takeyourcyanide

[takeyourcyanide]

Reading is becoming increasingly more difficult due to the fact that I’m constantly having to do double-takes, because I see entirely different sentences and sometimes just words than what’s on the page or screen. Sometimes they are similar words to what was actually written, but not always. I end up rereading it because a. It makes no sense b. It sounds strange depending on the context c. It sounds rude depending on the context. And then I see what they actually wrote or am I… I don’t know if this is part of my visual or cognitive shit or both but while it can be funny it’s a bit of an inconvenience that I’m going to need to stop.

#takeyourcyanide #takeyourcyanide’s ramblings #and sometimes if I’m very scrambled that day I can’tunderstand what they wrote #so there’s that #cognition is failinngngngngngn #I don’t like that #how much more will it take

[takeyourcyanide]

JUST LOOK AT IT ПОСМОТРИ НА ЭТО

KWPSOSPALLA

It’s 139 cm tall it’s almost as tall as I am

I haven’t genuinely wanted anything in a loooooonnnnnngggggg time BUT THIS

This is my reason to live /srs

I think I would experience happiness for the first time in my life if I were to get my hands on this stunning, stellar, wondrous, amazing, show-stopping, eye-catching, satisfactory, impressive, fascinating, fantastic beauty.

It makes me stim like I’ve never stimmed before

Also looking at sites both in English and Russian is fun

I just saw someone advocating for dissection to be taken out of the classroom. I think anyone who advocates for that nonsense (I’m partly biased) needs to be on a dissection table. Speaking of which, why do dissection tables have to be so damn expensive? I’m poor as dirt, make the prices more inclusive, because I need one more than I need oxygen. I just looked at some and I have never felt the need to stim more. I’m about to go beg some rich person for $13,433.79. I’ll need more, though, given taxes… Make that $14,000.

#I need to find a wealthy individual stat #i need this #I can’t express to you how elated I would be #time to begin organ harvesting #dissection is my special interest if you couldn’t tell #along with various field within science #I jump between fields all the time #though the static has been preventing me from learning much of anything #lately #and doing much of anything

[takeyourcyanide]

I just saw someone advocating for dissection to be taken out of the classroom. I think anyone who advocates for that nonsense (I’m partly biased) needs to be on a dissection table. Speaking of which, why do dissection tables have to be so damn expensive? I’m poor as dirt, make the prices more inclusive, because I need one more than I need oxygen. I just looked at some and I have never felt the need to stim more. I’m about to go beg some rich person for $13,433.79. I’ll need more, though, given taxes… Make that $14,000.

#takeyourcyanide #takeyourcyanide’s ramblings #dissection #vivisection

[takeyourcyanide]

Not a day goes by in which I don’t tell myself that I’m just being dramatic and/or lying to myself.

#so obnoxious #takeyourcyanide #takeyourcyanide’s ramblings

[takeyourcyanide]

Being a writer is always having your notes app open and ready to go

#writers on tumblr #my fanfic writing #fanfic writing #fic writing #writing #fanfiction #my fanfiction #my fanfic #writerscommunity #writer stuff #writers and poets #takeyourcyanide #writeblr #ao3 writer #my writing #writblr

[takeyourcyanide]

Interacting with her is often like interacting with an ignorant neurotypical. /neg

#takeyourcyanide #takeyourcyanide’s ramblings

[takeyourcyanide]

I’m going to make myself some nitrous oxide and get high. Dissection refreshes me. Puts me in a good mood. Science as a whole tends to put me in a good mood.

#takeyourcyanide #takeyourcyanide’s ramblings

[takeyourcyanide]

"Meet in the Dark Land

That’s my home

Dig me as I am, man

Read it in a postcard

Coast Guard, church yard

Send it in the post:

I can’t leave home

Where do I gotta go

To find me some peace of mind?

Who do I have to sue

To get my piece of pie?

Thought you were born to burn

Thought you were the voice of reason

You’ve abandoned reason now

You let the madness in

You’ll have to show me how

A cupboard full of noise

To keep away the storm that rolls on softly

We know nothing is a miracle

It’s all explained, it’s all we know

(How mystical, our ritual)

Something else gives me pause

“Paranoia” under your breath

Please believe me

Nothing you say can stop me if it’s true

If I’m living trapped inside a head

I could be forgiven for feeling alone

And if I’m stuck behind a face

I might try to replace myself

My mind is on my mind

An eye within an eye

Fear within fear

A wheel within a wheel

Moss grown on a sundial

What is and what will be

Sweat of desperation

Tears of ecstasy

The stench of human nature

Kaleidoscope for me

Jasmine in bloom

Ylang ylang

Angels trumpet tea

Mirrors in the darkness

Candles in the sea

Purple admiration

Yellow jealousy

Yesterday, I felt like a lucky guy

Now it's all gone awry

Chasing down a rainbow

Is all life seems to be

All life seems to be"

[ x ]

#this looks like what paranoia feels like #eyes wide and alert #searching for the sticking point #the harm that will be done #beautiful

[takeyourcyanide]

Can the people who listen through your phone hear your thoughts through your headphones?

#I think they can #takeyourcyanide #takeyourcyanide’s ramblings #this is a genuine question #I think they definitely can #strikingly pleasant

[takeyourcyanide]

I have nothing left. Please just take me away already. Get it over with. I can’t stand these people. Everything is interconnected. Everyone only has one goal. I wish the demons would finish with their experiment.

