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#<— tone indicator that indicates that i meant it aromantically
knifearo · 8 months
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reminder to everyone that trauma IS a valid reason to use aspec labels. "i don't know if i'm aspec or just traumatized—" protip!!! you can be both!!!! the thing about labels is that they're not immutable states of being that you're born as. they're literally just words that we use to describe our lived experiences, and if asexual or aromantic or any related label feel relevant to the way that you experience attraction, whether it's a result of trauma or not, they're there for you to use. having trauma as a cause does not invalidate the fact that someone is experiencing lesser or no attraction. that's still the aspec experience babey. use the label if you want it's there for you <3
#kissing every traumatized aspec person on the forehead. with permission of course#obviously the labels aren't gonna be right for everyone but like...#i see a lot of discussion around this topic and it's actually SO important to me to bring up every time#that labels are just little signs you put up to tell people something about yourself.#it's not an immutable unchangeable fact. it's a little sign. it's a label just like you make with a label maker.#its purpose is to be there and communicate something about your experience to the people around you.#so if you want to communicate that you don't experience attraction in an allo way! that's literally what it's there for!#really i feel like denying people access to those labels cause they weren't born that way is like.#first. an asshole move. why don't you shut the fuck up and let other people decide what they experience#second. perpetuating the idea that if you don't experience attraction you're broken? but just in a different way?#'you can experience limited/no attraction IF you're ace and born that way. otherwise you're ACTUALLY fucked up.'#'you're straight/gay/bi you're just broken right now.' actually maybe they're experiencing something that aligns with asexuality.#ever thought about that...#intent here is NOT to speak for anyone with that experience. however i meet like seven people a year who say that they're unsure#if they're aspec or just traumatized#and it's SO important to me to say that you can be both. you can use the label. your experiences are valid#whether they're internally or environmentally caused.#kiss kiss ily everybody (/aro)#<— tone indicator that indicates that i meant it aromantically#aspec#aromantic#aromanticism#aroace#arospec#aro positivity#asexual#ace pride#acespec#ace positivity#ace inclusion. turn the tables
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decayingpicture · 2 years
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You have lived most of your youth locked indoors, not having a chance to explore life for what it truly is - a playground of sin.
Luckily for you, an opportunity is granted to you to properly indulge in living - really living. Parties, booze, ecstasy, madness… anything you want, you can have. It’s in your reach.
Why?
Because the beautiful are the untouchable, for as long as they remain beautiful.
But beauty withers over time with the punishment of age given by the cruel Gods and your mortal flesh can so easily be burdened with the indicators of your sins—no matter how minuscule or large they may be—which can damage your appearance, too. You need to be handled with care, as if you are a made of fine china.
Fortunately for you, you don’t need to bear these sins on your own flesh, nor the burden of age.
CW: major character injury, optional major character death, murder, alcoholism, smoking, possible suicide, religious undertones, body horror, suggestive tones, period-typical homophobia, period-typical transphobia, identity struggles.
DEMO TBA.
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Play as male, female, nonbinary or genderfluid with cis or trans options; gay, bisexual or straight with asexual and/or aromantic options.
Choose whether to give into the hedonistic lifestyle, to be loyal to a Victorian society’s morals, or dabble in a mixture.
Don’t stress about ageing. That picture will do it for you!
Shape how the three RO’s feel about you; negatively or positively.
Customise your appearance every few in-game days.
Get fucked up and drunk.
Commit a little bit of murder.
Pet a dog.
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Basil Hallward {M/?/F} - The Painter
A painter you met at one of Lady Brandon’s parties. They may, sometimes, struggle to find the words to say to you or figure out how to act around you, but they enjoy your company nevertheless, always craving your presence. They have your best intentions at heart, not wanting you to stray into a path of corruption. Whether Basil succeeds is up to you.
Sibyl Vane {F} - The Actress
A beautiful actress struggling to make enough money for both her and her family. Despite her financial struggles, her love for you is pure and untainted - however, this distraction could get in the way of her acting the best she possibly can, which may have consequences in the long run.
Lord Henry Wotton {M} - The Mentor
A recent divorcee and a companion of Hallward ready to take you under his wing. Henry - known as Harry by friends - wants to push you to the best you can possibly be. Or, at least, in his own eyes. Under his guidance, you can explore life and live it supposedly how it’s meant to be lived, but it may have a rather unusual affect on yourself.
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as of 03/07/23, chapter one is being rewritten with edits to code, and then chapter 2 is going to be prioritised. i plan to release both chapters together.
a poly route may be implemented at some point, but i can’t promise anything. if it is added, it would probably follow this structure: one relationship is established first, and then further on in the chapters, you ask another RO to join the relationship. again, may or may not happen and im unsure on how the dynamics would pan out.
basil is not gender selectable, their gender will always be the same as the mc - if the mc is male, basil will be male. if the mc is female, basil will be female. if the mc is gender diverse, basil will be unlabelled. this is to keep basil homosexual, as he is in the book, without locking out the mc based on gender.
for now, decaying picture is 16/17+, but if i decide to implement (optional) explicit scenes this will boost it to an 18+.
23/09/22 - possibly switching to twine.
15/10/22 - mental health break.
24/11/22 - planning out a rewrite.
03/07/23 - back! rewriting and fixing code.
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kitkatopinions · 3 years
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I always assumed Ironwood wasn't straight. I mean he's a dude in his 40s who's unmarried and has no previous family or children to speak of. Then again he did dance with Glynda that one time so who knows?
That's just the thing, there's no way of knowing. Here are things that literally would not go against Ironwood's suggested feelings for Glynda.
Asexual and Biromantic, Panromantic, or Heteroromantic. Bisexual and Biromantic, Panromantic, or Heteroromantic. Pansexual, and Biromantic, Panromantic, or Heteroromantic. Homosexual and biromantic, panromantic, or heteroromantic. Homosexual and homoromantic, but using compulsory heteronormativity (idc what MKEK said outside of canon, their own heteronormative writing in the early seasons makes it impossible to believe that there aren't things like Homophobia, transphobia, and sexism in the world of RWBY.) Asexual and Aromantic - Flirting does not mean that you're not aromantic. Heterosexual and Heteroromantic but trans, non-binary, or genderqueer (although he looks male-presenting, that's not an indication that he's definitely canon cisgender, and yes, he goes by he/him pronouns, but I have a non-binary sibling who mostly goes by she/her and stills calls herself my sister. You never know just by someone's appearance or even their pronouns.) Any of the above, and still not meaning anything really by his somewhat flirtatious tone and asking Glynda to dance in the same way that Yang winking at a White Fang member before attacking him says literally nothing about her canon sexuality since she's casually flirty, because he might just be casually flirty and that doesn't even mean that he's trying to appear straight even if the writers were clearly heteronormative themselves when they wrote everyone in the first three seasons before they decided to think about making Pilot Boi their first queer character. Heterosexual and heteroromantic and cisgengered.
Personally, I myself see James Ironwood as a bisexual, biromantic man who deeply respected Glynda, was attracted to her appearance, but more wanted something to be between them than actually having real feelings for her. But it's perfectly valid to headcanon any of the above.
Currently Ironwood's sexuality (and his gender for that matter) has yet to be confirmed. Even if the show writers stated that James Ironwood is just the straightest most straight, cis, non-LGBTQ+ character in their show, it still wouldn't be show proper canon, because Word of the Author is a broke system that many people threw out sometime around JK Rowling telling everyone wizards used to just pee and poop all over themselves at random and magic away the evidence. And even if the show writers wrote Qrow or Winter or something to say "Yeah, James is the straightest most straight cisgendered hetero guy we knew," post-death, it still would not be wrong to headcanon anything different.
