softluci

[softluci]

my shirt that says “not a danger to myself and others” getting me asked a lot of questions already answered by my shirt

#if i werent around my housemates #would have audibly laughed #the laugh is sitting in my chest tho ill let it out when im alone

[softluci]

inappropriate everything [mdni plz]

this is probs the most explicit post i’ll ever do, just because i cannot get it out of my head, but um: immediately minors dni. immediately no. IMMEDIATELY no. k thx.

so, um. i have friends who are perfectly sane and normal people until they see an attractive person who they like, be it a celebrity or a character or whoever. right? okay. here are some of the things my friends say when they see someone they find just, like, Absolutely Stunning:

“i’m literally creaming—sorry, i mean creaming—SORRY, I MEAN—” “my back is arching” (alternatively: “why is my back arching?”) “almost meowed” “mmmeow” “purring…” “i’m literally chewing/gnawing on my phone” “my throat feels so empty rn :/” “i want them so bad please i am on my hands and knees BEGGING” “gripping my sheets” “sir your boobs look a little heavy…do you need me to hold them for you?” “bites them bites them bites them bites—” “they are so sexy it’s like a disease” “i want them so bad” “every time i see them i grip my sheets and curl my toes" "they're too fine i want to slam my head into the wall” “just moaned out loud”

anyway. this is gonna be pt 1, w/ just luci; when will i do the others? who knows! i'm returning to the abyss right after this, but enjoy!

lucifer 

he isn’t in the wrong here. you are—why were you on the phone in the kitchen and not your room? what lucifer was doing hardly counted as eavesdropping, really. voices carry in the house as is, and you were being loud. as a matter of fact, he was on his way to tell you to quiet down, and he just so happened to be curious as to what you were talking about, and with whom.

“no, barbatos—don’t fucking laugh, this isn’t funny—” you could hardly speak, trying not to laugh yourself.

eyebrows raising in mild shock, lucifer leaned against the doorway, waiting for you to notice him. thinking about it—lucifer was being very courteous. he could’ve listened to barbatos’s end if he wanted to, but he had enough respect for him to refrain from doing so. he contained his “eavesdropping” to you out of the kindness of his heart and, as a result, he had no idea what—who—you were talking about.

“that man, look—that man. you get it. you get it. you’re the only one around here who knows my heart, i’m telling you.” 

the conviction in your voice stung him, jealousy simmering in his chest. he’d heard enough, he decided, and pushed off the doorway with his shoulder. he stepped towards you in silence, fully intending to interrupt this clearly fruitless conversation—

“lucifer is such a genuine problem, but there’s no solution.”

he stopped, eyes widening. was he a problem for you? why would you go to barbatos instead of him? what—

“that man is so sexy, it's like a disease. no, it—why are you laughing?” your laughter was loud, strong enough to have you leaning against the counter for support. 

lucifer blinked. once, twice, before your words sunk in. then, while you gasped for air, he continued towards you, pride swelling in his chest. a smirk settled onto his face, threatening to widen into a grin as he let you carry on.

you tried to continue talking as best you could, “barbatos, i am in distress—i am dismayed—do you know what i go through when he calls me to his office? do y—i have to prepare myself. i have to steel mys—you don't know what it's like.” you collapsed against the island in a fit of giggles, inhaling sharply to try and catch your breath. 

lucifer heard—because all bets were off now—lucifer heard barbatos in a similar predicament on the other end, chuckling quietly. for barbatos, that was quite close to hysterics. by that point, he'd truly heard enough. more than enough, actually. he thought it best to alert you to his presence, as a courtesy—otherwise, who knows what other secrets you might've spilled? and what if someone less kind heard you? that wouldn't do.

lucifer took a final, soundless step forward, standing close enough that you couldn't turn around without touching him. he reached forward, plucking your d.d.d. out of your hand with ease. you whipped around, and he inched closer, trapping you between him and the counter. “barbatos,” he drawled, grinning at you, “they'll have to call you back. apropos of nothing, of course.” 

perhaps not polite of him, but lucifer hung up before barbatos could respond. although—he imagined his friend was quite amused at the moment. he slid his free hand around your waist, to the small of your back, pressing you flush against him. your heartbeat was erratic—you were so dramatic, it was cute. he slid your d.d.d. into your back pocket, aware of the steady rise in your temperature. he kept his hand on the small of your back, bringing other up to your chin. lucifer enjoys eye contact, you understand, right? now—

“a disease?” he leaned into you, breath ghosting along your face. “that wasn't very nice.”

#saw i got a strange amt of activity for someone who never posts #so i thought i would crank out one of my drafts #had 2 get something out of my system #“something” it was luci brainrot #but anyway come get yall juice #obey me! #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #obey me scenarios #obey me lucifer

[softluci]

i tried to tell myself i wouldn't add to this, but my nature got the better of me so i have to weigh in. as a long-time luci stan myself [user as evidence], i will b the first to say:

lucifer is an asshole. there's no way around it & it doesn't take much to conclude that an asshole can love and be loved by their family.

onto the sadist label though; there's no way around that either. [mind you: asmo (who admires lucifer the Most out of his brothers) has called him a sadist in-game] i know that luci loves his family literally to death [again: user as evidence] but that doesn't negate the fact that . he is, very often, less than kind [put Very lightly].

a more innocent/funny example is the chat convo between luci and simeon where he asks simeon if he can borrow luke to tease him [reason being: he's stressed and bothering luke is fun]. simeon was not receptive to this request.

moving on tho; i'm really drawn to op's usage of the word "strict" because it's doing a lot of heavy lifting. i'll focus on mammon because he's the best example for this.

i don't really want to get into every single instance of the way lucifer treats mammon because everyone knows. it's literally impossible to ignore. it's also impossible to argue that he treats mammon the way he does out of love [don't do that. Do Not.] because, like, lucifer is Many things, but a fool is not one of them. after however many millennia of treating mammon like that, he knows his methods don't work. he knows. the only benefit to him basically torturing mammon every, like, nine business days is that he has an outlet for whatever near debilitating anger mammon has caused him. also he can't talk about his feelings with his family for Shit because if he Could, he wouldn't treat mammon like they're in the bowels of the pentagon.

[and it's funny because mammon gets the Most shit for acting in accordance with his sin when the only brother who has a handle on theirs is satan but whatever] [is mammon's sin the most troublesome? beel literally ate a pillar of dia's castle and destroyed part of the house & levi summons lotan and floods the house when he's under 30 grams of stress—]

and like, yeah, mammon doesn't regret following lucifer in spite of Everything, but 1) that doesn't detract from literally anything i've said so far & 2) that is an analytical deep dive for a different post [i can write a trilogy on y mammon needs to tell lucifer 2 eat shit and die at least four times]

this has gotten kinda long & i don't wanna talk in circles but i keep being reminded of a post someone made some years ago. they were essentially saying that too many players were ignoring the fact that most of the characters are literal demons and, thus, act like it. i ignored it when i saw it, but that person was 100% right. humanizing a character is all good & well but not all of the time, as in when said character is a demon.

if nothing else—lucifer being sadistic is on brand for that reason alone. it's also no surprise that satan is a canon sadist as well [asmo's words Again - he was literally talking abt the two of them in the same line] because like . who else would he have gotten it from.

tldr: lucifer is absolutely a sadist, & he can be a sadistic man with love in his heart, who has captured the hearts of many, because it is possible for someone [especially lucifer] to contain multitudes

thinking about lucifer again and how much i hate the “sadist” image he has.

in the words of the lovely kazuya yamashita (lucifer’s va) in what is probably my favorite otaku fm episode: i believe lucifer thinks about his brothers constantly. honestly love how much kazuya seems to understand lucifer’s character pretty well.

and it doesn’t take that much digging to realize how much lucifer cares about his family. he signed away the freedom he just earned to save his sister. he kept it a secret from his brothers to save them the hurt - thinking it’d be better if that burden fell to him alone. he hid belphie away in the attic to prevent diavolo from finding out belphie wanted to destroy humanity - and face punishment that’s likely worse than death for it. lucifer relies on mammon the most, the one who he seems to be the strictest with. and honestly, i’d be strict too if the last time i rebelled against authority i lost my sister. lucifer is strict with them to protect them, to protect his family.

and i keep thinking about mammon who expressed to have no regrets following lucifer after the celestial war. about beel who sees it as his duty to follow and protect lucifer. about levi being introduced to anime and manga through lucifer.

it’s really no wonder that the way to lucifer’s heart is getting along with his family.

this is only the tip of the iceberg, and there’s so much more to say! but yeah, i think the sadist label is a huge mischaracterization.

