amurderof-crows

[amurderof-crows]

having an experience

[amurderof-crows]

is gaslighting my readers morally okay?

say i made a tiny edit, because i hadn't properly planned out an arc before writing

no one will notice, right?

no one will remember what it was before?

and if they do, no they don't

#ao3 writer #authors #book blog #creative writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #original story #actually autistic #my ocs #character concept #gaslighting your readers is okay #gaslight gatekeep girlboss

[amurderof-crows]

Tracklist Breakdown #1

One of the central motifs in I Can Always Hear You Sing (available to read here) is music; it's hugely important in the lives of the characters and in the structure of the work itself. Every chapter is named after a song that relates to the events of the chapter, and is preceded with some lyrics from that song that say a lot about what's to come.

I'd thought I'd do a breakdown of why I've chosen the songs and the lyrics that I have. Because I'm definitely 110% normal and sane about this (this is a lie, I got my autism diagnosis 2 days ago).

This will contain spoilers for the story so maybe read that first. Now without further ado...

Track 0: Nostalgia

Track 0: Nostalgia - Suki Waterhouse

I just need to know that you are happy So if it couldn't be me, then go ahead, forget me I traced my steps back to where we first met And hold the memory 'til you slip away I talk about the past like I talk about you I leave out every little thing that I don't like remembering I miss you more than I say I do You had to follow all your dreams, just wish that they included me

Track 0 is a short prologue, set further down the timeline than the opening events of the story. It gives a glimpse into Amara seeing that Kace's band, Vengeful Glory, are returning to their home town to play a gig and her realisation that she wants to see him.

The lyrics above are the ones I chose to preface this chapter, from the song Nostalgia (Suki Waterhouse), which is an absolutely gorgeous track if you haven't listened to it.

At that point in the timeline, Amara is realising that she doesn't want things between her and Kace to end how they did back when they last saw each other. That they want to at least try to be friends with him, if that's what he wants to. Amara very much wants to take the final steps towards healing after the trauma of their initial break up, to share with him why she did what she did, to give them both closure. And if they can't be anything else, then at least they can leave in peace?

(editor's note: that's a real fancy way of saying this a soulmate AU)

Although the prologue is told from Amara's perspective, the song is a reflection of both of them in that moment. Kace has always been haunted by Amara's decision and not knowing why she decided to end it. Despite healing from that break up and moving on the best he could, for Kace, the words I love you have never felt quite the same since her. He definitely doesn't think about anymore, especially not when he's writing songs

(this man is a simp and is definitely still thinking about her)

The lines from that little section that I think resonate for them both are

I miss you more than I say I do You had to follow all your dreams, just wish that they included me

All they wanted was to build a life with each other. But they were ripped apart by a history of trauma, their own internal struggles, and the people around them. That has kept them apart for so long and this moment is them both tuning into what their hearts want, admitting what they haven't been able to. It's an impulsive cry for love, for the person that they connected with in a way that they have never felt again.

It is also major foreshadowing because they reunite in the same gig venue (The Bridge) that the beginning of their breakup happened in.

I traced my steps back to where we first met And hold the memory 'til you slip away

(editor's note: it's a whole cyclical structure, this moment foreshadows so much)

This song, as a prologue, establishes their need for closure from what happened, and how they will always be drawn back together.

↠ⁿᵉˣᵗ ˢᵒⁿᵍ ↺ ʳᵉᵖᵉᵃᵗ ⊜ ᵖᵃᵘˢᵉ

#ao3 writer #authors #book blog #creative writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #original story #actually autistic #my ocs #i love them so much #this is a soulmate au and no i'm not sorry #special interest #definitely very normal about them so very normal

[amurderof-crows]

bribery is okay, right?

did i suggest to my friend that they should read my novel? yes

did i then dare them to read it? yes

and did i then decide to bribe them with brownies as motivation? now, that would be unethical. i would never do that!

anyway, my girlfriend is picking up ingredients for bribery brownies for our cute little baking date this weekend

#ao3 writer #authors #book blog #creative writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #original story #actually autistic #my ocs #bribery is okay

[amurderof-crows]

We finally got them all :’)

[amurderof-crows]

[amurderof-crows]

"So, I have this headcanon about..." "They're your orginal characters."

