you do not hesitate. You take it out…or you run. Got it!?” Leon nods and gives a quick, “Yes, sir.” Marvin looks at me giving me a stern look, and I nod, he winces in pain and sits on the couch again. Me and Leon look at each other and give a silent nod of understanding.

We step away from Marvin and I start the conversation, “Now what?” Leon shakes his head slightly and takes out the journal, “I guess we find the medallions and get outta here, huh?” I nod and Leon leads the way, going over to the locked off pathway. Leon takes his new knife and slices the tape from it, opening it and pulling the lever, he glances at me as the pathway opens up, “You ready Ky?” I raise a brow, “Ky?” Leon looks away flustered, “I figured it would make sense ya know? Plus in case there’s danger, it’s quicker off the tongue.” I hum and nod, I wonder if that’s the only reason he wanted to call me that, “Okay, that’s fine. Yeah, I’m ready.” We start to go inside and Leon chuckles darkly, “This is not how I imagined my first day…” I laugh and shake my head, “I can imagine.” We both smile softly and go through the door both clicking on our flashlights, walking down the hall and seeing a dead body on the floor. Leon walks over hearing a radio go off, static in between words, “This is 73-Bird── for rescue.” Leon walks over to the dead body, crouching down and hums, “What..?” he lifts up the person's head their jaw nearly comes completely off, I suck in a breath trying to keep myself from puking, “Leon, what the fuck are you doing?” I hissed, looking around and down the hall. Leon sucks in a breath, “Oh…Oh, what the fuck!?” whisper shouting, “Uh no duh, what the fuck, let go of it’s head.” I direct and we both hear a can come down the hall, we both snap our heads at the same time, “Huh?” we say in synchronization. We continue to go down the hall, me following closely behind him jogging, we see a zombie pop up in the window, Leon mutters a quick, “Shit!” Well, shit someone has quite the potty mouth, I laugh softly. We continue to go down the hall and we hear the window break as the zombie gets through it. We quickly make a right into another room, “Oh my god, everytime I turn around there’s another damn zombie.” I grumble and take a breath. “Are you doing okay, Ky?” Leon asks, his voice soft as he walks over to me and touches my shoulder. “Yeah, yeah…I’m okay Leon.” I breathe and the hairs on my neck stand up as the zombie busts into the room, I turn around swiftly shooting it in the head. These fucking things are so damn annoying, it almost makes me sick having to kill things that used to be people. Almost. Leon grabs the map on the board, then nods his head toward the only escape out. Up the extra storage and hopping out through the broken window Leon gives me a hand up and helps me out first, I land on my feet and move to the side as Leon jumps through as well. We both hold back a laugh as we see the oversized zombie banging on the vending machine comically, Leon takes out the zombie swiftly and I give him a fist bump, “Good shit, Kennedy.” Leon smiles and nods, “Thanks, Ky.”

…

We continue to explore around the police department taking out zombies while also solving combinations, grabbing more ammo and keypads to unlock more things in the Safety Deposit Room. We get to the library when Marvin radios Leon, “Leon, it’s Marvin. I need you two back here ASAP.” We both looked at each concerned for Marvin wondering if his condition was getting worse, and I knew if worse went to bat shit crazy. I would be the one to put Marvin down. Leon radioed him back, “Are you okay, Marvin?” Marvin is quick to respond, “I’ve got something to show y’all. It’s important.” Leon glanced at me and I nodded, whatever’s up ahead can’t possibly be worse than what we’re dealing with right now. It’s been a pretty easy night so far, “Copy that, we’ll be right there.” Leon reassured the man as we started to head back to the center of the police station toward Marvin after we finally got our first medallion, from the Unicorn statue.

…

We get back and Marvin looks so much worse than before, I frown slightly at his worsening condition. “There you two are…Come on, take a look.” Marvin clicks on a camera and it opens CCTV of Claire staring at a gate, “Oh, shit.” I gasp softly. Leon grins, “Yes! I knew she’d make it.” Leon nudges me softly smiling, knowing earlier while we were exploring I had spoken about my doubts of Claire surviving. I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms. Marvin looks at us, “Y’all know her?” Leon nods, “Yeah, name’s Claire. We came into town with her.” I nod agreeing with Leon. Marvin grunts, “You can get to that courtyard through the second floor…East side.” Leon looks over at the second floor and I follow his eyes, “We’re on it. Thanks Lieutenant.” I interject and smile softly at the officer. We head up the stairs finding the door to what would lead to the east courtyard, Leon takes out the spade key he found earlier opening the door getting through the Waiting Room. We go through the Waiting Room and start to head down the hallway when we hear a large crash. “Yo what the fuck?!” I scream looking panicked and Leon looks back at me, “Ky! Everything okay?” He gives me a quick once over, his eyes full of concern and grabs my shoulders. I’m shaken up, this is too fucking much. I can’t handle this, I’m not prepared or trained for shit. I take a breath and my eyes finally meet his concerned ones, Shit. Shit. Shit. I close my eyes for a moment and swallow whatever feeling I was gonna feel. I’m not gonna have some cliche movie romance shit, that’s dumb. I nod as I open my eyes again, “Y-Yeah, I’m okay. I'm just starting to get so overwhelmed, I don’t understand how you can act as if everything is so normal…So okay.” Leon lets out a small laugh, without any humor, “Nothing that’s happening is normal right now. Nothing at all, but I’m keeping shit together for us? You know? So we can get outta here.” Leon gives me a determined look and I nod, “Okay. Just gotta keep my shit together.” Leon nods back and smiles, we both head out and down the exit to where Claire is.

