#he had to live through highly traumatic experiences

[pixiefms]

guys please zhanyi are fine they are fine

#don’t call paw patrol like #okay let’s deep dive into this #ONE #they have been best friends since the dawn of time #i’m talking they were 4 when they first met and THEY STUCK TO EACH OTHER #THATS A DECADE WORTH OF FRIENDSHIP #if i was zhan zhengxi i would be worried about so many things like #what if we break up #what if what i feel is actually just platonic love and then i break MY BEST FRIENDS HEART #WHO I HAVE KNOW FOR 67 YEARS BY BREAKING UP #WHAT OF WE BREAK UP AND ALSO LOSE OUR FRIENDAHIP #we can all tell that xixi loves jian yi you’d have to be blind not to know but #this was sprung onto him #he had to live through highly traumatic experiences #like jian yi literally disappeared there for a while for his protection #he got confessed to he basically got stabbed #like he’s dealing with A LOT right #obvs he’s going to take it slow #also mind you in the actual story it’s only been like maybe a couple weeks ??? months since jian yi confessed #like this shit takes time #AND THEN JIAN YI disappears #obvs their relationship is different from tianshans and also goes at a difference pace #and obvs xixi is going to resent jian yi a little bit for disappearing #EVEN THO HE PROMISED HIM HE WONT #and reappointing in his life THREE YEARS LATER EXPECTING EVERYTHING TO HUST GO BACK YO HOW IT WAS #like in three years xixi might have come to terms with jian yi not coming back #crushed the hope and the expectations only to have that all shattered #like let’s all be a little bit for real #19 days #zhanyi

[starleska]

i think ‘Big’ Jack Horner is Disney, and here’s why

many of us have had the pleasure of seeing the incredible Puss in Boots: The Last Wish by now, and were blown away by its clever writing, enchanting animation and emotional character arcs. yet there is one character who booted the trend of having a reason for his behaviour, and outright refused to experience any growth whatsoever.

let’s talk about ‘Big’ Jack Horner, and why i think he’s supposed to represent Disney:

‘Big’ Jack Horner isn’t just an antagonist in The Last Wish - he’s a villain. a self-obsessed, exploitative, murderous, petty, cruel bastard of a man whose awful behaviour isn’t just motivated by personal slights or childhood trauma: he sincerely enjoys hurting other people. whether it’s cheating his goons (’The Serpent Sisters’) out of a fair payment for their services or being excited about shooting a puppy in the face, there’s no denying that Jack delights in causing others pain and suffering. but what does he have to do with Disney?

let’s answer that question with another question: do you think that Jack, when placed next to the other antagonists - Goldi, The Three Bears, even Death - sticks out like a sore, plum-coloured thumb?

of course he does! but why? well, let’s look at Jack on a surface level. Jack is a monolith of a human being. not only is he physically huge and intimidating, he is the inheritor of an enormous pastry fortune and operates in the manner of a mob boss, with countless resources and a whole variety of powerful magical items at his disposal. indeed, Jack employs a crack team of bakers/assassins called ‘The Baker’s Dozen’ to carry out many of his tasks. although Jack does harm others himself, it is because of these resources - including the people who work for him - that he is able to bypass many of the obstacles faced by our protagonists in an honest and character-developing way (e.g., the Pocket Full O’Posies in The Dark Forest). Jack doesn’t need to have a character arc the way the other characters do, because he is so wealthy and owns so much.

but Jack’s reason for owning so much and being obsessed with magic and magical items isn’t through intellectual curiosity, or a traumatic backstory where he needed to learn how to wield magic. do you know what Jack’s covert motivation for owning all of the magic in the world is?

it’s money.

when we get the flashback of Jack’s childhood, dancing for the entertainment of an audience using his nursery rhyme, we see him becoming jealous of Pinocchio - and we see Gepetto in the back, absolutely raking in the cash. if we consider this flashback as that crucial moment within which Jack decided to become what he is today - and the presence of our off-brand Jiminy Cricket inclines us to think so - then we can understand that Jack decided that from that moment forward, he would own all of the magic. 

let’s go back to The Baker’s Dozen for a moment. this team of highly-competent, multidisciplinary artisans do everything for Jack, whether it’s baking the pies which make him rich, or laying down their lives at his service. we aren’t given an in-universe reason for why they do this. yes, Jack is feared, but he is still the subject of mockery due to his humble beginnings as a nursery rhyme character. it certainly isn’t due to being treated or paid well. however, if we view the Baker’s Dozen as a metaphor for overworked, exploited artists whose views are routinely dismissed by the money-hungry, powerful corporation who owns their craft...things start to add up, don’t they? considering historic allegations of worker abuse at the hands of Disney, having Jack Horner literally step on their spines and encourage them to flex takes on a whole different meaning. 

it doesn’t end there. do you recognise the items that Jack pulls out of his Mary Poppins bag when his Baker’s Dozen are being destroyed by the Pocket Full O’Posies - the items that he calls ‘the big guns’? it’s the broomstick from Fantasia, the spinning wheel from Sleeping Beauty, the size snacks from Alice in Wonderland, and a knock-off Jiminy Cricket from Pinocchio - all references to some of Disney’s earliest and most famous films.

still don’t believe me? well, let’s recap more of the items Jack has in his repertoire:

a hook-hand (referencing Captain Hook in Peter Pan)

a trident (referencing King Triton in The Little Mermaid)

poison apple bombs (referencing The Evil Queen in Snow White)

a glass slipper (again referencing Cinderella)

remember what happens when the knock-off Jiminy Cricket (interesting that there are so many Pinocchio references specifically, huh?) is horrified that Jack is losing so many men? Jack says he isn’t worried about losing the manpower, because he has a bottomless bag full of magical weapons. Jack literally gets his power off of the backs of his workers. sounds a lot like a big company justifying worker layoffs and exploitation because they have so many properties and are too big to fail, doesn’t it? 

hell, Jack doesn’t even know what half of these items do! when he’s using the unicorn horns as ammo, he is surprised that they cause people to explode in a shower of confetti. viewing Jack through this lens, it’s difficult not to think about enormous corporations gobbling up properties and churning out content with little to no regard for their artists (looking back at The Baker’s Dozen - some of whom do perish in the fight with the unicorn horns) or what the properties are about. we haven’t even touched on Jack coveting the Wishing Star, a recurring motif in countless Disney movies as representing magic, dreams, and boundless creativity. 

now, i hear you saying, ‘but Star! why would DreamWorks bother writing their bad guy as a metaphor for Disney?’ believe it or not, this isn’t the first time that DreamWorks have done this. in case you didn’t know, Lord Farquaad is a caricature of Michael Eisner, former chairman and CEO of The Walt Disney Company. the production of Shrek was actually quite troubled; animators who were perceived as having failed on other projects were ‘Shreked’, or sent to work on Shrek, instead of working on other (presumed to be more lucrative) films. of course, DreamWorks was co-founded by previous Disney CEO Jeffrey Katzenberg, hence the animosity towards Disney and its works evident in the Shrek franchise. this is what formed the story of Shrek: an ugly, crude outsider character taking on the clean-cut moralising of a dictator hell-bent on a so-called ‘perfect’ world, all created against the creative backdrop of a painful separation from Disney and a great deal of pent-up rage. 

the irreverent, crass and sometimes adult humour of Shrek was a middle finger to Disney’s high-censorship control on animation. this is why Lord Farquaad (which you may have noticed sounds a bit like ‘Fuckwad’) is so obsessed with Duloc being ‘perfect’, and why he couldn’t stand the freedom of the fairy tale creatures who are the heroes of the first Shrek movie.

in fact, this kind of meta-commentary permeates the Shrek franchise: 

The Fairy Godmother from Shrek 2, despite being a fairy tale creature herself, is highly prejudiced against characters who break out of their perceived social norms: i.e., Shrek marrying Princess Fiona and getting his Happily Ever After. she is an expansion of the control left over by Lord Farquaad, and rich because of her monopolisation of fairy tale creatures and their stories. 

Prince Charming in Shrek the Third fails miserably to capitalise on these themes, but we’ll get back to him! 

Rumpelstiltskin from Shrek Forever After tackles the gluttony of franchise reboots, and how soulless and rooted in corporate greed attempts to reboot often are. whilst not necessarily Disney-specific, Shrek Forever After follows the box office bomb that was Shrek the Third: a movie which noticeably fails to write a compelling narrative approaching any of the themes of the previous two films. the writers learned from their mistakes and wrote a movie which satirised their own selling-out of the franchise, becoming hollow and unnecessary and ‘perfect’ - the very thing they were making fun of in the earlier Shrek films.

there is one more area i’d like to touch on: Jack Horner’s source material. we know that Little Jack Horner is quite obscure: an 18th-century English nursery rhyme involving a boy who pulls a plum out of a pie with his thumb, and congratulates himself for his fortitude. but did you know that from its earliest conception, Little Jack Horner was associated with foolishness and dishonesty?

it’s true: the simple yet inexplicable nature of the poem was lambasted for being infantile, and quickly became the subject of revision, moralisation, and even political satire. it is no mistake that to ‘be under one’s thumb’ (as many of the characters in The Last Wish are to Jack, both literally and figuratively) means to be under one’s decisive control. the choice of Jack Horner for the villain of The Last Wish is a clever one, because we could easily have ended up with a sympathetic Jack, whose ostracisation as ‘not even a fairy tale’ may have led to a justifiable motive, even for his specific brand of cruelty. but instead, the writers of The Last Wish have gone one step further; they’ve transformed a source affiliated with idiocy and deception into a metaphor for a global multimedia conglomerate...all while portraying him as simultaneously terrifying, powerful, and ridiculous. 

it has been over a decade since Shrek Forever After was released, and Disney has changed dramatically in that time. a global giant, Disney now owns more enormous money-making properties than ever thought possible, and consistently capitalises on nostalgia for its early properties to make more money and accumulate power. since breaking out of its exclusive licensing agreement with Disney in 2016, DreamWorks has had no official connection to Disney, making the ground for mockery and satirisation of the company which spawned the studio all the more fertile. ‘Big’ Jack Horner is not just a glamorous return to form for the dreadful, unapologetically evil villain which Disney has eschewed in modern times - he’s a hulking, egocentric monster whose avarice rivals that only of the corporation he’s inspired by. 

and those are my thoughts on ‘Big’ Jack Horner! of course this is by no means the definitive interpretation - we should all just have fun with the movie and come up with whatever theories we like 🥰💖 i’d love to hear your thoughts on him and The Last Wish in general - he’s definitely one of my favourite bad guys to be released in the past few years!

thanks so much for reading, and have yourselves a wonderful day 🥰

#big jack horner #jack horner #puss in boots: the last wish #puss in boots #shrek #disney #puss in boots: the last wish spoilers #starleskatalks

[kadextra]

q!Forever & q!Bad, comedy and tragedy are two sides of the same coin

(little meta rp analysis & appreciation)

Comedy and tragedy- complimentary concepts when it comes to the dynamic that is these two characters.

