#fun fact: Angst means fear in german

[morifinwes]

Lauraa I finished all the fics, apart from decay (currently reading that now) and I love it sm! Especially the lip gloss one lmao the whole thing was so hilarious to me XD but also like the concept of lwj wearing lipgloss is >>> -yibobibo

@yibobibo then i'm going to rec you some more!! the lip gloss one was !!!!! ajsksks yes!! lwj wearing lipgloss is just so!! good!!

modern

this one is the painful one i talked about:

visitations by var_abelasan (12K, wip, divorced wangxian, post divorce, most of this is angst, uhm lowkey don't but also do want wangxian to end up together, it's messy, the jiangs & lans are shitty, wwx was in prison (brief mentions of that but it's kind of a major plot point), mxy & xy are the little brothers he never wanted but wwx picked them up anyways)

"Wei Ying-" Lan Zhan says, stutters, "I'm sorry." 

And now Wei Wuxian sees it, the red rimming Lan Zhan's eyes, the rumpled edges of his blazer. There is an old, familiar urge for him to reach over, to hold Lan Zhan's hand and smooth his hair, to tell him that everything will be fine. 

"We're all a bit sorry about this, I think," he says instead, and finds that he means it. For Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji and everyone else in that Guanyin temple, the pain must be unbearably fresh, like skin just flayed open. But Wei Wuxian's chest had been cracked open a long time ago, his wounds licked and cauterized and sewn shut over five long years - Ever hurting, but a dull, constant ache, "It's really alright, Lan Zhan."

 

Five years after being accused of corporate espionage and losing everything, the Guanyin Scandal breaks open and Wei Wuxian finds a familiar face at his door.

please don't let me be misunderstood by sysrae (3K, partly deaf!wwx, lwj notices, nobody else does though, idk wwx is like made out of fucking steel or some shit)

Lan Wangji has known Wei Ying for a fortnight, the first time he sees him get hit by a car.

light by redkosmos (10K, blind!lwj, which causes angst, but they manage it, best friends to lovers, fluff, lwj being insecure and feeling like a burden, college au kind of? but it doesn't matter too much)

The realization slowly dawns on him.

He can never again see the brightness of Wei Ying's eyes, the way they crescent when he smiles, never again see the rich black of his hair, the mess of it in the early mornings, never again see the beautiful tan of his skin, the beauty of the scars and marks adorned on it, how he wears his clothes, how it hugs his frame beautifully, how he looks like he's adorably swimming in cloth when he wears Lan Zhan's, and-

(Lan Zhan loses his vision in a car accident and learns to cope with it.)

don't leave me by trippinonskies (19K, brief very brief mention of lwj cheating, he doesn't but wwx is afraid lwj is cheating on him or just wants to break up with him, (he doesn't), marriage proposal, lwj acting distant = wwx's insecurities show up, fluff, angst and comfort)

Lan Zhan! Where are you lost today?” Wei Wuxian finally asks, at the end of his patience.

Lan Zhan looks a little guilty as he looks at Wei Wuxian, “Sorry, just a lot of work to deal with.”

Lie.

If there is one thing Lan Zhan can’t do, it’s lying. Especially to Wei Wuxian. But he doesn’t question Lan Zhan. He just accepts the reply, too scared to know that he is right. Too scared to know the truth.

// or where Lan Zhan is too hung up in planning the perfect proposal and ends up accidently ignoring Wei Wuxian making the other think that he wants to break up //

want you closer by xiaobucephalus ((3K, HORSES, only in the background tho, but wwx is an equestrian vet, which is so fucking valid bro, the lans own horses, a sick bunny, lwj the bunny parent!, super cute, dark bay throughoutbred chenqing is honestly so valid)

“Thank you,” Lan Zhan said, breathing a sigh of relief.

“Don’t thank me, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying laughed again, his voice warming the chill of fear that had settled in his chest. “I’ve been looking for an excuse to get into your hutch for a while anyway.”

safe in your thoughts by anonymous (20K, it's a cherry magic au???? (i haven't watched it, but you have i think?), horny lwj but only for wwx (always for wwx))

Wei Wuxian learns three very important things on the night of his twenty-seventh birthday.

One, that Lan Wangji is ridiculously funny, which Wei Wuxian had known before but what Wei Wuxain hadn’t expected was Lan Wangji to be funny at his brother’s expense.

Two, that Wei Wuxian had finally gone mad, absolutely mental at the ripe age of twenty seven because nothing else would explain the third thing he had learnt.

Third, and the most unbelievable of the lot, that Lan Wangji wants to fuck him.

iura by yoo_im_finally_writing (1K, only added bcs op is right and wwx would've the cutest german accent, it's more fun if you understand german so hit me up if you want translations for the german sentences)

Wei Ying calls in the middle of the night to talk about German law, and Lan Zhan tries very hard not to fall asleep. Or at least, not to let Wei Ying notice he's falling asleep. (As best friends do.)

breathe in the air, the last of its kind by wereworm / @neverdoingmuch (27K, getting together, jealous!lwj, but also kind of supportive, brief mention of cheating bcs of miscommunication, no actual cheating tho, college au, lwj pov)

Following Wei Ying’s line of sight, Lan Wangji can barely prevent a smile from crossing his lips when he sees the short row of rabbit statuettes placed at the front of the display. Silver, with bright gems for eyes, they look elegant yet lively and animated.

“A-Yuan would love one of those,” Wei Ying murmurs, almost as if to himself.

Lan Wangji frowns; the rabbits, while cute, don’t seem like a suitable gift for Wei Ying’s A-Yuan.

...

It’s only when he glances back at the rabbits and notices what has been placed on display behind them, that the pieces fall into place. They’re engagement rings, there’s no doubt about it. Lan Wangji feels his heart sink – Wei Ying isn’t just dating A-Yuan, he wants to propose to him.

Or: the five times Lan Wangji thinks that A-Yuan is Wei Ying’s boyfriend and the one time he learns the truth.

paint smears on sunny days by snowshadowao3 / @angstsexual (53K, getting together, art teacher!wwx, single parent!lwj, they're rich if i remember right, wwx & lwj are both good with kids!!!, this is so good actually, fluff)

To say that he runs to his car would be incorrect, as he is a Lan, and running is both undignified and unnecessary unless in immediate danger. Nor does he slam his key into the ignition, or aggressively swerve around the cars on the freeway, or have a mild panic attack at the fact he is picking A-Yuan up late from school for the first time ever.

He comes close, though.

By the time he arrives, it’s 4:35PM, and he has imagined about fifty different worse-case scenarios. The door is partly open when he gets to it, a messy label of 104B—Art Room scrawled with chalk on a placard next to the faded wood. As he opens it fully, he expects to see a wailing, terrified child, or perhaps a scene of utter misery and betrayal.

What he finds is his son, hands covered in paint, being sung to by a beautiful, dark-haired stranger.

“Ducks live in the pond, yellow ducks, happy ducks!”

Lan Wangji stops in his tracks.

(Or: Falling in love with your son’s art teacher, in five parts)

no bunny compares by gusucloudbunny (4K, god this is cute, fluff)

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian cornered his friend one week before his birthday. “If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?”

Lan Wangji furrowed his brow at Wei Wuxian, not exactly sure how to answer that question in a truthful manner that didn’t involve confessing his undying love for his best friend.

Wei Wuxian is on a mission to get Lan Wangji the perfect gift for his birthday. What Wei Wuxian doesn't know is that the only thing Lan Wangji truly wants is him.

wei wuxian's week of realizing things by photojenny (12K, i have read this multiple times, i always forget what happens, idk why but my notes say it's good, the tags say drunkji makes an appearance and i'm always up for that)

"Lan Zhan, do you like Mianmian?" asked Wei Wuxian.

Lan Wangji blinked, and stared. It was not the first time Lan Wangji had questioned the perceptiveness of the boy he had a crush on. Wei Wuxian had been smart in the class they had taken together. Yet time and time again, Wei Wuxian had tested the old wisdom that there are no stupid questions.

---

Lan Wangji must figure out how to confess when Wei Wuxian is the most oblivious person he's ever met.

are you my wisdom tooth? because i'd like to take you out by yellowcarnations (1K, crack, fluff, lwj stop flirting with a stranger, even if he is your husband, drunkji but make it to max level)

Lan Zhan wakes up and he has no idea where he is.

There are bright lights and his jaw hurts, he doesn't who this man next to his bed is but oh he might be in love, maybe, probably, definitely.

–

based off that guy-forgets-who-his-wife-is-and-hits-on-her vid but its wangxian.

beep! goes his heart by wearing_tearing (3K, fluff, lwj is like "he, he likes me right? he likes me" and everyone is like "yes, yes he does")

“Wei Ying’s heart monitor,” Lan Wangji starts.

Wen Qing blinks at him. “Yes?”

“It beeps.”

“That’s… what they generally do, yes.”

“The beeps change,” Lan Wangji continues, “when others are around.”

*

Wei Ying’s heart only sings for Lan Wangji.

canon

obedient and bellicose by thunderwear (19K, lwj is cursed by the lan elders, they notice too late, fix-it fic kind of?, lqr being a good uncle and lxc is a good brother, wwx accidentally uses the curse but he doesn't know about it)

It took Lan Wangji a long time to realize he was cursed. Too long really, anyone else would have noticed so much sooner. The problem was, he liked following the rules.

Ella Enchanted AU that no one needed but I wanted.

hello my old heart, how have you been? by ravenditefairylights (10K, amnesia, fluff, wwx taking care of lwj, so much fluff and softness, angst too but not that much)

The issue is, Lan Wangji brings his thoughts back before they stray too far, that it is impossible for someone to be in his bed, unless Lan Wangji himself invited them. He has not. He would remember doing so, and besides, all his night clothes are still on and there is no headache to imply that he was inebriated last night. No, the situation is simple.

There is someone in Lan Wangji’s bed. It is impossible for anyone to be in Lan Wangji’s bed, and yet that doesn’t seem to have stopped the stranger.

or lan wangji wakes up, and wei ying is there. he doesn't understand how or why, and he can understand even less why his hallucination of wei ying is so insistent on bathing him, and braiding his hair, on holding him and fixing his clothes. why the hallucination of wei ying seems so happy to see him.

teach me the way by likeafox (58K, rogue cultivator!wwx, horny wangxian, lwj wants wwx to teach him how to be a good lover, ....wwx is a virgin, the porn is the plot, but there's less of it than i thought)

"I do not wish to leave my future spouse… dissatisfied with my intimate knowledge,” Lan Zhan says, very seriously. “I am hoping to find an instructor, to better prepare myself for such matters."

Wei Ying feels his mouth drop open. He's pretty sure the Second Jade of Lan just told him he's a virgin who wants to learn how to do sex good.

Rogue Cultivator Wei Wuxian is the stuff of local legends. Some of those legends are even true! The ones about his tremendous experience in bed, on the other hand, are not so true. Which becomes a problem when Lan Wangji, on the verge of an arranged marriage and worried he won’t know how to please his future spouse, enlists Wei Ying's help to teach him the art of love-making. Wei Ying's great at improvisation, though, and is pretty sure he's got this sex mentor thing under control. What could possibly go wrong

other aus

of god: my love unholy by tunnelodfawn (3K, tw blood / war, dark!lwj, god!wwx, kind of poetry)

Lan Zhan takes everything as a sign from his god. The blood staining his fingertips—a holy anointment. He sanctifies himself through blood. The strings of his guqin gleam red in the sun—a divine blessing. This is an instrument of destruction. A single note—a cry of power—and in this note the voice of his god unravels the earthly threads tethering man to earth.

The Yiling Patriarch blesses Lan Zhan with war. Wei Wuxian blesses Lan Zhan with agility. Wei Ying blesses Lan Zhan with love.

The base of the Yiling Patriarch’s shrine is the home of Lan Zhan’s knees. He worships. There is something of the blasphemous and the unholy in his prayers. He prays not for victory but for the sight of Wei Ying. Bless me with your presence, he begs.

Or, wherein, Lan Zhan bridges the gap between the mortal and the divine—the worshipper and the god—with blood.

the river and the sea by sasamelons / @sasamelons (7K, soulmate au, arranged marriage (wangxian with each other), they're both kind of dumb but i love it)

Lan Wangji gritted his teeth, wishing to just be left alone. "I am looking for my soulmate," he ground out.

"Oh."

It took Lan Wangji a few moments to realize that Wei Wuxian had stopped following him. When he looked back, the other boy seemed to be frozen to the spot, eyes wide and lips still parted. He quickly looked away when he saw Lan Wangji looking back. "I see. Well, have a good trip!"

--

At six years old, Lan Zhan met his soulmate on the streets of Yiling and promptly lost him again.

At sixteen years old, Lan Wangji met his betrothed and was determined not to like him.

#so...i realized i forgot to check the things i already listed but? i tried to avoid listing fics twice? #yes i've mostly been reading oneshots these past few weeks idk why but i can't seem to find any long fics #or at least not ones that i like #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #wangxian fics #mdzs #mdzs fic #cql fic #the untamed #aamna tag #we're almost through the rec list now? i have so much open but idk why i add so few #i'm just really picky when it comes to which ones to write down and which ones not #and then this became a kind of comfort list? #idk? #but also ANGST #not Angst but ANGST #fun fact: Angst means fear in german

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “The Pack.”

Apparently, I have been informed that I have been doing too much angst lately, and the crowd demands that I give the crew a rest. Fluff has been requested and fluff is what I shall give you. This is based on an few ideas I have been given, so I hope this is what you were looking for. 

It was warm.

She lay half asleep in the darkness with the familiar sound of mechanical humming that dominated her life these days. Familiar and unchanging scents filled the air painting a unique landscape known only to her. 

Despite there being no sun, her body told her when it was time to wake up, and she lifted her head, stepping onto the cold metal floor and stretching dangerously, yawning wide. The air was thick with one of her favorite smells, locked up here for hours.

She padded over to the other bed gearing up with a spring to jump onto the bed.

The covers were squishy and awkward to walk across, but the made it up to the head of the bed, where the source of her favorite scent was still lying asleep on his back, one arm behind his head, the other resting on his chest.

She stuck her snout into his face and began licking his cheek.

His sturred groaning before cracking open his single eye.

She did her best to lick it.

He made a snorting sound pushing against her with his hands. He grumbled at her, “Mumble mumble, Waffles, mumble mumble good girl!” She continued to lick at his face running her pink tongue over any patch of exposed skin she could fine until her pack alpha was desperately trying to cover his face.

“Waffles! Mumble mumble lay down!”

She did flopping down beside him and resting her head on his stomach. He rubbed her ears, and she closed her eyes happily, his warm heavy hand resting on her head. The smell of him filled her nose making her tail beat softly against the blankets.

He stroked a hand down her back and she sighed deeply.

“Sleep.” He ordered 

She was pretty sure it was well past when they usually woke up, but he was the boss, so she closed her eyes, her head still resting on his stomach feeling the calming movement of his breath, and listening to the calm beating of his heart. Waffles knew what her job was, and as a German Shepherd, she lived to work.

Her job?

Keeping this human happy and calm..

It had been a while since she had actually had to work hard for it, but she wasn’t unhappy about that. In fact, she saw it as a testament to her good work that this human was mostly calm and happy.

She napped there on his chest for a little while before another, familiar scent reached her nose. She lifted her head and sniffed a little. The smell was, not like something she had experienced for most of her life. It was a smell familiar to the rumbly metal box they spent most of their time in. It was a smell she recognized from strange places that sometimes looked like home but sure didn’t smell like it.

This smell was…. Hard to describe.

It was metallic, just a bit, kind of floral, but not really, and often tinged with a hint of something….toxic, but not really. The smell made her think of the color yellow, while simultaneously thinking of the smell of blood. Her tail thudded against the bed as the door slowly slid open.

The source of the smell walked across the intervening space turning its head down to make eye contact with her.

Waffles liked this smell too.

It was a smell that commonly lingered on Adam these days.

She liked this strange creature for a multitude of reasons, she made Adam happy, she was willing to sneak food to waffles, and best part: waffles rolled onto her back paws up in the air as the alien used all four hands, two to give her a belly rub and the other two to rub hands through the scruff about her neck.

She grumbled happily.

Above her Adam had sat up and was looking at her, she could see it based on the whites of his eyes.

“Spoiled dog.” He grumbled, turning his head to look up at Sunny.

Waffles sneezed and rolled back onto her stomach looking up at the two of them. The scents on the air had changed a bit. ONe of them was familiar, a sort of smell than both humans and dogs get when humans pet dogs, or hold babies, but there were some other scents too.

Waffles rested her head on her paws.

She was pretty sure that Sunny wasn’t a human based on smell, so her human’s interest was rather strange, but then again, she had once known a chihuahua infatuated with a great dane, so she supposed it wasnt THAT weird.

She listened to them talk to each other, closing her eyes again and allowing their voices to lull her back into sleep. She liked listening to them talk, it was nice. She liked being close.

Adam eventually moved, forcing her off the bed and back onto the floor where she lay by the door.

She could hear the sound of running water in the other room, and the caustic tang of chemicals.

She wasn’t the biggest fan of them, they washed away his natural smell and covered it up with smells that were wrong, but she could forgive him for that, it was ok.

When he came back out smelling of chemicals and dressed in new clothes, she dropped into step at his heels as he walked out the door. Sunny was waiting for them and together they walked up the hallway. SHe lifted her head as they talked smelling the smells and listening to the distant clatter of engines and voices.

Adam did not go up today, so that must mean today was a relaxing day, not as much movement as usual. She liked days like that because they usually involved popcorn or pancakes. Speaking of pancakes, she could smell them now wafting up from two floors down.

She wagged her tail and moved on ahead of Adam turnin to look over her shoulder at him.

He showed his teeth at her, in a good way, “I think she can smell the pancakes.”

Her tail began to wag furiously.

“Maybe you should have named her pancake.”

“Maybe I should have.”

Waffles didn’t know what ninety percent of that meant, all she heard was pancakes, and that gave her even more o a reason to hurry into the box that took them down to the pancake room.

Smells wafted into her face as the door opened, and she hurried inside. There were so many good smells, so many familiar people and faces and voices her tail wagged happily from side to side and she pranced around Adam’s feet looking up at him with an expectant expression.

When he finally hurried up and got food, and they sat down, he was joined by a group of others.

She recognized the smells of the different humans.

Ramirez 

Dr. Katie.

Maverick.

