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myuiis · 4 months

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sally park: a missed opportunity

this is probably going to rot in drafts for a WHILE but i needed to scream into the void about this so let me rant to YOU (yes, you) about how ptj fucked up sally park's writing and purpose in the story so much that she is now just a bundle of missed opportunities. the same could also be said about other characters like crystal choi, luah lim, etc. but i just reread hunt for hostel and i have a lot of insane thoughts that need to be screamed about.

as a character who was the center of attention during her introduction arc, she has been reduced to simply an eli enabler and warren's love interest, who gets about 3 panels to really shine, and then is demoted back into window dressing.

warning: mild eli hate ahead but i do NOT hate eli, i just hate ptj for making everything hostel related eli-centric, when sally is arguably just as important.

so. lets start at the beginning.

from the very beginning, the eli jang arc was told from sally's perspective especially based off the narration, and her character during the majority of the eli jang arc BANGED. initially introduced as a classic demure, feminine savior figure for bad boy warren in the first chapter of the eli jang arc, it's then shown that she isn't as naive or one-dimensional as she may seem.

in fact, shes shown to be fiercely independent and self-sufficient, learning to live by herself and deal with her own problems without anyone helping her, while simultaneously grappling with her grandmother blaming her over her dad's death (side note this plotline, which could've added so much depth to her story was NEVER picked up again)

on my first read of the eli jang arc, this sequence actually punched me in the gut and sally became an instant fav

but i digress. continuing back to the main point, sally was a tremendously well written character (or as good as we're gonna' get when it comes to female characters by ptj) in the eli jang arc, whether it be her narration (scenes like "sometimes i think if i hadn't introduced them to eli back then, our story wouldn't have been such a tragedy"), or her actual actions in the story.

she was integral to the story. in fact, i would say that she was MORE central to the heart and soul of hostel than eli jang was (at first, before she got butchered by ptj and forgotten about) because it was HER that was providing for her family with HER own money, until eli stepped in months later. she was the one that everyone wanted to assist and protect because she was who was holding everyone together through her sacrifice and love.

LOOK AT HER!!! just LOOK AT HER!!! she is so noble and tragic and she does everything for the sake of her family, including starving herself! she is so tremendously loving and sacrifices so much for her family, which is why everyone unites around her to help her!

in fact, the reason warren, eli, and others devolve into crime and stealing is to help her get more money for food, as they can't bear to see her starve herself. while this does come off a little bit white knight-ey (oh a big strong man has to save the sweet damsel), the point is that she has this kind of power over the people around her through her genuine leadership skills

not only that, but she was actually also the one who came up with the idea of using their old building to provide for more homeless kids, showing that she really should be credited with the creation and management of the runaway fams, far more than she is in the story.

even though, immediately after, its shown that she didn't think enough about the financials of the situation, and eli gets his time to shine by coming up with the point organization stuff, the way its framed portrays both sally's idea and eli's financial proposal of the financial system as equally important things. this scene makes me think that, at the very least, sally and eli's importance should be on equal footing: sally is the passion, the heart, the core, while eli is the figurehead, the brains, the fighter.

in summary, sally was the person who united the original hostel A through her leadership, kindness, and sacrifice, and had so much soft power over everyone that the entirety of her family would do anything to help her. she also came up with the idea of helping runaway families, demonstrating her kindness and generosity.

not only that, she was still actively managing the runaway families and making money while eli fucked off to j high to become a barber, allowing her to get closer to the runaway fams and inspire them with her leadership.

with all that said, it's clear that sally should be a three-dimensional girlboss who uses her charisma and good personality to gain soft power and lead the people around her as one of the figureheads and hearts of the hostel crew, right?

well. no.

after the eli jang arc, she becomes close to useless.

i dont remember much of 2A outside of the big deal stuff, but what i do remember is that sally does nothing, wins a singular rock-papers-scissors game, and then becomes a damsel in distress again that warren needs to save and gets to show off his cool fighting skills in the process. (this may not be accurate, feel free to correct me if im wrong)

but my BIGGEST gripe is the hunt for hostel arc. the hunt for hostel arc was very much centered around eli, warren, and even jerry, more than it was sally, despite how much of an integral role she played in the formation of hostel. during the entire arc, she does basically nothing but watch on the sidelines

... and then ptj pulls this on us. they all unite because they admire and love eli jang so much? only eli jang? not warren chae, gangdong's mighty? not max and derek, the two uncles? not sally park, THE big mama?

i cannot emphasize how ironic it is that sally, the big mama, quite literally gave birth to the idea of the runaway fams, and yet nobody mentions her again afterwards, and only ever eli jang. like... what did eli ever do for you? give you a shitty haircut?

and when warren and eli leave, i FINALLY thought that ptj was going to give sally a moment to shine and show her by herself again, like she was all that time ago, and how she figures out how to save her family despite being unable to fight...

but no. we get this sick ass panel and then she is completely irrelevant again

the next example of the sally erasure comes when eugene is talking to eli about him joining workers. he tries to convince eli that this is the ONLY thing that he can do to protect his family, and that, now that he's here and so is warren, hostel is weak and helpless because the MEN that get everything done aren't there anymore and "oh no, what can sally park and the girls do?"

like fym "what can they do"?! sally is a LEADER and she has POWER and INFLUENCE (or at least, she should). but no, the narrative doesn't prove him wrong, and sally does next to nothing in the narrative.

i cannot emphasize how much more of a leader figure she is than eli btw. she took all the runaway kids under her wing. it was her idea to build an organization for these kids in the first place. she was the one singlehandedly raising money for all 7 high schoolers in her family before eli stepped in. she STARVED HERSELF and CUT HER OWN FINGERS trying to make food for her family. she was THE big mama. EVERYONE wanted to protect her and respect and love her. and yet ELI is the main character of hostel that is oh so important and that everyone will unite under????

"oh no without you how will anything get done, eli jang?" stfu

and even when she does do things, later on, it's really more of an excuse for vasco to shine. while she was the one to get heather's mom to forgive eli, as well as the one that got vasco to save eli in the first place, 1) her major role in this part of the story is entirely sidelined and given no narrative weight outside of being the reason that eli's healing arc can happen and 2) the only agency we've ever seen her having since hostel arc is in relation to eli. she only ever acts on her own to save eli. she PROBABLY did stuff outside of that to help hostel, but that is entirely offscreen and not focused on at all, so her leadership and agency when it comes to things outside of a MAN are ignored.

in chapter 478, i thought that she was once again given a brief moment to shine when she looked sad and all wondering what they would do once they didn't have the income workers supplied them with, and i was hoping that she'd get a chance to creatively problem solve around it to show a good character moment for her and the rest of hostel... but who am i kidding this is ptj of course he wouldnt do that. nah, it was just a scene so that vasco could introduce jay again and be like "hey guys jay is actually relevant to the story and he's a nice person, just so you guys dont forget that he's still there! and also ignore this deus ex machina ass solution to a conflict that could've been a really interesting character study!!"

so yeah. that's basically it. in conclusion, i think sally park is a HUGE missed opportunity for ptj to finally write a good female character. kind, compassionate, charismatic, smart, sally's got it all. however, just because she is a soft character doesn't mean that she's a pushover and she held tremendous power and authority because of everything she did for her family. however, ptj decides to do nothing with her and turn her into an eli enabler and a warren love interest instead, ignoring her leadership skills and influence.

and once again, no hate to eli, warren, jerry, jay, or any of the other character i just shat on to make a point!! i like all of them, but i just think that sally's character assassination to allow them to shine was an infuriating decision on ptj's part

#lookism #lookism manhwa #eli jang #jang hyun #eli lookism #warren chae #chae wonseok #jerry kwon #kwon jitae #sally park #lookism rant #literature analysis #(?) kinda #hostel #lookism webtoon #jay hong #hong jaeyeol #i hate how ptj treats his female characters #women deserve better

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atschoolunfortunetly · 6 months

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A Very Long and Very Rage Written Rant about people talking about the FNAF Movie because I am seeing some takes that make me want to bash my head into a wall.

Very quickly an apology to my followers on here that followed me for Sonic. I would post this on my main but if you read my username I don't really have the time to do that right now. Very sorry for clogging up your TL.

Anyway, I am about to use very aggressive and targeted language. I am not hating on anyone specific but I am going to be saying sentences like "Are you dumb? Why are you like this?" Tumblr is my void and I am going to scream. I know some of the things I say may not be common knowledge. However, in this rant, I am going to pretend that it is. I am going to swear a lot. I am going to be talking about fist-fighting people whom I disagree with.

Just know that once again, this is a rant. Not a "please stop saying blah blah blah blah." I am not going to go out of my way to attack people. Which is, once again, why I am screaming here.

