aguywithoutapurpose

[aguywithoutapurpose]

I really wish I could find someone to share my life with.

There's so many amazing people in this world, and I can't imagine that I'm good enough for any of them.

I'm so sick of being alone, but so terrified of putting myself out there.

I want someone in my life who I can love a cherish and have those feeling returned.

I want to be able to look forward to coming home, and seeing them.

I want a reason to get up in the morning other than "go to work"

I want to feel like I actually matter, to someone, but it feels like that will never happen.

I've been alone for so long, no partner, and no friends, I've always managed to cope.

But lately it's been far too much, lately I've been struggling with loneliness far too much.

#lonely #feeling low #lonliness #mental health #mental heath support #friends #friendship #relationship

[aguywithoutapurpose]

I knew she was something special, from the first day I met her.

I knew she was funny when she made me laugh while I was so anxious and nervous the first time we met.

I knew she was kind when she gave me her ear when I had problems.

I knew she was far too good for me when she continued to be my friend when I know I didn't deserve that.

What I didn't know was just how much she would affect my life in the years to come.

It's been 7 years since we met, we connected, and I fell in love with her, and I fell harder than I ever thought was possible.

I wasn't used to someone being so kind, I couldn't believe that this girl might actually like me, and want to explore life with me.

I knew this was the girl I wanted to spend my life with, but I wasn't ready.

I wasn't prepared to have her in my life, I met the perfect girl, but at the wrong moment in my life, I wasn't mentally, or emotionally prepared and with all the love I had for her, my issues, my jealousy and my paranoia just pushed her away.

I didn't think I was worthy of her love, I didn't believe I deserved her in my life, and I held on too tight until I was just holding air.

That's when I knew for sure I didn't deserve her, because even after my issues ruined any chance of us being together she still wanted to be friends she wanted me to be a part of her life somehow, and we did for a while but it was too much for me.

Everytime we saw eachother it was amazing, we joked, we laughed, and I genuinely enjoyed her company, but everytime I left, and went home alone, it ate me up inside and all I wanted was to go back, to do it differently, and maybe, just maybe she would me laying in my arms right now instead of being alone.

It's been 4 years since the last time I saw her, since we've even been a part of each others lives in any way, and I still think about her everyday, I still close my eyes and see her smile, and see the so as role in her eyes when she used to look at me.

I still dream of a life with her, and I always look back and just wish it could have been different, now that I'm in a better place mentally, I just wish I could do it all again, in this different state of mind.

I haven't dated anyone since, haven't been "talking" to a girl at all, I just have no interest in anyone, because still now after all this time, she's the one I want in my life, she's the one I want to be with.

People say I should move on, they say I should just find another girl, but I can't, because no matter who they are they will never be her, and I can't be with anyone else knowing in my mind I will always love her.

So what do I do? I've been lonely for so long, and I can't see a way to move on and find a life with someone else, and I know that she wouldn't be interested in me now, that ship sailed a long time ago, and there's no one to blame for that but me.

#love #romace #mental health #i am alone #memories #she means everything to me

[aguywithoutapurpose]

Honestly, right now I just wish I had more friends.

I've been feeling so low this week, and I've got no one I can talk to.

I don't even want a bleed your heart out kind of conversation.

Just someone I can talk with, laugh with and just cheer up.

I don't want to feel like this, I want to have a reason to smile and laugh.

#mental health #mental heath support #feeling low #friends #friendship

[aguywithoutapurpose]

I really think this lockdown is playing with my head.

I was never the most sociable person in the first place, but now with no human interaction what so ever I feel like I'm going crazy.

I mean c'mon even introverts crave social interaction and human affection sometimes.

It's getting so bad now, I even had a dream last night of a girl that I must have only spoken to a handful of times online.

Like what?

I don't even know her, just why?

I really need this lockdown to end so I can go out and meet people.

I need to meet new friends, and I hope to find a partner I can share my life with.

It's crazy how for years I was never bothered about any of it, I was alone, and I was okay with it.

Then just as I reached the point in my life where I wanted to be social and meet new people, this virus comes along, and locks me down in the house on my own again.

It wouldn't be so bad if I at least had some company but as I live on my own, I have no one, and the voices in my head are screaming loud again.

At least I can have some conversation until all this is over.

#lonely #feeling alone #mental health #mental heath support #friendship #relationship #lockdown #coronavirus #self help #voices

[aguywithoutapurpose]

I want to live free from my insecurities, I feel like these scars define me.

Like they've got paranoia always wondering if people are staring at me.

I want to be able to go out, and be free, but this low self esteems got me locked down and it's fucking killing me.

So long since I've felt comfortable, so long since I've truly been myself.

Just lately people have been helping me to get through it all, but all this positivity is actually sickening as I'm waiting for it all to come down.

When reality hits and I'm left drowning in negativity, I shouldn't be so afraid of it, but i feel like it's eating me alive.

As usual I'm alone again, oh what I would give, to meet someone, who understood me, and took me with all my insecurities.

It's been 6 years since I was close to someone, I don't even know how to start to make connections.

Every girl I see is far too good for me, it's like my head won't even entertain it, if I can't even see the possibility it's like I won't even try.

But how can I ever dream, of that life, if I can't see myself with anyone?

#mental health #mental heath support #insecure #scars #relationship #feeling alone #lonely

[aguywithoutapurpose]

Seriously feel like I'm slipping back into old ways, and falling into my old patterns.

I'm alone majority of the time, and I don't have anyone I can call or even have a conversation with over text.

The loneliness is real, and it's really hitting me hard again.

I want to be better, I want to be more positive, I'm trying to be happier.

But it so hard when even my own head is against me in this.

I overthink, and over analyze, and I just constantly feel that no one wants me around.

It's beginning to get hard to cope again, as I feel like I'm being crushed under the weight of my own insecurities.

I need to get out of my own head, and start living life, but it's so hard when it's the only thing you've known for so long.

When the voices have been your only company for years, they're so hard to ignore.

#mental health #mental heath support #loneliness #lonely #feeling alone

[aguywithoutapurpose]

I don't want to be alone anymore.

But it's difficult for me to connect.

To open up and really let someone in, to be honest the thought of it scares me.

What if they see how much of a wreck I am inside and flee at the first chance?

I have to take the chance with someone, but I don't know how to.

#mental health #mental heath support #feeling alone #love #afraid #relationship #open up #fear

[aguywithoutapurpose]

Eugh! So fed up of being in the house alone, but all my friends have life's and families and other things to do, and everytime I get a hold of them to see if they are free it feels like I'm inserting myself into somewhere I'm not wanted.

#alone with my thoughts #in the house #friends #life #i am alone #left alone #frustated #frustration #no life #going out #had enough #bored #anxious #mental health

[aguywithoutapurpose]

I love you. I whisper under my breath as I wake up from the craziest dream.

I love you. I whisper under my breath to myself while I'm going about my day.

I really wish I could say it to you, I wish you could see inside of my head, and see yourself as I see you, and know how I feel when I can't find the words to express it to you fully.

You are the one I think about all through out my day, no matter what I'm doing, I close my eyes and I can picture your face, and your smile.