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gyutopia · 3 months

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dried flowers | park jongseong

ꕤ DESCRIPTION: it’s always been jay, even all those years ago when you were fresh out of a relationship with your first love hueningkai. it was jay who was always there, the man who helped you find yourself again and showed you your worth, the man you could clearly picture a future with, the father of your twins. so why are you now having doubts about your marriage? it’s always been jay...hasn’t it?

ꕤ GENRE: fluff, nsfw, angst….

ꕤ WORD COUNT: 13.3k

⟶ WARNINGS: mean dom!jay, sub!reader, oral (f receiving), p in v intercourse, no protection, degradation, possessiveness, jealousy,, jay gets his heart broken, the park family is in shambles, mentions of cheating, slut shaming, knets hate u lol, mentions of depression and therapy.

❥ 𝑎/n: she’s been in the drafts for a while, decided to post while i work on my jake fic!

12:39am

There was a time in your life when you felt free and the world was full of possibilities...and him, especially him. You love your husband, you always have and you always will but a part of you can’t help but wonder if your life would be different had you given your first love a second chance. The circumstances surrounding your relationship with Hueningkai were far from ideal, an overly busy boyfriend who could never seem to make time for you and a short stay for your study abroad program. The odds really were never in your favor.

It also didn’t help that the two of you had completely different ideals and aspirations. You wanted to settle down at some point and have kids, you wanted the big wedding and the house at the end of the cul de sac but Kai wanted you and his music, nothing more. He didn’t believe in marriage, claiming he didn’t need a piece of paper to show you just how much he loved you.

He also wasn’t big on kids, coming from a somewhat big family himself and seeing how his parents marriage didn’t last and the pain he and his sisters endured when the divorce was finalized, he came to the conclusion he wouldn’t ever want to put someone he loves through that and swore off kids for good. His focus was his music career before anything else and he expected you to simply adjust to his hectic life and be content with being kept in the shadows. Your relationship really took a turn for the worst when he brought you to a party his label mates were throwing, everything went to shit that night.

The party resulted in a broken relationship, bloody nose and bruised knuckles and you pulling out of the SNU study abroad program the following week and returning back home to the states.

You don't even know what you’re doing thinking about Kai, it’s been years and you’re content with the life you lead now. You’re married to an amazing man who shows you each and every day just how much he loves you and the children you have together. Jay has never given you any reason to not trust him or even doubt him. So why are you now?

Jay is the kind of guy who actually enjoys dinners with your mess of a family, he stands on the train no matter how many seats are empty and somehow manages to be the most handsome yet humble man in any room. He’s your all time favorite person and you want to live a hundred years and die at the exact same moment so your souls can find each other on the other side as soon as possible and fall in love all over again.

So maybe you don’t regret picking Jay, you’re glad you did. Really, but you just can’t help but think: what if it had been Kai?

Would you be as happy as you are now? Would you have kids? Would you still be his dirty little secret or would he have told the press about you eventually?

You sigh in frustration and rub at your forehead. “It’s too early for this,” you mumble to yourself before standing from your bed and exiting the room.

You slide on your bedroom slippers and slip out of the master bedroom to head downstairs. You stop by the twins room and open the door just a bit to make sure they’re still sleeping. You smile softly when you find them passed out in their respective beds.

You shut the door and continue to pad down the hall and stairs into your kitchen to grab a mug and tequila. You pour yourself a cup and head into the backyard to sit on the hammock chair Jay had set up a month prior to you giving birth to the twins.

You place the tequila bottle by your feet and cradle your mug to your chest as you overlook your backyard. It’s a mess, there are toys scattered about and the play set Jay had installed with the help of his members sits proud and tall right smack dab in the middle of the mess.

You lean your head against the wood of the hammock and pull your phone out of the pocket of your robe. You can feel your eyes water as you scroll through your contact list searching for one specific person. Yujin.

The phone rings for a few seconds before she picks up.

“Hello?”

You let out a shaky laugh, “oh. Hi, you’re still up?”

She laughs. “Do you know who you’re talking to? My sleep schedule doesn’t exist. But I will say I’m surprised that you haven’t passed out yet. You know, being the mother of one year old twins can be very tiring.” You hear some commotion in the background before you hear the gentle shut of a door. “Why are you still up?”

You bite down on your bottom lip and play with the rim on your mug. “I can’t sleep.”

She hums, “hey, has Jay ever choked you? Because if he hasn’t he really should.”

You let out a scandalized gasp, “oh my gosh! You were with heeseung weren't you?”

She giggles and sighs into the phone, “he might have spent the night.”

You kick your feet and allow the hammock to swing, “oh wow. Was it that good?”

She hums eagerly, “yes it was. Maybe we should get married? Then he could do it for the rest of our lives.”

You nearly choke on the sip of tequila at her words. “I love that it takes asphyxiation to get you to settle down.”

She laughs as well, “please, you’re acting as if you didn’t marry Jay because of his, your words not mine, ‘monster cock’,”

You shrug your robe off and place the mug down, finally getting comfortable. “I don’t recall.”

She snorts, “of course you don’t. But moving on, are you going to tell me what’s really going on?”

You clear your throat and stare off into the distance. “I’ve been doing some...thinking..?”

You trail off as you try and think of how to phrase your next sentence. “A lot of thinking actually. About...him.”

Yujin hums in amusement, “ouu, who?”

You sigh and place your head in your hands. “Come on Yujin, you know who.”

Silence follows after your statement and you hang your head in shame.

“Are you kidding me?” Yujin takes a seat at her dining table and reprimands you. “Do not fuck up your gorgeous family.”

You shake your head adamantly, “I’m not.”

“You better not! Jay is such a good guy, _____!”

You sigh, “I know that!”

Yujin scoffs, “then appreciate it for a second, how lucky you are to have found him. Do you know how many millions of women would kill for what you have with him?”

“Look, I know that. B-but I just can’t stop thinking about how different things used to be!”

Yujin lets out a confused hum, “with Kai?”

“No...with me. I was different...I- I don’t know what happened.”

Yujin sighs, “you said yes, moved to the suburbs and had kids. This is what you wanted, _____. It was your choice.”

You groan in frustration. “I know that, Yujin! But I just, I-I need to feel it again!”

“Feel what?”

“Some small piece of that interconnected love rush you know? It was just-- it was such a high!”

“_____...I get it, Kai was out of this world for you but that kind of love is a fickle bitch. It hurts, it betrays and is ultimately unsustainable but what you have with Jay will go the distance. He really is the one for you.”

You close your eyes and lean back in the hammock. “I know.” You softly say, “I know it with everything in me.”

Yujin nods, forgetting that you can’t see her. “So what are you gonna do?”

You open your eyes when you hear Jay’s car pull up in the driveway. “I don’t know.” You properly sit up and collect your mug and tequila off the floor, “I have to go. Jay’s home.”

You don’t give her a chance to respond before hanging up and entering the kitchen through the back just as Jay walks in through the foyer. You dump the remaining liquor and place the bottle back in your drink cabinet.

“Hi, my love.” You feel Jay wrap his arms around your waist from behind and place a kiss on your collarbone. “Why are you still up?”

You finish washing up the mug and place it on the drying rack. “My mind won’t shut off.” you turn in his arms and wrap your own around his waist. He smiles at you and leans down to place his lips on yours for a quick peck but you pull him back in for a longer more meaningful kiss.

Loosely, his hand moves to grip your neck, as you lift your chin higher - so you can press your lips harder into his - while your hands fist into his shirt. His free hand drops to wind around your waist, and in one swift movement, he pulls your body flush against his. Gasping at the motion, Jay uses the opportunity to slip his tongue between your teeth, your lips parting further in response. Indolently, his soft appendage swipes across yours, curling around your tongue and gently massaging it.

Electrified by his kiss, you moan into his mouth, your chin lifting higher as you press your lips harder against his. Mouths moving in tandem, you lose yourself into the intoxicating feel of his lips against yours. The soft petals of his mouth are soft, and as pillowy as you remember; albeit a little chapped, but you don’t mind so much. No - because the slight abrasion only adds to the feel of your kiss.

When you feel his tongue flick against yours, your hands uncurl from his shirt - only to wind up his chest, along his throat, towards the nape of his neck. Further and further, you sink into Jay: his body pressed flat against yours, his saccharine taste coating your tastebuds, and his warm breath wafting over your face. You can’t help but find yourself drowning into him - his entire presence encasing your senses as you lose yourself deep into his entire being.

Both of you lose track of time, your tongues gliding and sliding against each other, both of you consumed wholly by the other. Lost in your own selves, you feel nothing but each other - want to feel nothing but each other - and soon, the rest of the world fades into the background. There’s a soft ache in your lungs - your chest aching from the lack of oxygen, but you don’t care. No - right now, breathing is the last thing on your mind. In fact, the only thing you can think of is Jay, and the intoxicating sensation of his tongue against yours.

Nonetheless, eventually, your lungs begin to burn - the lack of oxygen searing through your chest. When the sweltering ache grows too much to be ignored, the two of you pull away - breathing harshly against each other. Your eyes stay closed as you gasp for air, both your breaths mingling together and circulating the air. Your lips are slightly swollen, and as you flick out your tongue to soothe them, you can’t help but whimper at the aftertaste of his essence on your mouth: the flavor only deepened by his breath fanning your face.

With your eyes closed, you still feel him linger around you - his calming presence washing over you and soothing your earlier hurt. Swallowing thickly, the two of you gradually open your eyes - coming face to face with each other. You’re still only a hair's breadth away, his mouth ghosting against yours in tender brushes. Gaze meeting his, you search his eyes for something - anything - even just an inkling of the emotions you feel for him. And as usual, Jay doesn’t disappoint.

He smiles gently at you, the soft tip of his nose brushing yours as he repetitively presses affectionate kisses to your lips. “Not that I’m complaining but, what was that for?”

You place your head against his chest and lowly whisper into the night, “I love you.”

You wake up with a headache and the muffled sound of voices echoing from your living room all the way to the master bedroom. Groggily, you push yourself up off the bed and stare at the empty space beside you, realizing one of the voices belongs to Jay.

You vaguely remember him coming home last night after his meeting with his producer, your moment on the kitchen counter. How he carried you back upstairs and tucked you into bed beside him.

You hoist yourself off the bed and throw on the silk robe you had in the bathroom as you begin your morning routine of brushing your teeth and taking a shower. Trudging along the hallway to the living room after freshening up, you stumble upon a woman rounding the corner and walking up to you.

You think your eyes are deceiving you when you finally recognize who the jet black hair pulled up high into a sleek ponytail belongs to. “Oh sweetheart! You’re awake! Good morning.”

It’s Jay’s mother.

She pulls you into a hug and you blush. “I-I didn’t know you were visiting today.” You return the hug, “If I knew, I wouldn’t have—“

“Don’t be silly! We’re all allowed to drink once in a while!” Her eyes sparkle with her words, making you smile. She’s always been fond of her and was quite vocal about it. “Let’s get you some coffee, okay?'' Jay's mom leads you down the hallway, past the living room where you see Jay and his father engaging in what seems to be a serious conversation, and into the open kitchen where she ushers you to sit down. “The twins haven’t woken up yet, I was about to get started on their breakfast” She informs you when she catches you looking around. You hum and stir your still hot coffee.

Before you get to take a sip of the morning brew, you feel someone kiss your temple.

“Good morning, baby.” Jay whispers, placing his phone by your coffee mug, “Are you okay? Do you need aspirin?”

“I’m fine.” you sigh, stretching your neck to kiss his cheek before he straightens his back. His mother sets down another plate, filled with eggs and bacon, before ushering the men to sit.

“Let's eat!”

┕━━━━━━━✿━━━━━━━┙

Brunch goes by fast, small talk about your father in-laws' business is shared and pictures of your kids go around the table before goodbyes are bid with promises of lunch sometime soon. Retreating back into your home, Jay takes a seat on the couch and massages his temples with two fingers.

“Jay?” You worriedly ask, sitting beside him and placing your hand on his knee. There’s something unsettling about how it takes him a second to reply, staring at the glass coffee table with a stoic expression. You begin to retract your hand until he sighs and grabs it gently

He closes his eyes and smacks his lips together, “This morning… your previous relationship was broadcasted all over the news. I don’t know how they got the information but I’m doing everything I can to take it down.”

“Oh.” You blink, unsure of what to say or how to react. If anything, the headache you woke up with starts acting up again as you try to process what your husband had just said. The world knows about Kai. Even more, the world knows about your past relationship with him. You can only wonder how the media is painting you.

You think it’s something along the lines of a gold digger. First you get swept up in a whirlwind romance with an international superstar just to break things off and marry the son of one of South Korea’s biggest chaebols who just so happened to not only be friends with your ex but work with him as well. There’s definitely no saving your image now.

“I’m sorry.”

He frowns at your apology, tilting his head to the side. “What for?”

“About this mess, I’m sorry this is interfering with your image.”

“You did nothing wrong, love. I just hate how even after all these years Kai is still associated with you. It’s almost like you won’t be able to ever fully leave him in your past where he belongs.”

You want to reassure him that while yes, Hueningkai played a major role in your life, he’s the past. You want to tell him that it doesn’t matter because he’ll stay in your past but you can’t bring yourself to lie to your husband.

The truth is you don’t know where Hueningkai stands in your life at the moment and as sick and twisted as it sounds, if he were to show up at your doorstep right at this moment….you don’t know what you would do.

Jay turns to face you. “I don’t want you to think I don’t trust you, _____. That isn’t it, I swear. I just...I guess I just need the reassurance that Kai isn’t coming back. I’m secure with our relationship and I just want to know what you’re thinking, please don’t shut me out.”

You open your mouth to respond but nothing comes out, “u-uh...I-'' You're soon cut off by the wails of your twins over the baby monitor. You close your eyes and thank God for the distraction. “-I should probably go get them ready for their day and feed them. They have a playdate with Chaeyoung’s kids''

You abruptly stand and turn in the direction of the nursery. “You should get dressed for work, I’ll stop by the studio with lunch later for you and the guys.” You hesitate before turning back around to place a quick kiss on his lips. “I love you.”

After dropping off the twins and making a quick trip to the grocery store, you’re talking to Yujin over the phone about her taking her relationship with Heeseung to the next level when your phone chimes with a message from a number you should have blocked and deleted a long time ago. It’s Kai.

You block out Yujin’s words about her current issues and shakily reach for the device, scared to read the contents of his unprompted message.

2:33pm [hueningkai]: i’m sure you’ve seen the articles by now and i really am sorry if it put you in a difficult position with jay. i know you told me to delete your number and never reach out again but i don’t want you to hate me anymore than you already do _____.

2:33pm [hueningkai]: i’m not the one who sold the story to the press, i don’t know how it got out and i’m working really hard to get them taken down so please be patient and wait for me a little longer.

2:35pm [hueningkai]: i’ll make things right.

“I don’t want you to hate me anymore than you already do.” Your ears ring and your breath hitches as the phase catapults you into the past.

“_____.” he called in a breath.

He felt the panic rising. He wasn’t ready to confront you. From what Yeonjun had told him, you weren't doing great when you left the party last night. He told him how you had cried your eyes out on your way back home. Hueningkai had never seen you cry - apart from that time the two of you watched All The Bright Places together - you were always so cheery all the time, always in a good mood. In the past months you’ve been together you’ve never had a fight - you bickered continuously, yes, but never fought. You were always in sync, as if you could read each other’s minds. Hueningkai never felt such a connection with anybody else.

You were still looking at him. you looked at him and you saw the beautiful man you fell in love with tremble with fear. He was afraid of you. And in some way, you were scared of him too. you were scared of who he was, who he really was - because last night you had come to one conclusion: you don’t know Hueningkai. You thought you did, you thought you had learned enough of him in these past months, but you were wrong. He wasn’t the great, responsible and loving person you thought he was - because the man you thought you knew wasn’t capable of breaking your trust.

If there was something you were sure about it’s your worth. Your pride and tenacity were the qualities that allowed you to be where you were. You're intelligent, independent and determined. You had your moments, but you were strong, and you knew it. You knew that you didn’t do anything wrong to deserve his deception. You had cried your tears and felt the pain, but no more.

“I just want to know why.” you said, your voice a little bit too shaky for your liking.

Hueningkai closed his eyes hard, his head pounding. “_____ …”

“how long?” you pressed on.

The boy shook his head and took another shaky breath. He stood up and walked to her desk, trying to get some space between the two of them. He couldn’t think clearly.

Your eyes followed him without wavering. “You’re not going anywhere until you speak.”

Hueningkai was biting hard on his lower lip in the hope to cover up the pang in his chest. He didn’t want this. He cared about her. He loved her. But he knew, deep inside, that there was no going back from what he had done. There was no turning back from this terrible mistake.

“I ended things with her.” was all he could say.

“You clearly haven’t.” you responded in almost a clinical manner. “How long?” you repeated. “How long were you seeing her behind my back?”

The boy shook his head again, letting himself fall on the chair. “I wasn’t.”

The girl sighed, slowly getting angrier and impatient. “I saw you kiss each other yesterday. Please, be honest.”

“I-” he mumbled, struggling to find the words. “It wasn’t what it looked like.”

You couldn’t help but smirk. “Very cliché of you to say.”

“It really wasn't,” Hueningkai exclaimed, finding the courage to look at you before cowering back, seeing the disdain on your face. “It- It was after your first day back to classes after winter break.” he finally admitted.

You furrowed your brows, going back with your memories. “The day I learned I failed my bio final?”

He looked up to the ceiling, wishing he could turn back time. “Yes.”

You thought back to that day, the same day you noticed Yeji for the first time. They hugged, you remembered that day too. You didn’t think anything of it when it happened. It didn’t seem important to you.

Were you too naive?

“Did you have sex with her?”

He shook his head. “I...I don’t remember, I was drunk.”

“You were drunk.” you repeated. “Does it sound stupid only to me?”

“No.” he gulped. “It was stupid.”

You suddenly came to a realization. “The day after my math final,” you remembered. “You weren’t yourself …”

“You told me you fought with Bahiyyih.” You murmured in recognition.

“I didn’t.” Hueningkai responded, fingers through his hair. He wanted this torture to end.

You were feeling slightly nauseous. You were worried about him that morning, but he was fine only hours later. He had laughed with you during your lunch break. “And you decided it wasn’t worth … it wasn’t important enough?” you asked, your anger rising.

“I didn’t want to ruin anything!” the boy exclaimed in fervor, looking back at her again. “You still had three more finals to take and I didn't want t-”

“So you went on with it.” you interrupted. “As if nothing had happened.”

“I didn’t want to-”

To what?” you raised your voice. “To what Hueningkai? To lose me?” you laughed a cold laugh that made the boy quiver. “That’s bullshit and you know it. And then what? You continued seeing her? Those weeks we couldn’t see each other because of your schedule, you were with her, weren’t you?” you accused him in one breath, thinking about how distant he had been.

Hueningkai was petrified. He was unable to speak against your claims, he wanted to but his throat was constricted. He could feel you slipping away by the minute and he was unable to stop you. He was losing something important, and it was all his fault.

Your breath had turned labored with the realization of how foolish you had been. Four months of lies. You couldn’t believe you fell for all of it, that you fell for him.

What was it _____? Was it his looks? Was it his personality? What about him rendered you so stupid?

Hueningkai couldn’t stop looking at you now. You were sitting on the edge of your bed with your head down and your hands on your knees, your knuckles taught. He wished he could avert his gaze again but something inside him wanted to masochistically remember this moment. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest and his own hands trembling inside the pocket of his jeans, where he had hidden them. If he didn’t know himself better, he could swear his eyes were starting to sting. What happened to him?

You finally take a trembling breath, as if you were trying to compose yourself and not cry. You looked him in the eyes with all the courage you could gather and finally spoke the words he had been secretly preparing himself to hear. “I never thought I could hate someone as much as I hate you. I hate you, Hueningkai. With all my heart.”

“_____? Are you even listening to me?”

You shake your head as the memory comes to pass, trying to get your head out of the daze. “Y-yeah, sorry. Chaeyoung sent me a video of the twins but I promise you have my complete undivided attention.” You lie. Why did you feel the need to hide this from your best friend?

“Oh, it’s okay. I have to go anyway, gotta wrap up my thesis.”

You bid her goodbye and wish her luck with her thesis for her PhD program before hanging up. You stand in silence in the middle of your kitchen as your mind cooks up every reason why texting Hueningkai back is wrong and downright disrespectful to Jay but a part of you itches to see what would happen if you did. Would the part of you you feel is missing come back?

2:40pm to: [hueningkai]: i believe you.

You quickly exit the messages app and shut off your phone to finish packing the boys lunches. You individually wipe down each lunch box and place them neatly in the large lunch bag you had found at Costco a while back. You make sure to pack a few snacks and a sealed platter of fruits for them as well.

You’re back in the car with a few minutes to spare from the time frame you gave yourself, the members warmed up tteokbokki perched on the passenger seat as you pull out of the driveway to your destination. You’re there in no time; there wasn’t much traffic around 4PM.

You park the Mercades in the assigned spot for workers and their family members. You make sure to grab your purse and lunch bag before you enter the elevator to head to the main floor. You greet the security guard; who had remembered you from your previous visits, greeting you as ‘Mrs. Park.’

Bashfully, you bow to him as he lets you pass and make your way to the elevator and ride up to the 10th floor.

Jaebeom, the group's manager, recognizes you the second you step out of the lift and stands up from his seat, “_____! Perfect timing! The boys just wrapped up their dance practice.”

“amazing!.” You beam as you follow him down a corridor. Some employees look up from their work to glance at you; recognition in their eyes.

Enhypen’s practice room is such a large space with multiple glass windows allowing you to see all over. He’s sat on the floor beside Jake, fingers supporting his forehead as he reads something off a piece of paper.

Jaebeom knocks on the open door and pokes his head in, “boys, you have a visitor.”

You watch as their heads snap up simultaneously to see who has stopped by.

Jay puts whatever he was reading down and stands up, “_____? What are you doing here?”

Jaebeom quietly excuses himself and you whisper words of gratitude as he leaves before stepping further into the dance room.

“I promised to drop off lunch,”holding up the lunchbox you made for them. “I can’t have my husband and dear friends starving.”

The boys all cheer and abandon their previous work to come crowd you by the door. Sunoo takes the heavy lunch bag off your shoulder and happily skips to the middle of the practice room with the members following behind. Jay walks up to you, kissing your forehead, “You really didn’t have to. We could have ordered-”

“But you weren’t, were you?” You scowl, “Come on, let’s fill that belly up.”

He leans forward to whisper in your ear, “I’d rather eat you.”

You gasp, instinctively reaching your hand out to hit his shoulder, but he catches it instead and interlocks your fingers together. “Stay and eat with us?”

Your heart melts at the gesture and you inwardly chastise yourself for even ever thinking about someone else when you have a husband as caring and loving as Jay.

You shake your head gently, “I already ate, plus I have to go pick up the twins soon.” You stand on your tiptoes to place a chaste kiss on his lips, “you should go join the boys before they eat your half as well. I’ll see you at home?”

He whines and leans in for one more kiss, “at least let me walk you to the car?”

You shake your head firmly this time. “I can walk myself to the car, Jay. Go enjoy your lunch, I’m sure your body’s dying for some nutrients. I’ll call you as soon as I get back home.”

You kiss him goodbye and say your farewells to the members before exiting the large dance room. You walk down the corridor not paying attention to your surroundings, you’re in your own little world thinking about how your life has seemed to turn to shit overnight when you hear the faint calling of your name.

Your eyes wander about until they fall onto a lone male standing in front of the lift. Blinking at him, you couldn’t believe your eyes when his profile registers in your head.

Your lips have parted in a mixture of dread and astonishment. You haven’t seen him in almost a decade since you left and returned to Korea. All at once, the memories you’ve shared together come flooding back and you don’t notice you’re staring at him; not even when your phone starts buzzing in your hands.

Your eyes meet and in those few seconds you’re able to see that he’s out of his awkward puberty stage; that he’s finally matured into a man his label had been shaping him up to be. He wasn’t scrawny like before, but he wasn’t ‘soft-looking’ either; he looked lean and in good shape. The faintest shadow under his eyes tells you that touring and practicing must have been shit to him but he was still handsome as ever.

“_____?” The way he says your name hits you with nostalgia. He’s still soft-spoken, but you can’t really imagine him having such a stern voice.

Finally coming to your senses, you take a deep breath and fake a chuckle. “Kai,” You gulp, “Hey.”

“It’s been so long! Wow, you look great.”

It takes a second for his compliment to register in your head as you’re still in shock at seeing him again. “Y-yeah, you too. H-how are you?”

“I’m good, the group’s doing well so not much to complain about.” his eyes shift a bit as he clears his throat. “Congratulations, by the way. I saw on the news, and overheard the other members talking… about your wedding and twins.”

Instinctively, you look down at your hand; to your wedding band. “Ah, yeah. Thanks.”

“I’m glad you’re happy, _____.”

Not knowing what to reply, you nod your head, “Uhm, so what about you?”

He lets out a sad chuckle, “No luck. Touring the world doesn’t really give me that much time to socialize. I’m always on the go.”

“Not even groupies?”

“I guess I'm just not interested in them.” Kai shrugs with a half smile on his face, displaying how chiseled his face was. “Still caught up on an ex.”

You shiver at his words, “still caught up on an ex.” were you by any chance said ex? You slightly shake your head. It shouldn’t matter if it’s you. You’re married and a mother, you can’t betray your husband like that and put your family at risk. Whatever lingering feelings you’re holding on to need to be dealt with and put aside. Kai isn’t someone worth losing your family over.

Before you can reply, suddenly, someone steps beside you, pressing a kiss on your temple and wraps their arms around your waist tightly, making your blood run cold. Looking up, Jay smiles sweetly at you but gives the complete opposite glance at Kai. “You dropped your wallet, love.”

You clear your throat and nod, “thank you.” You unravel his arm from your body and take your wallet from his free hand. “I should really get going now. It was nice seeing you again Kai.” You offer him a tight lipped smile and move to walk past him but Jay grabs onto your hand and intertwines your fingers. “Let me walk you to the car.” You turn to look at him ready to tell him it’s not necessary but the way he says it makes it sound like a command and the way he stares at you shows there’s no room for disagreement. He nods his head in acknowledgement at Huening before walking past him, purposely bumping shoulders with him. You outwardly cringe at the clear jealousy in his eyes and show of masculinity. The two of you enter the elevator in silence, you hate how tense the atmosphere has become. Jay squeezes your hand one last time before releasing it.

He lets out a deep sigh, nodding, “do you still love him?”

You blink up at Jay, hands clasped together to stop them from shaking. Do you still love Kai? You always thought you did during your freshman year, but never really thought about it again when you left. When Jay came into the picture, you knew you loved him - probably more than you did Kai, but were you just going to disregard your entire past with Kai?