"Why the big warning?" BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE ON MY MAIN BACK WHEN I COMPLAINED ABOUT PEOPLE COMPLAINING ABOUT THE RED EYES YELLED AT ME. MY POST WASN'T MEANT TO TARGET ANYONE SPECIFIC. I WAS MEANT TO BE YELLING AT A MADE-UP DUMMY I MADE IN MY MIND!

With that out of the way, it is time to scream.

OH MY FUCKING GOD SOME OF THE THINGS YA'LL ARE SAYING. I have never felt the urge to rip through my fucking screen and grab some of yall by the throat. I want to bodyslam you onto the ground and pummel you to death.

Let's begin with a recent complaint I saw about William having no motivation in the movie and how they should have given him his motivation, let me tell you something bud.

They did. They did give him his motive. However, this is a 2-hour movie and they didn't dive into it. It's almost like they're making a second movie or something? OH WAIT THEY ARE! THIS IS THE FIRST MOVIE! THEY ARE ESTABLISHING ROLES!

They want you to grasp from this movie that:

William is a threat.

Mike is doing his best and is not going to pick up on everything.

Abby and the missing kids are, indeed, regular-ass kids who aren't going to understand fully the situation they're in.

Vanessa is a traumatized individual who wants to please her father and was manipulated into helping him because, you know, THAT IS HER DAD.

They are setting up the basics so people know what to expect from the next film. They will, most likely, be going into William's motives then. But as of right now, they are setting the roles that each character is going to take.

I don't know how some of yall ain't getting that because it is the most clear as day thing to me but that may be because I am aiming to be a writer down the line.

Time to aim at the other complaint I've seen which is that Vanessa is an Afton complaint. All I have to say to that is, whoah, it's almost like the movie takes place in an alt-universe from the games. And even if Vanessa is an Afton in the games who gives a fuck? She isn't Williams's direct child if that's the case and it just ties her in with the old characters. A popular thing I have seen a couple of times is that sometimes people portray Gregory as an Afton. So what's so wrong about Vanessa being an Afton. I am genuinely curious here? What's wrong about her being an Afton.

Some of yall come up with the most stupidest ass complaints I swear to god.

"But Micheal is meant to be the Afton-" Tell me how that would have worked in this movie. Tell me how Mike would not have recognized his own father if he was William. Also, I like that the movie implies that his dad is probably Henry.

"How does it imply that?"

I don't know, why don't we look at the career office scene again where William reads Mike's last name and recognizes it. He wants to tie up his loose ends.

And Mike? Mike is a loose end.

It just makes sense and it goes into the last complaint I saw about the movie.

The "I always come back line doesn't make sense," complaint.

THE REASON WHY IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO YOU IS THAT YOU KEEP PLACING IT IN THE WRONG CONTEXT YOU FOOL, YOU ABSOLUTE BAFOON. YOU'RE PLACING IT IN THE GAME'S CONTEXT. NOT THE MOVIES.

If I am fucking right about the fact that Henry is a Schmidt in the movie then that means William has always been a part of Mike's life. He has been haunting Mike since he took Garret, he influenced Mike to get a job at Freddy's, and he was the reason why Mike met Vanessa.

When he said he'd come back, he wasn't talking about coming back from the dead.

He meant it as he'll come back and make Mike's life a living hell.

Anyway rant fucking over, yall pisses me off. Good day.

#sorry for fnaf posting #fnaf #fnaf sb #fnaf movie #fnaf movie spoilers #five nights at freddy's #Five Nights at Freddy's Movie #Mike schmidt #william afton #fnaf vanessa #fnaf vanny #fnaf gregory #fnaf abby #vanessa afton #rant #I loved the movie #hate yall though #/j

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rossary-of-the-rose · 1 month

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So. I just listened to MAG 200, finally finishing the fever dream that is The Magnus Archives, and all I have to say is: Holy shit. Just. Good lord.

Look, I knew it was going to be sad. I've been on Pinterest. But Jesus. I was not prepared. Now I'm shaking and will certainly be curling in the fetal position later, sobbing and screaming into the void. I mean, I'm happy for Basira, Melanie & Georgie of course, as well as our beloved Admiral, but God. Jon and Martin, I love you, you deserved so much better, I see why all your fanfics are fix it. But even just thinking about everyone we have lost, all the characters I got emotionally attached to. Sasha. Tim. Daisy. Michael Shelley. Even thinking about all the avatars (I'm a sucker for a villian, what can I say?) makes my lungs spasm with love and want. I shall miss them all for eternity.

And so ends possibly the greatest experience I've ever had with a fandom, at least until I recover enough to start tmagp. Everything about tma is just pure amazingness. Everything. It's funny how much you can grow to love random people just by hearing them voice act a character and laugh in bloopers. I love them so much, the whole cast. The two blooper episodes brought me more joy than I think I have ever experienced with a piece of media, trumping even the mighty Good Omens, which is saying something (To be fair though, Not with that thong on! and Oh god, I'm knackered, I've been doing all this labelling! would make anyone crack up, although perhaps not continue hysterically giggling for over fifty minutes... They still pop into my head sometimes and I'll just randomly snort in really inappropriate situations because I'm gonna buy some 'ead and shoulders, 'cause I found one on the road this mornin'! and Gertrude's been on the sauce, need I say more? Yes? Alright then,if you insist - Happy little DOORBELLS! FifTy MInUteS eArLY! and Fuck you, Jonny. God, he drags the rest of us down. What a wanker! I could go on, but I feel these brackets have already gotten way longer than they have any business being). I love these strangers more than I love anyone else I've actually met before, except my partner. They are everything to me. And I cannot wait to re-listen to all five seasons yet again, definitely screaming and crying and laughing and screaming while I do so. I have never before listened to and experienced something so perfect. Alex and Jonny, you have legitimately changed my life in all the best and worst ways possible, and I hate you and love you for it. You have my utmost gratitude and admiration, also kindly piss off.

Seriously though, the genuine adoration and idolization I hold for all the voice actors is sort of concerning. VA for Simon Fairchild gets a special mention, as well as Michael The Distortion because how is it possible to fall in love with a person after listening to only their voice for thirty seconds-

#the magnus archives #the magnus pod #the magnus protocol #i can't wait to listen to tmagp #i'm gonna die aren't i #might as well have descended as the fucking messiah because holy shit this podcast saved me #highly recommend #whole experience a cross between WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN #reading memes made the whole thing 20x better #this episode killed me #i am deceased #mag 200 #god i love it so much #tma #tmagp #tma spoilers

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hanbindans · 10 months

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ways they're comforting (hyung line)

a/n: listening more closely to the in bloom lyrics ruined me so I'm posting this from my drafts. I'll get to the maknae line soon enough but since I already wrote the hyungs I'll post them first. enjoy me screaming into the void 🤍

jiwoong

you're like the older brother I never had. there's something comforting in the way you are exactly how I want to be when I grow up; considerate and caring and willing to love someone regardless of their flaws- kind to others but more importantly to yourself. you remind me that it's possible to go through all the stages of adolescence and young adulthood, and both see and feel so much hopelessness and negativity and doubt, and still be able to see happiness in all the small things. like finding peace in petting a small, fluffy animal. you've become the type of adult we all look up to. I'm so proud of you.

hao

I don't know, I just see so much of myself in you. in the way you were the smart kid who did well in school, the kid who worked hard at everything he did, the kid who got compliments from teachers and other people's parents. you could have had anything you wanted- you would have done what it takes to achieve it- and you chose with your heart. people probably had a lot of (high) expectations on you and you made a decision that was for you- something that you really wanted- and you worked as hard as you always did because you knew that you could do it if you really wanted to. I envy your courage to chose with your heart and follow your dreams. maybe one day I can learn it from you.

hanbin

sometimes I think that I can see when your perfect mask starts to slip and your facade cracks a little, and you race to patch up the holes before anyone takes notice. it's okay. I do it too. in some ironic way it makes you even more relatable. there's so much good in you and there's even more desire to be good, do good, make it overflow and spread to everyone around you and paint the whole world in yellows, smiley-faces and sunflowers. "don't regret what you do". I'm not sure if it's meant for me or for yourself. I hope it's for yourself. I hope you let yourself be bright, loving, and most importantly happy, even if it makes you imperfect, more raw, and easier to hurt. people will be ready to love you just as you are. they will love you because they want to return the good you have given. you make me want to do more good.

matthew

there's something very genuine in the way you carry yourself. it's unfair to just call it "unfiltered"- I think I would call it unapologetic, authentic, honest. you're not the type of person to lie about what type of music you listen to or order a plain salad when you're with people you don't know too well. I still have a feeling that you want to be impressive, but you don't try hard to impress. you want to do and be and try so many different things but you won't do it anything at your own expense. you will always say what's on your mind, always do things your way, even if not everyone agrees with you, because it's your life and you won't live it for others. it's admirable. please don't ever start apologising for the way you are.

taerae

I love how you're the colour yellow personified. from the duck emojis to the way you laugh at every joke like they're the funniest thing you've ever heard. you're so warm and fun and I just want to be around you all the time so I can re-learn how to be silly and not wince at the way my face scrunches up when I laugh. it's like you've already figured it out. how to be kind and caring and happy without being scared of being soft and vulnerable. there's so much comfort but also stability and security radiating from you and it's so infectious. I hope you never waver from that. I hope your laugh will always fill up the room and you will keep drawing your ducks and you will keep making your silly little poses. you seem like you're having so much fun.

