#and all of this for what!!! Im even lonelier than before i got depression

[iidsch]

god really loves giving his hardest battles (depression and unhealthy behaviors that feed off each other) to his weakest soldiers (me who is terribly lonely and emotionally weak)

#m #negative #im. so unbelievably tired right now #i hate being alone but i hate even more having to do the effort of going outside and talking with people i share nothing in common with + #who have no interest in becoming friends with me. just to end up so physically and emotionally exhausted that next time I have to meet up + #with someone again i dread how tired and sad and bored im going to be afterwards #i hate that im awkward and have very low social energy and yet im the one reaching out first and the one who approaches people first #and all of this for what!!! Im even lonelier than before i got depression #like just for once i wish someone would make things easier for me #lets have a conversation (a conversation!! not a monologue!!!!) about something I like and know about #lets hang out at my house or at least sit in a quiet place that doesnt involve a 30 minute ride #just for once! thats all im asking!! #i just want someone to look at me and think “thats someone i want to be friends with and im going to do the effort of approaching them” #bcs im legit tired of having to do all the work to approach ppl and lose all my energy through the proccess for literally nothing #i dont have it in me to get out of depression by myself. and if im bound to be this lonely for the rest of my life then man. idk what to do

[lady-phasma]

Hello there, I loved your previous answer to an anon question and you made a comment about your previous experience of getting attached to characters or people because of loneliness and depression. Please can I ask how you overcome that and what perspective you had about this? How did you frame it in your mind? 🥰🥰🥰 I have never really experienced this before and I’m not why but I get happy and then feel sadness because I know im projecting and it’s not real. In my real life I’m pretty confident but I would like to start dating and meeting someone but have a crush on a character or actor has been easier than going out there and approaching people I like. Any advice would be brilliant. Also I have felt that when it has come to people like EM etc the stories about how they actually got there and the way in which they have made sacrifices and had challenges gets glossed over. It’s always look at how well they have done which is right, but not it’s taken lots of hard work and lots of rejections and learning behind closed doors to get them in this position. The glamorisation of actors can be really off putting for me as it’s amazing that they are getting the credit they deserve but the toil to get there is rarely mentioned.

Hi anon! I think this is the ask you are referring to. Thank you. 💜 I'm glad you enjoyed it. Let me tell you today turned out to be the day to ask this. We have gotten so many Ewan crumbs today. It's honestly a bit overwhelming.

I'm going to start with: your emotions are not weird or uncommon! The first thing we have to do is be compassionate with ourselves. I have a couple moots who needed some distance this week, not because of drama, just to be in the real world more and less overwhelmed. I spent half of Sunday without any technology so I could give my brain a break. So do your absolute best to be compassionate toward yourself.

Next, regarding this:

you made a comment about your previous experience of getting attached to characters or people because of loneliness and depression. Please can I ask how you overcome that and what perspective you had about this? How did you frame it in your mind?

This answer will be quite long, settle in. I will use some healthier examples from my Matt Smith fandom and a couple from back when I had a harder time coping. The timing does overlap in my life a bit because Matt has been part of my life since he and I were 25-26 years old (I phrased it like that even though it's odd, because I want people to understand that most of what I am going to be discussing was before I turned 30).

I think this is the comment you were talking about:

lady-phasma: Oh man I have had attachments in the past, at points in my life that could have become obsessions because of loneliness or depression (not applying that to this anon) and have had to take a step back and think "okay I actually don't know this person!"

That's the context here's the first part of the answer. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped a lot. Not for the attachments to actors/public figures, but for what was actually going on with me (which I'm not going to go into too much detail about). My sister and I call these actors "emotional support actors" (gender neutral). There have been times that it wasn't the actor, but a specific character which helped me through a difficult time. When I was in a slowly-dying relationship, Ryan Gosling helped me feel less alone through roles like Drive and Crazy, Stupid Love. I want to be clear that I am not discussing parasocial relationships exactly (here's an article about those that is fairly unbiased). I don't have a problem discussing them and I have possibly unpopular opinions about them, but that's a distinction I wanted to make here. I consumed all the Ryan Gosling content I could for over two years and his movies helped me during my breakup (yes, the relationship ended, thank fuck).

The way that I "overcame" it was by reframing the actor/character in my mind as a tool or coping mechanism (I was thrilled you said "frame" btw). In the recent past I said to a moot "these internet men are going to kill me." That made them laugh because "these internet men" are real people. I have even made posts about that. However, that is one of my ways of creating distance. The Ryan Gosling I learned about, watched every interview of, watched nearly his entire body of work, is not Ryan Gosling and never will be. Neither is Matt or Pedro or Ewan or Gwendoline Christie or any of them. So now, I think of them as tools that I use to give myself some comfort during a difficult time when it starts to escalate.

This is where I'll use Matt as an example because I have been able to do this with him since day one. I have written about it briefly before, the Eleventh Doctor showed up at a time in my life that was very difficult. I had no idea I needed him. It turns out the part was played by a gorgeous and talented actor. I know now that I can turn to Matt's films/tv shows for comfort and keep my emotional distance because, in many ways, he is a figment of my imagination. I'll note here that I also no longer consume detailed personal facts about actors. I know a lot of people enjoy that but outside of knowing things Matt has said in interviews and his birthday and height I have no clue who he dates and when. No idea where he likes to vacation or grab a pint. This applies to any actor I like: the less I know, the better. That helps me from thinking that I know them. (I hope I explained that well.)

As you said, a projection. Watching his Doctor Who episodes is the same as a weighted blanket. It is comforting, self-care, and gives me space to not think.

I'm going to tie this into your other main question:

In my real life I’m pretty confident but I would like to start dating and meeting someone but have a crush on a character or actor has been easier than going out there and approaching people I like.

Ask any moot who knows me well and they can tell you I have a personal rule: if I start to have daydreams about meeting Matt I shut that shit down fast. And I mean fast. As soon as I realize I've done it I stop, take a step back, and use my self-awareness to isolate what I need in that moment. Am I lonely, hungry, overwhelmed, tired, anxious? This is personal boundary for me. I love daydreams but I want to maintain my on-going fangirling for Matt as long as possible. This approach works for me because maybe I need to text a friend or do some yoga or even get on a dating app. We can't always identify what the need is but it helps me to try. I am confident as well and have had lots of partners when I have the energy to put into those interactions. I don't always have that energy. I know why it's easier for me to crush/fangirl though this may not be your reason: I don't have to give up a single aspect of my life to another person, I don't have to be vulnerable because these are completely one sided situations. Matt will never ask me to meet his mom. Ewan will never need me to pick him up if he has a flat time. My time and my energy remain my own.

I don't have any kind of advice really. I'm aroallo and omnisexual and a cis female and you might be absolutely none of those things so my advice wouldn't help. But, human to human, pay attention to what you feel you are missing in your life and decide if you need to make it happen or if you can feel at peace without it. That is a question we have to ask over and over through our lives because we change so much.

I wish I had time to talk about the last bit you mentioned because it is important that we humanize actors and understand their struggles but I have gone on longer than most people will read. 💕 Thank you for coming to me, anon. I'm always here.

Just in case you decide to come back I gave you 📸 anon (because it felt appropriate and fun for fandom stuff) but feel free to pick your own if you don't like that.

#love my anons #asked and answered #fandom stuff #personal #📸 anon

[lesbianwriter]

im sure ive requested this before but i absolutely adore your writing dude

how about a hero whos had just an AWFUL day so she winds up at villains house/apartment (wherher of her own intention or maybe she got wasted and villain broignt her home or something for safety idk)

i am bery exhausted while writing this si i apologize for all of tbe spellinv mistakes i hope this is semi legible 💀

Thank you!!! And the spelling mistakes…I’ve found more than a few spelling errors in my posts—and a lot of embarrassing ones at that—so it’s completely fine 💀

It had been a very bad day.

So, Hero had gone to a bar—nowhere near the glamor of the types that the higher up heroes perused, but a grungy place that reeked of depression—and at that bar where misery was interwoven into the very fibers of the floor, she had drinks. Perhaps one too many.

She was sober enough to understand what was happening…mostly…and she knew exactly where she was stumbling to, even if her legs were swaying uneasily. However, she wasn’t sober enough to repel herself from her her trance of willingly seeking out the lion’s den—willingly walking straight into the beast’s hungry jaws like a prepackaged meal. There was a part of her that warned against it, but the part wasn’t louder than the part of her that achingly, desperately, painfully wanted somewhere to just lay down and rest her throbbing head. 

Then, it began to rain.

Hero would’ve cursed if she wasn’t too tired to spend her feeble amount of energy screaming all the nasty words she knew. Utterly and completely dejected, she hung her head and kept walking—she didn’t have a choice, she was too far from her own place to turn back now. And she didn’t want to be alone.

If she were honest with herself, she didn’t know where else to go. There was nobody else to support her. She couldn’t even trust herself to take care of herself. Whenever she was sick, she still went to work. Whenever she was injured from a fight, she patched it up enough with her sloppy work, and she didn’t ask for help even when she knew she had done it wrong. Furthermore, in recent days her apartment had become uncontrollably untidy, her laundry hadn’t been done in days, there was nothing but cold pizza and a can of whipped cream in her fridge, and the word self-care was now a foreign one.

The weight of her loneliness and helplessness was gut-crunching.

Being a hero was miserable if you weren’t one of the ‘elites’ or somehow, someway, connected to them. Nothing she did ever got noticed, which meant she didn’t get payed much, and therefore she had to take on extra work—the more dangerous jobs—all to pay her bills and keep water in her sink.

Dripping like a wet dog, Hero finally knocked on Villain’s door. “Villain?” She called weakly. The lights were on in the windows…she had to be home. Hero needed her to be home. 

Suddenly, the door swung open with an angry creak. “I swear, if you’re handing out a leaflet of any kind—“ Villain’s eyes widened as she finally saw who was standing in her doorway. “Hero?”

“I had a bad day…” Hero sniffled.

The light from inside glowed on the front steps. Warm. Hero wanted to leap inside before Villain slammed the door, but she held back—mainly because if she moved too much then she’d tip over as if she were a capsized boat.

Villain looked her up and down. The usual sharp-edged, assessing malice in her eyes had faded into something softer. Kinder. Her eyes appraised Hero carefully, as if handling glass. “Come inside.”

Head still lowered, Hero shuffled inside.

If Hero felt unsure about coming to Villain’s place, Villain looked even more unsteady than her.

Her eyebrows furrowed, knitting together. “…I’ll go get you a towel. Don’t step onto my nice carpet—I just stole that last week—but you can…can stand there. I guess.” She grimaced and hurried off up the stairs, disappearing down the upstairs hallway.

—

—

“How much did you drink?” Villain wiped at Hero’s face. Black streaks of mascara stained the towel. “I can smell the alcohol off of you—it’s cheap, too.”

The elite heroes were the ones who could afford the finest. Hero, however, was left to resort to the cheapest there was. Pathetically, she still spent more money than she could afford. Which meant more jobs—harder jobs—jobs that were insanely dangerous. Her body was already littered with scars, and she had nearly lost her whole arm  during her last mission, but it wasn’t enough.

She hadn’t sacrificed enough of herself.

It made her want to cry, but that’d be more mess for Villain to wipe up.

“I don’ know.” Hero mumbled.

After drying off, Villain had guided her to a couch and brought her a steaming cup of tea, a glass of water, a large bowl, and a few pillows and blankets. It was comfortable, and so soft—the softest thing she’d laid her head upon in ages—and it was overwhelmingly tempting to simply close her eyes and never wake up again. A likely possibility if Villain rethought her hospitality.

“You shouldn’t be this heedless,” Villain folded the towel in her hands. “You’re drunk—you came to me—and what if I killed you? Or kept you here and tortured you for information?”

“Will you?”

“…not when you’re drunk like this. That isn’t a level playing field.” Stiffly, she stood up. Her hands fluttered around and smoother the blanket over Hero. “Go to sleep. Here,” she held up a remote, “is the control for the TV. If you wake up before I do, you can watch whatever. Just don’t delete anything I’ve recorded and keep the volume low.”

“You’re being so nice.” Hero slurred. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, well, I know what it’s like to be horribly drunk after a bad day without anybody there.” She hesitated, a hand brushing away a piece of Hero’s still slightly damp hair. “You don’t deserve that. Anyways, have a horrible night.”

“Not goodnight?”

“I’m a villain, I can’t wish you goodnight.” Villain’s nose crinkled, but the corners of her mouth flickered into a smile for a faint moment before she walked away.

Sorry the pacing is sloppy 😭

#hero x villain #villain x hero #a little whumpy #if you squint real hard #villain caretaker #sapphic #wlw #my writing #heroes and villains

[calehenituse-brainrot]

Sooo yeah. What if Kim rok Soo and fem! Reader are childhood friends?

Reader is mentally and physically stronger than him

She always there for his gloomy ass and would always motivate him subconsciously because reader has great speaking skills

Like, "you can rely on me, rok Soo" and "shut up you're being depressing. Now come here and have some chicken wing"

But what if reader isn't as strong as she seems?

Krs would notice it first before her or anyone

But he won't say anything for the sake of the reader's pride in believing herself as a strong person

He would stay by the reader's door and listen to her sobs inside her room in hopes to lessen her loneliness and comfort her with his presence

Then would leave her some of her fav snacks right after and she would mentally thank him once she open her door

Both the reader and krs would then pretend nothing happen and continue both of their daily happy chats (reader do most of the talking while he just peacefully listens)

Krs knew that he needs to talk about what was bothering the reader but knowing her and her prideful ass, he would instead be glared at and ignored (because of embarrassment) if he said a word about it.

Kim rok Soo would definitely have a headache because of his childhood friend's personality and nonsense but would still love the person who brought him life and happiness to the ends of the world

Having a strong, egotistical, and honest person as a childhood friend and crush is not easy

IF you only look at the negative side of her personality

Krs admired reader because of her confidence and would be often told by her that he should be confident too

"aigoo, if you keep up that sorry excuse of a wimp personality that made you seem like a haunting ghost, people won't look at you the same way like I do." "Just how do you see me anyway?" "You're handsome."

Even though he doesn't care of what others think, but ever since she bluntly complimented his appearance, he was then suddenly motivated to at least fix his hair and clothes in a rather tidy, but still attractive, manner

Then he gets all the compliment from reader just as he wanted

Man's whipped for reader since primary school, so, he may look nonchalant as reader praise him, but deep inside his world became all pink with hearts as he took all of the reader's words in with happiness

Of course he also got some compliments from his peers, but the reader's mattered more to him

I'm gonna stop here since my battery's running out. But I still want to talk about this when the apocalypse arrived and krs became Cale....

So yeah if you want part two of this idea then I could give it to you guys if not then I hope you like this idea since I planned to make a fanfic for Cale around this time when my affections for him are at its peak lmaoo

BABE??? OH MY GOD THIS IS SO AMAZING

ngl i very much kin the reader 💀🙏

please PLEASE MAKE A PART TWO OMG?? i cannot believe you're sharing this with all of us, omg omg im so in love with it

#trash of the count's family #totcf #cale henituse #cale henituse x reader #tcf cale #ask me stuff #answered ask #lout of the count’s family #lout of count's family #calehenituse brainrot

[emma-frxst]

Smooth Criminal (Chapter 14)

Pairing: detective!Colossus x Criminal!Reader

Summary: Piotr falls in love with you, an art historian. He doesn’t know that you have a secret double life as an ex-spy turned art thief selling your stolen art to Sebastian Shaw. What happens when your two worlds collide?

