batfamvstheinternet

[batfamvstheinternet]

[ID: A series of fake tweets set in the universe of The Batman (2022), from the perspective of Gotham’s citizens. They read as follows:

Cedric C. (@/cedricccc): Ever since the flood last year, I’ve seen a few weird fringe theories about who the Batman is, but the craziest shit I’ve ever heard are the folks who think Bruce Wayne is the Bat. My man looks one dropped ice cream away from a mental breakdown.

Penny E. Larson (@/penny4urthots): i went to high school with bruce wayne at gotham academy. we got partnered together to dissect a frog and he started crying when he saw it. i had to do all the cutting. This man is #notthebat and we also need to protect him at all costs

R. Wilson (@/gothamtoaustin): I used to work for Wayne Ent. before I moved to TX. One day Wayne had to give my department a presentation and he was so awkward it hurt to watch. He dropped all his index cards, mumbled the whole time, zero eye contact. There’s no way. #notthebat

Javier Perez (@/itsjaviiiii): Bruce Wayne came into the 7-11 I used to work at, got an icee, realized he forgot his wallet as i was checking him out, then put the icee down and speed-walked away before i could get a word in edgewise. i would have given it to him for free. anyway yeah #notthebat

Alice Li (@/aliceingotham): Bruce is a regular at my grandparents’ restaurant. He gets take out a few times a month. I can’t tell you how incredibly soft-spoken this man is. My grandma always tries to take care of him but he shrinks away. Can confirm he is definitely #notthebat

Noah Crocker (@/gothamisnumba1): This poor bastard. Leave him alone. I was at that library charity thing last month and I saw him honest-to-God hiding behind a curtain. I went over to ask if everything was ok but a GCPD guy got to him first and pulled him out of the room. Cut him some slack guys. #notthebat

Libby H. Lewis (@/gothamlibby): Gotham, come on now. We can at least protect our boy Bruce Wayne from this nonsense. Are we all forgetting that time when he “ran away” as a teen and was found crying in a port-a-potty at an AFI concert? It was in the news for months. Leave him alone. #notthebat /End ID]

Image description via @t4tchucky

#JDSOGREOGAOERGA #bruce #twitter #i am losing my mind at this #not the afi concert srigjrijs

[batfamvstheinternet]

Hii would you draw some Jason and Duke being brothers 🥺

i’ve never used snapchat before

thank you for the request!

dukes a bit blurry bc i had to resize him to get the perspective somewhat passable LOL

#duke #jason #snapchat #omg this art style js so cute

[batfamvstheinternet]

saw a tweet and absolutely sprinted to social dummy to make this

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: a fake twitter screenshot. there are two users, one with a profile image depicting travis moore’s donna troy and the other with a profile image depicting dick grayson with his name written in red over his head. donna troy (@helenoftroia, verified) says “think transitioning isn’t dangerous? I just had to talk another transmasc friend down from getting a mullet. that’s the 5th one this week. my brothers are suffering.” dick grayson (@flyinggrayson, verified) responds with “donna please”. END ID.

#dick #donna #twitter #this is more donna but the drag absolutely murdered me

[batfamvstheinternet]

I’m not a huge fan of applying social media to Batman stuff, but I do think it would be nice if Alfred had a YouTube channel or something teaching people how to clean and which products to use, if only because I’d watch it

#alfred #youtube #this is sweet

[batfamvstheinternet]

Wkejekdo i don't reblog stuff here super often bc i don't go in tags very often so ofc when i actually do reblog st i then almost accidentally queue a post where Amanda Grayson talks about how big sareks dick is to the press byyyeeee

#mod #AMANDA IS FROM STAR TREK I SHOULD CLARIFY AOSSNSKSK #and this was an excerpt from a STAR TREK BOOK LMAO #Not a headcanon lmao

[batfamvstheinternet]

Not only am I firmly on board with Bruce and Oliver having fucked as teenagers (honestly the list of heroes and villains he potentially mightve fucked as a teenager is longer than it should be Bruce wtf) but also this is just so fucking funny. Good mix of sheer hilarity and trolling while also managing not to feel wildly out of character just for the lulz. Do recommend lmao

bruce wayne fucked oliver queen headcanon now available for wider audiences on ao3