She sat under the table and rested her head on Ramirez’s knee. He was a sucker, and she could usually get something out of him. He looked down at her, to where her head was resting on his knee, and he saw the muscles in his face move upwards. The eyes were very important in humans. She watched his brows move up, and he looked over to where Adam was sitting, “I’m assuming she’s not working?”

Adam shook his head, “No, go ahead.”

He reached his hands down and began rubbing the side of her face and ears. Her tail beat against Adam’s legs. Granted this wasn’t a pancake, but it was almost as good.

Ramirez glanced over at Adam and then quickly look down at her.

Ah, there it was.

She opened her mouth wide, catching the pancake in her mouth before retreating under the table to eat it.

Overhead she heard Adam talking, “I saw that.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You are such a sucker.”

Sigh, “I know.

Waffles would move back to Ramirez in a minute, but for now, she moved over to where Dr. Katie was sitting. Dr katie looked down at patted her head, “Good morning pretty girl.” Waffle’s tail thumped.

Maverick reached over to stroke her ears as well, “Best girl.”

She locked Maverick’s hand

Then she returned to Ramirez sitting on his feet and looking up at him with a pleading expression.

She was interrupted a moment later as another smell moved into the room. It was a sort of burning smell, almost like charred plastic with a hint of charcoal. She recognized that smell and poked her head out from under the table to watch the strange floating human move towards them.

Conn had scared her at first, but they understood each other quite well now.

Conn greeted her with images and feelings. Inside her head she remembered the scent of warm grass, and the sun on her back. She sighed softly at the memory and wagged her tail as he approached.

She crawled out from under the table and walked over to the strange human greeting him with a nose touch to his cold-hard skin. He reached down and patted her head with his overly long fingers, like being petted by a block of wood in the shape of a hand.

She received the image of Ramirez giving her another pancake if she tried again, and with pleasure she returned to him.

The strange floating human was never wrong about that sort of thing.

And accurately, not minutes later she was handed another one.

The new ship was full of smells, and she was happy to go around greeting them all day.

Everyone wanted to pet her, and she was happy to let them.

She went to see the marines first. They were rolling around on the ground trying to choak each other. The play fighting looked fun and she ran over to join in, barking and waiting her tail.

They broke apart making that revving noise humans tended to make when happy. She liked happy human noises and rolled onto her back so they could pet her.

Eventually she had at least six people petting her at once, and she was happy.

After saying hi to the marines, they went to go see the fluffy creatures that smelled like dear. To be honest, they sort of smelled like something she could eat, though she never would. She had smelled a Kangaroo once, and that seemed about accurate.

They looked a little bit like it too, though they never allowed her to get close enough to get a better look. She Could smell the fear on them which was a surprisingly similar smell to human fear. There were a few humans on the ship that were afraid of her too, or if not afraid nervous.

The new human, the one that smelled like chemicals and graphite, who spent a lot of time with Adam was one of those people. Waffles didn’t really like her much either if she was honest. She always smelled nervous and that made waffles nervous, Nervous and high strung people made her want to help them, but Simon didn’t like her getting too close,

It was sort of sad, she was pretty sure she could help.

After that, they went to go see the other things like Sunny. She liked being petted by them the most because each of them had four hands. She didn’t like when they fought each other though, because that didn’t look like play fighting. Adam had to put her away sometimes when he played with them because she didn’t like it when he got hit.

She could forgive the big creatures though, they were nice and gave her lots of belly rubs.

She wasn’t so sure about the new creature that spent time with Maverick. It smelled wrong, like a bug. And at home she at bugs out of the air like flies and wasps, but this bug was huge, taller than maverick, and it had wings like a butterfly. It was so different from the other creatures, that she had trouble smelling what it’s smells meant. She thought it was nervous around her, but not too nervous.

She had even allowed it to pet her once. It was strange, but she had decided it was no threat.

And then of course they went to the place that smelled very very heavily of chemicals. She had been in these places a lot. And they met one of her other favorite aliens. Adam had been very worried about her the first time she met this creature, though he shouldn’t have, he smelled like a flying cabbage, and waffles didn’t like cabbage.

The floating cabbage, Krill, floated over to them.

He looked down at her and she sniffed at him.

He was a vet, but mostly for humans, but also sometimes for her.

Waffles tentatively stepped forward and nosed the floating cabbage. Instead of backing away like he usually might, he pitted her with his thin stick arms.

“You better not be feeding her breakfast today after Ramirez slipped her pancakes. We want her to live as long as possible.”

“Yeah don’t worry, I am keeping track.”

“Good.” he patted her again and let them go.

They ran into another vet down a ways, though this one just liked to talk a lot. He had dark skin for a human and smelled pleasantly musky like damp forest bark. He reached down and rubbed her ears, “Always good to see a fellow therapy professional.” She wagged her tail.

She liked his voice, it was very deep and calming.

“Dr Adric.” Adam said.

He stood back up and the two humans looked at each other, “Haven't seen her wearing a vest in a few months now.”

Adam shrugged, “haven't needed her to work in a few months. I’ve been feeling really good, and if I have a bad day, she will be around.

Dr. Adric nodded and they were let go.

She was led back down the hall and into the popcorn room. She called it that because that's where the humans sat in the dark and watched the box with pictures on it. They liked to eat popcorn when they did that.

“What are you making us watch tonight?” Sunny said as Waffles sniffed under a pool table.

“That is for me to know and for you to find out.”

He sat down and waffles moved around the room sniffing at everything.

It was when she smelled the smell of something small and furry that she turned around glancing over to where the very strange creatures were waiting her. They were very small, smaller than her and very fluffy. They had very large eyes, and she hadn’t met them yet.

But she had smelled them.

She took a tentative step forward sniffing at them. They didn’t run away like she would expect of something that small, but eyed her. She took another step forward, her tail up and interested. They hopped forward close enough for her to smell. They smelled fluffy and sweet, but…. weird .

They moved closer, right at her feet now, and she stood surrounded by a small pack of the fluffies. They had tiny ears and little noses, kind of like puppies. She sniffed at the top of one’s head and licked it with her long pink tongue. Its hair rasped against her mouth.

I jumped back, but she followed it.

The others crowded at her feet.

She stood there confused for a moment and then lay down slowly with a grunt. Immediately one of them climbed onto her back like puppies or kittens might. She beat her tail against the ground, looking down at the one between her paws.

She licked it again, and when it didn’t move, she adjusted her paws and began to clean it, running her tongue up its brightly colored fur.

Two of them were on her back now, one of them resting against her side, and another one between her paws.

She was busy cleaning it when Adam walked over, a look on his face that he sometimes gave her, eyes wide and smiling. 

“What is going on here.”

“We have tamed your predator and are now integrating it into our clan.”

“I see…. She likes you.”

Her tial moved back and forth.

She liked the small fuzzies. Other humans began slowly to trickle in and Adam was busy with the other deciding what to see on the picture box. She was resting her chin against her paws face pressed up against one of the little fuzzy balls. The humans took their seats, and Ramirez vaulted over the couch to land on the floor where a stack of pillows had already been set up.

Adam turned around and frowned, “Marine what do you think you are doing in my spot.”

Ramirez nestled down further in the pillows, “What do you mean your spot, I don’t see your name on it.”

“I always sit there.”

“Well there is a first time for everything.”

He walked over and crossed his arms over his chest in a dominant pose to his inferior pack member, “You will move from my spot.”

“No, I don’t think I will.”

“I am not going to be ousted from my spot.” 

The marine just grinned, “Ok.”

“I swear marine I am not afraid to spoon you.”

The marine just grinned at him, “Would you like to be big spoon, or little spoon.”

“Bitch, I have a licence to cuddle and I’m not afraid to use it.”

“My evil plan comes together.”

Waffles watched from her distance. She wasn’t sure if this was dominance or just a social pack thing, but whatever threat Adam had made, he seemed more than willing to make good on.

“I hope you're comfortable, Ramirez.”

“Very comfortable, thank you for asking. You’re nice and warm.”

It wasn’t long after that Sunny showed up, stopping to stand over the two humans with her head cocked.

“Sorry Sunny, you cannot stop our love.” Ramirez announced 

She shook her head and stepped over them, “I wouldn't dream of it, just dont be startled when you learn about the marvin the martian tattoo on his left hip.”

Rmirez turned to look at Adam with a raised eyebrow.

Adam Pointed at him aggressively, “Do NOT read too much into that. Everyone has seen my tattoo. Do you want to see it, because I can show it to you!”

Ramirez laughed and then made a big show of resting his head back on Adam’s shoulder.

“Are you trying to get me to move by making this awkward, because you definitely can’t”

“Nope, just making myself comfortable.”

Waffles didn’t know what was happening, but got to her feet, two of the Celzex still on her back and made herself comfortable by lying down between the humans two pairs of legs. 

Adam and Ramirez both laughed.

More humans walked onto the ship.

The human named Jackie grinned, “Cuddle puddle?”

Ramirez motioned hre over, “Come join  us.”

“Sweet!” 

IT wasn’t long before waffles found herself lying amidst a pile of humans and at least two Drev on the floor.

Sunny had slid down on Adam’s other side, two of the Celzex were still on her back, and the other one had come to rest between her paws again. Jackie was to the other side of Ramirez Narobie was at their feet her head resting on Cannon’s chest, while McCaster was on his other side.

Maverick sat on the couch shaking her head at them, but with her teeth bared in a good way.

Simon sat awkwardly at the back of the room eyes wide.

A few of the new smelling humans walked in. A few of them just stared in shock and confusion. One of them in uncomfortable disgust, but one of the new humans shrugged and walked over.

“Is this like, just for old Harbinger crew members or is it open for anyone.”

The humans reached their hands up looking like a strange alien creature with many arms, “Come, Join us.”

The pile grew increasingly larger, until they lay as a carpet of humans, aliens and one dog.

Waffles thumped her tail against the ground. It was good to have the whole pack together.

It just felt right.

[nanamisflowerfield]

the fanfiction trope ask game

UNREQUITED LOVE WITH SAD ENDINGS LIKE HANAHAKI nojkjk XD but srsly speaking, "and then there was one bed" LMAOOO

Give me a fanfiction trope and I’ll grade it

Unrequited love with sad endings like Hanahaki:

Oh, how much I wish I could say G! But there is no G and we all know that I'm going to take F! I don't enjoy reading angst at all and it always breaks my heart, whenever I read such sad fics! ;w; Fun fact: "angst" ist German and means "fear"... So maybe that's why I don't like angsty fics Dx

And then there was one bed:

It's between B and C. I enjoy some of them, especially if it gets fluffy at the end, but they are often funny too, so I like them and read a few ones, but not my favorite :3

#nanami answers #trope ask game

[qfantasydragon]

So its the end of the semester and I have been writing Too Many Essays of academic bs and am probably over-analyzing this but its been bouncing around in my head all day so now y’all get to look at it so I can think of other things

Last night I was watching critical role’s narrative telephone and got to Widogast’s Web of Words and after about five minutes of laughing as the other cast members retold the story I had a lightbulb moment spawned, as I said, by too many goddamn essays

“Hey wait a minute. This seems suspiciously Caleb-as-a-volstrucker related.” And the more that thought bounced around my head, the more connections I found, so hear me out:

First off right at the beginning the story, he says “most think of it as a fairy tale to frighten children, but the wise know better.” We know from previous in-game discussion that the voltstrucker are mostly regarded as a spooky story or urban legend within the empire. Exactly the kind of thing you would use to entertain kids. But the smart and the higher up would know that the voltstrucker exist.

So my theory: the three children are Caleb, Astrid, and whats-his-face, Eadwulf, and boy does it mushroom out from there.

The parents told the children to “say their prayers, serve their king, and always walk in the light of the sun” (Liam). We don’t know a ton about Caleb’s parents, but we do know that they were very patriotic. There’s also a lot of talk about the Dawnfather, Pelor, in the first bit, who is neutral good according to the critical role wiki (thanks guys) and one of whose commandments is “deliver the light of the Dawnfather...with kindness, compassion, and mercy” (the wiki). He is also the god of agriculture and a popular focus of worship of the common folk (the wiki). So this is Caleb and classmates before Ikithon, living small town, commoner lives, still full of empathy/kindness/etc.

Then comes the leaving their prayers and going into the dark woods bit, which to me sounds like leaving home, and the way of doing things there, to go to Rexxentrum. Stepping away from the Dawnfather, away from the empathy/kindness thing and the common folk way of life. But at the moment it is still possible for them to return home, unharmed, unchanged. The line describing the woods, “so vast and full of mystery...the desire for knowledge beckoned them. They no longer walked in the light of the sun” sounds like Caleb wanting to learn more about magic and diving headfirst into Soltryce Academy, starting to lose sight of what morality his parents taught him.

Now the children are linking hands as they go through the woods, i.e., Caleb, Astrid, and Eadwulf becoming friends at the Academy. The counting-their-steps-as-they-go thing..well. I couldn’t find any information, but I personally would be very curious how many years the average student spends at the Academy and at what year Ikithon started training them.

Now the children meet the hag, who is described as being the land and is hungry. The being the land bit would mean the hag is representative of the empire, and the fact that she is hungry could represent the Empire’s hunger for power. She says she must eat in order for the land to thrive, i.e., the Empire must gain power in order for it to thrive. This can be done through straightforward battle (eating one of the children whole), but that would eventually cause unrest throughout the empire (our parents would surely despair). That leaves espionage, which is the route the hag symbolically takes.

(Campaign 2 spoilers and interesting side note: who have the might nein recently met who strikes harsh, terrible deals in exchange for double-edged results? a hag. who does Caleb choose to represent what’s going on with the volstruckers? a hag)

The children are frozen in fear (?) (i don’t speak german and the word used sounds like angst and it makes sense so im rolling with it), or the children are restrained as the hag steps forward with her “stone knife.” Hello Caleb being pressured by someone more powerful than him, strapped to a table, and crystals shoved in his arms, how you doing today?

Now the children start losing bits of themselves-- the first his brain, and his thoughts “were no longer his own.” This is Ikithon breaking one of them, im going to say Eadwulf for drama reasons, so that they where were nothing more than a tool, a weapon to be used as Ikithon saw fit.

The second child, and Liam uses female pronouns here and it makes sense so this is Astrid, loses one of her eyes and she “never saw true again.” This is fun because (campaign 2 spoilers) at this point Caleb has already spoken to Astrid and found her viewpoint completely in line with Ikithon’s, with ambitions to take his place one day. Loosing an eye messes with depth perception, or perspective, so Astrid’s perspective is wrong, but her thoughts are still her own as she still has plans outside of what Ikithon wants from her.

The last child looses his heart and “he never knew love again.” Liam uses those exact words and that is important. Its not ‘he could never love again’ which is what would make sense with the loss of a heart, its “he never knew love again”. It is Caleb’s own self-loathing talking. The lost heart is Caleb’s deceased family and all the trauma that came with that loss. Caleb, of the three of them, sees Ikithon clearly and his thoughts are still his own, but he no longer believes himself worthy of love and is a terrified to form relationships, to love, because of how badly that burned him (haha puns) last time.

Another interesting note: This scene occurred in a forest. The Vergesson Sanatorium, where Caleb and crew trained and where Caleb was imprisoned/held was in a forest. (Coincidence? I think not)

The hag says now the land will flourish and the wheat will grow. In other words, thanks to the sacrifice of the children, the empire will flourish and the common folk, the wheat, (see: connections to Pelor, god of the common folk, agriculture, light and goodness) will grow. She releases the children on the condition that they send her their children, and their children’s children and on down the line. Or, more children join the volstruckers, more children are warped and twisted and maimed so that the land, the kingdom, the empire will continue to grow. So that the common folk and the people of the light can continue, unaware that it lies on a foundation of blood and bone.

Throughout the story there is a recurring emphasis that these are children. That they are young and foolish, and yes they messed up but they did not deserve to meet the monster they did. They did not deserve what happened to them. Again, that is Caleb, at his core angry about what was done to him and his friends, and willing to do whatever it takes to set it right.

....

Like I said! Too many goddamn essays. I don’t know if other people have already made this connection or whether Liam O’Brien has confirmed it but I wanted to yell about it for a bit.

If it was intentional, that’s a lot of symbolism in two-ish minutes, and its amazing and incredible.

If it was unintentional, that was an amazing grim-brothers-esque fairytale and I loved it.

If any of y’all have actual social media and know the answer let me know please.

#long post #critical role #narrative telephone #critical role spoilers #critical role campaign two spoilers #caleb widogast #okay i have yelled into the void #and feel much better now lol #volstruckers #narrative telephone spoilers #widogasts web of words #widogasts web of words spoilers #this is the most fun writing ive had in weeks

[queenofgoats]

Shadows & Fears | Imagine having a date with Crowley

Summary: You’re the lucky human being who dived deep into the SPN Universe. Unfortunately you fell in royal demonic hands. So let’s see how you will get out.

Characters | !no pairs! : Crowley x Reader (gender not mentioned)

Word Count: 2.708

Warning: angst, alcohol, flirtations and words = just spn ;), no cheesy romance stuff

A/N: So. It's been a long, long time since I wrote a FF at all. And it’s my very first in english - so please be gentle. ;) I had a lot of fun while writing and hope whoever is gonna read it enjoys it at least a little bit. Feedback is very welcome. 

Have fun! :)

You were led through endless corridors. Which was hardly lighted up or even heated.   Only in the last room at the end of the hall you could  just guess a warm, flickering light. The thought of what was behind door 3 made you freeze. “Hey, what is the... OH COME ON!” you were shouted at. You didn’t dare to move. Like a deer in the face of the light at a highway.   A rough grib on the upper arm forced you to go on. Your breath became heavier. Faltering. Would the brothers come and save you? At the door frame you stuck again. You couldn’t, no, you didn't want to go in there. This would be your end.

And you were so careful. No involvement in the cases, at most some background research. Even to Sam and Dean you didn’t mention a word about their fate, however difficult it was. And damn it, it did! Still, you knew that it was only a matter of time before the bubble burst.   You just wanted a coke from the vending machine at the motel. As if out of nowhere they suddenly stood behind you. Two middle-aged men, really nondescript-looking and before your lips could even form a “help”, you found yourself in the back of a minivan. They were fast, strong and scary quiet. You didn’t know what happened to you until you saw these deep pitch black eyes in the rearview mirror. This couldn’t be true! Your thoughts circled around wildly, blurred and sheer panic ran through you like a poison, which slowly spreads in your nervous system. You knew these creatures very well. How they worked, what they drove or what they were capable of. And you knew him. So far from stories from Winchester or television. That alone was enough to make your blood run cold just imagine what's ahead of you. Various breakdowns later, you were already standing in this old freezer - probably an old slaughterhouse. He loved the atmosphere.