The rain pours on us as Leon looks over the balcony excitedly, “CLAIRE! HOLD ON WE’LL BE RIGHT THERE!” Claire looks back at us and smiles happily, “OK!” Leon races down the steps and I follow behind him, seeing the helicopter catch on fire. Oh fuck…That isn’t good. We get down the stairs to Claire, us being separated by the gate, I smile as I approach Claire leaning against the gate next to the gate door as Leon leans against the gate door. “Claire…It is so nice to see you. I’m being suffocated by testosterone here.” I joke laughing softly. Claire laughs back and shakes her head, “How’re you two doing? That helicopter came outta nowhere…” Leon looks back at the helicopter, “Yeah…We’re in one piece.” I nod in agreement smiling. Claire gives Leon a once over at his uniform, she is so clearly checking him out, but honestly I don’t blame her any hot man in a uniform, makes me slightly feral. She smiles back, “I’m guessing you don’t have a key in one of those fancy pockets?” Leon looks down slightly embarrassed, “Uh…Unfortunately, no…But, how are you doing?” Claire sighs and leans against the gate door, “You know, just surviving.” Oh my God, she is so flirting with Leon. This is hilarious. Leon leans back against the door, clearly, so oblivious to her flirting, “That’s good. Any luck with your brother?” Claire grimaces and shakes her head, “No, not yet.” I smile and interject, “Claire, don’t lose hope…I’m sure we’re gonna find him─” getting cut off as well when the helicopter explodes, we all jump and look up at the now flaming helicopter. “Oh for fucks’ sake,” I mutter annoyed. Leon looks back at me and Claire when the fire alarm starts to sound, “Dammit. You know what that means…” Me and Claire glance at each other, “Yeah…Dinner time.” We say synchronized and laugh slightly. Claire turns around taking out her gun and facing the zombies rising from their ‘slumber.’ Leon looks concerned as he sees what troubles await Claire, “Claire, I think you should go.” I nod in agreement, Claire looks back smiling softly, “Don’t worry about me, Leon. You two take care of yourselves, have each other’s backs.”

Leon grabs the gate door, emphasizing his point, “Claire, you need to go─ NOW!” Claire looks back taking what he says more seriously and nodding, she takes a couple steps away from the gate toward what waits for her. Claire looks back at us, “Hey…Let’s get through this. All three of us.” I think about Sherry for a moment, “Hey, if you see my sister, somehow…She has a pendant like mine!” I quickly hold up my matching pendant of hers. Claire nods and runs away, Leon looks at me confused, “You have a sister?” I nod, “Yeah, we’re not biologically siblings but we’re siblings…” Leon looks even more confused, “As in…she’s not black, Leon.” I laugh softly at his cluelessness. He nods slowly, “Oh…Well I’m sure if she was, she would be as beautiful as you.” He smiles cheekily and I roll my eyes, adjusting my nose piercing. Leon radios in, “Uh, Marvin. We’ve got a situation here…We’re surrounded by zombies!” We both look at each other slightly panicked as zombies crowd the gate, Leon continues to try to contact Marvin as I see some bolt cutters, I quickly cut the chain on the door. “Leon, c’mon!” Pushing the door open, Leon follows quickly behind me. I go to another chained door, reading ‘East Office’ Leon follows behind me again quickly grabbing the grenade on a desk. I quickly go into the other office finding the round handle to the problem in the bathrooms. As soon as I step out, Leon runs up to me, “Ky, let’s go. I got everything in here.” I nod, “Aight, let’s go…” Leon runs to remove the chair in front of the door, I take down a zombie that was on Leon’s right quickly approaching him. We run out of the room and Leon puts the fuse into the fuse box, the shutter finally opens fully. We both smile at each other grinning, Leon gives me a once over, “Oh, wow. I didn’t even notice your piercings.” I smile at him and look away a bit taken aback, “Oh these? They aren’t anything.” Leon chuckles softly, “Well they suit your attitude, minus this one moment.” He teases. I roll my eyes, “Let’s just focus on getting outta here, hm?” I walk ahead and start to walk ahead toward the bathroom on the second floor with the broken pipes.