Their lore together is truly like a soap opera to me in the way it operates, entertaining in how goofy it is- I laughed so much during interrodate. They had a whole elaborate musical prank war over a stolen gun (which neither of them even had, they’re just too dedicated to the bit.) The first thing they say to each other after q!Forever returns from the nether is “You look terrible!” 💀 and my guy gifted a bloody chainsaw as the flower of the day to q!Bad in purgatory 1 which was happily accepted.

Even when the characters show attraction for each other, it’s usually through some ridiculous romcom thing. q!Forever is in love with q!Bad dressed as pink barbie and thinks photos of her are the best gift a person could ever receive?? 🤨 q!Bad daydreams about q!Forever as a lobster with blonde hair and a six-pack??? brother be projecting him onto larry the lobster from spongebob squarepants dude what is wrong with them 😭 sometimes I wonder how they’re able to do all these bits in improv and take it seriously, it’s impressive

The characters are not normal, their relationship is not normal, it cannot be viewed normally. the ccs know exactly what they’re doing in creating whatever *gestures* this is, and it’s amazing. over the top, cute, played perfectly for comedy

But the characters aren’t just that, you can’t have them without the inverse 🎭 like a punch to the gut after all the sillies, they really know how to do tragedy well.

I very much look forward to whenever they’re at the top of their angst game, bc they both LOVE to make their cubitos suffer. to an insane degree. My god these two can’t go 3 days with their characters experiencing some peace and joyful whimsy, they *must* rp their ocs actively dying, horribly diseased, going crazy

And they go hard with it. I’m very serious when I say multiple times during the lore I’ve had to get up and walk away to calm down because it was too intense. super special shoutout to the q!Forever first happy pills arc stream & October 1st q!Bad psychotic breakdown stream. I’ve never been so shocked as I was watching those live, the stamina to do highly emotional rp like that is actually nuts. some of the most angsty mfs on this server fr (the #1 spot goes to quackity though. hey maybe i’ll make a tierlist)

So when Bad & Forever bring the best of their angst ability into serious rp interactions together that Aren’t comedic…? we are in for a treat. that talk they had right when q!cellbit died to the code, the richas rescue mission, the election, voting arguments, post-ron kidnapping, colorblind test/therapy, flower of the day. many scenes that are seared into my mind, but none is more so than The Happy Pills Proposal. goosebumps whenever I think about it… the scene ever. the way it was framed, the lines they said, how it had tense, chilling buildup before a literal explosion. how are these people capable of doing the most silly things and then turning around to stab us in the heart 50 times

So you bet I’m crossing my fingers for a meeting between @v@ & q!Bad. Forever is absolutely killing the role so far. If q!Bad gets involved I can already taste the glorious angst…. since he has specific traumatic experience in also being possessed, & having killed his possessed friends in another life. he recalled the memory when talking about how to save q!Forever last night. fun! *shaking*

anyways that’s all :D love these characters, I had been wanting to do a little meta appreciation post for a while so I thought why not now ^^

#qsmp #qsmp forever #qsmp badboyhalo

[firesmokeandashes]

Greetings, Tumblr dwellers. I am here today with a bunch of bkdk/mha incorrect/correct quotes. Because I, unfortunately, am lacking inspiration to write anything else at the moment :[

Please enjoy.

□□□□□□□

Izuku and Katsuki: *arguing about something*

Katsuki: "Stop yelling at me, nerd!"

Izuku: "IM NOT YELLING AT YOU! IM SIMPLY... PROJECTING MY VOICE TO MAKE A POINT!"

Katsuki: "OTHERWISE KNOWN AS YELLING!!"

Izuku: "BUT NOW, YOU'RE YELLING!!"

Katsuki: "ONLY BECAUSE YOU YELLED AT ME FIRST!"

Izuku: *starts powering up one for all and charges at Katsuki* "AHHHHHHHH!!!"

Katsuki: *powers up his explosions and charges at Izuku* "AHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Izuku and Katsuki: *catches each others fists and begin making out aggressively instead*

Denki: "...."

Todoroki: *sipping coffee tiredly*

Denki: "So.... why were they fighting again..."

Todoroki: "Deku said he thought Bakugou was the better hero out of the both of them. Which made Bakugou extremely angry because he thinks Deku is the better hero out of both them, and it kind of escalated from there."

Denki: "...."

Izuku and Katsuki: *intense angry making out noises*

Todoroki: *continues sipping coffee out of his '#No.1 Wonder Duo Supporter' mug*

□□□□□□□□

Katsuki: "...."

Izuku: *standing in a slightly burnt looking pile of paper towles and plates covered in hot chocolate and feathers*

Katsuki: *watches as a featherless and slightly disoriented duck imerges from the pile*

Izuku: "I may have made a mistake..."

Katsuki: "Actually, it seems you've made several mistakes all within the past 5 minutes while I was changing my clothes"

□□□□□□□

Katsuki: "Hey, Izuku! What'd ya say about coming with me on a road trip to the mountains for some hiking?"

Izuku: "I would say 'yes', but Im still recovering from the last road trip we went on"

Katsuki: "Izuku, that was ten years ago, and we were in high school!"

Izuku: "And you got kidnapped! And we had to come and rescue you!"

Katsuki: "That was one time, Izuku. ONE. TIME."

Izuku: "Yes, and I would very much not like to repeat the experience!"

Katsuki: "We're full grown-ass adults Izuku!"

Izuku: "I don't care! It was a traumatic experience that could still happen now that we're adults!"

Katsuki: "We're two of the highest ranking pro-heroes in Japan! WE FUCKING BEAT ALL FOR ONE! I highly doubt anyone is going to try kidnap either one of us!"

Izuku: "...."

Katsuki: *incredulous annoyed silence*

Izuku: "I'll go pack my bags..."

Katsuki: *silent contemplating look of disappointment at his boyfriend's ridiculousness*

□□□□□□

Katsuki: "You have to make a decision."

Izuku: "I did. I've decided not to decide."

Katsuki: "We're in the fucking drive-through Izuku! You have to choose something to eat!"

Izuku: "I can't! It's too much pressure!"

Katsuki: "You're the fucking number one hero you live under pressure! And you can't decide what to eat at a drive-through!?"

Izuku: "That's different!"

Katsuki: "How is saving people from birning buildings less stressful than choosing a meal at a fucking fast food joint!?"

Izuku: "Because saving people doesn't involve having to choose between chicken nuggets shapped like dinosaurs or chicken nuggets shapped like space ships!"

Katsuki: "....."

□□□□□□□□

Katsuki and Izuku: *staring at horribly disfigured homemade clay All Might figure with a hand(??) sticking out of his head and four legs 3 of which look like tree stumps, that they made the night before while partially drunk*

Izuku: "So.... Do you think we can fix it?"

Katsuki: "No. And Im not even going to try"

□□□□□□□

Katsuki: *walking around a hero gala, his PR agent dragged him to*

Izuku: *walking slightly behind Kacchan, following him*

Izuku: "Where are you going, Kacchan?"

Katsuki: "Towards the answer of all my problems"

Izuku: But Kacchan, you're walking towards the exit"

Katsuki: "Exactly."

Izuku: "...."

Izuku: "Can I tag along with you, then? Because I really want to go home and finish watching the final episode of Sasaki to Miyano, but my ride won't be leaving for a while."

Katsuki: "Sure. We can pick up some ramen on the way to your place so we can eat it while we watch those two idiots finally get together."

Izuku: "Yay! Thanks, Kacchan! You're the best!"

Katsuki: "I know, I know. Now, let's get going before my PR agent catches me and makes me go talk to more people."

□□□□□

Welp! That's all I got for now! I hope you guys liked them!

#bnha #mha #bkdk #bakudeku #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bakugo katsuki #bakugou katsuki #izuku midoriya #midoriya izuku #incorrect my hero academia quotes #incorrect bnha quotes #incorrect quotes #todoroki shouto #denki kaminari #my writing #i got inspiration for all of these on pinterest

[ineadhyn]

Astarion and polyamory

So I was thinking about Astarions reaction when you romance both him and Shadowheart and are forced to make a decision. Both of them are in general fine with an open relationship and/or polyamory and let you romance Halsin as well. But not with each other.

What Astarion says is : "Perhaps if Shadowheart had a bit more experience in these things ... Or if you two were not just starting out."

Later he can say: "Take it from someone with experience... Hearts are destined to break."

And in regards to Karlach he'll say: "Healthy relationships are not my expertise (or something similar)"

So, let me add my thoughts: The first sentence is exactly what I would say myself as someone with year long poly experience. Starting simultaneously with two partners is more difficult than adding someone to a stable established relationship. Also the first serious relationship to be poly right from the start can be difficult. The person doesn't know yet what they want and need from a partner, their love languages, time management, all that. It needs time to figure that out together. (Not saying it can't work. It can, but it needs more work and care and investment).

Shadowheart is incredibly inexperienced with relationships. She never had one like with Tav/Durge before, she says it herself. Not to mention a poly relationship that needs even more communication. Adding a highly traumatized Astarion into the mix who also needs a lot of attention and for whom figuring out what he wants and needs is a full time job ... It would be incredibly difficult to balance. And whilst saving the world and living on the road? Astarion is right about rather not risking it and one or all of you ending up with a broken heart.

In short: Dude knows his shit about polyamory.

It makes me think that he actually has experience with it. Like, he's not referring to seduction in the second quote about having experience, but to actual relationships.

I know people like to treat him like a young boy who never was with another person before being snatched by Cazador (over-exaggeraing here to make a point). Probably because it makes the story more dramatic. But *I* think this 39 year old elf has experience hiding somewhere in him. Half forgotten probably, because of trauma, but he sounds so much like he knows what he's talking about.

Astarion has had relationship(s), poly or open or something before Cazador. And I think they didn't end happy, because of quote 2 and 3.

Of course most relationships end and he's wise enough to not blame it on the poly aspect. He knows that can work for him and it's something he wants eventually - with the right partner who also wants that.

But he has not found his happy end before Tav/Durge. Wich is completely normal. Very little people will find their soulmate right away. Most of us have a backstory with heartbreak. And if you go through a few relationships you start questioning if it's actually worth it to get your heart broken again. That's what I read from quote 2.

About the toxic relationship part in quote 3: He could actually be self-aware enough to refer to his own manipulative behaviour. Or he has experienced it before. Because referring to Cazador or his victims as "unhealthy relationships" is unfitting on so many levels.

Résumé: Astarion has had relationships. Probably also poly or open ones. He has had bis heart broken before.

(He might also have been in unhealthy relationships, but that is left open for interpretation.)

#astarion #bg3 #astarion ancunin #baldur's gate 3 #astarion analysis #meta #polyamory

[laugtherhyena]

Ingrid Elise Sauer-Von Dutch

So, why did i make a Daarin kid if i don't ship them? Simple, me and my friends were chatting about a concept i had of them and we kept talking and talking which ended up in me developing said concept and my friend writing about it. Highly recommend reading if you're up for pain, he's an awesome writer!

What's the concept, you may ask?

The idea is that Daan and Karin are the only survivors of Temrina, being the only people who share such traumatic experience they stick together afterwards and form this unhealthy relationship where there's no love or comfort however they're dependant one another and the prospect of being left behind by the partner is far too frightening.