Again the grib at your arm. But this time you stucked. Everything in you resisted. The demon right next you groaned. Apparently babysitting wasn't in his payroll. His face reflected disgust and a certain… overwhelming? “Finally, we meet. Birdie.” This voice. This damn, damn voice. Your eyes squeezed tight, you hoped it was just an imagination. Or maybe you weren't meant. Footsteps echoed down the hall. Slowly he came closer. His presence crushed you, while your body wouldn’t stop shaking. You have never faced anything so dark and threatening.   A hand on your back made you wince. It barely touched the fabric of your top and yet it resembled an iron grip. You blinked open your eyes, the gaze fixed on the floor. A pair of very elegant lace-ups with fine lyra perforations caught your attention. You swallowed.

The king of hell pushed you into the room surprisingly gently and yet firmly. Closing the door made you flinch. You were terrified. So incredibly terrified. “Please, sit down. Don't be shy, my dear. " Breathing heavily, you complied with his request. It was a miracle that you could even hear his words over your hard pounding heartbeat. Crowley was one of your favorite baddies. You hated how he left the show. But you never wanted to meet him. For obvious reasons.   The demon took a seat next to you at a large table. Out of the corner of your eye you could see that one of his peasants stood by the door. The fire in the fireplace slowly thawed you again, but you still shivered. If not at the hand of this monster, you would probably die of pneumonia. You couldn't decide which was better. “Soo...” Crowley started smoothly voiced and as if caught you looked up at him. “We both know why you are here, it’s up to you if we stay in this chilly atmosphere or...” He smirked slightly.  

His hazel eyes drilled through yours, you felt like he was looking straight into your heart. While his voice was so calming and gentle. In fact, if it weren't Crowley himself, you'd find some pleasure in it. You became disturbed by your own thoughts. Focus! For the first time in your suddenly short life you looked at him. Or more at his absolute charming vessel. You got a feel for why he was called the King of Crossroads. A sigh escaped your lips. You took a quick look at the second demon on the door and leaned slightly towards Crowley. Breathe in. Exhale.

“Fine. I’m talking. But! Just under one condition.” you tried to sound professional and acted businesslike. You had a plan. Kind of. But you weren't allowed to show any weaknesses for that. You also saw these kinds of conversations so often in tv shows. You could do it! A twitch of the corner of his mouth indicated that you hit a point. Crowley didn't like arguing. Let alone from a simple human being like you. And yet he looked as if he had expected it. “Of course you have.” he mumbled almost bored. He grabbed himself a glass of whiskey and took a sip without leaving his eyes on you. “That would be? Let me guess y...” “I want a date!” you interrupted him hectically.   Crowley spat the drink across the desk: “A what?!” He didn’t even bother to hide his surprise. “With whom?” “You.”   There was silence for a short moment. The king of hell looked at you in disbelief. He really didn't expect that: “Why? What for?" You first took a look at the demon at the door, who didn't twist a mine, and then back to Crowley. “When I have told you everything, you kill me afterwards. That's ... okay I guess. But I don't want to die here in this hole. I want to shower, look good, and... be alone with you. A one-to-one conversation. Then you will find out everything you want to know.” You tried to smile triumphantly. “A good deal. For both, right?”

Actually you didn’t lie here. There will be no way to survive this. You’re not strong as the Winchesters, or smart like Kevin.   So why not make the best of it? Maybe you can avoid having him face his destiny? Maybe Lucifer won't be released from his cage?   Nobody except Crowley is allowed to hear this. Especially not one of the other demons. They would instant throw a welcome party for Abbadon. The king of hell stayed silent. Presumably he was wondering which part of your body to tear out first with his bare hands. He wasn’t exactly known for his patience. "I can tell you how you are going to die.“ you continued. For a brief moment he raised his eyebrows, but then he finally agreed: “Good. I choose the location."

You felt a painful sense of surprise and relief.

Just a few hours later your time had come.   You stood visibly nervous in front of the entrance of a big old cinema. The fingers kept pulling your clothes into place. Shortly after your deal, a servant brought you to Berlin. There you were allowed to freshen up and get dressed. Everything under the demon's watchful eye, of course. Crowley himself should receive you later in front of the location, it was said. And now you’re here. Oh damn what were you thinking? Sighing heavily, you looked over your shoulder. Maybe you should dare and just run away? Was it worth trying? Did you really want to be led to the slaughter like a pig? A thousand questions buzzed through your head. Yesterday was just a moment of panic. Not really thought out. Somehow. You turned on your heel and were just about to start a run when you heard his voice behind you again: “Birdie! You shouldn’t even think about that. We had an appointment.”

His words sounded so soft and smooth like a good red wine. Crowley knew exactly how to use his british charme.   You took another deep breath before turning to face him. A gentleman who would try, but couldn’t find his equals, Crowley smiled warmly and sweet. Yeah. Like good red wine. Soft and smooth. And poisoned. With an inviting gesture, he waved you over to him: “Let's have a drink, my dear. You look gorgeous by the way, really." He was different from when you first met him. Apparently he took his deals very seriously. You felt a bit like a prostitute's customer. You swallowed hard, but accepted his invitation.

First you entered a large reception room with sparse lighting.The ceiling was completely covered with small lamps that looked almost like a starry sky. While the old wood paneling made everything look a bit old and seedy. "The Kino International was built in the 1960s, right after they pulled up the big wall." Crowley broke the silence. There was a slight smile on his lips. “Oh well... I spent so many years in Germany,” he reminisced. As far as it was at all possible, you felt even more queasy.

A staircase took you to a large foyer in typical East German chic. Even if the brown dominated, it looked surprisingly classy. The chandeliers emitted pleasantly dimmed light, so that you could catch an overwhelming view of Berlin's landmark - the television tower - through the huge panorama windows. You are stunned.

~*~ Possession is the motivation ~*~   ~*~ That is hanging' up the God-damn nation ~*~

~*~ Looks like we always end up in a rut ~*~ ~*~ Tryin' to make it real, compared to what? ~*~

Roberta Flack's voice came to you calmly from the loudspeaker near the bar. If the initial situation were different, you would feel quite comfortable. Still astonished, you looked around as Crowley moved behind the counter. "What would you like to drink, my dear?" he broke your thoughts. “Erm... well... surprise me.” You sat down on one of the bar stools. The demon then rattled off all the barriers and drawers. Your eyes followed his movements until you blurted out: "I can't do this! Sorry!" Crowley furrowed his forehead: "What do you mean?" Desperately you threw your hands over your head. “This!” You bumped. "It’s ridiculous!"

You sighed. Hardly. “Are we really among ourselves here? Just you and me?" "Sure. As agreed." He said dryly as he handed you a freshly made cosmopolitan. You snatched the glass from him and drank the cocktail. In one sip. "Fine. Let’s do this." Then it literally gushed out of you. A long monologue about Abbadon, the darkness and everything that could be of interest to the king of hell. You only left out Chuck. Cause you already had Crowley on your neck and certainly didn't want to provoke God then.

The demon said nothing, just listened and at the same time seemed to be thinking about your words. When you were just finishing up, he put a new cocktail in front of you. Which you also emptied in one go. The nervousness just didn't want to be drunk away. "Mmh." he made. "Do the Winchesters know about it?" You shook your head. “Oleg and Bolek? Of course not." Knowing full well that they would only make it worse. As much as you loved the brothers, you knew that they were a danger to everyone around them. The confusion was written on Crowley's face: “But ... Why me? Don't get me wrong, Birdie, I'm honored and yet ... ” Inevitably you had to smile. "Let's be honest. You're probably the smartest being here. And you have the least interest of anybody else in seeing Lucifer free again. "Not untrue." he muttered. You tapped your finger on the edge of your glass: “Could I possibly get another one? Or wait! Better just the vodka. " Lost in thought, Crowley compiled while you listened to the well-chosen music.

With two glasses in hand, the king of hell stepped around the counter and sat down on one of the stools next to you. You knew you wouldn't leave this place alive. Nevertheless, a faint smile crept onto your lips. “You know Crowley, I like you. Somehow. You're practically my favorite baddie. " you started and held your glass out to him to toast," That's why I know what's in store for me. Still ... one more thing... or more a question." "Which would be? ... and cheers. ”, he checked. His gaze was on you. You couldn't help yourself because you suddenly felt comfortable around him. Safe. It was completely insane.  

The vodka burned your throat. You shook yourself briefly and turned to face him. “Crowley, what if I die here? I mean I don't belong here. No more than a disruptive factor in an intact universe. Am I, my soul, going somewhere or ... am I stuck? " The thought has plagued you since you (unintentionally) set foot in this cursed universe. You knew you didn't belong here. Every fiber of your body lets you feel it. All the time. So far you haven't really been able to grasp the fear, but rather suppressed it. But now it was sitting in a heavy weight on your shoulders. A deep sadness took you. Tears welled up in your eyes. You leaned against the demon next to you. The head was put  on his shoulder. You didn't want him to see you cry. Apparently you still have a bit of your pride left.  

You heard Crowley sigh. “Birdie, I can't tell you that. I don't know." His hand landed on your knee. It was surprisingly soft and warm, but nevertheless you twitched. “I've never heard of anything like you before. I'm sorry, and it really is, I can't help you.” Was it really Crowley who offered you comfort? Crowley? With a heavy heart you straightened up again. The alcohol slowly got into your head. Finally You leaned towards him, very close to his face. His breath brushed your cheek. The hairs stand up on the back of your neck which leads to goosebumps. You were mildly aroused and then grimaced as soon as you noticed.

The demon looked irritated: “What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” You felt stupid. “I just... I thought. You’re far far out of my league. Forget it. Please.” You wrapped the arms around you and blushed.   “I understand.” Crowley grinned. “Oh my sweet, sweet summer child.” He leaned back and studied you intently. “I don’t give a damn fuck about human current body preferences. It’s constantly changing anyway.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m a demon, as you may remember, and all I desire is to spoil a pure soul beyond any recognition.” Embarrassed you thought about his words.

“Crowley...”, you began almost in a whisper, “would ... would you take my soul?” Hell didn't scare you nearly as much as the thought of your ghost going full vengeful in that old movie theater. He laughed. Loud. It was cold, arrogant and left you freezing. You felt it right down to the bones. "What should I do with it?" For the first time that evening, the demon came through him so clearly. You were afraid of him. More than ever before. You let him fool you. He leaned back in amusement and studied your shocked face. "Babe, your soul is useless." he said, still smirking and slid off his bar stool. "Another one?" he waved the glass. Ashamed you just nodded. You'd already got rejected dozent of times, but this was by far the worst.

Crowley prepared two glasses on the counter for you. The look he gave you was almost pityingly: "Oh Birdie, don't be like that now." Just slowly he moved back to you until he was right in front of you. "You are already useful." he whispered.   You looked at him wondering. And didn’t understand anything.

“Oleg and Bolek, as you called them so beautifully, still have the lost part of my demon tablet. And my prophet. ”He paused and took a long swig from his glass. "I would be crazy if I got rid of my pretty, little bait now, huh?" While he was speaking the last sentence in a haughty tone , his lips barely touched your ear. Tenderly he brushed a lost strand of hair from your face and patted your cheek.  

His demonic smile indicated that he was definitely the legitimate king of hell.

#supernatural #supernaturalff #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural oneshot #spnfandom #crowley #crowley fanfiction #crowley x reader #Crowley Resurrection Year 2021

[my-emotional-self]

The Mission Chapter 11

Pairings: Ari Levinson x Reader

Warnings:  swearing, angst?

Summary: Ari Levinson tries to recruit you for Operation Brothers.  While you weren’t ready for any kind of mission, you obliged after much consideration. You didn’t plan on falling in love along the way.  But will Ari return those feelings? Or will his heart only be on the mission?

Another few successful months at the resort and with the mission and everyone couldn’t have been any happier with how things were turning out.  It was now well into September of 1980, six fully successful missions under the crews belt.  

After your fun little diving excursion with Ari, yet again, nothing had happened between the two of you and to be honest, it kind of hurt.  Ever since you were younger, you had always been a giving, caring and passionate person with a big heart.  And when it came to having feelings for people, or bonds, you couldn’t just stop them. It was one of your biggest flaws. But you pushed those feelings away and still had fun around the resort with Ari.  His personality was infectious and you found yourself always in a good mood around him; even if he was pissing off Sammy.  You trusted Ari and his decisions, even if they were risky because you knew his heart was in the right place; to save refugees.  

Ari would sometimes come and sneak into your room in the middle of the night and you would wake up to him snuggling you; his arm secured tightly around your mid-section.  Other nights, when you couldn’t fall asleep, you would slink off into his room and do the same.  It was on those nights, where you would sleep in bed with Ari that you found the most restful night’s sleep.  

The warm sun shone on your face as you stretched your limbs that morning.  Ari had snuck into bed with you, but as usual, he was already gone by the time you woke up.  With a sigh, you got up and went to the bathroom to relieve your full bladder. You splashed some cold water on your face, brushed your teeth and got dressed for the day.  

As much as you wanted to wear you swimsuit with a tank top and sarong, you had other plans today. Instead, you put on a pair of long pants and a long sleeved shirt, covering your head in a scarf.  You had talked to Chef Aziz last night about making a few fresh loaves of bread for you this morning so you could take them into the nearby village for trade.  It was one of your favorite things to do; go into the village and trade fresh food for some gifts and knickknacks.  

Over the course of the last few months, you had really gotten to know the locals in the village and they loved that you spoke their native tongue.  Naturally you didn’t tell them anything about you or the resort, and you used a completely different accent than your German one as well.  As much as you wanted to be truthful to them, you knew it could cause great risk.  

Placing your sunglasses on your eyes, headed towards the main lobby where the crew was dining for breakfast.  “Hey guys, I’ll be back in a few hours,” you said, noticing both Sammy and Ari weren’t around.  

Rushing into the kitchen, Chef Aziz greeted you with a smile as he produced three fresh loaves of bread for you.  

“Thank you so much,” you gushed in his native tongue as you placed the bread into your canvas tote. Grabbing the keys to one of the trucks, you began to drive to the local village nearly a half hour away.  

~~~

Ari was breathing deeply, the music blasting through the speakers of his Walkman as he ran down the beach.  He felt a nudge to his right and he turned to see Sammy now running next to him.  

He took the headphone off his ears, nodding at Sammy.  “Hey man, what’s up?”

Sammy shrugged, yet had a smile on his face.  “Not much. I’ve just noticed how close you and Y/N have gotten since we’ve been here.”

Ari shook his head. “If you haven’t noticed, I’ve gotten pretty close to everyone since we’ve been here.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“There’s nothing going on between us,” Ari denied.  He wasn’t lying because he was shameful of you or anything; it was nothing like that. It was the fact that he was the leader, the one in charge of this crew and he didn’t want the others to think his mind was on anything else but the mission.  Truth be told, he was truly starting to gain feelings for you.  He loved spending time with you, whether it was just eating lunch and dinner together, doing workout classes with the tourists together, or sleeping peacefully next to one another.  Based off your experience, he knew you weren’t someone like Rachel; someone who could defend themselves.  And while you haven’t really needed to use your skills all that much, he was genuinely impressed with how well you had handled things when the Colonel first came sniffing around.  You held it together and didn’t blow the cover; he couldn’t have asked much more than that.  He also saw the way you bonded with the staff of the resort, being able to speak Arabic with them had really helped.  He saw what a big heart you had and how dedicated you were to this mission.  But he needed to put forth his leadership, no matter how much it hurt him to sometimes step away from you.  He couldn’t deny it though, the few times you had kissed and had gotten a little frisky, were the best days of his time spent here; besides successful mission days of course.  

“Hey, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing.  Hell, Rachel and I have grown a lot closer too, if you know what I mean.”

Ari chuckled, nodding his head.  “Yeah, I’ve noticed.”

The two men ran back to the resort together, heading towards the tables where the rest of the crew were sitting and eating breakfast.  

“Ok, I got some intel late last night and I need to make an announcement,” Ari said, placing his hands on his hips.  “The Hadandawa have been invading a few of the local villages lately, taking girls and women for human trafficking and since we just finished our sixth successful operation a few days ago, I want everyone to stick around here at the resort. We’ve got plenty of food to go around. I just don’t want there to be any risk, especially with you Rachel, and Y/N.”  His eyes scanned the table, noticing two things.  One, you weren’t there at the moment, and two, the dropped faces of Rachel, Sammy, Jake and Sam.  “What’s the matter?  Where is Y/N by the way?”

“She mentioned the other day about going into the closest village to trade some bread for a few items. This morning she took a truck and said she would be back in a few hours,” Rachel spoke up, fear lacing her voice.

“Fuck!” Ari growled out, his jaw clenching.  “When did she leave?”

Rachel looked at her watch. “About a half hour ago.”

“Max, you’re with me. Everyone else stay here in case she comes back.”  

Max dashed out of his chair, rushing to the truck with Ari.  Ari placed the key in the ignition, put it into drive and slammed on the gas. His heart hammered in his chest, fear encasing him at the thought of you being taken.  He just needed to get to you before anything could happen.  

~~~

“Thank you!” you spoke in Arabic to Amina, one of the vendors as you gave her a loaf of bread. She handed over a stack of beautiful hand crafted beaded bracelets and you placed them gently in your canvas tote. You had known Amina for a while after you started coming to visit the village to trade food for items.  She always had the most beautiful jewelry and no matter what, she was always the first person you went to when you visited. In reality, she was a great friend to you.  The two of you always chatting for long periods of time each time you came here. She had a beautiful smile and you were instantly drawn to her wonderful personality.    

The peace of the late morning had soon turned to dread as worry began to etch across the faces of the local villagers.  Turning to see what they were looking at.  Your heart dropped at the sight of the many trucks billowing down the dirt road, heading straight towards the village.  Your hands began to tremble, thinking it was the Mukhabarat; your body shaking at the thought of seeing Colonel Ahmed again after the last encounter you had with him.  

But your thoughts were quickly shaken by someone grabbing your hand; it was Amina.  “Come quick, we must hide.  It’s the Hadandawa and if they find you, they will take you,” she spoke in her native tongue.  

Your eyes began to water as you remembered Ari speaking about it with you and the crew the first night you arrived.  They were known for human trafficking; especially going after girls and women.  

