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potahun · 11 months

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NZND Verse Timeline

A long story about love, hate, murders, and carrying each other’s woks ....

(carrying wok = taking the blame - voluntarily or not. keikaku means plan.)

2012-2014

The whacky shit is later. This part is just an idol romance drama plot:

He Meinan has been a diehard fan of Bai Rap for God knows how long.

At this point in time, Bai Rap is a positive influence. He participates in a music competition and is disqualified. He Meinan cries a river in the audience and is personally noticed and comforted by Bai Rap.

Bai Rap is accepted as a trainee in MG Entertainment. While cheering for him outside the MG building, He Meinan gets scouted too (for his “one-in-4000-years” good looks).

Bai Rap takes He Meinan by the hand, guiding him through their training days

(Season 4, Ep. 4)

Sa Weixiao joins MG Entertainment as trainee because he has nothing to do. His family owned 500+ crayfish restaurants. No money problems, no life goals.

Sa Weixiao thinks he joined the company because of his talents. His mum actually bought his way in.

Sa Weixiao is very supportive of He Meinan. He Meinan is all about Bai Rap.

(Season 4, Ep. 4)

Late 2014

November 2014: He Meinan is 18, Sa Weixiao is 22, Bai Rap is 21.

Sa Weixiao encounters Wei Yi (NPC), who encourages him to act as a positive influence. She subsequently commits suicide after a misunderstanding. He’s devastated.

Sa Weixiao kills Zhen Cwei (NPC, a co-trainee), because Zhen was indirectly responsible for Wei Yi’s death. Murder method: Drowning.

Bai Rap goes to prison instead of Sa Weixiao (lmao how did he debut, then - no one knows)

The NZND group debuts with 5 members under MG Entertainment in November.

(Season 4, Ep. 4)

2015

More idol romance drama: He Meinan gets into a car accident just after debut and is hospitalized in the US. His twin sister He Meinv takes his place temporarily.

Sa Weixiao falls in love with He Meinv in August.

(Season 1, Ep 3)

2016

Bai Rap tries to kill He Meinan’s pet corgi and buys poison online. In the end, he can’t bring himself to commit doggycide.

(He Meinan is allowed to have a room for himself, because of the dog. Sa Weixiao kindly advises that if Bai Rap wanted a single room, maybe he could have poisoned his own roommate instead.)

The poison is subsequently used by fellow NZND member Chen Wudao to kill their manager.

Bai Rap’s song (their hottest single) was found to be plagiarised.

Other fellow member, Da Zhuchang (main vocal) is officially alive at this point in time. Has gone through 8 years of plastic surgery and is fed up.

NZND’s contract is found out to be dogshit exploitative.

Sa Weixiao goes to jail instead of Chen Wudao.

NZND’s activities are frozen after the scandal(s).

(Season 1, Ep 3)

Late 2016

NZND has just been disbanded. He Meinan is 19. Bai Rap is 22. Sa Weixiao, 23.

He Meinan’s popularity is on the rise, and he has established HE Beauty fashion brand. However, he is in huge financial difficulties and sells counterfeit goods.

September 2016: Bai Rap struggles to find work, gets a drama script in September, is under such pressure to perform that he gets too immersed and becomes mentally unstable, believing the script to be real.

December 2016: He Meinan lets a person die - the dealer who sold him counterfeit goods - because he was afraid that, if he helped the dealer (who’d been attacked and left bleeding), the truth behind HE Beauty would be exposed and his reputation would be ruined.

Bai Rap blackmails He Meinan for money. Turns out he did it due to his “believing the script was real” thing (He Meinan also had a role in the script, and this was part of the plot). But He Meinan is taken to extremes by this.

December 2016: MG entertainment organises an “ice-breaker” concert, including the return of He Meinan, Sa Weixiao and Bai Rap, and a lot of new artists.

New girlgroup member Zhen Wanmei (NPC) gets murdered on stage. Murder weapon: poison needle.

Bai Rap thought he was in love and dating the murder victim, but that too was part of the script. He is very confused.

Meanwhile, everyone involved in this case wants to kill Bai Rap.

This includes HE MEINAN. He Meinan tells Bai Rap he “LOVED BAI RAP SO MUCH THAT HE COULD NOT ACCEPT BEING HURT BY HIM” and that at worst they could “PERISH TOGETHER” (christ)

Turns out Bai Rap was also framed, the murder victim was using his mental instability to pile the blame of a lot of murders onto him.

Murderer is none of the main three NZND members. But He Meinan and Bai Rap are so much

(Season 5, Ep 6)

2021

Sa Weixiao, He Meinan and Bai Rap are now all active in solo. Sa Weixiao and He Meinan are doing very well. Bai Rap is crawling under debts.

