yeetititus

[yeetititus]

EXP 5: The Door to Wonderland (?)

I don't know... I don't know what I was doing, I don't know where I learnt some of these skills they just... Kinda came out...

Maybe it was from all from the boredom during isolation, who kno - ah... there it is again...

Auditory Hallucinations...

Recently as I've been going to bed a few hours after my sedatives have kicked in, i put on rain ambience (of which there's no music of any sorts) yet at the same time I wouldn't mind making music like this...

And the thing is because of the music I expose myself to, I can pretty much hear the music underlying the songs, and it's so weird because I'm playing a Spotify playlist called ambient music, and none of the musical elements that appear in those songs I hear are present in the Spotify playlist.

Interesting. I haven't had auditory hallucinations in a long time... Like - since I was a child - long time. And now that I'm so much more skilled it sounds like it could make some pretty interesting music...

Auditory Hallucinations

edit: I haven't even posted it yet, and when I woke up my phone was on the floor on 11% lol. But anyways, learning how to make this kind of music could very well be interesting as well as constructive. I'm having trouble finding my feet in EDM production again and I don't want to just make generic music, rather something special...

Something that sounds like auditory hallucinations but still makes sense as music, even chill music... Which has lead me to thinking about alias names for this concept.

Auditory Hallucinations:

AuHal - pronounced Awe - Hell, with a fan being called an AuHaller (awe - heller); perhaps even an AuHelling.

AudHal - pronounced Awe - Dell, a fan would be called an AudHaller, pronounced Awe - Deller (like dweller, but without the w).

AH - just doesn't work

ATHN - perhaps pronounced Athen, maybe even ATHNS, like Athens; A fan would be called an Athener.

Optionally using other letters for the acronym where the construction of the acronym falls on stronger consonants:

ADHLUCNS - this one is quite lengthy though, but it pronounced the full name

Auhsin - pronounced Awe - Sin. Fans would be called an Auhsinner (yeah I know it unintentionally sounds evil but it's also an interesting spelling in terms of the main acronym).

Alternatively there doesn't even need to be fan based names like Hexagonians or Hardwellers, it just needs to be me. Kind of pretentious, I know, but it's what I want... For me that's the important part.

Well wasn't that trip to a far but achievable Wonderland?... Guess I just have to find the doorway...

#chaotic wonderland #black and white #experimental #experimental art #nature #bare trees #men's mental health #mental health awareness #dark art #pendrawing #abstract #leafless #dark aesthetic #darkness #controlled chaos

[yeetititus]

Various camera adjustment captures, unedited.

I quite enjoy photography (granted I don't have a very good phone camera, but I do what I can in post production) and these are some of my better captures at the Covid Ward in one of the main hospital gardens. I may or may not be inclined to throw these into Lightroom, we'll see.

#photography #flowers #mental health awareness #phone photography #lightroom #nature #original photographers #camera #shitty camera #capture #photography lovers #naturephotography

[yeetititus]

This one... Eh I'm not really sure hey...

I kinda drew this one under the influence of my sleeping tablet (as well as a few others, similarly experiment 1). I like to think of it as my mind, there's solid sections of information and content that I can contain, but because my mania is so chaotic I can't arrange my thoughts...

When I tell my dad something it's always out of order and he complains about it 😂. To me it makes sense; a story should never be linear. Some may argue otherwise and that for that reason chronological order exists, but sometimes there's too many other pieces of missing information that has to be filled in because sometimes context is necessary, practically more often then not.

So when I tell a story it jumps all over the place; is it fun? No. I wish I could tell you that I know how to completely encapsulate all the information you need to know and tell it to you in one go, but I cannot and I don't know why. I was taught the same way as to everybody else, so why can I not organise my thoughts?

Usually it ended in the creation of nothing, which is how my writer's block developed. Music, art, work, even leisurely reading and writing, I just didn't know why I couldn't complete anything after hours of trying and trying and eventually giving up from exhaustion or being shown how to do something. I even have problems completing or figuring out puzzles because of it; there's just a lot of things I don't seem to be able to figure out and it just skyrockets my stress levels. Finally it feels like I'm starting to unlock more and more pieces of my mind I haven't had access to for years and it feels so great. I have a lot of people to thank at the psychiatric hospital I came to, and since so many talks with many creatives here, it's helping me learn and adapt and grow faster again. It's helping me find passion in various fields I'd given in to because I couldn't make sense of things. I'm so grateful and glad I've actually gotten the opportunity to come to this place.

Even if nobody reads this, these posts and everything to follow are a reminder of my reboot back into life... I'm only 21 and it felt like I just couldn't anymore with life (not to the point of suicidal, but extremely dilapidated), and now it feels like there's so much more to do and document to remind me of my own development.

Exciting times are ahead, I can feel it coming. For this reason this page will not solely be art that I may or may not accomplish, but rather all my creative outlets that I find interest in. Help, development, guidance and advice would be highly appreciated, because at this point, I just wanna see what my limits are and how to push them more and more.

I thank anybody in advance, especially constructive criticism.

#mental illness #mental heath support #dark art #experimental art #experimental #black and white #abstract #drawing #pendrawing #my ugly art #disorganised chaos #broken #mental health awareness #men's mental health #nature art #i don't know how to use tags

[yeetititus]

I recently got admitted to a psychiatric hospital after a not so great year that lead to big crashes and big changes. After contracting COVID at the psych facility (ironically) I was moved to the main hospital's COVID ward. Armed with my guitar, laptop, speaker, note book and pen, I challenged myself to dig deep and find the creativity I lost years ago. Some interesting things started coming out...

p.s. ignore the tags

#abstract #drawing #pendrawing #black and white #ugly #controlled chaos #creepy #haunting #experimental #experimental art #work in progress #illustration #tree #winter #bare trees #leafless #dark aesthetic #dark art #darkness