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farfromharry · 2 years

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Beth [ 15 ] | Dad!Eddie Munson series

Fifteen, Lola

Word count - 7655

Warnings - language?? idrk??

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June 1995

Being nine months pregnant in the midst of Indiana summer wasn’t short from hell. To be fair to Eddie he was trying his best to make it more bearable for you, fanning you when you asked, tying back your hair, getting you anything and everything you needed. He was running around like a headless chicken pretty much twenty hours a day to try and appease his pregnant wife and their very needy nine year old. Part of him couldn’t wait until the baby arrived just because he wouldn’t have to do any of that anymore, though he knew he wasn’t getting a break or an easy ride after you welcomed your new baby.

Even now, a day that was supposed to be relaxing and fun down at the nearest water park, was spent with him tending to his wife as she complained tirelessly about the heat. It had been a joint Steve and Eddie idea to head over, accompanied by two of their favorite kids– though they weren’t really kids anymore at twenty-four, Max and Dustin who weasled their way into coming along.

It was the only way the two men could think that would cool anyone down in the dreadful heat and you weren’t one to complain about anything that would bring you a moment's relief from the harsh sun, though you wouldn’t be going on any of the crazy rides like the others were. Instead Tulip had the wonderful idea to spend some time on the lazy river, just the two pregnant wives swapping pregnancy tips.

Eddie thought you both looked adorable, your big bump on show beside her smaller one as the two of you finally took a second to breathe from the chaotic lives of being a mother. If he had a camera with him at that moment he would have taken a billion pictures. But instead he was taking his nine year old on water slides, finally getting to do the penguin move she’d wanted to attempt over five years ago. Better late than never, right?

He left you with a promise he wouldn’t take the girl on any rides that were too big for her, but you knew the second he was out of your sight he’d defy that instantly. Usually you would have flipped out, but today was supposed to be a day where you relaxed, so that was exactly what you were going to do. Eddie and his bad decisions be damned.

Speaking of said bad decisions, you knew one was playing out when the pair disappeared from the line from one of the smaller sides, followed a little while later by a scream that sounded a little too much like Beth’s. You pushed it aside, instead trying to focus on the tranquility the soft swaying of your body in the water provided.

“You know,” Tulip began, capturing your attention. “I still can’t believe Eddie Munson, my little freak, is having a baby with Hawkins’ sweetheart.” She knew the title wasn’t one you loved. You’d been branded with it in highschool and it just stuck, a name you couldn’t shake. It wasn’t the worst thing to be called, but that didn’t mean you had to enjoy it.

You scrunched your nose. “That makes me sound so pretentious.” You could hear her laugh, but she understood you wholeheartedly. “I don’t like being known as Hawkins flower either, but…” she trailed off.

“But there’s a meaning behind yours, it’s your name,” you argued. There was a meaning behind the one you were branded with too, so maybe it was a little contradictory but you were trying to prove a point.

She sighed. “A little like Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson, don’t you think?”

With that you were unsure what she was trying to imply. You had never viewed Eddie as a freak once in your life, not like the majority of this shitty town. She was so protective over him, and it was understood completely, he wasn’t treated greatly in Hawkins and she was a person that could try and put a stop to that. When your dad was the chief you had a lot of power.

“I always had a crush on him. He was different, a good kind of different, and I don’t know— I liked that about him,” you admitted shyly. You hadn’t ever actually told anyone that, especially not him. “Was always too nervous to tell him.”

Tulip scoffed. “He was, like, so in love with you. Honestly you should have gone for it.” That was hard for you to believe. In high school the two of you didn’t interact, almost ever. He seemed to keep a good distance from you so you just presumed he didn’t like you. That wasn’t to say you ever made an effort to talk with him either. So you supposed it was actually a mutual problem. If either one of you had just gotten it together and said hi or something, maybe you could have had the pleasure of dating this whole time.

“But, h-he was so cool. Why me?”

She looked at you as if you’d just revealed you were an alien or something, with an underlying sense of disgust. “Eddie? Cool? You have got to be kidding.”

Her words made heat rush to your cheeks. This was probably one of the reasons you didn’t tell anyone about your crush, because you knew they’d tease you for finding something so endearing about a weirdo like Eddie. You couldn’t even explain it yourself, hell he probably couldn’t begin to fathom it, but something about that man made you feel like a giggly school girl. “I’d never tell him this sober or anything, but he truly is the greatest man I’ve ever met,” you stated. “He’s an amazing dad, to both Beth and this baby already. Plus, he made me a mom, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted.” Usually Tulip didn’t do sentimental, but she did love the way you spoke about her best friend with such fondness. No one tended to speak about him like that (in a positive light). It was refreshing.

The two of you were still floating on the river, and neither of you thought this would have been such a bonding experience. “‘M glad he has you, you know. I couldn’t imagine anyone else being such a good match for him.” You let those words sit in the air, bringing a warm feeling to your chest. Earning Tulip’s endless approval to love her best friend meant more than you could ever put into words.

Your bonding session didn’t last much longer, the sun was becoming too unbearable, the two of you needing relief from it. Tulip led the way, you waddling behind her as you situated yourselves in some shade beside one of the pools on some reclining chairs. It allowed you to observe your family and friends as they had their fun, as well as your daughter's bright face as she headed your way after coming off of one of the rides.

“Mom,” Beth called, excitement lacing her tone as she ran over to you. There was a faint call from her dad who was telling her not to run, but it fell on deaf ears. All she wanted to do was reach you to tell you what was making her so giddy. “I got to do the penguin slide!” she gushed.

You gasped, hands coming up to enclose around hers as she told you the story of how her and Eddie went down the huge water slide. Once she was done she scurried away, sure to go and tell someone else the same thing she told you. You turned to look at your husband with a completely opposite expression than you showed to the little girl moments ago. “What the hell is the penguin slide?”

He wanted to explain, he really did, but how was he meant to put into words that it was an empty promise he made five years ago that he only just made good on? So instead he just laughed, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s uh, a long story.”

A few feet away the nine year old was talking with Steve, you assumed telling him the penguin news. His reaction was a little different to yours considering he actually looked like he knew what she was talking about. Instead of just quietly listening, he even gave his own input and high fived her afterwards, looking as happy as she did about the whole thing. It was all confusing, but many things were when they came to Steve Harrington, so you brushed it off.

Once Beth ran away to go and bother yet another one of the group— her dad trailing close behind her with the same warning not to run so she didn’t hurt herself— Steve continued on his journey over to you and his wife.

You couldn’t help but notice the way she was eyeing him. Now you were well aware the pair were married with numerous kids, but they didn’t tend to show affection like a couple as you and Eddie did. They liked to tease and playfully bully each other (not that you and your husband didn’t) so it was rare to see them show actual love or attraction towards one another. It was a nice change from their usual dynamic, but that didn’t make it any less odd to witness. In fact when you truly thought about it, it was odd they were married at all.

“I can’t believe you married Steve ‘the hair’ Harrington,” you muttered.

She hummed beside you, watching closely as her two babies bombarded their dad in his path. There was a dumb smile on her face that was familiar to you— It was the same one you got when you admired Eddie for too long. “Sometimes, I can’t either. But he gives me the cutest babies,” she said, grinning widely as they climbed him like some sort of jungle gym. “He’s pretty hot too.”

You rolled your eyes, muttering an exaggerated ‘gross’ as the man finally stopped in front of you, childless now. He casted a shadow over his eyes as he stared down at her with a grin, hair and skin still wet with the water from the pool.

Tulip eyed him warily, disliking the way he looked so suspicious. “What are you doing?” she asked.

“Nothing.” She kept her guard up as he stepped closer to her, though he only ended up dropping a kiss to her head. That was followed by a scrunch of her nose that only further proved your findings about the strange couple. “Jus’ wanted to tell you ‘m going on some rides with Henderson.”

She nodded, still unsure why he’d felt the need to come over and tell her that as if she was his mother. Truly as long as her kids were being cared for she didn’t particularly mind what Steve did. This day was for him to enjoy too. “Have fun,” she said, bidding him a goodbye. He was almost gone when she let her guard down, but that was when he chose to strike, water pistol aimed right at her unsuspecting frame.

At the first jet of water hitting her, she squealed, then turned her head in the direction of her husband who was certainly a goner after doing that. He was biting back a laugh as she glared daggers at him. “You’re so dead, Harrington,” she threatened. She would have killed him on the spot had he not run away like a scared child. He was still laughing to himself despite the fact that he was most definitely sleeping on the couch tonight. Everyone knew it– even the kids.

After the excitement of the big rides, the majority of the group, minus Steve and Dustin, took to relaxing in one of the more tame pools near where you and Tulip resided. The two of you were catching sun, briefly watching your family's play and splash in the water. The Harrington man had convinced the redhead, with a bribe obviously, to take the twins from his hands so he could go on some of the water slides with Dustin. With money involved, she said yes.

They were all just goofing around, Eddie lifting Beth into the air and dropping her in the water to hear her giggle and insist on him doing it again. Max was being much gentler with the two four year olds, helping them swim the shortest of distances as Tulip cheered for them on the sidelines. Though after a while they got tired.

Max brought them over to the mother, claiming the two little girls missed her, when in reality they were only seconds away from passing out for an afternoon nap. You couldn’t help but watch, a flurry of butterflies swarming in your stomach at the thought that that would be you soon enough.

Your lover noticed from the pool that you seemed to be a little withdrawn from the group, whether that was because you were too hot from the sun or your bub was giving you problems again, he didn’t know. But he could provide help.

Ever the menace he thought it would be funny to splash you from the pool he was in with Beth, he even encouraged her to join in. It was met with a harsh glare that looked like you wanted to drown him, but all he could offer back was a shy smile. When the little girl beside him mirrored his expression, you knew you couldn’t stay mad, rolling your eyes as a grin broke on your face. You’d hoped you turned your head quick enough to hide it, but the amusement in his eyes told you that wasn’t the case.

His defense was a simple ‘I was just cooling you down,’ but you knew he was full of shit.

It seemed as though his next move was to do the exact same thing to the woman beside you, though she didn’t like that idea one bit, and she let him know. “If you even think about splashing me, Munson. I’ll drown you.”

His hands raised in his defense and he was pulled away by a giggling Beth. It had been an amusing sight. The dynamic between Tulip and Eddie was one you had always admired. The pair would die for each other no doubt, go to the ends of the earth if the other asked, but they wouldn’t say a single nice thing to their face or anyone else's about them. They were a dysfunctional sort of friends, but it worked for them and served for fun times for the rest of you. So although Tulip would give him her last breath if he needed it, she was probably deadly serious with her threat of murder.

“One more tip for you, sunshine,” she said out of nowhere, voice bringing you out of the daze you were in focused on your husband. When you looked over at her the sight was precious, one of her babies curled up with their head in her neck while the other curled up on her lap. “Babies are unpredictable. You might think you have lots of time, but you never really know.” She glanced down at the two kids in her arms, smiling sweetly. “They’re so worth it though.”

To both of yours and Eddie’s knowledge, you had another couple weeks until she was due. But to true Munson nature she decided she wanted to surprise her parents.

It was the middle of the night on the twenty first when your water broke. The entire evening you had been having slight pains in your stomach, ones you brushed off as nothing, though now it all made sense. Those were early labor pains. During dinner Eddie had watched a few times as your face scrunched up in pain, but you always assured him you were fine. The same happened when you watched a movie with Beth that was supposed to tire her out, then when the two of you were getting ready for bed too. He had a lingering feeling in his chest that there was something more that you weren’t telling him, but he didn’t push out of fear of making you upset.

