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microwavdhamstr · 1 year

Text

too cold

bucky barnes x f!reader

bucky can’t stand the cold, you keep your air conditioner as low as possible.

warnings: hydra, bucky has a nightmare(are we surprised), whatever warnings normally come with bucky

notes: i have some oneshots drafted but i need some more ideas. feel free to share and i’ll see what i can do :)

wc: 1.6k

you run warm. it's one of bucky's favorite things about you. he finds comfort in your radiating heat and will do anything to absorb it. he always finds a way to make physical contact with your skin when he's on edge, knowing the warmth would soothe him.

you run warm, so your house usually runs cold. especially in the summer. you often had the air conditioner set as low as possible, running a fan right next to you at all times.

bucky has been living with you for a few months now and, being late june, everything is hot. the air outside feels thicker than the sweat that cakes your skin. the thought of a warm shower was enough to make you sick. blankets no longer live on your bed, but scattered on the floor.

you run warm, but you hate the heat. you hate feeling like a radiator constantly, always sweating unless you were shivering. you always love the chill of bucky's vibranium arm as it feels like an ice pack. a break from the heat.

bucky previously had no knowledge of your hatred for your temperature. that is until he was met with your heat-induced irritability.

you would set the ac to 50, ready to bundle up with a blanket in the cold air, but it would never quite create the desired environment. it took you a few weeks to learn that bucky was raising the temperature. or turning it off to open a window. at first it wasn't a bother, but a few days of no cool air in the dead of summer was just too much for you.

"doll, there's a nice breeze. let's the cool air in instead of raising your energy bill."

"i don't care about the goddamn breeze, buck, it's too hot. i can't stop sweating and now i'm sticky. i'm so fucking hungry but too warm to eat anything other than ice cubes. i need the air on."

and after some unnecessary yelling from you, he obliged. not happily, he clearly seemed upset about the decision, but he should know by now he can talk to you about his issues. if he's upset, he'll tell you.

except he's not upset. not at all. he loves that you're happy again, he loves that you're taking care of yourself, he loves that you're not cranky anymore. but he's scared. and his fear always drove him away from you until it couldn't anymore.

this time it only took six days.

six days of shivers. six days of caution. six days of looking over his shoulder in the dark. six days of crippling fear.

you should have known there was an issue before he woke you up at two am. looking back now, all the missed signs were giant and neon and blinking right in front of you. yet somehow it went right over your head.

it was a slow start, his decent into madness. he was just slightly more brooding and irritable. slightly quieter. slightly more reserved. and much more touchy.

"hey, jamie, how was your day?" you ask when he gets home.

"hm, fine." he grumbles as he sits on the couch and pulls you into him, like you're his own personal blanket.

by the third day he became jumpy, on edge, defensive if someone got too close too quickly. you thought it was just a quiet nightmare that had him on edge. the ones that didn't wake him up often set him off a little for a few days.

the last three days were meshing in his mind. he was losing sleep, too cold to rest comfortably. of course he made sure you didn't find out, not wanting to worry you or disturb the peace you found in the cold. he was constantly looking over his shoulder, even in the safety of your home. he was barely eating, he was layering clothes or blankets beyond belief. he always needed you on top of him, needing to steal your body heat as if he couldn't produce his own.

so yeah, you probably should've realized something was wrong with him. maybe it was the extra clinginess that threw you off his scent.

his nightmares, while still often, have become less frequent, less intense, and much less emotionally taxing for the super-soldier. and you being there was a huge benefit as you were able to ground him before he got too lost in his own head.

so when you're woken up by the scream and pleads you haven't heard in months, you panic. usually you can tell which part his life he's seeing based off of what he's saying. and right now, he is muttering some of the most upsetting things you'd ever heard fall from his lips. you can tell he's not inflicting pain on others, but receiving it. he's being tortured. he's begging and pleading for the suffering to end.

"nono, please. stop, please. 'can't take an'more. j'st kill me, please, kill me." it's as if someone punched a hole in your chest, ripped out your heart, shredded it before your eyes, and made you swallow it. just imagining what could possibly have happened to him for him to beg for death. for him to want the sweet release so desperately.

you spring into action, the way you have many times before. it's practically muscle memory by now. you take his thrashing frame in your arms and coax him awake.

it takes a moment to pull him out, and another for him to really see you there, but he does. he pulls you in as tight as he can before wrapping the two of you in every blanket he could reach. your skin fills his body with the warmth he needs and the blankets are sure to trap that heat.

you whisper to him sweetly, soothing his mind until his heart rate is steady and he can breathe properly. giving him all the time he needs to just hold you, feel you, believe you're real.

"it's alright, honey," you speak softly, "it's okay, i'm here. they can't hurt you anymore, i'm right here with you."

he just holds you tighter for a moment, needing to collect his thoughts before he speaks.

"you back, baby?"

"cold" was all his dried throat could manage.

"you're cold?" he nods, "want me to turn the air off?" his arms tighten around you once more, until they let you go and he gives another nod.

so you turn the air off, not capable of thinking about your own temperature anymore, and you grab some more blankets for him.

after giving him the blankets, you slide under them and move his head into your chest. he turns and hugs your torso into him further, burying his face into you while you play with his hair.

"better, hun? need more blankets?"

"mm, jus' need you." you plant a small kiss on the top of his head.

" 'm right here, buck, not goin' anywhere." you hold him there while he dozed back off into a, hopefully, dreamless sleep.

as much as you want to know what happened, you know not to pry immediately. he's too sleepy and it's still too fresh in his mind, you can talk about it in the morning like always.

it does upset you to think he had come so far with his nightmares to suddenly be thrown back into one that bad. you couldn't help but theorize all the possible reasons behind it. but in all of your possibilities, the temperature of your house had never occurred to you. you never imagined that would have been what set it off.