They seek comfort from one another by indulging in drinking and sexual acts, since neither of them will comfort the other in normal means, it's in this bender that their unwanted child is conceived.

As you can probably guess, neither of them woulf be good parents in the state they're in. Karin burries herself in her work and personal project of exposing what happened in prehevil to the world, hardly ever speaking or taking care of the kid usually just telling Ingird to don't bother her. While Daan was, at best, a distant father he feels a sense of obligation in taking care of their child, while he never spoke much to her he would be the one to prepare meals and take care of her when she got sick.

Much like in Daan's B ending, Pocketcat never leaves him, after Ingird is born it feels like the cat's presence is becoming worse, as if he's observing him on every dark corner of the house. This eventually becomes too much and afraid that Pocketcat could grow to prey on Ingrid Daan left them, feeling that this was the best way he could keep Ingrid safe from that monster as Pocketcat would continue to follow him wherever he goes.

This makes Karin furious, betrayed, terrified. Ingrid was only 3 years old and now she had to take care of her because there was no one else to do so. She got worse. She didn't like looking at the child, that regret, that burden.

As Ingrid grew older Karin put her on every extra activity you can imagine, language classes, dance lessons, literature club, you name it, anything to keep her out of the house and away from Karin as long as possible. One of these activities was piano classes, the only one out of all them in which Ingrid actually enjoyed learning, even if it started as an obligation she found comfort in the melody, it was her way to let out all of her emotions in a healthy manner.

At age 15 Ingrid went to a boarding school and both her and Karin couldn't be happier that they wouldn't have to live together anymore. On the day she left her childhood residence Karin handed her an old letter, it was written by Daan, a message he left for his child to read once she was older, an explanation for his departure. Karin thought about ripping, burning or destroying this letter many times through the years, he left them on their own he doesn't deserve this. Yet, Karin could never bring herself to do so.

Having it handed to their only child could very well be this man's last will, it didn't felt right for it to never reach Ingrid's hands.

At the end of the day, the tormented child appreciated her father's words.

#Daan and Karin are t4t in this btw #that's the whole reason why this kid exists #man can't perform an abortion on himself #fear and hunger #fear and hunger termina #fear and hunger karin #fear and hunger daan #fear and hunger oc #fankid #Ingrid Elise #hyena scribbles #termina oc

[hermajestyimher]

Hypergamy Is a Myth. Why "Leveling Up" Culture Should Not be Mixed with Hypergamy Tradwife.

Over the past few years I've been guilty of propping up and identifying with the hypergamous label. This was due to my belief at the time that the growing hypergamy online community had good intentions pertaining to the advancements of women's dating standards and therefore life. I saw how the levelling up community around me slowly but surely seemed to merge with the up-and-coming hypergamous online circles, which at the time I didn't question much and decided to go with their flow.

The idea of dating up, in theory, sounds very enticing, especially when we live in a society where straight women have very few decent options in terms of suitable mates, and where many women have had to go through traumatic situations with bottom of the barrel men in the past and who now want better for themselves.

On the surface, hypergamy sounds good. The issue for me began to arise after noticing people with ulterior agendas trying to weaponize the concept of hypergamy to sneak in female submission, negging, and overall brainwashing to strip women out of their personal agency and power in order to be "worthy" of being in a relationship with a wealthy man. "Never talk about your accomplishments, men don't care about them" "be quiet and dainty, expressing negative emotions is a masculine trait" "be highly agreeable and don't challenge your man, he's your head and leader" "being a domestic house wife is more fulfilling than being a career woman" "always be hyperaware of how the way you dress and express yourself comes across to men, you don't want to appear masculine!" "no man wants to be with an independent woman, being independent is masculine", among other onslaughts of misogynistic and sexist vitriol.

The sad part is that this sort of regressive content picked up a lot of esteem, especially among black "femininity" communities in places like YouTube and here on Tumblr since 2018, and in my opinion, paved the way for online incels and pick me to create this sub-culture that is based on the degradation of women and the expectations that we should go back to being second-class beings stripped our agency and humanity as used to happen decades and centuries ago, evident by the rise in podcasts and viral content of the sort in social media. It brought a novel movement that aimed for women to level up in their lives and grow as people to become saturated with content asking them to shrink themselves, to not take up too much space in order to not inconvenience the male ego.

The truth is that the vast majority of people marry within their social class. Rich men and educated men almost never marry women who are of lower social class and education, and this becomes particularly relevant with old-money individuals. Actual men of high value and class want their equivalent as a partner. The fantasy that a strong character, education, and professional achievements are not needed to attract quality men, and that they in fact might be counterproductive to it, is a lie from the pits of hell designed by misogynists to keep women dependent on men and to lower their personal agency. Any man that doesn't care for or feels threatened by your achievements is not a man you want to entertain.

The men that the women who refuse to chase a career or professional path date are almost never the kind of men they expected to attract based on the lies hypergamy has sold them, to begin with. So now they're stuck with an abusive partner that doesn't see or treat them like their equal and their options to rid themselves of that relationship are limited because they don't have the educational background or experience to stand on their own two feet. Is that really what want you for your life?.

If your goal is to date and marry a man of higher social status, you first need to raise above your own social status to put yourself in spaces where that potential partner could be and to seem desirable to them as well. This requires effort, nothing good in life comes easy (which is why the hypergamous wishful thinking is so popular among lazy and uneducated women, it makes them believe that they can easily have their lives solved with very little effort put on their part and at the expense of men).

We do not live in a Disney fantasy movie where prince charming will magically drop into your lap while you serve him as a waitress at a restaurant or while you watch videos online on how to be the best domestic wife. Instances of these sorts of scenarios are of one in a million. Levelling up should be always first about and for you, anything else that comes after you've bettered yourself is extra and that includes relationships. Levelling up should never be tainted by subjugation masqueraded as hypergamy, and hypergamy is largely a myth. The sooner you realize these things, the sooner you'll be able to call BS on the plethora of online propaganda spewed to keep you and other women dependent on men and you'll be able to raise above the brainwashing.

#blog piece #things ive learned #hypergamy #levelup

[lokisasylum]

This is your wake up call to delete all those BTS games & rate them 1 star.

I'm an avid gamer, maybe not like I used to before the pandemic, but I do love video games and when they first brought up SuperStarBTS I was HOOKED and could not put it down. I would play it everywhere; at work, at home, waiting for food at a restaurant, at the cafe, before bed---ect.

When the BT21 games started I also got into them but after awhile deleted it (it was that or left my phone blow up 8D )

But as the games started changing and we transitioned to BTS World & BTS Universe Story where you could either play the BU storyline or create or bring your own fanfics to life... that's when I got tired of them and just didn't bother.

And then we began seeing the sketchy things they would slip into these games, thinking that we wouldn't notice:

The first time we raised a RED FLAG 🚩🚨 to this we were called childish, overreacting, hysterical, "stupid solos", victimizers, and all that ignorant bullshit the fandom has been brainwashed into saying & attacking anyone who goes against these narratives and microaggressions towards Jimin. (Meanwhile the fandom moved quickly to trend dumb #s because they didn't like that the gender of the player wasn't neutral LOL!!!)

And now we got this issue with In The Seom (and its not the first time by the way). Putting up MORE narratives to make Jimin seem like he's useless and weak without the group. Like he doesn't feel good enough as an artist, that he's "better off leaving the group". And then you got the company stans trying to AGAIN gaslight everyone into being okay with this because "Remember? They went through this period before debut"

I'm glad you remember that, Karen, but what you forget is that BTS In The Seom has NOTHING to do with with their lives pre or post debut. Its a different FANTASY storyline, because that's what BTS World was for. So what is the need to continuously trying to capitalized on past trauma while constantly shoving these narratives that are no longer relevant on to new players or fans?

Why don't they ever mention THE TRUTH? That Jimin never received vocal lessons unlike the other 3 members of VL by the company so he had to observe and learn BY HIMSELF? That he joined last and received the bare minimum of time to prepare before debuting with the group? Or that they MADE him expose his body despite being a minor while the others got "saved" from baring this responsibility to constantly work out, diet to maintain a certain image (also imposed by the company, since all of them were pushed into roles in the beginning).

You wanna know why? Because its better to make the member look like a failure than to admit the company is simply SHIT and all they cared about from the start is finding ways to make money off of them. And that includes their insecurities &/or past traumatic experiences going through the phases of being an idol in a highly judgemental society.

Because you expect people to believe that Jimin is still this NOW?

And not THIS ↓?

This wasn't even his concert and he still ATE ↓

Mr. DOUBLE GLOBAL BRAND AMBASSADOR FOR DIOR AND TIFFANY & Co.

#jimin #park jimin #bts #bts jimin #pjm #jiminie #bts in the seom

[takerfoxx]

Okay, about halfway through my Evangelion rewatch, and I swear to God this show has taken over my life. Like, even though I've seen it before and recently watched the Rebuild films, it's just clicked with me in a way that hasn't happened in a very long time, and I am loving it.

Anyway.

One thing that I noticed is that while the show gets off on a very depressing note that shines a spotlight on Shinji's problems, from the agony he experiences while piloting the Eva to his crippling depression and everything, once he makes the decision to stay, the tone shifts. Like, all those issues don't really go away fully, but for a little bit, the show gets a lot more lighthearted, becoming almost a traditional giant robots fighting aliens-type show. Shinji's mental health improves exponentially, he forms several healthy relationships, he actually does rather well as a pilot, and things seem to be on the upswing for him.

And then Asuka shows up and...actually, things sort of get better?

Okay, let me explain. The first time I watched this show like fifteen years ago, I couldn't stand Asuka. I thought that she was an entitled, insecure brat, and her treatment of Shinji and Rei was totally uncalled for. However, now that I've experienced this story in both of its entireties, processed all the characters and the complexities of their portrayals, and experienced various interpretations of them through various fanfics, doujins, spin-offs, etc., revisiting the original Asuka that spawned all of these reactions is...honestly, it's not nearly as bad as I remember. Yeah, she's still an insecure brat, but I get it now. And her beef with Shinji and Rei comes from her literally being groomed to be the best Eva pilot imaginable while being traumatized by her mother's suicide, leading her to see the other two pilots as both a threat to her position as well as disappointments for not living up to her standards, hence her hostile treatment of them. Even still, we see that facade crack and she does display moments of genuine kindness and comradery with them.

Also, later events have caused people to view Shinji as something of the most extreme of doormats, but for now, he actually isn't? Like, okay, he's still kind of a pushover, but he does get frustrated, he does push back against Asuka, he does snap and start arguing. At the same time, you can also seem them trying to connect in their highly damaged, kind of awkward ways. It's not working, but you see the attempt, and overall, their dynamic does get played more for laughs and slapstick, at least in the early stages.

Of course, all of that goes out the window later on when everyone gets SOOOO much worse, but for now, it's nice to see these kids' relationship in it's healthiest stage. That scene where they all sit on the hill watching the stars together was honestly adorable, as well as Asuka deliberately eschewing a fancy steak dinner in favor of a trip to a ramen shack so Rei could participate.