Introduction of character Wang Bagua. (play on words on wang ba dan, which means “bastard” and Bagua means “gossip”.) when they discover the corpse of He Meinan’s manager, completely burnt.

He Meinan is found out to have dated said manager in the past

Sa Weixiao is revealed to still love He Meinv, but lost contact with her since she “went abroad to study”. The truth is that He Meinv is severely ill with depression, and hospitalized abroad.

Sa Weixiao disovers his real dad is Jia Tianwang (dead NPC) and the scum of scums. He also discovers a whole flurry of half-brothers and a half-sister: Qiao Anti, Wang Bagua, Ou Jizhe.

The murderer is none of the main three NZND members. Real murder method: Asphyxiation.

(Season 2, Ep 5)

Sometime in 2022, He Meinan also kills a staff member in a drama he was filming, by accidentally running him over in his car.

(Season 3, Ep 5)

2024

Sa Weixiao and He Meinv started dating again and all is well.

July 3rd: He Meinan and He Meinv have a car accident. He Meinv dies. Sa Weixiao is unaware at first.

After losing contact with her, Sa Weixiao is informed that He Meinv could have been kidnapped (she is actually dead). He believes the kidnapper is the Future Murder Victim.

Bai Rap, who is still struggling, tries to debut again. He gets into a deal with the future murder victim, who promised by contract that Bai Rap would win in a rap competition (the contract actually said “win 2nd place” in such small print that Rap fails to read it). Wang Bagua wins the rap competition.

November 2024: He Meinan, Sa Weixiao and Bai Rap organise a reunion NZND concert. This concert was the last wish of He Meinv and was thus very important for both Sa Weixiao and He Meinan.

The future murder victim is murdered in the backstage. He is now a murder victim.

He Meinan discovers his car accident with his sister was caused by the murder victim, who was the brother of the staff He Meinan accidentally killed 2 years ago.

Sa Weixiao is the murderer this time. Murder method: poison needle, shot while hugging his half-brother Wang Bagua (damn)

He Meinan goes to jail instead.

Why does Sa Weixiao murder so much?

(Season 3, Ep 5)

Late 2025

With “age”, Sa Weixiao, He Meinan and Bai Rap are all doing so-so, popularity-wise.

Bai Rap struggles the most. At the lowest point in his life, Sa Weixiao chooses to give him a hand. Bai Rap becomes determined to protect Sa Weixiao.

One of their most fervent NZND fan “Zhen Jinhua” (NPC, future Murder Victim) has turned into their most fervent anti, who wants to kill them.

Sa Weixiao gets into a suspicious car accident. He comes out of it feeling weak, and the subsequent tests reveal he needs a kidney transplant.

Bai Rap gets medical tests to see if he can give Sa Weixiao his kidney, but there was no match. He scribbles “I hate this! Why can’t it be me?” on said medical test.

He Meinan gives the kidney to Sa Weixiao and this sends them to the top of the industry again due to the ship it creates. Sa Weixiao is determined to protect He Meinan for personal feelings.

Sa Weixiao continues to help Bai Rap. Helps erase the nasty rumors on him, and genuinely tries to give him opportunities to show his talents and debut again.

One time, he makes Bai Rap wear his own Little Lobster/Crayfish costume - the only one in the world - so he can rap at an event. The plan was to have Bai Rap reveal his face at the after-party so that people could see he was worthy of a 2nd chance w/o prejudice. However, Bai Rap never shows at the after-party, thus missing the golden chance.

The reason Bai Rap never shows is because he had been too nervous before the performance, drunk too much, threw up in a back alley, and accidentally pushed someone else in a goat costume too hard, killing them by accident, and ran away.

The next day, no murder is announced. Bai Rap is confused because he really thinks he killed someone.

Bai Rap looks online and finds, however, that someone is searching for the “Little Lobster/Crayfish”.

(Season 6, Ep 10)

2026

He Meinan is 29, Sa Weixiao is 33, and Bai Rap 32.

He Meinan and Sa Weixiao are trying to produce a 2nd generation boyband, NBCS, and open a singing show for that purpose. Bai Rap is included as a guest, but doesn’t show up in rehearsals. Sa Weixiao is aggravated by this.

Sa Weixiao, during rehearsals, overhears Zhen Jinhua threatening to expose He Meinan and ruin his reputation with something. Despite not knowing what the thing is, Sa Weixiao becomes determined to kill her to protect He Meinan.

Zhen Jinhua is murdered backstage. Murder method: trick with ice to strangle her when the time is right.

It’s revealed that Sa Weixiao never got a kidney transplant, that he never NEEDED one, and that all the medical records were forged by He Meinan and his doctor cousin. He got sliced on the operation table for nothing. Sa Weixiao has a mental breakdown.