#dw about being biased op #you're 18 it b like that #anyway yes im a luci stan #yes he b pissing me awf #i am large; i contain multitudes #much like luci #obey me #obey me lucifer

[softluci]

i'm supposed to be doing work but i felt morally obligated to tell yall that satan absolutely, 100% has an ao3 account under a pseudonym. it's obvious that levi does [asmo probably does too, only it's under his Name, and it's to read whatever x-readers his fans write about him. and also he comments on every single one. especially the spicy ones] so there's really no need to talk about it, but i feel like satan's demeanor lets him get away with too much. like, i'm supposed to believe someone who reads as much as he does has never taken issue with the canon of a book and, consequently, taken matters into his own hands? he's never written a fic as a list of grievances to an author? never taken canon characters and made them into ocs by putting genuine effort into them? open your eyes. wake up. his work extends across a good number of fandoms tew like. all of his fics are over 120k words. his first fic was a 170k word and counting fic w 3.4k kudos and 1.4k comments. he's good, and it's respectable! we have to respect it, it's true! and the reason why he's so good is because he's been writing fics since before ao3 even existed. he has a chest Full of notebooks. you'll never find it, but it exists. and the reason why his account is under a pseudonym is because he writes the most TOE CURLING—

#satan after reading his 100th book with wasted potential: ENOUGH #i could write a one shot for this #i Could #might just let it sit in my head tho #obey me! #obey me satan #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines

[softluci]

this is for beyonce enjoyers ONLY

[the rest of yall can stand guard or smth idk but u have to be #REAL to consume this piece of media!]

i just wanted to come on here and let y'all know that mammon has actually had virgo's groove on repeat since it dropped and no one in the devildom has had a single ounce of peace. he fully believes he is beyonce's chosen. he refuses to listen to reason. he really needed this win. if it helps, there are intermittent bursts of energy and break my soul. but you're gonna have to give him a few more weeks before he listens to anything else. his vibe is unkillable right now, sorry to say.

while i'm here, i would also like to inform everyone that barbatos has not turned the album off at all; he actually keeps it on a loop for emotional, moral, spiritual, and physical support, something that only beyonce can provide in these trying times. solomon and asmo tried to invite him to their private listening party but he has a ritual every time beyonce releases and he needs to perform it by himself. his favorite is "america has a problem" because that's exactly how he tells dia, "no." ;; he actually cannot rank the rest of the album, do not ever ask him for a second favorite. it's alien superstar. category: sex-y Bitch, HE'S THE BAR! [bonus: when he realized That Man wasn't on the album, he actually opened a bottle of demonus just for himself.]

so the opening monologue in alien superstar actually plays in lucifer's head whenever he gets ready. that's just true. he listens to beyonce holding herself in the Highest regard and applies it to himself because who's gonna tell him it doesn't apply. he IS that girl, MOVE! speaking of move, that's his second favorite song off the album. something about "move move move move, yeah you gotta move move—" really speaks to him [because that's what he thinks as he's walking literally anywhere with a lot of people. if he doesn't know anything at all he knows every1 better move out his way!]

dia's favorite is move as well because . he's the Prince . it is engrained into devildom customs that everyone has to move out of his way. as far as he's concerned ms carter made that song for him. and when she says "me and my girlfriends, came out to play" ? do not. do Not. that line is about him, lucifer and barb like WHAT. [bonus: his second favorite song is cuff it because he luvs a little feel good song, esp one about a night on the TOWN! also he sings "can i sit on top of you" directly to lucifer it's true it's- [GUNSHOTS]

levi won't admit it but he did listen to the album in private because he understands that he would be the worst kind of loser if he refused to listen to beyonce. his number one is cozy because singing it to himself enough does help him feel a little more comfortable being himself it's chrew it's the feel good beyonce effect! his second favorite is virgo's groove, but he thinks virgos absolutely did not deserve it. if he's being honest, barb deserved it; it should've been leo's groove, and he'll say it whenever he gets the chance but he still shakes ass trust and believe that.

satan's favorite is thique. don't ask him questions about it, her lower register does something to him mentally. his second favorite is he listened to the album on his own as well, and called barbatos as soon as he was done, just to say, "she's done it again." and the two of them met up immediately to listen to it together [they've been doing this since self-titled]. barb had him practice his club dancing again. [no, i'm never gonna let that go because why is barb such a menace and sexy abt it like MOVE!]

asmo has not let go of alien superstar or pure/honey. he refuses to turn them off. beyonce said "category: sex-y bitch, i'm the bar" and it was like she planted something in his brain. that woman said "bad bitches, to the left. money bitches, to the right. you could be both, meet in the middle, dance all night." and it was like she took half of his soul and bottled it to keep. he has a favorite song for every single scenario; alien superstar for when he's getting ready for school, pure/honey for when he's getting ready to go Out, thique for when he's getting ready to go see solomon -

so belphie heard "MOVE OUT DE WEY" and sat up in bed. like i was there and i watched it happen. beel can confirm because he was also at the listening party. he hasn't turned this album off either, quiet as he keeps it. it's all he plays in his headphones; he really does think beyonce laced it with something and that he's been enchanted [made worse by the fact that he does not care that he hasn't listened to anything else in weeks].

beel was actually eating during the listening party [so he could be in top form for beyonce] and then "flip-flop, flippy, flip-floppin' ass BITCH!" actually made him stop chewing. belphie can confirm. he is also very partial to thique because . come on . come On. he keeps thique, pure/honey, heated, and alien superstar on a loop whenever he works out; he has no room for anything else it's true. something about "all my pretty boys to the floor," "category: sex-y bitch, i'm the bar" and "ass gettin' bigger" really just . does something to him when he's in the weight room. no one has come within 20 feet of him while he works out since this album dropped.

solomon's favorite is all up in your mind. yes he thinks about lucifer whenever he plays it, which is 10 times a day. you know, he really just . feels like ms carter was reaching out to him with that one, like she knew what he goes through every day with lucifer because, really . all he wants to do is be in lucifer's mind and lucifer barely gives him the time of day >:[ . [bonus: solomon's second fave is move; asmo saw his eyes when beyonce said "me and my girlfriends, came out to play" and can confirm that move legitimately turned solomon into a pure-blooded demon for the duration of that line]

simeon's favorite is plastic off the sofa </3 . i literally don't even wanna write any notes like everything speaks for itself u just have to feel it to get it. no but he really likes her softer songs it's true he told me; he likes to listen to it on a loop while he cleans and makes dinner. [bonus: he was the last person to listen to the album [listened two days after drop], so mammon sent him church girl and told him he'd like it, as an incentive to make him listen to all of it. simeon was . Not expecting a song called church girl to sound like that, but it's his second favorite song on the album . don't tell mammon . his third favorite is virgo's groove. Do Not Tell Mammon .]

bonus : if you share a favorite song with any of these men it means your souls are holding hands. so if u share a top song with anyone other than your favorite man it's time to reconsider who your favorite man is

bonus bonus: luke is not allowed to listen to this album because it is for grown people. luke actually isn't allowed to listen to anything that doesn't have a kids version. he isn't even allowed to listen to single ladies yall it's bad 4 him!

#obey me headcanons #obey me mammon #obey me barbatos #obey me lucifer #obey me #obey me dia #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me solomon #obey me simeon #obey me beel #obey me belphie #obey me imagines

[softluci]

I just want to say I love you sm and you are the funniest mf on this site ong💀. I adore your writing and all of your works are just so fucking funny <3

who, me? thanks boss <3

[softluci]

crush

one-shot because i just think everyone has a crush on barb; mdni, mc is gn as usual, enjoy :p

you asked a simple question. it was so simple, arguably the easiest question you'd asked since your abduction arrival to the devildom. and so what if you were projecting? you couldn't possibly have been the only one.

the eight of you were sat around the dinner table, mammon and levi beginning to ruin the meal with their bickering - nothing new. you were watching them, half paying attention, when you remembered, you'd been meaning to ask them:

"ah, by the way - have any of you ever had a crush on barbatos?"

you weren't expecting everyone to fall quiet, though it didn't last long.

asmo barely missed a beat, still scrolling on his d.d.d. "'had'? oh, honey, have. present tense, and he knows it too."

mammon disagreed, though his slow flush betrayed him. "don't speak for all of us when you just mean yourself, asmo—"

"what?" asmo giggled, setting his phone down to focus on mammon. "i'm just speaking for myself? am i just speaking for myself, beel?"

"no comment," said beel, still between mouthfuls.

