simplyasimpformen
Being A Simp Is A Full-time Job
I love men☕
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I usually drink wine with my aunt outside, at exactly 20:00, and we'd crack jokes or talk about our day, but today my cousin's girlfriend came to visit, and I sat outside waiting.. waiting.. and even more waiting. It soon struck 23:00 and I was sat outside under the roof, rain pouring around me, and an empty bottle of red wine in my hand, two glasses on the table, only one having been filled with wine that night. That's when I realized that I wasn't special. I wasn't her favourite. I was nothing but a useless pass time that got old and boring
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HOW THE FUCK DID I JUST NOTICE YOU CAN MOVE THE PENCIL AROUND 😭😭😭
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Tommyinnit(x reader) HC's that make me wanna shoot myself with the vlog gun, Pt. 1
If you had to describe Thomas in two words- Loud and Sweet.
He is a obnoxious little prick that loves you very much<3
You two first met at college, you were in his class and had caught his eye.
He started talking about you to his chat and Wilbur and had asked for advice on how to approach you.
He then turned to Philza, who just said to wing it and go up to you.
Tommy, who was too pussy to do shit, didn't listen to Phil and instead just started crushing on you from a distance.
Then one day, you had came up to him and asked if he had the previous days homework, and so you two started talking.
Going from schoolwork to gaming in a matter of minutes.
You two started hanging out at school and at your house.
He was planning on asking you out, but you had beat him to it and popped the question one day as you two were just chatting on your bed.
He was a blushing and stuttering mess but somehow got his response out.
Which was yes, of course.
You two went on a date to a theme park and spent the whole day having fun.
After that, he could not stop talking to chat about you, and chat was getting sickk of hearing your name, and instead wanted to meet the girl who had broken their big man.
He had asked you if he could introduce you to his stream and you said sure :)
If you don't like your face being shown he won't have his webcam pointed at you and instead will have you sat out of the cameras view, though you could still see chat, and they could see your hand whenever you reached out.
If you don't mind your face shown he would have you sit in his chair and get another one for himself, as you are his special guest.
You got to speak to chat and Tom's friends.
They all quickly took note that you and Tommy were literally made for each other.
You two together was just chaotic and amazing.
Chat loved you two together and dubbed you two the lovesickduo
Wilbur told you embarrassing stories of Tommy and Phil told you about how much Tommy talked about you.
One of the mods had let a media share through, which was the video of Tommy lip syncing to Bruno Mars.
You loved how embarrassed Tommy looked and found everything you saw/heard absolutely adorable.
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Justaminx(x reader) HC's that make me dizzy
You two had a long distance relationship at first, with you in another country and her in Ireland, but then you went to visit her in her homeland and she was absolutely ecstatic.
You ended up moving there with her.
She once dyed her hair your favourite colour.
If she's taller then you, then she'd suffocate you with hugs and call you adorable.
If you are taller then Minx- she loves physically looking up at you, it makes her feel small.
Every time Schlatt calls, Minx would remind him of her s/o and threaten to call you if he makes fun of her.
You sometimes- not every time- make fun of Minx with Schlatt, but obviously apologize right after.
Minx stopped going on Austin's Love or Host after you two started dating, but you gave her the go to be on Schlatt's LOH.
While on Love or Host, you came into her room a few times, saying hi to Schlatt and Austn and the rest of the contestants.
You came in just to check up on Minx though.
Whenever Minx does cosplay, she would ask to do your make up, and of course, you couldn't say no.
You ended up doing cosplay along with her.
Chat loves you.
Chat absolutely adores you.
Whenever you enter, chat immediately starts spamming.
Chat find you hilarious.
Whenever you show Minx affection in front of Schlatt, he gets "jealous"(not really, all the banter between you are scripted)
Minx is very self-conscious about her body, so you have to always remind her that she's beautiful.
If you have a cat(or cats) she'd be so excited to introduce them to her cats.
