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velvethopewrites · 7 months

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The sob story with this is that I wrote this yesterday and it got deleted before I could save it. I wanted to die cry, basically. Somehow I managed to re-create most of it, after working on it all damn day. (I basically ended up writing over 6,000+ words in one day. Yowza) I still feel as though the first version was better, but…no one knows that but me, I suppose. (And my partner, who got to read it right before the horrors happened). Regardless, I am proud of this and proud of myself for not giving up when it really would have been easy to. So huzzah to the fickle hand of fate and all that stuff.

For Suptober 2023 prompt “starlight”

I tag @fellshish and @canonblastedships and @clarkenting for being super cool reblog buddies, lol (which is just a thing I made up) This is the longest destiel fic I’ve written yet and it will be my first official AO3 destiel! (As soon as I remember how to do that, oy)

Edited: Now with Spiffy AO3 Link! Here!

The Starlight

There were three types of people that visited the Starlight Lounge — drunks, people desperate to score, and the employees that made their bread and butter trying to tame the other two.

Dean Winchester, unfortunately, was a member of that third group. Oh, sure, Dean had been known to put away a fair bunch of liquor in his day, and sure, Dean had definitely been known to do the Bedroom Rodeo whenever the opportunity presented itself. Hell, back when he’d first started at the Starlight he’d often been three types at once. Work, drink, get laid. Sometimes, not even in that order.

But that was past Dean. Current and newly mature Dean (hah) just wanted to work, go home, eat and fall into his bed. Working at the Starlight wasn’t that bad – it had fairly decent pay and it was often interesting. And like everyone else, Dean had bills to pay and he gave more than his fair share to Sammy. Not that Sam really needed it anymore; he was busy working as a law clerk downtown, putting himself through school. But still, Dean wanted to help as much as he could and besides it was his brotherly duty. Heh. Duty.

Tonight, due to the cold and rainy weather, the bar was fairly empty and business had been slow. There was only one of his regulars, a writer by the name of Chuck crying into his notebooks at the back of the bar. To be honest, Dean had never seen Chuck write a damn thing but the man sure could put scotch away like a pro. There was also a young couple making out in one of the booths near the restrooms. He’d been keeping an eye on them most of the night, actually, making sure no one lost any clothing. The Starlight didn’t need a public indecency charge on the books. At least, not so soon since the last one, at any rate.

Dean yawned and finished cleaning up the bar, hoping Chuck and the couple on their way to Soft-Porn Town would soon be leaving. Maybe Dean could even push them on their way a bit early, so he could get home at a decent time, for once. As he walked over towards Chuck to perhaps lightly suggest the writer hit the road, the double doors of the bar blew open – bringing in the rain, the cold rush of the wind and a new customer in a beige trench coat with seriously fucked up hair. Great.

Dean sighed and turned back around as the new guy slumped onto the first stool at the bar. His dark brown, messed up hair looked even worse up close, and he had a scowl on his face as he glared down at the bar in front of him.

“Whiskey. Neat,” Messy-Hair said, voice low and very rumbly.

Dean pulled down a clean glass and poured some of their nicer whiskey into it. Dude looks like he could afford it, at any rate. He had a nice suit on under the coat, now that Dean could properly see it and his watch was one of those big clunky things that could probably tell the time on Jupiter or some shit like that. The man’s hand reaches for the glass before Dean has barely pushed it forward. He throws back the drink in record time and hits the bar with it so that it makes a loud thunk.

“Another one.”

Dean shrugged as the man kept glaring down at the bar as though it contained all the answers to life and everything else; Dean knew for a fact that it didn’t. It didn’t even have a ‘42’ scratched into it or anything. (RIP Douglas Adams)

This time the man just wraps his hand around the glass, his fingers clutching at it and woah, Dean thinks, dude’s got some huge fucking hands. They’re big and they’re strong looking. The fingers are nice and long and graceful and oh, oh, oh. Maybe it’s a kink, or maybe it’s a preference, but Dean loves hands. Manly looking mitts like Messy-Hair here and even smaller, more delicate hands like on most women, with pretty nail colors. But Dean’s not choosy.

He sees motion out of the corner of his eye and notices Chuck signaling that he’d like to pay up. Glancing at Messy-Hair he figures he has a few minutes before having to pour him another so he sets the bottle down and heads over to the other side.

“All right there, Chuck?”

“Yeah, yeah, thank you, Dean.”

The older man is flipping through his wallet and counting out his cash slowly. Dean wipes the bar and puts Chuck’s last glass into the bucket for later cleaning.

“Write anything tonight?” Dean always asks this question. It’s like a little game he and Chuck play because it always has the same answer.

“No,” Chuck says looking up at him. He places his finger to his temple solemnly, almost like he’s holding a gun. “But I did a lot of work up here.”

He always gives Dean this look as though Dean should know exactly what he’s talking about. But, of course, Dean never does. He likes to read but he sure as hell would never attempt to write. Personally, he thinks Chuck is sort of crazy, but hey, to each their own, right?

Chuck pushes his notebooks into his old canvas bag on the bar. It’s bulging with everything he carries with him and looks fit to burst. Dean supposes that writer’s block is heavy business.

Chucks nods goodnight as he slips his bag over his shoulders, buckling a bit under the weight. Dean watches as he wobbles away and he’s not sure if it’s from the alcohol or the bag. He’d normally be worried (hey, no bar can stay in business if all its clientele got themselves killed), but he knows Chuck lives nearby. He’ll be all right and probably in his same spot tomorrow evening. He puts Chuck’s money into the till and realizes he tipped Dean more than usual. He really did have had a good night, then.

He notices the couple trying to break the world record for smooches in a single night are getting up and putting on their jackets. Maybe Dean can get out early; he’s got the DVR set for Dr Sexy already, but he wouldn’t say no to catching it live for once.

Glancing over he sees Messy-Hair is now resting his head on the bar, but he lifts it as the doors bang shut behind Chuck, the cold burst of wind making his hair looking even more disheveled. Dean heads back over to see if he needs a refill and is suddenly struck dumb by the other man finally looking at him. Holy Mother of Blue, those are some eyes. The dude is handsome. Like old-time movie handsome. Strong jaw, with a smattering of scruff, pink soft lips and eyes that look like they can see into your soul, no, scratch that, not see, but pierce. Dean swallows roughly and picks up the whiskey bottle.

“Hey, uh, it’s getting late. One more for the road?” Dean assumes the dude doesn’t know the Starlight is technically open until midnight. Assumes, hah. More like prays.

Blue-Eyes stares at him and frowns. “I thought this establishment closed at midnight.”

“Er, yeah. I suppose it does.”

“Then I’ll take another,” Blue-Eyes pauses and holds out his glass. “And keep them coming for the next forty-five minutes, barkeep.”

Dean blinks at the old-fashioned word and pours another round. They stare at each other until he hears a giggle and a clearing of a throat. He looks over to see the couple and wonders how long they’ve been waiting. Judging from the churlish look on the guy’s face and the barely contained laughter emanating from the girl, it’s been awhile. He settles their tab and takes their money (lousy tip, of course) as the two saunter past Blue-Eyes and escape out into the night. Well, at least Dean can see it’s stopped raining.

Making up his mind, he follows them from behind the bar and locks the door after them. He flips off the sign, too. He may be stuck here with Blue-Eyes, but he’ll be damned if he’ll let someone else come meandering in to make him get home even later.