Amina quickly began to pull at your arm and you turned to face her, dashing off into the long grass; praying you would be able to hide good enough until they left.

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All you have to be is here - Part 10

Synopsis: Billy has fucked up and has to do 60 days of community service at a home for troubled kids and youth. Working with the kids there makes him learn a lot about himself. Also there’s a girl there his age who has a phenomenal smile and who is way too nice to him.

I guess I should mention there’s a lot of angst in this. Talk of substance abuse later on, physical abuse, emotional abuse. All that kind of gnarly real life stuff. It deals with kids and teens struggling with a a shitty family life so be aware of that.

Part 10 of ?

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // Part 7 // Part 8 // Part 9

Please help a girl out by reblogging. Thank you ♥

Attention ! If you wanna be tagged pls send me a message or an ask it’s easier and faster for me than going through the tags of each part every time. Thank you :)

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.]

I never really ever felt so adored before Never really ever felt this type of vulnerable Don’t have to hide, don’t have to fear All you have to be is here Never really ever felt so adored before And I said I wanna feel like this forever Even if forever’s just for now We’re on fire, let us burn As the outside world, it turns We are here and alive In our corner of time Forevermore

People always talk about the calm before the storm, the one pregnant with a tragedy yet to come. No one ever talks about the calm afterwards.

It’s almost midnight and Billy is slumped down on his bed, face pressed into his pillow, as the Hargrove household is being overtaken by an awful silence. Just a few minutes earlier his dad’s voice has been reverberating off the walls, echoing through every room. Now it’s quiet. Eerily so.

He remembers the days back in California, back when mom was still living with them. The yelling and the crying was bad but at least it meant she was still able to fight. The quiet was the worst. The quiet allows your mind to wander to all kinds of dark places and really see the situation for how fucked up it is. The quiet makes your mind conjure up the worst of make believe scenarios. 

The quiet is unforgiving and scary. 

Susan, unlike his mom, isn’t someone who fights back either. There’s mostly silence with her. Always this god awful silence.

Billy tries to bury his head further into the pillow. Maybe if he falls asleep at least his dreams will let him forget about — all of it.

It’s been two whole days since he’s seen (Y/N). Two whole days since he’s been to HHTCY. He’s called in sick but he’s pretty sure they know he’s lying. She definitely does.

It’s been two days since he’s talked to his mom over the phone. 

As his mind is about to wander to places he so desperately wants to forget, the phone on his bedside table starts ringing. 

“ Hello ? “ Billy’s voice is hoarse and deep and laced with the sleep he’s so desperately waiting for.

“ Billy, hey. It’s Tommy. “ 

Why the hell is Tommy calling him at this time of the night. Tommy never calls. Especially not at times like these. Billy swears if this has anything to do with him being dumped by Carol again he’s gonna freak out. It’s way too late, or early depending on how you see it, to care about that shit. And it’s not like he cares any other time of the day.

“ I was sleeping you asshole. Why the fuck are you calling me ? “ 

He wasn’t sleeping. In fact he wishes he was. But lately, as of exactly two days ago, his mind is too loud to go to sleep. Too busy. There’s too many what ifs floating around in his head.

Sleep doesn’t come easy at the moment.

“ Billy, man I’m at Tracy’s and I really think you should come. “ 

“ Tommy I told you I’m not going to Tracy Mitchell’s dumbass party. It’s all just rich kids being pretentious assholes. Also it’s in the middle of fucking nowh— “ 

“ Nah man, you don’t get it.  (Y/N) is here and she’s fucked up, dude. Like the kind of fucked up where she’s about to make some really bad decisions soon. “ 

At the mention of her name Billy sits up in his bed and combs a hand through his hair in frustration. This isn’t his mess to fix. Not anymore. Not after what she’s said to him the other day. He should just tell Tommy to fuck off and then go back to sleep, or at least try to go back to sleep.

That’s what he should be doing.

Despite it all though, it’s not what he does. Despite it all he finds himself pulling on his jeans and boots as Tommy waits for a reply.

It’s not his mess but despite it all, Billy cares anyway. And maybe that’s one of the great tragedies in life. That sometimes you still care for people even though they hurt you. Even though they break your heart. 

He wishes he could just switch it off and be indifferent towards her, thought that’s not how it works. It didn’t work like that with his mom and it’s not gonna work like that with (Y/N).

“ Hey man, I’m sorry. I didn’t wanna wake you. I just thought — “ Tommy speaks up again and for the first time Billy starts really appreciating Tommy for who he is. A good dude. Sure he’s an absolute idiot but he’s an alright guy when push comes to shove. 

“ No I — it’s alright. I’ll come by. Thank for uh — ya know. Thanks. “ 

“ Sure thing. “ 

Billy sneaks out of his room and out the front door. By now he knows exactly which floorboards to avoid, which one’s creak the loudest. He wishes he didn’t have to know. 

Alas, Billy Hargrove’s wishes don’t usually come true and that’s something he’s come to terms with a long time ago.

If it all wasn’t so fucking absurd, Billy would’ve laughed at the scene that greets him once he arrives at Tracy’s house in the middle of nowhere. Sheltered between pine trees and pumpkin patches.

(Y/N) stands in the middle of the living room, right on top of the couch table. She’s wearing a blue sundress that’s definitely too cold for the current temperatures but makes her look gorgeous either way. There’s a red solo cup clutched in her hand that loses more and more of it’s content with every move and every sway (Y/N) does. 

She’s loudly singing along to the music and when usually she’s put the original singer to shame, now it’s way off key. There’s no doubt in Billy’s mind that she’s positively sloshed.

What he realises when he comes closer though, is that as well as looking drunk, she looks absolutely exhausted. And for a moment that idea gives him a little bit of satisfaction. The idea that it hurt herself too. That she too has trouble sleeping.

It’s not a nice thing to think, to find joy in, but Billy never said he was a nice guy. 

Though that sentiment vanishes as soon as his eyes meet hers and he can see just how sad they look. There’s no warmth there anymore. She just looks so — hurt. And that doesn’t give him any kind of sick satisfaction anymore. It just makes him sad. He never wants to hurt her ever. Not even when she’s hurt him first. 

“ Billy !” (Y/N) exclaims, throwing her arms up in celebration before hopping off the table and flinging her arms around his neck.

“ I didn’t know you were — I thought you — I didn’t — Hi. “ 

Her words are a drunk jumbled mess and she smells like alcohol and sweat. If this was any other person, any other girl, Billy would’ve never come. 

She’s not though. She’s (Y/N). She’s his girl.

“ C’mon let’s go home. “

“ Why do you wanna go home ? “ she pouts “ It’s fun. “ 

“ Fun’s over. Let’s go. Trust me , you’re gonna thank me tomorrow. “ 

For a brief second Billy’s mind wander towards all the parties he’s been to in the past. All the times he’s drank way too much. All those bad decisions he’s made.

And he realises that he’s never had anyone there to look out for him. Never.

“ Are you mad at me ? “ she asks, voice timid. Like a child.

Yes. He’s absolutely mad at her. So mad that it takes over his entire system. So mad that every waking minute is spent wondering if this is a sick way for karma to come bite him in the ass. That once he’s got a good thing in his life it gets taken from him again.

He’s mad at her but not because of tonight.

“ It’s okay, let’s just go. “ he murmures and tries to stir her towards the front door.

“ I didn’t even mean to drink so much, I promise. I was just so sad and — “ 

“ I said, It’s okay. Let’s go (Y/N) “ 

“ Aw come on “ a voice calls from behind them and as he turns around Billy comes face to face with Keith fuckin Kinsella.

The way he’s looking at them makes Billy’s blood boil. There’s a sense of superiority in his eyes, a teasing smirk on his lips. This dude is a culmination of all things Billy despises about other people. He’s arrogant and pretentious and — just a mean fucking asshole really.

“ She can’t leave yet. It’s only just starting to become fun. “ 

God, how much he wants to punch this guy in the face. Ruin his perfectly straight nose. He can’t though. At least not right now, not tonight. There’s a girl he needs to bring home safely. 

“ You should better keep your mouth shut, Kinsella. Or I’ll shut it for you next time I see you. I’m sure your old man paid a fortune for those white chompers of yours, would be a shame if anything were to happen huh ? “ 

“ You threatening me ? “ 

“ Yeah I fucking am. I’d take it seriously if I were you. “ 

“ Alright, white trash. Whatever you say. Have fun taking her home, she’s a real mess. As always.” 

Billy completely ignores the words thrown at him, though hearing Keith talk bad about (Y/N) makes him indescribably angry. 

He looks down at the girl holding onto his arm, swaying from the alcohol cursing through her system and looking up at him with her big sad eyes. 

Keith is gonna get what’s coming for him sooner or later. Though tonight is not the time or place for it.

Not tonight, Billy.

Not here, Billy.

So he throws his arm around (Y/N)’s shoulder and them both step into the night. Hearts heavy. Half drunk on vodka and heartbreak. 

That one song is playing on the radio as they drive along the dark Hawkins Streets. That “only you” song. Billy remembers one of the first times he’s stayed over at her place. He remembers her singing this song and taking off her makeup. 

He thinks he might’ve been in love with her even back then. 

“ I’m sorry “ (Y/N) mumbles next to him, her eyes focused on the rain falling outside.

“ Don’t .” This is neither the time nor place to talk about the elephant in the room. Not when she’s drunk. Not when he’s still angry.

“ But I gotta say sorry. “ 

“ Yeah. You can. Once you’ve sobered up. “ 

“ Am I gonna have a chance ? “ 

“ Huh ? “ 

“ To say sorry. Are you gonna listen ? “ 

As if there was ever a chance of him not listening. To her ? Always.

Maybe, Billy thinks, maybe caring about someone, loving someone, maybe it comes with the undeniable and uncomfortable fact that sometimes you gotta forgive them. And if not that, you at least have to give them a chance to say sorry.

He also wonders if those things also count for a mother, one that’s left her son in a home she knew wasn’t safe. He wonders if forgiveness is something he can grant her.

“ ‘m always gonna listen to you. “

She’s quiet for a moment but even though he’s looking out onto the street and not at her, Billy can sense her unease. Can sense there’s something she desperately wants to say but is hesitant to do so. 

“ Billy “ she speaks up, words still slurred but there’s something else now. Some edge. Some kind of anxious tint to her voice.

“ Hm ? “ 

“ You said, I love you. When we had — when we fought. You said I love you. “ 

His heart almost drops down to his stomach. He remembers saying it but in that moment he wasn’t aware of the gravity those words held. The gravity they still hold. You don’t just let that slip out. It’s — a conscious commitment.

“ Forget about it, (Y/N). It doesn’t matter what I said during a fight.” 

It does though. It matters a great deal. Because he meant every single word of it. The good and the bad. 

“ Oh.” she says and he swears he hear her sniffle a little. “ Well that’s a shame because I love you too. “

He wished so badly that this was another time and another place. That it wasn’t the middle of the night with the rain pouring outside. That she wasn’t drunk and that they weren’t fighting.

Because those words mean everything. He wants to hear them from sober lips and a heart that isn’t hurting.

But god how he wants to hear them again.

“ Billy ? “ 

“ Hmm ? “ 

“ I went to the party with my friend Steph, she has my bag. “ 

“ So ? “

“ My keys are in there. “ 

Sneaking back into his house after a night out is hard enough for Billy Hargrove on his own. With the creaky floorboards and a father that seems to be able to sniff out a misbehaving teenager. Though sneaking back in with a drunk girl in tow is an almost impossible task.

Billy’s never been more grateful about that fact that his room is the first one on the right as soon as you enter the house.

“ You have to be quiet, babe. Alright ? “ 

(Y/N) just lazily nods her head and gives him a tired smile “ I like it when you call me babe. I like it when you’re soft with me. “ 

If he’s being honest with himself, Billy likes that he gets to be soft with her. That he doesn’t have to uphold an image around her, of the cool bad-boy. Of the son that’s an utter disappointment.

With her he can be just Billy. With her he gets to learn and experience who “Billy” even actually is. It’s hard to become your own person when everyone else buries you in expectations. 

He  takes off her dress and puts her in one of his shirts. This is the first time he’s ever had a girl stay over without anything sexual being involved. 

As she flops down on his bed, tired eyes still focused on him, Billy thinks that despite it all, this looks right. It feels right. Having her close. Her smile and her warmth and — her.

Getting out of his jeans, Billy settles down under the duvet next to her and just looks at her for a moment. Everything that’s good in his life is right here next to him. In his bed wearing his clothes and she loves him.

Drunk or not the words have been said and they mean everything. Everything.

“ Billy ?” (Y/N)’s groggy voice speaks up again, pulling him from his thoughts.

“ Hm ? “ 

“ I’m sorry. None of what I said I meant. I was just — so so sad. I really believed it was gonna be different this time. That he had finally changed. I just wanted to believe my dad loves me again. That he can be my dad again. I never wanted to hurt you though. Never.“ 

She’s crying, big tears running down her cheeks. 

He can’t help himself. His heart still hurts whenever he thinks back to the words she spit at him that night but he needs to hold his girl. Maybe sometimes you’re so hurt, that you hurt the ones you love in order to deal with the pain. 

Either way, all he wants is to hold her and so he does. Holds her close and lets her cry into his shirt as she rests her head there. Right above his heart. Just where she belongs.

“ I love you. “ he murmures into her hair before he places a kiss there. 

He doesn’t know if she’s heard. It doesn’t really matter anyway though because he plans on saying it more often. As much as she wants to hear it . No matter how much those words scare him, they feel so right. So undeniably connected to the person he’s slowly becoming.

In the grand scheme of things, mornings are a quite insignificant part of life.

Billy is sure though, that this morning is one he’s not gonna forget ever. Because as he wakes up he’s greeted by his girl resting on his chest, just the way she fell asleep. The rising sun is casting golden speck of light onto her skin and there’s a tiny smile playing on her lips. So small it’s hardly noticeable. But Billy notices it anyway.

She scrunches up her nose as Billy traces little shapes on her skin, then slowly opens her eyes and looks up at him. The warmth is back with full force and engulfs him entirely. He could get lost in her eyes forever. 

“ Good morning. “ He says and combs a streak of her off of her face. 

“ Morning. “ she replies then places a soft kiss on his chest “ I like when you smile at me first thing in the morning. “ 

Again his heart flutters at her words. It’s hella cheesy to say these things but who is he to deny himself of the simple pleasures in life ? Indulging in the love his girl is willing to give to him.

“ How are you feeling ? “ 

She groans in response the buries her head back in the crook of Billy’s neck. “ Like someone stomped on my head and then made me lick a skunk “.

“ That bad, huh ? Well lease you didn’t throw up. “ 

“ Oh god I would’ve been mortified. That would’ve been so embarrassing. “ 

“ Why ? “ 

“ I don’t wanna puke in front of you. I want you to think I’m cute and sexy. And puking is neither cute nor sexy “ 

Billy scoffs out a laugh before placing another kiss on her head. “ Aw you want me to think you’re cute ? Why, you got a crush on me or something ? “ 

Her body shakes with laughter and Billy can feel her breath tickling his neck. He could stay in this moment forever. 

“ Don’t flatter yourself, pretty boy “ 

“ Do you want some breakfast ? Don’t think we got anything in the fridge but how about we go out and grab some ? “

“ Can I get some really greasy bacon and a big mug of coffee ? ” 

Billy smirks at that request.

“ You drink entirely too much coffee. “ 

“ Yeah so ? I’m perfect in any other way so let me have this one vice. “ 

He knows she’s joking but she might have a point. 

“ So, the kids missed you this week. “ (Y/N) says before stuffing another bite of bacon into her mouth. Her plate is filled with all different kinds of breakfast foods anyone can even think of. Sausages, bacon, hasbrowns, waffles and pancakes. A proper hangover breakfast if he’s ever seen one.

“ Sure they did. “ 

“ No, really. Jack drew a picture of a dinosaur that he wanted to give you. He was real sad that you weren’t there. “ 

It makes him smile, to know that he was being missed. It isn’t something he is used to but he slowly but surely gets more and more comfortable with the idea that he means something to someone. That he means enough to someone to be missed by them.

“ He’s a cool kid. “ 

“ He is. You’re really good with him by the way. You’re really good with all the kids. When you first showed up I didn’t think you would be. You proved me wrong though. I’m glad you did. “ 

To be quite honest, Billy didn’t think he’d be good with them either. That he’d start caring for them so quickly. But maybe it’s just a matter of right time right place. Maybe sometimes life brings people together than need each other. 

“ They’re alright kids. “ 

“ Have you ever thought about it ? “ (Y/N) asks, eating the last of her sausages.

“ About what ? “ 

“ Having kids. “ 

Those words make Billy almost choke on his drink. Him ? Him having kids one day ? Sure everyone thinks about it at some point in their life but Billy always came to the same conclusion. That his life is fucked up enough and that there is no way he’ll bring another person into it to ruin theirs in return.

He turned out the way he did mostly because of his parents’ mistakes, he doesn’t want to do the same to his kids. 

“ Nah. How would I ever be a good dad ? Never had anyone to show me how that works. “ 

“ You’re good with the kids though. Maybe you’re a natural “ 

“ Yeah well, my mom was good with kids and she still abandoned me so … “

The mood shifts from teasingly joking to uncomfortable in the matter of seconds, rendering both of them quiet and speechless for a moment. 

“ I — I’m sorry I didn’t mean to bring this up. “ 

“ No it’s alright. “ 

“ I should say sorry for so many things actually. I am sorry about how I treated you the other day. I was angry and sad and it was easier to blame you than to face the fact that my dad is an asshole who isn’t gonna change anytime soon. “ 

“ You already said sorry last night . “ 

Billy remembers her words from last night. All of them. But most of all he remembers her saying “ I love you “ and how it felt. How it meant so much more than anything else anyone has ever told him. 

“ I know but I felt like you should hear it again. From sober me. “ 

“ Apology accepted. “ 

“ So we’re good ? “ (Y/N) questions, biting her lower lip in anticipation.

“ We’re good. “ 

“ Cool. Because I missed you too. “ she confesses before leaning over the table and placing a soft kiss on his lips. She tastes like pancakes and bacon and maple syrup and home.

It’s the next day, Sunday. School’s out for the weekend, neither of them have to work that day or show of for volunteering and really, there’s not much to do in Hawkins on a sunday afternoon. 

Back to the future is playing on the big screen of the drive in as Billy and (Y/N) sit in his camaro, stuffing their faces with popcorn and twizzlers. 