“He only meant something to me before, you know that.” You could hear your own heartbeat thumping from your chest as you anticipate his next words.

“You look at him the way I look at you.” He turns his head to face you, “you look at him the way I wished you would look at me when we first started dating. Like he holds the whole universe in his eyes.” He gulps as he clenches his fists, “you look at him like you’re in love with him.”

You wipe your clammy hands against your jeans as Jay's words ring in your ears. Do you really look at him like that?

“You’re not even going to deny it?” he scoffs and glares down at your shorter figure. “This morning you couldn’t even tell me that he’s a part of your past, G-God! I should have known!”

You shake your head, “Jay..”

He only speaks over you. “Why are you still hung up on that piece of shit? Are you forgetting everything he put you through? Why aren’t I enough for you? No- fuck that, why isn’t the life we’ve built together enough?”

You reach out to grab his hand, praying he doesn’t pull away. To your relief and mild shock, he doesn’t. “It is! It’s more than enough, Jay! I-I love you, and the twins. I can’t picture my life without the three of you!”

He nods and grips your hand back with the same ferocity you’re holding on to his. “Okay, then look me in my eyes and tell me you don’t love him anymore.”

You lick your lips and look down at the ground. You know what your answer should be yet that’s not what it is and you’ve never lied to your husband. You’re not going to start now.

“I-I don’t know what I feel for him.”

You’re heartbroken by your own admission, but even more so with how Jay releases a deep sigh and your hand; brows meeting at the middle of his forehead as he rips his gaze away from you. You could see his hands ball up into fists against his sides. His breathing is deep and slow; his tongue slowly licking across his bottom lip.

You should say something; explain it further to him. “J-”

The elevator dings and the doors separate. You sniff to hold in your tears as new people enter the lift.

“You should go. The twins are waiting.”

Your head snaps to look at Jay but he makes it a point to avoid your gaze. “B-but you said you would walk me to the car.”

He slowly shrugs. “It’s not like you wanted me to. Besides, being around you right now is too painful. I’ll see you at home.”

The elevator doors close with one last ding and your husband is whisked back up to the 10th floor leaving you all alone in the middle of the reception area crowded by HYBE staff. You try your best to contain your tears as you rush back to the parking garage. You shoot Chaeyoung a text to let her know you’ll be late to pick up the kids, when she lets you know that it’s alright you toss your phone and book it out of the parking lot.

You know you shouldn’t be driving while so high on emotions but you can’t stay anywhere near that fucking building.

Not wanting to go home to silence, you drive to your second safe place. Where you know you won’t be judged and your worries seemingly just melt away.

You frantically knock on the door to Yujin’s home, wondering what the fuck was taking her so long to open the damn door.

“Who is it?”

You choke on a sob and seize your rapid knocking, “i-it’s me”

“_____?”

You nod and resume your knocking, “just let me in!” You hear the click of the lock coming undone before the door swings open and Yujin steps aside to let you in. She takes in your frantic appearance and takes cautious steps towards you, not wanting to set you off even more.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

You place your right hand over your chest as you wheeze, finding it hard to breathe. “I really fucked up.”

You slap a palm over your mouth when a loud sob comes out of your mouth.

Before your body starts to fold as you fail to control your sobbing, Yujin’s arms are around you, encasing your frame against her chest. There’s no point in pushing her away. You’re tired in every aspect and it feels like the only thing to relieve you of that stress is to cry it out.

Your knees give in so suddenly, catching her off guard that she stumbles back a little; balancing your weights until she has both your bodies settled on the floor with her back against the white wall.

“It’s going to be okay,” she shushes you gently and strokes at your back as you sob into her clothes. She allows you to cry to your heart's content and calm down before asking you if you’re ready to speak on what’s caused you to break down.

“I should have listened,” you whine, shaking your head in disbelief. “I should have listened to you when you told me to leave it alone, I-I don’t know why I didn’t!”

“What happened, _____?”

You look up at her with watery eyes. “I really fucked up Yujin…” She sighs and adjusts the way she’s sitting.

“I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong, love.”

You sniff and play with the hanging thread on your shirt. “I...I saw Kai today.” You timidly look into Yujin’s eyes, searching for any judgment in them but her face is passive. “I went to drop off lunch for Jay and the boys and ran into him on my way out.”

“Was that...the first time you’ve seen him since what went down?” Yujin softy asks.

You nod, “it was too painful to face him when I came back and Jay just hated me being near him so I guess I always made it a point to avoid him at all functions I knew he would be at.”

Yujin nods, “did something else happen?”

You close your eyes and bite down on your bottom lip, “an article dropped this morning about my past relationship with Kai and Jay asked me if Kai really was in my past but I dodged the question...he also saw Kai and I together and asked me privately if I...if I still love him.”

Yujin’s eyebrows shoot up, “...and what did you say?”

You scratch your neck and open your eyes, “I told him I don’t know what I feel for him.”

A heavy silence falls over the two of you as Yujin goes over your words. “What the actual fuck, _____?”

You sigh. “I know, I know I fucked up, okay? But Yujin these past few months I haven’t felt like...like myself.” You wipe your nose and try to find the right words. “I’m not saying I don’t love Jay, because I love that man with everything in me but when I think back to Kai-before everything went to shit it feels like everything’s normal again.”

“When I saw him today, it’s like something clicked. I felt like the old me again, for a brief second everything seemed clear and like the haze that I’ve been in ever since the twins turned six months just- vanished!”

Yujin waits for you to finish your rant before she gives you her opinion on the topic. “I don’t think this was ever about Kai.”

You look at her questioningly, “what..?”

Yujin sits up and reaches for your hands. “I should have paid more attention to you when you called me that night, _____. Everything you said then and now...it’s clear. This isn’t about Kai, you don’t miss him or your past relationship with him. You miss the person you used to be when you were with him.”

You shake your head, “n-no.”

Yujin cuts you off and goes on, “-Everything you’ve said- reminiscing on the past, who you were, feeling like a part of you was missing? _____, you’re so focused on Kai and what could have been because you never got the proper closure for what happened. He betrayed you in one of the worst ways and left you with so many unanswered questions. Now that you’ve moved on and experienced a new you, you’re finally having the chance to reflect on the version of yourself that you lost and never got to properly say bye to.”

She reaches for your hand, “...it also sounds like you might be dealing with postpartum depression. It doesn’t kick in until 6 months, maybe even a year after birth. And before you disagree, it’s not just not being able to bond with your kids, it’s feeling lost and hopeless, heightened anxiety...wishing you were someone else.”

You feel as if a weight lays heavy on your shoulders as you process her words. Postpartum depression? The way she gingerly explains it makes it easier to understand and process. It makes everything you’ve been dealing with more clear, your conflicting thoughts and feelings for Hueningkai finally seem to fall into place.

“I-I think you might be right, I definitely need to sort things out with Jay and schedule an appointment with my therapist but thank you for being here for me.”

Yujin softly smiles, “I hope you do actually schedule that meeting with your therapist. Don’t prolong this, and I’m sure Jay will come around. Just explain everything and be truthful. You know he can’t stay mad at you.”

You open your mouth to correct her but your phone buzzes in your pocket before you get the chance. You take it out and see a notification from Sunoo. You open the message and see a link to a website. The header for the article leaves you winded.

Hueningkai of TXT issues a personal letter regarding his past relationship stating he’s still in love with his ex.

You don’t bother reading the attached message Sunoo sent and slap Yujin’s arm to get her attention. She looks over your shoulder and gasps as she skims the article as well.

Hueningkai’s apology:

Moa~ recently it has come to light about a past relationship of mine. I’m sorry for belatedly relaying news of said relationship now but I can not apologize for being a normal teenager and wanting to experience the thrill of a relationship.

I don’t know how the media was able to get a hold of such private information and I sincerely apologize to those who were caught in the crossfire.

It’s true that my past lover is Park _____, the wife of my label mate. If there’s anyone who deserves a sincere apology, it’s her. She has done nothing to warrant the hate she has been receiving, people have been making attacks on her morals, character and parenting skills. All of which have nothing to do with the situation at hand, she is an exceptional being and an even greater mother.

We have not engaged in an affair of any type, I have only met with her once, today being the first in nearly eight years.

However, I can not lie and say I haven’t missed her. Seeing her in person today reinforced my feelings, I never once stopped loving her.

I’ve caused her an immense amount of pain and a lifetime worth of trust issues and I can only hope one day she forgives me. But until then, I’ll do everything in my power to right my wrongdoings.

-Hueningkai.

“What the fuck.” You whimper, how could he do this? His ‘apology’ did nothing but add more fuel to the fire. You can only imagine how Jay is reacting to this. You pray he hasn’t made any reckless decisions.

You scroll down to the comments to see how it’s being received by the public.

omo he’s so brazen 💀 +366

she’s a married woman with children...this is a bit…. +987

she’s really been passed around 😭 -217

i wonder just how many more hybe men she’s slept with +38

he’s only made her seem cheap ㅠㅠ -21

i wonder what her husband is thinking… +765

it sounds as if he cheated… +92

i wonder why they called things off if he’s still in love with her 🤔 +10

8...years..? (°_°) -65

“The internet thinks I’m a whore.”

Yujin reassuringly pats your back, “they don’t know anything and you don’t owe them an explanation.”

You shut off your phone, “that’s not the point, Yujin. i’m being slut shamed and vilified because my ex doesn’t know when to keep private information private and my husband’s pissed off with me and this probably made it worse!”

“Then talk to him, _____. He’s rightfully upset because you still don’t know how to properly communicate with him even after all these years. It’s not too late to fix things with Jay and this whole Kai situation will work itself out once you work things out at home.”

You sigh, maybe she’s right? “I should get going, I still have to pick up the kids and make dinner. I’ll let you know how things go once I talk to Jay.”

You say your goodbyes before leaving to go to Chaeyoung’s home to pick up your babies.

It isn’t until 9:30pm do you finish with your household chores. You made sure to feed and wash up the twins, cook dinner for both you and Jay, clean the kitchen and catch up on laundry. You even made it a point to clean Jay's home office for him.

He doesn’t get home for another three hours. He walks right past you and barely acknowledges your presence. He checks in on the twins who are fast asleep and gets himself ready for bed. You try and get him to talk to you, to say anything but he only tells you he’s tired and falls asleep facing away from you for the first time ever in your relationship.

┕━━━━━━━✿━━━━━━━┙

Three days pass by of the cold shoulder from Jay. He makes it a point to wake up before you and leave early in the mornings for work. On the rare occasion you happen to wake up before him however, he takes his time in getting ready to avoid having to sit down for breakfast with you and simply kisses the twins goodbye before murmuring out an I love you in your direction and leaving.

Simply put, you’re over it. You want your clingy and loving husband back. Luckily for you, today’s Sunday The one day you know is promised for you. He doesn’t have studio time on Sunday’s because you all go to your in-laws to have a family brunch and come back home for a weekly reset. Granted he slept in today and you missed brunch but you still have a chance to make things right. You asked your parents to babysit for you so you would have the house to yourselves for a bit. That way all the pent up anger can finally come out without the fear of upsetting the kids.

“Where are the twins?”

You look up from your tablet where you have been outlining points you want to make during your conversation with him.

“I had my parents come get them while you were sleeping.”

He sighs, “why?”

You fiddle with the apple pen in your hands, “because we need to talk and we can’t do that if we have to censor our words because our kids are in the house.”

He stares at you blankly for a second before shaking his head. “I don’t have much to say to you, _____.”

You sigh and push aside the iPad, “yes you do. Just get it off your chest Jay! This marriage won’t work if you keep avoiding me and keep your emotions bottled up!”

He slams his hands down on the kitchen counter and huffs, “what the fuck do you want me to say, _____?” He looks at you furiously, chest rising erratically. “That I’m pissed off with you? That I feel like I can’t trust you anymore? That I feel like you never even loved me?” Your heart breaks as you listen to his rant but you don’t stop him, you need to let him get it off his chest in order to actually heal and move on from this.

“I was the one who was there for everything, I’m the one you came to when you returned to Korea! Hell I’m even the one who put everything on the line for you when I found out what he did to you! And yet, you were still in love with him. You couldn’t even pretend to be half as in love with me as I was with you when we first started dating. So yeah, I’m pissed off that now, years later- as my wife, you still can’t open up to me the way you opened up to him within four months of dating.”

You sniff and nod. “I do love you, Jay. I always have and y-yeah, maybe I wasn’t upfront with my feelings for you when we first got together but that doesn’t change anything!”

“But it does! It does change everything, _____! Do you know what it feels like to know you’ll never be enough for the person you love? It feels like fucking hell! And that stupid article didn’t make things any better!”

You stand from your seated position to embrace him but he only shakes his head and backs away. “J-jay, that article has nothing to do with what I feel for you! I’m sorry I keep hurting you, I’m sorry I’ve put us in this position but you have to trust me when I say that Huening really is in my past!”

“How am I supposed to trust you when you’ve given me every reason not to.” He blinks away his tears and clears his throat. “I need to work on some lyrics for our new album. I’ll be in my office.” Jay exhales, walking around the counter and past you.

“B-but it’s Sunday.”

Both of you promised each other that as much as possible, Sundays are days off. Unless it’s extremely urgent, neither of you are allowed to work.

“It’s still Saturday in Seattle.” And without another word he retreats to his home office

Confused and guilty, you don’t know what to do in your own home. It takes about ten minutes for you to gather your bearings and finish up the dishes from breakfast. You can’t even think of coherent thoughts, mindlessly doing the chore until you’re finished and feel lost again with what you could do. After another five minutes pass, you decide to head to the bathroom and sit in the bathtub for an hour.

Once you dry off from your bath, you apply your usual skincare and opt out of putting on any makeup aside from some lip balm. You spritz on a little perfume and get dressed in some gym shorts that hug your butt and a loose fitting top before heading back downstairs to the kitchen to make Jay a plate of food to bring to him, praying that by now he’s cooled off a bit.

As carefully as you can, you quietly walk over to where his home office is and peer through the crack. You want to roll your eyes at what you see; Jay slumped back on his couch, his game console controller in his hands, and an annoyed, but focused expression on his face as he stares at the fifa game he had going on.

“lyric writing, my ass.” You mutter, knocking on the door to alert him before opening it. “I brought you some lunch.”

“Thanks. Just leave it there.” Jay mumbles, still concentrating on his game as he nods his head towards his coffee table.

Your heart drops; he didn’t even spare you a glance. You set the plate to where he gestured and start making your way out until he grabs your hand. You flinch at his sudden action, turning your head to meet his piercing gaze.

He blinks up at you, anger clearly in his eyes, he slowly stands up and discards the controller on his seat. You’re starting to feel small when he’s towering above you. After a long stare-off, he breaks the silence, “Where’s your ring?”

You look down at your hand and it only hits you now that you forgot to put your ring back on after you finished your skincare. “In the bathroom; I took it off to do my skincare.”

He’s breathing deeply; the strength of his hand around your wrist varies.

You take this as an opportunity, while his attention is on you. “Jay please” You don’t know what it is you want from him so you do what seemed like the best choice; you step closer and kiss him.

He doesn’t respond though; just closing his eyes in response.

“Jay.” You whine, running your hands up his arms and tiptoeing to kiss him once more, but his hand comes up to your neck and holds you in place, making you gasp in shock.

“How far did you two go?”

You grow flustered with his question; wanting to run away but his gentle hold on your neck keeps you planted. “Jay…”

He dips his head down, ghosting his breath over your cheek. “Surely, you two kissed. Probably made out, right? Was he any good?”

“Not as good as you-”

Jay scoffs and pulls away, dragging his thumb across your bottom lip deliberately, “You don’t have to stroke my ego sweetheart so answer my question.”

You shift uncomfortably. “I-I don’t know. I guess?”

He purses his lips briefly before clicking his tongue. His eyes drag down your body, tracing a path with his palm, “Did you ever get touchy with each other? Any below the belt touching?”

You can feel your arousal growing as he applies a bit of pressure to your neck, “Jay, I-”

“Just answer the question, baby.” He hushes, racing his free hand up to your chest, palming one of your breasts. “Did he do this to you?”

“Yes.” You whimpered, arching your body towards him; desperate for more.

“And being the little slut that you are,” He pulls you closer to growl into your ear, “I bet you liked it, doll?”

He flips you around, pinning you to the door and presses his erection into your ass. He still has a hand on your right breast, kneading it a little more roughly now. You loudly moan at the sudden turn of events, putting your hands flat against the wall to stop him from completely crushing you against it.

His left hand begins to travel dangerously low on your stomach while his hips are still rutting against yours, “Did his hands ever touch you here?”

“No.” You resolutely denied, “you’re the only one.”

He hums in approval, but his hands are back on your breasts, which makes you whine again.

“Please touch me.”

Ignoring your request, he kisses your neck, “So that’s all you did?”

You moan and nod your head adamantly. Jay steps away from you, cold air intruding the warmth his body provided. You impatiently look back at him, wondering why he pulled away.

Jay releases you completely and kneels before pulling down your shorts causing you to gasp at the cold air that hits your clit.

Jay lets out a hum of approval. “Spread those legs for me, Kitten,” he says - though from the domineering tone, you know it’s more of an order. Without question you obey. The moment your legs are splayed wide. Large hands spread your thighs further before Jay presses his head between - then, he tentatively presses his tongue to your clit.

“Ah-” you gasp out, your hips automatically bucking into his face at the roughness of his tongue. Once again, he chuckles before licking a swipe from your cunt all the way to your ass. Your back automatically arched, pushing your hips further into his face. Jay teases you with a couple more kitten licks before pushing his tongue into your dripping hole, swirling his tongue around and collecting all your arousal on his tongue. He laps deep into you, thrusting his tongue in and out, palming his cock as you ride his face. Gently suckling on your clit, Jay presses his nose to your clit, expertly locating your g-spot and causing vibrations of pleasure to strum along them. Your vocal cords strained, voice cracking as you let out another cry. You feel your pussy walls ripple, abdomen twisting into a wrenching knot inside of you as he continues lapping your clit.

You simply can’t catch your breath, your head lolling helplessly to the side as your shoulders slump. You quickly feel your orgasm approach, the knot in your stomach twisting even further as Jay drives you to the brink of pleasure. Your hips move instinctively, grinding your pussy against his eager face as Jay buries it deeper between your thighs.

“I’m- oh gosh I’m going to cum” You warn, voice raspy and throat raw. You breathe deeper, gasps turning into low moans as your body seizes up, eyes rolling deep into the back of your skull as you come around his skillful tongue. Jay feels you gush around his mouth and lets up a bit to catch his breath before diving back as he licks and swallows up all of your cunt juice. You try to push him away, thighs still quivering as he continues eating you out. You squeal, the overstimulation of your orgasm paired with his continued ministrations driving you wild.

You feel him pull away, exhaling as your pussy finally has some relief. However, it doesn’t last long before suddenly Jay stands and grabs the back of your neck to pull you into a sloppy kiss, all wet from your saliva. You respond immediately; hands flying to his shoulders and hoisting yourself up on his body, prompting him to carry you by your thighs.

“You’re so fucking spoiled.” He groans. He reaches from below to push his pants down and slips his shaft in.

A moan erupts from your throat; his length slipping in easily with your arousal. You cling onto his shoulders, burying your face in the crook of his neck as he starts pounding into you with immense force. You’re moaning in pleasure when his hands are practically clawing at your hips, ramming himself deeper and deeper.

Jay slowly makes his way out of his office making his way to what you assume is your bedroom but stops at the foot of the staircase and gently places you down on the first few steps, his dick not once leaving you. He puts you down to spin you around and enters you from behind; you’re convinced that your hips are bruised at how his fingers are digging into them to help him control the pace

“Jay.” You moan, barely holding yourself up by your forearms. You reach beneath you to try and stimulate your clit, wanting just a little more something to climax.

He stops you from touching yourself, grabbing both your wrists and holds them behind you. He’s pushing all of his weight up into you, practically lying on top of you. His skin is hot and sweaty, sliding against your back.

It’s almost too much - the pleasure, the emotions, and the love you feel. Your heart begins palpitating in your chest, beating so hard and fast that your chest begins to ache. “Jay,” you whine, the sound high-pitched as you squeal from his ministrations, “I’m cumming,” you whimper though, Jay doesn’t need the warning. He already knows your orgasm is impending, from the way your thighs begin shaking and the way your walls clamp around him.

“Ah. AH- AH! Jay!” you finally sob. Your peak hits a crescendo, and your orgasm ricochets through you with more force than you expected. Jay groans, feeling your pussy ripple uncontrollably around his cock before tightening. Your walls contract rhythmically, and suddenly, his hips still as he begins cumming.

Rope after rope of Jay’s cum slowly fills you. His warmth practically burns inside you, coating your walls white and claiming every single piece of you as his. His cum spills out of you once he pulls out and he rests his forehead on your shoulder as both of you catch your breaths, rolling off of you.

Soon, you’re turning to face him. You lean in and place a kiss on his lips, this time he responds to it; opening his mouth so you could slip your tongue in.

Without breaking off the kiss, he sits up and cradles one side of your face with his hand.

“I’m sorry.” He quietly says in between kisses.

“I’m sorry, too.” You curl up into his chest as he leans back on the bannaster. “I should have just been honest from the start. You deserve to know.”

Jay combs back your hair for you, “You don’t have to talk about it today.”

“No. I don’t want to put it off any longer.”

“Okay, let’s get cleaned and dressed first.” He kisses your cheek before standing, helping you up as well.

Jay helps you clean up and carries you up the stairs to bring you into your shared room, he wipes you down with a warm cloth and dresses you in his boxers and oversized graphic before leaving to enter the bathroom to clean himself up as well to get dressed.

Five minutes later, Jay is back and clothed; sporting another plain tee and boxers. Sitting beside you, he patiently waits for you, angling his body to face yours.

“When you asked me if he was a part of my past I should have told you what I was thinking instead of avoiding the topic,” You pick at the bedsheets, “Kai and I were always complicated, and I can’t say I miss that or him but I do miss who I was before I lost him.”

You sigh, “these past few months have been hard and I should have told you when I first started feeling less like myself. I guess I thought it was all in my head and I didn’t want you to think it was you… I love you and what I feel for Kai-”

Jay tips his head at your sudden pause.

“What I felt for Kai, is nowhere near what I feel for you. He’s a part of my past and..,” You shake your head, “and I’m sorry for being so shady about it. I don’t look at Kai the way I look at you, I never can because I don’t love him. And it’s something that’s taken me time to realize but, I don’t miss Kai. I miss who I used to be when I was with him, before he ruined that.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you in the process of trying to figure out my shit but I can assure you that no part of me is in love with him. I’ve been feeling differently and it’s not because of anything you did or said,” You nervously laugh, “I talked to Yujin about it and she totally went all psychologist on me, but she thinks this is all stemming from a larger problem… she thinks I might have postpartum depression..”

He lifts his hand to your cheek to wipe away a stray tear you didn’t even know fell from your eye. “Postpartum depression?”

“Mmmh. My issues are stemming from my inability to let go of who I used to be to allow myself to be who I am now.” You inhale as deep as you can and exhale with an awkward laugh, “I booked a therapy session with Dr. Lee for Tuesday, we’ll know more then.”

Jay pulls you to him, kissing your forehead, “I’m sorry for not paying closer attention. I’m even more sorry that I’ve been such a jackass to you recently.”

“I should have communicated better.”

“Yes, you should have but as your husband I shouldn’t have missed the signs. I’m so sorry baby.”

You lean into him, slinging your arms over his shoulders. “Are we okay?”

He smiles softly and nods. “Of course we are.”

He grins, nose scrunching at how you curl up like a cat to cuddle his chest. You run your fingers over his hair, slowly and repeatedly, reciprocating the little smile splayed on his face. His lips are on your shoulders and neck, softly sucking on patches of your skin and murmuring sweet nothings.

“I love you.”

You’re sat on the couch in your living room with Jay and his publicist with a random kdrama playing faintly in the background while the twins take their afternoon nap upstairs. It’s been a week since Hueningkai’s apology dropped and the press and fans are still raving over it.

There are protests outside HYBE demanding Hueningkai be pulled out of further TXT promotions indefinitely while some fans are still shading you and your integrity on Twitter. You never imagined your life would become such a hot topic yet here you are.

“We need to satiate the media,” Jay’s publicist, Jaemin, places down his coffee on the coaster in front of him and clears his throat, “I’ve talked it over with your manager, members and the CEO himself. We believe a statement from the two of you and the third party is a good way to clear the air and show to the public that there is no animosity or anything scandalous going on.”

You feel Jay squeeze your hand as he mulls over what has been said. “Why a statement? Where would it be posted? Is this really the best option?”

You pat his knee and chuckle at him, “what is this? 20 questions? At least let the man get a word in.”

Jay sighs and turns to face you. “I’m sorry, it’s just… the press has been slandering you all week and I don't want this statement to fuel that fire.”

Jaemin nods. “I understand your want to protect your wife from the malicious comments being made online and I can assure you that we will be reading all drafts and making edits as needed so it can’t be interpreted in a different way.”

Jay wearily looks at Jaemin before looking back at you. “I...I’m all for it only if you’re comfortable with it, love.”

You look at the two boys and ponder the possible outcomes. “I think we should do it. It’ll clear any and all tension and we can all finally move on.”

Jaemin smiles and stands, fixing his suit he says. “Great. I’ll leave you two then, send your final drafts to me and they’ll be revised, sent back over to you to read one last time before being posted on Weeverse. Your manager should be in touch soon, Jay.”

You and Jay stand as well to see him out. You thank him for his time and watch him drive away before going back inside.

“You’re awfully quiet… Do you want to talk about it?” You ask once you’re seated back on the couch. Jay spares you a glance before sighing and placing his hands on his knees.

“I know I said I would support your decision no matter what it was but.. are you sure you can handle this, _____? That it won’t be triggering for you?”

You purse your lips as you stare at his side profile. “I’m not on the verge of a mental breakdown, Jay. I’m stronger than you think.”

He turns to face you and takes your right hand in his. “I know you’re strong, _____. Your strength is a part of why I fell in love with you to begin with. I’m just thinking about what Dr. Lee said.”

You sigh as you think back to your joint therapy session with Jay two days ago. You opted to attend the first one alone, you didn’t think you could be completely upfront with your therapist had your husband been there in fear he would be disappointed with himself and blame himself for your actions and emotions. Once you had gotten the initial meeting over with, you scheduled a joint one with him for Thursday. It went better than you anticipated.

Jay takes a seat on the lounge chair beside you and peeks at you, letting out a sigh when he sees your face, “sweetheart, you being nervous is making me nervous.”

“I’m sorry.” You shake your head, “I just know things will be different once the hour is over.”

It breaks his heart more than it scares him that you think it’ll be that way. He squeezes your knee to stop it from bouncing. “Different isn’t always bad, I’ll better know how to care for you. This is what we need my love.”

