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tarotbydelilah444 · 11 months

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✨🤍 Your Next Glow Up✨

Pile 1 🌞✨

crystal: citrine | abundance & confidence

self-care message: positive affirmations

chakra: solar plexus

your sign: leo, sagittarius, capricorn, pisces, cancer, & scorpio

what kind of glow up: external and internal

you will definitely be the center of attention. there will be a lot of eyes on you because people are attracted to your radiate and positive attitude & energy from admirers to haters, no one will be able to deny your presence. you are or will be stepping into your power and confidence will be improving, if you struggled with this in the past. you will be unstoppable and this will make a lot of people mad, but who the hell cares! you will not be settling for anyone or anything less than what you rightfully deserve (idr). you are entering in your selfish era (selfish with your time and energy). you are cutting off anyone that talked bad about you/ talked down on you when you was at your lowest. before you entered into this glow up stage, you could’ve gone through some ups and downs in the recent past that caused you some discomfort and difficulties, but know that these painful lessons and changes you went through was not in vain and you came out in a new and improved light. everything will finally be working out in your favor and luck is on your side. this could have a relationship or a loss of a job that triggered this massive change in you. you will be regaining stability back into your life (this is for those who are still struggling with depression and anxiety, you will get better soon). people from the past may come back to reconcile, but I feel like you aren’t going for it and would rather focus on yourself and be left alone. this person could have lied/kept some secrets from you or cheated on you with their ex. you could have new love that wants to come into your life and it’s a past life connection, if you are looking for something new. finally, a new job could be coming in for some and your finances will improve after a while of instability. any secrets will be revealed and you will be receiving clarity. Ciao!

Pile 2 🌑✨

crystal: moonstone | acceptance & feminine energy

self-care message: beauty ritual

chakra: third eye, crown, and heart

signs: leo, aquarius, pisces, aries what type of glow up: internal you are working through some fears that you may be dealing with. you are trying to listen to your intuition more than listening to your fears & doubts. You have the strength and endurance to overcome any challenges in your way. you are proving to yourself and others around you that you are stronger than the things that tried to break you (some of you could have going through a spiritual awakening that force you to face some things and change it. you are ready for a change and a new beginning and you are taking risks without hesitation or restraint. You are choosing to trust the universe to lead you down the right path. you are reclaiming your power & freedom. you are also learning to face & conquer your fears, doubts, and insecurities that will help improve your confidence and courage. you are learning to be compassionate with yourself & others. you will be cutting off fake friends in your circle or a relationship that kept you in a karmic cycle. I see you releasing codependency issues and focusing on giving to yourself and relying on yourself instead of others. in the recent past, you may have choose to ignore the red flags in your connection or in situations instead of listening to your intuition, which bit you in the ass. be careful of this person trying to come back, this person wants to trap with a baby to keep you stuck in this toxic connection with them. for some, you could be traveling. you could be going somewhere overseas/with water, hot climate, and sunny. you could be a world traveler or you travel a lot. you are trying to figure out where your life is heading and where you want to be in the future because you are feeling like things are boring & you long for something fun and exciting. listen to your intuition.

Pile 3 💫🩵

crystal: amazonite | communication & good luck

self-care message: nourishing your temple

chakra: throat and heart

signs: leo, aries, sagittarius

what kind of glow up: internal and external

you will be working on healing inner childhood wounds or forgiving yourself for your past or people from your past. you could even rekindle old connections with friends, family, and relationships. you could even move back to your old hometown. you are rebuilding more loving and harmonious relationship with the people around you and in turn you will be receiving support from others, if you have been struggling. you are connecting to your inner child by doing the things you enjoyed as a child or wanted to do when you were younger. for some, you could settle down with someone from your past (kindred spirit/childhood sweetheart) and become pregnant, if this what you desire. you could even find yourself being around children more often. you could be working on and releasing your ego. you are learning about what triggers you and learning to stand up for yourself against people that don’t respect you or your boundaries. you are currently unlearning negative patterns & learning how to respectfully communicate with yourself & others. you could also be trying to respect and nourish your body by only consuming things that will keep your body, mind, and soul intact and aligned. you will be stepping into your power, your confidence and self worth will be improving, as you continue to grow. this will attract a lot of jealously from people that aren’t on you level. you will also be having more fun. you could get invited to more social events and making new connections. you will find success in any endeavor that you are planning or working on.

Pile 4 🤍✨

crystal: opalite | balance & inner peace

self-care message: dance

chakra: heart & throat

signs: aquarius & libra

what kind of glow up: internal

healing. you are definitely healing from a rough and transformative period in your life. you could’ve gone through a rough breakup or your are healing some trauma or inner wounds from your past. you are turning your pain into passion instead of dwelling on things that you couldn’t fix or that’s simply out of your control. you are choosing to live with a clean heart and move forward with a renewed sense of faith and hope. the universe is definitely rewarding you for this attitude that you are presenting and is working with you to bring in your desires and manifestations. you have a fresh new perspective on things and life in general that is confusing yet inspiring to others. you want to share your knowledge and ideas with the world, but I feel like you should keep these ideas under wraps because you have doubters & nonbelievers praying on your failure. you are no longer interested in exploring things on a surface level because you are more interested in learning about things that will benefit you and expand your consciousness in the long run (you are very innovative and forward thinking). you refuse to be blind to the truth and you seek it out without any hesitation or fear. this attitude intimidates the people around you. you may even be faced with a decision on where you want your past relationship to go (whether to separate or come together, but either way you still care about this person/vice versa). you could also be learning a new skill or going back to school, just be careful not to burn yourself out with too much knowledge. if you were struggling with any health issues, I see that you will be regaining your strength and recovering quickly.

Hope you enjoy this pac reading! Make sure to like and follow if you enjoyed the post and are looking forward to more pac readings from me in the future! Sending you love & light. 🤍✨

-Delilah

#pac reading #tarot #glow up #self love #self care #crystals #channeled message #spirituality

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fangedjustice · 2 years

Note

Dearest Lloyd,

It’s been a few months since you’ve been settled, so I suppose now is the right time to send a note. It’s been a rough fall, so I shudder to think of the winter it will be. Alexei has already had to get the covering for the crops, and I have to tuck the cattle and horses in each night.

I’ve always hated the cold. Your father was a master negotiator to get me to settle in Bern.

Dear Olga (the cow, if you’d forgotten) is absolutely delighted you and your brother are gone. She’s getting the attention she feels she rightfully deserves again now. I swear, animals are just humans in different-shaped bodies.

Now that uninterested parties are tuned out, I’ll get to the heart of it: it was rotten, what you did. Leaving a note and disappearing into the mist? It pains me to think I taught you that. From now on, always remember: if it’s something your mother would have done, don’t do it. In fact, that goes for both your parents. You were always wiser than us. We were blessed to have you in our lives at all, let alone as our precious child.

Now that I’ve found you again, Lloyd, there is no way I’m going to let you go. You and your brother will forever be my greatest joys, the loves of my life. I truly thought I was doing best by you by leaving, but finding you again has made me rethink all of that. I think, all this time, I’ve been missing you. Finding Alexei was wonderful, but nothing can eclipse the love I have for you and Linus. You’re my children. It’s impossible to put into words what that means. It means I’d do anything for you, including letting you go.

But I think the time for letting go is over. I think it’s time to hold on.

I’m sorry I taught you to say goodbye without meeting faces. I’m sorry I taught you that running away is a good idea. But the fact of the matter is, Lloyd, your mother was a stupid young woman, and she made stupid decisions. The only thing she’s ever been good at is running away.

Well, I’m trying to change that now. I hope you’ll let me prove I can be a person who stays with you.

Love,

Leonie

P.S. — You’re going to have to do better than that if you want to hide from your mother.

P.P.S. — Believe me, I’m happy you settled somewhere I can mail, but you don’t need to jump into something new so suddenly. Your father and company were just destroyed. You need time to mourn. Take that time. Focus on yourself, for once. And anyway, you have to do it, because it’s a request from your dear old mother. You wouldn’t ignore a request from your sweet, aging mother, would you!

Lloyd couldn't recall the last time he'd received a letter that was personal and not just a note with orders or a summons back to the keep. It had instantly put him on guard. Linus didn't send him letters, there was never a need, even if he went off further from the monastery and its surrounding areas. Lloyd had been fairly certain he hadn't let slip any information on where they were going when they left Elibe, even to those they trusted that were still around.

Then he opened it, and immediately recognized the handwriting within. Even before he properly started to read it, the letter's mere existence and who it was from made his throat tighten.

Of course, she started it off as if they were just chatting. Like it was nothing but a casual talk among friends. She'd always been good at that; he remembered this skill of hers on more than one occasion, tackling something difficult to discuss with a deceptively sunny start. He couldn't tell if it was her way of softening a blow, or lulling you in so you couldn't avoid the conversation.

For all that Bern’s weather was harsh, the land cold and unyielding, Lloyd felt a deep-sinking pang of loss and longing as he read his mother’s words. Winters were harsh and lonely. The days were dark and cold. People’s tempers flared easier and if it wasn’t a good year, there was a dreadful sort of tension as you sat in what warmth you could pull from stone walls.

But it was home, and he missed it like a limb lost from some ragged wound.

The cow hadn’t liked him?

It was such a ridiculous, sudden thought that he couldn’t help the short burst of confounded laughter that escaped him.

As soon as the laugh came, it was choked back down into his chest.

It was rotten, what you did.

The parchment crinkled slightly at the edges where he held it, jaw tight and eyes roaming over inked words once, twice -- a few too many times. He knew it was ironic, she did as well. That knowledge didn’t make it any easier to read. He knew that leaving without saying anything properly had been a poor decision; he was, as she pointed out, doing the same thing she had done. At the time, he’d been able to convince himself that it would be safer, easier, better if they simply disappeared from their mother’s new and more comfortable life. He had justified it in his mind, just as she had when she chose to leave all those years ago.

There was no taking it back now.