#takeyourcyanide #takeyourcyanide’s ramblings

[takeyourcyanide]

I don’t want to live alone I need to live alone.

#takeyourcyanide #takeyourcyanide’s ramblings

[takeyourcyanide]

I don’t understand her. I’m not even hurt, I’m just so confused. She’ll go on and on about how I need to take better care of myself, because “look where we’ve ended up” (a cardiologist’s office), go on and on about how she’s going to schedule a psychiatric evaluation - and never do it! She said that psych wards were a last resort. You do realize that I met the criteria for someone who needed to be sent away when I was a toddler, correct? No. You don’t. Because you don’t even know me LMAO. While I don’t see this as a fault because I was ultimately able to learn how to masquerade, you poured all of your resources and time and energy into him, instead, only for him to fuck your whoollleee life up.

Which is why it’s confusing that she can make time for other things and simply forget about that. It’s obvious she cares more about her own comfort than she does about me, which is fine, and she’s said that she doesn’t want to know more about me because of that, but she lies constantly about caring so much. She’ll talk about she’s actually observant and noticed all of it long ago, but doesn’t do anything about it, and thought I was exaggerating to be interesting. Real observant there, Sherlock. To be fair, she knows there’s no point in any sort of therapy or hospitals because I’d get my way in the end, but still. I thought you’d never give up on your children? Or was that energy all spent on him. Which again, I’m not upset, I’m just confused. She’ll chide me for the same symptoms SHE points out. Oh, yeah, I’m just so endearingly quirky and autistic, but overstimulation? Dramatic! Which is funny considering I’m supposed to respect HER overstimulation. She remembers be asking her a lot if she too heard or saw something and how dismissive she was of it, but does nothing. She remembers how odd I would act for certain periods of time, wouldn’t do anything about it. She’d chide me, and do nothing. She’d ask me what I saw, heard, felt, and shit because perhaps I could see spirits, which only served to confuse me more! Thanks! :D /s she’ll chide me for not doing chores in a timely manner, but I genuinely couldn’t tell if she asked me to do something in a dream or not, and half the time I thought she asked like the day before. Apparently it’s been a week! I don’t drink enough water, I’m not eating enough, I’m not blah blah blah.. what are you going to do about it? Nothing. When I tell her all the characters are watching me, it’s “oh my god you sound just like (enter a relative long gone) who wouldn’t change in front of the tv because they were watching her.” I change though. I don’t give a shit. Can’t let them completely ruin everything. She told me I sounded like how demon possession used to be described before they knew it was schizophrenia. Ok, you think I have olden times schizophrenia. What are you going to do about it? Nothing. When I tell her about not wanting to go into the church cause I just know I’m the antichrist and it worsens that, it’s “what do you feel in the church?” I will jump out of this moving vehicle you piece of shit. You’re making it worse. I knew she meant it in her Christian way. Please stop. One minute I can see spirits and the next minute our house isn’t haunted and it’s all in my head for the sake of her own comfort. If it’s all in my head, what are you going to do about? She doesn’t even know how to distinguish between ghosts and hallucinations and neither do I. She got mad at me and wanted me to shut up because I was saying a noise machine and shit wouldn’t work for my insomnia, even if it would help. Because she’s gone through it and it helps. I told her there was someone outside my window and how do you get rid of that then, and she yelled medication. Where’s my medication now? No where. She told me she thought I was exaggerating because there’s no way I actually thought someone was outside of my window. If you’re so goddamn observant, why don’t you realize I started telling the truth in a playful and joking manner as an experiment? “Why didn’t you think I’d accept you” I wonder fucking why.

#this is just a long rant! :) #takeyourcyanide #takeyourcyanide’s ramblings

[takeyourcyanide]

I don’t understand why so many, particularly conservatives, are so enraged by children (and adults) exploring their identities, as if it isn’t a completely normal thing to do, not only throughout your entire life, but especially in your teenage years. What’s so wrong with questioning the construct of gender and sexuality? You do realize gender expression is entirely made up, correct? Along with names, jobs, currency, etc. I loathe people who are too much of cowards to recognize these are all man-made and can ultimately be taken apart. Stop living in a bubble of indoctrination and ignorance. There’s a whole world out there full of things humans made up. Homosexuality has been observed in over 1 500 animal species, including bugs! It’s normal! Everything you live in is curated! There’s nothing wrong with questioning why something made up has to be so damn rigid!

#sexuality #gender #gender identity #politics

[takeyourcyanide]

Hi okay bye

#Their expressions!!’ #light and shadows and everything #culminate into one cool fucking piece #soul’s red eyes

[takeyourcyanide]

sometimes everyone needs to be weird and creepy and do science

will i be banned from tumblr this time? well, let's see!

#WONDERFUL #everything about this #I always love your coloring #and sometimes? all the time

[takeyourcyanide]

#I LOVE THIS #i love gore #and anatomy #a lot #wonderful #this is so cool #the snake anatomy too ahifkowkw

[takeyourcyanide]

Could you reblog this if you enjoy seeing your writer friends ramble about their wips on your dash?

#rambles are always enjoyable to read to me