There’s a knock on the door before it opens. A slender female walks in, wearing a black skirt and a baby pink blouse, and smiles brightly at both of you. “Ah, so this is the infamous Jongseong! A pleasure to finally meet you.”

He stands up to shake her hand and offers a smile, “likewise.”

She smiles once more at you as she sits down on the armchair and taps her finger on the clipboard she brought in. “So, shall we begin?”

You look at Jay and he nods at her, easing back in his seat.

She leans forward and crosses her legs.“How have you two been? The twins?”

“We’re doing okay, better than we were last week.” Jay answers, “the twins are good too. They’re spending the day with my mother.”

Dr. Lee nods her head at him. She turns to you, “You must be excited, I know I would be if I got some alone time away from my children.”

You feel your cheeks warm up, “the quiet home is nice, it’s been a while since I could hear a pin drop.”

She hums before looking down at her notes.“During our last session_____ explained to me feelings of loneliness and isolation, has she explained this in any detail to you Jongseong?”

You didn’t think she’d segway into your postpartum so abruptly; your mouth opens, but you shut it immediately. It’s not your turn to speak.

“She has, very briefly though. It was after we had an argument about her ex, I was upset and I also felt…betrayed. I couldn’t understand why she couldn’t just put him and their relationship to rest. I only really became more empathetic when she explained she might be dealing with a mental disorder.”

“I see. _____ did mention an argument during our last session.” Dr. Lee says as she makes some new notes in your chart before returning her attention to Jay, “I’ll get into her diagnosis in a bit but first, I’d like to know something. _____ explained to me the fight you had in the elevator and everything that followed..”

“It might be difficult for you, Jongseong, but I’d like to ask what you were thinking of from when you walked in on Kai conversing with _____, to confronting her in the elevator, until the night ended.”

“I tried calling her before I left to look for her but she wouldn’t answer and when I saw her holding her phone and talking to Kai, blatantly ignoring my call it just made me feel second place to him again. It didn’t help that she couldn’t be clear about her feelings, all I wanted to do after that was go back and punch the smug look off his face.”

“I see. Why were you so mad at Kai? He wasn’t the one who hurt you, so why take your anger out on him?”

Jay doesn't answer immediately, trying to properly think through his response. “He hurt _____ yet she was still hung up on him. I didn’t think it was fair that he continuously got a second chance with her when he never deserved it to begin with, all I ever wanted was for her to love me as much as she loved him...to open up to me like she did with him.”

“Hasn’t she?”

“No. It feels like I always have to argue with her before she tells me how she truly feels.”

Dr. Lee nods, “Well, what if I told you she has? She might not flat out tell you what she’s thinking like she did with Kai but you can’t expect her to.” She sits up straight and places her chin in the palm of her hand. “The one person she trusted enough to open up to betrayed her trust in multiple ways. It won’t be easy to do it again. While she might not be at the level of completely opening up, she’s doing it in her own way. When she feels as if she’s ready, she comes to you, she takes her time to think her thoughts through so as to not hurt you. There’s no doubt that she needs to work on her communication skills but at the very least, she’s trying.”

You look at Jay to see how he’s receiving the news but his face is blank.

Dr. Lee watches Jay as well, waiting for a beat to pass before she clears her throat, “I officially diagnosed _____ with postpartum depression, also known as PPD. It’s a continuous pattern of mood swings, restlessness and reduced ability to clearly think. People with PPD can go through very intense episodes of emotions, such as anxiety and depression.”

She pauses to let him process the information, seeing his brows furrow ever so slightly.

“Symptoms of PPD,” she continues, “are feelings of loneliness and loss of self. People with PPD will often seek out people or things from their past to prevent this from happening; along with this, because they’re so focused on their past and what feels like is missing they can’t allow themselves to focus on the lives they have now.”

You don’t say anything, even though you feel like you should. But still, you don’t comment on it and nod at her. “This can lead to a lack of bonding with their children. While _____ hasn’t shown much trouble connecting with the twins there’s still a chance it could happen if we don’t properly care for her.”

“Is this treatable?”

“Yes, there are many options such as medication, therapy and even self soothing measures but your wife has elected to not medicate. For _____, this is what we call cognitive behavioral therapy; a type of therapy that tries to identify and change negative thinking and pushes for positive behavioral changes.”

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get closure and putting this behind us.”

Jay nods and leans in to kiss your forehead, “okay. If you feel you’re ready then I won’t push.”

Later that evening the two of you sit down to draft your personal statements regarding the current situation before sending them off to Jaemin to revise. The edits are quickly made that night before being sent to you to read. Once receiving the stamp of approval from the two of you both are posted to Weverse and the response is rather surprising. You’re met with sympathy and grace, fans understanding how hard you must have had it these past few days. Engene step up and start trending tags for both you and Jay and you feel relief all over your body.

While Jay wasn’t your first boyfriend, your first kiss nor was he even your first love, he was the only love for you. And that’s the only love that matters, the only one that’ll last and go the distance. It’ll always be him.

#enhypen imagines #jay smut #jay imagines #jongseong x reader #park jongseong #jay x reader #enhypen jongseong #jongseong smut #enha imagines #hueningkai #hueningkai imagines #enhypen jay #jay angst #jay park

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paradiseprincesss · 7 days

Note

please we need more Jim the delinquent season!!! please I beg idc if it's smut or fluff or both... Lol btw I am invested in your fics... Wait ngl smut sounds lovely...

perfect for you - jim (the delinquent season) x reader

masterlist

notes: hello lovely anon, i can definitely do that for you! fluffy and smutty jim content is a need. ugh, what i would do to call him mine.

summary: you've always found your best friends dad attractive. unbeknownst to you, the feeling was mutual on his end, especially after his divorce. one night, your best friend goes somewhere, leaving you and her dad alone together.

word count: 2.9k

warnings: 18+ mdni, smut, kissing, age gap (everyone is legal), reader is implied to be around 20 and jim is in his 40's, bestfriends dad! trope, p in v, aftercare <3

cassie had been your best friend for as long as you could remember. the two of you had met in elementary school, and your friendship lasted a lifetime. now, both you and her were attending college together; all grown up. purposefully, the two of you aimed to get into the same college as neither of you wanted to spend time apart from each other, even when it came to school.

you'd known her for ages, and you were super close with her family. likewise, she was close with yours, as you'd basically grown up together. however, cassie's parents divorced just over a year ago, so much to your dismay, you didn't get to see her mom as frequently anymore. she'd moved out even before her divorce was finalized, and you'd only see her occasionally now.

cassie decided to live her with her dad, jim, as he owned a lovely house quite close to campus, and you also lived just down the road. it was convenient for the both of you. jim was never very talkative, definitely more reserved than his ex-wife ever was, and you'd only really gotten to know him more after the divorce.

even though you'd known him for a majority of your life, you clicked with cassie's mom much more - isn't that how it always is, though? regardless, you would still come over frequently to cassie's place, as the two of you always worked on assignments together. even though she majored in something completely different than you, that didn't stop either of you from bonding over the college experience together.

for the first couple months after the divorce, jim was quiet. he would make small talk with the two of you, maybe ask how your lectures went but otherwise he would keep to himself.

during one particularly hot summer day, jim was having a few of his friends over to watch some sort of sports game, while you and cassie were upstairs working on homework. that same night, cassie got a text from a guy she was interested in from her class who'd asked her out, and you encouraged her to go out with him.

jim and you had talked a bit more frequently at this point in time, since he was finally coming out of his shell more. you didn't blame him after the whole thing with his marriage ending and all. that being said, you felt comfortable just chilling at her place as you'd most likely end up going home pretty soon after she'd left anyway.

plus, this wasn't out of the ordinary for you nor her. she'd often stay at your place for a few days at a time sometimes; the two of you were close like that. you'd do the same, staying over at hers for a few days as well, neither of your parents minded. it had always been this way, even when the two of you were growing up.

"are you sure? i can always tell him i'm busy." she asked you, touching up her makeup.

"oh my god, cass. just go, you've liked this guy for so long!" you insisted, giggling.

"yeah, i know," she laughed, "my dad has his buddies over to watch the stupid game, though. you can go home if you want, but if you get tired feel free to crash at mine tonight."

"i live down the road, but i will definitely keep that in mind." you say with a laugh, shaking your head.

"yeah but your basically my sister, so i don't care if you sleep here or whatever." she says, applying some lipgloss as she fixed her hair.

"go have fun tonight," you say to her, "and text me all the details."

"obviously," she says, turning to face you, "do i look good?"

"duh, like always." you say, glancing at her but returning to your notes as you scribble more stuff down from your textbook.

"if all goes well...i'll text you in the morning." she laughs, and you shake your head laughing along with your best friend.

that night, cassie did in fact have a great night - so great, in fact, that she ended up staying over at that guys house. however, she wasn't the only one who ended up sleeping in someone else's bed that night.

one thing led to another while cassie was gone for the night, and somehow you ended up in jims bed, tangled in the sheets and wrapped up in his arms. sleeping with your best friends dad was not something you planned on doing, but it sort of just...happened.

his buddies has gone home for the night, and you wandered downstairs so that you could quietly leave and return back to your house; but you noticed everyone had left already.

"you didn't go out with cassie?" jim's voice called out from behind you, and you turned around to see him leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen.

"no," you shake your head, "i have a final next week, i needed to study for it."

"ah, smart girl." he said softly in that accent that made your knees weak. for a moment, he was quiet. just staring at you while you stared back, unsure of what else to say.

"do you need help cleaning up?" you ask politely, since it wasn't too late. it was only quarter past eight, and he looked a little tired.

"don't worry about it." he smiled, and you shook your head.

"least i could do, i'm always over here anyways." you insisted, making your way to the kitchen.

there were only a few dishes scattered around, along with some empty beer cans and a few cups. you helped him put the food on the counter away and cleaned some of the dishes. after the two of you were done, he looked at you with a soft smile.

"you've always been so helpful," he smiled, "i appreciate it."

"it's no problem." you say back, watching him lean against the counter.

he doesn't respond, but instead just looks at you under the dim kitchen lighting, and his baby blue eyes pierce right through you.

"do you have a boyfriend? remind me, i forgot." he asked suddenly, and you felt your cheeks heating up at his rather...innocent question.

"n-no, i don't." you say with a nervous laugh.

"c'mere." he said and for a second, you thought you'd misheard him.

"what?" you asked quietly.

"come here." he repeated.

hesitantly, you make your way closer to him and look up at his blue eyes. he glances down at you, still leaning against the counter with his hands gripping the edge.

okay - if you were being totally honest right now, you had always found your best friends dad to be really attractive. but he was married for the longest time and he was also the father of your lifelong best friend! it was wrong on so many levels, but it appeared that neither of you seemed to cared.

suddenly, his hand was making it's way onto your waist, and you almost felt the need to pinch yourself in case this was all just a very vivid dream you were having.

"the walls are thin, you know," he said softly, rubbing circles into your waist with his thumb, "i heard you last week, on the phone to your friend or whoever while cassie was picking milo up from the vet."

your heart dropped. last week, cassie had to pick her dog up from the vet, and you were home alone with jim for around half an hour. within that half hour, another friend of yours called and somehow, the topic landed on jim. well, more like you'd told your friend you were staying at cassie's for the evening, which led to the friend asking about her parents divorce, which then led you to say some interesting things about jim.

"if he wasn't cassie's dad, i'd be all over that." you said to your friend as the both of you giggled over the phone.

"yeah, i've seen him. like, damn." your friend said, making you laugh once more.

"you have no idea what it's like when i come over, i literally have to force myself to focus on something - anything else." you tell her, but then you heard the front door open. "mhm, yeah. okay, i gotta go. bye."

with that, you ended your phone call - not realizing jim had been grabbing the laundry from the washer out in the hall. he heard everything, and he couldn't lie; it really turned him on. he always knew it was wrong, but he was definitely attracted to you. it started out innocent, like for example, it started when you had turned nineteen. he would think you looked really pretty when you wore a certain outfit, or when you did your hair a certain way.

then, as the next year or two went by, he found himself noticing other things about you. like how perky your tits looked in a certain shirt, or how badly he wanted to see you bend over when you wore a specific skirt. he tried to shake the thoughts of out his head - but it was no use.

"i-i didn't-" you stammered.

"shh," he assured you, "it's nothing to be embarrassed about. honestly, i wish you'd said something sooner."

"...you do?" you asked, a little taken aback by his words.

"i do," he said softly, "so why don't we both stop pretending like this isn't bound to happen."

his hands trailed along your waist and your hips, before his grip on them became tighter. pulling you close, he brushed a strand of your hair out of your face. the both of you leaned in - but you placed your hands on his chest, stopping him.

"jim, wait," you say, looking up at the older man in front of you, "i-i can't- i don't do casual hookups. their just not-"

"your thing, i know. i wasn't trying to imply that this was just going to be that," he assures you once more, "i want you in more than just that way."

"o-okay," you almost whisper, "me too."

he doesn't offer a verbal response, but rather gives your ass a tight squeeze whilst his lips came crashing down on yours. instinctively, you wrap your arms around his neck as he backs you up into the kitchen counter. recklessly, his lips still locked with yours, he hoisted you up onto the kitchen island. for a moment, both of you break away from the kiss with pink-tinted cheeks.

the thrill of kissing a man so much older than you (who also happened to be your best friends dad) was getting you worked up, and judging by the tent in his pants; it was getting him worked up, too. gently, he helped you out of your hoodie and sweats. you felt a shiver go up your spine as your ass rested on the cold granite of the counter, and he bit down on his lip at sight. with all your clothes discarded, you sat pretty for his taking on the counter with your pink, lacy bra and matching pink thong.

"look at you," he groaned, "so pretty, princess."

clearly, neither of you could even wait to take it to the bedroom. so, with adrenaline running through your veins, you help him out of his sweater and he reaches for his belt buckle. he pulls you into another heated kiss, this time one of his hands coming up to your throat to give it a soft squeeze. as he choked you gently, you moaned into his mouth, the action driving him insane.

he pulled away from the kiss and you felt his tip poke at your folds. you look down for a moment, and you could see him stroking himself with one hand as he lined his cock up with your entrance while the other hand rested gently around your throat.

before he put it in, he looked at you to make sure that this was okay, though he didn't say a word. you gave him a small, affirming nod and he rubbed the head of his cock against your wetness before plunging his cock in, taking you on the kitchen counter.

you let out a gasp as his veiny cock filled you, and he groaned at the feeling of your warm walls sucking him in. his hand quickly came off of your neck and down to your waist, his other hand doing the same. as his hands found purchase on your waist, he started to move in and out slowly, letting you adjust.

"j-jim," you moaned, throwing your head back, "ugh, feels so good."

"yeah?" he groaned, thrusting in and out much faster now, "d'you hear how wet you are, princess?"

when he mentioned it, your cheeks burned as your eyes rolled to the back of your head from his cock pounding your cunt. you could hear it - your pussy was dripping, and it was evident by the squelching sounds in the quiet kitchen.

"s-so wet, just for you- fuuuuck-" you whimper as his cock hit all the right spots inside of you.

one of jim's hands snaked up to your breasts, roughly kneading it and making you moan. you drooling hole started to squeeze down onto his fat cock, making him lose his breath. the both of you were chasing your highs and getting closer by the second.

"f-fuck, you're so tight, m'gonna fill this tight little pussy up." he decided, fucking into you deeply as he took you on his kitchen countertop.

"so close, jim, s-so mmph, close!" you cry out, squeezing your eyes shut as the pleasure consumed you and the coil inside of your stomach snapped.

"thaaaats it," he praised, "keep squeezing me like that, princess."

you bit your lip and moaned at the way he was talking, and he felt himself tip over the edge as he spilled into you with a groan. his hips continued to buck into you for a few more moments, fucking his cum deeper and deeper into your aching cunt.

after you both came down from your highs, he pulled his softening cock out of you. he watched with a sigh at the sight your pretty pussy which was now dripping with his cum. swiftly, he got a towel and started to wipe it up for you. he was taking his time and making sure you were taken care of afterwards, of course.

"how are you feeling?" he asked softly, wiping his seed that was dripping out from your cunt.

"a little sleepy," you admitted with a half-lidded smile, "and a little hungry."

"how about i run you a bath?" he suggested, laughing softly, "and then i'll order us some takeout from that italian place you like down on 47th and main."

"you know my favourite takeout place?" you giggle.

"obviously i do," he admits with a chuckle, "you told me a few months ago, remember?"

"well, yeah. i just didn't expect you to actually remember." you say with a sigh, and he pulls you into a chaste kiss.

"of course i remember, how could i forget?" he smiles after giving you a small peck, "so, does that sound good? a bath and your favourite takeout? then you can sleep in my bed tonight with me."

"first of all, that sounds wonderful, baby," you say, casually throwing the pet name in, "and secondly, can you join me in the bath, pretty please?"

he smiled as you called him baby, "i can't say no to that, princess."

"good." you say, beaming up at him.

true to his word, he did run you two a hot bath which you both enjoyed. after your steamy bath, he ordered your favourite food and the two of you laughed and cuddled on the couch whilst sharing a bottle of your favourite wine. after the two of you finished, you were both sleepy. as you and jim slipped into bed, he wrapped his arms tightly around you, giving you a kiss on the head before you both fell asleep.

the next morning, the two of you were still tangled in the sheets together, cuddled up in the blankets all cozy. cassie had returned sometime in the early hours just before sunrise, and as she made her way up the stairs, she noticed her dads bedroom door was cracked open slightly. she paid no mind to it - until she caught a glimpse of you in his bed with him.

doing a double take, she poked her head into his bedroom to find the both of you peacefully asleep. your head was resting on his chest as his arms were draped over you, the both of you looking so content.

cassie smiled and shook her head, laughing quietly to herself as she made her way back to her own room. contrary to what most peoples reactions would be; she wasn't mad. in fact, she kind of saw it coming in hindsight and hey, if you made him happy and he was good to you, then so be it.

though the both of you seemed oblivious to it, everyone else could see that you were perfect for him, and he was perfect for you.

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#cillian fic #cillian murphy fanfic #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy #cillian x reader #cillian murphy x reader #cillian x fem!reader #cillian fanfic #cillian murphy fic #cillian x y/n #cillian murphy fanfiction #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy fluff #jim the delinquent season #jim x reader #the delinquent season

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prettytragcdies · 1 year

Note

mun questions! 5, 7, 11, 12, 14.

5. is there a muse you really want to try? if yes: what’s stopping you?

I'm officially writing Lauren Colby from the original Dynasty now, despite the fact that only like me, myself, and I even know who she is, so let's see. I wish that I could write some of my other favorite characters from various shows like Judith Ryland from the reboot of DALLAS, Edie Britt from Desperate Housewives, Julie Cooper from The O.C., etc. I just don't think I could find their voice well enough to keep them in character and write them the way they deserve to be written. I've had to learn the hard way that just because I love a character a whole lot, it doesn't necessarily mean I would be any good at writing them. Then there's also the unfortunate fact that a lot of my favorite shows are ones people from today either don't know anything about or simply just don't write for, but ah well.

I also super duper lowkey want to write an OC Vampire Diaries muse who would be Tyler Lockwood's sister, but that's only because the actress who played Carol Lockwood is back on The Young and the Restless.

7. describe your favorite relationship dynamic. (can be any kind, platonic, romantic, familial, antagonistic, etc.)

That's easy. My favorite relationship dynamic of all time will forever be familial. Mothers and daughters are probably at the tip top of my list, followed closely by fathers and daughters, siblings, etc. Romantic relationships would probably come in second place after all of that, and it's even more fun when the romantic ones eventually turn into new little families. Yeah. I don't know why. I just very much enjoy writing any and all aspects of family.

11. describe your ideal outcome/endgame for the muse you are currently writing. if you are a multimuse blog: do this for your current favorite muse, or the muse of the last reply you posted.

Scarlett Eleanor Ewing is my favorite and the one whose life I have most planned out, so I guess I'll do this one for her. Being married isn't a part of her life she can picture, but the more years I write her, the more I want to see her trying to navigate an actual marriage. So yeah, I guess my ideal endgame would be for her to be either President or Vice President of Ewing Global and either married or divorced with at least one child. I want her to be happy and healthy, despite everything I've put her through to get to that point lol. She's still hella confident and entitled, but some things aren't ever going to change, no matter what.

12. what roleplay trends do you remember from the year you started tumblr rp? how did you feel about those trends?

You know you're officially getting old when you don't even remember but like one or two of the trends from that year. I feel like it was 2011 or sometime around then, and groups were where it was at back then. I joined a small handful, and they were okay. Just like everything else, they had their fair share of pros and cons. I also remember people used gifs more than they did icons back in those days, and I didn't mind that part at all. Sometimes it can be more fun to use gifs, as long as they aren't huge and stretch all the way across your reply, especially when you're scrolling through on a mobile dashboard.

14. which roleplay community has been your favorite to write in?

I know everyone is probably expecting me to say DALLAS, and while it certainly is one of my favorites, I also need to give a shoutout to the soap opera world. I made so many friends in that genre back in the day, some of which I'm still in close contact with today. We've just had so much fun together over the years, and tbh it's part of the reason why I've had so much muse for Lauren Colby and Serenity Scorpio lately. One of my old friends lured me back to RP.ME ( a.k.a. MySpace 2.0 ), and I've officially fallen back down the rabbit hole(s).

#x.| we'll probably have take three ( ooc )#mischiefxmanagcd

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goddessjynx · 3 years

Text

Any parent please answer?

Idk if anyone will see this, but right now I need just anyone to tell me I'm not crazy.

Am I a bad friend for wanting to hang out with my ex-bestie (eb for short) while she has her kids or she's busy and can't hang, so I offer to come over, to help watch, to help clean? Anything just to be there for her, why? Oh because she was on her third child, at this time I literally went over to her house to play dnd with her husband and brother and her sometimes. So I would try and say "hi" or talk, but instead we stayed doing something else or barely said hi. Ok, fine, hormones, got it. It got to the point of she wouldn't want to hang out with me for reasons she stopped telling me decent sounding excuses. Fine, That's fine, I have other friends who I can hang with or find other things to stay inside and not get out of the house to do. I don't need to leave the house, to get away from the suffocating inside the house with a mentally and verbally abusive, controlling husband. That's. Just. Fine.

So you know, time goes on. we find out that the reason she won't hang out with me, but will hang out with the other girl who she hates (Mind you the other chick literally broke into their house, tried to start drama all the time, and be hazardous to her already two children But who am I to judge about the person you rant to me about how you hate them so much?) But the other chick was also pregnant after divorcing her wife. It's honestly such a mess. So "anyways, I get excluded now because I "Don't understand what she's going through" or "I won't have the same experience" or I'm "not a good source of help" Lol, Okay? I still can't help? Be happy for you? Cool. So things go on, and just things have gotten worse on my end. I'm over here with such a mind debilitating baby fever, that I'm having to pull my car over watching children get off the school bus because I'm in such a crying fit that I can't breathe or see straight. So who the hell would I go to about what do I do? My Bestie right? (There's a reason we are eb rn) I tell her, well try, Idk how much she actually listened. But I tell her how I just can't think about anything else right now. I did everything right, and the world keeps slapping me back.

I own a 4 bedroom house. we have two cars, we even have decently everything working out in our favor, But all of a sudden, I'm not good enough for anyone. My own husband two months after getting married said he hasn't found me attractive for the last two years. THAnks. That's a real boost. This didn't start the fights, but that's a whole other set of rants. about a year before my eb got pregnant, around or right before July 4th, I strictly remember, I was in the walmart fucking bathroom. I had felt so sick the weeks beforehand. Like, My menstrual cycle hates me. She's savage af. Not to mention she likes to disappear randomly and appear with just cramps or a whole flood. I never know. But I remember calling my husband in a panic because I don't know what to do while I had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt, and all I have is half dollar sized clots. Just something my medical brain, and senior year of AP biology says, "Fuck!" I have him figure something out because I'm really needing someone to just hold me in the bathroom I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm dizzy and all these symptoms I tell him to tell the doctor or whoever he calls.. So he calls, they say whatever to him. I don't either remember or he never told me what they said, (this is a normal of hiding information from me, A LOT) They said (What he told me) to just wipe things up and clean up then if it persists in the next 24 hours to go into the hospital. But I will have to see an ob-gyn.

So, Okay. Nothing bad. but they are in charge of everything along those lines. But those were including two words, that I now know were the two words this man didn't want to hear despite, DESPITE all the teasing and jokes about having kids with me when I was younger with him and literally just dating. That was because I had to see a family planning doctor. I was told by HIM that it was nothing, and we will be fine. I just blamed it on my cramps that are horrible and never put thought to it because I had believed that's what he was told. So that's a trauma my brain locked away until recently as I'm going through my divorce right now. But, I was thinking about how shortly after that, I got a call from my eb about how they were all waiting on me because I'm making us late for bringing stuff to the grill out and bonfire later. Fine, mask all the pain and keep fucking going. right?

She seemed genuinely not worried, saying it was probably just a bad cycle. She gets them all the time too. Its whatever. My now bestie's sister has gone through the same thing I described multiple times, enough that she looked at me and was like, "No, You possibly miscarried." even her mom went on about, "they should've never NEVER brushed that off like they did. If they cared then they would've made sure you were ok. My husband denied me from going to the doctor to see anything about it. Even after when I knew my hormones and emotions were just soooo off. But that's in my mind now, when before maybe around the same time my eb came out saying to all of us even her own husband one time saying she's been feeling crummy because she went in and she found out she had miscarried. It was so short after my stuff that she disregarded then took and made attention for herself that upset her own husband because she never told him until she told a bunch of us at a bar. I mean I felt bad for her, but Now thinking back, my gut says it was a ploy to make her husband to feel bad for her and to try for another one. Where as I'm over here waiting patiently because I jumped through Hoops to get where I'm at now.

My husband promised me children. Lots, its a fucking dream to be a mum. I care for everyone else, and their kids, why not have some kind of mini me to show of what I did. That I did good. That I can be useful to this world too. That I'm not just a lump of no good nothing to this world. But first, he needed a better paying job than a gas station.

Did that, he worked at a metal parts production place. But we then gave the fact that we still live in the apartment I got after moving out from high school. We rented a house. It worked, and it was nice. But now he needs a car, but he cant do that until he learns how to drive. 3 years older than me and I taught him how to drive. AND I helped him buy his first car, a truck. Oh but now, we still can't start a family. We are only renting. I have enough good credit that I could get a house alone, but I needed a higher pay. Bam with his income together we got a house.