As for me being ride or die for a poly ending for this trio, was it at all changed by revisiting the source material? Haha, NOPE! If anything, it was strengthened, given that all three have their unique dynamics with each other instead of the tired cliche of two people fighting over a third and it's all like, "Oh, who will they choose?" Y'ALL HAVE TWO HANDS APIECE!

Though on a more deeply personal side, I think that's why I've had Evangelion infest my mind like it has as of late. I just sort of relate to Shinji, Rei, and Asuka a whole bunch and see aspects of myself in all three, and I just kind of want them to be happy together, but, in this timeline at least, I know that that's not meant to be.

Speaking of complicated characters, Touji and Kensuke certainly are that, because on the one hand, they are kind of best boys in how ride or die they are for Shinji, basically becoming the close friends that he definitely needed and going out of their way to check in on him and support him and stick up for him.

On the other hand, they are also selling creep shots of Asuka and their other female classmates. Like, okay, 90's Japan culture and how that gets played for laughs back then, I get it. Still, not cool, guys. But I guess it just goes with the theme of how these are all messy individuals kind of stumbling their way through their messy lives, and everyone has their good and bad qualities.

Another observations. The virus takeover episode was one of the series' finest, as the whole bottle episode thing where the adults have to solve a unique problem while the pilots were otherwise out of the picture made for a great change of pace and was tense as hell. The dancing episode is a fan favorite for a reason and must've made the AsuShin ship explode early on.

Also, I know that we're supposed to hate the JSSDF because their rep was kind of a jerk to Misato and put down NERV and all (plus the later massacre in the movie), but to be honest, now knowing what we know about NERV and the Evangelions, he was kind of right in everything he was criticizing them about? And the fact that Jet Alone was deliberately sabotaged by NERV in a sort of petty dick-waving contest only puts them in a worse light. Honestly, if the two organizations had actually behaved like adults and cooperated, things might've gone so much better.

But then again, Gendo's got to Gendo, what with SEELE and their whole agenda and everything.

And on a more critical side!

Okay, I've said my piece about all of the weird creep shots in the Rebuild movies and how distracting and, well, uncomfortable they were. Like, okay, I know this whole series is low-key horny, and using Misato for some cheesecake shots, that's fine. But, like I said about Toji and Kensuke's creepy photo business...yeah. It's not as bad as it was in the Rebuild movies, which really took things way over the top, but it's still there.

And honestly, some of it you can get away with. Like, I don't have an issue with the scene between Shinji and Rei in the apartment, or Shinji ogling the girls in their swimsuits, or overhearing Asuka and Misato in the hotspring and having a reaction, because he's a repressed kid full of hormones in a very stressful situation. It makes sense that he would be like that. Same with Asuka's flirty side and how she hangs off of Kaji in a very inappropriate manner. Or Rei's lack of inhibitions. All of these make sense for their characters. I don't even have a problem with how Misato teases Shinji, because she's portrayed as somewhat of an emotionally stunted womanchild.

But when it's not from his or anyone else's point of view and you're just showing fanservice shots of your explicitly underaged characters, it gets kind of, well...

Okay, the point I'm making is...was there like a specific reason for the nude sync test? At all? Did it serve the plot in any way? Yeah, you need them in the plugs to get them out of the way so that the grown-ups could have an episode, but c'mon. Was it really necessary other than to get shots of them naked in their cockpits? Even from a character standpoint, I think Asuka at the very least would have protested more!

I dunno, I know it's a rampant problem in anime and always has been and you kind of need some level of tolerance, but that scene in particular did stand out as a great big, "Why is this happening?" Maybe if it had actually led to something it'd be better, but it didn't.

But Evangelion has always been messy and complicated, and that little bug aside, it's easy to see why it captured so many people's attention when it first came out and still does to this day. Hell, it's definitely consumed my every waking moment as of late.

However, Rei's little existential crisis is any indication, I'm approaching the part where things get really weird, so, that'll be...interesting.

#neon genesis evangelion #shinji ikari #asuka langley soryu #rei ayanami #misato katsuragi #analysis #eva spoilers

[thebroccolination]

Be My Favorite - Intro

WELCOME TO KEY’S SUMMER FIXATION SERIES. \:D/

Hello! I’m Key, and I’ll be your Be My Favorite historian and enthusiast.

I’ve been really excited for Be My Favorite ever since the series was first announced in December of 2021. The premise grabbed me right away since I’m a big fan of time loops (please watch Triage if you haven’t already, I’d say it’s the strongest BL series to date), and Krist’s one of my favorite actors, so it was an instant five stars of anticipation for me. Then in September of 2022, Gawin (another favorite of mine) was cast, and I had a dream casting I think I might have joked about once. (So I did this, you’re welcome.)

Whoever cast Gawin, I’ll send you a basket of whatever you love and aren’t allergic to.

THE CASTING HISTORY

Be My Favorite had a rocky road to casting.

From what I’ve been able to follow, it was initially meant to be a KristSingto comeback vehicle. (Their last BL together was the SOTUS Our Skyy episode in 2018.) However, in 2022, Krist tentatively told fans at a fan meeting that Singto’s schedule didn’t work out with filming. Seeing as GMMTV didn’t want Krist acting in BL series without his brand partner, I think they knew Singto wasn’t planning to renew his contract, so they cast Mike instead. Personally, I was excited to see Krist step outside his comfort zone with a different actor, and he’s close to Mike, so I figured it’d be a good match. I was also happy for Singto, because he’s wanted more independence in his career. He’s into photography and directing, he’s made his own studio, formed his own fan club in Japan, etc. (I think it’s likely he and Krist will work together again, though. They’re still very close, they play video games online with their friends from university fairly regularly, and Singto went out of his way to organize a KristSingto concert in December of 2022 through his Japanese fan club. KS used to hold their GMMTV-sponsored concerts there annually before the pandemic, so I think it was both a “final chapter” to one part of their lives and evidence that they can collaborate again if they want to.)

I didn’t have strong feelings about Mike’s casting. I haven’t seen him in much, but I liked him in the teaser, and he’s already close to Krist, so I was on board. After seeing Singto improve through his series with other actors (something he might have had to fight for, but that’s pure speculation), I was just excited for Krist to get the same opportunities.

And then…Gawin. [seventeen sparkle emojis]

As I said on Twitter the day Gawin’s casting was announced, “I could not be more pleased and delighted that I’ve built a reputation for myself that makes people think, ‘Krist and Gawin? QUICKLY, LIGHT THE FIRES AND TELL KEY,’” because I woke up to not one but three separate friends letting me know about it.

I went from excited to feral in the four seconds it took my brain to go from, “This can’t be real,” to, “Finally, bizarre breaking news that isn’t actively traumatizing.”

Truly, I have to hand it to Krist, because he's wanted this project to do well from the start, and he's stuck with it and worked hard on it through potentially three scene partners. And he really seems to have grown and learned from Gawin, so good on him.

THE WRITER/DIRECTOR

My one worry was that I haven’t enjoyed most of Jittirain’s adaptations.

But then I found out that the director, Waa, directed The Gifted and also has screenwriting experience. Krist has worked with Waa before and speaks highly of his process. There are a lot of scenes in the first episode of BMF that seem very clean and well edited, so I have hope.

On top of that, I’ve also seen fans mention that Be My Favorite is “inspired by” Jittirain’s novel, not adapted from it, which I think is a crucial distinction. (I don’t know the source for that, but I want it to be true, so I’ll believe it for now.)

Krist has said that they changed a lot from the novel, and based on what I know, the first episode has already departed quite a bit, so I have put my faith in Waa.

POSTPRODUCTION

For many reasons, some series just get the short stick with the amount of postproduction and budget they get. Some series are still filming as they start airing, some have budget cuts during production, etc.

Filming for Be My Favorite began on November 19th, 2022 and wrapped two months ago on March 24th. That same day, Waa shared on Twitter that he’d be starting work on intense editing right away. That was a great sign to me. With filming complete and two months of postproduction, he was almost certainly able to do a cleaner job than if he’d had to struggle under continued filming and simultaneous editing while the show was airing.

Also, BMF definitely seems to have money behind it. For example, this upgrade from the trailer to the first episode. In the trailer, as Kawi makes his first trip to the past, there's a bright, swirling glow around him.

When the episode aired, the effect looked a lot cleaner and had scenes from future episodes woven in.

Also, I loved this transition shot with the blurry background, and the dandelion seed floating across the screen was a cute detail, since that's the flower in the time loop globe.

Little things like like this tells me they’ve had the time to do this series well, and that there's a lot of love and effort going into it.

THE ACTING COACH

This February, the acting coach for BMF did an interview (1 & 2) that I really enjoyed. She said she’ll be sharing a video of their workshop now that the series is airing, so I’m keeping an eye out for that.

THE ACTORS

Like I said, I love both of them. I first watched SOTUS and the Kiss series in 2020, so I became a fan of both right around the same time.

In April of 2022, I made a top ten list of what I thought were the best acting performances up to that point. Krist was on it, and so was Gawin. I admire both of them a lot, and I think they’ve both improved tremendously over the years.

Krist, from what I can tell through interviews, leans toward method acting. For example, in the scene I included on my list above, Arthit was apparently meant to cry a few lines later on, but Krist lost it earlier than scripted because in order to channel the emotion he needed for the scene, he imagined how he’d feel when Singto followed through with a long-time dream of studying overseas. It ended up one of their strongest scenes together because it was genuine.

Meanwhile, Gawin was interviewed in November of 2022, and while I think the whole interview is a great read, I wanted to emphasize this part:

“When I prepare for a role, I really have to dig into the story of the script,” [Gawin] explains. “Sometimes they do the last scenes of the series on the first day of being on set. So, you have to be really prepared with the entire story. You’ve got to know the whole thing, what emotions that character went through, and the changes with that character.” 

I think part of what makes Krist and Gawin a good combination is that they’re strong actors with different energies who might just have different ways of preparing for a role. I’d love to hear both of them talk in more detail about their processes, but it seems to me like Krist looks inward for personal experiences to connect with the character, and Gawin creates the character he’s playing based on research.

Another interesting point is that In that same interview, Gawin says he thinks Saifa from Enchanté most resembles his personality (easygoing, music lover, etc.), but he got his start as Mork from the Kiss series (attitude issues, perfect sasspot, etc.). Meanwhile, Krist had an easy link to his first major role, Arthit, in that he’d also been head hazer in university. So Krist started his career able to access a common point with his character, so that might’ve influenced his approach to future roles. Whereas Gawin started off with a character completely unlike himself, so he started from a place of more emotional detachment and probably a more research-oriented approach.

Also, they just seem to have connected on a personal level.

Working with someone so different gives actors the opportunity to learn from each other. When interviewed, Gawin said he and Krist discovered they have a lot in common, and it seems like they bonded over music and spent a lot of time on set singing together. (Their harmonizing is genuinely beautiful.)

Krist’s OST for the series is one of my favorites and Gawin has a ballad coming up later in the series, but I hope they give them a duet at some point. (It’d be a huge missed opportunity if they don’t.)

CATS???

One of the sponsors for the series is fucking Wiskas.

This could just be because Krist is their brand ambassador. (The man has four cats. He has an army to feed.)

OR there is a feline presence in the show. If this is true, I will die, because Triage, series of my soul, also had cats in it.