——————————————————

you wake up before bucky the following morning in the same position you fell asleep in, which was normal after a nightmare. you continue playing with his hair softly until he wakes.

after a few minutes he begins to stir, not once loosening his grip on you. "mornin' doll." his voice raspy and deeper like it always is in the morning.

"morning baby. feeling better?"

"much, thank you."

"no need to thank me, buck, i'm always here for you."

"yeah, well... thank you anyway."

“so what was it this time?” he figured you’d ask, you always do. and he knows he can tell you, he knows you won’t judge him, he knows you’ll be there for him, supporting him no matter what.

“cryo” he mumbles. that’s when it dawns on you. he was literally too cold. he hates the cold. because it reminds him of his time spent frozen in that stupid lab.

“oh, bucky, hun, i’m so sorry, i should’ve realized, i-”

“no, ‘s alright, doll. i should’ve told you before it got that far.”

“is that why you kept turning the air off?” you know the answer but you just want him to get it off his chest. he nods before he speaks.

“i still feel it sometimes, when it’s too cold. the shocks. and they never took the arm off for cryo so it burned my shoulder when it got too cold. i dunno, it still scares me. like one day i’m gonna wake up and be right back there, thawing out and being thrown into a new mission. or in that stupid fucking chair.” you trace your fingers around his back as you feel him tense at his memories.

“it’s perfectly normal for you to feel this way, buck. i should’ve realized sooner. and i promise you will never wake up to anyone but me ever again. i’ll always be right here, nobody can take you away from me, my love.”

“i love you so much, doll. don’t know what i did to deserve you but i’m glad i did it.”

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fluff #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes x you

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microwavdhamstr · 1 year

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SERIES

Winter Makes Ice

you’re captured after a brawl at the Avengers building, Bucky and others must save you before Hydra makes a new Winter Soldier out of you, Bucky has given up that title (complete)

The Museum

finally away from your controlling parents you use college as a new beginning. Natasha, your best friend and roommate, introduce you to three guys who live in a house together: Steve, Sam, and Bucky. Now taking steps in on your own you try and navigate trauma, friendship, and school. (college!Bucky au, complete)

Our Home to Heal

working at the VA, you’ve found your place. helping people in the sobriety unit as well as cooking for the food bank, the VA had everything for you. Bucky Barnes has a not-so-good first impression but after dealing with a dark recent past he finds you to help him heal. (complete)

Fragments

You always had a soft spot for innocent people who were viewed as monsters, must have been something in your blood. Nothing changed when you were assigned as the new handler for the Winter Soldier, he had just killed his previous one and you happened to be there at the right time to fill in. But happens when you meet him years later? (complete)

A Little Rusty

As an aspiring author and current intern, getting a new car was a luxury you never dreamed of. Natasha, your roommate, used you a personal chauffeur until your car started breaking down. Luckily, you knew some people who worked at Auto Buddy, an auto shop, who could fix your car. But you hadn’t met Bucky yet, and quickly after you found out you’d be stuck with him for a little while. (Complete)

The Time of the Prey

The younger sister of the most talked about princess in the kingdoms really can’t do much except smile and nod. When Natasha, your sister, finally goes to moves all of you to Shieldshire to marry her beloved Prince Steve you are left with your art, all alone. But one Knight took it upon himself to keep you company, and that company was all you needed to get through wedding season. Will that company last or will it be ripped away from the both of you? A war is starting and it seems targets are being made. (Knight!Bucky x Princess!Reader, complete)

TWO PARTS

The Beginning - The End

the beginning and end of the relationship between you and Bucky.

Team Bucky & Pt.2

your secret relationship with Bucky slips out. Everyone else in the compound is happy for you both but your brother - or really your grandfather - is not pleased at all, all you can do is try and live normally with Bucky and attempt to fix things with Steve.

ONESHOTS

Code Star

a code word you and Bucky share is used; but it’s not in a good way.

Scrub-a-Dub

Bucky asks you to cut and wash his hair.

Love You to the Moon and Back

Bucky notices you’re feeling down after a bad injury, he does his best to help.

Back Into the Swing of Things

Bucky is finally stable and after your friendship turns into a relationship, Bucky asks you to teach him about the little things. (set around civil war)

Safe House

You’re sick at the safe house after a mission, but everything goes to shit. fast.

Choices

after distancing yourself from the group, and more importantly Bucky, a nightmare makes you choose between calling Bucky and leaving yourself alone to your thoughts.

The Smell of Perfume

Bucky gets to look around your childhood bedroom that hasn’t changed since you were a kid.

Find the Voice

Hydra took your voice, it took your smile, it almost took your life. But Bucky will do whatever to get it all back.

Don’t End Today

The day that you happily upgraded you from tutor to girlfriend all because of a few nice words. . (college athlete!Bucky)

Confessions in a Coma

When you find Hydra now has wolves as their first line of defense you pay the price, but not entirely.

Hour, Minute, Second

the relationship between you and Bucky is getting rocky, and it doesn’t help that Bucky gets whisked away before you can both go to couple’s therapy to try and fix it.

Academic Validation

Bucky would do anything for you. He’d come to your dorm to cheer you up or bring you your favourite food. But he would also lie for you… or to you.

The Hard Things to Admit

Work has recently been too stressful to even think about, your intern you’re training is being a real pain in the ass. so when you hear about Bucky finally coming to one of your group’s gatherings you have to go, no matter how tired you really are. You both have things you need to say, resting on the tip of your tongue.

Daunting Doctor’s Visit

going to the doctor’s had never really been a fun idea to you, it wasn’t a good time. luckily Bucky’s happy to be your plus one when you have your yearly physical packed with everything you’ve been putting off for a while.