(He Meinan: “ But I said the truth! I told you the kidney you now have is the one that matches you the most!”)

It’s also revealed that this is what Zhen Jinhua was threatening He Meinan with. He Meinan just wanted to get to the top of the popularity ranks.

Meanwhile, Bai Rap had not attended rehearsals because he had finally traced the IP of the person looking for the Little Lobster/Crayfish back to Zhen Jinhua. During rehearsals, he investigated and discovered that Zhen Jinhua thought the lobster was Sa Weixiao. She was plotting to kill him. To protect Sa Weixiao, Bai Rap resolves to kill her first.

It’s also revealed that the person in the Goat Costume that Bai Rap “killed” was actually a super cyborg owned by Zhen Jinhua. (hence, why no murder was announced in the news. the cyborg was just sent for repairs)

Note that the cyborg is acted by the same man who played Da Zhuchang (fellow NZND member) in season 1. But Da Zhuchang who was believed to have been dead by fire many years ago, is actually alive, did plastic surgery (again) and is now acted by Zhang XinCheng.

Da Zhuchang’s identity is revealed by Zhen Jinhua through the “curves of his perfect calves”. Her discovery that he had faked his death so many years ago is a big part of why she became a murderous anti.

The murderer for Zhen Jinhua was actually He Meinan, who knew his reputation was being threatened. Bai Rap is the one who goes to jail. (again)

(Season 6, Ep 10)

After season 6, neither Sa Beining nor Bai Jingting returned to the show “Who’s the Murderer?”, so the timeline for NZND, the group that spread murder wherever they go, stopped here.

***

Side note: Who’s the Murderer? (or MXDZT) is a Chinese murder mystery show (based on Korean Show Crime Scene, but took a scale and style of its own) where, each episode, the semi-regular cast takes up roles, find a murder, and have to solve the case. One role among the cast is that of the murderer each time, and one is the detective. The rest are suspects. Only the murderer is allowed to lie. The cast unravels the plot through evidence-search and group discussions. Some verses are recurrent across seasons. NZND is one of them.

#who's the murderer?#nznd #mxdzt #sa beining #he jiong #bai jingting #da zhangwei #wang jiaer #shuang bei #bai sa #this post is like screaming into the void #but this verse #is so much #so much crack #so much #love letter into the void

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blackbat05 · 2 years

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The Unblinking

Bucky x Reader

A/N: Wanna thank @wint3r-h3art and @crazycookiecrumbles for giving me amazing ideas that enabled me to bring the crack to the maximum😂 If there's an award for most crack writer please nominate me.

Notes: Bold is Bucky's account. SLIMS for the win!😆 Mentions of other Avengers.

Warnings: When you read this, you feel like you're doing crack.

“Good evening Antlers! Welcome to another podcast of Scott Lang investigates mysterious sightings or SLIMS.”

Scott’s cheery voice is amplified through your AirPods as you shuffled around the kitchen making your favourite snack.

“Boy, you Antlers are in for a spooky treat today! Yes, you guessed it - a mysterious sighting at THE Avenger compound! So grab your hot chocolates on this cold night and saddle up!”

Full time superhero, part time podcaster. Maybe he should add part time psychic for the sole reason of your Ant-Man mug clasped between your hands, piping with the aforementioned hot liquid.

Today’s story was going to be interesting.

“The story comes from none other than our beloved Avenger - Mr James Barnes or the White Wolf as many would be familiar with.” Scott had switched to a more business-like tone, getting the attention of many listeners, including you.

“Today’s story, is the mystery…”

Your breath hitches in anticipation.

“…of the giant penguin.”

What? You grabbed your phone to make sure you were listening to the right podcast and not Discovery Channel. The logo of Ant-Man’s helmet was still staring at you in the face. No mistakes there.

Scott sensed the incredulity radiating off from his thousands of listeners. Like the seasoned podcaster he is, Scott doesn’t leave room for doubt.

“Oh, I know what you’re thinking Antlers. But just indulge me on this one. I’ll be reading the account from Mr Barnes himself and I’ll be taking messages after to hear what are your thoughts.”

Taking a sip, you wrapped yourself in the blanket that you had dragged from your bedroom, ready to let Scott Lang take you down the rabbit hole…

***

The mission in Czechoslovakia didn’t help my already terrible sleeping patterns.

Sam and I were called to investigate a paranormal occurrence happening at the Hluboka Castle. I mean it’s like the Avengers are short on staff - couldn’t they have sent Stephen instead?

But no! God knows where he is piecing bits and pieces of some multiverse jargon and leaves us to deal with a potential mythical creature that could eat my brains alive. I’m not counting Sam’s because he barely has a brain. Anyways -

Turns out that mysterious caretaker who called it in WAS THE MONSTER.