Bam, I'm hit with baby fever and what not. NOW I get told, we aren't ready for anything like that yet, so wait two years. Alright, I'll wait. I can do that. We were going to go on trips together and do many things together and all of a sudden, the walmart thing happened, and it just got worse from there. It got to a point I got a job paying BETTER than him and I was the laughing stock to him and his buddies. THANKS. But I'm fine, everything is fine. The walmart thing was about two years after, so I mean, it was actually in the time frame and whatnot. Things just kept going on getting worse at home, I just kept listening. For reasons, I had to quit my high paying job, and then everything got absolutely horrible at home. Had to put everything I had control over money wise into his account for he worried it would take too long to find an new job and make money to suffice for bills. It was argument after argument, but I went to my eb explaining things, asking what the hell do I do? Her advice? To just do what he wants. The thing I had to quit about? She basically never cared about it. Everything just went on being a mess. I went on just letting people walk over me because that was the advice I was given.

I voiced my feelings that I have been following lies and how I feel hurt that I'm told dreams and having them be taken away. We never went on trips much. Instead we would buy a crap ton of ammo or new guns that I'm not allowed to use, yet I'm helping fund so you can get them, but when it was my own that I BOUGHT, all of a sudden, my things went missing and he would be out using and letting his buddies use my new guns and using up the ammo I had purchased on my own. I mean, fine, but let me at LEAST take yours out if you're going to use mine without asking. It got to be so annoying that we would be asked when we would get married or when we would have kids. He would be hugging me and smiling all cocky saying "Oh well we haven't stopped trying." every time. He would start that tell people this and I finally had enough. I stopped him and told him to put his money where his mouth was. He always said shit but never actually did it or acted on what he said. He would just lie to everyone. Tell people lies because it sounded nice. Best part? I had bought a ring for him. I proposed to him because he would joke about things like that. So I basically said, "bet" and did it. I have never received a damn ring! He wouldn't even want to look at them with me. Because they were expensive. Not all of them are. I don't care what price it is, but something to say, "Hey, I love you and Don't want the odd peeps at the bar to keep hitting on you so take this with you, its dangerous out there." (Shut up. I'm a nerd) But like.... I just would make notions about, I wanted a ring. He would beg me to pool together money and buy new guns, I mean I"m not against, but I would bring up that I will want a ring. Or even something else would be you know, amazing right now because I'm in a lost place wanting kids still and my eb just announced they were having their third. (which her own family was so upset about it that they ranted to me and my mom, her own brother said that its just another kid that they will end up taking care of instead of her so she can go to the bars again. Yep) So next we talked about getting a gun safe because, before we can have kids, we need to be SAFE. Ight, we bought it. Nice matte black 33 capacity, fire and water proof, best part the front had a reallly pretty engraved waving American flag imprinted on it. It was just so smooth. (Guess who has that right now btw) So oddly enough in the middle of me not being enough for my eb, My cycle kind of returned to being semi regular, and all of a sudden disappeared. Well that whole month beforehand we went from never wanting to touch me unless it was my birthday to every night he was angry after work and took it out on me instead. I mean, whatever. But when it came to me not feeling well, I told him.

Instantly it wasn't mine. I was fooling with other guys. Like instant psycho. His childhood friend came and moved up with us, she saw this for a good few months and had to move out because he was trying to control her as if she were a child. She told me that it was not right for him to be that way and that she will never talk to him for how he treated her. (which was exactly how he was always with me too) I'm not sure if he was trying to get my jealous because his bff was a girl? Idk we worked out like literally sisters. Sooo much in common and she told me, She believes he's never wanted kids. And she watched how I broke down after he told me he wanted nothing to do with me until I took a test. He DEMANDED that I took a test right away. If it was positive, it wasn't his until proven so. And if it was negative he would be fine. this was ridiculous. He wasn't at all happy or excited. Purely upset. I felt so shitty that after the test was negative I told him and he threatened about it happening again he was leaving back to Kansas. He threatened this every damn fight, it got to the point that I gave up, I said leave then. And instantly he shut up. I got him out of gangs, crime, jail, living on the street or with his mum, and being a maaajor drug addict. Yet I'M THE BAD PERSON.

Back to recently when my eb is getting closer to having her kid, I just go through finding out I'm not and my husband is freaking out at me, nonstop yelling at me that I'm not good enough and all this shit. Yes, lil ol me trying to keep the peace in the house is a cunt and a whore. Wow. Name calling, but hitting where it hurts? I told him before, how my mother in an argument said I would be a horrible mother. And that shit sticks. IT STICKS. So what does the smart ass pull out? He repeats it. He says he's glad I'm not pregnant because I'd be a horrible mother in the end.

That. That just kills a person. That kills dreams and the feeling of wanting to keep living. Who the FUCK says that to their partner? Am I wrong for thinking that's not right? Well my eb thought I was. I told her my feelings. How I don't want to be jealous of her, but I am. That she's more beautiful, she's always had guys hitting on her in school inviting her to do things and hang out, I was the nerd in whatever class that got invited only if it was mandatory. She will be having three kids and a loving husband that can never take his hands or eyes from her, where as I have to act like a clown to get my husband to look up from his damn phone. To say something nice. To

be acknowledged while in the house. I've left and came back the next morning because I hung out at my now besties house. He didn't say a word until I came home the next morning and he looked at me like "when the fuck did you leave" No care, no love. I was stuck being a burden. Anything I ever did around the house was in vain. Everything I helped with I got shoved away because I didn't do it right. EVERYTHING I did was not good enough. I would tell him this that is how I felt and he would deny it. One day, I caught him yelling at me saying that what I did wasn't ever good enough. Calle him out right away. Bitch... He tried to change the wording to go around what he said. I HEARD IT. it was so bad I had to have my bestie on the phone to listen to how he talked to me behind closed doors. Away from public view. HER MOM HEARD IT. Thought she was watching some kind of dramatic show, until she realized it was me on the phone. She's listened to so many calls its unheard of. There was a day, I had enough of it. (Ok A lot actually) but I grabbed my laptop and my charger and left the house. I sat in the park drawing on my laptop. Texted every person I could think of that I cared so deeply for that they would care for me back. I was in a dark ass place asking for Advice. My eb shrugged off what my husband was doing and scolded me for leaving. For sitting in a park drawing out my feelings instead of being with him because he's being dramatic to her husband upset that I started an argument. I didn't understand what I started when it was over me telling him not to throw the controller when he loses a COD game because that's how it breaks. Why he threw it? Because I distracted him by playing with my cat while he was playing the damn game and made him lose! yep. Exactly that. So I was yelled at to quit. So I did. I went back to my drawing and then with my headphones on I was humming to my music. It distracted him and he lost. So I flipped out because I can't do anything in my own house without being scolded for it. So I stormed off to the bedroom to draw some more. I'm upstairs and away from him. Didn't want to eat now I'm stressed and upset. So I didn't cook anything and now he's hungry and upset at me for not making food yet. YES. That's how it started and I again was the bad person in the story for safely removing myself from an environment where all my mind was telling me to do was dark things that hurt to say. To give up on everything I have worked for and all my dreams.

That was the last time I spoke to her for a while because everything started to be only about baby and about doing this for baby. Doing that for baby. But then she would never answer me back. I was done trying to fit time to hang out. To do something, I made new friends who didn't have kids and hung out more with them. It got horrible. the sound of a child crying made my stomach hurt. I had non stop dreams of the same thing happening. It was just awful. I looked it up and it was just meaning I had something and lost it. Whatever is missing in the dream what what I had lost.

In this dream I was dressed in all black, lace and long dress covering every inch of skin on my body. I had a hat with a veil and I was rocking a bundle in my arms in an old decrepit room with peeling paint and broken toys. It was a nursery. An old ruined nursery. I was rocking just a black blanket swaddled with a hole that emptied to the void. It gives me chills, I get this dream so much that me explaining just makes my skin crawl and my body ache. It hurts to think of but I just cannot understand it. Makes sense now that I looked into it.

But me going through all of this, I can't talk to my husband about my feelings because I'm too needy and being selfish for not taking his feelings into an account. That he's not ready that we are not ready and that I'm not ready because I'm going to be a horrible mom. Cool.

I have tried so much. I couldn't be around kids. It made me so sick and I jus would have to find somewhere to hide and cry for hours. I would cry myself to sleep. Never getting comfort by him because I'm throwing a pity party. I was so hurt. Still am. I'm broken hearted. Thinking that if I had a kid, at least I would have something that needed me and would love the care I gave and would love me back. I wanted to feel loved for how much I put out in the world. I wanted to have something to ground me to this world before I did something stupid. I was in such a dark place that I drove an hour to go see my bestie because I was scared that I was going to do it. That I was going to be the big disappointment he told me I would always be. Three months later, baby is here and I go back to playing dnd with my friends and its at their house. My husband is rubbing it in my face. He's holding baby and talking to baby and doing all these things making my mind break. He asks if I want to hold her. If i if iififififi NO.

I can't I cannot. I'm trying to be respectful. I missed out on other games because I had to hype myself up. I procrastinated because I didn't know how I would be or if I could handle it. I got to the point that my eb's husband told me that he doesn't want me playing anymore because I sent a text trying to apologize to my now eb that I feel so bad but I can't see her right now since seeing her kids just sends me into a panic attack and I can't stop thinking horrible things. So she takes that as I have a problem with HER kids and not just the KIDS situation. Doesn't hear me out. blames me for everything and has me banned from coming over. in which her husband says he doesn't want me over anymore. Which my rebuttal is because she's telling him only. But he said it was his choice. I don't know don't care. It just hurt that THATS the reason I got kicked out. Not because I was good, but that I couldn't handle their kids. And I would not pay attention by drawing the whole time. I was distracting myself because I'm trying to drown out the noises of cooing making my gut rot and my mouth dry. So by all means I'm selfish for wanting a dream that I was being promised for the last 6 years of physically being with my soon to be ex. I've know for actually 12 years. And that I drove 15 hours to bring you to me since you couldn't drive.

So I need to know from real parents, was I out of line for telling my eb that I had feelings and that them not being heard or just cast to the side hurt? Am I crazy for feeling that I've been robbed? For being upset when my husband comes home drunk and abuses me? For being hurt when I'm called all sorts of names and told I'm worthless by the man I should trust the most? Please. I need to know.

I know I'm ranting, but I need to get it out. I need to find some sort of something to figure out why I'm feeling this way, or why I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm fighting for the divorce since i haven't been to my owned house in the last 5 months since he changed the locks on me. I moved an hour away from my home and my family and still to this day, I hurt to hear or watch children around me. I'm happy, but inside something aches and just feels empty. Not to mention that I got told by people that know me that he's been caught buying condoms. We are still technically married, and he can't be doing those things right now. Am I jealous? Upset? Hurt? All of the above? It just sucks and I'm drowning in debt a bit trying to work my ass off to get where I want in life again since all of everything has been ripped from me. I'm trying. Please let me know if I'm crazy or out of line? I want to be heard. I'm going to start to save up. I have a plan for my 27th birthday. If it doesn't work in time for my 28th birthday, I'm not sure what else I can do but join the 27 club.

#send help #please reblog #mental health #parents #mother #father #moms #family #reblog #important #self care #self love #self help #self esteem #self healing #my story

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luvelyhs · 3 years

Text

one last time part 2

IM BACK! thought i’d celebrate with finally uploading one last time part 2! also..i physically couldn’t write this without putting some angst in there i apologize but there is a happy ending because it’s what y/n DESERVES!

you can read ONE LAST TIME PART ONE here!

Warnings: lack of communication lol, angst, smut, happy ending

~~~~~~~~~~

They hadn’t woken up with Harry still in bed in a long time, Y/N had missed it. A lot.

His head lay on the pillow, face smushed into it. His eyes were closed and he was snoring softly. Y/N couldn’t help but smile, she loved him.

But if they were gonna be distant with each other, what was the point of marriage? It was a heartbreaking thought that their love wasn’t strong enough to withstand not even two years before it was over.

She carefully lifted her hand, tracing her fingertips over his forehead, down the side of his face, and lightly running her fingers over his pouty lips. He twitched a little and it made her heart jump. She didn’t want him to wake up yet, didn’t want him to realize what was happening and then leave. No, she wanted him here, right here. For as long as she could have him. Because right now, he was still her husband. He was still the husband that loved her and wanted to spend time with her. Not the husband who didn’t really act like one anymore, the one always avoiding her at all costs. And it hurt, it hurt like a bitch to think that the man who she loved with her entire mind body and soul might not even love her anymore.

She admired him, she didn’t know for how long. All she knew was that the sky was dark when she woke, to it now shining bright in the sky, the birds outside chirping noisily into the air.

It started with his eye twitching, his breathing changed, his eyes peeked open, then closing again once the light hit them. He groaned out, raising his arm to cover his eyes.

Y/N couldn’t stop watching him, she should feel like a creep but this was her husband. For now, at least. The thought made her frown.

He recovered, uncovering his eyes and peering at her. She watched as his eyes widened a bit at the sight of her, and her heart broke a little.

“Shit, what time is it?” Y/N gulped and looked at her bedside table to where the alarm clock is, reading 9:53 am and reciting it back to him.

“Fuck, I was s’posed to be at the studio at 9. Jeff’s gonna kill me.” Y/N stayed silent as he quickly got off the bed, running to their shared closet and changing quickly, then running to their bathroom and closing it.

Y/N didn’t even notice the tear slipping down her face until it landed on her lips. She quickly wiped it and decided to get up as well, making their bed where they had made love for the last time last night.

She had to call up a divorce lawyer, schedule a meeting. File for a divorce, draft up the divorce papers. Gather herself and her emotions. Text her best friend for emotional support. This was all a new experience for her, and she was scared as hell. The last thing she wanted to do was end their marriage, but if he wasn’t happy, then she wasn’t happy either.

The bathroom door opened and he was looking around the room for something.

“Y/N have you seen my keys?”

“Have you checked the pants you were wearing yesterday?” She remembered unbuttoning those pants, pulling them down and having her way with him. This was getting too much for her.

“Ah, thanks, love.” Y/N sighed, placing the throw pillows in the right places and checking her phone for messages.

“I’ll be at the studio late tonight. Don’t wait up.” And then he was off, like yesterday never happened. And when she heard the front door slam shut she let the tears loose. She sobbed and sobbed into the throw pillow she just placed down, crying hard at the thought of losing him.

Still crying, she called her best friend to come over. Her best friend was shocked and scared that she was full on sobbing at 10 am, but she was too worried to question her. She raced to Y/N’s and Harry’s home, using her spare key to get in. Her heart broke at the mess Y/N was in. She knew about her and Harry’s distance but it never got this bad for Y/N.

“Can you find me a divorce lawyer?”

~~~

Vera Thomson was a top notch divorce attorney. Y/N’s best friend knew of her from her sister who had divorced her ex husband, and Vera made the process super easy for her.

Y/N tried to compose herself when her best friend was on the phone with Vera, but she broke again when she heard that she was free at 1 pm to discuss the details. Y/N didn’t want to meet up with her this soon, she didn’t want her marriage to end with the love of her life this soon. She kind of hoped for a delay in it, that it wouldn’t be this fucking easy.

“I-I can’t do this!” Her best friend sighed and wrapped her arms around Y/N, rubbing her hand up and down her back.

Between Y/N’s loud cries and the shushes from her best friend, they both didn’t hear the front door opening and closing. They also didn’t hear the footsteps climbing up the stairs and stopping outside their bedroom door.

“P-please, this can’t just be it!”

“Shh, Y/N, it’s alright. It will be okay. I’m here for you, we’re all here for you.”

Outside their open bedroom door, Harry stood in utter confusion at hearing Y/N’s cries. He wanted to go in but somewhere in his mind he knew he was a reason for her tears. It broke Harry apart each heart wrenching sob she let out. He wanted to go in and comfort his love, but for some reason he couldn’t move his feet.

When Y/N composed herself to utter a few sentences, Harry’s entire world stopped. He almost fell to his knees at her words.

“Do you really think divorce is the best option? S-should I at least wait a few more days until meeting with her? Or, or should I just get it over with today? How long does divorce papers take to draft? I’m so scared, I don’t wanna do it.”

She wanted a divorce? She was meeting with a divorce lawyer to draft the papers? He didn’t want what he was hearing to be true, they were okay.. Weren’t they? Yeah, he’s been super busy writing his next album, but she had to know she was the most important thing to him, right? He loved her with all of his heart, he never wanted her to feel like this, to the point of heartbreak and tears. He vowed to always make her feel special, and to always be there for her and to always spend time with her. Was he really the one making her feel like this?

Sure, he’d been coming home later than usual, spending long hours everywhere he got an ounce of inspiration for a new song. He’d be at the studio perfecting one song, then starting the next. But he didn’t know she felt this way. Was she that unhappy?

Holy fuck- he suddenly remembered her words from yesterday. “One last time, H. Please.”

“She’s a popular attorney, Y/N. I don’t know when the next meeting will be, you’re lucky she had room for you today.”

Y/N scoffed. She was lucky? She didn’t think she was lucky that she was getting divorced to her husband.

“Sorry, bad choice of words. Look, if you’re having second thoughts, I can cancel for you. Take all the time you need, you don’t have to rush, Y/N. This is a big decision, and maybe you should talk to him first? Maybe this doesn’t have to be an option? Maybe marriage counseling..?”

“No..” Y/N shook her head in disagreement.

“Marriages shouldn’t need counseling. If we were meant to last together, we don’t need counseling to dig into why we are unhappy in this marriage. Besides, this is for him. He’s the one unhappy, and if he’s unhappy, I am.”

Harry couldn’t take it anymore. He entered the room, both Y/N and her best friends heads looking up and eyes wide and frozen at the sight of him.

“What are you talking about, Y/N? You think I’m unhappy in this marriage?”

“Harry-“ Y/N started cautiously, not knowing how much he heard but he would of had to hear her last sentences if he was reacting like this.

“No, Y/N! I love you so fucking much, and to think I was ever unhappy in this relationship is utter bullshit.”

He was so worked up, so emotional, he was pacing the room trying to form words to explain his thoughts. His thoughts that were running wild, he was scared. He was scared that he would lose her, lose his precious Y/N. His darling who meant the whole universe and more to him.

He was mad also. Mad that she ever thought he was unhappy. Mad at himself for making her think he was unhappy. Mad at the both of them for not communicating their feelings properly. Mad that she would’ve given up this easily.

“H.. please. We both know you’re unhappy in this marriage. Is this not what you want?” Y/N saw the tears running down his face and she blanched, feeling awful for making him cry. She honestly thought she was doing the right thing, but maybe it was the fear. The fear that he no longer wanted her, that he had the ability to find prettier women. She was insecure, but fuck how can she not be? Her conflicting emotions must’ve shown in her face before her best friend rubbed her back and told her she was going to go.

Y/N nodded absentmindedly while staring at Harry. She made the decision to carefully approach him, what she wasn’t expecting was for him to fall to his knees before her.

“Don’t leave me, baby, please don’t leave me.” He cried out, Y/N’s heart wrenching in pain at the sight.

“I’m not, H. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” She fell to her knees with him, hugging his body close to her, so tight but she didn’t care. She sighed in relief.

He pulled back. “I- I remember you saying ‘one last time’ last night.. I thought nothing of it, but you were planning to leave me last night?” Y/N felt she was on an emotional roller coaster. She realized how wrong she had been in not communicating with him before taking a big step, calling a divorce lawyer. She should have talked to him about her feelings. Communication is key. They both knew that, so why had they both been quiet?

“I never want you to leave me, baby, never. You’re my heart, my soul, my everything. W-were supposed to start a family, grow old together, baby, tell me why you wanted to divorce me? Please?” They were both full on sobbing at this point. Y/N paused for a few seconds to think of her words.

“I never want to leave you, never want you to go either. We’ll be okay, H, okay?” Y/N cradled his face with her hands and traced his cheekbone, pressing warm kisses all around his face, and wiped away his tears.

“I’m sorry for assuming, I was just scared it was true, that you didn’t want me anymore.” She whispered. Harry’s face showed love and compassion as he kissed her lips, shoving into it warmth and passion and love and care.

“I need you, baby.” Harry murmurs against her lips, the kiss soon turning passionate and taking them to another level.

“Mmm, then have me.” Sexual intimacy was a big part of one’s relationship, and thank God their’s was out of this world. He worshipped her body and in return she worshipped his, they knew each other’s likes and dislikes and was not afraid to push one’s boundaries a little bit further. They were comfortable with each other, but in a good way that there were still more things to learn.

Her words ignited a spark in him—show her she’s the only one for you, show her you’ll never leave her— and that’s what he intended to do. Harry slowly brought them up, gripping her waist and pulled her up, bringing her body to the bed and depositing her there.

Eyes alight with excitement and lust, he prowled toward her.

“I can’t take it slow baby.” Harry heard her words but didn’t pay them no mind. He wanted to bring her to new heights that she hadn’t felt before with him.

Y/N tried to undress him but he pushed his hoodie back down and pinned her wrists to the bed. “Lay back and relax, baby, this is all about you.” Y/N gulped at the fire in his eyes and nodded, laying back and letting him take over.

He traced her body with his hands, not letting a single surface go untouched, he pulled her sleep shirt off, marveling at the sight of her perky breasts and hard nipples. She gasped when he blew hot air onto her left one, not touching it. He did the same to her right.

“No teasing me, H.” He again didn’t reply but finally wrapped his lips around her nipple, she moaned and gripped his hair, bringing him closer to her. He switched to the other and swirled his tongue over it, sucking and playfully biting.

He pressed a trail of kisses down her body, stopping at the waistband of her pajama pants.

“Even in just nighties, you look divine.” Y/N blushed at his compliment and bashfully looked away.

The tug on her waistband prompted her to lift up her hips, Harry pulling them down and then she was just in her underwear.

He blew out a breath and bit his lip.

“God, I fucking love you.” She mumbled the words back and he looked up into her eyes and smiled. “I’m sorry for making you feel like you were second choice. You’ll always come first, always. Please talk to me if you ever have doubts.” She nodded sniffling as she felt tears well up in her eyes again.

“Promise.” Y/N whispered, and he grinned, wiping a tear away and then started kissing around her thighs, sucking on the skin.

After what seemed like forever, he pulled her underwear off, immediately licking up a stripe up her vagina.

“Oh!” She sat up, gripping his head as he swirled his tongue over her clit and devoured her like no tomorrow.

“Ah! Ah, shit, Harry!” She yelled out, lost in the invigorating pleasure he brought upon her body.

He got up, withdrawing from her body. She started to protest but he laid down beside her on their big bed.

“Sit on my face.” Wasting no time, she came over on top of him and slowly sat, feeling his tongue enter her in and out and all around. He sucked and nipped and kissed, she saw stars.

He knew her body so well, but no matter how many times she’s come on his face, he made her feel so special.

“So fucking wet, come all over my face baby.” He said into his pussy, and she gripped the bed sheets as she came, riding out her high and smashing his face in between her legs.

She gasped, nothing really coming out except a squeak. Her ears felt numb and as she was coming down from her high, she looked down.

The bed sheets were wet around his face and she sat up a bit, seeing how his face was dripping with liquid.

She gasped again in disbelief. “No!” Harry laughed brightly, excited about what just happened.

“Yes!” She had squirted all over him but she didn’t feel the least bit embarrassed.

“You did so good for me, lovie.”

“Can I undress you now?”

“You can do whatever you want, I’m yours to do as you please.” She loved to hear those words coming out of his mouth. She quickly tugged off his work Columbia hoodie, tugging up his shirt in the process, then taking off his white pants and socks, leaving him in his boxers.

His length was fully hard underneath the fabric, so large and she wanted him so bad. Last night felt like forever ago even though it was only hours ago.

“I love your dick, baby.” Y/N said, bringing his hand into his underwear and wrapping a warm fist around his hardness.

He jolted at the contact and moaned at the squeeze of her palm.

She tugged off his boxers to his knees, not having the patience to give him a handie or blowie, she needed him in her now.

She positioned herself above him and made eye contact with him while slowly sinking down onto him. They both moaned at the feeling. It was different than last night. It had a different vibe, it was off, but right now they were better, and it felt so good.

She bounced on him, watching his face until her eyes squeezed shut in pleasure. He brought her down to hold her as he took control for a minute and fucked up into her. She took it, a loud moaning mess above her husband.

“Fuck, you feel so damn good, mmm...” He gave her ass a firm slap, rubbing it after to soothe. She squeezed around him at the feeling, and it prompted Harry’s release.

“Shit— baby, I’m coming.” She flipped them around, knowing he likes it best when he is fucking into her and taking control when he comes. He pistons his hips a few times and then brings his thumb to his mouth quickly, wetting it with his saliva then bringing it down to her mound, rubbing it in circles. That brought her up and over the edge and she screamed and they moaned and came together.

He stays within her a few minutes. Watching her relaxed face. They caught their breaths, and finally pulled out, watching the cum drip from her gorgeous pussy.

“Baby Styles?” He grins down at her, coming to lay beside her and pulled her in so close they could hear the other’s heart beat.

She shrugs in his warm grasp, enjoying the idea of starting their family.

“Maybe..”

“I love you.” He whispered, pressing a kiss into her hair. She sighed happily, in her post orgasmic bliss, but also because of the man laying beside her, her husband.

“I love you..” They laid together, enjoying themselves in each other’s presence.

It wasn’t one last time, after all.

THE END.

#harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles smut #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction

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youralternantpersonality · 3 years

Text

Hello My Dear Friend

Warning: Talking about Texas (I'm from here, chill bro lol), panic attacks, Phonophobia: the fear of loud sounds.

A/n: Hello! How have yall been? I hope you are okay and are taking self of yourself. I'll be 100% with yall, I guess I just had to get out what was wrong with me because out of nowhere (with the help of medication) I had a need to start writing.

Also, I DID NOT KNOW MY LINKS WERE NOT WORKING! I’m so sorry. I realized the best way to get to my masters list is to go to my description bar. I don't know why it isn't. if you know how to fix it, please let me know!

Anyways, I never put summaries, but here's a little snip—Y/n is best friends (100% platonic) with Jared and will be with Embry. The end. Enjoy!

***

Y/n POV

Finally! I'm finally coming back to the place I grew up at and loved. The place where nature is at every corner. I never thought I would miss the muggy and rainy state. I miss my friends on the Res and the few friends I had in Forks. I especially miss my little brother-from-another-mother, Jared.

Jared and I grew up together on the Reservation. We befriended each other instantly in second grade after making a bet that one of us could eat our rainbow popsicle faster than the other. The winner gets the strawberry scented eraser and a mechanical pencil that the other grabbed from a 3rd grader. Needless to say, I won. Granted, I had a brain freeze, but it was 100% worth it. But now I was on my way back to La Push to finish my Junior year with my friends after leaving in Freshman year.

Pulling up to the house I grew up with, I was welcomed by my grandparents and my aunt Lydia. My grandmother and aunt were already outside washing what looks like something green; I'm assuming she's making collard greens tonight. My grandfather just came from around the side of the house with some more logs to make a fire. As soon as the car is parked, they look up with smiles on their faces, and I jump out to embrace my family.