He comes back to stand in front of his customer and makes a decision. Pulling down another glass, he pours some of the whiskey into it and sighs as the warmth of it hits his system. What do they always say about good whiskey? It should warm the cockles of the heart, or something like that. Not that Dean actually knows what a cockle is, but hey, it went down smooth.

He realizes Blue-Eyes is watching him and Dean decides to bite the bullet. He’s tired, bored and probably on his way to cranky town if Blue-Eyes keeps his word about the next forty-five minutes.

“So, what brings you out on a cold and rainy night like tonight, Mr, uh…what’s your name? I can’t keep calling you what I’ve been calling you in my head.”

The other man squints and tilts his head at Dean like a tiny, confused bird. And no, Dean doesn’t find that adorable at all. Nope.

“What have you been calling me in your head?”

Dean purses his lips. Sometimes he’s really an idiot. He gives Blue-Eyes a shaky laugh.

“I said I wasn’t gonna keeping doing that.”

They stare at each other again, neither one budging until Blue-Eyes releases a breath and blinks, shoulders slumping a bit more. By the end of the night Dean expects this guy to be melted into the floor.

“Cas.”

Dean frowns. “Your name is Mr Cas?”

“No, just Cas.” Blue-Eyes, no, scratch that, Cas then holds out his hand so Dean can shake it like they’re fellow professionals meeting at a party or something. As he grips the other man’s hand in his own he realizes Cas’s hand is warm, dry, and, yep, strong. The dude is seriously ticking all of Dean’s boxes without even trying. It’s a bit unnerving, really.

“Is that short for something?” Dean asks, wondering what type of name that is.

Cas just looks at him over the rim of his glass. “Perhaps.”

Neither of them say anything else for a long moment and Dean shakes his head. “People ever tell you you talk too much?”

“Yes. All the time,” Cas says with a smirk.

Dean laughs. “Well, whatever. It’s officially nice to meet you, Cas. I’m Dean. Humble and professional barkeep at your service.”

“Hello, Dean.”

Cas’s voice is deep but there’s a warmth to it that makes Dean happy. They chit-chat for a bit, just like Dean would do with any newbie to the bar. He pours them both another round and then tries his question again.

“So, you seemed a bit upset earlier. What brought you through my doors, Cas?”

Cas sighs and glances away. He taps his fingers lightly on the polished wood of the bar. He stares at Dean as though assessing him and then looks as though he’s made up his mind.

“My…er, the person I’ve been dating, dumped me tonight. We went to an expensive restaurant and ordered far too pricey food for the serving size and drank outrageously fancy wine. Then they ordered an expensive bottle of cognac, drank it all and then told me I wasn’t worth it.”

Dean winces. “Ouch. How long were you together?”

“Six months.”

“Well, it’s not too long for a relationship, but it’s long enough to hurt.”

Cas nods, looking sullen again.

“What special occasion was it?”

Cas stares at him. “How could you possibly know that?”

“Fancy restaurant, the way you’re dressed, the cognac. Nobody orders that unless there’s been a birth or an anniversary or both.”

“It was my birthday,” Cas says, looking down again.

“Fuck,” Dean blurts out without thinking. “And they dumped you? Seriously bad juju, man.”

Cas nods and takes another drink of his whiskey, looking miserable. Dean tops off both of their glasses and hums.

“What was his name?”

Cas whips his head up, suddenly looking confused and more than a little worried. “I never said it was a he.”

“It was your distinct lack of pronouns, dude. Always the dead giveaway. Trust me, as a guy who plays for both sides, I know. Pronouns are key. Hey, relax, Cas, this is a safe space.” Dean points to the small pride flag he keeps above the bar and watches as Cas visibly relaxes.

The silence that falls between them is comfortable now. Welcoming, even. Cas clears his throat and rests his hand on his chin, peering at Dean.

“So…you’re bi, I assume or, pan, perhaps?”

“Got it in one. Just another bisexual loser ruining the world one lay at a time.”

Dean winks to show he’s only kidding. He’s proud to be bi, but it doesn’t mean he can’t make a joke at his own expense. Of course, if Sam or his friend Charlie were here they’d both tell him what they thought of that.

“His name was Bartholomew.”

Dean snorts. “It fits him. Douche-y name for a douche-canoe.”

Cas barks out a laugh and it completely changes his face into something truly beautiful. Dean suddenly feels the need to always make Cas laugh like that. He can’t imagine anyone not wanting to – his laugh is infectious. And the light it puts in his eyes is irresistible.

Cas looks serious again as he swirls the rest of the whiskey in his glass. “To be honest, Bart was just the last in a long line of failed…connections. I’m doubting my own self-worth at this point. Everyone ends up leaving or they get fed up with me. I’m too introverted…too socially awkward to deal with, I suppose.”

“I don’t know, you seem to be doing okay right now.”

“I’ve been drinking,” Cas says, deadpan. “And also I’m paying you.”

Dean chuckles. “Not really, I decided to stop charging you as soon as I poured my first one.”

“Your hospitality know no bounds. Truly.”

Dean laughs. Cas’s dry delivery and poker-faced expressions really are the limit. He feels that familiar warmth he always gets when he meets someone new. A someone new that excites him. But he pushes the feeling aside because he knows on some level that trying to get into Cas’s pants is so not what the other man needs right now. Dean shivers as he realizes how damn mature that sounds. Next he’ll be looking into 401ks and cemetery plots.

“Well, consider them birthday drinks. Of course, this stuff doesn’t cost a small fortune or anything, but I figured you’d already paid out enough tonight.”

Cas smirks and shakes his head at Dean. “Thank you, Dean. It’s actually very kind of you to…take pity on me.”

He says it jokingly but Dean gets the sense that he means it. He reaches forward and touches Cas’s hand.

“Hey, no pity here. You are ridiculously attractive and if I didn’t have a conscience, I’d definitely be throwing out my best lines here to help you relieve some tension, if you know what I mean. And you are not awkward to me, but even if you were, it wouldn’t be enough to stop me from asking for your number or seeing if you wanted to meet up sometime. I barely know you but you seem like a decent guy, Cas. And I think all of those people that don’t get you can just fuck right off. You need to keep trying, man. Don’t give up just because a few losers couldn’t see what they had.”

Cas blinks at Dean, blue eyes getting huge. “You think I’m ridiculously attractive?”

Dean thinks back. Did he say that? Yeah, he said that. Figures that would be the only thing to register with the dude.

“What sort of line would you use on me? I mean, if you were going to, that is.” Cas shyly glances away and then back, a curious look on his face.

“Oh, uh, probably something like, well you know what they say — the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” Dean waggles his eyebrows and smirks, faking a leer.

“I’m not sure that would work with me,” Cas says, mirth clear in his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. You’d make me work for it, I know. But seriously, you need to regroup, clear out the douche-canoes from your life and find a new guy, man.”

Cas smiles at him in fondness, and nope, Dean is not going to do it. He will not break his rule about dating people just out of relationships. Not even for big huge blue eyes that make him feel sappy like a love song. Cas, however, clearly has other plans.

“This may be forward but, um, Dean would you allow me take you out for dinner? As a date, in case you were wondering how I meant it.”

“Oh, wow, Cas, um, I mean…”

Cas’s face takes an interesting journey in two seconds – from hopeful joy to miserable and wretched. Dean feels his heart break a little bit for him in that moment and mentally kicks his own ass for being a tool.

