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alex-boo · 2 years

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I gained 6 pounds in 5 days 🙃

Fucking hate this shit

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alex-boo · 2 years

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Ughhh I'm so fucking stressed out

My boyfriend and I are supposed to get an apartment over the summer with 2 of his friends but we only have 2 weeks and his friends haven't said anything about if the apartment we checked out is available or not and nothing else in the area is open so it's our only option. My boyfriend said today tho that he's only gonna give it one more week to find a place or he's gonna move in with his friend over the summer. This wouldn't be a problem normally but I dont wanna go home because I don't have a fucking bedroom so I have to sleep on a couch that smells like piss and body odor because my 22 year old brothers refuse to bathe. Another problem is that I already told my friend that we were gonna get the apartment instead of staying in the dorm next semester so now I won't even have a roommate because she already found other people to room with so I'll be all alone now. Which fucking sucks because I was alone for the beginning of last semester and I ended up self harming a lot because I'm so fucking pathetic that I can't even be by myself and it sucks. And if we don't get the apartment I'm gonna have to file for more student loans because of dorm room housing and a meal plan. I'm already $3500 in debt for student loans and I'm only a freshmen and it's stressing me out because I don't have motivation for anything so I don't know what I wanna do with my life so I feel like I'm just throwing money down the drain. College has also made me gain 7ish pounds and even tho I know it's not a lot it still makes me feel like I starved myself to lose 40 pounds for nothing. I'm trying to not worry about my weight but I just hate my body and I'm forced to see it every fucking day. I'm so so close to relapsing and harming myself but I'm 4 months clean and I know if I do then my boyfriend will be upset but I feel like the stress is just piling up and I don't know how much more I can take. I just want the stress to end but it doesn't help that finals are after next week and I'm supposed to get my license Monday even though I've barely driven in the past year.

Sorry for the rant. I just needed to vent some shit out :P

#eating disoder things #tw eating things #tw ed mention #self h@rm #vent post #vent #mini rant #sorry for the rant #tw selfhate #tw weight mention #longish post #pro just for me #pro just for myself #college rant #college vent #eating problems #stress #i hate my body #i hate myself

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alex-boo · 2 years

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Midnight snack: 50calorie fruit strip

Breakfast: 200calorie lunchable

Lunch: 315calorie pizza rolls

Dinner: 210calorie chicken noodle soup

Total: 775 calories

Weight: 123.6

#eating disoder things #pro just for me #pro just for myself #pro just for tags #anor3xic #eating problems #pr04na #pr0anna #it's not as simple as just eating #tw eating things #tw ed mention #tw ed shit #tw ed content #disordered eating tw #eating diary

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alex-boo · 2 years

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I just need to lose 5 more pounds and I'll meet my first weight goal 😩🙏🏻

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alex-boo · 2 years

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Breakfast: skipped

Lunch: 20calorie sweet gherkins

Dinner: 770calorie lasagna

Total: 790calories

Weight: 125 lbs

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alex-boo · 2 years

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Breakfast: 80calorie peanut butter cookie

Lunch: 760calorie hungry man TV dinner

Dinner: 290calorie hot pocket

Total: 1130calories

Current weight: 124.6 lbs

Calorie intake was higher than I wanted it to be and I want to go back to eating 800cals a day again. I'm gonna try to do meal planning with food I have around my dorm since it's spring break and I can't go to the store. Unfortunately that means eating high calorie mac n cheese and chef boyardee :P

Fortunately though I have some pickles and applesauce so I should be able to do low calorie snacks throughout the day and have maybe 500ish calories for dinner ^( '-' )^