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#insecure

Does anyone else get anxious when they realise that if they want to be in a relationship they’re going to have to date. And get to know someone and try to sell themselves to someone.. like bitch please I don’t even like myself..

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I can’t stand that Ari Lennox btch… She really first started crying about Black Men calling her a bull dog face and shortly after enabling some old “thug” that was sending death threats to an elderly black woman. Then BM were still calling her a Rottweiler even after she was on Twitter saying “My Beautiful Black Men..” “My Beautiful Black Men.” To that misogynistic dusty cricket telling to grow her own hair. That’s hilarious, everything goes back to her to being a victim of misogyny and degraded by BM but also her disrespecting and ganging up on Black Women. She deserves this and more lmao. I don’t feel bad for her not one bit

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Insecurities and Fear

Piece of mind


My life turned upside down.

Problems hit me at one time.

I wonder why they wouldn’t wait.

I reached my limit, and couldn’t endure it.

I’d become so fragile that a single touch could break me.

Even so, I continued to breathe.

That hurts right?


But still, I am not ready to die.

Before I realized it, the days went by quickly, and became shorter.

They seemed to pass in a blink of an eye.

And I got scared.

I am scared. I didn’t want to face reality.

Although I stopped, the world kept spinning. They continued to move forward.

Even though I knew I had to move forward, there were parts of me that just couldn’t.

Eventually, I would probably be the one left behind.

I wish that the immature me would grow up faster.

I’m pathetic.

I get scared and lonely whenever I think that I might stay like this forever.


The things I abandoned, feels like they hurt me too.

I got to work them out on my own.

Whenever I continue doing that, it claws my heart and pierces it, my uneasiness resurfaced.

I frustrate with myself for not being able to do anything.

The deadline is near.

I can’t change the past. 

I feel hopeless. 

It’s like I’m fighting a losing battle.

Sometimes I hate myself. For how long I will continue being so shameful.

But God, please let me go through this.

I got nothing to get my back.

I know I am weak, and broken.

I hurt people too.

Made them get mad at me, made them worry, I feel sorry.

I am sorry.

I am a coward who couldn’t win against emotion.

When doing it for my own sake is not enough, then I will do it for them.

Please God, give me strength.

Please God, let me pass through this, let me finish this, I beg You Lord.

I was just standing in this world feeling that I was all alone.

I wonder why I never even thought about walking out on my own.

It’s strange, isn’t it?


After summer ends, autumn will come, then winter will the next, and finally spring will arrive.

When that time comes, where will I be?

If I am still alive, that is.

Would I have changed?

But please Lord, let me live.

I know I got so much to ask.

But I will continue to pray.




If I had chosen a different path.

Would I have changed?

What will I get to see at the end of this road?

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So depression, anxiety, and not caring about myself has created a lot of problems, but it takes the Cake when you’re in a Corona apocalypse. I’ve neglected my teeth for many years. The last time I went to the dentist was probably 4ish years ago. I know I’m the only one to blame for my health. I know that it’s my responsibility. I just am super embarrassed about my teeth. I go in to fix them, get lectured for how bad they are, get a bunch of painful things happening, and going home only to neglect them again and start all over. Depression causes me to not care about my health. Then there’s anxiety. Today I felt stinging in my gums and realizing my gums have sunk down. I never realized it got that bad. I know it’s confusing and disgusting. I am disgusted in myself. I’m not even 27 and I’m Killing myself because I refuse to take care of myself. I hate feeling judged and looked at and touched. I hate what I am doing to myself. I’m a waste of space and I hate looking at myself.

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What they tell me

Fat. Overweight. Obese. Ugly. Stupid. Worthless. Hairy. Too wide.

Is what they tell me.

They.

They as In society, they as in family, - they as in me.

Me.

ME tells me to cut so deep and don’t stop till i bleed.

ME tells me to eat no more than 20 calories and burn no less than 3,000

ME tells me my own boyfriend can’t even beat his meat to the sight of me

ME tells me that I can’t be a good bisexual because I haven’t “fucked” another like myself

ME tells me to die off the face of the planet to do myself a favor

ME tells me i can’t be happy unless I have marijuana coursing through my veins

Me. I suffer through this constant battle in my head.

Never good enough, never pretty, never worthy, too fat, too hairy, too much.  

Is what they tell me.

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I said this on tweeter but so many black shows now just feed us the same characters + storylines just w/ different faces and names. They’re so inauthentic and performative and almsot caricature like. These shows today are never shows about being black but instead black IS the show. They so fake woke and cringey and its obvious the shows are pandering to a nonblack gaze. I feel like most black shows now aren’t for black people and it makes me laugh. There are only 3 shows that I can think of off the top of my head that are clearly for us and that’s sad

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Abril en @HBO. Nuevas películas • Nuevos episodios • Nuevas series.
#QuedateEnCasa 🏡

@hbolatam
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https://www.instagram.com/p/B-dLugCBvOQ/?igshid=dtu6xlywyyty

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Alone, with you.

I want nothing more than to feel your heartbeat. To hear what you need. To have you right by my side. But instead you’re on the other side of the bed, seemingly miles away and it feels like crawling to you would take years.

So instead, I sigh. Turn over and fall asleep.

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April 1st 2020

10:23

Please I need someone to explain this to me. I’ve been almost two weeks talking to a girl on tinder. She was too perfect to be true, she liked the same things as me, very ingenious and intelligent, she was a very sporty person…. she even expressed she had particular intentions with me several times, at least once a day… two damn weeks talking to this person and she suddenly unmatches. What the hell?? With no reason whatsoever? Like yesterday we were talking like if something was gonna happen and suddenly this? How is people so oblivious of the hurt they cause to others? Especially to an insecure, depressed and suicidal person like me. Doesn’t she see how dangerous this is? I’m so confused and sad I don’t even know what to say. See? These things then GIVE YOU A LOT OF FUCKING CONFIDENCE TO TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE. I feel hugely betrayed.

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