"'no comment,' but your ears are red," belphie chuckled, watching his twin with a tired smile. "you're so predictable."

still chewing, beel defended himself. "if you tried half of the dishes he has to offer, you'd have a crush on him too."

lucifer was smirking from the head of the table. "belphie, you know your ears also turn red when you're embarrassed, don't you?"

belphie scowled. "so? i didn't deny anything."

beel swallowed, pausing, "wait, you too, belphie?"

belphie dropped his head to his arms as if to sleep, dinner disregarded. "no comment."

"wait, lucifer," you turned to him, "do you have a crush on barbatos?"

he tilted his head to the side, more comfortable than ever. "you know he and i have known each other for a long time, right?"

you felt heat prickling your face, indignant—though it didn't stop you from sputtering, "what—just answer the question—"

"why? are you jealous?" lucifer's smirk settled into a grin. "it's nothing to be ashamed of, anyone would feel threatened by someone like barbatos."

lucifer was looking straight through you, entirely too amused by you and the situation.

"should i invite you along the next time he and i are out? would that help—"

"excuse me," satan interrupted, fed up, "have you forgotten that there are other people here?"

"right? break it up, you two," mammon huffed, arms crossed. "this is a family show."

"so, to be clear, lucifer, you do have a crush on barbatos then." satan smirked, more to himself, "so predictable."

lucifer slid his eyes to satan, gaze still predatory. "do you think we forgot about that little club dancing lesson? we were all there."

satan's eyes widened, pink creeping onto his face. "what—"

"oh, i remember that! i was so jealous, i couldn't breathe," groaned asmo, "and satan was so unappreciative!"

"hold it—i never said i didn't appreciate it." satan was fully flushed. "it just caught me off guard, how was i supposed to react?"

"ah," drawled lucifer, entertained, "so, to be clear, satan, you do have a crush on barbatos. so predictable."

before satan could counter, however, lucifer had already moved on.

"mammon—"

the second-born turned away from lucifer. "what? leave me out of this."

"mammon," lucifer started again, tugging on mammon's now reddened ear, "you're always talking about how perfect barbatos is, aren't you?"

mammon gripped his wrist to force his hand away, miffed, "so what? like i'm wrong?"

"you're totally not wrong, but you talk about it more than any of us do," asmo chirped, poking mammon's cheek for emphasis.

mammon swatted at asmo's hand. "oh, like it can be overstated? get a grip!"

"this is the best argument he's put up in a long time," satan noted, genuinely impressed. "barbatos brings out the best in him even when he's not around."

"and why are we focused on me when we should be focused on levi?"

levi's jaw dropped in indignation. "okay, what the fuck? i haven't said a word this entire time!"

"yeah, because you were hoping we would forget about you," accused mammon.

asmo hummed in agreement, "don't think we forgot about how you tried to get him to cosplay your little anime butler."

satan nodded, continuing, "and don't think we didn't hear about how you made him say that 'famous line,' or whatever—"

levi covered his mouth with the back of his hand, dismayed, "oh, like any one of you is any better than me? leave me alone—"

"levi, dear, we are better than you, at least we're normal about our crushes," said asmo, trying to pull levi's hand away from his face.

"normal!?" levi sputtered, eyes wide, "you can't keep your hands to yourself, and you call yourself normal?"

"oh? this is news to me," said lucifer, crossing his arms. "asmo, explain yourself."

"wait—" belphie lifted his head from his arms, turning to you— "what about you?"

your throat ran dry as everyone's eyes landed on you, expectant. intelligently, you pointed to yourself. "me?"

"yes, you," said beel, still chewing at a time like this.

"ah, well, i—you know i haven't really...i haven't really thought about it, i—"

"oh, you—you haven't really...you haven't really thought about it?" asked lucifer, mocking your embarrassment.

your lips parted in shock. you weren't expecting a mere discussion about barbatos to make lucifer more wicked than usual, and yet—

"i really haven't—"

"mm, then why did you ask?" hummed asmo, batting his eyelashes at you, as if you weren't in the middle of a personal rapture.

"i was just curious, really, he's very..." you trailed, losing your words.

"cool?"

"handsome?"

"talented?"

"charming?"

"well, yes, all of those, but—i was going to say he just seems like someone who has a lot of admirers."

"yeah, and we wanna know if you're one of them" drawled belphie, smirking now, "don't be shy."

"isn't it obvious? of course they are," said satan. "that's just the effect barbatos has on people. it was inevitable, really."

mammon snorted, flicking his chin towards satan. "are you trying to convince yourself or us, library rat?"

"library what—say that again—"

blessedly, the attention of the table focused itself elsewhere, and you were left alone. for now, anyway. halfway through mammon and satan's argument ("argument," satan wanted blood), your d.d.d. lit up with a notification.

barbatos: how are you?

to which you replied, fine; we're having dinner. we actually just got done talking about you

barbatos: oh? all good things, i hope.

of course! we all love you, don't you know?

you set your phone down after that, opting to pay attention to the fact that satan was about to violate the geneva conventions at the dinner table—not like they had geneva down there, but you understand.

distantly, in the demon lord's castle, barbatos was chuckling at your message instead of replying. "don't i know, indeed."

#yes i'm projecting. literally so what shut up #obey me #obey me headacanons #obey me lucifer #obey me satan #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me belphie #obey me imagines #obey me barbatos

[softluci]

club goin' UP

[i’m between assignments right now and this has been in my head for exactly half a day and i Cannot keep it in babes; this is gonna be my first time doing, like, actual headcanons, and my first time fitting all of the characters into one post, but basically—

i just wanna talk about which songs would get the characters [sans the new bitches] into a frenzy. which songs, in a club/party setting, would make these men feel like they were fully possessed? this took me so fucking long to do, but i got to the bottom of it, and i did so with 99.99% accuracy, the science is there and everything.

reader/mc is gn, like usual; not fully sfw, so minor's dni 4 my peace of mind; ok go!]

lucifer

before we even get to the song, there are several conditions that need to be met before you can even Think about him losing his mind over any kind of music

condition number one: he needs to be among friends. if he’s with you, dia, and barb, he is Way more likely to be comfortable with letting himself relax, as opposed to if he were with his brothers or in public. that is not to say that he would Never let loose with his brothers, but it’s more likely if it’s just the four of you.

condition number two: whoever is with him needs to be drunk. they need to be getting drunk at the same time as him, and they need to be as drunk as him, or Much Worse; somewhere in that territory.

condition number three: he needs to be drunk, whatever that means to you—be it tipsy or totally sloshed, he needs to be inebriated somehow. like, “gushing-about-his-brothers-and-willing-to-cuddle-up-to-them” drunk. that’s a good time to put music on and observe.

now: lucifer allegedly only deals with classical music, but once he is inebriated and among friends, it’s a different story. this begs the question—what club song could Possibly make him go feral (but in, like a fun, unnervingly attractive way)?

he’s still classy, even when he’s inebriated, so it’s a classic. A Classic.

and it is Beautiful Liar by Beyonce, feat. Shakira, argue with the wall

once those opening notes reach his ears? he is pulling Someone to dance, and now that you’re here, it’s you; but before you, when he and dia and barb would have one of their Rare nights off, it was the two of them.

if you’re Lucky, it’ll be all four of you. you really want it to be all four of you.

[bonus: he’s also partial to Hips Don’t Lie…so if he’s drunk and that song comes on…idk someone is getting sandwiched, is all i’m saying!]

mammon

what conditions need to be met for mammon to lose it to a song? none. literally none. he’ll lose his mind when he’s sober, at home, in the kitchen, the living room, his room; he doesn’t have any shame when it comes to a good song; especially if you or asmo are there.

asmo because those two are the resident partygoers & it probs goes without saying that they dance together often, esp since the brothers don’t have qualms about dancing together in canon

and you because you’re You, and he will use any excuse to touch or be near you, obviously

now, should he be in a club, among friends, maybe a little buzzed, what song makes him stop whatever he’s doing, grab you, and report to the dance floor Expeditiously?