If you have a dog(s) she would love to meet them and won't leave the poor thing alone whenever she's close to it.
If you have fish she'd joke about feeding them to her cats.
If you have a parrot or something she'd wanna hold him like a pirate and would totally teach him how to swear.
If you have any reptilian pets she'd be terrified yet also intrigued by them, screaming when she sees them at first, then ask to hold them.
If you are from a different country then Ireland or America, she would definitely wanna go there and learn stuff about your culture and meet you family.
She is super supportive in anything and everything you do, no matter what<3
You two go on dates regularly to fancy restaurants or when you guys just want to chill you would stay inside the house and watch shitty American highschool movies.
Pet names are a definite.
She would call you the weirdest shit too, like-
My little spud/potato
Chipmunk/raccoon
My lil pogchamp
Taco Belle
Kitten
Marshmallow/coconut
Munchkin
Bob
And the rest is history 😭
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Shameless plug, but go follow my Twitter, please! Here!
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There's a killer smoking my weed!
Getting home late from a long and grueling study session, for a stupid math test you had literally the next morning, you just wanted to relax and smoke some pot, maybe watch a movie even, before going to bed.
Taking off your jacket and hanging it on the coat rack next to the door, you threw your keys on the shelf nearby, kicking off your boots and walking towards the living room.
Turning on the lights in your house, you saw a man in black robes with a white mask sitting on your couch, beer in hand, a blunt in the other as he was busy watching a movie on your TV.
Confused, you called out.
"Is that my weed?"
Startled by your sudden appearance, the man jumped up, blunt still in his hand and beer bottle in the other.
Reacting a bit delayed, the man downed the left over beer before he broke the beer bottle over the coffee table and pointed it at you.
"Uhh- look guy, if you're gonna steal shit, can you like.. I don't know, come another day? Today just isn't my day, but, if you wanna kill me, dala what you must, brother.", You said, a tired look covering your face.
The man hesitated for a second, looking like he was about to do something before reconsidering it.
He then slowly looked at the half smoke blunt before looking back up at you and offering it to you.
"You look like you need it more then I do.", He said, his voice deep and raspy.
Taking the blunt from his hands, you took a puff.
☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎
Sitting on the couch, beer in hand, doobie in the other while watching Nightmare on Elm street next to a literal serial killer never felt this good.
Not that you've ever done it before.
Screaming at the victims stupid moves, and then laughing when they got caught.
"Ya'know- *drag* Freddie looks like he's packing a good 9 inches *exhale* change my mind.", You said, passing the roll to the man next to you.
"NAHH- he looks like it's built like a crushed soda can.", He said as he took a drag, passing it back to me.
"Are you madd?? Daddy Krueger is packing, bro- if I didn't know any better I'd probably think he was a horse.", You said, taking a drag and then a sip of beer.
"Nope, Grandaddy Krueger is built like a mushroom.", He said.
"I'm not gonna argue with you, because I know if I continue this conversation, I might get killed.."
"Didn't you want to die, like- 10 minutes ago?", He asked, confused.
"Not really, I just wanted to smoke a blunt, but feel free to kill me before my math test tomorrow.", You said, taking a long drag from the blunt.
"Aight then, it's a date."
"Sheeshh- did I just get a murderer to simp for me??"
"Don't push it."
#ghostface#ghostface x reader#x reader#scream#scary movie#stu matcher x reader#stu matcher#billy loomis
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Technoblade(xreader) HC's that make me wanna cry(also, this isn't irl Techno, this is his persona on the SMP)
Will cook you dinner every night, unless you want to ofc, and will love your cooking nonetheless.
He's a huge cat person, there I said it.
He loves the winter since there never were different seasons in the Nether.
Will sit by an unlit fireplace and read a book about mythology.
Favourite food is prolly steak and mashed potatoes.
He loves it when you and Steve are together, yet will pretend to be angry that Steve is tryna take you away from him.
