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olivia-anderson-fanfic · 29 days

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Dancing 'til the break of dawn - Pt6

<Pt5

(TWST zombie apocalypse au for all your crack-fic needs)

It was a few days later, and Deuce was still messing with the radio. It was, frankly, becoming something like an obsession. He hadn’t yet taken it apart, because there was a chance he could get electrocuted (and, more importantly, there was no way he would be able to put it back together after, and Yuu and Ace had already told him that they would not be making another trip to the store if it broke), but he continued to fiddle with the dials and antennae.

He had said that he wanted to see if he could use it to contact the mainland.

There was no way there was a receiver of any kind on the cheap, dinky little radio. It was even less likely that the radio had that kind of range.

But it kept him busy and it wasn’t hurting anyone – or, at least, not yet, Yuu was kind of waiting for Deuce’s inevitable mental breakdown at this point – so they weren’t going to stop him.

Besides, they were busy. Ace and Yuu were huddled on the futon. Ace had finally figured out the basics of knitting, and was trying to teach a very confused Yuu the ropes. Or, rather, the yarns.

Listen, you can only mess up knitting so many times before you start to go insane.

And Yuu was being dragged through the apocalypse kicking and screaming. He deserves his terrible little jokes. As a treat. Because there are no actual treats.

… the marshmallow guns did not include any marshmallows. Needless to say, the teens were all devastated.

Maybe this was why Deuce gave a cry of frustration and finally launched the radio at the nearest wall.

It imbedded itself in the cheap plaster and hung there.

Ace pressed his face into his hands, hissing curses under his breath. He’d jumped at the sudden noise and ended up dropping a stitch. Maybe karma does exist.

But he soon forgot about this, because the weirdest thing happened:

The radio sputtered to life.

Dang, percussive maintenance really does fix everything.

“– and there is very little foot traffic, but I should warn anyone hiding out on Tokaido that I heard a lot of screaming coming from that direction. It kept me up all night. Kinda sucked!”

Yuu blinked. The radio tower they were broadcasting from must be close, because they’d heard the screaming, too. Someone had accidentally set a fire a few streets down, and zombies had been picking off everyone who came to try and put it out. Eventually, when it began to look like it might spread too close to their store, Yuu had pulled out the puppy dog eyes to try and convince Grim to let people get rid of the fires. Grim, being a cat, had not taken to anything even partially associated with dogs. So, Deuce had made Yuu promise to go on strike as the group chef for a few days.

Never get between Grim and his food.

Or Ace and his food, frankly. Ace was very annoying.

Needless to say, the fire had been put out rather quickly. He was pretty sure that Grim had even sent some zombies to help. That must have been trippy for any survivors who happened to see it.

“But that’s in the past! Let’s talk about the present! Here’s Cater, with the weather.”

Another person was there? Wow, they were really good at being quiet and waiting for their cue.

“Thank you, Cater.”

Oh, no, he had just gone a little insane. Okay, that made way more sense.

“Now, if you look outside, you will see –.”

When Cater presumably opened the window to ‘look outside’, the distinctive, low groan of many zombies met their ears, punctuated only by Cater’s shrill screams.

Oh, and also several gunshots.

Grim’s ears flattened against his head. Yuu would say that he wasn’t sure whether he was feeling the ghosts of bullets embedding themselves in his fellow hivemind members, or if he just didn’t like all of the sound spitting out of the radio… but Grim had never shown himself to feel the pain that other zombies felt before (if zombies could even feel pain, which was debatable), so it was definitely the volume.

Yuu would turn it down, but the volume button was currently one with the wall, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to try and pull the radio out yet. They had just gotten the thing working, after all. What if taking it out of the wall somehow broke it again? He wasn’t sure Deuce would ever forgive him.

Wait, since when has he cared about Deuce?

He stood to go and grab the radio, but the sound came to an abrupt end without his help. The only thing that indicated that the fight hadn’t caused a couple of wires to be tripped was Cater’s groaning.

Not in the way that zombies groan, mind you, that was a very distinctive kind of groan that made the hair stand on end, this was just a kind of exasperated one.

“Why do I even do that? The joke is not worth it,” Cater grumbled into the mic. “Weather is overcast, as usual. Back to Cater, with our daily music session.”

“Thank you Cater. Today, we will be playing Freebird. Again! Because I do not know any other songs.”

The opening riff began to play, and all of the teens, for lack of a better word, panicked. They must destroy the radio before they are subjected to the song that every guy with a guitar plays at parties.

They were saved from that by the plaster finally giving out under the weight of the radio and sending it crashing backward into the wall, where it finally met its end.

Yuu breathed a sigh of relief. That was close.

Anyways.

Back to what they were doing. Ace picked up the once-abandoned knitting needles, looked at the dropped stitch, remembered why he had abandoned it in the first place, and went through the five stages of grief again. Honestly, if Yuu didn’t know that Ace was just very dramatic, he would have thought the boy had interpreted the unraveling square of yarn as some sort of metaphor for his life right now (or maybe a simile… Yuu didn’t know the difference). Yuu guided him through his emotions with pats on the back, only mildly condescending, because his friend was going through some stuff and he needed someone now more than ever.

Unfortunately, despite Yuu’s claim that everyone had gone back to their previous activities, that was not possible for Deuce. His previous activity was lost to the wall-void and there was no hope of getting it back. Which meant he had time to think.

“Wait, guys!”

Yuu and Ace jumped when hands clamped down over their shoulders. They turned their heads to look at Deuce, who was beaming in that way that meant he had had an idea.

Oh no.

“We should go to the radio station! They have the place up and working! We might be able to get in contact with the mainland!”

Ace and Yuu flinched again, their eyes flicking to meet each other’s briefly.

That… might actually work.

Yeah. No. They could not let that happen.

You see, Deuce was running on the idea that, somehow, the rest of the world just hadn’t realized that Japan was struggling. That the world had simply not noticed an entire country going offline.

This was not the case. You see, Japan is an isolated, island nation. The rest of the world knew, they just didn’t care. Because zombies couldn’t swim, hadn’t yet bothered to learn how to operate heavy machinery, zombies weren’t their problem.

Frankly, they were all lucky that America hadn’t just straight-up bombed them into the ground already.

Probably because America wasn’t yet aware that zombies were affected by fire, but regardless. They were taking the win.

However, they were not going to give America the literal ammunition by letting them find out that zombies were affected by fire. Yeah, no, Yuu liked living.

He opened his mouth to make up some kind of excuse as to why they couldn’t go, but Deuce was faster, straightening, stars in his eyes.

“C’mon, let’s go! The guy has a gun, and Yuu really needs a weapon, anyway! And the guy running the station sounds desperate for people to talk to, he’d probably let us use the place if we stayed for a day! We have a chance!”

The words died in his throat.

“That… I can’t argue with that!” Ace said, which certainly didn’t help.

As Deuce hurried off to prepare their backpacks, Ace and Yuu immediately turned to each other in a blind panic.

“What do we do?!” Yuu almost wailed, gripping Ace’s shirt and shaking the boy, as if hoping that if he just rattled Ace’s brain around enough an idea would fall out.

It did not work.

“Why do you think I know?!”

He sighed, shaking his head. “Okay, well, you have to tell him.”

Ace spluttered. “Me?!”

“Yeah, you’re a prick, you always fight, let it slip or something!”

Ace opened and closed his mouth like a fish. And then he scoffed. “You’re just scared. Like you always are.”

“And you aren’t?!”

“No, I’m just –!” If Ace really wasn’t scared, then he sure as hell couldn’t put a name to it right now, which Yuu was going to take as him winning anyway. “I’m not going to do it.”

If even Ace didn’t want to have to break the news, then what other option was there?!

Grim was giving him a flat look. The ‘there is an obvious answer here that you are ignoring’ look you usually get from a parent or teacher. Which meant that this was either a very expressive cat or Yuu had a guilty conscience.

But Yuu had never done anything wrong, ever, in his life, so there was no reason for him to feel guilty. Congrats to Grim for beating the odds and having an expressive face.

He glanced away, thinking hard. If they could not explain to Deuce why it was all a bad idea – shut up, Grim – then… well, even if the person decided not to let them use it, which Yuu doubted, Deuce would probably insist they fight ‘Cater’ for access, and it would be three against one, so they would win… and then they would gain control over the radio tower, which would give them even less reason not to do it. So, it was best not to go at all… what could make them stay home? For long enough that Deuce wouldn’t remember his original goal?

He sucked in a breath.

Ace narrowed his eyes at the change in his expression. “You have an idea, don’t you?”

Yuu nodded slightly.

“I’m not going to like it.”

Ace did not phrase that like a question, which is definitely the only reason why Yuu didn’t take the time to respond to it.

Thankfully, Deuce reappeared, lugging his backpack with him, only to stop cold the moment he saw them, his bright expression dimming temporarily. He looked at Yuu, gripping Ace’s shirt, both of their faces admittedly not as far away as they could have been considering they had both leaned in slightly to make sure that Deuce couldn’t overhear anything they were saying.

He gasped. “I knew it!”

Oh for the love of –!

“We’re still not dating!” Yuu snapped.

Ace just looked extremely confused.

Ah, the world without phones is a pain.

Like, sure, if you happen to get separated at all then you may never again know whether or not your loved ones are still alive (assuming that you didn’t already know they were dead, of course), and that was, Yuu could imagine, kind of sucky.

But you know what’s worse?

Not having Google Maps.

You never know how much you rely on modern technology until everything runs out of power and you’re stuck attempting to make maps out of what had once been flyers for tourist attractions for Americans.

Oh, Americans. How Yuu hates Americans, but apparently they are useful now. He does not know how to conflate these two ideas in his head.

So he won’t!

Thank you to the poor, overworked Japanese people who had made these flyers!

Where was he again before he had started hating on America?

Oh, right, they were lost.

Well, not yet, actually. They were still at the convenience store. Ace was mourning preemptively. He had pressed his forehead against the front of his store, well aware that this might be the last time they saw it. They had grabbed as many supplies as they could carry, and shoved the rest into the back to make it less likely for someone to come in and rob them, but…

Even assuming they could find the place again, it was unlikely they would find it in one piece.

Yuu fought a sniffle himself. This could be the end of an era.

Whatever.

That was enough being sad. Ace is distracted, which means his plan is a-go!

“Alright, I’m ready,” Ace said, starting over.

Damn it, he had spent too long going on a diatribe about America’s existence! See! This is exactly why he hates them!

He fought back a grimace, turning back to Deuce, who was struggling to figure out a map with Grim. Frankly, why they had given that job to them was a mystery. Even if Grim had shown himself to be intelligent, he couldn’t speak to them. And Deuce was… Deuce.

Whoops.

Wait, he doesn’t have time to regret things!

Crapcrapcrap!

Yuu feigned nonchalance, humming lightly as he looked around. You would think seeing a radio tower from the street would be easy, since they’re usually pretty tall, but no. Because the buildings are also tall. And closer – uh, perspective, was it? Something like that.

Point is, the radio tower was not currently visible.

He sighed and tossed his backpack to Ace. “I’m going to quickly climb up and see if I can find it.”

“Climb up… where?” said Deuce, looking up briefly with a slight frown. Which was a fair question, seeing as most of the trees on this street were little more than ashes.

Yuu absently checked his shoelaces, and then sent his friends a grin.

“You don’t get good at running away without knowing a little bit of parkour.”

He sprinted towards the nearest building, placing his foot on a windowsill and grabbing ahold of the top of the window so he could start pulling himself up.

Ace fumbled with Yuu’s backpack for a second, before looking at him with wide eyes as he realized what exactly his plan was. “Yuu, you – you –!”

Dang, Yuu didn’t think he had ever heard Ace stutter before. He felt bad for freaking him out like that…

“Doing parkour doesn’t make being a coward any less lame!”

Okay, nevermind, he didn’t feel bad at all.

Yuu fought the urge to lift a hand from the sill and flip him off. Because he was very nice. And also because he wasn’t nearly high enough to injure himself yet, and he didn’t think he would get to try this again if he fell here.

Which was probably Ace’s plan. The prick.

He wasn’t going to let him win.

He picked his way up the side carefully, pushing his way up to the top with a little more strain than he would ever admit to aloud. He had fallen out of practice. At least that would help sell it.

He stood up straight and quickly located the radio station.

It was only when he leaned over the side to point it out for them, that he registered just how far he would have to fall. How much it would hurt.

How much it would mess up.

He had earned a twisted ankle at the beginning of the apocalypse. Even an injury as small as that had nearly gotten him killed several times. Sure, things had definitely mellowed out somewhat since then – there were less people, less scrambling for resources, and the groups that had formed either learned how to cooperate or stopped being groups (one way or another), but… well, anyone that had survived this long was liable to have at least a few ‘unsavory’ qualities.

He had Ace and Deuce to rely on now, sure, but they weren’t infallible.

Yuu clambered down carefully, only relaxing when his feet were on steady ground once again.

A bag was shoved into his hands immediately, and he gave Ace a huff of annoyance. Ace just rolled his eyes at him.

Deuce beamed at them, ignoring the silent, petty argument in favor of starting off in the direction of the station, not even remembering to wait for Yuu to shoulder his bag and scoop up Grim.

Yuu didn’t bother rushing, though. Yuu and Ace were happy to follow at a slight distance.

“Pussy,” Ace muttered.

Despite his words (or, well, word, singular), he looked relieved.

The display of concern, however small, was not enough to keep Yuu from scowling at him. “You jump off a small building, then.”

Ace glanced at the nearest building, seemed to consider it. And then winced. “No thanks.”

“That’s what I thought, coward,” Yuu huffed.

They were silent as they watched Deuce almost skip ahead.