Warnings: sad professor X, knives, mention of weapons.

Authors note: please read about tags at the end! I’ve re-written this many times trying to get the pacing of the story right without having this chapter being way too fucking long. So here’s what we’ve got! There’s just a few more chapters and this fic will be done!! Im so excited. Ps I’m a Charles x Eric shipper but for the purpose of this story I’ve got Charles x Moira.

-

Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters

1407 Graymalkin Lane, Westchester County, New York.

You walked up the stone path to what was once a blossoming school. Students ran amok while the teachers kept a watchful eye on the young mutants.

But time had taken it’s toll on the place and the man who ran it. Last you heard, Charles Xavier was a bit of a lost cause these days. You went to knock on the door but before your fist could make contact with the wooden door, it opened, revealing a sickly looking Charles. It saddened you to see an old friend in such a state.

Loneliness and guilt plagued him.

The guilt of past actions haunted you both, it seemed.

“Hello y/n” he said. “I heard your thoughts as soon as you stepped out from the car. Please come in”.

“I thought your powers didn’t work with Hank’s cure’?” You inquired, stepping into the mansion.

“Ah, can’t seem to turn the mind completely off.” He stated, tapping his temple with his index finger.

Ever since Charles had erased Moira Mactaggert’s memories he has become a recluse. He didn’t care, he was depressed and angry. His true love didn’t even know his name. He had shut down the school, opting to be alone with the exception of a visit from old friends every now and then.

“I suppose you didn’t come here to reminisce on old times.” He stated rather than questioned.

Ah yes old times.

You worked with Moria to help keep Xavier’s mansion off the CIA and SHIELD’s radar. You and she had prevented many a sticky situation on the professors behalf.

And now you needed him to repay that favor.

“No, I didn’t come for reminiscing. Um.. I have a..problem with someone with a strong healing factor. I need them dead. Not gone, not injured, but dead. I’ve got cash.”

The professor scoffed. “Money..” he mumbled. “Who needs it.”

“Do you?“ you questioned.

“No, my dear. Money is no fun unless you’ve got someone to spend it on. Come on now.”

He said, motioning you to follow him downstairs.

“You’re not trying to kill Wolverine are you?” He joked.

“No, his brother Sabertooth, actually.” You said, deadpan.

The professor seemed a bit shocked at your confession.

“Always getting ourselves into sticky situations, aren’t we?”

“Yes.” You replied. “I wish Moria was here to help get me out of this one.”

Charles remained quiet as the two of you approached the weapons vault. Maybe you shouldn’t have brought her up.

The vault opened revealing weapons of all kinds.

Hoping he’d give you the biggest one, you were disappointed when the professor put a small dagger in your hands.

You looked at him with disbelief, he didn’t have to read your mind to tell that wasn’t what you were expecting.

“This blade is made from carbonadium.”

Your face scrunched into confusion.

“It is a radioactive metal that is vastly stronger than steel, but more malleable than adamantium. It can slow a healing factor to a stop.”

It was then and only then that you realized the challenge that laid out in front of you.

Victor was a brute. He was tough and mean. Animalistic would be a more fitting adjective. He was also impulsive and reckless when his judgement was clouded by revenge and anger. Meanwhile you were calculating, cautious, and able to keep your cool.

“Thank you, Charles.”

“Not a problem.” He said, closing the vault and walking you back upstairs.

“It’s a shame you have to live such a lie after what SHIELD did to you.”

“It’s not a complete lie..” you explained. “I’ve found something so pure and..right despite it all.”

The professor quirked a brow.

You couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Piotr.

“Yeah, I um-“

“Want to talk about it over tea?” Charles questioned.

“I would Charles, but that pure and good thing I found..doesn’t know I’m here and I’d like to keep it that way.”

“I understand, off you go then.” He said, walking you out the front door.

“Thanks again, Charles.”

He gave you a small wave and closed the door.

You looked at the dagger in your hand and took a deep breath.

Oh what had you gotten yourself into?

.

\ weeks later /

You let out a long sigh, it had been a long day of selling books, talking about books, talking about books about art history, hanging a few replica paintings in the bookshop, helping some students with projects. Just book stuff..No crime, no lies, no Victor.

You left the inventory and cash counting for tomorrow, Piotr was picking you up for dinner and you couldn’t wait. He had been working overtime for the past two weeks and you missed him dearly.

You stepped outside the door, enjoying the light breeze that swept through. Maybe you could convince Piotr could go for a walk after dinner. The warmer months made it great for post- dinner sunset watching.

You turned to lock the door. While doing so you heard heavy footsteps from someone walking up behind you, a cool shiver made its way down your spine.

“Did you miss me?”

-

Dun dun dun..a cliff hanger! Is it Piotr? Is it the professor? Is it Victor? Is it an old colleague from SHIELD? find out next week when chapter 15 is published. Love you all!

Note about tags- I had a note in my phone for everyones tags separated by the character/ series they wanted tagged for..but while trying to put this post in my tumblr drafts (after having too much wine) I’ve messed it up so if I’ve tagged you for the wrong character/series/ fandom let me know otherwise I’ll just keep tagging everyone lol. I’ve got my det loki tags sorted. I’ve also got @brujademente only being tagged for the steel heart series.

Tags: (tag list of open, send me an ask if you want to be tagged, removed or only tagged for certain characters.) @chromecutie @xenomorphique @evelyn120700 @nightriver99 @iamwarrenspeace @this-that-and-every-thing-else @hsk-puma @bungeewabbit @pianomad @lesbianstarkx @hazilyimagine-blog  @super-darkcloudstudent @thehuntress26 @siren-lamented-vampire @mooleche @rovvboat @leo-writer @dandyqueen @nitemaremotionless @thewintersoldierswife

I’ve also got these folks who I think asked to be tagged for colossus stuff but I might be tripping and have just imagined that. so let me know if you want me to keep tagging you. (Saying no won’t hurt my feelings I promise.)

@master-sass-blast

@reiner-exodus-rasputin

@xytoskeleton

@tinytiana

@lesbianyondu

@hunbun-posts

#colossus x reader #piotr rasputin x reader #colossus reader insert #colossus self insert #colossus x you #peter rasputin x reader #piotr rasputin reader insert #mine #kacceywrites #sc #smooth criminal

[queerbuckleys]

Hello I want your advice on something if you don’t mind? So I’m 23 and haven’t had like a group of friends since high school and I had only my best friend for a few years after I graduated, even though we were living a few hours apart then, but then she passed away and I have had no (in person) friends. I’ve just been really lonely but I had my best friend even if we weren’t in the same space but since losing her I’ve been much lonelier, and my depression is bad but I think it’s a lot from being lonely. Anyways on Saturday my local LGBTQ+ center is having a “speed friending” event and part of me wants to go but part of me is terrified because I’m very awkward socially and I don’t know that I’d have anything interesting to say and I also don’t know exactly how the event works or how structured it is?? I just don’t know how I’d make friends any other way as an adult but the anxiety about going to it is super bad but do you think I should force myself to go? My mom sent the info to me and thinks so but idk what my thoughts are and cannot make a decision to save my life

sweet nonnie, first i am so sorry for your loss <3 my short answer is absolutely you should go! i went through very similar anxiety before deciding to go to my local yarn store's weekly craft circle, and i will give you the same advice both my mom and my therapist gave me: go to the center beforehand and check it out, test the commute, see the space so that part isn't all new on saturday. when you are there you can ask questions about it -- just say "hey i saw you're hosting this event this weekend and i wanted more information" if doing that in person sounds too scary DM them on instagram or see if there is an email on their site, answering the what ifs that i can has always helped me be somewhat less anxious. depending on the structure it might be really easy to be a listener, so be active, ask questions, and they will probably ask you about things too, people usually love talking about themselves! also its kinda like the guy on the bus meme with both sides saying "nobody knows you" so even the littlest things you kind of forget about yourself are brand new information to everyone you'll talk to, which is scary but also makes you interesting! the first time i was going to go to the craft circle, all the signs in the universe were telling me not to go, i missed my bus, i didnt have the money to get a lyft, and i was running late, so i called my mom on the verge of a panic attack because it's not perfect im giving up i will try again next week, and she sent me the money for the lyft and stayed on the phone with me until i got there. all that to say, use your support system, it sounds like your mom is rooting for you so use that to your advantage <3 another thing you can do it just keep showing up at the center's events in the future too! even if they are not friending specific, if you have time see if they need volunteers. just keep showing up and someone will see you. I am also terribly socially awkward and anxious so i 100% get it, all of that is much easier said than done, but i promise it is worth it to do it scared. you are doing a hard thing, so be kind and gracious with yourself, but also do a little tough self love. i believe in you. you got this.

#ask aj and they answer #anon #also keep me updated im here like all the time #and i love you

[letpol]

Untitled...

It is weird how things can change in a moment.

For some reason i haven't found an answer for a simple question, what do I want to do?

It has been more than a month, this question comes through my mind several times a day and for some reason i feel fine with no answer. At least a concrete answer.

As there are goals i have but i'm currently just trying to live my best life and try to enjoy it.

Having suicide roam your mind every single second of your life is hard, harder than people think it is. Seeing a grey world is fucking depressing.

Seeing how life loses colour, that's the toughest part. Having all those vibrant colours around and not being able to notice them, it hurts.

As someone who already experienced what's on the other side let me tell you that it is worse. A big empty black nothingness, that's the other side.

Walking aimlessly and endlessly with your own thoughts. Knowing well enough that your mind is your own worst enemy.

Loneliness is hard, for both mind and body. End up losing interest in every little and small thing you used to enjoy.

Depression ends up killing you inside bit by bit, in chunks so small that you don't notice it. People around you will start noticing it, they will tell you and the same depression will silence their warnings.

Having to constantly play music within my thoughts to hear some background noise instead of my own thoughts, or the silence within my own head, which is scarier. The silence within your thoughts is hard to describe. At least the feeling of it. As someone with always something making noise when the silence arrives it is hard.

Feels like a void, like i've been disconnected from this world. Like i no longer belong here. Weirdly as it brings some discomfort it also brings a deep sensation of peace. Like the world finally did shut up.

Losing my safe place was the trigger that made me start to work on myself. Sounds weird but it is true.

The moment i lost what i loved the most was the moment that triggered a change in my life.

As it was the moment i knew that i had lost myself. Lost sight of who i was and what i was set to do.

Would love to see that i have found my path back, unfortunately i haven't.

I know, somehow, that i'm currently working on finding my correct path, has been hard. But knowing that i'm on my way is what has taken me this far.

Doing things that I have never done before has helped too.

Going step by step is the way, sometimes depression will bring you back, but all you have to do is keep moving in a direction, doesnt matter which one as long as it itsn't going back to where you have been.

Reached the point where human life became meaningless and more of like a game, thats the point on which i decided it was enough. As I didnt want to end up becoming a psychopath, as seeing people die in front of me became meaningless and sometimes even fun.

Thats the point that i realized that i was going on a dark path. When human life became meaningless at all for me. Seeing people die even became a hobby and got to enjoy it. Human stupidity at its finest so i thought those lives were just a waste of resources.

It came to a point where i was just deceiving myself and everyone around me as i had become a soulless man with no ambitions at all. Lying to myself every second telling myself that everything was gonna be fine while knowing i was a complete mess inside, slowly killing myself.

Might write a little bit more another day or just might droop it here. Im just leaving my mind run wild a little bit.

Meditation is key to getting better, at least in my case.

The only reason you cant change is because you're dead. If you want to make a change just do it, dont wait for when it is too late and you will regret it. Already lost what i loved the most, but thats the reason i decided to change. To get back what it's mine and work toward that path of personal happiness.

Who knows if i'll get there, if i do, i just hope that the journey will...

#emo #suicide #sorry for being depressing

[lifewiththelulus]

Atlantis just don't got any luck

Imagine her bursting through the bakery doors in tears and being like "CIRRUS KINDLIN IM SO STUPID IM LIKE, THE DUMBEST PUDDLE-"

Kindlin: You really gotta start being more careful Atlantis: WOW HELPFUL THANK YOU

She's being super cranky lol

Cirrus giving the “I’m not mad, just disappointed” look at her

She's super ashamed it happened again and begs them not to tell anyone yet Not even Reef She says she's gotta do something important before he finds out but really she had no idea what she's gonna do about it

Reef noticing her acting more distant and starts to fall into depression.

She probably makes up some excuse like she's gotta work late a lot

He’d try to be sympathetic since he knows what it’s like to have to work extra hours. But it doesn’t stop the loneliness from getting to him.

Him getting a call one day from Kindlin because Atlantis in the hospital She was hanging out in the bakery when she started complaining about some chest pain and they took her to the hospital

When he shows up Kindlin leaves them alone in the room because while he was on his way she sternly told Atlantis she needed to tell him. Atlantis was just about to open her mouth to say it, when the doctor walked in "Everything seems to be fine, just drink more water, stay away from the caffeine and alcohol, it's not good for the baby."

Atlantis: 😶

Reef: …Baby?

Reef: You…you said you were safe that day.

Atlantis: I thought I was! Reef I - I'm so sorry-

Reef has to sit down for a minute to keep himself from freaking out. After a few minutes of silence. Reef: Out of all thing to keep secret from me, why this?

Atlantis held her tears back until he asked that. Atlantis: I…. I wasn't ready for you to leave. I couldn't watch you leave..

She wouldn't look at him and just continued to let tears fall onto her hospital gown.

Atlantis: But I understand if you do…

Reef is horrified of the thought of having a kid, he can barely save up enough money for him and Gulf and knows nothing about handling infants. But… Reef: I’m not leaving you Atlantis, not when you need someone now more than ever!

Atlantis looks up at him, years in her eyes. Atlantis: You… You aren't leaving? She sounded genuinely confused Atlantis: B-But you need to take care of Gulf, and I've been through this before - She had ingrained into her mind the idea he wouldn't possibly stay, not after what she went through with Drake.

Reef: (sigh) Yeah I do and I will, I don’t know how but, I’ll take care of him and you and your girls AND the baby! My…. My dad left my mom when she told him she was pregnant with me, I’ve seen her struggle raising me alone, but she still did it, what’s more, when she took in Gulf she did twice as much work to keep us all going. We were always thankful for it… even when she exhausted herself to death. And the idea of me putting you through that I… I couldn’t!

Atlantis took his hand and intertwined their fingers gently. Atlantis: "It wouldn't be my first time down that road… I guess that's why I was afraid of you leaving…" She looks down and sighs then kisses his hand. "We'll do this together. I….. I love you Reef. If there's anyone I would want this to happen with, it's you. You make me… feel something I haven't felt before. With anyone. "

#bibbity bobbity boo 🧵 #emo bangs 🏄‍♂️

[queenferretofthewoods]

TW: Venting, suicide, self harm, bullying.

So i gotta be real with me for a minute, like i hold stuff back even from those who i know are there to hear about my problems and are ready to help me if i ever needed too, but i was raised as a "Help yourself" kinda kid, my mom used to beat me and stuff, it was the bread of every day back then, but i was also bullied and often made fun of by other kids for whom i was, though it would go away with time but it only got worse.