"Nana, Papa, Aunty!" I say as I run up to them as they get ready for me to embrace them. After Nana had a minor heart attack, Aunt Lydia came to La Push from California to assist her since she was a nurse for the elderly. She eventually moved in with them after she divorced her bastard of a husband. Their marriage is an example of what happens when you don't communicate well with your partner beforehand. Aunt Lydia never wanted kids—she liked them, but she also liked giving them back to their parents. Her ex-husband, Justin, wanted kids. He's always wanted kids, and knowing that she never wanted them, he still tried to sabotage any way for them to get one. Hiding her birth control, poking a hole in the condom, arguing that she'd change her mind eventually. Not understanding that she did not want one. At some point, he claimed he was okay with it, but as soon as they got married, I guess he figured she'd change her mind.

Three years later, she filed for divorce. Not long afterward, she moved back up here; then, when Nana had a heart attack, she moved in with them. It's been a year since all of that happened. She is now dating a man in Forks who already has kids and doesn't want anymore. The kids are in fifth, seventh, and ninth grade, so she's content and happy. They all love her, and she loves them equally, if not more.

"Hey, baby! How's my Ladybug." Nana asked. Ever since I was little, she gave me that name. I was adopted by the Nomalose at two, and the second my Nana came up to me in her kitchen, somehow a Ladybug flew in and landed on my shoulder. Thus, granted me the name Ladybug.

"I'm good, Nana. How are you feeling?" I asked, hugging her as she continued to sit in her chair then moving to my aunt.

"Oh, baby, I'm fine. Always am, and always will be." She says with a smile. So optimistic as always. After greeting everyone as we moved inside, we all sat around to catch up on what has happened since we were gone. Dad had a job transfer in Texas, so we had to pack up and head out. At first, leaving La Push and moving to Dallas was (obviously) terrifying, but I was repulsed by the thought of it. But after a while, it wasn’t too bad. I mean, yes, it's hot as hell, some people are questionable, the pollen is horrific, and the redlining system is as evident as can be. However, I grew to love the heat and get a tan, made some friends, and the food…. oh, the food. What kind of threw me off is that they have to state the Texas flag pledge in class every day. What the absolute fuck.

After finishing up, we head back to the car and head to our home. Grabbing our stuff and unpacking it before the rest of our furniture arrives tomorrow. It's only mid-July (imagine moving in the middle of the summer from Texas to Washington. It was absolute hell), so I take this time to explore the area I once knew and get acquainted with. I plan on calling up some friends before I see my A1, the Jelly time to my Peanut butter, the Tom to my Jerry, the Magenta to my Blue, Jared Cameron. We kind of fell off within the last couple of months, but a little show-and-tell never hurt anyone.

I text some of my old friends I kept in contact with, and we decided to meet up at the beach. I put on my shorts, grab my beach gear, and head out.

"Be back before the streetlights-" mom started,

"-Come on. I know, I know. I'll text you when I'm on my way home." I finished. I kiss my parents and jump in the car to head to First beach. When I arrived, I see my sister-from-another-mister, LaCienega.

"Y/n/n!" She screams, running to me.

"Cien!" I scream back. We hug each other as tightly as possible before laughing like a bunch of crazy women.

"So, you're just going to forget all about us? Well, bitch, fuck you too." I look behind Cien and see her twin brother Javier and our other two friends, Leilani and Damion. I go up to them and hug the absolute shit out of them, and we all head towards the beach. We spent the day laughing, crying, playing soccer, and playing chicken before calling it. I planned on seeing Jared tomorrow but was warned by Leilani.

"Jared isn't Jared anymore, Y/n/n," she says, looking down at her hands with a deflated expression.

"What do you mean?" I asked, looking at everyone else too.

"Did Jared stop talking to you recently?" Javier asked. I nod my head slowly. They looked at one another, and he continued. "He did the same to us too. He randomly disappeared one day, and the next thing we know, he grew a whole foot and a half, gained muscle, got a tattoo, and just ignored us. He started to hand it out with Sam Uley. Now when we see him, he just ignores us and moves on like we are nothing to him." I shake my head. That can't be right; Jared wouldn't be like that—he can hardly ignore starting random shit with people, especially if there's money involved.

"I mean, yeah, he did fall off the face of the earth, but…no. I'm going over there tomorrow. I'll talk to him to see what's up. That just doesn't sound like the Jared I know." I say, packing up.

"Well, if you can get him to talk, ask him for that $20 he owes me. Bastard never paid me back after winning a bet that I could out eat an XL pizza against him." Damion laughs. I nod my head and head to my car. On the way home, I think about what they said. I just can't fathom that Jared would be like that to anyone. It just doesn't sound like him at all.

~~~

The next day, I text the crew that I was on my way to talk to Jared. I decided to surprise him, and because I knew he didn't live too far, I decided to get my steps in and just walk to his place. Once I was there, I knocked on the door, and his mom answered.

"Oh my…Y/n? Is that really you?!" she exclaims with a smile on her face. She instantly pulls me into a hug, and tears swell in her eyes.

"Hi, Mrs. Olivia," I say back as I hug her. She invites me in, and we talk until Jared's sister and dad walk through the door.

"Y/n!" Kaylee, Jared's sister, screams and runs to me. I hug the now 12-year-old girl.

"Hey hon, hi, Mr. Kevin," I say, giving a wave across the room.

"Hey Y/n, how have you been? When did you get in?" he asked.

"I’ve been good. Just settling in. We came in yesterday morning. I came by to see you guys, and I was wondering where Jared was.” His demeanor changed. He cleared his throat and said Jared is with some friends and now isn’t a good time seeing him. He basically rushed me out of the house after that. As I was walking home, I thought it was strange, but I didn’t want to question it…for now.

It was only one in the afternoon, so I decided to walk to the diner not far from his house. I go up to the counter to order something to-go and sit on the barstool. Taking out my phone, I text Cien and Leilani what happened. They found it strange, but they weren’t too shocked by it. When I looked around the small diner, my eye caught a pair of familiar eyes.

“Kim?” she looks at me, and her eyes widen instantly. She gets up from her table and walks over to me and hugs me.

“Holy shit! Y/n?! What are you doing here? When did you get in?” she asked. Kim and I weren’t necessarily “besties,” but we were friends. More like the type to hang out around school, but not so much outside of it.

“Hey! I moved back. Came in yesterday. How have you been?” I asked. Before she could say anything, my food comes out, and she offers a ride to drive me home.

“Oh, you don’t have to. I don’t mind walking.” She looks at me hesitantly,

“Come on, we can talk on the way. Plus, daylight or not, you never know what's lurking.” She says.

“What do you mean?” I ask. She grabs her stuff from the table she was sitting at alone, and we walk towards the door.

“Well, lately, there has been a lot of bear sightings in the area. People coming up missing or dead. And, I just don’t want you to be the next victim.” She says as we head towards my place.

“Damn, so, let me guess, no hiking?” she nods her head.

“Please, please, please! Do. Not. Go. Into. The. Woods. Especially by yourself. The last thing we need is someone going missing again.” She emphasizes. I look at her with shock and just nod my head. At the light, she turns to me. “I’m serious Y/n. I know you have a habit of being a daredevil and taking risks. Don’t do it.” I look back at her with a shocked expression and just nod my head.

“Yeah, okay. I promise.” I say being serious. She nods her head, and we continue onward in silence. When we get home, I tell her bye and head inside. I now want to know what the fuck is going on, and what did I miss?

~~~

The next morning, I try calling up Jared, but I got no response. As I headed to the kitchen, I could hear Mr. Kevin’s voice laughing and talking to my dad in the living room. Heading in that direction, I welcome him then head into the kitchen to make myself some food. Once I was done, I head back to my room and get ready to head to the beach. I overheard Mr. Kevin saying that Jared and “the guys” would be at first beach. So, why not take a trip there for the fuck of it?

I tell my parental guiders that I will with some friends and head to my car. I text Leilani and Cien to meet me up at the beach for a little girl's day out. As I’m setting up, I run into Jacob Black, Embry Call, and Quil Ateara.

“Holy shit! Y/n!?” I turn to see Jake, and I smile at them and wave. We were classmates up until I left. I look at them, and I still see Quil looks like a baby, and Embry has gotten a little cuter, yet awkward and shy, but cute as can be.

“Hey, guys! How are you?!” I say, hugging them. Maybe hugging Embry, a little longer than I probably should’ve. They were a grade younger than me, but I still would hang with them when they were around.

“Not too bad, can’t complain. How about you?” Quil exclaims. Embry just looking at me and giving me butterflies in my damn stomach.

“I’m good. You know, just moving back, living life, trying to not get killed in the process. The usual.” I say, smiling. We talk until the girls come up. I tell them to text me some time—mainly hinting at Embry—and we parted ways. A couple of hours later, the girls head home, and I stay for a little while longer while La Push is still welcoming the sun. Not long afterward, I’m cut from my daydream with loud hoots and hollers. I turn to see who it was, and I can only make out a few of them. One of the girls turns to me and waves at me. I look behind me to see no one, and I slightly wave back, having no idea who she is. She runs up to me, and I see it's Kim.

“Oh, shit. Kim, hey. Sorry, I can't see shit.” She smiles and laughs but brushes it off. She invites me over to play soccer with her friends, and I politely decline. I suck being around new people. She smiles and encourages me, but I hear the voice I’ve been looking for before I could say anything.

“Y/n?” I look up to see Jared. But not the Jared that I remember; this Jared is entirely different. Someone I have never met before in my life. This Jared looks like he belongs on WWE or some shit.

“Jared? Holy shit! You’re fucking huge!” I say, walking towards him. But before I could do anything, he cuts the reunion short.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Hold on. Pause. What the fuck?

“Um, I live here. What’s wrong? Is that a bad thing?” he rolls his eyes and crosses his arms.

“No, I meant here. On the beach. I thought me not replying meant not to contact me or follow me.” I looked at him, shocked. Kim steps in the middle.

“Woah, babe, chill. You guys cool?” I nod my head.

“Yeah, we’re friends.”

“Was.” What the…

“Woah, what the hell J. Did I do something? What the fuck is your problem? Last time I checked, this was a free beach.” What the hell was his problem? Who is this? This, this is…They were right, Jared has changed.

“Y/n, you shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t have come back!”

“Jared, what the hell!?” I walk up to him, confused. I look behind him and see 2 more guys and a female.

“Leave Y/n. Just to make everything clear to you and to all of your friends, leave me alone. Don’t talk to me, don’t text me, don’t contact me. Don’t come to my house to bother my family, and don’t bother my girlfriend. Come on, Kim.” I stood there in shock. Kim looked as puzzled as I did but looked back at me and walked off. I stood there until I felt something fall on my face—a tear. Before I could react cognitively, I go back to my stuff and head home. I honestly felt like my heart has been ripped to pieces.

As I pull up to the house, I run inside and go straight to my room. I sit on my bed and text everyone in the group text what happened and just shower and lay in my bed again. It wasn’t until later that evening that I came out of my room for dinner at my grandparents’ house that I communicated with everyone. Why would Jared act like that? Did he do that with everyone? Is this what everyone was talking about? Something is up. I’m not going to say it's ‘roid-rage, but… I can’t pass up the thought that it might be drugs.

The following week I keep myself busy doing little things and going out with my friends, hanging out with Jake, Quil, and Embry. Mainly attempting to not be bothered about my last interaction with Jared. Coming home from Port Angeles with everyone that evening, my parents are arguing again. I retreat my stuff upstairs and try to silence them out. Ever since I can remember, I’ve always had a horrible reaction when it comes to people screaming at me or arguing with or in front of me. I eventually narrowed it down to a time where I don’t remember before I was adopted. It didn’t help that my parents did it frequently as I grew up. It was worse when I was a kid. Before I would be able to leave and go to Jared’s house, he would calm me down. Now? I have no one. I can't necessarily go to my other friends because they don’t really get how bad it is. Jared is the only one who knows and who has seen the horror.

As much as I try to block it out, nothing is working. I grab my speaker and head to the bathroom to shower, trying to calm my nerves and tune them out. Hoping that they would stop by the time I get out. But I was wrong. It seemed like it has only gotten worse. And when I listened in, it was my fault.

“If you weren’t fucking yelling, she wouldn’t need to hide and turn up the music to block us out!” mom said.

“Why is it MY fault? Like EVERYTHING ELSE! Jesus! I told you to stop when the car pulled up! BUT NO! YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE THE LAST FUCKING WORD!” Dad said. And it was just like that back and forth. I slide down the back of my door and put in my headphones while trying to even my breath. Attempting to not have a panic attack. But it seemed as if the more I try, the louder they got. The louder they got, the more I cried. I couldn’t take it. I threw my headphones on the bed, grabbed my coat, put on my sneakers, and ran past my parents and out of the house. Even as I’m running away, I can hear them yelling about how I’m now leaving. It’s times like these that make me wonder why I can’t be normal.

Not realizing where I’m going, I just run. No stopping, no looking back, not thinking, just running. I don’t come back to the realization until I am in front of Jared’s driveway. I stop, thinking back on his hurtful words that I start panicking and running away from his home. Mindlessly running away, I trip and fall from a tree root sticking out of the ground. I look at my surroundings and notice that I somehow ended up in the forest. Confused and unsure, I look for a sign of familiarity, and I can’t find anything. Trying to not put myself in an even more state of panic, I take multiple deep breaths and calmly walk back into the opposite direction I tripped. But after a little while later, I notice I was lost even more. The sun is setting quickly, and I have no idea where I’m at.

Panic starts rising as I try to calmly and carefully walk out of the woods. I reach for my phone only to discover that I don’t have it. I either left it at home or dropped it when I fell. I stop by a nearby tree and just try to relax. But of course, life likes to go against me and scare the shit out of me. It wasn’t a second later that I heard the crunching of leaves and a branch snapping. I looked around me and didn’t see anyone. The rustling of the branches above me had me look up and saw nothing. But it was the figure in front of me that scared the living shit out of me.

In front of me stood an average height woman with chopped short black hair; she was skinny, pale skin, and beautiful. But what was creepy was the red eyes. I was so shocked by her appearance that I didn’t notice the man next to me. He towered over me. He looked six-feet, with silver blond hair, pale as the woman, and blood-red eyes.

“Well, well, well, look what we have here, Vanity. A little pet, I see.” The man says, stepping towards me.

“I see. Awe, she looks so adorable! I just want to eat her up! Can we keep her Leo!?” the female, Vanity, said. She gets a disapproving look from Leo, who turns to me, and the next thing I know, I’m up against the tree with this hand around my neck. This, by no means, is helping with my anxiety. I froze, unsure what to do.

“This is interesting, no fight back.” Leo says, “Well, where’s the fun in that?” he snarls. He throws me across the forest. I land on my shoulder and scream out in pain. “Run.” Is all he says before I get up and take off. I run as fast as I could while screaming for help. Hoping anyone is out there and available to rescue me from this hell.

“SOMEONE, PLEASE! HELP ME! HELP!” I yell, running as fast as my legs could carry me. If there's one thing I’m grateful for, it's being thankful for having the gift of balance. Without it, I would have tripped and fallen by now. I hear laughter above me, and as I look up, I see Vanity and Leo jumping from tree to tree, terrorizing me more. Nightfall has hit, and I can't see shit. I turn in another direction to get away from them, only to enter into an open field. I run across this little open area only to be cut off by Vanity on one side and Leo on the other.

“Now! We’re having fun. Right baby!?” Leo screams to her.

“Son of a bitch! What are you guys!? Please don’t hurt me!” I say, tears coming from my eyes.

“Well, since you asked so nicely. We’ll make it quick, hon.” Vanity says. She shoves me to the ground and moves my head to the side, but I hear a growl from across the field before she could do anything else. We all turn to look, and I see wolves. Giant wolves. What the living fuck is going on? A more enormous black wolf is leading two more of them, looking at us.

“Well, well, well. Look what we have here. I thought you guys died off.” Vanity says, turning to Leo, “The game just got interesting.”

“Game? What game? I don’t want to play.” I said in a quivering voice. One of the wolves looked at me; the one next to him stares back at him, then at me.

“Seems to me that one of them recognizes our little friend here, Leo.” The bitch pops my shoulder out of place, making me scream out in pain, begging them to let me go. The wolves growl and take a step closer.

“Gotta catch us to get her,” Leo says. Next thing I know, I’m tossed over his shoulder, and we’re taking off into the deep dark forest. Before I can react, I find myself moving at an inhuman speed. My mind catches up with my voice, and all I can do is scream.

“Let me go!” I yell to someone. I look up to see the wolves right on their tail. A second later, I'm being tossed in the air, and I was caught by Vanity.

“What the fuck! Please! Don’t kill me! Please!” they ignore my plea, and she starts jumping up from tree to tree along with Leo. She tosses me again, and I barely land in Leo’s arms. At this point, I'm crying. I have no idea what’s going on technically. Wolves are chasing us. I feel sick to my stomach. I just want to go home. I turn to look behind Leo and see a wolf right upon him. He senses it and tosses me to Vanity. She catches me, and I look ahead. We are coming up on a clearing, I recognize. It’s the cliff.

“NO! NO! NO! I CAN'T SWIM! I CAN'T SWIM! HELP! HELP!” Those were my last words before I’m thrown over the cliff and into the pacific. Everything slowed down at that point. I looked back and saw Vanity diving after me, and behind her, I saw one of the wolves looking at me, and before I hit the water, it howled, and I blacked out.

Part 1: Hello My Dear Friend

Part 2: Goodbye My Dear Friend

Part 3: Welcome My Dear Friend

Part 4: Why My Dear Friend

Part 5: End My Dear Friend

Request Open!

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gizkasparadise · 4 years

Text

cdrama rec/review: go ahead

KDRAMA AND CDRAMA MASTER LIST OF REVIEWS

Series: go ahead Episodes: 40 Genres: family, healing/melodrama, slice of life, romance Spoilers in the Rec: for the first 20% ish/set-up If You Like, You’ll Like: reply 1988, le coup de foudre, find yourself (same production company/main male actor), rain or shine/just between lovers, found family stories, meet again stories

Rank: 10/10** (see Drawbacks section)

PREMISE

widower hai chao and his 6 year old daughter jian jian live happily above his noodle restaurant despite the recent, tragic death of his wife. one day, dysfunction junction a married couple (he ping, a police officer, and chen ting, a real piece of work) move into the same building with their 7 year old son, ling xiao. immediately, jian jian attaches herself to ling xiao, who is unexpectedly grim for a small child.

because ling xiao’s family is less-than-healthily grieving the loss of their youngest child, ling xiao’s sister who died in a terrible accident. The Apartment of Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms eventually implodes, ending with chen ting abandoning her husband and son. he ping, suddenly a single father, and hai chao come to a friendly partnership that is clearly alluding to gay marriage where they co-raise both of their kids--hai chao as the primary caregiver, and he ping supporting them financially through his job as a policeman.

meanwhile, the neighborhood busybody is dead-set on getting hia chao remarried. eventually she introduces him to a divorced single mother, he mei, and her son zi qiu, who is ling xiao’s age. they sort of start to date, but it culminates in he mei skipping town and leaving zi qiu behind. hai chao, man with a heart of gold, informally adopts him and zi qiu becomes jianjian’s foster brother.

from there, the trio grow up happily and become inseparable. but once zi qiu and ling xiao graduate high school, the bullshit parade their respective childhood skeletons reappear in their lives. circumstances lead to the boys moving overseas, leaving jianjian and their fathers behind.

they reunite after 9 years, when the boys return to a home where they hope to pick things back up from where they left off. things are more complicated than that, as jianjian finds herself in a new life and surrounded by new people.

MAIN CHARACTERS

li jian jian

hai chao’s daughter and the only girl in the family. she attended the required short-hair-low-grades training program required of all cdrama youth female leads. super positive and outgoing, as well as the youngest of the three pseudo-siblings, jian jian grows up spoiled and over protected by her father and brothers, and as a result is completely devastated once her family falls apart. it’s so sad.

after the time skip, she’s an on-the-verge successful artist who makes woodcarvings, and exudes big art bro energy. inhales sugar like it’s nobody’s business. she inherited her father’s disease called caring too much, and it’s incurable!!

ling xiao

the eldest brother and resident fun police. ling xiao comes from a seriously toxic home that finally seems to improve once his mother leaves. but then she comes back. fucking great. introverted to the point of being withdrawn to anyone but his chosen family, ling xiao’s had to carry a lot of emotional weight that takes a larger and larger toll on him as the series progresses. please get this boy some therapy.

becomes a dentist because jian jian needs one. wears a lot of monochromatic outfits with low necklines because heavy angst but make it fashion. has been in love with jian jian since high school and is still carrying that torch 9 years later.

he zi qiu

the middle child who grows up in hai chao and jian jian’s home, and is her foster brother in all but paperwork. hotheaded, zi qiu and jian jian basically share two brain cells that ling xiao routinely takes from them for safekeeping. he spoils jian jian, sneaking her snacks and junk food and wants to become a pastry chef so he can open a sweet shop for her!!

my favorite character. just wants to be wanted 8( him and hai chao’s relationship is my favorite dynamic in the series. will sob while driving a pink moped. is too proud to beg

li hai chao (left) and ling he ping (right)

the greatest (hai chao) and okayest (he ping) dads in the world! noodle dad/hai chao has never done anything wrong in his life, ever, and we know this and we love him. he ping isn’t a bad person, but demonstrates pretty classic absentee parenting/isn’t as emotionally present in his son’s life as hai chao. hai chao is the heart of the family, and would do anything for his kids 8(

SOME SUPPORT CHARACTERS

tang can (left) and qiu ming yue (right)

jian jian’s #GirlGang and roommates. they, like literally everyone in this drama, have some severe mom issue hang-ups. tang can (left) is a former child actress who is struggling with her lack of success as an adult and gives well-meaning but absolutely terrible advice on the regular.

ming yue (right) is jian jian’s best friend since childhood and as an adult is trying to break free from her mother’s controlling nature--she’s also had a thing for ling xiao for the last 9 years. raises fish for symbolism purposes.

chen ting

ling xiao’s mom and certified garbage human. unable to cope with the death of her daughter that was her fault lbr, she abandons her family and disappears for ten years. she forces her way back into ling xiao’s life when he turns 18, where it’s revealed that she’s remarried and ling xiao has a younger half-sister chengzi (”little orange”). shit goes down, and soon ling xiao is forced to move back to singapore to serve as primary caregiver to both his mother who abandoned him and the half sister he barely knows.

emotionally abusive and basically hits every single square on the toxic parent bingo card. i just. i just hate her. even typing this out is making me mad.

he mei

zi qiu’s mother. after a few dates with hai chao, she ends up ditching her kid and disappearing for unknown reasons. is a slightly better parent than chen ting but that’s like saying some poison kills you slower. the show tries to bring us around on her but it didnt work for me.

SOME OTHERS

zhuang bei, zi qiu’s best friend growing up who i would like a lot less if he wasn’t played by the same actor who played my beloved dachuan

zheng shuran, jian jian’s first boyfriend and fellow artist who’s got a weird thing for women’s waists and pretentious artists’ statements

du juan, jian jian’s friend who co-owns their woodworking studio. has absolute trash taste in men

chengzi, ling xiao’s half-sister who can be a brat but dear god does she need to be protected/saved

**DRAWBACKS

so this is a weird one for me. what i didn’t like i really didn’t like, but what i loved i really loved. ultimately, the factors/uniqueness of this show and the loveability of the main characters outweighed the negatives and it’s one of my favorite dramas.

THAT SAID. i got some #thoughts on this one.

first, there are literally no positive mother figures in this show. not a damn one. they are all negligent or controlling at best or down right abusive at worst. no woman over 30 is portrayed positively and that’s a big No from me.

the last 10 eps have some pacing issues and focus on the wrong people. spending the remaining episodes focused on one of the most universally hated characters vs. the main family was a bad move

the show tried to redeem or make us sympathize with characters that were, to me, completely irredeemable. one case is worse than the other, but both of them were terrible people that deserved to be cut out of the main family’s lives.

REASONS TO WATCH

the main family. the characters are so wonderful and nuanced, and their dynamics with one another were amazing. you’ll fall in love with hai chao aka noodle dad and the trio. they go through so many trials but they still stick together and it’s ultimately a healing drama and i loved it very much.

the central romance was less in focus, but the pining is enough to make jane austen emerge from the grave. i loved the leads together, and while LOL ling xiao’s attachment to jian jian was not always healthy, they supported each other and it made me smile. i love me a tortured pining dude.

#Acting. everyone played their parts to perfection. the child actors in particular were so well-cast (esp baby zi qiu)

the soundtrack lmao. you watch the opening credits and know you’ll need to buckle up

idk it’s a very unique show, and i haven’t seen one like it. reply 1988 comes close, but it doesn’t tackle the same issues and it was all just very real and earnest.

Final Thoughts.

GOODNIGHT, GOOODBYYYYYE MY CHILDREEEEEEEN

#go ahead #song weilong #zhang xincheng #tan songyun #cdrama #gizka does kdrama

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loveisblindfanfictionbka · 4 years

Text

Love Is Blind: Chapter One

“Come on Robs, what could it hurt?”

Robyn looked over at her friend and frowned.

“Online Dating? Really? Do you know the kind of psychos on these sites?”

Leandra sighed, “Girl, ain’t nobody saying marry them but at least try it out. It’s been years since your divorce. Why are you still so gunshy?”

“Well maybe because my ex-husband ripped my heart out my chest.”

“Isn’t that a little dramatic? You and your ex-husband were both childish and lost. I still don’t think you should’ve gotten divorced either.”

“You and everyone else seems to have my failed marriage all figured out.”

“Look, forget about all of that, you need to get back out there, even if it’s just for a night of fun. It wouldn’t kill you.”

“You know what, just to shut you up, I’ll do it.”

“Good, I got your profile all set up, you just need to approve it and submit it.”

“How in the hell? This is the first time we’ve spoken about this.”

“Yea but this was just a minor technicality because I was gonna set you up anyway.”

“Ugh….get away from me.”

Leandra laughed as she slid her laptop over for Robyn to review the profile. After a few minutes, Robyn nodded her head in approval and pressed publish.

“So now what?”

“Now you wait to see if you get any hits or you just peruse others’ profiles too.”

Robyn was shaking her head before Leandra even finished her statement, “I am not perusing anything. I don’t even want to do this right now.”

“So let the men come to you, it is the natural order of things.”

“I’ma divorce you next.”

“You love me so whatever.”

Robyn laughed as she leaned her head on Leandra’s shoulder, “Le, do you really think this will help?”

“I think it’ll give you something to do while you try to get your life right again. I love you and I know you and I know that your divorce is something that you’re still trying to understand but your life doesn’t have to stop while you’re doing that. Things don’t have to be serious. You don’t have to fall in love with anybody but it wouldn’t hurt to get from behind these walls you’ve erected and live. You owe it to yourself, if nobody else.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Daddy, come on, the movie is starting”

Chris smiled as he rushed into the living room with a big bowl of popcorn. He sat next to his 3 year old daughter, Anesa, just as the classic Disney symbol flashed across the big screen.