“Oh, I see. I…I’m sorry, Dean. Thank you for hospitality.” Cas fumbles with his wallet and places far too much money next to his glass. “I won’t keep you anymore. Go home and enjoy whatever is left of your night.”

Dean watches dumbly as Cas sits up straighter and then turns in his seat, his broad shoulders unyielding, suddenly. Dean knows he just can’t let it end like this.

“No, wait, Cas!”

Dean practically flings himself around the bar to reach Cas before he can unlock the door and leave without a backwards glance. He rests his hand on Cas’s shoulder, stopping him.

“It’s only because I have a rule about dating people that just got out of a relationship. It has nothing to do with you, I promise you. You need to focus on you, dude. Figure out what you’re looking for. If this one was just the last in a long line of guys who don’t understand you, try and see what people you’re going for. I mean, I’m no expert, and God knows I’ve had my fair share of jumping before looking moments, but I think you just need some Cas time right now, you know? If we ever start something I do not want to be rebound guy and you deserve something better than a one night stand.”

Cas stares at him, blue eyes half in shadow. Dean holds his breath, hoping he didn’t just lose something. All he can hear is the clock ticking behind him and the pounding of his own heart in his ears.

“That was quite the speech,” Cas finally says. “You sound like you know from experience.”

“Cas, man. You have no idea.”

“I have some, like I said, a long line of rejections. Still…” Cas’s eyes search his face and then nods to himself. “Maybe you’re right. I do tend to do things without thinking in this area of life despite being very practical usually. And you’re also right on anther point, Dean. You do not deserve to be “rebound guy”.”

Dean can’t help his grin as Cas makes the quotes motion with his fingers. They stare at each other for a bit longer before he unlocks the door. Cas steps out as the cold air filters in between them, causing them bother to shiver. Dean pauses, and then holds out his hand. “Let me have your phone.”

“My phone?”

“Yeah, you have one, right? Or have you moved on to something flashier like sky writing?”

Cas snorts and shakes his head. He fumbles in his pockets and then pulls out a slim, black smartphone. He unlocks it and hands it over. Of course, it’d be that kind of phone that can help you bake bread or turn off all the lights in the world with just a click or something. He finally finds what he’s looking for and puts his contact information in.

“There. There’s my number. Text me to let me know you get home, okay? And as for the rest, we’ll take it one day at a time, Cas. Let’s be friends, first.”

Cas smiles shyly as he looks down at his phone and nods. “Friends, first. I like that. Goodnight, Dean.”

“Goodnight, buddy. Be safe.”

Cas slips out and away, leaving a coldness in his wake as he takes his body heat with him. Dean watches him go, the black of the night almost swallowing him up. Cas pauses to pull his coat tighter, the glow of the streetlight lighting up his profile. To Dean he looks pure—angelic, almost, like a painting or a sculpture. With one last look at Dean, he eventually fades away, disappearing back into the world. Soon all Dean can see is his own breath in the air and the twinkling starlight from the surprisingly clear sky above. He locks up again and finishes his routine for the night. After he’s put the money in the safe and headed out back to his car, he feels happy inside. Like something good just occurred — like some new path has been cleared for him to travel. His drive home is quick and easy, there’s hardly any traffic mostly due to the earlier rain. It’s just as he’s pulling into his driveway that he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. It’s from an unknown number and his heart beats faster as he reads the message.

From unknown: I arrived home safely, Dean. Thank you, again. Would you like to get coffee tomorrow, or, perhaps I should say, later today? Oh, this is Cas, by the way. In case you didn’t know. :)

Dean saves the number and then returns to the message to reply, a grin creeping onto his face before he even realizes it.

Dean: Of course, dude. Coffee sounds great. Around 1pm?

Cas: Perfect. Do you know the Blue Java Café on Marion and Elm? It’s across from the park and one of my favorite places.

Dean: Sounds good. Can’t wait to talk to you sober, ya lush… (lol j/k hah)

Cas sends him a sticking-tongue-out emoji as a response and Dean chuckles as he locks up his car. He has a nice, happy feeling in his heart as he thinks of Cas. Like maybe this is something special. Or maybe it’s just that it could be and has the potential to be. He knows he told Cas friends first, but Dean’s willing to see where it…where they, can go.

#suptober23 #destiel #prompt:starlight #dean and cas #meet-cute #my writing #biting nails here #like posting stuff is scary #wth #I am not used this anymore #castiel #dean winchester

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grahambaham · 3 months

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Some more fic recs cause I'm obsessed and these are all really good.

The Fishbowl by LordLuxury - basically Bruce is a dick which I don't usually go for but it's really good, and he's terrible to Dick and the batfam witnesses him treating Dick like shit and hitting him for the first time and it becomes a whole thing. It's great. 10/10.

2. Look Right Through Me by Teaberry - Stranger Things fic where Steve is trapped in the Upside Down a few months before will and nobody really notices. Will and Steve friendship, no bashing.

3. this place of wrath and tears - and the sequel - my head is bloody, but unbowed by NorthernRanger - Harry goes back in time to 1979 where he gains the attention of Death Eaters, Order members and pretty much all of the British wizarding world by kicking ass. Alastor Moody sort of becomes a weird ass teenager's dad. Not actually, but whatever. Love it. 10/10.

4. Facade by Impravidus - Destiel with Castiel being a very religious man and Dean having been raised to believe in killing supernatural creatures by his serial killer father. It's an idea I've thought about before and am so glad to see it written. 10/10.

5. Miracles Don't Exist by sameuspegasus - Supernatural and House MD crossover where Dean seems to have a case of continuously coming back from the dead and everyone is confused. 10/10.

6. Sand Dollar Child by withay - basically people and other think that Percy's a god cuz he's just that guy. 10/10. Maybe rating everything 10/10 isn't the way to go but whatever. I only speak the truth.

7. An Hour of Wolves by solvskrift - Harry's sixth year where Harry is once again going through some shit. Romilda Vane is a nasty bitch who deserves a crucio to the face and love potions should be fucking illegal. Incomplete but a really good read.

8. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - AU Rewrite by killtherat - Harry's kidnapped by Voldemort and his buddies. I honestly don't remember anything else but I know it was amazing so give it a read. 10/10 boom.

9. The Second String by Eider_Down - time travel to the Marauders' era but then it turns out to also be dimension travel. Harry is a badass. I don't really remember much about this one either but it's one of my favorite Harry Potter fics so. 10/10.

10. Three's Family by darkbluedark - Harry and Draco accidentally time travel to the first war and get caught and interrogated by Sirius, James and Dumbledore. It's mostly humour, bickering and some angst. Amazing. I honestly reread it a bunch of time. 10/10.

11. Fishing in Alaska by CaffeeinatedFlumadiddle - one of the best and funniest fics ever, truly. Triton and Percy (and Kymopoliea, did I spell her name right?) are sibling goals. Percy's powers are even more destructive than usual and the gods are worried. He runs off to Alaska cuz fuck them. It's great. 11/10.