Promiscuous, by Nelly Furtado, feat. Timbaland.

it’s something about this song that just makes him wanna get up and bust a mf move.

he can’t control it, it’s not his fault! don’t complain, dance with him [if you look at him and sing nelly’s parts he Will step out of his physical form!]

levi

oh, what, you think he never listens to “normie music” ? you’re absolutely right.

he never listens to it , when he’s sober. much like how he wouldn’t really dance, if he were sober.

basically, the only condition for levi is to get him drunk enough that he forgets he’s shy.

but, how could he know any human world “normie” songs if he doesn’t listen to them regularly?

it’s asmo and mammon.

undoubtedly, those two blast music from their rooms; it’s just a matter of which songs stuck with him.

one time, mammon was blasting the song Pose (Yo Gotti, Feat Meg & Uzi), and levi didn’t care about it, really—until he heard Megan.

her part got stuck in his head, to the point that he looked up the lyrics to listen again, found who she was, and listened to her other music—in secret, of course; nobody could know he was listening to a literal Normie

until he found out that, like, she watches anime & listens to kpop and therefore, by those metrics, is not a normie. of course, he didn’t tell anyone because he didn’t wanna have that conversation with mammon or asmo.

she’s just about the only non j/k-pop artist he listens to of his own volition

that said, which song of hers makes him fully lose control of himself?

it’s Hot Girl. don’t ask questions, he can’t make the song bad, and he can’t help that it makes him feel like a hot girl, so, legally, you are required to dance with him while his self-esteem is up!

[bonus: he’s also Extremely partial to Material Girl and Cpr because he is always on his phone.]

satan

it’s actually canon that he’s bad at, like, club style dancing [one of the later lessons, i believe; either 40 or 50 something, but anyway], so you’re not getting him to do anything while he’s sober. there’s your first condition.

are there other conditions? not really, but if you were in a private setting, you’d have a much easier time getting him to dance.

he’s not like lucifer or levi; he doesn’t claim to like a certain genre of music [although he is very partial to: rap by women, country music by women, preferably when they’re talking about killing men, and pierce the veil] because he really will listen to anything

then, what song will pull him, and, by extension, You, to the dance floor?

just like lucifer, he is still classy, and his song, naturally, is another classic.

and it would be: Rude Boy by Rihanna

it’s something about that woman and this song that turns satan into a different person for its duration. he doesn’t know what it is, he just knows he needs a partner, and that partner had Better be you [or barb. omg who said that—]

do not play with him when this song comes on; if you don’t have your back to his chest in exactly four seconds he’s gonna be pissed at you for the rest of the night.

asmo

a better question would be “which songs Don’t make asmo go feral?”

what are the conditions? none. dance with him wherever, whenever, regardless of how sober he may or not be—as a matter of fact, dance with him right now—

however, we are working with a club setting, regardless, so which song is going to turn him into a man Possessed (which is saying a lot)?

pick a britney spears song, literally.

that is, admittedly, low hanging fruit because he definitely listens to her all the time, but i’m still right. now, if you’re looking for another song—

it’s gotta be Obsessed by Mariah Carey (either the original or the one w/ Gucci Mane, it doesn’t matter)

when that song comes on…When That Song Comes ON?

he can’t be held responsible for his actions.

he’s not even there, he’s on a different plane of existence, mariah is commandeering his physical form, and he is a mere bystander!!

he is going to Materialize behind you, hands on your hips, and don’t you dare try to escape!

beel

now,

beel isn’t really a dancer.

he can dance and dance Well, don’t ever get it twisted, but a lot of the time, he really isn’t moved to unless you or mammon or belphie wants to

but there’s hardly ever a time when he feels Forced by a song. he’ll nod his head to music, but he’s never really compelled by the strength of a song, unless—

he’s been drinking. it takes A Lot for him to even get tipsy, i would imagine, and a lot more for him to actually be drunk, but he still Can; you have your condition.

once this condition is met, then, what song . is capable of fully possessing this man?

SOS by Rihanna. it’s on his workout playlist and everything.

the opening notes of this song make his ears twitch, even though he doesn’t know it

but once it starts, don’t be surprised when, out of nowhere, he is directly in front of you

he’s gonna ask you if you wanna dance, but his hands are very much already on you, so it’s not really like you can tell him no

belphie

here is a man who Really isn’t a dancer

it’s not that he Can’t, it’s just that he usually won’t, unless you or beel want to, and even then, you have about four, five songs before he wants to rest

he doesn’t need to be drunk, because that’ll make him sleepy, and he doesn’t necessarily need to be in private because he doesn’t much care about who’s present, as long as you and beel are.

he’ll ask you to dance for any song that he likes, really, just because he’ll use any excuse to be near you [he and mammon are Just alike], so his version of going feral is going to be an instance wherein he doesn’t ask you at all

so, what song would just have him Overcome with the urge to dance with you, to the point that he stops what he’s doing, takes your hand, and whisks you away to dance?

Need to Know, by Doja Cat.

is it because he really, really loves the song, or because there’s no better song for him to tease you with? yes.

when doja hits that “—come—ride—me—” line, so does he. among other lines, of course (with the breathiness to match), but that one, especially, and directly into your ear, too; i think we need to have him put away.

dia

well—

let’s start with the conditions.

condition number one: first and foremost, barbatos has to let him party. if his work isn’t done, barbatos isn’t letting him do a fucking thing!

condition number two: he needs to be among friends; it’s canon that people will, like, mob him [very strange writing, if you ask me!] so he can’t be in a club; it’d need to be a private party; most ideally, one of his off nights with barb & luci, & now you

condition number three, albeit not Necessary; just more fun: he needs to be drunk. not because he wouldn’t dance if he were sober—trust me, he Would—but because lucifer won’t dance if he [and barb, and now you!] doesn’t also drink to accompany him

so, what song would be enough to get him to stop what he’s doing and pull one of the three of you [or all of you]

that would be Busy Boy, by Chloe X Halle [with 80/20 as a strong contender!]

he doesn’t know what it is, honestly, he thinks they laced that song with something, because something about it [really, the harmonizing. probably the harmonizing.] just makes him very…he steps out of character a little bit, is all.

is that his fault? no! there is nothing he can do about his inexplicable need to be sandwiched between two people whenever that song comes on; it has nothing to do with him, don’t ask questions, join the sandwich, he’s the prince & it’s the law.

barbatos (affectionate)

[fun fact, he’s the one who gave me the inspo to write these in the first place because it’s canon that he is Excellent at club dancing, and it’s, in asmo’s words, “SO sexy!” & fun fact, the same scene where we learn satan is bad at club dancing & barb is good at it, barb actually pulls him to dance—while completely sober. girl i was on the floor hyperventilating, couldn’t see, about to pass out—]

there are only two conditions here, but one of them is a Very tall order

condition number one: First And Foremost, dia needs to be taken care of. meaning—his work needs to be done & he needs to be somewhere barb knows where he is, & he needs to be enjoying himself. Very Difficult condition to reach, but not at all impossible.

condition number two: he needs to be among friends. he has a reputation to uphold, not just anyone can know he’s good at club style dancing, that is information for his inner circle Only!

he has no need to drink, but he will to make lucifer comfortable, even though he never actually gets Drunk; he’ll maybe drink enough to get a long-lasting flush, but he’ll still have his bearings.

once he’s comfortable enough, he’ll dance to whatever song he likes, much like belphie or mammon or asmo,

but what song would get him to steal someone [read: you, or satan, or lucifer, or simeon, or solomon, probably] to dance with?

you know barb is classy, so we have another classic. a Timeless one.

& it would be Freakum Dress by Beyonce. and don’t ask him questions about it.

that song…he doesn’t know what comes over him, but he won’t rest until he has at Least one partner for it, and it needs to be by the time beyonce says “i think i’m ready!”

he will be between someone and someone else once the song gets going because that is just who he is!

ideally he needs exactly two bodies and if you're lucky you'll be one of them ^_^

luckily, everyone loves him, so no one would refuse a dance with him, ever [i hc that everyone has a crush on him, or has had one before, and i believe it so strongly that i’m starting to think it’s canon]

[bonus: he is also VERY partial to Rude Boy, so you’d better Hope that he isn’t around at the same time satan is, otherwise you’re getting both of them. or, hope that he is around. quickly, which one do you want in front of you, and which one behind you? because personally, i—]

simeon

let’s get the most obvious condition out of the way—luke needs to be taken care of (in the same way as dia) before he can do any kind of dancing. that is first and foremost.

condition number two: he does need to be a little tipsy, which won’t take long at all. just enough alcohol to make him lower his inhibitions like half an inch.

condition number three: he absolutely needs to be among friends, in a private setting. as an angel, he cannot have the general devildom population seeing him dance the way he does whenever barb and/or solomon get their hands on him; it wouldn’t be a good look for him, even though it is fun

he’s not too shy about dancing, so he would ask someone [you or barb, probably] to dance with no issue, so the Question here is—

what song would make him steal someone in the same way as barbatos? what song could possibly move him enough?

well, simeon is timeless and classy, so it follows that only a song of that nature could do the trick.

and it’s gotta be No Scrubs by TLC. it has to be!

that song just has a certain flavor, a certain spice, something about it has him on his feet and taking someone by the arm!

somehow, he appears next to you to whisk you away as soon as the opening registers in his ears; don’t ask him how he got there from across the room, just enjoy the dance, thank you very much!

