#✦ ─── if i'm lost now then how do i find myself? \ MAIN ARC .

[queenofapeacefuldawn]

SxF Crack Theory: The Identity Of [REDACTED]'s Father

Hear me out here.... but, maybe, Twilight's father could be Yuri's boss, aka, the SSS Lieutenant.

Now, this might be a crack/joke theory, but here is the evidence I have to back up my claim (yes, I'm presenting it because I'm just Like That):

(Warning: Manga spoilers ahead)

Exhibit A: Physical Characteristics

Here is a picture of Agent Twilight:

Here is a picture of Yuri's boss (who, from now in, will be referred to as YB, for my own convenience):

We can see that Twilight and YB have very similar facial characteristics: bluish-grey eyes, blond hair, and a similar face shape (nose, jaw).

We never see Twilight's father's full face: only the lower half, because he has presumably forgotten his face, along with his mother's (King of Emotional Repression™️), but we can see that his jawline and shape of his mouth are very similar to Adult Twilight.

Oh, and look at that- rather pronounced cheekbones, if I do say so myself. Where else did I see those? Hmmm

Exhibit B: Ambiguous Fate

During the War Arc, we're never told about [REDACTED]'s father's fate. We just know he never returns to his family: and the reason why he left for the very last time, was that, "Things have been heating up at the border. I need to take a little business trip." The fact that his, a (presumably) rather important man's, body was never recovered: nor were [REDACTED] or his mother informed of his death. Of course, his body could have been lost in the bombings, or the part of [REDACTED] finding out about his father's dead could have been omitted, but for most of the part, we're left to assume about his father's dead. And... this sounds familiar to another instance...

Like the instance of [REDACTED]'s friends. He (and we) assumed they'd died in the warehouse as children, but later we see that they're alive and in the army (only to die a second time, RIP), but this time, for their deaths to be confirmed: for [REDACTED] to only receive their dog tags after the failed campaign.

This may have been a setup: for Endo to reintroduce [REDACTED]'s father, later in the story, as YB.

Anyway, one thing I've learned after reading and watching so many books, comics, and TV shows: never assume a person's dead, not unless their body/proof of their death has been explicitly shown. This belief was only reinforced after [REDACTED]'s friends.

And, [REDACTED]'s father's last known place was around the Westalian-Ostanian border. He could have escaped in the crossfire, theoretically...

Exhibit C: Fatherly Nature (?)

We all love a good found-family dynamic in the workplace. It's there with WISE, it's there with Garden, and it's kinda there with the SSS.

My main argument about this stems from the chapter which focuses on Yuri's work.

We see YB continuously worry about Yuri's physical health, in panels like:

Obviously, this doesn't happen only in this chapter. Whenever Yuri's there, YB is also there, yelling at him to a) go to sleep, or b) STOP GETTING HIT BY BUSSES OH MY FUCKING GOD IT CAN'T HAPPEN SO MANY TIMES TO ONE PERSON-

And, of course, there's the Yuri Sick Fic chapter:

Not gonna lie, this point is extremely weak, if I brought this up in court I'd be laughed out of there-

Anyway, I just wanted to put this in.

If it does turn out that YB is [REDACTED]'s father then. Bestie. Buddy. How are you managing to be a better father-figure to some insolent kid who gets hit by busses than you were to your actual son, like 20 years ago. Maybe he learned along the way.

Exhibit D: Symbolism (???)

Oh, look, another point I'm pulling out of my ass! But whatever, you're reading it <3

During the War Arc, we see Twilight sustain two major injuries:

One, as a child, when his home is bombed:

And two, as an adult, in the army:

and these injuries are both to his left eye.

Of course, this has given rise to theories of him not being able to see his left eye, it being his blind spot, and Yor guarding his blind spot on missions, etc., etc., which I love bc ✨Twiyor✨

Getting back on point, if we look at YB, we see that he has injuries too... or rather, remnants of them, what with the scars he has...

which, are also on his left eye. Huh! Interesting... this might just be me, but could this be parallels to how similar he and his father were? Are? His father also wanted peace between Ostania and Westalis: but he taught his child that in a very harsh manner (by slapping him), but Twilight wants to teach Anya that in a kind manner. Whenever we see him teaching her, he never loses his cool with her (of course, he loses a lot of hope, but this man's a pessimist, what can we do).

Also shows how much kinder Twilight is, compared to his father.