James Ironwood is as gay as you want him to be, I guess is what I'm saying. James Ironwood is not a canon straight guy, I guess is also what I'm saying. It's deeply flawed and rooted in bi, ace, and pan erasure to assume that anyone is straight just because they make advances towards someone of the opposite gender. I already see so much biphobia specifically in the RWBY fandom, especially in regards to Blake, Yang, and even Qrow these days. It just really makes me frustrated that people have this mentality. Either they are Homosexuals or they are straight. Either Yang oogling men in season one means she's straight and now they're retconning her sexuality or Yang's a lesbian who was clearly just being comphet/Yang's a lesbian and if you're still clinging onto the first season, you're stupid. Either Blake's straight and it was wrong of the showrunners to 'pretend otherwise' to force her to be anything else or Blake's a lesbian and anyone still shipping her with Sun or other men are denial ridden homophobes themselves. Either Qrow is straight and anyone paying attention to lingering looks, hugs, and blushes are idiots reading into unintended framing or people shipping Qrow and Winter are just so stupid to ignore that Qrow winking at her meant nothing and people who read romantic tension in their fight have 'hetero goggles' on. Btw, there's nothing wrong in my opinion with headcanoning Yang as not attracted to men at all, Qrow as not attracted to women at all, or even Blake as not attracted to men at all and only thinking she had been. But that's not canon, and trying to enforce it is rooted in biphobia.
And now it's 'James is established straight from the get go,' because he said a somewhat flirty line to a woman and asked her to dance. It's very annoying. James is no more of a canon straight than Yang, Weiss, Blake, or Penny is. Expressing a very casual slight attraction towards someone of the opposite sex very much so doesn't determine someone's sexuality.
You're right, who knows? Nobody. Because currently, James Ironwood could be pretty much anything (even alive!) and we wouldn't know.
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multigender-shit · 3 years
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hey i'm felix!
profile pic thing from this picrew: https://picrew.me/image_maker/342705
this is gonna be bulleted because i just think that’s easier to read
about me
name: felix
genderfluid/flux/multigender
i also identify as trans and nonbinary
asexual panromantic
questioning aromantic
he/they
i have feminine genders and consider myself a woman but i have a kind of complex relationship with femininity so i prefer he/they 
i’m 17 so please keep that in mind when interacting with me/my posts
account
meant to help educate people about multigender identities
provide a relatable/safe space for other multigender people
share memes/jokes/information about multigender identities
tags
posts about me will me tagged as “hey that’s me”
posts not about gender will be tagged “not gender”
posts about sexuality will be tagged “sexuality”
posts about neither will be tagged “not lgbt”
positivity posts are tagged “positivity” 
i’ll tag every post with whatever identity its about, so if you’re looking for a specific identity just search for it
if you don’t find a certain identity let me know so i can post about it!
if you need any triggers tagged let me know! even if its a very specific trigger just let me know im always happy to tag things
this isn’t really a tag thing but i try to use tone indicators a lot but sometimes i forget so if you ever need clarification just ask! 
if i ever forget to tag something please let me know!
asks and such
anon asks are always on!
you can ask about multigender identities, gender in general or my gender and ill answer to the best of my abilities
you can also ask questions about sexuality if you want
if you need help figuring out you gender/sexuality you can ask about that too!
you can also submit a post if you’d like! 
i also have my messages turned on so if you want to talk about something but don’t want other people seeing you can always message me! just remember im a minor and i will block and report you if you start saying anything inappropriate
you can also message me if you just wanna be friends 
whats wrong with him? 
mental illness tw
adhd
maybe autism
depression
anxiety
ptsd
if you want to ask about mental illness things that fine too! again you can really talk to me about anything, i don’t care!
i’m just putting this here so if i talk about anything of these things you’ll know i know what i’m talking about!
i don’t know what to title this but here you go!
i’m white so if you see me talking about race issues know that its a “here’s what i’ve heard thing” and not a “here’s what i’ve experienced”
along with that, if you ever see me say anything that’s not correct or is offensive, please let me know!
this isn’t related to the previous two but i use a lot of words that are usually used romantically (babe, baby, darling, love) in a platonic way but that being said if i call you any of that and you don’t like it please tell me so i don’t do it anymore! i try to just do it with friends but i might slip up
dni 
mentions of general bigotry and p*dophilia
racists
sexists/intersexist (sexism againsts intersex people)
homephobes/transphobes/terfs/transmisogynists/enbyphobes/ace/arophobes/bi/panphobes
nsfw blogs
"MAPs" (pedophiles)
anyone who likes trump. i don't care if you don't agree with everything he did. leave.
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queertazsecretsanta · 5 years
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A gift for @motherfuckingmagicbrian, created by @one-true-houselight!
Title: Craft Night
Summary: It’s the last Queer Meetup on the moon before Candlenights, and the group is making ornaments! A healthy dose of happy queer people, a good splash of gentle ribbing, and a smattering of angst. Enjoy, and Happy Candlenights!
Magnus put a pile of meatballs on his plate before going to sit down across from Taako. Taako looked at the plate and snorted. “Think you have enough meatballs, Magnus?”
“Well, I was planning on sharing-” Before Magnus could finish, both Carey and Killian cheered and reached over and grabbed meatballs off his plate.
“Hey, throw me one,” Avi called from next to Taako. Carey grabbed another meatball and tossed it to him.
Taako huffed before saying, “Hey y’all, could we make a concerted effort to not throw saucy projectiles while we’re working on art?” He grabbed a napkin from the pile on the table and made a tent for his ornament with exaggerated annoyance.
Johann walked over from the food table and leaned over Taako’s shoulder. “Taako, you’re a wizard.”
“And?”
“You could clean it with magic.”
“Spell slots, my good man-”
“Isn’t the cleaning one a cantrip?” Taako glared as Avi tried (and failed) to look innocent. While maintaining eye contact, the wizard reached across the table, grabbed a meatball, and threw it at Avi, who caught it with ease and ate it while laughing. The others, including Taako, joined in. As they quieted down, Johann sat next to Avi and grabbed a paper plate.
The six friends sat in the middle of a long table with crafting supplies that were once neatly laid out down its entirety. The other members of the Bureau of Balance’s Queer Meetup sat on both sides of the group, laughing and working with the paint, markers, and other tools. The activity of the night was making ornaments for the fast-approaching Candlenights.
While everyone else started shaping their paper plates, Magnus reached into his pocket and grabbed a piece of wood that had clearly been made to be the base of his ornament. Carey looked over as Magnus reached for paint. “Man, that looks awesome! I wish I could work with wood like that.”
Magnus smiled as he mixed some paint on a piece of paper. “Thanks! It’s a labor of love.” He carefully took a thin brush and started to outline a bear’s head on the wood in purple.
“When did you get started with carpentry, Magnus?” Avi asked asked as he traced a cannon onto his plate.
“Well, I worked with a carpenter back in Raven’s Roost…” Magnus’ voice trailed off.
Avi’s eyes widened at Magnus’ hesitance, saying, “Oh shit man, I didn’t mean to bring that up-”
Magnus cut him off. “No, no, it’s fine. It’s not that, it’s… that’s the last time I really remembered learning carpentry, but I went into that job with base knowledge.” He shrugged. “I guess I just picked it up as I grew up.”
Everyone went back to work on their ornaments in silence for a few moments, letting the tension ease out of the space. Killian finished cutting out a heart, then handed it to Carey to cut in half to create their bases. Taako looked over at Magnus’ ornament. “Oh my god, you’re doing a bear. How did I forget to do our race animals?” He looked down at his ornament, a swirly rainbow pattern he had enchanted to sparkle. “How can I add in the noble mongoose?” The others chuckled as he grabbed a piece of paper and tried to draw the animal on it.
One of the guards further down the table perked up at the mention of the race. “I don’t think I’ve seen you guys since the race! That was so cool!” Magnus turned excitedly to them and started chatting about the race as he filled in detail on the bear.
“Well, of course we all know the most important player in that race.” Taako paused for dramatic effect. “Garyl.”
Avi and Johann, who had been thoroughly filled in on the race when the three reclaimers had returned, turned to have their own conversation as battlewagon talk swept over the whole table.
“Are you really making a cannon ornament, Avi?”
“Well, yeah! I putting it on the cannon, after all.”
Johann laughed. “Not on your, you know, Candlenights bush?”
“Nah, I want to spruce up the ol’ pea shooter,” Avi said with a smile. Johann watched as he seemed to trace something being shot from the cannon.
“That doesn’t look like a transport ball.”
“That’s because it’s not.” When Avi didn’t elaborate, Johann raised an eyebrow, much to Avi’s delight. “You’ll see when it’s done.”
Johann couldn’t help but laugh; Avi was a delightful person, and Johann was glad to be his friend, and to get to laugh at his jokes, and to talk to him about music, and…
“What are you doing? That’s a lot of black and grey, buddy.” Avi’s question snapped Johann out of his thoughts. Thoughts he should really dissect, but not tonight.