First few nights sleeping in the same bed were a bit awkward, tho he quickly warmed up to your presence and now can't sleep without you next to him.
You have a cat(this is undebatable idc), his name is Chunky, he is absolute chonckers and Techno loves him very much.
Will cuddle with Chunky on the couch and read in peaceful silence.
Even with his monotone voice, you ask Techno to sing to you, which he does reluctantly so.
You first had a house next to his, but then you two moved in with each other, now your house stands open.
You two will listen to music discs while cooking, cleaning or just chilling.
Let's you braid his hair and play with it, it's relaxing for him.
It's become a regular for you to make tea for the both of you when you get home from trips to the nether or close by villages.
He'll teach and train you how to defend yourself and will spar against you.
If you already know all that, you two would just mainly focus of sparring.
He would help you with house chores, like cleaning and shit.
He first introduced Tommy as his younger brother, but then you found out later that he was actually adopted.
You knew Phil before you met Techno.
Phil was actually the one to set you two up with each other, since he knew you two would instantly click with each other.
Phil is definitely that parent that just wants grandchildren.
Bro would be like-
"So.. when is it?", Philza asked as he placed the cup of tea he was holding down. "Uh.. when is what?", Technoblade asked as he stared at his adoptive father quizzically.
"When am I going to be a grandfather?", Phil asked, causing you to choke on your tea as you were taking a sip, Techno slightly patting your back as you calm down, all while staring at the man he came to see as a father in shock and embarrassment.
With a slight blush, Techno cleared his throat and tried to speak, but he was still shocked from his father's previous question that no words came out, and instead all that was heard were croaking sounds.
Clearing your throat and take hold of Techno's hands, calming him down as you stare at Phil. "We haven't considered children yet, Phil, but believe me- we might have one on the way soon with the way-", stopping you mid sentence, Technoblade clears his throat and puts his hand a top yours and gives it a small squeeze, telling you to shut up.
"ahem- yeah-"
That's it, sorry :(
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Here it is- Jschlatt(xreader) HC's that I randomly think of at 3 AM
Bro's love language, or his way of showing his love/affection, is definitely through insults.
Bro would complain to chat about you, jokingly ofc
He'd ask you to play games with him on stream.
You would play drunken truck simulator together and get absolutely plastered, making the stupidest fucking jokes and just being chaotic.
Whenever you two ay Mario Kart, a lotta shit goes on in the house, it would be a huge competition between you two.
Neither of you actually win at the end and just end up tying.
Though whenever you win a race or get first he'd accuse you of cheating.
You would joke and tell him that you're gonna leave him for Minx whenever he calls her in her streams.
When Minx came to the States, you and her kept jokingly flirting to mess with Schlatt.
The first time chat found out about you was accidental.
Schlatt was busy streaming, playing Wii or sum', when you walked in and yelled at him for being loud.
"I swear on Jesus H. Christ- if I have to tell you to be quiet one more time I am throwing out all the fucking cereal in this house."
Chat immediately loved the fact that you got him to actually apologize and made him sound apologetic.
He briefly stopped what he was doing and just looked at you before apologizing and sounding like a guilty child who broke their mothers favourite vase.
You then left to do whatever you were before that and he tried being more quiet the rest if the stream as the chat were all losing their shit.
The second time you appeared chat immediately spammed their nickname for you, since they don't know your real name, and because Schlatt refused to tell them what it was.
"SCHLATT WHISPERER"
You once sent a picture of your shared bedroom to his mods for his stream where he judged his viewers rooms.
Man was concerned for a hot minute before he realized it was you.
Chat still don't know what your real name is and all of them just call you "Bob"
"what should we call you?", You read a donation that came through, directed at you, you assumed. Debating on what to be named you finally decided. "Y'all can call me Bob.", You answered in a fake southern accent making Schlatt turn to you with a bewildered look. "Why the fuck would you want them to call you Bob?!"
You and Schlatt spend hours a day laughing at Joe Biden memes.