He turned into some ugly blob with flippers for arms that could extend to twenty feet. Don’t even get me started on what was under those nasty wings - some toxic gas that leaves you weak and woozy.

I think Sam could tell that I was on the verge of abandoning him as tentacle tale started throwing him around like some kind of doll my sisters used to play with when they were just kids. I don’t think he liked it very much.

Thank god for Wong’s timely intervention - any longer and the Avenger clean up team would have to scrape both our remains off this old dingy castle.

Scott pauses over the podcast, giving the much needed dramatic effect. You leaned forward, eager for more. But first, marshmallows.

It was three in the morning - I knew because I went to take a piss. And perhaps paste a few more analgesic patches that my friend Yori recommended.

As I was walking back to my bedroom, I could hear the toilet flush by itself - and before you say anything, we don’t have automatic toilets after Ms Marvel’s and Par- I mean Spiderman’s April fool’s joke.

You snort, popping open the bag of marshmallows. Of course the two youngest Avengers would come up with something utterly out of this world that would even make Loki proud.

The whole place was dark so I thought maybe someone else used it right after me.

Then the cabinets in the toilet made a creaky noise and there was this loud slamming noise which couldn’t have been the wind. All the windows are usually shut at night.

Screw that mythical creature. Pretty sure I got doused by the toxin and didn’t even know it. I’m pretty sure it was just good old hallucinations.

I see a shadow down the hallway and it wasn’t a human shadow. It was way bigger than Thor himself and it had sticks for legs?

“Who’s there!”

You flinched, accidentally flicking the marshmallow into the mug.

That was a pretty dumb question and the only response I got was the sound of flapping. I could tell that it was coming closer as it got louder and louder. If only I wasn’t in my boxers.

The shadow starts to become more apparent and a penguin the size of my cabinet is staring straight at me down the dark hallway. A broken light flickers, and I see its unblinking eyes.

That furry beast tilts its large head slightly as if waiting for me to make my move and before I can actually do that, IT STARTS RUNNING TOWARDS ME.

I can’t remember what else I said and even if I did, Scott would have to censor it out. You're welcome, Scott.

I run down the many rooms, banging on any door I could find to at least prove to someone that I’m not crazy.

“Mr Barnes?”

Katy rubs her eyes as she exits her room, looking absolutely confused at the ruckus. “What’s going on?”

“DID YOU SEE THE CREATURE!” I grab her shoulders, forcing her to see the creature that was chasing me down the rooms.

Only to find an empty hallway.

“See what creature?” Katy is now looking at me like I’m some sort of madman. “I hate to break it to you dude, but I think you should see Bruce to get your head examined. If there’s nothing, I gotta hit the sack man - Shangqi and me have a mission tomorrow.” She closes the door in my face.

The flapping sound continues right after and I’m positive I’ve gone mad.

You know the movie <Us> ? I didn’t know until Sam made me watch it. Like that tethered family standing in the driveway, the penguin is just there. STANDING JUST RIGHT THERE.

No way I’m going to be that person who gets killed first in a horror movie just because I’m too dumb not to move.

So I run towards a spare room, locking all the doors including the sliding doors at the balcony . That beast isn’t going to get me.

The next morning, I get Bruce to check the surveillance and guess what?

There was NO PENGUIN. Stark made sure to equip the building with the most advanced cameras that could detect even the slightest movement. And there was no trace of it. AT ALL.

I didn’t see it after that day and Bruce said that there were no traces of toxin in my mind. But sometimes I can still feel someone staring at me…

***

“Well! There you have it folks!” Scott’s voice bought you back to your living room.

“What do you think about this… paranormal appearance that Mr Barnes described? Send in your thoughts to three thousand and I’ll read it right after the break!”

The door opens, revealing your slightly distressed boyfriend.

“Hey, how’s your- are you listening to Scott’s podcast?” He asks the obvious. You shrug, popping a few more marshmallows into your mouth.

“Gotta admit, man’s talented at story-telling. And so are you.”

“God not this again,” Bucky groans. “I can promise you that thing was very real and in the flesh!”

Perhaps Katy was right. The stress was getting to him.

Bucky being Bucky read your mind, his brows knitted into disapproval. “You don’t believe me do you.”

You had to stifle your giggles. “Of course I do Buck. It’s just that it’s been two weeks. Bruce said that even if the toxin had gotten to you, it would have been out of your super-soldier system by now. And that penguin is nowhere to be seen.” You approached the situation rationally to ease his nerves that were starting to bubble again.

"Now, remember those calming techniques you practiced at Ta Lo? Do you want to do that right now?"

Bucky nods, grateful for the idea. Once he was visibly settled, he decides to head for the showers, figuring that the warm water would help him calm down. You tell him that you would join him in the bedroom shortly.