---

Of course, these points are very weak, and it might just be that Endo reused some character designs for efficiency, but let me be, ok!! This is a crack theory!!! Let me be a clown!!!! AKDFJSJF

If I'm being honest, this post was inspired by a convo I'd had with my friend, around the time Chapter 86 was released. She was theorizing that [REDACTED]'s dad is the Shopkeeper, and I was theorizing it was this dude. Of course, our theorizing was sidetracked by Chapter 86, and a certain panel within it, but... WHATEVER.

So, what are your thoughts? Obviously, my own theory is very weak (for example, why would the SSS accept a Westalian citizen into their ranks? Why would he even join the SSS? Could he have defected? Abandoned his wife and kid?), but this was fun to think about, lol. What are your theories? I think the Shopkeeper-is-the-dad theory and the YB-is-his-dad theory are both cool, so, what do you think?

(Also, yeah, I know, his dad could very well be dead. I just refuse to believe it, bc I'm just Like That <3)

#spy x family #sxf #spy x family manga #spy x family headcanon #spy x family theory #spy x family manga spoilers #spy x family anime #agent twilight #loid forger #yuri briar #sss lieutenant

[staycalmandhugaclone]

Sneak Peak!

31 of you voted for the poll. I wasn't sure if it was just meant to be votes specifically for that choice, or votes into total, and I'm far too lazy to do math to figure out just that option, SO while I've written more than that since the thing ended (sorry, I don't exist online much Fri-Sun, so it took me until now to pop on here), here's the first 31 sentences of Doc's next arc, "You'll have to go through me."

Full chapter now out!!

There was a rumor that the Kaminoan’s eyes could see colors humans simply couldn’t; that everything from the unblemished armor of shinies to the very reports endlessly updating on their communicators was overlaid with additional data invisible to those deemed a “lesser race.” That rumor left the identical, monotone halls of their cities feeling even more unwelcoming; as though secrets laid all around me, taunting my every step in some undeniable proof that their prejudiced beliefs held a merit I would never be able to fight, but I couldn’t bring myself to care about that anymore.

I roamed those immaculate halls aimlessly, purely for the want of letting myself get lost in them. The need to hide, to flee despite there being nowhere I could run drove me to wander endlessly through the most distant corridors, blindly staring at barracks that had long since been left abandoned as the production of clones lessened with every day that passed. Once, each of the countless rooms around me had been home to cadets too young to understand the horrors awaiting them, and I bleakly wondered how many of those children were now lost to the never-ending demand for sacrifice towards a goal that seemed just as distance now as it had during that very first battle.

I’d nearly walked past him, utterly oblivious to his present until his helm shifted just enough to catch my attention, and, with a sharp gasp, I was ripped from the illusioned reprieve of my thoughts.

“Kriff!” The curse hissed through clenched teeth, wide eyes locking on the lithe figure leaning silently against the tiny inlet of a doorframe. That silence lingered until my panic withered into that too familiar dread, air catching in my lungs as I stood frozen before him.

“We’re leaving in an hour. Hunter sent you a com.” He stated, and I nearly broke from the chill in his raspy voice.

“I… I haven’t read it, yet…” I finally admitted, jaw stiff. I’d remembered how my heart had dropped at the alert for the incoming message, certain I’d find orders detailing my reassignment lingering within, and I haven’t been able to bring myself to look. Crosshair said nothing for a long moment, and I had to fight the nervous dance of my fingers. Without another word, he turned and began to walk away, and a new panic overwhelmed me.

“Wait!” I gasped, body stealing a half-step toward him before locking up once more. He paused, but didn’t turn back, and I could feel something on the verge of shattering within me.

“I thought you said you didn’t regret it.” It was quiet, as though whispering those words might hide the hurt in them, and the air fled me in a shuttered exhale.

“I…” My throat locked around that choked word, and I cursed myself for faltering when I so desperately wanted to offer him some hint of reassurance, but I could only stare as his shoulders sank before starting through those sickeningly pristine halls once more. “Wait…” I begged, voice barely audible, but he didn’t stop, and finally, my body remembered itself. “Wait! Wait, dammit! I don’t regret being with you!” I shouted, racing forward to cut him off. He said nothing as he stared down at me, that emotionless visor offering nothing of the warmth with which he’d looked at me just days prior, and I could feel myself wilt beneath it.

Fun extra little teaser: Crosshair won't be the main clone in this one.

#star wars #the bad batch #tbb #tbb crosshair #crosshair #wip #sneak peak #teaser #fanfiction #doc #doc 99

[civettictis]

spare some thoughts on hi part 2 ?

tldr; Mostly concerned! Trying to be optimistic.