I can imagine you being almost exactly like Schlatt tbh
You're both obsessed with guns and America(even if you aren't American)
You definitely went on his Love or Host, and he tried voting you out first round, but chat kept you in.
Chat loves you more then Minx(crazy, ik)
Chat go absolutely ape shit when they hear you get mentioned.
If you have a dog, Schlatt would love it no matter what. He would sleep on the couch with the damn dog by his side.
If you have a cat, it's safe to say that Schlatt is gonna be cuddling with it and Jambo while watching YouTube or Netflix with you.
If you have any sort of reptilians, snakes especially, bro would not let that thing in his house.
If you have a bird, Schlatt would have it sit in his head while he facetimes you when you are aren't home.
You're most likely finna be a business person, no matter what.
He'll let you run certain things in his businesses.
You two barely go out on dates and would rather spend time together inside the house.
But when y'all do go outside, it's usually to fancy ass restaurants.
You guys met in New York, in the middle of December, snow all over the place.
How romantic.
But then he fucked it up by calling you a dumbass.
Yet even though he at first made your blood boil, you still found yourself attracted to him.
Be it his dumbass personality or his shitty humour, something just made you love him, and bro ended up falling in love as well.
You have a love-hate relationship with his mutton chops.
Like.. you don't like it, yet you also aren't that bothered by it- like it just fits with him.
He definitely calls you ugly pet names, which are mostly insults.
Like for instance;
Toots
Hill Billy
Schnuckums
Chicken Shit
Rat
Bake Bean
Shorty(if you're short)
Giraffe(if you're tall)
He'd let you play with his hair and braid it or just run your hands through it.
You threaten to shave off his mutton chops when he makes you mad.
There folks, I'm bored, I'm tired, I should've been asleep a few hours ago.
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Dream(xreader) HC's that plague my mind whenever I wanna sleep.
Since bro is tall as shit, he'd use you as something to lean on(if you're short af that is)
If you're tall(his height or taller) he'd definitely joke around and pretend to be intimidated by you.
I assume all of you have seen his face by now and have noticed that he almost always wears those cute lil cat beanies.
He'd definitely force- *ahem* have you wear them.
He would definitely have you model for his merch.
Bro would prolly wake you up at 3 am for pancakes.
He'd pretend to be hurt whenever you choose patches over him and show more affection towards her rather then him.
My guy would definitely take you and Drista on trips to the mall.
"get in bitch- we're going shopping"
If you have a dog, Dream would definitely offer to take it on walks and/or play with it 24/7
If you have a cat, he would arrange a lil kitty date with patches and your cat.
If you have a bird, he'd probably try to teach it how to say random shit, or how to curse.
If you have any reptilian pets, he would ask very nicely to hold it and/or pet it.
Bro doesn't fear shit.
You two would have lil game nights and spend your time together playing Minecraft, Mario kart, Mario party and other games.
If you have insomnia or struggle with falling asleep I feel like he'd stay up till he's certain you're asleep before going to bed himself.
If you sleep a lot, he would try and learn your sleep schedule and try to sleep at the same times you do and wake up when you do so that you two can spend more time together.
He is a lot like Sapnap I feel and would randomly as you to go with him to gas stations and buy snacks or sum'
You and Drista definitely team up on his ass whenever he's annoying or just for amusement.
Which includes threatening him with dirty silverware.
Busting into his room while he's streaming has become a regular thing, and to say that the chat loves you is an understatement.
Chat actually look forward to your little visits, because it always makes the streams 100% funnier.
Tommy definitely made a video named "I spoke to Dreams Lover"
You sneaked on his Minecraft acc and logged onto the SMP while Tommy was streaming, and that's how you two met ig
Tommy didn't who tf you were at first and thought you were some random ass mf who broke into Dreams house or hacked his acc
But after you explained to Tommy, he got super fucking excited and asked you dumbass questions, like if Dream ever shat the bed.