Towel wrapped around his waist, Bucky steps out of the steaming bathroom, prepared to call it a night.

Dressed in his sleepwear, he walks towards the windows, hoping that the night itself would dispel his fears.

And he sees it.

Across the apartment building that you and Bucky shared, he sees that blasted penguin standing on the rooftop, staring at him yet again.

Bucky doesn't need to be told twice. He draws the curtain quickly while yelling your name.

"Babe, I'm telling you. This time it is real! Here see for yourself!" He draws the curtains open like you were a viewing a concert on Broadway.

Instead of that fearsome penguin, you were greeted by a billboard raising awareness of climate change, an image of a cute penguin with its mother swimming in the Arctic.

"You know what Buck? How about we sleep in the spare room today?" You suggested, not wanting to butt heads over the amazing disappearing act by the creature.

Bucky can only nod numbly, as he exits the room as quickly as he can with a knife in hand that he had plucked out from behind the bed.

***

Epilogue

"Did you get it?" The penguin suit starts to deflate, and Captain America himself steps out, grinning widely at the sheer thought of months of blackmail content. He's going to make sure that tin can remembers his mistake of abandoning him to a thousand-year-old demon.

"I think so." Shangqi squints, checking the camera. "Why am I even here? If James finds out he'll kill me and throw me to the coyotes!"

"Because if you don't I'll tell Katy that you purposely bailed on that mission involving Condiment King in Gotham City." Sam reminds him, nose crinkling in disgust. "Plus I can still smell mustard on my wings!"

"Not my fault that I had nausea from interdimensional traveling!"

#bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes crack fic #full of crack #mcu #marvel #so much crack #marvel cinematic universe

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nach0 · 2 years

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Thinking about the teacher Jon au + Lucas

#so much chaos #so much crack #solves my problem of wanting to chuck Lucas in tma but not wanting to give them That much trauma #tma spoilers

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b0rtney · 2 years

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SYSTEM CROSSOVER FIC LETS GOOOOO

Anyway I’m back at it with begging for elaborations.

HELLO THANK U FOR ASKING SO!!!

I love giant crossovers so much (evidence: my hobbit Macarena fanfic) and so I am writing another!!! Plot goes as such;

Bingqiu be chillin a few years post canon, which is great for them!! But the System gets very fucking BORED bc their domestic bliss has nothing for it to fuck w other than the occasional side quest— the main quest is done, the spice has gone, due to sqq amassing a frankly Stupid amount of points he was able to buy a perk to discuss the System w Lbh so now they’re just having a great happy relationship and the System wants to fix SOMETHING!!!

So it gives them a quest. And they accept. And the System then goes into 7 other tragic gay universes to “fix” them too!!! So everyone is musical-chairs-style dumped into a new universe in another tragic gay couple’s bodies to fix that plot as best they can!!

Our characters are:

Ash/Eiji from banana fish in the bodies of Lance/keith from voltron (sometime mid s3 or somn, tryna kill zarkon)

Lance/keith from voltron in the bodies of Clarke/Lexa from the 100 (in ep 4ish tryna broker peace between trikru and the arkers)

Clarke/Lexa from the 100 in the bodies of Barbie/The Fairie Queen from Barbie swan lake (toward the beginning of the movie tryna defeat Rothbart)

Barbie/the fairie Queen from Barbie swan lake in the bodies of Dean/Castiel from supernatural (sometime in the beginning of s13 tryna kill god)

Dean/Castiel from supernatural in the bodies of Catra/Adora from shera (sometime in the beginning of the show, tryna kill horde prime)

Catra/adora from shera in the bodies of Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji from mo dao zu shi (when they’re like 17, tryna end the war w the wens)

And finally, Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji in the bodies of Ash/Eiji from banana fish (in like ep 2, tryna rescue themselves and skip from marlen and get to Eiji’s family in Japan)

Meanwhile poor fucking bingqiu is tryna put everyone back in their correct universe 😂😂😂😂

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natp20 · 9 days

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i've missed this man most ardently

#dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #fantasy high junior year spoilers #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #a good 98% of the crack energy in this setting is just arthur aguefort being arthur aguefort #i love his unhinged energy so much #arthur aguefort #brennan lee mulligan

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bi-writes · 1 month

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can't stop thinking about dark!simon with a sunshine!curvy!fem!reader, it's gnawing at my brain. (18+)

greeting him when he comes home in a little apron with dough smeared across your cheeks. you're bouncing in the kitchen, giggling as you wrap your arms around his neck. one burly arm hooks around your waist as he palms one side of your ass, and you kiss his lips over his blood-soaked mask again and again as you coo, "missed you so much, made you chocolate chip..."