#zb1 scenarios #zerobaseone scenarios #zb1 reactions #zb1 imagines #zb1 fluff #zb1 drabbles #zerobaseone imagines #zerobaseone drabbles #zb1 #zerobaseone #kim jiwoong #sung hanbin #zhang hao #kim taerae #seok matthew #this was the most I could do without it turning into incoherent rambling #but I do like these guys a lot actually they are all very neat

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gardenerian · 10 months

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new to this amazing fandom and imposter syndrome is raging thru me. any advice on how to take the plunge and create? or do you think all the well known creators here are already established?

what makes a fic great and a 'classic? regular updates? being active on socials? i posted once and was basically ignored so im scared now and in my head.

sorry for all the questions

× imposter anon

hey there 💓 welcome to the fandom! this is a brilliant, silly, LOVING place, and i am so glad you're here! i'm sorry you're feeling a bit unsure, ty for coming to chat with me 🫂✨

first, i'll say that NO, i don't think there's a cap on creators here. what i love about this fandom is that it's constantly growing and evolving - almost like it's breathing? there are new people who have just binged the show, fans who are reconnecting, and goobers like me who will never let go 😇 no matter what, we are here to gobble up words and art and thoughts and FRIENDSHIP!

honestly, i think the trick for me was connecting. i joined shameless tumblr in 2019 and screamed into the absolute VOID before i started interacting with others. once i started reaching out and talking with others, it was easier for me to share my writing or find the encouragement to start making gifs. there is a BIG focus on community here, and i find that people are so eager and generous with their energy. we WANT to cheer you on and champion your work! we WANT to beta and read and give advice/tips/love.

so i would say not to be shy (easier said than done, i know!), and to share your beautiful self! a lot of users have tracked tags, which is a good way to share and connect. i track #gardenermel (sometimes i am bad at looking, but i'll always get there!), and i'd love to see what you've been up to. and there are many others who love to see creations this way! if you feel comfortable, you can reach out via asks and strike up conversations! all of my friendships here started this way.

there are plenty of ways to get started! fandom events are especially useful for trying things out. depending on what you'd like to create, you could check out @galladrabbles @gallacrafts @gallavichmeta @shamelesscreatorsnetwork @gallavichprompts... there's a yearly @spicygallavichcollab and all kinds of events hosted by @gallavichthings. honestly, the list goes on! these are excellent resources for sharing creations, and a great way to meet members of the fandom.

there's also a host of discord groups associated with some of these initiatives! check out the blogs for links. plus, the big ol' gallabitches server (18+). you'll find a lot of us there, and it's a lovely space to chat about your creations (and everything else!).

as for fic classics, i think that depends on who you ask! there are certainly some fandom staples, but what's great about this space is the WIDE range of interests and ideas. people have put these guys in every single situation, and we continue to be fucking psyched about it. as long as ian, mickey, and the whole damn gang feel true to themselves, i am (generally) fucking here for it. i don't post regularly AT ALL, but i still find that people are so lovely when i do. there's no race to be won here, fandom is about ENJOYING yourself. so i say: please keep trying! drop me a link! i don't catch everything and i WANT to see what yall are doing!

i hope this helps, even in some small way. i know coming into a new fandom can seem daunting, but we're all here for the love of it, and it's so fantastic to keep sharing it! 🍅

anyone else have thoughts? i love you!

#like for me personally #ignoring things is not ever what i mean or want to do #i want to hang on like a barnacle to everything yall create #so please please keep sharing!#throw it in my face!! let's go! i love you!#mel answers

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rosaletarosie · 1 year

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Hi! Could I request headcannons for Wukong and Macaque (separate) with an affectionate werewolf! S/O?? Like they turn into a giant wolf if feeling strong emotions, like in turning red with Mei turning into a giant red panda ^-^ They’re basically just a giant therapy dog for them and I think they need really that.

I hope this is enough info :,))

JDJDHEHS THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING THIS I AM ABOUT TO ADD SO MUCH FLUFF FJDJS

( btw I did this on my phone so.. )

•--------------------------•

Category: headcanons

Fandom: LMK

S/O Gender: Gender neutral

•--------------------------•

The sun and moon duo having a affectionate werewolf!S/O !!

( seperate )

Lets start with..sun wukong !!

( MY BOI BE LIKE: *GASP* A NEW FURRY FRIEND..M I N E )

( *ahem* ok so lets say time has passed after the lbd incident, and finally you'll be asking the legendary monkey king on becoming your future bf and going on dates together <33 )

You asked wukong to follow you in a forest and so he did, he somehow felt a chill down from the breeze and once you arrived at your destination it was a full moon

You thought it would be a perfect time to confess and so you did..you were filled with alot of emotions but you try to stuff them in untill you confess, wukong asked why you both were here and a cool breeze went behind you as you were too flustered to even speak

The full moon's glow glistening in wukong's skin..it made you flustered more..untill you didnt even realize that you turned into your true form..a werewolf..

Wukong gasped in shock while you were back to reality and ran away, "Y/N come back!" He said as he shouts in the void of trees, he tries to find you in the forest while you watch him in the shadows..

He finds you in a river looking at the bright full moon, he gets closer to you and told you that he isnt scared of you and that you still look beautiful even as a werwolf, you were flustered and brushed the tears of your eyes and finally confessed, he gave his love back to you and now your both madly inlove with each other

( NOW TIMES FOR THE HEADCANONS DJSNSJWN )

Wukong would most definitely make you flustered on purpose just to hug you 24/7

If he is sad he cuddles you in your werewolf form ( he probably also tells you stuff about his day while you listen to him )

If you feel somehow angry at him he would try to calm you down and not turn you into your werewolf form BUT if it was from someone else then he probably encourages you to fight them head on in your wereolf form

If you train then its a bonus point for him! Since you wanted a training partner for quite some time..but be warned..he wont go easy on you!

Sometimes you watch him and mk train and wukong would try his best to do the MOST FLASHIEST MOVES you will ever see!

PLS LET HIM BRUSH YOU FUR PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS

Next up..the sixed eared macaque !!

I can't think of a scenario for this emo monkey so I'ma head straight into the headcanons dkskwjwj ( sorry for anyone who suspected a storyline for him )

ANYWYASJSSMMS My boi would probably make you his personal therapist dog and no one is allowed to make you their therapist, only for him and not anyone else lmao

When he's sad you comfort him in your werewolf form and he gives back that affection by simply kissing you and words of affirmation

Bro probably wants to protect you at all cost cuz I mean..he doesn't want his precious therapist to just disappear right?

Also if you don't respond to him or feel gloomy he will give you a lil kiss and drag you down to the couch or bed to cuddle ( what do you think would happen? 🤨 )

Everytime he goes out, he comes back with either your favorite book or just something you like :)

Bro probably lurks in the shadows just to spy on you, and probably having an existential crisis on how he managed to get someone so absolutely stunning 😉

Everytime you talk to someone he lurks in the shadows or if he is present he would put his hand on your waist to keep you safe BUT if the person your talking to is wukong..OH BOI THEY BOUTTA START SCREAMING IN PUBLIC NYEEHHEHEHE

•------------------------------------------•

Sorry if the format of this looks kinda different..it's because I had to do this in different devices :')

Also because I went on vacation for 4 days straight and didn't have any connection

But either way..I hope you liked it !! <33

#lego monkie kid #idk how to tag this #lmk macaque #lmk sun wukong #lego monkie kid sun wukong #monkie kid sun wukong #sun wukong x reader #lego macaque #lego monkie kid macaque #macaque x reader #monkie kid macaque #lmk six eared macaque #macaque lmk #lego sun wukong

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lutawolf · 1 year

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TharnType Ep 6

I know this is a long time coming, guys! I'm sorry. Things came up and Tharntype is not an easy series. It involves really thinking and looking below the surface. There are many layers to the book and the show. And for a while there, I just didn't have the energy.