“You know Princess, you could’ve just paused the tv. This is just a stream.”

“No because you were supposed to be faster anyway.”

Chris chuckled as he kissed her temple. He made the right decision becoming a foster dad two years ago. The little imp had done so much to replace the empty void in his life. He had suffered so much loss, being able to give that extra love to someone felt good. An image flashed in his head and he shook it. Years ago, he thought he had someone but that relationship crashed and burned. It surprised him that he even thought about her sometimes, all these years later.

Just as he started to become enamored with the Princess and The Frog, his phone rang. Anesa glanced over at him as he stepped out into the kitchen to answer it.

“Hello?”

“CB, what’s going on, Bro?”

“Marcus, how you doing?”

“I’m good. I’m moving back to the city so I just wanted to check in and see if we could meet up one of these days.”

“Of course, I’ll see if my sister can watch my daughter so just let me know when.”

“Daughter? A lot has happened, huh?”

“Too much.”

“How’s the wife?”

“Divorced years ago. I thought you knew.”

“I thought you were joking. You really went through with it?”

“We weren’t exactly seeing eye to eye.”

“But you were together for so long since middle school, right?”

“Officially since high school but you’d think that would’ve made our life together much easier, but nope.”

“Wow. We definitely got some catching up to do. Well, I’m back officially on Friday. We can meet at Roddy’s Bar.”

“Cool. 8 good for you?”

“Perfect, Bro. See you then.”

“Bet.”

They hung up and Chris went back to watching TV with Anesa.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Robyn fought as much as she could to not be curious about the stupid dating app but….that only worked for so long. As she scrolled, the frown in her face just got deeper and deeper. What the hell had the world become? These men were just- no. It was hard being single. She hadn’t been single in years. Scratch that, ever. She’d never been single. She wasn’t used to being alone and being married was supposed to prevent that. Her ex-husband had literally tore her heart in two and she still hadn’t recovered. How two people so in love could be so incompatible baffled her mind to this day? Of course, her people just thought they were too young and just gave up too quickly but what would they know? They didn’t live with them 24/7. Yes, they had awesome memories but all she could remember was how alone she felt when he was in the bed right next to her. How withdrawn he had gotten in the last two years of their marriage. How unsettled she felt. Like she never knew when he would finally explode from holding everything in. She felt like she walked on eggshells her whole marriage but him asking for a divorce shook her to her very core and she had never bounced back from it. She endured his brutal silence, his emotional hardness but yet he was the one who walked away. It just never made sense to her. Just as she was about to close the app, a direct message popped up.

Subject: Hello

Body: Hi, I was browsing your profile and you seemed really interesting. I was wondering if you would like to chat.

Robyn frowned a bit but she clicked on his photo to be directed to his profile. 42 years old. Divorced. One child. College Music Professor.

He seemed harmless. His photo was full length so his face wasn’t the clearest but he looked decent. Besides he’d probably say something weird and she’d never have to meet him in person so what’s the risk and Leandra had listed her under just her initials so it’s not like he’d know her real name anyway.

Re: Hello

Body: Hi, I would love to chat with you. My name’s Anna. Yours?

A few minutes passed before she got a reply

Re: Hello

Body: Christian but my friends and family call me Chris. It’s nice to meet you Anna.

A: Chris? That must be a common name, I know a few of those.

C: I can imagine. Don’t know too many Annas though. Not the typical name of this time

A: It’s a little old school but I like it. I see you’re a music professor

C: Yup. Decided to change career paths once I got divorced a few years ago. You’re a veterinarian?”

A: Yea, I own a clinic and a shelter in the city.

C: No children?”

A: No. Seems like my animals take up all my time.

C: Understandable. Animals can be like children.

A: Definitely. How old is your child?

C: She’s three.

A: That’s an awesome age

C: Very fun and energetic

A: My friends have children so I definitely imagine. Have you lived in the city long?

C: Just a few years. I was working at another college when the possibility of tenureship opened up at Columbia. Normally that can take years so I got lucky for the invite.

A: you work at Columbia University? That is awesome

C: I think the shock still hasn’t worn off. Kind of waiting for them to take it back at some point

A: Lol when I got the keys to my clinic, I felt the same way

C: Where’d you go to school?

A: Stanford for undergrad. University of California, Davis for veterinary school.

C: Pretty far from home, huh?

A:New York has always been the place for me. I always knew I’d end up here. You?

C: I’m from down south so that’s where my soft spot is. I did my undergrad and grad at Stanford though.

A: Wow talk about a small world. It is a large school so I’m not surprised we haven’t met unless we have.

C: Probably not, don’t remember many Annas there

A: True. How do you like being a professor?

C: It’s cooler than I thought it would be. My previous job had a little bit more excitement but after some personal issues then my divorce, I had had enough excitement to last a lifetime.

A: My divorce kind of knocked me off balance so I can understand wanting to start over

C: How long were you married?

A: Three years. You?

C: Same. Together?

A: Over ten years. You?

C: Same. Bad ending?

A: I really don’t know. It wasn’t the best situation but it wasn’t the worst. I think abrupt would be a better word. You?

C: I walked away. I wasn’t the best husband but I think we really outgrew each other.

A: That can happen. How old were you?

C: 35. You?

A: 34. A lot can change in over ten years

C: True. I don’t know if she knew that though

A: did you try to tell her?

C: Honestly no but that’s partly why I walked away. I wasn’t any good for her let alone for myself. I struggled a lot emotionally back then, I still do now sometimes. She didn’t need that weight in her life

A: Did she say that or did you make that decision for her?

C: Both.

A: Ah. I’m sorry

C: No need. She was better off without me anyway

A: you still think about her?

C: I try not to. It hurts. Failure sucks.

A: tell me about it. Have you seen her over the years?

C:No. We both moved away once we got divorced. Don’t really know where she went to be honest

A: Same. Some things are just better left alone, I guess

C: True.

A: You know Chris, this was fun. I was a little nervous about this online thing

C: Really? I’ve done it once or twice before. It’s not too bad if you take it for what it is

A: And that is?

C: Just a way to meet people. Doesn’t have to go further than a conversation unless you let it

A: That is very true.

C: If it’s agreeable to you. I’d love to talk to you again

A: I’d like that

C: Great. I guess, until next time

A: Have a good night

C: You as well

Robyn closed out of the app after reading Chris’s last message. They had a lot in common, a lot more than her ex-husband. She got a little nervous when he said his name was Chris but once he clarified that his full name was Christian, she could let out a breath. Her ex-husband’s name when shortened was Chris but his full name was Christopher. Christopher was a common name but she really didn't need that reminder of him too.

Chris dropped his phone onto his nightstand just as Anesa ran into his room. He laughed as she tried to climb onto his bed before leaning over to pick her up, “what’s the matter Love Bug?”

“Can I sleep in here with you?”

“Of course you can. Did something happen?”

“I had a bad dream.”

“Aww...I’m sorry, Love Bug. Come on, get under the covers.

Anesa climbed under the blankets as Chris turned off the lights. She cuddled onto his chest and Chris hugged her close, “Comfortable?”

“Yes. Goodnight Daddy.

“Goodnight Love Bug.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So….how was it?” Leandra asked as her and Robyn sat down for breakfast.

“It was a nice conversation. He seemed like a decent guy.”

“What’s his name?”

“Christian but people call him Chris.”

“You really have a thing for Chris’s, huh?”

“Don’t say that. Chris is just a common name.”

“It is but what a coincidence.”

“Yea.”

“So what does he do?”

“He teaches music at Columbia.”

“Nice. Educated. Kids?”

“A daughter.”

“Marital status?”

“Divorced like me.”

“Guess you can share horror stories.”

Robyn chuckled, “my marriage was a failure but not a horror story. Stop it.”

“Have you spoken to Chris?’

“Not since the divorce was final. Why?”

:Leandra shrugged.

“Le, what happened?”

“Nothing. I thought I saw somebody who looked like him the other day, that’s all.”

“Where? Here? In New York?”

“Yea.”

“Please don’t tell me we moved to the same state.”

“Robs, I don’t know if it was him. I just caught his profile. It could’ve been any cute light skin guy. They are running around here galore.”

“That’s true.”

“So about your new Chris?”

“What about him?”

“What’s the next move?”

“We agreed to talk again but nothing more than that. I’m still stuck in limbo, I’m not trying to make something out of nothing.

“I guess. Are you gonna meet him?”

“Nah. Some things are just better left alone, you know.”

“Not even if you really start to like him.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m swearing off serious relationships until I fix my broken heart and I have no idea how long that’s gonna take.”

“You still love him, don’t you?”

“I don’t know but I don’t want to.”

“You were together a long time.”

“Yea and he still left me so what does that mean?”

Leandra sighed, “I don’t know. “

“Chris, who are you messaging so much?” Jessica, his sister, asked as she started stirring a pot of beans.

“I met this woman online. We’ve been talking for a few weeks.”

“Online dating? You sure that’s safe?”

“I don’t plan on meeting her so it’s not a huge deal. Just a conversation.”

“Few weeks is a long time for it to just be a conversation. You like her?”

“She seems really nice.”

“Glad you’re opening your heart up somehow.”

“I’m not opening anything up. I went down that road and have no qualms about avoiding it.”

“You know you walked away from your marriage, Chris. I don’t understand your apprehension with moving on.”

“I didn't walk away to move on. I walked away to keep from hurting her. Two different things. I’m not fit to be in a relationship, let alone a marriage. My daughter is the only woman I’m concerned about right now.”

“Anesa can’t be your whole life.”

“Who says?”

“I wish Momma was here to talk some sense into you.”

“Don’t do that, Jess.”

“What? She was the only person you listened to. Did you ever tell your ex what happened with Momma?”

“No.”

“You never took her to meet her?”

“It’s not like she was around. Auntie C raised me.”

“So when you left every weekend to see Momma in the hospital your ex never asked why?”

“She asked. I never answered.”

“Chris.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. It wasn’t for her to know. She didn’t need that kind of weight on her, ok?”

“You never gave her a chance to really love you, Chris.”

“Well that doesn’t really matter. She moved away and about her life. I did the same. No harm, no foul.”

“I wouldn’t quite say no harm, no foul but whatever.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“I don't want you to hurt this new woman because you’re still in love with your past, Chris.”

“I’m not in love with anyone so there’s nothing to be worried about.”

“And that worries me even more.”

#loveisblindfanfiction #chrianna

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fanfics4all · 4 years

Text

Gabby

Request: Yes / No

Don’t be shy, request things! <3 Have a nice day/night

Spencer Reid x Fem!Male!Reader

Word count: 4794

Warnings: Child abduction, Murder, Ya know Criminal Minds stuff

Y/N: Your Name

Y/N/N: Your Nickname

Y/L/N: Your Last Name

A/N: I’m doing this whenever I feel like it honestly lol

PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY WORK, I WORK HARD ON MY FICS AND IT’S NOT COOL TO STEAL SOMEONE ELSE’S WORK!

If you want to be on the tag list for anything (My series fics, specific character fics, or just all of them) All you have to do is send me an ask and I will add you!

Masterlist

(Not my photo, credit to whoever made it!)

We were on the jet quickly for this case. We were racing the clock for this one, something none of us loved doing. There was a lot of pressure with cases like this. A little girl was missing and Garcia was telling us the rundown.

“It is now three hours and counting since four year old Gabby Hoffer was abducted from her cousin Sue Walsh’s car.” She said.

“Why would anyone leave a little girl alone in a car at night?” JJ asked.

“Sue told local authorities that she was a couple blocks from her house, she didn’t want to wake Gabby up, she was in and out of that mini mart in under four minutes.” Garcia answered.

“That’s a pretty tight window of opportunity. Whoever took her must have been stalking them.” Morgan said.

“Is there a history of child abductions in this area?” Alex asked and everyone looked at Hotch.

“No, but the local registry shows a high concentration of sex offenders. We have no time to waste.” He answered.

“We do have an eyewitness, but his recollection is limited to a dark van that he saw pull up next to Sue’s car.” Garcia said.

“That’s pretty vague. So we don’t have a color or know who was driving.” Rossi said.

“Are there cameras that we can look at?” I asked.

“Yes, there is one camera, it’s in the store, but it’s ancient, but the footage is being sent to the lab right now for enhancement.” Garcia answered.

“SSA Canning is on the scene with the southeast regional card team. They’re conducting neighborhood and roadblock canvasses.” Hotch informed us.

“We all know what to do. If this is a stranger abduction, we’ve got fewer than 24 hours to bring Gabby back alive.” He added and I looked down at the tablet. Gabby looked like such a sweet girl, what monster could want to do anything to a child? Everyone ended up separating and working on their own theories, while looking over the little information we had. I was sat on the other side of the plane and Spencer came over.

“Are you alright?” He asked and I looked up at him.

“Yeah, cases like these always make me a little on edge, you know that.” I answered.

“I think it makes us all on edge.” He said and I nodded. Spencer reached over and gently grabbed my hand.

“She’s in good hands with us.” He said and I gave him a small smile.

“I know.” I said and gently squeezed his hand back.

It was still dark out when we landed. We immediately hopped into the cars and went our separate ways. We had Garcia on the line to give us any more information we needed.

“Garcia, where are Gabby’s parents?” Alex asked.

“Away, but not together. They’re divorced. Mom, Kate, is coming back from a caribbean cruise with her new boyfriend. And Doug, Gabby’s bio dad, is a long-haul trucker who is on the road. And this is where bad turns to worse. Dad has a history of drug problems.” She answered.

“Since Gabby’s under five years old and her father’s whereabouts are unknown, statistics say he’s more likely the offender than a stranger abduction.” Reid said.

“He could have been the one who stalked them and grabbed Gabby.” Rossi said.

“Morgan, you and JJ head over to Sue Walsh’s house. See if any of the neighbors have seen Gabby’s father lurking around.” Hotch ordered them.

“Alright, got it.” Morgan said. They went to the house, while we went to the mini mart. The local PD had a set up of pretty much everything they needed.

“Five hours and twenty-three minutes since Gabby was taken. Witness pulled up to pump number two here, saw the van parked there. Blocked his view of Sue’s car. Said the brake lights were on.” SSA Canning said as soon as we got out of the car.

“The driver could have kept his foot on the brake while someone else used the sliding door to grab her.” Hotch said.

“It’d be smart to use a partner out in the open like this.” Alex said.

“We have nine registered sex offenders within three miles. Sometimes they work in tandem, we have teams going door to door now.” Canning said.

“That’s good, cover your bases. But it’s the ones we don’t know about who are the most dangerous.” Rossi said.

“What’s the word on the parents?” Spencer asked.

“Mom and boyfriend Rodney are confirmed off conus. They’ll be at the P.D. soon.” Canning said.

“What about the father?” I asked.

“Still not answering his cell phone. It’s not pinging off any towers either.” She answered.

“So he shut his cell phone off. That’s odd for a trucker.” Alex said.

“Unless it’s a countermeasure. The dark van could have just been a transport vehicle to get Gabby to his truck.” Spencer said.

“You’re thinking he waited for the opportunity to take her?” SSA Canning asked.

“But would he really want to look suspicious like this? You’d think he’d be smarter since he took her out of the car and drove off in under four minutes.” I said.

“He has motivation given that he lost custody. We should check rest stops for his truck as well.” Hotch said.

“The problem is, interstate 59 is just three blocks away, and it goes to Louisiana, Alabama, and Georgia.” Rossi said.

“We’ve got the borders covered. Nobody’s getting out of here without a fight.” Canning said.

“Agent Canning, can you get video footage for us from a five mile radius? We need to see if there’s any video of this dark van coming or going.” Hotch asked.

“Not much hope there, Katrina took out a lot of the security and traffic cams. They haven’t been replaced.” Canning said.

“Is Sue inside? We need to talk to her.” Rossi said.

“An Agent drove her home and is staying with her in case there are any ransom demands. She’s a wreck. Not sure you’ll get anything new. Excuse me.” Canning said and walked off.

“Alright, Blake, you and Reid stay with Canning’s people. If Gabby was a victim of opportunity, then the unsubs didn’t have a plan and they could still be in the area. Dave and I will go to the police station and interview Kate and the boyfriend. Y/N, we’ll drop you off at Sue’s house, I want you to talk to her.” Hotch said and walked off with Rossi. I went to follow them, but Spencer stopped me.

“Be careful.” He said quietly.

“I will, you be careful too, okay?” I said and he nodded with a smile. I quickly followed the two men into the truck and we were off.

Hotch and Rossi dropped me off and I knocked on the door. I noticed a woman looking at me from the house next door, but ignored it. The cop that was staying with her answered the door and I noticed Morgan and JJ inside.

“Y/N?” Morgan asked and nodded at the cop to let me in.

“What are you doing here?” JJ asked.

“Hotch wanted me to talk to Sue, him and Rossi went to the station and Spencer and Alex are with Canning and her team.” I said.

“Alright, well, we’ll go ask the neighbors some questions, you got this?” Morgan asked and I nodded.

“I’m good, you guys go.” I said and they nodded.

“We’ll wait for you outside when we’re done.” JJ said and I smiled. They left and I turned towards Sue.

“Hi, I’m Special Agent Y/N Y/L/N, may I sit?” I asked and she nodded.

“I’m sure you’ve answered these questions already, so I’m sorry, but I have to go through them with you again.” I said and she nodded again.

“Was there anyone related to you that could have done this?” I asked and she shook her head.

“No, Kate’s the only family I got. She’s more like a sister to me than a cousin.” She answered.

“Her parents took me in after mine died.” She added.

“I’m so sorry, were you young?” I asked and she nodded.

“I was eight.” She said and started crying a little.

“I’m sorry.” She said.

“It’s okay, this is a hard time right now.” I said and gently placed a hand on hers.

“Is it okay if I ask you some more questions?” I asked and she nodded.

“Did anyone take a special interest in Gabby since you’ve had her? Like did anyone ask about her alot, or offer to watch her for you, anything like that.” I asked.

“No. No. I always had her right by my side of me… except… I was only gone like one second! I got her to sleep finally and I didn’t want to wake her.” She cried.

“I understand, but there’s nothing you can do about that now, okay? You just need to focus on helping us find her.” I said and she nodded.

“So think back, was there a delivery man? A service worker? Anyone?” I asked.

“No.” She shook her head.

“A neighbor?” I asked.

“No, nobody. I don’t know, maybe everybody. I mean she’s so nice. She smiles at everybody.” She answered.

“What about her father? Have you seen him? Has he tried to contact you?” I asked.

“No, he’s always on the road. He never calls.” She answered.

“Did he know that you were watching Gabby?” I asked.

“I don’t think so.” She answered.

“Okay, Sue. Do you know anyone with a dark van?” I asked.

“No, no. I’m sorry, I just can;t even believe this is happening right now.” She said crying a little harder.

“I know, but that’s all I need to know right now.” I said and got up.

“Just stay here and call me if you remember anything else that could help.” I said and left my card on her table.

“Thank you.” She said picking it up and looking up at me. I nodded with a smile and walked outside to see JJ getting in the car and calling someone. I quickly walked over and got inside.

“She’s seen a van.” JJ said as we both got inside.

“Please tell me she’s safe.” Garcia answered.

“Not yet, but we’ve got a lead on a dark van. It could belong to a plumber, check local businesses.” JJ said.

“Well, that’s hardly anything.” Garcia said.

“You’ve had less.” JJ said.

“True.” She said.

“Come on, baby girl, we need an I.D. and location right now.” Morgan said.

“Uh, there are four plumbers in the immediate area. I’m pulling registrations. Eh, white minivans are all the rage. There’s the little family plumber, they have a bluish van that’s dark.” Garcia said.

“Run employee background checks.” Morgan said.

“That won’t be hard. It’s only the owner and his nephew, Ian Little, 25. He was released last year, for slinging bennies and heroin.” She answered.

“Where is he now?” I asked.

“Sleeping, I imagine. I’m sending you his home address. There it is. Morgan started the car and we were on our way.

“You find anything out Y/N/N?” He asked.

“Nothing much. She was really stressed about everything. She couldn’t remember things very well and I didn’t want to push her too hard.” I said and checked my phone. Spencer had texted me and asked if everything was okay. I answered and told him everything was fine.

Morgan, JJ, and I walked into the station with Ian Little. Morgan had him and his face was blood, but not from Morgan. Hotch and Rossi watched us take him in the back, but Hotch stopped me.

“Anything from Sue?” He asked.

“No sir, nothing.” I said and he nodded.

“What is he doing here?” A woman asked walking out of a room followed by a man. I could only assume this was Gabby’s mother and her boyfriend.

“What the hell happened to his face?” She asked.

“You know him?” Hotch asked.

“Yeah. Doug used to buy drugs from him. Do you think Ian helped him take Gabby?” She asked. Rossi walked off to follow Morgan and JJ into the interrogation room.

“Y/N, go help Reid.” Hotch said and I nodded. I walked into the room they had set up for us and smiled at Spencer looking at a map and trying to figure something out.

“Need some help?” I asked.

“Hey, how did it go with Sue?” He asked with a smile.

“Nothing really helpful, but we just brought Ian in.” I said and sat down near him.

“The father wasn’t with him?” He asked.

“No.” I said with a sigh and started off into the distance. I’m not sure how long I zoned out for, but Spencer had come sat next to me and placed his hand on mine.

“Y/N.” He said and I shook my head. I looked at him and he looked back at me with concern.

“Are you alright?” He asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I said.

“Really? Because I’ve been talking to you for the past ten minutes and you looked like you weren’t hearing anything I was saying.” He said and I blushed.

“Sorry, I guess I zoned out.” I said and he gently squeezed my hand.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Nothing, come on, we have a girl to find.” I said getting up and started looking through some papers. Before Spencer could protest, Morgan and Rossi walked in. Morgan called Garcia.

“Talk to us baby girl.” He said.

“There are no calls, but Ian’s cell pinged off three cell phone towers outside of town on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. I sent you the locations.” She said.

“Cell tower range and directionality can be dramatically influenced by atmospheric, electromagnetic, and traffic capacity variations.” Spencer said while drawing on the map.

“Meaning?” Rossi asked.

“He means a cell phone can travel to the same location but ping off of different towers on different days due to independent outside variables.” I said not looking up from the papers.

“Garcia, can you see what’s at this intersection point?” He asked, making another mark on the map.

“39-30 latitude, negative 89-42 longitude.” He said.

“Uh, that would be the old little farm. And that’s little, not like diminutive, but little family. That’s where Ian grew up.” She said.

“So Doug went missing three nights ago and Ian’s been at that farm each night since then.” Morgan said.

“Holy crappy childhood.” Garcia said getting our attention.

“You can’t make this kind of sadness up. It’s also the place where Ian’s dad killed his mother with a shotgun and then turned it on himself.” She said and I covered my mouth in shock.

“Oh my God…” I whispered. Rossi took the map and went to go tell Hotch to try and get information. It was morning now and the team had found a body. Canning, Morgan, Spencer, and I were sent out to take a look at it. They set the body down in front of us and Morgan ripped open the bag. It was a man.

“Who the hell is that?” Canning asked.

“It’s our main suspect.” Morgan said. I shook my head and sighed. Spencer gently grabbed my hand and squeezed it. He usually didn’t do things like this while we were on a case, it wasn’t profesional. We all got in the car and headed to the farm to search for anything that could help us.

“Searched the entire property. We found Ian’s van in the barn. No sign of Baggy anywhere. What have you got?” Canning asked us when she came back after half an hour.

“Coroner says Doug died from blunt force trauma to the head. Then it looks like Ian tried to burn Doug’s body here, which, of course, was harder than he thought it would be, so then he dumped Doug's body in the water.” Spencer answered.

“Sounds like rage followed by just about every disposal method that we know of.” Morgan said.

“Even wrapped the body, weighed it down with rocks. Could it be remorse?” Canning asked.

“It’s more like concealment. We see it alot when there’s a connection between the vic and the killer.” Morgan said.

“Coroner says Doug’s been dead for at least 72 hours.” Spencer said and Morgan looked at me with a raised brow. He knows I’m never usually this quiet.

“That would be the same day he got here.” Canning said.

“So what did this guy do to get himself killed?” Morgan questioned looking at the burnt dirt that we stood around. Canning left soon after to go back to the station.

“What’s up with you girl?” Morgan asked and I looked at him confused.

“What?” I asked.

“You’re never this quiet, what’s up?” He asked.

“Nothing, I was just thinking too much, sorry.” I said and started my way to the car. When we got back everyone was in the room they set up for us. We were going to go over what we know.

“We know that Ian picked up Doug on Sunday, then he was killed. What if they surprised Sue at the house?” Rossi asked.

“And Doug was threatening to take Gabby.” Morgan said.

“They could have been trying to protect Gabby from him and he was killed by accident.” Spencer suggested.

“Except they went to extravagant lengths to cover it up.” Alex said.

“Okay, that may be true, but it still doesn’t answer where Gabby is or what anyone’s motivation is in hurting her.” I said and everyone looked at me.

“We can keep theorizing, but every minute we do is a minute Gabby is out there.” JJ said.

“Dave.” Hotch said and he and Rossi walked off.

They came back fifteen minutes later and informed us that Ian told them what happened. That Sue killed Doug because he was trying to see Gabby. Morgan and JJ were sent to Sue’s house to see if it was true. One they found the proof Hotch, Alex, and Rossi went in to see how she reacts.

“Kate’s right. Sue’s never gonna tell us where Gabby is. It’s her final move to punish Kate.” Hotch said walking in the room with Rossi and Alex.

“Sue wants to inflict maximum pain upon Kate.” Spencer said.

“So you’re thinking she’ll do whatever it takes to make Kate suffer and keep on suffering.” Rossi said.

“Not knowing what happened to your child would be the ultimate torture for any parent.” I said.

“But if Sue killed Gabby, chances are eventually we’d find the body.”

“She’d need to find a way to get rid of her permanently, without killing her.” Rossi said. Everyone went their separate ways to try and figure out how to find this little girl. Spencer had pulled me over to the side, but before he could say whatever he wanted to say, his phone rang.

“It’s JJ and Morgan. Hello?” He answered and put it on speaker.

“Nothing’s out of place. In fact, all of Gabby’s things are packed up as if she was preparing to go back home.” JJ said.

“That’s strong evidence of a false allegation.” Spencer said.

“So all of this was arranged by Sue for what? To get back at Kate?” Morgan asked.

“You should have seen her with Kate. She was relentlessly sadistic.” I said shaking my head.

“So, Sue planned this with whoever was in the dark van. But there doesn’t seem to be any paper trail of it here.” JJ said.

“And there’s no electronic trail either. There’s no computer or cell phone. Outside of a landline, this girl’s living tech-free.” Morgan said.

“That’s because she’s hiding something.” Spencer said.

