ficcidio

[ficcidio]

hey, i wanted to tell you that i really loved ‘young and beautiful’ . i’ve been fighting an ed for years now and though i haven’t recovered i’m feeling much better now, so the fear of having to go through everything again that you mentioned at the end especially really resonated with me 🥲 thank you for writing this story <3

love, i’m so sorry you had to go through that and thank you so much for the nice words<33

as a writer, to be able to share my experiences and my thoughts is something i’m very grateful for. i consider topics like this very important to be mentioned and talked, and talking specially about eating disorders is so important to me since i’ve experienced it and went through it as well. so thank you so much, it means a lot to me 🩷

#sue’s notes #ask box #ficcidio #skz #straykids #stray kids

[ficcidio]

LIKE ANIMALS

pairing: toxic bf!jeongin x afab!reader

genre: angst angst angst

warnings: very toxic relationship, breakup, crying, cursing, screaming, fighting verbally, jeongin is very mean, so long because I can’t seem to shut up!

a/n: I’m back! I hope to be more active here! I hope you like it <3

now playing: for you by delaney bailey

You looked at Jeongin as he said his goodbyes to the rest of the people in your home. He looked so happy with them, but as soon as he left them, he became someone else. But it was honest your fault, you made him mad. You kinda wished you were one of his friends, but unfortunately you had to know your place.

You jokes around with the guests that were left but none of them laughed. You’re getting too comfortable in your skin again. It was your fault to embarrass yourself like that. You should have listened to him, it was your fault.

Jeongin looked at you while you simply stay quiet, like he wanted you to. Like he’d taught you to.

You stared at him, hoping he’s come to kiss you passionately, hoping he’d hug you, hoping he’s just say something. But he didn’t. As always.

You wanted to talk, you wanted to scream and yell at him but you couldn’t. You just stifled your voice again. But you wanted to talk to him. You liked talking to him. Well, actually, you liked when he used to talk to you. But it was your fault that he didn’t do it anymore. You weren’t that fun to talk to.

“The party was nice, wasn’t it?” you whispered, afraid your boyfriend would scream at you. But surprisingly, he didn’t.

“Yeah” he answered, grabbing his phone and sitting on the sofa, not even looking at you. “Just don’t joke like that again. It’s embarrassing”

You felt a wave of shame hit you like a truck. Embarrassment, even pity for yourself. Your cheeks started reddening, wanting to cry, but you laughed awkwardly at yourself instead of letting him know he had hit you where it hurt.

“Yeah, i know” you breathed out, you then walked to the couch and sat next to him. You still wanted to talk to him. You always did. “Han and Seungmin look fun to be around”

“Yeah” he repeated. He wasn’t even listening to you. He never did. Unlike you, you always paid attention to every single little thing he did or said, any sign, just anything. You truly loved him, but did he love you too? It was honestly your fault if he didn’t, because you didn’t even do anything for him to love you. Or that was what he always said.

“And-“ you couldn’t even finish the sentence. He looked up to you and you were met with his angry eyes. He was always angry at you. No matter what you did to make him happy, he always found something to be mad about.

“Can’t you just stop talking?” he said harshly. He had hurt your feelings. He always did. But it was honestly your fault, because you always let him.

Tears welled up in your eyes, but you didn’t even notice. You were so used to him making you cry, but it was okay, because it was your fault for being so sensitive.

“Yeah, I’ll go to sleep” you sighed, standing up.

“Good.”

✯✯✯✯✯

Two weeks later, nothing had changed. You didn’t expect it to, to be honest. It was your fault, though, because you always made him mad.

Your friends had told you so many times to leave him, saying he was hurting you, but you never listened to them. You loved him like a dog. How could you leave him when he loved you so much? Wait, did he?

“Love, can you clean the room while I make dinner, please?” you politely asked from the kitchen, afraid he’d get mad at you. He didn’t answer, he was just watching TV. You knew he did listen to you, he just didn’t care enough to answer. “Jeongin?” you repeated, expecting him to say something. But again, he ignored you.

You decided to stay silent. You sighed and continued cooking, deciding to understand him. He was tired because of practice and everything, it was okay, he was just tired. He always was. But it wasn’t your fau- no, no, what are you saying? It was your fault. You shouldn’t make him work after coming from work. You should do the work and let him relax.

You wondered when would he do something to help you. You didn’t ask for much, just to clear the table after lunch and clean the bathroom after showering, maybe even make the bed when he got up. But you had to understand him, he was just tired.

He was just tired.

You had to keep calm, it was normal.

Because he was just tired.

You had to understand that he never did anything, he was just tired. That was what he always said. And you had always told yourself it was true, and it was your fault.

But now, cooking at 9 pm both dinner and tomorrow’s lunch completely on your own, like your always did, you wondered if it was your fault. No, no, how could you doubt it? He had said it, and he was always right! It was your fault. It really was. But was it?

✯✯✯✯✯

“Y/n, clear the table. I’m going to take a nap.” he informed a week later, walking to sit down on the couch. But he didn’t make it there.

“No.” you answered. He stopped dead the moment he heard you. What? He turned to look at you, his eyes did it signal he was mad. He was surprised.

“What?”

This couldn’t be. You had always listened to him, did everything he asked for. You had always been his good girl, you always obeyed, you had never talked back. He wasn’t even mad at you denying to do what he asked you too, he was startled, take aback by the single word you had answered for the first time in so many years of saying.

“Do it yourself” you spoke, looking at him in the eyes. You headed to where he was, the couch, and sat there, still looking at him.

“Excuse me?” Now he was mad.

“You always ask me to do it for you, don’t you have hands?” You replied. You were right, he was very able to do it himself. But he never did, because he knew you’d do it if he asked you to.

“What the fuck, Y/n?” He was so taken aback by y he sudden change in your behavior, the way you didn’t let him control you anymore. He loved being able to control you. What was even happening? “Don’t you see I’m tired from practice? Are you that lazy that you can’t even do something for me?”

Now you were mad. You wouldn’t let him treat you like that. Not anymore. You wouldn’t let him embarrass you, make you feel like it was your fault. Not anymore. “Well, I’m also tired, Jeongin.” His name sounded so dry in your lips now, unlike it used to just a week ago.

“From what?”

“From you.” You said without even thinking, but you didn’t regret it. He deserved it. You were truly tired of him.

“The fuck are you talking about?” He elevated the tone of his voice, and if he did, you did too.

“You exhaust me so fucking much, I look like a fucking housewife! You know I have a goddamn job too, don’t you? I’m also tired from work every single day and I still do everything to you, I always let you just do nothing.”

“Well you don’t have to dance for hours! Your work is nothing compared to mine!” He yelled.

“If my work was being your girlfriend, it would fucking double the exhaustion of yours!” You yelled back. You knew you’d start crying anytime soon, but right now the anger was stronger than any pain possible.

“What is it with this fucking behavior of yours?!” He was truly offended by your words.

“You’ve made me have this behavior! This is what I’ve become because of you, because of your controlling and the way you ‘love’!” You screamed. You were sure the neighbors heard that. “But that’s not even love, is it? You don’t love me anymore.” Tears were now falling, but you didn’t care. You had to keep talking before your braveness disappeared and you had to obey again. You were scared— no, you were terrified.

“You’re so used to me being your pet, walking me around and doing anything you want me to. You know I’m not an animal, Jeongin. Or do you? I don’t even know now.” You continued talking. He was startled, he didn’t know what to answer. He wanted to talk back, defend himself, but how could he? Everything you were saying was true.

You always noticed the littlest things about him, you knew his body language by heart. Today wasn’t an exception; you noticed his hands shaking, his lower lip quivering and his eyes welling up with tears. You didn’t expect it. You pitied him a little, but you pitied yourself more. So you continued with your speech, because for once in so many years, you had the control over him and not the other way around.

“You’ve always made me feel like it was my fault, like there was something wrong with me; you’ve always taught me to keep quiet. You know what happens when you hold things in? You explode.” You talked harshly at him. “I haven’t changed. You’ve made me explode. You’ve destroyed me, and every perception of love I’ve ever had!”

He stares at you with his eyes filled with tears, something you had never seen in him before. He watches you as you cry, as you yell at him, as you tell him he’s destroyed you. Now, thinking of how he was being with you was so unpleasant, so painful for him to imagine. But while he was acting like that, he was completely blind by how powerful it made him feel. But now, as he’s seeing his whole life— or rather, you falling apart in front of his eyes…

Did he love you? God, of course he did. He loved you. Before, in his mind, the reason he was controlling you so much was because he loved you, and because you loved him. He thought, if you let him treat you like that, it was because you didn’t mind. In his mind, he wasn’t being rude to you, he was just— he doesn’t know, teaching you how to behave?

But now he realizes that he had barely treated you like a human being. He wasn’t teaching you how to behave— which, by the way, you didn’t need; you were an amazing woman and girlfriend. At this point, he was taming you, as if you were an animal, a dog he could teach tricks, a fish that would die if he didn’t feed you or an exotic parrot he only kept so he could put on a show when people came home.