Onto episode 6. Let's bring the pain episode. To recap, Type is making the change from victim to survivor. But with that change comes triggers and emotional upheaval. Which sadly but naturally has Type trying to get back to what he deemed normal.

We see Type smiling as he communicates back and forth with Fai. Sometimes we lie to ourselves, lie so strongly that even we believe. Yes, I'm back to normal! Yes, I'm happy! At least until something happens to show that we've been lying to ourselves.

We see Tharn telling Type that he knows what type of food he likes. Not because Type has told him, but because Tharn pays attention. This makes Type uncomfortable because it means something to him, and he doesn't want it to. You can see the struggle in the way he asks Tharn what he likes, but then tells him that he only asked one question. Type is struggling to put his walls back up.

What I love is that Tharn can see the small things and take them for the huge growths that they actually are. It's not easy to change guys, especially if it's changing your trauma protection techniques, even if they aren't good for you. Example: women think that they should be nice and friendly to men, that this will protect them. It's actually the opposite, being nice and friendly can often put us in dangerous situations. Things we know better than to do, but we don't want to appear rude and unfriendly or cause upset. But going into a hallway void of anyone but one man and few exits is stupid and dangerous. It should go against our survival instincts, but we've been conditioned to not hurt feelings. What other animal do you know that pretends to like their opposite sex when they feel threatened?

Now, for someone who has learned this lesson the hard way. Defenses are tight, high, and strong. Few people actually understand why, but I would argue that it's actually more naturally than how we are conditioned to behave. I get it, we're humans and social structure dictates friendliness, but at what cost? There has to be a middle ground, and it can be a struggle to find it.

Tharn pays a lot of attention to Type. He knows what he normally behaves like, so he knows that Type is acting out of character. It makes him suspicious. Which he should be concerned, as we find out. Techno lets it slip. There is a huge blow up. Tharn tells Type that he is his, and Type hits him. Now what we have to figure out is if this is a trigger or not. You trigger someone with PTSD and it's dangerous. But Luta, he didn't hit those other people who triggered him! No, he didn't, he said nasty things but didn't hit. But Tharn is becoming Type's safe space and his constant. Those people can be in the most danger when someone with PTSD hasn't yet gotten the help they need. PTSD is emotional confusion with the past and the present. A stranger is easier to differentiate than someone close to you. I'm not saying this is right, I'm just explaining how the snap to violence can happen. It doesn't mean someone who loves us should accept it, it means we need help.

What we see from Tharn is actually pretty common of PTSD partners. More hurt than harm.

Let's talk about the 10 rules for casual relationship: 1) Never get jealous. 2) No emotional involvement. 3) Don't cross the line. 4) Can become exclusive, but not necessarily. 5) Don't share partner with friends. 6) If a partner wants a real relationship but not with you, then don't cause a ruckus. 7) Don't be overly attentive. 8) Both partners can have many lovers. 9) BF/GF is priority. 10) If caught. Game over.

This screams the need for control. Type is feeling out of control right now, and that's something he needs badly. It also says that he doesn't really want a gf, he just wants control back. You see this especially in his talk with Techno because the last thing he wants is for Tharn to get over him.

Tharn really knows Type. He's calling his bluff. Then Type says he isn't coming to his gig, so he thinks he has lost.

I truly love this series, and it's for the raw moments like this. I've talked before about the fact that there are couples who burn bright. Who need the drama because drama has been such a large part of them that they don't know how to live without it. That's this couple. In a normal relationship, Tharn would smoother his partner and Type would constantly be fighting with an outside source. That would traumatize that partner, but together, they are balanced and happy. Maybe they aren't healthy, but relationships are made up of behaviors, and all behaviors can be characterized as healthy, unhealthy, or abusive. However, the behaviors may look different for different people, and what is unhealthy for one person may be abusive or healthy for another.

Type is telling Tharn what happened, and he says, "The slap was nothing compared to what I did to her." I've said it a million times, but Type is actually a very good person. He just isn't perfect. He doesn't fit the moral standards that everyone thinks he should, but that doesn't make him a bad person. He is a person still on the road to growth. As Tharn says, "Type has some self awareness."

A shy Type is adorable. And they are now official.

This moment is everything. It's Type pushing his way out of his comfort zone. Showing Tharn that he is trying.

Giving a protected piece of himself to Tharn. Letting him know that he trusts him. From the way Tharn gulps and says Type's name, it's everything he has ever wanted from Type.

They are far from a perfect couple, but they are perfect for each other.

That's it for episode 6. Drop me some likes and comments to let me know that you want me to keep going! 💜💜💜

#tharntype #tharntype the series #tharntype series #luta talks tharntype

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hypocriticaltypwriter · 4 months

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Fruitbats🦇🍒 ✨ask✨

What are the guy’s ways too care and comfort their girl chrysta when she’s feeling down?🥺❤️‍🩹 acts of service/words of affirmation/affection

OMG MJJJJ FLUFFY ASKIES MAKE ME MELTTTTT 🥺🥺🥺🥺 THANK YOU SM FOR THE QUESTION!! [And so sorry this took me forever to answer-]

Chrysta gets really upset or drained after a long day of nonstop work - or sometimes when her aunt scolds her for sneaking out. Sometimes, she feels too guilty, unable to really give her guardian an answer, so she's super quiet and kind of just stares off into space when she's with the boys.

Now, David isn't a guy who can be super affectionate [I mean - not like completely unaffectionate it kinda depends... This man practically bought a hotel to Rizz up a PRINCESS], so he's usually just a shoulder to cry on, or someone to listen to her complaints, rants, or worries. In the end, Chrysta appreciates letting David be some type of void to scream into just to do so, all her secrets or troubles locked away in a promise of never being told.

Ah, Marko’s a hard one. Kind of like David, he has a hard time dealing with a sad, mopey Cherri, and affection during it is hard for him to express. He doesn't want to hurt her any further. If anything, he likes to leave this type of stuff to anyone but him... But sometimes if not most the time, if he's driving her back home, as she's hopping off his bike, he hand her a little folded paper with poetry and a ring or bracelet he made. Nothing said. His hand is just outstretched to her, and once she takes it, he's off.

Paul is probably the one who is the most affectionate with her. He's hugging her, asking if there's anything he can do, spoiling her with treats and items on the boardwalk, or offering a snuggle in the cave, his shoulder to cry on, everything. He also is doing everything to try and make her feel better. Jokes, poking her sides to make her giggle, if she ever complains about someone specific, he always asks 'Do I need to go kill em?' Which... Is half joking- at least let it be for Chrysta's sake.

Dwayne is also rather affectionate! Not as expressive as Paul, but he's very gentle and sweet with Chrysta when she's down. Sometimes people just need to be sad, and that's okay. He's her rock, he's the one who's willing hold her for hours in his arms, whisper how proud he is of her, or how strong she is. Even when she doesn't want to talk, he's still making sure she knows how loved she is by not just them, but her family, and that she isn't alone. 🦇🩷

#AJSBDDUFAUGGHHH #RUNNING AWAY TO GO CRY NOW OKAYYY #cherry answers #cherry rambles #ask #tlb #the lost boys 1987 #the lost boys #tlb 1987 #fruitbats🦇🍒

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bonesandthebees · 2 months

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Internship is certainly going. I want to say going okay… I could be doing better but I kinda got unlucky with my internship spot and workload. This would be much easier to explain if I could just say what kinda of internship it is, but that kinda feels like too much details both for my current degree and the job I’ll be doing after. (Internet safety and all that). Anyway, what I can say is that anyone in the field irl pulls a face when they hear about my internship. The workload feels impossible, but somehow I’m doing it and I’m about half way through so *aggressively knocks on wood* it should be fine.

I do have a different internship in like a month or so and some other projects but those feel like child’s play compared to the current hell incarnate. So moral of the story: sometimes you just get to have a few mental breakdowns, pick yourself back up and go again the next day (again and again and again and again). It’s like that quote: [“It gets a little bit easier every day, but you have to keep doing it.”] or what’s the other one? [the only way out is through]. And then take plenty of breaks and do fun things even if it feels like you don’t have the time because that’s the only thing that’ll keep you going. The world is always more manageable after a good meal or a power nam or a 15 minute music break.

I’ve been blasting a lot of music based on moods, getting back into Dutch music because girl, I need to learn how to spell properly and every internship I have a song that gets me through. This one it’s ‘secret for the mad’ by Dodie. I’ve had to loop it over and over to get the motivation to try at times, to really let the words sink in, but it helps. So find a song to get you through when you need it.