Around three in the morning was when they got bad enough that they finally woke you. Your eyes fluttered open with a groan, hand coming down to cup your swollen belly in an attempt to soothe the ache. You even tried talking to the bump a little. “Mommy’s tired. Calm down, baby.” Even if they didn’t know what you were saying, you hoped it’d work. Obviously it didn’t.

You laid there for a little in pain, you didn’t know how long, but there was no way you could fall back into that blissful sleep now. You admired your husband for a little bit too, tracing his sleeping features with your eyes. That was until you were certain your baby was trying to announce their upcoming appearance, then you were kicked into panic mode.

Calling his name was your first attempt at waking him, wanting to make waking up as stress free as possible for him considering the chaos you were both about to endure. But when that didn’t work kindness was out the window and replaced with urgency. “Eddie, come on.”

He woke with a start to the feeling of hands on him forcefully shaking him awake. Usually it would have taken at least a few minutes for him to come around and completely leave his slumber, but it was like he knew this time that you couldn’t afford to waste a moment like that. At the sight of you clutching your belly even in the dark, he was up and on his feet, not even bothering with the lights before fumbling around your moon-lit room for the bag you were taking to the hospital. He was thankful you’d packed it when you had just a couple days prior, because now he was much too overwhelmed to think about all the stuff you’d need.

With his panic you reasoned that you had to be the rational one between you both right now. You needed clear heads to get everything done and if you both acted the way he was that would be impossible. You started simply, just flicking on the lamp beside your bed so the two of you could see, or you could finally see his pacing figure.

“Honey, calm down.” You couldn’t believe you were the one telling him to calm down while you were the one in labor. Eddie Munson was truly a drama queen. “Get the hospital bag, I’ll get Beth and call Wayne.”

The sound of your voice was enough to get through to him, his head nodding as he took a few deep breaths to soothe his nerves and settle his racing heart. “Get the bag, okay,” he muttered.

You chuckled as you left the room, leaving him to his own hysteria as you headed to wake Beth. Already you knew it would take a lot, she was a deep sleeper and hated more than anything being woken up. Though it was a special occasion, one you knew she’d be excited for, the process which led to her learning about it was going to be a long one.

“Sweetheart,” you whispered, brushing her hair from her face. You were trying to be as gentle as possible so she wasn’t startled or woken up all grumpy. She must have heard you, a small grunt of frustration sounding in her throat. “Need you to wake up.” She huffed this time, blinking open her eyes to look at you where you crouched beside her bed.

“What’s going on?” she muttered, groggily.

You smiled. “We’re having the baby,” you told her. Her eyes widened, a look of excitement swimming in her eyes, but it quickly burned out as the need to sleep overtook her again. She thought that piece of information was all you had wanted to tell her, not realizing you meant the three of you needed to leave right now. “That’s cool,” she muttered, closing her eyes again and nuzzling her cheek into the pillow below her head. Her response pulled a giggle out of you, amused with the actions of the young child, but that joy disappeared as another wave of pain rolled over you.

She heard the quiet groan you let out and her eyes flickered back open, eyebrows drawing together in concern for you. “Mom, are you okay?” she questioned, sitting up in her bed to check on you. You didn’t answer her until the contraction passed, forcing a strained smile. “Yeah, ‘m okay. But we need to get going sweetheart, we can’t go back to sleep now.”

That seemed to make her understand. She was up in seconds, though still laced with sleep, rushing off to find her dad. You followed behind her, letting your husband know you were going to call his Uncle and then everything would be done on your side.

Once Beth was awake and in Eddie’s arms, you took to calling Wayne. There were only a few rings before the phone was picked up on the other end, a ‘hello’ coming from the sleepy man. He had a little bit of a gut feeling on what he thought the call might be, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up. “Hey Wayne, it’s Y/N. It’s time.” That was all that had to be said. Unlike Beth, all sleep left him at that moment and he jumped to prepare for your arrival.

That was what he was doing while Eddie checked the final things in the house and that he’d gotten everything you needed just for you. It had taken longer than he’d like by a while, but you were getting there and he supposed that was all that mattered. He had almost gotten you out of the house, so close to having you pass the threshold of the cabin when you abruptly stopped. Inside he was screaming, his anxiety swallowing him whole the longer it took you to leave. He plastered a smile on his face though, asking you calmly what was wrong.

“Eddie, did you feed Bat?” you asked, scratching behind the feline’s ear as he purred quietly. Although he loved attention, he tended to love it more when he was hungry and wanted feeding. Due to the fact you wouldn’t know how long your labor would be, you thought it best to make sure he was fed before you left.

Eddie didn’t think the same. “Forget about the cat, we have to get you to the hospital.” To say you were the one going to give birth, you weren’t nearly as worked up as your husband was. In fact, between contractions you were rather chill.

He saw the way you frowned and froze. Throughout your entire pregnancy he often felt like he was walking on eggshells when it came to your mood swings; he never knew what the right thing to say was. Sometimes the two of you could be laughing, then the next you were crying over something he said. He was worried this was another one of those times and it was probably the worst possible occasion.

“So you can bring your guitar but I can’t worry about our beloved pet?” you asked. He sighed, knowing this was going to be brought up from the second he decided to pick up the instrument. “It might come in handy, y’know at the hospital. The cat won’t.”

“But, he needs to be fed,” you said, simply, scooping the family pet up into your arms.

Eddie couldn’t believe his eyes. You had woken him up in the middle of the night, told him your water broke and your baby was coming, and now you were here coddling the cat like he was your biggest concern. Your husband was amazed.

“I’ll call Steve, okay? Right now though, we have other things to do.” You just nodded, not having the energy to put up a fight with him over it. One thing you were positive about though was that Steve wouldn’t be happy about doing anything for your pet. He and Bat had this weird, unexplained hatred for each other, and he made a point of bringing it up anytime he saw or heard someone talk about the small animal. Even if Bat did have something against him, which you were sure the sweetheart didn’t, Steve liked to exaggerate.

With that decided, Eddie hastily rushed you and Beth out the door to the car. The child was still half asleep, though she liked cuddling with you in the back, at least for the short journey it took to go over to the trailer park. Playing with her soft curls was actually a pleasant distraction for you when it came to the pain hitting your body every so often.

It wasn’t that long of a drive, you made the journey within at least fifteen minutes, the time not yet hitting four am. Despite being woken up in the middle of the night, Wayne was excited. He was more than happy to welcome a sleepy Beth into the trailer, ushering her back into Eddie’s old room which hadn’t really changed a bit from when he lived there. She didn’t even hesitate, desperate to get back to sleep.

Once she was gone he turned to you two, a proud smile on his face as he stared at his nephew. His eyes told you he was desperate to say something, but he didn’t want to hold you up when you were literally on your way to give birth. “Go get me another grandbaby,” he said, patting Eddie on the shoulder with a promise he’d bring Beth by later on. The only downside to the little girl being gone from your care was that the man was now free to freak out like a maniac, not having to pretend he was stress-free for anyone.

He was bothering you constantly on the drive to the hospital, spewing the most idiotic things while trying to keep himself sane enough to drive normally. You would have strangled him had you had the strength. “Eddie,” you called, cutting off his rant.

“Yeah?”

“Please, shut up.”

He took that to heart. He was silent for the rest of the journey to the hospital, despite checking in with you every now and then to make sure you were okay. You appreciated the quiet, though later you would probably feel a little bit guilty, but you could apologize then.

The first full sentence he spoke to you after that was once you had arrived at the hospital, only not in the car. With his jumbled thoughts he seemed to remember the bag you packed, but not the wife of his that was in labor. You were in utter disbelief in the passenger seat as he rushed inside the building most likely to tell them you were going to give birth.

You were irritated as you climbed out of the car by yourself, cursing him out in your head as you started on your journey to the front doors. Before you made it all the way there, his guilty face was already coming back through the doors. He knew you were going to be mad and obviously his apology isn’t going to do much when you were in such an uncomfortable mood, but he’d at least try. “I’m sorry.”

“Uh-huh,” you stated, blankly, crossing your arms over your chest as you seethed. He knew better than to say anything else that could possibly make the situation worse, so he just placed a hand on your back and guided you inside. You supposed now you were basically even, with the way you told him to shut up compared to the fact he forgot his pregnant wife in the car at the hospital he was taking her to. The two might not compare but now you certainly weren’t going to apologize. “Let’s just get this over with.”

It was later now, into the early morning by this point and your contractions were only getting worse. You’d been allocated a hospital room and one of the terrible gowns that your lover laughed at. From then on you just had to prepare yourself to wait. Eddie was trying to do everything within the limits of the hospital room that he could to distract you, but none of them were working. Your last resort had been the one thing you wanted to avoid out of pure stubbornness, but you no longer had the energy to keep up that façade.

“Play me a song, please,” you whined, squeezing your eyes shut as another one hit. For a second he just held your hand, rubbed over your bump with his other one while he still could, then he’d get to whatever you wanted him to do. After it was over you shared a look, a silent ‘you okay’ that gave him confirmation to leave your side.

As soon as you nodded he was scurrying away to where he’d set all your stuff down, grabbing his prized possession with an award winning smile. He was quick with it, wanting to get back to you as soon as he could.

“Bet you’re glad I brought my guitar now, huh sunshine?” he teased, settling his fingers in position over the strings. He couldn’t see your face when he spoke, so he missed the anger written all over your features. You knew he’d never experienced a partner in labor before, but he was going about it all the wrong way.

With a quiet growl and moan of pain, you let him know. “Eddie, just play the fucking song.” You gritted your teeth at the next contraction and your husband decided to finally take this whole thing seriously.

“On it,” he muttered, tugging on his guitar pick necklace.

The song wasn’t one you would usually find a man like Eddie Munson playing, but he would do anything for his wife, especially when you were in as much pain as you were. He hated seeing you like this. In seconds the beginning of ‘you are my sunshine’ filled the room. It made you smile, knowing his love for this song had blossomed because of you and the nickname he’d branded you with. You asked about it once, where it came from, and all he could tell you was that you reminded him of the sun because you always made people feel happy and warm. In turn you had admitted you began to call him honey because he was always so sweet to you, a secret that only fueled his ego.

The soft sounds of the guitar brought you momentary peace. It was a positive distraction from the situation you were in, especially when he began to hum quietly. Eddie wasn’t one that loved to sing when he played if there were people around, though he made the odd exception, but he did like to hum. He thought it added more to his little performance, and you and Beth always enjoyed it.

There was a dumb smile on your face as you watched him, barely even realising another contraction had passed. If anyone was to look at the two of you right now they would have seen nothing but two young people in complete love. And that’s exactly what you were to a tee.

Towards the end of the song you noticed the door cracking open, a small head peeking around the corner shyly. The familiar head or hair was enough for you to identify the girl anywhere. “Hi Beth. Come on in.”

She smiled brightly, rushing in and almost tackling her father in a hug as he set his guitar down. Wayne followed closely behind, offering you a sweet smile and a hand to hold when he saw the wince of pain cross your features. You were grateful, thanking him quietly while you tried to act as carefree as possible to not startle Beth.

She sat herself in his lap, looking towards you laid in the hospital bed. You knew she must have been confused and a little scared. “When is the baby coming?” she asked, looking between you and her dad curiously.