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marcskywalker · 7 months

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merthur au/prompts I can't stop thinking about (@ fic writers)

arthur being magic positive and hiding it from merlin. I spoke more about it here and @neupulman wrote this amazing fic based on it but omg this idea lives in my head RENT FUCKING FREE and I'd love as many fics written on it as possible

merlin being cursed (or wtv) and temporarily loses his magic. He grows insanely controlling of arthur cause he feels like he can no longer protect arthur from danger if he doesn't have magic and is constantly trying is order him around. no, you're not allowed to go there, no you can't say that, no you're not allowed to accept food from him. and arthur is just ?????? tf is wrong with my best friend?? but doesn't read much into it because it's merlin and merlin's always been a little weird and bossy. merlin keeps getting into so much more trouble (cause again, his usual way of staying out of trouble is magic) so arthur's put in position to protect him more often and both of them are ???????? "why THE FUCK ARE you putting yourself in danger for me??" and "WHY ARE YOU getting into so much trouble??" until they figure out that "oh you're in love with me and can't bare to see any harm come to me" and "oh you have magic and someone already hurt you by taking it away"

Arthur meeting Merlin's family for the first time and being accepted. Idk how clear I can make this but I hate Arthur's family and how is he is treated by them (except you ygraine, you're dead and lovely) so ya someone give that boy loving affirmations

One of them is brainwashed/mind controlled/possessed and beats the shit out of the other person who refuses to fight back. I LOVE this trope. It slaps all the time. Look at destiel. Look at stucky. ALL THE TIME

another au that I've spoke about before AND I'LL SPEAK ABOUT IT AGAIN: I took that scene where Arthur says "I'll give up my crown just see her smile again" or something like that about morgana, and ran with it. There is only so many assassination attempts a brother can go through before he wilts and does another to have his sister back. In Arthur's case: he willingly hands over the throne for a chance at having a chance at his pesty, loving, older sister (I AM A YOUNGER BROTHER ARTHUR TRUTHER) look at him with something other than endless hate. what I Love about this prompt is that it could go so so many different ways. @mobycotton was lovely enough to write this amazing fic for me that I LOVED. In my head, Arthur is really shaken up by another one of Morgana's attempts at killing him. He doesn't know what's saved him and at this point he wishes whatever it is would stop. He goes down a spiral thinking of his family; the mother that he killed, the father that he let down, the uncle he betrayed and the sister he never deserved. What good could he be for Camelot when he wasn't even good enough for his flesh and blood. So he announces his truce; gives it over to morgana and leaves Camelot and everyone he knows behind. The knights and merlin have to eventually hunt him down and convince him otherwise (and he meets random people along the way who are stans of King Arthur just like me and he gets some sort of self esteem back)

Protective BAMF merlin. Basically merlin overhears someone talking shit about his prince and starts a fist fight. Arthur finds out

Mid s1 merthur where Arthur knows he's in love with Merlin and he shoves it DEEP inside, sticks to pining after his manservant like the pathetic (lovingly) puppy he is. All Merlin knows is that, for whatever reason, he would rather eat his own feet than let anything happen to Arthur. Which is why when brave, stupid arthur walks towards a stranger light source in the forest; he follows without hesitation, only to see...... arthur and himself snogging against a tree? Basically a pining, repressed prince Arthur and Merlin I don't know what this weird feeling in my tummy when I see him is Emrys accidentally walks through a portal into an alternatively universe where they know how to communicate well and have been disgustingly in love. The four of them have to work together to get Arthur and Merlin back where they belong.

Merlin makes a deal with his king cenred: for protection of his village, he will infiltrate Camelot's castle and bring them down. He just wishes someone had told him that prince charming of Camelot would make him fall in love with his pouty lips and gooey eyes. I don't know if yáll have noticed this but Arthur pouts A LOT. I can't take him seriously smh

#merthur #bbc merlin #arthur pendragon #yes I am aware some of these are more arthur centric I can't help it he lives in my head rent fucking free #merthur prompts

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electrificata · 3 months

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here are my house observations, im in season 3

some of the shit house says to foreman is genuinely unforgivable

foreman as a character i generally like. omar epps is giving a good performance of an even-keeled-but-not-without-effort kind of guy, i do like the plotline of a guy who came to learn from an expert whos the worst guy in the world and trying to figure out how to do the same thing without being the worst guy in the world. i also think they way they keep him out of hospital love triangles is racist, foreman is not currently hot but could be with 15% more attention from the writers room.

really sexist as a general rule. i have not encountered the idea of "jailbait" this much in literal years.

hipster racism. its the 2000s. funny to talk abt this because "hipsters" were younger at this point and the character of house is, im assuming, in his mid 40s at the start of the show, but thats the general logic that seems to be on display. "well you know that he's a good guy so its ironic and funny that he's threatening to use the n word as a joke."

a) stupid logic to begin with, doing something ironically is also just doing it, b) doesnt even work on its own terms here because house is widely acknowledged to be an awful person in the context. the entire show is built around the question "how much deliberately annoying, dangerous bullshit will we endure from this dickhead to maintain access to his unique skillset"

i still dont "get" house/wilson. like i do see it, like i can see that theyre a little obsessed with each other and they have a fun mutually manipulative dynamic, and they make sense as foils (guy who's self-consciously awful and often ends up doing noble things accidentally/guy who's self-consciously noble and often deliberately does awful things). but i cannot feel myself going insane about it. if anything i like him better with cuddy

cuddy really really hot. really really really hot. cuddy.

so like yeah i see house/wilson im just not going insane about it the way i thought i might. altho tbh it took a global pandemic and a extended, byzantine renaissance of tumblrina supernatural scholarship to make me have a destiel spiral. i need infrastructure for these things.

cameron's character is such an old school token girl character. i hate how they treat her "niceness" almost as much as i hate how they treat her crush on house.

a better show (written by me) would have some more cuddy and foreman "managing" house plotlines (foreman being a protege allows focus on the legacy of house's medicine, how to replicate it, how to contain damage), probably give him some of the cuddy and wilson time. the three of them together would be good i could do that.

cuddy/foreman. hm. in the remake.

like, i do get how this happened. house is troubled in a durable, interesting way. the writing is good enough to support his layers, the way his snap-judgement psychoanalysis of everyone he meets curls back around to shine a light on his own issues. good balance of competence and patheticness. laurie is giving a masterclass in the niche field of "british comedian comes to us tv drama, grows some stubble, becomes a sex symbol." i read an old review that referred to his "sourpuss charisma" i really like that turn of phrase.

(i was also into josh on the west wing when i watched that last year, i have a type i love antagonism. no im not dating anyone right now, who wants to take me for a candlelit dinner and tell me i smell good and my voice is sexy) (you cant just compliment me, ill be bored or uncomfortable, you have to bury it in a disagreement and make it clear youre kind of mad that youre into me)

that said i think the show kind of misunderstands house's sex appeal. it feels very written-by-men. women characters throw themselves at house in a porny kind of take-me-now way. in my observations guys who are arent traditionally hot but attractive in this antagonistic, talky was dont really get that kind of treatment, but they do get the main cast wilson/cuddy/cameron "i hate this guy but im obsessed with him and i will never make a move or i will and itll go badly" kind of stuff. my phantom house reboot does have cameron and house hook up and its a really mean and destructive fwb thing with like 4 false endings. does this make sense.

right now im in the middle of the plotline where leighton meester plays a 17 yr old girl stalking house because shes so in love. like thats not the vibe. at least from what ive seen. im not omniscient.

lol it turns out she has a spore makign her hypersexual lolllll i literally have this on in the background rn ok i take some of this back.

whenever i mention to someone im watching house theyll recount to me the plot of the one episode they can remember and it always sounds insane and its never made up.