Listen, I will send TWO baskets of whatever Waa likes if he's enabled me to make the "if I had a nickel for every time there have been cats in a Thai BL time loop series, I'd have two nickels. It's not a lot but it's weird that it happened twice" joke.

CONCLUSION

Big fan! Love it all! (PLEASE CATS.)

I’ll leave this here as an introductory post, and I’ll make separate posts for my individual episode thoughts using #key watches bmf.

#key watches bmf #krist perawat #gawin caskey #gawinkrist #be my favorite #thai bl #thai series

[sugarwithtea]

paris in the rain || pjm [1]

pairing : bookstore owner!jimin x fem!reader

genre : angst, fluff, eventual smut, strangers to friends to lovers.

rating : pg-15

series summary : you hadn't expected to run into jimin, an unusually charming guy in the midst of love and peace, in paris. but here you were, falling for a man covered in the smell of old parchment and wine while also recovering from the traumatic experiences of your past. your work stay in paris, which you had took on for a change of atmosphere, changes every nook of your life.

chap word count : 5.7k

chap warnings : swearing.

author's note : okay so its finally here !! ik this one has very less jimin in it but trust me its important to set the mood aagh!! i hope yall enjoy my first series and lmk what yall think about it hehe :)

playlist | m.list | taglist

sugarwithtea m.list | taglist form(permanent)

city of love by alexi butirskiy

m.list | next.

Walking down the street, you can't feel more ecstatic.

Work had been a bitch lately but your boss did one thing right when she gave you the task of attending some upcoming art exhibitions in Paris, and writing reviews on them for the art section of your magazine. Initially your friend Yoona was also going to accompany you, but soon the plan changed when she was assigned to visit Boseong for the tea plantation's article.

Miranda, your boss has several acquaintances in this city. One of them was going to help and guide you on your three months long stay. The breeze cut through your hair swiftly as the sun slowly started to sink beneath the horizon.

You had asked Taehyung, the said acquaintance, to meet you at the studio apartment you were going to live in, your luggage already there via helpers. Your phone buzzed to indicate a message.

Taehyung (6:02 pm) : the helpers have left and i am at the apartment.

Taehyung (6:02 pm) : it's been half an hour since i have arrived !!

Taehyung (6:03 pm) : where are you?

You (6:03 pm) : omw; I'm walking hehe.

Taehyung (6:03 pm) : seriously?

Taehyung (6:04 pm) : come quickly, it seems like it's going to rain.

You (6:04 pm) : okay, mom.

You stuff your phone back in your coat pocket and look around in awe. You had met Taehyung twice before, once when he had come to Seoul to curate some pieces for the museum he works for, and again when you both ran into each other in Japan. You were there with your company, to cover a highly anticipated gallery opening, and him as a mere spectator.

Assumably, you had shown him around Seoul for a week or so, when he was there and so, he thought it would be best if he could return the favour when you were in his city. Thus, calling him a friend would be better than calling him Miranda's acquaintance.

The sky turns a weird mix of pink, golden and grey as you turn the corner to a buzzing street. The first thing that caught your eye was the head of the Eiffel tower peeking from between two buildings and lush green trees. The setting sun casted a soft lustre upon its form and the tower looked as loving as ever.

A feeling struck your heart, ever so lonely, ever so loveless, ever so gloomy. Maybe, it was one of the reasons you agreed to come here, to heal what was broken, in a way yet, unlovable.

When you glanced at the tower's iron structure, you saw what it reflected, the city's love and a hidden form of something unexpected, misery. You relate to it. An embodiment of love, filled with eternal misery.

People loved to call you friendly, a person who could attract peers and enemies alike, easily. An everlasting smile etched on your features, always announced your presence to everyone before you could officially do it. Little did they know, or noticed but never acknowledged, that your smile never reached your eyes, lingering at your cheekbones, drowning itself in the dark circles marked underneath your eyes, if ever so lightly.

Your eyes bounce off the structure and rake your surroundings, pausing on a peculiar sign, upholstered above a small shop with no exterior decorations except for a faded poster of a bestseller book and a small open sign hanging in the glass of its brown, shabby door. The shop had none of those tell-tale ground to ceiling glass windows. Instead, old, paneled walls are taking their place.

'MIMI'S DREAM'

The sign mentioned the aforementioned words in faded cursive letters.

All the other shops in the neighborhood were decorated impressively, to attract the people. They were cleaned and maintained, giving off the vintage vibes, but still fancy.

Mimi's Dream was none of the above. It was shabby, old and gave no efforts to attract people. The door was almost hidden between the glamour of the shops next to it. An odd sight, indeed, amongst the splendor of the street overlooked by the wonder of the city.

Your pace faltered as you neared it. An unmistakable scent of coffee and old parchment filled your senses and you paused right outside the door, weighing the options of stepping inside or stepping away. The only thing visible from the small glass partition on the door was a small desk pushed up against a shelf overflowing with books.

A mop of blonde hair kept on moving at the edge of the desk. The person, whose hair they were, was crouched down behind the desk, so you could only see the top of their head, which kept on shuffling here and there. Rest of the interior was mediocre, some of the shelves were dust-laden to be honest.

The option of stepping inside weighed more on your balancing pan and thus you moved forward to push open the door when a buzzing sound stopped you.

Taehyung could have not chosen a better time to call you.

He greets you with a shout in normal Taehyung manner.

"Where the fuck are you?"

"Outside Mimi's Dream."

"Outside what now?"

"It's a bookstore, Tae. What do you want?"

"You. I have places to be, Y/N. Cut the tour short and get your ass here."

He sounded livid, so fucking livid.

And, you? You were now scared for life.

In all these peculiar sights you forgot the most peculiar man ever. Him waiting for you, at your apartment had slipped your mind completely. You mumble a small 'sorry' and dash from the place towards your apartment as the gray clouds started covering the sky above you.

It was a mess.

Your apartment was a mess.

And amidst the mess, was standing Taehyung, his hair equally messy and eyes shooting daggers at you. Even though the daggers were blocked by the numerous cardboard boxes standing tall between him and the door, with him visible only slightly, his fury was well translated to you.

You picked up the small boxes at your feet, set them aside and started heading towards death personified. He was not even speaking anything, just looking at you with the expression your mom gave you when she found out you tried smoking weed. Your mom had also stared at you wordlessly, Taehyung putting you in a similar situation.

As you stood in front of him, face to face, your eyes cast down, though, he squinted his eyes at you and opened his mouth to tell you off. But, he stopped midway, snapped his mouth shut, shook his head and turned around, realizing you were already quite the disappointment for him to sour his tongue up with the words he was going to say.

Even though you knew the reason for his anger, you couldn't stop your mouth from acting up.

"What?" you spat as he faced his back to you, trying to navigate his way around your dumping ground.

"Nothing. I decided that murdering you is not worth the jail time." he said and sat down on a box, giving up his thought of going deeper in your house.

"Okay I'm sorry."

"What were you even doing for a whole hour? The route from the airport is straight and like ten minutes away on foot!" he prodded and you looked everywhere but him.

What were you going to say? A poorly decorated bookstore caught your eye and you were gathering the courage to step inside it? No thanks, you'd rather save yourself from the embarrassment. Lying always seemed like the best option for you anyway, so why not go with it.

"I thought I'd take a look around the neighborhood." you murmured, your feet being the most interesting for you at that moment.

"When I was waiting for you at this shithole?"

"I said I'm sorry. I didn't know I'd get too caught up!" you knew you were being inconsiderate but the look on his face almost made you laugh out loud.

He breathed anger, trying to subdue it by taking deep breaths. One thing you knew, you needed to make it up to him later, in some way or other as this was totally your fault.

You went forward to hug him and wrapping your arms around his torso, you mumbled into his chest

"Listen, I am so sorry, genuinely. I just got distracted by this beautiful city you live in. I promise I will make it up to you later as you had to give up your time doing nothing because of me."

"How?"

"Huh?" you looked up to him, your chin on his chest as he wrapped his arms around you, squeezing you tighter.

"How are you gonna make it up to me?" a sly smile on his lips.

"Um, however you ask me to."

"I am going on a date with my girlfriend next week."

"Congratulations?"

"You'll be the one paying for it."

"Fuck no." you free yourself from his grasp and take a step back.

"Well then, okay. Have fun living in this city without any friends. Have fun learning French. Have fun with loneliness." he said and started moving towards the door, his lips still set in a wide ass grin.

You fucked up pretty well this time. There was no way you were going to let him go, leaving yourself to explore this city alone. He knew that, that bastard.

The only concern now on your mind was, where were he and her girlfriend going to, for a date. Knowing Taehyung, he'll probably choose some expensive place just to annoy you.

You rush towards him and quickly hold his wrist, almost tripping over a lone object on the floor.

"I'll do it."

His eyes sparkle with mischief as he looks down at you and nods his head in a way of saying, 'told you so.'

"Where are you guys going?"

"I'll let you know in three days, by Friday."

Prick. He has planned his date a week prior. It has to be something extravagant, given his expressions. You wish you don't have to spend way more than you can, you can't afford giving up a chunk of it on an unnecessary date in your first week in the city.

"You have not yet decided, have you?" you squint your eyes at him, trying your best so that he'll slip up the answer.

"Oh you'll be surprised to know that I have it all planned out. Just not for you to know yet, darling."

"Whatever." you huff and set yourself to work, him helping you around the house to arrange your stuff and settle down quickly.

Two hours later you plop yourself down on the couch now in your living room and not in a bubble wrap against the window.

"Food, food, food." Taehyung mumbles as he sits down beside you.

"Wait, I'm ordering something."

"No, there's a place down the street, it sells amazing fried chicken. I wanna eat that."

"So we are going there? You can't even stand properly Tae, how do you have the energy to walk down the street?"

"Not we, you."

"What?"

"They don't do deliveries, but they do pick ups."

You just cock an eyebrow at him without saying anything.

"What? Don't look at me like that. This is your house, it's your duty to feed your guest. And, I can wait here now, given that I have this whole couch to myself." and he proceeds to rest his head on the armrest and kicks his legs in your lap as you shrug them off almost immediately and stand up to collect your wallet.

You don't have the energy to argue with him and somewhere you still feel guilty for making him wait, though you should not as you're gonna pay for it, but you still do. That's why you proceed to do as he says.

"You are going to pay for all your sins." you grit through your teeth and dash out.

The streetlights adorned the street giving it the look of a pearl necklace. 

The place Taehyung had mentioned was just five minutes away and you started trudging towards it in a slow walk as soon as you exited your building. Rounding a corner, you once again came in front of the familiar, peculiar store.

The lights outside were dim and you wanted to get a peek inside but you thought better as a previously disappointed man is already waiting for you. Still, a small smile plays on your lips as you walk past the door.

You glaze your eyes around yourself and once again delve into the feeling from before that day. You felt the hole all too well, but something told you the chatter and air of this city would help you in filling it up.

So indulged in your thoughts, you don't watch your way and bump into a wall. A soft wall. Wait, a moving wall.

Oh my god it was a person, very much alive, moving and soft.