you talk and talk and talk and talk. you're always talking. you're always whispering in his ear and chattering as he drives and telling him some story about something he missed while he was gone as you tidy up the flat. you never stop talking, never run out of things to tell him, and despite the monotone voice and the lack of response, he hears every single word that you say, and he forgets nothing. when he makes his way back on base, johnny is waiting, eager to hear an update about the receptionist at your work and if she is actually sleeping with your manager.

you wash his clothes without even blinking. you're at the sink, a bucket of cold, suddy water there as you scrub at his shirt. there's peroxide at the side, and you use a delicate hand as you scrub at the stains on it. ghost watches from the doorway as you hum to yourself, in a little pair of shorts with your hair tied up as you rinse the shirt clean. blood runs down the drain, and his shirt is clean as new.

you always find some kind of weapon around the house. you bend down to brush crumbs off the kitchen chairs, and you scold simon with a glossy pout because he left a bloody knife taped under the table. you whine when you find a grenade sitting in the same drawer you keep your tampons in. you complain when you take out the jar of rice to make dinner, and there's a small handgun hidden between the grains. but your face always softens when he cups your cheeks with two big hands, kissing you warmly, muttering, "gotta keep y'safe, luvvie...know there's a bloody line waitin' for a taste of y'r cunny, baby."

you visit him on base once in light wash denim and a white tshirt, sneakers hitting the linoleum and purse swinging as you wave at him. he's standing in front of a line of privates, watching them do jumping jacks, and his eyes light up a little when he sees you waving at him enthusiastically. when he finally makes it to you, he shoves you into the nearest supply closet and tugs your jeans down just enough to fit his cock between your thighs. when he's walking you out, the boys watch as you cling to simon's arm, a lovesick grin on your sweaty face as you flutter your lashes up at him.

he loves when your manicured hands touch him. scratching along his scalp, tracing the edge of his jaw, cupping the bulge in his pants. you're so sweet, the most giggly girl, and he loves tasting the strawberry of your gloss as you make him cum with your hand, cooing against his lips about how strong he is, how much you love him, how you would do anything for him.

he loves it most when you see him for what he really is. when he comes home battered and bruised, bloody clothes sticking to him, a snarl to his voice and the adrenaline of an op still pumping through his veins. he loves that nothing about him scares you. that even like this, you lean up on your toes and kiss him softly, that you get some of the blood and dirt smudges on the pink of your pajama pants, and you don't care, that he strangled a man with these very hands only hours ago, and you still want him to touch you.

he loves that you love him. that when he feeds his cock into you that night, in nothing but your baby pink lingerie, that you barely need any prep at all from how wet you are. thick thighs spreading apart, sticky slick shining on your skin, cunt nice and ready for him because you have missed him that much. he loves that no matter how ugly he feels, you always find him attractive, that no matter how many people he tells you that he killed tonight, all you do is smile and pucker your lips, and tell him, "it's okay, teddy bear, they deserved it, didn't they?" and yeah, they did, cause it is kill or be killed, and there is no universe where ghost does not fight to get back here, to get back to this pretty pussy, to get back to the bed he shares with you so he can watch those pretty tits bounce every time he fucks his cock into you.

ghost loves his pretty girl. all smiles. all soft, so cute, just perfect. ghost casts a shadow over the room, and you just brighten it right back up. ghost tracks blood into the house, and there you are to cover it all up with citrus and soap.

yeah. always just sunshine and smiles at home.

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fanaticalthings · 11 days

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Bruce coming home one day to find Robin Jason clinging onto a chandelier with Dick below him cheering him on.

Bruce: Jason what are you doing?

Jason: Dick said that you missed his antics after he moved out and so he’s teaching me how to be a better son

Dick: After this we’re going to drive the Batmobile into the bay :D

Jason: We’re going to what? I mean yeah! Right into the water.

Jason trying to whisper to Dick: Dick I can’t swim though

This just further fuels the chaotic dynamic of Dick and Jason during a time where Dick was still going through his teenage angst and was absolutely not a benevolent role model LMAO

I mentioned it in this post, but it's just so funny to me to imagine a Jason who grew up with an absolutely WILD Dick Grayson as an older brother, while the younger batkids grew up with a more mellowed out and mature (arguable but when measured against the other kids, he wins by a landslide) Dick Grayson.

Robin!Jason era:

Dick: You wanna go out and get high?

Jason: I can't, I have homework.

Dick, sputtering: HOMEWORK?

----

Dick, about to do an elaborate (and totally not dangerous) acrobatic move in the manor: Watch this, littlewing

Jason: You shouldn't do that, it'll make Bruce upset.

Dick, on the brink of angry tears: Why are you like this.