But, really, how could she say that and expect him to follow through? Did she think so little of herself and the things she’d taught him? Did she truly think that everything he had learned from her in their short time together had been bad? She’d taught him the finesse of swordsmanship -- the flow of it, the movement, better than Brendan had been able to. She’d instilled in him that passion of learning, the drive to help those that needed it beyond what they could pay.

Lloyd ran a hand over his face, grip loosening a little on the letter. Cold fingers curled in front of his mouth, thumb pressing harsh against his cheek and hazel eyes shifting from one spot to another without staying on any for too long.

Why could they never speak of these things when it mattered? When they were right in front of each other, before one of them made a choice that kept them apart? She had thought she was doing what was best back when he was a boy, and he thought he was doing what would keep her safe now. Both was resulting in lost time they wouldn’t be able to regain.

You need time to mourn.

That made something flare in his chest, and he either could not or refused to put a name to it. He was doing that-- Wasn’t he? He was moving on, he was doing something good and not just...wallowing. What good would come from dwelling on losses that he had a hand in creating? Was he not already feeling that pain? Why give it anymore of his mind, his soul, than it was already consuming...

“That’s something you didn’t teach me how to do,” he murmured to himself, pushing himself off of the wall he’d been leaning against as he read, carefully folding the letter back up and sliding it into a pocket of his jacket.

#[serena i just want you to know that he's crying]#[you made the boy cry]#[he probably met up with linus to blubber]#[much to linus' annoyance]#[i was going to have him write back but this already got Long]#[but maybe i'll do that in another post]#[lloyd is very unwell dont look at him]#[ answered ask ]

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thestarsarealigning · 3 years

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What the signs wanna do when they feel sad

Aries you usually want to indulge in the sadness. Watch YouTube videos of children being adopted and of dogs being saved to get all the tears washed out. When the weather is stormy, you will literally run outside to feel like you're one with the wind and be kind of glad that no one sees your tears in the rain. When it's sunny you get extra mad though, cause the weather doesn't match your mood. Dramatic much, babygirl? But don't let anyone tell you which emotions you should suppress (me included), suppressing anything doesn't make it better. Feel them all.

Taurus you probably pretend the sadness isn't there for most of the day, then break down when you're alone. Cuddling under the blankets, talking to your plants (it's not weird when it's working to get your mood better!) and maybe, just maybe, letting a roommate make you a cup of tea and talking it all through with them. It can help to let people in, but you're entitled to your secrets as well, if you want to keep them. However you feel safe.

Gemini when you're sad, you want nobody to know but you want everybody to know at the same time. You want to keep it private, but what you really need is the comfort of friends being there for you. You tend to not tell anybody because your sadness is so sudden, so immediate and groundbreakingly deep, that you don't think anyone else could deal with the surprise of it. But you really wish, someone would just magically know... and understand.

Cancer You want to feel seen in your sadness. It can be a challenge for you, because you're already so close to your emotions. So every time something sad happens, you might feel like you can't show it - everybody would be like "oh this again". What you do not know however, is how others admire your capability to feel deeply and show it. Not everyone is so connected to their inner self. Let it be a gift to you.

Leo when you are sad, you think you'd need an army to get you upright again. When actually, all you need is one single person who knows you, to listen closely. To tell you what you're good at and what you mean to them. Do not be afraid to share your pain, it could help so much to just let someone take some of the weight off you. You already know who you need to talk to.

Virgo when you're sad, you might find solace in some words you wrote down, in a book someone lent you, or in a song. It's through shared melancholy that you start to feel that you understand what you're really going through. That is an important tool you need to keep track of. The mediums that help you feel better are something that cannot only distract you, but more so deepen your comprehension for yourself, and therefore your sympathy for yourself. Use them often.

Libra The way in which you feel sad might not be understandable to everyone, as you tend to be unable to show all of it. Please know that there is no wrong way to feel the feels. You are worthy of support and you don't have to burst out crying just to prove how much someone hurt you. You might just know it yourself, deep in your mind. It's still worth explaining and it might even be good for you to open up about it. Maybe there will be a perspective you hadn't thought about.

Scorpio when you're sad, you're mad. You're mad at the whole world. And rightfully so one might say, cause it has lead you here. The thing is: you have a right to feel that way. You have been let down, and it's totally okay to feel horrible about it. "It's gonna get better" doesn't help you, because you live in the now. But maybe it helps to think about it this way: all emotions are true. All of them have a right to be here right now. You don't have to debase them, you can just... acknowledge that they are here right now, without judging yourself for having them. Just let yourself be angry right now. That's totally justified.

Sagittarius when you're sad, it's more often than not because of something a person did to you, often unknowing it would hurt you. Baby. Darling. Honey. It's gonna be okay. This is not the end, and I know it sucks to feel left out or just not understood, but sometimes other people do stupid things. Sometimes they lack the empathy and the understanding to get why that thing they did hurt you, and sometimes they just don't want to understand. But: there are others, others that will treat you right. And here's a little secret for you: the ones that are good for you outweigh the other ones by far. If not by number, then by power. One person makes you laugh? Makes all the dumb people small like bugs.

Capricorn when you're sad, it might help to channel your sadness through art, through writing or meditation. If you create something and pour all your grief into it, you can release so much more than just the pent-up emotions. You can release better energy to move forward. It doesn't even have to be good, or pretty, it just has to be yours. You don't have to show it to anyone. Just... make something.

Aquarius when you're sad, the world around you will usually know, but only those who pay close attention. You can hide quite a bit, but if you're not truly "there" in the moment, friends will notice your absent-mindedness. You have to give them a chance and let them in if you want a guiding hand. They might feel your sadness, but you are good at hiding, and nobody can really read your mind. Other people might know an easier escape than the one you could think of alone. The world can feel so light when someone has a surprising solution for your problem. Or, you know... Just a shoulder to cry on.

Pisces as you're a very caring person, the world feels upside down when you're sad yourself. If you don't care about all this and don't listen to horoscopes anyway that's fine, but just remember this one thing: others can only help you if you let them in. And there might be more love and understanding in store for you than what you could imagine to deserve. Your empathy and all the good you bring into the world do not go unnoticed. You will get this positive energy back to you, I promise. People are a mirror. And you my friend, emanate something pretty good to reflect back.

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shadowhuntering · 3 years

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Matthew & Alastair comparison

I’ve been re-reading Chain of Gold in prep for Chain of Iron and I've noticed that Matthew and Alastair are a foil of each other.

I’ve also been re-reading Cast Long Shadows for investigative purposes and it furthers my realization.

Matthew and Alastair have been through similar issues, but are the opposite (if that makes sense) in some ways. eg. Alastair had to pick up after Elias who is a drunk; Matthew is also a drunk. How they responded to these issues tells you a lot about their nature.

This is my observations, purely for analytical purposes so if I sound particularly harsh towards a character, I do not mean to be.

1. Personalities are the opposite to the other.

Matthew’s personality is literally meant to "blind people" because he's sunny, outgoing and is meant to be the life of the party (or his mask).

Alastair on the other hand is literally "dark" he is broody, not very forth coming and can be very prickly

Ironically though, both have the façade of being conceited when they are the opposite. Though you could argue that Matthew’s alcoholism is a result of being selfish. However, he has little regard for himself which is the danger.

Definition of selfish: Concerned chiefly or excessively with oneself, and having little regard for others.

2. They share a similar notion of love not being real, or won't last.

Alastair just having a very pessimistic view in general, but Matthew says it about himself. He has full faith that other people will have happiness, where he doesn’t see it happening for himself.

3. Alastair is unapologetically himself, whereas with Matthew he hasn’t been himself for a while, and even back before the events of Cast Long Shadows he was trying to fulfill what people needed at the time.

Matthew cares too much about the people around him to think about himself, but also tries not to care as he fulfills the bad reputation people have of him. He has a mask/façade(s) to help liven or distract, yet he also openly degrades himself. He keeps people at arms length so that they will not be disappointed by him, but also forms close bonds with people. He so badly wants someone to love him, but he doesn't want to help himself or be vulnerable to other people. He’s a walking contradiction.

Alastair does regret the things he did, but he doesn't think less of himself because of them. He did all those things to protect himself from hurt. Alastair also doesn’t care for his attitude. It’s not his problem if people don’t like it basically 😂 He clearly has people he cares about like Sona and Cordelia and prioritises them also. He is also actively trying to right his wrongs on not dwell on his past. He wants to move on with his life.

4. Matthew doesn't want to help himself, Alastair does want to help himself and become a better person.

Matthew openly degrades himself yet keeps his own secrets and thoughts of himself. He self-destructs as he feels he deserves it, even when people reach out and try to care for his well-being and that of others they also love (eg. Lucie’s confrontation). He doesn't see that he is hurting the people around him and also himself because of his attitude towards his own life really. He doesn’t have much of a quality for life. He is clearly depressed. He fails to let anyone in because he doesn’t want to help himself and also thinks too much about what people think of him when honestly the perception they have of him now is probably much lower now because 1. how he has chosen to deal with his mistake 2. how he has kept it to himself therefore making it look like the people who care about him would cast him out.

Alastair knows what he did wrong and is trying to improve himself for the betterment of himself. It was evident that at the time of Cordelia finding out about Charles, he wanted to break free, but once he got over being mad at Cordelia for snooping (rightfully so tbh) he understood that she loves him and would give him the support he needed; he had the inspiration from her to commit to moving forward and make amends for himself. Sure, he kept people at arms length in order to protect himself but inherently he does make himself vulnerable for other people. He still let in Charles, made himself vulnerable to love. Then with Thomas... he let Thomas see his guard down in Paris (and before that Thomas just saw right through him) and he ended up allowing Cordelia in, taking heed of her advice and love. He knew that Charles was hurting him and other people, so he stood up to him. He is much more open and vulnerable which is ironic really.

To me, the progression Alastair has already made makes me believe that the same will come for Matthew. However, the bottom line here is that Matthew self-destructs and doesn’t want to help himself whereas Alastair wants to be a better person and look after himself. Alastair has self-love which is what Matthew severely lacks.