Going Out and Coming In

having you come out to the club was always a treat in Bucky’s eyes, you were never one to party like the rest of them. With all the alcohol and music bumping through your viens it’s hard to keep your hands off of Bucky, and he knows it too.

Meeting the Family

Bucky was having his family’s annual birthday celebration because seeminly everyone was born in Feburary. you were invited which meant you had to meet the large family Bucky comes from, and with your luck it didn’t go as smooth as you wanted it to.

The Art of Sleep

Bucky Barnes was known to be reackless with his health, especcaly when it comes to his sleep. Doing the bare minimum as a girlfriend you knew you had to make sure he was sleeping for midterms. Bucky couldn’t disagree more.

Requests

Fear of Spiders

Bucky sees the reader asking for help from either Morgan or Alpine to kill a spider.

Let Yourself Be Human

after getting mugged by a normal person it’s hard to think you’re up for the job of an Avenger.

Missing Him

Bucky reacts to you missing your abusive Ex.

Approval

Some habits never break, even though you know your Bucky would never be like previous boyfriends you still can’t shake your thoughts when it comes to skin-tight dresses.

Bodyguard

Getting drunk at galas was fun, but not as fun as Bucky taking care of you after.

Celebration/Writing Challenge Posts

You’re My Bucky

after a breakdown, Bucky finally asks a question that’s been eating away at him for months. (100 followers)

Hard and Fast

Bucky meets a tough nurse during the war, she doesn’t like all the flirty comments but he keeps coming back anyways.

Falling in Love

fall time was always your favourite, but being pregnant can take away some of the activities.

Do Not: steal, translate, repost, or copy my work.

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microwavdhamstr · 1 year

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Choices

Summary: after distancing yourself from the group, and more importantly Bucky, a nightmare makes you choose between calling Bucky and leaving yourself alone to your thoughts.

words: 3k

warning: blood, PTSD (nightmare), crying, fluff

Masterlist!

It was the middle of the night, you were wide awake and staring at the ceiling. Your tears fell right back over your temples and some landed in your ears, distorting the sharp breaths you were taking. Your finger plucked and pulled at the frayed edges of your blanket to make it even more distressed, some blood for picking at your skin landed on the blanket as well.

A terrible nightmare that left you awake in the darkness of the night, the red light from the digital cloak seemed to change at a turtle’s pace, everything was so still. There weren’t sounds of trees rustling or rain hitting the window, there wasn’t anything. Just your breathing coming from a dry and tight throat. The longer you looked at the ceiling the less you remembered about the dream that woke you up, it had something to do with dying but every dream was like that, Bucky was there but you didn’t know why. He lived at the Avenger Compound while you stayed in an apartment.

The setting was all too familiar, the last mission which left you pulling bodies back onto the jet. You weren’t aware of how many traffickers were at the abandoned building, but more than anticipated. They weren’t just trafficking drugs but women as well. You were shocked to see teenagers running to you, begging for help. Some were lost in the crossfire, others were brought on board. There were too many people to save and too many agents that were dying or occupied, some of the trafficked women picked up the guns and fought back.

But it was a bloodbath, it was caked into your hair and the red stuck under your nails for weeks after, almost mocking you for what you did- or didn’t do.

Keep reading

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microwavdhamstr · 1 year

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Hour, Minute, Second

Summary: the relationship between you and Bucky is getting rocky, and it doesn’t help that Bucky gets whisked away before you can both go to couple’s therapy to try and fix it.

words: 7,265

warnings: angst, crying, couple’s therapy, explosion, inaccurate timeline, happy ending w/ fluff

Main Masterlist

As you leaned back on your chair you wiped the tears from your eyes, sighing when you couldn’t get them all to go away. Bucky was sat across from you with papers and his head tilted down, his thumb running along the edge of the manilla-coloured folder.

The home-cooked meal had gone cold, steam no longer rose from the pasta you made with Bucky’s favourite sauce, the one you make from scratch. It was a little treat after a long week for the both of you, a warm meal before your night together really began. Most of it was planned, at some point, you wanted to sneak in a shared double bath but you knew Bucky wanted to catch up on a show he’d been watching. Lots of kisses and cuddles were what you imagined, not crying at seven at night.

“But you said-”

“I know,” he was quick to cut you off.

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microwavdhamstr · 1 year

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The Casket

summary: When a mission goes wrong, you’re helpless but to watch as Bucky is forced into the object of his nightmares – Hydra’s cryochamber.

pairing: bucky x reader

word count: 12.5k

warnings: canon level violence, nightmares, body warming tropes, pissed off reader won’t stop until she saves her man,

a/n: Here it is. The last fic in my archive. I adore you all so much. Thank you for everything 💕 In case you missed it, here’s the post on the future of this blog.

You woke to darkness. The bedroom was cast only in the dim light of stars and the pale glow of the alarm clock. It had yet to reach the witching hour. Daring a glance over the safety of warm covers, you spotted the ends of curtains dancing at the window as an icy draft escaped through the thin fabric.

It was warm the evening before, but New York weather was unpredictable in the changing seasons. The crickets chirping down by the lake had been a comfort as the sun had set. It was a glimpse of Spring on the horizon. Hours later, your breath was visible in each exhale.

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microwavdhamstr · 1 year

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bucky’s nightmares 🤝 reader’s insomnia

bucky barnes x f!reader

you can never fall asleep, he can never stay asleep

description: f!reader is up late every night with her insomnia and helps bucky through a really bad nightmare.

warnings: nightmare, insomnia, bucky is traumatized, nicknames (hun/honey, darling, doll), idk let me know what i missed

notes: first fic on here and first time writing one in a very long time. also this is not a self insert at all idk what you’re talking about you sound crazy.

wc- 2.1k

it’s been a few months since bucky finally left wakanda and moved onto the compound. you haven’t spoken much, however you couldn’t deny you were attracted to the ex assassin.

living in the room beside his was a wild card. between your insomnia and nosy nature you overheard most of his nightmares. you could never gathering the courage to open your door, afraid of bothering him, but that didn’t stop the need that grew in your stomach. the need to help. to hold. to heal. to love.