I got to the point where i had to move schools after numerous times of me not wanting to go to school and telling my mom i was being bullied wich obiously she just said "kids are like this just man-up"

who says something like that to a kid?, after all of that i suppose i got a little bit of trauma to even be me since, fear to get bullied again, made fun of, and to be a victim.

but my mom didnt even helped when i needed to and only got me worse, after a time i was a "quiet kid", and i didnt mind it i grew up being all alone and stuff, still i was still talking with some kids but mostly i keeped to myself drawing away my time, but still hearing what sorounded me, how kid think that i would be the first to go, or the kind of kid that would bring a knife and cut himself, i just didnt told nobody and moved on, on high school i was cut off everyone else, the tenage hormones making their precense didnt helped me get throu but still i somehow survived more exclucion and detachment from others kids and still got called names, i was 12 and was considering to jump off the 3rd floor of my building and still i was surviving somehow.

I belive that i was just going throu some bad situations, and stuff would get better, than my loneliness would go away and could make friends and stuff, but i graduated sitted alone, my group had planed ahead to got me in the spot where i wouldnt even be with someone from other group, and i wasnt holding it during that day i got mad like i never had i feel before, i just wanted to cry my eyes out, die on the spot, i was loosing my shit, my mom saw me on the edge of crying and all she got to say was "boys dont cry", that stuck in my head for a whille, she never in her life had been there for me, in my lowest momments she just mocked me, was petty and i didnt wanted a solution to my problems anymore i wanted payback, thats where my relation with my mom finally got broken, started refering to her by her name, refused to do stuff, and just a couple of years ago, got me paying my self for my own stuff, i got my own apartment, lost a couple of years before i could get into a university, i started to feel more comfortable with my self, got a Bf and discovered my self in the procces, but the ideas where still hanging on the back of my mind, hurting my self, ending it, i consider it a couple of times, but told my self i couldnt do it, that i would hurt my Bf at the time....

We broke up shortly after i got into university, my mom suddently appeared in my life again, called me names, got fired from my job, and struggle with money for a month.

but i was fine i was.....i never been fine, i told my self i never be a victim, that i would never be made fun of again, that i would end my loneliness, and in the procces i got my self cut apart from everyone else, i though i had it all pulled togheter but i was merely blinded and i was never fine, i was holding by a thread, i alway denied my own fellings, this sadness this anger and this depression, all the ideas i had scratched for fear to get judged, and became shy to even try to ask for help, and i want to be done with that i want solutions, my iner child is asking for me to be free, this dome i put around him to protect him must be lifted break this self deprication and to ask for the help i need

To my past self i want to say im sorry, i should have be me from the start, i should have accepted to be the weird and happy child i wanted to be, to my new self i want you to learn to accept that mistakes are there to be enbraced not to be feared and that only from them you can get better at what you want and to dont give yourself up because it didnt worked the firts time

#vent #i just wanted to get it out of me #even in this text i hold back on stuff but i pushed forwad to stop my self of self-censoring

[weaselsneazel]

Okay, I'd like to start pff by saying I AM SO SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG! I was hit with a creative block and then my internet went out. But Im back!!

I don't know why, but having my own tag feels like such an honor. Like, I feel like I've just been handed an award or medal of honor. It's amazing!! Thank you!!

I LOVE Dameon!!! Look at that growley mean boy!!! And look at his neat tattoos!! Definitely more intimidating!!

So, here's my idea of how Cash and Marcus met: I think it would be back in Cash' detective days. Maybe decently late in his career, a few years before he retired. While he was on the job, it wasn't uncommon for the police to ask him to join them on drug investigations/drug raids to sniff out the drugs (cause dog toon). Cash, however, absolutely hated this. Not only were drugs really not a big deal to him (at least, the relatively harmless ones), but he found it pretty degrading. He didn't spend years training to be a detective just to do a job that any other mindless police dog could do. Still, on the odd chance Cash didn't have any ongoing cases and was really itching for some action, he'd occasionally agree (with some convincing, of course).

On one of these cases, he was sent solo with a search warrant to check out an RV that they suspected of having a huge stash of laced/dangerous drugs. This particularly pissed Cash off, both because he just worked a huge case and was pretty sleep deprived because of it, and he was just getting really such of these drug searches. On top of that, it took him a while to fund the RV because they gave him a different location than what was on the search warrant, so he had to search for the damn place.

When he does finally find it, he could already tell by the time he got out of his car that there was just plain old weed here. Far from the huge laced, dangerous drug stash he'd been told about. He knocked on the door and started doing his regular explanation of things, not even slightly intimidated or weary of Marcus cause he was already just done with this and wanted to go home. Marcus, of course, wasn't exactly too willing to cooperate with a guy who, from a first glance, appeared to be a cop.

Finally, Cash got fed up and said "Look man, I know you have weed here. I could tell from 10 feet of this place. Just promise me the shits not laced." Marcus could barely say anything short of 'No' before Cash signed the search warrant and handed Marcus a copy. "Here's your copy of the warrant, you're technically supposed to keep it, but honestly, you can use it to roll joints for all I care, have a nice day."

As he started to walk away, he paused and thought,'.... nah, fuck it.' And handed Marcus a list of places the police were frequenting on drug searches as a silent 'fuck you' to the cops that kept sending him on these damn cases.

OMG THIS IS SO GOOD AND FITS PERFECTLY with this lore idea for Marcus and Dameon!! Like how it connects sorta??

So i had this idea that Dameon and Marcus used to be friends, and both kinda fell into the drug business together. Dameon running shit like Oxy and other hardcore drugs while Marcus stuck to dealing weed. Few years go by and Dameon starts doing shit that Marcus doesn’t like. Dameon growing more aggressive and trigger-happy, generally doing things against Marcus’s morals.

So eventually he and Dameon start drifting apart and stop talking. They start to argue a lot more until it blows up and they get into a huge fight which causes Dameon to get arrested for assault, and that really set Marcus back mentally and caused a sort of loneliness? But in his mind, he’d rather be alone than do the shit that Dameon was doing.

So during one of his more depressive episodes, he starts slipping a little in security? And that’s how his RV got put on a suspicion list! Which brings Cash into the picture!! And I think after their exchange, they start running into each other at a diner that Marcus frequently goes to! (fun fact the same diner he were to meet his gf at 🥹🫶) cough cough @foxthesimp cough cough vivian !!

So now Marcus has this friend that’s so chill and matches his vibe and it kinda makes him feel better about the whole Dameon situation!! Plus they both talk shit about the cops and police in general and get an inside look on how different their careers were by sharing experiences!!

#ask #cash anon #ALSO YAY IM GLAD YOURE BACK!!!! #oc #toon oc #mutual oc

[sevenmikento]

Hello! May i please request a jjk hc or imagine where the mc is yuujis childhood friend that can see curses and has a powerful curse technique?? Yuuji knew since they were kids but kinda forgot about it cuz he didn’t really understood and mc never tried to bring it up again to keep him safe. And after coming to tokyo when the sukuna thing happened- yuuji recommended his bestfriend to gojo so they could study together. Thank you so much!! 💕💕

A/N: omg okay so i distinctly remember receiving this request while i was in bed reading angsty haikyuu fics and then i was hit with such a big brain idea for this that i made a draft of it bc i knew i would forget otherwise. also omg im so sorry but i made this a lot angstier than expected but it has a happy ending!! ;––;

genres: angsty with a fluffy ending, hurt/comfort; 1.5k words

come with me [Itadori Yuuji X Reader]

“You’re moving?” you repeat the words just spoken to you, unafraid to let the disappointment in your voice show as you feel your bottom lip begin to quiver and the back of your eyes burn up in tears. “To Tokyo? So suddenly?”

As if the news couldn’t get worse: first you learn that Grandpa Itadori passed away and now your only friend is leaving. Not to mention the fact that in between all of this, your high school got wrecked in some kind of freak incident–though you know better… the school had always reeked of cursed energy. You’ve even had to deal with some cursed spirits on your own volition before morning practices just because you could never stand them staring at you from the corner of the volleyball court.

“Wow, is it just me or did it get a lot less stuffy in here?” you overheard your senior saying once. You wish you could brag about it, about your heritage and your accomplishments as a Jujutsu Sorcerer but you can’t, not without putting yourself and the people–the person–you love in danger.

“You’re my only family left,” you can’t help but blurt out, hanging your head in shame. Ah, you think to yourself, this is bad, I’m starting to beg, aren’t I? This is dangerous territory. “I thought we promised… we…” You stop yourself from completing the sentence but you both know each other well to understand exactly what you’re referring to.

Your parents had always told you to keep your emotions in check, to ensure everything you feel is always under your control. Cry if you must, be angry if you cannot help it, but never allow your heart to rule your head.

At least that’s what they used to say a lot before they ended up cremated in urns too heavy for you to carry together at the same time. You were ten.

‘I’m the only (L/N) left,’ you thought to yourself, unaware you’d spoken out loud. You were also not aware of the boy who’d just entered the room, dressed in a black shirt a bit too big for him, his cheeks covered in dried tears.

“No,” he huffed, sitting down beside you. “I won’t let you be alone. You aren’t the last (L/N).” He said, completely misunderstanding what you’d meant. He wasn’t wrong but ultimately, you were more worried about your Jujutsu heritage linked to the name rather than the name itself. “When we get married, I’ll take your surname.”

You said ‘okay’, too young to understand the significance of marriage. All you cared about was that he was there and you weren’t alone.

Yuuji remains silent, an immense wave of guilt washing over his body, leaving behind a sensation that is both hot and cold at the same time. Although you continue to cry silently, your arms still move, helping him fold his clothes and place them neatly in his luggage. Your hands tremble in a way he hadn’t seen ever since that fateful day so many years ago–the day of the promise… The one he will have to break.

He wishes with all his heart that he can tell you about the events that have occurred over the past two days. He wants nothing more than to just hug you to his chest and spill all the secrets he’s been burdened to keep: the existence of cursed spirits, the attack on the school… his transformation into the vessel of Sukuna. The execution. The compromise Gojou sensei made for him. The hell he’s chosen for himself.

When the white-haired Sorcerer offered the two choices to him and asked Yuuji to choose his hell, he very ignorantly assumed that hell was knowing when he was going to die. But now, as he watches you bid him a tearful farewell while you wear the sweater he left behind for you–knowing that, even though he promised to visit, he probably will not have the chance to–Yuuji realises this is the real hell.

“Yuu-cchi, there’s a monster!” you cried, hiding behind the boy who was merely a few months older than you, your small hands clenching tightly onto the sleeves of his shirt. He gazes around and sees nothing.

“Where?” he asks, his own arms held out in a defensive stance, ready to take any hit from any monster coming to hurt you.

“There! There!” you continued to sob in such genuine fear that even though Yuuji himself couldn’t see the monsters, a part of him knew you weren’t lying. Though, to be frank, even if you weren’t scared, he would’ve believed you anyway.

“Don’t be afraid, (Y/N)! I will keep you safe!” he declared, waving his fists around madly. “Where is he! I’ll beat him up!”

Huh.

“What’re you so deep in thought about?” Fushiguro Megumi’s voice snaps him out of his reverie, the defeated cursed spirit’s corpse dissolving into ash right before their eyes.

“Yeah, what are you thinking of?” Gojou butts in, wrapping an arm around Yuuji’s shoulders. “You looked all happy and dopey for a second then became all sad and depressed the next. Friendship problems? Or–OH! Relationship troubles?”

“No, it’s just…” Yuuji mumbles.

“I can’t sleepover this weekend.”

“Huh? Why not?”

“My parents want me to train.”

“Train?”

“Yeah, they’re teaching me Juju—Judo.”

“Eh? That’s too bad.”

“Just?” Gojou pushes, realising he’s very likely on the cusp of discovering his new student’s deep, dark secret. For a second, he thinks it’s to no avail but before he knows it, Yuuji’s grasping his arms and looking him dead in the eye (eye? blindfold?).

“I think there’s someone I need you to meet.”

“Oh?”

You curse under your breath as you hear footsteps echo from the floors beneath you. Right now? The stupid local delinquents want to explore this stupid building right as you’re on the edge of exorcising a stupidly strong cursed spirit? You can’t help but laugh humourlessly at your luck nowadays. It seems as though ever since Itadori Yuuji left your life, you’ve been doing nothing but exorcise spirits. Maybe you’re just bored and have nothing to do or maybe you’ve become a magnet for spirits with your increased levels of cursed energy.

“I’ll visit you when I have the time,” he said. But you knew he was lying. Just by looking at his dumb face you could tell he never intends on coming back.

A bitter taste crawls up the back of your throat and the cursed spirit cackles, elated by the frustration emitting off of you. You just know that if you could read its mind, it’ll be thinking of how powerful it could become by consuming you.

“Not a chance, you fuck!” you snap, feeling the familiar sensation of warmth crawl up your body as you harness all of your cursed energy to both your hands. Blue flames ignite from the centre of your palms, as you utilise your cursed technique: “Hinokagatsuchi!”

You charge towards the cursed spirit, ready to melt its skull into nothingness when a familiar voice calls out your name.

“(Y/N)!” Yuuji’s fist reaches the spirit before your technique can, the force of his punch so immense that it slams the corpse of your foe into a wall, forming a crater of shattered concrete.

“Hinokagatsuchi, huh?” A man with stunningly white hair walks into the room. “Haven’t heard that one in a while. “Are you from the (L/N) clan, by any chance?”

Before you can respond, a pair of warm hands clasp your face firmly but with a notable tenderness. The same hands that Itadori Yuuji used to kill a cursed spirit with a single punch now cradled your head, his thumbs carefully caressing your cheeks.

“Are you okay? Did you get hit? Are you injured anywhere?” he frets, his fingers combing through your hair before he pulls you close, hugging you to his firm chest.

From behind you, the white-haired man whispers: “actually I think your friend had it very much under control.” But he goes ignored.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve realised it sooner. I should have told you everything.” Yuuji presses his lips to the crown of your head. “I… I should have come clean and it would have spared us both the pain.” He laughs humourlessly. “I feel like a real dumbass, not realising what you’ve been hiding all these years even after I get dragged into the Jujustu world myself.”

Everything is happening so quickly, you find yourself rendered utterly speechless. Is he really here? Did he just kill a cursed spirit with a single blow? How did that man know about your family?

Your hands slowly creep up his back as you wrap you arms around him and close your eyes, relishing in the warmth of his body and the familiarity of his scent. He hasn’t even been gone for more than a week and yet you feel as though a lifetime of loneliness had been cured with just his return.

“I love you…” you can’t help but admit, though you have a feeling it wasn’t very much of a secret to begin with.

“I love you, too,” Yuuji replies, kissing you on head once more. “Come with me. Come with me to Tokyo, to the same Jujutsu school. Teach me everything you know and become stronger with me.”

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk #itadori yuuji x reader #itadori yuuji #yuuji x reader #scenarios #imagines #fluff #angst #happy ending #hurt/comfort

[scxrlettwxtches]

[11:25p.m.] kiss in the bedroom + missing each other | lee minho

warnings: hints of depression, self-esteem issues, mentions of anxiety

requested: yes!

a/n: i’ll be super honest. i haven’t been feeling great these last few weeks. i’ve had a crazy amount of work piled on, and even now it’s like looming in the distance. im always stressed, and i’ve gotten max like 5 hours of sleep every night. i don’t usually like talking about my personal problems here on this blog, but this drabble was sorta my way of venting i guess, so i thought there might need to be some context. anyways, i hope it wasn’t too angsty for you, anon! as always, i love y’all so much, and i’m always here to talk if anyone needs it! <3

Minho wasn’t quite used to the feeling of missing you.