5. Both had to grow up fast due to responsibilities of looking after their father...

Matthew arguably has "Mommy issues". This is not me making excuses for Matthew, or even criticizing Charlotte in any way, this is just my interpretation of Cast Long Shadows...

Matthew seems to have low self-esteem and love for himself due to abandonment issues it seems. He probably felt abandoned as a child by Charlotte. It's not that he was unsupportive of her or holds anything against her, but when you look at it objectively, his upbringing shaped his reaction to Alastair and to himself. She literally left him crying at 6 years old and told him to "look after your father" as she had to go off with Charles. Cast Long Shadows is a huge emphasis of how the feeling of abandonment from Charlotte, leading to how he instantly believed that Charlotte had an affair with Gideon and took drastic action. This I feel is because he never felt comfortable to openly discuss to her about himself really. He also didn't trust her...

I do not wish to insult Charlotte as her job is serious and I'm so proud of her, but unfortunately, due to it, it made an impact on who Matthew is now. He didn't trust, nor feel comfortable enough to sit down and talk to Charlotte because he never really got to know her properly or wanted to burden her. It probably also felt like she had favoritism over Charles, and Matthew didn't want to step on her toes. She also never noticed the little things he did like make her favourite scones and he just went feeling unloved or unappreciated (though he should have said something?). She would ask of him to be sensible, didn't really engage much in his humor which probably contributed to how he viewed himself as well as he already was so self-conscious and was vying for her attention. No offense to Henry but his immersion into his science probably left Matthew feeling abandoned as well as he was the one caring for him, then Christopher is the one who understands and engages. Matthew was his carer, effectively, making sure he ate, drank, slept and wheeled him about. He did love his father though, so he didn’t mind. Though Henry does praise him when he breaks the news about them expecting which just made Matthew feel more guilty of his accidental poisoning.

It’s like Matthew wants all of the attention, but he never voices what he wants aloud. This results with no one paying him much heed. In Cast Long Shadows there is also a comparison to James and Lucie’s relationship with Tessa and Will. James and Lucie have communication with their parents, along with known support and trust. Matthew does not seem to have this as he seems too afraid to voice it, not because he is scared of Charlotte and Henry, but because he is too considerate of them. I also find it Ironic that the next story in GotSM is Every Exquisite Thing where there is a huge emphasis of Anna and Cecily’s relationship with each other. Anna being too scared that Cecily would be critical and not understand her, but when Cecily comes to Anna at her worst, she completely understood Anna and supported her, making her feel better. To me this is another stark contrast to Matthew where his parents are too busy to build a good relationship with him, and when there is a heart to heart (Henry talking with Matthew) it is too late and doesn’t ease his mind. Anna also points out how no one would approach Matthew because “he did not do well under confinement”- it makes sense, he doesn’t like confrontation.

(I can go into further detail about Cast Long Shadows with Matthew’s upbringing being detrimental to his view of himself)

Alastair however has "Daddy issues". Alastair has a similar case of looking after his father, but he came to resent his father because he never got himself better or was so drunk to even remember or acknowledge Alastair and his help or I suppose confront his problem. Alastair knows what it can do and simply does not want to re-live it, and as Cordelia is now friends with Matthew, he doesn't want Cordelia being hurt by Matthew either or having to pick up after him as he did for Elias. That is also where they butt heads. It is too coincidental that Matthew is also drinking to forget, and is not wanting to make himself be better and deal with it. Alastair is trying to protect Cordelia, but he is also allowing her to make decisions for herself.

In ChoG Alastair says he was 10 when he learnt to fill the brandy bottles with water to mask the levels that had been drunk. He was probably picking up his father and "looking after him" well before that. Alastair tried to protect Cordelia from this because he was being more considerate for her sake. He wanted her to have a childhood he was robbed of. He is also being a foil here of Charles. Charles was so self-involved that he never decided to even think about his younger brother, Matthew. Alastair was compassionate; Charles was not. Alastair is a good older brother; Charles was not and was even accusatory that Matthew being parabatai with James and being in London is what caused Charlotte to be ill... he just has so much resentment...

I also believe that Alastair wanted the burden off of his mother, and I'm wondering if he knows more about Sona and her feelings towards Elias being sour and terrified (This is I feel what is indicated in the teaser of when Elias appears where Sona seems to go pale) despite rushing to him and hugging him etc.

“Sona went white and laid a hand against the wall to steady herself. "Elias?"”

Alastair was bitter and twisted and he never wanted people to know because he knew it was a weak spot for him. It is what sparked him telling Matthew the rumor in the first place.

“ "I wish I could say the same for you," said Matthew. "Has no kind soul thought to inform you that your hairstyle is, to use the gentlest words available to me, ill-advised? A friend? Your papa? Does nobody care enough to prevent you from making a spectacle of yourself? Or are you simply too busy perpetrating acts of evil upon the innocent to bother about your unfortunate appearance?" “

...

“Instead Alastair said: "Who are you to play the moralist, talking about tricks and papas, considering the circumstances of your birth?" “

He ultimately had inherited his father's shame which was wrong. It's what Cordelia has told him as well. Alastair shouldn't have to think of the mess of Elias; it is his shame to deal with, not Alastair’s.

Though arguably, as a result of Alastair giving Cordelia an innocent childhood, it opened the doors for Cordelia to want to reach out for him, due to her optimism and love, and as he loves his sister dearly, he takes what she has to say to heart. They will now face things together as a support network and hopefully they also have communication with their mother. Although their family may be "broken" they arguably have more communication and togetherness than Matthew does with his family.

(Sorry, that bit was long)

6. Result of their nature after childhood being robbed

Matthew seems to act more of a "child" anyways, being more “frivolous”. He is being reckless, he is a little petty as well. Whereas Alastair decided to grow up too fast and is more mature and relatively grounded. It did harden him to begin with, but he doesn’t want to completely isolate himself. He’s just simply more rational. This I feel is in their nature though, not nurture.

7. Matthew is slowly driving everyone away, this is kind of what Alastair tried to achieve

Alastair at the Academy decided that he would be the bully in order not to be the one being ridiculed, thinking that he would be better off and retain a hard skin, but all it did was make him regret and never allowed him to create good bonds with people. Then when he came back from the Academy, he distanced himself from Cordelia. I interpreted this as him dealing with his guilt and regret and tried to not get Cordelia too close to him because of it, but Cordelia cared about him too much. Though it could’ve just been that he got too used to having a hard skin, not letting anyone close. Throughout ChoG he builds his bond with Cordelia, and we also see James coming around to Alastair. Thomas as always was curious and saw his better side and Christopher was seemed ready to give him a second chance. Though due to Matthew’s spew at the end, there is distance between him and Thomas and others (save Jordelia).

Matthew is driving everyone away, simply because he is being so reckless. He had originally established good relationships with people. Then, when Lucie confronts him he literally avoids it, no matter how realistic she was being and how much he cared for her, but that was it; he cared too much for her to tell her. We see that even James will snap at him in COI

Teaser #41: "There is no point to it," said Matthew. "If you will never see reason or good sense—"

"Because you're a bastion of reason and good sense?" James snapped. He knew he had a temper, just like his father; his anger spilled past everything else, tasting of copper and fury. "Matthew, you are drunk. For all I know, you mean nothing you are saying."

"I mean all of it," Matthew protested. "In vino veritas—"

"Don't you quote Latin at me," said James. "Even if you were sober, you've never taken love seriously enough to lecture me. Your passions have been a series of dalliances and ill-conceived attachments. Look at me and tell me there is something you love more than that bottle in your hand."

Matthew also decides to move out and get his own place to force independence and probably drive even more of a wedge between himself and Charlotte. We also knows he has an argument with Charlotte; his apartment and car is undoubtedly a result of that, escaping the conflict and confrontation.

Anna had wanted to talk to him (Every Exquisite Thing), Magnus also wanted to help him. Lucie has always wanted to help for the sake of James and James has always known something was off. They just know that he wouldn’t say anything, and I think most were in the hopes that he would eventually say something. We know that Cordelia is most likely the one he tells thankfully! It is ironic that it is Cordelia for both Alastair and Matthew as well. So it already looks like Chain of Iron will provide the break and repair of relationships for Matthew, similar to Alastair’s progression of self-love.

8. Matthew is very open about his sexuality. Alastair does try and keep it hidden, however it’s more complicated. This is a reflection of their concern of judgement.

Although Matthew keeps things to himself, he admittedly is not afraid of what people think of him as his expectations of himself are so low. However, he is also ruled by the expectations of others, all through his life people had low expectations of him (again, another thing that influenced his actions in general) and he feels to fulfill that obscure one in spite?? The reputation the he has, has always been obscured because in everyone's eyes it will and always has been Charles who will inherit and uphold the good reputation as Consul as they don’t see Matthew as smart or responsible. However, the latter there he doesn’t help prove them wrong...

Alastair keeps his sexuality secret, that is until Cordelia finds out and he eventually warms up to her. Plus he was dependent of Charles as well, but committed himself that he wouldn’t be the side-dish. He wants to love himself for himself, not be hidden as a secret.

There is also a "reputation" element of the family that he still wants to uphold. He is learning though that he has to put himself first and should make amends for his reputation and not have to be burdened by others. Though I would argue that Cordelia is the one who is more concerned about it, but now she knows the truth she is wavering. It’s more complex.

To conclude:

I feel like their stories will either reflect the other, or will be intertwined somehow. As Alastair has dealt with a drunk and looks down upon alcoholism in general because of his experience makes me believe that Matthew might need Alastair's perspective to grow up. Once he understands Alastair I feel it may pave the way for forgiving and loving himself.

Alastair was the "spark" of making him spiral, but he was well on his way of questioning his family's loyalty and love of him before that (hence why we were given so much background) and it played into his weakness. Matthew I think wants to take it out on Alastair (he says he didn't blame Alastair or the Faerie. Alastair is just easy to take his frustration out on) as he is not prepared to come to terms with himself or even his family for that matter for his grievance. He loves his family very much and that’s why he feels so guilty, but it's wrong for him to believe so easily and hide his guilt away and that has to be due to his upbringing...

tldr; Alastair and Matthew have stark comparisons to each other that it’s probable that they are detrimental to each other’s character arcs.