Well, they could always come up with something when they got to the radio station.

~~~~~~~

Pt7>

#dancing 'til the break of dawn #twisted wonderland #twst fanfic #ace trappola #deuce spade #twst yuu #twst grim #cater diamond #he is almost here but i was too wordy sozzzzz

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kutputli · 1 year

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Extremely unfair that I sit down with pen and paper to take notes and the episode doesn’t feature My Main Man! In true fandom fashion, I will none the less proceed to make my episode reaction post all about him...

I foresee that the giant expanded cast of regulars is going to trip us up often with these either or situations - I deeply resent being made to choose between Nate and Trent. (HI TRENT!!! My favourite little smirky shit with the HAIR. You can vaguely saunter downwards on my screen any time you want, I have missed you!)

Look, Roy and Trent are my two blorbos, and getting extended interaction with them, and backstory, and deep nonverbal communication of various emotions was just delightful. And because we weren’t shown a pin, I am going to headcanon that Roy can burst balloons with his bare hands, like the animal he is. James Lance is clearly having the time of his life leaning into the comic elements of his character, and I love how ridiculous he lets him be.

Speaking of unexpected backstory... Rebecca was a bartender?! Where the fuck did that come from? She clearly and canonically comes from money. I thought she might have been a business manager of some kind, associated with Richmond, which is how she met Rupert, but this makes her qualifications to run (not just own) a football club all the more shaky. Also now she’s established that she was willing to help Rupert cheat on his wife... I have no idea why she would then be so shocked that she was in turn cheated on. And I’m sure Rupert used the same tactics with his bartender affair that he got Leslie to help him with later, so again, just how deluded has Rebecca been?

But since I’m talking about Rebecca anyway, let me drag this back to Nate, and how difficult it is to watch a show that attempts both comedy and pathos. Because it gives me whiplash being told to selectively suspend my disbelief for some situations and not for others. It’s like when you watch slapstick comedy - you know its ok to laugh at the pie in the face because EVERYONE is going to end up with that pie, and there is the shared trust that no one is actually hurt. But if a theatrical play has a haha pie moment with one character, and then flips to another where someone stumbles and then starts crying from the pain, I’m going to feel like shit for having been primed to laugh at what I thought I was told was a pratfall.

Rebecca, more than any other character on the show, has being shown doing things that get excused because of her position as beautiful, white, girlboss. Back in season 1, she walked into the locker room without knocking, surprising two players with their pants down (in contrast to Keeley, who we see asking for consent to enter right in the first episode). And now - she literally committed sexual harassment.

Bit ironic given the current British transphobic scaremongering around bathrooms, but yeah, stalking someone into a bathroom of the opposite gender and getting close to them while they are urinating, then literally negging them and mocking the smell of their urine is - sexual harassment.

And being asked to let it go because Zava seems fine with it is like letting go of Nate kissing Keeley because she said it was ok afterwards. I have been on the fence about whether to think of that as sexual harassment or not because ‘kissing someone without explicit verbal permission’ is one of those highly cultural context dependant gestures that sometimes people are happy about, and sometimes are genuinely ok writing off as an innocent misread of body language. But I certainly haven’t just laughed it off, and the show has shown Nate to have agonised about his offence afterwards. Will Rebecca even spare a second thought to the gravity of all her wrongdoings?

I have more to say, but I need to do a rewatch with subtitles on to catch all the dialogues I missed. (Is it me, or did Jamie’s accent suddenly become, like his hair, even weirder?)

Meanwhile to conclude with our regular spot of shallow aesthetic appreciation - how happy I was to see the Hot Photographer Lady from Keeley’s Vogue shoot back! Her name is Janette and she’s played by the radiant Miranda Shamiso, And I love her.

#ted lasso spoilers #episode reactions #i guess i should have a nate tag #Alright trent crimm a tag for you too

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scarluxia · 11 months

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Solidarity with actual working-class people (that you personally know)

I probably shouldn’t say this, because two of the people involved have been 95% kind to me in the many years that we’ve known each other, but I’m still fucking salty about the other 5% that happened a few years ago. I was writing about it in my diary to process it and the sudden urge to post it up overcame me.

I don’t remember what year this was, but I want to say 2017. I’m not going to name names here because it is a sensitive personal issue and I actually don’t want to upset someone it’s about. This isn’t intended to throw shade, but some emotions are going to come out. I love them to death and I’d do just about anything for them except keep silent because I’ve been censored and shut down my entire fucking life and I won’t have it. (I’m pretty sure they’ve apologized since this happened? but the emotions associated with it won’t go away. We’re good and they’ve been a stalwart friend since this incident, so this is JUST about my feelings about the situation.)

A little background on Person X. They’re very into social justice activism and have boycotted a few major companies for business practices they don’t agree with that could potentially harm *waves arm* The Masses. That’s part of why what I’m about to describe shocked the hell out of me. They have a spouse whom I’ll call Person Y.

Person Z was, at the time, working a demanding job and going to college. Person A was their boss.

Z has a disorder. They require things to be rephrased for their comprehension sometimes. They’re also very emotionally sensitive and... I don’t know if they second-guess themself a lot but they ask me things like, “Does this [outfit/accessory] look good? Does this [essay] sound okay? Is it insensitive if I associate [this thing] with [this other thing]?” Stuff like that. They want a lot of feedback to make sure they’re doing well. So, at their job, they asked their boss for specifically positive feedback. Well, they received the exact opposite, in front of customers which included X and me. I don’t remember the entire conversation, but at least two of us were crying at the end of it. What I do remember is Z being scolded for doing everything incorrectly and “charging for [their] time.”

So imagine being a college student, working a demanding job in the service industry, PROBABLY being paid minimum wage, and being told, in front of customers, that you’re doing everything wrong and charging for your time. Charging the MINIMUM FUCKING WAGE OF WHAT IS LEGALLY REQUIRED TO PAY AN EMPLOYEE. Now pile a disorder on top of that, that makes it difficult to understand instructions the first time, and a boss who’s too impatient to give proper training because oh you should just be able to see this demonstrated once and then do it perfectly.

Z was furious and hurt, and I was furious on their behalf. I went to trade school to qualify for work and I worked as hard as my various illnesses would allow in order to pay bills and services, and have the occasional fun shopping trip. Z has more focus and drive than I do; they now have a college degree and they worked in an industry that I probably couldn’t. I was so incredibly impressed with them for accomplishing things that I might not be able to, so to see them be torn down like that for doing their literal best, especially when their best is better than my best, was horrifying.

I immediately decided I was never going to patronize that establishment again. My solidarity was 100% with my friend, who now had to find a new job and was probably feeling pretty demoralized about doing so. I expected that X would feel the same way, given that X has boycotted major companies for inhumane practices that hurt...the hypothetical masses. People we’ll never meet. Surely boycotting a business that treats an actual tangible human being we personally know like an errant and incompetent child would be an even easier thing to commit to, right?

Nah, you know where I’m going with this. X had formed an emotional attachment with Person A and just wanted us all to get along. Didn’t want to pick sides, wanted to be accepted and loved by everyone. Understandable, but in light of their activism on the behalf of-- again-- STRANGERS, I just....

It felt like a slap in the face. It felt like, “I don’t care how they treated my friend as long as they still love ME.” Disclaimer: That’s my personal emotional reaction to it. I don’t know if Z felt the same way. I’m not trying to speak for them, but I definitely felt betrayed on their behalf because, if the same thing had happened to me, I would feel like, “You don’t have my back. I can’t trust you to stand up for me come hell or high water like I would do for you.”

Let’s talk about the actions taken, so it’s clearer what I actually mean. I immediately decided I would never eat at this establishment again, regardless of who was paying for the meal, because I did not want money spent on MY behalf there. I did not ENDORSE how A treated their staff. X, however, had a strong emotional attachment to A and chose to continue eating there-- which shocked the hell out of me. I’m pretty sure I tried to be understanding at the time because I know X is a lot more sociable than I am and they’re also someone I don’t want to hurt.

Meanwhile, I wrote a 3-star review saying the food was good but I didn’t like the way the owner treated their employees. The owner then demanded, to X, that I-- a completely separate person, for whose actions X is NOT responsible-- take down the review. I did not like that idea. I feel strongly against having to censor myself or be un-allowed to say what’s true. X’s spouse, Person Y, got involved and basically asked me if my “having a voice” (my words that Y repeated) was more important than X’s feelings, and expressed upsetness that X was crying over “a fucking review”.

There are a lot of things Y and I do not see eye-to-eye on. I love and respect them, and I’m grateful to them for helping me quite a lot. But as a working-class person below the poverty level... being expected to swallow THAT, from someone who (also works hard but) comes from a wealthy family who’d be able to help them get back on their feet if something happened??? That was a lot for me to be expected to handle with any sort of grace. I wanted to fucking SCREAM at them that they had no idea what Z had gone through, what I could be at risk of going through if I was unlucky enough. I wanted to tell them both that X should know better and put their desire to be liked by everyone aside for the sake of loyalty to an actual good friend! I wanted to say that if A really valued X, A wouldn’t be emotionally blackmailing X to have SOMEONE WHO IS NOT PERSON X take down an honest fucking review regarding their business practices.

I can say all that in hindsight because it’s been years, but I don’t think our friendship would have survived it if I’d said all that at the time. I took down the review, bristling the whole time that I was once again being demanded to silence myself. Person X and Person A subsequently had a conversation that (paraphrased) went:

“We’re not going to be close anymore, but your money’s still welcome here.”

“No, thank you.”

It was a harrowing experience for X, probably Y, definitely Z, and me. This whole thing was a fucking mess and, while Z has moved on, sometimes this still haunts me, like today, even though I was barely involved. I don’t know why I hold onto things this hard.

I put the review back up, by the way, once X greenlit me to do so. I dropped it down to a 1-star, repeated what I’d said in my old review, and added that the owner had emotionally blackmailed me by proxy into taking down the initial review, so therefore I was dropping it from a mediocre 3-star to a scathing 1-star.

Again, this isn’t supposed to be a shade-post. It just... escapes my comprehension how someone could see their friend be treated like shit right in front of their eyes and not immediately go, “Oh HELL no, you don’t deserve my kindness or my business anymore.” I place a high premium on loyalty and honesty, for the most part. I hate neutrality in the face of personal conflict. If I have a problem with someone and you’re “neutral”, then by definition you are not explicitly “for me”. While I’ve come to accept in the last like... thirteen years that that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re “against me”, not being explicitly for me still feels like a betrayal.

Likewise, if I see someone treat my friend badly, I am explicitly for my friend. While I might continue being civil or even friendly to the other person if I need something from them (e.g. a project partner or someone I’ve commissioned), I’m no longer going to trust them and you bet your ASS I’m selling them out by name the second I get the chance.

I don’t ask that my friends point the finger and say, “Jane Brown is a BAD PERSON because they did THESE HORRIBLE THINGS to my friend and HERE’S THE RECEIPTS!” I just feel like maybe it would be beneficial to think, “Hmm, Jane Brown did something that made my friend hurt and angry. I should consider whether my association with Jane is more important than my friend’s well-being,” especially if another friend has taken a stand and said, “I don’t want to support Jane anymore because of Jane’s behavior towards our friend.”

#loyalty

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mutant-wolf2 · 1 year

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Notes from a Meditation

Oh goodness, it has been a long time since I sat down to meditate. Too long.

But I have a pillow at my back as I sit cross legged on the floor, against my bed. I can already tell the campfire has burned down low, almost imperceptible. To help calm my emotions and get me in the mindset, I inhale big through my nose and exhale slowly through my mouth. Each time I exhale I make sure my breath is bringing life back into the campfire coals and wood.

Once it flares up I feel its warmth on my arms and take comfort in the glow of the campsite. I sit there for a moment, taking it all in and also making sure I am immersed completely in this meditation.

My hands have been laying palms down on my knees but now I turn them over, palms up (another thing I associate with my kind of meditation), and immediately I feel someone grabbing my hands. Two someones, in fact.

Isis has my hand on the left, as always, and Artemis has taken the one on the right, like normal. And as this is the first skin-to-skin contact I have felt in who-knows-how-long, I burst into tears. They let me cry.

Once I've calmed down enough, I turn to Isis and I thank Her for being there and I also apologize for not doing more in my prayers/physical craft, but that doesn't mean I don't love and appreciate everything She is and does for me.

She lets go of my hand (which is instantly cold), reaches into a pocket, pulls out an a white piece of cloth, and lays it in my hand. I unwrap the cloth to find a metal, gold Ankh the size of my palm. There are etchings to make it look like wood, and the etchings are colored black. The space in the top oval is still metal and colored black, as well. A gold chain is attached just on the inside of the top of the oval. It has weight and is meant for me. I thank Her and ask if I'm meant to find it IRL.

She says, "No, it's not for out there. It's for in here." She points toward Her chest, Her heart.

I start crying again and nod because I can't speak. In fact, I start bawling again and turn away to curl up into Artemis. I hold the Ankh close, like precious stuffed animal.

Once I've calmed down, I apologize for crying so hard. I said "I know my plan is good and it's what I'm supposed to do but I just wish it wasn't so lonely. I just want someone to be by my side. My companion."

Artemis smooths my hair, very comforting.

I said, "I want that Bonnie lady, the tarot reader, to be right. That I will find my person, my person. That I will find them on my trip." I feel like sometimes I hope too much and too hard and then I believe it to be true.

But Artemis backs me up. "That Bonnie lady is correct. You will find your person outside. You will find them and you will fit each other."

I said, "But I'm not blind. I know relationships take work and I'm okay with the fights so long as we understand each other in the end."

I can feel Artemis smile. "Only in so much as learning how to communicate with them and learn their style."

I stay quiet because She's never said so much about this before. Usually She smiles while I talk or gives little quips. But it must be true if She's telling me this, right?

I change the subject, mainly because I want to mull over what Artemis just said and also because I don't think there's much else to say about the matter.

I think about how daunting my trip is, how crazy. ("If it wasn't crazy you wouldn't be here." Not sure if Artemis actually said that or if I want Her to say it.) I take a deep breath. "A little bit of planning every day and it'll all work out."

Artemis says, "A little faster with planning wouldn't hurt."

I grin. "I little faster. Okay."

#goddess isis #goddess artemis #meditation #hellenic polytheism #kemetic polytheism #notes from a meditation

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oisinwrites · 9 months

Text

Benders one-night stand

this is fan-fiction. I do not own Futurama. All rights belong to Matt Groening and the fox network.

It was a usual day at the planet express delivery headquarters when there was a buzz at the electronic door and the professor answered it. It was a fem-bot who was accompanied by a little bot-child in a pink tutu. Leela and Amy thought the little bot-child was adorable, but Bender seemed nervous. “hi, I’m Grace”, introduced the fem-bot, “and this is my five-year-old daughter, Petunia.” “oh, what a beautiful name!” gasped Leela. “I’m looking for someone named Bender”, the fem-bot went on, “ I believe he is the father.” “Er... Bender’s not here.”, answered Bender, as he began slowly walking backwards out of the room, until he had walked backwards into Fry’s outstretched hand. “That’s you, Bender!”, said Fry. “well, she really likes ballet dancing,” she continued, “but she’s expected to develop more slowly than other kids.” “does she have special needs?”, asked Fry. “Fry, I’ll cut you some slack since you’re from the year 2000,” corrected Leela, “but we don’t say that anymore, its no longer politically correct.” “Then what can you say?” asked Fry. “The proper term is differently neuro-developmentally or cognitively associated.” Answered Leela. “but that’s too long and hard to say,” complained Fry,” besides, what is there to stop any smaller parts of that from becoming the next playground jeer?”. Bender thought it would be funny to stick out his leg while the little bot-child was showing off her ballet dancing skills and trip her up onto the floor. The others didn’t think this was funny and she was now crying after falling face-first onto the floor. “I’m very disappointed in you, its your own flesh and blood.” Said Leela, her massive single eye glaring with disgust. “I don’t have flesh and blood.”, corrected Bender. “ Well, that was an awful thing to do your own circuit-boards and wiring.”

Ever since then, Bender was having a recent falling out with Fry and things got ugly when they were cleaning the star-ship. “You used to be cool, now you’re giving me the silent treatment!”, roared Bender. “All you think about is yourself!” yelled Fry, as he sprayed bender with the hose. “No, don’t, I’ll rust!” screamed Bender. “I hope so!” hissed Fry." and I hope you get bent!" “gentlemen, please!” snapped the professor, “this isn’t good for morale!”. “but its fun!” said Dr. Zoidberg, “Bender said you're so ugly your face makes babies cry and Fry said your mother was a floppy disc drive!” “professor, I suggest you let me talk to bender about Fry”, proposed Leela. “anything to shut them up!” agreed the professor. Leela brought Bender into another room to have a very private discussion. “Do you consider Fry your friend?”, she asked him. “That’s the point, its Fry and Bender, best friends and he had to ruin it.” Answered Bender. “friendships are important, they’re also about feelings.”, said Leela. “you know I’m not good with that stuff.”, said Bender. “you’re not perfect, but you can learn.”, said Leela. “but I swear I did nothing to hurt him.”, said Bender. “If its not what you did to him, perhaps its something he saw you do to someone else.”, suggested Leela, “can you please rack you’re brains...” “I don’t have brains.”, interrupted Bender. “whatever, rack you’re motherboard and think back to everything that happened recently.”, urged Leela. “don’t tell me its because he thinks I’m a bad father, that doesn’t excuse it!”. “It doesn’t, but sometimes things like that do mean there’s something you need to see,” said Leela.

After that talk, Bender started doing all kinds of father-daughter things with Petunia. He played with her dolls, attended her pretend tea-party and even wore a pink tutu while Ballet dancing with her. “oh, I don’t like this new side of me.”, moaned Bender. “why not?”, asked Leela, “this new side of you is very sweet!”. “I’m not sweet, I’m Bender and I don’t give a damn about anything!” “You’re doing the right thing!”, praised Leela, “If you wait any longer before spending quality time with your five-year-old daughter, how much older is she going to get?”. “Good news everyone!”, announced the professor. “oh no!”, the planet express delivery crew all groaned in unison. They had all learned by now that whenever the professor said “good news everyone!”, it was seldom anything good and now they were all wondering if this was a minor inconvenience or a cosmic-scale disaster that could threaten the fabric of space and time itself! “Its been decided that today is bring-your-daughter-to-space day and the next delivery will be delivering yarn to the cat-people on planet meow-meow!”, the professor went on, “the planet meow-meow is home to a race of cat-like humanoids known for their refinement, sophistication and love of rich, creamy, warm milk. It is also home to a race of dog-like humanoids who appear to be in a different evolutionary state, at least the cat-people think they are more civilised than the dog-people, anyway.” The planet express delivery crew all sighed with relief. The good news wasn’t so bad this time and Little petunia was excited about this. However, they were in for a shock when they entered the star-ship.