Of course, he’s longed for you before, wished that you were sitting next to him rather than only being a crackling voice over the phone, but this felt different. Normally, he was the one leaving, he was the one that had an utterly impossible schedule, the one that would drop by your shared apartment for only a few minutes before heading off again to god knows what.

He quickly realized that this feeling of being the one left behind? Yeah, he hated it with every fiber of his being. 

The poor man had been utterly over the moon when he got a week off of work, and Minho had every intention to spent every single minute of it with you. Except, your schedules didn’t seem to line up this time, and for the last three days, you’ve probably been home for no more than a few hours, rushing off to your school’s practice room in preparation for a big piano competition. 

Minho was bored. But more importantly, Minho missed you. He wanted to feel you lie in his arms, wanted to see your puffed up cheeks when he woke up before you and didn’t want to get out of bed. He wanted to cuddle with you on the couch along with his cats. He had created a whole checklist of things he’d wanted to do with you this vacation, and none of them have come true yet.

So now, Minho was plopped down on the couch, sulking as one of his cats sat comfortably in his lap, looking up at him. 

Reaching down, his gentle fingers stroked Dori’s cheek as he mumbled, “Do you think your Mama’s going to come home today?” Dori only meowed in response, obviously just as distraught about your absence as he was. 

Minho glanced over to the kitchen with a forlorn gaze. On the table sat a perfectly good meal of ddeokbokki, rice, and whatever side dishes he was capable of cooking up. He wanted to surprise you, after all. Spending all this time without you but also without anything to keep him busy made him realize just how much he needed your company, how much he longed for it. It made him marvel at the fact that you haven’t broken things off with him yet, especially since you felt this sort of unresolved longing almost on a weekly basis. 

But by now, the ddeokbokki was already growing cold, and Minho felt the thorns around his heart constrict the more he waited for you, the more he could only wish that you were with him. 

As if the heavens had answered his prayer, his ears suddenly perked up at the sounded of someone punching in the passcode to the apartment. Dori pushed off his lap immediately, rushing to the door along with his two other cats, and Minho wasn’t far behind. They were all eager to welcome you home. 

What Minho didn’t expect was for you to open the door sopping wet, your clothes dripping water onto the doormat as you shivered, probably soaked to the bone. What scared him more, was that you seemed almost entirely oblivious to this fact, only standing at the door with your shoulders hunched.

“Y/N!” He gasped, snapping out of his stupor and rushing over to you, fluttering around you like an anxious fairy. Taking your wrist, he pulled you into the bedroom and immediately grabbed one of the towels that he’d cleaned that morning when he’d reached peak levels of loneliness. 

“What were you doing walking out in the rain? You should’ve called me,” he scolded lightly as he dried your hair, bending down to do so. His hands froze midway, however, when he caught sight of the expression on your face. 

There was no other way to describe it except that it chilled Minho to the very core. The utter hopelessness in your eyes, the way your cheeks seemed to be drained of their usual rosiness. Your lips were pale, and you looked the farthest from okay that he’s ever seen you.

His hands slowly came down and he placed the towel on the bed before very delicately cupping your face with his hands, “Y/N? Are you with me?” He asked, his tone cajoling and gentle. 

You didn’t answer him, your gaze still unfocused as if you were looking through him, not at him. Minho was frightened, to say the least. This hasn’t ever happened before, at least not to this degree. You’ve hit slumps before, but you were always able to let it out, throw a little tantrum while Minho was happy to indulge in your rather adorable anger. But now, you looked almost like you didn’t even know how to let anything out, as if everything had been bottled up inside for so long that you were incapable of shedding yourself of whatever burden you were carrying.

“Y/N?” Your name fell out of Minho’s lips again as he grew more and more concerned by the second. He stroked your cheek with his thumb, but you were entirely unresponsive, only staring out in the distance as if you were seeing something that he couldn’t.

Minho was just about to pull out his phone and frantically call Bangchan about how to help you when you croaked out, your voice hoarse from lack of use, “I’m tired of this.”

For a brief moment, Minho felt panic like he’d never felt before. He panicked that you were referring to him, to the two of you. He panicked that he was going to lose you. He panicked that he’d never be able to walk home and see you slumped on the couch waiting for him to return. 

But, he kept his cool, because he knew the last thing you needed was someone to act out of anger in any way, “Tired of what, babe?” he cooed softly, gazing into your eyes and trying to get you to look at him. 

“Everything,” you spoke softly, and finally, your eyes shifted up to gaze into his. The dullness of your eyes, your normal sparkle completely extinguished, it hurt Minho more than he could even put into words.

“I’m tired of practicing. I’m tired of music. I’m tired of getting up in the morning. I’m tired of having to shoulder the weight of my entire fucking school’s expectations on my shoulders. I’m--” you choked on your words as tears begin to roll down your cheeks, and Minho pulled you into a tight hug.

Minho could feel the moment you physically let yourself melt into his embrace, and he was ready for it. He held up your weight easily (far too easily, he noted), and swept you in his arms, taking this as a cue to help you get ready for bed. 

In a rather impressive feat, he helped you change out of your sopping clothes, all while making sure that he always was touching you in some way. That was something he’d discovered over the few months of dating you; you loved physical touch, craved it even more than some of his band members. Especially when you couldn’t control your anxiety and your hands would tremble ceaselessly, it was his touch that always calmed him down.

There was nothing sexual about the act as he slipped off your shirt and jeans, replacing them with his oversized t-shirt and your warm sweatpants. He pressed kisses to your lips whenever he could, understanding your rather unusual silence and taking it all in stride. It wasn’t his place to judge, only to shower you with all the love he could give you. 

When he was all done, and you were as comfortable as physically possible, he swooped you into his arms, carrying you to bed.

“Minho,” you murmured his name when your head lolled against his chest, startling him as you quietly began to play with his shirt. 

“Yes, babe?” He answered, setting you gently down on the bed and beginning to tuck you in the soft blankets, knowing how much you’d benefit from a decent night’s sleep. 

Before he could walk away, you grabbed his sleeve, keeping him standing beside your bed as you asked softly, “Why am I never good enough?”

Minho’s eyes widened as he bent down, brushing the stray hairs away from your face, “No. No, no, darling, who told you that? Where did you hear such nonsense from?” He asked sternly, now genuinely having to struggle to hold his anger down as he wiped the falling tears from your cheeks. 

“You are good enough. You’re more than enough, Y/N. You’ll always be enough, no matter if you come home with the medal or not. If you slip up on stage one day, you’ll still be enough. If you don’t get the grant that you were working for, you’ll still be enough,” Minho said softly, sitting on the bed as he comforted you in the only way he knew how.

He felt the tension that was constricting his heart start to loosen as you began to respond more to his touch, leaning your cheek into his hand, closing your eyes as you basked in his warmth, “Y/N, please,” he asked, still biting his lip with thinly veiled concern, “who put those thoughts into your head?”

Oh, how he wished it was some outside person. How he wished it was someone he could confront, someone to whom can be forced to deal with the true force of his wrath. But just from the look on your face, he knew it was more complicated than that.

Your smile was bitter as you looked him in the eye, “Myself.” 

Minho sighed, having already assumed that was the case, “Baby…” Suddenly, his eyes widened, and the dots clicked in his head as he looked towards you with horror, “is that why--were you...avoiding me?”

“Not exactly,” you said slowly, “I was totally overwhelmed with practice this week, a-and I was afraid of what you might think of me when I’m running on three hours of sleep and one too many energy drinks.

You looked up at him, gently squeezing his hand, “I wasn’t trying to avoid you, but I was afraid to come home sometimes.”

Minho shook his head, feeling his heart shatter at your confession, “You don’t--you don’t have to make yourself look perfect for anyone’s sake, especially mine,” his voice trembled slightly as he leaned forward to he could rest his head on your chest, still clutching your hand tightly before he spoke not louder than a whisper, “Y/N, do you know how much I’ve missed you?”

The words struck your core, and the dam collapsed. Tears flowed freely down your cheeks as you slowly combed your hand through his hair, watching as Minho’s shoulders shook, and he held onto you as tightly as he could without hurting you. You could feel wetness drip onto your shirt as he cried into your chest, and the two of you held each other, comforting and loving each other with all of your hearts. 

When all the lights in the bedroom were turned off save for a dim nightlight on the bedside table, and you were comfortably nestled in Minho’s chest, he murmured softly, his chest rumbling, “Please don’t spend all day at the school anymore. Overpractice won’t make you better.”

You hummed in acknowledgement, your eyes already closed, “I’ll try to come back before sundown every day. Deal?”

Minho huffed, not quite satisfied but knowing it was all he was going to get, “We’re not going to get to anything on my checklist as this point,” he mumbled childishly to himself.

“Checklist?” your ears perked up at that, and you tilted your head to look at him, “What checklist?”

His cheeks grew slightly pink as he explained, albeit very quietly, “I made a checklist of things I wanted to do with you this week.”

If that wasn’t the cutest thing you’ve ever heard, you didn’t know what was. Your lips quirked up into a smile as you let your arm drape around his waist as you looking up at him, “Oh? Care to tell me a few items on your list? Maybe we can knock some of them out quickly.”

Minho was silent for a moment, obviously weighing the consequences and the rewards of spilling his closely held secret. Finally, he said stubbornly, “I want to kiss you every night before going to bed.”

The request was so utterly simple, and yet it made your dulled heart flutter in a way that you didn’t know it could. Feeling warmth, Minho’s warmth and affection, slowly trickle back into your worn out body, you scooted up so your lips were just inches away from his.

“If you want, we can start that today,” you whispered, gazing into his eyes.

Never one to deny you of anything, Minho gave you a soft smile before cupping your cheek with his hand and leaning down, capturing your lips in a gentle kiss. Even in the softest of kisses, Minho had the ability to take your breath away, to make you feel more special than you ever believed you could. His lips caressed yours, gently nibbling and nipping at them until he was finally satisfied.

“I’ve missed you,” he breathed out before nuzzling his nose against your soft cheek. 

“I’ve missed you, too,” you repeated the sentiment, leaning into his touch and basking in the love that he always showered you with, especially in the intimacy of the bedroom.

Eventually, he settled himself back on the bed as he pulled you back into his chest, always loving the weight of your head resting on him. It was as physically close as the two of you could be, and he could always wrap a protective arm around your waist like this. 

You mindlessly drew circles over his torso as you asked, “What else is on your checklist, darling?”

Minho’s smirk went unnoticed, and he answered your question smugly, “Well, there were a few positions that I wanted to try--”

“Goodnight, Minho.”

“Hey!” 

#inkidz #stayhavennet #districtninewriters #stray kids scenarios #stray kids drabbles #stray kids reactions #stray kids imagines #skz oneshots #skz scenarios #skz imagines #skz drabbles #skz x reader #lee minho imagines #lee minho scenarios #lee know scenarios #skz x y/n #stray kids x reader #stray kids x y/n

[poisonedapples]

Domestic Life (Was Never Quite My Style)

Summary: Even with a baby Patton who refuses to go to sleep, Roman finds himself having the loveliest night with his family.

Warnings: The song “Dear Theodosia” and one “blink and you’ll miss it” mention of parental abandonment. It’s mostly adorable fluff

Pairings: Romantic Logince, parental Royality and Logicality

Word Count: 2,522

Taglist: @noodles-07 @didyouseerichohisawrich @look-ma-im-on-tv @somehow-i-got-an-account @depressed-stressed-virgil @queen-of-all-things-snuggly @ohlookanotherdumbfanboy @jamie-writes-things @adoratato @boopypasta @omgsomeonesomewhereonearth @beyondthestacks @changeling-ash @hold-our-destiny

Notes: Happy anniversary to the best boyfriend in all the land, @romansleftshoulderpad, who has been there through everything good, weird and awful. You’re amazing, and even though my Writing Machine broke and had me change my present idea four times, hopefully you’ll appreciate some fluff nonetheless.

(Also shoutout as always to my friend Cornybird on Ao3 for editing my stuff I owe you like five squishmallows)

Roman and Logan were always the couple that no one could have possibly guessed. Roman was wild and untamed; always aiming for the best of the best, striving to conquer the impossible and prove everyone who doubted him wrong.

There always seemed to be so little time for him. He wanted to write, sing, dance, act, create, and he refused to let trivial things get in the way of that. Even as a hopeless romantic who dreamed of marriage, it seemed like his running on pure adrenaline made it impossible for him to make friends, let alone a husband.

Logan wasn’t much better. He wasn’t very invested in the arts and had (arguably) more achievable goals, but he still couldn’t stand to not be the top of his class. He wanted to be idolized. He wanted a kid who felt as helpless as he once did to look at him and get hope for the future. He wanted respect, and he was determined to gain it.

But that led to him overworking himself. Logan had a habit of working late into the night to put efficiency over self care, to drop everything that could get in his way and absorb himself in his own goals. Yet just like Roman, self isolation led to loneliness, and his personal expectations made him deem himself unworthy of a partner and family, no matter how untrue that was.

On the outside, they looked like people who were too busy and in their heads to enjoy the little things. Logan passed up warm showers and movie nights to get his ideas out on paper, and Roman passed up coffee shops and strolls through the park to create bigger and better things. But for the longest time, on the inside they were lonely. And only one person could see that enough to break through.

No one expected them to get to this point. The point where they’d been happily together for four years, Logan’s engagement ring carefully placed in the same box that Roman had given it to him in on the bedside table. But it was real anyway, and Logan was fast asleep, while Roman’s brain was thinking about too many fantasy worlds for him to calm down enough to doze off. Instead, he ran his fingers through his fiancé’s hair and watched him sleep peacefully on his chest.

Roman could have spent his entire life in that position. Just him and Logan, his adorable love looking peaceful and happy as Roman protected him from the world. If he wouldn’t be risking waking him up, Roman would also be peppering kisses all over his face, but he took a mental note to do that in the morning instead. They were going on a date tomorrow after all, and those always ended in lots of kisses and cheesy flirts Logan would roll his eyes at. But Roman thought his faux annoyance was adorable, so he used pickup lines at least three times a week.

But that was tomorrow, and tonight was tonight. And nights were a child’s favorite time to break the peace.

Roman could hear babbling from the room across from them, as well as from the baby monitor next to the bed. Patton was already squealing “dada” a little bit, and Roman knew from experience that he was getting ready to cry for them. It broke his heart every time Patton cried, so he gently pushed Logan to the bed and kissed his hair. He didn’t squirm, so Roman shimmied off the bed and smiled at Logan one last time as the baby talk got a little louder. He knew the drill by now, so Roman grabbed his guitar before he left and went to Patton’s bedroom. Music was the fastest way to get the little guy back to sleep.

Roman opened the colorful door to his son’s nursery. Only a pale blue nightlight gave light to the room, revealing a crib with a babbling baby holding onto the rails. Patton still couldn’t walk, but he was getting pretty good at standing in place, so the day would come at any time now. 

Roman gave his baby a tired smile. “Hello, sunshine. What are you doing awake? Princes need their beauty sleep!”