----

Jason, dejected: Listen, I know you don't approve of me because you think I'm not good enough as Robin, but-

Dick: Not good enough as Robin? I don't care about that, I just think you're a little bitch

----

Dick taking Jason out on a hangout for the first time: OK, looks like I got my work cut out for me. Take out a notepad and write everything down. I will NOT have my successor embarrass me like this. So what you wanna do to piss of Bruce-

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[Years later, Jason returning to Gotham with the fury of a thousand suns and the chaos to match it]: I'm gonna make your life a living HELL, Bruce

Dick, older and relatively more chilled out: Okayyyyy, maybe let's just– calm down a lil, haha, no need for the theatrics

Jason, betrayed, observing a Dick Grayson who is teaching his new younger siblings to behave and be mature: Dick, what the FUCK

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Present!Dick, mentoring Tim: Make sure not to be too impulsive, don't wanna raise Bruce's blood pressure

Red Hood!Jason spying on them from afar: Who even ARE you??

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Jason: So you teach me ALL of that, only to turn into the ONE thing you despised so greatly all those years ago

Dick, sweating: Well-

Jason: I'm ASHAMED. How can you be worthy of being called my PREDECESSOR?

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bizarrelittlemew · 7 months

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ofmd x tumblr

#ofmd tumblr text posts #incorrect quotes #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd s2 #ofmd #ofmd gifs #tumblr screenshot #ofmd 2x4 #our flag means death #ofmd x tumblr #i am putting wayyy to much work into these but at least i'm having fun <3 #s2 is so dark i have to recolor my ancient screenshots #been holding onto the last one for a year thinking “hm this has ed energy but there's no fitting clip in s1” AND THEN S2 FUCKING DELIVERED #ofmd crack

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luriuan · 2 months

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Sokka and Zuko get SO much funnier when you remember this is both of their first times talking to another teenage boy in years. Sokka had all the other boys leave the tribe when he was little and Zuko just hasn’t talked to other teenage boys. They wanna be friends but have absolutely no clue how to talk to other teenagers. I love them so much.

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panda-malfoy-93 · 1 year

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This is one of the most crack-iset fic I've ever read and I am bloody here for it!!! If I wasn't pretending to be studying under my mother's watchful eyes istg I would've been rolling on the floor laughing! It was so hard to keep a straight face while reading it T^T ⚠️do not read in public if you can't control your poker face⚠️

Now, whenever I think that life sucks istg I'll come back and read this and 99% of my problems will be solved

Also this is the only way I want to grow old!

#old harry potter #crack #so much crack #hysterical #old draco malfoy #balding draco #old Hermione #old home #robots #the actual future

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strawlessandbraless · 3 months

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𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

Cause of Death - Dean asking Cas to die for him, to kill for him, and finally, to live for him

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 10 months

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im a simple guy! i think about puppy Barnaby. i promptly explode into bloody heart-shaped confetti

#just a little guy learning to be tall... hard work #now if yall will excuse me im gonna shove my head into boiling water #that oughta fix me #pls enjoy the additional scribbles of his Attempts #they were too important in my mind not to include #godddddd i love himmmmmmm just a little guyyyyyy #i gotta puzzle out how to draw ms beagle #ive never drawn a chicken! much less a chicken puppet!#wait no sorry that was a fucking lie #i have drawn like. 2 chickens previously In My Life. i think... i could be wrong!#ive never claimed to have a working or reliable memory <3 #scribble garnish #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #barnaby b beagle #hes just so small and sweet and immmmmm IMMMMMMM #unwell. simply unwell yes yes #there's no saving me! leave me for the vultures! allow me to live up to my url!#puppy barnaby already makes me feel as though my ribcage has been cracked open #might as well let the scavengers have a Taste. im sure im delicious!

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dead-girl-tells-stories · 5 months

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DP x DC Prompt: The Watchlist

Batman has a watchlist. A list that contains every individual who could become a rouge and a contingency plan for if they did.

And while they, his children, often make fun of his paranoia and him for having it, they totally understand why he did. They lived in Gotham, for Christ's sake. Where everyone’s just a pin drop away from being the city’s next big villain, forcing the bats to scratch their heads while playing cat and mouse with a sicko for a good few weeks. And while they won’t admit it, the list has helped them a few times.

But that won’t stop them from making fun of any of the list’s new developments. Because you see, there was a new list. And it wasn’t just a watchlist. No, no, no. It was The Watchlist.

It was a new development after he and Robin went on an out-of-state mission to investigate some town in bum fuck nowhere Illinois. And it was under some pretty tight security as well, so they were expecting something good, like mad scientists or evil mayors. Not profiles of the kids who lived in the town. And while there were a few metas and vigilantes that made the list interesting, by the end of it all they just seemed to be teenagers.

Until they saw Damian. They hadn’t seen him since he came back from the mission with B. He looked tired. Like ‘Tim hasn’t slept in a week and is surviving on just coffee beans’ tired.