————————————————

tonight your insomnia was, like always, keeping you awake longer than you could bear. working in tandem with your anxiety to not only keep you up, but keep you on edge as well. every now and again you’d swear you heard or saw something lurking in the shadows of your bedroom. an occurrence you haven’t had since before bucky moved in. your solution was to slip into the common room with your laptop, turn all the lights on, and cuddle up on the couch with your favorite blanket. sleep wasn’t the goal at that point, it never was, but you needed to get the images out of your head. the images you created on your own that unnerved you to your core.

from your self-made cocoon on the couch, you hear the routine shouts from the one and only sergeant barnes. you pause your show as to not disturb the man, hoping he would lull himself back to sleep without interruption. little to your knowledge, he never just went back to sleep. every night, without fail, he’d make his way to the kitchen for a drink. he’d sit at the table for hours before returning to his room. and, to him, tonight was just like every other.

you hear the door open and shut, his sharp and unsteady breaths slowly moving closer. every light near you is on, and as much as you wanted to go unnoticed, you can’t turn them off. you know what waits for you in the darkness. there was no avoiding whatever might happen next.

he quickly comes into view and he looks awful. his eyes are glued to the floor, his hair is damp and stuck to his forehead, he is slightly pale and clammy, you could see him trembling in fear of himself. it’s wasn’t until this moment that you truly realized how similar the two of you are. both tormented by your own minds on a daily basis, both depriving yourselves of rest against you own will, both being held captive in your own heads.

it doesn’t take him long to notice the lights, glancing around until he found the culprit. the girl on the couch buried under a think blanket. the girl who rarely left her room if she didn’t need to. the girl who kept to herself as much as possible. the girl he couldn’t quite profile no matter how hard he tried.

he freezes when he sees you. and you, well you look like a deer in headlights. he holds eye contact for a few seconds before continuing to the kitchen. you continue to sit in silence, frozen still, now holding your breath for some reason. he acts as if it was no big deal. as if you aren’t even there. but you can’t seem to move.

you hear him pour a glass of water and pull out a chair to sit on. you feel his eyes on your back. there’s no reason for you to feel scared and you’re certainly not scared of him. more like you’re scared of bothering him. you don’t want to interfere with his nightly routine. you don’t want to upset him.

“you gonna breathe anytime soon?” you forgot to account for his enhanced hearing. turning towards him, you take a slow breath and give him a nod.

“sorry, i uh-i don’t mean to intrude. i can go back to my room if you want.”

“not intruding, doll, you live here too.” his voice is soft, yet a little rough.

you sit up, moving your laptop and blanket off of your lap, giving him your attention.

“what are you doing up, anyway?”

“can’t sleep,” you shrug, “never can.” he doesn’t respond.

the silence settles for a moment before it bothers you.

“another nightmare?” you question as if you don’t already know the answer. he gives you a stiff nod anyway. “you wanna talk about it?”

“can’t,” he stands up and places his empty cup in the sink, “never can.” and he retreats to his bedroom.

————————————————

the next few weeks are similar. your nights have been getting worse, hallucinations beginning to form in the darkness of your room until you can’t stand being in there at all. bucky’s nights have been just as consistent as always. there was more conversation as time went on and the two of you were becoming comfortable with this new arrangement.

you take your spot on the couch and play family guy on your laptop until you hear his telltale shout, pausing the show and waiting for him to join you.

but he doesn’t. he keeps screaming. you can hear his cries. his pleads. his pain. you hurry into his room to find him shaking, begging for his torment to end. he hasn’t woken up yet, you start to think he isn’t going to, not on his own.

instinct takes over as you rush to his side, cupping his face in one hand and grabbing his flesh hand with your other.

“no, no, please. stop. stop! don’t! please don’t! no more, no more! please, i’m sorry!” his voice begins to quiet but you can still see the terror in his face, feel the tension in his hand.

“bucky? bucky, hun, wake up! it’s just a dream, you’re not there! you gotta open your eyes and come back to me, buck, it’s not real,” you ramble in his ear, stroking his cheek and squeezing his hand.

he shoots up with a large inhale, getting air in his lungs before processing your presence. but once he felt you he scrambled away, needing to distance himself from you. needing to protect you from him.

“hey, hey, it’s alright. it’s just me. it wasn’t real. you’re not there, you’re right here,” you moved closer to him, taking his flesh hand in yours once again, “you’re okay. just focus on your breathing, okay? you’re alright, you’re safe.”

he takes a moment to settle his breaths before speaking up.

“out.”

“what?”

“get out. don’t wanna hurt you,” his panting now slow but heavy.

“you’re not gonna hurt me.” you squeeze his hand slightly for reassurance. “you’re not there, you’re not him, and you’re not gonna hurt me.” your thumb massaged the back of his hand.

“you don’t know that.” you l hear the sadness in his voice. the worry and fear. you trust him completely, but he won’t trust himself. he can’t. he knows the winter soldier is gone but he still can’t find it in himself to actually believe it.

you pull him toward you softly, feeling him tense in your grip.

“it’s okay, jamie, just relax,” he doesn’t, “you’re in your room, in your bed, you’re safe here, you didn’t hurt anyone and you’re not going to. i am right here with you and i’m not going anywhere. just lay back down,” he does, “i’m gonna get you some water, okay? i’ll be right back.” he nods, lungs still heavy.

you do just as you said, racing to the kitchen and grabbing a cold bottle from the fridge. returning to find him laying still.