It terrified him to think that this was the end, that you wouldn’t let him in your life ever again. You were the love of his life, he thought. He loved you. He truly did. But he didn’t know how to love someone and he never had interest in learning, and now, everything he’s ever said and done to you is charging him the only thing he still has next to him: you. The only thing he was sure that would never leave him, that was too scared to go, was ready to leave. It terrified him so fucking much.

“Say something, Jeongin…” you begged in a whisper, crying silently. He didn’t realize he had been thinking too much, he had again neglected you and your feelings, as he always did. But to be honest, he didn’t have anything to say.

“No, Y/n, you don’t understand, I…” He tried to fix it, but he was only messing it up more. He had to stop making up excuses and trying to make her feel dumb, he had to stop victimizing himself, he had to stop trying to be in control over every situation. But he couldn’t. It had consumed him. Control had consumed the loving boyfriend he once was.

“Fuck off, Jeongin” You cut him when you heard him trying to victimize himself again, leaving him speechless. You were so used to it, but you wouldn’t allow it anymore. “I’ve loved you so much. I’ve thrown out my life in Australia for you, I’ve picked up my whole fucking life and moved here just to be near you, only for you to turn out to be the shitty boyfriend you are” You tell him, not caring if his feelings got hurt by your words. Not anymore. “Because that’s what you are, Jeongin. You’re a fucking terrible boyfriend, and I feel so bad for myself for everything I’ve had to bear just because I loved you. Because I did. I loved you. I still do, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to stop loving you. And that’s the worst part, knowing I’ll miss every single thing you’ve done to me.” You started off harshly, but your voice got more and more muffled by your tears after every word you said.

You stayed silent. He stayed silent. None of you knew what to say. He didn’t know how to talk to you, he felt embarrassed for every thing he’d done to you. So he said the only thing he knew he must’ve say for so long. The three words you’d been expecting for almost four years came out of his lips in less than two seconds.

“I am sorry.”

You stayed silent again. He stayed silent again. None of you knew what to say. You looked at him with red and puffy eyes. He looked at you with guilt and sadness in his eyes. That’s all you needed, that’s all he needed to know he’d never see you again. At least, not like he wished. Not like the love of his life.

You sighed and looked down, but then you looked up to meet with his eyes one last time. It was the first time in so long you stayed silent because you wanted to, not because he made you. It was the first time you had a voice, it was the first time you weren’t controlled like a puppet.

You grabbed your phone, your keys and your charger and walked to the door. He followed you, but he had no intention in stopping you. He had already controlled you enough. He knew he’d been holding you hostage for too long, he had to set you free, to let you go. He wasn’t ready, but he knew he must.

“I hope you heal” You said, then you opened the door and walked out. You turned around to look at him one last time. Your eyes met with his teary eyes. He smiled at you and nodded, as in a way of letting you know that it was okay, that he would let you go; that, for the first time, he understood you. You felt the connection you felt the moment you met, the moment he kissed you for the first time. You felt those teenage butterflies, butterflies that were about to die in just a few seconds.

You would miss him, but it was for the best. At least, you wouldn’t have to love him like a dog.

✯✯✯✯✯

You never came back to his apartment, not even to get your things back. You wanted a fresh start.

At first it was such a bittersweet feeling to be finally free. For some reason, him controlling you was comforting, because your choices didn’t depend on you. Because you didn’t have any responsibility in your life. Now, it all depended on you, on what you chose. Now you had your own mouth, your own hands, your own body. Before, you were his. Now, you were yours.

No more asking him what he wanted you to cook for dinner, no more making both sides of the bed on your own, no more crying alone.

The first month was a mess. You didn’t know what to do, you didn’t know how to decide for your own, you didn’t know how to live without him. You were so lucky your best friend, Maia, let you stay with in her apartment. She gave you clothes, food and a shoulder to cry on. She was your biggest supporter. She taught you to be free, to be yourself, and you were forever grateful.

After six months, you were fine, you think. You still thought about him, how could you ever forget? You dreamed with him, you saw him in every little thing. His members tried to approach you, they apologized to you. Chan was the only one you let in, he was the only one that didn’t defend him while he was your partner. Chan was the only one that had had his feet on earth the whole time. You didn’t let the rest talk to you, It hurt a lot. It hurt to remember him.

But after the first year, his memory didn’t hurt as much. It was a loving thought that sometimes appeared in your mind. More often than you wished, but now you remembered him with love, with appreciation, because he had taught you so much, and he had loved you so much. He had taught you how you didn’t want to be loved. He had taught you how to survive on your own, how to deal with hateful love. The first month, you wished you had never met him. After a year, you were thankful you had met him.

Korea’s streets looked empty and lifeless without him for a while. Not waiting for him after practice and not running a bath for him when he came from work made you feel like there was a big hole in your heart for a while, but you endured it, and you were proud of yourself for that. You were very strong.

You really wished he healed like you did.

After two years, you decided it was time to come back home. You thanked Maia and Chan for everything, booked a flight to Australia and came home. You rented an apartment and moved your whole life again. You were happy.

You even got a job. You had made it, you had healed. Jeongin appeared in your dreams occasionally, and he was a recurrent thought, but you were okay with that. You accepted it was a part of you.

It was different for Jeongin. The first eight months, he couldn’t breathe without you. He felt so guilty for hurting you, of being the man he had promised himself to never be. He wouldn’t stop blaming himself, because who else could he blame? It was all his fault.

He missed you. He needed you like oxygen. Every time he came home to a lightless house and empty rooms he felt his heart ache. His room was messy, you weren’t there to clean it.

He kept your things just like the day you left, he didn’t dare to touch them. All the pictures, your jewelry, it was still there strictly untouched. He was scared someday you’d take everything you left there, he would’ve understood if you did, but you never did. So, yeah, the pajamas you had left on your side of the bed after changing were still laying there untouched.

He realized he didn’t know how to cook, you always did it. He had to learn how to. His food was good, yeah, but he liked yours. Even when he followed the exact same recipe as you did, it always tasted different. He liked your food. He missed your food.

He missed the smell of you. He used your shampoo and your cologne for a while, until he ran out of them. He didn’t allow himself to keep buying them, it hurt him, so he used them one last time and let go of you.

With the help of him members, he decided to use all that pain and guilt he felt to become a best person, to heal, just like you wished for him to. The first thing he did was forgive himself. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do it if he didn’t. He apologized to everyone he had hurt, except of you. He could reach you easily, Chan had your contact and he was your friend. He’d been keeping Jeongin updated on how you were doing through it all. He watched you both hurt and heal in your own way at your own pace.

He apologized to the staff he screamed at when he was angry, to the friends he insulted brutally when they teased him, and to the members he blamed when he was stressed. He took all the responsibility and blame for his actions, and he handled it. He apologized for everything.

He liked apologizing. He used to hate it, it made him feel vulnerable, but now, he loved it. It was a way of showing his growth as a person, his healing.

FIVE YEARS LATER.

You had opened your own café. Yeah, your own, and it had been so successful! It felt so right. Everything was in order, everything was okay now.

You handed your customer the coffee she had ordered and smiled at her. “Have a great day!” You said, and when she left, you smiled proudly. Your coworker, Olivia— Ollie, how you liked your call her, approached you.

“Y/n, there’s someone waiting for you. Table 6” She said. You frowned, who could be visiting you now? All your friends were working, and your family lived far away.

“What? Who?” You asked her, but she didn’t answer. “Ollie!”

“Just go, girl!” Ollie replied, pushing you slightly towards the small door that divides the kitchen and the café.

“I can’t go now, my turn hasn’t finished yet.” You answered, trying to come back, but she kept pushing you.

“I’ll do it for you. It’s not a busy day, anyway” Mario, another of your coworkers— and one of your dearest friends, said. You groaned frustratedly, they were so stubborn. But you accepted.

You undid the ponytail you had your hair in and walked to the table 6, like Ollie told you.

Then, you saw him. He was looking at you. He was so changed, his aura was so much different, he was shining. He looked like he had healed. Just like you wished for him to. You, confused, walked up to him. He smiled at you sweetly. That sweet smile that made you fall in love with him. Without a word, you say in front of him. You decided to let him talk, say everything he wanted to after almost seven years.

“It’s been a while, Y/n” He smiled, his dimples showing cutely. You couldn’t help but smile, suddenly feeling shy. He used to always make you feel shy.

“Yeah.” You breathed out. “You’ve changed so much” You notice. He nods.

“You have, too. You look beautiful.” He whispered, and you swore your eyes shined like the exact first moment he asked you to be his girlfriend. He looked up at the building and then back down at you. “So, this place is yours?”

“It is mine” You smiled proudly. You felt in love again. You shouldn’t, but you did. After so many years of missing him, crying for him, wanting to come back to him… you were in front of him. Finally. “Why are you here, Jeongin?”

His name sounded to sweet in your lips. He had never loved his name so much, until he heard you say it.