@sparkofsummer

#tsc #matthew fairchild #alastair carstairs #coi #tlh #chog #cog2 #chain of iron #chain of gold #the last hours #shadowhunters #the shadowhunter chronicles

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jjdoggies-fanfics · 4 years

Text

Day 5: Guilt

Link to Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27396187

@fivevanya

Title: Little Do You Know, I’m Still Haunted By The Memories

She’d done it again.

For a third time.

Caused the apocalypse, or nearly did.

She was the reason Five spent nearly his entire life in the Apocalypse. She was the reason they had to flee to fucking Dallas, in the 60’s. She is the reason Ben died, and is replaced with this Other Ben. And she was the reason they came back, only to be kicked out of their own house.

Vanya honestly wished sometimes, that she could go back. To that blissfully oblivious month. When she believed she could live a normal life with Sissy and Harlan. Back when she didn’t have to deal with her family, or memories, or powers.

After they’d returned to 2019, being kicked out of their (former apparently) childhood home soon after, they splintered apart, again.

Allison made her way to Los Angeles, hoping Claire was still waiting for her; bringing Luther with her.

Diego similarly left, mentioning something about a friend of his and finding Lila. Klaus solemnly following behind him, wallowing in the loss of Ben. Their Ben. Because of Her.

While Five had stayed back, discussing something with their father, likely about not screwing up this timeline. About Her not ruining another timeline.

After everyone else splintered off, going their separate ways, again, Vanya alone, again. And somehow it hurt more being alone, being abandoned, forgotten, ignored, isolated, again.

Perhaps, it is because, this time, it made sense.

Because this time, she had done several things that likely caused her siblings to leave her. Namely, causing the apocalypse, for a second and third time, almost killing Allison, and actually killing Ben. Just to name a few.

Vanya silently wished she could return to The Academy, if only to use the basement. The bunker. The cell. Her prison. To lock herself away, like their father had, like Luther had, because, they were right. She was, is a monster. A bomb. A ticking time clock. The apocalypse.

She deserved to be locked up. Locked away. Kept away from everyone. From Allison. From Ben. Klaus. Diego. Luther. From Five.

She is a monster, and always will be.

She was destined to either end the world. Or, be killed, like a wild animal, by the people she grew up with.

She was never meant to be ordinary. She was never meant to be extraordinary. She never should have been born. Never been given the chance to live. To hurt. To kill.

An itch had spread, from her wrist, up her arms, across her chest, around her neck, and down her back. Spreading all around. Infecting everywhere. Ruining everything.

Like she did.

Everything felt wrong.

It felt like Vanya didn’t belong in her own skin. In this body, despite it being her own. Or, at least she thought so. There was another thing. Another being. Personality. Alter ego. Living, residing inside her. One that had a thirst for blood, pain, revenge, murder. A constant voice in the back of her mind, telling her, pleading with her, begging her, to be freed. To hurt. To kill.

And for a while, Vanya had been able to silence the voice. For a month. In Dallas. She, It, was gone. And Vanya hadn’t noticed, until It came back. Bringing memories she’d rather have forgotten forever with It. Haunting her. Taunting her. Torturing her.

From the moment they touched down back in 2019, It was stronger than Vanya could ever remember.

Whispering to her all the reasons that Diego hated her, wishing she was dead. Every secret moment they’d shared forever tainted by the blood she’d ever spilt, the invisible wounds she tore open and sold to the world, for a second of no longer being a nobody.

Taunting her with the memory of Luther rightfully squeezing the air from her lungs, when he should have waited for her heart to stop. As much as it burned, and hurt, at the moment, feeling as if the life was draining from her body, there had never been as much bliss that Vanya felt in her entire life than when she thought that the pain would stop. For good.

Reminding her as she looked at Other Ben, that it was her fault. It was always her fault. Every time. Because she wasn’t enough. She was never enough.

Ceaselessly filling her mind with images of accidentally slashing Allison’s throat, watching her sister bleed out on the floor, every time she glanced at her sister. Memories of hearing Allison and Klaus talking, and laughing, without her, as they did each other’s hair and nails. Bonding. Not needing, or wanting, their stupid ordinary sister hanging around. Never wanting her to be around. And still don’t.

Reliving every single time she had thought about how lucky Klaus was to have powers, ignoring all his complaints about the terrors that filled every waking moment and that clawed their ways into his dreams, because he had powers. He should be grateful to not be ordinary like she’d been. But, he didn’t end the world twice. Or kill his siblings.

Telling her that she was the reason Five was still in a teenage body. The reason that he suffered, for 45 years. Alone. Forced to join Them. Because of Her.

Hissing for her to stop Reginald’s heart again. To finally get revenge. For the imprisonment. The pills. The lies. The loneliness. The exile. The pain. The suffering. The hatred. The self-hatred.

But she couldn’t and never would.

For she was too much of a coward. Of a weakling. Too desperate for the attention. Or affection. The acknowledgment. To do anything to ruin it. But she already had.

She always did.

Always ruining everything. Because she never fit in. Never belonged. Not with Hargreeves. Not with her mother. Not with Leon- Harold, or with Sissy. Nowhere, with no one. Never had. Once had. Never will. Not again. As she was never meant to exist.

There was rain. Practically pouring around her.

She hadn’t noticed.

Too wrapped up in her own shit again to realize there was a world outside of her mind. Being selfish and self-centered again. Typical Vanya. Typical Number Seven. She hadn’t noticed the sky’s shift from partly sunny to being dark, cold rain pouring down. There was a reason she’d been given the lowest number. And it was very simple, she was the worst, at everything.

She should probably move, stop sitting on the bench she hadn’t felt herself sit at in the first place, move somewhere dry, and safe. She didn’t deserve to be safe, not after what she’s done. What she could do. Maybe, if she sits in the freezing rain for long enough, sitting in her thoroughly soaked and now cold clothes, she will simply, die. As she’s meant to. Or, perhaps God, the little girl in the sky, will strike her down where she sits. Putting everyone out of their misery by removing her from existence.

She’s too much of a coward to do it herself.

She’s tried.

She’s tired. Too tired.

“Vanya?” Who was that? She felt like she’s supposed to remember this voice. “What the fuck are you doing? Are you an idiot?” The voice, attached to a boy. Five. Except, he wasn’t a boy. He looked older. Older than she could ever remember. He was pulling her from the bench, and in a flash, a flash of blue, she, they, were out of the rain. In some building. There was no one with them, only boxes. It was kind of dark. There were fingers in front of her face. Snapping. They were Five’s. “Vanya? You with me?”

Vanya nodded.

“What’s going on with you? I looked for you everywhere.” Five, he didn’t sound upset, or angry, like Vanya expected. He just sounded, “Are you okay?” concerned.

Vanya nodded. Again. Adding, “I’m fine. Sorry.”

He gave her a look. It wasn’t one she liked. But, it wasn’t a mean one either. Not like the one Five from the Brain Dinner had. “What are you sorry for? Just don’t wander off without me next time.”

“I’m sorry.” Vanya said, head dropping, eyes trained on the floor, feeling like she did every time she disappointed anyone, but especially their father, filled with shame, “Sorry for everything.”

There was silence. Vanya hated the silence, more that she hated It. The silence, left her alone with It.

“Vanya?” Five. There was a hand on her wrist, rain wasn’t hitting the metal roof anymore. “It’s okay.”

“How can it be okay? I did, horrible things.” Vanya asked, wishing she had the strength to pulled her wrist from Five’s grasp. But she simply didn’t.

Five took a hold of her other wrist. “If it makes anything better, I forgive you.” Her eyes met his. “I never blamed you, but I still forgive you.” Vanya gave him a weak smile, his forgiveness easing the weight on her chest and quieted Its voice for a bit. Five’s hands slid from her wrists to her shoulders, “Vanya.”

“Five.”

“There’s something very important that I need to tell you Vanya.” Five said, waiting for some confirmation from her, and when Vanya gave him a shy nod, Five told her. “I love you Vanya Hargreeves.”

Vanya knew that her face was completely flushed, feeling the heat spreading across her skin. Needless to say, that hadn’t been what she’d expected him to say. But, regardless, she told him that, “I love you too, Five Hargreeves.”

And just like that. Everything clicked. She fit. Vanya was home.

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sullivanspade · 3 years

Text

A Literal Nightmare

The final glorious note of the performance resonated through the packed auditorium and Sullivan, along with everyone else in the audience, launched from their seats into a standing ovation. Many had tears in their eyes from the emotional ending scene as the applause grew deafening, but Sullivan’s sentiment was much deeper than the casual theater-enthusiast. As if on cue, the gorgeous raven-haired man taking his much-deserved bows centerstage, straightened up and looked directly at him. Sullivan’s heart leapt, thankfully kept firmly in place by the considerable knot in his throat. And, being the dramatic that he is, Sunny then raised his hand to his lips, placing a kiss there before theatrically blowing it in his direction.

Heart on the verge of imploding and any and all inner thoughts reduced to keyboard smash literacy, Sullivan stopped clapping only because he needed to verify that his cheeks weren’t actually on fire. It certainly felt like they were. He couldn’t hide his beaming smile though or the adoration that made his dark eyes sparkle. He felt so special in that moment. Adored and cherished and...loved, as Sunny took a moment to appreciate him when they were literally in a room packed with a vast range of Kadeu’s ranked, who were all applauding in appreciation of Sunny.

A strange but familiar buzzing started and gradually began to rival the cacophonous applause echoing in the room. Sullivan’s euphoria began to wear off as the feeling of hundreds of eyes penetrated his happiness. Suddenly, he remembered it was not just he and Sunny in the room. He reluctantly tore his eyes away from Yongsun and instantly regretted it. He’d never seen or felt so many people looking at him. The room felt like it was beginning to spin and from the corner of his eye, Sullivan’s horror increased when he realized Sunny was gesturing for him to come down...and join him on stage.