“Dada, dada, dada!” Patton babbled, jumping as much as his tiny legs could using the spring of the crib’s mattress. Roman didn’t bother going to the crib and picking him up, though. He learned a long time ago that a rocking chair doesn’t make Patton tired anymore; he only squeals with excitement like it’s a baby rollercoaster. Roman experimented one night and played Wonderwall on his guitar as a joke when Patton refused to calm down, but it was the fastest the little guy had ever been lulled to sleep. Since then, Roman immediately picks up his guitar and lets Patton relax to that instead.

“What’s the request tonight, little buddy?” Roman asked as he sat in the rocking chair and strummed some of the strings. “Frère Jacques? Hey Soul Sister? Or do you want a song Dada really likes?”

“Dada!” Patton squealed.

“A Dada song? Excellent choice!” Roman leaned back in the chair and thought about what he may want to play. Logically he knew Patton only said dada because it was the only word he knew, but Roman liked to pretend his baby was the smartest boy in the entire world, even if his farts still scared him and he slapped his hands on every new surface he found. If he grew up to be anything like Logan, then Roman knew that he would have a bright future. “Now...what would I maybe want to play…”

Patton let go of the railing and let himself fall on his butt back to the mattress. He crawled over to his favorite stuffed frog and held onto the fur tightly, which Roman thought was objectively the cutest thing in this world. Though then again, everything Patton did was adorable. He was at the perfect age to steal the heart of everyone, and call Roman a lovestruck dad all you wanted, but his baby just blew his breath away.

“Hey, little froggy, how about we bring back an old favorite? Especially since me and Papa have been watching the Hamilfilm a whole lot!” Patton giggled in response, so Roman nodded his head. “Alright then, let’s see here…”

Roman placed his fingers on the neck of the guitar and strummed the first cord, testing out the tune. When he was satisfied, Roman strummed out the beginning notes of the song, and already Patton began to seem mesmerized by it.

“Dear Theodosia what to say to you? You have my eyes, you have your mother’s name. When you came into the world you cried and it broke my heart…” Patton shoved one of the eyes of his stuffed frog into his mouth, listening intently. When Patton was first born, all Roman did was sing this song to him. It seemed to fit so well given their situation. Logan always went on about how Patton had Roman’s eyes, even though Roman expected Logan to mention that it was obvious Patton would have some of his traits. He was half Roman after all, and Logan was hardly one for sentimentals anyway. But then again, becoming a dad had made him a lot softer than Roman could ever imagine.

“I’m dedicating every day to you, domestic life was never quite my style, when you smile…” Roman looked over at his baby. He had a little smile on his face, but Roman also guessed that was just the permanent position Patton’s face was in. He seemed like a happy baby almost all the time, give or take a few sick days and the time Patton saw a spider for the first time. “...You knock me out, I fall apart, and I thought I was so smart.”

Roman didn’t know if he was smart or not. His fiancé said that intelligence is more than book smarts and street smarts, and Roman had his strengths just like he had his flaws. But insecurity was a wild thing, and though Roman put on his best facade of greatness, he was only human, and humans have a strange perspective on self worth. Though no matter how intelligent he was, Roman had long accepted that Patton could break down any tough walls he or Logan put up. After all, it had been quite the sight to see Logan sob from happiness at holding his baby for the first time.

“You will come of age with our young nation...we’ll bleed and fight for you. We’ll make it right for you. If we lay a strong enough foundation...we’ll pass it onto you. We’ll give the world to you and you’ll blow us all away. Someday, someday…”

Roman strummed out the notes in between lyrics for longer than he had to, but it was okay when his audience was a baby who didn’t actually know the song. “Ready for one more part, buddy?” Patton didn’t respond (obviously), he only looked up at Roman with big eyes. “Good! I know it’s your favorite part.”

“I have to admit that it is mine as well.”

Roman’s strumming stopped in its tracks when he heard the familiar voice. He looked across the room to the door where his adorable fiancé stood, his hair messy and Roman’s stolen pajama shirt making him look considerably tinier. If Roman wasn’t so tired, he’d scoop Logan up and swing him around the room for being so adorable. “What are you doing awake, love?”

“I can hear you singing from the baby monitor that’s a few feet away from my face.” Roman’s cheeks flushed red, but Logan didn’t care. He walked over to Roman at the rocking chair and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, giving a kiss to the top of Roman’s head. “Did a certain little froggy decide to have a party past his bedtime?”

“He woke up, yeah. I’m trying to put him back to sleep.”

“Did you check his diaper?”

Roman blinked. “...I did not.”

Logan sighed, but he shook his head fondly at his forgetful fiancé. Roman always went to the more complicated solutions before thinking about the basics, but at least he was trying. If Patton had started to cry, Roman would have eventually realized to check those things anyway.

Logan picked up Patton from his crib and took a sniff of his diaper. He smelled clean, which was good, but putting a baby to sleep who simply didn’t want to rest was harder than having something specific to fix. Logan kept Patton in his arms as Roman strummed on his guitar again with a smile.

“I still have to finish my song, Logan. Care to join the late night party with us?”

Logan smiled. “It’s Alexander’s part, correct?”

“Don’t act like you don’t already know. You love this musical as much as I do.”

“Fair point. How about you sing to us, then?”

“Could you do me the honor of singing alongside me?” Roman asked.

Logan felt his face heat up. “...We’ll see.”

Roman didn’t push it anymore. He knew Logan didn’t like his singing voice, even if it was objectively the best thing Roman could ever possibly hear. But when Logan got some time to ease into the idea, he would eventually slide into it.

Roman started strumming again, and the song picked up once more. It was just that with Logan around, the energy of the room felt all the more alive. “Oh, Phillip you outshine the morning sun. My son. Look at my son!”

Patton smacked both his hands on Logan’s shoulder. Logan couldn’t help but laugh.

“Pride is not the word I’m looking for. There is so much more inside me now…”

Logan began to sing, and Roman almost stopped in his tracks with awe. “Oh, Phillip, you outshine the morning sun. My son.”

Patton looked up at his dad with the most adorable baby smile. At the sound of both his parents and his favorite guitar, Patton began kicking and bouncing in Logan’s arms. The song was meant to calm him down enough to sleep, but instead the little guy decided it was the perfect time of day of a dance party. The worst part was that neither Roman or Logan had the heart to argue with him.

Instead, they both began to sing together as Patton bounced and smacked his hands. “When you smile, I fall apart. And I thought I was so smart.”

The music changed a little bit, and Roman and Logan both knew what came next. It was a part that hit them both close to home, but they’d practiced that section way too many times to not be prepared. Roman took the part of Alexander first. “My father wasn’t around…”

Logan held a dancing Patton tighter. “My father wasn’t around.”

“I swear that I’ll be around for you. I’ll do whatever it takes…”

“I’ll make a million mistakes…”

Roman stood up from the rocking chair and strummed louder as he stood beside Logan. Both him and their son smiled as the two came back together for the song. “I’ll make the world safe and sound for you...will come of age with our young nation.”

Roman laid his head on Logan’s shoulder and Patton was merciful enough to stop slapping and put all his energy into bouncing up and down instead of smacking Roman in the face. “We’ll bleed and fight for you, we’ll make it right for you. If we lay a strong enough foundation...we’ll pass it onto you. We’ll give the world to you, and you’ll blow us all away. Someday, someday...yeah, you’ll blow us all away. Someday, someday…”

The two parents held the last note as Roman strummed out the ending of the song. When Roman finished with that final strum, Patton still danced until the note had become too quiet to hear. Once he stopped his bouncing, Roman set his guitar down on the floor long enough to grab Patton’s hands and make him clap. “Yay, bravo, bravo! A wonderful musician and his beautiful dancer!”

Patton squealed nonsense in response as Logan moved to steal Roman’s place at the rocking chair, being careful not to rock it in case it only riled Patton up even more. “I don’t think he’s been calmed down by your song, Roman.”

“Well…” Roman grabbed his guitar again and sat on the floor in front of the rocking chair. “That just means we have to let him dance out the energy, right? Then tomorrow, we’re absolutely recording him dancing to this. I would do it now if I wasn’t tired.”

Logan chuckled. “I will try to remind you.”

“But until then…” Roman placed his fingers back on the strings and strummed the first note. “Care for another round, my love?”

The smile Logan gave off mixed with the happiness of their baby was an image Roman swore to cherish forever. “Of course, my prince.”

When Roman began to strum, their precious baby boy started to dance once more.

#ts roman #ts logan #ts patton #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #thomas sanders #sanders sides #tss roman #tss logan #tss patton #fluff #logince #royality #logicality #familial royality #familial logicality #romantic logince #platonic royality #platonic logicality

[yn-dreamlife]

Can you hear me?

Bakugo Katsuki x reader (hero name: Elementas)

Quirk: Quantification of Emotions (shorten to QoE), basically whatever emotion your feeling strongest (out of six) will allow you to control that element. Your hair also changes to that color. 

Emotions: 

Anger, vivid red, wind

Sadness, pastel blue, water

Longing/Love, white, light

Happiness, pink, fire

Loneliness, black, darkness

Confusion/Anxiousness, green, earth  

Summary: There was a villain attack and as your about to die you think of your last words to Katsuki.

warings: yelling, swearing, angst, like ANGST, character death, blood, villan attack, blood, depression, fluff?

Song: Train Wreck, James Arthur  (I hope that works, I've never done this before) 

Word count: 3206

Laying in the silence Waiting for the sirens Signs, any signs I'm alive still

Coughing I look around me. “Wha-” I place a hand on my forehead feeling a liquid underneath my palms. “What’s happening?” I speak as my ears ring and I see a red fluid on my hand. 

I look around and see the chaos around me. All around me is ruble, I can't see an inch of sky. I look around seeing the dust flying around the air, the small fire scattered around trying to find anything amongst the concrete to consume and stay alive with. 

At least I can't see any civilians around me, thats a good sign. As I continue to assess my surroundings, even with my blurry vision and ringing ears know that the villain is gone, or at least not near me. 

When I finally look down at my own body I wince. There was a giant metal rod sticking out of my abdomen, I guess the adrenaline must be preventing the full brunt of the pain. As I look at it and see the amount of blood being lost I know I won't be saved. 

I don't wanna lose it I'm not getting through this

Tears well in my eyes as the regret swims into my heart. I don't want to die like this. I don't want to die not knowing if everyone is safe. I don't want to die not knowing if Katsuki is okay. I don't want to die in pain. 

Of course every hero knows the risk, we’ve known since we where in high school. But it doesn't mean anyone actively wants this to be there way out. 

Everyone deep down hopes for a peaceful death. Or at least to die with those we love. 

Hey, should I pray? should I pray To myself? To a God? To a saviour who can Unbreak the broken

What if I could make it? What if I scream loud enough? Can I even scream right now? And even if I can who's to say it'll get to the surface? And I would want them to get the civilians first. “Damnit!” I try to yell but all I can manage is a weak whimper. 

“I should be stronger than this!” I said as my throat constricted. ‘God I sound just like Suki.’ the thought of him makes my heart clench. ‘I shouldn't have said all those things. I shouldn't have-’ I was swept up in the memory of my last conversation with him. 

Unsay these spoken words Find hope in the hopeless

“Jesus y/n what is wrong with you?!” He screamed at me. “Like can you calm the fuck down for once?!” 

I scoffed at him whirling around on him. “I need to calm down?! Don’t you tell me to calm down!”

“You're the one who started all of this!” He screamed at me. 

“And you’re the one who flirts with other people!” I fire back. 

He scoffs again, “I wasn't flirting with her! It’s not my fault you're so insecure that you think that you shitty woman!” 

My face drops slightly more sadness seaping into my heart. “Why do you think im so insecure Kasuki? You call me shitty woman every other sentence! You talk about how great other girls are and how strong they are! You-” 

“You know thats just how I am! And I don't talk about them romantically im taking about them from a hero stand point! Shouldn't you be happy now that I don't look down on every single person!” He screamed his quirk popping off in frustration. 

“Yeah I know thats how you are but it still an hurt me you dick! And it’s different when those girls are clearly in love with you!” he scoffs “If you tell me they aren't I swear to god you must be really blind!” I scream again. 

“Of course I don't notice because why would I when I have a girlfriend!|?!” He screams. 

“Do you?!” I shout the words spilling out of my mouth. “Because it doesn't always feel like you want to!” his next words break my heart. 

“Maybe I don't!” I watch his face drop the second the words leave his mouth. “y/n- wait I didn't-” But I cut him off as my alarm goes off. 

“I have to go to work. At least I know they need me.” I whisper bitterly. 

“Y/n wait! We can't leave it like this!” he calls frantically after me. 

“You never had a problem leaving me heartbroken before. Why care now?” and with that I got in my car driving away as the tears streamed down my face. 

Pull me out of the train wreck Unburn the ashes

When I got to work I quickly dismissed anyone at my hero agency as they asked what was wrong. I even ignored Kirishima, who was one of my best friends. “Go ask you ‘Bakubro’” I muttered bitterly at my fellow hero. 

I looked to my side kick, she was nice. She wasn't a cocky self assured teen like me and my classmates where. Both me and her quickly left to patrol. I was happy when she started rambling about the latest guy she found an interest in instead of asking me what was wrong. 

Not that I didn't appreciate my colleagues concern I just didn't want to think about it. Or I didn't want to talk about it, theres no way im not thinking about it. Even now, I couldn't help but tune out my sidekick/intern as my thoughts where consumed with my final words. 

“You never had a problem leaving me heartbroken before. Why care now?” Damnit I know thats not true and yet I still said it. Katsuki always at least texts me after wards, and he’s never left without muttering some form of I love you. I moved to pull out my phone when I suddenly heard screaming. I look up to see five of our most wanted villians up ahead wreaking havoc. I stop my phone Turing to my intern who looks ready to fight.    

Unchain the reactions, I'm not ready to die, not yet Pull me out of the train wreck Pull me out, pull me out, pull me out

”No.” I said placing a hand on her shoulder. She looks at me shocked as I continue. “I need you to help civilians.” 

She hesitates,”But I can help-” 

“I know but these guys are to strong. Please trust me, I want you making it out of this alive. Go help the civilians. If you have to I give you my permission to use your quirk for defense and defense only. Do you understand?” No response 

“Minako!” she stares at me “Please, you're like my kid, don't make me beg.” Tears well in her eyes and she nods before running off and I run onto the scene.

I should have known the second I asked her not to fight that this wouldn't end well. I should of said something to him before I left. I should have- 

  Pull me out, pull me out Underneath our bad blood We still got a sanctum, home Still a home, still a home here

I was pulled from my thoughts as coughs ripped there way through my throat. the pain in my stomach worsening. Was I really going to die like this? Filled with regrets and what ifs? 

No. I still have people to live for. I still have things I need to do, things to say. A man to kiss and marry and love all I can do know is hope. 

‘Please, damnit if someone is out there please help me. I know I don't pray enough, hell I know I don't deserve this but god damnit Im selfish. Im selfish and I want to live longer. I want to get married and have kids. I want to at least kiss him one last time. I don't even have to live, just let me hear him say I love you one last time. let me hold him again.’ 

As these thoughts consumed me I didn't notice the light blooming around me becoming brighter and brighter. 

It's not too late to build it back 'Cause a one-in-a-million chance Is still a chance, still a chance

“Y/N!!” I heard someone scream. “Y/n baby hold on!” he screamed again. My light glowed brighter. 

“Katsuki!” I cried. 

“Thats right! Im here princess I’m gonna get you out of there okay?!” I dint respond knowing he wasn't really answering. 