He sighed and your gazes connected. “I’ve spent the past seven years experiencing the consequences of my actions, trying to heal, like you wished for me to do the last time I saw you. I’ve forgiven myself, I’ve put my life in order, I’ve apologized to everyone I’ve hurt, except for you. I wanted to apologize to you.” He stated seriously. You knew this time he meant it. You were sure he had changed. This time it was different.

“In the past, I’ve hurt you so much. I was such a bad boyfriend, a bad company and a bad person overall. I’m these seven years, I’ve never felt confident enough to come and apologize to you, the person I’ve hurt the most. I’m so sorry you’ve had to wait so long for an apology.” He breathed and continued talking. “I made you go through so much, and I sincerely apologize to you. I know this won’t make it go away, all the pain I’ve caused you, but I do want you to know that I’ve grown up. I’m not that anymore, and I’ll never be. I’ve healed, just like you wanted me to. You’re the person I healed for. You’re the reason I decided to take care of the consequences, to take everything life throws at me because of my past mistakes.”

You looked down, fidgeting with your own hands. You didn’t know how to react.

“You’ve been the love of my life, and I’m so thankful that you were the one that made me realize all these things. Without you, I would’ve never been able to make it. You were my partner for so long, and I’m so grateful of all the happy moments we spend together. I’m sorry we ended up like that, I’m so sorry I made you live. For a long time, I couldn’t sleep at night. Guilty was eating me up.” He whispered. “I was sent on hiatus a week after you left. I wouldn’t eat or sleep without you. I was so blind by the control I had over you, that the moment I opened my eyes, you were already gone, and it was my fault. I had to go to therapy, and even though it took me over a year to get over it, I healed. I forgave myself, and I sincerely hope you can forgive me as well. I am sorry, Y/n.”

You smiled at him sweetly, that smiled he had fallen in love with. “To be honest, I didn’t expect you to come. After so many years of waiting for you, I gave up on waiting for an apology, or just an answer. You’ve made me hurt a lot, that’s true, but I do believe our relationship has taught me so much, and I wouldn’t be who I am without you. I don’t hate you. I hated you for a while, but I realized hate is pointless, and you can’t hate someone you’ve loved for so long. I believe I still love you, and I never will stop loving you, because you’re a part of me. I don’t miss you anymore, but like I’ve always told you, if you ever heard me, I will always love you, and you’ll always be in my heart. I forgive you, Jeongin. I know you’ve worked hard, and I’m so glad you decided to heal. That’s the only thing I would ever want from you. Thank you for coming here, I appreciate it.”

You didn’t realize the tears falling down your cheeks until you noticed his. He smiled and nodded, wiping his own tears with the back of his hand. He looked at you, his eyes showed love, care.

“That’s the only thing I needed to hear to finally close this chapter of my life and move on. Once again, thank you, Y/n. I will always feel grateful for meeting you, and I will always love you.”

You smiled sweetly at him and wiped your tears too. You nodded and giggled at how you both were crying over that.

“Dad!” You heard the voice of a little kid near you. You saw Jeongin pick up the kid and caressing his arms. The kid looked exactly like Jeongin. “Wonnie, say hi to Y/n” He said in a sweet voice. You loved this side of him. You loved him so much.

“Hi Wonnie, I’m Y/n” You said in the same tone. The little kid giggled and greeted you with his hands. “Is he your son?”

“Yeah. As I told you, in all this time I was able to put my life in order and… here he is.” He explained with a smile. You were sure he was going to be the greatest dad ever. You smiled and played a little with the child. He was so cute. That was until you heard a female voice.

“Love!” She yelled. That’s when you realized she was talking to Jeongin. He turned to look at her and signaled her to wait with his hands.

“She’s Alicia, my wife.” He explained. “I love her so much, and I’m trying to be the best husband for her. I’m trying to be the great partner I wasn’t in the past. I am so deeply in love with her.”

Ouch.

That had hurt so fucking much.

But what could you expect? Going back to him? He was just there to apologize, and you appreciated so much that he did. You knew he would be the greater husband for her, and you were happy for him. He has made it. He had healed, and so had you.

Now, you had to carry on with your life and let him live his. All of the mistakes and everything you once went through is just a way to learn, to be better, to improve and grow as a person.

You had wanted to give up in so many moments, but now, seeing how you’ve both made it and put your life in order, you realize this was the whole propose of it. Each person is a lesson. They come in your life, teach you something, and go. Jeongin’s path met yours with so much intensity and it was so hard to let go, but eventually, you continued with your own, and so did he. And you were proud.

It was bittersweet, but after all, he was just a lesson, like everyone else. You were just two teenagers that fell in love. You were just two teenagers that fell in love and loved each other like animals.

#skz #ficcidio #straykids #stray kids #kpop #yang jeongin #jeongin #jeongin fluff #jeongin angst #jeongin x reader #jeongin imagines #skz x reader #skz imagines #skz angst #skz scenarios #jeongin scenarios

[ficcidio]

BEWITCHED

pairing: chan x afab!reader

genre: angst angst angst, fluff!

warnings: partying, drinking (getting drunk), shedding a few tears, cursing, it’s pretty long 😭 and nothing more i think

a/n: aaaaaa i love angst so much

now playing: bewitched by laufey

you were at a party, but it was no fun. you were drinking quite a lot, but still fully conscious. you didn’t want to be, though. you wanted to get drunk.

guys approached you, but none of them caught your attention. a few months ago, you would’ve accepted one of them, danced with him, then go home and never hear about him again. but this wasn’t the occasion. you didn’t want any of those guys to be near you you wanted someone else, actually. someone who also wanted someone else. not you. or so you thought.

and that was nobody else but your childhood best friend. someone who’s always treated you as his sister and nothing more, yet you still managed to fall in love with him. it was pathetic, because he never had any romantic feelings towards you. or so you thought.

you didn’t remember your feelings so intense. Chris has had multiple girlfriends and situationships in the past, but that has never bothered you. it was nice seeing someone you loved being loved, specially because he didn’t have much self esteem, even when he looked like a model.

maybe because you were always over them. he loved them, yes, but he loved you more. his best friend since… always. he didn’t intend to make them feel insecure, he didn’t want them to feel jealous, he simply felt like that. he just loved you more. you were always before any girl that has ever had Christopher Bahng’s heart.

yet, you only remember it as a small crush. you felt attracted to him. you liked him, it was not as if you were in love with him… until now.

that little crush turned into a big fat unrequited love that made you want to die every time you saw him. you just couldn’t talk to him and not feel anything. there wasn’t a way. and you dealt with it every day, and very good, actually. it hurt a lot but… it wasn’t too much. until now.

now, when Chris was dancing with the girl he’s been talking to for a few months. you were sure she fell in love with him too. how could she not?

somehow, your heart felt smaller at the sight. your breath stopped for a moment and your eyes were filled in seconds when you saw how he touched her body.

“y/n” someone screamed. it was probably Felix. Chris’s best friend, and the one who helped you cope with the pain all this time. he was a nice friend.

after seeing how Chris approached the girl to kiss her, you reacted the only way you knew: running away. before you saw him kiss her, because there was no way you’d be able to look at the love of your life loving someone else. though, you’d seen him do that before. why did it hurt that much?

you sat on a random sofa and let a single tear run down your tear. you didn’t wipe it away. you were too busy overthinking.

“y/n… let’s go outside.” Felix simply said as he sat next to you.

“they’re kissing, aren’t they?” you asked. he didn’t answer. he knew you wouldn’t like to hear the answer.

“come on” he grabbed your hand and guided you to the big terrace the club had. it was for smokers. and crybabies, like you.

when you arrive outside, he sat you on a bench and a few more stray tears fell. Felix said nothing. he looked at you with pity and held your hand.

“go have fun” you suggested.

“i’m not leaving you alone” he sat down next to you and put an arm around your shoulders. “you’re not okay, y/n…”

“i’m sorry”

“no, i am. i knew she’d be here and took you anyway. i’m sorry.” he apologized wholeheartedly.

“it’s okay.” you told him. if you says much more you’d explode. yet you continued. “it’s not your fault i’m in love with him”

“he’s an idiot”

“he’s not. it’s not his fault neither. he’s free to fall in love with someone. she’s very pretty too…” you whispered and smiled even when you were slightly crying.

“but he can’t have you here suffering y/n, maybe it’s not his fault but…” he tried to explain, but you interrupted him

“Lix… don’t. it’s okay. he just… doesn’t like me back. and that’s okay. he doesn’t have to.”

“y/n i must tell you something” he said, staring at your eyes. you nodded. “a few months ago, Chris was dating Mia, you know?” you nodded again. her name now hurt a little. “he said they broke up because they had many differences but… they didn’t. he was… well, he liked you. and he broke up with Mia. because of you. because he loved you.”

your brows furrowed and your breath stopped the moment he said that “you…?”

