writtenbycas - Tumblr blog

writtenbycas · 2 months

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So much has happened over the course of the last 12 years. In that time I fell in love with- and lost someone I thought was my very best of friends. In the last 10 years - I thought that I had fallen in love with the man of my dreams only to have been cheated on and lied to. Played a fool of. In the last 8 years I gave birth to a human who has shown me that-she is the most kind and beautiful child to walk the planet. In the last 5 years I have lost two of the women who helped shape me.. looking back they only wanted the best for me. In a time where I thought that death could be the answer I nearly lost my life in a car crash. It only reminded me that I wanted to in fact live. Not only live- but be alive. I wanted to be apart of this world leaving pieces of myself behind in all the things I do.

Looking back on the last 12 years of my life I regret so much- and yet I wouldn’t change the path I took. //c.a.t 03.2024

#an excerpt from my life #life #spilled ink #an excerpt from a story i'll never write #prose #brighteyescas #looking back #free write #written on the wall #written word #writing on the wall #sorry for the sad #im a sad girl #i miss you #i wouldn't change a thing #change

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writtenbycas · 9 months

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Who knew a person who once meant the world to me, would cause the kind of hurt that I would still feel today-years later. It is the kind of hurt I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

Unsent letters to AC/ circa. 2012-2016..// C.A.T

#unsent love letters #love #hate #love/hate #writeblr #written word #an excerpt from my life #life #spilled ink #an excerpt from a story i'll never write #poem #written by me #sigh #writers on tumblr #houston texas #circa 2012 #to you ac

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writtenbycas · 9 months

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I am constantly reminded that I wasn't good enough for you. Nothing I could’ve done would have made me good enough for you to love me. I’m not sure what hurts most you saying that no matter what you’d always be there, or the fact that I wasn’t even good enough for you to stay friends with. // an excerpt from a box of love-hate letters hidden in my closet, circa 2012-2016. // C.A.T

#life #love #written by me #sigh #flashback #an excerpt from my life #spilled ink #an excerpt from a story i'll never write #prose #poem #manic episodes #to you #lost letters #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #writers block

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writtenbycas · 10 months

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I knew him for what felt like forever. Sadly I was the one who fell in love with a boy- as he became a man. I had opened myself up to him, let him in, believed him when he said he loved me. I then watched him disappear. We haven't spoken in years, but I’ll always have the hope that maybe one day we’ll talk again. I hope that, maybe we happened in another world. I felt that we could’ve had a love that set the world on fire. Oh what a shame that would be if it was lost.

//C.A.T. // lost journal entries from 2015

#written by me #life #penguin #love #sigh #i won't admit it #flashback #from a certain point of view #from a book i'll never write #for you

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writtenbycas · 2 years

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When you think of me, what do you remember?

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writtenbycas · 3 years

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These days I’m so unsure of myself.

There are times when I feel deep down in the very depths of my souls that this is the right thing for me. That you are the right person for me. That you are my person.

Other times I feel like this is just something that is just born of comfort. Because disruption to the flow of thing would make life incredibly hard.

I know you love me. You’d have to in some way, but is for the way that I do you?

I always come down to this point.

Is it me who shows loves too much?

Is it you who doesn’t show me enough?

Is it falling apart?

Is it me self sabotaging?

Is it you just not speaking the same language as me?

These days I’m so unsure of myself.

//c.a.t. Uncertainty

#an excerpt from my life #life #spilled ink #an excerpt from a story i'll never write #prose #brighteyescas #texas women #what is love #losing control #is this love #giving up #growing up #free write #written word #writing on the wall #quick thoughts #depression

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writtenbycas · 3 years

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At what point do you give up and let go?

At what point when you feel the loneliness consuming you do you give up?

At what point when he no longer notices the little changes you do- do you let go?

Little notes go unnoticed.

Dates forgotten.

The small things that do for him.

At what point do you give up and say enough is enough?

#i almost lost my mind #losing myself #spilled ink #life #an excerpt from a story i'll never write #an excerpt from my life #prose #untitled works #untitled poetry #unanswered questions #texas #written in the stars #free write #written word

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writtenbycas · 3 years

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Why do I feel as if I am having to walk on eggshells around you?