“here, hun, sit up.” he didn’t realize it, but the nicknames you occasionally throw in help him relax. they make him feel safe. he wonders if that’s how you feel when he does it.

he follows your command and sits up to drink the water, chugging half the bottle before taking another large inhale. you rub circles on his back to help ground him some more, letting him take all the time he needs.

once empty, you take the water and place it on his nightstand, while doing so you hear him sniffle.

is he… crying?

“let it out, it’s alright. you’re safe here.” you wrap your arms around his shoulders and pull his head into your neck, rubbing his back once more. he doesn’t fight back this time, instead he simply lets you guide his body into yours. and, for the first time since wakanda, he lets himself cry.

you continue to hold him, murmuring “it’s okay” and “you’re safe” over and over in his ear. giving him every ounce of comfort you could find within you.

after what felt like an eternity to him, he finally calms himself down. you feel his arms wrap around your torso, keeping his head on your neck, pulling you into his lap as close as possible, tightening his grip on you as if you’d vanish the moment he let go.

“you okay now, darling?” he nods softly into your shoulder, “do you wanna lay back down?” he nods again.

you attempt to get up and reposition the two of you, but the second you loosen your grip he tightens his. instead he just lays both of you back, pulling you on top of him, not once letting go of you. you don’t really care as long as he is comfortable and content. your hands find their way to his hair and you massage your fingers into his scalp.

“jamie, hun?” you mumble into his ear. he lets out a soft “hmm” in response. “if you ever wanna tell me about your nightmares, you can,” you felt him begin to tense up again, “you don’t have to, but i know they’re scary. and this was the worst you’ve had since you got here. maybe talking about them will help them go away.” he still hasn’t told you about any of them but you have ears. he’s never screamed like that before. never cried that hard. never pleaded that desperately.

there is a thick pause before he responds, you can almost hear the gears turning in his head. he pulls his head from the crook of your neck and moves you to his right side.

“it was after i met steve again,” he started, “i remembered him. they didn’t like that i remembered him. they ke-kept trying to ‘reset’ me but i-i just kept remembering him. they wouldn’t stop trying. in two weeks i was in and out of cryo m-maybe thirty times and every time i came out they-they-” his breath falters and you can see the tears swelling in his eyes.

“it’s okay, you don’t have to say it honey, i know.” your soothing voice pulls him back down. reminds him where he is. you reach for his metal hand, the one he was conveniently trying to keep you away from, and when you find it he pulls back.

“w-what are you doing?”

“it’s okay, buck. gimme your hand.” he hesitates but eventually complies. you trace the metal fingertips slowly, taking your time with each knuckle. you bring it closer to you, planting a soft kiss on the back of the chilled prosthetic hand. “have you talked to steve about your nightmares?”

“no, i-i… i can’t.” the defeat in his tone breaks your heart.

“why’s that hun?”

“he’s already done enough for me. he doesn’t need to see the ugly parts anymore, he doesn’t deserve it.”

“and you do?” the delicacy behind your words proves to him how much you truly care.

for a moment there is nothing. no sound, no movement. no tension either. it’s comforting.

“doll, why are you being so nice to me?”

“because i care,” you respond without skipping a beat, “because you’ve been through so much and you never deserved any of it. because you’re still being tormented by the awful things those people did to you. because you aren’t being nice enough to yourself. because i love you. bec-”

“don’t say that,” he cuts you off.

“why not?”

“you’re only saying it to make me feel better, you don’t mean it.”

“of course i’m saying it to make you feel better, why should that mean it isn’t true?” your hand makes its way back to his cheek, “why don’t we just go to sleep and talk about this in the morning, hmm?”

“thought you never sleep.” his voice sounds lighter than before. you giggle at his comment.

“then you sleep and i’ll just hold you. that sound better?” he gives a small smile.

“whatever you say, doll,” he takes your hand from his face and holds it to his chest, “for the record, i think i love you too.”

you smile and nuzzle further into him, “goodnight buck.”

#bucky barnes #bucky x you #nightmare #bucky angst #bucky fluff #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #marvel #winter soldier #marvel fluff #marvel angst

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microwavdhamstr · 1 year

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PlusSize!Reader Headcanon MASTERLIST

Both you and Bucky have some very mixed feelings about you. Maybe you can help each other clear things up

PlusSize!Reader. 18+. Smut, angst and fluff. Read in order or seperately.

◌ Part I: Spill It.

◌ Part II: Don't Spoil It.

◌ Part III: Simmer.

◌ Part IV: Say it.

◌ More of these two: Drabbles

MAIN MASTERLIST

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microwavdhamstr · 1 year

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Master List

18+ Minors dni

Requests are on pause

🔥 - smut

💔 - angst

🥰 - fluff

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microwavdhamstr · 1 year

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no sweeter innocence

— bucky barnes x tony’s adopted daughter! reader

summary || when you ask Bucky to help you with your research, you don’t expect things to escalate so quickly.

warnings || dom!bucky. dom/sub dynamics. unprotected sex. competence kink. daddy kink. breeding kink. pussy slapping. creampie. choking (hand + arm). corruption kink. voyeurism. exhibitionism. filthy bucky. dirty talk. fingering. dacryphilia. petnames (princess). age gap. lots of sexual tension. horny thots. PWP — MINORS DNI 🔞 if any of this makes you uncomfortable then please do not read!

I have decided to not do taglists anymore, so if you wished to be notified of my newest updates please follow @bonky-n-steeb-lib and turn on the notifications!

I’m so proud of this work, like I suppose it’s my best. I really really hope you guys like this!