“yeah. he liked you too much to… like anyone else. but he thought you didn’t like him back, so he continued to sleep with all those girls and have girlfriends he didn’t even like. he wanted to forget you, but you were above them all. i didn’t tell you anything because we weren’t close at all, i’m sorry…” you were going to talk, but he continued “i’m really-“

“and now it’s too late?” you asked. he didn’t know what to answer, and that was your answer. “fuck it”

you stood up, wiped your tears and took the drink that was Felix had between his hands. you drank all of it, then went for more. he was surprised, but didn’t stop you. after all, you were overage. he couldn’t tell you what to do,

after an hour of doing nothing but drinking and dancing, you lost your consciousness. finally. and seeing Chris dancing with that blonde, beautiful girl made you feel a mix of sadness and anger that you couldn’t control anymore. yet, you still stayed next to Lix. though, when Christopher looked at you, smiled at you and then continued to dance with that girl was the breaking point.

“hey, hold this for me” you said to Felix, giving him your drink. after that, you basically ran to your ‘best friend’ and grabbed him by the shirt, to take him out of the crowd. once outside, you hit his chest and started your speech

“the fuck you think you’re doing?” he looked at you confused, kinda mad at the fact that you took him away from her. he was about to talk but you cut him off “no, don’t act like you don’t know. what the hell was that fucking smirk?”

“are you drunk?” he asked, yet you didn’t answer.

“why did you have to fucking smile at me while you were dancing with another girl?!” you screamed, slightly pushing him.

“y/n, i don’t understand what wrong-“

“you’re such an idiot, oh my god. how dare you? how dare you lie to me and now dance with her? how dare you not tell me anything? it’s too late now! i hate it! i hate you!” you screamed, pointing at him with anger.

“too late for what? when did i lie to you? i can’t understand anything” he seemed so confused, and it was normal honestly. you weren’t explaining enough… yet.

“you fucking lied to me when you said you broke up with Mia because— you liked me? then why didn’t you say anything? you don’t know how happy i would’ve been! and now it’s too late, right?” you kept screaming “and shit— you don’t know how long i’ve waited! goddamn years thinking it was just a ‘small crush’ but now i realize that you’ve fucking bewitched me!” you sucked in a breath to control yourself, even when you were drunk. but no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t stop yourself from doing what you’ve always wanted to do.

you kissed him. and he didn’t pull away until you did.

you woke up in a bedroom, which wasn’t yours. you instantly panicked, and tried to remember what you did last night. sadly, you did remember most of all. you remembered crying, screaming at Chris— actually, confessing to him and… kissing him?! you really kissed him?

a recognizable voice took you out of the trance. Chris’s voice. oh god. that was his bedroom.

“oh, you’re awake” he noticed

“i am…” you covered your eyes when you head started to hurt really bad and let out a painful moan

“here, you’ll feel better” he said, hading you a glass of water and a pill. he walked out of the room and you got up, noticing you were still in your outfit from last night. you felt relieved, but at the same time really embarrassed. when you went out of the room, he looked at you from the kitchen and softly smiled —which made you melt— but no, you had to apologize.

“Chris, i’m sorry…” you whispered.

“leave it, y/n, it’s fine.” he interrupted you, but you had to do something about it.

“i really didn’t mean it— well, i did but i promise it wasn’t my intention to say all that… i’m very sorry”

“so you do like me?” he asked.

“that’s not—, i’ll go home.” you said, heading to the front door

“wait, y/n” he said, instantly following you. thoug, when you turned to look at him, he stopped talking and looked into your eyes, but stared at your soul. “be safe” he just said.

you felt disappointing, you thought he was going to say something important, something that wouldn’t make you want to stay, or run away, you didn’t care. you just wanted him to say something that gave you an answer.

but he didn’t. he let you leave. he followed you with his gaze as you walked towards your house, which was only a few minutes away. he immediately started feeling something in his chest. guilt. of letting you go without telling you that it was in fact not too late, that he also felt that way towards you. that you’ve also bewitched him.

a few days passed by, and you had no news of Chris. you had texted Felix to ask him about his friend: “is he okay?” “did you visit him today?” “did he tell you something about me?” you felt bad for asking him that all the time, but you missed him. he didn’t dare to call you, nor text you. and you’ve been home for 4 days without going out at all. normally he would visit, but he didn’t. was he mad? you wondered.

now, you were staring at the “stop asking about him, just call him” message from Felix. you tried a few times, but you couldn’t. you were too scared.

you wished he visited you. you wishes he had the courage to contact you, and not stay quiet. he wished that too, he felt bad for not calling you. your absence was more noticeable every day and it was starting to really bother him, it made him sad.

and as if he had read your mind. your doorbell rang. three times. just like he always did.

your heart started racing when you realized who it was. you immediately stood up and basically run to the door. when you opened it, you saw him. he looked like he hadn’t slept in days. his gaze was sad. he was wet from the rain and heavily breathing, as if he had ran to you.

you expected him to talk, to scream, to cry. whatever. but before you were able to think anything, his lips crushed into yours with needinesses. he grabbed your waist and walked with you into your home. you didn’t pull away, not until he did. he looked at you but didn’t let go of your grip.

“i love you y/n, i’ve always loved you. i meant to say it the other day, i really did but everything was so— it was so confusing!” he said in one breath. “and that night, i was wishing you came and danced with me all the damn time. i didn’t care about that girl, i couldn’t even remember her name thinking about you”

“Chris” you smiled, trying to make him shut up.

“then you said all those things, i didn’t say anything and i fucked up, i’m so sorry y/n, but i promise, it’s not late”

“Chris” this time, you did manage to shut him up. your eyes connected and he, confused, saw you smiling. he suddenly got shy and covered his face with his hands “you’re so cute.”

“y/n, im serious!”

“so am i! you’re sooo cute” you said, grabbing his face. he sweetly smiled and hugged you tightly. “emotional, aren’t we?”

“shut up!” Chris responded at your teasing.

“okay, okay, i’m sorry” you laughed. once you pulled away, you realized. he was wet. “you really came here running? it’s raining, you could’ve hurt yourself! aren’t you cold?”

“i had to see you. and yeah, i’m a little cold” he answered.

“well, next time just call me alright?” you proposed.

“yes sir!” he joked.

“you’ll catch a cold. take those off and i’ll bring you some clothes you left here last time you came” you then left the room to go get his clothes

once he had new clothes on, he collapsed on the couch and so you did, cuddling.

“so…”

“yes, y/n. you can be my girlfriend” he answered, before you even got to ask. you laughed at how well he knows you and let out a relieved sigh.

finally.

#skz #ficcidio #straykids #stray kids #kpop #skz fluff #stray kids x reader #bang chan #bangchan x reader #skz angst #bangchan fluff

[ficcidio]

SAD BEAUTIFUL TRAGIC

pairing: han x afab!reader

genre: angst

warnings: break up, screaming, crying, fighting (verbally ofc), cursing, mentions of having sex (no smut), not proofread

a/n: i'm just sorry for this. also, i’m sorry for not updating in a while. it has been a very hard month. i’ll try to update more often. love u <3

now playing: sad beautiful tragic by taylor swift

you were never friends, to be honest. well, you were but it never felt like it. there was always something there. something that made you both attracted to each other, to subsequently fall in love. you got together a while ago, 8 months exactly. a very big event for you and all your friends. they did expect it, it was obvious. what they didn’t know, was that you wouldn’t be as similar as you thought when you were friends.

you had a lot of differences, yet it was never too much. for example, Jisung was very jealous. and you too, but he showed it.

“Jisung, you didn’t do the dishes?” you asked when you arrived to the kitchen. you just got home from hanging out with some friends you hadn’t seen in a while. 00 o’clock.

“that’s the first thing you tell me when you get home? wow.” is all he says, without even looking at you. he’s watching a film you can recognize. La La Land. your favorite film. you loved to watch it together (and cried every time).

“i’m sorry, baby. i mean, i asked you to so i expected you to do it. it’s fine though. i’ll do it later” you said with a smile leaving a kiss on his cheek as you sat next to him.

“i told you i was busy” he answered, eyes still on the screen. you knew something was wrong. he was mad at you.

“well, you don’t seem pretty busy.” you wouldn’t let him do whatever he wanted with you.

it was his home, you didn’t move in together, you just stayed with him all the time because with your works you didn’t see each other that often. your clothes were there, all your belongings too, even your kitty lived there now. yet, you still did everything for him. you always did the dishes, cleaned the house. you knew Jisung hated to, and he was busy a lot of times because of his work, but he was home a lot of times too. and he could use that time to clean, just as you did.

he didn’t answer. he just sighed, annoyed.

“what’s wrong?” you asked, looking at him. no answer again. just silence and the movie’s song playing. “Jisung, why are you mad at me? what did i do?”

“can’t you shut up? god, you’re always talking. i’m mad when i fucking want to!” he was upset. very upset about something, and you knew what it was.

“Ji, i just want to talk…” he interrupted you.

“then go talk with Yeonjun, or whatever his name is” you knew it. Yeonjun. your friend.

you usually hung out with him, though it had been a month since you last saw him, until today. you hung out with more people: Yeji, Sana and Soobin. you loved them. honesty. they made you forget about everything. Jisung and you had a lot of friends in common, but today you wanted to be alone with them.

“i want to talk to you, not Yeonjun.” you stated.