Lastly, I’ve been meaning to say something about Him, but I just haven’t had the time and energy to write something coherent (aka I’m not using my 30 minutes of evening downtime that are just for me for this negative energy). Best thing is can say is that this is a good opportunity to get into new creators. Just have fun with it (hermitcraft season 10 has been getting be through this). Listen to new music. Try new things to fill the void. I’ve pruned all my playlists and social media follows and such and it felt like a fresh start. (Oh and learned your red flags people. People who don’t respect your boundaries (no matter how small) can be(come) very dangerous.)

My only issue now is that I can play since I saw Vienna and La Jolla on guitar (the picking patterns always smooth me), but now I’m not sure if I can keep doing that. I haven’t tried playing them. I feel like I should look at the lyrics first then decide. But I haven’t found any picking songs with the same soothing vibe, so I’ve been playing a bunch of my classical pieces and I really like playing the ‘romantic’ ones and for some reason the polkas and the blues? So again filling the void.

Anyway, thanks for all the well wishes. I’ve been missing you guys. This has been chaotic life updates with Spruce. I really need to start being productive now. So, bye!

-🌲

yeah of course don't say any details that would reveal too much info about you, but man that sounds stressful :( at least you'll switch to something else in a month?? I'm so sorry you're stuck in hell rn I hope you get through it alright!! make sure to take it easy when you can!! you're so right the world is so much easier to deal with after a power nap or a snack

oooo I haven't heard secret for the mad in a long time but I used to listen to dodie from time to time. I used to think of such angsty scenarios with my ships while listening to 'sick of losing soulmates'

also it's so real to have a song to help you get through shit like that. I'd say rn for me one of those songs is all american bitch by olivia rodrigo because I just have a lot of fun screaming it in the car. tested waters by loupe is a calmer one I've been listening to on repeat lately

you're right this is a great opportunity to get into new creators. I was already drifting to watching qsmp creators more often besides just phil and tubbo, but now I've been trying to tune into bagi and tina's streams if I have the time

definitely look at the lyrics first, but I feel like out of most of the ycgma songs since I saw vienna and la jolla are two of the 'safest' options you could pick for something like that. at least compared to your sister was right and losing face...

la jolla and since i saw vienna are both such pretty songs though. there's nothing wrong with playing those on your own guitar I'd say? it's not giving any money to him. but of course it's up to your own personal comfort.

good luck spruce!!! ty for checking in we all miss you over here!! <33

#ask #spruce anon

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yuus-sentient-teddy · 2 months

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"Yuu-Yuu hurt." Part 14

Part 1 | Part 13 | Part 15

Sometimes Yuu was in a dark void. They'd hear murmurs of people talking and keyboards clicking and doors opening and closing. They'd feel pricks in their arm or their world being turned over. They didn't understand what was happening, but it was peaceful and they didn't mind much. It was better than the alternative.

The alternative was Yuu reliving the time they Overblotted. The burning in their veins like someone had injected boiling water into them. An anguish they never felt before making them scream, an electricity shooting through their limbs that made them flail and scratch whoever was unlucky to be in their grasp. The ink monster mimicked their violence as it hunted anyone near by.

A migraine encompassed their head and made it so hard to think and make sense of the tumultuous emotions they were feeling. In the background, there would be the desperate cries of their schoolmates and friends as they tried to get the Ramshackle Prefect back. And the little voice of their teddy bear crying for them.

Every so often, they would see the familiar face of someone in his Overblot form and his respective ink monster. He would just casually wave, a sinister smile on his face, and Yuu would feel ink rising in their throat before falling into a hacking fit. This was the quickest way for them to return to the peaceful void, but it was nonetheless unpleasant.

It never occurred to them to count how many times the cycle completed. All they wanted was to wake up, to finally rest.

Was this hell?

------------------------------------------------------------------

It started with a single word.

"Please."

It somehow escaped their mouth as they stared down at someone's face. They couldn't tell who it was, just someone they knew and whose face they were planning to beat in. For a moment, the anguish and migraine vanished. They just stared into his eyes and felt tears running down their cheeks.

"I want to wake up," they croaked.

Then they were back in the void.

Meanwhile, in NRC, someone woke up gasping.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Yuu was screeching and grabbing at someone, a blob in their blurry eyes that kept dodging and slapping away their hands. Behind them, their ink monster growled and someone shouted something. They heard their teddy bear and Grim cry their name. The smell of ink permeated the air with faint traces of dirt and rubber underneath. Vaguely, in the back of their mind, they wondered if they would see a past Overblotter and his ink monster again. Just the thought of the pair made them feel cold, and bile rose in the back of their throat.

. . . ?

Wait. What is that?

It was so faint they almost missed it. Something floral, something familiar.

They didn't realize they had stopped pursuing the blob, their entire focus on identifying the scent. They also seemed to have forgotten the chaos happening around them, even the pain of being in Overblot.

Suddenly, Yuu was back in the void.

Here, they could smell the mystery scent better and immediately recognized it: roses. It reminded them of the tall rose bushes in Heartslabyul and the little bushel that grew in a pot in Malleus's bedroom.

The void was only peaceful because there was nothing that could hurt them. Now that there was a pleasant scent, Yuu could actually momentarily forget the torment. At the same time, though, it made them miss the Unbirthday Parties and hanging out with the Diasomnia quartet. They started to wonder how their friends and senpais were and hoped they all were all right.

------------------------------------------------------------------

The scent of roses never left them ever since it suddenly appeared and they were thankful for it. Whenever they relived their Overblot state, they concentrated on the scent and the pain went away without fail.

Dealing with any Overblotters became possible too, now that they could think. All they had to do was close their eyes and remember a nicer time, and he and his ink monster would be gone the next time they looked. It was ridiculously simple, but Yuu didn't mind at all.

As Yuu was soon reminded though, all nice things eventually come to an end.

They closed their eyes to Vil's Overblot form. If they had been slower, however, they would have seen him and his ink monster shake their heads.

Yuu remembered when a Pomefiore student approached them and Teddy and ask if he could have Teddy be his model, as he liked making clothes for stuffed animals. The resulting outfits were so cute and so cool, just remembering them brought a smile to Yuu's lips.

So lost in their reverie, they failed to notice the heavy, sprinting steps that came closer and closer until they were just opening their eyes.

They were suddenly on the ground, an enormous shadow looming over them and something heavy pressing uncomfortably on their chest. They quickly realized it was their ink monster, and they somehow knew it was displeased with them.

Yuu cried out when they felt the pressure on their chest grow. They clawed and tried to push the giant paw off of them, but all it did was scrape off ink and splatter it everywhere. Soon, Yuu could barely get air in.

Globs of ink fell around their head and onto their face as their ink monster's head lowered. They squeezed their eyes shut.

Something sharp snap around their head, and they were back in the void.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Their ink monster no longer targeted their friends.

Yuu only had seconds to get out of their Overblot state before it tried to pin them down. Their friends and upperclassmen would suddenly disappear whenever they tried to directly look at them and any magical projectile that got sent forth by whoever was in their peripheral somehow missed its mark. (Yuu wondered if the magical projectiles have been missing their mark the entire time.)

Half of the time, Yuu would be lucky enough to return to the void without getting maimed first. The scent of roses, which became more prominent as time went on, was their only comfort, but it could not alleviate the new dread they now had.

It was one thing feeling the physical agony of an Overblot as a magicless person. It was another having to escape your own relentless monster.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Yuu-Yuu!"

The cry would always be scared and worried. They could imagine their teddy's upset face, but for some reason, the image of their father's horrified expression would also come to mind. It never made the moment any less painful.

"Yuu-Yuuuuuuuuuu--!"

So in this cycle, they could tell something was different about the cry. It sounded. . . determined.

And it sounded like it was coming closer.

Yuu was crawling backwards away from their ink monster. They couldn't spare a moment to investigate the cry--thud!--especially now that they hit the wall.

The ink monster raised a clawed paw. They sharply inhaled and braced themself for the cold impact.

But in that instant, a thin beam of light hit the ink monster's face. It immediately recoiled, like it had been hit with a fire spell, and began moving back as the source of the light hurried to stand in front of Yuu.

"Nightmare go away!" A little teddy bear waved a penlight at the ink monster, like it was encouraging a pesky animal to leave. The sight was so funny and so adorable, Yuu wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

"Shoo, shoo!" The teddy bear stepped forward and the ink monster matched its steps backwards until the ink monster ran for the exit. The teddy bear chased after it, the light trained on its body.

The footprints it left became bigger and more messy with each step. Ink slid off its body and created puddles and trails that the teddy bear deftly avoided. By the time it disappeared into the darkness of the outside, it was as tall as a grandfather clock. The teddy bear watched the exit for a few seconds before turning off the flashlight and turning to Yuu.

It sprinted across the room. When it was close enough, they could see it had a bright smile and open, reaching arms. "Yuu-Yuu!"