“Hurry Deku please!” Deku was here? after a moment he spoke again “Riot! Cellophane! Thank god you are here! Please you have to help me I can't blast through the rubble I might crush her!” He cried frantically. 

I saw some rubble begin falling next to me and screamed on instinct. “Oi be careful!!” He screamed. 

“Ground zero!” I heard a familiar voice. 

“S-sensei?!” 

‘What? Easers here? But- he's retired.’ 

“You need to stop shouting, your friends are here trying to help you. We both know they mean her no harm.” I can only assume he nodded because there was no more shouting, but there was also no more anything. Not a single sound. 

And I would take those odds Unbreak Unsay these spoken words

“H-Hello?” I called 

“Don't worry Y/n-chan we’re still here!” I heard deku yell. I sighed relieved. 

“Y/n!” I heard red riot or as I know him Kirishima call out. “Pop quiz whats Eraser heads child named?!” He yells out, and confusion builds in me. 

‘What? He has a kid? Oh my god is the kid here?!’ I thought anxiously. 

“Now!” I hear cellophane or Sero scream and before I knew it the rubble was being ripped away but I saw some coming towards me before I could think I manipulated the earth around me into a ball. 

“Yes!” I heard them all collectively say, except for katsuki. 

“Y/n! You're okay its okay!” He said as I placed the earth back and he ran over to me. He went to touch me but stopped short. “Oh god, princess!” he exclaimed looking down at my abdomen. 

Find hope in the hopeless Pull me out the train wreck 

“We need some help over here! Anyone who has a strong healing quirk get over here now we have a hero down!” He screamed but I didnt care about the pain, I didnt care about the medic. All I cared about was him. 

“You came.” I whispered he looked to me and cupped my cheek. 

“Im always gonna come for you.” He said softly smiling down at me as tears leaked from both our eyes.  

“Im sorry.” I whimper out and he shakes his head. My eyes begin feeling heavier. 

“no no no!” he says shaking me slightly “Don't apologize just keep your eyes open for me, yeah?” 

“Can you hold me?” I whisper. 

“I can't move you if I do-” 

“Please suki, I want to feel you hold me one last time.” I whimper my eyes getting heavier. 

                                                                                       Unburn the ashes Unchain the reactions, I'm not ready to die, not yet

“Well then I have great news, and that’s the fact that I’ll hold you for the rest of our lives but I can't move you princess.” I shake my head smiling sadly. 

“Katsuki.” I hear a soft voice whisper and look to see a teary eyed Kirishima.

“N-no!” he screams at him. “She’ll be fine!” he looks to me now. “you’ll be fine!” I shake my head my hair turning a murky blue. 

He relents and eventually very quickly pulls me off of the pipe. But I don't make a sound, I don't even wince. I don't feel the pain at all my body to numb.  

Pull me out the train wreck Pull me out, pull me out, pull me out Pull me out, pull me out, pull me out                                                              

I smile as he pulls me into his arms, “Thank you.” I whisper. 

“Anything for you princess.” He cups my cheek and wipes the tears that are still slipping from my eyes. 

“Im sorry.” we say in unison. 

“I shouldn't have been so insecure.” I whisper, and he shakes his head.  

“No baby no. I shouldn't have been so insensitive and I shouldn't have said what I said. I never question my love for you, or me wanting to be with you.” He says placing his forehead on my own. 

“I love you.” I whisper. 

a sob leaves his throat. “I-i love you too.” he sobs holding me to him. I try to lift my hand but I can't. I feel a gentle material curling around my wrist and pulling it around his neck. I look to see Mr. Aizawas capture weapon I smile up at him. 

“Damnit where are they!” Katsuki yells pulling away from me. I see a team frantically running to us but before they get to me I feel my eyes growing to heavy. 

“Be happy...Suki” I whisper as the darkness envelops me. 

You can say what you like 'cause see, I would die for you

I, I'm down on my knees and I need you to be my God Be my help, be a savior who canUnbreak the broken

Katsuki watches as you eyes close, “N-No!” He screams. “Hurry up , please!” He calls out to the people who run impossibly quicker. Once they get there and he has to place you down he automatically wants to hold you again. But he's held back and he sees its Deku who’s holding him back. 

He wants to rip his hand off of him but he can't find the strength in himself so he relents and allows the freckled boy to pull him away. He sees his red haired friend and doesn't hesitate to accept the hug he gives him. 

he balls his hands against the gears of his friends hero costume. “Damnit kiri I can't lose her!” he sobs. No one says anything, theres nothing they can say. No words can comfort the fiery blonde except for your own.  

but he does pull away from his friend as he sees them placing you on a gurney and begin rushing away. 

“Wait!” he calls after them. 

“Sir you can't come with us you have to meet us there its to risky!” A female medic says as sets pumping oxygen into your lungs. 

“I can drive you!” He hears a voice behind him say quickly. He turns to see who only to see your side-kick Minako. He nods and quickly runs to her car. 

The drive there was silent, he isn't even mad at her which shocks both of them. She breaks the silence whispering, “She begged me to help the civilians.” he nods still remaining silent. “I should have- I should have been there.” just then a sob rips through her throat. 

Katsuki looks to her remaining silent for a long moment. “She would have been devistated if you had you gotten hurt.” he whispers. 

“huh?” she glances over to him quickly before looking back to the road. 

“she talks about you all the time, she feels a motherly bond to you.” he whispers. 

“s-she was serious about that?” She asks wiping her cheeks.

“Yeah, maybe because she never had a mother figure or maybe because you remind her so much of herself. But she does, and I know she's tankful for all the civilians you helped save.” The girl nods smiling softly.  

Unsay these reckless words (find hope in the hopeless) Pull me out of the train wreck

When they arrive to the hospital they both quickly run to the front desk. 

“Elementas, I need to know what room elements is in!” Bakugo cries. 

“Mr. Ground zero sir you can't see her yet.” the nurse states standing up and stopping him from running off. 

“Why the hell not?!” He screams fist firing off slightly.

“She had to go straight into surgery.” the woman states calmly. Bakugo grunts as he sits down. 

twenty minutes later the same nurse approaches. “Sir they've already set up her room you tow may wait for her there but when they ask you to leave you-” before she could finish Minako interrupts. 

“Understood.” she says quickly. The nurse nods giving them the number and they make there way there. 

It was another half hour when Kirishima showed up with a spare change of clothes for Bakugo and offered to drive Minako home so she could rest. She only left when he promised to keep her updated. He changed into his civilian clothes before he finally sat down on the chair next to the bed you would soon be in and before he knew it he was asleep. 

Unburn the ashes Unchain the reactions, I'm not ready to die, not yet

When he woke he looked around confused but he perked up when he saw a nurse. “Sir we need to get her settled and then you can come back in.” He nods quickly heading back t the waiting room. The quicker he left meant the sooner he would see you. 

It was fifteen minutes later when a doctor approached him. “How is she? Is she okay?” He asks anxious. 

“she sustained grave injuries. A head wound which concussed her. Five broken ribs, a punctured lung. Not to mention the damage from the pipe in her abdomen. But other than these things she is fine.” The doctor said as he walked away. Katsuki quickly made his way back to your room as he saw your eyes blink open. 

Pull me out of the train wreck Pull me out, pull me out, pull me out Pull me out, pull me out, pull me out

“Y/n!” he called happily. You looked pail, and honestly an inch from death, but never in his life had he been so happy to see you. 

You smiled at your boyfriend as he walked into the room. “Suki.” You whispered holding a hand out to him. He quickly came to your side taking it and covering it in kisses before moving up your arm and kissing your face. He placed a loving kiss on your lips before placing his forehead on your own. 

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again.” He whispered. 

You chuckled but winced. “easy there princess your ribs might not be happy with you for a while.” he says cupping your cheek and you nodded. It was a long day between all the visitors. Wether it was a crying Minako who had heart felt apologies and confessions with you. Or a group of your former classmates coming to make sure you where alright. Or even a soft spoke Mr. Aizawa who came once Katsuki had left to get you and himself some food. 

By the end of the day you where exhausted and you where more than happy to allow your boyfriend to carefully lay next to you only intertwining your legs and holding your one hand with his own while the other rested on your cheek. 

“Hey y/n, what you said about me being happy,” Katsuk whispered and you hummed for him to keep going. “I’m going to be... with you.” with a soft exchange of I love you’s and a sweet kiss after that you where both asleep. 

#katsuki #katsuki bakugo #katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #mha bakugo katsuki #angst #sligth angst #fluff #katsuki fluff #bakugo x reader #mha bakugo #bakugo katsuki x reader #kirishima #aizawa shouta

[caringforourselves]

hi! can i get some advice?Im sorry for the grammatical errors and some sentences that is hard to understand, but i hope you can still help me.

i don't know what to do and i always overthink about this, to the point that it really affect my studying and my everyday life. its about my friends. I really love them🥺 but during this pandemic, it's really hard for me to be with them because we are still quarantined and the only way to reach them is through social media. recently, they started to avoid my messages and calls. i don't know why. I already asked them why they are doing this to me, what did i do wrong to avoid me, but no answers. i kept thinking what's the problem, what did i do wrong, is there something wrong with me? and even thinking what if's, thinking negative outcomes..

i left them a message apologizing for what i did to them, hoping to be okay again. Its really hard to reach them out because i can't go to their houses and they don't even checking my messages. I tried to call them many times but they don't answer😢 I feel like I'm the only one who's thinking that we are friends.. why they are doing this? did i do wrong?? every night, i always cry, overthinking all of this.

I really don't want to loose our friendship. even though im the only one who is thinking that im part of them, i still love them.

thank you in advance🥺 i really appreciate it if you will notice this. thank u again🤍

tw: friendships/anxiety/overthinking/pandemic

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this but I don’t know if there’s even a nice way to address this issue. I struggled with the same problem and I lost my best friend in the midst of this so this is very personal to me. Although I have other friends who are always there for me, I can only imagine the amount of loneliness and fear you’re feeling right now. My only advice to you is to be real with yourself and don’t get too overwhelmed by all that is happening and just try to keep yourself sane for now. Before I lost my best friend, I was going through depressive episodes & things got worse after I went overseas to pursue my studies but it was definitely one of the reasons why my best friend and I fell apart so I understand exactly what you’re going through but I do not have a good advice to give you as my best friend and I aren’t even on daily talking terms anymore. We are barely even anything more than acquaintance now and it’s quite sad to say this, but it’s true. That’s the reality of it. Sometimes, we lose some friends but we always gain something better for ourselves. I know you’re struggling and I completely understand your pain but do not give up and just keep being yourself. Eventually, you’ll end up with the right group of friends that’ll treasure you & treat you the way you’d like to be treated! ☺️

#asks open #ask me anything #tell me anything #asks #answered #friendship

[mightyhemsworthy]

SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS (John Wick X Reader)

("TEACHER" X STUDENT COLLEGE AU)

Pairing: John Wick x Reader (AU - ish?)

Summary: John Wick lives a different life before his "retirement". He becomes a sort of vigilante, who is taking out the bad guys. His next goal is to catch a drug dealer who mainly distributes in Y/N's college. However, after meeting Y/N, not only Y/N's life turn upside down but also John's.

Word count: 8281

Warnings: ugh, so many. But it's John Wick, so... blood, swearing, college, anxiety, panic attacks, loneliness, shyness, angst, slow-burn, age gap, smut, DIRTY SMUT, fluff. 

ALSO, IM NOT A NATIVE SPEAKER OF ENGLISH SO PLEASE FORGIVE MY MISTAKES!

Author’s note: GUYS!! I've found this fanfic deep down in my-never-posted-writings and I was re-reading it when I thought, this is just utter shit, let me post that (lol), I hate myself. 😂 I was cringing at some part, but I managed to write them over, so it is a little bit bearable. I don't know if you'll like it, but I hope you do. I wanted to post something to cheer you up in this hard time. I wish the best for all of you. ♥️ The inspiration came from some many places, but mostly from "calling teachers by their first name" videos. You'll see why I got the idea from it... After that, I've given some thought about "fake" teacher John and gosh... let me tell you, it got me hot and bothered. Also inspired by 21/22 Jump Street. Please, please, leave some feedback.

P.S.: Sadly, I don't know any Italian, so thank you for Google Translation for "sponsoring" this fic lmao.

*

This was your very last year of college. More specifically, your last semester. Thank God. You could not be happier as you thought about it. Even though you enjoyed studying, you were overwhelmed with your lectures as you were a maximalist and wanted to give 100% in everything. You enjoyed learning and finding new topics but the assignments, the presentations, and the exams stressed you out incredibly. You did not apply for any further study at least at the moment as you wanted to rest a little bit and work somewhere till you find out what you really wanted to achieve in life. 

The first week went by quite easily, as the teachers mostly talked about the syllabus and what you can expect from the rest of the semester. Thankfully, everyone seemed kind of nice except your Italian teacher and his lesson, which you took up as an optional course in the first place since you wanted to earn some extra credits. Now, it seemed like a bad decision. The teacher was old, who did not enjoy his teaching at all. It was difficult to follow and boring, not to mention that he continually talked in Italian even though it was a beginner's course. When the others tried to tell him, he became mad and gave out even more assignments for next week.

So now, that you were sitting in class and waited for him the nervousness which you felt was understandable. You were chatting with one of your classmates who sat behind you. You could not say that you had any friends. You were mostly alone in your whole life, which sometimes was a curse, while other times it was a blessing. You opened up for so many people who disappointed you and let you down that this was the safest way of living your life now. Just talk to someone if necessary, otherwise living your life as you wish. Sometimes it was really depressing as there was basically no one to talk to, you could not share any interest with someone, not your desires, your goals, nothing. Even when you did, you became the focus of mockery.

Suddenly everyone became silent as most certainly, the teacher approached into the room. However, when you turned around your last week's grumpy teacher was nowhere to be found, instead of him, you meet with a totally different man. You looked straight him into the eye as you took up his presence. He was tall, he had a skinny physique but you could certainly see that he was muscular, even though the black shirt and jeans he wore covered his entire body. He had dark, semi-long hair which was slicked back, while he also had dark stubble, which was framing his face aesthetically. Now, his dark brown eyes laid on you and it was like it burned a hole into your soul. He had some characteristic which you could not explain, but you were sure that he was attractive. Very much. And exactly your type. Not to mention that he was older than you, around his mid-30s - early 40s, which you thought was the perfect age as you were always fond of older men.

"Uhm... hey everyone" he started as he finally looked away from you to gaze at the others as well. His voice sent shivers down your spine. It was deep and husky. "I'm John Wick and I'll substitute your last teacher, who became ill. He will turn up as soon as he feels like it, but we don't know when that will happen," he stated. Maybe, the previous teacher would have been better. Now, it will be really hard to focus and now you wanted to study even more just to impress him, which is sounded insane. You immediately started to curse yourself in your head because what you did was completely silly.

"I'm not by any means an Italian teacher, but I'm fluent in Italian, as I've lived in Italy and since this is a beginner's and optional course I thought I will be just as good for this short time as Y/LT/N would have been." as he finished he clapped his palms together, facing towards the desk which now became his. "Firstly, let's start with an introduction and what your goals are, and from that on we can move with the rest of the lecture," he said and turned and pointed towards you. This gesture was unexpected for you and you immediately felt that your cheeks burned up as you tried to collect yourself. You were a great student but you were dealing with anxiety when you had to speak in front of others. Your mind and desires were totally different that you could actually manage out from yourself, and this was true in every situation.