In other words, random things about my characters that are canon but plot irrelevant

Amara has done a cover of Slumber Party (Ashnikko) with her mates from uni

Aiden is banned from cooking

Jess unplugs the coffee machine in their kitchen when Amara has been awake for too long. Amara doesn't notice

Sam's favourite language to swear in is French, but tells the band off in Haitian Creole if they really piss them off

No one talks about what happened in Texas

Jess has a photo album of all of her favourite photos that she has never shown anyone

Isiah is the band's mediator until someone messes with Aiden

Kace is the designated translator when the band tour in Europe

Amara's worked at Glastonbury as a sound engineer

Kace's favourite dates with Amara were when they would lie on her bed and share headphones, swapping songs back and forth

#ao3 writer #authors #book blog #creative writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #original story #my ocs #character concept #headcanon #ocs

[amurderof-crows]

slept so long by jay gordon

[amurderof-crows]

the answer to that is that my ocs are in a songfic. every chapter is named after a song that fits with the events of that chapter. the two main characters are musicians and i've created their entire discographies. and other characters have playlists of music that they would listen to.

If your OC's had their own version of a "musical episode" what kind of song would they have, and what would the general vibe be?

#i'm normal i swear #i promise i haven't been hyperfixating on this for absolute months

[amurderof-crows]

do i want to change career paths or am i just burnt out?

i have my heart set on going to dance school and studying contemporary dance. i want to go into the industry as a performer and educator. i have my first uni audition this week and i am terrified but excited. this is it, the start of what i want my life to be

but sometimes i look at bilbo baggins writing his life story down in his little hobbit hole, eating too many breakfasts and lunches, and just generally having a fun time.

and i think what if?

what if i just dropped everything and had a little hobbit hole and wrote a novel?

my partner thinks this is just the burn out talking. they're probably right.

still.... what if....

#ao3 writer #authors #book blog #creative writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #actually autistic #burnout #god i am tired #i need to be two different people at once so i can live this two different lives

[amurderof-crows]

s7, ep 19 "empty places" is gonna piss you off so much. and pretty much every season finale and opener

Finished the last ep of season 1 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and gosh, what a tragic character she is.

I obviously haven't watched the later seasons yet but I saw someone mention in a comment on YouTube how in the series everyone expects so much from her while giving her barely any support in turn, and it's true specifically in the last scene, and in the entire episode.

Buffy had her whole world turned upside down in a day. She found out she was fated to die, supposedly alone, while fighting what was shown a couple of episodes before to be the creature she feared the most—all while being barely sixteen, with big dreams in her mind about a future she wouldn't even have.

She rightfully expressed those feelings, and all of a sudden Giles was acting so surprised, as if it were a given that she would save them all once again and accept to sacrifice herself, marching to her death like a soldier going to war. But the thing is—why should she have done that? She was born the Slayer, sure, but she didn't choose that life. She never wanted it. She shouldn't have been forced to take on such a big responsibility at such a young age. She was supposed to be a child. Live her life. Be a normal girl whose biggest problem was her History homework.

Then, once she did choose to do as foretold and go face the Master, only to "die" and be brought back and then kick his ass as she did with any monster of the week during the whole season, everyone just patted her on the back, said, "Whew what a day," and went on with their lives. "We should go to prom."

The gap between them and her was so obvious here, because while (albeit a bit shaken themselves) they were celebrating, she was left processing everything on her own. What happened to her, how alone she felt, what her role would be from then on. All of this while the others only spared her a single, "You died. Yikes."

Not a word about how she was feeling, except from Giles. Not a hug. Not a significant sign of acknowledgement.

She couldn't possibly tell them anything—they were traumatized just as much as her, so it would've been unfair to them. So she swallowed her feelings down, of course, as I'm sure she will do again somewhere soon, and just said she was fine, as if nothing happened.

Sure, let's go party. Sure, I'm okay. Sure, I'm not severely scarred from this experience.

Sure. Sure. Sure.

Always and forever.