“i don’t fucking care.” he still hasn’t looked at you.

“why are you jealous? i didn’t do anything. you know i only want you, you know he’s just my friend, Yeji and Sana were there too, then why are you jealous?” you were on the verge of crying. things like this happened very frequently but you got over it soon. today was different. the atmosphere was different, more tense.

“just leave me the fuck alone!” he responded. first time he looked at you in the whole night. his gaze wasn’t sweet as usual. he was very angry.

“alright” you whispered and got up. you went to your bedroom, the bedroom you shared. as soon as you laid on the bed tears started falling and you didn’t even notice it when you started crying loudly. you tried to hold yourself back and wiped your tears when you heard steps closer to your room.

the door opened and Jisung’s guilty eyes connected with yours almost immediately. he silently sat next to you. when your eyes connected again, he leaned towards you, wanting to kiss you.

he always did that. when you fought, kissing was his way of saying sorry. it bothered you a lot, it made you feel unloved, as if your body was the only good thing in you. this time you wouldn’t let him. you put a hand on his chest to stop him from getting closer. his eyes suddenly opened.

“don’t” you simply said. “you’re being mean”

“babe” Jisung tried to explain, but you wanted to talk.

“i don’t… i can’t.”

“what?” he asked. your words didn’t make sense at all. you didn’t know what you were saying too. your mind was foggy, you couldn’t think straight.

“y-you can’t do this… talk to me as if there’s something wrong with me a-and then kiss me like my body is the only thing you want” your murmured. he blinked a few times, not knowing what to say.

“that’s not how it is—“

“well it seems like it. that’s how you make me feel. you kiss me and try to fix it… could you just try to listen?”

his brows furrowed and you knew you fucked up. he probably got mad again.

“you’re saying i can’t listen?” he asked you, raising his voice.

“you never do.” you also raised your voice. “you weren’t like this before… you’ve changed.”

it hurt to say that. a lot. but that was the truth. he dealt with anxiety, at the start of your relationship he was very shy and when he never got mad at you. or maybe he was just too shy to say it. but as the months passed, his embarrassment wasn’t there anymore. his words were harsher, how he acted too. but you didn’t pay attention to it because you loved him, you always had.

“sometimes i think you liked me more before because i didn’t show who i truly am.”

“are you kidding me?”

silence. again, just silence. the movie was no longer on. not a single sound other than your voices.

you looked at him in the eyes and noticed he want lying. he truly thought that. your eyes were filled with tears again easily, and you reacted the only way you knew: running away.

“y/n, get back here!” he screamed, following you “you wanted to talk? then let’s fucking talk! stop running away like a goddamn child.”

“a child?” you repeated, feeling offended. “how dare you say that when you’re the one who’s been treating me like shit for no reason? you’re the one acting childish!”

“is hanging out with Yeonjun not a reason?!” Jisung asked.

“no, it isn’t! not when you know he’s just my friend! i’ve told you a hundred times!” you screamed back. this wasn’t something you couldn’t handle, tears fell again.

“fucking crybaby” he murmured, but you heard it. and it got you very mad.

“god Jisung you’re so fucking difficult! i don’t know how to handle you! i do everything i can to be perfect for you yet you always make me feel so helpless! did you do the dishes? did you clean our room? you didn’t, i always do. yet you still say i’m a crybaby? i’m fucking exhausted! and you’re sick!” you said out of breath. “i’m so tired, Jisung… so tired of this. of us. we’re not working”

“you’re tired of me?” this time, the tears were on your boyfriend’s eyes. he didn’t want to let you go. because he loved you. he always had.

“im not tired of you… i’m tired of us being so toxic and having so many differences” you explained, trying not to hurt him. because you loved him. you always had.

“you’re tired of me. i know it. that’s why you’re always hanging out with that guy… you know he makes me insecure.”

“for the sake of god Jisung you know damn well it isn’t like that!” you screamed, so tired of always having to explain everything. “and no, i did not know he makes you insecure because you never talk to me” you stayed silent to see if he talked back, but surprisingly, he didn’t. “you always fix it with sex… i don���t want that. when we fight i want to explain it to you, to say sorry and also forgive you, i want to cuddle with you and tell you i love you but you just… you just don’t let me” the crying was heavier now. you eyes were fluffy and sore. his too, he was also crying, you didn’t expect him to. he normally didn’t during fights. you, on the other side, were a crybaby when it came to him. because you loved him. you always had.

“y/n” he whispered.

“maybe we’re not meant to be, Jisung… maybe we don’t belong together.” it hurt to say that, but love isn’t meant to hurt.

“no, no. we can fix it, y/n, don’t say that.” your boyfriend insisted.

“Jisung, i- i don’t think this is right”

“hey, y/n, this has happened a lot of times and we’ve always fixed it, yeah? we’ll be okay. i promise. we’ll be fine.” you knew he was right, but only because you obeyed him every single time. of course, you loved him. you always had.

“maybe this time’s different, Han…” it was obvious, after this you wouldn’t be the same.

“tell me what you want us to be like and i promise i’ll make it. i can be better, i promise. please. i’ll change.” he promised, but it was a lie. he wouldn’t.

“i don’t know what i want” you stated. “all i know is i don’t want this. i want you, of course i do. i love you so much. i don’t think i’ll ever love someone so much, but i don’t want this” you said with a broken voice. you hated it but you knew it was the best for the both of you.

“bullshit, y/n, we can make it if we try…”

“don’t make this harder, please…”

you looked in his eyes and you swore you saw stars. you maybe saw another chance for you both but it was for the better. then, the unexpected happened.

Han nodded, and smiled at you through the pain. it was obvious he was hurting. you both were. but you were doing this because you loved him. you always had.

you did the same and went to your room to pack your things. both of you sobbed until you couldn’t breathe while you were preparing to leave. when your suitcase and everything was ready —even your kitty—, you walked to the entrance and turned to look at Jisung, who was sitting on the sofa, holding back his tears. La La Land was on again. he probably put it on because he knew it was your favorite. maybe to revive some memories he had with you.

you sighed as you looked at him and he immediately got up and approached you. he smiled softly and so you did.

“i’m sorry.” was all he said. you shook your head, telling him it was alright.

“we’ll meet again, i promise you. until then, take care.” his smiled grew wider hearing your words and he looked down to hide the few tears that fell due to that sentence. “i love you”

“i love you too” he whispered. your gazes disconnected when he focused on your lips, and you took the initiative to kiss him. sweetly, as if it was the first time. his lips tasted better than always, it was a beautiful goodbye kiss. when you separated, you looked at him and another tear fell down your cheek. you just couldn’t help it. you loved him. you always had.

“goodbye, my love” he said as you walked through the door.

you didn’t turned to look at him because you knew if you did, you’d fall back right into his arms. yet, you stayed consistent and walked to the elevator.

your heart ached like it never had. you knew you’d feel lonelier than ever. you knew you’d regret leaving him. you knew you’d want to go back a hundred times, you knew you’d stay sleepless for a while after this. you knew he would too. but you had to let go, because you love each other. you always had. and most of all, because you always will.

#skz #ficcidio #straykids #stray kids #kpop #skz fluff #stray kids x reader #han jisung #han x reader #jisung x reader #skz imagines #jisung imagines #skz angst

[ficcidio]

hello everyone :] i’m so sorry i didn’t update anything, i’m writing smth but i can’t get myself to finish it, idk, these days have just been really hard for me, i’ve been struggling a lot and i can’t focus as much as i’d like to, i’m trying to get better tho, i promise you i’ll update soon! so sorry 💓

#sue’s notes #ficcidio

[ficcidio]

LAST TIME

“this is the last time i’m asking you this, put my name on the top of your list”

pairing: fiancé!seungmin x reader

genre: angst

warnings: idol seungmin x non idol reader, cursing, crying, fighting (verbally ofc), not proofread and i think that’s it

a/n: this was initially written for bangchan but i changed it hehe, im sorry to always make you suffer i just love angst 😔

now playing: last time by taylor swift

— 시작

another sleepless night waiting for seungmin to arrive home. you knew he was working, he worked so, so hard, but sometimes you needed a little bit of comfort too. he didn’t feel like your boyfriend anymore, for the past month he hadn’t been your lovely significant other, he was just someone you occasionally saw around the house and hardly ever woke up next to.

it was heartbreaking to think he didn’t love you anymore like he used to. you couldn’t remember the last time you even touched each other in a meaningful way. it had been months since you had sex and probably weeks since you last kissed. you remember it so well, you both would kiss until you lips hurt, sang your favorite songs at the top of your lungs in midnight and stargazed until you fell asleep on each other.

pain. grief. that was all you could feel. that was all you had felt for the past month and it was getting tiring.

“don’t wait for me awake” he told you many times, but you wanted to spend at least a little bit of time with him, so you forced yourself to stay awake until he arrived, and that drove him mad.

since he proposed to you and you moved in together, it felt as if he didn’t want to see you outside your house. as if it was enough for him to share a bed. he didn’t take you on dates, he didn’t call you special pet names. it seemed like all his feelings disappeared, and you were terrified.