I'll start off with the new UI (user interface) because it's probably the easiest to discuss. The Ui pretty much just lost a lot of personality. Sure, it fits with the game's aesthetic (in some ways), but it's lost most of its charm. While the old UI looks somewhat outdated, I think the current (to-be old) UI of hi3 feels very personal and unique. I suppose it's unfair of me to have previously wanted the UI updated and be this whiny about it actually being updated though. To be fair, many changes may take place about the new UI, especially with how the community has been critiquing it, so I'm hopeful they'll take valid critiques to heart and adjust it to not just melt into another generic rpg gacha design.

My biggest quarrel would be with the way characters are displayed, but as for the way they changed the interference for the story selection and all of that, I like it. It's not *too* different, and it looks clean (albeit dull in colour)

Now, the thing I find myself the most concerned with would be the Part 2 story. The characters, the setting, and the aesthetics. For starters, the MC... I think she's very pretty. However, I really dislike the sort of nameless "self-insert" main characters. I think it's a boring cop-out, and it takes away from a lot of the overall story immersion (ironically enough). Kiana, from the very beginning, had a very strong personality, and the way her story progressed would be near impossible to accomplish effectively with a self-insert MC (taking how they've written self-insert MCs before with Genshin, HSR, APHO into consideration) It's a lot more challenging to write a compelling storyline with consistent immersion if the main character, the core of the story, lacks some sort of "self". I'm absolutely not saying it's impossible, but I can't say I'm especially optimistic about the Part 2 MC with how it's looking right now.

The overall character designs for part 2 are a bit of a far cry from the part 1 ones, especially the ones for the most recent arcs. However, this is not an especially bad thing. While it's different, I think it's good that they're straying away from having too similar character designs like the last Herrschers of part 1 (even if it makes some sense story-wise.) I don't especially love the new character designs (except for the female MC. Again, I find her very pretty (even if she looks a lot more like a HSR design). But that's unrelated and doesn't really take away from my point lol). They feel a little too out of place with the established aesthetics of HI3, and even though it is nice to have some separation from the part 1 and part 2 designs, they should keep it similar enough to be recognized as a HI3 design.

Overall, with the designs and aesthetics, it seems that they are going for a do-over for the entire game instead of creating something new as a continuation of what's already there. There's too much left unsaid or unused from part 1 that I feel that it is justified that they move on entirely (even if there appears to be a few references to part 1 in part 2, with Einstein's adopted child, as well as speculated Elysia connections to Part 2 characters iirc)

While the majority of Part 2 is pure speculation currently, I just hope that they don't neglect Part 1's story and characters like I suspect they might. I hope they use what's already there, and refrain from making HI3's lore so much more convoluted than it has to be, merely for the sake of moving on from what nearly no one in the community wished to move on from entirely.

Continuing a little with my worries for the plot, I worry they may dilute the intensity of the plot by a lot, or neglect the writing a bit. I myself find that one of the most, if not the most important parts of HI3 for me is the story, so the thought of it turning generic concerns me. I do feel like the recent chapters have been a little lackluster in comparison to chapters like Thunders over Nagazora or Set Tomorrow Ablaze, but that may just be personal preference, and i do enjoy that they have been reincluding characters like Schrodinger!!!!!!, Shigure Kira and Niggurath. Honestly, if they do go in the direction that they neglect Part 1 for the most part, it feels like an awful choice considering the buildup they've done with all of these reintroductions, as well as the major exposition they've done for the Sea of Quanta. With one of the quotes from the Part 2 teaser, I worry they won't make the story "gritty" at all. Honestly, something I adore about the HI3 story is just how dark it can get, and if anything, I hope they don't hold back in Part 2. It feels like the story has been getting a little lighter in that sense recently, and I feel as if it takes away a bit of the intensity in the story, as well as the stakes or even consequences.

With the way hoyoverse has been updating games recently, it seems that if one thing in one of their games sticks, they feel the need to apply it to their other games, even if the change is unnecessary. While this has brought some good changes to the games, with HI3 Part 2, it feels like they're only trying to cater to individuals who don't play HI3, but play HSR or any other of the newer HYV games. Biggest worry about this point: they'll go back to pushing Hi3 to be Open World. (Although that is very unlikely with how much the Hi3 community has critiqued previous open world gameplay in Hi3)

In general, I just really hope HI3 puts effort and love into the Part 2 story, characters and world. I pray that I am to be proven wrong in most of my concerns, and that speculation will remain speculation, and that my worries will be near nullified once Part 2 is out (over-optimistic thought). Everything I write here is undoubtedly thoughts that will change drastically, or at the very least, a little when there is more information known. I'm having a lot of trouble articulating myself at all with this stuff, but that’s just how it’ll be, I’m afraid. Keep in mind that this is all very subjective, and I'm merely speaking from my own thoughts. Some of which I feel that I didn't manage to express very well.