You lose your footing and stumble back, your eyes closing for a fleeting second as you steady yourself. A soft thud follows your collision, the person dropping someone their belongings. Your face turns in a grimace as a shrill gasp leaves your mouth. The only thing then audible is a string of timid 'sorry' in a voice dipped in honey, garnished with crumbles but oh so sweet.

You open your eyes and cast your sight downwards, just to be met with a mop of blonde hair, crouching at your feet and collecting his books.

Mimi's Dream, the only thing that flashes your mind as soon as you see the all too familiar sight. He stands up, towering an inch or two above you and oh boy were you not ready for it.

He was beautiful. In a, sweep you off your feet at the first sight, kind of beautiful. His round cheeks and plump lips catch your attention. As you take his appearance in, his lips break into a shy smile, his eyes crinkling in the process.

Two crescent like eyes, with lashes dipped in night, his appearance was similar to that of a blonde Adonis. With high cheekbones and a sharp jawline, set on a pretty neck, he was too much to look at.

He handles some books in his hand and when looks at you staring at him, clears his throat, the shy smile still tugging at his lips. You soon look away and bow down, mumbling a small,

"I am sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going."

"Oh no, I am sorry. It was my fault too." he lets his voice ring in your ears softly as you meet his almost hidden eyes, due to his smile and slightly puffed, pink cheeks, due to the cold.

You let out a light chuckle with a shy it's okay and continue to stand there weirdly when he decides to break the awkward silence.

"You're a foreigner."

Your accent might have given you away or the fact that you chose to speak English instead of French for someone in Paris. Even though he looks Asian, you can never be so sure if he was brought up here or had immigrated, like you.

"Yes, I'm from Korea."

His widened eyes and the glimmer in them confirmed your assumption as he starts way too excitedly,

"Really? I am from Korea too."

Before you can even muster up a reply, a distant voice ringed in your ears.

"Jimin!" shouted a man from a few places behind you.

You swiftly turn around to look at a lean man with platinum blonde hair frayed over his forehead and lips formed into a sort of triangle. He was handsome, insanely so. You couldn't help but just stare at him. He wore printed baggy jeans and an oversized multi colored shirt, a stark contrast from the man you just bumped into.

"Yeah?" the man behind you, who you now assume is Jimin, quips with a tired voice. As if all he wanted now was to crash in his bed and not bear another second of the world moving around him.

"I'm hungry, man. Bring the books in quickly so we can eat."

"Uh, yes coming." Jimin grunts and looks at the back of your head. His stare burns the back of your head and you whip it around to look at him.

"It was nice meeting you, " he raises his eyebrows expectantly, with the softness of the freshly bloomed buds and extends a hand towards you.

"Y/N."

"Jimin." He smiles bashfully and grasps your hand in a gentle hold before letting it go and using it to better hold the books he was comically balancing with a single hand. You both giggle at the same time.

"It was nice meeting you too, Jimin." you speak and part your ways with no more words, just smiles and glances.

"Sorry once again." he calls out as you reach the corner.

"Likewise, Jimin." you quip back and turn around to find him walking backwards towards his shop, looking at you. You laugh again, "Now, go."

And with that, you disappear round the corner.

Lately Taehyung's been a little off.

You can't put a finger on the long list of reasons you have for his grumpiness. He is what you'd like to call a drama queen, over enthusiastic and overdramatic. There could've been complications at work, he could've been low by you bailing out on him constantly, maybe there's trouble in paradise, or maybe it's just one of his moods.

It had almost been a week since your arrival and you were rushing around, trying to settle yourself and your stuff in the new city. It had been overwhelming for you initially, especially when you realised many people did not speak English, and not everything was as romanticized as the books and the movies. So you were thankful when your neighbour Lily helped you out.

It had been so hectic that you were not able to meet Taehyung for almost a week. He had been trying to come up with plans to give you a tour of the city, the museums, the landmarks, the galleries, the cafes, the clubs, everything. But you were always cancelling on him due to your weary state, resorting to watching Netflix and eating to your heart's content whenever you even got an ounce of leisure time.

As a result, the man was now in one of his dramatic moods.

You were almost settled down, almost being the key word. So you decide to ask him to hangout with you. After all, he is the only one you know in this new world.

You (10:26 am) : hi. wanna hangout later?

Taehyung (10:31 am) : did the sun rise from the west today?

You (10:33 am) : shut up or I'm taking my words back.

Taehyung (10:33 am) : okay okay, sorry.

Taehyung (10:34 am) : and yes, I'd like to hangout with you, your majesty.

You (10:34 am) : my place?

Taehyung (10:35 am) : lmao no

You (10:35 am) : yours?

Taehyung (10:36 am) : be ready at 6. i'll pick u up

You (10:36 am) : and take me to?

Taehyung (10:36 am) : hell

You (10:36 am) : bitch?????

Taehyung (10:37 am) : relax, don't you believe me?

You (10:37 am) : um, no?

Taehyung (10:37 am) : good 😂

Taehyung (10:37 am) : anyways. don't cancel tonight.

You (10:38 am) : 👍🏻😒

These were the reasons why you were always scared to agree to any of his shenanigans. Always vague and increasing your nervousness, as well as dying curiosity. But at this point, you brought this upon yourself and you have to roll on with his antiques with a grudging smile.

You set your phone down on the kitchen counter and walk to the balcony of your bedroom, past your perfectly set up living area.

Your apartment had the classic, minimalistic design. A cream couch adorned the living room with a wooden coffee table and potted plants sitting atop the stools in the corner, with varying heights. A small bookshelf was pushed up against the wall and a loveseat was placed beside the window. It was small, but lovely.

Your eyes rake the expanse of the street visible from the small balcony. It was still the start of the day and people were rushing about with their morning caffeine clutched tightly in their hand and eyes cast low. Some were the exception and occasionally glanced about to absorb their surroundings or just strike up a chat with someone they know. It was a relief to see the life in the city move similarly to the one back home, yet differently.

While trying to take in the morning view from your apartment, your eyes once again fall on a particular blonde wandering the streets with his head low and hands tucked in the pockets of his trench coat. Your eyes follow his figure as he makes his way till a corner and then turns, hiding behind the blocks of buildings.

Jimin was a stranger. You knew nothing about him but his name and the place he worked at, the bookstore. Still, he kept on visiting your mind at random hours, for reasons unknown.

Your highschool friend, Gina always used to say that you thought about absurd things, your curiosity working it's way towards topics you have no relation to, at all. She was true, ofcourse. For right now your mind was running circles around only one person, Jimin. You were charmed by his presence. You died to know more about him. You died to look at him again. And you still don't know why you gulped down your coffee hastily, changed into a presentable pair of clothes, put on your coat, grabbed your keys and left your apartment.

You might reason it as the dire need to get some books.

The overhead bell rings as you set foot inside the shop and a smiling face looks up at you from behind the counter.

He is not Jimin.

But you are very much welcomed by him.

"Hello." he speaks in a chirpy tone and you can't stop the smile etching itself slowly on your face.

"Hey." you respond and gingerly make your way towards him.

He was dressed differently today, yet so similar, donning a black sweatshirt with a big smiley on it and his platinum blonde hair still frayed at his forehead, this time his lips in a heart shaped smile instead of a triangle. His radiance bounces off the shelves filled with books, him standing out against the vintage, old backdrop of the shop.

"Good morning. I am Hoseok."

You just smile at him without giving him your name, too lost to even return the act of kindness.

"What can I help you with?" he asks, softly, to gain your attention which he realizes he might have lost.

Your mind goes blank. You had not thought that to enter a bookstore, you'll need to have an excuse. You can't walk in there without any motive. In your panic, you say the first name that comes to your mind.

"Fitzgerald."

"Ah, classic." he says with the same, kind expression and you almost sigh with relief.

His eyes glide over your surroundings and stop at a corner which makes you whip your head towards it.

It was a mess, the shelves overflowing with old hardcovers with a passage between two such tall ones. A stack of books was placed at the end of the short partition, up against the wall with some stray pages covering the ground beside it. A wooden plaque with the sign 'Fiction' hung at the entrance.

Hoseok walks over to the corner and you follow him, spellbound by the sight in front of you.

You loved books. You loved the fact that there is a form of escapism so unreal, yet so real. The prints on paper bound by hardcovers or another layer of paper give you a sense of comfort hardly anyone could provide. The life you had lived was short compared to the ones your mind, your heart had lived. It was singular, it was just one. The ones lived by your heart were multiple, they took up small places in your existence and shaped you for the singular one you had to live. Your eyes read things your life couldn't display to you in its entirety of twenty five years. You eyes read things which taught you lessons your people couldn't teach you in the entirety of your twenty five years.

You close your eyes for a fleeting second and inhale the scent of parchment rolling off of fresh coffee. You open them with a forever smile marking your features.

"You'll definitely find him somewhere over here."

You snap out of your trance at Hoseok's words and look at him smiling at you.

"Ah, thankyou. I actually moved in recently and wanted to fill my shelves with some of my faves which I had to leave at home."

His face lights up at your words.

"How's the city treating you?"

"Like it has known me for years."

"Really?"

"No."

You both laugh at him seeing right through you at your half ass lie. Of course you have loved this city, but you are still adjusting to its glamour, to its reputation. You can't say it's been treating you like an old friend, but it is definitely trying to accommodate you well.

"It's good though. I am still navigating my way through the 'parisian' lifestyle." you make air quotes around Parisian and Hoseok snickers.

"Nothing extraordinary about that. I know you'll fit in well."

"Thank you so much." and you realize you never gave him your name.

"I am Y/N, by the way."

"Nice to meet you." he shakes your extended hand and turns towards the aisle of books in front of you.

"As I said, you must find him somewhere over here. I normally would have been able to find it out for you but Jimin recently rearranged the shelves." he says with a dent between his eyebrows and a disappointing voice, "without letting me know."

At his mention your ears perk up like a dog hearing his owner call him.

"Your co-worker?"

"More like my boss but yeah."

"Oh so this is his shop?"

"Yes, it was his grandfather's. Then his father's. And now he handles it." Hoseok looks at you with a soft glint in his eyes, as if reminiscing the days when Jimin's father used to run the store.

"Wow." is the only word you are able to conjure. This store is really vintage, it holds years of history and three generations have adored it.

"It's incredible." you look around the area in awe of it.

The interior is quite what you might have imagined it to have. The old wooden panels and worn off paint decorating its walls alluded to the overall vibe of the shop. There were numerous aisles in front of you, eac one of them had its genre mentioned on a plaque hanging at its entrance. The shelves lining the walls were adorned with statues made with alabaster or marble, displaying Greek gods and replicas of some famous pieces from the 14th century. There were blown off candles hurdled in a corner and hanging lights from the ceiling casted an incandescent glow all over the floor.

Hoseok claps his hands while looking at his desk and you immediately give him your attention.

"Okay so I'll be at the desk sorting some things out. If you need any help, just call out my name, okay?"

"Okay."

A thought suddenly strikes your mind and you turn on your heels to witness a departing Hoseok and call out to him.

"Yeah?"

"Has the name always been the same?"

He smiles and you both know the name you are talking about. A knowing look comes over his face and he raises his eyebrows a little bit.

