Sometimes I feel like I'm just aging too much. I'm 21 and I'm just in a mental place of people double my age. I'm not saying I'm healthy, but I'm rational enough that I know how to get there, and some other things. But i just feel, in a certain way, mature for my age. I understand time... I understand it takes approximately 10 years to reach most dreams. I understand it takes at least 20 to get in a safe place, economically. I understand this will pass. I understand I need to get better. And I understand that, even though, at some point I craved death and I know that death doesn't scare me, i still want to live. I'm alive and there's so much I want to do. And I don't. want. to. die. How old am i, that i already seek out some long, lasting, stable relationship, even if I have never had one, of any type? How am I so understanding of the fact my dreams will take a decade, at least, to be achieved? Where's my sweet bliss of ignorance and arrogance most people my age have? Where's my certainty? I'm not certain of anything, because I also understand everything, and everyone, keeps on changing, regardless of meaning to or not. I want to understand less, i want to feel less. Where's my ignorance? Where's that lack of doubts? Am i just old inside? Or am I already ignorant, without even knowing it?