“Well, sweet girl, babies take time. She could be another few hours ye–” You cut him off with a groan, one that sounded more pained than the previous ones he’d heard. It led him to believe now was time, and it was quite ironic that it had come at the exact moment he told his daughter it could be a while. “Or maybe she’s coming right now.”

Wayne had been the one to call for the doctor, telling them you thought it was go time. “Okay, you have to go now, but we’ll see you later, okay?” You were gritting your teeth as the pain continued, but your expression was unfaltering as Beth stared at you. “Then you’ll get to meet your baby sister.”

She gave you a tight hug, then one to her dad before she scurried out of the room with Wayne, a quiet ‘good luck’ from him. The nurses swarming your bed only made you nervous, but your husband was quick to situate himself by your side, taking your hand in his tightly. “You ready for this?” he asked, dropping a kiss down on your head.

He could see the nerves swimming in your eyes, but both of you knew you didn’t have a choice right now if you were ready or not. “Ready as I can be.”

The birth itself didn’t compare to the long labor. They were a different type of pain, but you wouldn’t wish the feeling of pushing a child out of you on even your worst enemy. Eddie was hopeless. He hated seeing you in pain, but he held your hand the whole time, occasionally wiping away the sweat that built on your head or issuing praises into your ear that did much more for you than the midwife’s did.

It was over after what felt like hours, though Eddie would soon let you know it hadn’t been longer than half an hour. That you were amazed by, but it didn’t matter anymore when your eyes fell on the crying baby.

You laughed through your tears as the little baby girl was placed on your chest for the first time. Everything about this moment was overwhelming, for both you and Eddie. Despite having one child already, this wasn’t something either of you had experienced before, and no one had told you how bittersweet it was. Pain, exhaustion and all those negative things put aside, it was all worth it.

Granted you were sure to be struggling even for weeks after this moment, but none of it mattered now that those big brown eyes were staring up at you. From first glance it seemed as though baby Munson number two would also be a spitting image of her father. Apparently his genes were strong; though you thought you could see bits and pieces of you in her nose or her lips.

It was too much for you to wrap your head around in your woozy state to keep up with all the cleaning and weighing of your little girl. It was easier for you to just sit back until they were done, although Eddie was watching every move the nurses made like a hawk.

Eventually it was all over, all the chaos and noise, everything was now calm and quiet. If there was one word to describe the moment you’d have to say serene; it felt like the world had fallen into place the second that baby pink blanket was settled into your arms.

The decision of the name came pretty quickly, it had basically been decided the second you told your husband you were expecting; at least in his mind anyway. He wasn’t subtle in the slightest about what he wanted to call her, he was convinced from the beginning she was a her. He would play the same song over and over on his guitar, hoping you’d take the hint, and you did.

“Eds?” you spoke, finally breaking the silence of the room. He hummed quietly, eyes still locked on the napping baby in your arms, your little Lola. “Is this what it felt like when you held Beth for the first time?”

Thinking back to that time made his heart swell. The first time he’d held his daughter he felt many things, but now his head was empty and his heart was full. The same full feeling that lingered the day he looked at Beth for the first time. “Yeah.”

With a quiet sniffle your eyes finally left your baby to look up at him; locking eyes. “I like this feeling.” He didn’t know if you were implying what he thought you were, that you wanted to do this again sometime, but he would jump at the opportunity to do this all again. Raising Beth as a newborn was understandably difficult for him, and he was much more prepared this time, he was positive the third time around he would be a pro.

Before you allowed in any visitors, Eddie demanded you get some sleep. You tried to insist you were okay long enough for Beth to meet her new sister and Wayne to meet his second granddaughter, but your husband felt you needed it. And apparently you did, because you were out for at least a few hours until he was shaking you awake to the sound of baby cries. You were confused at first, but once he’d let you wake up you realized where you were and what was happening. The lingering pain running through your body also assisted in that.

“Think she might want her mom,” he said, cooing down at her as he tried to shush her cries.

You were more than joyous to welcome her into your arms, letting her settle on your chest where she was quick to relax. Eddie looked at you as if you’d hung the stars, perplexed that you could have her stop crying so fast. If all it took to make a baby stop crying was their mother's arms, then he was even more annoyed about all the sleepless nights he’d had with Beth when there was such an easy solution. It only provided him more reason to begrudge Veronica.

But he didn’t want to think about her right now– or ever for that matter. This was a happy occasion and the only thing relating to her that he wanted on his mind was his first born baby girl. “Wayne and Beth are still here, they’re dying to meet her. D’you think you’re ready to see them?” You adored that he was leaving it down to you, the final decision that is. It was obvious he was also desperate for them to meet the new Munson addition, but he completely accepted if you weren’t ready for any reason whatsoever.

“Yeah. Bring ‘em in.” While he left to fetch them you raised your hand to the baby's face, brushing your thumb over her tiny cheek. She made a small sound at the back of her throat that made your heart flutter. You were already obsessed with her.

The door opened only minutes later, the three generations of Munson’s entering. At the sight of you and a pink bundle in your hold, Beth let out a squeal and rushed to you. She was by the side of your bed, grinning wildly at you. “Hi, sweetheart.” Exhaustion was still clear in your demeanor, but it didn’t matter now that you had your two daughters by your side. You could tell she was trying to get a good look at Lola, but she was struggling to see, so you allowed Eddie to take over.

The baby was passed into his arms, allowing him to crouch into a position that let him show her off. “This is your sister, Beth.” Her eyes were wide and pure as she glanced at the very tiny human, trying to get a look at the little girl’s face. In your opinion she looked a lot like her older sister already, a fact the nine year old would be happy to hear. “Can I hold her?”

There was zero hesitation from Eddie as he nodded, leading the girl over to the chair that was situated next to your bed. He sat down first with the girl secure in his arms, before instructing Beth to take a seat on his knee. She had never held a baby before, and obviously the two-time dad was going to try and prevent any risk that would include a dropped newborn, so he was going to help.

His arms were under hers to help support the weight of the baby. The pair were equally as infatuated with her as they stared down at her tiny face, listening to the quiet coos she made. You were so distracted with the sight of them that you almost missed the sound of the other Munson man’s voice.

“You did well, kiddo,” Wayne praised, smoothing down your sweaty hair before leaning down to place a kiss on your forehead. You’d tried to warn him you were all gross, but he didn’t care, a true Munson trait you’d come to learn. Now that you knew he was willing to give you comfort, you leaned into his embrace a little more, the two of you watching your loves get acquainted.

“What’s her name?” he asked after a beat of silence.

You smiled, glancing up at the older man. “Lola.”

He chuckled. “Another song name?” he questioned. You hadn’t expected him to know that one, you barely knew the song by the Kinks, but you supposed Wayne had raised the man you called your husband, so he knew him better than anyone.

“His idea, obviously. You know it?”

He laughed again. “Know it? Must have heard the boy play it a million times when he was trying to learn it.” There was a fondness in his eyes like he was remembering it. You could practically see it yourself, countless days and nights of the same song blasting from his room with some incorrect chords following. It was what he still did now, only now he would do it with Beth by his side as she watched in awe.

With that the two of you fell into a comfortable silence that allowed you both to admire your little family. It was like Eddie felt your eyes on him, his joyous face turning to face you and his uncle, eyes settling on Wayne. “D’you want to hold her?” he asked. There was an emotion that crossed the elder man’s features that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. It looked to be a mix between pride and adoration.

He nodded his head, clearing his throat as he pushed back the tears that threatened to build at the sight of his nephew doing so well for himself. He always knew Eddie would go on to do good things, this wasn’t exactly what he expected when he thought about what route the young man’s life would take, but that didn’t mean he was any less incredible in what he was doing. Eddie was the best damn dad he’d ever seen.

The younger man was ever so careful when crossing the room with the newborn in his arms, treating her like she was porcelain that could break any second. If the man in front of him was anyone else he probably wouldn’t have trusted them as much with Lola; he trusted Wayne with his life.

Since Beth came into their lives, the grandpa had had much practice with babies, how to hold them and take care of them, all the things he needed to be a good babysitter. So there were no qualms from you nor Eddie when it came to keeping your kids safe and protected. Eddie didn’t even feel like he had to supervise his surrogate dad as he embraced the newborn.

From the second she was placed in his arms, he was completely enamored by her, sporting a grin that was very rare for the man to possess. It was one of complete joy. “She’s beautiful.” Both you and your husband were swarmed with pride over the fact that you had created that, a feeling you hoped never wavered.

You couldn’t explain it, mainly because you knew Wayne loved you, but the look in his eye finally felt as though you had earned his deepest approval. The older man had always been so protective of Eddie, with everything that happened with his parents, all the bullying and name calling from kids in school and around the town, he’d sort of always felt the need to keep him locked in a cage where nothing could get to him to hurt him. But it was like he was giving you the key, letting you know that he trusted you wholeheartedly because he knew you weren’t going to harm him; ever.

You had made his son the happiest he had ever been, provided him with his own family by choice. Wayne wouldn’t trade him for anything, nor would he have not taken Eddie in at any point in his life, but that hadn’t been a choice made out of free will, it was circumstance. This was completely different. You had fallen in love with Eddie and given him everything he could have ever asked for, in the older man’s eyes that made you perfect. It was all the kid had ever deserved. “‘M proud of you both.”

That was all Eddie had ever wanted to hear from the man he saw as a father.

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#eddie munson #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson imagines #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson imagine #dad!eddie #dad!eddie munson #stranger things #stranger things 4 #stranger things fic

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farfromharry · 2 years

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In my dreams | Peter Parker fic

Summary: Death happens at the most unexpected times, and we’re never ready for it. But Peter wasn’t ready to leave you in heart until he knew you’d moved on and you were ready to give your heart to someone that wasn’t him.

Word count - 14,169

Warnings - massive angst, basically all angst, very light fluff, language, mentions of blood and injury, major character death, mentions of panic attacks, overall this is incredibly angsty so

A/n - this is the tiktok that inspired this whole thing, and the original comment was: ‘as i began to disappear for good so he could love her in peace, i watched him as he stared at our picture and whispered thank you’

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Death was a strange thing, but one that you had thankfully not had to experience too much of in your life. You considered yourself incredibly grateful for that, because you’d seen the way it hurt Peter; to keep losing the people close to him, you couldn’t imagine the pain his poor heart was always in. He was strong, he still smiled and made his friends laugh like none of it ever bothered him, but some nights when he was alone with you it was clear to see how exhausted he was, he was just so sad and tired of losing people.

Maybe that was why he slipped up, maybe his own exhaustion of being that boy everyone always felt bad for was the reason he fell right into Mysterio’s stupid trap, or maybe it was the fact he wasn’t prepared to lose another person he loved.

The holograms were incredibly realistic he had to admit, but usually with his spidey sense he was able to detect something was wrong. Not that time though, and even if he had he wasn’t sure it would’ve been reliable enough, all he saw was the bearded man with his hand wrapped tightly around your neck, dangling you over the edge of the multi-storey building you lived in, and Peter just saw red. All logic went out the window and he was blinded by the thought of losing you.

He was so dumb for really believing he had you there, and if you ever found out the reason he slipped right off the ledge of your apartment building was because he’d been led up there to think he was saving you from the menacing villain’s grasp, without his suit, then you surely would never forgive yourself.

You remember the day it happened like it was yesterday, it was one of your most vivid memories of him, seeing him laid there on the ground almost entirely motionless, spoiling so many amazing memories of you and Peter that you’d previously had stored in your head. When you thought of him now it would always turn sour and you’d picture him with that draining look in his eyes that haunted you. You’d never forget it.