“I’m just doing the more neutral colors first, then adding the colors later. See, this is gonna be the ace and aro flags fading into a music staff, and I’m trying to draw a violin over here.” Johann pointed out the elements on his half painted ornament as Avi nodded. 
“Music staff’s what the notes go on, right?” Johann had been teaching Avi a little more about music; Avi not only wanted to be a little more musically inclined, but it meant he got to see the bard more often. Johann tended to be on the more subdued side, but when he talked about music, his eyes lit up. Avi loved it when that happened.
Avi’s thoughts drifted as Johann nodded happily, but they were brought to a halt as he looked at where Johann had indicated the ace flag was going. “Hey, uh, Johann?”
“Yeah?”
“I think you did the ace flag backwards,” Avi said while pointing at the ornament.
Johann’s eyes widened. “You’re kidding. I thought the black was on the bottom.” Avi shook his head. “Well, fuck.” He started laughing, and Avi joined in.
“I mean, you can just say it’s an artistic interpretation,” Avi joked through giggling.
“The most important rule of any artist!” Johann said with a smile, “Everything was intentional, even mistakes!” They both cracked up and continued decorating their ornaments.
“How’s your mongoose coming, Taako?” Race talk had died down significantly and everyone had gone back to quietly talking and decorating.
“Fantastically, my good man.” Taako held up the mongoose, which he was just cutting out. “It looks like it could come alive in my hands.”
“If that came alive in your hand, I’d run away screaming,” said Killian, who looked over from where she was drawing something colorful onto her half of the heart.
“Well of course you would, mongeese are formidable creatures!” Taako jokingly made the paper animal walk up to Killian and growl.
“Is it mongeese?” Carey asked with a frown.
“It sounds better than mongooses,” reasoned Magnus.
“But maybe it’s like moose, where it’s both singular and plural?”
“Carey, my dear,” Taako said, “I see your point, but how could you try to deprive the world of the joy that comes from the word mongeese?”
Carey cackled. “Fair enough, my dude.”
Taako grabbed the glue and looked over at Magnus, who had finished his bear and was adding in the colors of the trans and bi flags. For some reason as he looked at the former, he felt a tug at the back of his mind. Magnus looked up to see Taako staring at his ornament with an inscrutable look.
“You ok, Taako?” Taako seemed to shake himself back to reality.
“Yeah, yeah. It’s…nothing. Just my brain being weird.”
“Alright.” Magnus smiled. “Hey, our new digs have room for more decorations. Think Garfield sells pride flags?” Taako grinned.
“I bet he does! Or maybe he could order some.” Taako turned to Carey and Killian. “Hey, does Fantasy Costco sell pride stuff?”
“FANTASY COSTCO, WHERE ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE!” Magnus suddenly yelled, making Taako wince. Carey, Killian, and some people from other parts of the table joined in for “GOT A DEAL FOR YOOOOOOU!” as Taako put his head in his hands.
“That jingle will kill me. I will die.”
Killian laughed, saying, “To actually answer your question, Taako, Fantas-”
“Don’t say it, he’ll sing again.”
“Ok, Garfield’s store does has some general stuff, and he’s said in the past he’d order things for people if they wanted something specific.”
“Yeah,” Johann piped up, “he’s ordering me some ace stuff. I’m getting socks!”
“Fantastic,” Taako said with a grin. “Our apartment will be popping.” He finished glueing his mongoose to his ornament, then held it up to show it off. The original sparkly rainbows worked surprisingly well as a background for the furry addition. He grinned at the chorus of oohs. “Thank you, thank you. Now, I would of course be willing to provide my expert advice to you all if you so desire.”
Johann and Avi had been chatting about Bureau business as they decorated, but a natural silence had fallen for the past couple of minutes. Avi looked over at Johann, who seemed to be staring into space. “Your ornament looks good, Johann.” Johann looked over at Avi and smiled before looking at his ornament. The flags and music staffs were finished, and he was almost done with the detailing on the violin.
“Thanks. I still can’t believe I got the flag wrong,” Johann said with a chuckle. “I guess I only found it recently, so it makes sense I would mess up.”
“Yeah,” Avi said, “yours isn’t like mine, where we get taught the order in school. ROY G BV!” Johann laughed and continued painting. He felt calm, but more of a happy calm than normal. Not that he was normally sad, but normally he was more…neutral, he supposed. His job sometimes got a little mundane when he wasn’t having to make the world forget him…he shook himself out of that. Dwelling on that fact wasn’t healthy.
“I’m glad you did find it though.” Avi’s suddenly serious tone brought Johann back.
“Found what?”
“Your flags. Everyone should get to be themselves, and get to celebrate it.” Johann smiled. While being asexual or aromantic wasn’t looked down upon or anything, it was still not as well known as other identities. Hell, he hadn’t heard of it until a few months ago, when he was hanging out with Avi.
Avi and Johann were laying on the quad, giggling and passing a flask between them. It was a late evening in spring, the slight chill in the air warded off by the flask’s contents.
“Hey Johann,” Avi whispered, “you ever have a girl? Or a guy? Or someone else?”
“Not really.” Johann spoke in what he clearly thought was also a whisper, saying, “I never really clicked with anyone, I guess.”
“Really? Man, whoever you like is really missing out.” Avi immediately blushed, but Johann didn’t seem to react to the comment, instead getting lost in thought.
“Whoever I like. Right. Here’s the thing…” Avi pushed himself into a sitting position to look at Johann. The bard had never mentioned his sexuality in the past, but had laughed at Avi’s near-constant gay jokes (mostly variations on “I can shoot this cannon straight, but that’s the only straight thing I can do!”), so Avi had always assumed he was queer in some way, but…
“I don’t know, man. I…when I think about relationships, I can see myself with anyone…kind of? But it’s not like I see someone and go ‘yeah, I want to do things with you!’, it’s more, like, I want to hang with people and talk but…I don’t know, I’m not making sense.” Johann finally looked up at Avi. Avi was surprised to see fear in his eyes.
“Hey, no, it’s fine. What you’re describing, I have friends like that.”
Johann’s eyes widened, and voice lost all pretense of whispering. “Wait, really?”
“Yeah, it sounds like you’re ace. Maybe aro too.” Johann sat up and listened intently as Avi explained that yeah, some people don’t experience attraction, and he felt like a weight was lifting off his shoulders he never knew was there. As Avi finished, Johann felt like pieces were falling into place around him, and it was wonderful, but it was also so much-
“Hey, you ok?” Johann shrugged? “Want a hug?” The bard nodded. “Bring it in, my guy.” And the two sat next to each other, embracing, as Johann processed that there were words for him, that he wasn’t just off, wasn’t just missing something. It was a while before Avi spoke again.
“If you want, we could call some of my friends and you could talk to them too.”
“That would be great,” Johann said into Avi’s shoulder. He laughed. “But maybe not now. It’s like…” He tried to check his watch, but found it wasn’t on his wrist. “Shit, it’s, um,” he floundered before staring intently at the sky.
“Shit, dude, can you tell the time by the stars?”
After a long pause, Johann responded. “No.” Avi started laughing. “But I thought I’d try, I guess? Fuck. Well, it’s late, and I’m drunk and having life changing revelations. We can call them tomorrow. Tomorrow?”
“We should be able to do that.”
“Thank you, Avi.” Avi squeezed his shoulder, not trusting himself to speak as tears streamed down his face.
Magnus smiled as he carefully finished writing ‘Happy Candlenights!’ on a light grey ribbon. He checked his ornament’s paint to find it was still tacky, so he set the ribbon down and started to look at the other’s creations. Carey was detailing a line of rainbow daggers through the center of her half-heart, separating the words ‘Happy’ and ‘Candlenights’ written in a swirly hand. Killian was drawing simple ducks along the border of her ornament. She seemed to be letting a rainbow lollipop dry in the center.
From his angle, Magnus couldn’t quite see Avi’s or Johann’s, but figured they would show them off eventually. He sat back and gave a contented sigh. Taako looked up. “Everything ok, big guy?”
“Oh yeah,” Magnus assured, “I’m just happy. I haven’t been in one place long enough to be part of a Queer group in a while, and I’m just glad to be here with all of you.” He smiled at everyone as he continued, “I don’t know if I realized how much I missed having something like this. It’s…” He paused, trying to find the words. Finally, he simply said, “It’s hard to describe. Sorry for being sappy.”