"No, they changed it." he says and prances off casually as you wonder what might have been the shop's original name then.

When Hoseok said you'll find Fitzgerald somewhere among these shelves, he might have not mulled over the possibility that maybe you won't. Even though the thought was impulsive when you had spoken it out loud for him, you realized you really needed Gatsby and Benjamin Button to have a place on your shelf.

You had skimmed through the shelves, rather thoroughly and had failed to locate the books sitting atop them. You did find a lot of other books which always had a corner in your heart and as you moved about the aisle with the likes of Jane Austen, Orwell, Tolstoy, you wondered if you'd even find Fitzgerald among them.

You move towards the section which displays a set of books which were not dust ridden or had slightly worn off covers like the others. These had immaculately illustrated covers which used modern graphics and you know you have ventured into an area where your quest had the highest chances of failure.

Your eye catches the faded 'Romance' scribbled onto the side of a shelf and you run a finger over it, smiling at the thought that years ago a couple would have wrote it over there, or maybe the previous owners used less expensive methods of indication for the readers.

Raking your eyes over the shelves, you quickly grab a copy of One Last Stop with your free hand as you are yet to read it.

"Hoseok?" you call out and the reply is almost immediate.

"Yeah?"

"Help me, I can't find those books." you say and a soft padding sound follows as you hear his footsteps advancing towards you. He appears beside you at the end of the aisle.

"I swear to god I am going to fire Jimin."

"Yeah well good luck with that but I really can't find Fitzgerald anywhere over here." you laugh with him and both of you start your search again.

Amidst it, you try to glance out of the door and see rain pouring heavily and partially disrupting the morning buzz of the roads and adding to the eerie, peaceful vibe of the store.

Hoseok searches through the top shelves and you go through the bottom ones, removing the books and readjusting them. A while passes and almost all the books have been readjusted but your treasure hunt still didn't have any direction.

"Now only he can help you find it." Hoseok says and plops down on the floor with crossed legs and a tired stance.

"God?" you chuckle and follow suit.

"No such luck. It's just Jimin." he sighs and looks at you with his lips curved in apology and you smile a little at him.

"I am sorry this was such a mess. I swear we are better on other days."

"I am sure about that. It's just not our day today." you say and pat his arm encouragingly.

He studies you with an unreadable expression and you feel a silence sit around the both of you, comfortable enough for you to prop your chin on your folded knees pulled to your chest.

You were alone with a stranger but the rain sounds and the calm morning gave you comfort which was hard to achieve in the rush of moving in and settling down. You close your eyes for a second and realize you'll need to head home soon. Opening them with a groan you move your legs to break the peace.

"Aren't you waiting till he returns? He will be back soon."

"I want to, but I can't. I have to run some errands."

His lips form a triangle as you stand up and pat your butt to get rid of seemingly nothing. As soon as you pick up your phone which was out on the floor, the door opens, ringing the bell violently and in walks a very drenched Jimin.

"One more hour of this rain and we'll have to use boats to navigate the city." he grumbles, rather loudly and Hoseok slowly stands up as you just stare at him wide eyed.

He is wearing the same outfit you saw him in from your balcony, except his coat and hair are wet and his face carries an annoyed expression. Hoseok walks towards him with missiles to shoot instead of words.

"Boss, can you please kindly let me know where the fuck did you keep Fitzgerald after your impromptu rearrangement?" he asks with a sickly sweet smile which soon transforms into a sour face and you suppress a giggle at the look of pure horror on Jimin's face at Hoseok's sudden outburst.

He takes a second to contemplate his words and when he realizes, you watch his eyes turn into small crescents and cheeks puff up with a smile.

"Oh I have kept them in the inventory area."

"But they were old?"

"I know." and he gives no further explanation for his odd behaviour and walks up to a door at the back of the store you were just now discovering.

You and Hoseok look at each other, then at the door he disappeared to, then again at each other, trying to make sense but failing nevertheless. He returns a minute letter with a stack of books in his hands and comes to a halt in front of Hoseok while humming an old Polish tune.

It's then that he realizes of your presence in the store and turns his head towards you. Your eye catches his movement, mainly because you were staring at only him and he locks his eyes with yours.

His face changes demeanor and the nonchalant expression morphs into that of surprise, his eyes widening and body straightening up with an amused yet joyful small smile.

Hoseok looks between him and you and before he can open his mouth to ask the obvious question, Jimin speaks up.

"Y/N?"

m.list | next

permanent taglist : @nuniah @kittykooyoongi @highly-functioning-mitochondria @jjkeverlast @aliimac @haliiimede @gimmethatagustd @btsstan12 @namjoonwhoresworld @apotatomashedbybts

series taglist (open) : @here4btsfics @minniesvenus @jimilter @synnfulqt

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#paris in the rain swt #jimin #park jimin #jimin fanfiction #jimin x reader #jimin x you #jimin x yn #btshoneyhive #btswritersclub #jimin strangers to lovers #jimin s2l #jimin in paris #bts #bts x reader #bts fic #bts s2l #bts strangers to lovers #park jimin fanfic #jimin fluff #jimin angst #jimin series #jimin fic #park jimin fluff #sugarwithtea #pjm #bookstore au #bookshop au #bts bookshop au #paris #pitr1

[nyaboshi]

Kimitomo? :D

@exhaustedwriterartist Answering both of you simultaneously, since Kimitomo and Koa kinda go hand-in-hand.

Be warned that there's some violence in their backstories. I won't go into detail, but it'll be mentioned.

First off. Kimitomo. My big bundle of trauma and unhinged behavior.

Kimitomo is an ex-assassin who used to belong to this notorious clan until he was about 16. When he was about 3-4, the clan invaded his village, killed everyone older than six, and took whoever was left to be integrated into their clan. Kimitomo hardly remembers his parents, but his subconscious is very traumatized.

All of these children were quite literally brainwashed to be the perfect assassins. Kimitomo in particular was among the best at his age, so he and a couple others were chosen to be experimented on to see if their physical capabilities could be enhanced. The other two died during the tests, but Kimitomo survived and was successfully enhanced.

He's quicker and has better instincts than the average human being, and he also has SUPER sensitive senses. He smells, hears, and tastes everything, and he has incredibly sharp eyes. His sense of touch is also boosted, and it kinda gives him like a sixth sense. He can sense movement from within a certain radius of him.

However, he ended up having to sacrifice a great deal of his physical strength. He's very weak, and can't take much damage at all. Defeating him isn't much of a challenge, if you can actually manage to hit him. 😭

He lived as a mindless, highly skilled assassin for years. It wasn't until he was 16 that he finally managed to break out of the brainwashing that was given him. He had been given a job where he was meant to kill off a small, wealthy family and bring a certain artifact back to the clan. He managed to kill the father, but the children's terror broke through the barrier over his kind and threw him back to his own parents' deaths. He broke out of the brainwashing enough to let the mother and the children live and abandon the job.

After that, he ran and plotted a way to take out his clan. He succeeded, killing off all of the older members of the clan. However, he spared the children and helped them to shake off the brainwashing. He made sure to send all of them to safe places where they would have happier lives.

As for Kimitomo himself, he's kinda gone off the grid. He still greatly struggles with the effects of the brainwashing. Unlike the children he saved, he was completely under its control and was only able to partially break free. The brainwash effect is still in his mind, and it takes the form of whispers in the back of his mind urging him into violent streaks. 90% of the time he's able to suppress it. But there are moments where it bottles up so much that it breaks out in dramatic fits and he pretty much goes feral.

He wants so badly to be a good person, but he feels like he'll never be able to get there. He's very pessimistic when it comes to himself, and tends to isolate himself from others so he doesn't hurt them. However, he has a HUGE soft spot for kids. Literally cannot say no to them. 😭

As for Koa, he's one of the children Kimitomo saved from the assassin clan. He was a little bit older when he was saved, so he's still somewhat affected by his old life. However, he's been able to grow up into a kind, albeit VERY broody, young man. He's currently searching for Kimitomo because he wants to express his gratitude and try and repay him for saving him from a fate of murder and captivity.

I have an image of Koa that I generated with AI as a reference until I draw him. Yeah yeah, I know, AI art is controversial and all that, but it helps me to have a visual image of my characters when designing them.

My baby 🥰

I don't have a reference for Kimitomo. I didn't like anything the AI gave me .3.

Anyways. Those are my sneaky boys! 👐

Thanks for the asks, you two!

#ocs #oc concepts #backstory #assassins #oc backstory #lore #answering asks #nyaboshi #christian artist

[transfemyoungblood]

hello everyone. do you want to hear about my roleslaying with roman time loop au. you will. you will hear about my roleslaying with roman time loop au. (this is a long post, so its under the read more link)

there are three loops. the first two are relatively normal and coherent (although the second one is a bit stranger than the first), but then in the third one, nothing makes sense, and the time-space continuum is falling apart.

the first loop is the canon story-line, as it is.

the second loop is set in a futuristic and highly technological world, drawing inspiration from the early stages of US/EU imperialism and the WW1/ WW2 era. the bard kingdom is a militaristic imperialist empire that has created a sphere of influence worldwide. because this draws on the age of modern warfare, the guards have access to things such as guns, bombs, poisonous gases, and other forms of chemical warfare. the bard college is a gigantic structure located in the middle of a highly futuristic and technologically advanced neon. this is where the fey used to live. the bard king is a lot like imperialist politicians of the 19th and 20th century, meaning that hes very obviously a money-obsessed warmongering prejudiced fuck.

in this loop, youngblood never left the college, and doesn't have any memories from his life before he was enlisted. prior to the events of the plot, he accidentally burned noise (like in canon), but so severely that it killed him. youngblood's guilt over the incident keeps him anchored to the bard college. youngblood is also traumatized by the horrific warfare he had to participate in, and especially by how dire the consequences of modern war technology are. this is inspired by "Dulce et Decorum Est" by Wilfred Owen, a poem written by a former WWI soldier about the traumatic experience of seeing a fellow soldier suffocated by mustard gas. the poem is also very critical of the nationalism that encouraged people to enlist. prior to noise's death, noise was the only thing that kept youngblood from despising the bard college entirely and leaving. noise was completely loyal to the empire, but youngblood loved him anyway.

roman does not remember how or why hes in the bard college, but at the start of the story, its his first day there. he has a vague idea of his family legacy, but doesn't remember his past and has little recollection of his family. still, upholding the legacy motivates many of his decisions. (i have the idea that reston is a mining / steel town, purely because of how important steel and fossil fuels were in the era that i'm drawing inspiration from)

youngblood and roman eventually meet, and have the vague memory of meeting each other before. youngblood is much more volatile and straight-laced. roman's anxiety is much more prominent, and so is his need to be the hero in the situation. roman still wants to be friends with youngblood, and still wants to get to know him better. eventually, roman helps youngblood work through his guilt and shows him that hes worthy of being cared for and that he does not have to suffer through the bard king's abuse, despite the horrible things he's done in the past. eventually, they escape the bard college together. until the loop restarts again…

the third loop is inspired by classic fairytales, drawing from the medieval period and also the neoclassical era, with some inspiration from the renaissance era as well. It also has some inspiration from surrealist art. the third loop is. very strange. incredibly weird. its falling apart, but still running because that's what the loop is supposed to do. the bard college is still built on fey land, but now its an insanely massive superstructure. there are a lot of things in the structure that just don't make sense: windows in the floors and ceilings, doors that lead nowhere, halls that seemingly go on endlessly without any destination, stairs that lead to walls, and unnecessary architectural elements that end abruptly and have no purpose. it's seemingly never-ending, and just expands on and on. everywhere you go, there are flowers sprouting where they shouldn't be. it is impossible to get in or get out without the bard king's guidance, because it is built like a maze. the bard king can also change the entire structure of the bard college at will, making it even more incomprehensible.

