anodynum

[anodynum]

growing up mentally ill is so weird.

i was 11 when i started sh.

i was 21 when i stopped.

i didn't think i'll be there after my sweet 16th.

i'm 24 soon.

i worked so, so hard to get better. I tried my best. Even when i had no reason to.

...but i'm so exhausted. I don't want to do this anymore. i just want rest.

I tried. I'm sorry. –

#mentally tired

[anodynum]

it is what it is (i want to die so bad)

[anodynum]

healing is taking too long what if i just kill myself

[anodynum]

i just can't take it anymore.

my hands are shaking, my mind is racing. my head is hurting, my eyes are crying, my heart pounds hundreds of times per minute and i just wish

it would stop.

please, i want it to stop, i want it to end. nothing holds me here. nobody wants to hold me. nobody wants me

i don't even want myself

- @anodynum

[anodynum]

“What scares me the most is how much I think of suicide, and how I never talk about it.”

—

[anodynum]

I looked at myself in the mirror, and i didn't recognize myself. as if the person in front of me was someone else.

[anodynum]

hi in case i don't make it until my birthday, i'm not sorry.

#actuallyborderline #actuallymentallyill #suicidal #mentally ill

[anodynum]

[anodynum]

[anodynum]

i'm done. i can't do this anymore.

if someone who knows me ever finds this account, i tried and gave up.

i ran away from being alive.

#self destroy #self destruction #actuallymentallyill #actuallyborderline #hate #depressing quotes #self esteem #sad quotes #sadnees #sad #suicidal #selfharm #suicide

[anodynum]

i'm not even scared of committing suicide, i'm scared that i'll wake up and have to explain myself, being trapped in a life i don't want.

- @anodynum

#self destroy #self destruction #actuallymentallyill #actuallyborderline #hate #self esteem #aesthetic #sad quotes #sad thoughts #depression #depressive #depressing quotes #suicide #suicidal #trigger #self harm #blood #wounds #scars #edit #sadness #crying #sad

[anodynum]

And the thing is, I once found a certain kind of peace in pain and now, in times where I’m in need of some peace of mind I’m feeling myself being drawn to the things that make me bleed...

[anodynum]

cutting yourself isn't aesthetic.

it isn't romantic or beautiful.

cutting yourself isn't a form of art

you don't just draw aesthetically pleasing lines with razors to create a painting.

you don't look at them saying "wow, so aesthetic!"

you look at your cuts and all the hate comes over you.

when you are hating yourself, you don't draw pictures of flowers. you cut and cut and cut and cut until there is no place left without a mark. in utter rage you destroy your body, red lines everywhere.

don't you ever use your self harm for aesthetics.

- @anodynum

[anodynum]

I should of cut deeper, swallowed more pills, hung the rope higher, or something … because being dead is better than feeling helpless, hopeless, unlovable, and unwanted.

[anodynum]

The only thing that is stopping me from suicide right now is the possibility I survive. But what if I make sure I don’t?

[anodynum]

my life is falling into pieces,

but i'm too exhausted to collect them all. I'm too tired to glue them back together.

I know, i don't want to be longer here on earth.

- @anodynum

#self destroy #self destruction #actuallymentallyill #actuallyborderline #hate #self esteem #aesthetic #sad quotes #sad thoughts #suicide #suicidal #self harm #scars #depressive #depression #depressing quotes #borderline personality disorder #anxitey #sadness

[anodynum]

i just can't take it anymore.

my hands are shaking, my mind is racing. my head is hurting, my eyes are crying, my heart pounds hundreds of times per minute and i just wish

it would stop.

please, i want it to stop, i want it to end. nothing holds me here. nobody wants to hold me. nobody wants me

i don't even want myself

- @anodynum

#self destroy #self destruction #actuallymentallyill #actuallyborderline #hate #poem #self esteem #aesthetic #sad quotes #sad thoughts #depressive #depression #depressing quotes #suicidal #tw suicice #suicide #cutting #self harm #sadness #anxitey #anger #death #drown