“Nah, don’t apologize Magnus. This is a really positive space, and I’m glad you’re feeling it,” Killian said with a smile. She reached over and grabbed Magnus’ shoulder reassuringly. Across the table, Taako tried to wipe his eyes without people noticing. It didn’t work, and Carey passed him a clean napkin.
“I’m fine, really,” he said as he wiped his eyes again and Carey held his free hand, “Magnus just had to go and be emotional.” Everyone chuckled before Taako continued, “But, yeah. I, uh…didn’t exactly cultivate companionship as well as one might hope, before this. And it’s nice. It’s like it fills a hole I didn’t even know was there.” And Taako felt that peculiar sadness he sometimes got, but he also felt a peace, looking at the faces around him. “And as much as I love all my friends I have, there’s something about hanging out with people like me, at least every so often, that’s important.”
By this point, Avi and Johann had looked up and were nodding at what Taako had said. The six reached out and held the others-hands, shoulders, whatever they could reach-and smiled at each other, not really doing much about the tears running down their faces. After a bit, they mostly untangled themselves, and Avi spoke up.
“Hey, I need people who will appreciate my gay jokes!” As everyone laughed, he held up his ornament, which depicted the cannon. But instead of shooting out a transport ball, it was shooting out a rainbow flag. “See, it can’t even shoot straight!”
The whole table laughed harder. Everyone started showing off their completed ornaments as Magnus carefully glued his ‘Happy Candlenights’ ribbon above the bear on his own. Once they had all sufficiently appreciated their friends’ art, they all started helping clean up the table, stacking unused supplies to be put away, throwing away dirty paper, and washing paint brushes. Soon, the room was clear and people started plating leftovers to take home. The six friends waved goodbye and wandered back to their beds, ready to sleep. Their ornaments hung on their bushes (besides Avi’s, which hung off the main cannon), a testament to who they were and who they loved.
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dev-hub4fixfict-ut · 7 years
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Know & Determinate: II- the surface and a lame witch; chap 1
/racism, /hate crime, /physical assault, /alcohol, /c slur, /unsanitary, /witchcraft, /panic attack, bad writing. like, really bad. i wrote this when i was in a bs brainspace in highschool to cope.
a self-insert fanfiction where i write what happens after my runs of undertale. written in google docs and idk what im doing. Frisk is 12, use they/them, has a bullshit life, Chara also uses they/them, and is still here, and never meant for all this to happen, they hate each other, and Sans is still, and forever will be, a mess.
_________
here we go with that stuff !! im pumped enough to not collapse of stage anxiety ah ah.
please do not confuse my complicated style for pretentiousness. im but a wordy insecure fool. with a super touchy soft spot for a small fat skeleton. and lots of imagination.
this isn’t something for fontcest and frans shippers and gross ppl who villainize and misgender kids and call gay couples “hawt sin” tho. u guys are uglies and i hate you, go away. ;U
_________
“Sans” i deadpanned.
He perked up a little, his forever-fucking-smiling expression mirroring my tone -with his eyes. Eyes’ sockets. Those were the only hints of what he was actually thinking. Because his fake smile -fake, i’m so sure of it, so fake smile, it only ever dropped when Frisk’s puppeted body struck him down, the very only moment he stopped- wow getting sidetracked. Anyway.
“Sans.” i repeated. i need to repeat myself a lot. Verbal dyspraxia i think. He didn’t seem to know that and squinted a bit more, indication of his annoyance/suspicion/mistrust/wariness. ‘s what his squinting usually means, directed at me. Can’t blame him. “i…” Truth is, i don’t actually know what to tell him. ‘s just. i love him, and i know it sounds crass and misplaced blurted out like this, but as a consequence, i’m worried about him. A lot. Constantly. i hope bpd isn’t blurring my judgement too much. ‘m not sure he does take care of himself as well as he deserve. And look who’s talking, right ? But he is surrounded by loving friends and family. And has his brother. He could get help. Good help.
Damn my hesitance was making him unnerved. I could see it in how he turned to me, bone hands switching in and out of his pockets. I only hugged myself tighter, hands vaguely gesturing.
“i… Could i offer you to crash on my couch sometimes ? Or bed even, i don’t use mine a lot, actually. Since it’s, y’know, closer to a good part of your odd jobs than your house and Papyrus isn’t home then ?” Dang that was weirder out loud. i kept a blank face to show i was serious. i was- the guy looked even more tired than me. Tells something.
“uh. kid, you got something going in the back of your mind ?” Damn he took me too seriously. Squinting hard at me now, he was the perfect studied statue of calm judgement. Damn he was good at those.
“Well, safe from letting you get a good deserved rest more easily, not much !!” i made sure to answer jovially, doing the whole ‘punching the air round and low in excitement’ thing. We could be two playing the happy clown game.
i had found him at Grillby’s, like usual. his food was getting cold. like usual too. what was less usual was the tense manner he held himself when i came in, and how he “straightened” up, like he had forgotten himself, when i greeted him, pat on the shoulder. he would have flinched but he wouldn’t have wanted me onto him about it. so his eye socket had violently twitched -violently as in, noticeably, by his standards, and...uh lost myself again, fuck.
What i mean is that he was having a harsh day, probably after a harsher even night, his ptsd acting up (‘m not supposed to know ‘bout that. He himself doesn’t even know it. i just read. and relate), and i wanted to help him. now, maybe i had been presumptuous thinking i could…
So that’s why i insisted, vigorously,
“And uh-we can watch some trash movies and stuff, anytime, and like you can just stop by during your in-between shifts, even if i’m not home, i’ll give you a spare key and-” sudden stop. oh no. He gave me The Hand.
He indeed did, holding it up, like he wanted me to slow down. i did, obviously, but uh. did that mean i was overwhelming him, or annoying ? Was there a difference ?? Did it matter ???
Not now, because he was talking, and internal anxiety mini attack made me split focus, and i wanted full focus on what he said, on him.
“look kid,” i hate he calls me that “i appreciate whatchu tryin to do here” meh.liar. spill it. “but i can’t accept. paps would be upset if he knew i was squatting-”
“No he wouldn’t !! He would call it ‘GREAT FRIENDLY HANGOUTS OF REST’ and be very happy we uuh spend time together and stuff-”
“ok” glaring at me now, probably pissed i used his bro’s good nature to shot down his excuse. Heh. Two play at that game. “but here’s the thing.” he advanced himself up to me, nearly out of his seat. i held my ground. uh oh. “we a r e n’t f r i e n d s.”
Ouch. i mean i knew this but. Ouch. His eyes hadn’t blacked out on that last part, but nearly, too. Could be that his already hazy eyelights had just dimmed in exasperation but um. That didn’t feel any better. i gulped. Just a little. Just to keep down the new forming clog in my throat. Just a little one. i knew this.
“i know this !! but look, we could be, if we hanged out !” i didn’t dare say more. My eyes stung a lil bit too much for my liking and while never embarrassed by my tears, didn’t want to embarrass him.
‘s not like i was seriously hurt. i knew where we stood, and that my crush was going to stay that, a crush. what really stung was the utter lack of trust and the hatred-like suspicion he had of me. that and also feeling like i’m watching someone drown, but can’t help, because when i reach out they swat me away in fear i would be the one pushing them further. That’s probably more of my saviour complex dramatizing everything, but it’s bad to be helpless when you know someone, and you’re the only one to notice where they’re headed, because they’re great at pretending, but it’s like looking at yourself in a mirror for you. Get me ?
But. That’s fair. We hadn’t started well off. At all. Oh boy we hadn’t…
___
Seems like now would be a good time to make a small recap, uh ? ‘bout how i ended up knowing that dude, falling in love, analysing his mental shit and all that jazz. Yeah.
me, some lame girl who won’t eat for days and forgo sleep just because, who doesn’t shave but my actual hair, doesn’t do makeup, who doesn’t smile when I’m told to and who grins for no apparent reason whenever a new daydream pops up, because i’m kind of stuck in my own head because it’s better in here. because of… trauma crap. i get by by drawing and playing games where i can just save everyone.
i don’t know if you get what i mean. i sorta hope you don’t. Because it hurts. But at the same time it’d be awesome if you did, because y a y let’s relate about crap !
Don’t know if it matters, too.