»»——⍟——««

The day had started off good, the two of you having headed out on a little date to spend some time together. He’d picked you up from your apartment with the intention of taking you to lunch at some fancy place he’d found when on patrol a couple days prior. But upon discovering his plan, you insisted that you weren’t allowing him to spend so much money when you could have equally as much fun grabbing something from Delmars.

He did feel a sense of relief when you said those simple words, because it meant he could help May with the rent again this month, not that he wouldn’t have tried still even if he did take you on the fancy date. But this only served to remind him why you really were the girl of his dreams. You understood his money problems and you never made him feel bad about it, you actually tried to encourage him to be more responsible with it.

Both on the way to the sandwich shop and waiting in line, your boyfriend made sure to shower you with as much love as possible, a way of thanking you for just being you, but in his own special way. That included arms around you securely, kisses on your lips and head every few seconds and small promises of murmured “I love you’s” that had you hiding your face in his chest. You learned early on in your relationship that his love language was physical touch and words of affirmation and they never failed to make you feel all floaty inside. You were so in love, sometimes it hurt.

After getting your lunch the two of you took a small stroll to the nearby park, finding a bench you could sit down on that overlooked the large patch of vibrant flowers that decorated the middle of the field, as well as allowing you and Peter to gush over the many adorable dogs that were being walked around it by their owners. Which of course sparked a discussion about which dogs you thought each other would be.

The brunette's laughter reminded you that you needed to capture the moment, so just like you did every time the two of you came out somewhere together, you pulled out your phone in preparation of snapping a quick picture together. It was routine at this point, and each and every time without fail Peter would whine and try to tell you to just enjoy the moment.

You would always say the same thing though; “Pete, one day this’ll be all we have.”

The words would always make him feel guilty enough to agree without any more resistance, and in the end he’d have a new photo to dote over on the long missions and nights away from you, when he was really missing just seeing your pretty face.

“C’mon Pete, smile,” you coaxed, holding your phone up with the camera angled to get you both in. Peter wasn’t interested in looking at the camera though, he was too fixated on you. He called your name before you pressed the small button, watching as your head turned to look at him with a wide, lovesick, grin that matched his. Your faces were so close together that the tips of your noses brushed sweetly and only then did you decide to capture the picture.

The two of you reviewed your photography with giddy smiles. “I think this may be my favourite one ever,” he stated honestly, staring down at the phone screen with a heart full of love. “Mine too.”

The rest of the day was spent goofing around in the park together until it started getting dark, Peter demanding he walk you home because ‘that’s what a gentleman does.’

The entire walk from the park to your apartment, which was a rather long distance, the boy had been telling you all about the new star wars film set to release soon (plus all the theories he and Ned had) while swinging your hands together in the middle of you both subconsciously.

You weren’t a die hard fan of the movie series but you’d watched them on numerous occasions with your lovable nerdy boyfriend. You’d usually only end up watching his cute face as he recited parts of the script he’d memorised, but you enjoyed the experience nonetheless. Besides, you adored hearing Peter talk about his interests like that. He was always self conscious that he was being too nerdy, due to the constant teasing from Flash Thompson, but you reassured him every time that seeing that excited glint in his eyes was completely worth dedicating hours of your time to listening to him.

He still wasn’t done by the time you arrived at your destination, and you didn’t have the heart to tell him to shut up when he was so visibly excited. Your hands rested on his chest, playing with the unzipped portion of his hoodie as he continued talking. Eyes softly fixated on his face and that silly smile that made you swoon for the teenage boy.

You did eventually zone out from what he was saying, but only because you were so focused on how soft his lips looked at that specific moment in time. You may not have had the heart to stop him before, but you were aching for his lips on yours right then.

“Just kiss me,” you mumbled, hiding your grin as the man bashfully stopped his rambling, a faded blush forming on his cheeks. His lips melted onto yours, a low hum rising from the back of his throat as his hands tightened on your hips. Neither of you wanted to let go, just wanting to stay in one another’s arms forever if you could. “Stay with me tonight?” you asked, pulling your lips away from his for the moment. He frowned, leaning forward to rest his forehead against yours sweetly.

“I would, but I promised May we’d go for dinner.” You sighed softly, flashing him a smile as you stole a couple more kisses to try and satisfy you.

“That’s okay, I’ll just see you tomorrow.” He nodded his head, pressing one last longing kiss to your soft lips that left you feeling a sense of completion. “Text me later,” you called, blowing him a sweet kiss from where you stood at the entrance of your building. “I love you,” you sang sweetly, a dumb smile on your lips as you watched him go. The last thing you heard was his voice yelling back and I love you as he jogged across the street, leaving you swooning like a fool. You should’ve pushed more for him to stay.

You were still on cloud nine from your day spent with your boyfriend when the chaos started later that night. You didn’t know what was going on at first, all you were aware of was the herd of people crowding around the entrance of the building outside. Your curiosity got the better of you of course and you quickly threw on a hoodie and trudged your way downstairs.

You searched until you found someone you recognised, a neighbour of yours, asking what had happened. “A man fell off the roof.” You were told, your eyes going wide.

You didn’t know it was your man until May called you to fill you in. Obviously she was Peter’s emergency contact, so when one of the bystanders from outside found him they’d had called to tell her while someone else phoned the ambulance. She was panicking as she tried to make her way to your apartment building as quickly as possible, but you assured her you’d stay with him until she got there.

“Peter!” you called, shoving your way through the crown urgently until you saw your love lying there. It was clear from the look on his face that he was in pain and no wonder. It was a miracle to you that he’d even survived a fall of that height.

He did however faintly hear your voice call his name, his eyes fluttering open as he waited to see your face. It wasn’t too long until you were kneeling down beside him, eyes brimming with unshed tears as you looked down into those soft, honey coloured eyes. They looked so lifeless.

“Hey, what happened?” you asked, hands unsteady as you surveyed the scene in front of you, they eventually came to lightly grip his hand, hearing a small hiss slip past the boy’s lips. He was still in his regular clothes, which told you he hadn’t been many places since your date.

“M-Mysterio,” he whispered, hand loosely clutching his abdomen as he spoke. You frowned, his words leading you to believe that this definitely wasn’t an accident. And you knew supervillains didn’t necessarily have morals, but you expected a grown man like Quentin to at least try and fight Peter when he was on guard, with his suit; he was still just a kid at the end of the day.

It was getting harder and harder for Peter to find something to hold onto to keep him grounded. The pain was excruciating, as one can imagine falling numerous stories only to hit the concrete ground, he couldn’t breathe, he just wanted to let go. You saw the way his eyes threatened to close, and as a person close by instructed, you tried your hardest to make sure he kept them open.

“Peter, baby, please. I need you to open your eyes and look at me,” you begged, cradling his face as he strained to look at you. Everywhere hurt as he even so much as took little shaky breaths and you wanted to curse the ambulance for taking so long. It wasn’t going to do much considering, but you noted the trail of blood from his nose that was slowly running down his face, and as a gesture of good will you ever so gently wiped it away with your thumb, flashing the boy a nervous smile.

Your desperate voice was painful to both his heart and ears, he didn’t want it to be like this. You both had always known this was a risk of his job and as much as you hated to talk about the idea of Peter dying, he’d always insisted. He’d told you countless times that he’d never want you to see him like this, if he was going to die he wanted it to be away from his loved ones so they didn’t have to go through what he did with Ben, or what he and Pepper had to with Tony.

Your crying was what snapped him out of his daze and he wasn’t convinced he could be in more pain until he saw the expression on your face.

“You can’t leave me, not now. Just like you shouldn’t have left me on that bus, or that Washington trip or-“ You could see out of the corner of your eye as his lips slowly, painfully, curved into a smile. Your eyebrows drew together in confusion, but you were patient with him as he searched for the strength to speak.

“I love you,” he wheezed, a short wince following his words. “You are, everything, to me.”

The words falling from his lips sounded so sombre and it pained you to hear the way he talked as though he was already dead. He was already assuming the worst and you didn’t want to lose Peter, you didn’t know how you would live if you lost him.

“No, Peter,” you demanded, shaking your head. “Why aren’t you healing? I-I don’t understand, you should’ve healed by now.”

You were incredibly frantic as you tried to do anything you could. So much so that you didn’t hear the sirens of the vehicle finally arriving. All you felt was gentle hands on your back trying to guide you away from his body. You tried to protest at first, only crying harder as you fought the grip of the helping hands on you. But one look from Peter told you it was okay, the man flashing you a weak smile. “Go,” he whispered. “It’s okay.”

You made a pathetic attempt at wiping away your tears and trying to compose yourself as if you hadn’t just broken down in front of a crowd of people. You spared a quick glance at the paramedic that was going to help your boyfriend before turning back to Peter. You leaned in one more time, lightly pressing your lips to his.

“I love you so much. I’ll see you at the hospital, okay?”

He hummed painfully, watching as you rose to your feet and were guided away by the woman that wanted to console you. “Y/N,” he called weakly, catching your attention. “Everything’s going to be fine, I promise.”

And with those words you trusted him completely, a slight sense of hope finding its way back into your heart for the moment. But he broke that promise, he lied.

»»——⍟——««

It felt like time was slowing down as you waited. Waiting, you fucking hated it. Your body felt like if you didn’t hear anything soon then you were going to crumble under the pressure of not knowing. Those hours spent in the hospital waiting room were the worst ones of your life.

For a little while you were the only one there for him, and it scared you to think he could possibly die right now with no one but you here by his side. It wasn’t right.

But thankfully, May arrived quickly after you did, providing you at least a little bit of comfort that you could really use at that moment just to keep you away from your own vicious thoughts. She tried to help you as much as she could, but after a certain point it was like any reasonable part of you had shut down, and you weren’t making it easier for her.

Stubbornly, you refused to do anything but sit there quietly, bouncing your knee as you anticipated any news. May had tried everything, she offered you a snack or drink every so often, of which you denied politely every time. She suggested going home so you could change out of the clothes that had some small patches of Peter’s blood on, but you didn’t want that either. Eventually she gave up, sitting beside you and just taking your shaky hand in hers.

When they finally had news, considering you weren’t family, only May was allowed to speak to the doctor. It frustrated you, why did it matter if you were related to him or not? Either way you loved him so much and you deserved to hear the news from the source. “Peter Parker?” he called. You both shot up from your seats, looking to him expectantly, though his next words caused you to deflate a little. “Family only.”

You looked at her with a frown, but she was quick to reassure you she’d tell you everything as soon as she could. May didn’t know if hearing it from her instead of the doctor was better or worse for you.

You sat back down in the uncomfortable seat with a dejected sigh, stretching your neck to lean your head back on the wall with a scared whimper. You weren’t sure you’d ever felt so tense, your mind was screaming at you to relax but it was impossible while waiting for such news.

It felt like an eternity that May was gone, but as soon as you saw her figure approaching you wanted to wish it away again. You wanted to know– needed to know what happened to him, but you were petrified of the outcome. Just from the pure lack of emotion on her face you assumed the news wasn’t good, and you really didn’t want to know anymore, not if it meant your boy wasn’t okay.

You stood up from your seat again, hands shaking as you plastered a false smile on your face. She approached you slowly, her hands raising to hold your arms so you were looking at nothing and no one but her, she needed your full attention for this. It was very motherly and you were grateful for the comfort. You weren’t a hundred percent sure you could take whatever she was about to say without it.