“Can I talk to you?” You said it faster than you had initially planned and you closed your eyes in disappointment. Your hands were clammy and you were anxiously tapping your foot on the floor but the expensive carpet was gladly soaking up the noise.

You had practiced this entire conversation in your head at least three times while standing in front of the mirror. And you had expected yourself to do much better than whatever you were doing right now.

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microwavdhamstr · 1 year

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Main Masterlist

I write mainly for Bucky Barnes and other Sebastian Stan characters, Steve Rogers, and MCU characters in general. I am planning on branching out and writing for more characters.

Let me know if any links for whatever reason do not work please!

Requests are CLOSED (for now), and my taglist is FULL.

Drabbles now have their own section in this masterlist

(Updated 12/31/2022)

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microwavdhamstr · 2 years

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Cigarettes out of the window- poly! marauders when you start overworking out to try and be prettier for them

Robie's funeral

Any character you want starts noticing how your behaviour changed. Obviously it’s because you’re not okay. Hurt to comfort prompt.

Cigarettes out of the window, pt. 1

Navigation

Age limit: I want to say 18+, but I know ED doesn’t have any age, so, just be careful

Warnings: bulimia, body dysmorphia, slow burn, crying and bad mental health, negative self-talk, not happy ending, my writing, part 2 on its way

Let me know if I forgot anything

Words count: 2 299

Pairing: Remus Lupin x James Potter x Sirius Black x fem!reader

Relationship: poly romantic

Read me: If you see any mistakes, please let me know. English isn’t my first, not even second, language and reminding me of some mistakes would help a lot. Also, feel free to reblog.

Read me: follow me cuz @robiedreamland got terminated 😟

A/N: please, don’t read this if you’re easily triggered about your eating disorder. Remember that this is not any motivation for you to start witch such a thing like this. I’m just writing the request. If you feel like you have problems with eating disorder, please reach out for help. || and I’m also sorry that I didn’t stick up with only reader who is overworking out.

My girl Y/n/n used to always smoke cigarettes when she couldn't sleep

You were sitting in the bath robe, hair hidden in a hair mask under a satin bonnet and tears slowly daring out. You needed to look pretty.

Covering yourself in another face mask, the liquid substance sticking on your skin and your fingers gently massaging it in.

That’s what you’ve been doing everyday for the last few weeks.

You stopped sneaking into your boyfriends’ room as you did every night, instead you were doing… whatever you want to call this. Let’s call it a bad habit of yours. A new bad habit.

For you, it was derogatory now.

But for you in the past and for James, it was normal and a sign of love. James didn’t care how sweaty you were and how you looked. He loved you whole with his whole huge heart, no matter what. And for you in the past, it would mean the same.

“Do you fancy a shower with me?” James smirked at you towards the shower. It was something you used to do after his games. All four of you. Take a shower where you and Remus pampered James and Sirius. Massaging their scalps and planting small kisses all over each other.

It was something you used to do with James after his training. Taking a quick shower with him, which always turned into a water fight. No one was happy because of that mess afterwards.

And normally you would fancy a shower with James. But the person was no longer in you. You needed to be pretty to have a fancy shower. Anyway, you used trips to bathroom for a different reasons now too.

“No, thank you, Jamie.” you gave him your apology and before he could say something, you ran away to take your own shower.

To wash out the sweat and scrub your whole body to have the smoothest skin in the whole United Kingdom. To have smooth skin like those girls you read about it fan-fictions.

She'd disappear for an hour and a half and when she'd come back she'd brush her teeth

And that went day after day. Meeting James on the morning run and then Sirius on the evening run. Meeting Remus on the afternoon study because no one would date a stupid girl.

“Are you alright?” Remus asked you when he noticed that you’re not there in spirit. You didn’t answer, he reached out his hand, the back of it stroking the side of your shoulder.

“Mhm,” you hummed, only because you heard some noises. Remus sighed, sadness washing over him as he realised that no matter what was happening, he was slowly losing you. They, they were slowly losing you.

He leaned a bit closer to you, his warm fingers hooking under your chin, your eyes locking with his amber eyes. The golden hour played with his hair and eyes, making him look like a fallen angel. So pretty.

And so pretty, but not for you.

“Talk to me, pretty girl.” he said, softly. “Why don’t you talk to me?” His lips turned into one of his sweet smiles. “Talk to me, like you used to.” His fingers found their way to stroke your cold cheek. “So, are you alright?” he raised his eyebrows at you. In his face there was no taunt or mockery, just a lust for knowing what’s really bothering you. There was a worry written in his face.

You opened your mouth but all you could do was to choke on your words. Your lower lip started to wobble and you couldn’t fill your lungs with oxygen.

“N-no.” you squeaked before completely fondling yourself into Remus’ open arms.

No.

Just a simple one word, one sentence that was telling him a whole story. Remus pulled you closer to him, and closer, and closer until you were curled up in his lap. Your arms wrapping around his neck like you’re drowning and he was your saving buoy.

Painful and heart wrecking sobs were escaping your throat and your salty tears were drenching his jumper. But all he ever wanted was you to know that it’s okay. That you could ruin every jumper he owned with your tears if that would cure you.

His warm hands were traveling from your shoulder blades to your lower back, rubbing your loins as he knew that they would hurt you.

His warm and soft hands, on your tender shaking back.

“Shh,” he whispered oh so quietly. “Is going to be alright, darling.” He squeezed his eyes shut, fighting his own tears not to escape in front of you.

“It’s not, it’s not going to be okay.” you sobbed and clutched on his tall figure.

“No no, don’t say that, sweet girl,” he shook his head and a first tear slipped from his closed eyes, running down his cheek and burning on his fresh unhealed scar. “It is going to be okay, alright?” he placed a kiss on the top of your head. He didn’t give you a chance to argue with him before he pleaded: “Look at me,” his voice was desperate. Just like his hands prying your face from his neck.