Sullivan couldn’t even shake his head in protest before he felt himself LEVITATING out of Sunny’s box. He gasped in horror, flailing helplessly before remembering that hundreds of people were now staring at him if they weren’t already before. He went absolutely rigid, silently cursing Ara for taking it upon herself to include him in this involuntary game of ‘light as a feather, stiff as a board.’

Descending helplessly toward the stage and into Sunny’s beckoning arms, Sullivan did his best to hide behind him as soon as he was placed on his feet. He smiled widely and laughed, seeming to misinterpret Sullivan’s discomfort as his usual coyness and dislike of overwhelming attention. The stage was Sunny’s home. A place where he felt comfortable, but it was certainly not the same for Sullivan. There were so many people looking at him. Too many people. He felt exposed, almost violated now that he was trapped centerstage under the scrutinizing gaze of the audience.

Barred by Yongsun’s impossibly strong arms, Sullivan began to look around at the audience members, both incredibly curious as to who was watching him and afraid to see what they thought. He recognized certain faces immediately, his trepidation mounting as he analyzed their expressions and somehow missed glaringly obvious clues that this scenario was the working of his inner fears.

The first person he noticed was Ara in the wings, smiling beautifully and giving him two enthusiastic thumbs up with unmistakable ‘you’re doing amazing, sweetie’ energy. Gaze traveling toward the front of the crowd, he spied Prospero and more notably, Eva, who was repeatedly yanking on the poor man’s arm and shouting ‘What’s happening?! WHAT IS HAPPENING?!’ He realized belatedly that she was much younger than she should be. Eyes moving directly upwards, Sayge catching his attention.

She stood in her box, arms crossed over her chest and looked incredibly disinterested in the situation that was bordering on traumatic for Sullivan. She was unmoving except for her top hand, which was busily rolling a poker chip over and across her knuckles impressively. The lights on the stage brightened, making it increasingly harder to see, but there was no mistaking the figure beside her. Zuihuo Joui...the bloody Ace of Hearts...completely buck-ass nude, long luxurious black hair draped over his body with strategic Lady Godiva style.

Sullivan’s eyes narrowed as he continued to stare against the intensifying lights. Joui smirked impishly, clutching the journal he’d given him for his birthday as he furiously scribbled down onto paper whatever Sullivan might’ve gleaned from a more expressive expression. The deception left Sullivan distinctly annoyed but sensing from the Ace’s movement that a hair flip of scandalous proportion was underway, Sullivan rightfully averted his precious eyes.

Only to have them land in the box below, where Max was sitting on Bestram Beryl’s lap, his cheek bouncing repeatedly against her bosom as she enthusiastically clapped with her arm around his neck. At this point, the lights intensified to a blinding level. Sullivan let go of Sunny’s arm with one hand to try and block the light but it was no use. He was blind.

The light enveloped him completely, warming him from the inside out. The comfortable sensation starkly contrasted the confusing dream nightmare he’d escaped, so he tried not to question the timely rescue.

“Darling boy, you are ill-prepared for the dark times that await you.”

Sullivan can’t hear the sudden voice as much as he immediately understands the light’s intended message. The words and the light are warm, almost like this entity is smiling at him, but there is something else there too, underneath. Something jagged...wild...dangerous.

“I’ve seen your past. Though they were meddling where they had no right, it seems someone has tried to help you once already.”

Sullivan’s trepidation slowly begins to force its way into the sugar-coated scenario at the revelation that this being has ‘seen his past.’ At the mention of meddling and help he’d been given, Sullivan had an immediate influx of candidates as many, many people have offered him help, but there was only two who had aided him on a ‘magical’ level and only one had been unbidden.

“This is the last of the assistance you’ll get. Never say Shukra didn’t help you.”

Sullivan jolted awake, sitting upright in one fluid movement that pulled a mountain of blankets with him. Gradually he regained his bearings, realizing that despite waking up drenched in sweat and with a massive headache, he was in familiar surroundings. Cold morning light painted hazy squares on the floor of his study. The remnants of a fire smoldered in the hearth to his right, a sleeping Adonis at his left.

Relieved that he hadn’t woken him, Sullivan pulled off his saturated pajama top before returning to his rightful place in the crook of Sunny’s arm. He turned toward him this time, laying his cheek on Sunny’s bare chest, comforted by the warmth and the slow rise and fall of his breaths. The headache, nor the dream would leave him as he absently stared at the opposite wall. He spent much of his free time here, especially in the evenings. The room itself was a canvas for Sullivan’s studies. The walls were painted a deep charcoal gray and covered, at most times from floor to ceiling, with Sullivan’s sketches and scribbles. (I shouldn’t say that. Sullivan has never scribbled a day in his life.)

His eyes focus on one particular section of writing, one that he’d painstakingly transcribed from the grimoire the River Witch had given him. One that he was having a particularly difficult time deciphering to the point that he could translate it. One that now looked unequivocally clear from his vantage point.

Sullivan sat up abruptly, this time bumping Sunny in the process and stirring him from sleep. It was only a moment later when he clumsily scrambled over the chiseled torso in between him and the now legible wall. Sullivan put his palms alongside the text, kneeling as he stared in amazement. His eyes were wide as saucers as he looked around wildly, gasping in astonishment as one by one, the mysteries revealed themselves.

Finally, when the realization had sunken in good and well, Sullivan turned to his confused and concerned partner with all the uncontainable excitement and elation welling inside of him.

“I CAN READ!” he exclaimed, almost overcome with gratitude from this unforeseen ‘divine’ intervention.

Wednesday 11 November 2020; Midnight.

You are sleeping. The dream you’re having halts abruptly and you become aware you’re dreaming. A light appears at the edge of your vision, an impossibly bright, golden light. Even as you turn to look at it you see nothing but a light that feels both like it’s searing your eyes as well as gently warming your very soul.

It speaks to you without words, though you understand it all. “Darling boy, you are ill-prepared for the dark times that await you.” You are still blinded by the light, but you feel as though you’re being smiled at. Yet, you can’t shake the feeling the expression is somehow feral. “I’ve seen your past. Though they were meddling where they had no right, it seems someone has tried to help you once already.” The light reaches towards you until all you see, eyes closed or open, is searing golden light that penetrates your brain. As your consciousness fades you hear these departing words, “This is the last of the assistance you’ll get. Never say Shukra didn’t help you.”

You awaken abruptly, drenched in sweat with a blinding headache. Eventually, you realize something’s changed. Acting on instinct, you fetch the tome the River Witch gifted you. You can now read the ancient demonic language.

You have been blessed by Shukra, Guru of the demons, bestower of knowledge.

#kadeu: plot drop #[ first please let me apologize to all the muses who were referenced in this plot drop without their consent #[ except joui lmao #[ love you yan #[ and of course sunny and ara would NEVER force sully onstage ever #[ this was just him creating an actual nightmare out of a romantic memory cuz that's how he do lol

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allmightyneed · 4 years

Text

Villain!All Might (Smite)x reader. part 2/20

link to part 1

You pass weeks in a distracted, miserable state. Two, three, a month. Longer. At first, you chalk it up to the huge secret you now have to keep. A secret that feels as big as All Might himself. By a complete accident of time and place, you’ve come into possession of valuable intel on the most wanted criminal in Japan, possibly the world. Every day, you consider spilling the details to your best friend, who you also happen to work with. But how would you possibly bring it up?

“Oh, hey Kiko, guess what, I met a guy! Yeah… he’s super hot, tall, bit of a dark side. His name? I’m not sure, but professionally he goes by All Might.”

You can only imagine the confusion and disgust that would elicit. Even from Kiko, who usually tries to support your decisions, no matter how bad. The knowledge itself needles at you too, day after day. This information about his quirk could be the key to capturing him or bringing him down— forget using it to advance your own career. You could go to the police with this, you could go to Endeavor’s hero agency. You could change things. You could save lives. To your shame, that guilt isn’t strong enough to betray All Might’s confidence. He had trusted you. The number one villain trusted you with his secret identity, and apparently still does, because he hasn’t hunted you down and executed you. (Yet.)

Maybe he can’t. Your analytical mind spins theories in the absence of more definitive information. Maybe that muscle form takes a lot out of him, energy-wise. Maybe it’s too hard to maintain for long, and that’s why he sometimes disappears for days and weeks on end. And what about that whole coughing up blood thing?

By the third week, you’re using what little spare time you can find at work cobbling together a timeline of every documented All Might incident, closing in on a thousand entries in a hidden spreadsheet on your computer, and you’re only up to what most subject matter experts would consider the midway point of his active period. You haven’t found any patterns yet, nothing definitive, though as a foreigner yourself, his mysterious stint in America raises so many questions.

“Hey!” A chipper voice and a knock-knock on your cubicle divider make you close the spreadsheet. You turn and see Kiko there, smiling and curious.

“Hey!”

“Whatcha working on?”

“Oh, you know.” You wave your hand airily. “Nothing, really, just some busywork for Mr. Shimada.”

“Well, come on! It’s team lunch today.”

“Aw, really?”

“Yes. And you can’t skip. You’re looking too skinny.” That couldn’t be true, but the accusation reminds you of All Might, how he looked like he never got enough to eat. At least, one version of him. Kiko is sweet to be worried about you. She’s always so kind and considerate, always making sure you don’t bury yourself in your work, inviting you to lunch and for midday walks to get some sunlight.

“Okay, okay. I’m not trying to get out of it.” You lock your computer screen and collect your jacket from the back of your chair. It will be nice to get a break outside of the office for sure. Given the sensitive nature of your work, your building is a secure one, with no windows and checkpoints to get in and out. Other than a few cultural holdouts, the workplace bears little resemblance to a traditional Japanese office, having adopted some more western practices, like cubicles and excessive use of PowerPoint. “Have you heard back from the Licensing Bureau?”

Kiko heaves a big sigh, which tells you that she hasn’t. “I thought I would last week at the latest, but nothing.”