Could help to get a few friends. But being  an asocial, asexual, kinda aromantic mess kinda throws that out of the window. You’d think so many A would get me higher in life eh heh heh heh heeeeeh… not funny. i’m not funny. My life is not funny. The way i react to it can be, though.
Like, that one time i was hanging out on my own, outside the bar i had first entered with classmates, as i tried to be less of a hermit, in a bar street and fled because i can't stand alcoholic jerks, and then saw this crowd of tough guys ejecting a small and stout person in a blue hoodie from said bar by fucking throwing a chair at them through the fucking window, and seeing that this little dude is a monster, and knowing they’re gonna get busted down to a puddle of dust by the mastodont looming over them if nobody intervenes ?
i reacted funny.
---
“Yoo-ou ffffffuking cunt, I-I’m gon’ mash you to the dirt yo motha shitted after getting fucked by yooour d-d-dog of a oold man-”
As he spits the words, an obviously very drunk dude stumbles closer and closer to the monster, his hands shaking like he wants to grip their head and smash it.
Freak it. This son of a bitch may be slurring like he drank the whole city, but he’s for sure all out to kill him ! Get up and run, little dude !
“c’mon man, “fucking cunt” , fun king or earl, it’s still a bit early to speak ‘bout mothers isn’t it?”
[i recognize him]
Pfft- what ? i snort loudly from my spot.
Okay, this is a gloriously  bad, stretched pun -but now is not the time for goodness’ sake ! Run, dude, run -wait, is that a skeleton ?!
[i recognize him]
Oh my fuck, how dumb is that dude, going out in a popular bar at what-the-heck-hours in this stupid city ! There were shootings and assassination attempts on the monster gym leader not even two blocks away yesterday ! And you just go in there with a face that screams “LOOK AT ME” ?! Are you stupid or do you just lack of basic preservation instincts ?!
The brute keeps advancing, spouting shit, a sort of gang backing him up, toward mc comicbonedude, a guy i assume, given the voice, but with monsters you never know, gender’s a myth but not them- who’s still on the ground, backtracking, crawling with a grin it didn’t drop the whole time, is it stuck or something and doesn’t look like getting up holy crap he can’t get up, the more hatred a monster is confronted with the hardest it hits he must be low on hp or something he’s gonna get killed
[i recognize him]
mc comicbonedude cracks another joke or is it his ribs cracking under the viscious kick he just got he’s thrown nearer the spot i’m chilling in. Another kick. Nearer. They can't see me, i’m well hidden in the shadows. Another kick.
This time, mc comicbonedude gags out a pun about sole-ution to the problem being-
FUCK OFF!! a gun is being drawn out.
Screw this i’m not witnessing a murder, fucking racists fucking xenophobics fucking city full of fucking shitheads there are other people around here why isn’t anyone but i don’t want to die either that's how it is, eli, always strive for yourself.
i get up fast and sprint to the monster, screaming about cops and a monster attack and insults, anything to spark a bit of panic, deck a scrawny fucker the one who.was.going.to.shoot.him. and aim for the skeleton, who yells.
[i recognize him]
i grab him by the hood and run in some narrower streets, hearing yells after me, and the anxiety is building up a little too much for my usual adrenaline numbing spell to work-
i trip on some trash and my own feet -same difference, fall over, roll, get up that’s how you do it eli, hit and roll, but back on your feet. And keep running, holding the monster close to my chest he’s warm that means he’s still alive and ok, right, left, dodge the you whore you bitch get back here you bitch and the bullets yup i’m good at thiiiiiiis- a bullet still grazes my ankle, I stumble, nearly faceplant, and it hurts but like a sting and I’m still alive. The adrenaline keeps pumping and i feel so light, i sprint into a shabby alley, panting like a dog, i think i’m crying, and drool is mixing with it. i can feel the headache coming, and mc comicbonedude is heavy enough to slip in my arms why won’t he move ? Is he dead ? Is he in shock ?
[i recognize him]
i run to a staircase, you know, the rusty and slippery metal kind outside buildings for fire escape ? Exactly what i need, as the assholes keep firing at me, huh. I climb, to the top, jump to the next building am i really doing this as me for real and run. i don’t know if they’re still after us, my ears won’t stop ringing, and i can’t tell it apart from sirens. I’m on a four stories building running to save a skeleton who
who starts emitting blue and yellow light and what the hell is happening why am i floating holy fuck i’m two inches away to be totally out of not-looking-near-enough-at-all- concrete to fall on.
[i recognize him]
[*focus insufficient]
[*procedure fails]
He’s silent. Sprawled two meters away from where I’m hanging
h-how did i
Looking exhausted and furious, like a cornered dog who has already taken on a tiger in the past, and from his left pupil there’s a cyan blue and yellow flame ? crackling, or bubbling ? or is it just flashing. can’t tell eyes too blurry. and dark blue is surrounding me at my sternum is that monster magic it’s beautiful, did i get headshot i can’t thing straight no. i can’t breath. It’s holding me in place. i can’t breath properly. i try to call out for him, he’s just overreacting in an understandable alarm but
please don’t crunchy crush the goofy girl on the cracking hard ground but when I try, I look at his eyes. One is glowing a fiery but disturbed cyan and yellow, with shards of red here and there, and the other is blank dead. Black. i’m terrified. He pants and that’s the only sound for a while. He’s alive. Good. Am i going to still be alive after this ?
“DON’T DROP ME DON’T WANNA DIE DON’T KILL ME OKAY IT'S THE LAST TIME I’M HELPING OUT ANYONE I PROMISE I’M SORRY PLEASE DON’T KILL ME. DUDE PLEASE.”
“wha- ghh- !” He flinches like waking up. He lets go- lets go of meeee-
“AAAAAAAAAH NO !” He gasps and grasps again. i only slipped a meter into nothingness “Oh please please please i really don’t wanna die, and not falling, it looks like suicide i don’t do that i managed not to so don’t spoil it all ok i-”
“what- kid no stop r-”
“SO SORRY DON’T KILL ME DON’T-”
“ kiiiid please” he’s clutching at his skull now.
“PLEASE D-”
“shut. up”
Ok. Not talking.
Whimpering and sobbing a bit, but he better take this because i’m having an anxiety attack and it will escalate into a hyperventilation fit if he doesn't lower me on the ground and I can't calm down.
“Please don’t kill me.” blurts out anyway of my gritted teeth.
A white light bulb alights in his empty eyes socket, and the glow in the other dims. Could he not see me before ? Hey, is that a crack across his skull ? Augh that looks like it s t i n g s.
“ H-hey, there. You- ah, fffuck this hurts. You okay ?” i try.
Nothing. He stares at me, as if watching out for something. I can feel the power around me wavering. He needs to come to his senses before I go kiss the dirt.
“P-please don’t leave me hanging.” He snorts, but keeps scrutinizing me, shaking. ‘s like he’s half understanding the pun, half not there. Silent.
“Woah, that was bad, even for me; guess i’m just that high.” i attempt a feeble finger gun.
He holds back a laugh “pffft- what the hell, kid- oh fuck.” He starts, realizing what i’m hinting at. He drags me back to the ground. i still can't move, but breathing is easier. i whimper again -heck i’m surprised i didn't piss myself- and draw out a looong sigh.
Now we stare at each other awkwardly is not strong enough to cut it. And i observe, that i m may be sweaty, tired and teary, but he looks bad.
His skull is definitely cracked across his left eye, he won’t stop shaking, sweats profusely and seems to have troubles breathing so monsters skeletons breathe and pant. Ok. Do they cry too ? Cuz that weird red stuff oozing from his damaged eye doesn’t look like tears but that can’t be blood… right ?
He looks horrible, if only physically. But the way his eyes sway, with this grin I can’t find the reason for, it worries me more. Is he ... having an episode, or something ? i mean he could be and be totally inoffensive, but ? Was he the one attacking first back at the bar ? is he really having an episode of some sort ? i’m not too nice when i’m having an episode either.
Should i cry for help ? i can't budge from his grasp.
And i know i shouldn’t but i’m feeling an attack coming up- the restraint is triggering my ptsd ridden ass…..
Let me go y-you there c’mon i can’t take this not my shit nuh uh lemme go lemme go lemme go
“ lemme go…” woah not pathetic at all. “Let me go.” no reaction, try again “LET M-” i can’t move my mouth.
The pressure fucktupled, and it’s like my lungs and my muscles are being crushed.