"Teddy!"

They tightly embraced the little teddy bear and felt it nuzzle against them. It was comfortingly warm and as cuddly as they remembered; it was then they realized this was the first time they felt warmth and comfort in a long, long while. They wanted to tell it that they missed it so much, that they were so, so happy to see it, but all they could do was cry happy tears. Teddy did all the talking regardless, giggling and joyfully saying their name.

"Prefect, you ready to go?"

Yuu looked up while wiping their eyes. Ace was kneeling beside them, Deuce and Grim on their other sides. The rest of the first year squad stood around. Despite being scratched up, they all were smiling brightly.

"Do you need help getting up?" Deuce asked.

"If you need to, you can lean on me while we're walking," Sebek said.

Yuu realized this was the first time they were hearing their friends just talk. No shouting of spells, no cries of warning, no pained yelps.

"Prefect, are you okay?" Ortho asked.

"I. . ." More tears spilled out. ". . . missed you guys so much."

Relief washed over the squad. They could have sworn their friends' eyes got glossy.

"We missed you too, Yuu. Now come on, let's get out of here."

Their upperclassmen were standing by the exit with teenagers they've never seen before, some holding each other up. Behind the group was a spring forest basked in daylight. Though there was shade from the trees, Yuu somehow knew that the ink monster wasn't hiding in it. In fact, some adults were calmly coming out wearing uniforms for magicians in the special task force or carrying medical bags.

Stepping onto the grass, Yuu registered two things: one, they no longer felt cold, and two, they were finally free of the torment.

They gripped Sebek's shoulder a little tighter and held Teddy closer, crying happily once again.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Yuu was back in the void.

The scent of roses welcomed them and the warmth from the previous dream remained.

Somewhere around them, a cute voice cleared its throat and something like cardboard creaked. A piece of paper was flipped.

Little orbs of orange light suddenly lit up around them, gentle and fuzzy like dandelion seed heads.

"Once upon a time. . ."

Their dreams no longer brought them to that horrible memory. Instead, guided by a little teddy bear, the two were spectators of fantastical tales that ended with a happily ever after.

Sometimes, a different voice read things that seemed to come out of lesson books. The ensuing dreams were either confusing or magical. A handful of times, the voice would awkwardly read a fictional story, which Yuu thought was endearing.

Other times, many different voices recounted what happened during a school day. Yuu could picture the scenes clearly and they always brought a smile to their face.

And other voices, much less frequent, wished them well. Some of those voices joked a little. Yuu groaned at a particularly cheesy pun, as did whoever was accompanying the punner. (They wouldn't mind hearing more of those puns. . . probably.)

With the support and care of the voices alongside not having to worry about ink monsters and agonizing memories, Yuu could feel something within them heal. The hope that they had of waking up started to feel less like it and more like something true.

They couldn't wait to see everything again.

#I appreciate the anon who sent the message asking about this series! thank you for your ask!#yuu/mc (twisted wonderland)#yuu's sentient teddy bear #🧸🖊writing

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uhbasicallyjustmilex · 5 months

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personal rant (tw chronic pain, chronic illness)

i don't normally post stuff like this on here at all because i love keeping this space here just for fun fandom stuff, but today has just been so unbelievably shit and i feel like i just need to scream into the void about it for a moment to try and process.

basically, me and my sister had vip tickets to meet and see this band today who's incredibly special to us. they were a total lifeline for us when we were growing up, but we never got the chance to see them live. in august when we finally got these tickets over ten years after we both started listening to them, we were both over the MOON. it was such a special moment for us, but also felt like such a milestone because both of us have been through so much since we were those kids sitting in my room finding so much solace in this band's music together. it felt like such a significant thing to be going to see them all these years later, having overcome so much and both of us being in places now that we never thought we could get to.

anyway, fast track to today and i woke up in excruciating pain. some of you might know that i have some issues with various chronic illnesses/pain already, and one of the conditions i have is endometriosis. for anyone who doesn't know, it's an incurable condition where tissue similar to the lining of the womb grows outside the womb and causes chronic pelvic pain, fatigue, and a whole bunch of other fun symptoms. but it's biggest symptom, for me anyway, is the WORST period pain you can imagine. like, no medications can touch it, passed out on the floor for hours, screaming in agony kind of pain. i've lived with it for over half my life now and yes, obviously it affects me - but also i've got pretty good at learning how to manage it, and i have it down to like. a day or two per month where i'm incapacitated by pain rather than half the days. some months i don't get days like that at all now. i wouldn't say i feel good - a lot of the time i'm in pain and on painkillers/carrying around a hot water bottle with me when i'm at home etc - but i'm like. mostly functional. it hurts, but when it does, usually these days i can push through it when i really need to (even if that makes it worse later).

but today? today of all days, i woke up with the most excruciating pain i've had probably all year. i couldn't see or move enough to reach out to my bedside table and take my painkillers, let alone think of getting on a train and going to a gig. it's been over twelve hours and i'm only now able to sit up enough to watch stuff on my laptop for comfort and type this out (and i'm still in a lot of pain). of course my sister had to go to the gig without me, because there was just no way i could physically move to get there. and i'm just feeling so shit because although of course she was lovely about it, she was so nervous about going by herself and also really sad we couldn't go together, and i feel so much like i've let her down and that my body hasn't just ruined this incredibly special thing for me but also for her.

i generally try not to dwell on the stuff i can't do because i've learnt that it's NOT helpful, and it doesn't change anything anyway. i'm used to missing things i want to go to and not being able to see friends sometimes, working and having no energy left to do anything but sleep at the weekends. and most of the time it's okay, i've kind of made my peace with it. but on days like today i just feel so sad about it, all the things i don't get to do - especially things like this which are such special, once in a lifetime kind of opportunities. i know i shouldn't really complain because on the whole i've been really lucky with the things i've got to do despite my condition - i think this is the first time in a good five years or so that it's caused me to miss going to something really big like this, and i've got to go and see so many wonderful bands over that time. but this one... they're just such a special one to me and to my sister, and it feels like such a loss. and it just brings home how much this condition really does affect me - i've got pretty good at downplaying it over the years, but it's days like today where i'm like, no actually. this is awful and there's nothing i can do about it. which is a really scary kind of position to be in.

i don't even really know what the purpose of this post was other than to just let some of that out. normally i'd speak to my sister about it because she understands it the most, but i didn't want to let her see how upset i was about not being able to go because i still wanted her to have the best time possible and not be worrying about me. anway yeah, sorry to anyone who's read all the way through this, i know it's long and rambly and super negative. usually i'm able to take this kind of thing in my stride, but today it just really got me and i just feel so sad and defeated. i know in a few days it won't loom so big, and there are other wonderful things on the horizon that i'll get to do - but yeah. for today, i think i just need to let myself feel sad.

#i am at least finally feeling physically a little better this evening #i have been comfort watching some of my favourite shows and i have my trusty hot water bottle #so i'll be okay #and shouting all that out into the void helped a little too #i'm going to get up and make some hot chocolate when my next lot of painkillers kick in and watch the new doctor who #anyway i'll stop rambling now #thanks to anyone who read and listened 💗#i feel like not everyone gets how important bands can be to someone #but i know you all understand that here 💜#chronic illness #chronic pain #endometriosis #lulu posts

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bluegekk0 · 4 months

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nothing at all happened and yet i still feel so useless. like i achieved nothing in life and will just remain that way cause i'm too scared to do anything. and that if i disappeared, no one would care. but i also have a family that, even if they often do things that make me feel like shit, is still there to support me. it's not perfect but it's there. i don't have to suffer financially, i don't have any serious medical problems. so why do i feel that way, am i just self absorbed? ungrateful? sometimes i feel like that's the case. people have actual problems they struggle with and i'm just complaining over the dumbest things like feeling useless. sometimes i fear talking about what's bothering me cause it's so inconsequential that i feel like it's insulting to people who have it far worse than me. does anyone else feel that way? or am i seriously just being overdramatic and whiny? i don't know. sorry about this, i know i always apologize and you all tell me it's fine but. idk. i just feel bad. but i also don't know where else to say this, i don't want to constantly bother my friends when i know they struggle with their own things. so i guess this is just me screaming into the void

#ignore this i'm just having a moment #gekko.txt #vent

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callofdudes · 5 months

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Is it okay if i share a lil rant? If not then feel free to ignore this!