Anywho! I really like answering, or even just pondering my orb (asks like this) cause I just love Hi3 and thinking about Hi3 and all of that teehee

so likee,,, if people want to ask me more stuff about my interestst, please do

#hi3 please never lose your doomed yuri plots #honkai impact 3rd #hi3 #honkai #incoherent ramblings #long post #ask #civettictis ask tag #erm #what the scallop

[22degreehalo]

Sorry but I still haven't reblogged/posted anything about the whole. 'Nandor and Guillermo are Just Friends!!! Not ALL relationships need to be sexual!!!!! :)' thing because. hmmm. I just don't really. Like. I'm not even sure I summarised the point that was made correctly, you know? Or the words that were said? Communication, as a concept, being what it is.

Because. It, on the surface, sure SOUNDS like the sort of thing that would be said in a typically heteronormative sex-negative traditionally gendered television seriés. Which would make me quite mad!!! And would be a very easy post to make. 'This director said this, which is homophobic, and this is very easy to believe because to be honest most directors kind of are and we're all just used to that background radiation of Media that we never really thought consciously "Oh, this director is probably Homophobic."

But this show is. What We Do In The Shadows (2019).

A show in which the primary romantic relationship are openly pansexual, which comes up very frequently because they have an open relationship and casually speak about their extramarital liaisons and threesomes/orgies. Also, one of the main characters we're talking about is also canonically part of said liaisons, at least three times a week. And, y'know. "Coprophilia? Really?"

It's a show in which our two so intensely-shipped loverbirds are both canonically queer. And one, also canonically, has a crush on the other. While the other is famously reserved about his true feelings towards the former. And has a whole major character arc revolving around his romantic loneliness and search for a partner.

Is it offensive to the nature of friendship to believe that a gay man, and a pansexual man who canonically has sex with his friends, who said gay man has romantic feelings for, could have some sort of 'more than friends' relationship?

A show, might I add, in which a main character has a garden of bushes trimmed to resemble most beloved vulvas? Including that of his so esteemed dear mother?

I am afraid, dear reader, that at this point I am simply a little bit lost. I understand, you see, how to rail against hetero-blinded directors, how to vent wildly about writers who do not understand their own work. I know the script, now. I watched Supernatural.

But these events fail to produce that righteous fury within me. Instead, what I feel is a strange... dissociation? Like... am I reading, right now? Words? In the English language? Are any of us, really?

It is said that good art transports. Well, friends and fellow Nandermo truthers, I find myself abruptly akin to the soldiers of World War One, trenches high above our heads and an enemy wearing our own collective face. What is the point of this war? By what means do these bombs fly?

I'm not angry. I am a 1910s impoverished soldier about to invent existentialism and, friends, I am fuck bad at poetry.

#nandermo #wwdits #tbh my calling in life is that literally not one of my ships have ever once become inarguably canon #ALL of them are doomed to forever be purely fanon (99%+) #or to become sort??? of canon?????? in the most frustrating ways possible #yes I am including Destiel in that. imagine more of that kind. if possible. #I had thought that it was merely due to my bad taste and misfortune #but I am beginning to entertain the notion that I may actually be on a quite literal level cursed #fucking witches

[tokiro07]

So I've been following you for a while and, as a massive Medaka Box hater who refuses to read the series, I wanted to ask from someone more experienced:

What is actually the series view on "Protagonist Win, Antagonist Lose"? Is Medaka Box saying that being good is unatural and being bad is natural? What about Anti-Heroes? What about Anti-Villains? What about tragedies? or morally grey protagonists?

I've been putting off answering this because I wanted to reread the series first to better prepare for it, but it's been a looong time already and I've just resigned myself to the fact that I'm just not going to get around to doing that, so I'm gonna do my best as I am now

Medaka Box's view on good and evil is, from my perspective, that it doesn't really exist or matter. To majorly oversimplify it, people do things that they want to or feel that they need to, and then there are consequences. If those consequences involve someone getting hurt, then it needs to stop, but that's not necessarily "evil," it's "wrong"

For example, there's one arc where Medaka is informed that her school is actually a giant lab experiment to create a drug that turns people into geniuses, awakening latent talents that will allow them to compete with people that are out of their league without any kind of specialized training. Medaka initially ignores it because she thinks it's impossible, and therefore not worth worrying about, but when she's told that the entire student body are the test subjects and that X number are expected to die in the process: now it's a problem!