“Ah, I see you all have found it. Good. A few of them will be arriving next week as they’re a part of Gotham Academy’s student exchange program. At least three of them will be staying in the manor with us. Father will need you all to be on standby and to be ready for any possible scenario. Please, for the love of all that is good, do not encourage them in any way, shape, or form. And please do not dismiss them either. The outcome of doing that will be much worse. Is there more that I should add? Yes. Will I? No, because you won’t understand. Not until you've seen what I have.”

The demon child sighed, then looked them dead in the eyes. “Godspeed to us all.” Then walked away.

Okay, they were scared now.

#dp x dc crossover #dcxdp #dp x dc prompt #dp dc crossover #dpxdc #dc x dp #dp x dc #Batman and Robin went to Amity Park to investigate two mad scientists who were dealing with Lazuars waters #and instead #witness teenagers dealing with The Horrors (tm) like it was an everyday thing #because for them it is #Bruce KNOWS that the moment any of these kids crack its the end of the world as they know it #i like to think that all the kids are liminals and have powers but some aren't out about it as others #Danny knows that there's an outside entity in Amity but they don't seem hostile #protective even #so he leaves them be #i'm honestly not too sure what the profiles would look like #but i do know that they would look pretty normal until you either read into them too much #or was there to witness the shit he has witness #he's scared of those kids #but also want to protect/save them #cause the GIW still exist #and while not bad parents Fentons they aren't really good either #none of the parents are tbh

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hidinginabathroomstall · 4 months

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About a year ago, i build the Piercer from Ultrakill out of clay

I tried to make the bullet chamber free spinning, but it just ended up fragile as hell

#ultrakill #i hate clay sooooo much tho #it WARPES #CRACKS #DOESN'T STICK #but still have so much left T-T #aarrtt

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narastories · 2 years

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November OTP Prompt Challenge - Harry/Nic - Day 17

Day 17 - Love poem

a lesson in charm and eloquence

Harry's godmother thinks his communication skills need improvement.

I really hated my faerie godmother.

Here I was, having to negotiate with one of if not the most dangerous and unreliable group of people I knew, yet the Leanansidhe thought this was the perfect time to teach me a lesson. Or poetic eloquence, whatever.

So when Nicodemus finished his little monologue in front of the giant aquarium, instead of calling him out about how creepy he was or making another Bogart joke, like I wanted to, what came out of my mouth was: “You could read a Latin textbook and I would happily listen to it.”

Kincaid gave me a shocked look, and I clapped a hand across my mouth, horrified.

“You create more opportunities with compliments than with insults, child,” my godmother had said.

I knew she put some kind of spell on me, but so far it hadn’t triggered yet. Apparently, Nicodemus was the first person today to really invoke my contrary nature, and with it whatever mojo Lea put on me. The man in question turned to me with a smile spreading across his handsome face.

“Why, Dresden, aren’t you in an agreeable mood today.”

I wanted to punch him in the face. Instead, I said:

“Because of you. Man, you don’t age a day, do you?”

I felt my face flush in embarrassment. Hell’s Bells, I really had to get my head back in the game instead of composing a love poem about Nicodemus bloody Archleone.

“Harry, are you feeling alright?” Kincaid asked. I waved him off and asked him to convey the reason why we came.

Nicodemus agreed to allow Murphy to accompany the negotiations, and only asked for five minutes alone with me, a curious glint in his eyes.

“You are such pleasant company today, and I always wanted to talk more with you.”

When Kincaid left us alone, he asked.

“So, Harry, what did you do?”

“Pissed off a faerie,” I grumbled, and he laughed. The sound was like warm silk pulled over naked skin and I told him that. Nicodemus stepped closer to me.

“I would be happy to try that sometime with you if you want,” he murmured.

I almost choked on my own spit.

“Are you flirting with me?”

“Hardly a stretch after the things you have been saying to me,” he replied, unfazed.

“Just to be clear, I’m under influence here. Lea told me it would go away once I got something I wanted by charm and not insults,” I added, speaking more to myself than to him. I had to figure out quickly how to get rid of this nonsense.

“Well go on then, charm me,” Nicodemus grinned at me.

I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself.

“Your eyes remind me of black coffee,” I sighed. "Or Coke. That's my favorite drink."

Nicodemus looked pleased and didn’t ask what I wanted. He bent forward and kissed me instead. It was simple and over before I could be surprised about it.

I didn’t think that was something I wanted. Yet when we pulled apart, I was able to say clearly:

“You son of a bitch!”

Nicodemus laughed again.

“Remind me to send a gift to your godmother.”

#my fic #november otp challenge #harry/nic #ficlet #nara's dresden phase #so much crack #harry dresden/nicodemus archleone

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