Multi Media Marketing Mistakes - onlydance

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Gotham Gazette @ gothamgazette What did Oliver Queen and Bruce Wayne get up to in boarding school?! gothamgazette.com/baidguh24h | Oliver Queen @ queenofficial no comment | Bruce Wayne @ brucewayne @ queenofficial you know that commenting ‘no comment’ on a tweet kind of defeats the point | Oliver Queen @ queenofficial @ brucewayne shut up im not talking to you anymore | Bruce Wayne @ brucewayne @ queenofficial then stop texting me

#this is much more informal i think than the way ive phrased prev recs but im on a depressive spiral and this was gr8 #and i told yall i might reblog more shipping adjacent things #fic rec #bruce #justice league #twitter #stephanie #the other batkids are mentioned but bruce and steph are the main ones in this i feel lol

[batfamvstheinternet]

okay so I’ve been thinking about this alot. Tim Drake has a tiktok account. he begins to blow up because him and Jason begin making the ‘impersonating my brother’ videos where they just pretend to be dick. Each video gets like millions of likes and people in the comments begin asking for a brother reveal.

Tim eventually responds with a compilation of dick acting the exact way Jason and Tim did. This includes:

- him at parties shit face drunk taking 2 shots at a time and then screaming “WATCH ME DO A BACK FLIP”

- Tim sitting in the passenger seat secretly filming dick driving pretty much faster than the speed of light with one hand on the steering wheel looking casual as fuck as he subconsciously hums along to Taylor swifts ‘shake it off’ which is playing on the radio, using his fingers to drum along on the steering wheel

- him yelling to Damian about how much he hates his dog and then cut to the next clip which is Tim hiding behind a door secretly filming dick in the kitchen cradling said dog like a baby

After this, the entire internet goes batshit crazy. The video goes viral as everyone’s fallen in love with this hot ass man. DickTok has commenced. Tim’s up to like 5 million followers as everyone’s pretty much gone feral begging for more dick content. This is bigger than draco Tok, couch guy tok, all that shit.

In my mind, the Wayne’s are really famous but like only in Gotham. The rest of the world has no idea about them and so the people of Gotham have just kept this hot ass family as their own little secret.

So people start researching who they actually are and they learn all about billionaire Bruce Wayne and his hot ass sons. Now it’s not just dick, it’s all of them. (In this Damian’s like 14 so people say he’s like cute and good looking but they’re not like ‘omg fuck me’ yk).

People begin making edits from clips of them on the red carpet of gala’s. There would also be like Tik toks of people being like “can we take a minute to appreciate Bruce Wayne’s sons though..” and then it’s clips and pictures of them looking hot until somebody duets one of these videos being like “can we take a minute to appreciate BRUCE WAYNE.” And it’s a bunch of paparazzi pictures of like 90’s bruce wearing sun glasses while carrying like 10 year old dick. And then all you see on your fyp is just people using those audios that are like “I LOVE YOUR DAD” and “I wanna fuck your dad”. AND THE ONE THATS LIKE “just don’t fuck my dad alright.. PLEASE? why not?”

While all this is happening Tim’s just sitting pretty with his 15 million followers. Producing viral video after viral video. I’ve began saving the audios that he would use and thinking of what type of videos he would make with them so here are a few examples:

- you know the trend that’s going on now where people use the slipping through my fingers song to show texts with their siblings well Tim would do that one to show them all just being dumbasses in the gc

- he definitely used the ‘great success’ borat audio and was like ‘this is my brother (he is pain in my assholes)’ with one of them (probably Damian)

- he’s made one where it’s the audio “congratulations you’ve just won our game who’s going to the retirement home” and he’s just saying that to Bruce after he like joked about cutting him out of his will.

- The bill hader SNL one where it’s like “I roll with a crew of problematic bachelors and we call ourselves the squad” and it’s just clips of them being idiots.

- he used the “looking at me now I can see my past damn I look just like my fucking dad” after he like buys a lottery ticket or some shit.