“ok buddy, pal, chum, whoever you are, what the fuck ?”
i can’t answer you, you dumbfuck you just muted me
“i mean, nice save and all. thanks i guess. but who the heck and what on earth are you up to ?” both of his eyes went black oh my god what did i do to your highness Hecate like seriously now how did i end in such a mess.
“H-how about we both calm down first, and talk next ?” i seem to break through the mute. ok good, deep breaths, count backward from ninety to zero, relax, we’re both freaking out, he’s as spooked as you-which is funny cuz he’s the skeleton- focus on breathing.
Still no answer. “Look, i, i get it, bad freak out, i interrupted you back there, i get you’re fucked up-” nothing but his eyes narrowing “ but i’m cool. Swear i am. i’m cold and m’name is uidelsib. you can call me sib ! Cool enough ?”
i extend my hand, ready to give him a strong good ole handshake, but he doesn’t take up on it.
Instead he stays frozen, “Not cool, dude,” hand still extended, but lowered, as if he could grab me again “ r e a l l y not cool,” i insist, and his bones are, he’s. shaking ? Yeah. Shivering violently, like he’s super cold too, which is pretty normal given he’s what. Up with me on a high building, one, two hundred meters in the sky, exposed to the icy wind ? Figures.
His bones are making this clattering clickety sound, stresses me out damn. He’s studying me. But it’s also like he can’t focus. Shivering too much. Shock, probably. His eye socket’s still oozing that red shit. Not thick enough to be blood, and too scarletish, but what do i know ‘bout monsters.
[oh, what do i don’t]
He takes a step toward me.
“ not fucking cool, not in the least-” i let out, jaw still clenched.
His bones rattles one last time, on the cement ground. His knees buckled under him the next moment he moved. His arms couldn’t support him.
i approach him, concerned. Once the pursuit’s adrenaline and the near death experience done with, my mind is settling, and i can think more clearly. He, on the other hand…
He stirs as i come closer. Tries to growl something i can’t decipher, but it comes out as a whimper, pained. My heart constricts in my ribs. Fuck, i hadn’t meant shit to go down like that. i seem to have a talent to fuck up, but i only wanted to help.
i tell him that. He grunts, doesn’t acknowledges me further, and quivers as he tries to stand up. He can’t though. I see it from where i am, he shakes enough to make a dr.pepper bursts.
i snort at the image, a skeleton shaking a bottle fixed on his spine, then flies away with the pressure- w o w i’m gone far. Need a bed. Asap. Concentrate on the situation at hand.
He, though, doesn’t react well to my laughter. He immediately stiffens, and
goes slack. Unmoving on the ground. He fainted ? i go on a hunch and inch closer, on the tip of my toes, hunched over myself, because i can’t tell if he’s dead or if i’m going to be.
[i recogni-- --- [REDACTED]]
i shake my head furiously. i can’t let those thoughts take my attention away from what’s taking place here and now.
i’m close enough now. something like a meter away, i can see him still shivering, and hear him rasp some breaths out. So he can breathe-
[i knew tha- [REDACTED]]
Not Now. i need to focus, i got a seemingly dying monster mere steps away from me.
i crouch down, slowly. My leg muscles burn enough i’m trembling too and i’m pretty sure my teeth are chattering, the noise mingling with his bones against the asphalt.
He’s still face down, arms limp on his sides, and i spy his eyelights peeking at me, way less sharp than when he had me pinned in the air just. one minute ago ?
i creep closer, he tenses, i stop.
“You’re ok.” i whisper. “We’re ok and we’re leaving.” i try to keep my voice from wavering but meh. ‘s not like there’s much face to save, for both of us.
i reach my hand toward him. He doesn’t move. i put it on his back, barely pressing, he tenses. And then disappears with a ping.
[ (*did you think i was going to stay here and t--- -- -) [REDACTED]]
NOT NOW I SAID. GE E. WHERE DID HE Go ?
He’s back right where he was. He basically just blinked in and out of existence. And he’s looking even more exhausted, if that’s possible, sweating bullets and heaving noisily, before he quiets himself. He’s also glaring at me, but meekly, and i’m not too scared anymore to be honest. He looks more frustrated than anything, although i can guess he’s actually scared to death. HAH.
“Hey you’re ok, i said, i just. Need to get us somewhere safe. Yeah. Not here.” i croak out. i’m starting to feel the freezing wind more, too. i can’t afford to stall and give him time to think. i can still hear the sirens. They’re looking for someone. And i don’t want the police on my back, even if i didn’t do anything reprehensible in the end.
So i slide my hands under him, still making sure i don’t touch any possible sensitive areas, and decide to go for the armpits, and hey i might get a tickle out of him ! ...ahah no. As i try to heave him up on his… surprisingly tiny feet ? did he lose his shoes or. Whatever. He just stays as silent as he is limp. And boy is he limp as a rock. Not quite as heavy though, good.
“You’re lighter than you look-” might as well try to make some conversation “and uh, can you walk ?” Or at least i can try to fill the heavy silence. Let’s just forget the “tried to kill you” thing. We’re both in deep crap anyway, and i can understand having baggage.
He really won’t walk though. He barely makes a sound too. If i hadn’t heard him sooner i’d think he can’t talk or something. i barely get a grunt out of him as i put him on my hip, which isn’t hard given he’s like. Half my size. Fun sized boney menace.
And i begin to trudge down the stairs- not the ones i came from, i don’t want to get caught if the cops are back there and it’s too far anyways. i want a bed. Now. A lone pillow would do.
He doesn’t seem much different, dangling on my side barely sparing me a glare as i look down at him, checking if he’s not dusting yet. He stopped “bleeding” at least. He still got that nasty huge scar.
i can feel him staring when i’m not looking. He’s still wary. Probably only lets me pull this only because he can’t not. Heh, at least he doesn’t seem to mind that i’m carrying him like you’d do a toddler. i just, need my other arm to grip and grab at the staircase bars when i slip.
Nah he looks more disgusted to be touching me than anything. Everytimes we get into more contact, because i’m bumping a wall or stumbling on my own feet again, i can distinctly feel him shudder, and try to get away. It’s just a little distracting, and unbalancing, and a lil tidbit hurtful. But i can’t blame him. i’d be throwing a fucking fuss and dishing fists if our places switched.
At least it’s relatively calm. We didn’t meet anyone, maybe a few rats rummaging garbage, and some monsters hurrying home, Whimsuns i think ? No one that paid us any mind at least.
So we’re still walking slowly when rain hits us hard, and nearly sends me on my ass. Doesn’t help the shivering, but now it’ll clean the streets out for sure. It’s something past midnight, i don’t wanna find anyone out at this hour.
But i’d kinda appreciate finding my way to somewhere because
“Aaaaaaaaaaa a h ahhh i got no idea the fuck i’m g-going…” Ah fuck. i said that out loud. And now my passenger's giving me his best ‘are u fuckin kiddin me’ stare. He’s. Very unamused.
“L-look, this isn’t, this isn’t my part of the city, okay?? i’m- i’m tryin’ to g-get us to the monster neighbourhoods, but i don’t know the fuck where it is, alright ?!” My tone escalates with my pitch, and i nearly slip again as he flinches away from me. Damn it, not helping eli, still in an episode or something. Don’t yell.
“Y-y-yeeah okay, look. ‘m sorry i cried but i’m in shock and still lost, kay? S-so maybe help or som’thin’ ?” Indications would help yeah. And now he’s listening, he’s also less shaky and putting his weight on me in a way that hinders our progression less. Good.
He nods. Good.
“Good. Gooood good good good.” i’m on autopilot now, following the skeleton’s grunted directions. i take a few wrong turns every now and then, but what can you do with nonverbal advice, and we end up in a part of the city i recognize, because i’ve seen it on tv and wanted to come look around anyway.
The gym stadium. A big building, at least big for a monster building, given the prices get surprisingly higher when they’re buying, stylized like a Japanese dojo, with anime advertisement posters (whether for the dojo or the animes i got no ideas) on the walls and- oh my gosh are those- fish, dolphin, shark and starfish stickers on the windows.