Medaka and co. fight through the main lab, only to eventually come upon the truth of the matter: this isn't some underground operation, it's a huge industry in and of itself, providing jobs to countless people across the country and helping the economy function. Interrupting the experiment would save the lives of countless students, but would condemn countless more across Japan because of the ensuing economic backlash. Ultimately, the answer isn't "beat up the bad guys and call it a day," it's "put someone who won't kill kids in charge;" it takes a few months of story to happen, but they basically pick up the experiment where they left off on the condition that no one's life is put in danger for it

And then they succeed! The problem was never the goal, it was the means to the end, and the point was never to get anyone to abandon their mission, just to see that there's a better way to achieve it

Everyone in Medaka Box ends up getting forgiven for their actions sooner or later (with one notable exception), because everyone's just trying to live their lives to the best of their ability, as is their right. It's only when their methods keep someone else from living their lives happily that someone like Medaka steps in

As for the antagonists losing no matter what, it's again a matter of perspective. One character, Kumagawa, is meant to exemplify the very idea of the antagonist always losing by always finding an excuse to lose, no matter how much better off he is at the end of a fight than his opponent. "You forced me to use violence when I just wanted to talk, guess that means I lose," "you made me feel bad about beating the hell out of you, I lose," "we tied, but I couldn't beat you, so I'm dissatisfied and therefore I lose." He's a joke on the very concept of villains losing, because more often than not, anyone else would say he won. When you walk away unscathed from a bloody heap of bodies, you're usually the winner in that scenario, but not Kumagawa

But when Kumagawa loses, everyone loses. No one feels good about beating Kumagawa, either because he does something that taints the victory or because decided on a whim that he lost despite having the advantage. The best case scenario for beating Kumagawa is usually that you just feel like it was unearned, like it was too easy. The only person to ever beat Kumagawa and walk away happy was Medaka when she, as she does with everyone else, forgave him and accepted him

The antagonists always lose because they're in the position of being the antagonists; that's how narratives usually work. But Medaka Box isn't a story of good triumphing over evil, it's kindness triumphing over callousness. Dismissing the needs and well-being of others is wrong, and caring about others is right, even when the person you care about is the one hurting people in the moment. The cure for a cruel person isn't beating them senseless, it's showing them that they can have what they want without being cruel

Kumagawa wanted to prove that he wasn't a loser, that he wasn't a failure, that he wasn't lesser, and Medaka beat him not by simply punching him so hard that he had a change of heart, but by meeting him head-on as an equal and showing him firsthand that all of those labels were things he gave himself, and that he was the only one who couldn't see his own worth. He put so many restrictions on himself, moved so many goal posts, put so much effort into losing that he never even realized that if he just put that effort in reverse he might actually win for once. By letting him join the main cast, Medaka gave Kumagawa the opportunity to be on the "winning side," which is to say, the side that puts in the effort to be kind and help people. Kumagawa always used his losses as a way to drag everyone else down, but now, even if he lost, he'd be able to help Medaka lift people up, which he proceeded to do for the rest of the series. He was always scheming something, but he would use his wily ways to trick people into "winning" and bettering themselves, not falling into despair from exposure to his madness

Everyone is morally grey because everyone's morals are just in their own mind and unjust in someone else's, everyone is their own hero and someone else's villain, and everyone has the capacity to help or to hurt. Kindness and cruelty are a choice, but no one can control how anyone else will be affected down the domino chain; what seems like the right thing now might hurt someone later, and the sacrifices of the few may save many. All you can do is your best with the information you have now, and if new information comes up later to prove you were wrong, you do your best to make it right

I hope I answered all of your questions to your satisfaction!

#medaka box #long post #analysis

[its-the-val-pal]

This is long and entirely OOC, so I don't expect anyone to read! It's fairly personal, but I need to get thoughts out and all that. So feel free to bail <3 thanks for clicking either way and ily, whoever you are.

I am a very private person, normally. I keep to myself, my one or two contacts, and just sort of go about my business. But lately I've been told that, due to my overactive mind, it would probably help to toss my thoughts out somewhere and get things on paper. A confession, if you will. And I was also told that I don't have to send it; that people often write letters and burn them up and.. whatever.

But that doesn't suit me, because I don't like wasting time and I don't like doing things that--at least to me--don't have a purpose. And I can argue with myself that writing things down and out certainly has a purpose, but it doesn't feel like it unless it's actually thrown out somewhere.

That being said, I don't expect to do these often. Or maybe I'll post the rest privately or something. I'm not sure. I'll probably figure that out as I go. But this is, for now, a confession of something I've realized about myself.