- The list GOES ON but you get the point.

#okay like theres no way ppl wouldnt at least know bruce bc its bruce wayne thats part of his schtick #bjt also this is rather entertaining and i love tim and jason being assholes and imitating dick to piss him off #thats canon baby! #tho when jason did it most memorably there was more murder involved #i digress #tiktok #dick #tim #damian #bruce #jason

[batfamvstheinternet]

inspired by an ask I got the other day… Tim’s baby face is a blessing (free crayons) and a curse (people think he’s 12 forever even when he has ID proof he’s not)

#tim #steph #insta #wlwwhekeenen

[batfamvstheinternet]

🏳‍🌈 Chowder?

Chowder!!! Chowder my love, I think about Chowder all the time because I love a goalie and I love a character who loves his friends.

Okay so! I think it is very interesting if Chowder is bi, but doesn't realize or come out to himself until he's in college. He's had girlfriends in high school and he had a crush on Julie Gaffney in the Mighty Ducks when he was a kid, he's always liked girls. He's always had really close relationships with his teammates and he's generally pretty beloved on those teams. He just kind of assumes that the warm fuzzy feeling he gets when his captain gives him a hug and a little stick tap after the game, is a completely normal hockey camaraderie thing.

So he thinks he's straight when he gets to Samwell and he meets Farmer and he realizes on probably their second date that he's going to marry this girl, he is head over heels in love with her. They start dating in his freshman year and they are everyone's favourite couple, like Nursey calls them Mom and Dad after a few months because they're so solid and cute (and also because he third wheel constantly)

But Chowder also has this tugging feeling in the back of his mind that maybe there's something he hasn't figured out. Nursey comes out to him one day when they're having lunch because he has a date with a guy in his post-modern lit class and he just wants to let Chowder know because they're friends.

And Chowder knows about bi people, he had a pretty progressive upbringing, his mom always used to tell him that he could bring home a boy or a girl, she always talked about future partners in gender neutral terms because she didn't want to assume or force anything on him (he realizes that was probably for a reason a little while later, his crush on Julie Gaffney was apparent, but so was his crush on Adam Banks). But he's never really had a best friend who wasn't straight.

He thinks about it for another couple of days, he listens to Nursey complain about his date (guy's favourite literary character was Holden Caulfield, Nursey almost bailed the second he said that) and finally, at a kegster, he turns to Nursey and he asks him point blank how he knew.

Nursey kind of just shrugs, says he figured it out in high school. And Chowder's like "oh okay," and he decides that if he hasn't figured it out by now, he's probably just straight.

And he thinks about it some more and maybe it's all he thinks about for a while. Like he zones out at the breakfast table and doesn't zone back in until he realizes Dex is throwing fruit loops at him.

And he's in the kitchen one day when Nursey and Bitty are having a conversation and he's doing his homework and he tunes in to hear Nursey go,

"oh yeah, I totally had a crush on like half my team when I was at Andover."

"There was a boy I used to figure skate with," Bitty says, "And lord, I was gone on him."

"Sports, man," Nursey says, and then Nursey and Bitty are talking about locker room culture and all the weirdness that comes with that, but there are gears turning in Chowder's head and all he can remember is every crush he's ever had on a teammate, and like, there's a solid handful.

He comes out to Nursey and Bitty first, the three of them are sitting in the bathtub at a Kegster (don't ask how they got there) and Chowder says,

"Think I might be bi," and then he starts crying.

And Nursey puts an arm around him and he hugs him and he asks why he's crying and Bitty tells him he's proud of him and Chowder's just worried, because he's never said it out loud before and he's in love with Farmer, but they've only been together for a few months, and she's perfect and he has no reason to think she'd react badly, but that's always a possibility, right?

And Nursey's telling him he doesn't have to tell anyone he doesn't want to and Chowder's nodding, but he wants to tell Farmer everything because as stated a million times, he's in love love with her.