They were already in space when they discovered that a picture had been pinned up of Bender smoking a cigar in an oil-bath with lots of fem-bots and it didn’t take a genius to figure out who put it there. “look Fry, we all know about your recent falling-out with Bender.” Sighed Captain Leela, “I order you to take it down!”. “what’s the big deal, its just a photo?”, was Fry’s response. “As captain of this vessel, I object to crew members sharing intimate imagery of other crew members.”, she stated, ”now take it down.” It was actually Bender who took it down. “In hindsight, smoking a cigar in a tub full of oil was not such a smart idea.”, he reflected, before crumpling it up, opening the big door on his front and throwing it into the incinerator inside of him. He then used the dustpan and brush, cleaning the ashes from inside himself and dusted it into the bin. “I’m actually glad someone put it there,” he added, “it gave me a wake-up call that I didn’t know I needed until now!”. “really, it did?” considered Leela, “well I still don’t condone that.”

When they arrived on planet meow-meow, they found themselves honoured guests at a very luxurious banquet unlike anything on earth. They were asked to sit down on giant floor-cushions while being served goblets of the creamiest warm milk, dishes of fish and trays of cat-biscuits. Leela got into a heated debate with the cat-people about whether the dog-people are really “primitive”. “they do have a proper language,” argued Leela, “it just sounds like growling and barking to you because its intonations are so different from yours that your ears can’t pick them up! The same technological progress is just happening at a different rate, but even if their still making and using tools from stone, that still gives them a lot to talk about. There are so many kinds of rocks and they need to find ones that are exactly right, then make them into exactly the right shape. they’d be teaching each other these things and that means they have relationships that make a society, at least there’s the relationship of a teacher and learner anyway.”

Meanwhile, bender was being served nuts and bolts by a lovely fem-bot who winked at him and asked him to see her in private. She then led him into a bedroom and shut the door. “I’m Liz, what’s your name?” she asked him in a soft, seductive tone. “I’m Bender and I’m really just here to make a delivery.”, he answered. “oh Bender, I’m so lucky they asked you to come and make this delivery,” she whispered as she through her arms around him, “can’t you stay a while longer?”. “No, I’ve had enough one-night stands already.”, he objected. He turned the handle on the door, beginning to open it, but she closed it again. “oh please, stay with me!”, she begged him. “No, my whole life I’ve been taking on too much responsibility yet never wanting to be responsible for anything I’ve taken on!”, he answered. Suddenly, it was little Petunia who opened the door. “Daddy, Daddy, there you are!”, she cried. “okay, daddies sorry he disappeared and left you wondering where daddy was,” apologised Bender, “now how about a jockey-back ride?”. Bender dropped down, hoisted his daughter on his back and left, being very careful not to either drop her or bump her on the way out the door. “well, there goes the best dad I’ve ever seen!”, Sighed Liz as she watched the little bot-child riding away on Bender, like a little cow-girl riding away on her horse.

The rest of the crew were carrying the packages of yarn and were just beginning to wonder where bender was when he came in whooshing his daughter through the air and then putting her gently down. “Daddy has some packages to deliver now.” Said bender. “where were you?” asked Leela. “oh, a certain fem-bot led me into a bedroom.” Answered Bender. “but were making a delivery, there’s no time for that.” Said Leela. “well, I left her because I’ve already had so many one-night stands, I’m not having another one!”, he answered “that’s great, bender!”, praised Leela, “I knew there was good in you!”. “ Captain Leela, I was wrong to share that kind of picture.”, apologised Fry. “Its not me you should apologise to”, answered Leela. “Bender, I can’t really say this,” sighed Fry, “the kind of apology I’m trying to make is beyond words.” “Well, neither humans or androids are perfect.”, said Bender. “No, they’re both capable of getting sucked into cycles of robot-like behaviour.”, said Fry. “I was being so childish when I have a child!” admitted bender. “I was being so childish by deciding you’re a bad father and that justifies anything.” “As captain of the vessel, I command the two of you to shake hands and call it over.” Said Leela. They did so, much to Dr. Zoidberg’s disappointment. “aw, watching them fight was so much fun!”, he sighed, “Ah well, hopefully some other friends will have a falling-out and next time I will prepare some popcorn for the drama.”

Bender helped with the carrying until all the packages of yarn had been delivered and it was time to head back to earth. After that delivery was done, Dr. Zoidberg was pleasantly surprised to see the two of them going again. “You may be sorry, but I’m more sorry than you’ll ever be!” roared Bender. “What planet are you on? I am clearly more sorry!” retorted Fry. “stop it both of you!”, the professor snapped. “Yes, please put it on hold while I prepare my popcorn!” asked Dr. Zoidberg, who had just started working the microwave. “Hello, I am actually making it up to you by changing my behaviour!”, yelled Bender. “hang on, my popcorn’s almost done!”, cried Dr.zoidberg. “Like I can’t see that, captain obvious! Oh, and I’m actually apologising for being sarcastic!” Fry screamed. “wait, I’m just adding butter, okay, here I come!” said Dr. Zoidberg, as he came running out and sat down on the couch in front of them. “Why the hell are you apologising for being sarcastic? As if I even had any problem with that!” asked Bender. “Okay that does it, I’m putting myself in time-out!” Fry snapped. “Hello, its me who should be in time-out, because the problem is entirely to do with my reactivity and not at all to do with you!”, retorted Bender. “Are you thinking straight, because that just means were both in time-out, it doesn’t have to be only one of us?” asked Fry. “Fine, were both in time-out!”, concluded Bender, as they both walked away from each other, in opposite directions and left the room. “that was great, but it was over too fast!”, commented Dr. Zoidberg. “Its a start, professor,” said Leela, “full resolution doesn’t happen overnight.” “Yes, I suppose we’ll have to be patient.”, said the professor.

#futurama #futurama bender #zoidberg

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thearchivistsjournal · 1 year

Text

Day 184,

I think the illness itself has passed, although I’m still recovering after nearly two weeks of little food, rest, or physical activity. I feel weak, hollowed out both physically and emotionally. Yet, I cannot deny a strange sort of catharsis. As if this ragged state is proof of overcoming a great trial, on the other side of which I’ve come out purified, purged of something although I know not what.

I can walk on my own once more, even if I needs must pause to lean on a wall after a short distance. Once again I can know the joy of eating solid food, even if a shrunken appetite limits my portions. Soon, I hope to properly bathe myself once more, even if the water will like as not grow cold ere I finish my ablutions.

*******

Is there anything so glorious as a vigorous scrubbing after too long without? Probably, but that does not detract from this feeling of refreshment.

*******

Shortly after that last entry I realized my bed was bare. Apparently, Lin took my bedsheets to wash while I bathed. It seems she was waiting for a moment I wouldn’t be around to object to the aid and left Maiko with instructions to not let me head out to help with the task. Prescient moves on her part to be sure.

I feel I owe the two of them so much, although as Lin was quick to point out when she returned, this is literally her job, and even if it wasn’t it’s what friends do for one another. But she added that if payment for professional services rendered will make me feel better, then I can make it up to her and Maiko by bringing them along on my next “camping trip.”

That exchange aside, the rest of the afternoon and evening passed in a comfortable placidity, alternating between casual banter and companionable silence. Truthfully, I contributed little to the conversation, content to listen to the sound of friendly voices and making the occasional commentary to let them know I hadn’t passed out. Even Maiko spoke more than I did. Come to think of it, she was more talkative than I’d grown used to her being. Good for her.

Now though, before I retire for the night, there’s a less happy point I feel I must put to paper. Whether to call it bad, I’m still conflicted about, for it distresses me less than it perhaps ought to.

The night before last, I awoke to hands running through my hair and stroking my cheek. Nearby I could faintly make out a sort of rumbling sound, like a heavy wooden sphere rolling around the inside of a hollow container. For some reason it brought to mind the purring of a cat, although it really sounded nothing like a purr. Perhaps some old world associative memory. There was certainly a sense of deep nostalgia attached to it. Whatever the case, combined with the repetitive gentle touch, it induced an immeasurably comforting sense of peace and safety.

Which makes the source of these sensations all the more unsettling in retrospect.

My eyes slowly opening, and even more slowly adjusting to the moonlit room I came to realize the nature sprite was crouched by my bed, cradling my head in its hands as it slowly and minutely rocked back and forth. For a wonder, I did not start or cry out, neither out of surprise nor in an effort to rouse Maiko, whose slumbering form I espied on a chair in the far corner. Perhaps I was too weak to do so. But, really, I think it was because in that moment I had no fear of the creature. Never would I have guessed that its touch could be that gentle, its vocalizations so soothing.

I should have been afraid of that thing. I should hate it. But…

But then and there, I felt like nothing so much as the six month old infant that I in so many ways am, suffering, on the verge of tears, and being held by a parent singing a lullaby. The memory of that moment is a pleasant one, happy even. And that in and of itself frightens me to dwell on. Did it do something to me to make me accept it, or is that just a normal human reaction to apparent acts of tender kindness? My sleepwalking, did the sprite lead me out of the library that night? And if it did, was it to lure me into the woods once more or to guide me back here where I had a more spacious room with better circulated air and windows letting in sunlight?

Once more I find myself unable to reconcile the actions of the inhuman as I ask myself what am I to it? And the perhaps more troubling question, what is it to me?

I’ve not mentioned any of this to Lin or Maiko, but perhaps I ought to. They both already know about the time the laund my encou what happe the other incident.

<==Previous Next==>

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amysteriousmessenger · 3 years

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May I request some fluff RFA headcanons? 🥺🥺

I hope these are okay!! I added Saeran and V just for the sake of it!! <3 these will be a random mixture of with and without MC!

Random Fluffy RFA + Saeran and V Headcanons

Yoosung Kim Fluffy Headcanons

He asks you to marry him in LOLOL, since there’s an expansion pack where you can set up a little house for extra storage. He gets really nervous and a bit sweaty about asking you to do it, he takes it oddly seriously and Zen almost passed out when he thought that you were actually engaged.

He tries to make you coffee every morning, especially if he’s trying a new style out. He thinks it’s really fun and he loves to greet you with it for breakfast. After a while, you come to associate the faint smell of coffee with Yoosung.

At the start he starts sneakily using little bits of your shower gel because they smell so much nicer than the one his gamer student budget allows him to buy. Eventually, he’ll just cave and buy a bottle of the one that you use because it means he gets to be reminded of you all day and it’s a lot better for his skin anyway.

If you play with his hair when his head is in your lap, he’ll absolutely fall asleep. Yoosung is a little bit like a puppy in that way, it just makes him feel so happy and loved.

Zen/Hyun Ryu Fluffy Headcanons

Zen’s a big person for morning kisses, especially sleepy ones. He’s an early riser and definitely feels extra needy in the morning. He’s also always the big spoon, he likes to feel as though he’s protecting you even when he’s asleep.

Whenever you’re crying and cover your face so he can’t see, Zen’s the kinda person who would gently pull your arms away so he can get a look at you and figure out what’s wrong. He’ll kiss at your eyes and cheeks until you either stop crying, or let him get close enough to pull you in so you can cry on his chest.

He loves doing skincare on you. If he thinks you’ve had a hard week, he’ll do your moisturiser, clay mask, face mask, eye mask- you name it, Zen wants to pamper you with it. He knows the importance of skincare and he thinks it’s a great way to relax and pamper you.

Zen’s ‘Happy Place’ that he thinks of when he gets stressed is the two of you, beers in hand, spending an evening in the kitchen trying to cook food. He can hear the laughter, smell the ever-so-slightly burning food, taste the traces of beer on your lower lip. It just makes him so happy to think about and he can feel the desperation in his limbs to sprint home at full speed and make the daydream real.

Jaehee Kang Fluffy Headcanons

Saturday mornings are Jaehee’s favourite out of the whole week. She’s just worked 5 hellish days and Saturday is the day where she gets to have a bit of a lie-in. Usually, Jumin doesn’t ask her to come into the office on weekends and it’s usually just a case of working from home. Jaehee tries not to oversleep too much because she doesn’t want to throw off her schedule but sometimes she can’t help but pass out for 10 hours straight and undisturbed.

She really enjoys bubble baths with you. When you first start doing it together, she’s a little shy at being seen undressed so intimately, but she still really enjoys the time alone with you. It’s a great way to unwind and she likes being so close to you.

Jaehee isn’t much of a cuddler when she’s asleep, she tends to just sleep flat on her back out of exhaustion. However, if you wake up for any reason during the night, you’ll frequently find her hand holding yours, whether she did it consciously or not.

She collects really nice and cute stationary. She doesn’t really take them to work because she doesn’t want to be seen as unprofessional, but once she runs the coffee shop, she gets to write in her little hot-drinks-themed stationary and decorates the little cups with tiny stickers for the frequent customers and especially for whenever Zen comes to visit.

Jumin Han Fluffy Headcanons

Sunday mornings are Jumin’s favourites. He usually wakes up really early by routine, but on Sundays he spends a little bit longer curled up in bed with you and Elizabeth the Third, watching you both sleep. Jumin’s also usually the big spoon if he’s sleeping on his side, but when he sleeps on his back he typically still has one arm around your waist so you’re pulled next to him with your head on his chest.

He personally donates to many different cat shelters all over the country. He takes the money straight out of his own bank account and gives generous monthly donations to make sure that there’s enough funding to both feed the cats already there, and take in extra cats of the streets along with getting them adopted. Jumin’s staff actually has a company policy that if they adopt a cat from one of the shelters that Jumin supports, the vet and adoption fees are covered by him, he counts it as philanthropy.

Jumin has a bottle of wine in his cellar from the date you met, the date you first kissed, the date you got engaged and the date you got married. He hasn’t quite decided when he’ll share those wines with you, he just knows at the moment that he wants to keep them for a very special occasion.

When he’s bored at work but he can’t call you because you’re busy, he pictures taking you to one of his vineyards on the weekend. He’ll picture your smile, you adjusting your hat and lightly squinting against the sun, you smiling at him over your glass of wine. Then he’ll tell Jaehee to clear his schedule for the weekend.

Saeyoung Choi Fluffy Headcanons

Your arms around him, holding him against you, is pretty much the only thing that can bring Seven out of an anxiety attack. If you’re not physically with him, he crawls under the duvet on his bed in hopes of still smelling you. He’ll call you and look through selfies with you that he has on his phone until he calms down.

Seven frequently tries to make you food. He’s never had to cook for anyone before and he doesn’t really cook for himself, so it’s a lot of trial, error and frustrated takeaways. You try to eat whatever he makes though because you can really tell that he’s put his heart into it and you want to show him that you appreciate the effort he’s making.

He loves you feeling his biceps and gushing over how strong he is. He’s not even particularly ripped but you can tell he has strength in his limbs and seeing you give him any kind of physical approval makes him m e l t instantly.

He’s both the big and little spoon, depending what mood he is in. Sometimes he wants to hold you close and never let go, but sometimes Seven needs a little bit of support too and want to feel like he’s needed by you.

His absolute favourite dates are the arcades, the cinema, bowling and carnivals. He has far too much fun on the bumpercars and he absolutely has it out for you, you spend most of the time trying to escape him.

GE Saeran Choi Fluffy Headcanons

GE Saeran always makes very over the top hot chocolates for the both of you. He has an arsenal of whipped cream, syrups, chocolate shavings and sprinkles. His hot chocolate is better than any you could buy in a store. He’ll make one for you whenever you ask, and then sometimes just to surprise you if it looks like you’re having a bad day.

GE Saeran ends up getting two cavities in his first few years of living freely. He does look after his teeth, but he let his sweet-tooth go little bit wild with all the new foods he got to try, it was all so new and fun to him, he just wanted to try everything! He took much better care of his teeth after that, but the trip to the dentist was quite a weird one since he’d never been before.

Slight Angst: Saeran always serves your food first and makes sure there’s always extra helpings if you want it. He usually puts a little bit more on your plate than what you would usually eat. He never quite gets over the guilt of taking your food away at Magenta, so he spends the rest of his time making sure you have more than enough to eat now.

He likes to constantly buy you little gifts that he sees when he’s out and about that remind him of you. A little notebook in your favourite colour? A little forget-me-not necklace? A candle that smells like your perfume? He’d added them all to his cart.

After lip kisses, Saeran loves giving cheek and hand kisses to you. For him, he really loves getting head kisses and he thinks it’s extra cute when you plant a little kiss onto the tip of his nose.

V/Jihyun Kim Fluffy Headcanons

V usually wakes up first, unless he was working late in his studio. He wakes you up with a kiss to the forehead, a cup of coffee and soft words. After he’s put your drink on the table, he’ll climb back into bed with you and cuddle until you’re properly awake.

He actually enjoys baking with you. Well, he likes to help you bake and then he gets to do the decorating. You usually bring a cake to any RFA hangouts and it’s always very obvious when V’s helped you bake because it feels like he goes out of his way to put a piece of gallery-worthy art onto a cake with food colourings and icings. He thinks it makes it tastes better, and you have to agree.

In recent years, V’s been considering trying a more plant-based diet. He thinks he’d like to try vegetarianism, but he’s frequently spend periods of time as a pescatarian, especially after he’s come back from travelling. It also means that he gets to practice cooking more too.

#mystic messenger #mystic messenger x reader #saeran choi #saeyoung choi #jihyun kim #jumin han #yoosung kim #jaehee kang #zen mystic messenger #hyun ryu #mystic messenger headcanons #mystic messenger hcs #saeran choi x reader #jumin han x reader #mystic messenger reader insert #mystic messenger self insert

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popi-the-fatui · 3 years

Text

CHILDE BF HCs

(that no one asked for but here they are anyways)

A/N: this man needs some luv. Long post, there is a whole iceberg under the “read more”. Also, I tried to keep a Gender Neutral reader so pls DM me if there are any mistakes!!

TW: DESCRIPTION OF AN ANXIETY ATTACK, SPOILERS FOR THE REX LAPIS QUEST AND CHILDE’S PAST, a little bit of angst

🐋 Let’s bust some myths first: contrary to popular belief, Childe has no experience at relationships or intimacy at all. Non. Cero. The Venn diagram of romantic/intimate stuff and things Childe has done is a void. But it’s not that he doesn’t want to, it’s just that he hasn’t had the time to experience any of these things because he is a busy man: between fighting, training and being a Harbinger, there is not a minute left for him to indulge in other things.

🐋 The problem with this is that Tartaglia is a people’s person. He WANTS to be able to have someone that he can do these things with. At the end of the day, when he comes home tired after a mission, all he wants is someone to be waiting for him with cuddles, hugs, kisses, reassurance, caresses, or just a simple “how did your day go?” Because of this, he has a lot of pent-up love that he has not been able to give.

🐋 In that note, he is also incredibly touch-starved: not only does he want someone to give that love to, but Childe also craves to receive it. When was the last time he was touched by someone in a context that was not a fight? He loves fighting, obviously: he has trained for a big part of his life to be able to defeat everything and everyone. But he is also just a human, and there are limits to how long a person can go without a loving touch.

🐋 So when he finally falls victim to the first signs of infatuation, this poor whale man will have an internal battle: do I reach for them? Would they be better off if they never meet me? Will they accept me? Has my reputation already ruined this for me before it even began? How do I approach them? Do I look presentable? Am I going to scare them away? Childe will be torn between wanting to protect you from himself (as the Fatui business is not an easy pill to swallow for everyone) and protect himself from you (his heart would not handle rejection/disgust very well), and wanting to KISS YOU AND HUG YOU AND KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU BECAUSE ARGH WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO ADORABLE.

🐋 So he finally decides to compromise between these two stances, and let YOU decide whether you want him as a friend, a lover or a stranger. He starts greeting you whenever he sees you in the streets, subtly asking if you would like him to join you in your commissions, inviting you for lunch/dinner after a mission so you can recharge your energy, asking if you want to go and share drinks with him and Zhongli. You know, friendly stuff friends do. And he doesn’t even try to hide the happy smile that escapes him whenever you say yes to him: when it comes to you, there is nothing he needs to hide. Well, except for that one thing.