I really, really started to think a lot of things I enjoyed were dumb. I hid myself away in work in the desire for progress and betterment and.. that's fine. All things in moderation. But I don't do moderation so well. And in that, in being surrounded by people that often thought my favorite hobbies were ignorant, I started to feel the same way about them. And so I did a lot of it less and less. And that, in turn, hurt a lot of people I really care about. People that I've alienated for one reason or another and lost sight of that close bond and friendship.

And.. lately, I think I've come to realize how much I miss those things. It's a big part of why I've returned. I had only unsubbed for about three months, but the truth is I've really been gone much longer than that. And that was disrespectful to a lot of people, chief of those being my RP partner at the time who for some reason stuck around far longer than they should have. And I'll never be able to apologize to them enough for it. Or probably get that back.

I've really enjoyed exploring my characters and writing again. And how much the use of mods, which I once abhorred, really helped breathe life back into characters in a game that the aesthetic just never seemed to match. Val never had cool jackets and pants like he should have. Melfice barely got dark clothing to wear. The rest were.. okay, but those two were always my main characters and not having something to fit them felt very limiting.

So yeah. All things in moderation, and I keep telling myself that, and I'm not entirely sure where Val's current story will take him or where he'll end up, but I am definitely looking forward to it. There are certainly places I'd like for it to go, but whether he ends up there or not is out of my hands. And if I'm being honest? I hate that, too. Lack of control is something I've always struggled with. I don't do well when I can't manage things myself. And while this arc has been great, I've found myself missing Miqo'te Val and all the RP and fun I used to have on him.

Will he ever get that back? Sure. I'll bring him back to a Miqo'te once this plot has ran its course, assuming he lives through it. I've always had a big "if my character dies, they die" thing and.. I'm not going to shy away from it. I don't mind. It's part of the fun for me, really. Will he ever find another? Or get over his lost love? Or even be able to move on? Or, gods willing, reunite with his one true love?

I suppose time will tell.

#OOC

[hxhhasmysoul]

Thoughts on ChainsawMan?

People tend to compare that to Jujutsu Kaisen.

I actually wrote down my thoughts about CSM, after I read it. And they stand because after the hard reset of the story and of Denji with the end of part 1 (is that what's it's called in the fandom? idk) I just went "really?" and stopped reading.

So I won't repeat what I said there I will just write a bit about what I think about people comparing CSM and JJK. And about how I don't really find them very similar at all.

I think the comparing started with Fujimoto himself? Idk if people compared them before he said it. And generally I wish he hadn't said that and that people didn't compare the two. There's a lot of this attitude "I like this thing more so it must be better in every way and the other thing needs to be shit, and I'm intellectually superior for liking it" coming form the CSM fandom. Idk if JJK fans are also such dipshits, but it took me a lot of blocking not to see posts from CSM fans who showed love for their fav by coming into the juju tags and shitting on it while saying nothing about why they think CSM is good. It reeks of high school mentality that many fail to shake until their 30s or even later.

The problem with comparing these two is that any similarities are extremely superficial. Fujimoto and Gege have completely different attitudes towards their characters, storytelling, world building, themes. They are clearly trying to achieve very different things with their stories and that's okay.

As I say in that post I linked above, I don't think CSM is bad but there's just nothing in it that matches my subjective tastes. JJK isn't perfect but the great things about it really hit the sweet spots for me.

(highlighting this so hopefully the CSM fans leave me the fuck alone)

CSM and JJK spoilers ahead, if you're an anime only. Also my opinion of CSM is based on part 1 and like a few chapters of part 2 that I read before I completely lost interest in it. I don't see myself picking it again, though.

_________________

Characters:

Fujimoto's gag character is Denji. Gege's are Toudou and Takaba. It is a valid writing choice to make your main character into a joke but not one I like. So like the moment I realised Denji's budding sexuality is a joke not a theme CSM really lost in my eyes. And since Fujimoto had (has?) just one joke for Denji to be the butt of over and over again it just got boring.

After the first two chapters I was ready to love Denji, to adopt him. Like 25 chapters in I was completely cold on him because it became clear that Fujimoto isn't going to do anything with him. If you compare that to Yuuji who's consistently getting juicy character development - it's easy for me to care about him, and when he gets traumatised, I get traumatised with him and now we have this bond where I mentally adopted him.

Aki is less meh then Megumi but in the end he's there just to die meaninglessly because Denji gets reset. I prefer Nobara to Power but I still think Power is okay, but in the end she's there just to die meaninglessly because Denji gets reset.

Makima barely wins at being more interesting with Sukuna. And that's mostly because Gege is very against developing Sukuna. Compared with Kenjaku or even Mahito? She's so dull, her plot is simplistic, and her manipulation is kinda one note.