"the one with the intersex teen model who fucks her dad to manipulate him and has testicular cancer" like yeah. yeah thats real. if you talked to me 3 weeks ago thatd be the one i recounted to you.

yes house does leer at her in that episode and its treated as logical and normal for a 45 year old man.

i hate chase, he's awful but boring.

im curious how long im gonna keep watching this, i know the later seasons get kind of soapy plotwise and i dont know if thats what i want out of this

#god this got long.

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riverwithoutbanks · 2 months

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Since we’re doing s16 wish lists, here’s what I wanna see (in no particular order except for the first one):

Reunion episode(s). Can take up to three episodes because I’m okay with suffering. There are several ways this could go and I have a couple fics on the back burner about it so I won’t elaborate.

Beach episode: they planned to spend a few days near the sea, but a case falls on their laps. Dean is in denial and just wants to chill. The universe seems to be on his side as every time something supernatural happens, he barely misses it (think Linda from Phineas and Ferb). Cas, Sam, and Eileen are slowly losing it, being bullied by a giant squid. Dean is in a long chair, reading Vogue, and sipping Piña Coladas. Jack pops by and goes ‘wow, you guys look like shit!!’ (Dean fell asleep and got a massive sunburn).

Weekend at Bobby’s but Cas, and more comedic. I want this one to expose the shit out of the brothers. Have them be in a middle of a tiff and make it everyone’s problem. Point of the episode being, Cas loves them (especially Dean) a lot. But sometimes he wants to throttle them.

Bittersweet episode about aging. I’m thinking parallels with a monster/human relationship and hunters who got out. Saileen talking about having/adopting children question mark. Potentially dismissed after hearing Dean and Claire having a row whilst Cas tries to defuse the situation (he makes it worse).

Theee Destiel episode (they’re all more or less destiel but this is the big one. Can take place during the reunion arc). They talk about it ™️. It can last the whole season as long as they end up in a relationship by the end. I’m not particularly into domestic portrayals (nothing against them, just not my cuppa tea) so you can make the drama last. Especially if it’s getting on everyone’s nerves.

Oblivious Sam. ‘He meant as a friend, right? 😀🌸’. Would be especially funny if Dean is trying to talk about it but Sam is just not computing. Especially especially funny if he tries to defend their friendship being all like ‘yeah they’re weird but you’re an arsehole for assuming that there’s something more!!’. Dean and Cas look like they were dragged through a hedge backward and mugged by a pack of clowns. Turns out Sam’s right in the end, they weren’t doing anything YET. But now that he has contemplated the possibility, he can’t unsee it. To be continued

Continuation of the previous episode. Sam is looking for a memory erasing spell because he just CANNOT with those star crossed losers. He find Naomi’s… what the fuck was her lobotomy stuck, anyway? Some kind of sonic screwdriver? Moving on, he realises it’s been used recently (traces of grace or whatever, pick your poison. The magic system doesn’t make any sense anyway). Oops :) looks like someone has been messing with them. Wait. Wasn’t there someone else? Where’s Eileen?

The Big Bad. I love me some Chuck won and possessed Jack so it would go in that direction. The sonic screwdriver was in the bunker because Eileen caught Chuck!Jack’s new creation fucking with their brains. I wish it could be a cool uncanny monster, but let’s be real it will probably be just some dude ™️. She walked in on it lobotomising Cas (because it’s iconic<3) and tries to fight the thing off. Epic and terrifying chase scene through the bunker, especially since Eileen can’t hear the creature. She hides in a room where they keep spell ingredients and finds Sam’s conveniently placed recipe for calling Rowena. You can figure out the rest.

[end of part 1]

#might add to this post later #I have to study now #spn #destiel #supernatural #spn s16 ideas #for later

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catsconflictscopicsandchamomile · 4 months

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yknow what? changed my damn mind. I do not, under ANY circumstances, want an spn revival/reboot/movie/etc. bc if that happens, yall are going to be crazy feral screaming to get Cas back.

Which means that yall will be going crazy feral screaming for an actor who has actively taken a "both sides" and GENOCIDE DENIALIST STANCE re: Palestine to be given a role that is guaranteed to be decade-definingly popular, have massive cultural ripples and produce huge amounts of popularity, credibility and cash income towards both that actor and everyone associated with him.

So no. Since I can't trust yall to put thousands of actual human lives over your little show for five fucking seconds

I do not, even ironically, even as a shitpost, want spn to continue in any way.

unless its without Cas*. which, despite having terminal destiel brainrot, I'm fine with at this point!

*ok like... angels DO switch vessels. Someone else COULD play Cas. hard role to get right, but like, they could do that. they just wouldn't. we all know that they wouldn't. they don't a give a shit. this fandom needs to stop "clowning" over a reboot/ending that BY ITS EXISTENCE, ACCEPTS GENOCIDE DENIAL AS TRUTH.

(NOTE: THIS POST IS *NOT* DISCOURAGING OR SHAMING PEOPLE FROM WRITING FIX-IT FICS, MAKING AND SHARING CONTENT WITH BETTER ENDINGS, ETC ETC ETC. Many ppl in this fandom need to DEEPLY re-evaluate how deeply they prioritize this show and its actors, however making content about the characters themselves, AS CHARACTERS, is fine imho)

#spn #soapbox #just saying #supernatural #destiel #deancas #misha collins #jensen ackles #supernatural reboot #spn reboot #spn revival #supernatural revival #jackles

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vendettasfanfictioning · 5 months

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I need more fics framing The Rupture as something necessary for destiel—it hurt like a fucking bitch, sure, and it was a low blow for Dean to hit Cas exactly where he knows Cas hurt most (in being the problem or a burden), but also. Looking at it from Dean's perspective, it really did feel like a move that old, early-seasons Cas would do; withheld information, acted on his own, took risks that could cost others.

And when it all piled up? From Jack's soulless behaviors directly killing Mary, to the deal with Belphegor in hell costing them Rowena. Again, hard agree that it was one of the most painful lines dropped in the show (especially so if you remember that this is post-Empty deal), but context guys, context.

Plus, I believe this separation wasn't only long-time coming but also a pretty important addition because what is destiel if not a pair of stubborn idiots who can't communicate. That's not to say an argument is necessary to talk (it can be, in certain situations, sure) but they've been on different pages since Cas came back in S13.

The center of their disagreement seemed to mostly lie in their belief in Jack. I can't remember a time they really sat down and smoothed things out so much as they avoided talking about what happened during the Widower arc altogether, and that's when the wound really began to fester. (It didn't help that they had to deal with so many problems all at once; the Brits, Asmodeus, Apocalypse World, Lucifer, then AU Michael...)

Here is what we know that Cas believed (from the canon narrative): Jack formed a bond with Cas, even before he was born he somehow showed Cas a possible future; paradise. It's the same power, perhaps a protection mechanism with nephilim seeing as God labeled them as Abominations, that turned Kelly as well. What we know Cas saw (from the deleted scene/script): Cas' paradise consisted of everyone he loved, his family, being safe. This included Sam, Kelly, and Dean on a beach, with more focus on Dean as he tells Cas, "thank you."

From what we could see that Cas did not, Dean had enough resentment against Jack that wasn't going to magically go away overnight. Jack hadn't formed the same bond with Dean that he did with Cas.