“Yeah, Alright guys, thanks.” Morgan said and hung up.

“Before any other interruptions come up, what’s wrong? And don’t tell me nothing because I know it and so does the rest of the team.” Spencer said and I sighed.

“I didn’t see it…” I said and he looked at me confused.

“I didn’t see through her act.” I said and he sighed.

“It’s not your fault Y/N, people like her are good at hiding what they really feel.” He said and I shook my head.

“If I saw it earlier we wouldn’t have wasted so much time!” I said and he pulled me to him.

“It’s not your fault, none of us saw it.” He said.

“But I’m the one that really talked to her. If I wasn’t so distracted I could have maybe seen it!” I said.

“What’s got you so distracted?” He asked.

“We found something.” Alex said before I could answer him.

“Sorry, did I interrupt something?” She asked.

“No, we were just talking, we’ll be right there.” I answered and she nodded. She left and Spencer let go of me.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” He said and I shook my head.

“It’s not important now, finding Gabby is.” I said and walked off to join the rest of the team. They caught us up to speed and then we were going to tell Canning.

“Disrupted adoptions?” Canning asked.

“That’s what the people involved are calling it. They’re also referring to it as re-homing. And it’s been happening underground for some time now.” Spencer said.

“Until now, it’s mainly been overwhelmed adoptive parents of problem children from overseas.” Alex said.

“Good people go on the site looking for guidance or services, but bad people offer to take problem kids off their hands as a last resort.” Spencer said.

“So they just give them away to some random couple?” Canning asked.

“Calling them couples is a bit generous.” I said.

“The article talks about these people who pose as families, but really they’re just freaks looking for access to kids.” JJ said.

“And no one’s keeping track of them…” I added.

“Why isn’t this illegal?” Canning asked.

“Well, ‘cause it’s a relatively new practice, and unsurprisingly, no legislation’s been written yet.” Hotch said.

“So how did Sue manage to give Gabby away?” Canning asked.

“She posed as Gabby’s mother and gave her to a woman who claimed she knew how to deal with troubled kids.” JJ answered. Garcia had been working on a list of possible people while we were talking.

“Garcia, we’re out of time, we need something.” Hotch said.

“Okay. There are three families who responded to Sue’s post.” She answered.

“Do any of them own a dark van?” Rossi asked.

“There’s a Nicole Jones. She owns a blue ‘03 caravan. She lives in a shack twenty miles south of where you are off interstate 59.” She answered.

“Let’s go.” Hotch said and we were on the move. We got to the house, guns out and ready. Spencer, Alex, and I went around back where we found a barn. We walked inside and found her hide.

“Guys!” Reid called as she slowly rose up with her hands in the air.

“D-don’t shoot me.” She said.

“Where’s Gabby Hoffer?” Spencer asked.

“She’s gone.” She answered and we cuffed her. She wouldn’t say anything more.

“She must have panicked and gotten rid of Gabby.” Alex said.

“This poor girl…” I whispered.

“Garcia, who else from the area answered Sue’s post?” Hotch asked.

“Uh… There’s one woman, Michelle Fader. She ran in the same sick circles. And she owns an old van. This Fader’s a real winner. She was evicted from her last known address.” Garcia said.

“They probably won’t risk going back towards the abduction site, which means they’re headed southwest. Let’s go.” Hotch said and we all went back to the cars.

“Okay. The woman I hope you’re about to arrest had all her biological kids taken from her five years ago because another child died while in her custody.” Garcia said while we were on the road.

“She was never charged?” JJ asked.

“Oh, no, she was, but for neglect. She didn’t spend a minute in jail. Social workers haven’t come by her house at all because none of her kids are in her custody.” Garcia answered.

“They have no idea she’s been finding new children online…” I said shaking my head.

“Those poor little darlings are being treated like trash. They don’t know that anybody cares. We care. We care.” Garcia said.

“Garcia, widen your search to any known male associates of Michelle Fadeer.” Hotch said.

“Yeah, will do.” She answered.

“Oh… I got a picture of Fader with some guy who could win sleaze of the century award. And he’s got his arm all possessivey around a sweet little girl.” She said.

“Run facial recognition software and get an I.D. on him.” Morgan said.

“Okay, I got a match. Micheal Feehan. He is the perv in the picture with Fader. He’s not in any registries, but he has got a list of accusations. None of them were proven because all of the victims were too young.” She said and I had to hold back tears.

“Garcia, did you get the address?” Hotch asked.

“Running it now.” She said. She sent it to us and we got there as quickly as possible.

“Please, give me a reason.” Rossi said pointing his gun at Feehan.

“What the hell is goin’ on!?” A woman shouted coming out of a room.

“Michelle Fader, you’re under arrest for staging a child abduction.” Hotch said and put his gun away.

“I didn’t do nothin’. Look, I was trying to help that girl.” She said.

“You have the right to remain silent.” Hotch started reading her, her rights.

“I have only tried to help that girl. She wanted a fresh start. She couldn’t take care of her own babies anymore.” She shouted as Hotch and Spencer took her out. JJ and I walked further in the house trying to find Gabby and possibly the other kids.

“We’ve got Gabby. And there are other kids back here.” JJ called.

“Are you okay?” I asked, bending down.

“Can you take me home now?” Gabby asked and I smiled at her.

“Yes, sweetheart. We’re gonna take you to your mommy.” I said and she smiled. Spencer had come over and smiled at me.

“Okay, come on.” I said and lifted Gabby up. The other two kids followed and we took them back to the station.

“Mama!” She shouted as soon as she saw her. I set her down and she ran up to her mother.

“Oh, my sweet baby!” Kate said and held her in her arms.

“I missed you, mama.” Gabby said.

“I missed you so much.” Kate said.

“Why are you sad?” Gabby asked.

“I’m not sad.” Kate answered.

“So those are happy tears?” Gabby asked, wiping the tears off her mother’s face.

“Yep.” Kate answered and I walked back to the team.

“Y/N… you okay?” Morgan asked, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“They don’t have anywhere safe to be…” I said looking at the other kids.

“It’s not ideal, but they’ll be in foster care. Until they find a family.” Alex said.

“Yeah, but how many more kids like that are out there?” Rossi asked.

“That’s a good question.” Hotch said and Spencer pulled me into another room.

“Are you better now that we found her?” He asked and I nodded.

“Yeah, a little…” I said.

“Now will you tell me what’s had you so distracted?” He asked, grabbing a hold of my hands.

“I’m pregnant…” I whispered, looking at the floor.

“W-what?” He asked, shocked.

“I’m sorry.” I cried, but Spencer pulled me to him.

“How long?” He asked.

“I found out last month. I didn’t know how to tell you.” I cried.

“Shhh, it’s okay.” He whispered and tried to help me calm down.

“I’m going to be a father?” He asked, making me look up at him. I nodded with a slight frown and he furrowed his brow.

“What’s wrong? You’ve always wanted kids.” He asked.

“I know, but do we really want to bring a child into this world? I mean just look at how many monsters are out here and that’s just the ones we know of…” I said and he gently grabbed my face and kissed me.

“Yes, the world is messed up, but we help make it a better place.” He said.

“I know, but-”

“But nothing Y/N, you’ve always talked about how badly you want kids and although it’s a little earlier than I thought it would be, I’m excited to be a father.” He said and I smiled.

“It’s not too early for us?” I asked.

“We’ve been together a year, I think it’s okay, if it’s okay with you.” He said and I smiled.

“We’re gonna be parents.” I said and he kissed me again.

“We’re gonna be parents.” He whispered back.

Tag list: @les-bio-lie @tashy-bear @xrosesareredx @ashwarren32 @hollie-blogs @schisbro87 @lover-of-books-and-teas @nerdygaloresposts @alex--awesome--22 @teenwolfbitches2 @genius2050 @drw0301bieber @softgamerking @lady-of-lies @simonsbluee @ravenmoore14 @pettyjayy

#Criminal Minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds season 9 #spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer x reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer x fem!reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #fanfic #criminal minds 2020 bingo

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thescribblerqueen · 4 years

Text

Fanfiction Project List Pt. 3

(Update 10/19/20)

Anime Edition (Because I’ve Been Revived)

Yuri on Ice, Haikyuu, and Prince of Stride. I’m doing what I want.

There’s a request in my Inbox that’s been in there for two years and I’m sorry, but I also want to do it first. Complete! (Link)

There’s two chapters of an angsty whump!Hinata fic that I impulsively started two years ago. Hinata and Kageyama don’t immediately get along as fast as they do in Canon and it causes issues. Might end up a TsukiHina Fic

Some fics that I thought I started, that I might have accidentally deleted off my drive that include two Oikage fics:

Kageyama goes to Aoba Johsai, but doesn’t join the volleyball team because a bunch of other students convinced him to give up volleyball and opts to focus on his studies. Those students convinced him Oikawa hated him, expect he’s really just an idiot with a crush who is bad at showing it. Oikawa tries to convince him to come back. Hinata is at Aoba Johsai.

Kitagawa Daiichi Fic, some upperclassman assault Kageyama after class purposely hurting his hands in order to prevent him from playing volleyball. He wants to quit being a setter/volleyball. Oikawa is completely confused and protective trying to convince him otherwise. Hinata transfers to their school.

Some Yuri on Ice x Haikyuu Crossovers, based on the headcanon that if Yuuri and Victor had a Biological child from Haikyuu it would be Kageyama:

First version, is an A/B/O fic where Victor and Yuuri meet pretty young and accidentally mate, then are kept apart by the ISU probably. Yuuri ends up being forced to give up their child for adoption. Eventually Victor and Yuuri reunite and start a lawsuit to search for their child. Kageyama is their child and was adopted by a couple in an arranged marriage. They get a bitter divorce when he’s in middle school and they tell him he’s adopted, it leads to his King Phase. He fills out forms requesting his adoption papers before high school starts and is reunited with Victor and Yuuri. Probably an Oikage fic.

Second Version, is an gen mpreg fic (IDK it doesn’t vibe as ABO in that version), maybe a small one-shots. Yurio is his older, adopted brother. Yurio would definitely pick some fights with Oikawa. Kageyama is Tobio’s fake name to not be harassed by the media. He also knows Japanese, English, and Russian fluently but has terrible grades because he gets test anxiety from Yuuri but performs fine in Volleyball because he has two Olympic parents and he has Victor’s confidence in that but also zero social skills despite their best efforts.

Ask me more about them, I want to talk about them.

I swear I had a list that I think also accidentally got deleted and it makes me want to cry but the only things I can remember from it are this:

(Update! Started & Link)Victor and Yuuri dated pre-canon thanks to Christophe, but break up due to Yuuri’s anxiety after nationals. Yuuri has issues with an eating disorder and announces his retirement after returning home. Yurio is like their child and gets mad at Victor thinking he’s the reason they broke up and goes to Japan to convince Yuuri not to quit. Yuuri of course tells Yakov. Victor comes to Japan to stop him from retiring because he think that’s crazy when he planned to retire. Also the Video still happens and Vicchan is alive and confused by Makkachin because they never actually met.

A/B/O fic idea that Phichit and Yuuri agreed to have a child together to please their parents but didn’t mate. Yuuri and Victor still fall in love regardless but just with some obstacles

Another mpreg fic, where Yuuri opts to have a child on his own but gets caught up in a scandal, that involved the fertility clinic he used having non-consenting donors requested by high paying clients and unexpected mix up.

Some vague ideas that basically allude to Yuuri having dated other Skaters

A Yuuri Idol AU, where if JPOP was more like KPOP and over all less toxic than it is in real life. Yuuri is basically famous for both skating and being in an all male idol group, but somehow his fans have no idea that those two Katsuki Yuuri are one in the same.

Two Haikyuu x Prince of Stride crossovers with Hinata

First one is that Hinata is really fast because he used to do Volleyball and Stride with his older brother but then their parents divorced and split custody. Heath Hasekura is his older brother because Fujiwara and Yagami are the same age as him, and Kohinta is kind of obvious why not, but Heath’s one sister has red hair so it works. Cue reconciling family.

Second one, is that Hinata got pushed into competing with his middle school’s stride team and that all his former teammates go to Saisei academy and are apart of Galaxy Standard. Yukigaoka didn’t have a volleyball team because Hinata went to an Idol school where it lost interest because the students thought it was a violent/dangerous sport. He figures he’s completely done with stride until Stride association members try to contact him about the non-school organized stride event that automatically enters last year’s winners back into the yearly competition.

A fic where Iwaizumi and Hinata are step brothers.

I’m sure I had more Ideas but they’re apparently lost to time.

EDIT 6/17/20: I remembered some more!

Kageyama fic where Aoba Johsai inadvertently finds out that Kageyama’s parent’s got divorced during middle school by visiting kitagawa daiichi and meeting his younger half brother. Kageyama has both half and step siblings because his parents had long term affairs before their divorce. He goes back and forth between two households and his bio parents ignore him and he’s very quiet and distant around his siblings.

Hinata fic where he did have a volleyball team in middle school but they treated him like shit. They didn’t believe he could be a spiker and forced him to be a Libero. He gets injured in his second year of middle school and has to go through a ton of physical therapy, which is why later he is ‘bad’ at volleyball. But really he’s recovering and dealing with the trauma. Meet-up with old shitty team. (Note: I edited this and then went to go read fics and someone uploaded a similar fic like two days ago, I’ll still write this but man I’ve wanted it for two years and NOW someone is on the same wavelength, lol.)

Fic inspired by the fact that my school district’s policy let middle schoolers play high school level if they were considered to be varsity level: Hinata finds out about a policy that will allow him to join another school’s volleyball team, as long as their school doesn’t have a formal team and it’s approved by both schools. Essentially, Hinata trains with and ultimately officially joins Karasuno a couple years ahead. Timeline is a the year after the Small Giant graduates but a year before Daichi, Suga, and Asahi attend. Old Ukai teaches the first year then retires. People keep getting freaked out, thinking that Hinata might be older than them while looking really young but he’s not.

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #311

“somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend that i had in february of last year.”

What is something that is so awful it gives you pain in your teeth? Extremely sweet and/or cold treats. What is something you would like to teach someone? I love educating people about meerkats, snakes, tarantulas, opossums... lots of animals. What is something people tend to come to you about? For me to take pictures for them. What is something you would be willing to gamble? I don't mess with that. What's something you're absolutely 100% sure about yourself? Uhhh that I really like creating things and just being artistic. How often do you self-reflect? Probably too much, really. When was the last time you realized that you were the problem, if ever? I feel like a problem now, still living with and financially depending on my mom. If applicable, what's the furthest you've traveled because of a hobby? Ha, Mom and I got lost driving one day looking for roadkill for me to photograph (that will always feel weird saying) and wound up pretty far north from home, kinda close to Virginia. It was a fun afternoon/evening. What are some sights around the world you would like to see some day? I'm honestly not crazy about pursuing ancient architecture, but I'd take the opportunity for some if I could, especially in Egypt. OH! Venice would be cool, and whatever that city is with the umbrella "ceiling" layer outside. Do you have souvenirs from other countries? If so, what and from where? No. Apart from sleeping, name something you enjoy doing in bed: Sit on my laptop or read. Do you believe in ghosts? Yeah, or at least something of the sort. Do you stay friends with your exes? Girt and I are close friends, while the others I don't have contact with. Not because we're on bad terms (I may be w/ Jason, but I think our last meeting was freeing for both of us and distilled any remaining tension), we just don't talk. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? Pretty sure no, I'd crash. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? One or two. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No. How many pregnant people do you know? Good Lord, a lot. People are bored in quarantine apparently lmao. Who was the last person to play with your hair? Myself, outta boredom, kinda just twirling it. Have you ever seen the inside of a computer? Yeah. ^If yes, can you name any of the components? I could probably identify the motherboard. If you could get a new phone right now, would you/which kind? I would. Idk what kind, though; I'm not very familiar with what's up-to-date. Have you ever cut your own hair? No. If you had the chance, would you start your life entirely over? No. How old is the eldest member of your family? I don't know really, given both pairs of my grandparents are dead. Probably some aunt or uncle on Mom's side. I don't remember their birth order. Do you drink the milk from the bowl after you eat all the cereal? No, it grosses me out for whatever reason. UNLESS it's after a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, then I'll drink it. Do you know anybody who has had an online relationship? Yeah, me, and some others. One thing that your guy best friend doesn't like about you: He's never told me about something he doesn't like, so I can't speak for him. How about your girl best friend? Ummm you'd have to ask her, too. Do you loan your friends money? *recites the usual financial woe story* Are you taller than your siblings? No. Do you have “photoshoots” with your friends/family members? Definitely not regularly by any means. Are you generous? If you ignore monetary generosity for obvious reasons, I think I am in other ways. Are you afraid of lizards? No no no, I love those tiny lil dinosaur boiz and gorls!!!!! :''') Ahhh, I want a tegu especially one day. How legible is your signature? It's perfectly legible, imo. How hot are your neighbors? I don't even know my neighbors. Well, Mom's spoken to the woman to our left more than once if they were both outside, but I know she's an older woman whose appearance I never really noted, but regardless, I know I wasn't attracted to her. Do you play Pokemon Go? If so, what level are you and who's your buddy? Yeah, I can finally play it regularly since they began offering a daily box with a few items in it, like the balls. I'm not checking, but I think I'm like... around 23? My buddy is Charmeleon because I love love loooove that evolution line and absolutely want a Charizard ASAP. :') What's the most daring thing you have ever done? I guess that would be the story about how I challenged my rather intense fear of fair rides that can trouble the stomach by going on whatever the thing's called where you slowly go very high up and then drop down abruptly. Yeah yeah yeah, I was safe the whole time, but it was daring by my standards, haha. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? It's been pierced twice already; the first time it closed while I was in the psych hospital and had to take it out, and the second one I just gave up with it after I kept losing them in my sleep and they just fell into the fucking void or something because I could never find them come morning. I eventually had none left to replace those I'd lost. And yes, I wore the curved types, they still just came out somehow???? Probably didn't help that I sleep like, ON my face sometimes, but... lol. I've been thinking of doing it one more time, but this time with a hoop ring. Nostril piercings are just really cute to me. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Somehow. Are you friends with your best friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend? She's single. Do you have tan lines? HA. Absolutely not. Not even in the summer. Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip piercing? Yeah, he had snake bites. Has anyone told you they were in love with you? Yeah. Have you ever seen a bald eagle in person? Yes. Have you ever been vomited on? What about in vice versa? Oh my fucking god no, don't even make me imagine it. What is one family member you wish you were closer to? My sisters. When and where did you lose your virginity? Since then, what was the longest time you've ever gone without sex? I dunno, his bed or mine when I was maybe like 16 or 17. Been many years. What is your biggest fear about making a total commitment to someone? That I'll experience heartbreak again. Do you think that your life is exciting enough to be made into a movie? Do you think anybody would actually enjoy it if it were a movie? lol fuuuuck no If you were the opposite sex, would you be attracted to you? I don't know? If I was a different person, I'd obviously have unique tastes, too. Have you ever walked around your house naked? Oh no, I'm way too uncomf for that. Do you prefer profile pictures of you by yourself or with someone else? Me by myself. Did it bother you to find out that Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Toothfairy were not real? Not really, no. I'd been suspicious about it for a long time anyway. Is there a food that you only recently started to like? If so, what is it and when did you start liking it? How often do you try again foods you don't like to see if your tastes have changed? Hm... I'm unsure about "recently." I'm not very adventurous with food at all, so the answer for the last part is not often at all. Who would you NOT want to read the surveys you've posted on here? What would most likely happen if they did read it? Is there anyone you actually wish would read your survey answers but doesn't? Probably my therapist lmaoo. It'd spark some concern, especially regarding my PTSD, for him to be able to see "wow, she is deeply scarred." I don't really "wish" anyone else would read them, other than the occasional answer I wish He Who Shall Not Be Named could hear. Do you watch Glee? If so, which song do you want to hear on there that they have not yet done? If not, which TV show do you think has the best soundtrack? I don't watch it. The answer is obviously Supernatural, like good good shit right thar. Do you think you would be able to pull off a crime perfectly, without being caught? What about other lies? For example, cheating on your partner without getting caught? Would you be able to get away with it? Ha, hell no. I'm way too clumsy in more ways than physical and would overlook so many details. And I wouldn't WANT to get away with cheating on my partner, thanks. Do you know anyone who has divorced and remarried the same person? What do you/would you think of someone who does that? I don't think I do, and it's not really my business, but I'd have silent doubts, probably, depending on why they split. Do you say goodnight to anybody before you go to bed? If so, does it feel weird if you go to bed without saying it to them? I say goodnight to my snake Venus; even if she's in her hide, I say it when I walk past her terrarium. It probably wouldn't feel weird not to, but I want to, even though she can't even hear me lmao. How do you react when you're scared? Do you scream, jump, cover your eyes, etc.? I am VERY jumpy, tend to gasp easily, and sometimes scream if I'm seriously scared. Who is the best storyteller you know? What do you find best about their storytelling? Is there an interesting story of theirs you'd like to share? I don't know. Do you strongly dislike (or even hate) any bands or musical artists? If so, what caused such a strong negative emotion towards them? Not for purely their music, that's just stupid, but I could certainly dislike artists for what they do as people. For example, I haven't looked into it whatsoever, so it could be a load of bull, but I know Manson recently had some sexual misconduct or assault allegations rise against him, and honestly, I'd believe it. He's one of my favorite artists (emphasis on the "art"), but definitely not high on my list of favorite people and keeps doing things that are making me lose more and more respect for him. Then there's Otep... again, one of my favorite musical artists. I agree with a good handful of her values, but she is nevertheless an absolute holier-than-thou, intolerant bitch. I don't like her as a person. Do your parents have any collections? If so, what do you think of those collections? Dad collects Cleveland Browns and Carolina Hurricanes stuff; it's all over his "mancave." I don't have an opinion on them. Do you have a favourite role of Johnny Depp's? If you don't like him, what is your favourite role of an actor you like? I'm not familiar enough with all his acting roles for this, but I know he's incredibly good at what he does. If you were in a competition to win your dream prize, and you were allowed to decide what the competition would be (trivia about your favourite band, a foot race, singing, etc.) , what would you choose and why? Uhhhh maybe facts about meerkats? Reason being it's something I'm honestly very knowledgeable about. What is your least favourite thing about the English language? Are there any other languages you prefer besides English? It breaks its own "rules" ALL the time. If I was fluent in German, then I might actually prefer it. There are many parts to the German language that make it very precise and clear what and whom you are addressing (ex., there are two different "you"s for singular and plural usage); the only real downside I see to German is the sentence structure is odd, but then again, I mean, it does encourage active listening to get all the parts of a sentence you need to understand what is being said. Would you be upset if a long-term partner confessed that they had committed a serious crime before you met? How do you think it would affect your relationship? Hm. I guess it would depend on the crime? I sure wouldn't be happy hearing they committed an as you said serious crime, but I'd have to consider if there were other red flags for danger going on, again, if it wasn't massive in my eyes. Do you enjoy watching the special features found on most DVDs? What do you usually enjoy more: the deleted scenes, the bloopers, the audio commentary, or the behind-the-scenes footage? I have to be seriously into whatever I'm watching to explore these. I do love me some bloopers, though. Was there something you were afraid of as a child that just seems silly to you now? I had that usual "monster (or in my case, skeleton) in the closet" fear. Have you ever had a crush but then found out he’s gay? Almost positive my puppydog-love middle school bf actually is gay. I also had a crush on a closeted gay guy for a little bit that same school year. Nowadays he is so open about his sexuality and even does drag, and he's great at it! It's wonderful seeing how far he's come in his confidence. Would you ever be a porn star? What'd your name be? Oh no, hunny. Does blood make you squeamish? No. What's your favorite Pokemon? Ninetales. <3 I also have a very soft spot for Charmander, though. What was the last event to cause you any sort of heartache? My older sister got in a wreck yesterday because some impatient bitch ran a red light. She's fine but did break her clavicle and is going to be using a sling for probably a few months. It was definitely upsetting to hear about. What do you do when you like someone? I tend to get very shy around them, more than I naturally am, and smile a lot. I try to stay in contact with the person, and it's maybe a 60/40 chance I'll wait for them to make the move versus me, but I've done it. Do you mind if people just show up at your house unannounced? YEAH. Especially as someone who needs to mentally prepare for company, don't do this. Do you enjoy rain? To a degree. If it hangs around too long, it affects my depression. I LOVE going to sleep to rain pattering on the window, though. You love Jesus, yes? I don't believe he was a bad person; quite the opposite, actually, but I don't "love" him. I won't go too deep into why just because I'm not in the mood to offend people today lmao. Who’s your favorite person in the whole world? My mom. She's my rock. How many different beverages have you had in the last 24 hours? Just water and Mountain Lightning (a Mountain Dew ripoff for us poor folk, haha). Oh wait, I did have a meal replacement shake for lunch yesterday, I think? Or that might have been the day before... How many brothers does your father have? None, unless I've seriously forgotten him having one. He only has a sister, to my knowledge. What kind of camera do you use? I have a Canon EOS Rebel T6. If you could change you name, what would you change it to? I wouldn't. 25 years with a name I quite like has worked out fine. What was the last song you listened to in the car? Uhhh it was "Drugs" by Mother Mother, I think. Are you the youngest, oldest, middle, or only child? I'm the middle child between my parents. What's the best thing about the place you currently live? Hm. I would say for practicality's sake that we're very close to pretty much everything, but seeing as I enjoy long car rides... With that in mind, I'd say who our landlord is. She's a very close family friend who is very understanding of our financial position, so pretty forgiving with some things. Do you eat breakfast daily? Yessss, I need breakfast to start my day off. Can you hear anyone talking right now? No, just singing. I'm listening to Motionless In White's cover of "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers. What's your favorite flavor of ramen? I solely enjoy the spicy pork bowl by Yakisoba. I've never had another I've liked. I lived off that shit in the apartment. I guess what they say about college kids is true, haha. Never realized that. When was the last time you had a bowl of soup? What flavor? Back when I got my snake eyes tongue piercing, I tried vegetable soup only to find I didn't like it anymore. Do you have any tinned foods in your cupboard at the moment? Yeah, lots. I couldn't name 'em all, besides like, diced pineapple, corn, and beans. We always have those. What was the last food item that you tried for the first time? On Thanksgiving, I was actually brave with food for once and tried that sweet potato dish that's topped with marshmallow, and it was okay. I never liked sweet potato before, and while I couldn't eat a lot of it, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Does anyone in your family have green eyes? No. What was the name of your first ever pet? I was born into my family with a beautiful collie named Trigger, but I have zero recollection of her because she passed away from old age when I was very young. My first personal pet was either my guinea pig Squeak or Chinese water dragon Shadow (no, I have no idea why I named a green lizard that); I can't remember who came first. I adored them both. I feel so bad looking back though, I was so uninformed on how to properly care for a water dragon that she (or he, we were never sure) was, as far as correct husbandry goes, horribly taken care of and stunted from having a tank too small. I consider myself lucky she seemed to really trust me and loved being held, even sleeping on me, and she did live out her full lifespan. I was lucky; please, please, never adopt a reptile until you are properly educated on their unique care. Where was the last place you went out for lunch? What did you order? Mom bought me McDonald's a few days back because I was really craving it. I had a double cheeseburger and for once large fries, because that's what I was seriously wanting. I usually get small or medium. Where was the last place you went for an evening meal? What did you order? I feel bad and selfish for breaking my own "stay the fuck home but for emergencies" rule, but my mom, one of my sisters, and I went out to the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. I think I ate a chicken sandwich with Chipotle sauce? I actually don't remember for sure. I do however remember the cheesecake I got: some cinnamon swirl one that was fucking glorious. Oh yeah, and we had an appetizer of these pretzel ball things dipped in fondue. I ate waaaay too much, but it was a special occasion, so whatever. Have you Googled anything today? What? I ensured I spelled "clavicle" correctly. Yaaaay, I did. What do you like to eat for breakfast these days? Special K cereal, a sandwich, sometimes those pancake & sausage on a stick things I mentioned at some point in the last survey I think, or a Jimmy Dean breakfast bowl. Maybe other stuff I'm just not thinking of. Is anyone in your family a nurse? No, but I have family in the medical field. Do you like to wear lipstick? What colors do you think suit you best? Not really, no, but I will sometimes for pictures. It smudges too easily yet is also hard and annoying to get off. I only really wear black. Who was the last person to recommend a book to you? My therapist recommended a book for the whole PHP group, but I can't remember what it was. Something self-care related. Who was the last person to tease or joke around with you, in a friendly way? I wouldn't be surprised if it was Tobey, the "family friend" I mention a lot. She probably said something technically rude that she thought was an appropriate joke. Is there a jar of peanut butter in your house? Yeah, always. Does anyone you know own a tabby cat? How about a cocker spaniel? Tabbies are very common, so yes. I don't think I know anyone with a pure cocker spaniel, but my late dog's mother was one. Do you have blinds or curtains in your bedroom? What colour are they? I have those slanted blinds that you can close by pushing them upwards or downwards with a stick thing. They're white. What was the last beverage you tried for the first time? Some form of juice I wasn't a fan of. Orange and peach, I think? Who was the last person that said you were beautiful? I think a friend on Facebook when I changed my profile picture. Is/are your pet(s) fixed? My cat is neutered, but obviously my ball python isn't. Roman would mark the house like crazy before we got him fixed... but even if he didn't, we still would have done it. Please make spaying/neutering your cats and dogs a financial investment priority. If you do the research, you would marvel over the "damage" especially one fertile cat can cause. Hell, my childhood experience with cats is enough proof of that.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''somebody told me'' by motionless in white

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dotthings · 4 years

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Heavily cluttered, as many Bucklemming eps are, but worth the trip. There was a lot of goodness in 15.08 and there were two moments where I shrieked out loud.