Storytelling:

My blog's name references HxH. Part of why I obsess over HxH is the idea of characters having very different and separate goals. Story lines that run concurrently and kinda bump into each other, feed into each other and then separate. I hate the contemporary hot take that everything in writing has to be meat, has to further the plot.

CSM part 1 is very focused around the Control Devil's ploy to control the Chainsaw Devil using the Gun Devil as a ruse and other factions trying to interfere with that. There's really only this one plot line going on, there are some character arcs on the side, there are some factions nuances but they really just all prop up the main one.

JJK isn't HxH in this respect but the way in which characters have their own goals that don't necessarily further the plot is still really well done. And there isn't even one main plot. Kenjaku is the driver of it all and they have their huge scheme but Sukuna has his own plans, Gojou had his own power play with the elders and was trying to put that in motion. Other characters have/had their own schemes or goals too. People love to complain that the Zenin arc has nothing to do with the plot. I guess. It has everything to do with the themes though. I'm so sad that when Gege decided to speed run juju they cut Nobara, because her story had all the hallmarks of being about the themes but also her powers would really lend themselves to the main villain fights.

Shock Value vs Anticlimax:

HxH uses anticlimax very efficiently making the story feel fresher and much more interesting than for instance stories that rely on plot twists and reveals. The way most HxH arcs end is unexpected and kinda anticlimactic but extremely satisfying. There's build up and it gets resolved in a very fun way but not the most obvious one.

I don't remember CSM using anticlimax at all, but I have read it once and only part 1 and didn't watch the anime. So maybe it does but not in a way that was memorable to me. But it uses shock value and twists and reveals a lot, and mostly relies on killing off characters. Which for me resulted in not even trying to remember their names or faces and sometimes skipping through their dialogue if the exchanges got boring.

Gege isn't Togashi but the HxH and YYH influences are visible. Gege can suddenly kill off a character and doesn't stray away from graphic violence and body horror for shock. But the killing off isn't constant. It makes sense to get invested in the characters. Anyone can die but it's not a given, it's a threat not a promise. And the anticlimactic moments are meaningful and satisfying - sometimes in a cruel way. Yuuji's breakdown in the detention centre; then his death soon after; Junpei's death; the end of the exchange event; the whole fucking Shibuya arc which gives the reader no catharsis just drags them deeper into despair with every little moment that doesn't result in a clear win - it's excruciating; the conversation between Yuuji and Higuruma.

There's shock value in JJK too, as is in HxH. It's just used more like spice, it's not all there is to the flavour.

World building:

I just like complex magic systems where the results of the fights are not a given and fights can go interesting ways with how the characters utilise their powers in creative ways. In CSM it's just Chainsaw Devil hack and slash, Chainsaw Devil win, Denji is anemic - and for me that's very whatever.

Themes:

I've read some meta and saw some video essays about CSM and some people actually talked about the themes. I don't really remember much of it... I think it was mostly about the found family thing and life being kinda hopeless so carving these little moments for oneself? There might be more I just never was invested enough and the stuff i read/heard didn't fully convince me. Like I felt, yeah there might be some of it but it all felt like kinda gliding on the surface.

The themes in JJK match my interests far better. Oppressive systems and how hard they are to overcome even if you try. Bodily autonomy. Anti traditionalism and anti patriarchy. Deconstruction of the narrative of the hyper individualism of "the strongest" ideology and the idea of meritocracy. Reconciling guilt and your own values.

#answering asks #jjk #csm

[warrior-u-preservation]

Interview with The Path Podcast (Full written responses)

(Note: The interview itself will be different, since mod myne represented both mods on the podcast. However, this includes our full feelings on the questions that were provided to us.)

Who are you and how did you end up walking the path of a "warrior u" writer/comic creator?

Myne: I go by worldismyne for fandom related pursuits.

I'd like to clarify that Aisha Thani is the creator of Warrior U. Just like multiple people have written for Stan Lee's creations, I'm just a writer who's received permission from the creator to distribute and monetize works within her universe.

I've been in the WU fandom since 2014; at that time Aisha made the comic, ran an in character ask blog, a concept art blog and the main blog. I can only imagine how much work that was. A hard drive crash killed about 6 or so pages of Ambrosia, the last story arch she was working on; three weeks worth of updates up and gone. I watched writer’s block take hold and kill my favorite series in real time. Having to go back and redo work she’d already done had given her time to look at it and go ‘I can’t post this, this is awful’, but by then all of us were waiting for the next update for over a month, she couldn’t go back and rewrite the entire arch. It didn’t help that this was the origin story for a fan favorite character, so there was all this pressure to make it perfect. Instead, after about six artists made fan comics to feed the hungry fandom… she announced the end. The website, the blogs, one by one they all ran into issues and got shut down. Hundreds of pieces of art and story concepts just… lost. Once the comics were rereleased on gumroad, that was it, the fandom slowly died. Before this project, the last time the creator posted new content was in 2017. Then in the middle of the pandemic, out of nowhere I get 70+ notifications from Coffee reblogging the pieces of art I had saved from the old blog, including drafts from the unfinished issues. 