Maybe cops aren’t so bad after all?

Nah, this one just isn’t corrupted.

#leon kennedy x reader #resident evil #leon kennedy #re2make #re2 leon #blk reader

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capriclonus · 3 months

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capriclonus i am a huge fan <3 do you have any thoughts on shart/karlach?? sharts line of "she looks like she could throw me over her shoulder and carry me to safety... SHOULD the need arise.." fills my head with so many thoughts...

from that line alone i am almost 100% sure that shart has a thing for size/strength AAARGH!

It's crazy to think people are enjoying me BG3 work so much... I'm just sat here on my sofa sipping tea like....me? MY work? I just got hit in the head the with Shart bat a few too many times and its ruined my life (in a great way)

I do have thoughts of Shart/Karlach! I think they are a great ship and I love them, I ESPECIALLY love the art of them. But for me personally? I honestly struggle to see Karlach in a sexual context and I am very sorry for that. I grieve it every day.

Don't get me wrong, I think Shart/Karlach is a very concrete ship and Shart definitely would--that comment alone, uhuh--but Karlach is....she's like a younger sister to me? I see so many baby gay qualities in her that I just can't view her in that way: she's touch starved, overexcitable, VERY willing to say 'I love you' at the drop of a hat, wanting to follow a very predetermined line of what a relationship "should" look like because she hasn't had love before, not properly, and doesn't know what it looks like. AND I LOVE THAT! But that's why she's like a baby gay and little sister to me, because that part of my life is so far behind me it just makes me go "aw, look at her, learning how beautiful life can be!"

But here's the thing....those qualities that make me view her as a baby gay? Those qualities complement Shart so well! Because Shart, too, is learning what life is (if she turns to Selune) and she's just as excited to be a part of the vibrant fabric of existence in an entirely different way to Karlach and the parallels are EXQUISITE! You can do so much with them! I think they would have the most tender of loves, so soft to even see it would feel like being wrapped in a blanket of love and warmth. And if I wrote them together, that is how I would write them. So if you're interested in that, weelll, I'm open to it!

SO essentially, yes, I love them together. Not as much as Shadowzel (which is a whole other rant do not get me started) or Shadowheart/durge (again I will die if I talk about this) but I think their relationship has its roots in something so beautiful!

#ao3 capriclonus #ask box #im sorry i went on a rant again #in this house we love karlach #as much as shart dreams of being wrapped up in her big strong arms I think it is actually Karlach who would find herself cuddled to death #they would protect the crap out of each other #damn now i want to write a shart/karlach fic so filled with kindness and gentleness that it murders me softly #wait....have i just convinced myself to jump onto this ship?#am i flying the Shadowlach flag now?#oh no am i going to write Shart/Karlach fanfiction now?#WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

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dykexenomorph · 3 months

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screw it! HYPER SPECIFIC QUESTIONS FOR MINA! ANSWER AS YOU SEE FIT\WHICHEVER ONES YOU WANT!

•Favorite flower?

•Favorite scent?

•Ideal sleeping place, and with how many blankets?

•Any little superstitions she has, and why if so?

•Who does she side with over the artifact fight, if they were physically fighting?

•Who does she still talk to post-game, and how often?

1- tbh i dont think she really has a favorite? pre-worm mina doesn't really have the time to think about smaller things like that and post-worm mina is too busy trying not to slaughter everyone to give attention to much else. i think once she gets ahold of her urges (and after she gets rid of them) she becomes fond of night orchids (because she associates them w shadowheart). she also like glowcap mushrooms (im AWARE they're not flowers, but its close enough)

2- corny answer BUT bc she associates it w karlach's engine (and karlach herself) she enjoys the smell of the hells + machinery in general. shes also fond of vanilla and likes sitting near jaheira's tent when they camp together to smell whatever incense she's burning.

3- mina does her best NOT to sleep actually, what with the whole murdering ppl in her sleep thing. when she does fall asleep its usually on accident and almost always near karlach (the amount of times someone has caught her sleeping on karlachs shoulder while karlach tries her hardest not to move is ridiculous). once she gets the whole sleep-murder thing worked out she prefers to sleep on hard surfaces w no blankets (karlach is enough of a space heater i think)

4- when the artifact fight happens mina is still super disoriented and frustrated w her lack of memories (she's like. the DEFINITION of fake it till you make it in terms of trying to be a good leader for the little pack of strays shes gathered together), and I think she's still incredibly unsure of both shart AND lae'zel's intentions as a whole (not to mention her confusion regarding the artifact itself). things don't dissolve into a physical fight, but she does side with shadowheart just because she's traveled w her longer and has built up more of a relationship w her.

