A Homemakers Intro
My name is Jess and I live in a filthy home. For now.
I am a newbie homemaker, and thought that having a blog of some sort to share my experience and hopefully inspire others who live like me to do better.
And keep me on the right track, of course.
I am a mother of a 10 month old son, and am 5 months pregnant. Before I had my child, I lived in a filthy home. I admit that I am lazy, I absolutely hate cleaning, especially the dishes. I mean all that yucky left over food and mushiness?
No thank you!
However, guilt and embarrassment is forcing me to do something about it.
My baby daddy works a long and physical job. He comes home exhausted and in pain and I feel so guilty because he comes home to a dirty and stinky home with no food made for him. On his days off, I feel even worse when he's the one cleaning. Sometimes we even order out because our kitchen is so dirty that we can't do anything inside it.
It's gotten so bad that he has said that I have stopped caring. And I didn't want to admit it to myself but I had. With postpartum depression and little to no contact with other people (I am very antisocial and it is no fault but my own) it has taken a toll. I've stopped taking care of myself.
As in I would not shower for a week or two, stopped putting on makeup so my self esteem shot way down.
I was and probably still am in a very bad place of mind.
I hated when people came over because my home stunk of spoiled food and dogs. I hated that people saw how I and my family lived.
So with these feelings, I started searching for help on the internet. I found out about homemaking, and cleaning routines, and bullet journals on how to track life. All of these are helping me to be and do better.
The things I found that kept me from improving myself and my surroundings are laziness, lack of self discipline, and worst of all, my phone.
I am ashamed to be addicted to my phone. I use it 24/7. I am always reading, using social media and playing games. I am so addicted to it that I subconsciously bring it with me everywhere. Need to go to the bathroom? I bring it with me. Want to take a bath? I use it there too. I am never without it.
It's bad.
But I've found ways to avoid or help these things.
Why am I so lazy? I lack energy. I am too tired to do anything. It's not because of a lack of sleep. I get a full 8+ hours of sleep everyday, what with napping with my son and all. So how can I increase my energy?
I've taken to coffee. Now, I know most if not all people are like, duh! And I felt that way too.
I used to hate coffee. I hated the taste, it always made me go to the bathroom. And I would only drink starbucks but that is mostly sugar and little coffee. So I avoided coffee like it was a plaque. It was just a no for me. But if I really wanted to make a change, then I was going to have to change that.
So I tried it out. I made a pot of coffee and figured out how much milk and sugar I needed for it to appeal to me, and the energy it gave me made a huge difference that I was shocked.
I didn't want to sit around and read all day. I wanted to move.
So that is what I did. I got up and picked up trash. I did a load of dishes. I vacuumed my carpet. And then I was like what the heck is this magicness???
But after a day of doing that, I would go back to my old routine of doing absolutely nothing because I had felt so accomplished for doing that, that I felt like I deserved a day off.
If you are face palming, good because I am too. This was how my thinking worked, I don't do anything so doing this one day is great. And while that is true, I took advantage of it.
I shouldn't have, because that gave me an excuse to do nothing once more when I'm trying to break out of that habit.
So I took to podcasts and pinterest to help motivate me. But after hearing a certain podcast by a woman, I learned that motivation isn't something I want to lean on.
Because all Motivation is, is being in the right mood to do something. And what if I'm not in the mood to clean when I need to?
I won't do it.
Self discipline however, is doing what you need to do even when you don't want to.
But I won't discard motivation completely. I'll use it to my advantage.
What motivates me to do these things? At first I would say watching other people clean. And seeing how nice their homes are. Because I want my home to be clean too.
I would say finding things on pinterest about homemaking and cleaning. But those are all external forces and will only get me so far.
I need some internal forces to motivate me. To give me purpose.
So I look towards my baby daddy. I think about how hard he works, how tired he is when he gets home. And I think wouldn't it be nice for him to come home and not worry about the state of it? Wouldn't it be nice for him to not have to worry about cleaning?
And then I look at my baby boy. Wouldn't it be nice for him to crawl around the floor because it's actually been vacuumed and washed? Wouldn't it be nice for him to sit in his walker because the cloth is washed and not dirty anymore?
And most importantly I think of myself. Wouldn't it be nice to try? To boost my confidence once more by taking an hour to wake up early to put makeup on? To take care of my hygiene and dress up a little? Wouldn't it be nice to take the strain off of my boyfriend's shoulders? Wouldn't it be great to have less tension in our relationship because he would think that I do care?
So even when I don't feel motivated to do what I'm supposed to, I look and think of my internal muses, and I force myself to do it.
Simply because I need to, and I need to for them and for myself.
However, doing all this feels like work. And everyone hates work. It doesn't make me want to do it. So, I would feel miserable while doing it and I don't want to feel like that. So I use bullet journaling, and dressing up, and music to help make it more fun.
With bullet journaling, I can organise and create routines. I can track my progress and either reward myself or give myself consequences. So I created a cleaning routine for Daily chores, weekly chores, and monthly chores.
For example, daily I need to: Load and unload the dishwasher, take out the trash and vacuum my floor.
Dressing up will make me feel better about myself. And when I feel good about myself, I'll want to do more to make me feel like this. And having a clean home will make me feel like I have a purpose of keeping it clean. And not just do nothing with my life.
And who doesn't love music? You can sing along as you clean, and even dance.
When I first started, I felt overwhelmed because it seemed like a lot. How am I supposed to care for myself, my family, my pets, keep my house clean, cook, and have time for myself without feeling exhausted?? I was so overwhelmed that I kept giving up.
Seeing all these moms not only caring for their home but working full time jobs, all I kept thinking is HOW? How are they doing this??
One is coffee. Duh. You need energy to do it all. Two, is to not overextend yourself and do everything too fast. Then you'll burn out and have to start over because you gave up. Three, is one day at a time. Take it slow. Create projects and go through them one by one until it's all done.
Yes it is all overwhelming, but if you take it slow with one thing at a time, you'll see the results you're aiming for, and will feel great about it!
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