🐋 He knows that you know he is somehow associated with the Fatui, if his constant trips to the Northland Bank aren’t enough to tell. Usually, Childe dislikes going around things as he much rather hit straight to the point (being the point a fight, a deal or just a simple conversation). But he has grown so addicted to the sensations you make him feel that he can’t help but to try to postpone that tiny little detail about himself for later. He has never had anyone who genuinely wants to spend time with him and that can keep up with him. Childe knows he can be quite intense and that rumors about him aren’t really rumors but WARNINGS, and to finally have someone, even if you’re just friends, that is actively trying to get to know the real him means so much, and he doesn’t want to let that go as selfish as he knows it is because there’s a chance you could get hurt (emotionally and physically).

🐋 Unfortunately for him, everything that goes up must go down, and that fateful day comes when his plans to take Rex Lapis’ Gnosis blows back to him. After that brief, tense conversation with La Signora and Zhongli, Childe’s ego can’t be any lower: it’s not often that he loses, and much less often that he loses while feeling like a fool. He wants to scream, fight, punch, kick. Anything to take out the impotence and anger he is feeling right now.

🐋 You found him in this state while you were looking for him to see if he was alright because a WHOLE ASS PALACE JUST FELL FROM THE SKY and you’re very concerned for him as you haven’t had any news directly from him and all you know is that apparently Childe was the cause of it?

🐋 As soon as he sees you, his blood-lust disappears and he no longer wants to fight something: he wants to cry from shame. Shame at being found in this state. Shame at failing. Shame at what you would think of him now that the cat’s out of the bag because from the look in your face is EVIDENT that now you know how far his relationship with the Fatui goes.

🐋 He falls to the ground, tears finally coming out and he is crying ugly sobs while hiccuping nonsense about how he is a weak, pathetic, disgusting failure and it’s not fair it’s not FAIR IT’S NOT FAIR IT’S NOT-

🐋 “Look at me” you softly call to him, but he is panicking and hyperventilating and not responding to anything that’s outside of his head, so you decide to sit on your knees in front of him, gently cupping his face with your hands, caressing his tears away with your thumbs.

🐋 “Childe, look at me. Please?” You try again, carefulness in your tone as to not startle him. And when he finally reacts and looks up, you don’t see Tartaglia the 11th Harbinger, nor Childe the fatui flirt. All you see is a broken man that carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, exhausted from constantly fighting against everything the world has thrown at him, and your heart aches for him and wonders how long this man has suffered alone, how long has he suffered in silence.

🐋 “It’s okay, Childe. You’re okay. Can you breathe for me?” You position yourself behind him and put your hands on his shoulders, rubbing circles with your fingers to further calm him. “Breath with me, yeah just like that. Now hold it for a bit and then release it. Keep going, I’ll do it with you. I’m here”

🐋 Childe finds himself finding it easier to breathe with each inhale and exhale, and when he is finally going down from his high, catharsis hits him HARD. Is this what he has been missing all of his life? Is releasing all that pent-up frustration supposed to feel this good? And he feels a little selfish, because he knows he doesn’t deserve your comfort after the stunt he pulled, but Childe can’t help but become putty under your tender touches and your soft words, and he wishes for a different context, for a different past in which he never fell into the abyss, never joined the Fatui, never felt that the only way to survive was to fight. Instead, he wishes for a past in which he is traveling because he wants to, and he meets you, and he courts you and makes your cheeks heat up at something he said. And you are not touching him because he had a panic crisis that he himself caused. No, he imagines the both of you after a dinner date in Liyue. The sky is dark and the stars are shining but the streets are still full of people laughing and talking and the light from the lamps are reflecting beautifully in your hair. You are walking near the harbor, and you are holding his hand and he is giving you a kiss on your forehead because he can’t help himself. In another life, he would have found you and loved you the way you deserve and the way he needs.

🐋 But he knows that now is too late, and all he has left is a mind full of regret because he did, in fact, hurt you. How could you trust him after this? How could you WANT him after this? So imagine his surprise when the first thing that comes out of your mouth is a soft “Are you ok now, Childe?”

🐋 “I- how- what?” He mutters in disbelief. Why are YOU asking HIM that? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

🐋 “You had me very worried back there. I thought you would stop breathing at any moment. You are not hurt, are you?”

🐋 And he laughs. A high-pitched, almost maniac laugh. “You know I was the cause of all of…” he says, moving his arms to signal, well, everywhere “...this, right? I believe you now must know what my real business in Liyue was, and that I’m not just some random Fatui officer”

🐋 “Well… I kind of suspected it? How many ‘random Fatui officers’ are carrying a Vision, huge amounts of Mora and have so many ‘meetings’ at the Northland Bank with the Qixing themselves? I mean, I didn’t know you were a Harbinger, but I did know that you were a higher up in the organization. I’m not dumb, you know?” you answer light-heartedly.

🐋 “Then why would you keep hanging out with me? If you knew all of that, then you for sure must have known that people tend to keep me in a ‘do not trust’ list. People are wary around me, and they should! If you knew of the things I’ve seen, the things I’ve DONE. The reputation surrounding the Fatui, especially the Harbingers, wasn’t built on nothing, you know?”

🐋 “Don’t get me wrong. I do have somewhat of an idea of the things you do for a living. And let me be clear: I certainly do not condone it. And to be honest, I know that things between us would be easier if you weren’t a Fatui and I actually wish you weren’t one” you can feel how his whole body deflated at that, and even if you are sitting behind him, you just know he has a pout on his face, so you resolve for hugging him from behind and rest the side of your face between his shoulder blades, and continue.

🐋 “But in the past weeks, I also had the opportunity to get to know you. Not Fatui you. But human you. I know that you have a family that you love very much and you do everything in your power to protect them. I know that you haven’t had it easy, and that some scars you have still hurt. I know that you absolutely can’t eat with chopsticks, but your pride refuses to give up and you try anyway. I know that you’re a passionate man that holds his dearest people close to his heart. I know that you hate when I’m sad so you’re willing to make a fool of yourself if that means I’ll end up laughing. I know how you wait outside of my building until my window lights up after you get me home so you are sure nothing happened to me. I know by the way you sometimes disassociate from the world around you that you are thinking of home and returning to your family” as you speak, you feel something wet falling on your upper arms, and realize that Childe is silently crying. You have half a mind to stop, but you also know that he needs to hear this, so you tighten your hug a little in reassurance.

🐋 “I also know that whenever I see you with a new wound, I can’t help but worry for you and my first instinct is to check if you are okay. I’m now familiar with the way my heart skips a beat whenever I get to see one of your genuine smiles, especially when the reason behind them is that you get to spend some time with me. I know my eyes soften when I see you talking about something you’re passionate about. The truth is, I care for you, Childe. I really do, Fatui or not. Harbinger or not. And yes, while I would rather you not be one, I still can’t help but long for your company because you make me happy. Because I love you. So don’t underestimate me. I’m strong and so are my feelings. You being a Fatui is not gonna change that”. After this, you two sit in silence for a few minutes, but it’s not an awkward one despite your confession. You know he is gathering his thoughts so you move one of your arms that is wrapped around Childe’s torso to card your fingers through his hair, mindful of the knots that had appeared after the battle. If he doesn’t believe your words, then you sure hope he trusts your actions.

🐋 Childe is the one who breaks the silence when he asks “How could you possibly love someone like me?”. If you weren’t sitting that close to him, you wouldn’t have heard it. He says this so softly, so gently, almost as if he was trying to convince himself and not you.

🐋 “Silly boy” you laugh warmly. “Did you hear anything I just said?” You ruffle his hair, and finally, FINALLY, you can hear him giggle a little. “You don’t get to decide who I love. That’s my choice, and I choose to love you”

🐋 No kisses were shared that day. No grand, magnificent romantic gestures were made. Only the silent promise of two young lovers to love and cherish each other as they were. And maybe, just maybe, you could work things out, together, to build yourselves a brighter future.

🐋 So after all has been said and done: congrats! You are now the proud s/o of Teyvat’s biggest simp.

🐋 Childe is your number one fan. Everything you do is carefully recorded in his mind for later use. He has to go on a mission away from you? Be prepared to be pampered and being taken on several dates the previous week so this clingy man has something to hold on to.

🐋 Also: he is shameless. He will not be afraid of making out with you in plain daylight on a busy street. But fear not! If you happen to not be a fan of PDA, he will try to be low-profile. You are, afterall, a person he treasures and can’t live without, so your comfort comes before his needs. Now, I say “try” because he will still demand to hold your hand and give you the random kiss on your cheek.

🐋 HUGS. FROM. BEHIND. Watch him giving you hugs like Oprah. You are buying something? Cooking? Chilling? Expect to feel a pair of long limbs wrapping from behind you in a tight hug like a koala. It’s his hourly vibe check.

🐋 Very jealous and protective of you. He is very afraid that one day you’ll realize there are plenty of people better than him and you’ll leave him, so please remind this simp that he is more than enough for you.

🐋 He also has nightmares from the time he spent in the abyss and will take sometime for him to realize that he is no longer there, so give him a few minutes for him to come to his senses and then please for the love of the Tsaritsa cuddle the life out of him. Also on this note, I have the headcanon that he prefers being the little spoon. That, or facing each other and he rests his face in the crook of your neck while leaving little pecks there.

🐋 Also you discover, to your surprise and as stated at the beginning , that this man has absolutely no idea how to do relationships. To compensate for this and to give you only the best of the best (as you deserve), he spends time in his travels to read romantic novels to have an idea of what to do, so don’t be surprised if he says or does something corny or cringey.

🐋 The most chaotic “meet the family” you’ll ever have. As soon as he takes you to Snezhnaya, you will have all of his siblings running and tackling you into a bear hug (he sends A LOT of letters to his family about you and if you read them you would not be sure if he is talking about you or a deity).

🐋 He also tries to keep you out of anything regarding the Fatui. It’s a relief that you finally know about how deep his person runs in the organization, but he also wants to spare you from the details of what he does unless something is really bothering him.

🐋 All in all, this golden retriever is your biggest hype man and the most loyal boyfriend. You will never get bored with Childe, as everyday is an adventure with him and he will make sure you to make you as happy and loved as you make him feel.

#childe #childe x reader #tartaglia #tartaglia x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin #genshin impact #mine #tw axiety #tw anxiety attack #genshin spoilers #genshin impact spoilers

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jackrrabbit · 3 years

Text

🤍 Haikyuu WIP excerpts

preview post for hq because recently i showed sara a list of my works in progress and she laughed at me and then made a dn joke like this is 2015 or something. we got:

🤍 communal property /// ushijima x f!reader x tendou 🤍 sunshower /// atsumu x f!reader x osamu 🤍 corporate ethics /// kuroo x f!reader

anyway these are all terrible first drafts and i'm not sorry. however i am very very into these pieces and if you're interested in seeing them finished, you should tell me fr fr

🤍 communal property /// Ushijima x f!Reader x Tendou

Summary: Tendou shares everything with Ushijima—his food, his dorm room, even the AVs he likes. Why not his girlfriend, too?

Tags/warnings: poly relationship in progress (only you and Tendou are dating at this point), mild suggestiveness ??, s*ze k*nk

Status: 10k words written (holy fuck lol) out of ~11k total? this bitch better get finished is2g

After the match, your voice is hoarse from screaming but you still manage to yell congratulations for your boyfriend when you meet him and Ushijima outside the locker room in the stadium. You’re pumped on the adrenaline of the game, so you don’t even protest like you usually would when Tendou picks you up in the middle of your hug and lifts you off the ground effortlessly. “How was I? Awesome, right? I told you we would beat them!”

“You did, you so did—“ Even though your throat hurts, you can’t help gushing about every rally, every soul-crushing block, every impossible spike. “—and then the guy on the left thought he was clear to shoot it but you just—“ You throw your arms in the air and mime hitting the ball down like a blocker. “Wha-bam!—and the look on his face! I thought he was going to punch you!”

Tendou laughs and lays a sloppy kiss on your cheek, just as thrilled as you are by the win. “You really liked it that much? I thought you weren’t into sports.”

“I loved it! You were so cool! I can’t believe I’m dating someone so cool!” You wrap your legs around his back and hug his face close to yours, reveling in the fact that this weirdo belongs to you wholly and entirely, that you get to have him to yourself (well, other than his roommate). “And I’m not into sports, I’m into you.”

Tendou smiles in a way that makes the sides of his eyes crinkle up and little red patches bloom over his cheeks, a look that says, I like you so much (Y/N), I like you I like you I like you, except he’s probably trying not to be mushy like that since Ushijima is standing off to the side.

You feel a little bad for ignoring him (no one likes being the third wheel, even if he never shows signs of caring) so when Tendou sets you down you turn to Ushijima. “And you! Holy shit, Tendou said you were good, but I didn’t know you were that good. The ball when you hit it was super loud—honestly, how are your hands okay? If I hit it that hard I’d probably break something.”

“My hands are fine…this is normal for me.”

But just because you’ve got them here in front of you and you’re still pumped from the exhilaration of the win, you can’t help grabbing Ushijima’s hand and flipping it palm-up to inspect. True to his word, there’s no redness, just the calluses he’s built up on his long fingers. “Wow.”

“You don’t need to worry about Wakatoshi,” Tendou tells you, grinning and then making a face. “He’s a monster, he can handle it.”

“No kidding. You’re both monsters.” You put the base of your palm up against Ushijima’s to gauge the size of his hand against yours, and without prompting Tendou grabs your other hand to press against his own. Tendou’s fingers are a bit longer, but Ushijima’s are…thicker, more solid. Your hands look like a little kid’s in comparison. “Can I be honest? Half the time I was thinking I actually feel bad for the other team. If I had to take on both of you at the same time, I’d probably cry.”

You’re (mostly) joking, but it’s still a complete shock when you see the side of Ushijima’s mouth curl up a tiny bit. You’ve known each other for months at this point, but you’ve never seen him smile until now. Half of you is wondering if this is some kind of optical illusion caused by the atmosphere and the dim light of the stadium cutting through the evening, but the other half of you enjoys it. You made Ushijima smile. You did that.

“Don’t sell yourself short, (Y/N).” Ushijima says, tipping his head to the side.

“Yeah!” Tendou chimes in, resting his chin on top of your head and folding his arms around your neck from his place behind you. “I’m sure you could take both of us. Right, Wakatoshi?”

So that’s probably a sign.

🤍 sunshower /// Atsumu x f!Reader x Osamu

Summary: [Kitsune AU] You find an old Ō-Inari shrine in the woods that may not be as abandoned as it looks.

Tags/warnings: Shinto religion, this preview is biased toward tsumu oops, yearning/soft vibes

Status: 3.9k words written out of 5–6k? total

Atsumu was the one who found you.

That’s how he likes to talk about it, that he found you, like you’d still be wandering around lost in the woods if it weren’t for him. Osamu thinks you would have found your way back home eventually but Atsumu likes it better this way, this framing that makes it seem like they saved you.

It’s hard for him to tell time linearly the way humans do but you mention once that you’ve known them for a year and that seems to fit. It’s spring now, almost barely tipping into summer, and it was spring when Atsumu found you. He remembers because of the way it was raining: light and tender, a summer rain early in the season, each little drop tapping off a leaf and then rolling into the forest bed to be eaten up by the grass and the soil.

Atsumu likes the rain, likes the sweet earthy smell it makes and the way the plants look so lush and green and alive, like they’d bleed if he sunk his teeth into them. He was out in the woods because of the rain ('Samu was in the shrine, as usual, attempting to set buckets under the millions of holes in the roof so the rainwater wouldn’t pool and rot through the wood underneath). But Atsumu was half asleep in a tree when he heard you crashing through the undergrowth, tripping over ferns and snapping every twig in your path (thought ya might be a bear, he tells you later, that’s how loud ya were) but he wouldn’t really have woken up if he hadn’t heard you singing.

(The odd thing is, you weren’t actually singing. You remember that day as vividly as they do: the warm, humid air making your skin feel sticky under your yellow raincoat; the tiny raindrops filtering through the canopy and kissing your cheeks; the ink feathering out on the damp xerox of the old map you found in your great-aunt’s attic so you could barely make out the “X” that was supposed to mark the location of the lost Inari shrine… You were cursing how stupid you’d been to go on a wild goose chase into the mountains with no cell service and no marked trail to look for a shrine that no one had seen in decades. You definitely weren’t singing.)

But Atsumu remembers it differently. No matter how many times you explain that you were just talking to yourself, when he replays the sound of your voice back then (reaching and lilting and falling, the way the birds talk to each other in the early morning, except the music of it was poured into syllables and words), it sounds like you’re singing. He wasn’t sure at first, hadn’t heard a voice that wasn’t Osamu’s in so many years that he gets tired counting them, but then he saw you push into view from between two bushes and he thought, a human!

A girl, too—it was hard to say at first because you were wearing that weird, slick jacket of yours, so bright yellow it was like an oversized flower blooming out of the grass, but then you tilted your head up to feel the rain on your face and the hood fell down and he knew. Not just a human, a girl! Atsumu wanted to yell for Osamu, make him come and confirm that there was a person wandering around not a mile from the shrine. A real person! Singing and smiling and wiping the rain off her cheeks (does that mean you like the rain, just like he does? did you come out to feel it too?) But he also wanted to surprise Osamu so he hid his tails and his ears and came down from the tree and asked if you had lost your way in the forest, since you were so far from any path…

When you think back on this yourself you’re amazed that you just went with him: a strange boy (man?) wearing a fox mask and traditional Shinto priest robes, which were somehow pristine white and red despite him having appeared from nowhere in the middle of a dense forest, who told you he had no idea what direction the village was but he could take you to the Inari shrine you’d been searching for…well. Maybe you were too surprised to be wary, or maybe you were just exhausted and lost. But you like to think you had a sense of it even then, the irrational belief that the boy in the woods was not just a boy in the woods.

Atsumu thinks you knew. Humans always understand, even when they try not to… He remembers, he took your hand that day in the forest and you saw that the claws on his fingers were too long to be human, and you said nothing because on some level you already felt it. Your skin was cool then, smooth and damp from the rain; he wanted to stop, run his hands up your arms, touch the places on your face where your mouth had been turned up at the corners and press his fingers into your cheeks.

🤍 corporate ethics /// Kuroo x f!Reader

Summary: [Office AU] The new junior marketing associate just happens to be Kuroo’s favorite camgirl, and he’s having trouble keeping his hands to himself.

Tags/Warnings: boss/employee, businessman!Kuroo as a reformed player, camgirl reader, this excerpt has a lil bit of 18+ content 👀

Status: 1.2k words written out of 4k? words total

Kuroo doesn’t watch porn.

It’s not, like, a moral principle or something. He has nothing against pornography. As far as he knows, it’s perfectly normal for single men. He just doesn’t like it…unless it’s you.

When he was in school it was easy. Being a teenager meant being so flooded with hormones that a warm breeze could get him up, and the adrenaline rush of winning a game was better than any big-titted porn actress faking moans into a shit-quality boom mic. Sure, he watched porn back then (what teenage boy didn’t?), but it was more out of curiosity than necessity. It was all kind of a mystery at that point, the way it can only be when you’re a clueless virgin and you and all your friends are too busy practicing for the next game to get girls.

Somehow Bokuto was the first one in their friend group to lose his virginity, and the memory of the dumbass self-consciously describing the experience has been lodged in Kuroo’s brain for the 10+ years since. “It was…I don’t know. She smelled good. You know how girls always smell good?” Bokuto’s hands twitched and his face was pink. “It’s just really…soft.”