5- mina makes it a point to keep in touch with jaheira, despite jaheira not being known for her amazing communication skills. it becomes a sort of a game for the two where jaheira will do her best to go mia only to recieve a letter from mina not even a day later being like "OLD WOMAN YOU SUCK AT HIDING. DO BETTER. also i hope you're doing okay. BUT ALSO MAKE SURE YOU SEND YOUR CHILDREN A LETTER AFTER ANSWERING MINE". aside from jaheira, she also frequently checks in on shadowheart and makes sure shes doin okay in her little cottage. her and karlach meet up with her every other weekend to catch up and make dinner together. once lae'zel stops being bound to her comet duties she also joins them, shadowheart's cottage kind of becomes an essential meet-up spot for their little group. the others even make their own appearances from time to time (shadowheart has caught astarion and jaheira not-so-subtly trying to steal some of her wine on more than one occasion).

#asks #long post cw #durge tag #THANK U.....#every time i get a mina ask an angel gets its wings

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actionableinfidel · 2 months

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I hold these truths to be self-evident

I guess I am officially back on Tumblr now. I am totally not sure how the 2018 nsfw purge did shit, because I am still seeing full-on porn all over this place (of course, everything *I* try to post gets flagged still)

I see an awful lot of disingenuous shit on here, still, too. So, in a concerted effort to be transparent, here's some things I think about when posting:

1. FUCK. YOU. I don't necessarily mean that to be offensive, but if you're already triggered and writing your Congressman before even reading the rest of this sentence, then there ya go. The internet is a big damn place, with a lot of big damn personalities, and exactly NONE of that affects you. Grow the fuck up, scroll past it if you don't like it. I honestly don't care, I don't post to Tumblr for your edification. If we click, that's awesome, but if you want to go bitchmode on me about what I post, better put your big girl panties on because I will swing back. I will be amicable and discuss anything, but if you choose to jump the fence and run at me, don't expect anything less than to get dropped like a sack of potatoes in front of everybody. Just move on.

2. I like trucks. I like quads. I wear boots and jeans. I live in a small town. I grew up working a farm and find girls who aren't scared to get dirty hot as hell. I would rather drive out in the middle of nowhere, drink beer and bourbon in the sun and fuck on the tailgate than go vacation in some lavish hotel. And if that's your definition of a redneck, well then that's your take on life. It might surprise you to find out that I have two degrees, was a BioMed engineer before moving back here to sell doors and windows because my parents got sick, that I have to keep building bookshelves in my house because I keep filling them, and that I can just as easily rebuild your Harley as I can talk about how DeToqueville is becoming reality or how we know that FliK proteins determine the length of bacterial flagellum but we don't really know how just yet. Just because someone prefers the simple life doesn't mean they're simple.

3. I love my country. I am a combat veteran. I own guns. I believe in the system as it was created, and believe we need to get back to it. Now that we have that out of the way, I seriously hate Joe Biden. Jump to any immediate conclusions there? Well, guess what - I seriously hate Donald Trump too, considerably more, in fact. I hate that no one worth a shart wants to pursue the job anymore, because sweet baby Jesus on a saltine are things fucked around here. No one actually wants to accomplish anything, it's just one big cock-measuring smear campaign after another. I'm right, you're wrong. There ya go, folks - that's American politics today, no substance or integrity to any belief other than glass cannon egos and it's a far fucking cry from how we should be. We are broken af right now.

4. Speaking of guns, I love them. I love beautiful women. I am amused like a motherfucker at the trend of sexy, barely clothed women holding firearms, because it's stupid. I love nice tits in a deep-cut, skin tight top as much as the next y-chromosome totting testosterone geyser, but guess what you dipshit poser fucktard? Guns are different out here in reality than they are on Xbox. The first time an ejected casing goes down that shirt and burns those perfect tiddies? IRL game over. It's a stupid trend. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to look, but I'll laugh every time. Get dressed, be safe, and actually learn how to use it, then I'll get turned on by a hot girl with a gun.

5. And, last but not least, my trucks. My dream car isn't made of fiberglass, the doors don't lift, there's no neon, and I don't have to strain my back to get into it. I want an old steel Chevy squarebody like most want a Lambo. It's just what I have always wanted - I'm a pickup guy. What cracks me up is all the hate between brands on the internet. Here's what you really need to know about domestic pickup trucks: Since about 2014-2015, no one makes a decent truck. Buy American because it's American if you want, but don't go swinging your little peepee around because of it. They all suck anymore. Call me a commie all you want because I drive a Nissan after years and years of American trucks, but they're just plain shit now. Sorry, I want to spend my money on Buffalo Trace and Ariats, not poorly manufactured truck parts designed to fail and over-inflated labor rates.

TL/DR: Don't be a dick, I don't care about your politics, I love it when you take off your clothes unless you're shooting, and I'm not impressed by your talking shit about trucks. Let's just have some fun.

#tumblr #new blog #tldr #country life #country living #welcome to my blog

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