there aren't any teachers / authority figures in the school except for the bard king. there also aren't any students / guards other than the known cast of bard characters. there are seemingly other people at the college, but they aren't real, because they're all indistinguishable and faceless.

like in the second loop, youngblood hasn't left the college, and still doesn't have his memories from before he was there. he is much quieter and withdrawn; he presents himself as a perfect prince but has a boiling temper underneath. prior to the events of the plot, youngblood's relationship with noise is extremely rocky. he loved noise during his childhood, but started to resent him over time due to his ignorance of how horrible their situation was, and how unflinchingly loyal he was to the college. eventually he deliberately kills noise out of this resentment. youngblood is incredibly lonely after this and starts to regret his decision. the bard king intentionally fuels his guilt about the situation to manipulate him into being loyal and thinking he deserves to be abused.

roman enters the plot as the perfect image of a knight in shining armor. he doesn't remember anything about how he got to the bard college or why hes there, but like the second loop, the plot starts on his first day there. he has no recollection of his family legacy, but he has a faint, vague, muddled memory of a prince with light hair and dark skin who inspired him to keep living. this memory guides a lot of his actions. he's still the kind and compassionate person that he was in the canon timeline, but his need to be the hero in the situation is very strong, and he does tend to come off as domineering because of this. he's constantly anxious about his lack of memory.

(the prince saving roman's life is supposed to be what is left of his memory of youngblood before this time loop. roman tends to see youngblood as this perfect idealized prince figure, but eventually learns to see youngblood as the nuanced person that he is, and accept him flaws and all)

the end of this loop follows the same structure as the second one. of course, in this loop it would unfold in a different fashion. when roman and youngblood escape the college, there is an attempt to restart the loop again. however, the third loop is falling apart so incomprehensibly that it's nearly impossible for the timeline to be recovered. they're sent to the start of the loop with their memories intact, and their surroundings are practically nonexistent.

#roleslaying with roman #rswr roman #rswr youngblood #roman of reston #youngblood ra #apex eclipse #time loop au

[goddess-syndicate]

ive seen a few anti endos claim you wont find endogenic research on google. lets talk about it! (note this whole post is meant as /gen and /info with no aggression)

this is what happens when you look up “endogenic system research” (it cant be just “endo” or “endogenic” because those are different disorders!)

this also happens when you look up that same search

but if you look in that first picture, theres a research done which i will link here . heres what youll find:

(skipped a lot that went over OSDDID basics. i will also only be talking about one of the non traumagenic participants)

“Her system started when she was 17 years old: ‘We were not created by trauma. It started from being a singlet (one body, one person), but then, we lost our sense of self. The boundaries of self became less and less distinct, and we slipped into each other. (…)’ The system used to be a “multiplex” (a large “complex” system with many members) but has changed to a medium size now(…) She thinks that one of her therapists had the suspicion that she had DID but rejected carrying out an assessment for differential diagnosis because he thought this was a good coping mechanism for her; therefore, “he didn't want to take it away.” Nowadays, she experiences a great amount of stress as a result of living on benefits and hints that these difficulties in her life are connected to the difficulties within the system.”

this is an example of an endogenic system now having trauma due to that system.

there were two more endogenic systems in that study. and one with a prof DX for DID and one with a diagnosis of PTSD. heres more what the study had to say

“The existence of the system often dated back to childhood and, in some instances, even to the earliest memories. Certain cases appeared to exist as a result of trauma, but in most cases, there did not seem to be any preceding traumatic event. The condition appears to be resistant to antipsychotic medications, except in one case. All six cases found the existence of the term and the concept of multiplicity helpful. They also found that online forums were a place where they could encounter other multiples and interact in a helpful way. Multiplicity and the possibility for online socializing appear to be a way of coping, which results in a relatively better level of functionality.”

and it further states:

“There are several notions that support the idea of an extreme form of identity complexity, whereas others support the notion of a dissociative disorder. Nevertheless, group identity and the possibility for interaction provided by multiplicity forums seem to help members understand and accept their experiences, thus improving their ability to cope.”

i also think an important part of this whole study is that they never denied the endogenic systems were real. it was an informative study with no opinions or real discourse on it. instead just acknowledging the fact that non traumagenic systems do exist. i highly encourage other people to read through the study. it was weirdly touching. it was a piece of plural history that said “hey. we’re here” for both OSDDID and endos alike.

#// — ciannie go to bed #endo safe #endogenic #pro endo #endo system #syscourse #academics #plural #plurality #pluralgang #plural system #plural community

[archonsabyss]

not the universe putting us on the same wavelength! ✨iconic behavior ✨

i've been making my way through enhypen 🥴 it was sunoo first, then sunghoon, and then i saw this reel and i haven't looked back!! he's the first idol i've put as my phone wallpaper and i have ZERO regrets! honestly babes, i just can't believe he exists and he's so lovely 🥺

aww friend, please be easy and good to yourself! i hope you feel better soon and take it easy~

don't worry about keeping up with me tho! work within your own capacity; i'll do the same! i've been trying to limit the amount of screen time - but with a full-time engineering job (and star rail ;-; ) it's not so easy. whenever i do come on though i always visit your page v(=∩_∩=)ﾌ

it makes me so happy to see you interacting with others, as well as get your kudos for your BEAUTIFUL NOBEL PEACE PRIZE DESERVING WORKS! i will never shut up about how dazzling and divine your writing is!!!!! where is your book deal!!!!

we should also talk about star rail because it's been so much fun to play! and i saw you're writing for love & deepspace! please give me a reason to play i want to so bad lol

₊⊹ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖⭒✮ I love us 💅 THAT REEL is the reason I homie hopped lmao. (all jokes) but heeseung has broken my heart one too many time with this behavior so I need a break and someone to mend it. Not that sunghoon is a rebound or anything. Heeseung wallpaper? I love that for you!! Honestly, from day one he's lured me in and trapped me. I was so enchanted when I first saw him, then I dipped after iland (their survival show) ended only to come back a few months after debit and realize he'll always be my one. Probably one of my proudest moments is being with enha from debut!!

I will do that, as soon as I can find my feet I'll take better care of myself as I hope you're doing as well. Even if it's just something small like staying hydrated, or washing ur hair ect. Random, but cleanliness does miracles to one's body and emotional state.

I'm glad you're atlst occupied you know, I feel like I'm wasting my time at home and I'm on my phone 24/7. Just waiting for one of my parents to go off lol. But this helped to remind me to also try and cut down on screen time, it'll definitely do me some good so thank you. I know how hard having a job can be (even tho it's something we'll have to do for the majority of our lives so we just gotta get used to it) but all the best!! Also thank you for visiting me🥹 it makes me the happiest

I NEED PHONE SPACE. I need to put all my unnecessary photos and vids on a hard drive so I can get hsr again!! I had it but then l&ds came out and I'm running low. I NEED BLADE SO BADLY! HE'S LITERALLY WAITING FOR ME

You might as well just take my heart 🫶🏻 why are u so sweet, what do u want from me? You're keeping me here on Tumblr and flaming my passion for writing I hope you know how incredible you are and how much every word you've said is highly appreciated!! I wish you the absolute best in life and in future! I hope you get all you deserve honestly 😭🤍

As for HSR and L&ds, if I start I won't stop but I suddenly blanked rn HELP- tbh with l&ds.. What I'm feeling rn is alot of frustration I look like these 😈😃 emojis while punching a wall especially with the fighting.. The whole leveling up cards and farming materials / protocores (like genshin artifacts) with limited stamina is a pain lol. Also the whole wishing system with pity and literally looking through every nook and cranny for them diamonds! There's new event cards every often and it's great but sad and traumatizing when you don't manage to get the card u want. BUT that's the whole experience and it's still really good and addictive to the point my wallet is under lock and key is thrown away. Summary, reasons to play = pretty boys with a good main story and terribly angsty individual lore. If you like simping but emotionally, then definitely give it a try. Besides if you don't like it the uninstall button is just a click away🤭 doesn't hurt to try.

#₊⊹ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖⭒✮ abyss inbox 📩 #₊⊹ @princ3ss-world⊹₊ #love and deepspace #enhypen

[horrortraumas]

Can you stand the horror scenes?

Horror videogames are the best tool to get a trauma 

In this society there are some mortals which are called “fearless”. Those who can stand watching plenty of horror scenes. I wish i had that talent too… by the other hand, there are “fearful” ones, those who are bothered by his friends, because they can't see a horror scene by accident because in the night they will pee on their bed and cover all their body with the blanket thinking of whatever scary thing is passing on their minds. And unfortunately, im one of those.

When I was a child, I had a group of friends who got in trouble frequently. We used to go outside at night and spent a lot of time in really dark places, like abandoned houses or open fields in the neighborhood. Everytime we started our “adventures”, I was the one behind the group. Why?, my imagination. I always thought that a clown or a spirit would get in our way, and that made me vulnerable by getting bothered by my fear. But that only happened when i was out, in my home, when i was in bed, i used to sleep without lights, and dreamed with luxury things, cars, money, etc. My fear only came when I was outside in darkness.

I often got inside of a friend’s house to enjoy weekends, playing some video games, and watching some YouTube. But he suddenly got attached to horror games. One night, he told me if I could play with him a game called “Five Nights At Freddy's”, I didn't agree, but he somehow convinced me to play another game while he played on his own. The problem was that he was playing the game on the tv, and I couldn't resist taking a look sometimes, even if I was scared. After some minutes, in a glance, my heart stopped for a second. I watched “jumpscare”. A scene that I still cannot forget describes how horrible it was in my childhood.

After my experience, my nights were not the same. Everytime  I thought about that scene, to sleep, I kept my blanket covering every part of my body, and a rosary in my neck to keep calm. I spent at least 1h focusing on positive things for severe nights. It was a completely traumatic experience, I forgot about clowns and spirits, and now animatronics tormented me every night. My fear of darkness was bigger than ever. Days passed, the only method I found effective to sleep was going to my parent’s room or to my brother's bed. I kept repeating this suffering for almost 2 months, until I finally overcame my fear, and I stopped thinking about animatronics every night.

I could highly recommend being aware of playing or watching any horror experience. It might be funny for fearless people, but trust me, for fearful ones it's not the same ending.

In conclusion, my addiction to video games lead me through a traumatic experience in my childhood, i was not ready yet to watch any horror scenes, but i never thought a videogame could lead me through 2 months of insomnia and living a extreme darkness fear, i wish nobody live this experience, and continue their innocent dreams for a long time..