“He’s okay, right?” you asked, trying to keep a positive mind. You noted the small change in her expression as your words reached her ears, and you were still forcing a smile even as she sat you down in the waiting room of the hospital. You knew what it meant. “May, please tell me he’s okay. T-They helped him, right?” your voice cracked as emotion overtook you before she even said the two words that you were certain changed the course of your life.

She shakily inhaled. “Y/N. He’s gone.”

You took a few seconds to properly process what that meant, as in no more dates, no more sneaky late night kisses, no more Peter. No more Peter. May didn’t know how to approach saying anything else. She feared that anything she could say would send you spiralling and she wanted to keep you as calm as possible. She didn’t open her mouth until you started denying it all, finding the grief settling in your chest too much to bear already.

“B-But he promised,” you tried, your bottom lip wobbling. “He never breaks a promise.”

May was well aware of that. He’d done so in fact earlier that night by still going to dinner with her even when you asked him to stay with you. He was so dedicated to making everyone happy that he would never even think about breaking a commitment he’d already made to someone. You both admired him for that.

“I know,” she cooed, shushing you quietly as your breath quickened to an alarming rate to the point you were desperately trying to get air. May had sat through enough of Peter’s own panic attacks to know exactly what to do to calm a distressed teenager. You were pulled into her chest, her hand gently stroking your hair.

After your initial gasping had subsided you were taken over by anger. Anger at the world, at Mysterio, at the doctors who couldn’t save him, even pathetically at May. She didn’t do anything wrong, no one but Mysterio did, but he wasn’t here for you to take it out on, so that unfortunately fell to your boyfriend’s aunt.

“You’re lying,” you concluded, pushing her motherly touch away from any part of you. She didn’t seem personally offended by your rage, it was understandable, she’d had to deal with a lot of Peter’s. It was very common for kids not to know how to deal with their emotions, especially the stronger one’s; such as grief. And when it came to Peter Parker, he’d been through his fair share, safe to say she had practice.

She shushed you quietly, trying to coax you back into her arms but you were fighting it. It took a long time but you eventually complied, letting out all your tears into her sweater, mumbling a few quiet apologies about getting the material damp with your tears and of course snapping at her. She assured you it was okay, holding back tears of her own that she wouldn’t let fall until you were out of her sight, by now she was much better at this whole grieving process than you.

“He’s with Ben now,” she said. You could hear the love in her voice as she uttered the name of her late husband. As much as it pained her to think about the fact that they were both gone, she was thankful that they at least had each other. “And his mom and dad, and Tony,” she added, a small smile creeping on her face at the thought of how excited the boy would be to see his mentor again. It hurt, but the pain was eased knowing he wouldn’t be alone.

“B-But I still need him. I don't want him to leave me yet,” you cried. May ran a hand over your hair as she cooed quietly, but she didn’t truly know how to stop your tears. She wasn’t sure what she could think of that would do the job. “I know sweetheart, but we’ll get through this.”

You were in such a state of distress at that moment that you didn’t even recognise Happy entering the waiting room. He greeted May with a simple hello, inferring from your current state that things had gone more than sideways.

She didn’t want to talk about you like you weren’t there as she tried to explain things to Happy, but you didn’t seem to be phased in the slightest when she called your name, so she assumed it was okay to continue. You couldn’t actually hear anything going on around you, it was all like white noise to you.

It took you a few minutes to come back enough to realise that May was talking to someone, and only when you took a moment to breathe did you see it was Happy Hogan. You patiently waited for them to stop talking before telling the man the vital piece of information Peter had told you. You could still very clearly hear his broken voice telling you this was the doings of Mysterio.

“It was him,” you cried, furiously wiping your tears away as you looked up at the man. You watched his eyebrows draw together in confusion. This was the first time you’d spoken since he got here, so he just assumed that you weren’t in your right state of mind right now; although to be fair to him you weren’t. “Mysterio k-killed him, Happy.”

You saw the slight shift of anger on his face, and that alone assured you Happy would deal with it. May rubbed your arm comfortingly, her eyes silently communicating with the man that they should probably get you out of here. They should’ve been more wary of the man, they thought after the events that transpired in London everything was over, but they were wrong.

Knowing that there was someone behind this made him think there was a chance you could get clarity, the man could be punished for what he put you all through, and hopefully it'll make you feel somewhat better.

Happy was the one to help you up from the floor, steadying you on your feet just in case your knees didn’t hold out. You were very clearly weak at the moment. “Let’s get you home,” he said. “Then we can talk more about this whole Mysterio thing.”

Of course arriving home after being given such news was strange, and it was even more strange for your parents who’d been panicking regarding your whereabouts for the last few hours. The last they’d seen you’d just come back from a date with Peter, then they heard about some kid falling from the roof and their minds immediately jumped to the possibility it was you, which would explain why you were nowhere to be found.

They were ready to lecture you as soon as you got home, if you got home that was.

But when they saw you standing in the doorway, tears streaming down your face, May Parker by your side practically holding you up so you didn’t fall, they felt a small sense of relief, but it didn’t last for long as the older woman pulled them to the side to explain everything.

They were shocked to hear the news, their eyes falling to you who’d been led inside by Happy. He helped you onto the couch and sat beside you, hoping you’d be able to tell him more about why you thought Quentin Beck was the man that had killed your boyfriend. You were just trying to adjust to being in your home, where an overwhelming amount of memories were hitting you.

Everywhere you looked reminded you of him. The kitchen where you’d spent countless hours baking or cooking together, the couch where you’d had many movie nights cuddled together. Even just your front door where he always gave you a goodnight kiss when he left your apartment. It was all hitting you like a ton of bricks and it was making everything all the more painful, you couldn’t imagine what it would be like once you got back in your room.

“Can you tell me what happened, Y/N?” His voice was incredibly gentle, and he didn’t push you into saying anything straight away. He could tell you were still trying to process everything that had happened and you needed to take a few breaths before you could even begin to think about your conversation with the boy earlier.

“H-He told me. He was lying there, a-and he told me it was him.”

The man didn’t want to make you talk about this any longer. Your parents were itching to get you to your room so you could get some sleep after this whole mess, but of course they knew how important getting justice was. They were obviously nowhere near as broken about this as you, but they also adored Peter and they often spoke about how the love between you two was clear, this was going to be difficult to move on from.

“Well, this has been a hard day for us all, we’ll let you get some rest,” May announced, shuffling over to you to place a motherly kiss on your head. She whispered some reassuring and comforting words to you, reminding you you could come and see her anytime, even if you just wanted to stay in Peter’s room for a night. Happy did more or less the same, seeing you conjure up a weak smile as a thank you to them both.

“But Y/N,” he said, pausing in the doorway, gathering your attention once again. “We’ll get that son of a bitch.”

»»——⍟——««

The night before the funeral, you couldn’t sleep. You were up and out of bed within the early hours of the morning after countless attempts at failed sleep. You were dressed and ready to go by five am, somehow having not awoken your parents, even though the funeral wasn’t until eleven. You had tried to busy yourself with just about anything, but no matter what it was you did your mind always went back to him. You ended up throwing yourself on your bed, a stuffed toy Peter bought you one year for valentines in your arms, just to stare at the ceiling as the hours passed by.

That’s how your mother found you, her heart aching for you in your helpless state. She had to coax you out of bed, her hands glued to your shoulders to try and stabilise you so you didn’t stumble on your feet. The complexity of your emotions was starting to show through in the simplest of things you did, hence your struggle to even stand still at times.

She tried to take the stuffed rabbit from your arms but you wouldn’t let it go, you couldn’t let it go. If you were going to stay as strong as possible for the day then it would probably be best if you took it with you. So eventually your mother gave up trying.

It was a whole other thing to get you into the car. Although you’d been prepared this morning, now that it was becoming a reality you didn’t want to face it. There were lots of tears and much refusal on your part, but lots of cooing and kind words from your mother really helped encourage you.

You didn’t register much on the journey over there, your mind was too preoccupied playing with the watch you’d been given by May and running your fingers over the soft fabric of the bunny. It was Ben’s watch that he’d given Peter, the one you knew he loved and cherished. She’d told you that she was more than certain he’d want you to have it, in fact that was because she knew Peter was considering getting you a matching one for your birthday in a few months time.

Before you knew it your mother was letting you know that you were here, placing her hand on your knee gently before she got out of the car. You were supposed to follow, you knew that much, but you waited a few minutes to gather yourself first, exiting the car to find your parents standing there with the same sympathetic smiles that you’d grown sick of seeing. Your mom placed a hand on your shoulder, guiding you inside the misery filled building where you were met with May.

You were surprised she looked like she was doing so well because you looked the complete opposite and you wished you knew her secret. She was greeting family and friends as they entered, a smile plastered to her face that you couldn’t work out if it was real or not. She locked eyes with you and offered you a sad smile, greeting your parents before moving to you.

“You look lovely, Y/N,” May said, squeezing your shoulders sweetly before she pulled you into a hug. You sighed quietly, resting your chin on her shoulder as you desperately clung to her. She flashed your parents a strained smile over your shoulder, and they could barely muster up one of sympathy for the grieving aunt. You pulled away with a frown, letting your eyes wander the room to see the countless hero’s standing around, all here to pay their respects to their youngest avenger.

It shocked you slightly that Sam and Bucky were here considering what you’d heard from Peter about his encounter with them in Germany. But your thoughts were quickly interrupted at the sight of Morgan clinging to her mother’s hand. It was the older woman’s voice beside you that brought your attention back over to her. “You brought Bunny?” she asked sweetly.

You chuckled, nodding your head as you ran your thumb over its ear. May had been there when Peter gave the stuffed toy to you, so it made sense she recognised it. “Thought it’d give me some comfort.”

She hummed. You left her to greet the remaining guests, letting your eyes fall on Morgan again as you moved to take a seat in the room. You felt for the girl, and you could see the clear confusion on her face. Just like Pepper, you wished you could protect her from everything that happened, keep her the happy little girl you really had begun to love. But that was impossible in the kind of world you lived in, even if it was incredibly unfair.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a hand being gently placed on your shoulder.

“H-Hey Y/N,” Mj was apprehensive when she approached you, something she’d never been before. She was used to you greeting her with wide smiles and warm hugs that she always pretended she didn’t want. You turned your head to look at her but didn’t even bother trying to fake a smile, she was one of your best friends so she’d only know it wasn’t real anyway. “How are you?” she asked politely.

You wanted to scoff, yell at her for asking such a dumb question, anything to try and unleash some of this rage you had against the world at the moment, but you knew none of this was her fault. She was shy and awkward, so you knew she was only trying to make conversation, and without your usual chatty self it was much harder for her to do so. “Awful.”

You didn’t say anything else, but you were aware of the girl bouncing on her feet nervously. You heard her sigh quietly before feeling her slender arms wrapping around your frame in a way that usually you would initiate. “I love you, and I’m here for you if you ever need me,” she told you, placing a friendly kiss on your cheek as she pulled away and left you to mope.

You got a lot more of that, the dreaded sympathy that only made you feel worse. You wanted to escape them all, you were sure one more over exaggerated look of pity from Thor was going to make you explode.

After the main part of the funeral was over, you essentially disappeared. None of the adults responsible for you had any idea where you were, all but one that was. Happy had seen you trying to sneak away with tears dripping from your cheeks and insisted you sit with him and Morgan just for a little while. The girl was notorious for being able to bring up the mood of anyone, hell her dad was Tony Stark, she’d had practice.

