Insecurities and Fear
Piece of mind
My life turned upside down.
Problems hit me at one time.
I wonder why they wouldn’t wait.
I reached my limit, and couldn’t endure it.
I’d become so fragile that a single touch could break me.
Even so, I continued to breathe.
That hurts right?
But still, I am not ready to die.
Before I realized it, the days went by quickly, and became shorter.
They seemed to pass in a blink of an eye.
And I got scared.
I am scared. I didn’t want to face reality.
Although I stopped, the world kept spinning. They continued to move forward.
Even though I knew I had to move forward, there were parts of me that just couldn’t.
Eventually, I would probably be the one left behind.
I wish that the immature me would grow up faster.
I get scared and lonely whenever I think that I might stay like this forever.
The things I abandoned, feels like they hurt me too.
I got to work them out on my own.
Whenever I continue doing that, it claws my heart and pierces it, my uneasiness resurfaced.
I frustrate with myself for not being able to do anything.
The deadline is near.
I can’t change the past.
I feel hopeless.
It’s like I’m fighting a losing battle.
Sometimes I hate myself. For how long I will continue being so shameful.
But God, please let me go through this.
I got nothing to get my back.
I know I am weak, and broken.
I hurt people too.
Made them get mad at me, made them worry, I feel sorry.
I am sorry.
I am a coward who couldn’t win against emotion.
When doing it for my own sake is not enough, then I will do it for them.
Please God, give me strength.
Please God, let me pass through this, let me finish this, I beg You Lord.
I was just standing in this world feeling that I was all alone.
I wonder why I never even thought about walking out on my own.
It’s strange, isn’t it?
After summer ends, autumn will come, then winter will the next, and finally spring will arrive.
When that time comes, where will I be?
If I am still alive, that is.
Would I have changed?
But please Lord, let me live.
I know I got so much to ask.
But I will continue to pray.
If I had chosen a different path.
Would I have changed?
What will I get to see at the end of this road?