03:39 a.m, he still wasn’t there. your eyes now felt heavy and you thought that it was time to sleep, but a sudden wave of anxiety and fear hit you and your eyes filled with tears. you allowed yourself to cry, to let everything you’ve been hiding out.

the door opened, silently, seungmin trying not to wake you up. what he didn’t know is that you were more than awake.

he opened the bedroom door only to hear your silent cry. he stayed there, not knowing what to do. as you hadn’t been as close, he didn’t know how to comfort you anymore. after seconds of thinking, he decided to just stay by your side without saying a word. you felt the other side of the bed heavier, meaning he laid there. next to you. without touching you or comforting you.

you were so, so tired of this happening. you didn’t want to say anything, you really didn’t, but without meaning to, you exploded.

“you enjoy watching me cry?” you whispered, staring at him with no fear. you knew he didn’t, but maybe it didn’t bother him either

“what are you talking about?” he asked shyly, barely daring to look at you. you laughed ironically and rolled your eyes to show your disappointment,

you took a few seconds to make sure you really wanted what you were about to say, and you decided yes, you were sure. you took off your promise ring and took his hand – the first contact you had in weeks – to leave it there. he looked at it, unsure if he understood it right. you couldn’t be doing that, right? no, thus couldn’t be happening he repeated in his head again and again, but not even one word dared to escape his lips. instead, his eyes watered slowly, watching every move you made. you stood up and walked to the living room, he instantly followed you.

“what? y/n, what do you mean by this?” he insisted

“i mean just what you’re thinking” you stated “i don’t want to marry you, seungmin”

his name felt so dry on your lips now, his heart froze.

“what? why? was it too early? we can postpone it, don’t worry…” he tried to fix it, he tried to pretend he didn’t know the reason but of course he did.

you cut him off instantly “you know damn well why” you simply answered, letting him think. you couldn’t say much more, you would break down if you tried

“no- why are you doing this to me?” he yelled, following you as you walked around the house. when you stopped, he also did right in front of you and you had to see his crystallized eyes, they showed so much pain, but you wouldn’t believe it after all he did

“to you?! i’m the one doing something to you, seungmin? am i hurting you?” you yelled “for three weeks you don’t bother touching me, asking me how my day was, nothing at all! and i’m the one hurting you? you arrive past midnight in a bad mood, only to sleep peacefully without even saying goodnight! how do you settle with just sharing a fucking bed?! how on earth is that enough for you?!” you screamed, looking at his eyes. embarrassment was shown in his, while his lower lip trembled a little

“you don’t care, do you? you don’t give a single shit for my feelings or anyone else’s! you’re just like everyone else” you continued to scream with all the energy left in you while he just looked at you speechless. the sadness and loneliness suddenly hit you and the tears started falling as you calmed down a little “i don’t even know if you love me anymore” you said with a cracked voice, trying to hold yourself from crying, but you couldn’t

“y/n–“ he tried to talk, but of course, you didn’t let him.

“and the worse part is that i love you. i love you so much, seungmin, but i am just so tired” you breathed out. “so tired of eating dinner alone a-and watching you treat everyone else so nicely when you act like i’m not here, and i’m so tired of… everything. i’m tired of this. i love you, i really did want to marry you, but it’s getting tiring to wait for you until midnight…”

“i told you not to wait for me” he interrupted you

“this is not about fucking waiting! you’re not here seungmin, nor physically or emotionally!” you screamed again, regretting it right after when you saw tears falling down his cheeks “i’ve asked to many times to put me on the top of your list and you just… disappear again, and again, and again”

“and i am struggling so much, but you don’t care enough to notice. you didn’t even care when i was crying…” you whispered

“i did care but you were-“ he tried to talk, but you didn’t let him.

“no you fucking didn’t! you have no fucking excuses seungmin. despite all the things i’ve done for you, everything i’ve risked you still don’t care! i am tired of being strong and i’m tired of acting like i don’t care when behind closed doors this is all i feel! i feel trapped!” you screamed “it’s not your fault seungmin but i miss you, i miss my boyfriend, the boy who asked me to marry him, i miss who you used to be, and i know it’s hurtful to hear but it’s true. you’re not here for me. i just want you to realize i’m in pain, seung. do you love me?” you asked

“y/n, calm do-“

“do you fucking love me anymore? you don’t! you don’t love me you’re just faking it! you’re a fucking pretender” you pointed at him “liar! you’re a liar, look at what you’ve done! i hate you! i hate you so fucking much!” you index was now hitting his chest and you suddenly collapsed into his arms, as if all the anger you once felt had disappeared, you just needed him close.

you cried in his arms while you heard his quiet sobs, you waited for him to answer. though, after all you said, you wouldn’t be surprised if he hated you now.

after a few seconds, you started to feel desperate when he didn’t answer. maybe he was mad at you. you pulled away and looked in his eyes.

“i don’t-“

he interrupted you “i’m so sorry, y/n…” seungmin muttered “i didn’t… i-i… i’m so sorry…”

“seungmin… i didn’t mean it” you said, feeling regret from every hurtful word you said to him “i don’t hate you…”

“i know, y/n. i’m so sorry, i- didn’t expect you to be in so much pain, it’s my fault”

“it’s not, you didn’t know” you tried to defend him

“it is. i’m sorry, i promise you this won’t happen again, i promise will be fine please- please just stay with me”

…

“always”

#skz #straykids #ficcidio #stray kids #kpop #skz fluff #stray kids x reader #seungmin #seungmin x reader #seungmin angst #seungmin fluff

[ficcidio]

YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL

pairing: fiancé!hyunjin x fem!reader

genre: comfort, fluff, a little suggestive in the end

warnings: insecurities, problems with food & feeling guilty after, swear words

a/n: hii, i’ve never written abt hyunjin so i hope i did well! i’m sorry i didn’t post in so long i’ve just been struggling a lot lately and i couldn’t find the energy + this was written at 1 am sorry if smth doesn’t make sense (not proofread yet) 😭 also please read the note at the end, it’s very important

ᯤ now playing: young and beautiful by lana del rey

— 시작

your body started panicking as you felt everyone’s eyes on you. you looked around the room, trying to figure out the reason. was it your makeup? or did you eat too much? your dress probably looked horrible on you too. it was all of them, maybe. you started to walk, looking for you fiancé, hyunjin, who was nowhere to be found. he had left you alone in the middle of the party with all those unknown people.

as you moved you heard a group of people calling your name “y/n! come here” “y/n, come talk with us” “y/n!” “y/n!” you tried to escape but suddenly one of your old friends caught your wrist and made you approve her and her husband.

“wow, you look really different” she said “did you gain weight?” she asked as if that wouldn’t hurt you “yeah, i guess…” you whispered trying not to cry. it was the third time they said this to you tonight and you were started to get anxious. why did they only look at your body? why couldn’t they talk about your success?

“oh, that’s good too eh! i didn’t mean it in a bad way” she tried to fix it, but you were already overthinking. you didn’t want her to pity you. “look, i really have to go, it was nice to see you, bye” you answered quickly as you ran away, trying to look for hyunjin.

when you finally found him, you sighed in relieve and ran to him. thank god he was alone, you wouldn’t be able to bear with any other comment about you. as you ran, he looked at you, confused by your worried eyes and desperate speed to get to him. “what’s wrong, my love?” he asked gently, trying to calm you down. he knew something was off as soon as he saw you. “let’s go home” you whispered as you clung onto him.

“why?” he waited for an answer but it didn’t come. you didn’t want to explain yet, because you knew if you talked, your eyes would fill up with tears and you’d start to cry desperately. “let’s just go, please, hyunjin” your cracked voice told him everything he needed to go home. that’s when he decided to say goodbye to some people near him and he ran with you to the car. he quickly started driving without any words.

you felt bad because you knew he was really excited to come to this party, and you made him go home for a stupid reason. it had been 10 minutes in the car and you were still far from home. the way he didn’t say a word made you feel terrible, was he angry? did he really get mad at you? it wasn’t your fault. or was it? did you exaggerate it too much?

“i’m sorry i ruined your night” you whispered, trying to stop yourself from breaking down in front of him. 

“ruin my night?” he asked gently, which surprised you “yeah-“ you tried to continue “you didn’t ruin my night, if you’re uncomfortable then i have to take care of you, and you didn’t seem very happy. it was getting boring, anyway.” he stated as be continued to drive. a single read fell down your cheek but you wiped it as soon as you noticed it. you couldn’t let him see you in that state. “thank you…”

you spent the rest of the drive home silent, and when you got to your place you ran to your bedroom as fast as you could, leaving him confused in the entrance, though he followed you seconds later. when you got to you room you almost immediately broke down, falling on the bed and letting your tears fall continuously without thinking that your boyfriend may hear you. you really didn’t want him to know, really, but you couldn’t help being loud while remembering all those things everyone said to you hours before. after all you went through, every meal you didn’t eat, every tear, every time you yelled at someone because they wanted you to eat, every time you fainted, all that for nothing at all? you suffered so much, you really thought you got better but they made it look as it was nothing with all the anger and sadness you felt with their comments.

you felt his hands grab your waist and try to turn you around for you to look at him, but you refused to let him see your red eyes. “baby, please talk to me” he said gently while he rubbed your back. you finally acceded, but you hid your face on the crook of his neck. “love…” he started, but he didn’t get to finish the sentence because you cut him off “why do they always have to comment on my body as if i don’t see myself in the mirror every fucking day” he separated you from his body so he could look at you. your eyes connected and his showed his worry and care.