Why do I feel as if I need to find something wrong between us?

Why do I feel as if nothing I’m doing will end up in a forever after all?

Deep down I know there will be no marriage.

Or a child.

Deep down I know that this will be of convenience until it is no longer convenient for you.

Until you find the next best thing.

Why do I love you as hard as I do when I feel you pulling away?

Why do I put myself through this when I know how it’ll end?

Why do I constantly hope that things will change?

Deep down I know that this will not be the happily ever after I dreamed of.

Deep down I already know.

Deep down I know I’ll have to be the one to come to terms with the outcome.

Until then I’ll continue to push down the feeling down deeper than ever before.

#an excerpt from my life #life #spilled ink #an excerpt from a story i'll never write #prose #i'll write more later #late night thoughts #using someone #gonna lose him #losing control #Texas

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writtenbycas · 4 years

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I will never not tell you how much I love you. //unknown\\ lost track. | cat

#passing thoughts #spilled words #spilled prose #prose #late night thoughts #love #personal #writing #writers block #texas #tell them #feelings matter

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writtenbycas · 4 years

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Something still exists as long as there’s someone around to remember it.

And Penguin my dear it shall forever exist to me. What we had and what we didn’t have.

You make it all exist. Even as you are trying to make me forget and let go, but these memories that I have of us I shall never forget. They are the one thing that you cannot take away from me, no matter how hard you try.

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writtenbycas · 4 years

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Prom 2010

I saw you walk in and my heart raced. You were dressed in in a white tux and a black tie, you were the very definition of handsome. I went with Pablo and I had thought that my feelings for you were gone. I was wrong.

You set me free from Hector. You gave me the power to get my life together again. I then caught a glimpse of her. She was beautiful. She was happy. I knew in that moment that I would never compare to her. She was everything I was not. I had no right to be jealous, but there I was jealous. I saw the way you looked at her, oh it was a look I knew all to well. You looked at her the way the way I look at you.

I was mad at myself, I was sucked into my eating disorder, I was confident-less, and living a lie. I barely spoke to you, much less dance with you.

I was trying to show you just how happy I was with Pablo, that I was happy and could be normal. It didn’t work you barely acknowledged me. You were blinded by her, and I don’t blame you. I stand pale in comparison to her. It must have registered in that moment that from that point on I’d always be second best.

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writtenbycas · 4 years

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People are placed in our lives like a game of chess that the higher powers are playing.

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writtenbycas · 4 years

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I never knew I could love someone this much again, until I fell in love with you.

He keeps me safe, and happy- but mostly loved. // c.a.t. / 11.16.2019

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writtenbycas · 4 years

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“He never loved the way your crystal blue eyes shine when you first wake up. He never loved the way you sheepishly smile when you see something you want, but refuse to ask for. He never loved you when you sat there for hours crying until you had nothing left to cry, over a friend who no longer wanted your friendship. He never loved you in the silence of your darkness. He never loved you as you hurt your self, trying to kill the demons in your head. He never loved you when you were falling apart. He never held you in your sleep as you tossed and turned from night terrors. He never loved the way you’d think of others before yourself or the way you’d stop by my job just to bring me a cup of coffee and a love note. He never loved the way you crinkle your nose as you laugh. He never loved you for the person you are. He only loved the fact that you’d always be there, every time he was lonely. He might have been there at one point, but to be honest he never loved you. No, not the way I love you every day and every night.”

— Cas, I took the words you told me and made a poem. “He Never Loved You.”

#an excerpt from a book i'll never write #he never loved me #he never loved you #truth #spilled ink #honestly #reblog #life #learning #what is love #he never did #in my feelings

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writtenbycas · 5 years

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She blooms regardless of what she’s been dealt; because she knows life stops for no one.

Cas// blooms 4.11.19

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writtenbycas · 5 years

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“just because my poetry still references you sometimes it doesn’t mean that i’m stuck on you. have you read this shit?”

— smspoetry

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writtenbycas · 5 years

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He loves me with such a fierce passion that I never question his love for me.

Scared of how much he loves me.

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