There was just something about her innocence and overwhelming positivity that rubbed off on everyone she spoke to, including you, even on a day like today. As soon as she saw the tears on your face she was wrapping her tiny arms around your torso and demanding you let her tell you some jokes. Most of them were terrible, yes, and she didn’t quite understand all of them, obviously having picked them up from someone like Sam who had no filter even around children, but they did make you giggle even just a little bit.

You told her all about your rabbit and where you got it when she asked, the girl happy to listen to the story about the boy she’d considered like her brother. It had been a touchy topic the entire day and pretty much no one had actually spoken about him, it was nice to hear about and talk about in your case.

Happy was glad to see you smiling, and the sight even had a smile of his own tugging at the corners of his mouth. Over the last month your parents, May, Happy and even your school friends (which only consisted of Ned and Mj mainly) had made it their mission to try and get you out of the house, or at least to smile.

They hadn’t all been successful. Mj had simply read to you in the park one early morning when you found you couldn’t sleep, it started out well, you were outside, but the book had been a bad choice; some story about two lovers that couldn’t be together that only in turn made you more sad. She’d apologised profusely, assuring you she didn’t know but you brushed it off with that same numb feeling in your stomach.

May had managed to bring you a sense of comfort, but not one that had you smiling, more so one that was just helping you to grow more attached to Peter. She’d brought over a hoodie of his, with the promise of bringing more when that one lost his scent, and you truly were grateful, but you weren’t sure how much help it really was.

Your parents didn’t know what to do, they just tried to help out when they could, they listened to you cry and curse at the world for taking such a perfect boy, but no smile.

Happy had managed to pull the smallest of smiles out of you though. He’d found Peter’s camera and laptop while he was sorting through Spiderman’s room at the compound, and after going through a bit of the content on there, most of which was videos of you and Peter being dumb or the man taking off guard photos of you for the sake of just documenting how much he loved you, he decided you would be happy to have it. And he was right, he’d stayed with you while you went through the first few things on the harddrive, seeing the watery smile on your face as you got to hear his voice again. You’d actually thanked him, with a quiet almost undetected crack in your voice. It was something you were going to cherish forever.

The most successful of the bunch though had actually been Ned, mainly because he was also trying to adapt to losing the boy he did everything with, he lost his best friend too. Everyone had told him it wasn’t a good idea, but the boy had insisted. He thought doing all the things you used to do with Peter might bring back old memories, good memories.

He was completely right, from watching star wars to even going as far as playing with legos with him, he had you laughing all night. It was like the you from before the incident was back and he was happy to be the one to have made it that way. It didn’t last though, so clearly it was too good to be true, by the next day you were right back to the way you were, like Ned’s attempt at making you happy hadn’t even happened, but it was a start.

Now Happy wasn’t sure if what he was about to do would cheer you up or make you even more upset, but he wanted to respect Peter’s wishes that he’d explained to Happy when you started dating. He didn’t know what Peter had said on the device, he didn’t want to intrude on that, but he hoped it was good.

“H-He wanted me to give this to you, in case anything like this ever happened,” Happy explained. You took the small disc from the man’s hands with your brows drawn together in confusion. He flashed you a tight lipped smile and coaxed Morgan away from you for a little while.

You hadn’t minded her company, she was the only one at the funeral who wasn’t pitying you and treating you like a newborn baby. She had suffered more than you in this past year, and you had no idea how she kept her spirit up, she’d lost her dad and the boy she’d grown to consider a brother in such a short time, she truly amazed you.

You sat in the room alone just staring at the techy disc in your hands. It had a small label on the side and scribbled in Peter’s adorably messy handwriting were the words ‘For my love.’

It made you smile slightly, having to wipe away a few tears that escaped so they didn’t fall onto the item in your hands.

You tucked it into your pocket with a promise to watch it as soon as you got home, and with a few deep breaths and a quick squeeze of the toy, you were psyching yourself up to head back and find your parents, see how everyone else was doing.

You wanted today to be over already.

»»——⍟——««

The first thing you did when you got home was head straight to your room. Your curiosity as to what was on that device was growing as the seconds ticked by, yet you wanted to be the only one to see it. It felt like you were being a little selfish, but it was addressed to you and you didn’t think anyone else deserved to hear what he had to say as much as you did.

You turned the lock on your door and placed the small piece of tech on the end of your bed, trying to decipher how to turn it on.

It startled you when the hologram projected the image a few feet away, a clear picture of your boyfriend that had you gasping. Part of you wanted to reach out for him, hoping he’d reach back but you knew it’d crush your soul when he didn’t. At the end of the day it was no more than a recording that was a little more high tech thanks to his mentor.

“Wow okay, I-I don’t really know where to start here,” he chuckled. You could see how on the hologram he nervously played with his fingers, something that would usually have you reaching over to hold his hand. “Mr Stark said I should make one of these just in case anything ever happened. May got one too, so don’t worry about that,” he explained. You didn’t know why, considering he couldn’t see you, but you were nodding along.

“If you’re watching this then I’m, well dead. I-I don’t know how it happened- O-Obviously you do, but I can guarantee no matter how, you were the last thing on my mind. You’re always on my mind, baby.”

You smiled softly. You had to take a second and pause the video. It was overwhelming to see him so real for the first time since the incident, and this time you couldn’t stop yourself reaching out to just hope something happened; Anything really. Of course your hand just fell straight through the paused projection as expected, forcing a sob out of your throat. But with a few deep breaths, and a very heavy heart, you were calm enough again to finish hearing what he had to say.

You pressed play and pulled your knees up to your chest, curling in on yourself like a human ball of sadness, eyes trailing over to the spiderman plushie in the centre of your bed. It’d been a gag gift from MJ at first, one that Peter found rather funny too, and eventually the teddy became a permanent feature of your bed. These past weeks it’d been your lifeline. So it was understandable that you reached out for it to cling to while you watched the remainder of the tape. It had a different meaning to Bunny, Bunny was something that came directly from your love and connected you to Peter. But this one connected you directly to Spiderman and that’s what you felt like you needed though.

His death hadn’t been about Peter, it had been about Spiderman.

“I will never stop loving you Y/N. But if you are seeing this someday, then I want you to know that I want you to move on.” There was a few seconds of silence where he wanted to let his words sink in. “I know what it’s like to lose people you love, and I know it hurts, it hurts so bad. But please move on some day, don’t waste your life waiting for me to come back, because I can’t.” The crack in his voice was evident as he basically forced his last words out.

You sighed shakily, gnawing on your bottom lip as you tried to hold back the tears. You didn’t know hearing your lover say that could hurt you so much. He just wanted you to be happy, it shouldn’t make you so upset that he wanted you to be happy without him.

“Go have fun, go get a tattoo or just do something reckless. Do all the things we wanted to do together instead of crying in your room like I know you already are. But do these things with someone, someone you love. Don’t spend time regretting whatever happened because you can’t change it, it’s always gonna suck bubba, it just starts to suck less.”

He was right. God he was so right, just like he always was. That’s another one of the countless things you adored about him, he was just so smart that he was always right all the time. It was something that used to make him flustered because he didn’t want people to see him as a know it all. You smiled at the thought, nuzzling your nose into the head of the bear that had a barely lingering scent of your boyfriend on it; maybe you could ask May for some of his shirts to put on it.

“Peter?” Your head shot up as you heard your own voice on the recording, all things starting to lock into place as you realised when he filmed this. You remembered hanging out with him that day, and you remember asking what the disc thing was that he was holding. He’d brushed it off and told you it was something for Tony before showering you in greeting kisses.

“Uh, you’re here so I should go. I love you Y/N, forever.” The hologram shut off at that point and you knew what he probably expected you to do. So you mumbled the next two words quietly under your breath. “And always.”

You laid back on your bed, taking a few deep breaths before you descended into heartbreaking sobs at the thought of your lover again. This was going to be one hell of a process.

That night, after everything, you needed Peter more than ever. You were craving the feeling of his arms wrapping around you so desperately. Like every other night in the past month you’d planned on crying yourself to sleep, finding it was the only way to get your mind to shut down and allow you to enjoy the pleasantry of sleeping.

Unexpectedly, or maybe you should’ve seen it coming, your mother intervened, insisting just for the night she wanted you to try and take care of yourself, with her help if you needed it.

She couldn’t stand to see you so broken. With much convincing you eventually did agree, simply doing the small things probably would make you feel even the tiniest bit better, and that was good enough for you. She’d dubbed it a much needed self care night.

You were starting with a warm bath, hoping to try and relax and take your mind off of everything. What you didn’t intend was for the swarm of memories of the times you and Peter had shared the intimacy of baths with each other. It was further along in your relationship when you grew more comfortable with each other, so the action in itself was very short lived, but you loved it just as much. You were convinced you could still feel his strong arms around your body, lips on your neck and head and the thought alone only made you sob so much harder.

Of course what you didn’t know was Peter actually was there, in spirit— or maybe ghost form he didn’t really know, shedding tears of his own as he nuzzled his face into your shoulder. He didn’t know how this whole death thing worked, didn’t know why you could feel him but not see him or hear him and your current state broke his heart.

He tried to tell you that he was there but he never seemed to grab your attention. He needed you just as much as you needed him. Granted he’d been reunited with the many people he’d lost through his short life, but he was a kid, he was scared, and he needed his partner in crime by his side like always to help him through it. But sadly, that’s not how it worked.

“I’m here Y/N,” he frowned, heart breaking further than he thought possible. “I’m here.”

»»——⍟——««

After the funeral it didn’t take long until you’d convinced your parents you were okay to go to school. It’d only been just over a month since the incident, so of course you were still grieving, but you were just desperate to throw yourself and your focus into anything at this point, just to get your mind off of him. You couldn’t keep spending your days locked in your room crying into your valentine’s bear he’d got you one year. They were hesitant at first, but after you explained they understood where you were coming from.

But stepping through those familiar doors on that first day back, you weren’t sure it was exactly the right decision anymore. You were met with an overwhelming wave of pitying faces, even more so when walking past the decorated locker that belonged to him.

Others noticed how you slowed your steps when you approached it, seeing the pictures and worn down candles decorating the outside. Each picture was recognisable to you, but you didn’t understand how anyone other than yourself or your friends could have gotten a hold of them, but MJ and Ned never notified you they’d created a shrine.

You hated it. If you knew anything about your boy you knew that he wouldn’t have wanted this. Peter was far from popular in this school, considered a nerd that people tended to just make fun of, especially Flash Thompson. But now even he was pretending to be sympathetic towards the brunette and it made you ridiculously irritated. You didn’t know what to do in your sudden rage, you couldn’t just tear down the shrine, then you’d be seen as such a horrible person, but the thought of these people pretending they knew Peter, your Peter, disgusted you.

You were snapped out of your seething daze by a sudden hand being placed on your shoulder, your body tensing up and relaxing when Ned stepped into your line of vision. He seemed perkier than he was the last time you saw him, granted that was at the funeral so you wouldn’t expect him to be very happy.

“Y/N, long time no see,” Ned teased. You smiled softly, startling him when you pulled him into a tight hug, right in the middle of the busy school hallway. You melted into your friend, knowing the both of you really needed that hug right now. “Let’s go somewhere quieter. I don’t like how everyone’s looking at us.”

You agreed silently, following him all the way to the library where the two of you found Michelle working on some project. She smiled at Ned when she saw him, but she smiled even wider when her gaze landed on you, happy to see her friend trying to get herself back into her normal everyday routine.

She waited for you to approach the table before she said or did anything. You were the one to pull her into a hug, a tight one, but she hugged back just as easily. It wasn’t like when you’d usually have to coax her into hugging you back, but she didn’t want to keep taking your affection for granted, not when one of her best friends was ripped away from her so easily and suddenly. “I missed you,” she whispered.