What happened before Jack was born: Heaven and Hell both sought out Jack for their respective goals, an innocent woman was going to die from the sheer magnitude of giving birth to a Nephilim, and Cas left by what Dean assumed was delusions and manipulations. What happened when Jack was born: Mary fell into a portal to a different universe—a rift that only opened due to the anomaly and power of Jack's existence—Kelly died, and Cas got stabbed right in front of him.

And this isn't to discredit Dean's love for Jack, when he did allow himself to love him or see him as family, but you can love someone and still resent them or feel bad about them. Moreso during extreme circumstances, however unfair or illogical it may be. Again, did they ever really talk? Maybe my memory is failing me but I'm pretty certain they didn't, or at least never in great detail, or came to an agreement about it.

Dean and Cas... just had so much dirty laundry and Rupture made sure they aired it all out. But I think we, as a society, would benefit greatly from not framing Dean as the big bad villain here or Cas as some poor innocent bean. Supernatural's theme was never about brotherhood or family, it's about how shit could have been so much easier if they just communicated.

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saywhatjessie · 5 months

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coarse and rough and irritating

Day three of the Advent calendar! Using this list. Day 3: Beach Trip Fandom: Supernatural - Pairing: Destiel .6k[Ao3]

“Does this suck?” Dean asked, carefully holding his arms away from his body. “I feel like this sucks.”

Cas hummed, doing his best to wipe the sand off of Dean with a towel.

“Couple of beers, toes in the sand. Sounded great! And the toes in the sand is good but then it gets everywhere.”

“We could always get back in the water,”Cas suggested.

Deans snorted. “Easy for you to say, sun spot. My shoulders are already blistering. How was I supposed to knowI’d burn?”

“I would guess your freckles should have been some clue as to how your fair skin is susceptible to pigmentation.”

Dean grumbled again.

Cas stood up, draping the sandy towel around his neck, and pulled Dean into a kiss. Dean melted immediately, his hands coming up to grip at Cas’s hips, his fingers meeting the tacky sunscreen against Cas’s bare skin.

He whined, pulling away. “Why didn’t anyone tell me the beach was gross?”

“I’m not sure what about the beach is grosser than the normal human experience,” Cas offers, fairly, his thumbs brushing over Dean’s ribs. “But I imagine that everyone else was just happy to see you excited about something.”

Dean pouted, dropping his head against Cas’s shoulder. Cas hummed, bringing one of his hands up to cradle the back of Dean’s head.

It was the first time they’d made it to the beach after everything. First there was Cas being dead and then making Cas not dead, and figuring their shit out – both trauma shit and relationship shit – and then deciding what came next.

Was Dean going to leave hunting? Yes. (Mostly.)

Was Cas human now? Yes. (Mostly.)

Were they moving out? Was Dean going to live somewhere full time without Sam for the first time in his life? Yes. Definitely.

So they bought a house. They got married in the most official way they could in front of all of their family and friends. They started a life.

And they went on vacation to the beach: something Dean had been dreaming about his whole life.

And it sucked.

“I’ve sat in Baby covered in monster guts for a full fourteen hours and been more comfortable than this.” Dean complained, mouth brushing Cas’s coconut smelling skin.

Cas hummed again, kissing his hair. “We could always go home, Dean. Or we could see about renting a boat. Get the sea without the sand.”

“Still have the stupid sunscreen, though.” Dean sighed. “I’m hot. And it’s sticky. And my skin fucking hurts. And my beer tastes like salt.”

Cas rubbed his stubbly chin against Dean’s temple, squeezing him a bit more around the middle. “Dean, I think it might be time to accept that you are a creature of comfort habits who does not like the outside.”

“You calling me a bitch?”

“If you’re asking if I think you’re tough enough to deal with things that are unpleasant, I would say of course you are, you’ve been dealing with unpleasantness your entire life. But this is supposed to be a vacation. We’re supposed to be enjoying ourselves. Are you happy, Dean?”

“Here with you? Always, babe.”

Cas huffed his quiet laugh, rubbing his broad hand over Dean’s back. “Yes, you’re very sweet. But would you be happier with me on a couch watching a movie?”

Dean made a sound in his throat. “Can we order sandwiches?”

“We can order whatever you want.”

Dean sighed, pulling away.

“Yeah, okay. We can stay at the B&B, though. I don’t want to drive back until I’ve tried every all you can eat crab place on the strip.”

“Deal.” Cas smiled. “And when Sam and Jody ask about our trip at Christmas, I’ll tell them you were very tough and slept in the sand for days.”

Dean grinned, pulling Cas in for one more kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too. But you’re carrying the cooler: you said it would be lighter when we carried it back but you’ve only drunk two beers so it is not.”

#Destiel #spn #oops I wrote a thing #destiel fic #this is stupid

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ltleflrt · 10 months

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can i ask - what are you thoughts on the current anti-shipping phenomenon in fandom? I've recently gotten into SPN fandom and fallen in love with your fics, but the state of the fandom puzzles me a bit.

Anti-shipping is not a SPN fandom phenomenon, and maybe it seems to be a bigger deal to you because it's a bigger fandom? Wincest and Destiel shippers have been at war since episode 04x01 aired lol...we even have derogatory names for each other: Wincels and Hellers.

(Jokes on the Wincels, because Heller is a fucking awesome name.)

(Wincestiel shippers are fandom unicorns, and they deserve love and respect.)

I've only been involved in fandom since 2011, so most of what I know about anti-shippers comes from piles and piles of posts talking about fandom history, but the gist of it is that this is not current, it is ongoing since the dawn of fandoms, we just have names for it now. Think about Spirk back in the 60s...there were lots of rabid fangirls who saw nothing romantic between them too. We just don't hear as much about them, because they lost their fandom war lol

It's just really loud right now with the rise of conservatism, fascism, and terfs. And social media amplifies all of the above.

Anyway, my thoughts on anti-shippers is that they need to grow up and mind their own business. I am a pro-shipper, which means I believe that anyone has the right to love any ship, no matter how problematic, no matter how much it squicks me out. I believe everyone should be allowed to read whatever vile smut they want, because thought crimes are not real.

Unless a real person is being hurt, have fun.

Antis claim that problematic ships and kinks hurt people, but I think it's important to understand that there's a big difference between accidental and deliberate harm. And harm mitigation is highly important in a world with 7+ billion people and 7+ billion different lived experiences.

If an anti-shipper is hurt by a ship they don't like, they need to learn how to block and filter content so they don't see it, and on the opposite side of that, the vile shippers/kinksters need to tag their nonsense so that they're not accidentally burning someone's eyes out. Which most people ARE kind enough to do. They sit around in their little ficcing circles and cackle over the evil things they're putting their blorbos through, and they put up warning signs, but the antis come barging in to bug them anyway.

In my opinion, many antis are big fucking bullies and do a lot more harm than they claim to try and prevent, and they can all go fuck themselves with something hard and sandpapery.

So uh... yeah, that's how I feel about it 😁

(okay actually I'm not done, there's a lot of anti-shipping discourse about age gaps and what counts as incest that are just... really fucking stupid, and I honestly believe that shit started out because people were grasping for straws to justify why their ship is better than the ship they don't like. unfortunately, the youngins have been soaking up that moral purity language as Objective Truth because they're little sponges. i hope they outgrow that bullshit eventually. i will forgive and forget if they leave behind their purity police badges.)