“Perfect !” i half yell, significantly lighting up. Mc comicbonedude looks at me like i’ve grown a second head, and i give him a big manic smile, obviously stressed out. My right eye might be twitching a little too. Does that when i’m under pressure. He decides to go back to slumping against me and questioning his life choices, and i take that as an ‘okay GO’ to proceed with my genius only just made up plan.
i march up quickly, -i want this DONE WITH. NEXT TIME i GO ON AN IMPROMPTU RESCUE MISSION I’M TAKING MY LEAD UMBRELLA AND A CHANGE OF CLOTHING- to the tall doors, who thanks fucking gods are under a porch, that saves us from being drenched anymore, and pound it with all i got.
“OI BLUE WATER GAL ! OPEN UP!!! I KNOW YOU’RE STILL WORKING, YOU ALWAYS BRAG ABOUT NOT SLEEPING AND PROVIDING A 19/24H SERVICE ON TV!!! OPEN UUUPP!! B I T C H! OPEN!!UP!!”
Skeleton is googly eyeing me like the second head i’ve definitely grown started reciting the ten commandments to belzebuth themselves,
[and he’s not too far off]
but i don’t care my dude i am d o n e. If i get welcomed with a fist to the face i don’t give a diggly doogly dang fuck so long i can get inside and lay down. Even on the cold ass tile floor. i’m don-
“OI PUNK, WHAT’S UP WITH THAT RUCKUS ?? YOU TRYING TO PICK A DUEL WITH ME ? CUT IT OUT UNLESS YOU WANT A POUNDING COMPETITION FUFUFUFUFUFUH~ I’M OFFERING THOUGH !”
Ah, right, i’m still hitting that door. Ouch, that’s gonna swell. Oh welp.
But the voice came from...up?
i step backward some, under the rain, ugh, and look up to see, yup, a noodly armed blue fish person with bright scarlet red hair pulled up in a bun, all sweaty, a poor guy in a chokehold, peeking out of the second floor window, taking in the pouring rain with gusto. A gigantic lightning bolt, quickly followed by loud ass thunder, comes to compliment her boisterous apparition, and she grins- smirks? wide locking her single eye on me, the lighting making her golden teeth flash.
She comes down to greet my miserable form fast, not taking the stairs, but jumping out of the window (much more graciously than mc comicbonedude previously), having let go of her victim- sparring partner previously, good gods, and lands at my feet like nobody’s business, to then bolt up, eager to see the intruder to her night sessions.
And Undyne, former Captain of the Royal Guard of Monsterkind Underground, all steel like blue scales, glinting golden slitted eye and sharp mouth, now renowned Master of Fights in her stadium, among monsters and humans even more, already black belt of more martial arts than i know of, and fresh survivor of one of the biggest terrorist hits on monsters yet, is staring me down, from her easy two meters height, like i’m her next meal.
i gulp. i’m so fucked.
i’m so fucked and not just for the fact that i am royally gay and all, but also cuz…
[i recognize her]
[she was so hard to f---- [REDACTED]]
[couldn’t figure out that all we had to do was to run and then ---- -- ------- [REDACTED]]
“Uh ?” Her gaze has finally caught on my now bundled up passenger, who’s shivering in cold rather than fear, on my hip, who only lazily grins a
“sup”
“YO SANS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THIS WIMPY HUMAN AT THIS TIME OF THE NIGHT ?? AND Y’ALL ARE SOAKED !! GET INSIDE, NERDS !!!”
[i know him]
i follow hollowly the orders and get inside, feel a weight leave my side-kinda miss that already, to then feel a big fluffy towel drape over me. Then i sit down. In the hall on the ground, probably. Wooden floor is in my direct line vision. Uh. Thing is well taken care of, all waxed and clear, who would have guessed.
[i know them both. very well actually]
[Chara would be nervously giggling if they were here]
[wonder what they’re up to]
[and Frisk too, obviously]
[what about Flowey though. no idea what the lil shit is up to in pacifist endings]
i’m so f UCK E D.
---
Aaaand that’s how i ended up rocking back and forth in Undyne’s dojo’s main hall for half of the night, muttering about video games and fucking witchcraft gone wrong again and shit fuck damnit, i guess it was denial all along those last two, six months ? And oOH WELP, guess i did cradle like a toddler my fictional crush for the last, what, half hour ? Whoopsies.
Hhhhhhhh
fuck that ink witch status, that was not planned.
___
When i finish my flashback, and it’s been something like six months again since, got to “meet” his super cool great bro, not on his account though, Undyne just had to introduce Papsy to the dweeb that “saved his big brother” and also Asgore, Toriel, for a quick ‘thanks you’, even a small interview with Mettaton, that made a hit on the Undernet, and mingled a bit with monsters- i’m friend with Chesty Brun now (Burgerpants), and Alphys, because we’re following the same mangas-
he’s already gone, burger nearly untouched, ketchup covered fries half eaten and drink finished, and i’m tempted to ask Grillby, who is hovering close behind his bar, fretting a little, in front of my frozen form, if “you’re gon throw that out ? sure i can’t finish ?”  Because it’d be a real shame to let all that delicious grub go to waste. But that’d be creepy as fuck, even moreso taking my feelings for the small dude, and his against me, so i don’t, and he’ll probably feed it to his pet lava rock anyway, so i stop hugging myself and rocking back and forth and go back to my seat, waving him off with a sorry smile, and go back to sullenly sipping my vanilla milkshake.
Can’t blame Sans.
He’s cautious. Understandable.
i know what he’s had to put up with.
[and so do all of you]
[dirty brother killers ?]
[i hope not]
[i really wonder how’s Chara doing…]
AAAAAAAaaaaaaah how do i turn this shit off ?? Let me pretend i’m normal in a normal situation stupid brain thing !!
...ah. screw it. this magic milkshake is fabulous. That’s totally what i’m crying about.
“Don’t worry Grillby.”
_______________
ye don’t worry my dudes. can i call y’all that ? ‘s gender neutral. ‘m a demi girl, and you can call me “my dude”, my dudes. wow what a bull of crap i pulled here, sorry trans girls and enbies
this isn’t beta read cuz i’m on my own and english isn’t my native language, i’m french, so plz forgive mistakes.
i had some drafts lying around my google docs for a year now, mostly about bugging and kissing snas, put them together and thought i’d do an actual Thing with it all. this isn’t good, i know it.
lest to say i have no idea what i’m doing !
and don’t know when this’ll update, it it does. i had the motivation to finish this cuz there was no clients at the restaurant i worked at back in july. blah blah blebs blah. 
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radishsnakes-moved · 7 years
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1) Sorry if I came off as rude or attacking you, that wasn't my intention, but I just think that calling shinoyama 'queerbating' is simply not correct. Yamagi's feelings for Shino were hinted at as soon as in ep 4 of s1, when he outright asked if Shino liked girls - girls specifically (why would he be interested in Shino's orientation if he wasn't intersted in him personally in the romantic sense?), then were made clear in ep. 7 with the heart grab scene and then further reinforced later on, by
2) showing Yamagi's evident disdain/jealousy every time Shino mentions girls etc. It was very obvious from the beginning that Yamagi is gay for Shino, so the only question left was whether Shino would ever find about Yamagi's feelings and reciprocate, to which episodes 45/46 gave us an answer. The 'let's drink till morning, the two of us' WAS, in fact, Shino's explicitly asking Yamagi out romantically. It just couldn't have been anything else in that context, when we know for a fact that Shino
3) does consider going out for drinks, two people only, as romantic (again, the AkiLafter scene in ep. 41, and Shino's 'don't you know what that is? go with her alone'). And then there's Yamagi's reaction - the wide eyes and the 'quit joking around, you don't even know how I feel' (plus his confusion about 'how Shino felt' later on when he talks to Eugene) which made it clear that's exactly the way it felt to Yamagi as well - as a date invitation, except he couldn't know back then that Shino was
4) serious. But Shino WAS serious - the fact that he grabbed Yamagi's hair out of his face to look him straight in the eyes before asking him out was a clear indicator of how serious he was. He wouldn't have given Yamagi false hopes otherwise, while being perfectly aware of Yamagi's feelings for him. And it's not only that, the entirety of Shino's body language towards Yamagi in all their scenes together in ep 45, his fond expressions, the looks and the smiles that we'd never seen on him
5) before that, the gentle tone of his voice, him calling Yamagi scary with evident fondness (it's actually a common motive in anime, to reveal that a manly man may not be afraid of enemies, war etc. but he's always afraid of his spouse), everything about those scenes screamed that Shino knew about Yamagi's feelings even before the big reveal and was totally on board with them. Ep 46 basically confirmed what was already obvious, that in the end, they both had romantic feelings for each other
6) and had Shino not died, they'd have ended up together eventually. They're basically as canon as an IBO couple can get and their not getting a happy ending doesn't make them any less canon (technically there's still a chance Shino could turn out to be alive, as they literally went out of their way to not show us his body). As for the other potentially queerbaiting couples, I don't think that orumika, gaeein or makugae are meant to be interpreted as romantic (even though I ship all three).