[amurderof-crows]

To write smut or not to write smut, that is the question

I don't like smut. I don't read it. I don't write it. I avoid it like its the plague. The closest I get is having a good laugh over the Goodreads reviews for shitty erotica novels (I highly recommend Kissing the Corona Virus for this exact purpose). At the end of the day, it's just not for me.

But something I do enjoy is sexual tension and slow burn chemistry. The stares that say more than they should. Casual touches that linger. Being in each others' personal space, a little too close for comfort. I think that so much can be said without the characters even having to touch.

And with the potential of all of that, I wonder if smut is really necessary. For some, it may feel like a natural culmination of that build up. For others, like me, it might detract from the chemistry and tension already established.

There are a lot of romantic relationships in my story and the rule I've had for myself is "If my characters have to kiss for my readers to know that they are in love, then I have written this poorly". And I think smut becomes more impactful and meaningful when that rule is applied to it.

Unless you're looking for porn without a plot. Each to their own.

I debated including smut in my story. One of the key relationships is a (genuinely completely platonic) friends with benefits situation. I have characters who are very sex positive, who enjoy having sex and aren't ashamed of that. I also have characters who've had harmful relationships with sex, using it as an unhealthy coping mechanism.

But even with all of that, even with the characters openly talking about sex, I don't think I'll write a single smut scene. Will this work out the way I want to? I have no idea. Will I end up venturing into writing smut? I hope not. This will be my ongoing experiment

Yours sincerely, a burnt out former gifted kid

#ao3 writer #authors #book blog #creative writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #original story #my ocs #smut #sexual tension #chemistry #tension #my authors notes #the eternal dilemma #asexual struggles

[amurderof-crows]

Character Introductions #3

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : she calls me daddy - KiNG MALA

Jess McCarthy

00:00 ───ㅇ───── 3:47

Major side character; she/her; aromantic femme dom

'it's just a feelin', feelin' it's likе an ocean wave and she's the freedom, freedom I need to taste'

Jess is Amara's best friend (with benefits), a former bartender and now photographer hoping to open up her own boudoir studio. She loves meeting new people and is always down to go out and have fun. Jess commits fully to everything she does and is always there for the people she loves. But, tread carefully. She doesn't give second chances, and has never learnt how to forgive herself. Jess hides a lifetime of guilt behind a wide smile and perfectly painted nails.

'want to change her mind but I think it unwise 'cause she might be your girl but she’s calling me daddy'

↠ⁿᵉˣᵗ ˢᵒⁿᵍ ↺ ʳᵉᵖᵉᵃᵗ ⊜ ᵖᵃᵘˢᵉ

#ao3 writer #authors #book blog #creative writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #actually autistic #original story #character concept #my ocs #oc intro #oc story #oc #original character

[amurderof-crows]

[amurderof-crows]

[amurderof-crows]

my favourite subgenre is specifically cancelled sapphic shows cos everyone hates lesbians apparently

My favorite new genre of shows: cancelled

#warrior nun #cloak and dagger #grease rise of the pink ladies #willow 2022 #i am not okay with this #everything sucks #julie and the phantoms

[amurderof-crows]

Character Introductions #2

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : Hit The Wall - Adrenaline Mob

Kace Hatman

00:00 ───ㅇ───── 3:47

Main protagonist; he/him; bisexual simp

'oh and my love, did i mistake you for a sign from god?'

Kace is the other of the two protagonists of 'I Can Always Hear You Sing'. Burnt out and trying to convince himself that he's not, Kace is the lead singer and guitarist of punk-rock band 'Vengeful Glory'. His instincts about people are usually right, and he loves deeply and without deceit. But Kace struggles to see the good things other people see in him, and doesn't believe that he is worthy of someone else's care. More than anything else, he wants to find somewhere where he feels at home.

'tired, frustrated this life is overrated i think i'm hitting the wall'

↠ⁿᵉˣᵗ ˢᵒⁿᵍ ↺ ʳᵉᵖᵉᵃᵗ ⊜ ᵖᵃᵘˢᵉ

#ao3 writer #authors #book blog #creative writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #original story #oc posting #oc intro #oc #my ocs #oc story #character concept