The movie is supposed to be pretty good but Billy can’t really focus on it. There’s too much on his mind.

“ You alright ? “ (Y/N) asks, as Billy wipes his sweaty hands on his jeans for the 4th consecutive time in 5 minutes. 

“ Mmh. “ 

“ Well that sounds convincing. “ 

Billy take a big breath then reaches over towards the glove compartment, pulling out a slightly crumpled envelope.

“ What’s that ? “ 

“ Your birthday present. “ 

“ My what now ? “ 

“ Before I give it to you, I need to tell you something. “ 

He’s awfully aware that the words “I need to tell you something” aren’t usually accompanied by any good news. He hopes this time can be different. Hope she likes what he’s about to give her. Hope she says yes.

“ Okay, sure. But you know my birthday isn’t for another — “ 

“ I know. I got this yesterday. After I dropped you off at your place and after I went to see Dr. K. It’s uh — you don’t have to. I mean — I gotta start again. “ 

“ Yeah I think so cause I’m not following right now. “ 

“ I talked to my mom. “ 

“ Shut up. “ 

“ I did. I called her, after our fight I called her. And it was — so fucking awkward. She was so casual about it all. Like it hadn’t been years since we last talked. She asked me about work and school and my friends and things she should know. You know ? It didn’t feel like I was talking to my mom, more like a distance aunt or something. And I hate that it felt like that. At least for me it did. She seemed happy to talk to me, seemed like it was the most normal phone call she’s ever gotten. Like I call her every sunday for a catch up. “ 

“ Do you regret calling her ? “ 

“ No. No, I just wish it didn’t feel so fucking weird. There were moments when she’d call me by my childhood nicknames and I’d get a glimpse of the mom I remember. Like for a split second she was my mom again and I was a kid again and things were — good. But then she’d talk about her husband and it all came crashing back down and I realized that she’s living a whole new life. One that I don’t really have a place in “ 

“ She remarried ? “ (Y/N) asks, placing a hand on Billy’s in support. 

“ Yeah. I couldn’t bring myself to ask if she has any other kids. Think that would break my heart to know. To know those kids got to have the mom I didn’t get to have. That those kids were good enough for her to stay. That phone call was really exhausting too because I was stuck somewhere between my anger and resentment and the fact that I was talking to my mom who I still miss so so much. “ 

(YN) softly cradles his face in her hands. God, she is so gentle with me. He can’t get enough of it. It’s such a contrast to the touches his face is used to. The ones that leave ugly blue and black marks.

“ She invited me over. Said I can come around whenever I feel like it. Like it’s no big deal or anything. “ 

“ Do you wanna go ? “ 

Billy bites the skin on his lower lip, trying to find the proper words but coming up empty. How do you answer a question like that when you don’t even know the answer yourself.

“ I don’t know. I think I do. I uh — I actually talked to Dr. K about it. He thinks it might be good for me. If only to get closure. To understand her reasoning. I was so young then and I never really got to hear her reasoning for leaving, only ever Neil’s side of the story. “ 

It felt weird, talking to Dr. K about his feelings, about his mom, about the constant emotional turmoil he finds himself in. But Billy can’t deny that it was nice sharing it with someone he doesn’t look at him with preconceived notions. It also felt alright knowing that someone thought seeing his mom might actually be a good idea.

“ When do you wanna go see her ? “ (Y/N) asks, the movie long forgotten as she places a kiss on his cheek.

Billy opens the envelope and pulls out two thin piece of paper. Tickets. Plane tickets.

“ Was thinking we could go for your birthday. I told you I’d take you. I’ll take you swimming in the ocean, baby. If you want to come. “ 

“ You remember me saying that ? “ 

“ I remember everything you ever told me. So, what do you say ? “ 

He doesn’t let it show but the longer she takes to answer, the more anxious Billy gets. Maybe this was a stupid idea. Maybe she doesn’t wanna come and deal with Billy’s emotional baggage. Maybe —

“ Of course I do ! “ 

When she kisses him, the worries melt away. Even if it’s just for a moment, the world slides back into place.

And as the end credits to the movie play on the screen and (Y/N) leans her head against his shoulder, Billy finds himself becoming a little excited for the adventure that is yet to come.

Not necessarily about the part of seeing his mom, that still leaves him anxious. But he can’t wait to take (Y/N) to the ocean. To see her dancing through the California sunshine.

He can’t wait to show her the place where he’s left behind the other part of his heart. 

@babygal-babygal / @anxiousamandapanda / @imjusthereforsupernatural / @chhhcherybomb / @tomarisela / @noodlenerd101 / @xxcxrolinexx / @bippity-boppity-boopa / @mcrmarvelloki / @silver-winter-wolf / @thecrowclubsmanager / @theroyalbrownbarbie / @salemlysi / @sarai-ibn-la-ahad / @asheseiler / @stra-vage / @ssstutteringbbbill / @biliyonce / @addictofsupernatural / @angelophany / @charmed-asylum / @xxemoluverxx / @killer-queen-xo / @1lluminaticonfirmed / @rebel-broken-angel / @ayybtch / @dean-jace-doctor /

#billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove fanfic #billy hargrove fanfiction #stranger things imagines #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfic

[luciousmafloy]

First Love [pt. 1]

Luka Couffaine x Reader

my first story! yay! i hope it doesn't suck!

Soo, a few things you need to know:

1. English is not my native language so i'll probably do some mistakes lmao

2. your character is a German who moved to paris

3. french is written in english and when your character speaks german i will write it in german with the translation after it

4. i will 'use' the villains for my story not in chronological order- i hope you don't mind and understand what i just wrote lol

5. yeet

☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼

your pov

i stood in my new room. it wasn't fully decorated but it already looked comfy and cozy. i sat down on my grey couch and picked up my phone to text my friend f/n.

we were in Paris now for only three days and i already miss her like hell. on of my fears is that i won't make any friends here. That would suck.

"the food is ready!", i hear my mom shouting for me and my little sister.

even though we are germans my parents speak french with us, so we can improve our french. i think i'm good at the language but i'm not perfect. my sisters french isn't that good so my parents sent her to a special school, where she'll learn the language. she dumb lol. no, my sister is actually really smart. She once won a math competition in 5th grade. I could never. my math is horrible.

anyway , i walked down the stairs and sat down on a chair. It's weird that the house where we live now is our new home. it feels a bit strange, but i will get used to it by time.

"s/n, your bus will drive at 7:35 please get up tomorrow timely"

my sister gave my mom a no-shit-sherlock look and i started laughing.

"fine", she said.

"when you want to improve your french, you have to speak more than one word", i told s/n.

"i can speak french when i want to", my sister said.

"it doesn't matter. Stop it please", your mother interrupted us. she hates when we argue like that, but i can't help it.

after dinner i went to my room and turned on the tv. I found nothing interesting to watch so i decided to watch the news. I need to know at least a bit about my new home town.

the friendly red-haired news lady told something about akumas and ladybug and chat noir.

i already knew the heroes of paris, they looked pretty cool in their animal-like costumes but doesn't the spandex feel weird on their skin? when i meet them, i could ask them this. but no, probably not, that would be weird.

they showed an interview with the akuma victim. the victim was a sweet man who sells ice cream. friendly and genuine persons like him get akumatised too? okay, that is scary... i hope i won't get akumatised, i don't wanna hurt people.

after watching the news, and texting my friend f/n about this strange akuma stuff, i found a funny show to watch for the rest of the evening.

~ the next day ~

my alarm clock played my favorite song at exactly 7:15 am. my sister had to get up earlier than me, because she has to take the bus to get to school when i can easily walk to school.

i stayed a few minutes in my warm bed but after my mom yelled at me i got up and ate breakfast.

"and? excited for school? hell, even i am excited, for both of you!", my mom says to me while she drank her tea.

"yeah, but i'm scared. what when they all think i'm weird and avoid me?"

i'm definitely not the person who just wanders to people and strikes up a conversation with them. nope.

i'm the kind of person who stands alone and watches other people having fun, and then feels bad about themselfes.

"then you have to come ouf of your comfort zone and talk to people"

"ja, weils auch so einfach ist", i mumbled. (yeah, because it's so easy)

"oh, don't be a sissy. now get up and change your clothes and brush your teeth. you have to go in 20 minutes!"

"yes, mother", i said while saluting and pretending her to be my boss.

i walked upstairs to my room and picked out my favorite clothes. i feel a bit confident when i wear them, maybe it'll help me.

after brushing me teeth and doing my skin care routine i grabbed my backpack from the floor and walked downstairs to my mom.

my dad has already left for work, he always leaves early and comes back late.

"mama, ich hab wirklich angst", i said to her. (mom, i'm really scared)

"das schaffst du schon. wenn du heute keine freunde findest, dann eben morgen. versuch einfach ganz normal zu sein, dann kann nichts schiefgehen"

(you got this. if you make no friends today, you will make some tomorrow. just try to be normal then nothing bad can happen)

i smiled at my mother. she is good at cheering me up, that's one of the many reasons why i love her so much. even though she can get pretty strict sometimes.

"thanks, mom. i needed that"

my mom gave me a hug, i felt good. i love hugging people, but i'm often too shy to do it.

"oh my- i have to go now if you want to be on time!", my mom said nervously.

i think she is more anxious than me. anyway, i said goodbye to her and left our house.

i think i know the way to my new school. my parents walked the whole way with me yesterday and even if i don't have it memorized, then why does google maps exist?

on my way i put on my earplugs and listened to my favorite music. music really helps me calming myself down. i was so nervous. the students in my home town didn't really liked me. i had some 'friends' yeah, but without f/n i wouldn't have survived all my school years. i really miss her and i hope i find a f/n in paris.

when i walked into school i looked around. there were many students chattering and having fun, even though its the first day after school holidays.

i checked the time, 10 minutes until the class starts. i better search for the classroom.

with my schedule in my hands i walked up the stairs, looking for my room. i felt a bit lost, there were many students and it scared me.

"hey, do you need help?", i heard a sweet voice saying behind me.

i turned around and saw a small girl, with blond short hair and the biggest blue eyes i've ever seen.

"ähm- ah, yeah. i-i can't find my classroom"

great. why can't i form a single sentence to a stranger without stuttering?

"well, can i see your schedule?", the girl asked smiling. she is really nice.

i handed her the schedule i just got yesterday and bite my lips.

"ah! we're in the same class! juleka come here, it's the new girl!"

a girl with dark clothes came up to us. she looked like the complete opposite of the girl before me, but the fact that they are friends or maybe a couple (who knows?) is super cute.

"hi", said juleka and stood beside the sweet girl.

"that's great! we're gonna get along just fine, i know it! i'm rose, that's juleka and your name is?"

rose and juleka started walking and i followed them.

"i'm y/n. it's nice to meet you guys"

i really hope they will stick with me today. and tomorrow, i hope they are going to be my friends, because they seem really nice and i don't think i will meet other people so easily and fast like that.

"madame bustier told us that you are german! but your french is so good, i didn't even notice a accent. do you already like it here?"

rose talkes a lot. it's cute.

"thank you and yeah.. it feels weird to live here now, but i like it"

rose smiles. "that's nice to hear. look, we're here, our classroom!"

rose opened the door and i walked in behind juleka. there were a few students already here.

i noticed a girl with blue hair who was talking to another girl with brown hair. in front of these two sat a boy who listened to music.

"you can sit behind juleka and me, if thats okay?", rose asked me.

juleka already sat down on her place and looked calmly out of the window.

"yeah, yeah. that's good"

i walked up, but a girl with blond hair stopped me.

"look sabrina, the new german girl is here. they clearly don't have clothing stores in germany, when i see what you are wearing", she said and her friend faked a laugh.

"why do you care about my clothes?", i asked her.

"they look horrible, just like marinette's", the girl shrugged.

"chloé, just because no one except you can afford designer clothes doesn't mean you can pick on us!", the blue-haired girl shouted angry. i think she was about to slap chloé or something because her friend held her back.

chloé simply turned away and started to whisper with her friend.

"i'm sorry about that, but- that's chloé", marinette said to me in a sad tone.

"oh, it's fine. it's not your fault", i told her.

marinette smiled and the girl behind her leaned forward. "hi, i'm alya"

"and i'm marinette, it's nice to meet you. madame bustier has told us about you"

honestly, why are they all so nice? is this some kind of fanfiction or what-

"name's y/n", i smiled.

then a boy entered the class, causing marinette to stare at him. ah, someone has a crush. alya sent me a knowing smile, while she rolled her eyes. i just giggled and walked up to my place behind juleka and rose.

"i heard what chloé said, i'm sorry. she is like that with everyone", rose sighed.

"it's okay. i'm just glad not everyone here is like her"

"me too", agreed juleka.

"i hope she will drop that mean attitude", rose said.

a woman walked into the room and was instantly greeted by every student. it was madame bustier, she looked friendly. i hope she is as friendly as she looks like. "ah, y/n i see you've found a place to sit. but you are alone, how about you take a seat with rose and juleka?". everyone turned to me and i felt uncomfortable.

"ähm- yes, madame?", i said while grabbing my backpack and standing up to sit next to rose.

the class laughed, even madame bustier giggled. "you don't have to call me madam, y/n"

i nooded and said a quiet 'okay'.

what a start.

#miraculous #miraculousladybug #luka couffaine x reader #luka couffaine #marinette dupain cheng #juleka couffaine #ml juleka #ml rose #miraculous x reader #ml x reader #miraculous imagine #miraculous imagines #fanfiction #x reader

[thatmultifandomhoe]

Strawberry Cream and BBQ - 9

Pairing: Hybrid Hoseok and Human Reader

Overview: Your best friend knows she can count on you for anything, so when she asks you to watch her hybrid while she’s gone for a study abroad trip for four months, you can’t say no. But when these four months are over, things have changed in a way no one expected.

Word Count: 2,597

Genre: Hybrid AU, Fluff, Future smut, Angst, Best friends to Lovers

Warning: Some light swearing.

Master List

Sneak Peak - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15 - Part 16 - Part 17 - Part 18 - Part 19 - Part 20 - Part 21 - Part 22 - Part 23 - Part 24 - Part 25 (Final) - Move in Day: A SC&BBQ Drabble

©thatmultifandomhoe Do not repost, translate, or use my stories without permission.

Hoseok pressed his lips together as he stared down at your sleeping form on the couch, crossing his arms over his chest. He really shouldn’t be all that surprised, but there you were. After the two of you came home from the Dance Studio, neither of you wanted to do anything that required more than minimum effort. That was obviously code for Netflix and pass out on the couch.

It was two in the morning when his own head started to fall backwards and somehow, you were still awake and even managed to help him into bed. He must have been more exhausted than he realized because he never went to bed without making sure you went to sleep first, a habit he’s had for God knows how long. It was done with your comfort in mind, because if Hoseok was being completely honest, you slept in the weirdest positions of all time.

Like right now.

You were on your side facing the cushion, legs curled up to your chest and your left arm was resting on your stomach. So far, a normal position. But your right arm was over your head and bent at the elbow over your face, like you were protecting yourself in your sleep. It was the most uncomfortable position he had ever seen someone sleep in and with living in a shelter for year, he saw some interesting positions.

“Oh Strawberry,” Hoseok murmured, lightly shaking his head at you. With extremely careful movements, he managed to bring your arms down to your sides, allowing him to slip an arm under your knees and the other behind your back to carry you. The moment you were settled in his arms, you shifted, forcing him to hold his breath. He didn’t want you to wake up, it was early – nine in the morning – and knew you would complain about being awake before your alarm went off. Instead however, your fingers grabbed a hold of his shirt and you curled closer to him, sighing.

He smiled at the action, his tail wagging as he walked the short distance to your bedroom to deposit you under the warmth of the million blankets you tended to sleep under. His face turned into one of longing, watching as you burrowed under your blankets. There was nothing he wanted more than to get in on the other side and fall back asleep with you safely in his arms. But he held himself back. Instead, once positive you wouldn’t wake up for another hour, he tip-toed out and quietly closed the bedroom door, not relaxing until he was in the kitchen of your small apartment.

No…not small. Cozy. He liked calling it cozy because it had that homey feel to it. As you always said, one day you were gonna need a bigger space, but he liked not having to walk down an endless hallway to get to a kitchen where you could fit three ping pong tables side by side and still have more than enough room. Having everything close and nearby, was much better.

Scratching his ears, he grabbed his phone with his free hand, smiling as he opened up a message from Sue. She had taken a selfie with some of her new friends at a café from the looks of it. His thumb typed out a quick response, wishing her good luck in classes along with asking her to be safe when she went out. If anything were to happen to Sue…Hoseok shook his head, his ears flapping at the movement. He needed to stop thinking like that. He was already protective of Sue, something that Colin isn’t too fond of at all, but what was Hoseok supposed to do? He was a German Shepard hybrid. It was in his nature to be protective of those he cared about.

Speaking about caring about someone, he looked over his shoulder back at your bedroom door. If he listened closely, he could hear the even beating of your heart. Unless he managed to drop every pot and pan you owned, there was nothing waking you up before your alarm.

His heart on the other hand, good God. Was this how it was supposed to feel all those years ago? Was he supposed to feel like the most powerful hybrid when he carried you in his arms? Were you supposed to feel like home? Hoseok was fairly certain, more then certain, he was positive that you were his mate. There was always that slim chance he was wrong, that you weren’t and he was making a mistake. If that was the case, he’d be devastated.

Hoseok needed to talk to Namjoon. The wolf hybrid had gone through something similar, and if there was anyone that he could trust with a secret this deep and get advice from at the same time, it was definitely Namjoon.

With his phone still in hand, he shot a quick text to the wolf asking if he wanted to meet up for coffee at eleven thirty. He wasn’t surprised when he got a reply within a matter of five minutes.

Sounds good to me.

Hobi was surprised when his phone vibrated seconds later, signaling another message.

It’s about her isn’t it?

His thumbs hovered over the key but he wrote out a simple ‘yes,’ and, ‘I’ll tell you then,’ and left it at that. There was no point in telling the story twice. With plans made, he set his phone back down and started filling up the kettle with water to boil for coffee when you woke up.

***

Something was up.

It wasn’t just that you felt like something was off, you knew for a fact that something had, or was going to happen, but you couldn’t put your finger on it and it was annoying the crap out of you.

By the time you managed to pull yourself out of bed, thanks to your blaring alarm, it was ten forty in the morning. You had to leave your apartment by eleven to get on campus and make it to your American Literature class and Biology lecture but still, no one liked having to leave their warm blankets for the cold weather.