Soft was right, Kuroo would reflect when he got laid for the first time a few months later. Soft, warm, wet. Sex was awkward at first, but before he knew it it was more natural than breathing.

It didn’t change much after high school, either. He didn’t get into volleyball for the groupies, but they didn’t hurt. There were girls when he played for his college team, more girls when he joined a business frat, so many girls he couldn’t keep track…they blurred together after a while. It didn’t take effort. You don’t need game when you’re 6’2 and you’re in the gym 40 hours a week, and you definitely don’t need porn.

So he never got into it. Now that he’s promoting volleyball instead of playing, things are more complicated. Kuroo’s never been the type who expects things to fall in his lap, but there are so many rules when it comes to dating in the real world. Good morning texts, anniversaries, flowers, parents. It’s exhausting. One time—seriously, just one time—Kuroo misses his girlfriend’s birthday to go watch a Jackals game, and the next time he sees her she throws her drink on him in public and keys his car. After that, Kuroo decides that until he’s ready to settle down there will be no more girlfriends. Which means no more reliable sex. Which means resorting to porn.

Which means you.

You, batting your eyelashes at the camera and biting the side of your lip. You, purring and mewing like a kitten. You, lying back on your pretty pink bedsheets in your pretty pink lingerie, sliding your hands between your legs. It takes Kuroo a full month to decide to pay for access to your website (Kenma’s unsolicited recommendation) but it takes less than five minutes for him to upgrade access to premium. You look like a wet dream—no, you look like the centerfold of every dirty magazine Kuroo managed to get his hands on when he was younger. Pristine and alluring and so deliciously out of reach.

And you make it so simple. No delicate emotional games with rules Kuroo never bothered to learn. No pretending to care how your day was. You untie the little bows on the side of your panties and lick your fingers and Kuroo just has to take his dick out and watch you. Getting off hasn’t been this easy for him since college. You’re a camgirl, you exist on his computer screen, and that’s how he likes it.

Which makes it a lot more awkward when Kuroo finds out that the only woman he’s gotten off to in the past…year, maybe?…somehow just got hired in JVA’s sports promotion department as his junior associate.

Your prim work blouse is buttoned up to the collar and your makeup is different, but he knows it’s you. You have to tell him your name twice because he’s too stunned to respond the first time, and even then he can’t summon up more of a response than a curt nod because his mouth tastes like dirt.

You smile a little awkwardly at his cool reception, and the hand you’d extended out to shake swings back down to your side. “Um, the guy at HR said he sent up my info yesterday…I’ll be working directly underneath you?”

Directly underneath me. Kuroo is taking a sip of his coffee when you say this. He doesn’t spit it out, but it’s close.

#haikyuu x reader #ushijima x reader #tendou x reader #atsumu x reader #osamu x reader #kuroo x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu #ushijima wakatoshi x reader #tendou satori x reader #atsumu miya x reader #osamu miya x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #haikyuu imagines

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arvinsescape · 3 years

Text

My hero

A/N: Hope you enjoy, foul language used a couple of times in this one.

Summary: A fan is rude to you and Tom jumps to your defense.

W/C: 2K... yeah it got pretty long, sorry.

The plane had landed not too long ago, you were still stretching out due the stiffness of being sat on an eight-hour flight. Tom doing the same, the both of you relatively tired and excited to get to your hotel room so that you could shower and remove the smell of plane that was sticking to the both of you. Tom interlocked your fingers as you made your way through the airport.

“There might be a few fans, but I promise that I’ll be as quick as possible so that we can get to the hotel, I cannot wait for a shower.” Tom said as he yawned.

“That’s okay Tom. They’re your fans take as long as you need with them, I don’t mind I promise.” You told him and you honestly meant it. You thought it was amazing the amount of love and support he received and that he deserved. He worked so hard and you knew that for a lot of fans it meant the world to actually meet and speak to him. Tom smiled at you appreciatively, your patience and kindness really amazed him at times.

As predicted the minute you stepped into view the fans approached. You’d been with Tom for over three years, so you were used to it. You took a step to the side, wanting as many fans as possible to get things signed and speak to him, not wanting to get in the way. You waited patiently as he signed pictures and took them, he smiled at you every now and again as he engaged in conversation with some of the fans.

You’d been stood around for a good ten minutes or so watching in awe as the small amount of people showed their love and support of your boyfriend. You were quite lucky today as you’d kept the trip quiet and not many fans had found out about the holiday you were having. You watched as a girl approached you. You were also quite used to his fans asking you for pictures and having small conversations with you. Most of his fans were incredibly sweet and lovely towards you, some weren’t and you’d gotten more used to that over the years but most of the fans that you met in public that were rude usually just ignored you and sent you nasty looks which were hurtful but easier to deal with.

Assuming she was going to ask for a picture, you sent her a small smile and she just glared at you in return as she continued to make her way towards you. Your smile dropped a little as you took in her expression, not sure how this exchange would play out. Hoping stupidly that this would end well. She continued to make her way towards you and stopped right in front of you. You stole a quick glance in Tom’s direction but he was having a conversation with three fans and his back was towards you. You looked back at the girl and forced a smile.

“Hi, what can I do for you?” You asked politely as you swallowed hard, her face was still hard as stone as she looked at you.

“Nothing. I just came to tell you a few home truths is all.” Oh, fuck, you thought. This was not going to end well.

“Okay..?” you answered hesitantly.

“I just want you to know that I don’t think you’re good enough for him. I think he can do better, he should be with someone who is more attractive and has a much more interesting life.” She shrugged as she spoke.

“I think that’s between me and Tom. No disrespect but it’s not really your place to say those things.” You answered as politely as possible, you could feel your heart in your throat. Some of your insecurities coming to the front of your mind. Insecurities that you and Tom had worked hard on over the years and although you knew how Tom felt and you knew how much he loved you, you couldn’t help those small insecurities that you had at the beginning of your relationship making a reappearance.

“Well you have a public relationship, so I think it’s everyone’s business.” She sneered. “I mean what is it you actually offer him? You don’t do anything, you leech of him and he works with women who are far prettier than you. We’re all just waiting for the day he decides to leave you, honestly.” You glanced at Tom as she spoke, he still had his back to you. You felt the tears welling in your eyes as well as the anger but you didn’t want to make a scene, didn’t want to ruin Tom’s reputation by saying the wrong thing. Your insecurities were well and truly taking over at her words. What was her problem? You were used to people being cruel but usually you could just log out of social media and didn’t have to look at this. This you couldn’t escape.

The girl noticed your tears and laughed. “What? Going to cry because you know I’m right? I really don’t know what he sees in you, seriously.” She continued to laugh as a few tears made there way down your cheeks. You were lost for words, you didn’t know what to say so you just kept quiet.

One of the fans that had been talking to Tom noticed you and wanted to get a picture with you, she was about to make her way over when she noticed you look frantically at Tom and noticed the tears that were falling along with the girl that was laughing at you and taunting you. Although she couldn’t hear what was going on she gathered that this girl was upsetting you. She turned back to Tom as she interrupted something he was saying.

“Erm, Tom?”

“Yes?” He asked with a smile, although she interrupted him, he decided to let it slide, he didn’t want to be known as one of those famous people that was rude to his fans.

“I think Y/N might need your help.” She said as she pointed in your direction. He furrowed his brows and turned around to look for you. His heart dropped when your eyes connected, he could see the pain in them as well as the tears. He glanced at the girl stood near you and furrowed his brows further as he made his way over. The three other fans following carefully behind.

As he approached, he saw the relief on your face as he enveloped you in his strong arms. “Are you okay?” he whispered into your ear as he kissed your temple. You just nodded not wanting to tell him, you knew how protective he got over you and didn’t want to cause a scene, you’d tell him later. Unfortunately, he wasn’t satisfied with the answer, he guessed what was wrong as he’d watched the girl taunt you on his way over. Unfortunately for her she spoke up.

“Tom! Oh my God, I’ve been waiting to ask you for a picture and to sign some of my posters. I was just having a talk with Y/N while I waited.” She spoke. Tone completely different to the one she’d used with you. Tom tensed, yeah, he knew what was going on, he was just thinking of the best way to handle it. The fans that had followed kept a distance but made sure they were in ear shot.

“Oh yeah? And what were you talking about?” He answered in a stoic manner as he turned to face her. You grabbed his hand in an attempt to calm him down.

“I was just telling her how the fans feel about her, that’s all.” She replied vaguely as she smiled up at Tom. It was like you could feel the anger radiating off his body, you squeezed his hand.

“Tom, don’t. It’s okay.” You pleaded with him.

“No Y/N it’s not. What did she say? She’s clearly upset you, so what did she say?”

“Tom really it doesn- “

“I was just telling her some home truths is all. She just didn’t like it, she was being sensitive if you ask me.” The girl interrupted you as she rolled her eyes. “I think you’re getting a little defensive Tom, how do you know she wasn’t rude to me first? You’ve just jumped straight to her defense.” This girl.

“So, you were rude to her? And I don’t believe for a single second that she was rude to you. Strangely enough when you’ve been with someone for over three years you understand what sort of a person they are. If you can’t be kind towards Y/N then I really don’t want anything to do with you. You will get nothing from me, I promise you that.” He answered, his temper flaring as he slightly raised his voice.

“Look, I just want a couple of pictures and then I’ll go. I only said what other fans are thinking. I’m sorry if she didn’t like it.”

“Like I just said, you’re getting nothing from me. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to enjoy my holiday with the love of my life. I sincerely invite you to unfollow me and not continue your support of my work. I really don’t need or want people like you associated with me, if you can’t support my life choices then I don’t want to know. Have a lovely day.” He said as he grabbed started to walk away, interlocking your fingers. “Thank you everyone else for coming, it was lovely to meet you.” He turned back and smiled at the fans who had actually been a delight too meet. You made your way through the airport and into the taxi.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that darling.” He sighed as he got himself comfy in the back seat.

“It’s okay, you didn’t have to do that you know?”

“I did. She had no right to make you cry like that. I don’t know what she said but whatever it was it’s fucking bullshit, I can tell you that much. I love you and only you.” He said as he let his anger wash away.

“Thank you Tom. I love you too.” You knew once you got back to the hotel you’d have a proper conversation about what had been said and you knew he’d help you put those insecurities back where they were before that girl had walked up to you. He smiled at you as he held your hand up to his mouth, kissing the back of your hand, your stomach doing flips at the action.

Later on as you were waiting for Tom to get out of the shower so that you could go to the pool and forget about this horrific day, you found yourself on twitter. You saw that Tom was trending. Oh shit, he’s probably going to be getting slated for being rude to that girl. You decided to have a quick look and was shocked with what you found. The three fans that had been talking to Tom had videoed the exchange and were openly showing support for you. This snowballed of course with it being the internet and twitter was flooded with people being supportive of you and Tom, applauding him for the way he handled it. You smiled at him as he made his way out of the bathroom, ready to head to the pool.

“You’re popular online.” You teased.

“Oh, fucking hell, what’ve people been saying? Should I be expecting a call from my publicist?” He groaned.

“No, I don’t think so. Everyone is applauding you for jumping to my defense.”

“Yeah well, she deserved it and I don’t feel guilty whatsoever.”

You got up from the bed and made your way over to him, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders as you kissed his lips. “My hero.” You teased as you whispered against his lips. He laughed in response as he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into a heart racing kiss.

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland one shot #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #tom holland x y/n

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robert-de-niro-only-fans · 3 years

Text

Escape

Jimmy Conway x Paulie's Daughter! Reader

Hiiiii, this fic is a little surprise I've been working on and I've got a few others in the works. I hope you guys love it! ❤️

TW: smut, mentions of crime and crime families, murder, marriage, mentions of pregnancy

Word Count: 5.2k

As you stand in front of the mirror, your head spins from the morning you've already had. Women everywhere, whizzing around you doing your hair and makeup, getting you into your wedding dress. All that to make you a bride.

And you do look like a bride, you think as you stare into the mirror.

Behind you, you hear a familiar voice, "Ahem, ladies, could I get a moment alone with our bride?" Jimmy. He's being extra charming today, as many of the women left the room giggling because he spoke to them.

"Wow... (Y/N), you look gorgeous..." he creeps up behind you and delicately places his hands on your sides, as if he might break you. He looks at you in the mirror, before gently placing a kiss on your shoulder. "You're gonna stop traffic when you walk down the aisle. I can't wait to see it," he moves your veil and hair to give you a kiss on the cheek.

You don't say anything, just stare into the mirror. After a small pause, Jimmy turns you around, "Hey, you alright?"

Finally, you get a good look at him in his tux: all black with an off white shirt and a deep green vest peaking out from the lapels of his tuxedo jacket. You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding, "Yeah, I'm okay, just nervous," you put your hand on his chest, looking him over again, "I'm glad you're here. You always calm me down, and you look great by the way."

You knew it was an unconventional choice, but you wouldn't have picked anyone else to be your Maid of Honor. And Jimmy was happy to do it for you, even with Tommy and Henry making fun of him for it, at least until they got asked to be bridesmaids.

These were guys that in another life, you never would've been friends with, probably wouldn't have even known. And truthfully, your dad didn't want you being friends with them, because he knows what they are: criminals, nothing but criminals. But they're the only family you have, and Paulie had to admit that it was so cute seeing you get into trouble with Henry and Tommy and then go to "Uncle" Jimmy to get you out of it.

Jimmy wouldn't have done that kind of thing for the guys; they needed to get pinched and learn what it was like, but he would do anything to keep your pretty face out of jail. Since you've grown older, old enough for your father to let you get married, you and Jimmy have grown to be best friends. He's not so much the Uncle he used to be to you.

"(Y/N)?" Jimmy starts, "we got something to tell you, honey."

Just from the man's tone of voice, you can tell something is terribly wrong; you just know him too well. At that point, Jimmy opens the door, and Tommy, Henry, and your dad Paulie shuffle in.

"What's going on?" you say sheepishly, taking a step back from the men before you.

"You may wanna sit down," Jimmy motions to the little couch in the room.

Your dad reaches for one of your hands and you pull it away, "What is it, papa?"

"Sweetie, let's sit down, so we can talk," he places a hand on your back, and you both sit on the couch together. Jimmy, Tommy, and Henry all stand around looking like tough guys: arms crossed, keeping an ear out for anyone who might be listening outside the door, their faces looking stone cold with a bit of worry in their eyes.

"(Y/N), that guy out there," Paulie starts, referring to the groom waiting to marry you, "he ain't the guy you think he is."

"What?" you ask quietly.

"Well, uh, the guys here-" he looks up at the three men standing around you, "Jimmy, uh..." He just couldn't say it to you.

"We've been keeping an eye on this guy, scoping him out," Jimmy finishes for Paulie.

"What? You were spying on my fiancé?" you ask, feeling hurt.

"You didn't think we was just gonna let you marry anyone, did ya?" Tommy pipes up.

"And I'm glad we did," Jimmy cuts back in, "that guy out there, (Y/N), he's a liaison for another crime family! They were using you for information, and now he's able to identify all of us."

"What? No... He's- he's... a union rep," you cast your eyes down as it dawns on you; it was all a lie and a great cover up so he could talk about his friends and you wouldn't even realize. God, did you feel stupid. If anyone was gonna catch him in that lie, it should've been you. "I'm so sorry..." you whisper as tears drop down onto your wedding dress.

Paulie immediately pulls you into a hug, "Hey, hey, it's okay, baby girl. It's okay. The guys here have a plan." He tries to comfort you as you cry into his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, you know I'd never try to put any of you in danger. I'm sorry I was so stupid!!" You feel horrible and angry with yourself.

"Shhh... You gotta keep your voice down, honey," you feel Jimmy's hand rubbing circles into your back as he kneals next to you. "You're not stupid. It took us a long time to crack this guy. He covered his tracks well."

You turn to Jimmy, tears mixed with mascara running down your face. "Hey..." he says, pulling out a handkerchief and wiping the tears from your face, "Don't cry, angel. You shouldn't cry on your wedding day."

"But-" you get close to him, "it's not my wedding day anymore."

"Still," he pulls you up off the couch and into a hug, "you look too pretty to cry, and besides, we gotta get going."

You give him a confused look, trying to get it together, "Get going? Where are we going?"

"Well, uh, you and I are going on your honeymoon; Tommy and Henry know the rest of the plan."

"Honeymoon? We're not gonna cancel it?" you question.

"Listen, sugar," your dad grabs your attention, "this is the one day we can get your fiancé alone. He didn't dare bring any of his associates; we would recognize them, especially after all the recon we've done. So Jimmy's gonna sneak you out of here, and you're gonna go away for a while, and we're gonna get rid of this crook and tie up all the loose ends."

Just a few moments later, Tommy and Henry go back into the church to make it seem like everything is normal. No one is gonna think anything of Jimmy and your dad being with you, because that's the order the ceremony will go in. Your dad waits out in the hallway, as if he's waiting for you to put the last few finishing touches on your dress, and as everyone clears the hall to go to the church, he signals to Jimmy that it's time.

You and Jimmy quietly sneak out of your dressing room to head to the car. Before you run off, you turn back to your dad, giving him a big hug, "Please be careful, papa. I love you so much, and I'll miss you."

"I love you, too, (Y/N)," he gives you a kiss on the forehead, before you turn to head out the back hallway of the reception hall.

On the way out, Jimmy grabs a huge plate of hors d'oeuvres and holds the door open for you. You make your way out to this random convertible (probably stolen), seeing your suitcase in the backseat.

"Mines in the trunk," he lets you know, before setting the plate of food in the back and helping you in the car. Seconds later, you're peeling out of the church parking lot.

• • •

You and Jimmy can't help but laugh as you get further and further away from your wedding ceremony. You can't explain why you're laughing so hysterically, but it feels like old times getting into trouble with Jimmy. Plus, it's a welcome distraction.

"Jimmy," you interject the laughter.

"Yeah?" he asks, coming down from his laughing fit. You've already reached the highway heading from upstate New York into the city to get to the airport.

"Jimmy, I gotta get out of this dress," there's a serious tone in your voice that tells Jimmy this is more urgent than you let on.

He quickly whips out his switch blade, "Okay, lean forward." And then you feel the cool metal of the blade grace your back as he cuts the ribbons corseting your dress.

The dress loosens around you, and you look over at the man, "Thank you," is all you say before sliding the dress down over your hips, then throwing it up in the air, letting the wind take it down the highway. Jimmy has an impressed look on his face as he glances at you with a half smile on his face.

He reaches over, placing a hand on your bare thigh, pulling your wedding garter down your leg before holding it above his head and spinning it around like a lasso. "WOOOOOO!!!!" he yells at the top of his lungs as he flings the little piece of lace. Anything to make you laugh, and it does get a rise out of you.

There's a pause for a moment as Jimmy takes in the view of you in your white lingerie; his eyes don't linger for long though, because he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable.

Though, you can't help but feel sexy for moment before climbing into the backseat to change.

"Hey, bring that food up to the front seat when you're done," he says, looking at you in the rearview mirror. You smack his shoulder, realizing he can see you changing. He chuckles and flips the rearview up. You spend the rest of the trip leaning on Jimmy and snacking on the hors d'oeuvres on the tray, until you arrive at the airport.