[bonus: he also really likes the song Ms. Jackson by OutKast, and he will collect you for that one too, but only if you’re nearby. if not, he’ll dance to himself; or, dance to himself as much as he can before solomon or barbatos materialize behind him.]

solomon (derogatory)

there are no conditions. he has no shame.

he is just like asmo, there isn’t a single condition you need to meet for him to dance; he only needs people to do it with [and they would be, ideally: you, asmo, barbatos, and/or simeon]

he doesn’t need anything to drink unless he wants something, and because he’s so well-liked, he doesn’t need to be in a private setting or with his inner circle

like some of the others, he’ll dance to whatever song he likes, with anyone he likes, so,

the question here is, which song makes solomon, in age-old human fashion, think to himself “this is my song” ? which song has his body making a beeline for one of his preferred partners?

there’s only one song that comes to mind. i had this song picked from the very beginning.

No Hands, feat. Roscoe Dash & Wale. no further questions!

this song turns him into someone he isn’t, which is saying a lot. he needs someone either at his back or at his chest as Soon as it reaches his ears and that’s that!

he can throw or catch, it doesn’t matter to him, he likes to do both

[“throw or catch what, op?” u should not be on this post!]

if you’re in his line of sight, he’ll look directly at you and say “come on—” in time with the song, and when that happens, you Have to go! it’s above both of you at that point

and if asmo is around, he’s joining & one of you is getting trapped in the middle of the other two [it’ll probably be you. it’ll definitely be you, actually]

#and i'm going directly back to the dark abyss thank u every1 #obey me #obey me! #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #obey me imagines #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me belphie #obey me solomon #obey me dia #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #DAMN it's a lot of these mfs!

[softluci]

this isn’t me actually writing anything [yet], but i’m just putting an idea into the universe in case anyone [like, blogs that do m!mc] wanted to use it. i’ve been thinking for a while about, like, the idea of an m!mc who thinks they’re straight [for no reason other than they’ve never put thought into it], but, you know, once they get to the devildom, and there are over ten stupidly attractive men who are stupidly into them, they start to wonder whether or not they’re a Man Liker. 

i explained that terribly because i’m better at executing ideas than i am at explaining them, but i can’t execute this one because this land is strictly gender neutral; however, if there are any m!mc blogs, feel free 2 use this idea, and eye will [eventually] do a similar concept that keeps the skeleton of the idea, but is gender neutral. 

but, like, i’m a college student, so nobody hold their breath

#obey me! #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #obey me imagines

[softluci]

bite (affectionate)

hi! let’s pretend i’m consistent, for my sake, okay? i know i like to disappear for, like, ever, and then reappear with the most unhinged shit ever, but, also, like, hear me out for a second. have you ever heard of people who bite their friends just 'cause? like, a purely platonic, "you left yourself open to be bitten . what else was i supposed to do?" just someone who likes to sink their teeth into their friends for no reason at all. 

anyway, i'm so glad you know where i'm going with this now. mc is gn [like always], Not Fully SFW so minors dni for my peace of mind,

hcs under the cut :p

lucifer

it wasn’t your fault. to be honest, it was lucifer’s. you didn’t tell him not to wear his turtleneck that night, that was a decision he made entirely of his own volition. why was his neck exposed to begin with? why was he so relaxed? so what if he was in the comfort and privacy of his office—he should know better than anyone that he could be disturbed at any moment. this was all his fault.

you were in his office, just to make sure he went to bed at a reasonable time—a direct request from the crown, mind you—and he asked you to look at something on his phone. levi had said something with an excessive amount of human slang, and he needed you to translate. it was a more frequent occurrence than he would care to admit, but that was neither here nor there.

you walked around to his side of the desk, bending down to get a better look at his phone, probably to tell him that “XD” is not a word or abbreviation, when you glanced to your right. there was no rhyme or reason to it; if someone asked you why, you would've said “just 'cause.”

basically, essentially, more or less, what happened was this:

you saw that his neck was exposed, so, you, like any reasonable person, bit him. it was more of a nom, really, there were hardly any teeth, and even if there Were a lot of teeth—and there weren’t—it’s not like you would’ve been able to hurt Lucifer Morningstar with your Blunt Human Teeth any goddamn way. 

lucifer, however, is more focused on the principle of the fact that you just bit him for fun. he was quite upset, albeit at first it was because he thought you’d been turned into a vampire and he’d been none the wiser until you decided to sink your teeth into him. upon finding out that you weren’t a vampire, just deranged, he was just confused. once you explained to him that it was something you did with your human friends all the time, that it was a form of affection between friends—he understood, and he was fully prepared to make you regret your actions. 

now, he just Bites you. whenever the two of you are alone, his teeth are in your neck. it doesn’t even matter if your guard is up, do you actually think any guard you have is a match for him? he feels no need to wait for chances, either. if you’re across the room, he’ll tell you to come to him. if your neck isn’t open, he will simply take your chin in his hand and create an opening. what’s worse is that you can’t lean away without leaving yourself open, and it just makes him want to keep doing it—your best bet is to just take it. not to mention it’ll hurt his feelings if you don’t, aren’t you guys friends?

if you resist too much, it could be dangerous, too. he’s only careful with his fangs Sometimes, and he doesn’t pay attention to which side of your neck he’s biting. in other words, move too much and your jugular…well, it doesn’t matter. don’t you trust him?

mammon

now here is someone who you should one-hundred percent be biting at all times. he will vehemently deny that he likes doesn’t mind it when you bite him, but the first time it happened is what set the precedent.

the two of you were actually having a sleepover in his room—his idea, he was upset that the others had spent a lot of time with you, as usual—trouble is, mammon does not wear clothes to sleep. it took a lot of nagging from you for him to wear shorts and a tank top because he was dead set on only putting on shorts for like ten minutes. you might have liked it if he was only wearing shorts, but you decided to have a modicum of shame for once. until, like, you bit him, that is.

this time, it kind of was your fault. you should have told him to wear a t-shirt instead of a tank top. maybe if the junction between his neck and shoulder were covered, you would have had some sense. in your defense, you didn’t tell him to sit damn near on top of you; he did that all on his own. why did he leave himself so vulnerable to your teeth in the first place? and then had the audacity to scream once you bit him—once again, more of a nom, hardly any teeth—

he calmed down after a few minutes of you trying to explain to him that you were only doing it because you consider him a close friend, the same as your friends from back home, he understood, kind of. called you a weirdo at least three times, but he was still damn near on top of you, so you could see how they were just empty words. 

on one hand, now you can bite him just about whenever you want, albeit he would prefer it if it were just the two of you. on the other hand, now, whenever he feels like he hasn’t seen you enough [which is all the time, just about], he just sinks his teeth into whatever part of you is easiest to reach to get your attention. it usually ends up being your ears or your cheek, sometimes your jaw or your shoulder—he likes to mix it up. the only downside, if you’re a person with shame, is that mammon is quite careless with his fangs. not enough to draw blood, but enough to scratch you and leave marks. he does that on purpose.

levi

you are a twisted individual, and your actions are indefensible. it took you months to be able to touch him casually—months to sit shoulder to shoulder, to put your legs over his, to hug him—and you…so this is what happens:

the two of you are watching an anime, as you do, and a character in the show kisses their friend on the cheek. a normal occurrence between friends, happens all the time. of course, levi didn’t think so, being someone who doesn’t really have friends, and thus, does not know the full scope of platonic affection. thinking about it now, this is really levi’s fault—that does not mean you aren’t deranged, but the blame is his.

you tried to explain to him that friends did that all the time, that friends could really do whatever they wanted, but he insisted that it was unrealistic, so, you, in your infinite jest, leaned over and bit his ear. it actually was more of a bite this time, there was a bit of teeth, just because you wanted him to stop talking.

here’s what you failed to consider, outside of levi’s general feelings towards physical contact. that man is a self proclaimed otaku, right? cool, whatever. logical thinking tells us that this means he reads a fair number of fanfics. how many fics have you read wherein ear biting either leads to or is part of smut. you know it’s a lot. you Know it’s a lot. so, now you know exactly what went on in levi’s mind as soon as your teeth made contact, and you can understand exactly why he blacked out. 

you couldn’t even call for help, either, because who wants to explain this kind of thing to literally anyone? you were stuck fanning him until he woke up, which, thankfully, was a few minutes later, but, unfortunately for you, he was bright red from the collarbones up and could not form a coherent sentence for about two minutes. he has a similar reaction every time you bite him. he stopped losing consciousness after the first time, but the flushing is not going away any time soon.