You follow her into the elevator. “That’s weird. Don’t they usually send confirmation or denial pretty promptly?”

“Most petitioners receive the news right after their test.” She shrugs, throwing you a little smile as she precedes you into the lobby. “Guess I’m special.”

“Of course you are,” you laugh, rolling your eyes a little, but you mean it. She has pure hearted intentions about becoming a part-time volunteer hero. Discussion about the intricacies of Licensing Bureau policies and mailing schedules continues all the way to the barbecue restaurant where together you conclude, that her unusual quirk must be holding up their decision. It makes sense. Reanimation, her ability to create a zombie from a dead body, is dangerous and powerful, and is rightfully quite closely controlled. It’s also very much at odds with her sunny, happy personality. She rarely brings it up, but you know she regrets not having a more standard type of quirk. She’s also one of the few people who know about your quirk and has been a steadfast guardian of the secret.

Nothing much happens at the team lunch. Office gossip, rehashing the latest news, etc. Though, you do find out from Mr. Kawada, your supervisor, that you are one of two analysts who have been selected to support and consult on a new account the firm is taking on. So exclusive that you aren’t even allowed to know who the client is yet. You act grateful, mustering as much enthusiasm as you can— it’s a great opportunity— but inwardly, you’re daydreaming about All Might. That’s been happening more and more.

When you get back to the office after lunch, you’re roped into a meeting with Mr. Kawada, and Mr. Shimada and the rest of the team leads. You know you should be paying attention but you zone out through most of it, replaying that fateful night in your head.

A couple days later, the obsession reaches a critical level. You have to find him. Not as an analyst, not to bring him to justice. You just have to see him, and you don’t quite understand why, but it’s a need, a hunger that grows sharper and more potent each day.

Riding the train to work, you start searching in your web browser. ‘All Might’. Too much noise. News articles from twenty different sources all about the same recent attacks clog the entire first page of results. When you get into the office, you go through the motions, sitting down at your workstation, logging in, all on autopilot.

The only thing you can think about is All Might. As time has passed, you try harder and harder to keep fresh that image in your mind of how he looked in his other form. The skinny one, with hollow cheeks and sunken eyes. He hadn’t been any less intense like that.

You refine your searches, hitting wall after wall of no results or way too many. A passing coworker’s idol-themed lanyard catches your eye; you finally hit on an idea: ‘All Might fan club’. That gets you something. You navigate to the first result, an outdated page with a garish background and little animated pixel version of All Might in the corner of the screen. Dancing. you have to admit it’s kind of cute. Suddenly, loud sound plays through your computer’s speakers.

“I am on a website! I am on a website!” It’s All Might’s voice— his villain voice, which has people in other cubicles peeking over the dividers at you to find the source of the noise. Panicking, you close the tab. Then, after making sure your computer’s volume is muted, you find your way back to that same page. Sure enough, there’s a link at the top titled I LOVE TO MEET MY FANS. Following it brings you to a listing of a mailing address and… yes. A phone number.

Heart racing, you copy it down on a sticky note, tuck it in your purse and, before it can register in your mind as a bad idea, slip out of the office.

The train back to your home stop is nearly empty in the middle of the day. A few tourists, old people, some kids playing hooky.

You turn your phone over and over. It said he loves to meet his fans… what fans? Doesn’t everyone hate him? Maybe that’s how you should open the conversation. Hey Mr. All Might, I know you’re universally reviled but I thought I’d hit you up anyway. The idea makes you snort-laugh. No. Just keep it simple.

You: hi.

A few seconds later, during which you stare at your phone, the three ‘typing’ dots appear. Then go away, with no message coming through. Could this really be him? Or is it just some weirdo’s phone number? Some otaku impersonating All Might on the internet. Not like you are in any position to be accusing someone of obsession.

You: this is the girl you met in the alley. You pause for a second, thinking of how you could signal to him who you are. He might meet a lot of girls in alleys.

You: I saw you shrink.

A moment later, he replies with your name. Shock hits you; you click the screen off, black then click it on again. Your name is still there.

Him: I tHOUT I told =you to standstill and bee silent.

It’s him. With lots of typos, but it’s him.

Oh, god. What are you doing?

You don’t reply again until you get inside your apartment. Standing just inside the front door, with your shoes still on, you write out three versions of a witty retort, and erase each one. Stupid. What are you even trying to get out of this?

You: I think people deserve to know who you really are.

Nothing. Nothing for an unbearable minute that feels like another week gone by.

You: I’m going to the media.

You’re not. You don’t know why you just told him that.

The three dots appear and disappear, again, with no new text. You watch the screen for what seems like an eternity, still standing in your entryway with your purse on your shoulder.

And then there’s a thundering knock on the door.

Link to part 3

#villain all might #villain all might x reader #All Smite #all smite x reader #All Might #all might x reader #bnha #mha #bnha fanfiction #mha fanfiction

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nondescriptshipping-blog · 6 years

Text

Whole

It starts with one of Ada’s ideas as so many things do, shared one evening over tea. It’s the school holidays, the castle devoid of excited footsteps and girlish whispers; the calm after the proverbial storm. She can tell the minute she enters the office that Ada is finally ready to disclose that what has been bothering her. It’s a relief, Hecate thinks, who has felt Ada’s restlessness as though it was her own, to see those blue eyes bright once more.

“I have been thinking, Hecate,” Ada begins without preamble, magically pushing a cup of tea into her waiting hands which have become tanned and dry from her work in the school gardens. “I have been thinking, and I’ve decided we deserve a vacation. Far away from the academy or any temptation to bury ourselves further in our work.”

Hecate knows that the latter is directed at her and her carefully outlined summer schedule, opens her mouth to protest, then – brows furrowing – closes it again. Books and plants, potions and timetables spell to her a kind of safety, the sort of comfortable routine that goes hand in hand with the repetition of predictable tasks. To Ada, however, whose very heart beats in the walls and corridors of the school, they might not have the same soothing effect, bringing instead more concerns and fears for the future. And perhaps rightfully so; a simple term at Cackle’s Academy could at once be pleasant or immeasurably challenging.

So Hecate acquiesces and sips at her tea and encourages Ada in her plans, which is how she ends up in an over-crowded bus a couple of weeks later on route to some sea-resort destination. Ada had suggested that travelling the non-magical way might be fun, so in an effort to be a good sport (Merlin may save her, she’s spent too much time around Dimity Drill!), she had agreed to that also. Anything to lift Ada’s spirits. But as the glorified tin can lurches here then there, as the children behind her commence their rendition of “The wheels on the bus” for the third time and the smell of cheese and onion crisps begins to fill the air, Hecate struggles clinging on to that mantra.

They could be soaring through the sky right now, she thinks, casting a longing sideway glance at Ada who sits with her head tipped back and her eyes closed, a serene smile on her face. They could be soaring through the sky right now and more importantly, they could be alone.

Instead, the ordeal lasts another hour and ten minutes precisely (she could swear her pocket watch shows more signs of wear and tear) before they finally disembark and she can suck fresh, salty air into her lungs.

“How about an ice cream, mmh? My treat,” Ada proposes and Hecate finds that she almost forgets about the crowd that’s surging towards the beach when she slips her hand into her own.

She nods in agreement and follows her to the nearby pier, amazed at how little heed they are being paid. In the tradition-dominated world of witchcraft they would undoubtedly have garnered more attention. Ada guides her confidently through the crowds that are milling about on the pier, she can feel the way her magic weaves around them like a shield, steering people away, ensuring that nobody bumps into them. Sea salt mixes with the heavy sweetness of caramelised almonds in the air, gulls cry and children shriek with laughter from one of the many merry-go-rounds.

Hecate watches Ada smile and sighs, traces the pad of her index finger over the cuts and ridges of her skin. Capable hands that have seen much, she thinks not for the first time, for Ada is wisdom and kindness and experience. And for the time being that’s enough.

They share an ice cream, then another one after that until her fingertips are tingling unpleasantly with cold and she shudders even under the harsh scrutiny of the sun itself. Frost crystallises in her chest, catches in her lungs until her breath escapes in short puffs only.

“Hecate? Hecate what’s the matter?”

She parts her lips but the words, too, are frozen inside her. Fear washes over her like an almighty wave, potent enough to drown her. And so she anchors herself to Ada, Ada’s blue eyes, the curve of her lips, weathers the storm until a faint incantation tickles her ears, until they dissolve into particles of magic and manifest alone at a remote part of the beach.

Speech remains elusive, but it matters a little less now with Ada wrapped around her. She doubles in on herself to rest her head on her shoulder, permits her to rock them gently back and forth.

“Oh Hecate, my dear, I have made a mess of this, haven’t I?” She hears her whisper but fails to understand. Her thoughts continue to whirr restlessly about, her magic quivers between them.

Hecate inhales, more sea air and the familiar floral scent of Ada’s perfume. She buries her nose in the crook of her neck, cold melting into warm. Slowly, tension eases from her body, fades into the palms of Ada’s hands. She presses a kiss to the skin just under her jawline, a silent thank you which Ada answers with a soft sigh.

“I apologise,” she finally manages to say with the same old stiffness and sense of propriety, though her voice sounds feeble and raw. “I am not sure what happened.”

Ada steps away, no more than a fraction of an inch, but the distance is enough to make her whimper in displeasure. Ada’s eyes soften and the wrinkles around them shine. She cups her face. “You lost your magic, my dear. You lost yourself. What happened last term has affected both of us.” Her gaze drops to the sand at their feet, her chin trembles. “All I wanted was for us to get away from Cackle’s, some place warm and sunny where the memories of the dying founding stone, the ice, the cold would no longer haunt us.I wanted to show you that the world was beautiful even without magic, that’s why I insisted we’d travel by bus.I should have asked you. Instead, I made a mess of it all.”

Hecate can feel her heart tremble in her chest; she tilts her head and presses her face into one of Ada’s palms, nuzzles it, kisses it. “And all I wanted was to make you happy. You’ve been so preoccupied of late.”