Because you skipped the wedding ceremony and reception, you arrive way earlier than you're supposed to, but it's no issue, Jimmy already worked it out by moving your flight up. It also works out better, because there will be goons at the airport looking for you, but by the time they get there, you and Jimmy will already be gone.

• • •

After a few hours when you arrive in the Bahamas, Jimmy gently runs his fingers through your hair to wake you up from your nap. You were conked out on his shoulder, exhausted from this morning. "C'mon, sleepyhead, let's go have a honeymoon," he helps get you up and grab your bags.

"Mmmm," you yawn following him, "you say that like it's your honeymoon or something."

"Well, it is now," he chuckles, grabbing your hand to lead you off the plane. After a warm welcome from some locals at the check in desk, you head over to your private villa, right on the beach. Even though it's already dark, the island is beautiful. The warm breeze makes the palm trees wave; the sand is soft under your feet; and the sound of waves crashing is seriously so relaxing.

Inside your villa, it looks so cozy and clean, and you're so ready to get some dinner and go to bed. That's just what you do. Jimmy calls the office to order dinner to your little beach house, and you pop into the bathroom to take a shower and change.

By the time you're done, dinner is too. Jimmy greets you with a little side hug and pulls your chair out for you to sit down at the table. "Comfy? In your little robe and all?" he asks, eyeing you up and down quickly.

"Mm-hmmm," you moan, stuffing your face with delicious food. Jimmy chuckles at you before doing the same.

After getting your bellies full on tasty seafood, you decide that it would be a good idea to go to sleep, that way you can make the most of your time on this lovely island.

As you and Jimmy make your way to the bedroom, you're met with a reminder of why you're there in the first place: rose petals and candles littering the room.

Jimmy sees the way you pause, "Do you want me to get rid of this stuff?"

"I- uh, no... It's okay," you look back and forth between him and your bed.

"Here," he says, leading you to the couch, "Stay here."

He goes into the bedroom and closes the door behind him. For a few moments you hear huffing and thudding as he blows out candles and throws them in the trash, and you hear his arms hitting the bed as he wipes the rose petals away. Jimmy exits the room with a trash bag in tow, tossing it out on the front patio before returning to the living room, breathing a little heavy, and holding his arm out, motioning you to the bedroom.

You stand up and put your arms around him, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek, "Thank you, Jimmy."

He places his arm around your waist and presses a cheek to your head, "You're welcome, sweetie. Now go to bed."

"You're not coming?" you ask.

"I'll sleep on the couch. You have a good night, and sweet dreams," he gives your arm a squeeze before heading to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

As you settle into bed and try to sleep, it sinks in. Your relationship that you'd been so happy in is over... And here you are in another country for an undetermined amount of time while your ex-fiancé gets "taken care of." Even though his intention was to hurt you, you can't help but mourn what feels like the loss of your happiness. In fact, there's only one place you can feel happy right now, and you won't sleep until you're there.

"Jimmy?" you whisper through your sniffles. You stand before him as he sleeps soundly on the couch. "Jimmy?" A little louder this time, and that does the trick.

The man takes in a sharp inhale through his nose and his eyes pop open, "(Y/N), hey," he rubs his eyes, "you okay?" You just stand there quietly sniffling, and then Jimmy sees the redness in your face, "Hey, hey, c'mere honey, c'mere." He holds the blanket up for you to climb in, and he immediately wraps his arms around you, cuddling you in his cozy little spot on the couch. You simply bury your head into his chest, and let out a few tears. "Shhhh, shhh," he says as if cooing a baby, "it's okay, I'm here, everything's gonna be alright."

• • •

The sun brightly lights the whole open floor plan of your beach side escape, warming you and Jimmy in your bundle of blankets. You awake to the feeling of his fingers lazily combing through your hair, and when you crack your eyes open, you see him happily smiling down at you. You place a hand on his chest, and he covers it with one of his own, giving your fingers a squeeze.

"Morning, you hungry?" he greets you.

"Mmmm... Good morning, sweet man," you happily nuzzle into him.

He cups a hand on the back of your head, "Whaddaya say we get some breakfast, then ya wanna go swimming later today? Hm? We got that beautiful beach right out there." His head motions towards the large glass doors that look out onto the sand and sea.

"Only if we can stay here a little longer," you hum into his chest, perfectly content with just cuddling up to him all day long.

"Okay, princess, we can stay a little longer."

• • •

After a relaxed morning (yes, you both dozed back off to sleep for a while) and a nice breakfast of fresh fruits, juice, and pastries, you wait on the back patio for Jimmy to change into his swimsuit. When the sliding glass door glides open, you turn and see the man in swim trunks that hit about mid-thigh, short sleeve button up shirt that's unbuttoned, a gold chain, and a cigarette. Of course Jimmy dresses like that for the beach.

"Whaddaya think? How do I look?" he jokes at you.

You walk over and places your hands on his bare chest. "The view looks pretty good from here," you chuckle lowly.

Jimmy grunts, "You better watch those hands of yours," he warns, moving you off his chest before lightly taking your fingers in his. "Alright, let's go," he says, leading you towards the waves.

"Ya know, uh," Jimmy catches your attention.

"Hmm?" you chirp, hand still happily in his.

"How come you're still wearing this?" he asks, holding your hand up, and tapping his thumb on your engagement ring.

"Oh... um... I'm not sure, honestly," you look down at your hands, wringing them together and fidgeting with the little piece of jewelry. As you take your first few steps into the ocean, you slip the ring from your finger. "I guess it doesn't mean anything anymore," you ponder to yourself before chucking it into the water.

Jimmy raises his eyebrows in surprise, "You didn't wanna sell it?"

You turn around and pat him on the chest, "I know you and the boys back home will make me more money than that ring is worth. It wouldn't surprise me if it was fake, knowing what I know now."

• • •

Time got away from you as the two of you enjoyed your day in the sun. After walking along the beach and Jimmy dunking you in the waves a few times (don't worry, you got him back), it's already early afternoon. And boy, were you beat.

"Hmmm, I think it's time for a nap!" you yawn, "This sun has got me drained."

"Wanna go inside?" Jimmy points to your little beach house.

"Yeah, but I don't think I can walk another step," you whine playfully, giving the man puppy eyes.

There's a long pause as Jimmy gives you a serious look, but he's only kidding. "You want me to carry you, don't you?"

"Yes, please!"

And with that, your feet are swept out from under you. Jimmy walks you across the sand and through the sliding glass door, right to the bathroom.

"What are we doing in here?" you question as he walks right into the shower, "Jimmy?!"

"Gotta rinse all the salt and sand off," is all he gets out before the shower faucet sprays cold water on you and the man holding you. You squeal loudly and practically jump from Jimmy's arms! You hold onto him tightly for warmth; luckily the water heats up quickly though.

"You bastard!!" you yell and give the man a swift pop on the chest.

"OW!" he giggles and rubs the spot that is quickly turning red.

Your face forms a pout, feeling bad for smacking him, "I'm sorry." You take a step forward and rub your hand on his chest to sooth the spot. When you place your other hand on his chest, you look up at him. Suddenly you feel his strong hands gripping the back of your head, and his lips meet yours. Your back comes into contact with the shower wall, and you're completely surrounded. You feel the muscles of Jimmy's arms squeezing around you as his tongue urges it's way into your mouth.

You could hardly explain it: the timing and the situation feel so wrong, but he feels so 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, like everything you had ever wanted- no, 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥.

Water soaks your hair, your face, your bodies as Jimmy fiercely kisses you. He's almost scared to stop.

But when you gently suck his bottom lip into your mouth and give it a nibble, it's game over.

Your friend-turned-lover rips open the shower curtain and starts walking you to the bedroom, his lips and his body never leaving yours. His tropical shirt slaps the ground in a wet heap, quickly followed by his swim trunks.

His lips find your neck, and you finally get a moment to catch your breath. Pressed against him as you step backwards, you feel his hands frantically working the straps of your swimsuit. You pull back from him just enough to see his face, and he freezes like a deer in headlights.

You simply look each other over, taking in the features of the other's face for a moment, before you lean forward and place your lips to his chastely, kissing him just once or twice. His rough hands gently caress your back, and then things turn passionate again when he slowly removes your top.

You always thought you'd be nervous to be with Jimmy, but after all, this is a man that you trust with your life. Wait- always? Did this imply you'd thought about being with him before?

In the heat of the moment you couldn't make sense of it. All you know right now is that Jimmy already has you naked and on the bed. It feels like your emotions are in a whirlwind, but Jimmy makes you feel good and you want more.

Your hands rake through his still wet hair, as he showers your chest in affection by kissing and sucking at your collarbone and breasts. He travels further down your body with his ministrations, until he reaches your soft inner thighs. You can feel his five o'clock shadow scratching at the delicate skin there, before he stops and looks up at you nervously. You'd never seen this man look nervous before.

His eyes beg for permission to go down on you and his hot breath passes over your center. You simply push down on his head a bit as a signal to go.

With his elbows buried in the soft mattress, forearms wrapped around your thighs, and eyes closed in concentration, his mouth surrounds that little bundle of nerves, lighting a fire in your belly. The sound of him breathing through his nose and your moans fill the room. Every hair on your body stands on end and your toes curl at the feeling of Jimmy Conway giving you head.

Oh God, Jimmy Conway is giving you head... Jimmy Conway your best friend. Jimmy Conway your Maid of Honor? You quickly push that thought away, then raise your head to look down at the man happily working away between your legs.

This is something you never thought you'd do with Jimmy, yet here you are, and oddly, it feels so... comfortable. You aren't nervous at all. Of course, you can't speak for him.

You lightly scruff up his hair, breathing heavily, "Jimmy..." The first word anyone had said in a while.

"Huh?" he says just after a loud slurping noise. His mouth hangs open in a relaxed way as he catches his breath and looks up at you from under his brow bone.

You let out a laugh in the form of a puff of air and a smile. Jimmy returns the smile; it's a happy smile with a hint of playful mischief in his eyes. A giggle slips out of you, then you both start laughing. At what, you aren't quite sure... the situation, maybe?

Your lover crawls on top of you and cuddles you by pressing his chest to you and wrapping an arm around your waist. Your hands explore his back, lightly scraping your nails over his shoulder blades and the small of his back.

He lets out a soft but deep moan before moving to kiss you again. His fingers nestle in your hair as he softly shows you his affection with his mouth. Your hands rest on his cheeks as he centers himself on top of you, one of his hands gripping under your thigh.

"This alright, princess?" he says in a near whisper.

"Yeah..." you exhale.

"You ready?" He gives you a kiss on the cheek.

"Yeah," you repeat, "I am." You give him a warm smile, cupping a hand on his face again, as if framing it to take a mental snapshot.

His next actions are incredibly gentle, but it makes everything all the more sensual. He plants a few kisses on your neck and collarbone before sitting up on his knees. His arm wraps around your thigh, holding it up in the air, as he aligns the head of his member with your entrance. The tip slides in pretty easily because of your wetness, and you can see Jimmy's breathing deepen; after that, the man moves slowly entering you, making you feel every inch of his length.

You had barely started and you're already both a mess. The pleasure is almost too much to take. Once Jimmy starts to move his hips, he leans forward once again, hovering over you on his hands and knees. You look up into his eyes, feeling his hardness moving inside you. Wanting to be closer to you, he drops down to his elbows and brings his knees up. His hands stroke some hair from your face while his hips rut into yours at a teasing pace.

After appreciating your how pretty you are, Jimmy moves his lips next to your ear and lowly says, "You feel incredible, baby. You feel so good..." He gives you a series of sloppy kisses on your jaw and earlobe.

You simply close your eyes, relax into the man on top of you, and give him an airy moan in response, "You feel good too, Jimmy."

"Mmmm, you like this pace? Or you want me to speed up?" You can feel his hot breath against your neck.

"Maybe, um, deeper?"

"Deeper, huh?" he whispers in your ear, "You wanna feel more of me?" He throws a little chuckle on the end of his question, and he readjusts by hooking a hand under your knee and pushing it up towards you for a deeper feeling while remaining close to you.

With each thrust you let out a grunt or breath of some kind, "Oooh... T-that's- Hnnng!"

"That the spot, baby girl?" Jimmy smiles to himself, happy that he's pleasing you.

A very shaky "mm-hmm" is all you can manage.

Jimmy speeds up his movements just a little, but still maintains a leisurely and romantic mood.

With a gasp, you start, "Jimmy, I- I'm-"

"Cum for me, baby," he coos, lightly sucking and nipping at a little spot on your neck.

"Fuck- Jimmy..." your climax hits you hard, making your head spin, and the only thing you can think about is the man before you, "Jimmy, I- I love you. I love you, Jimmy!"

Before you even have a moment to think about what you'd said, you hear, "I love you, too, (Y/N)," and several grunts and groans as he finds his release inside you.

Jimmy rolls off of you and trucks himself into your side. You hold the man in your arms tightly as you both come down from the high you just experienced. You turn your head to see him nuzzled into the crook of your neck, almost as if he's asleep. He cracks his eyes open at you and props himself up, putting his face close to yours.

You feel... shy for some reason as you press your lips to his, almost as if this is somehow more vulnerable than what you'd just done. You kiss each other softly, over and over, for what feels like a few minutes.

"You know, I didn't know you were close to finishing too," you tell Jimmy, trying to break some tension.

"Mm, well, I told you you felt good," he gives you a half smile, "I didn't know you loved me."

"Oh, well... It just kind of came out, but, uh, it was true. Still is." Another sweet kiss.

"You remember when I told you I couldn't wait to see you walk down that aisle? That was true too," he tells you.

You aren't sure where that came from, and it confuses you, "But... You knew I wasn't gonna get married that day."

"Yeah, but I am gonna see you walk down the aisle one day... when you marry me," he looks down and bites his lip.

You let out a flabbergasted little breath, "Jimmy..."

"C'mon, (Y/N)," he coos, "I love you. I wasn't gonna ever let you marry that other guy. Why do you think I looked into him so hard?"

"I don't understand. Why didn't you just ask me out years ago?" your question ends in a whisper.

"'Cuz I didn't realize what I had 'til I saw it in another man's arms," he tangles his fingers in your hair for another kiss, "but I'm not gonna let it get away from me this time."

• • •

Needless to say, you didn't see much of the beach or much of anyone the rest of your time in the Bahamas. You two already knew everything there was to know about another person, so you spent a lot of time exploring each other... in new ways.

So, it's bittersweet going home to Brooklyn. You'd been away a few months to let tensions between the two crime families die down. You would miss all of the alone time with your new man, but you're so happy to see your dad again.

"Thanks for driving us home from the airport, papa," you say, giving Paulie a side hug as he unlocks the door to the house not too far from the cab stand. You're greeted with hoots and hollers from Tommy, Henry and Karen, Tuddy, and a few others as you step inside. "What's this?!"

"Oh, uh, just a little surprise," Paulie chuckles, "A welcome home party for Jimmy and my girl."

Everyone starts exchanging hugs, giving you and Jimmy a proper New York welcome. As you put your arms around Henry's shoulders, you hear Karen from behind him, "OH no! I know ya not still wearin' your engagement ring," she grabs your hand and pulls you toward her to inspect the ring closer. Her voice lowers a bit, "No, this one's different. It's got pearls on it."

The room is filled with confused faces, until Jimmy takes your other hand in his, "Well, uh, we were on a little island for 2 or 3 months, pearls was all they had!"

Suddenly you're surrounded with Ooh's and Aah's and an "Attaboy Jimmy!" as it dawns on everyone that you're engaged.

"Hey, wait 'til they tell ya about how I'm gonna be a grandad!!" Paulie announces, and again the room fills with noise from everyone's surprise and congratulations. Any other family might have found it odd that you rushed into a new relationship, but this group likes keeping a closed circle, and everyone had their bets placed on you and Jimmy from day one.

Speak of the Devil, you feel his arms slip around you and a hand rests on your baby bump. He whispers in your ear, "I love you both so much. This is the way it always shoulda been."

#robert de niro #robert de niro x reader #robert de niro fanfic #jimmy conway #goodfellas #jimmy conway x reader #fanfic

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diavolosthots · 3 years

Note

Hey man so idea. Some angst with mammon when he realizes he might not be a good choice for mc because of his financial issues and then mc telling him that it's ok.

Its 12:03 am which means my day off is over so here is this

Warning: VERY MILD angst-> happy ending

Greed and Money (MAMMON X GN!READER)

Greed. The word is most often associated with money, but greed can be so much more than that. Greed can be for power, or knowledge, or even something as simple as food and exercise. You can be greedy for a sense of family, or your life’s purpose. Greed, by definition, is the intense, and more often than not, selfish desire for something; a desperate need or yearn to have something, to own it, that anything that stands in the way of it, can and most likely will be eliminated. Greed is one of the seven major sins and by far one, if not the, worst temptation to fall under, as a human being. Greed can most often be seen in political figures, or people with immense wealth, but one could also argue that Stephen Hawking was greedy for knowledge. The Avatar of Greed himself, however, falls very much into the main category; greedy for money and immense wealth.

Mammon finds it hard to strive away from shiny things and Grimm, when in his mind, he could have it all. Of course, this has caused a major strain on his family and how they treat him. He’s very much the black sheep within the family, something you took very quick note of, and that’s why you decided to take him under your wing. At first, he was repulsed by that for many reasons. Things like, “I can handle myself (Y/N)!” or ,” I ain’t weak! I got this!” quickly became repeated phrases every time he was around you. Deep down, however, he came to actually like it. He liked that you cared enough about him to check up on him. Compassion and being cared for is something he hasn’t felt in at least a millennia, or so it seems, so moments with you quickly became his favorites.

He began to fall for you shortly after too. At first, he reigned back, thinking that maybe he just liked the attention you gave him, but really, it was so much more than that. He loved the way your hands always grabbed onto him when you laughed, or the way your eyebrows lifted when he told a story that may or may not be complete and utter bullshit. He liked the way you laid your head on his shoulder and literally and figuratively kicked him in the ass on certain days, but as much as you seemed to like him and accept him, he can’t help but feel like he would be an issue to you in the long run. A burden. Just another responsibility you would have to handle. “H-hey… uhm…” and talking about how he felt just seemed so ridiculously hard, too. You’d look at him with these concerned puppy eyes and he immediately feels bad and quickly makes up a lie about how Satan tried to trip him down the stairs instead of talking about what’s actually going on.

But he can’t hold it out much longer, not if he wants this relationship to become serious, but he was so scared. You always said you didn’t care about his Avatar, but he hated that you had that mindset because he IS his Avatar, and his Avatar is him. “(Y/N)...” he tried to start this conversation with you for the uptenth time already, but your eyes immediately had that wave of concern inside of them and he hated that so much, “what’s wrong? Did they say something again?” he didn’t deserve such genuine concern, not right now at least. “No just… just listen, will ya?” That only gave you more of a concerned look and now he’s confused as to what to do because if he keeps on you’ll worry your pretty little head off and he doesn’t want that, but if he doesn’t continue on then he’ll walk around with that thought in mind for a really long time before it ever gets brought up again.

“Listen I…. I ain’t the saint ya make me out to be… I know I mess up, and sometimes I believe that what my brothers say is true a--!” “Stop. No it’s not.” You interrupted him, determined to get that thought out of his head because you were not about to let this amazing person have a depressive episode over nothing. “You’re an amazing older brother, and an amazing brother to Lucifer, no matter what he says. They can be harsh, yes, but I know they lo--!” “(Y/N)!” He didn’t mean to raise his voice and he heard too late that it had echoed off the walls and reached his ears again so he quickly took your hands in his to soothe both him and you, “that ain’t it. Just listen. What I’m tryin’ t’say is that I know I steal and I lie and I’m greedy… of course I am; it’s my Avatar. Ya always say ya don’t care about that, but I feel like ya have to care about that because it’s part of me! I ain’t the best financially… I’m only lucky to people who summon me.. Who get lucky enough that I’ll take their soul in exchange for immeasurable wealth…. But to myself …. I haven’t been lucky to myself in a long long time… and although I get money, I burn it just as quick. You know that, I know that too…. So I don’t know… I feel bad for being an unstable source in ya life because ya deserve better…. Ya deserve someone like Lucifer or Satan who got their life figured out…”