“I missed you too.”

After your quick reunion, the pair of you sat down at the table beside Ned, delving into a quiet conversation. It felt so natural, like nothing had ever changed, even if there was a very large gap missing from your lives and your friendship group.

“Hey, Y/L/N.” Your head turned to where the voice had come from, watching Flash get shushed by the librarian for yelling so loudly while people were trying to enjoy the quiet. Like most other teachers at Midtown she knew how much of a bully he was, especially towards Peter– she on many occasions had had to give you and your boyfriend a place to hide out from him when he just got too much to keep brushing off, hence why she sent a wink your way after she scolded him. You didn’t want pity from your fellow students or even the teachers, but at that moment you were really glad the lovely woman was looking out for you.

The brunette that had yelled for you simply rolled his eyes, taking the scolding as his queue to step closer to your table. You gulped, eyes flickering between him and your friends and then that sick smirk playing on his face.

“I’m sorry to hear about Parker, such a sad loss-” MJ intervened before he could say something that would really hurt you. Even the mention of his name and the implication of his tragic death was painful enough to think about. “Cut it out Eugene. This isn’t a joke.”

“I didn’t say it was, Michelle.” She glared at him angrily and you placed your hand on her arm for a tiny bit of comfort. You didn’t have to sit here and amuse him, he wasn’t worth the time or effort. “I was just offering my condolences to the guy’s loved one. I heard you were there that night, Y/N–”

That was enough for your friends. “Let’s just go, you don’t need to listen to him.” You agreed with Ned, packing up your stuff quickly so you didn’t have to keep listening to Flash’s insensitive comments. He always took stuff too far.

The three of you headed to your first class early rather than suffering through the richkid’s presence. It wasn’t great, especially not with all the looks of sympathy you were getting, but it was the best alternative. You kept your head down most of the time, as you did for all of your classes that morning, your teachers didn’t mind, they put it down to the events everyone was aware had transpired. Usually you’d hate it, but it meant you could simply just relax with numerous distractions until lunch.

The majority of lunch was spent with your head on MJ’s shoulder while she ate and occasionally read a line of her book to you, not participating in conversation, but being constantly brought back to reality by the feel of her hand playing with your hair. You thanked her quietly for the affection, even if it was just a small gesture, but it was something she knew Peter used to do and it just made you feel so loved.

By the end of the day you were exhausted, and your mind had been made up that you maybe needed some more time off before you could really settle back into school.

You let your friends know as such, receiving nothing but love, understanding and unconditional support and you were overwhelmingly grateful for that.

When the three of you were leaving for the day, they offered to walk you home, maybe spend some time with you at your apartment so you didn’t have to be alone in your thoughts. You accepted, offering them both your thanks that they insisted wasn’t necessary.

Before you made it out of the building, you vocalised your thoughts about the shrine you’d seen, the one that made you uncomfortable.

“What’s up with that?” you asked MJ as you walked past Peter’s locker, noticing more stuff had been added since you saw it for the first time that morning. She frowned but then rolled her eyes. “Something some random girl started when the news got out, claimed they were such good friends that she just had to remember him somehow.”

You cocked your head. To your knowledge the only female friends Peter has ever had were you, MJ, Betty and Liz, and he hasn’t talked to Liz since she moved away. “Who was it?”

The girl just simply shrugged, tugging you in the direction of the school doors so you didn’t keep fixating on the sad attempt at making up for the way Peter had been treated by his peers throughout his school life. “Let’s get you home and in a better mood.”

“Will ice cream be involved?” you asked, flashing your friend puppy dog eyes. She giggled, picking up your guys’ pace. “Of course it will be.”

»»——⍟——««

After some time in your apartment watching movies in your room, just like old times, Ned had to leave. That left you and MJ, lounging in your bed with tubs of ice cream and some random movie playing. You were paying more attention to it than she was, you didn’t know the name of it but it was interesting enough, but she was actually studying your room.

She hadn’t been in there in a few weeks and it hadn’t changed significantly. But it was like you were at a toss up of whether you wanted to hide every trace of Peter, or put everything he’d ever touched on show.

She was concerned about you, everyone was, and she didn’t know any other way to approach it other than to be straight up. Her ice cream tub was placed down on one of the side tables beside your bed, the girl then cuddling into your side. Her arms were wrapped around one of yours, her head settling on your shoulder.

She hoped the soft touch would make this go down smoother. “Y/N?” she asked.

You hummed, tearing your eyes away from the screen to look at those wide brown ones that were looking right at you. You offered her a warm smile, letting her know she could tell you whatever was on her mind.

“Do you miss him?” she asked. Her voice was so quiet you almost didn’t hear it. It was like she was scared to ask, unsure it was the right thing to say. You both knew the answer realistically, but she was just curious how you were holding up.

You nodded. “More than anything. B-But, thinking about him hurts, which is why I covered all the pictures,” you explained, motioning to the turned down picture frames on your desk. “But I don’t want to stop thinking about him either, then I miss him too much—“

“Which is why you’ve got the stuffed toys and his hoodie,” she deducted. You didn’t even realise you had his hoodie on, not until she pointed it out. It was just a natural thing for you to do at this point. You recognised the familiar blue material when you looked down at it, a ghost of a smile on your lips.

You didn’t even realise you had started crying until MJ wiped a tear away from your cheek. You sniffled, chuckling awkwardly as you apologised. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.” You smiled gratefully, nuzzling your cheek against the top of her head sweetly. So much physical contact with MJ over these past few weeks was strange, you weren’t used to it, but it was incredibly comforting and you really appreciated it.

She noticed you suddenly seemed quieter, leading her to believe you had something on your mind. “Everything okay?”

You hesitated before responding. “This is going to sound crazy, but I've been seeing him, in my dreams. He talks to me and tells me he’s okay, and–”

She reminded you to take a few deep breaths, She didn’t want you to overwhelm yourself like you were so clearly doing. The tears were getting much worse to control. She was making this whole thing so much easier with her gentle touches, you’d probably be an even bigger mess if she wasn’t here. “He was upset that I wasn’t wearing the necklace he gave me.”

She didn’t say anything, just allowed you to take your time. “I-I have my necklace, the one with his initial on it, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to wear it.” It was sad, you loved the dainty piece of jewellery, it was something you held dear to you since receiving it as a gift on your one year anniversary, and recently was the only time you’d taken it off since he gave it to you.

MJ had never seen you so broken. “It’d be good to keep wearing it,” she said. “Don’t try and block him out of your memory, Y/N.”

She was right. You’d never forget him, never, but trying to pretend as though he didn’t exist by blocking out the memories, or hiding everything you had connected with him wasn’t a good idea.

“I think— I think I might go and see him tomorrow, maybe I’ll be able to wear it then.” She offered to come with you, knowing it might be too painful or uncomfortable to go alone, but you politely turned the offer down. This was something you had to do alone, you didn’t want her to see you grieving more than she already has. You couldn’t imagine you were going to be pleasant to be around. “Thank you, for everything, MJ.”

»»——⍟——««

You didn’t think you were ever going to get used to visiting your boyfriend’s grave. It was strange and you weren’t one that could bring yourself to have a conversation with the headstone like you knew a lot of people did, it felt too weird, you didn’t like it. But you were still going to sit there and reminisce for as long as you could.

Before you left your home, you’d clipped your necklace back on. It’d been tucked away shallowly in a drawer and running your hands over the gold letter had brought a tear to your eye. Peter watched over your shoulder as you fumbled to get the clasp fastened correctly. It made him smile, you’d always been bad with necklaces, he was always the one who’d put them on for you.

It felt so intimate whenever he did that, he would always place a sweet kiss to your shoulder that signalled he was done and it would have goosebumps erupting all over your body. Apparently you both remembered the thought at the same time, a small smile creeping onto your face as you let go of the chain, letting it rest against your skin. You picked up the flowers you’d gotten in advance for this, making sure to take them with you.

“You can do this Y/N.”

That was all the encouragement you needed. With the necklace firmly around your neck you were heading right to the graveyard, walking through the many rows of graves to find the specific one you were looking for. The name carved in the stone sent a shiver down your spine.

You took a seat on the grass in front of the headstone, raising your hand to let your fingertips trace the writing of his name. You set the flowers down at the bottom of the stone, taking a singular one out and keeping it in your grasp.

“Hey, Pete,” you whispered. You pulled your knees up to your chest, wrapping your arms around them. You rested your cheek against the tops of them, letting out a sigh as you delved into your silence that you’d remain in for the entirety of your visit.

Your mind and heart was full of memories of the times you’d spent with him, they made you happy and brought a sense of warmth to your heart. You had quite a few in the space you were in right now, only of another person’s grave. Being in this place reminded you of the times you’d accompanied your boyfriend to visit his Uncle Ben. The last time hadn’t been that long ago, he made it a monthly thing that he always stuck to.

You were there to provide him comfort. Sometimes the two of you would just sit in silence together, other times when it was particularly difficult, you’d cradle his head and stroke his cheek, letting him talk about all his good memories with Ben to make him feel better.

If you focused you could still feel the skin of his cheek under your thumb, and if you concentrated even harder you could feel the faint touch of him doing the same to you. He simply wanted to return the comfort.

You sighed, closing your eyes as you willed the tears away. That was how the rest of your day was spent, in the same spot, in the same silence, until your phone started to ring with a concerned parent calling you. You let your mom know where you were and that you’d start to head back. You didn’t know when it got dark but it meant you’d been sitting there a while. The time flew by like it was nothing. “I’ll see you soon, Peter.”

You fiddled with the singular flower in your hands that you’d taken from Peter’s cluster, deciding you had one more thing to do before you left to go home. You remembered the route to Ben’s grave easily, considering May didn’t frequently visit her husband’s grave anymore, finding it too painful, and now Peter was gone, there was no one else left to see him. You thought the man deserved better than that. You didn’t know him too well, mainly just knew things from what Peter had told you, but that didn’t matter.

You laid down the flower at his grave. “‘M sorry, ben.” You don’t really know what you were apologising for, maybe it was because his nephew was gone, or maybe deep down you just felt guilty that they were both gone and you were still here. Either way, you made a promise to yourself to bring the old man a flower every time you came to visit Peter.

For the first time in a long time as you headed home in the dark you felt scared. Usually you had that reminder that Peter was out there watching over the streets of Queens, nothing bad would happen to you when he was out there. And if he wasn’t on patrol, he was the one walking you home, but you no longer had that safety net.

Of course he was watching you like usual though, over your shoulder to make sure you were safe. Peter didn’t know what the limitations of death were, he didn’t know what he could actually do for you if anything bad was to happen, but he likes to think he could do something. For now though, you were just set on getting home.

»»——⍟——««

Nervously fiddling with your necklace had become a bit of a thing for you since you started wearing it again. You couldn’t actually believe what you were about to do, neither could your friends. You’d told MJ and Ned you wanted to apologise to Flash for the other day. If you were truly going to move on from everything, get back to being the happy person you were before Peter’s death, then you had to stop with the hatred. He could hate you all he wanted, but you couldn’t do it anymore.

You left your friends by your locker when you saw the kid heading down the hall. With a deep breath you were calling his name, watching his eyes widen as he saw you. “Hey, Flash.” He really hadn’t expected you to approach him, especially after the way MJ reacted to him in the library.