Her confession brings forth a tremulous chuckle that makes tears glisten in Ada’s blue eyes.

“Look at us,” she begins, then chuckles anew, “two old fools who really should know better.”

And Hecate cannot stop the upward tilt of her own lips, the light-hearted sound that escapes her. It’s as natural as slipping her fingertips under Ada’s glasses to wipe away the tears, as simple as the pressure of lips against lips that spells “I love you”.

And slowly, she can feel the warmth of the sun again as the tender rays soothe her skin through her black clothes. She can sense the thrumming of her own magic that’s just as strong and as wild as it has ever been. A light breeze rushes like a caress through her hair, tickles her face. And there’s only the beach and Ada and herself; more, she thinks, she does not need to become whole again.

(I know season 2 ended at Halloween, but I wanted a summer time story so I’ve changed the timeline)

#hackle #hackle summer trope challenge

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miseriicxrs · 7 years

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⊰ ☤ ⊱ │ @devilslcg

Even if he had assured her a thousand times, she was still nervous.

Sahar had never had the urge to really put forth the effort for a number of people, not one that was this strong. It was foreign feeling but she wanted to please him, simply not because she thought that he deserved it but she desired for him to be happy. A large fear for her would be to cause any harm toward him in any way, especially since she was usually too busy to give him the attention that he so rightfully deserved. From her perspective, it seemed as though she hadn’t done enough.

Sanji deserved better.

As soon as he pulled her onto his lap, Sahar felt herself lose concentration, her composure nearly breaking as a small inherent yelp left her lips. Sanji never refrained from showering her with affection, mostly through his words since he knew how sensitive she was to his touch. It wasn’t that she was uncomfortable with physical contact, it was just something she wasn’t used to. Secretly, she craved having his chest pressed against her back simply because she never felt more content than being next to him.

Watching his face go through the various phases of surprise and happiness brought a modest smile to her face. A small part of her felt a tad guilty for taking joy from bringing him presents, but she couldn’t help but feel a bit selfish when it came to his happiness. It was one of the most important things to her to know that he was properly loved.

Shaking her head, her long strands of red hair mimicked her movements as she let out a small laugh. Turning to face him, she felt her face heating up at the thought of his gaze upon her, something that she hadn’t gotten used to despite their growing closeness. She was glad that he was so happy with his gifts since she had been extremely worried that her present wouldn’t be enough, but she didn’t need thanks for something that she thought was a given. Sahar knew that she had deep feelings for him, something that she didn’t think she would feel for anyone but here she was in the lap of the man who she had come to have a strong attachment to.

❝ Mmm, there isn’t a reason for you to thank me, Sanji-kun. I wanted to treat you like you treat me. You deserved to be spoiled too, ❞ she whispered softly. Her lips pressed to his cheek softly before she giggled. ❝ I’ll look forward to whatever you’re going to make since I know it’s going to be tasty. ❞

Saying those three words still weren’t the easiest for her. Sahar had uttered the words once to him before on her birthday after he had gone to such lengths to surprise her with flowers, food, and a date upon the crow’s nest of the Sunny. In truth, she hadn’t thought about the complete magnitude of her words. It wasn’t that she didn’t feel love for him, it was the pure weight of the words and connotations that they would bring. She didn’t know if she was prepared to be that vulnerable with someone. She knew that she had deep feelings for him, which was something that was new and nothing that she dealt with before. Rules, she had always found, were there in place to ensure that things run smoothly.

His lips pressed upon her neck, each kiss leaving her more breathless than the last. Her mind drifted, wanting to feel the entirety of his kisses, but she knew that losing herself to the sensation. Dense eyelashes fluttered closed as she attempted to distract herself from his barrage when he spoke further, uttering words she never thought would be directed her in her life.

It was so sudden, his proclamation, that she had no time to prepare an appropriate response. Sitting there with his arms wrapped around her as he uttered something that she found to be so profound, Sahar couldn’t help but feel completely overwhelmed. She knew that it would be rude to dismiss words that were so profound. Sahar’s eyebrows furrowed, causing a small crease to form on her forehead. Her mauve eyes were now wide open, dark lashes blinking as she turned to look at him.

How could he think that she was the best gift in his life?

❝ Sanji, ❞ she muttered pathetically, her next words mumbling out completely incoherently as she attempted a response. She paused for a moment, doubtful that she would be able to continue just mumbling when the situation required her to speak with such thoughtfulness since it was Sanji. And she loved him. Turning to face him more properly, her delicate arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him, her chest pressing against his chest in a tight embrace. ❛ You deserve more than I can ever give you, but as long as I can make you smile, that would be a privilege for me to witness. ❜

Pulling back, she pressed a small kiss to his lips, her own lingering for a little bit before she whispered the next words. ❝ I love you, Sanji. I don’t think I could have ever been as happy as I am now then to be with you. ❞

#⌊ scientific method ; ⟨ .ic inquires. ⟩ ⌉#⌊ mv : “how much a heart can hold” ; ⟨ .heart pirate. ⟩ ⌉#⌊ t ; ⟨ .his birthday. ⟩ ⌉#⌊ the doctor’s off duty ; ⟨ .queue. ⟩ ⌉

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namirotraeu · 7 years

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Online Relationships

I decided to post my fanfics here in tumblr. I hope you like it :)

“Personalities and relationships tend to differ offline. “

Title: Online Relationships - Part 1

Pairing:Trafalgar Law X Nami

Genre: Romance/ AU

Rating: T

Word Count: 1,477

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, they rightfully belong to Oda Eiichiro.

The summer sun beat upon Nami's body as she was lazily checking through her social media accounts. Boredom is one thing she is feeling aside from the irritating beads of sweat covering her body. Usually on days like this, her crew is there to shake up her boredom, but today is a different day. It was the last two weeks of summer break, everyone else decided to make the most of it. Her best friend, Luffy, is visiting his brother in another country. Ussop is on a date with his girlfriend Kaya. Robin is going to a newly discovered historical artifact with Franky accompanying her. Brook is on a world tour while Zoro and Sanji are in their respective part time jobs, swordsmanship instructor and chef.

A chat message from Law lit up her bored eyes. I'm so bored. Tired of surfing and checking my Facegram account. It’s not productive.

Oh! You can just talk to me :). She quickly replied.

She was so hyped that Law was messaging her again. These past few weeks that two of them are so busy with their own lives. Nami has a meteorological research and occasional weather news anchoring while Law had been caught up with a lot of hospital work.

I knew I could count on you. So, how's the weather?

Her heart fluttered at his reply. It wasn't uncommon for them to talk like this. They are studying in the same university, Grand Line University. They have different courses so they never became classmates and haven't bumped into each other due to different buildings. Camie's Open Mic Night was where they first met. Luffy being a common friend of the two of them introduced them to one another. When they were introduced to each other by Luffy, Law took the initiative to add her up in Facegram and start a chat conversation with her. She finds him very interesting to chat with though he could be awkward sometimes, but nevertheless it is really heartwarming for her when they talk.

She casually replied. It's sunny. Hihi. So, how's life?

Although they are comfortable when they are messaging each other, when their group of friends meet up with each other at a party or somewhere the two of them just greet each other and won't talk the entire time. That's one thing that Nami cannot understand at first. As time goes by she observes that Law is was an awkward person with her, but enjoy something and be blunt when his friends, Shachi and Penguin, are present. It’s like Law is a completely different person online and offline. She wished that she could talk to him openly while their friends are present.

It took an hour for Law to reply again. I'm playing video games with Shachi and Penguin. We lost, damn.

Nami was taken aback by his reply. She got her hopes up when they were chatting an hour ago. What she understood is that he didn’t want to talk to her. Just play your game :)

Her reply has a double meaning. Just play your game, your video game and just play your game, play with what our relationship is. The two of them have been constantly being sweet to one another, although they never defined what they have. There were a couple of times Law even said that he likes her through instant messaging. It made her happy but somewhat unsure due to what he is showing offline. She never gave a direct reply, but she gave subtle hints that she is interested in him. It had been a game that made Nami walk on eggshells whenever she approaches him in person. The look on his and her friends pressured her more resulting to just backing away.

You sound kind of angry.

Nope. I'm okay.

After that, the rest of the summer break, neither of the two had a conversation.

New semester, new life. That’s what Nami hoped for this time.

Her schedule this semester will make her busy most of the time. She’s aiming to finish her Meteorology course with Latin honors by next year. Studying was never a problem for her since she loves what she is studying. Nami always finds time to get together with her friends. Most of the time their whole crew would hang out in Baratie’s Food Joint in their university. They would always find Law’s crew there diligently studying for their course and they knew better not to bother them. Just a few greetings then they would go back to their own business. Nami was content to this, gazing him from afar.

But this time, Law’s crew was nowhere to be found in their university. A few days have passed since the start of the new semester, Law and Nami haven’t bumped into each other. Nami thought that it was fate’s way of completely breaking their connection. And then, she caught a glimpse of him exiting the library while she was sitting there all alone.

"Nami, you should stop thinking about him." She thought helplessly as she busied herself in rewriting her lecture notes.

A pat on her shoulder got her attention. "Hi Nami! I was wondering if you would like to join me for lunch." Vivi, her elegant and finesse friend asked.

She was about to decline because she doesn't want to outside the library, but the growl on her stomach decided for her. They went to the school cafeteria.

The cafeteria embodies the voices of the students; loud chatters are heard from table to table. Food was secondary to the information that was shared in here. The gossips were traded as faster than the News Coo Mail. It was a place where quiet people would not dare to eat since they would not find peace. To Nami's surprise, she found her cool and mysterious chatmate, Law, eating with a fellow medical student, Jean Bart. What's more surprising is that the table next to them was empty, so Vivi decided to walk towards the seat.

They needed to pass Law's table in order to get there. She idly gazed over him, unsure whether she should say hello or not. Then, his dark eyes met her brown expressive eyes. Flashes of memories of their past messages this year occupied her mind.

Baby-5' s cute right? I think you suit each other.

Nah. You're cuter.