7) As for Aston/Takaki, in their case I do interpret them as romantic without a shred of doubt in my mind; after all, there was a canon blushing and Aston promising to protect Takaki and his happiness was a clear-cut romantic trope, and they just seem like your typical Gundam couple, but I guess it was probably too early to establish that explicitly in canon, as Aston was most likely not ready yet to realize what his feelings for Takaki really were. Anyway, they fit into the pattern of s2's
8) policy of killing romantic couples off (followed by Naze/Amida, akilafter and shinoyama, and maybe Mika/Atra/Kudelia in the nearest future). But that's just Gundam for you, to destroy a love before it has a chance to bloom. It doesn't really qualify as queerbaiting to me, as they do this to hetero couples just as much. As for Gundam 00, I don't think that anything has been confirmed when it comes to characters' sexualities and such, but it was easy to figure out from the context. I've seen
9) a post in the general tags listing all the characters considered to be LGBTQA, so, from the top of my head - most of the named innovades are gender-neutral, from what I've gathered, with the exeption of Anew and Ribbons, I guess? The situation with Tieria is more tricky than that, though, as it's been made clear in the show that he identifies as a man, and that's how basically everyone sees and treats him; it's been also said a few times in the show that only men can be Gundam pilots and
10) I think it's about the physical build rather than how someone identifies (thus the theory about Nena Trinity being, in fact , an actual trans-girls; I've read it once on tumblr and it made a lot of sense within the story, but I can't find the post anyomre; I guess the blog has been deactivated), but then the official materias list Tieria as gender-neutral too, so it's really hard to tell, especially given the fact that Tieria has the means to produce spare bodies for himself and probably
11) decide their gender as well? So yeah, the whole situatuon with Tieria is as unclear as it can be, but one thing clear is that he identifies as a man in canon and is canonically in love with another man (Neil) even if he can't classify those feelings yet (as his letter to Lockon would suggest). I think it's safe to say that Lockon is bi; he says something about being nice to women in the show once and he clearly feels something special for Tiera (that even Feldt has noticed) and calls him
12) cute etc. I think it's safe to say Lyle is bi as well, as he literally hits on Tieria in the beginning (only to be immediately shot down, because there's already one Lockon in Tieria's heart). Setsuna is pretty much considered to be asexual (but not necessarily as aromantic, as he clearly feels something for Feldt in the movie). Alejandro Corner is gay; he's explicitly shown to be sleeping with Ribbons in the Special Edition compilation movies. There could be more, but it's hard to remember
13) everything on the spot (I should try to look fot that masterpost in the tags; hope it's still there). As for other Gundam gay couples I personally consider canon, there's Trowa/Quatre from Gundam Wing and Dearka/Yzak from Gundam Seed. Oh God, this turned out so damn long and now I'm feeling bad for bothering you and making you read all this, but those Gundam discussions are always so compelling (hope tumblr doesn't eat any of the messages; I had them saved just in case though).
Don’t worry about it; I’m always happy to discuss Gundam! Admittedly, I don’t get as heavily into Gundam as I’d like to; 00 is my favorite series, but I’ve only seen the main 50 episodes, not the movie(s). As for other Gundam series, I’ve only watched the original, Unicorn, about 1/4 of Wing, a tiny bit of Age and Reco, IBO, BF, BFT, and F91 (IBO and 00 being my favorites of what I’ve watched). I’m going to try and address every point in this, feel free to shoot another message if I miss anything important!
Admittedly, in the beginning I didn’t pay attention to IBO while I was watching. I tend to have a one-track mind when it comes to anime I like, and when I’m obsessed with one, I usually can’t bring myself to care about another, so I didn’t pick up a lot of things.
ShinoYama is, in my opinion, the least queerbaity ship in the entire Gundam franchise; I’d go as far as to say it’s completely canon, and honestly, I feel like it’s the closest we’ve gotten to a gay ship being treated exactly the same as a het ship. Yamagi obviously had romantic feelings for Shino, and Shino didn’t seem to consider it out of the question. Had he survived, I actually think they might have gone canon. Sorry if it came across as me dismissing ShinoYama as queerbaiting; I think they’re the closest we’ll ever get to representation!
It could be me caving to heteronormativity, but I feel like AkiLafter was made more explicit than ShinoYama in the “he’s being asked out on a date” department. It was handled similarly, but I still get a different vibe from it. I could be wrong, though!
Body language and wording are always a part of ships in series like this. And I feel like they were all leaning towards romantic in ShinoYama; they were heavily implied to like each other romantically. But again, it’s always just implied. None of the explicit kissing and “I love you”s that you get with things like Lyle/Anew and Naze/Amida.
I abandoned MakuGae pretty early on once Ein was introduced, so I don’t know a lot about what hints may have been dropped. And Ein and Gaelio weren’t around each other long enough for anything to be solidified. Orga and Mika, however, I feel are at least slightly indicated to have feelings for each other; it may be completely platonic, but there is such a strong emphasis on all the times that they hold hands, if one of them had been female it would have automatically been considered to be canon, even with the MikaKuuAto situation going on; which I could talk about for a long time, but in short, it’s pretty much canon, though with the KuuAto being a bit more subtle than MikaKuu or MikaAto (I am acutely aware of how Kuudelia said she loves Atra, though; that’s not something I can overlook, I’m just comparing it to the explicit MikaKuu kiss and Atra’s request to “have babies with” Mikazuki). MikaKuuAto is an entirely different subject that I’ll save for another post.
Aston and Takaki were very much hinted to be romantic. All the tropes were there, all that was missing was explicit confirmation; and there’s not a doubt in my mind that we would have gotten that had they been a straight couple. My issue with all of this, if you can call it that, is that the het ships are always made more explicit than the gay ones, however “canon” the gay ones may be. The only problem in my mind is that so many het couples have been made concretely canon, while the only gay one we’ve gotten is ShinoYama. And though there’s an equal amount of killing off between them, you’re still left with more living het couples than gay ones. Equal killing of love interests is like the difference between equality and equity; if you take an equal amount from someone with everything and someone with almost nothing, that’s technically “equal”, but the person with less inherently loses so much more than the person with everything.
I admit it’s been a while since I’ve watched 00, so I don’t remember much about it. Nena being trans isn’t something I ever picked up on, so it could have been made more clear. I definitely headcanon most of the Innovades as some form of nonbinary, but I always based “canon” for that around what pronouns are used for the characters; and in all of their cases, it was always he/him or she/her. With Tieria, it was mostly a headcanon spawned from the episode where he crossdressed to infiltrate that party, and how easily the female form and voice came to him; hell, on Wikipedia’s “List of transgender characters in media”, Tieria is listed there. Later in Season 2, though, he’s portrayed as being a cis male, so that somewhat threw my headcanon of him being a trans boy out of the window. I also heavily headcanon Regene and Revive as trans boys, though solely because of their voices. Really, though, the pairs like Regene and Tieria or Anew and Revive; they’ve been stated to share the exact same genes, so in same-gender pairings, neither or both of them are trans, and in different-gender pairings, one of them has to be trans.
I do think it’s implied that Tieria loved Neil, but again, it was never made as painfully explicit as things like Chris and Lichty, Anew and Lyle, Naze and Amida, etc etc. Tieria obviously cared a lot for Neil, and never really got over his death; but I still feel that it was never made as clear as those other ships whether the feelings were platonic or romantic.
As I never saw the movies, I didn’t know about the thing with Alejandro and Ribbons; if that’s a thing that happened, then I definitely have to see the movies. And though I never fully watched Wing, I did pick up on something between Trowa and Quatre, but still; Never hinted at as much as Heero and Relena.
Wow, my response ended up almost as long as your questions. You don’t have to worry about bothering me; I very much enjoy talking about Gundam! If I missed any points you made, don’t be afraid to send me another message~
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