“Are you here to yell at me? Did Michelle not do a good enough job?” he spat. You huffed, swallowing down any snarky remark you wanted to shoot back at the unbearable boy. Now you remembered why you disliked him so much, he truly was insufferable. But this apology was all about moving on and making things right. You couldn’t get angry and back out.

“I-I’m sorry about the other day, about jumping to conclusions,” you started. “MJ was just being protective, and–”

He shook his head, flashing you a smile that you’d never seen before from him. It actually looked genuine and it surprised you. He thought if anything he should be the one saying sorry for everything he’s put you through, as well as Peter in the past. It might not make up for anything he ever said or did to the boy, but it was certainly a start. “I should be the one apologising.”

It was shocking that you could have an actual genuine conversation with Flash, this was something you’d never done in the numerous years you’d known him. It went better than you thought it would and by the end of it all bad blood between the two of you had been squashed. He could never take back anything he said, or apologise directly to Peter, but you deemed it good enough that he was willing to make amends between you. If only he’d do the same with your friends.

After your talk with him you went and found them again, seeing they were still waiting for you by your locker. The grins on their faces were a telltale sign of how they thought it went. “So, how did it go?” The pair were ready to tease you for your trying, believing the kid wasn’t someone you could have a civil conversation with. They believed him to be just as insufferable as you did before about five minutes ago, possibly more.

“Actually, really well.” They stared at you like they were waiting for a punchline, but it never came. It was difficult for them to process that you were being completely serious, so they treaded carefully. “H-He really had a conversation, and apologised to you?”

You rolled your eyes. “Yes, now can we be done with this?”

They shared a look that you didn’t want to begin to address, taking their silence as a yes. MJ was the one to actually change the subject though, leading the three of you to your first class of the day, going off on some tangent about a book she’d been reading the previous day.

Ned stole your attention though, the boy wrapping his arm around your shoulders sweetly. “He’d be proud of you,” he whispered, not wanting to interrupt the ranting brunette girl. It brought a smile to your face the more you thought about it. “You think so?”

He nodded, confirming. “I know so.”

»»——⍟——««

Peter was right. The pain of losing him never went away, he was still the first thing on your mind every time you woke up, but it had considerably started to suck less as time went on.

You got yourself into a brand new routine that no longer involved him, and in a way things were starting to go back to normal for you. Or at least as normal as they could be, it just took some time.

Part of your morning routine before work was to go and get a coffee from a cute little shop down the street from your home. It was quiet, quaint and the perfect place for you to ease into the morning of a busy day.

That was where you met him for the first time. It was unintentional, you’d just got your coffee and were heading out of the door when you stumbled over your own feet, ever so clumsy. Of course you had to drop your newly purchased drink too, watching it spill on the floor. He was the one that caught you, saving the embarrassment of landing flat on your face in the middle of all these people. And you were ever so grateful this moment wasn’t one of those typical cliché’s where you spilled your coffee on him and a romance blossomed when you offered to repay him.

You were a little flustered when you finally built up the courage to speak to him, chuckling nervously as you wiped your sweaty palms on your jeans. “S-Sorry about that, my friends always tell me I’m clumsy. I guess I underestimate them.”

His deep chuckle reached your ears and you could’ve sworn your heart paused for a minute. You raised your head to look at him for the first time after you very literally fell for him, and you were slightly shocked. You hadn't expected him to be so attractive. If you didn’t feel a massive wave of guilt and a sudden thought about Peter the moment after that, you probably would’ve thought about the possibility of getting his number. But that felt wrong, like you were betraying the boy you promised had your heart forever.

“Don’t worry, I’m just glad I could prevent a pretty girl from getting hurt.” His flirting wasn’t subtle and it had heat rushing to your cheeks as you froze in your spot like a shocked school girl. He noticed the way you didn’t take easily to the flirting, but he brushed it off as you maybe being shy and tried to ease it up a little.

“Could I maybe buy you another coffee, I feel partly responsible for making you drop yours.”

You seemed hesitant to him. He was starting to grow a little embarrassed himself, thinking you were completely uninterested and he’d just made a fool of himself. He watched as your hand came up to your chest, twirling the small letter pendant in between your fingers.

It suddenly hit him the possibility of you having a significant other and he backtracked on everything he said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about you having a boyfriend, I-I was just so distracted and—“

You shook your head, offering him a smile. This is what he meant by moving on and you needed to start trying to do so eventually. “No, uh— I don’t. It’s complicated.”

You realized that probably wasn’t the greatest of explanations you could’ve given, so you tried to attempt to save the conversation. “Why don’t I let you know over that coffee?”

The grin returned to his face, his head nodding. “I’d like that. Maybe I could start with getting your name.”

»»——⍟——««

Even after many years had passed, the loss of the love of your life was enough to haunt you every day. You’d tried to do as he asked, you tried so hard to move on, not only with your everyday life, but your love life too. And you did, but no one would ever replace Peter.

Thankfully, after some searching, you’d found a man that was okay with that. He was completely respectful over your attachment to the male, because he couldn’t truly understand the hurt you’d gone through losing Peter at such a young age and he didn’t want to be the one to force you to forget all of your progress.

No longer would you cry a river every time you saw a picture of his face, and you wanted that to be acknowledged, hence the small pictures that decorated the apartment you and your new boyfriend shared. He didn’t mind them, he actually embraced them often. He was always wanting to know the stories behind them and wanting to see others you had stored somewhere. He quickly came to discover you and Peter documented much of your time together, and often when you were feeling down and particularly missing him, he would recreate some of the infamous dates you spoke of even years later.

The dreams had also gotten easier. At first Peter plagued your dreams every time you closed your eyes to go to sleep, but eventually his visits to your unconscious mind grew fewer the less you needed him. That was due to him believing it wasn’t helping you like he’d thought. Reminding you of what you used to be was keeping you from blossoming in your new relationship.

Whether you were ready or not, Peter decided tonight would be the time he said goodbye. He had a feeling it’d be quite the emotional one, but thankfully you had your new lover beside you to comfort you if you needed it.

He waited until you were in a deep enough sleep, invading your dream with a comforting smile that would hopefully make this go down easier.

When you first noticed him he watched the sweetest grin spread across your beautiful face, making his heart feel all fuzzy. “Pete, I missed you.”

You didn’t hesitate to throw your arms around him, burying your head in the crook of his neck and being engulfed by that familiar scent of him. He couldn’t let you believe this was going to be one of those pleasant memories though. If he wanted this to be as easy as it could be, it was going to have to be quick. “We need to talk.”

Your smile dropped quickly, that aching feeling lingering in your chest. These dreams with Peter meant too much to you for them to go away now.

You had no idea that this was him actually finding his way into your dreams, before now all the quick greetings had led into at least one memory you shared so you just assumed they were things you actually experienced. But this one wasn’t real, this one was new.

“I have to stop coming here,” he said, stroking your cheek lightly with his thumb. It hurt him more than you could ever understand to be doing this to you. “You don’t need me anymore.”

“What? Of course I do. Y-You can’t leave.”

This was the difficult part, convincing you that his actions were in your best interest rather than him being cruel. “No, believe me, you don’t.”

The sweet tone he was using was confusing your mind. You wanted to give in because of how kind he sounded, but that completely conflicted with the feeling of pain blooming in your heart at the words he was saying. “No, no.” It felt as though agreeing to this term meant you were agreeing to finally letting Peter go. That wasn’t the case but your emotions were really beginning to cloud your judgment to the point it didn’t matter what was true and what wasn't.

Your hands reached forward to fist the material of his shirt, trying to swallow down the sob threatening to topple past your lips. “Peter, please, don’t leave me,” you begged, your blurry eyes fixed on the figure standing in front of you. You didn’t try to wipe your tears anymore because they only proved to fall harder and faster down your already stained cheeks. He smiled that soft smile that you loved you so much, his thumb gliding over your cheek.

“You don’t need me anymore,” he repeated, not in a rude or controlling kind of way, my god he would stay by your side in a heartbeat if he truly believed he needed to, but rather in a wise way. It was unhealthy for you to keep clinging onto this last bit of him you saw in your dreams, especially when you were trying to move on, unlike his, your life had to keep moving forward.

Of course he would always be watching over in case you really needed him. His Spiderman persona may have been what got him killed but he still had the urge to protect people, more specifically and especially you, from any form of danger.

It was difficult for him, because Peter couldn’t progress anymore, he was stuck having to spectate from now until forever. But he was glad he could continue to watch you grow, watch you marry, maybe even have the family you always talked about together.

He would never truly leave you, but he couldn’t keep visiting you like this if he still expected you to stop having him on your mind day in and day out.

“I do, I need you more than anything,” you said, trying to convince him to keep coming back to your dreams. The nicer dreams were sometimes all that got you through certain days, and you didn’t think you were willing to give that up what felt like so soon. Of course it wasn’t soon, it’d been years, but that didn’t make it any easier, you just didn’t want to let go.

“No baby.” He cupped your face, resting his forehead against yours before lightly pecking your lips. “You’re okay now, you can do this without me.”

You tried to protest, but apparently he’d made his mind up. You were too upset about the situation to notice the tears building in his own eyes as he kissed you for the final time before he’d have to part with you.

“I love you, Pete. Forever,” you said, sniffling quietly. One of your hands was cupping his cheek, the other playing with the hair at the nape of his neck like you used to do when he’d take naps on you. He smiled a watery smile. “And always.”

You awoke with a loud gasp that dissipated into a choked sob, one that startled the man next to you. He was surprisingly used to waking up to you in this state, and he didn’t blame you for it. He was quiet as he helped you to lay back down, pulling you into his body.

“Hey, you’re okay. You’re home, in bed, safe.” You melted into the man’s side comfortably, most of the initial stress of your dream fading away at the touch of the man you loved. His lips lightly came down to leave a few pecks on your hairline, his large hand rubbing up and down your back until your body stopped its trembling.

One of the things you loved about him was that he never forced you to talk about these dreams if you didn’t want to. Even without telling him what it was he knew exactly who was there.

“It was another Peter dream,” you spoke after a few minutes of silence. He hummed quietly. He didn’t hate it when you talked about Peter, or the fact that you still had your pictures together decorating your apartment, or the fact that he knew you always carried around a polaroid of the man, because he understood. Or he understood as well as he could, but he respected that you were trying for him and that’s all that mattered. He was at least proud of how far you’d come grieving wise since he’d met you.

“D’you want to try going back to sleep? Or we could watch a movie or something.”

You shook your head to the latter offer, mumbling something about just going back to sleep peacefully in his arms.

He was perfectly okay with that, nodding his head and doing whatever he could to make sure you drifted off again. He was finding it harder to fall asleep, worried that you would need his help again.

Instead he just lied there, listening to your slowing breaths in the dark room, his fingertips trailing up and down your arm. His eyes scanned the room for what he could see, eyes landing on the framed picture across from the bed.

It was of you and Pete of course, right next to another one of you and him together. Peter could remember the day it was taken, it was one he would often project in your dreams when he could feel that you were especially needing him. It was the day of the incident however, but he hoped by helping you remember the good of the day, it would outweigh the bad.

His eyes flickered down again to you in his arms. The way your breathing had slowed now that you’d fallen back asleep, peacefully this time due to the sense of protection you felt being cradled by your boyfriend.

For the last time he looked back up at the picture and his mouth twitched into a smile, his eyes watering partially at the circumstance. And as Peter began to disappear for good so your boyfriend could love you in peace, he watched as the man stared at your picture and whispered a quiet, grateful, thank you.

━━━━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━━━━

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