Hey Law! Congratulations on being top in your department. You deserved it!

Couldn't have done it without my beautiful late night chatmate.

Nami-ya, I like you.

Law waved at her. "Nami-ya." He greeted.

"Hi Law." She smiled at him as she passed their table.

Vivi and her was already seated at their table when another friend of them came rushing towards them.

"Nami, Vivi, I need help." Shirahoshi said in distress.

"Come sit, Shirahoshi. Tell us what is wrong." Vivi asked while Nami listened.

"My locker. I can't open it. Someone changed the locks. I don't know what to do. I have class in ten minutes." Shiraoshi cried.

"Now, now do not cry. Let us find someone who can help you while Nami buys her food since I have my own packed lunch all ready." Vivi suggested.

"You're leaving me here?" Nami questioned. Her two friends looked at her and find her question weird. "Oh! I mean I could pick the locks for Shirahoshi right now. We could just find the culprit later."

Shirahoshi gladly accepted her offer and they head to said locker. Nami was uncomfortable with the thought being left all alone in the large cafeteria near Law. She was hiding the fact that she could pick locks, but her friend needs her and the situation requires it. When they're about to head back to their table, she decided to buy food first while Shirahoshi keep Vivi some company.

She bought pizza, fries and an orange juice. From afar, she could see Law and his friend leaving the cafeteria doors. She knew that the moment she sat on her seat again, he was already gone. They're back to their acquaintance relationship again. Just greeting, no other things said.

Nami sighed.

"Nami-ya." A soft urgent voice accompanied the light touch on her shoulder. Nami's eyes widen in surprise as she saw Law's calm face with his intense eyes looking directly at her. "I'll be going now. See you around."

Nami brain full of things to process that the only thing she was able to say to him was "Bye bye."

He walked away quickly while Nami was still processing what happened. She couldn't hear her friends’ reaction about their interaction. Law came back just to say that to her. It was a simple gesture, but it means so much to her. A level up interaction, a new hope to hold on for her.

Maybe this time the two of them would be closer for real.

#trafalgar law #nami #lawna #OPAU #fic:Online Relationships #one piece #fanfic

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modernalighieri · 7 years

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Stress Dreams

Last night I was plagued by several different stress dreams. These are the two I remember.

The Hospital Doppelganger

She lay in a raised bed, unconscious. Her labored breathing offsetting the fuzzy sound of the heart rate monitor attached to her, softly beeping in slow and steady increments. I stand there terrified. My breathing as shaky and unsteady as hers. Nurses and doctors use delicately complex terminology to try and soften the conveyance of a simple message. My sister was dying. They ask if I understand them and I nod though I wasn’t listening to them to begin with. As they clear the room I stand there staring. Watching her breathing through a mask on her face. As hard as I try, I can’t remember her smiling face. Every memory of her is this moment. I relive it in my mind over and over again as I watch the condensation form through the clear plastic. My vision pans to another unconscious body on the floor. My brother has been here since day one. Wrapped in a jacket he sleeps at her bedside uncomfortably. I, having only arrived, feel ashamed upon seeing him lay there. I think to myself that it should be me. I should be the one there, ragged and sick with worry, fatigued to the point of exhaustion. I can’t be though, I never could really be there. I hear then a change in the fuzzy beeping in my skull. The monitor is slowing down. The fear controlling my unwavering body prevents me from speaking. Instead I reach for the only nurse left in the room, gently pulling at her sleeve. As we touch the machine sighs a staunch, singular, all too familiar tone. The nurse moves quickly around me as the room seems to elongate, my eyes realizing what my brain knew all along. As she pulls the paddles off of the defibrillator my vision grows fuzzy. I hear unfamiliar voices and above all the whine of the defib-unit as it charges with electricity. I’m pulled back into the horrid reality as the gelled paddles touch my sister’s naked chest causing her body to seize momentarily. A sea of bodies move around the room frantically leaving me a ghost in a room of the living. Again I’m brought back to life as they charge her body. It flails unnaturally when the electricity surges through. Unable to watch any longer I turn away and close my eyes. I know it’s over but they keep trying. The sound of the third charge invokes the memory of her lifeless body seizing again. From this torment there truly is no escape. In my unfocused panic I hear a nurse call to a doctor from the floor, I turn around fully to see the source. My brother, in a pool of his own drool. The commotion grows louder and more people move around me. It feels as if I no longer exist in this room. Their words echo in my brain. “not breathing” “no-pulse” “overdosing” As the professionals move around me my attention is drawn upward from the glassy, unblinking eyes of my sibling. A lone human figure leans against a bed across the room. One leg crossed over the other, the figure looks completely nonchalant in its observation of the chaos in the room. For a moment I don’t recognize them but quickly it becomes all too clear. I am staring at myself. his face is twisted up in a horrid, mocking sneer. I reach up and touch my face to find it twisted in a similar fashion. Is he mocking me? Mocking me for being traumatized! An anger grows in me like a cinder. I walk toward him, the devil wearing my skin. A I approach him the others around us fade into my peripheral vision. Focusing solely on one thing, the evil grin he bears. Watching his mouth move I cant hear him speak but I see in his eyes he mocks me. The cinder now a roaring flame I lash out at him! Hurling a balled fist aimed straight for his jaw. He catches it. He catches the anger in me and holds it still, laughing as I am powerless to pull away. “It’s your fault.” he whispers. I see his mouth moving but the words resonate in the back of my brain. The flame still hot within me I strike a second time with my free hand! Again he catches me, cackling like the flames inside me. Why does he mock me! Why does this monster torment my soul. His eyes reflect the hell burning within my own. I hate it. I hate him! I want to smash the mirrors he so eagerly focuses upon me! Reeling back I smash my forehead into his. He laughs at my misery. “You did this” I pull back again feeling a hot sensation bubbling up from my last assault. The flames have become a raging torrent of vengeful lust. I force my skull harder into his, leaving a spatter of my own blood on his undamaged skull. My head reverberates off of his as if he were stone. The maniacal laughter only in volume as I grow disoriented. I won’t let this horror win. I can’t let it win! I pull back my head one final time. A thin trail of blood leaks down my brow and into my eye as I jerk forward screaming incoherently. Our skulls connect and the form before me shatters to pieces. Only after the demon had been slain had I realized I was falling out of the hospital window...

Drifting into Uncertainty

It was a warm sunny day as I looked over the dashboard of the large truck my father drove. The sun backed into the leather lining and the air felt calm. My two brothers and I were his passengers that day and we were following a familiar road returning to my childhood home. I was sat in the middle and my youngest brother between us, me and the next in line that is. I remember the good feelings this brought back as we cruised toward our destination. It had to have been summertime. judging by the smell in the air that vented in through the air-conditioning of the vehicle. Everyone was happy and calm. Ahead of us a smaller car decided to make a daring move and drift in a ninety-degree arc instead of slowing down to turn. The squealing tires left drag marks across the road as the driver completed his turn. The car was silent for a moment as we thought we had witnessed an accident. Almost all of us that is, except for my father. He turned to look at us, then looked at the intersection ahead. It appeared that the reckless driver had inspired him in some way. A quick jerk of the wheel caused our vehicle to turn sharply. The gravity pulling us hard to the right. The truck did not slide as my father had envisioned but instead maintained its traction for a moment too long. We were soon over the curb and off the road. Once the tires hit the grass the vehicle started to turn. Narrowly missing the sign placed there to mark the intersection, we continued to spin out of control. I turned my head to see our unintended destination, the driver-side of a truck of roughly the same size as ours parked in a driveway. I placed an arm over my youngest sibling as our vehicles collided. The force rattled my skull and body, causing out vehicle to slide in the opposite direction and half-way into the road. The other truck was forced apart from us into the closed garage of its owner damaging the door as well as the structure itself. A profusion of twisted metal and shattered glass left between the two vehicles all but ensured the failure of the intended maneuver. It took me a moment to realize what had actually happened. After examining each other for injury, we stepped out of the working driver-side door. I pulled myself out of the truck into the summer sun before being shaded by the figure of my father. He instructed us to remain silent as he did all of the speaking. With that I walked across the street and sat down, my head still pounding. I watched as my father and two brothers approached the door to the damaged house and knocked. after a moment I surveyed the wreckage again. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted someone. An older man in work clothes with earmuffs on. He appeared to be doing yard work and missed the entire thing. As quickly as I noticed this I also noticed my father walking around the building to look for the owner. They found their way to each other and began speaking. It was then that I decided that I should probably go over and hear what was said. As I approached I head my father spinning a beautiful lie about who he was and why we were there. I also saw the old man’s unimpressed face. My father was trying to convince this man that he worked for a local towing company and was here to remove the vehicle and return it to a police impound lot for evidence. He told him that he knew nothing more than the man did about the accident and that he had brought his sons with him because he was called in to perform this off duty. It all sounded very convincing to any five-year-old but the more my father spoke the more I watched as the old man gritted is teeth and gripped the rake he was leaning on tighter. But still, the old man allowed it and as my father finished his tale the old man agreed and let him load my brothers into the vehicle to be driven off. I took this moment to slip away and follow the man into his garage. Naturally he was sweeping away the debris when I caught his attention. “Excuse me.” I started, “I want to apologize for my father.” The man looked at me with intrigue and allowed me to continue. “You see, I was the one driving the truck.” I lied “My father was trying to backseat drive and convinced me I was gonna miss my turn. I panicked and before I new it I was spinning in the grass. There was no stopping the truck.” The mans expression softened as he escorted me to the door. “I have my information if you want it.” I said but the old man simply closed the door behind me and that was the last of it. When I looked for the truck it was gone. My father had left without me. I sighed to myself. Why did I lie to that old man? Why protect my father? Why not let him get in trouble as he rightfully deserved? I pondered these questions to myself as I walked home, my hands in my pockets and the warm summer sun on my face.

#modernalighieri #writing #creative writing #story #dream #stress #art #author #artist #artists on tumblr #car crash #hospital #suicide #death #lying #heart monitor #dark theme

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