He has to hype himself up for it. He goes to every single one of Farmer's volleyball games (when his games don't conflict of course) and he brings a big sign with her face on it says something cheesy like #11 on the court #1 in my heart and she loves him for it. And Chowder, sweetheart of a man, has better eyesight than most people, painfully unobservant, notices a scrunchy that Farmer has worn to every game. It's a pink, purple and blue gradient, and uh, hmm. It could be a coincidence, maybe. But maybe not, and he's even more nervous now.

He meets her outside the locker room after her game and he hug her and kisses her cheek, but she notice something wrong, so she asks if he wants to go for a walk and she hasn't even changed out of her spandex yet, and they're walking around the athletic centre and she's quiet, just waiting for him to say what he needs to say.

"I think I'm bisexual," he says and then he starts rambling, about how it won't mean anything for their relationship, about how he likes her more than he's ever liked anyone, how he just wanted her to know and didn't want to keep anything from her ever.

And she smiles wide at him, she nods and she hugs him.

"My too," She says, "I'm so happy for you, thank you for trusting me with that" and Chowder has never felt more happy and secure than when she has her arms thrown around his neck and she kisses his cheek.

She takes her hair down and two things cross through Chowder's mind 1) what is she doing 2) this is the most beautiful girl in the entire world.

She grabs his hand and she slides the pride scrunchie onto his wrist and then squeezes his hand.

"For you," she smiles.

Chowder wears it every day, even under his jersey.

That is also the first night that they say I love you out loud to each other.

#i am going to physically combust this is so good and ao cute and sweet and!!!!!! #chowder #charmer #omgcp #🥺🥺🥺 #queue

[batfamvstheinternet]

Maybe me projecting, but can you imagine the amount of hilarity that would come from certain typos in the batfam group chat? The amount of times I accidentally mistype time as Tim could lead to so much stupid shit, especially when one says things like "time doesn't exist" and "time is a flat circle". Tim just goes along with it like ur right I don't exist I'm just haunting your house in my free time for shits and giggles

#i coud see this going for other typos with nicknames like dick jay and cass but im too incohorent to expand rn #tim drake #batfam #text #tim #group chat

[batfamvstheinternet]

this might’ve been done before but please imagine instead of Clark Kent working for the daily planet, he’s instead a tabloid reporter for like the enquirer or something. hes definitely one of those dudes writing about aliens living among us and people getting abducted from small towns in the midwest, and also about various celebrities secretly being super heroes or supervillains

the best part is like half the stuff he writes is so true no one believes it. the other half is so dumb because hes writing about alien invasions like the world (or at least the north eastern part of the us) doesn’t get invaded every few weeks. even better, is lois lane is still a pulitzer caliber reporter, who is still flirting with superman while being driven absolutely insane by this shitty tabloid reporter who probably also runs a viral conspiracy twitter or wordpress blog

things he definitely has written at least one story about:

- bruce wayne being batman - a space ship crashing in a small town in kansas, leaving a tiny alien baby to be raised by a farm couple - superman being a lex luthor experiment - superman and lex luthor secretly being lovers - superman secretly being lex luthor (he has a whole conspiracy thing about lex’s lack of hair and bald caps that leaves lex fuming for WEEKS) - batman’s secret army of orphans - the green lanterns corps being a branch of the nypd - martian manhunter signing a sponsorship deal with chocos cookies - martian manhunter not actually being a martian and instead being from mercury - at least 3 different stories about ATLANTIS DISCOVERED! MERPEOPLE REAL! SHOCKING PHOTOS INSIDE! post aquaman’s reveal, but theyre all just blurry candids clark took on his iphone of aquaman in various bodies of water after battles - cryptid batman stories- so many cryptid batman and bat clan stories, most of them instigated by the batkids (they are the “reliable anonymous sources” in a good majority of the gotham stories) - he once owed a debt to tim and so had to write a story about the titans tower being a den of sin and a sex cult  –specifically the /titans/ as in the adult titans he wouldnt write about the teenagers being in a sex cult, hes got some standards - he also gets so many story ideas from the question. so. many. - there is at least one story about superman and batman’s torrid love affair that is just pictures of apollo and midnighter - clark wrote a story about joker and batman breaking up one time but the joker took it too seriously and so clark isnt allowed to write sham stories about the joker anymore for everyones safety - he definitely keeps writing stories about the government having some secret strike team of super villains called team x but because each story has a different roster of villains in it, no one takes it seriously but amanda waller keeps having talks with clark who just grins obliviously at her the whole time

i could literally keep going on and on and include more members of the justice league because there’s so many things you could spin for shits and giggles (lesbian warrior cult amazons, literally anyone who publicly died and came back to life being a zombie- especially post blackest night- so much)