You and Sapnap would play Dreams songs in the car while he's driving and just absolutely fucking butcher the lyrics just to irritate Clay.
You were sat in the room next to his office during his Duel against Techno and comforted him when he lost.
If you have an actual job and make good money, you won't ever ask him for money, like at all, but bro still decides to spoil tf out of you.
If you don't have a job and are studying something in college or university, he would support you and help you study for exams.
If you're a streamer as well, he would definitely donate dumb af messages to you, asking you if you've ever ate sand or sum' stupid shit like that idk
After his streams he makes extra sure to always raid you if you're streaming.
Bro got mad once when you went on a Love or Host for Minx.
You and Minx are best friends(shh, don't even try and say otherwise)
You, Dream, Minx and George went on a little double date in Minecraft, which ended up just terrible.
Minx spat on George, Dream pissed himself, George fell asleep and you probably passed out due to a cocaine overdose
Anyway- that's all, idk what else to put honestly. Low-key wanna make a Schlatt one of these since I'm watching some of his old VODS rn.
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Sapnap(x reader) HC's that I think about randomly before I go to bed.
Bro definitely has a shit tonne of hoodies packed in his closet that he'd let you wear.
He prolly also only let's you wear them because he thinks you look adorable in 'em<3
He'll let you play with his hair/beard.
If you have any pets he'd probably only visit your place to see them.
If you have a cat he'd definitely be all tough and say that he hates the cat, but then you'll find him sleeping on the couch with the cat cuddling against his side.
Sapnap looks like a dog person not gonna lie, like I can imagine if you have a dog that he'd baby it and play with it and talk to it in that dumb ahh voice people make when talking to animals, doesn't matter how big or small the dog is, though I also feel like Sapnap would be terrified of Chihuahua's.
If you have a bird I feel like Sapnap would just sit and stare at it. Like I feel like he'd low-key wanna pet it and have it sit on his shoulder like a pirate but he's too scared to touch it, afraid that the bird'll bite him.
If you have fish he'd definitely be that type to tap on the glass no matter how many times you tell him not to.
If you have any type of reptilian pets(snakes, lizards etc.) he'd probably be absolutely terrified of it or he'd wanna have it slither/run up his arm(though I'm leaning more towards the scared part)
He's not the best cook I'm guessing(idk) so if you don't know how to cook either, you guys probably go out to eat a lot.
If you can cook though and is fairly good in it I feel as though he'd have you cook every night, seeing as he'd most definitely love your cooking.
Bro is the type to pick you up late at night with his Tesla and drive to random places(bro would definitely pull up at a 7/11 with his Tesla at like 3am and buy energy drinks and shit, change my mind)
Dates with Sap would mostly be fancy ahh restaurants, but there is the rare occasion that you guy would spend the whole day cooped up in home watching movies and eating random junk food.
Sapnap would definitely flirt with you every moment he gets.
You and Qauckity would tease Sao whenever y'all can, which usually ends up with you having to apologize to Sap.
If you don't like showing your face on cam, Sapnap would let you sit out of the cameras view while he streams.
If you don't mind being seen he'd have a extra chair set up beside his just for you.
You guys would go on cute lil Minecraft dates that almost always end up in him/or you burning something down.
Like- he'd have his friends help him set up a cute little date for you two and then as the date goes on it all just falls apart, but you still enjoy them nonetheless.
The first time you and Sapnap went on a date he definitely asked Dream what to say and how to act beforehand.
Your first date would probably be at the zoo or something, and he'd tell you random facts about the animals.
I have more but I can't think of any of them right now.
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WHY TF IS MY TUMBLR PAGE FILLED WITH FURRIES, I LITERALLY JUST SAW DRAWING OF A GAY HAMSTER😭😭😭😭
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Old drawing I did on paint after watching a Smii7y video
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I TRIED MAKING FANART😭😭😭
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That one time I was so bored I drew Po(the red teletubby) as Dio.
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