#ltleramblings #reply #anonymous #purity police #anti shipping #pro shipping #yes i do enjoy the 'problematic' stuff myself #i don't like wincest at all #but i respect people's rights to ship it #i mean i ship cas/jimmy as twins soooooo #pot kettle blah blah blah #someday i want to write a darkfic that alienates my reader base #oh the darkfics that live in my head #i just can't seem to get them out of my imagination and into a fic #the two times i've tried they turned oddly romantic #HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?#THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DIRTYBADWRONG #sigh oh well

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jumpscaregoose · 10 months

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ok I'm finally doing it I'm finally drafting up this post. if you've spoken to me about shaman king literally ever or even followed this blog for more than two days you know this one

goose's Renmei Thoughts™ aka:

(thanks @gelatinous-jellyfish for making me this wonderful image a while back)

(quick explanation for everyone unaware, renmei is the canon relationship between iron maiden jeanne and tao ren from the sk sequels. I never explain this in the post but if you want to read it and don't know that's what this is. also I mention this takei guy a lot he's the mangaka)

so pov you're me circa feburary 2022, currently unaware of the kzb manga ending or sequels because you got into sk 6 months ago and the 2021 anime isn't over yet. you're innocently googling your girl jeanne for idk drawing references or whatever and BOOM autocomplete drops the most confusing spoiler of all time on you

that's how I remember finding out renmei exists, and at the time I'm pretty sure I was like "oh this must just be a popular het pairing from the Olden Days or something it'd be ridiculous if that was-" it was it was canon. cue a terrible amount of suffering april 21st 2022 when episode 52 of the new anime aired and it was what it is

of course I was upset but in an attempt to not be That One Annoying Fandom Person I sat down and thought about it and gave the concept the benefit of the doubt for a bit and now I have a pretty solid idea of how I feel about it. my renmei thesis is basically:

well that could have been a good idea but wow did takei completely fumble it

part a why it's not conceptually terrible: this one's really simple it's just that they're both similar characters. I'm anticipating you the reader have actually read/watched shaman king so I'm just gonna present you with the chart I made a few months back

murderous child -> oh shit -> what now it's quite similar

btw this file was named "the.png". that is such an unhelpful file name I had to DIG to find it. wtf past me

basically if it was actually written properly I think we could have gotten some cool things out of a romantic relationship between these two characters. however

part b: we didn't

my favourite way to describe renmei is that it just wasn't written. because it wasn't. across over 300 chapters of mainline and spinoff manga they have maybe four interactions, three of which were after they were already a couple (and the fourth one is that time she raised him from the dead and they didn't speak. does that really even count?). and those three actual interactions were flashbacks and not... actually important. I think one of them was just about cheese. as a reader your experience is

2 characters who never interacted -> literally what the fuck when did that happen -> she's DEAD???

when my friend was reading the manga I had to tell her to reread a scene because the panel where they explain it is such a blink-and-you-miss-it moment

literally the same pacing and payoff as CANON DESTIEL.

their entire actual relationship happens during the downtime between the main manga ending and the sequels beginning. and I'm going to bring osp into this because I think this graphic is helpful

(side note as I was scrolling through this trope talk I noticed a problem red brings up that does apply to the sk sequels but that's for another post...)

this is from the osp trope talk on sequels, and it shows the difference in Stuff Happening levels between plot time (red) and down time (grey). the issue with renmei is that it is an IMPORTANT PLOT EVENT (two characters with little interaction having an entire love story) that happens during DOWN TIME, when the audience only sees things through flashbacks in snippets. and it doesn't help that we never get any flashbacks to before the event happened, before they got together. it's jarring because the ENTIRE THING happens during down time. plot time 1 (the main manga) ends with no interactions between them, and ONE scene that's supposed to set ren up for getting Straight Married that in my opinion didn't work. because it is stupid. plot time 2 (every sequel manga) starts after jeanne's death. it's literally the inciting incident for red crimson. their entire 7+ year relationship is encapsulated in foggy down time, and we're expected to care.

and this especially doesn't work because we aren't set up to care. again, 1 interaction in the main manga, where they don't talk (but I will go to bat for the inherent intimacy of raising someone from the dead like we could have done something there). it's pretty clear to me from rereading the manga that takei didn't know these two would get together when he was writing it. that one scene I mentioned where he tries to set up ren getting Straight Married? if you've read it you know it's incredibly vague and with how takei wrote literally everything else it sure doesn't work as intended. or I'm too aromantic and yaoipilled to understand his literary genius idk. it's clear from some other missed opportunities that the jeanne part of the equation wasn't exactly planned from the beginning. which is even more insulting tbh

part c jeanne character assassination: out of the both of them jeanne really got the short end of the stick in terms of characterization in the sequels. I say this because I actually really like ren in the sequels I like the way takei took his character, so holy shit does sequels jeanne look even worse in comparison. the whole housewife thing is eeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhh, not really a fan of that but I'm also not mad enough to comment. her death I do have some thoughts about. conceptually the beheading herself with shamash thing is BADASS AS HELL and I do like it conceptually, I also know like, the themes. yeah remember that time "atoning for your crimes with your death isn't the right thing to do" was an important part of the plot. TWICE. FUCK THAT I GUESS. there is some equivalent exchange bullshit happening with these two and the continuation of main manga themes and I want it to stop please

part d tao men: one thing I've thought about a lot is Why. why fumble this so badly. why do this at all. what do we get out of this. and the answer is an inciting incident and tao men. and the fumble bag continues because tao men deserved better this is a tao men appreciation account. we could have done some cool shit with his revenge thing but nope fuck that I guess. poor guy

part e contrast: so the sequel manga where renmei is most relevant is red crimson. I absolutely love red crimson I recommend it to everyone. and that's because of jun and pairon (and chapter 9 full transparency). jun and pairon in red crimson have one of the most beautiful relationships I've ever seen. they have an established dynamic and baggage to work through and that's what the manga focuses on. and it works it works really well. however this is also the Renmei Manga, and having most of that stuff right next to jun and pairon just makes it look worse

those are all my renmei thoughts I remembered while writing this post, I think that covers most of it but I may reblog this later with stuff I forgot

#shaman king #the way I will immediately drop everything and rant about them whenever I remember they exist #hi jeanne enjoyers this one's for you

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what-if-i-just-did · 9 months

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Destiel Prompt List 3. Extended version of a classic Destiel scene.

Trigger Warnings: graphic descriptions of pain, mind control and the aftermath of being beat up. Also there's some kissing but it isn't really nsfw. And as always feels.

Mind Control and Make-Out Sessions

"We need you."

Shit. He's gonna have to do the movie thing, isn't he? If it'll help Cas.

He swallows.

"I need you."

The next words are 'I love you', but he chokes on them. He tries "Cass.." instead. He thinks his voice breaks.

It seems to work. Cas dropped the Blade.

He tries to keep eye-contact, but just a few seconds in and he's done. Shit, his arm hurts like a biiiiiiiitch. And his face is all fucked up. He's fairly sure his cheekbone is fractured in at least three places, and his eye is definetly messed up, and some skin's been ripped, and there's no way he doesn't have a concussion, but it's fine, he's had worse. (Way worse) His breathing is incredibly ragged, though, almost verging on a panic attack, but he has more important things right now. Namely, Cas.

Then there's a blinding light and oh, Cas got the tablet. He closes his eyes.

Cas is looking at him now. Dean's trying to decide if Cas is okay now, but with a fucked-up eye and the angel being as unreadable as ever, he's not sure. "Cas.." he says, like he's approaching a wild animal. Cas reaches for him.