“what did they say?” he asked as he brought to back into his chest. you didn’t answer, letting your sobs be heard “y/n, what did they say?” he questioned again, while he patted your hair “they said i looked worse, they said i gained weight…” you whispered with embarrassment “everyone’s eyes were on me, hyunjin, everyone was staring at how bad i looked” he was about to let his jaw fall to the floor but he stopped himself as it wasn’t what you needed right now. he was so shocked, because in his eyes you were more than beautiful. how could someone think that dress looked bad on you? god, he almost died when he saw you in that gorgeous black dress.

“bad? you looked stunning, y/n” he answered, speechless at how you talked about yourself “you’re saying that because–“ he cut you off as you did before “i’m saying that because that’s how it is, i’d say that if we were friends, strangers or even enemies, because you looked like a work of art. you always do.” he answered sweetly. your sobs where barely audible now as you has calmed yourself hearing his voice. now all that was left was your breathing. you looked at him with a smile, still with puffy eyes and hugged him again. “thank you…” you muttered “it’s fine, darling, you don’t have to thank me” hyunjin promised

“i was scared i would have to go through everything again” you justified yourself, but it wasn’t necessary now. “shh, you won’t, not as long as i’m here. don’t ever say that about yourself again, mhm, beautiful?” he kissed your forehead and continued “god, i don’t know how anyone could ever think that way about you, i almost couldn’t control myself when i saw you” he said, making you blush and you hit him lightly “shut up, dumbass” you said, still hiccuping from the intense crying but laughing, and he did the same.

he put you into the bed an caressed your hair until you felt tired and wanted to sleep. you had wasted too much energy already, you felt so exhausted. “princess, if someone every says anything like that to you again, tell me and i’ll make sure they never say that again” he whispered.

“i love you”

…

“i love you more.

—

A/N: hello so, i wanted to talk about the struggles with food as someone who’s had an eating disorder for six years. if any of you struggles with food, please look for help. remember that food helps us, without food we’d be dead. you need to eat, it’s necessary. please don’t give a fuck about other peoples opinion, because they don’t know the real you, and they don’t know what’s really going on. to stop eating is bad in so many ways, your health will worsen, you as a person will change and you will lose people. i’m talking from experience, with my ed i lost a lot of friends, i fought with everyone and i was always in a bad mood.

throughout my life i have been judged by everyone because of my body and valued without thinking about my personality, my intelligence or my maturity. some people only care about your looks, that’s true, but you mustn’t be embarrassed for the body you have, because good people will know you’re worth much more than just what they see. you’re not your body, you’re your favorite song, your favorite film, that melody you sing in your head when you’re bored, you’re that quote in a book you once read and never forgot of. you’re that time you helped someone who needed it, that sunrise you once saw, your favorite clothes. you’re your favorite flavor, your favorite season, your favorite singer, your favorite color. you are what you like, not how you look like. so please, eat what you crave and don’t restrict any foods. i love you for who you are. and if you’re struggling, my dm’s are always open, don’t be scared to ask for help. i love you, unconditionally.

#skz #straykids #ficcidio #stray kids #hyunjin #hyunjin x reader #kpop #skz fluff #hyunjin fluff #hyunjin angst #stray kids x reader

[ficcidio]

FINE LINE

pairing: idol bf!chris x idol!reader

genre: angst, fluff, comfort

warnings: hateful comments, swear words, reader uses she/her pronouns, reader has an anxiety attack, and has a trauma with bullying, i think that’s it

a/n: everytime i listen to this song i imagine this situation and i needed to write abt it, hope u like it love u <3 (not proofread btw)

ᯤ now playing: fine line by harry styles

— 시작

“she’s so ugly” “they shouldn’t have made it public” “how can he be with someone like her?” “is this a joke?” “chan deserves better” “i hope y/n dies.”

those were the comments you were receiving for these last two hours. dispatch had just revealed your relationship with chris and you were already receiving threatening, hateful messages. you didn’t want this, you didn’t chose it. you were so mad and so hurt. why would they do it without your consent? what if you were going through something? which you actually were.

2 a.m, you couldn’t sleep. you didn’t read not even one nice comments. they were all talking about how bad you are for him, how you don’t deserve it, how they want you dead. your past memories came in flashbacks and tears started running down your cheeks, you couldn’t stop crying loudly, not even thinking about how much noise you were causing. chris had already left you 20 messages and 3 missed calls but you just couldn’t answer. you didn’t have energy, it’s like they had taken everything from you and your sadness was the only thing left.

you threw your phone, not caring if it broke or not, only focusing on your thoughts, your memories triggering you. remembering your old self being hurt, called things, threatened, being humiliated publicly. before you even noticed, you couldn’t breathe anymore. you were fighting just to get some air. your phone rings again, and again, and again. you lost count on how many messages and calls you received, but your fear and embarrassment were much more important. you were incredibly scared.

you didn’t know how much time had passed until you heard the door open. it was chan. you situation was still the same, crying, being hard to breathe. you truly wanted to pretend it was fine, didn’t want to worry him, but you couldn’t stop the tears and the loudness was unstoppable.

you heard quick steps, probably running to find you. when he finally heard the sobs coming out of the bathroom, he entered the room as soon as possible and looked down at you laying on the floor. he kneeled and removed the hair that covered your face. there he found your beautiful eyes with tears in them, letting them fall, loudly crying. “my baby” he whispered as he lifted you from the floor. he sat there and put you on his lap. he kissed the tears on your cheeks softly while hugging you tightly. his warmth made you feel like all the air you needed was finally coming through your lungs, finally breathing normally

“shhh, it’s okay baby” he comforted you as he patted your head and you tried to hold your tears. “it’s not” you finally talked “they all hate me”

“they don-“ you didn’t even let him finish “they do, chris, they want me to die” you hid your face in the crook of his neck as you kept crying uncontrollably

“those people are just mean. don’t let them control your life, pretty. don’t think about them. it’s just me and you now, yeah? they’re not getting in between us. i won’t let them”

“but what if they do something to you? what if the company doesn’t accept us?” you said quietly, trying to catch your breath while sobbing

“i will fight for us, y/n” he started “i won’t let anyone put a finger on you, nobody will touch you as long as you’re with me. nobody will hurt you, i will protect you with my life”

“i’m scared…” you said in a thin voice that could barely be heard

“i know you must be terrified, but you’re not alone, yeah? we’re in this together. we’re more than a couple, we’re a team, and i refuse to come here if it’s not with you holding my hand” he stated “my love, i don’t care losing my job, my fans or my fame. none of them are as important as you are. you’re essential, you’re needed. i only care about you right now”

you felt his love in every of his words, he never failed to make you feel appreciated. he gave you a beautiful sweet smile that calmed you down almost immediately. the tears started to slow down until they finally stopped. meanwhile he was mumbling that one song you always listened to together. all those hurtful memories were no longer there. peace. relieve. that’s what you felt. maybe all this comments were still there, but you were no longer alone. actually, you were never alone. he held your hand tightly and used the other one to grab your face gently and make you look at him

“you just hold my hand like this, and you’ll see how everything bad comment, every threat, every single one of their words will no longer mean anything to you. always walk by my side. i’m not gonna leave you behind.” he kissed the palm of your hand a couple times and a smile appeared on your face. “there it is. your gorgeous smile” you couldn’t help but giggle and kiss his cheek softly

he lifted you up and carried you to your bedroom. he quietly put you in the bed as he did the same. you felt tired from crying, your eyes hurt so much and they felt so heavy. he kissed your head and hugged you warmly. “if anyone wants to separate us, they will have to bring down a torch from heaven and set us fire” he whispered. you smiled and clung tighter to him.

“we’ll be alright, beautiful. we’ll be okay as long as we stay together. and we will” he promised, and you fully believed him. you knew he was right. he always was.

#skz #straykids #ficcidio #stray kids #bang chan #bang chan fluff #bang chan angst #bang chan comfort #skz fluff #stray kids fluff #bangchan x reader #stray kids angst #stray kids x reader

[ficcidio]

STAR SHOPPING

pairing: lee know x reader

genre: fluff, angst

warnings: minho is mad (not at reader), very fluffy in the end, too short im sorry!

a/n: this is my first leeknow writing! it took a while but i’m really happy to share it. by the way, i do not think minho is mean or anything like this. i just thought the one who suits the most this is him, i love minuo and i know he’s not mean. btw i wrote this very quickly so it might have mistakes. also i’m having problems with tumblr so i can’t add this to the masterlist. i will try to fix it soon tho, im really sorry

i hope you enjoy it, love you!

now playing: star shopping by lil peep

— 시작

“minho” you called his name for the third time, but he still didn’t listen. or maybe he just didn’t want to answer. “can’t you just listen to me?” no answer “nevermind.” you said, standing up from the couch and walking towards your bedroom

“huh?” he finally looked at you after ten minutes of just watching tv without paying attention to you.