"Uhm..." you started as you cleared your throat. "I'm Y/N and I'm a final year student here. To be honest, I don't really have many goals at the moment, because..." the way he was looking at you completely took your breath away. It was like he sees all of your secrets. "...I want to take a little bit of break from studying after I've finished. I want to work somewhere, see the word. Just those cliché things that usually everyone says." he started to chuckle and honestly, it was the best thing ever.

"Thank you, Y/N" the way your name rolled out of his tongue was beautiful. "I hope everything turns out great for you and one day you even get to Italy as well." he smiled and turned to the next person, so the magic moment you felt completely disappeared within a second. He was just nice. With everyone. He listened to everyone's word with actual interest and wished something friendly before turning to the next person. How could you think that he sees something different in you?

The course actually ended sooner than you would expect, the time flew with him. He gave you a short assignment for next week, collecting all those things you would like to talk about in Italian. On your way out you glazed at him once more, however, his eyes were glued to the paper in front of him. You left out a soft sigh as you left the room.

*

This was the first time in your college years that you really waited for a lecture but at the same time, you also dreaded from it. You could not wait to meet John again or you could say Mr. Wick, but this just fueled your fantasy about him even more. You were sitting in the front row with your classmates, whom you talked about your new teacher. They were eagerly fond of him, but not as you did. Even though they find him attractive, he was just a teacher for them. However, for you, he started to become something else. You could feel something different from him and you thought that he should not be a teacher because it was just not his field. Not that he was a bad teacher or anything, but he was not that teacher type that you could imagine. You felt something which you could not explain. You were always a curious person, and this case was like a puzzle that needed to be solved.

"Buona sera a tutti! (Good evening, everyone!)" he greeted, his eyes lingering on you. You did not want to look away, so the two of your's gaze intertwined with each other for a few seconds. You managed to smile a little bit, but at that same time, he turned away. He was just as good looking as the last time, wearing a light grey t-shirt, regular jeans, and a leather jacket. How could he be this handsome?

"Okay, let's go through those things which you like to learn about, and then we can build the lecture from there." everyone nodded as he said it, preparing their notes on what they would be interested in learning in this course. Your eyes were glued on your paper, your head tilted down trying to avoid eye contact with him when you heard your name.

"Y/N" he stated. "Let's start with you just like last time." you were quite shocked. Nobody managed to remember their students' names in the first weeks. Hell, sometimes not even at the end of the semester either. You looked up at him, seeing his face focusing on you, slightly furrowing his eyebrows in concentration.

"Ordering food..." you breathed out and you started to blame yourself immediately.

"Ordering food in Italian in a restaurant?" he helped you out, stating as it was a declarative sentence, but he shifted the tone in the end. You were grateful for his help. You nodded and he returned a smile to ease your frustration. "Nice, good idea," he said. "Let's move on."

*

The first months of the semester went by rapidly. The first two weeks was just a warm-up, but after that assignments came after assignments as so did exams and such. You could not fantasize about Mr. Wick anymore in your free time as you were loaded with anxiety to finish every task just in time. However, you always waited for the class, even though your mind wandered somewhere else. Thankfully, about two weeks spring break will come.

"You can handle your assignments on your way out. That's the end of the class. Thank you everyone." he said and at that point, you realized that you completely forgot about your essay which you should have written for today. You thought that is due next week. Well, fuck. Basically, everyone handled in their assignment, as you approached John you became very nervous. You did not really know what to say.

"Jonathan" the words fell out of your lips without thinking. You realized that what you said was rude and you just tried to make the situation better, even though your teacher's expression did not change. "John... I mean Mr. Wick." you cursed yourself, trying to get out of the situation somehow.

"Yes, Y/N?" he asked, as he was looking down at you. He was so much taller than you, the way he looked consumed your whole being.

"I'm so sorry but I forgot to write my essay for this week. I thought it was due to next week. I'm sorry." you jabbered, looking at your feet to ease your nervousness.

"It's okay, Y/N," he said calmly. "You can handle it next week as well." when you looked up at him he was slightly smiling. That damn smirk made butterflies in your stomach, causing your heart rate to quicken.

"Really?" you asked back. "No punishments?" without thinking, the question just rolled out of your tongue.

He turned his head a little bit, trying to hide his ever-growing smile.

"Would you like to?" you started to blush at his deep voice, thinking about something inappropriate when he clearly was just talking about the assignment.

"No..." you answered. "Not for an essay, no." you just started to make everything worse. You wished that the ground would swallow you on the spot.

"Periodt then," he said to ease the tension a little bit. "Or whatever slang you use these days." You genuinely started to laugh, and it was really good after a long time. Nobody made you laugh these days and it was really nice to talk to someone besides listening to lectures all the time.

"Wow, I'm impressed" it was just absurd to hear this word from his mouth. But you really felt this way.

"My goal is accomplished than" was all he answered. Was he flirting with you? You just wished that. But the whole situation was just weird. Just the way you felt like before. He is not in the right place, something is off with him. You learned these few signals over the years just to protect yourself, still, something keeps attracted you to him.

"I'll try to write it as soon as I can and bring you in your office hours." you smiled shyly.

"It's okay, Y/N, don't worry about it" he smiled back and that smile made you go crazy. You turned your back to him to leave the room. You were standing in the door when you suddenly turned back towards him once again. He was still watching you.

"Thank you, Mr. Wick," you said, waiting for no answer when he said:

"You can call me Jonathan or John. Whichever you like." you were just standing there, completely in shock. This never happened to you before. None of your previous teachers of yours allowed to call them on their first name. To be honest, you did not even try but with John, it just slipped out. You did not know what to say so you just nodded, leaving him standing there watching after you.

*

The rest of the week was awful. You could not wait for the weekend when you could rest a little bit. You were extremely overwhelmed with work and it seemed that nothing wants to work out for you. It was Friday morning, thankfully you did not have any classes left so you finally could work on your assignment for Mr. Wick. You meant, Jonathan. Thinking about him and the way he said that you can call him on his first name made your heart beat faster. Since that day you could not stop thinking about him, which is why everything became harder than it should have been.

It was around 11 in the morning, but you already did a lot of work. You went to the store, then you cooked something for you for the weekend, you cleaned the house as well as doing the laundry. Your roommate was not home, as usual. Since she got that boyfriend of hers, they always spent the time together. At least, you were alone and nobody could bother you. You always did the house chores anyway, as she not usually cleaned up. After everything fallen from your hands and you basically had to clean up twice, the last task was taking out the trash. You somehow managed to take all of her and your trash into three bags. You were already on your way out when you realized that something from one of the bags was leaking. You started to become really angry and mad. At the edge of crying and breaking something, to say the least. You tried to hold back yourself together, taking a deep breath and hoping that the bag will hold on till you reached the bin in front of the street. As it was mentioned before, this was not your day.

Half of the stuff fallen on the ground just when you dumped the rest of it into the trash.

"FUCK" you cried out, hitting the top of the trash and also kicking into it to release those pressure which started to build up in you.

"Y/N" you heard a deep voice behind you. When you turned around you realized that John was there. Who probably watched the previous scene when you freaked out. What was he doing here? "You need any help?"

"Mr. Wick" you started but he interrupted you.

"John."

"Yes, John." you started. "This isn't my day. Could you please wait here as I get another bag?" you asked. You could just said that everything was fine and he could go on his day. But no. Because you did not want him to leave, even though you had no idea what was he doing here.

"Don't worry, I got some," he said while reaching for a plastic bag from his pockets. You lifted your eyebrow while he handed one to you as well as ripping one for himself. "I have a dog, so..." he said, while the two of you collected the rest of the trash. Well, this was not romantic at all. Your cheeks started to burn as you felt the situation kind of humiliating.

"What kind of dog you have?" you asked, trying to pick up the stuff as fast as you could.

"A blue English Staffordshire Bull Terrier" he breathed out when the two of you finally dumped away the rest of the trash.

"Oh, those are really nice dogs even though everyone seems to be afraid of them" you started the conversation and you could swear that his eyes lit up at your compliment.

"Oh, totally. They are super nice when they are raised well," he said smiling. "There are no bad dogs just bad owners." you just nodded, did not know what to say. A few seconds passed by just looking at each other, none of you said anything or moved.

"I should get..." he started, but at the same time, you started as well.

"Would you like a coffee or something in return?" you asked.

"Yeah, sure" he breathed but turned away from you to his car. Which you only realized just now. "Can I park here?" he asked as he gesticulated towards his Mustang. Your jaw just dropped.

"Wow. She's beautiful," you said coming closer to his car. You did not realize what you did until you actually did it. You reached out to touch the roof and at the same time approach John incredibly close. You just recognized that you did not answer his previous question. "And yes, I think you can park here but I'm not sure though."

He said nothing, just looking at you and monitoring every movement you made. He appreciated how your eyes were shining with excitement. Your fingertips which caressed his car so gently. Your hair, which slightly fallen into your face, framing it beautifully. You took his breath away.

"Would you like to try it out?" you did not really comprehend his question, as you were still focusing on his car. When the question finally hit you, you turned towards him with furrowed eyebrows.

"Is this allowed?" you asked. At this moment you wanted nothing more than him taking you out for a ride.

"Why wouldn't be allowed?" he asked back, kind of confused.

"Because you're my teacher." you simply answered back. At that moment you could swear that the smile frozen to his lips, like the reality hit him or something. Something was off. Just like you suspected before. "If you're a teacher at all," you added carefully.

"Who else would I be?" the confidence which was radiating from him started to slowly fade away. He was nervous, you could see that.

"I don't know, you just not seem to be a teacher type of guy." you started. "You don't look like it... and, surely, teachers cannot afford cars like this." you pointed towards his engine. In that second, he moved closer to you, which is why the air stuck in your throat. You looked up at him, his eyes were dark with some emotion which you could not read. You have not seen this side of him yet.

"Maybe, I got it as a gift" his voice comes through your fast heartbeat which was throbbing in your ear.

"I doubt it" you had no idea where this bravery was coming from, even you were surprised. Before he could manage to say something his phone started to ring. He pulled away from you to answer it.

"I'll be there," he said shortly, hanging up the phone. "Sorry, Y/N. I have to go." he was fast. Before you could realize he already got into his car. "Maybe next time," he added, and before you could realize he was already on his way leaving you on the sidewalk alone.

*

The next time you meet him was after his Italian class. You did not attend class, but you managed to arrive at the end of the session to give your essay to him. He was looking good as always, wearing dark clothes highlighting every muscle on his bare skin which was not covered.

"I'm sorry John that I couldn't come for today's class, but I had some family issues" you breathed out which was kind of true. You had family issues, anxiety issues, university issues, and just issues of issues. On top of that, you got a lot of anxiety attacks lately, which did not help you at all. Your hands were shaking as you handed your essay to him. "I know I said that I can manage to finish earlier but I couldn't," you added and he did not say a word. He did not even look at you as he took away the essay. You were heartbroken.

As he did not say anything else you just left the room completely taken aback, trying to suppress the tears which you could feel that going to burst out. When you arrived in the hallway, it was harder and harder to suppress it. You quickly went to the bathroom and when you closed the door behind you everything just came out. All of those tensions were building inside up you. Those feelings which constantly taken up your mind. That you're never good enough, that you have no one to rely on, not even a friend, not family. Nobody. You had nothing and no one. Besides that, you were constantly under stress because of the university. You wanted to perform as the best version of yourself, but you just could not hold back anymore.

After the tears came out and your breathing became a little bit better you went to the basin to wash your face with cold water and to make yourself a little bit more presentable as you still had class. You took a deep breath and got out to the next lesson. Everyone was waiting at the door as the room was not open yet. At this moment, one of your classmates who was kind of nice to you touched your arm.

"Hey, Y/N" she started. "Are you okay?" she asked.

Even though you appreciated her question, you did not know what to say.

"Yeah, sure. Why?" you lied, but it was enough for her to completely change the topic.

"Will you come to the party next week?"

"I don't know" you started. "I haven't really thought about it." as soon as you finished one of the other classmates of yours spoken up.

"She doesn't know because he is waiting for John. I mean, Mr. Wick," he said, bursting out into laughter. You did not know how he found out but your cheeks started to burn up.

"What did you just say?" you asked back, almost shouting at him when you heard the others whispering.

"Oh shit, here he comes," said one of them. When you turned back John was standing next to you. You were sure that he heard the whole conversation. When he looked at you his eyes stuck at your red ones. You were sure that he knew that you were crying. Even though the cold water helped, you still looked like a mess.

"Is there a problem?" he asked using his deep, "discipline" teacher voice. His voice was dangerously low, which sent a shiver down your spine and a feeling to your core which you tried not to think about.

"Not at all" smiled back the douchebag who started everything in the first place. John lightly grabbed your arm, turning his whole body towards you.

"Y/N, can we talk?" he whispered, but the others still managed to figure out the situation. As you answered, they started to chuckle, but at that point, you could not care less as John guided towards his office.

When there were just the two of you, he looked at you with concern on his face.

"Is everything all right, Y/N?" he asked but you just could not look at him. Your eyes were fixated on your shoes. Why would he care? He did not even look at you half an hour ago. You did not answer. You did not know what to say. He was your teacher. You could not tell him your problems even though you wanted to. "Y/N?" he asked again.

This time you looked up at him. His arms were crossed in front of his chest, waiting for your answer.

"I'm fine, thank you, Mr. Wick" you stressed his last name. A sudden expression went through his face which you could not read. "Why would you care, you're just a teacher anyway," you said without thinking of the consequences as you stormed out of his office.  

*

The last week before spring break went quite quickly even though you felt like a zombie. You did not attend your class with John, even though you desperately wanted to. You just skipped that class, while you were attending the others. You were hiding in the hallway, trying to avoid anyone. Just arriving at the beginning of the course and coming out as soon as you could. In this way, you could survive university. Now, thankfully you had a free week when you could charge up your battery and just rest a little. Your mind wandered at the party which your classmate mentioned to you, wondering if John would be there. A few teachers had to be there, because it was a university party and they were still responsible for you somehow.

You really wanted to go. To dance, to drink and to forget all of your problems.

That is why you were standing in front of your mirror trying to soothe imaginary creases on your black dress. You kept finding mistakes on yourself, about your makeup, about your hair. But at the same time, you kept reminding yourself that this is just a party and the main goal is that you should enjoy the night without constantly thinking bullshit about yourself.

This is what you kept saying in your head on your way to the party. The place was already buzzing with music and people's voices, radiating a certain kind of heat as well. As you step inside, you were already washed away by the crowd, seeing people who you never saw before.

As you looked around you saw a giant plaque that said that it was a retro vs. modern age night. All night, songs from the 80/90s were played, after that came a piece of current music and the whole mass went insane. Everybody moved as a whole in perfect sync swaying to the rhythm of the music. Sadly, you could see that a lot of people were high and drunk, which you could never do, but you still wanted to dance. You just started to move your body alone, when your all-time a favorite song started to play from the speakers.

Sweet dreams are made of this

Who am I to disagree?

I travel the world

And the seven seas,

Everybody's looking for something

At that point, your eyes stuck at a dark figure which you could recognize even in your dreams. John Wick was standing there, looking at you. He was wearing a full black suit with his hair slicked back. You were constantly gazing at him. Even though you wanted him to be here the whole situation was absurd and unbelievable. However, he still managed to surprise you all the time.