Of course, the truth hurts. It hurt him to admit that, financially, he is a failure and he would and could easily lose any and all finances either of you own, that’s why he wants you to think carefully about being with him and he certainly wouldn’t shame you for leaving him if it came down to it. If the roles were reversed and he was after someone who’s financially unstable, chances are he wouldn’t be running after them much longer, so he’s confused as to why you would keep running after and being there for him.

“Mammon… I’m not going to leave you based on your inability to control finances. It’s actually laughable and kind of sad that you’d think so lowly of me. I love you for you and everything you come with, not some ridiculousness you decided to tell yourself. Yes, it’s your avatar, but it’s nothing that’s unmanageable. Satan can manage his anger, most days, and maybe you can try and learn how to control your spending and gambling on most days, too.” He kind of stopped breathing when you said you loved him so the rest barely registered in his mind, but that’s okay. He just feels overwhelming love right now and he’s genuinely thankful for you. “I ain’t crying…” you were about to ask what he meant but he already picked you up in an embrace, twirling you around with him once before setting you back down and just burying his face into your shoulder, sniffling a little.

“I ain’t cryin’.... But I love you too… thank ya, you know, for being there and stuff… Thank ya for coming into my life and sticking around and accepting me…” You never understood why it was so hard for him to see that he was worthy and deserving of all of those things, but at the very least, it made you happy that you could bring some sort of happiness into his life. “You’re welcome, Mammon…. I’m not giving up on you.”

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #mammon obey me #mammon avatar of greed #shall we date mammon #obey me mammon x reader #tw mild angst

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uwurakax · 3 years

Text

boy, i hate you ♡

pairing: akaashi x reader ♡

genre: angst // cheating // suggestive (not explicit) ♡

summary: you swore to yourself that you’d never stay with a cheater, so why was it so hard to let go? ♡

♡ the sequel “boy, i need you” - read the second part here ♡

word count: 1.9k ♡

author’s note: ok this has been in my mind for ages now and i need this to go into the universe. i haven’t written in years so i am crappy rusty as hell (pls be kind ty). i don’t normally write but i had to. i also believe theres no gender mentioned? (it’s like 4am and i’ve had zero sleep so pls), but i suppose it leans to f!reader. i’ll regret uploading this later haha 🤟😭 also hasn’t been proofread and i wrote this at like 1am (excuses for my terrible writing yup, don’t judge me haha) ♡

♡ (inspired by f.u by little mix) ♡

infidelity

/ɪnfɪˈdɛlɪti/

noun

1. the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or partner

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, with your eyes red and wet was not an uncommon occurrence. You supposed at one point, it was, but those days felt like a distant dream. You had cried so much, it was a wonder you could keep up the waterworks. Your eyes were swollen, bloodshot and dry. The moisture had left them and were spilled, half dry, on your cheeks.

It was pathetic. So pathetic how you could keep putting yourself through this. Day after day, breakdown after breakdown, you didn’t know how much more you could take. You quickly wiped away any more stray tears with the sleeve of the hoodie you were wearing. His hoodie.

You wondered how much liquid had been soaked up by his clothes. An ironic display of him comforting you indirectly when he was the one who caused those tears to spill in the first place.

You took a deep inhale and leaned over the porcelain countertop. It felt wrong. It felt awkward. It felt..dirty. You gripped the sides of the counter. You couldn’t pinpoint exactly where it all went wrong, it was just like it happened. Or maybe it didn’t, and it was there long before you had taken notice of the signs.

All you knew was that suddenly, he wasn’t yours anymore. The home you shared with him wasn’t yours. Hell, even this goddamn pristine white bathroom wasn’t yours. For the past year or so, it was slowly losing the essence of you and him, and somehow converged into a you, him and her. You wondered if it just lost your sense entirely and had become his and hers - you being just a warm body that filled the cold space when he was gone, whether that be at work or when he had to take a ‘trip’.

You were so sick of it. All the insecurity of when it started, why weren’t you enough, how’d it happen, and all those basic questions associated with a partner cheating were bubbling up inside of you.

You wanted to push all the blame on him. You wanted to hate him, despise him for reducing you to the pathetic crying mess you were now, but you couldn’t. You knew, deep down inside, at some point it stopped being entirely his fault and that it shifted to you as well. Was it a week after you found out? A month? 3 months? 6 months? A year? Did it even matter anymore? You knew you had to stop this. You had to break it off with Akaashi. His unfaithfulness hurt you in a way that you couldn’t possibly imagine. You couldn’t keep living with the fact that he’d come home into your arms, holding you in the same way that he had just held somebody else. Somebody not you. Somebody who wasn’t his girlfriend. Geez, just how many times were you going to repeat that to yourself? You’d lost count on how many speeches and psych up’s that frequented your mind.

This will be the last time.

A silent promise to yourself, that this would be the end. That you’d finally pick yourself up, and gain some self confidence to just rip off that bandaid. No matter how much you loved him, no matter how long you had loved him, you had to do this for your sake. With a firm nod, you braced yourself, ready to finally free yourself from the love that was Akaashi Keiji.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

It had been a few hours since your breakdown in the bathroom happened. You were anticipating Akaashi’s arrival for the past hour or so. You knew exactly why he was late, it didn’t take a genius to know that he was with her. You wished that just for tonight, he wouldn’t. The suspense was suffocating. You just wanted to get this over and done with.

Not even the soft material of the pillows on the lounge you sat on calmed you. You absentmindedly ran your fingers through the plush texture, hoping to quell the dread and unease steadily rising with each passing moment that Akaashi didn’t enter through the front door. After what felt like forever, you finally heard his car coming into the driveway, the headlights peeking through the blinds. You closed your eyes and took in a deep breath. It did little to slow your racing heartbeat. You got up to greet him when the jingle of his keys echoed through the silent space that was ‘your home’, as he had put it the first time you entered into the building. Thats all it was to you now. A mix of brick and cement that no longer held the warmth that it once had, or perhaps it still did. Maybe that radiating glow just wasn’t for you anymore.

“Keiji..”

“Hello my love” he was quick, or you were just too slow. Either way, his arms had found their way around you, pulling you close into his body. You couldn’t deny that your own craved his, fitting just a little too well, like jigsaw puzzle pieces. At one point it was relieving. At one point it would have brought you immense comfort.

At one point it would have felt right.

However at this moment in time, it didn’t. Maybe for a split second, you could’ve deluded yourself into thinking he was only yours, and you were only his. That sense of peace was gone in an instant when you smelt the pungent perfume of her on him. It clung to him desperately, and would soon dissipate throughout the house. The sickly sweet floral smell invading whatever little nook and cranny it could. Pushing out the fresh air.

Pushing out you.

It just further pressed the need to end things with him. Neither of you were happy in your relationship now.

For your sake and for his, you needed to do this quickly.

You pulled away from him, hands on his chest. You had to force yourself to look at his face. It was time, you needed that bandaid off now. But when you searched his profile, you couldn’t see any other emotion but pure admiration.

Pure love.

Your breath hitched. Though it was when his hands made their way up to cup your cheeks that your body lost all rationality. Your heart now pumping quickly and loudly for a completely different reason. He slowly leaned in close and you instinctively closed your eyes. Soon enough, his lips were against yours. Soft you thought to yourself, but you could taste it. The underlying taste of something sweet. It was artificial, and definitely not Akaashi.

God it hurt. It hurt, unbelievably so.

His hands moved down and rested on your hips, fingers digging in ever so slightly. You both parted from each other, and this time, you decided to look into his eyes.

Gunmetal Blue.

It perfectly matched his beautiful face, and you knew you could get lost just staring into them. It honestly wasn’t fair how easily everything about him could just draw you in.

But you hated how he looked at you now. Like you held the stars in his sky. Like you were the most important person to him. It could almost make you sick, the gaze he had on you. How could he look at you like this? How could he touch you like that? How could he kiss you with such furore when he was just with somebody else, doing the exact same things that he was doing to you?

It just hurt. You never even got a chance to voice your thoughts on his infidelity, on the other woman, on anything. Because soon enough you found yourself led into the bedroom. Had he made love with that woman on the very bed you shared with him? There’s no way you could fool yourself into thinking that that space was sacred anymore. The sheets, the pillows, the mattress. All of it had been tainted. Much like everything else on this house. Contaminated with her touch when you were away and he had to stay home. Everywhere. Every surface, every room, hell every inch just had a lingering scent of her.

Disgusting. Filthy. Soiled.

All those thoughts were washed away when Akaashi pulled you into the bed. Clothes now discarded haphazardly on the floor, easily forgotten. He gently brushed stray hairs away from your face and just observed you for a moment. He watched you with a smile, and you could reminisce back on your high school days. How was it that Akaashi Keiji, the sweet, shy and most amazing guy was doing something so horrible behind your back? You couldn’t understand. He was such a gentleman, so respectful and kind. So how? How could he do it so easily.

He pulled you in, lips connecting once again. You knew it was wrong. To fall back into him would just lead you back into the spiral of pain and heartbreak. And yet, here you were, doing that exact thing.

Because when he looked at you in that regard, when he touched you in the way that set your body ablaze, when he kissed you with such emotion and love, you could pretend that, just for a short period of time, that it was all just for you and only you. You could forget about the other woman. Could forget about all the thoughts of all the things he’d do with her. Forget the marks that he left on her, the same way he did you.

You’d think of the consequences later, like you always did, because during these moments was when your heart didn’t ache so much, and you didn’t need to be left with your own intrusive thoughts. Here, like this, right now, you could just be two people together. Pretend that he did love you unconditionally.

Pretend that everything was okay.

You knew tomorrow you’d regret it. Wake up in his arms and sob about how much of a coward you were to walk away.

This will be the last time.

How many times had you repeated that phrase only to continue this toxic cycle? It wasn’t the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last. You hated Akaashi, but you hated yourself more, because you knew that you’d always lose yourself to him. Like a puppet master with the strings, you were pushed and pulled to his desire.

You now lay in bed, with the covers over you both, and his hand rubbing a soothing trail up and down your arm. You wondered if this would’ve been a good time to do it. To cut your loses and go.

But..

Akaashi scooted over towards you, his hand now finding its way behind your head. His own now angled to press a delicate kiss on your forehead. You shut your eyes, willing the tears to not show.

“I love you”

..you could never do it.

With a small, sad smile (hoping that the darkness of the night shielded the pain from him), you whispered the words that contradicted everything you had been feeling.

“I love you too”

It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence. You knew tomorrow you’d go through the same process. You knew you’d feel the same anger, frustration and ache. Knew that you’d put on one of his shirts or hoodies on for any sense of comfort. Knew that you’d cry and get lost in your thoughts. Knew that you’d swear that this was the last time this would ever happen.

And deep down, you knew that you’d never really do it, because you’d fall right back into loving Akaashi Keiji again, just like all those times before.

#haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #akaashi x reader #akaashi oneshot #akaashi x you #akaashi angst #haikyuu angst

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moonlit-imagines · 3 years

Text

Headcanons for being Hope van Dyne’s child

Hope van Dyne x child!reader

Scott Lang x stepkid!reader

warnings: insects (ants), sharp weapons

a/n:

prompt: anonymous: “Happy holidays darling! Would you write HC for Hope Van Dyne's child? Love the step-parents HC 🥰”

growing up as a lil smarty pants

grandpa hank was pretty proud, although he didn’t see you very much

once every few years

but he did tell you all these crazy stories about his adventures that you honestly thought were just fiction (until you were older)

“and i was as small as an ant, but i was still incredibly strong! remember that, kid. just because you aren’t as big as someone else doesn’t mean you can’t beat them” -hank

“y/n doesn’t need to be hearing those stories, hank” -hope

“why not? they have important life lessons in them!” -hank

“why does mommy call you ‘hank?’” -you

“because mommy hates grandpa, isn’t that right?” -hank

“okay, i think that’s enough of this visit. come on, y/n, time to go” -hope

your mom was very supportive of you, nonetheless

she wanted to be different from her dad

so she showed up to EVERYTHING

birthdays, sick days, tucking you in for bed, parent-teacher conferences, art shows, you name it

“here’s some tea, jellybelly. it’ll make your throat feel better” -hope

“mom, i think i’m dying” -you

“you’ll be fine” -hope, givin’ u a kiss on the forehead

life wasn’t like, extra crazy or anything. sometimes she’d bring you to work and honestly? darren cross didn’t seem like the worst guy. he even brought you whatever you might need if your mom was staying late at work

“hey, van dyne junior! i brought you a puzzle that might keep you busy for a while...and a happy meal from mcdonalds! let me know if you need anything else, me and your mom will just be in the lab for a little while” -darren

“thank you!!!” -you

uh huh, ur mom taught u manners!

anyways you started spending more time with your grandpa cuz they had a plan

thats when you found out that his “turning small” stories were not, in fact, bullshit

“wait grandpa...you actually did shrink as small as an ant?” -you

“why would i lie?” -hank

okay well cue you wanting to shrink down to ant size now it was your new aspiration

you did learn how to command ants tho!!!!!!

but unfortunately (or not so unfortunately) hank brought scott to the party

“hi!” -you, waking scott up

“what?!” -scott, jumping back against the headboard

“hi.” -you, staring at him “im y/n. these are my ants”

bullet ants were just crawlin around the place

“oh, that’s....that’s cool. any chance you could tell me where i am or how i got here” -scott

“wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy” -you, leaving abruptly

“are you bothering our guest?” -hope, watching you proudly nod “good job, jellybelly”

mom taught u how to punch 🥰🥰🥰

and let you use scott as a punching bag

but scott wasn’t like awful or anything he was just insufferable at times

“i think you’d like my daughter cassie. she’s weird and smart just like you” -scott

“did you just call me weird? mom, can i punch him again?” -you

“no no no! i meant weird in a good way! please dont hurt me anymore!” -scott

chasing him around the yard ready to ATTACK

hank had to tell u to cut it out

“dont tell them what to do” -hope

“someone has to” -hank

“excuse me? i parent y/n just fine, better than you ever did for me!” -hope

“do they do this often?” -scott

“every time they see each other but that’s not very much” -you

“hm...hey, do you like ice cream? specifically baskin robbins?” -scott

ur mom said “we do not associate with idiots ❤️” and then proceeded to associate with said idiots

scott did end up saving u from darren tho bc that mf tried to hold u hostage and scott was really not in the mood for that bullshit

“you alright, y/n?” -scott

“murder is okay, right?” -you

after that whole ordeal he and your mom were kinda a thing uh huh

and he introduced you to cassie!!! she was amazingly sweet and you could def see the family resemblance

“is this my new sibling?! i’ve always wanted one!” -cassie

“hey, me too!” -you

you hung out with her on a weekly basis, with or without scott

and mom and grandpa were working on a ✨special project✨

one you insisted on being apart of

“no, y/n, we can’t make you your own suit. you’re too young for this sort of thing” -hope

“pleaaaaase mom? i swear i’ll he responsible with it!” -you

“you’re mother is right, y/n. you’re just not ready yet. maybe someday, but not anytime soon” -hank

scott took you on family bowling trips yes he did

and just corny stepdad shit

but he went to germany and mom and him broke up and FF to two years later when you guys had finally reunited

“scott!! you asshole!!” -you, like this -> :)

“kiddo!! sorry to hear that!!” -scott, same energy

shading him the whole time

“ach mein gott” -you

“are you kidding me, y/n? i make one mistake. ONE” -scott

“you’re one mistake has caused me to live in MINIATURE HOMES” -you

“THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD THING” -scott

“WELL IT’S NOT” -you

“did you at least miss me?” -scott

“sicher habe ich” -you

“god dammit” -scott

surprise!! u kind of had a suit (for emergencies)

as a van dyne/pym, it was almost a necessity to know how to use pym particles

scott acted like a proud dad

“wow, you’re really doing it!!!” -scott

“halt die klappe” -you

“please stop” -scott, tearing up

finding out about ✨grandma✨

she possessed scott and touched ur face and told you that she was so excited to meet you but you didn’t know wtf was going on and you had the urge to smack scott but THANKFULLY you did not

“i have to meet her for real! let me help you guys!” -you

“okay” -hope

“what? really?” -you

“it’s about time we put your genius to good use” -hope

scott offered you a high five for that and u literally accepted it

“don’t get too happy, that was just an in-the-moment thing” -you, watching scott’s eyebrow raise “fine. you can have a hug”

okay okay well everything went okay and then half the world ~vanished~ including ur whole family but like cassie and her family took you in and you spent five years very alone and upset until one day cassie called you downstairs and whoopdedoo???? scott???????

“is my mom with you?” -you

“sorry, sport, she’s not...do you have your suit with you? we need to go on some...hero business” -scott

you missed scott a lot over the past 5 years, this really did cheer you up, even if it was just him

“how’ve you been holding up the past few years” -scott

“the world sucks, man” -you

“i can see that” -scott

he turned on some tunes for the two of you to enjoy otw to the avengers hq and it was probably the best memory you created since everyone disappeared

“wait, reach into the glove box” -scott

“oh, god, i hope there’s no rodents in here...” -you, reaching for a picture “is this..?”

“family photo!! you were little back then, i can’t believe how time flies. i mean, it flew really quick for me, the quantum realm is no joke” -scott

you were busy staring at the picture of your mom, you really missed her

busy ~saving the world~

and going to 2012 with scott

“hey uh just so you know, i might be able to make pym particles” -you

“��might?’ and if we use faulty pym particles we ‘might’ die. would you like that?” -tony

“hey, back off, stark. they’re just trying to help” -scott

next thing u know ur in present day and THEN u actually got to hold the scepter bc scott let u

“im gonna stab you!!” -you

“no!!!” -scott

the other avengers, literally mourning natasha while you chase him around with a sharp weapon: 😧

okay after the place was destroyed u got to face mr. purple man and yo mama showed back up and saw you on the front lines

“y/n????” -hope

“mom????” -you

“scott!!!!” -scott

“really, scott? a shrek reference? now?” -you “...nice”

the reunion with your mom was short and sweet but you missed her forehead kisses and she gave you one immediately!!!! and she was crying but you were too bc damn

“listen, after this, we’re gonna have such a fun family night. i’m so sorry i couldn’t be there for you all this time” -hope

“mom, it wasn’t your fault...it was that purple bastard, let’s get him!” -you

“they grow up so fast...” -hope

i n s e c t f a m

insect fam killed it out there and then ✨attended tony’s funeral✨ together right after

that’s one solid family 😌💖

anyways time to celebrate a (halfway) return to normalcy

with your *sister* cassie and your mom and your...scott

you were just happy to all be together again, it’s been WAY too long

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedficrecs // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisqueer // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @thisetaernallove // @ofthedewthesunlight // @canarypoint // @zoeyserpentluck // @randomawesomeperson102 // @spideyandtheboys // @ghost-bich // @wonderful-writer // @of-a-chaotic-mind // @groovyfluxie // @procrastinatingsapphictrash // @lxncelot //

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shihalyfie · 3 years

Text

The differences between Takato and Haru

(This meta was requested by @digitalgate02, who also assisted me with a large portion of it. Thank you for your help!)