given the way he reacts whenever you bite him, it’s only natural for you to expect that he won’t bite you back. that’s not at all the case, but it makes sense that you would expect that. what actually happens is that whenever he feels the barest hint of envy, and it has something to do with you, his teeth are in whatever part of you is closest to him. the two of you are usually sat side by side, so you get a lot of shoulder bites, a lot of bites at the base of your neck. if you ever want him to lay off, though, all you have to do is point out the fact that he seems to enjoy biting you. if you Really want him to stop, ask him if you taste good and then watch him speed run the five stages of grief.

satan

you think levi reads smut?

you have no idea what came over you, but since satan is your dear friend, assume you were overwhelmed by platonic love and the power of friendship. or, maybe you were just tired, and you weren’t thinking. that was actually probably it, since he was reading to you. 

the two of you were close enough by that point that he let you lay on him, even though it was more of your head on his stomach. his shirt had ridden up, probably from you moving your head around, and as soon as you noticed it, his hip was a goner. 

lucky for you, he didn’t react too terribly to your teeth in his hip, given that your bite wasn’t a painful one, and the two of you are friends. he might have interrogated you for several minutes so he could know Exactly why you decided to do that, but that’s not the worst thing in the world. 

what is the worst thing in the world is that, now that you’ve unlocked this boundary, he has taken advantage of it ten times more than you. what is doubly unfortunate is that you bit a part of his exposed torso, and now he knows he can do the same to you. what’s more, he is the Same as lucifer. just shameless and insatiable. 

if he’s sitting down, and you’re standing, great! easier access for him. if you’re both standing, understand that he is not above laying you across the nearest surface just to sink his teeth into your stomach. if you’re wearing a cropped shirt, once again, great for him! however, if your shirt isn’t cropped, he’s pushing it up, and if it’s tucked in—you’re just gonna have to retuck it. 

even better—since it’s your stomach and your hips he’s after, he really doesn’t think he has to be careful about leaving marks. he isn’t so cruel as to draw blood, provided you haven’t upset him, but he is less careful with his teeth than he would be if it were your shoulder or neck. he does take Some care not to cause you, like, unbearable pain; however, his bites do sting, so you’ll just have to live with that. as a final note, if it does hurt a lot, try not to, like, cry out in pain or anything like that. he is a canon sadist.

asmo

… you knew what you were doing, harlot. 

nobody is going to believe that you are so unwell that you didn’t give any thought to putting your mouth on the avatar of lust. a more likely story is that you did think about it, and, ultimately, you decided to deal with the consequences as they came. a bold move if there ever was one. 

the two of you were doing what you usually did—that is to say, you were out shopping, and he was making you try on any and everything that he thought you’d look good in. he was also making you watch him try on any and everything that he thought He would look good in, so, basically, you were in majolish for a full day. he made it fun for you, though, pulling you close, twirling you around and whatnot. it just so happens that, in doing so, he left himself vulnerable to your teeth. 

he was in the fitting room stall with you, with the door open, since he was only helping you adjust a piece he wanted to see you in. he turned you around so that you were facing him, gushing about how cute you were, as he does. his face was pretty close to yours—asmo has a thing for being nose to nose with you, for some reason—so, as thanks, you just…his cheek was right there—

asmo was stunned for maybe half a second, before he shut the fitting room door and pressed you against it. he was Quite pouty when you explained to him that it was a friendly, platonic bite, and not what he was thinking. of course, asmo isn’t one to force people into things, so he stopped coming onto you soon after your explanation. however—

now that he knows there’s a new level of affection he’s been granted access to, just about every inch of skin that you leave exposed has been subject to asmo and his teeth. there’s hardly any part of you that has escaped him, but it isn’t so bad. his bites don’t hurt, and they won’t, unless you ask. really, it’s more of a tickle than anything, and isn’t that so much better than satan and them? 

the only trouble is that he wants you to bite him more. a lot more, actually. you have a sneaking suspicion that he’s a bit too into it, but whenever you try to bring it up, he just pouts and goes “aren’t we friends?” with offensively sad eyes. it’s not like he’s wrong, though; you guys Are friends! be more generous with your bites, he likes the feel of your teeth.

beel

this is arguably the most dangerous thing you’ve done since climbing the stairs to that damn attic. of course, you didn’t really understand that until after you did it. 

the two of you were in his room, not really doing much of anything. beel said the two of you would eat snacks together, but, unsurprisingly, he was eating most of the snacks, and you were mostly on your d.d.d. however, there was One snack you were particularly interested in trying—some gummy worms that actually moved like worms—and when you went to reach for the package, you saw that it wasn’t where you left it, nor was it anywhere in the room. 

almost immediately you realized that chances were, beel ate them, package and all. you knew better than to be mad at him, given how nightmarish his appetite was, but you’re only human. you couldn’t help being slightly irritated, if not genuinely upset. so, what happened next is only natural. you were right next to him, after all. 

that said, no one can really blame you for a warning bite to the jaw. luckily, beel didn’t seem all that fazed; he just thought you wanted to eat something that was hanging out of his mouth. when you explained to him that, no, you weren’t trying to eat something As He Was Eating It, and that it was for him eating your candy, he seemed a bit sad.

he didn’t mean to eat your candy, it just happened, and he told you so. you said it was fine, that the bite was a friendly one, but to refrain from eating your snacks in the future. 

everything seemed to be fine, and then—

“so, next time i want to eat something that i can’t have, i’ll just bite you instead.”

beel said it with such genuine happiness, like he’d just come up with the greatest idea in the world, that you almost didn’t correct him. even with your correction, your reminder that he shouldn’t bite you all the time, especially with a jaw like his, he still winds up biting you whenever the two of you are together. it’s usually your jaw or your neck, since those are what’s easiest for him to reach, so, unfortunately for you, those spots have perpetual bite marks. he has a strong jaw, he can’t help it! besides, he thinks you look pretty with them, if that helps ^_^

belphie

he had this coming. first he kills you, is a general nuisance, and now he wants to pull you into his indolence when you have things to do? unbelievable. 

you were passing through the living room, in front of the couch, when belphie’s hand shot out and grabbed yours. he’d barely been awake, it looked like, but you knew he was fully coherent, the bastard.

“you promised you’d nap with me today,” he said, already pulling you closer, “come.”

“it is ten in the morning, i said we could have an afternoon—”

belphie interrupted your complaint when he pulled you on top of him, arms wrapped around your middle to keep you from trying to escape. this was rather inconvenient for you for about eight reasons, but the most pressing one was that lucifer was expecting you in his office within the hour. you should not have told him that, at all, but you thought the risk of a punishment from the eldest might prompt him to let you go. this was not the case at all, as you soon learned. 

as soon as you said you needed to meet with lucifer, pushing yourself up with your arms as best you could, you saw horns growing out of belphie’s scalp. expectedly, he looked Quite displeased. 

“you want to abandon me for my brother? my worst brother? that won’t do.”

he’d coiled his tail around your torso and tightened, effectively trapping you. so, after inconveniencing you so terribly, nobody can blame you for sinking your teeth into his jaw. it was a true bite this time, with a good amount of teeth, which, to be frank, was warranted. 

what was unwarranted, in your humble opinion, was his reaction. it wasn’t that he was upset with you or anything, it was the fact that he laughed at you. you knew there was no way it hurt, but the smug look on his face, along with his dumb little giggle, was just insult to injury. 

“you missed my neck, do you wanna try again?”

so, as you can imagine, belphie doesn’t really care when you bite him, since, to him, it tickles. what he does care about, though, is the fact that he can bite you now—and he does. a lot. like, obscenely often. he has no class, either, he does it when he wants to, regardless of whether or not there are people around or if you’re doing something. you can expect to be minding your business whenever belphie appears behind you and wraps an arm around your waist—just to make sure you can’t escape what’s to come. 

what’s terrible for you is that belphegor is a combination of lucifer and satan. your best bet is to take it, and take it quietly, even if (especially if) it hurts. so, don’t bother resisting, and don’t cry out in pain. he would enjoy both of those things way too much.

#ure like ; op have YEW ever bitten some1 platonically #the answer is yes. #also . so sorry i have been dead ; im a college student ; u get it #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #obey me! #obey me scenarios #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me belphie #mine #my stuff

[softluci]

The devil wears many faces.

#👁👁 #i am looking very disrespectfully

[softluci]

got a fuckinf . jumpscare while going down the headcanons tag

#felt like those ghosts who are super shocked whenever a human can see them #i should probably write something soon huh #(read: i should finish one of the 17 things i've been thinking about for months)

[softluci]

Belphegor: What a day! Nothing happened and I'm still tired.