Thankfully, you were greeted with Hoseok handing you a mug of coffee once you left the bathroom. You had on black leggings and an old black oversized hoodie with purple fuzzy socks for warmth. An outfit that obviously reflected the mood of every college student.

“Thank you,” you softly murmured, cradling the hot mug in your hands and took a long sip. As the heavenly beverage ran through your body, a soft moan escaped and you closed your eyes, taking another drink.

Hoseok raised an eyebrow, amused but also wondering how else he could get you to make that sound again. He shook his head immediately after that thought though, it wasn’t appropriate at the moment. Maybe one day, but until then he shouldn’t think about you like that. “You fell asleep on the couch again,” he said instead, walking back into the kitchen where he had the toaster out.

You paused at his accusation, the corner of your lips twitching as you settled on the chair at the high counter, watching as he glanced over at the toaster. “There was like twenty minutes left of the movie so I finished it. I must have fallen asleep by accident.”

He scoffed, getting out a plate just as an English muffin popped up. In a matter of minutes, the plate was slid in front of you with peanut butter and butter before going back and putting in another muffin for himself. When he turned around, he automatically laughed. You were sitting there in all black and a look of shock written all over your face. Mouth dropped open and eyes wide.

“You made me breakfast?” You asked, closing your mouth as it turned into a smile. As simple as it is, it was your favorite thing to eat in the morning.

“Of course,” Hoseok answered, still chuckling as he leaned back against the island you had, having to pause from drinking his own coffee so it wouldn’t spill. “You’re letting me stay here for four months and I know how to cook. It’s the least I can do.”

Hearing his explanation, your cheeks grew sore from smiling so much. “Thank you Hoseok. I really do appreciate it.”

“Oh, I know.” He chirped, buttering up his own breakfast.

You rolled your eyes, swallowing down some food and repicked up your mug. “Any plans for today?”

Hoseok paused, the knife he was using to spread the peanut butter was pressed against the softened muffin. The gears in his head were rapidly spinning in an attempt to create some cover up. He really hated lying to you, but there was no way he was telling you about the discussion he was planning on having with Namjoon. At least, not yet. Maybe one day he could. But that would mean you accepted him as your mate. That thought was just a hopeful dream at the moment.

“Just meeting up with Namjoon for brunch,” he simply answered, forcing his hands to continue moving. He refused to look in your direction just yet, fearing the second he looked in your eyes that he’d be spilling the whole damn truth.

In the time that Hoseok was frozen, you managed to finish eating and was tossing out the paper plate. One glance at the clock and you knew you had to kick your ass into gear if you wanted to leave on time.

“Brunch?” You quickly asked in an attempt to make sure you heard him right. “What brought this on?”

Shit, Hoseok thought. Shit, shit, shit. “I suggested it.” He finally said, thinking on the fly. “I thought he might like it, he seems like the type of person who would enjoy brunch.”

But you were rushing around, throwing your laptop and charger into your backpack, and grabbing the thousand-page textbook that you had decorated throughout the texts with a dozen colorful page markers. “That sounds like fun. Wish I could go.” Setting your bag on the couch, you power walked back into your room, grabbing your keys and phone charger before going back out to the living room.

Hoseok watched in amusement as you ran back and forth between your room and the living room where you had your bag, filling and emptying it out at the same time. As grateful as he was that you weren’t asking more about his meet up with Namjoon, he wished that you would just slow down. He knew how important school and work was for you, but you tended to let both things take over your life and stress you out beyond belief.

Without even being asked, he took your unfinished coffee and dumped it into a travel mug, topping it off with some of his since you both drink it the same way. There had been many times when he caught you stealing sips from his own mug.

“Come on Strawberry,” he gently called out when you disappeared into your bedroom once more. “I am demanding a hug before you leave here and I do not want it to be half assed because you’re rushed.”

“Half assed?” You repeated, walking out of the bedroom with your head tilted to the right as you tried to slip an earring through the hole. The minute you saw his smile and the travel mug though, you relaxed. “Give me one second Hobi and I promise, I’ll give you the best hug in the world.”

“You already give the best hugs in the world,” he whined. His tail however, continued to wave back and forth.

Once the ear rings were in place, you made your way over to him. “What about Sue? I thought you loved her hugs,” you teased, wrapping him in a hug.

“Yours are still the best.” He murmured into your hair, his arms tight as he tried to hold you close. That made you giggle and to Hoseok, it was music to his ears. So much so, that he nuzzled his head against your neck, getting you to laugh even louder.

Like always, his hugs ignited a warmth that spread throughout your body. It was always a mystery to you as how he was the only one to do this. Even at the happiest moment with your exes, this feeling never happened. It was a Hoseok only thing.

“Alright,” you murmured after a while, knowing that you had spent too long in his arms. “I have to get going to make it on time.”

Hoseok released a whine, his arms tightening even more to make you stay. If you didn’t have any other commitments you’d gladly stay behind. But college was expensive as fuck, meaning that if you skipped class, you’d literally be throwing away money. Which in your book, was not an option. Unless of course, you were dying of the plague.

You held your ground though and regrettably pulled out of his hug. Grabbing your jacket from closet, your slipped it on along with the rest of your winter gear, tugging your beanie on last. With a huff you grabbed the backpack, glancing at Hoseok when he giggled. He was patiently waiting for you to take the travel mug.

“Text me when you get there?” He asked, a hopeful look on his face.

With careful hands you took the coffee. “And I’ll text you when I’m leaving,” you added. The smile that appeared on his face made the thought of staying home all that more tempting. “Okay, I really have to go now.”

He opened the door for you, leaning against it with his arms crossed over his stomach. “Have fun with classes.”

“Have fun with Namjoon.”

Waving one last time, you headed for the elevator, smiling to yourself because you knew Hoseok was watching you. It was a part of his nature to make sure you were safe, that’s what he told you at least the first time he did this. But it felt different this time. Just like how dinner last night was different.

Everything was changing, and as the elevator opened up to the ground floor and you walked out of the building, you remembered how it felt to indulge yourself in his arms the night before. It sent butterflies flying in your stomach and made your mouth dry, forcing you to take a sip of your coffee once you were in the car.

Hoseok had made your coffee perfectly.

Staring out the windshield, you focused on the patch of snow that sat on the curb. It was the last remits of the snow storm from a few weeks ago. Although you used the term, ‘storm,’ lightly. The news had broadcasted it like it was going to be the worst storm of the season. In reality, your town got maybe, four or five inches of snow. Not that you were complaining, the college had cancelled classes the night before and your boss at the bookstore said not to come in, so you had the pleasure of staying in bed where it was warm.

The longer your stared though, the easier it was for your mind to wander. To what Namjoon said, to last night at the Dance Studio with Hobi, even to just fifteen minutes ago. And each time you found yourself longing to be back in Hoseok’s arms.

“What am I doing?” You whispered. There was no answer though, because you had no idea. 

#bts hybrids au #Strawberry Cream and BBQ #hoseok #hybrid #hoseok hybrid #hybrid hoseok #bts #bts hybrid #hybrid bts #hoseok dog hybrid #jung hoseok #bts jung hoseok #jhope #bts jhope #BTS j-hope #hoseok x reader #bts hoseok x reader #bangtan sonyeondan #hybrid j-hope #hybrid au #hybrid au! #bts hybrid au! #kpop #kpop fandom #kpop fanfic #kpop fanfiction #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts alternate universe #jung hoseok alternate universe

[bugheadfamily]

Bughead Family Discord Member Spotlight

This Halloween week the spotlight is on our spooky admin, Tori ( @tory-b  )! Click the read more link below to get to know our member!

Spotlight by Mila, @jughead-jones | Graphic by Katie, @betty-cooper

Tori | @tory-b

Name: Tory or Tori

Age: 21 (but only for a few more months!)

Location: Western US

Any other languages aside from English people can contact you in?: I can read basic Japanese and German. I won’t be able to communicate well but I have like some understanding. (I’m just really bad at languages I’m sorry universe, i want to be good at them)

Favourite Riverdale characters and ships?: BUGHEAD! Jughead Jone is my son, I love that boy. But I’m also a big Archie girl you know? Like just in the ‘he is my big dumb son and he just needs to be protected at all costs.’ I’d probably kill for a Jarchie person.

Favourite moments from S1 & S2?: There are so many it makes it hard to choose from you know? But S1: the iconic “hey there, Juliet, nurse off duty” is just like…so cheesy and soft it makes it hard to not just be utterly in love with that big dork. S2: When Archie cuts Jughead’s chains in front of the building, and they have that shot where the chains are falling away and he looks just like a fucking mythical fallen angel. That moment is so powerful between the boys, but it’s also just such a beautiful image on screen. Like Riverdale’s cinematography is eh on the best of days but in that moment like wow just absolutely WOW

What are your hopes for S3?: All my hopes and dreams look like they’re coming true and I could cry. Betty has a therapist! Bughead is investigating! Josie is getting more SCREEN TIME. I really do want more Cheryl/Betty friendship moments but I’m not sure if we’ll get them. I’d also love a Jug/Cheryl friendship moment. Also if we could get our Jarchie kiss.

Other fandoms you’re into?: I was in the Miraculous Ladybug fandom for a little while, and the Voltron fandom for some time after that. I just kind of commit to like one fandom or I’ll be dead.

What are some of your favourite movies/TV?: My other go-to show right now (I’ve been rewatching) is RuPaul’s Drag Race because I’m Reality TV Trash. My favorite movie is tricky. I always tell my mom that I don’t watch many movies because I like that TV can show longer more complex plots than movies.

Favourite books?: Fever 1793 was my favorite growing up and sometimes I’ll still read through and cry like a fucking baby even though I know how it goes. I love historical fiction. BUT my absolute FAVORITE book is Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky.

Favourite bands/musicians?: It is I, your friendly admin hipster who has a lot of vinyl, and my fave bands are Panic! At the Disco, Walk the Moon, and the 1975. Also I listen to an absurd amount of broadway musicals because I’m a theatre nerd through and through.

If you could live in any fictional world which one would you choose and why?: I was gonna say Riverdale but I don’t want to chances of me getting murdered to jump up to an absurd amount. I’m small and meek I’d die like Midge. Maybe the Miraculous Ladybug’s Paris because it’s soft and even if I get turned into a bad guy no one hates me and I get a cool costume.

Favourite food?: Strawberries! Specifically Strawberry Shortcake but anything with strawberries on it.

Favourite season?: Winter or Fall! Spring is amazing but it makes me sneeze because allergies.

Favourite plant?: Sunflowers!

Favourite scent?: Lime! It’s clean and fresh.

Favourite colour?: Pastels. Pink, blue, yellow!

Favourite animal?: Doggos! (I’d say cats but i’m terribly allergic to cats even though I love them).

Are you a night owl, an early bird, or a vampire?: My sleep schedule is garbage. I am a night owl who works early morning shifts and is forced to be an early bird.

Place you want to visit?: I want to visit more of europe, specifically France, see more of England, and very much Japan!

Do you have pets? If you do, tell us a little about them: I do have pets! I’ve got my sweet little Poppy. She’s a rescue mutt who I got on my 13th birthday. She’s probably 11-12 right now but none of us have an idea. She’s so soft and beautiful but she is absolutely a little bitch. I go to college so whenever I come home for holidays, she stares at me like I’ve just utterly offended her and turns away. She’s a Princess who is utterly spoiled.

Tell us a little about yourself?: Oh gosh. I’m not sure what to say in this really. I’m graduating a semester early with a double major in Psychology and Anthropology, which I think is really cool, even though I have no idea what I’m going to do with that frankly. I moved a lot growing up because my mom can’t stay still. I’ve got this skin condition called vitiligo so lots of my body doesn’t have pigment!

Fun or weird fact about you?: I can’t properly scowl. Like bring my eyebrows together. I have no idea why.

Asks for fanfic authors:

How long have you been writing?: Oh gosh. So I’ve been writing in notebooks since I was like 5, but I posted my first ever fanfiction (did you mean that Harry Potter fic I posted that I like to ignore?) when I was 10 or 11? I quit writing publicly from about 12 until…I was like 20?

Which is your favourite of the fics you’ve written?: One Last Chance. It was 12k of really just emotional catharsis. I cried while writing it and it just felt so good to write it. Whenever I read it I just smile because I think ‘wow i can’t believe I’m the person who wrote this’.

Favourite fic/chapter/plot-point/character you’ve ever written?: The plot points in What Happened on Elm Street are my favorite because they’re so twisty and turny!

Which was the hardest to write, and why?: What Happened on Elm Street is very difficult to write for me. It’s super complex and I can only give away a little at a time to keep some of the mystery in it. So I have to think a lot for each word I write.

How do you come up with the ideas for you fic(s)? (examples: Do you draw inspiration from real life? Listen to music? Get inspired by TV/movies?) Do you have an process to your writing?: It’s a combination of everything! It’s real life in some ways, like my college experiences, or with songs, like my oneshot I Hate Love Songs! It all depends. Sometimes it just comes to me, like I’ll be watching a movie and I go ‘yes!’.

Idea that you always wanted to write?: A Zombie Apocalypse AU. SO BADLY. But I don’t think it would be very popular, so I always sort of hang back and don’t write it even though I kind of have the first chapter of a WIP written for it. I just love that kind of angst and fear.

Favourite character to write?: Cheryl fucking Blossom. She is just…I love writing all her wittiness! Also apparently Jughead? Since all of my writing has been through Jughead’s POV lately.

Best comment/review you’ve ever received?: So I received a comment on the first chapter of 101 Ways and it was just “DOGGIES” which made me laugh out loud> I also had someone (her name is Cat, she’s an admin, not sure if you’ve heard of her) tell me she cried into her Taco Bell reading One Last Chance. That was iconic.

Best and worst parts of being a writer?: Best parts are absolutely getting to stretch my creativity. I have a lot of ideas and writing is just such a cathartic thing for me. Writing makes me feel unburdened and free and that means a lot to me. I use my writing to cope with some of my anxiety and depression, because I feel good about words and how well I can manipulate them. Worst: That fear. That constant fear of not being enough. Of not being as good. Of comparison. It comes with fandom culture I think, this need to compare yourself to other people. I don’t ever mean to do it, but I can feel it happening sometimes. I love being able to learn from other writers by reading things and being encouraged to experiment, but perhaps it’s just who I am but I do have a problem with comparison.

Do you have any advice to offer?: Experiment experiment experiment! If you like something in another person’s writing, like a certain style, how they use metaphors, etc, there’s nothing wrong with adopting things you like and evolving you're writing based on what you like to read. It’s so important to keep changing and evolving and the only way you can do that is by trying new things!

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This is the fifteenth instalment of Bughead Family’s Member Spotlight series. Each week, a member’s url is selected through a randomizer and they will be featured in a spotlight post. In order to participate, please join the Bughead Discord (more information found here). Thank you.

#bughead #riverdale #bughead fanfiction #riverdale fanfiction #member spotlight #bughead family discord

[addicted-to-darkness]

Royal Menagerie Translation

A lot of people already pointed out how there are differences between the different localizations of Final Fantasy XIV in what exactly is said and how that sheds a new light on characters. A friend of mine asked me to take a look at the German version in regards to Zenos, so here we go for all who are curious. 

Below the cut is a direct comparison between the English dialogue with Zenos and the German version, with a literal translation of it. 

Heavy Spoiler warning for the Ending of 4.0, of course.

Bold: English Localization

Plain: German transcription

Cursive: Literal translation

Welcome to the Royal Menagerie.

Willkommen in meinem Lustgarten hoch über den Wolken.

Welcome to my pleasure garden high above the clouds.

The King of Ruin built this place for his foreign queen. He kept it filled with familiar creatures from her homeland. They bored me all.

Der letzte König der Mhigiten lies dieses Paradies für seine Frau errichten. Er brachte Getier und Gewächse aus ihrer fernen Heimat um sie zu erfreuen. Mir persönlich gefiehl die Sammlung nicht.

The last king of the Mhigans had this paradise built for his wife. He brought animals and plants from her far away home to delight her. Personally, I didn't like the collection.

This fine specimen, on the other hand, is simply... divine.

Dieses Geschöpf dagegen ist einfach nur... göttlich.

This creature, on the other hand, is simply... divine.

Your fates are entwined, are they not, eikon-slayer? This dragon, this... embodiment of unbridled despair, born of a desperate man's burning hatred for the Empire....

Na, Held der Wilden? Fühlst du nicht auch eine schicksalhafte Verbindung mit dieser Bestie? Euer gestaltgewordener Hass auf die Garlean, nun ein Werkzeug in der Hand eines Garlean.

So, Hero of the Savages? Don’t you feel the fateful connetion to this beast as well? Your hatred for the Garleans manifest, now a tool in the hand of a Garlean.

How raw the raging tempest that churns within its breast. No myth made manifest this, but... a being of pure violence.

Nichts as blinde Zerstörungswut in seinem Inneren. Ein armseeliger Gott ohne eigene Mythologie. Ein Geschöpf ohne jede Geschichte.

Nothing but blind lust for destruction in him. A pathetic god without his own mythology. A creature without any history. 

Hah hah, mayhap you are the true architect of our design. You who fought the very soul of vengeance to the edge and watched him fall; you who let slip the Allagan hound to drive this eikon into my arms!

Fast möchte man meinen du hättest dies alles zu meinem größten Wohlgefallen arangiert. Oder warst es nicht du selbst, der jene rachsüchtige Seele an den Abgrund trieb, bis sich ihr Hass über dem Wall manifestierte und der Omega den allagischen Häscher entschlüpfen lies um diesen neuen Götzen in meine Arme zu treiben?

One could almost believe you did all of this for my greatest pleasure. Or had it not been you yourself, who chased this vengeful soul to the edge until his hatred manifested itself above Baelsar’s Wall, and who let the Allagan bloodhound escape to drive this false god into my arms?

Oh... My. Have I said too much? Forgive me, this... sensationis wholly unfamiliar to me. 

Oh... Hah hah hah hah hah hah, ich rede zuviel, verzeih mir. Das ist alles einfach zu aufregend.

Oh... Hah hah hah hh hah hah, I’m talking too much, forgive me. All of this is just too exciting.

A question, then-- and I should like very much for you to speak from the heart. If I were to stand aside, what would you do to this eikon?

Aber lass uns doch einmal über deine geschätzte Ansicht sprechen. Sag, wenn ich nicht wäre, was würdest du mit diesem Monstrum hier anstellen?