Takato and Haru often beg a lot of comparisons because of the fact they go so against the usual “brash hero” archetype common to not only Digimon but also shounen franchises in general, being significantly more mild-mannered (on a language level, they’re also the only Digimon protagonists to date who use the more polite boku first-person pronoun instead of the more assertive ore). Haru himself even points out in Appmon’s very first episode that this kind of personality would normally be more suited towards a side character than a protagonist!

Because of that, Haru is often considered to be a spiritual rehashing of Takato, and many have tried to make close parallels between the two, but while the desire to make comparison is naturally understandable, the truth is that beyond surface temperament, the two characters actually have very little in common. In fact, both Tamers and Appmon take rather different approaches to their definitions of a “conventional hero”, and that results in both Takato and Haru having very different roles in the plot.

In many cases, the role of a protagonist in a narrative has a deep relationship with what kind of narrative it is in the first place, and especially what kinds of themes it wants to present. For instance, in the case of 02, you could argue that the story is more “about” Ken than it is about Daisuke, since both major arcs in the story are about his fall and reformation, but when you consider the major themes present in 02′s narrative about purpose in life and pragmatism, Daisuke’s way of life and overall attitude are vital elements in relation to them, and it’s why he ends up being the “protagonist” (or, more accurately, the character at the forefront of the story) despite Ken’s heavier connection to it.

Tamers and Appmon have a number of similarities in storytelling, mainly that they’re both “hard sci-fi” stories in comparison to other entries that have stronger fantasy elements, and do have a certain amount of crossover in terms of dealing with AI-related topics. However, the actual “nature” of each work ultimately turns out to be different, and thus impacts how each of their protagonists is presented.

I heavily dislike calling Tamers a “deconstruction” of the monster collecting genre or of Digimon Adventure, mainly because of how much that term has been exploited to stereotype works in a genre as being things they’re not, or less nuanced than they actually are (as one Twitter user aptly put it: “a deconstruction is when I like something in a genre I disrespect”). I absolutely do not care for the idea of claiming that Adventure or 02 were somehow less nuanced or “deep” than Tamers just because they were more idealistic or more subtle about it, because they sure as hell had a lot of deeper things hidden between the lines if you bother to look out for them, and I also don’t like the implication that Tamers exists to criticize Adventure for supposedly being too naive. It is true, however, that Tamers re-examines a lot of Adventure (and 02)’s concepts in a different context; while Tamers isn’t as strong of a theme narrative, and it’s much more difficult to say there's an overarching message that encompass most or all of the series as much, it does indulge in a lot of thought experiments and smaller subplots that wouldn’t be possible in Adventure, and Takato thus has an important position in facilitating those kinds of thought experiments. The overall franchise metaphors of “growing” (evolving) alongside your Digimon (or, at least, something different from you) and the symbolism associated with it are still more than present, so the Tamers way of showcasing it is in mainly presenting the question of how that kind of goal would even be achievable in the first place when things aren’t as clear-cut.

In particular, Takato serves to address how someone who doesn’t fulfill the typical protagonist mold would cope with situations that somewhat resemble those in Adventure, what would happen when a Digimon partner is fundamentally different from oneself, and how one would still be able to grow alongside such an existence. Thus, his own character arc is more relevant to his own personal growth in accordance with interacting with Guilmon and what he gets out of his journey. This is especially because one thing particularly unique to Tamers is how it portrays Digimon as significantly more feral and different in mentality to humans, which means that he had a much higher personal hurdle to begin with, and thus his personal story and what he gets out of it becomes of significantly more importance.

Appmon, on the other hand, very much is an overarching theme narrative and isn’t exactly subtle about it, with one of its biggest questions being about what’s important in a world that’s getting increasingly controlled and regulated by modern technology that’s getting more and more intelligent. Haru is thus the embodiment of Appmon’s answer to that question: “to choose to be kind” -- and the less-than-subtle invocation of the word “protagonist” ends up having a very different meaning invoked in its final episode.

At the very least, on top of both being rather unconventional protagonists, both Tamers and Appmon do start with Takato and Haru both expressing a desire to be more like one who could go on some kind of adventure (Takato’s version isn’t as verbal, but his way of enthusiastically putting on goggles as proof that he’s a Tamer in Tamers episode 2 carries heavy implications of wanting to emulate the heroes he saw on TV).

However, this is where we get our first difference: Takato proudly claims his newfound status as the series protagonist, whereas Haru is unsure and self-conscious about it -- Haru himself is the one who initially considers himself not cut out for the role despite Yuujin personally believing he does and Gatchmon trying to urge him into it. And, in fact, this is actually the difference that kicks off where their paths entirely diverge.

Takato is often said to be unconventional for a protagonist, but when you really think about it, it’s not like Taichi or Daisuke were exactly models of typical protagonist tropes; while you could call them “hot-blooded”, in the end, Taichi’s standout traits have more to do with natural charisma and sometimes even being too chill, and Daisuke, for all he seems assertive, is actually extremely deferential. So why is Takato still such a standout in comparison?

Well, when you look at the detailed profiles of all twelve of the main Adventure and 02 cast, you might notice something: all of them are naturally selfless people who put others before themselves without a second thought. On the other hand, when you look at Takato, you might realize that this is very much not the case, especially during the early parts of the series. As much as Takato is a “soft” person, he’s not necessarily very “kind” or “nice”, especially during the early parts of the series; he can get possessive or clingy, petty, or even a little arrogant (Tamers episode 11 basically has him go on a mini-power trip based on his card combo having worked so well in the prior episode, which ends up becoming part of his isolation from Hirokazu and Kenta in the following one). Moreover, Takato loses his emotional composure and becomes a crying mess as early as Tamers episode 2, and while it’s not like other characters in Adventure and 02 hadn’t been prone to emotional outbursts, combine it with the above facts and you get the take-home that Takato isn’t “soft” out of an active choice to be so as much as he’s just really, really lacking in emotional mettle to begin with.

To be fair to him, Takato has to deal with quite a bit more stress during the early parts of Tamers than Haru has to during the equivalent parts; having to deal with a Digimon partner that’s outright feral at times and doesn’t have a fully intelligent understanding of how to communicate is a pretty rough thing to start off with. That said, Takato is fairly cowardly even in situations that don’t necessarily have to do with this, it’s just that this makes it worse -- but it means a lot that Takato himself is willing to put in that much effort in bonding with Guilmon despite being initially intimidated by what he’d just created, and that perhaps is what’s the beginnings of how he continues to develop that strength of heart for the rest of the series (and also extends to how he’s the one who connects with Grani).

This is in contrast to how Haru is described by Yuujin at the end of Appmon episode 1, in which Yuujin states that Haru is already cut out to be a protagonist because he’s a kind person -- in other words, Takato is someone who is not cut out to be a protagonist of any kind of adventure at the start of Tamers, even though he thinks he now gets the luxury of being one due to the circumstances he’s thrust into, whereas Haru is already someone with the potential to be one even at the start of the series, but initially lacks the self-confidence to consider himself able to be so. Thus, Takato’s character arc involves having to actually grow into someone worthy of the position, whereas Haru’s involves coming to terms with the aspects of himself he already has but doesn’t quite understand yet.

One very important thing to reiterate is that “unconventional” does not necessarily mean “better” by default, and, on the flip side, just because Takato isn’t as virtuous of a person at the beginning doesn’t mean he’s a worse character (after all, these kinds of things are what makes one interesting). Rather, it’s more important to consider why these characters are this way based on the context of the narratives they’re in.

In the case of the Adventure/02 kids, getting twelve naturally kind kids wasn’t exactly accident, nor was Haru and the other Appli Drivers also being that way; said kids have a bit of selection bias in that they were deliberately chosen by various entities (”the one who wishes for stability” and the Agents, the Holy Beasts, or Minerva) knowing that a massive world- or humanity-threatening crisis was on the horizon and quite understandably picking kids who had the greatest potential for the kindness that shouldering the world’s burdens would take (in Adventure and 02 this manifested in having the kids resonate with Crests and Digimentals that represented virtues, and in Appmon this involved Minerva actively testing them). After all, it’s only natural that anyone with the chance to recruit people to help with a monumental task would ideally go out of their way to pick people who seem best suited for the job, whether it’s something as grand as fantasy chosen hero picking or something as simple as job recruitment. But at the beginning of Tamers, none of the involved parties were really aware of any kind of grand, looming threats on the horizon, and whatever the DigiGnomes were thinking (or not thinking) when giving Takato his D-Ark is arcane to us all, and so Takato ended up becoming a Tamer by functional accident, resulting him starting off very poorly equipped for the job and having to learn how to do it on the fly.

This also means that the “motives” Takato and Haru have for taking action at the beginning of the series are accordingly different. Because any concept of “stakes” was not immediately apparent at the start of Tamers, Takato’s motivations for being a Tamer are more self-centered and selfish than Haru’s are for being an Appli Driver at the start of their respective series.

Takato’s motives at the beginning of Tamers really just revolve around “I want to be able to play with Guilmon more and not lose him,” and there’s no indication at said beginning that he’s really prepared for or even understands the part about having to protect others from harm. That doesn’t mean that Takato’s a selfish person to the extent of not caring about others at all -- in fact, by the time of Tamers episode 15, he demonstrates an understanding that they’re not playing a “game” anymore when things get difficult (and even puts his foot down in front of the other kids for it, a huge improvement from his rather cowardly outlook at the beginning of the series), so the issue largely had to do with the fact that the early parts of Tamers didn’t immediately make such high stakes clear, and Takato himself was thus in a situation of not worrying about others because that necessity wasn’t there yet. But even in the same episode, Takato still has a clear motive of wanting to show off his cool Digimon partner to the others and bask in his “status” as a Tamer, and it’s still a huge contrast to Haru who was initially too humble to accept his role as part of such a larger narrative until his desire to “protect everyone” won out. It’s a big deal that Haru understood the stakes that would be involved in the fight against Leviathan from day one, and actively chose to opt in because of his selflessness.

Another major reason for this difference is that Haru has a certain character trait explicitly ascribed to him that isn’t with Takato: Haru enjoys reading books and is actually rather book-smart and intellectual. On a certain technicality, Takato being characterized as not particularly skilled in that department actually brings him a little closer to the conventional shounen protagonist archetype than it does a “bookish” character like Haru, because such a character is often considered too nerdy for the protagonist position -- but in Haru’s case, the fact he’s actively thoughtful and ruminates on things means that he spends a lot of time thinking about “what’s the right thing to do” in a given situation.

For all it’s worth, I really hope that the above won’t be taken as an implication that Takato is a fundamentally bad person for having more selfish immediate priorities than Haru or the Adventure/02 kids do; having to carry the weight of such a large thing is a huge thing to ask of someone, especially when we’re talking about someone who kind of got thrown into this whole mess and has been spending the entirety of this series trying to figure it all out without a lot of reliable sources of help. On top of that, it should also be noted that Takato is ten; if there’s anything that can be said to be not entirely true-to-life with the Adventure and 02 cast personalities, it’s that a lot of the emotional awareness and levelheadedness they exhibit usually come from people much older than 8-12 (it’s one of the “acceptable breaks from reality” employed in kids’ shows that kid protagonists are often a tad bit more mature than actual kids would be at that age, otherwise a lot of said kids’ show plots wouldn’t function), and real ten-year-olds in Takato’s situation would often have more difficulty knowing what to do with such great burdens at this age. It’s actually fairly significant that Haru is 13 and from a group composed mainly of middle schoolers, in contrast to the older series having elementary school kids (the youngest Appli Driver, Astra, is actually the same age as a classic Digimon series protagonist), and thus it’s probably not surprising that they’re more willing and able to deal with such huge issues much earlier on.

Thus, although Takato’s character arc does involve him slowly growing into the role of becoming less shallow and selfish, and becoming more truly assertive while he’s at it, this fundamental difference in their natures ends up continuing to have a major influence by the time of the later parts of the series. The difference can be most starkly illustrated in Tamers episode 35 versus Appmon episode 41 -- in which Takato, upon seeing Beelzebumon kill Leomon, is utterly consumed by his emotions and decides that the best course of action to take would be killing Beelzebumon in revenge, even though this won’t bring Leomon back or accomplish anything productive (and, indeed, it does make things worse in the form of driving his own partner over the edge and traumatizing Juri further). (Adventure had already warned that prioritizing “revenge” over “protecting others” is foolhardy and tends to cause a lot of really nasty problems.)

In contrast, one thing you might notice about Haru is that he never “denies anyone’s feelings”, even when confronting someone like Knight. You could argue that Haru wasn’t necessarily dealing with direct trauma in front of him, but recall that Knight had caused tons of grief and misery for many (something Haru takes serious offense at) and had, along with Charismon, gotten very close to permakilling all of the Buddy Appmon at one point back in Appmon episode 37 -- so it’s not like Haru doesn’t have reason to have grudge against Knight, even if the severity isn’t as immediate. Note that Haru doesn’t “both-sides” this issue; he still insists on making his own case, it’s just that he still doesn’t have it in him to not acknowledge that Knight has a good reason for making the case he does given his background, consider his words to an extent, and fight against the idea of having Knight be killed for no good reason. Haru has a very strong belief in “thinking with one’s heart” and “respecting feelings” that he'd exhibited through the entire series (for example, very prominently in Appmon episode 12 with Rei), and because of that he has a ton of emotional control over himself even taking some very harsh things. It’s clear that Haru does have very deep understanding of what he’s dealing with -- and chooses to be idealistic and kind anyway.

(In addition, because Haru is so naturally inclined to be selfless, the one time he really does hit an emotional low in Appmon episode 49, it’s not anger or lashing out at anyone, but rather sadness and despair. Haru just really does not have the fundamental capacity to be aggressive.)

As said before, Takato’s character arc is very much a personal story of how he grew into the role of a Tamer, via learning to fight for what’s important and have a strong heart for it. As a result, his motives for fighting end up still having a much more personal streak to it than anything -- at the time of Tamers episode 49, technically speaking, the Wild Bunch was still being counted on to work on the D-Reaper problem, and his own family was urging him to stay home for now, but what tipped him over the edge was not some desire to protect people as a whole but rather the fact that Juri was calling for him. It’s not to say that such a thing is selfish -- he’s clearly doing it for her sake, not anything to do with his own -- but nevertheless his involvement was directly related to something that hit a little more personally moreso than it was for the sake of the wider picture.

As said before, this is fitting for someone whose story is really more of a personal character arc before anything else; the significance is more in line with the sheer amount of emotional growth Takato had to go through in order to get to this point at all, and how someone normally so divorced from the concept of heroism could come to do something so meaningful, especially thanks to his interactions with Guilmon and growing alongside him. There’s absolutely no doubt that Takato wouldn’t have been able to do this kind of thing at the beginning of the series, so it’s a huge accomplishment that shouldn’t be watered down. It also makes him a very good foil to the D-Reaper, an emotionless program that’s still fixated on rehashing the same destructive purpose it was originally created for years ago and has long lost its purpose, and while Takato isn’t technically the sole factor in putting it to rest (at most, the most valuable asset as part of the Wild Bunch’s plan), the contrast is quite apparent.

On the flip side, Appmon episode 54 not only involves the exact opposite -- in which Haru sacrifices something closely personal to him for the sake of everything else -- but also ties it very closely to its own series themes, which are assertively laid down in all of their glory during this finale. The reason Haru had been “chosen” by Minerva to begin with, and the reason he himself had been given an opt-in “choice” at the beginning of the series and again in Appmon episode 38, and so many other characters had been given “choices”, is that this story is about choices -- because Leviathan (and Knight, and any kind of “AI should manage everything” argument that this series fights hard against) believes that humans shouldn’t be allowed them, and that everything ought to fall in accordance with a “rational” system. Haru, on the other hand, believes in the human heart that can do unexpected things, and his constant choices to do things out of kindness despite understanding what they entail.

Over the course of the series, Haru hadn’t always been putting himself in a spotlight situation -- in fact, many episodes had involved him saying “we’ll support you!” and generally uplifting others before he’d ever tried to take charge. But in the end, the reason he ends up as the “protagonist” who makes the final choice for everyone’s sake is because he’s the one who understands that gravity of “making a choice with one’s feelings” that’s so vital to changing Leviathan’s mind -- plus, the fact he’d been so supportive and kind to everyone means that everyone else shows up for him when he needs it most. Note that when Astra and Eri are upset at Yuujin in Appmon episodes 48 and 51, it’s not so much out of the overall betrayal as much as the fact he specifically betrayed and hurt Haru, because that’s how much they’ve come to care for him in return.

Hence, why Appmon latently ends on a frame of redefining the concept of “protagonist” -- certainly, on a meta level, Haru became the “protagonist” of the narrative that is Appmon, but what it actually means in terms of what Haru became is that everyone, including the members of the audience watching this series, is “the protagonist of their own life”, meaning that being a “protagonist” is defined merely by said act of “making choices” and defining what your own path will be. And especially in a world where singularity is going to become more and more of a real possibility -- as the show indirectly reminds us, AI surpassing human intellect is something that’s been predicted and warned about in this very world we, the viewers, live in -- understanding this is going to become even more important.

Incidentally, in the end, as much as it might be tempting to try and draw parallels with Takato because both of them are in the franchise-mandated position of “protagonist”, removing that requirement actually brings up a character that might make a much closer parallel -- “making choices that are out of kindness” easily directly invokes a certain other character from 02 who had “kindness” as a huge part of his character arc, doesn’t it...?

Really, if you think about it, Haru has a lot in common with Ken, who’s also thoughtful, intellectual, very in touch with his own feelings, assertive, resilient, strong in heart, and kind out of choice even when he doesn’t have to be -- you could basically say Haru is what Ken would be like if he hadn’t gone through such a massive formative event of trauma early in his life, or, alternatively, Ken if he had a bit more of Daisuke’s more outwardly bright, friendly, and supportive traits. It may not be a comparison you’d be easily tempted to make because, as stated above, as much as Ken had a deep connection with 02′s plot, he’s not portrayed as the protagonist of his own narrative...and, hence, Haru is unusual in that the exact archetype that was formerly placed in the role of the series deuteragonist has now been recast in the role of the protagonist itself. But then again, from Haru’s perspective, it’s not like Ken wasn’t technically the driving force of his own story, right?

(I’m not just drawing this comparison because I usually blog for 02. I promise.)

#digimon #digimon tamers #appmon #matsuda takato #shinkai haru #takato matsuda #haru shinkai #shihameta

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