So lately on twitter (X) there has been numerous commentaries/complaints from the same account named makarovmw or just Владимир Макаров as in user. They're essentially a porn addict like account that has been going around on multiple posts that sometimes talk about GhostSoap, their interpreted sexualities by various fans and this person has just been unhinged to say that least, arguing with others because they deem that 99% of the fanbase is all about GhostSoap, and how there is a lack of erotic sexy Ghost x Female OCs/YNs/readers. They essentially blame and insult people by calling them out that "just because I don't like Ghost x male doesn't mean i are homophobic" as per their words, whereas the understones they've been going on with their consistent whining gives me the exact opposite idea. Don't get me wrong i am a massive GhostSoap lover AND i also enjoy pairing Ghost with fem OCs and readers but i never went out of my way harassing and demanding that people bring out more Ghost x fem content, this porn addict of a person takes it to another level really. But the moment they said that Ghost would look hot with Milena all just to spite Soap i stopped taking them seriously. 😭

Hope this ain't too much but yeah, beware of some CoD "fans" y'all, they'll attack you unprovoked and unwarranted.

Ah yes, I believe I saw the post about what they said with Milena. And honestly I just hate it. Porn in and of itself has caused massive problems for both genders. Massive, massive problems.

I was around the fandom when GhostSoap was just a little ship and it wasn't as terribly hyped as it is now, but new people in the fandom are just... What the fuck.

I enjoy GhostSoap, but demanding work (as it sounds) from people or getting mad they can't find some very specific thing to get off to that no one else wants to make.

The way the brain works when people get deep into porn, or even just surface level, is they find something that interests them. Whatever that may be. And they stick with that for a bit until that same thing gets boring and they look for something else they could deam as exciting. It's really just a bottomless pit of sadness and it ruins a lot of lives.

Which consequently, when they get to the place where they need really taboo, lower produced things to stimulate them, they start to act like this. Getting angry and frustrating and demanding because there's one specific little thing that no one wants to do but they just need something. So they'll explode about it and make their predicament everyone's problem.

Now, some people are just assholes, this person is both. But porn has truly ruined us and ruins the brain.

Coming out in relationships as well where porn addicts have to think about something they watched when being with a partner because they can't be stimulated by regular passion and love. It's all lust and comes out in the form of anger and frustration when they can't act like a normal human being anymore.

If that person is looking for crazy stuff they shouldn't be going around Twitter (X) harassing people about it.

So yeah, those are kind of my whole thoughts. People are crazy and when it comes to things like this, the chronically being online and porn are to blame.

People don't get consequences on the Internet as much so they think they can do whatever they want. And artists putting their beautiful work of what they want to create out into the world does not mean that anyone other than themselves or someone commissioning them is entitled to their time and their resources.

Also, don't feel afraid to come rant, I also want to scream into the void like this but ranting to people sometimes gets it out nicely.

Keep supporting artists and don't be psychos ghostsoapers ♥️

#simon ghost riley #call of duty #john soap mactavish #ghostsoap #rants #ask #call of duty modern warfare 3 #call of duty modern warfare

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coloursflyaway · 6 months

Text

Perfect Space

Pairing: Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet

Rating: T

Word Count: 2.600

Read on AO3

Taking it slow is a good idea, Ed is sure of it. After all, Stede is right, he can see it now – they are both prone to flights of fancy, to whims, although Ed can feel himself starting to hate that word. Too loaded, too full of We can escape to China and Let’s be together for the rest of our lives and I’ve only known you for a few months and yet I love you so much I don’t dare speak it out loud, and far too full of sitting on a beach, waiting, and feeling his heart slowly crumble.

So, taking it slow is a good idea, a sensible, reasonable idea that might save them both from another bout of heartbreak. They’ll find their feet around each other once more, fall back into their familiar routine of easy banter and conversations Ed could never have imagined himself having with anyone; they’ll wake up and have breakfast together, spend their days on deck, before retiring to separate quarters. Maybe after a drink Stede insists on calling nightcap, maybe after sharing a kiss or two.

Taking it slow is a good idea, Ed knows it. It’s also really, really hard.

For Stede had kissed him – or had they kissed each other? – in the moonlight, looking beautiful in his wine-red shirt and unkempt curls, had pushed a hand into Ed’s hair in a way that made his scalp tingle, sparks of pleasure rushing down Ed’s spine, and Ed had had to stop him before it got any further than that. Part of his mind had screamed at him back then already, because it had felt so good, and yet, it had been the right choice, because they are taking it slow.

Only that ever since Stede had looked at him and whispered you’ve won as if it was a love confession, Ed’s fingers haven’t stopped longing for his. And ever since they had parted, Stede brushing a fleeting kiss against Ed’s cheek, Ed’s lips have ached in jealousy.

It’s not lust; he knows lust well enough to tell the difference. It’s Stede and the simple fact that Ed wants to be with him, next to him, breathing the same air and sharing the same body heat, just to let Ed know that Stede is really, truly here. That he came back, no matter what parts of the story Ed doesn’t yet know, that despite everything Ed’s mind is hissing to him at night, Stede wants to be here. With him.

Believing it will take some time, Ed knows, but Stede seems willing to give him that, nothing but soft smiles and gentle touches when they are alone, and occasionally, looks so full of affection they make Ed question if he has ever taken a full breath before.

And it is hard, so very hard, to be away from that for even a moment.

Which leads Ed here, lying in the darkness, aching. Metaphorically speaking, of course, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Maybe even harder, because Ed is used to physical pain, maybe more than he should be, but even after months of missing (and hating and longing for and cursing) Stede, he still hasn’t gotten the hang of emotional agony. It feels like someone hollowed out his chest, his ribs in danger of collapsing into the void, and Ed knows that even one touch would make it better, one of those easy smiles Stede shoots him across the ship sometimes. A brush of his hand, an anecdote about a play Stede has once seen back in Barbados, a kiss so quick it’s barely more than the touch of Stede’s lips.

The thought comes unbidden, but once it has, it’s impossible to dismiss it. Maybe Stede is still awake? After all, the other man is so close, and they have only parted half an hour ago, so chances are that Stede is still readying himself for bed in that ridiculous, charming ritual of creams and fine-smelling oils he has. And Ed misses him, which shouldn’t be possible, but maybe Stede’s presence is a depletable stock, something Ed has gone without for so long that he now needs twice, three times as much of it to make up for lost time.

In the end, getting up isn’t a conscious decision, but just something that happens between one breath and the next.

With every motion, the bell around his neck chimes softly, and Ed knows that he should hate it, just like he should hate the sackcloth, but it was Stede that put it there with gentle hands, fingertips brushing against Ed’s skin as he fastened the little clasp. Afterwards, he had smoothed it down as if the leather strap could wrinkle, and had smiled at Ed with eyes as bright as the sun and twice as warm.

So, instead of hating it, Ed touches the collar and smiles, because it feels like more than just a precaution for the sake of the crew; it feels like a way to belong.

The air, when he steps outside, is cold and humid, making Ed shiver although the trip to Stede’s cabin is hardly more than a few steps. Even more so when he reaches it and stands there for a moment or two, unsure if he should knock or not. It’s a difficult thing to explain after all, why he is here again after they have just parted. Still, the need to see Stede wins out.

Before he can change his mind, Ed knocks and Stede answers within the time it takes Ed to take a single breath; he can’t have been waiting, or hoping, for Ed to come, but it still makes his insides flutter. Most likely, Stede would have reacted the same way for any of his crewmembers, but Ed allows his hopeful, hopeless mind to convince him that Stede recognised the sound of his knuckles on the door.

“Ed!”, he is greeted once he has entered, “Is anything wrong?” Stede is standing in the middle of the room, clad in a robe Ed couldn’t bring himself to get rid of, his skin pink and clean and shining with a lotion Ed can smell in the air. He looks soft and familiar and it’s as if Ed can breathe for the first time since they retired to their separate quarters.

“No, nothing’s wrong”, he answers and it feels like he is saying too much between the words, feels like a confession. His fingers worry at the sackcloth covering his arms, but Stede smiles at him and it’s just so right to be here. “I just. I wanted to see you.”

The smile on Stede’s lips widens, grows sweeter, and Ed is struck by the thought that this shouldn’t be so easy. After what they have put each other through, they shouldn’t be able to just stand here and look at each other, nothing in the air between them but affection, and yet, here they are. Because everything has always been easy with Stede, like this is what they had always been meant to do.

“That’s nice”, Stede answers, and takes a step, then two, closer. “Do you want to… talk? I’m sure I can think of another story or two.” Ed simply nods; he’d take anything Stede was willing to give.

For a moment, neither of them moves, but then Stede takes Ed’s hand so gently it’s like the touch is a term of endearment by itself, and leads Ed over to the bed. There isn’t much other furniture left, so it makes sense, but that doesn’t change Ed from imagining what else the gesture could mean for one beautiful, exhilarating, terrifying second.

Now, however, they simply sit down next to each other, knees knocking, their intertwined hands resting between both their thighs. It’s the calmest Ed has felt in a long, long time.