#FELT.

[softluci]

i just wanna say that if belphie were to consistently listen any (ANY) female rapper it'd be flo milli, idk the science, don't ask me questions,

#EVERYTHING I DO IRRITATE INSECURE BITCHES— #belphie would look directly at lucifer and go #kind of the funniest thing he could do tho #obey me belphie

[softluci]

gen. writing guide

hi, so, like, if you're a white or light/fair-skinned person who doesn't wear a bonnet to sleep, and you also write y/n or x-reader fics, i am speaking directly to you. i keep  talking about how people don't know how to write inclusively [because it's annoying], but i noticed that i haven't made an effort to create something that might be of help. this is just going to be a general, barely in-depth guide for what to do and what Not to do when writing your x-reader fics, with alternatives to what you probably already do. also!! feel free to add to this or ask me a question if i missed something because this isn’t comprehensive.

to start, i should note that my writing is in no way Spectacular or anything, i just learned how to write without excluding people after so many years of being excluded [albeit unintentionally]. also, this is not a, “let people write how they want,” scenario. if you want to write something wherein anyone can insert themselves, you shouldn't be excluding people because you think your experiences are universal. i'm gonna give all of you the benefit of the doubt by saying i don't think you're being malicious, but i do think you just don't know how to write these types of things properly. 

and by the way:

now let's get started.

conveying emotions via skin

this is a big one; arguably the most common way for a person to fuck up an x-reader, and for a white/fair-skinned author, it’s so miniscule, but to people with darker skin, it stands out about ten times more than you think it would.

do not. do Not. Do Not say anything about your reader’s skin turning red when they’re angry or nervous or embarrassed or feeling any emotion that, to you, warrants a blush. people with darker skin don’t turn beet red, or red at all, actually, and seeing things like, “your face reddened,” is so, so frustrating, especially when the alternatives are so much better. 

let’s say you’re trying to convey anger. if no one is perceiving that anger (if your character is alone), or if you just want to talk about that anger as it pertains to them, the best way to do it is to talk about how it feels. shortness of breath, a quickened heartbeat you can feel in your throat and hear in your ears, heat rushing to your face (this is an especially good substitute for redness), etc. if you want to convey embarrassment, you can do it in a way that’s almost the same as anger, just with a different context. that is to say, you can talk about your reader’s heartbeat and heat rushing to their head/face. literally as long as you do not talk about blushing or skin turning pink/red, it’s fine. 

now, if you’re writing a blushy emotion, and someone else is perceiving it, the best way to do that is to talk about your reader’s outward appearance, albeit there are slight cheat codes for obm because they all have heightened senses and could 100% hear your heartbeat or blood rush. but anyway—pinched eyebrows, narrowed eyes, clenched fists, a change in their demeanor, maybe they’re yelling or look like they’re about to yell, etc. 

if someone else is not only perceiving a blushy emotion, but also causing it and encouraging it (like, teasing, for example), and you want them to comment on it, there are literally so many things you can do. you can have them get close enough to your reader that they can feel their heartbeat/how warm they’re getting, you can have them touch any one of your reader’s pulse points, actually (ex: neck, wrist), you can have them say something like, “why are you so nervous?” or “what’s that face for?” 

the world is your oyster, but for the love of everything that is good, just Don’t Write Your Reader Blushing. thank u.

acts of intimacy w/ hair 

this is another big one that is very miniscule to non-black people, but, again, it sticks out about ten times more than you think it does, and it is one of the biggest ways you can fuck up an x-reader. 

“he tucked your hair behind your ear,” “he ran his hand through your hair,” “he threaded his fingers through your hair,” friend, my hair is type 4, and i wear a bonnet. no he didn’t, and if he tried, it would just piss me awf. 

i understand that, if you’re nb, a person running their hands through your hair or playing with it is a common occurrence and display of affection, but, like i said earlier, your experiences are not universal. so, what’s the best way to avoid making this slip up? pretend every single one of your readers is baldheaded. i’m not even kidding. just don’t ever mention hair. 

some other ways to convey soft intimacy could be having a character play w/ your reader’s hands/fingers, tracing repeated shapes/patterns into their skin, or, if you want, literally just laying with/holding them. there are so many options, just leave hair out of it, and you’ll be better off. 

imagery 

this doesn’t happen nearly as much as the first two, i don’t think, but it still happens a fucking lot, where, like, an author will write something where you know they think their reader is white, and it’s so—like, i can’t even put into words how it makes me feel. just know i hate it. and, of course, this is a small thing for white authors, but it stands out So Much More than you think it does, i promise you.

“your porcelain skin,” “your pale hands,” “your pink lips,” see what i mean? 

i understand wanting to include imagery in your writing, but at the same time, notice how all of those descriptive words are completely unnecessary and add absolutely nothing to anything? it would actually be easier to just Not Include Them. they’re literally just filler words, and if you’re confident enough in your writing skills, you shouldn’t be including them. 

so, what’s the solution here? simply put: don’t. 

cool, thanks, hope this helps, ask questions if u need to ^_^

#might do one for gender neutral writing later on but we'll see #if i see one (1) white person try and gaslight me i'm dead gonna go ballistic #like i've been experiencing this since i was like 11 #i do not wanna hear that im exaggerating #like.....me and every other black reader/writer are ALL exaggerating? ok #obey me #obey me! #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #obey me fic #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me belphie #obey me barbatos #obey me diavolo #obey me simeon #obey me solomon

[softluci]

i Long for the day that x reader & y/n fic writers are released from the Shackles of the Blushing Industrial Complex

#like u know that people with darker skin wanna enjoy your work right. #literally just change it to their skin heating up and the problem is FIXED #the same thing goes for running hands thru hair too because............u know damn well...... #obey me! #obey me scenarios #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines

[softluci]

talking to myself

[to begin, i wanna give a TW for mentions of m/rder, as well as s/icide and s/icidal jokes and thoughts; i know that i personally make a lot of jokes like these and so do a lot of my friends and people in general, but i also know that this can be really triggering for a lot of people, so if you are one of those people, this is not the post for you. take care of yourselves.] 

i’m, like, 100% sure that this is something associated with younger people, but in case it isn’t, i’ll just talk about myself. so, i talk to myself a lot. like, a lot. even more than i used to now that i’m alone a lot of the time. and the things that i say (and my friends also say), while they have no basis in reality, they are thoroughly unhinged. and i know that. but! i also find it incredibly funny and i wanted to do a set of headcanons for an mc who talks to themselves like that. some examples of things i say, some of which are things i picked up from my friends, include: 

“you’re sick” (/neg) “this is deranged” “the derangement” “i am insane” “i can’t take it anymore” [sobbing] “this is getting annoying, i need a fucking gun.” “i’m gonna kill myself and ruin everyone’s day.” “and it’s like, why, you know?”  “i’m gonna start killing people” “oh my god, i’m totally buggin” “get the FUCK—” “every day, i am provoked to rage” [unprovoked, uncontrollable laughter] “this reality...it wants me to be a murderer.” “i will kill.” “i don’t wanna” “it’s an illness that you have” “i would kill myself in front of you and permanently alter the trajectory of your life.” “it is time for the immense power of violence.” “don’t make me get violent~” “okay so just die then.” “i’m gonna rip you apart with my teeth.” “i’ll just die, that’s fine.”  and so on, and so forth. 

this is kinda long, but whatever, mc is gn, let’s have fun.

lucifer 

lucifer liked to think that he’d gotten used to you and your tendency to speak with little to no thought. he didn’t love this about you, but he certainly learned to expect it as the days went by. what he didn’t know, however, was that you talked to yourself. his guess was that you’d been refraining from doing so around him, as there was literally no other explanation for what had just happened to his state of being.

he was on his way to the kitchen, just to get some coffee before heading back to his office, when he heard something hit the floor. it didn’t sound like anything broke, so he wasn’t too concerned, but, nevertheless, he quickened his pace. 

he was not prepared for what you said, nor the venom you said it with, as he heard—

“this reality...it wants me to be a murderer, an instrument of evil...fine.”

you definitely weren’t expecting him to approach you as quickly as he did and grab your chin the way he did, but he was making sure you weren’t possessed. upon finding out that, no, you weren’t possessed, you’d just dropped a spoon, he took about seventeen points of psychic damage. 