Remus cupped your face, seeing tears streaming down your face and your lips being curled up in a painful twist. If the room was silent, you could hear Remus’ heart shattering into billion tiny pieces.

“We are going to solve this out, alright?” He looked at you through his light lashes. “You and me,” he continued. “You and me and Jamie and Sirius, okay? We’re not going to let you be alone for this.” Remus promised.

You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything to him, nor even nod, all you could do was to hide in his body again and cry into his jumper.

But I could still smell it on her raggedy tee

Sirius was playing with Padfoot’s tennis ball, throwing it into the air, trying to reach the ceiling. His eyebrows were knitted together in an intended look.

“I think something’s wrong.” he murmured out of nowhere.

“Wacha mean by that?” Remus looked up from his book, The Shining, still smelling new. “Look at it, mate,” Sirius sat up on his bed, spreading his arms around. “Y/n/n is not here.”

Remus and James glared at him, their faces telling that they already noticed.

“I mean,” Sirius started. “She was there,” he looked at his other boyfriend. “and suddenly she’s not here. Only meeting up with me on my afternoon run and-”

“What did ya say?” James interrupted him and titled his head.

“What?”

“”Bout that run, say it again.”

Sirius blinked at him a few times, completely confused just like every time in position class. Marauders talked about everything. Remus, Sirius and James especially as they all had the love bond. They talked about Quidditch, they talked about studying, they talked about why James ate cheese again when he’s lactose intolerant, they talked about their breathtaking girlfriend. They talked about what to do for the big anniversary, where to take you and if you would fancy a trip to Edinburg… but for some reason they never talked about how you’re sticking up with them through the day.

“She is running with me on afternoon runs,” Sirius nervously chuckled. “What’s wrong with that?” he asked.

The thing about Sirius’ run was… Let’s say that Sirius found a healthy coping mechanism for him. But what was saving him was something that was killing you.

James stood there, blankly staring into the space.

“James, what’s happening?” Remus crawled at the end of the bed to his boyfriend. James didn’t hear him, the ringing was way too loud in his ears, like hundreds of mosquitoes attacking his brain, only experiencing this feeling when he got overwhelmed with the whole world.

Remus reached out for his hand and tucked on his fingers. “Darling boy,” he looked up at him. “What’s going on? Talk to me.” Remus pleaded.

“Y/n/n was on a run with me this morning.” James started. “And yesterday’s morning too.” he breathed in. “And the previous morning too, and that morning too,” he wanted to continue but his voice disappeared into the air as his brain started working with puzzles.

“She was with me yesterday’s afternoon too, and the previous too.” Sirius added, slowly catching in.

“That’s… too much,” James whispered. “And then… I didn’t see her at breakfast. Not for the last few weeks.” James started thinking out loud.

“Oh c’mon, mate, she said she is getting nauseous from breakfast.” Sirius waved in front of him, completely believing your explanation.

But Remus understood. Way more quickly then he would want to.

The way he saw you getting more and more exhausted everyday, the way you excused yourself for bathroom breaks after everything you ate, the way you kept sipping on your water without even reminding. Something was awfully wrong.

“Fuck,” Remus breathed out when he realised. “What?” Sirius and James glared at him.

“Did you notice any suspicious behavior in her?” He asked, quickly opening his bedside table and grabbing his notes and pen, scrambling something down.

“Mmm,” James thought. “Lot’s of drinking?” Sirius brought that up. “Like she is able to drink a whole liter on our afternoon run. Which is weird, she used to drink a whole liter throughout the day, not an hour.”

Remus wrote that piece down, doing his math. It would make sense, it was after lunch and running made you nauseous too anyway. The perfect opportunity.

“Anything other?” He asked.

“Well, for me, it’s not spending time with us. It’s been weeks since we had a sleepover. And sometimes, I see her on a map sneaking into Hogsmeade and always coming back with bags of something.” James added.

“Mhm,” Remus nodded. “That’s really… new and odd.”

“Remus what are you doing?” Sirius asked, trying to sneak glances behind his shoulder.

“Thinking, it’s a very helpful thing.” Remus snearled.

After a few minutes, Remus was done, pinching the bridge of his nose as he was the one wearing glasses.

“I… I’m only assuming, but,” Remus took a deep breath. “It’s obvious Y/n has a problem. On that list there can be issues with food consumption and weight loss. Maybe some shopaholic tendencies too.” He read you out like a book

“But what does she buy?” James asked.

“Maybe… I don’t know.” Remus shook his head.

“So, when are we going to talk to her?” Sirius mumbled, his legs bouncing as his thoughts swirled in his mind. Another fake scenario is coming up about you.

“What time is it?” James asked. “Around 16, do you have any idea where she is?” Remus looked at his boyfriends. “Probably at her place.” They looked at each other, communicating through eyes and suddenly it all clicked. They all got up, ruffling their bed sheets.

They all reached their stairs but Remus stopped, turning around and running back. “Rem! What are you doing? We are running out of time!” Sirius shouted. “Shut up!” Remus barked and ran to his drawer. Ruffling it all over until he found the thing he got back for. Your (his) comfort (not his comfort) sweater. Remus quickly changed it and tidied it up with his fingers. It was a forest sweater with light and red stripes, it was a bit itchy on his skin and people sometimes mocked him for it, but he swore to the Lord that it was a magnet on you. Every time he wore it, you were glued to him for the whole day, always nuzzling your cheek into his chest and always holding him so close.

“Really? You had to change right now?” Sirius chuckled. “You don’t get it.” Remus rolled his eyes.

They ran into your place, knocking on your door and deciding to come in when no one answered.