My two out loud-shriek moments, let’s get that out of the way:

Queen Rowena. Caaaaalled it.

Dean and Cas are going back??? To???? Purgatory???? Together?????? And Bobo???? Is???? Writing the episode???????????? *SHRIEKING AND FLAILING*

Okay more orderly and sedate now. Eileen is so damn fierce. She’s a very physical fighter, she’s smart but seems to use a blunt fighting skill. She can punch HARD. I love watching that so so much. I would enjoy female characters on SPN like this regardless, but the fact that this is a hero character with a disability and it’s never a big deal is deeply refreshing and SPN did something really really right bringing her back, amen.

Protective Sam shows up and Eileen is happy to see him but literally pushes him aside so she can make the kill. She doesn’t need his protection, but she also values him as a hunting partner as the ep shows. Also they’re trying to build a relationship here. Eileen seems used to hunting solo and Sam wants to offer backup, and he got worried.

So the plan is to lock up Chuck like Chuck locked up Amara. The sweet irony of this delights me. He tried to shut away the divine feminine rather than actually stepping up to deal with his sister as, well, a person (well, a divine deity, but still, a being with feelings and thoughts and complexities). Chuck, the arrogant and narcissistic toxic masculinity God, maybe to be locked up now instead as his hubris and his lack of empathy and his petulance is exposed. What if Amara was the more competent deity all along?

There is no way Dean doesn’t know what an Achilles’ heel is. The random WTF of this is so much it’s not even angering it’s just so bizarre. LOL what even. Look I am really enjoying S15 but I hope the butterfly net tightens on stopping this kind of thing because honestly. I’ll just pretend that scene isn’t there. Luckily I enjoyed the episode overall a lot.

Team Free Will in research mode together in the bunker just really makes me happy. Cas is where he belongs.

Donatello!Chuck threatening Jody, Donna, Eileen, “pretty much everyone on your speed dial” as a deterrent to Sam and Dean is bearing out again my impressions of how Chuck views these characters. I’m still not 100% sure what he thinks of Cas who is right in the room but Chuck doesn’t seem to acknowledge him, except as some sort of right arm to Sam and Dean, as I’ve said in other posts, I think Chuck regards him as a nuisance now, and a deterrent to his miserable endings, and a pawn. Just like Donna, Jody, and Eileen, to him, they’re just pawns. They’re all people Sam and Dean care about, and Chuck will use them to keep his two favorites in line.

See what I did there?

Yeah. Chuck doesn’t care about the characters as people. Everyone except Sam and Dean are expendable and tools to be used so he can control Sam and Dean and that’s it. He’ll destroy them with a snap of his fingers and won’t care. Look at that. Familiar attitude, isn’t it. How interesting.

“If you want to stay here, stay here.” Dean’s gone back to not!listening to Cas I see. While Cas is Dean-avoidant and trying not to look at him throughout the episode. But both of them are thawing just a little.

Like when Cas heals Dean’s cut palm and the way it’s staged looks like he’s going to take Dean’s hand to do it which I don’t think is an accident. That moment was meant to be soft. Dean didn’t ask. Cas offered. And Dean didn’t jerk his hand away or say no. Then there’s the fact that Cas is going to go with Sam and Dean into Hell despite all his misgivings about Michael and this entire plan.

Team Free Will, getting all researchy together, and then getting all BAMFY together with their angel blades going into Hell.

We didn’t get any kind of nod back to Dean and Cas’s last visit together to Hell and that’s the second time they have been back to Hell (well the last time was some sort of Hell ante-room, the cage was brought up iirc) and SPN failed to nod to it, WHY AM I CONTINUALLY DENIED THIS.

“Hello, boys.” There it is. My actual shriek of delight. I hope it didn’t alarm the neighbors.

“I took it.” Yes you did, my red-headed goddess queen of the underworld. You sure did. GET IT ROWENA. Rowena won the game of thrones. Boom.

She’s a little flirty with Sam, still has a soft spot for him I think.

And then starts playing marriage counselor for Dean and Cas. “What am I picking up with you two? A wee tiff?....So fix it.” Someone called this, I’m fairly certain, that if Rowena saw Dean and Cas again during their divorce she’d size that situation up and down and comment on it. FIX IT. So say we all.

“Family sucks.” Jake Abel did such a fantastic job in this. tbh I didn’t give much thought to Adam all these years, it seemed like SPN was never going back there. I liked Jake’s performances in S5, but it just seemed like a story that was over. But Jake Abel, man. He comes back after all this time and owns the dual roles and made me care. With a performance that was alternately fearsome and vulnerable.

“That’s adorable.” Dean is SO happy about Sam and Eileen, he looked so soft, and still a bit not okay because his chosen other half is barely looking at him, but mostly Dean’s rooting for Sam to have some happiness. “If it was to work, she gets it, she gets us, she gets the life.” It’s a retreated on Sam’s speech back during “Baby” about someone...something...who understands the life. And Sam has found that with Eileen.

Meanwhile Cas is right there, with Dean, with this great big chasm still open between them but...he’s there. And all the arrows point towards him for Dean.

Dean and Cas are being magnets again. Not like in S14 where every time there is a crisis they stand very close together and are drawn together, now they’re like magnets that are trying not to feel the pull but they cannot escape each other’s pull nor do they really want to, but they can’t quite figure out how to cross the distance.

There’s more than one scene where Dean or Cas is out of focus and the other in focus, as if to emphasize how they’re both there but not in phase with each other. Not yet.

I so enjoyed the Cas and Michael stuff. Cas’s prayer to Michael, Michael’s mad on for Cas. “Oh, I didn’t come to beg.” And there’s the ruthless strategic angel.

There’s also something really...fitting about Sam and Dean and Cas all being the ones standing outside the ring of holy fire together to trap an archangel who they effectively hope to bring in from the cold, to their side, in a post S6 era of the show.

“To paraphrase a friend you had an entire oak tree shoved up your ass.” I see Cas is still quoting Dean, having Dean as a compass point or a North star. Even if he can barely look at Dean right now.

Cas telling Michael his unimportance to God and keeping the upper hand is just...so satisfying. Cas has grown so much. I keep thinking about S5 Cas and how despite how powerful Cas was back then, radiating power in ways he doesn’t quite do the same way now, Cas always seemed so...smol next to the archangels. Punching above his weight class. But now he faces down Michael and tells Michael rawly how it is with their dad Chuck. And when Michael tries to choke him, he fights past it and goes into Michael’s mind to show him everything, to help him see the truth. Cas has grown so much, this felt a lot like a little brother constantly picked on leaves home, grows, and comes back to find big, big brother isn’t quite as big and intimidating as he remembers.

Which in fact he isn’t, because Michael is capable of insight and change and feelings too. He’s not his father. Despite being the favorite. Despite clinging still to his hero-worship. But Cas worked past that with Chuck long ago.

When Eileen’s friend needs help on a hunt, and Eileen goes to Sam, Sam goes with her, no doubts. Tells Dean he’s going, as Dean recounts to Cas, and Dean seems cool with it.

Sam and Eileen seem to be growing closer and closer, and while there is something tentative about Sam, he definitely is drawn to her and cares. That tentativeness is from past hurt and loss and maybe he’s scared to enter into this kind of relationship. But they’ve got their own magnetic pull together, they fit.

Dean and Cas facing each other in that bunker kitchen, the lighting darker and colder than usual. They’re facing each other, and each shift in and out of camera focus, not looking at each other much. Cas can’t look at Dean at all in this scene, while Dean keeps sneaking glances at Cas. In other scenes, Cas does sneak looks at Dean. They are ridiculous and my heart hurts. The blocking here is them facing each other only not--they are a few feet off, so looking past each other.

Cas sitting at that table, hands folded, staring straight ahead and working very hard obviously to Not Look at Dean.

Dean’s reaction on Cas reporting the words Michael said, “I want you dead, get out.” The things Dean has said to Cas are coming back to haunt him, coming from the words of their once mortal enemy, that’s gotta sting.

Both Dean and Cas have some work to do here, but Dean definitely is already very aware his own words went too far, and has been for a while.

“God lied to me. I loved him.” Oh wow that hurt, I didn’t expect these feelings.

A thing about Adam and Michael, both feeling so abandoned by their families, and losing everyone. They offered support to each other. They worked out a time-share in Adam’s body. We’ve seen genuine vessel and angel bonds form before (in Lily Sunder). There’s also a S7 episode by Ben Edlund about the bond between a human and the demon who possessed him. Not sure how healthy Adam and Michael are, but they seem weirdly functional, and don’t despise each other and I kind of have some feelings about Adam and Michael bonding the way they did in The Cage. Perhaps Michael shielded Adam from the worst of it. It’s how Adam is coherent after being down there for so long. Maybe Adam made Michael less lonely. Did I ASK for feelings about Adam and Michael, no I did nOT and yet here we are.

Then there’s Adam. It was interesting that scene where Sam acknowledges maybe they gave up too easily. Because Sam and Dean refuse to accept it when it’s each other they lose, and have gone way over the line to get the other one back. Here Sam is admitting that it shouldn’t be just for them. That Adam was worth saving. Even though they don’t know him well, he still didn’t deserve what happened (as Dean acknowledges at the end of the ep). And Sam and Dean never mentioning him again or giving him another thought apparently, all these seasons...well, that kind of made me assume that was that. Just because someone is blood, doesn’t make you family and they barely knew Adam.

But if it’s someone who could potentially earn that? Someone basically good? And they just...forgot about him and left him to his torment in Hell? So this did need addressing. There’s not much time to develop a relationship with Adam and TFW this late in the game but there was a start here.

Dean likewise offers his apology to Adam at the end. “You’re a good man. You didn’t deserve that.”

Right when I was thinking, so many of them don’t get what they deserve, they just keep getting Hell heaped on their heads, Adam says “Since when do we get what we deserve.”

There’s a subtle thing there where Adam looks at Cas, Cas very pointedly still tries to be not looking at Dean, and after Adam leaves Dean turns to Cas looking so...sorrowful for a moment. I keep saying, Dean and Cas deserve each other, and right now they can’t figure how to have each other.

But Michael left them a strange gift. The Leviathan flower, to seal away Chuck, but the gift has a double meaning (unintentionally on Michael’s part). It’s not just the tool to shut away the villain, Michael opens a door to Purgatory and boom just like that, opens up a whole doorway on Dean and Cas’s story because of the emotional significance of Purgatory for them. What they had there. What happened there. The way that place broke loose some of their feelings. I’m not sure what’s going to happen now, if they both go, as the promo glimpses seem to suggest, does one return and the other gets trapped? Is Dean’s prayer to Cas going to be inside Purgatory, is Cas also still in Purgatory and they get separated? Is being thrown together back into that environment going to help them heal? Or will they be torn apart again but that provides another route to reconciliation?

#spn #supernatural #Dean Winchester #Sam Winchester #Castiel #team free will #rowena macleod #Adam Milligan #Eileen Leahy #Saileen #Destiel #meta #Michael

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hopewritcs · 5 years

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the prodigal sister. four.

pairing: familial byers fam x reader, romantic paring tbd

word count: 2.7k

summary: y/n is the middle sibling of the byers brothers. she’s just ten months younger than jonathan, making the pair “irish twins”. except when her father and mother got divorced, lonnie got custody of y/n and took her away from the rest of the family.

notes: okay so i realized that i was calling the tps chapters parts when i was organizing stuff and now i’ve decided that i’m going to use the term chapter for here too. i don’t think anyone but me noticed but it bugged me lol. and here’s part four! here you get introduced to hopper in the fic, and another night at the arcade!

other chapters: masterlist

tps tag list: @irreleventmoonchild, @rockyrocket15, @the-fae-child, @bucky4cap45, @pinklyrium ( most of the tags seem to be broken so, if u wanna be added/readded to the tag list just let me know ! )

It was a cold midwestern mid-January morning the next morning when Y/N woke up. For the local Hawkins school it was already the beginning of the semester, but back at her boarding school in California, the semester didn’t begin until the beginning of February. So now, switching schools, she’d have to play catch up.

Which is why, when her mother insisted upon taking Y/N along to work with her ( Joyce was still worried about anything happening if any of her kids were home alone, and Y/N had seen the slight hint of panic in her mother’s eyes and agreed to go with her ), they stopped at the school and grabbed a packet of what she missed at school. So the scene that Chief Hopper walked into at Melvald’s--Joyce stickering the discounted items and Y/N sitting on a metal stool behind one of the registers, a textbook propped in her lap--confused him briefly, before he remembered that Joyce had three kids. This must be her daughter.

When Hopper cleared his throat both of the Byers women looked up from what they were working on and, at the same time, waved to Hopper.

“Hey Hop, what do you need?” Joyce asked, putting down the sticker gun and walking back over toward her daughter, placing a hand on her shoulders, “This is Y/N, my daughter. I don’t think you’ve ever met her.”

Y/N extended her hand and looked at Hopper with a bright smile, “Hey, good to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Hopper had made his way to where the women stood, taking Y/N’s extended hand and shaking it slowly as he looked between the two. A quick flutter went through his chest which he pushed down as he shook his head and spoke again, “A lot?”

“They told me about everything.” Y/N explained, head going back down to the textbook in her lap as she carefully looked up to the chief of police to watch his reaction.

“Are we just going to tell everyone now?” Jim quietly exclaimed, knowing he could have been louder ( angrier ) in the nearly empty store. He was just worried that the more people who knew about everything would mean more people who could hurt Jane. And they were all still recovering from what happened at the lab back in November. “Where’s Melvald? Let’s let him in too in case you need to take off randomly!” He knew it was a bit of an overreaction, but it was his protective instincts kicking in.

“She’s not just anyone, Hop. She’s my daughter.” Joyce replied defensively, putting her hands on her hips.

“So?”

“So?!”

“She’s sitting right here, she can hear you.” Y/N said, not taking her eyes off of the paragraph she’d intended to read ( even if she wasn’t entirely focused on the context of the words in front of her at the moment ) when she spoke. “You can’t expect them to hide the whole reason why apparently everyone spent some time thinking that Will might be dead. Finding that shit out is kind of a big deal. I mean, my dad hid that shit from me for a whole fucking year pretty much.” Y/N’s eyebrows shot up as she spoke the last bit, finally looking over at the man across the counter.

“Language.” Joyce muttered to herself, shaking her head. She turned her attention away from her daughter to look over at Hopper with a tight lipped smile. “She’s staying here from now on. She needed to know.”

“Fine.” Hopper grumbled after a couple of moments of silence with ( what he thought was a scarily similar ) look from both Joyce and Y/N.

After a couple more moments, everyone seemed satisfied and Joyce and Hopper moved back over to one of the shelves as Y/N continued to work on the homework she had.

A couple of days later at home, the kids were in the living room all working on their respective homework before heading out to their nightly activities. Jonathan and Nancy were going out--Jonathan complaining about the fact that Nancy was dragging him to some party under his breath--while Will and Y/N were going to go to the arcade with the kids. Will didn’t even complain, because Y/N had said she wanted to try for a high score on “that Dig Dug game”.

After the third time Jonathan grumbled to himself, Y/N nudged his shoulder and looked at him out of the corner of her eyes, “This is what happens when you date a popular girl, Jon. She’s got to go to these things with her friends and she wants you to go too because she loves you.” Y/N sing-songed the word love, dragging it out for s couple of notes with a bit of a chuckle both from herself and from Will on her other side, sitting in the chair.

“Yeah, well she knows I don’t like these parties.” Jonathan scrunched his face up as he crossed something off on his notebook paper before writing again.

“Just bring your camera and take pictures if she wanders off with her friends.” Y/N shrugged, going back to her work. The good thing about switching schools was that, in some cases, she was ahead in the work. In California she had already read the play the English class was working on, so she didn’t need to do much except for answer the questions on the reading sheets she’d gotten.

“That’s not a bad idea, I guess.” Jonathan muttered under his breath.

“What was that? Sorry, I couldn’t hear you!” as if to emphasize her point, she cupped one of her hands around her ear as she continued to speak, “Did you say that was a good idea?” she was teasing him, a grin across her lips as she turned to look at Jonathan who just pursed his lips. “Aw come on!” She dropped her hand back down to her sides and looked at her brother.

Eventually, after a couple of minutes of the pair just staring at each other, Jonathan broke and he smiled back at his sister which seemed to make her happy and she went back to her work. She felt like in the short week it had been since she’d gotten home at first, that she was finally reconnecting with her siblings again.

And her heart tugged in her chest. She hated that she’d missed out on the big stuff, sure. But it was the little things too, teasing Jonathan or taking Will around town, that she missed even more.

When she’d think of going home ever, it was these kinds of moments that she thought about. Sitting in the living room, doing homework. Nothing major happening.

Being true to his word, Steve did call the Byers house and let Joyce, who had picked up the phone, know that he would be by in a couple of minutes for Y/N and Will. Of course, Y/N seemed to think it was a bit ridiculous, but wasn’t going to argue. She’d take riding in a car with a heater than walking in the cold air any day.

She and Will stood outside, waiting for the car to pull up and when it did, Y/N watched as Dustin grumpily got out of the passengers seat and left the door open before heading into the back and keeping the door open for Will.

“I don’t get why she gets the front seat. You picked me up first, Steve!” Dustin’s shout could be heard from halfway up the driveway as Y/N and Will made their way to the car. Y/N turned to look at Will with raised eyebrows who just replied with a shrug as he got into the car and closed the door.

“Because she’s older and your friend’s in the backseat. Shut up, Dustin.” Steve exclaimed back as Y/N got into the car and he drove off to the arcade.

“But I was first!” Dustin said a couple of minutes later after the silence, save for the radio playing, got the better of him.

“Not on the planet.” Y/N said, turning to look back at him with a grin, showing him that her comment was simply teasing. “Anyway, we just got the word that I’ll be going to school with you guys on Monday.” Y/N said, turning back to the front and looking over at Steve.

“Cool. Do you have your schedule yet?” he asked, glancing at her as he continued to keep his focus on the road in front of him.

Y/N shook her head, “Nah, I gotta pick it up that morning from the principal’s office. But I have all the homework I missed from the core classes already, I guess it just depends on what electives they give me.”

“I guess I’ll see you on Monday, then. What grade are you in?”

“Junior, with Jonathan and Nancy. I skipped ahead a year back in middle school.”

“You skipped a grade?” Dustin exclaimed from the backseat and leaned forward to look at Will’s sister.

Y/N nodded, “Yeah, it’s not a big deal. I think the principal and guidance counsellor’s words were that she’s not being challenged to the best extent in this grade, she’s already finished all the English and History work for the next month from the syllabus.” She explained, doing her best to make her voice a bit deeper when she explained what the school authority figures had said to her. It had been just a year after her leaving Hawkins too, her parents splitting up when she was just moving into middle school.

“I didn’t know that. Does Jonathan know?” Will asked, his head tilted to the side as he asked, looking at his sister’s reflection in the rearview mirror.

Y/N shrugged, “I think I told him in one of the letters we used to write.”

“That’s cool that you skipped a grade.” Dustin hummed, grinning.

“It’s not that big of a deal, really. I’m not like, super smart. I’ve got a good memory though.” Y/N explained shyly, turning her attention out the window as they pulled up to the arcade.

Their arrival seemed to signal the end of the conversation as the kids immediately got out of the car before Steve even pulled the key out of the ignition and ran to meet the rest of the party inside the arcade.

Steve turned to look at Y/N, “Are you gonna go in with them?”

Y/N nodded, “Yup. I’m either going home with the high score on that one game, or I’ll finish this book.” she explained, pulling the book she’d brought with her out of her bag and shrugged.

“Okay. Cool. I’ll come in too.” Steve said, flipping his keys in his hands and then putting them in the pocket of his jacket. Before Y/N could even ask why, he was already out of the car and headed for the door.

Y/N got out too, closing the door gently and heading toward the door of the arcade when she heard the loud sounds of AC/DC blasting down the otherwise quiet Hawkins street. She turned her head and watched as a camaro pulled up to a quick and screeching halt in front of her, the redheaded Max getting out of the car holding tightly to her skateboard. She gave a half wave to Y/N before turning back and flipping off her step-brother and making her way inside the arcade.

“What are you doing here, Y/N?” Billy called, leaning out of the driver’s side window and looking at her, his hair falling into his eyes as he did so. Y/N just crossed her arms against her chest and gestured with her head to the arcade, where all the kids were standing inside, looking out the window at the scene. A look crossed Billy’s features and he nodded his head. “Right. Byers. Forgot.” he tapped his hand on the side of his car, the other still holding tightly to the wheel. “So you actually hang out with the kids? What are you babysitting them?” He scoffed, shaking his head and turning to look at the arcade for a brief moment before looking back at her. “And with Steve Harrington? Seriously?”

“I’m not babysitting, Billy. I’m hanging out with my brother, which I happen to enjoy. I’m sure that you don’t feel the same way about your step-sister, but some of us like our siblings.” Y/N replied with a quick glance toward the arcade and flashing everyone a smile. She didn’t understand why they all hated Billy. Sure, the Billy she knew back in California could have been a jerk too. He typically played with girls. But she was having a hard time putting the Billy she knew together with the Billy they’d all described and told her about her first night home.

“It’s an arcade, Y/N. That’s not fun.”

“Maybe not if you suck at video games. Is that your problem, Billy? Your kid sister is better than you at video games?” her tone was completely joking, a grin across her face and a giggle passing her lips as she spoke.

Billy just shook his head. He almost wanted to bite back a comment at her, but he’d known her for a couple of years, and he knew that she wasn’t saying that to press his buttons but to joke with him. He almost missed California more in that moment, where he felt more relaxed. He looked at her, a simple, “Shut up, Y/N.” as his reply.

They both stayed in their spots quietly for a moment, Y/N’s hands having dropped to her sides, but one of them holding tightly to the band of her purse and Billy looking more relaxed than he had been when he showed up to drop Max off at the arcade.

“I’ve got to go. I’ve got a date.” Billy said after another couple of moments, turning to look at the clock on his dashboard and then look back at Y/N.

“I’ve got kids to babysit.” she laughed, rolling her eyes as she used what Billy had called it a moment before. She took a couple of steps away from the two cars and headed for the arcade door, where she watched from the corner of her eyes as everyone moved quickly so they weren’t standing right at the windowed front of the shop as if they hadn’t been eavesdropping. A chuckle, more air than sound, came from her as she turned back to look at Billy, still not having moved from leaning out of his camaro. “I’ll see you at school on Monday, Hargrove.”

“See ya Byers.”

As she waved, Billy’s car engine revved as he sped off down the road, the song switching to another AC/DC track. Y/N watched for a moment as the car was quickly out of her sight of vision as she turned to go into the arcade.

“Will said you knew Billy but I didn’t believe him.” Came Dustin’s comment, not looking up from the game they group had begun to play.

“Yeah, how do you know my step-brother?” Max asked, looking up at Y/N with a confused look.

“He went to school around the boarding school in California. He was friends with some guys from our brother school and he knew my roommate last year.” Y/N explained with a shrug of her shoulders.

“Hargrove’s trouble.” Steve said from her left, and she turned to look at him. “‘m just saying.” Steve held up his hands defensively, shrugging his shoulders.

“Billy’s fine. I can be friends with whoever I want to be friends with, guys. Don’t make this into a big thing.” Y/N sighed, sitting up on one of the tables around the machines and shaking her head. She couldn’t believe she was having this conversation again.

“We’re just looking out for you.” Will said quietly, offering his sister a smile.

“Yeah, Billy’s a dick.” Lucas interjected.

“He beat the shit out of Steve, remember!” Dustin said, finally his attention on the conversation as the game he’d been playing had been lost.

“I could have taken him.”

“Sure buddy. How many fights have you actually won, again?”

Y/N rolled her eyes and listened to the conversation they were having before turning her own head and grabbing the book from her bag and letting the rest of them move off of the topic on their own.

#will byers x reader #jonathan byers x reader #billy hargrove x reader #steve harrington x reader #stranger things x reader #the prodigal sister

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