"No.. Cas.. Cas ! "

He grabs onto Cas's arm, uselessly, he knows, as if he could possibly do anything at all to stop Castiel from hurting him, and Cas isn't doing the two-fingers-to-the-forehead thing, no, Cas is cupping the beat-up side of his head, and it hurts, but Cas is being gentle, and if Dean is about to die then fuck, he leans into Cas's hand because yeah, it feels good if he ignores the rest, so he breathes in sharply and he waits for the blindingly hot pain to course through him and turn his insides to liquid, waits for his eyes to be burnt out and decides he forgives Cas and he has just enough time for a stab of panick when he realizes he'll probably wake up in Hell, again before he's opening his eyes.

He's not in Hell. In fact, he's still kneeling in the fucking crypt. In front of Cas. But.. nothing hurts. His face, his arm... shit, did Cas just... heal him?

He's panting. He looks at Cas, and the angel is looking so guilty, so motherfreakin' cute- no, adorable, that Dean's breath hitches. Which, you know, he's pretty sure is not a reaction he's supposed to have about Cas, who's a dude, (or, at least in a dude and wow that took a turn wait a minute), and also like this heavenly, millenia-old warrior of heaven or whatever but right now he's got other focusses.

"So sorry, Dean."

There's about a million things he could say, but he goes for

"What the Hell just happened". Are you okay?

"I... Naomi was..."

"Yeah, about that. Who's Naomi?" And what did she do to you?

"Naomi is an Angel of Heaven-" Which is the moment Dean realises he's still on his knees, in front of Cas. It takes him about .5 seconds to get to his feet. Cas stops talking to give him a confused look (with the squint and headtilt and it's not helping Dean with trying to stop seeing Cas as cute) but Dean just shoots him a quasi-innocent look that says 'I'm ignoring that look, you were saying?' so Cas keeps talking.

"She.. She's an Angel of Heaven who.. well, her job is to make sure everyone obeys their orders. She sent Angels to Purgatory to, save, me, but she realized of course I wouldn't simply obey her. She gave me... exercizes. Tests, perhaps. Or.. well, whatever you want to call it. She had to be certain I'd obey her. I..." Cas stops to shake his head and break eye-contact, looking at the floor. "Dean, I am incredibly sorry. I would never... I never wanted to hurt you. I wish I could take it back." He makes a vague hand-motion. "I healed you. I suppose that's as close as it'll get." Blue meets green again. "I would never have done that if I was in control of my actions."

Dean leans backwards. Between the emotion is Cas's voice, and the information that someone, some dickwad angel, had been controlling his Cas (he knows Cas isn't really his but it does feel that way. His guardian angel.) for that long, he's torn between possesive anger and being touched by how much Cas cares.

"I forgive you. Hell, I already forgave you since before you stopped... Cas, it wasn't you, okay? I think that's pretty obvious. I forgive you."

He needs that much to be clear to the angel (only angel he'll ever care about). Now that he got that much clear, he took a breath. It's been four years. He's already lost Cas... more than once. And maybe his brain isn't really working cause this is gonna have consequinces but right now he can't really care. He just needs to say it.

"I love you, of course I forgive you."

Cas frowns. "You.. love.. me? How.. after all I've done, after I just- how could you say that?"

Okay. not what he'd been expecting. Uhm. "Cas." He needs to find some words, but it's like all the words in existence are playing hide and seek and he's it (isn't that tag? Oh whatever). "You... You.. Cas, you've done so much for us. And I already said, I forgive you for beating me up. And.. whatever Naomi did, ain't your fault. Yeah, sure, you've made mistakes.. big ones. But so have I. So has Sammy, I mean... I don't care. Besides, love.. I don't know, it's probably just a stupid human thing, but.. mistakes, and betrayels and whatever, it's not supposed to matter. It doesn't matter. I love you. And.. yeah, we've got shit to work out, but that doesn't take away from me loving you. Get it? Like.. we're family. You know what family does?, family forgives. And loves. So. There's that." There. That was, decent, right? Maybe shouldn't've said the family part, but, well.. too late now, huh.

Cas nods, looking a little... overwhelmed. "I... I think I understand. it sounds like such a human thing, but, I... I love you too, Dean. In a way I don't think.. I don't think my brethren could."

And oh. Cas probably doesn't realize what that would mean, in human terms, what he just said. But there seems to be some residual brain damage or something, because the next thing Dean blurts is "Cas can I kiss you", followed instantly by him shoving a hand over his mouth and wishing the ground could swallow him up.

Cas tilts his head. Squints. "Yes."

"What?" W H A T ? ! ? Did Cas just...

"Yes. You can.. kiss me, Dean."

Dean gulps. Yes, definetly residual brain damage. Cas was probably feeling too guilty to properly clean him up. Right now, Dean could care less. "I... okay."

He takes a carefull step forwards. Cas doesn't move. Another step, and now he's standing right iin front of Cas. His eyes flicker over Cas's face, trying to find reluctance, or hesitation, or disgust. They find curiosity, and thinly-veiled exitement (?) and some caution. That's fine. He angles his head a little, and Cas's breath is pracitcally ghosting over Dean's lips. He hesitates, like if he stepped away now, they could pretend this never happened. But he started this. He wants this. And Cas said yes. "Love you." Dean whispers before sealing their lips and closing his eyes.

Cas's lips are soft. So soft. He cautiously moves against them, and consequentially inhales a lungfull of Cas. He smiled into the kiss, and he can feel Cas move a little too. He brings his hand up to cup Cas's jaw a little, for balance, and Cas does the same, but a little less shy, leaving his hand closer to Dean's lips than Dean would dare do to Cas right now. They shift their heads to different angles, putting more or less pressure to the kiss they're sharing. Then Dean carefully reaches out with his tongue, licks over Cas's lips, and Cas gasps. Dean takes the oppertunity and licks the inside of Cas's upper lip, and Cas lets him, so he doesn't stop. He doesn't want to stop.

It doesn't take long after that for the kiss to become a little... less innocent. Their tongues find eachother, and more hands are being shifted, holding onto shirts and trenchcoats and jawlines and hair and chests, and then someone moans, and the kiss turns desperate, hopefull, longing, nostalgic. Everything they wanted, out on the table, and mirrored on each side. Why did they wait four years with this? Why did it take losing eachother, over and over and over, for them to realize they could have what they wanted? They could have had this all along.

Then Cas puts his hand flat on Dean's chest, and it's clear what that means- stop. Dean pulls back, opens his eyes. "Shit, you okay, what's-" but Cas is softly smiling.

"Dean... as much as I'm enjoying.. this. We have... we have things to deal with, to discuss. Naomi... the Tablet. I think we should put this on pauze. What's the term- raincheck?"

Dean tries to clear up the love and lust fogging his head. Take a breath. "Y-yeah. Yeah, okay. Raincheck. Talk first, make out later. I can do that."

He breathes a few more times. Cas is patient. He puts his clothes and hair back into more or less the configuration they had before Cas's hands found them. He breathes. "Okay...

So, this.. Naomi. Has been controlling you since she got you out of Purgatory?", he prompts. Cas nods sullenly. "Yeah."

Then, of course, Cas leaves. So, 'Make out later' never really happens. Of course, that's how it goes when you're a Winchester. Always got a world to save.

#destiel #casdean #dean winchester #castiel #supernatural #spn #fanfiction #destiel fanfic #spn naomi

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