Maybe you were just taking a nap, listening to some music or forgot to close the door.

However and whatever, they expected everything, but none of them wanted to believe that they would see their girlfriend coming from her bathroom, wiping her mouth into her sleeve that was covered in… god knows stuff. With puffy lips and eyes stained red, looking like she committed the biggest crime ever.

“Loves,” you did hoarse, your throat still burning up.

“What-” Sirius started, shaking his head as everyone had their eyes glued on you, shocked and scared expressions on their faces.

“What have you done…?”

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microwavdhamstr · 2 years

Text

Irondad & Spiderson Rec List Pt. 5

Part 1 here

Part 2 here

Part 3 here

Part 4 here

Rec Masterlist here

*NO STARKER*

The Disappearance of Peter Parker by Milstrim - Peter regretted it, not paying more attention to his Spidey Sense, because now he was sitting in a freezing cell, not knowing if his aunt was alive or dead, if anyone was coming for him, and every inch of him hurting.

don’t help them to bury the light by silentsaebyeok - After a few minutes, voice small and shaking, Peter broke the silence. “May, I think I’m going crazy.”

I wouldn't drink that if I were you, kid by Lequia - In which Peter Parker feels abandoned, Tony Stark manages to screw things up even more, and DUM-E may or may not have found another fire extinguisher.

i. you are my sunshine by peterstank - the one where tony finds out he’s going to have a kid and he thinks maybe, just maybe, he could try giving the whole ‘dad’ thing a go.

That soft, gentle buzzing by kuragay - Soulmates aren't predetermined. Instead, they're created when you get close enough to someone, in the form of an empathy bond. Peter has bonds with Ned, with May, and with Tony. Three people who take up his soul, and he would die for each and every one of them. He used to have a bond with Ben.

hold tight, sweetheart (you'll find a rainbow) by neon_air - Peter has never liked violence. Especially when it lives inside him.

the hearth by sagemb - What to Do When Your Wife Is Out of the Country: A Guide by Tony Stark. 1) Gain partial custody of a child 2) Sleep on the couch 3) Have the child gain partial custody of you

the stars the moon they have all been blown out (you left me in the dark) by madasthesea - It starts off with his vision fading in and out. What kind of demon drug can make someone go blind by inhaling a single lungful? Whatever it is, Tony doubts it’s reversible. And while Peter’s no idiot, he can be idiotically optimistic. He's determined to fix what appears to be unfixable.

will you be there to catch me when i fall? (don't let me be alone) by rad_sad - The blood on his forehead is cold now, sticky and in his hair, his eyebrows and drooling down the side of his face. Aunt May isn't picking up and Peter is falling apart. So, he calls the only person he has left. He calls Mr. Stark

acolyte by macabre - Peter looks down at his hands. The two regenerated fingers aren’t the same color as the others - they stick out, even at just a glance. “I wasn’t always like this.” “No, you weren’t, but you work all the same.” Tony folds the kid into his arms, slowly, so he can break away if he needs.

porcelain by macabre - She constantly calls Tony a child of excess and Peter a child of absence. It makes Tony cringe every time. “He’s not used to having all of these things, and the things that he was offered in previous foster situations came at a price. You know this. Just be careful.”

New Dream by writerllofllworlds - “You ever tried to escape?”

for us, child, the stars refuse to shine by MotherKarizma - When the Avengers stumble upon Peter Parker, he is not a fifteen-year-old, bubbly, nerdy high school student. He is eighteen, homeless, and a drug addict. Peter refuses to let them discover the squalor he lives in when the mask is off, refuses to ruin their perfect little makeshift family with all his dirt, refuses to get too close. Unfortunately, he doesn't really have a choice.

The Strongest Wills by forensicleaf - The battle is raging all around him. People are screaming. Dying. Peter can stop it. He can stop it right now

The Stories On My Skin by orphan_account - “Yeah well I didn’t realise that you fucking cared so much!” The word’s erupted from Peter’s throat before he could catch them, the teens repressed temper finally snapping in half. Tony’s entire body froze, pure shock knocking the already heaving breathes of sharp air from his lungs. Peter had never spoken to him like that. Hell, he imagined the boy never spoke to anyone like that.

Shattered on the Ground by ironxprince - Due to excessive drinking, Tony begins losing his memory. He slowly forgets about Peter.

#peter parker #tony stark #irondad and spiderson #irondad and spiderson fic #anti starker #fic rec #rec list #rec lists #fluff #angst #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker needs a hug #tony stark has a heart #tony stark acting as peter parkers parental figure

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microwavdhamstr · 2 years

Text

Irondad & Spiderson Rec List Pt. 5

Part 1 here

Part 2 here

Part 3 here

Part 4 here

Rec Masterlist here

*NO STARKER*

don’t help them to bury the light by silentsaebyeok - After a few minutes, voice small and shaking, Peter broke the silence. “May, I think I’m going crazy.”

i. you are my sunshine by peterstank - the one where tony finds out he’s going to have a kid and he thinks maybe, just maybe, he could try giving the whole ‘dad’ thing a go.

hold tight, sweetheart (you'll find a rainbow) by neon_air - Peter has never liked violence. Especially when it lives inside him.

the hearth by sagemb - What to Do When Your Wife Is Out of the Country: A Guide by Tony Stark. 1) Gain partial custody of a child 2) Sleep on the couch 3) Have the child gain partial custody of you

New Dream by writerllofllworlds - “You ever tried to escape?”

The Strongest Wills by forensicleaf - The battle is raging all around him. People are screaming. Dying. Peter can stop it. He can stop it right now

Shattered on the Ground by ironxprince - Due to excessive drinking, Tony begins losing his memory. He slowly forgets about Peter.

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