Some of them want to use you

Some of them want to get used by you

Some of them want to abuse you

Some of them want to be abused.

Looking at him and listening to these lines hit you. Hit you really hard. As you looked at him, all of your desires and hidden fantasies started to take over your body. Your nasty hidden feelings. All of those things which you could never share with anyone. You wanted to be used, you wanted to be abused. But you wanted these in a good way. You wanted this as a thing, where the two of you want this not just you. You wanted to be safe, you wanted to feel appreciated, you wanted to feel special, you wanted to be WANTED. You wanted a man, who makes you feel things you never felt before. Who does things to you and touches you like you never experienced before. Maybe, just the daddy issues were speaking from you but looking at John you could feel that he could fulfill all of your wishes and desires. Not to mention that he would be there for you as a friend, as a lover, even as a soulmate. And as someone, who just genuinely cares about you. At least, you hoped so. But it could never happen because he was just a teacher and you were just a silly student.

However, the way he was looking at you consumed your whole being. You did not know what happened to you but you started to sensually move your hips, turning your back to him to kind of show him what he can get.

After a few seconds, you felt a muscular, hard chest pushing against your body.

"Mind if I join?" a deep voice asked and you could recognize this tone everywhere. You did not even answer as you did not have to. You just turned back towards him, getting as close as possible. He was even more handsome up close, taking your breath away.

"Is this allowed?" you shouted, but it sounded like a whisper in the crowd.

He pulled you closer to him, resting his hands on your waist and tilting his head down to bury his face into your hair.

"I don't even care anymore" he answered, his breath caressing your ear as well as the side of your neck. This sent a shiver down your spine, causing your thighs to rub together to ease the sensation which was building in your core deep down. He could feel that your body tense up between his palms, but he kept you steady with his strong and firm hands.

"What does that mean?" he looked up at you, with some expression on your face which you could not read. He wanted to tell you something, you could see that but something changed as he looked at your side.

"Stay here," he said and suddenly his touch disappeared causing you to shiver as he was not there anymore.

You could barely react, but you still managed to see where he went to. Without thinking, you started to follow him.

 You looked at him everywhere when you find him outside the field of the campus. To be honest, you could barely see him but you could hear him grunting and... fighting? He was the last man standing with someone else, besides them, there were laying bodies. You could never dream of being a situation like this. You did not know what to do. You were completely frozen and could not move. Your panic started to take over your mind and you could barely manage your breathing.

"John" suddenly you cried out. He immediately looked at you, which the opponent took as a chance and hit him right in the gut. He sunk into his knees, while the other man started to approach you.

"Y/N run," he said but you could not even lift your finger. You could see as the other man was getting closer and closer to you when John grabbed him from behind and started to choke him. The other man started to run out of the air and suddenly collapsed into John's arms. John did not even think twice, he dropped the enemy onto the ground. Before you could realize, John grabbed your arm, dragging you across the field into the parking lot where you saw his car.

"Get in the car!" he ushered you, but you could barely move. You were completely frozen which was insane thinking that your body was on fire just a few minutes ago.

"Why?" you managed to push this word out of you when he started to yell.

"Get in the fucking car!" he said and that predatory look on his face with some bruises and blood made him look like a totally different person. You got in the car, slowly breathing out that air that you did not know you were holding. He started the engine and drive at a very high speed toward somewhere which you could not recognize.

"Where are you taking me?" your throat was dry. It was hard to speak, but this was the only sentence which you dared to ask after minutes.

"Home. To me," he answered shortly.

"Why?" you whispered but he could hear it. After minutes, you finally looked at him. He was holding the wheel so damn strong that his knuckles went white. He was angry, you could see that. His whole expression changed as he was not looking at you, just fixating his eyes on the road.

"Because you fucking messed up your goddamn life" to hear him swearing made you sense that you are truly in deep trouble.

"What did I do?" you asked softly and suddenly all of his muscles started to loosen up at your tone.

"I was taking out a gang when you just showed up, risking your whole life just to look after me." he started.

"So you..." you started softly as you could feel that the ice between the two of you started to melt. "You're not a teacher." was all you managed to say.

"God no," he answered, and before you could realize you started to laugh. It came from the bottom of your heart. He looked at you the first time, furrowing his brows. "It's not funny, Y/N.," he said and before you could stop yourself the following words just slip out of your mouth:

"Thank God, 'cause ever since I saw you I've kept telling myself that I can't fall for a teacher" as soon as you said it your cheek started to burn. He looked at you with piercing eyes.

"I'm not a teacher, but I'm way worse," he said in a dangerously low voice. And thinking back to those guys around him finally hit you.

"Who are you?" you whispered. He looked back at the road as he could not bear to see your expression when he told you the truth.

"I'm a ..." he started, but he did not want to say assassin. Because that was just too much the handle. "I'm the one who takes out the bad guys." you nodded, did not know what to do with this information. You have always known that there is something wrong with him, but you could not explain why. Now, this was the reason and you wished that you did not know. Still, you fell for him even more.

"Did you kill them?" you asked.

"No." he answered back. "I didn't have my gun." suddenly you felt that breathing becomes heavier.

"Have you killed someone?" you barely dared to ask this question but the heavy silence which felt on you told more than words.

 You did not say a word until he finally stopped at his garage. His house was beautiful, so big that it was unbelievable that it only belonged to him.

"Wow..." you whispered and he smiled.

"Y/N" he started and you turned towards him. "I'm sorry that I disappointed you. I just wanted to protect you. You'll stay here until I finish this business and make sure that no one harms you. After that, you're free to go." you did not know what to say. You wanted to say something, but you could not. Your mind wandered somewhere else, constantly thinking about what the two of you talked about in the car. You told him about your feelings and he did not even say anything. "I have a room for you here," he said and ushered you to a room, leaving you alone.

*

You could barely get some sleep. Your mind was constantly thinking about John and his life. How dangerously he lived and how he managed to keep his camouflage at the university. Honestly, you even cried that night as well. You did not know what to do and how to react, even though you wanted him. Your mind could not be silenced after you saw him in action and what he did you still thought about his arms, his hands, and his body as he pulled you closer to him at the party. Not to mention that you felt his goddamn intoxicating perfume in his whole house as well as in the sheets.

After being up all evening, you woke up late in the afternoon. It was already 5 when you looked at the clock on the nightstand on your left. You left out a sigh, focusing on sounds. But you could not hear any. You slowly got up and opened to the door.

“John?” you cried out but no answers came. Instead of that, you heard something which was running towards you. Then you saw John’s dog. “Oh my God, you’re so cute” you kneeled to the ground to pet the dog which was in its early months. It was still small, but you could see the strong, robust figure which started to form underneath its skin. “Where were you last night?” you asked as if the dog could answer you. However, after petting and talking to it all of your stress and doubts left the mind.

You went to the kitchen, where on the counter you found a note. It was written by John and he had beautiful handwriting.

“Make yourself at home.” was all it said. Straightforward. Just like John.

 After taking a shower and finding a long t-shirt in John’s wardrobe you finally sat down onto the sofa when the front door opened. John came in, the dog immediately cheered him licking and panting all over him. You watched the scene with a smile on your face. After John returned the same excitement as the dog, he finally looked at you. You were wearing one of his t-shirts. And that was it.

“What are you wearing?” he demanded. You stood up immediately, trying to explain yourself.

“You said that make yourself at home, so I’ve showered and searched for something to wear because the dress was really uncomfortable,” you said quickly. John left out a soft “oh” as he could have thought about this in the first place. Even though he did not want to admit, but he really liked the way it looked on you.

“Everything is clear now,” he stated simply. “I’m taking you home. Are you ready?” he asked and you were just standing there as if your legs got stuck into the ground.

“You don’t want to talk about it?” you started carefully, hinting to your previous unfinished conversation last night as well how he “cleared everything up”.

“No.” was all he said which felt like ripping and turning up your insides. You just nodded, turning away to suppress all of your emotions. That’s it. All of your fantasies about this man ended. He did not want to do anything with you. This was just business after all. And he finished it.

“I’m grabbing my stuff” you whispered, your throat was dry you could barely speak.

 After collecting your dress and purse you were standing in front of him again. “Take me home,” you said firmly when his form started to loosen up.

“Y/N” he followed you as you were heading into the garage. His beautiful car was there, standing next to another one.

“Just take me home.” was all you said before he grabbed your wrist, pulling back to him and pushing his lips against yours. The kiss was not a soft one. It was passionate and hard. It took a few milliseconds to react, but gosh… it was desperate. From the two of you. Teeth clicked, tongues rolled against each other as the two of you started to express which words could not. He was cupping one of your cheeks, pushing you closer to him as much as he could. Your hands started to explore his body, caressing the soft material of his suit. You could feel as he started to harden beneath your touch, basically… everywhere. Just like in a second, which made you even more insane. He wanted you so much, he could barely hold himself back. He was rucking up your shirt with his other hand, grabbing your waist strongly which sent goosebumps all over your body. His touch was just like you imagined. No… it was even better. It took a side of you which you did not even know you had.

You could feel that you started to wet your panties even though he did not even touch you there yet. He was now kissing you a little bit softer but still passionately, sucking your bottom lip into his mouth. You started to moan as it did whole new sensations to your body which you never experienced before. He lifted you up from the ground before you could realize, to make you sit on the hood of his car. At that exact moment, you hooked your legs around his legs, pulling him closer to you. It was insane how the two of you moved in sync. It was like a perfect dance and choreography, even though you have not done this before to the other. But still, it was like you found a long lost piece from yourself. And he felt the same. The two of you did not stop kissing until his hands reached up to your neck, softly squeezing it to make out a moan from you which you could not even stop. John immediately stopped looking at you with concern on his face.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked softly looking at your neck if he caused any injuries. He did not even know what he has done until you moaned.

“Gosh no,” you started to laugh and blush. “It just… felt really good.” his eyes lit up with lust. It became even darker than it already was. He was looking at you, constantly holding his gaze when he reached again to your neck. He squeezed it a little bit harder this time, but it was even better. Your eyes rolled back as your core started to throb with desire.

“Fuck, Y/N” he breathed at the sight. “You’re making me insane.” was all he said before sinking to his knees. He pulled you closer to him, making you lay on the edge of his car. He looked so good kneeling between your thighs. And he looked even better when he started to stroke your clit through your underwear. He sharply sucked the air just by the sight of it.

You were laying on his car in your black lace panties. This was even better than he could ever dream for. He was holding himself back, but he was about to burst out.

“You look so good,” he said as he pushed your panties to the side to insert one finger slowly into you. You laid back all the way on his car as he started to finger your inside with one hand and your clit with his other one. You bite your lip to hold your moans back, but it was a really difficult thing to do. As he was so freaking good with his hand. You could barely hold yourself back when suddenly he pulled his finger out of you. Before you could realize, your panties were on the floor, and John grabbed your thighs to draw you closer to him. Now, he used his tongue instead of his fingers to play with your wetness, causing you to arch your back pushing your backside closer to his face. He grabbed your ass firmly with his hands, he wanted to control and drive you insane. He could not let you chase for your own pleasure. He wanted to make your pleasure. He wanted to make you lose your mind. He wanted you to scream his name.

He was flicking his tongue, constantly changing position between your clit and inside thing, delving his tongue deeper and deeper. You were moaning, making sounds, saying his name with some curse words as well. You were right. He truly made you feel things that you never felt before.

Suddenly, your most intense orgasm ever washed over you out of nothing, clenching all over John’s hands and tongue as he was still fucking you mercilessly with it to help over your after wave. Your hands were still grabbing his hair, rocking your hips against his face.

“Jonathan,” you said after a few seconds when he stood up, looking at you laying on his car finally satisfied. You sit up to push a soft kiss against his lips, which on you could feel your juices. Which caused you to be even hornier. As it was possible.

“I love when you say my name” he chuckled which made your stomach flop from happiness. “That is why I can’t wait to hear you screaming it,” he added with a dangerously low voice.

“Can I ask you something, Jonathan?” you said carefully, pulling him closer to you.

“Anything, doll” he answered.

“Then, fuck me” you whispered shyly. You did not know where this bravery was from, but John truly made you feel things that you never felt before.

“You don’t even have to ask,” he said as you started to undress him. His expensive suit and tie dropped onto the floor and the same time he removed the t-shirt and bra which you were still wearing as well.

He took your whole body in and admired every sight of it.

“You’re beautiful,” he said before pressing another urgent kiss to your lips. He grabbed your hair, making you moan into his mouth at how good all of this felt. At that exact moment, he thrust into you and your whole world rocked. He stretched you all the way up, cause you to cry out his name louder than you anticipated.

“Tell me if it hurts” he added and you couldn’t form a single word because the pleasure mixed with all the pain, caused to build your second orgasm and he was restlessly fucking you. You were a moaning mess, so is he. He was grunting and cursing as the two of you started to reach climax.

“Ah, fuck-“you cried out as your walls started to clench. “Let me cum, Mr. Wick” you added and you could actually feel that Jonathan is twitching inside of you. He suddenly stopped and grabbed your neck, ushering you to look at him.

“Say that again,” he demanded.

“Which part?” you asked shyly, thinking that it was a mistake and you’ve ruined everything.

“All of it.”

“Let me cum, Mr. Wick,” you looked straight into his eyes when you said it. The fact that you’re biting your bottom lip didn’t help him at all.

“Gosh…” he huffed and continued to mercilessly pound into you, deeper and deeper each time. You were overwhelmed with the new sensations and your whole-body shake, when the second, but most intense orgasm of the night hit you. John was approaching his own climax as well, every thrust of his became a little bit sloppier and out of pace. He kissed you so softly, when he reached his own pleasure, moaning into your mouth which sent a vibration down to your body. You tensed your legs around his waist, taking him in more while lying down on the top of his car.

“I’m sorry we made a mess,” you whispered and he started to chuckle.

“Don’t worry about that, especially that we’re only getting started,” he said in a dangerously low voice. And oh boy, he was right…

*

This is it. It was the end of suffering. End of your university years. As for now. You couldn’t be happier as you’ve left the building and saw a beautiful mustang parked on the driveway. It was from John Wick. You were quite surprised as he said that he has to leave the town for some… business. You didn’t expect him to be back this soon. Now, you’re smile grew even bigger.

“Here is my graduated girl,” he smiled at you and pressed a soft, loving kiss to your lips when you got next to him. You gave him a half-hug in this position, laughing into his shoulders.

“I did it.”

“Yes, you did,” he said, looking straight into your eyes now. He took out an envelope from his jacket. “I brought you this,” he said softly, and you were surprised.

“John, you shouldn’t…” but he cut you off.

“Just open it!” and you did. You carefully ripped off the edges taking out two flight tickets to Italy. Tears started to gather in your eyes.

“John…” you started but you didn’t even know how to begin. He also became emotional, as he looked at you.

“At our first Italian class, you’ve said that you want to see the world. I hope this will be a good start.” you didn’t know how you got a man like John, but it was more than you deserved.

“I love you, John,” you breathed out and this was the first time you’ve actually said this. He looked at you and his whole expression changed, suddenly his body tensed up. You suddenly became afraid that you said something wrong. Maybe it was too soon. Maybe…

“I love you too, Y/N,” he said finally and he pressed a kiss into your lips which told more than words. This was just the beginning. The very beginning of your life and also the adventure, which you continued with John Wick till the very end.

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