“nothing” you answered “no, tell me” he insisted. you hated when he didn’t answer or ignored you. he didn’t do it often, but it had happened more than once. it was incredibly annoying. the worst part is that he ignores you when he’s stressed and anyone’s voice irritates him. maybe it was one of those days. you understood, but it was unnecessary. if he wanted you to leave him alone, he should just say it.

“i was saying, tonight there’s a meteor shower” you told him sweetly

“yeah, and what do you want me to do?” he answered without even looking at you.

“i was wondering if you’d like to watch it with me, it’s starting soon and it’s very pr-“

“i don’t give a fuck about that meteor shower. just let me relax in peace, yeah? go see it and leave me alone.” he stated harshly.

silence. you stayed silent. you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. immediately you left the room rapidly, without letting the tears fall. they did anyway, when you arrived to the balcony. you sat there, looking at the sky. the meteor shower was about to start.

the tears wouldn’t stop falling and falling down your cheeks, but your sobs didn’t make any noise. finally, you started to see the stars better and the meteor shower started. the view was so beautiful you would’ve liked to paint it. so beautiful it made you tear up even more. a few minutes passed and you were still looking at the stars, allowing yourself to feel numb and crying every time you thought of minho.

suddenly, you felt someone standing by you. you looked up to him and let him see you puffy eyes and wet cheeks. his face turned into a worried one, but you gave him a smile. even when you were mad at him, he deserved love. it wasn’t his fault. “i hope it’s not too late”

“it’s not” you answered, getting interrupted by your sobs again “you see it’s still going”

“pretty. i hope it’s not to late to say sorry” your eyes connected once again and your hopeful eyes made him smile. he crouched down to have you face near his. “it’s not” you repeated. he smiled and kissed you softly.

the time went by and you were still there. it was very late, but being together, none of you wanted to leave. “you know this goes on for days?” you said gently. “then we can stay here for days” he grabbed your chin to make you look at him. “y/n, i’m so sorry” he apologized “i didn’t mean to say that. i was really stressed but i realized that you didn’t do anything.”

“sh, it’s okay baby. i understand” you shushed him and kissed him once again. he grabbed your face and looked at you with starry eyes.

“tonight is beautiful” he whispered.

“you’re not even looking” you said, rolling your eyes and laughing.

“i don’t care, i can see the universe in your eyes”

#lee know #skz #stray kids #lee know x reader #lee know angst #lee know fluff #lee know imagines #stray kids imagines

[ficcidio]

MATILDA

paining: bf!bangchan x reader

genre: angst, fluff, comfort

warnings: reader is anxious, talking about depression, mentions of food, insecurities, swear words, family issues, idk if there's anything else

a/n: i feel so bad because i lost my old account ( @straycidio ) where i had this posted originally. i really hope you enjoy it, tho. if there’s anything wrong please tell me <3

ᯤ now playing: matilda by harry styles

— 시작

he had seen it. everything. every time you were anxious, sad, when you felt like everything was wrong. he had seen it, but you didn't notice. chris really tried to help you, but you just didn't want help. you thought it wasn't noticeable, maybe for other people it wasn't.

but you boyfriend saw everything.

everytime you stared at yourself too long in the mirror, everytime you locked yourself in the bathroom for hours, when you came late from work, when you didn't have energy to work at all. he did notice. maybe it was time to do something about it.

"are you okay?" his sweet voice asked. you were in front of him, but you weren't there. you were barely touching the food he spent hours doing even after a whole day at work.

you looked up at him and saw his worried face. "i'm fine" you lied "i'm just sleepy" you hated to lie to him but you truly didn't want him to worry. not with everything he had to do at work and the comeback he was preparing. it would be too much.

"you're not. you seem so distant"

the confidence he used in that sentence surprised you. how could he know it? you've been hiding it so well. you probably just couldn't pretend anymore. " really am, don't worry" you smiled at him and he looked down to his plate, empty, while yours was still full. you observed him quietly for a few seconds when he decided to glance back at you.

"when will you stop pretending, y/n?" he said, touching your hand. your eyes opened wide and your mouth did the same to defend yourself, but he interrupted you. "you can lie to everyone, but not to me. please, do not lie to me"

your eyes watered at his words, you were speechless. you couldn't say anything because he was right. you couldn't lie to him. he would always find out.

"i…” you tried to formulate a sentence, but the worlds didn't come out. "i'm sorry" a single tear ran down your cheek. you quickly used your thumb to wipe it, but chris grabbed your wrist and he did it instead. your eyes were connected and you somehow you felt the warmth you've wanted to feel all this months. the protection you needed.

"hey, no, no, it's okay" he said, standing up and walking to you. he leaned towards you and kissed your head. he later took you in his arms and sat on the couch to sit you on his lap. "what's wrong, baby?"

you tried to explain, but you just couldn't put the words together, it didn't make sense. he watched you struggle, and decided to pat your head. "you're okay, hm? it's okay, we have all the time you need" he comforted you with a gentle kiss on your cheek and hugged you while you let out more tears. your sobs started to become louder and your breathing quickened. you hid your face in the crook of his neck, his t-shirt started getting wet. "please, talk to me" he asked one more time "what's wrong?"

"everything is wrong! i-i just can't do this" you sobbed. he didn't answer, letting you more time to continue. "life keeps sending me lessons b-but all i want to do is brush my teeth and shower normally... i can't even do that! i... just can't." you vented

"no, you can" he said surely "you're so strong, you can do it. you might feel like you're dying but you're not. it will be fine"

"that's what i've been saying for years now... but it keeps worsening" you tried to catch your breath between your sobs and cries "my family, myself... what it's wrong with me? why am i like this?"

"like what, y/n?" he asked sweetly, analyzing your face all the time "like horrible!" you yelled, and when you watched his face you tried to calm down. "not even my own family likes me, chris" you whispered.

"let it go. it's not your fault. you can let it go, love" chris said, connecting his eyes with yours. "it is-" you were interrupted by him "no, it is not. it's been years and it hasn't changed because you don't want to let go. you don't feel capable and keep punishing yourself. but i don't believe that time will change your mind. in other words, i know they won't hurt you anymore as long as you can let them go"

"but i'm so sorry for them.." you tried your words to make sense, but they just didn't.

"you don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up. anywhere you go, you don't need a reason 'cause they never showed you love. y/n, you don't have so be sorry for doing it on your own"

after half an hour of crying, your breathing calmed down and his arms felt more comfortable than they ever had. your eyes felt heavier each time and chris noticed. though your cheeks were still wet and you eyes were still red, something felt different. you felt better, your chest didn't hurt anymore, it was easy to breath. chris kissed your face sweetly and when you smiled at him, he did the same.

"my beautiful girl" he whispered next to your ear. “let's go to sleep" he then lifted you up and carried you to your bedroom. he grabbed one of his sweaters and put it on you, to later open the bed and get you inside.

"thank you. i'm sorry" you sighed. "you don't have to be sorry" he said gently, to kiss your face multiple times and later cuddle with you

"i love you" you muttered. you waited for an answer for a few minutes until you gave up and you focused on sleeping.

"i love you more"

#bang chan #bangchan fluff #bangchan angst #bangchan comfort #skz angst #skz fluff #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz x reader #stray kids #skz #bangchan x reader

[ficcidio]

JEONGIN - 아이엔

genre: ☕️ (fluff), 🎳 (smut), 🐚 (angst)

N/A yet

[ficcidio]

SEUNGMIN — 승민

genre: ☕️ (fluff), 🎳 (smut), 🐚 (angst)

🐚. last time

-> he didn’t have much time for you and sometimes all you needed is someone to comfort you

[ficcidio]

FELIX — 필릭스

genre: ☕️ (fluff), 🎳 (smut), 🐚 (angst)

N/A yet

[ficcidio]

HAN — 한

genre: ☕️ (fluff), 🎳 (smut), 🐚 (angst)

🐚. sad beautiful tragic

-> you love each other, yet sometimes love isn’t enough to keep you both together.

[ficcidio]

HYUNJIN — 현진

genre: ☕️ (fluff), 🎳 (smut), 🐚 (angst)

🐚, ☕️. young and beautiful

-> everybody seems to pay more attention to your body than your personality, and your boyfriend helps you cope with the pain

[ficcidio]

CHANGBIN — 창빈

genre: ☕️ (fluff), 🎳 (smut), 🐚 (angst)

N/A yet

[ficcidio]

LEE KNOW — 리노

genre: ☕️ (fluff), 🎳 (smut), 🐚 (angst)

🐚. star shopping

-> minho is too stressed to pay attention to you sometimes, but he knows it’s not your fault

to be updated…