But let us talk about your valued opinion. Tell me, if it wasn’t for me, what would you do with this monstrosity?

“...”

Hm. You will not indulge me even with a simple reply, then? No. You think only of the fight to come. How alike we are.

Was bist du nur für ein langweiliger Gesprächspartner. Oder eilen deine Gedanken schon vorraus zu unserem Kampf? Dann sind wir wirklich seelenverwandt.

What a boring partner in conversation you are. Or are your thoughts already hurrying ahead to our battle? If so, we are truly soulmates.

A pity. There is another alternative. Or there would be... had you only mastered your abilities. 

Na jedenfalls mangelt es deiner Antwort an Originalität. Es gab noch eine andere, doch du siehst sie nicht, weil du deine Gabe noch nicht gemeistert hast.

Well, anyway, your answer is lacking in originality. There is another, yet you don’t see it, because you haven’t mastered your gift yet. 

I speak of the Echo, of course. Does it merely render you immune to eikonic influence? Or is it rather that your influence is far greater than theirs? Granted, these implications are of no moment to a savage, who thinks only of killing the beast before him... 

Die Kraft des Transzendierens. Verleiht sie jedeglich Immunität gegen den Willen der Primae, oder gibt sie uns vielmehr die Macht über sie? Heh, und du hast immer nur daran gedacht sie umzubringen.

The power of transcendence. Does it only gift you immunity to the will of the primals, or does it actually grant us power over them? Heh, and you only ever though about killing them.

But when I read von Baelsar's reports, I immediatelly saw the boundless potential of the Echo. I saw how it could be instrumental in binding an eikon to one's will. Hence my research and the Resonant-- and oh so much more! 

Aber als ich in einem Bericht von van Baelsar von dieser Gabe las, sah ich sofort ihr Potential. Den Geist eines Primae kontrollieren, was für ein Gedanke! Deshalb forschte ich so intensiv an der Aetherbeherrschung durch deine Gabe.

But when I read about this gift in a report of van Baelsar, I immediatelly saw its potential. To control the spirit of a primal, what a thought! Because of this i researched the aether control through your gift so thoroughly. 

All eikons must be exterminated, without exception. Such was the imperial mandate issued by my great-grandfather after he saw firsthand the destruction wrought by on such being. They are a blight upon this star, he felt, and so he began his great and just crusade. 

Eines der obersten Ziele Garlemalds ist die Vernichtung der Primae. Der Reichsgründer, Kaiser Solus, mein Urgroßvater, sah bei der Eroberung des Ostkontinents welche Verwüstung die Primae dort angerichtet hatten. Um den Planeten von dieser Gefahr zu befreien, began er seinen Feldzug des Wahren und Gerechten.

One of the highest goals of Garlemald is the destruction of the primals. The founder of our empire, Emperor Solus, my great-grandfather, saw the havoc primals had wreaked during his conquest of the eastern continent. To free the planet from this danger, he started his True and Just crusade. 

Pah! 'Twas not justice which spurred his campaign, but fear! Fear of the eikons, fear of their power. Cowardice made them march forth to battle. Pathetic! 

Heh!  Sein Motiv war nicht Gerechtigkeit, sondern Angst! Sie kämpften, weil sie vor den Primae, vor dem Untergang des Planeten zitterten. Armseelig!

Heh! His motive wasn’t justice, but fear! They fought, because they trembled before the primals, before the demise of our planet. Pathetic!

Man should fight for the joy of it. To live, to eat, to breed-- lesser beasts snap and howl at one another for this. Only man has the wisdom and the clarity to embrace violece for its own sake.

Dabei ist der Kampf doch etwas Vergnügliches. Kein blindes Ringen um Futter und Überleben, wie bei den niederen Tieren. Es ist ein Privileg der Höherentwickelten, ihn allein um der Gewalt willen zu genießen.

But fighting is something entertaining. No blind struggle for food and survival, like with lesser animals. It is the privilege of higher beings to enjoy combat for the sake of violence.

For we who are born into this merciless, meaningless world, have but one candle of life to burn.

Nur eines ist niemandem im Überfluss gegeben: das Leben. Das einzige, endliche Leben. Aber soll es sinnlos dahinwelken? Nein. Nein! Dieses letzte Pfand muss jeden meiner Kämpfe befeuern.

There is just one thing no one was given in abundance: life. The unique, finite life. But should it wither away meaninglessly? No. No! This final pledge needs to fuel every single of my battles.

I know you understand this. You and I are the same. Together, we could while away the quiet hours, as friend and confidant... if you will accept me. 

Du begreifst diese Gedanken, nicht wahr? Denn du bist wie ich. Wir beide könnten Jagdkameraden sein. Willst du die Jagd an meiner Seite genießen?

You understand this thought, don’t you? Because you are like me. The two of us could be hunting comrades. Do you want to enjoy the hunt by my side?

“I accept you.”

Heh heh...are we to embrace and let bygones be bygones? Do our deeds weigh so little that you would cast all aside? Come. 'Twas plain from the first how this would end.

Heh heh heh... Als ob du deine Ach so hehren Ideale je ablegen würdest. Am Ende steht unvermeidlich der Kampf, das wissen wir beide.

Heh heh heh... As if you would put aside your oh-so honorable ideals. We both know that at the end inevitably combat awaits.

You live for these moments-- when all hangs in the balance... when the difference between life and death is but a single stroke. 

Du lebst für diese Momente des atemlosen Schwebens. Gerade bevor das Gleichgewicht auf die eine oder andere Seite kippt; Sieg oder Niederlage, Leben oder Tod. Ist es nicht so?

You live for these moments of breathless levitation. Just before the balance tilts to one side or another; Victory or Defeat, Life or Death. Isn’t that so?

I live for them too! This is who we are, my friend! This is all we are! Ala Mhigo and Doma and Garlemald be damned!

Genau wie ich. Ach, nur dich würde ich mir zum Genossen nehmen. Wen interessiert Ala Mhigo, lass uns kämpfen!

Just like me. Oh, only you I would take as my companion. Who cares for Ala Mhigo, let us fight! (Fun fact: Genosse means companion, but can also be translated to bedfellow.)

We tower above the gods! You by your gift, I by my might!

Eine Kraft, die jeden Primae in seine Schranken weist. Dir wurde sie geschenkt, ich habe sie mir selbst errungen.

A power which reins in every primal. You were gifted with it, I took it through my own strength.

And before the Resonant the gods shall be made to kneel!

Und ich werde sie zur Vollendung führen als Bändiger der Götter!

And I shall lead it to perfection as Tamer of the Gods!

Hah...hah...hah... The hunter has indeed become the hunted.

Nghh... ahhh... hahh... der Jäger... wurde... zur Beute...

Nghh... ahhh... hahh... the hunter... has become... the prey.

And yet... there is only joy. Transcendent joy that I have never known. How invigorating, how... pure, this feeling.

Hah... Aber... Was für ein Kampf... Was für ein... Hochgefühl...

Hah... But... what a fight... such... exaltation...

(Lyse) Is that what this is all about? All the meaningless death and destruction? So you could feel something?

(Lyse) Hochgefühl? Du tickst ja nicht richtig! Weist du, wie viele Opfer dein Wahnsinn gefordert hat?

Exaltation? You’re crazy! Do you have any idea how many victims your madness claimed?

Meaningless? Men die that others may live. Those who survive are stronger for it.

Dummes Kind. Leben fordert Opfer. Nur wer dieses Gesetz versteht, kann wirklich leben.

Stupid child. Life demands sacrifices. Only those who understand this law can truly live.

Not that you could ever understand. To have stood upon this great stage of fools... to have played my part to perfection...

Aber dein Verständnis ist nicht von Belang. Meine Darbietung war meisterhaft. Durch den Einsatz unseres unersetzlichen Lebens zum Spektakel erhoben.

But your understanding is of no consequence. My performance was magnificent. Uplifted to a spectacle by putting our irreplacable lives at stake. 

Oh, this... this moment... let it be enshrined for eternity. My heart... beating out of time... So clear, so vivid, so real... So real.

Mein Herz hat sich lange nach einem solchen Moment der Klarheit, der Lebendigkeit gesehnt. Kein weiterer Augenblick wird diesen übertreffen. So soll ihm auch kein weiterer folgen.

My heart has been yearning for such a moment of clarity, of liveliness, for so very long. No further moment will surpass this one. And as such, no more shall follow it.

(Alphinaud) Coward!

(Alphinaud) Er will sich umbringen!

He wants to kill himself!

(Lyse) Stop! 

(Lyse) So kommst du uns nicht davon!

You’re not getting away from us like that!

Farewell, my first friend. My enemy.

Leb' wohl, mein einziger Freund. Mein Jäger.

Farewell, my only friend. My hunter.

#Final Fantasy XIV #Stormblood #Zenos Yae Galvus #Zenos #Final Fantasy #Spoilers #Obscure's Stuff #While he is a full blown nihilist in English #This feels different #Translations

[stellarinkart]

(Personal) My Weight Loss Journey – Part 1

(Yes, this is going to be one of those clichéd „make yourself feel good about losing weight while telling a lot of personal stuff“ blog posts. I know you are here for the art but I need to talk about this somehow. Sorry, not sorry.)

So, I don’t think I have mentioned it before but currently I am actively trying to lose weight and get in shape. To be honest, that’s something I never thought I would type down, because there were several things that kept holding me back. And a lot of it has to do with being body shamed by the people around me. So buckle up, there is a bit of backstory that has to be unpacked:

You see, I love swimming. Always have, always will. My family always spends their summer vacation by the sea, and we used to go a lot to the public swimming pools of our town. I wasn’t very fast (I still am slow as a sea snail!) but I had fun.

However, when I was around 12, 13, gym class meant we’d go swimming. And there was one boy in my class who for some reason loved to make fun of me. I remember one day, when we were sitting at the pool waiting for class to begin, him singing repeatedly „Stella has a paunch, Stella has a paunch!“ (in German of course: „Stella hat ne Wampe!“). I was a bit chubby, but hell, I was a kid. It was cruel, it was unnecessary and it made me feel awful about myself. Needless to say, I didn’t have a good time in swimming class, also because I was so slow and… yeah. Didn’t get a good grade either. At least it didn’t stop me from swimming altogether.

The next years I kept gaining weight, both by growing, puberty hitting and well, general weight gain too. I wasn’t eating healthy (not the fault of my parents, I stuffed my face with way too much fast food) and hated all kinds of sport.  

One prominent feature of my body are my shoulders, which are rather broad for a woman. I remember angsting a lot about my body, my weight and my femininity. My (by now former) best friend was very feminine, wore a lot of lacy and frilly stuff. I wanted that too, but felt like I couldn’t pull it off since I was too fat anyway. Instead I mostly wore loose shirts, hiding the curves I got by puberty. I remember a rather old teacher with a bad eyesight (I was sitting in the last row of the class) confusing me for a boy. I am not blaming him though, since he was a quite friendly guy and simply didn’t know better. It still hurt.

I also remember talking to my best friend about how I wanted to be feminine, wear stuff like she wore, put on make-up that looked good on me etc. She wasn’t all that unsupportive, giving me a make-over with her sister for example. But there was one thing she said that… well, made me feel awful. She said I looked androgynous. I don’t think it was all that maliciously intended, but back then it seriously hurt me. I felt like she told me I looked lke a man and that thought made me feel horrible about myself. She backpadled quickly when she realized how much it hurt, but still kept insisting on that statement to be true.*

Anyway, when I first played with the thought of losing weight, those two things came to my mind. Being shamed for my current weight in gym class and the fact that I, from my understanding, already looked more like a man than a woman. Both of it terrified me. Subconciously, I believed that I would only be shamed for even trying to lose weight, and that even if I would, if I gained muscles and lost fat, I would look even more manly. I think my train of thought can be summarized like this:

I didn’t like my body, but I hated the image of what I think I would become if I changed my body.

So I didn’t make a real effort to try. That topic was off the table for me. No matter that I kept gaining weight, that I went more and more out of shape and the people around me were concerned – not because of my body image, but because of my health. And rightfully so, I wasn’t healthy at all. But I kept telling myself that it is fine, that there is nothing wrong with me and after all, food made me feel good, so do I really want to trade all those yummy things for bland and boring salad, and spend all my day in gym instead of doing fun stuff? I was in denial, with those constant fears and insecuritied hanging over me like a sword.

But it didn’t stay that way.

One of the biggest positive impacts on me concerning my body image is my boyfriend. He is the one who keeps telling me over and over again that I am beautiful no matter what, especially when I don’t feel exactly beautiful. He also loves moving around a lot and sports and kept convincing me to go on a walk with him now and then, or do a bycicle tour with him on vacation. I did start to enjoy it, even more so when my family got a dog (meaning, I had a reason to go on a walk besides entertaining my boyfriend). I hadn’t started to actively try to lose weight yet, in fact, I kept gaining it, but things were getting in motion – literally.

The final straw, the last wake-up call for me to realize I need to do something, was when weight hit triple digits. I weighted around 100 kilogram at the beginning of this year. That number shocked me. I never thought I would weigh that much. I don’t know why that number in particular shocked me so much, but it was the moment where I decided that things can’t go on like this. I didn’t want to gain any more weight or get even more out of shape (stairs were a nightmare to me back then!). So, I decided to change my lifestyle.

First thing I did, was that I decided to start swimming again. I asked a few friends of mine to establish a swimming routine with me and they did. Up to five times per week, I would go to the public swimming pool for two hours and simply swim, dive etc. No pressure, no body shaming. I could feel how it was affecting my body positively and I started to feel good about myself again.

Second thing I changed were my eating habits. I picked up a calory counter app and started to monitor what I eat, and at the same time looked up tasty but healthy recipes. It didn’t limit my food choices, in fact it vastly expanded them! All those things I deemed bland and tasteless were suddenly so tasty. Zucchini, aubergines, all those veggies, salads with tasty sauces and toppings. The food steamer became my new best friend. And even if I crave for unhealthy but tasty food (chicken burger with fries and mayonese is my guilty pleasure!), I can still eat it. I simply watch my food choices throughout the day, do some sport after work and treat myself in the evening.

So everything went great. Since the beginning of the year, I went from 100 kg to 90. However… with it came the old thoughts back. Are people laughing at me when they see me in swimwear? If I keep losing weight, will I lose my boobs, get even broader shoulders, will I start to look like a man? But then, I realized something. I realized, that all those years I had looked at my body through the glasses other people had put on me, intentionally or not. People that are not even a part of my life anymore, people who have become completely irrelevant to me. The people that are in my life right now don’t believe I look like a man or that I am fat. So why do I keep listening to those voices that I never wished to have in my life anyway? Why do I care how people irrelevant to me will see me?!

I realized I didn’t hate the thought of becoming more muscular.

This week I started to go to the gym. I booked a gym class to learn about how to train my body properly to build up muscles. To be honest, I was pretty anxious about going there, because a lot of people there are in so much better shape than me. But it has been great! Everybody has been so nice and patient and the workout makes me feel so good, both physically and psychologically. It’s also nice to move my body after sitting in the office or at university all day.

I know there are still going to be bad days where the insecurities will be overwhelming, where I will hate my body and tell myself I will look never reach my goal anyway or that I look like a man and need to stop right now. But I know those times will pass and that I will reach my goal eventually.

And I am not going to look like a man.

I am going to look like a warrior woman.

 *I don’t know whether it was just bad wording by her or if she really wanted to put me down, since she used to do that a lot, which was a reason why we parted ways later, but that’s a story for another time.

 (There, clichéd blog post over. Sorry, but I needed to get that off my chest.)

#personal #blog entry #weightloss #body shaming #exercise #diet #please spare me the comments about how fatphobic i am #workout #sports #lifestyle change #fitness #stellarinkpersonal

[earlymorningmassacre]

Neutrality Means Little

Hetalia Historically Based (Hopefully correctly)

Genres: Angst, Wartime, Hurt/Comfort, Family and (probably) Drama

Characters: Spain, Netherlands, Romano, Prussia and Belgium 

Summary: The Spanish were neutral in this godforsaken war, they deserved at least that much. But their ties to the Germans... leading soldiers to them. Perhaps they were not as neutral as they’d like to be. None the less, for their warrior’s sacrifice to the German people Spain is given a gift. One filled with memories, pain, and suffering. Yet one he feels obliged to fix. ~ Ffnet ~

It's not unusual for people to come to his house unannounced, everyone seems to do it. It actually seems to be a bit of a trend. France will do it on very rare occasions, Prussia will randomly appear out of thin air, Romano will just kind of materialize in his bed some nights, but fewer times as of late, and Portugal can easily be seen wandering his gardens on an early summer's morning. It didn't seem to matter if he was considered neutral nor did it matter that he was in fact 'isolating' himself from the rest of the world.

Well, technically anyway. But today all he really sees is the beating sun and the shade disappearing from the front side of his house. He doesn't mind the silence most of the time, but the silence can get deafening if he remains in it too long. Especially when his country, his people are so divided, sighing he resigns himself to leaning on the windowsill and watching the day begin.

That's when he notices the shadow appearing at the end of the road. The Spaniard cranes his neck out the window to get a better look. He can barely see it, but it's there. The vague outline of a car just at the far end of the drive, a large dust cloud in the machine's wake. Engine gunned and the tires spitting up the dust and rocks; it reminds him of some sort of beast coming to drag him to hell's gate. But as he watches the machine realizes something.

It's Prussia's car that he's looking at and for a moment or two he's actually excited to have company until he can hear something. A scraping noise, almost as if…as if something is being dragged behind the car. His excitement quickly disperses.

This is not a social visit, this is business. The Spaniard lightly frowns, pulling himself back into the house from the window and tiredly makes his way to the door, only turning the knob and going out when he knows the car is closer. He stands what is left of the shadow in front of his house, watching the vehicle make its way up. The heat wouldn't bother him most days but today he doesn't feel like baring it now.

The car is exactly what he would expect of the Prussian. The underside being a shiny black that seems to shimmer in the light, the upper part the same if not a darker color, and in the middle a thick white line with an unfinished decal painted on the door. Appearing very similar to that of the nation's own flag. The car stops in front of the door and enthusiastically Prussia leaps over the door and window, landing directly in front of the Spaniard. Posing like some kind of hero that the world has yet to know.

"Spain! My isolated friend," Prussia swings his arm over nape of his neck and wraps it around so his arm is resting on the opposing shoulder. Spain doesn't mind it, Prussia is a friend, but he finds it to be rather warm for such a heated day. Nor does he find the physical contact all that friendly but rather threatening as of late.