“You know, I’m glad you came”, Stede starts, his thumb brushing across Ed’s knuckles like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Maybe it is. “I know it probably sounds rather silly, but I almost missed you a little.” A hint of red is dusting his cheeks, making Ed ache inside; he nods and grips Stede’s hand tighter. “Me too”, he admits. “’s why I’m here.”

The words make Stede smile and Ed would confess to a thousand crimes to see it happen again, would commit them too; maybe would even lay his heart bare for Stede to inspect, letting him prod at the mess of hopes and wishes and Ed’s deepest, darkest fears until he was satisfied

“It’s strange, but I don’t want to let you out of my sight, even if it’s just for a few minutes”, Stede continues, the blush on his cheeks deepening, while his thumb continues its gentle ministrations. “And it probably also doesn’t count as taking it slow. So. Sorry for that.” A self-conscious chuckle, a tilt of his head, and Ed loves him to the point where his chest seems too small for his swollen, devoted, desperate heart.

“No, that’s fine”, he mumbles, looking away from Stede for a moment before realising that he’d rather have the other see any expression on his face than miss one on Stede’s. “We get to decide what slow is, right? It feels slow enough to me. Wouldn’t want to go too slow either, after all.” He shoots Stede a quick smile.

“Of course. We’re pirates, we can’t go too slow, otherwise the law might catch up on us.” It makes no sense, but Ed laughs anyway, which makes Stede chuckle too; and what a wonder it is that they can joke like this, ignoring that just that happened once before.

Instead of an answer, silence stretches between them for a few, comfortable moments, but it’s not enough for Ed. Because they have talked a lot lately, and yet there is something he has never said. “I’m glad you came back”, he tells Stede, voice quiet because it feels like he has to drag the words from the very depths of his heart, pulling them up his throat and forcing his tongue to speak them out-loud. Not because Stede doesn’t know them already, but because it’s something that he didn’t dare to wish for for so long. “Really glad. I’m- I’m not a good person when you’re not around.”

“I’m glad I’m here, too, but that’s not true.” Pain drips from Stede’s lips as he speaks and it takes Ed a moment to realise why; this isn’t pain because Ed has done something wrong, but on Ed’s behalf instead. Unwarranted, because Ed knows that he’s right, he’s seen the proof with his own eyes, but it touches something within him nonetheless, makes it blossom and bloom in between his ribs. “No matter what you’ve done”, Stede continues, and he looks, sounds like he truly believes it, “it doesn’t make you a bad person. Maybe I haven’t known you as long as Izzy has, but I know you. And you’re lovely. Everything about you is.”

He’s looking straight at Ed, hazel eyes steady and calm, and Ed loves him even more for how resolutely wrong he is. For how naive he can be, how optimistic, for how much Stede wants to believe in him. In this. It makes it so much easier for Ed to believe, too.

“Agree to disagree?”, Ed offers, because he doesn’t want a discussion, doesn’t want a fight, just wants to sit here with Stede and enjoy that they are breathing the same air. But Stede shakes his head, even if he does it with a gentle, sad smile.

“I’ll never agree to that, Ed”, he explains, “to any version of it. You’re too important to me for that. But it’s okay, I’ll stay here until I’ve convinced you otherwise. And then some.”

Briefly, Ed considers arguing after all – Stede won’t convince him, how could he? – but there is no point in it, not when Ed knows full well how stubborn both of them are. So, instead he focusses on something else, something that fills his heart with hope he might not deserve, with affection he has tried too long to deny. “You’ll stay?”, he asks, just to hear Stede confirm it. “For how long?”

“Until you don’t want me here any longer. Forever, if you’ll let me.” Not a second of hesitation, no tremble in Stede’s voice, no sign of anything but conviction in his words, and Ed’s heart sings with it. Good, he wants to say, you’ll never leave again, then, because I can’t imagine a life in which I don’t want you next to me, but his body is faster than his brain ever could be.

Without thinking, Ed pulls Stede closer with the hand he is already holding, reaching out with the second to cradle Stede’s cheek in his palm. The other’s eyes are wide with surprise, but still so full of love that Ed can’t do anything but kiss him, no matter how slow they are taking it.

Stede’s lips are soft against his, part easily, and Ed kisses the love he cannot speak out-loud onto them. A moment passes, but then Stede kisses back, making a sound at the back of his throat that tastes as sweet as nectar, makes Ed shiver as he drinks it down. The other’s second hand comes to rest on Ed’s waist, almost an embrace, and Ed could cry with it, almost does. Because this is where he belongs, he knows it just like he knew it back when he was a boy and stood on the deck of a ship the very first time; this is home.

Eventually they part, but still stay close; Ed’s forehead resting against Stede’s, their breaths mingling between their pink-kissed lips, their fingers still intertwined. There is nowhere Ed would rather be.

“Is this still taking it slow?”, Stede asks after a few moments, laughter tinting his voice bright and happy, and Ed can’t help but smile with him. “Sure. We’re both still wearing clothes after all.”

The answer startles a chuckle out of Stede, his hand on Ed’s waist tightening just a little as he brushes the smallest kiss against Ed’s lips. “I’m glad that you set reasonable expectations”, he mutters, the vibrations sending tingles down Ed’s spine. “But since this is still taking it slow, may I make another suggestion?” Ed nods, unsure if he trusts his voice in this moment.

“I don’t want to let you go again”, Stede confesses, so softly that Ed’s heart aches, his mouth longing to tell Stede he never wants to leave. “Not even for tonight. So, do you maybe want to sleep here? With me? Clothes on and all that, I just want to have you next to me when I fall asleep. And when I wake up again.”

And all the time in between, is what Stede doesn’t say, but Ed hears anyway, echoing in his own mind; he nods so quickly that their noses bump awkwardly, but it doesn’t matter, because he won’t have to leave and tomorrow, when he wakes up and his brain is still too clouded to remember everything, there won’t be those terrifying, torturous seconds in which he isn’t sure what was a dream and what reality. For Stede will be right next to him, sleep-tousled hair and pillow creases etched into his skin.

“Yes”, Ed replies, just to have said it, “I’d love to.” And feels Stede’s smile pressed against his lips a second later.

#our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd s2 #gentlebeard #stede bonnet #edward teach #ed teach #ed x stede #edward x stede #set right after s02e05 and that incredible kiss scene

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gffa · 2 years

Note

i love you for all you do for the jedi discourse

I've been thinking about this lately, the fraught tension of the discourse around the Jedi, how contentious it can sometimes get, how I know I'm not always the most patient I could be, and sometimes I regret that. But other times I don't. Because there are times I feel like I'm screaming into the void about how, every single day, there is some new bad faith response on one of my posts, some new unsettlingly "hyper invested in a stranger on the internet's opinions about made up space wizards" comment in the tags I browse, and that I'm just really exhausted at feeling like it's always up to Jedi fans to be saints, but if we show the slightest bit of snapping at yet another person putting a bad faith take on our posts, oh, we just ~can't handle anyone not babying our faves~. And honestly I don't know where to go from here, because I do enjoy good faith discussion, but I'm also just so worn out of five years of this, never knowing when someone is being reasonable or when they're going to blow up on me, never knowing when a comment is serious or a joke, the lack of structure of discussions, are we talking on a Doylist level or a Watsonian one?, etc. Five years of playing defense against people coming into the space I've created for myself, I don't know how much I can really even contribute to the discourse anymore, because it's just been so many times piled on so many times that this has happened. And the majority of the time they're pretty mild, but after a certain point you're just tired of having the same thing thrown at you, so you play defense and try to cut things off at the pass, try to predict the nonsense comments you're going to get, and that becomes woven into your meta, rather than being able to relax and just talk about what you want in the way you want. I'm not upset about this so much as just kind of navel-gazing and I do kind of loathe some of the behavior of fandom, as well as I wanted to talk about why some of us may seem pretty prickly and I hope that I can project that, yeah, I have my scraped raw nerve points in some places, but that I'm working to let go of it, and if you wonder why I've checked out from a lot of these conversations, that's why. There's little to be gained by it, I've thought about these topics for five years, I've given it all a ton of critical thought, and I'm settled where I'm settled. I'm exhausted, so I'm just going to be over here, in my own corner, trying to turn back to the things I love talking about, because that's the kind of corner of fandom I want. That seems like such a downer answer for a sweet ask, apologies! I’m just annoyed at fandom today (what else is new) and wanted to go, you know, there’s a reason some of us seem like we’re in a bad mood at times. That said, the kind comments are appreciated and I will endeavor to get back to being more fun about Star Wars and the psychic space wizards even more than I already am. (To be fair, I shitpost a good amount, too, okay. XD)

#lumi.txt #jedi discourse

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