#this is a little self promotion bc i think this idea is HILARIOUS #but also bc i do think it fits into the theme of this blog lmao #tim #bruce #blog #tabloids

[batfamvstheinternet]

I don't have that many followers on this blog but are yall gonna riot if I reblog shippy posts on here? Was randomly in a ship tag and found one that involved batfam social media that amused me

#chatter #not like #shipping any of the kids together #like bats and one of the league members lmao #i am multishipping trash so like #yaknow #mod

[batfamvstheinternet]

I think the Riddler should do a Riddle Me Piss type segment.

#it says vs the internet so podcasts count #podcast #batfam #rogue gallery #riddler #steph #bruce #flash #captain marvel #fuck it ill fix the tags later #either way riddle me piss batman is so funny id read a fic of this #if anyone does yall better link me!!

[batfamvstheinternet]

Not sure if this counts but gonna reblog it here anyways because honestly? Damian and Dick

#damian #dick #tiktok #or its his brothers making fun of damian #but like #the energy is there

[batfamvstheinternet]

Ahh i just read all of it today and honestly I had a lot of fun! Its a little cracky and happy go lucky but it didn't feel over the top and was set up really well! Completely in social media ofc but it was a good mix of formats, would recommend!

I’m writing some quality batfam fanfic if y’all wanna check it out

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22422301/chapters/53572084

#fic rec #batfam #batfam social media #fanfic

[batfamvstheinternet]

Bruce Wayne has zoom meetings for WE because he’s not a shitty boss and has the company do remote work when the ‘rona hits and these are some things that have happened during his zoom calls

•there was a cow standing in the back of the office for the whole meeting. Someone asked about it, and Bruce’s answer was ‘my son is afraid my other son is going to eat batcow.’ No one asked any follow up questions

•Dick has climbed in through the window a few times. The first time Bruce asked why and Dick very loudly said ‘I have to stay in shape!’. Bruce has not asked since and continues to let Dick enter through the window

•Damian came running into the office with a live turkey. Bruce paused to say ‘good morning Damian. Good morning Jerry.’ then continued the meeting like nothing happened. Damian left shortly after, but left Jerry

•Cass sits in on his meetings sometimes. She doesn’t say anything, just doodles little pictures for Bruce

•Jason came in, slammed a tray of cookies on the desk, said ‘Alfred said I have to be nice and share’ then walked out

•Alfred the Cat walks across Bruce’s keyboard at least once every meeting, even though Bruce makes sure the cat isn’t in the office before he closes the door. He is starting to suspect the cat knows how to get into the vents

•similarly, Titus makes frequent appearances because he thinks he’s a lap dog. He is not a lap dog

•Tim barges in often and asks ‘can I help you yell at old white men?’ Bruce tells him no every single time

•Tim has also barged in asking ‘if I can give you physical proof that Kon doesn’t have the ‘rona can he come over??’ It is clear they’ve had this argument before

•Bruce once ended a meeting early with the excuse that Alfred the Cat was yelling at Bruce to feed him dinner. Alfred the Cat was sitting in his lap and purring, and it wasn’t even past noon yet

•Alfred has ended meetings early because ‘its dinner time, Master Bruce, and we are going to eat as a family tonight or so help me god’

•at least twice a week Bruce has to physically leave the zoom call because two of his children are fighting

#aaah new category of batfam and internet #zoom #bruce #this is good

[batfamvstheinternet]

Don’t know why someone went thru this entire blog and gave me 100+ notifs for it but I appreciate you

#mod post #lmao i finally managed to get tumblr to work on my desktop again and on my phone #ive been wondering why i had so many notifs on the tumblr app