"Prussia," is all he can really say to greet him. He feels the need to properly greet his old friend but he can't seem to bring himself to do that. He can smell the irony scent of blood, the smoke that's clinging to his skin, the burnt flesh and the decomposition on the Prussian from a mile away. He's been in a battle recently; it will take more than one bath to rid him of the scent. But it's a scent he's well used to by now.

The Germanic laughs, the obnoxious sound filling the quiet air of the later morning. The stench of alcohol under his breath. "Nothing else?"

Spain doesn't even dare look him in the eye. Prussia just grins again and finally removes his arm from behind the Spaniard's head. "I bring gifts!" It's far too joyous as the Prussian swings his arms up in the air and practically dances to the mangled thing that he knows is laying there. There's too much happiness in his eyes as if he doesn't realize what he's done, what he's doing. Spain stares in the opposite direction, Prussia reminds him of a dog he'd seen once, playing with a dead cat long after it had passed. He supposes the dog killed it in a futile attempt to play with it. It apparently thought the cat was still alive and continued on, swinging the corpse around and chasing it. Perhaps at the time, the dog didn't understand the concept of death.

He doesn't want to look at what's been dragged behind the back of the car. He's seen his fair share of war, its carnage, and destruction. He's seen it all before, he was an empire after all and it's how you become such an empire, but he doesn't want to see it now. He's different now, he doesn't… he's done with war…

The Prussian cuts the rope tied to his bumper, grabbing the thing's legs and swings the mangled body at the Spaniard's feet. Spain still doesn't want to look at it. He just wants to admire the garden; this isn't his war. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Prussia bow as he would to any great ruler or king. It's less of a formality and more of a mockery... "It is with my great pleasure, that I, the Awesome Prussia present the Kingdom of Spain with their lost colony! The Netherlands!" The Prussian is laughing his ass off again. He's laughing so hard he can't even breathe. Holding his stomach and keeling over with laughter. Spain convinces himself he's not shaking with some sort of fear and some sort of anger.

"Have fun España!" And with that, the Prussian jumps back into the car, narrowly avoiding the window and almost taking the mirror clean off, and drives off. Still cackling at something he finds so very humorous that Spain doesn't get. No goodbyes or stories to regale, just that, do your job and be done with it.

That was not the Prussia he knew, yes, the nation was vile and a bit of a pervert sometimes but he didn't drag people behind cars on a regular basis. Prussia was part of Nazi Germany now, and they were willing to do anything to get back the all power they had lost and then some. Even if it meant doing things like this, but to do that, they needed allies. Strong allies, not weak allies that were in the middle of recovering from a civil war. But despite that, his boss was still lending troops to the Germans… he hated politics. Therefore, apparently as at token of the Germanic's appreciation he decided to give Spain a 'gift'.

Spain still didn't want to look down or even in the general direction of what was lying before him. He knew what to expect either way but he didn't want to see it. For a brief moment, the thought crossed his mind about leaving Netherlands there and going back inside. Like nothing had ever happened. But even he's not that cold and there was no way he could ever do something like that to anyone… anymore…

Internally wincing, he sucks in a breath and finally looks over and down at his former colony. Netherlands is lying on his stomach, head turned to the side, his normally spiky blond hair muddied and matted, and his eyes pinched shut. But he looks rather unharmed, despite the crimson-tinted mud clinging to his every feature and clothing. He was probably dragged off the battlefield that way and no one bothered to clean him off. They didn't care, it wasn't their problem. He frowns at the very thought of it. To think, that he, was once like that, but aren't they all at some point?

Spain kneels down, brushing bits of dirt off the man's once tan jacket. Netherlands groans in response, cracking an eye open. The Spaniard grins, "Heh, I guess you were just knocked out, you know for a guy who just came out of an all-out war with someone you don't look too bad."

The former colony glares, or winces, one of the two. Spain smiles happily and moves to help the nation up from the dirt. Wrapping an arm under his chest, careful to avoid the scrapes on his shoulders and neck. Lars screams, actually screams, it's short and not very high pitched but a scream nonetheless. It takes the Spaniard a moment or two to actually register exactly why. He doesn't quite remember the dirt being so red earlier, or muddy. Actually, it had been quite dry earlier, and sandy. Spain fully turns Holland over.

He's riddled with bullet holes. He can't even really tell exactly where the bullet holes are, that kind of riddled. His chest probably took a couple and his abdomen looks worse, if the Spaniard had, to be honest with himself it looks like they took him down to a shooting range and used him as the target. Netherlands coughs, blood spattering the untouched spots and smaller droplets onto Spain's pant leg. It continues on for a moment before under the nation's breath he mutters, "Not bad aye?"

Spain swallows, okay, okay, okay, and he ignores the bile that's threatening to make its way up his throat. He really doesn't like blood anymore, blood's messy, blood's part of living beings, blood's blood and there's a lot of it here. Netherlands draws a ragged, wet breath and Antonio wonders how exactly he missed that noise in the first place.

Lars winces and mumbles to himself in Dutch, periodically spitting out or coughing up said accumulated blood. It's even dripping out of his nose. Finally, Spain manages to fully collect himself before reaching for the Dutchman. Moving a bit closer and peeling Netherland's previously blue shirt from his wounds and skin. He barely even touches the fabric before the nation hisses through his teeth. Antonio tries to ignore it, continuing on, but even as he's looking under the tattered fabric he can't even see the injuries very well at all either.

He's not a doctor, nor a physician or even a medic. Spain himself has a very basic idea of battlefield medicine and even that's a bit outdated. It takes him a moment to retrieve any information about treating wounds. He needs to clean them; otherwise, the chance of them getting infected is higher. "Please, tell me you can stand?"

It takes about half a minute for the Dutchman to even understand the words that are coming out of his mouth. "Not well." It sounds more like a choke than actual words, but he can understand them.

"Linkernie geschoten." And we've slipped into two different languages, forget understanding.

"I don't speak Dutch, ehe…" The Dutchman grits his teeth and tries to get his arms underneath himself in a futile attempt to get up.

Spain jumps in to help, immediately taking the arm nearest to him and pulling Netherlands shakily to his feet. The nation grunts as soon as he's up, painfully glancing down at his chest and stomach. Whatever veins that had clotted before seem to have been opened again, he's bleeding more steadily now. Antonio gives a barely audible curse and ushers Lars to move a bit faster but the man is almost dead weight at this point, and he finds it almost impossible. But Netherlands still has his pride and despite everything is, with very little effort, pushing Spain off him. Idiota.

Even though he's not using his left leg no matter what and refuses to place all his trust in the Spaniard to basically drag him inside. In short, it was making the Spaniard's life that much more difficult. Opening the door was a bit of a trick and he didn't even bother closing it after. He barely manages to get Netherlands upstairs to the washroom without falling back down them. He's basically dragging the persona by the time they get up to the second floor.

Spain unhooks Netherland's arm and manages to get him into the empty tub. The Dutchman's head lolling back over the edge despite his boots touching the footer. Spain has officially concluded that the Dutch are just far too tall.

Netherlands continually switched from consciousness to unconsciousness now, once and awhile he'd throw himself forward and choke out an amount of blood Antonio didn't even think was in his body anymore. Then there was the fact that cleaning the wounds in the first place was almost completely fruitless. You'd clean them off and they'd only continue bleeding. He'd managed to remove the sand and the mud though which was at least a small accomplishment.

Clothing was getting to be an issue too; he couldn't really get Lars to take his jacket off, or his scarf, much less his shirt. They'd probably had a pretty one-sided conversation a couple of times about how if Netherlands wanted to keep his human body alive for much longer he'd have to actually be able to treat the wounds properly. He just kind of lay there, eyeing Spain or the wall, mumbling to himself in his strange, harsh language.

Eventually, he did manage to shrug off his jacket, hissing away Spain every time he even looked like he was going to help. The shirt he gave up on and just peeled it off the skin before cleaning around the wounds so Antonio could at least gage where to bandage the persona. God this was a mess. Although only to reveal that the Dutchman's right side was bruised and mildly malformed, probably a couple broken ribs. As if it didn't hurt to breathe already…

Netherlands seemed almost completely out of it after he'd been bandaged. Staring at nothing particularly and now completely limp instead of tense like he had been before. There was a two-minute time frame of where Antonio actually debated about leaving him in the tub and just covering him up with a few blankets. The idea was rejected after a couple moments of consideration.

So, dragging the impossibly-too-tall Dutchman out of the tub and readjusting his position to better suite Spain, they went on. The Spaniard would continue to readjust this position throughout their little 'walk'. But he got the persona to one of the nicer guest rooms of his house. "Alright Netherlands," grunting, Spain eased him onto the bed in a fluid motion that he was quite proud of, "and there we go. You're just lucky that most of those bullet holes had exit wounds otherwise there'd be a lot more pain than what you're feeling now mi amigo."

"Don't call… me… that…"

"Ah… so we're back to English, finally, I was wondering if you'd ever get back to it."

Lars groans, lazily opening his eyes to glare at the Spaniard again. Spain perks up, "Which reminds me," turning around and padding off through the door, he disappears around the corner.

Netherland's just eyes the doorway for less than a moment before letting his head rest again. What'd he say? Which… what does that mean… sleep seemed like it would be a good idea at this point. Not translating, translating takes time. He can't even really tell exactly what's hurt and what's not hurt anymore. It just all hurts, every little movement just makes it worse. He doesn't even really think this body will make it through the night in this state even. So what's the point? What's the point of Spain saving him? It's not like he'd go away forever, it'll be such a pain to heal anyway.

Spain wanders back into the room, small vial in hand and ever-present grin, "This will help with the pain."

Lars rolls his head over to the side and flinches away, bringing on some more undesirable pain with it. He hisses a breath and weekly mutters, "No."

Antonio gives him a perplexed look, "I know you really hate me but I didn't think it was that bad."

Netherlands gives a slow blink, "Not what… I never… hated you…"

The persona relaxes into the far side of the bed, keeping himself a good distance from the Spaniard and the vial. "'ust… keep that away from me."

With half-lidded eyes the Dutchman watches Spain slowly glance at the vial, placing it on a table to the far side of the wall and slowly walk out. "Well, I guess I'll go then."

He doesn't close his eyes until the door is shut before he drifts off into the nothingness that knows him all too well.

…TO BE CONTINUED…

So previously I have been posting on Fanfiction, and continue to do so. But I was advised by some people to post on Tumblr as well, just to get my stuff out there. So basically, I’m going to see how this is received and probably put the chapters up I have done. It’s a tester if anything. So, thanks for checking this out if your reading this. :) 

~EarlyMorningMassacre~

#fanfic hetalia #aph spain #aph netherlands #aph belgium #aph romano #first chapter #angst #fanfiction #tomato gang #idk what to do #new to tumblr #i can't function

[dennismumba]

Aquaman Review

Aquaman is a big movie. It has a 143 minute runtime, a 200 million dollar budget, a near 90 person cast, an over 1,000 person crew, and a box office gross currently marching towards 300 million worldwide a week before its home debut. It’s the sixth movie in the DC Extended Universe and the first to emerge from the ashes of 2017's Justice League.

 In fact, I think big is a lacking descriptor. Aquaman--both as a singular film and as an installment within a universe and genre that generates billions in revenue--is monolithic. As such, its analysis requires structure. To that end, this review will be split into the three composites I feel are most vital for cinematic enjoyment: plot, character, and spectacle. My thoughts on the larger context of the film and my wayward observations will be reserved for the closing. This review is spoiler free. Let's dive in... I feel that's the most restrained, water-related pun I can offer.

 PLOT

 'Once home to the most advanced civilization on Earth, the city of Atlantis is now an underwater kingdom ruled by the power-hungry King Orm. With a vast army at his disposal, Orm plans to conquer the remaining oceanic people -- and then the surface world. Standing in his way is Aquaman, Orm's half-human, half-Atlantean brother and true heir to the throne. With help from royal counselor Vulko, Aquaman must retrieve the legendary Trident of Atlan and embrace his destiny as protector of the deep'

 This is the official synopsis for Aquaman. The narrative presented within the movie’s runtime does so little to transcend that synopsis that I feel it pointless to describe the plot any further. Aquaman is utterly predictable. This movie will not surprise you at any point.

 To be clear, that in itself isn’t a bad thing. Predictability works extremely well when the foreseen story beats and moments are earned by the time they arrive. We all knew Simba would go back to the Pride Lands and face Scar, but Lion King did such a good job of earning that moment that by the time the prince faces down his uncle beneath a sky of storm clouds, you're so invested in every frame of animation that it doesn't matter that you saw it coming. If anything, it simply reinforces the narrative’s internal logic, making for a stronger experience.  

 Aquaman doesn't earn its moments. As we journey with Arthur Curry from land to sea—from politics to romance, from failure to triumph--everything plays out at a distance. I didn't fear for Arthur's life or well-being during the numerous battle sequences. I didn't buy his love story which dared to imply Jason Momoa and Amber Heard had romantic chemistry. I didn't care for his angst or repressed rage. It all just happened and I simply witnessed it. A movie's plot is meant to carry the viewer through an emotional voyage and Aquaman left me standing still.

 To its credit, however, it wasn’t boring. Perhaps foreseeing a lack of audience investment in the story’s machinations, the filmmakers ensured no matter where you are in the movie, you're never far from a burst of action and/or CGI splendour. Given boredom was my main concern walking into the cinema, I was glad about that.

  CHARACTER

 Jason Momoa's first proper portrayal of the Aquaman character was in Justice League, and in a movie of many calamities, he was one of them. His character was nonsensical, drifting between wannabe lone wolf and moronic dudebro without rhyme or reason. His dialogue was gutter trash and Momoa's delivery did nothing to elevate it. I like Jason Momoa--problematic elements and all--and I feel he’s done decent work in the past, but heading into this movie I was unsure what to expect. What I got was the lone wolf/dudebro act distilled down to its most, shall we say, useful components. He broods, but he also goes ‘woohoo’ when he jumps out of an airplane without a parachute. He’s gripped with near ungovernable anger, but he also makes pee jokes.

 And you know what? It works. This isn't the stoic, empathetic gravity Chris Evans brought to Captain America or the endless charisma Robert Downey Jr. afforded Iron Man, but it is effective and believable character work. Watching the movie, I was convinced that if Momoa were ever stricken with superpowers, he’d be Arthur Curry. His physicality translates into genuine weight on screen and his delivery is natural. He actually made me laugh, which is a feat considering how butchered the vast majority of the comedy in this movie is.

Supporting Momoa is a cadre of capable actors: Amber Heard, Patrick Wilson, Willem Dafoe, Nicole Kidman, Michael Beach, Temuera Morrison. All of them turn in barely serviceable performances which, considering their skill, is shocking. It felt like watching good actors doing a table read. Surprisingly, the standout cast member for me is Dolph Lundgren. He gives a very fine performance as old and battle-hardened King Nereus. As someone who grew up in the era of the trashy, disposable action movies of the 90s, I really enjoyed it.

Side Note: The character of Black Manta and everything surrounding him is fucking stupid. We’re talking grand, fucking stupidity here. He is trash, his backstory is trash, his motivation is trash, and everything adjacent to him is trash. I'd expound further, but I watched the movie two days ago and the rage is still great in me. Fuck Black Manta.

  SPECTACLE

This is the jewel of this movie. If director James Wan poured his all into anything, it was the visuals. This movie is stunning. It has genuine grandeur in its presentation. Atlantis is realised as a glowing, neon metropolis under the sea. Its aesthetic is equal parts fantasy and science fiction with inspiration traceable to Star Wars, Lord of The Ring, and Avatar. I can see some finding it overstuffed, but I found it enchanting. And it's brightly lit, which feels like a stark rebuke of the dim, shadowy, unfocused lighting of previous DCEU offerings.

 This emphasis on radiance bleeds into the action sequences. They’re staged with scope and clarity in mind. The camera works to ensure you’re never lost for perspective as the bodies and energy beams fly. It is so refreshing. I never thought the best action movie of the DCEU would be done by someone other than Zack Snyder, but James Wan delivered a confident and energetic spectacle of a movie.

 The CGI deserves particular note as well. Everything is so well rendered that I wonder how BvS and Justice League could be more expensive movies when they feel so much weaker in how they're visuals are realised. This is a movie I want to own and re-watch for the effects alone. There's a scene early on where Patrick Wilson’s Orm and Dolph Lundgren's Nereus meet with Orm riding some kind of shark/crocodile hybrid and Nereus on a giant seahorse. It's badass in a way it had no right to be.

  CLOSING

 Aquaman is a big movie and it is an okay movie. It excels in nothing, but its failures are also inoffensive. Well, Black Manta is offensive in how shit he is, but his screen time means he's not a deal breaker, at least for me. It's fine. It lacks the vaulting ambition to suffer a great fall and it has enough competence in all departments to not unravel at the seams. For the DCEU, it represents a new start in the post Justice League era. It shows a willingness to forego the heavy-handed mythologizing and weightless symbolism that plagued earlier movies in favour of just making movies about these ridiculous characters and leaving it at that. As an action movie, it's a fun time. You'll enjoy your popcorn.

 But there's something else I found compelling about the movie. A great deal is made of Arthur Curry's parentage. He is referred to as a half breed and a mongrel several times by the people of Atlantis. Being half Atlantean and half human, he is seen as tainted. This takes on greater meaning when you consider that Jason Momoa, a man born of a native Hawaiian father and a Germanic, Irish, and Native American mother, plays this character. A character who for decades has been drawn in the comics as a blond and blue eyed white man. Momoa's actual heritage is incorporated into this version of Authur Curry by way of the tattoos that adorn the character’s upper body. These tattoos take design and influence from Momoa's real life tattoos, chief among them the rows of triangles on his left forearm that he's described as his aumakua, his Hawaiian family’s crest.

 Jason Momoa performed a Haka--a Māori war dance--at the movie’s blue carpet premier and added mannerisms of that dance into his own screen performance. The movie’s box office tracking all but confirms that going forward, in the greater pop culture consciousness, Aquaman will no longer be known as a white person. He’ll be known as a person of colour. This fact didn't increase the movie’s quality, but it made for a much more welcoming movie.

 I give Aquaman a 2.5 out of 5. 3, if you take a bathroom break during all the scenes were Black Manta doesn’t have his dumb, laser shooting helmet on.

#Aquaman #review #dc comics #dceu #jason momoa #superhero