mc, he is old and tired and he’s not used to this new flavor of humans who like to say the most deranged things they can think of whenever they’re slightly inconvenienced. you are shaving decades off of his life. he can’t tell you to refrain from doing that because you have been, so he is going to take it upon himself to try and make your life easier whenever he can. hopefully it’ll work, and you won’t be moved to unhinge yourself from your sanity the next time you make a small mistake. 

mammon

mammon is around you often enough to know that you talk to yourself every now and again. nothing too out of the ordinary, maybe some comments about the homework you were working on or whatever you were doing on your d.d.d. he was also around you often enough to know that the things you said weren’t always well thought-out, or thought-out at all. he wasn’t judging, he had no place to, he knew that, but—you know, he can’t say he was prepared for this. 

he was on his way to your room, as per usual, when, as he got to your doorway, you were overcome by something vile and you said, “i will kill.”

he has never burst into your room faster. he’s in your face, he’s yelling, his hands are on your shoulders, he’s this close to thrashing you around in hopes that whatever evil crawled inside of you while he wasn’t looking will come flying out—

what...did you say? you made a mistake on your homework? you made a mistake on your homework and your next course of action was to make anyone in a 300 foot radius think you’re possessed? you’re more boneheaded than he thought, and you should feel ashamed at this moment because this is the resident bonehead speaking. moving on, though. 

how can he make you into a happier person overall so that this doesn’t happen? if you don’t know, he’ll just attach himself to your hip so he can find out. congratulations, he’s never leaving you alone.

levi

levi is no stranger to saying things he doesn’t mean in moments of stress—this is just what happens when a person spends a lot of time playing games online. he’s said some pretty off-color things during matches, strings of curses, and the like, but he has never said, nor heard anything like what just left your mouth.

“i’m gonna start killing people.”

at first, he didn’t really react, giving you a quick glance and asking, “in the game, right?”

upon being met with silence, he looked to see you gripping your controller too tightly to actually use it, and asked again, “in the game, right?”

you blinked, apparently freed from whatever rage induced trance you slipped into, and turned towards him, “did you say something?”

he blinked at you once, twice, like the gears in his head were turning, and then—hysteria. 

he has you pinned to the floor with your wrists above your head, horns protruding from his scalp, and he is screaming—who are you, what have you done with mc, tell him your name before he summons lotan, leave his friend alone, and so on and so forth. he was interrogating you before you could even process the situation enough to feel fear. 

once he got over the bulk of his panic, he heard you screaming back at him, telling him it was you, you weren’t possessed, just talking to yourself, and let go of your wrists before he breaks them—he understood, kind of. he has no idea why you’d choose a phrase like that for when you’re annoyed, but at least you weren’t possessed! his henry was safe after all ^_^

he was so relieved that it took him a few seconds to realize he was still…pinning you down…and straddling you…so, naturally, more hysteria.

satan 

he’d actually grown fond of you and your tendency to speak with no thought or regard for the consequences of your actions—mainly because it stressed lucifer out, but he was fond of it nonetheless. it made you all the more interesting, more fun to talk to, and it helped him read you better. he liked to pick you apart by way of conversation, and he liked to do it as often as possible. 

presently, he was on his way to the library to meet you. the two of you were set to talk about a series you decided to read together. as he approached the doorway, he heard your voice, but no one else’s. he smiled in place of a laugh. were you talking to yourself? how cute—

“every day...i am provoked to rage unimaginable. why?” 

before you could even finish exhaling, he was above you, holding your face in his hands. from the glow of his eyes, you could tell he was barely keeping it together, but you had no idea what was wrong. did he hear what you said?

he said your name carefully, swiping his thumbs under your eyes. “have we been spending too much time together?” 

he was rubbing off on you, in the worst possible way. how could he have allowed this to happen? what has he done to you? where did this anger of yours come from? it has to be because of him. it would hurt, but he would distance himself from you at once, if that’s what—

“ah, did you hear what i said? i talk to myself like this all the time, satan, i’ve been doing it since before we even met. sorry if i frightened you.” 

he blinked, hands dropping to your shoulders. he was relieved, but so, so confused. 

“well,” he started, “then let’s talk about that instead.” 

asmo 

if you’d been refraining from talking to yourself around lucifer, you definitely did it for asmo too. there was no one in this house who wanted to see you angry less than he did. anger was such an ugly emotion, wasn’t it? he much preferred sadness; it was easier to manage, both in himself and others. 

of course, he could never think about being angry or sad when he was with you! how could he, when he’s with one of his favorite people? presently, he was on his way to your room to pick you up for one of your weekly outings. oh, you left the door open for him and everything! he was about to call out to you, but then he heard you talking to someone—he had no idea who it possibly could’ve been because he had no idea you could even sound like that when speaking to a sentient being. 

“i will rip you apart with my fucking teeth.” 

he had his arms around you before you even knew he was in your room. it seemed like a hug, and in a way, it was! the intent was to keep you in place so you couldn’t run away, rather than to comfort you, but it’s not like you could tell; his arms were around you all the time anyway.

“mc, light of my life, apple of my eye, who are you talking to?”

you twisted in his hold to face him, “i talk to myself all the time, asmo, you can ask anyone.”

he hummed, staring at you for a while before changing his hold on you into an actual hug. 

“you had me worried for a minute, darling~”

he didn’t really believe you, but he figured he would know if you were lying, and he could definitely handle whatever vile thing wormed its way into you while nobody was looking. best case scenario, he really didn’t have anything to worry about, and worst case scenario, you started speaking in tongues in the middle of majolish. if the latter happened to occur, he was strong enough to purge a lower demon from your body. it might hurt a lot a little , but at least you’d be safe!

beel 

for the most part, beel didn’t feel any particular way about your inclination to say words with no thought behind them. it was just something you did, like anything else was; he accepted it the same way he accepted everything else about you because that’s what friends do for each other. however—he would be lying if he said you didn’t upset him at times. 

like today—he was set to do his homework with you, on his way to the living room with an armful of snacks, when he heard something like the tip of a pencil breaking. it didn’t bother him, but it seemed to bother you. a lot. 

“i—i’ve had it, i’m gonna kill myself and ruin everyone’s goddamn day.” 

all of his snacks scattered across the floor when he dropped them to get to you. his hands were on your shoulders, but he wasn’t grabbing you. fortunately (or, unfortunately), belphie did this around him all the time, so he knew what to do, albeit it wasn’t much. 

slowly, he pulled you into a hug. not a crushing one, but enough to keep you from going anywhere. 

you started to explain yourself, telling him you do this all the time, that you didn’t mean it, that you were fine. it did nothing to reassure him because those were all of belphie’s usual phrases, but he appreciated the sentiment. 

“i know,” he started, pulling away from you. “i’m just making sure you don’t go anywhere. i like having you around. that’s all.”

belphie 

alright, this house isn’t big enough for the two of you. he is the vocally unwell person around these parts, he is the one who everyone is concerned about at all times, thank you very much. he was the one who made the jokes about death. he was the one with the concerning one-liners. that was all him. he wasn’t proud of it, he didn’t like the fact that things were this way, but it was what it was. he didn’t want you to be like him, and yet, there you were doing exactly that—even if you didn’t know. 

he was in your room, in your bed, actually— unbeknownst to you—because he was having trouble sleeping. you were somewhere in the house, on your way there, and once you arrived, it seemed like you were stressed. he didn’t know for sure, but he had a hunch that something was just eating away at you because as soon as you came in the door, you threw your bag on the ground and said—

well, you didn’t say anything, at first. the first thing you did was laugh. it was unrestrained, loud, and completely void of joy. and then, you said, “i can’t—i can’t fucking do this, i’ll just die, that’s fine, that’s okay.” 

he sat up faster than he has in the last century, deciding to be merciful and overlook how hard you gasped when you saw he was there. 

“belphie? why are you in my room?” 

he stood up, approaching you at a snail’s pace, “i couldn’t sleep, i was waiting for you, next question—why did you say what you just said?” 

before you could even start your usual explanation—you do this all the time, it’s fine, you’re fine—he was speaking again. 

“and don’t—don’t even try that, ‘it’s fine, ask anyone,’ shit with me, that’s my go-to, so you’re gonna have to come up with something new.” 

he looked at you expectantly, reaching behind you to close the door, locking it soon after. 

“belphie—”

he pulled you to your bed, falling onto it with you and holding you in place. 

“i have been doing this for much longer than you, and i will be doing it for a long time after you. i’d like to postpone the latter for as long as possible, so i would appreciate it if you talked to me.”

#i have had this sitting in my head for MONTHS but anyway #yea something is definitely not right with me #but also like... it's ok; u can laugh; it's funny >:] #obey me #obey me scenarios #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me belphie