Coffee: well, i go by coffee online, im 20 years old and when im not working on my various personal projects i work part-time. i was introduced to warrior u WAYY back in the day (i think i was like 9-ish?) by my brother who found out about it through some unknown and mysterious ways. back then i had very limited internet access (meaning i could only visit sites that could be loaded by the internet app on my nintendo dsi), so i pieced together a bit of a plot from what i could find on google images. i wasnt able to fully read the comic until i was 13 (i had to BEG my mom to pay for the pdfs lol), but it had kinda always existed in the back of my mind ever since i was introduced to it. i decided a little over a year ago to start out the tumblr blog because i had recently read through the comic again and was really sad about just how hard it is (or i guess WAS now) to find a lot of things related to the comic. as the name of the blog suggests, its original purpose was to preserve/archive warrior u stuff so it could be more accessable to your average internet user who might not wanna go digging through internet archives. it was originally for official content EXCLUSIVELY, but myne talked me into also including fan-made content (and im glad he did, its WAY harder to find some fan content than i remember it being just a few years ago). its kinda hard to tell how good of a job it does at BEING that archive, but i like to think it could be useful to someone out there.

i had toyed with the idea of finishing the last official story arc- ambrosia- near the beginning of the blogs lifespan, but i knew that it was too big of a project for me to do myself. i didnt wanna dissapoint people by leaving the ALREADY unfinished arc STILL unfinished. i had written in the "about" section of the blog that the dream was a full fandom revival, but i didnt actually expect that to happen. when myne joined the blog we eventually started playing with the idea of finishing ambro. i forget how exactly we officially decided we would do it, but we did! at some point near the beginning of ambro, we had also decided we were gonna write our own fan-arcs and post those too, and the rest is history!

What was it about warrior u that made you say "this is it. i need to make more content of this."

Coffee: honestly? i think it was just how much i enjoy introducing people to the comic. i already make tons of fan content on my own time, so that wasnt really the crazy part. i had shown a couple of my mutuals the comic after i re-read it, and the feeling of seeing other people actually talk about and even make ART of warrior u was absolutely surreal. i guess thats what happens when you just silently admire a dead fandom for years LMAO! another big part of it was HOW the comic ended. after taking a hiatus, the creator ended the comic mid-arc because creating it just wasnt enjoyable anymore, and thats obviously completely fair. however, the arc it ENDED on was elaborating on the backstory of one of (if not THE) most popular characters at the time (and my personal favorite), so i had always wished that the issue could have been finished. its kinda hard to put into words, but finishing ambrosia was like a love letter to the comic and its creator to me. as flawed as the plot of that arc may be (and as unsatisfied with it as the creator was, at least back then) i still felt like it deserved to be finished. it was like fixing an old toy from your childhood, i felt like we were taking care of the comic in a way, giving it the love it deserves. maybe thats just my tendency to personify objects and get overly attached to them coming through, but hey thats how it is sometimes LMAO

Myne: When the comic was still on hiatus after the harddrive crash, some people had asked Aisha if she wanted to hand the series over to other artists to help her. She said she wouldn’t even know where to begin that process or if she’d wanted to do it. I would have offered then, but my skills as an artist and a writer weren’t nearly as strong. I held onto the drafts thinking, one day I’d do it. 

Myne: After Coffee and I started talking I realized, I can do it now. I know what kind of style of pens were used, and I whipped up a page, just the line art and sent to Coffee as a thank you. I thought, it isn’t much, and it’ll take me forever to color everything, but if there’s one person willing to read it, I’ll try. When I explained how difficult it’d be for me to color, he offered to do it for me. Suddenly a page that would take a month for just me to do on my own took 3 days.

Myne: Something, that seemed like a monumental task became a realistic goal. We were able to find, restore, and edit 45 pages within a few months. I’m still amazed we were able to do weekly updates without missing a day. Coffee asked if I’d ever be willing to write fan issues while we were working, not realizing I was the author of the longest fics in the series. Of course I said yes. Seeing Warrior U get finished, even through fan creation, was something I’d wanted to see for years.

You're from Az right, how is the webcomic weeb culture over there as opposed to california?

Myne: Idk about much about Cali, I've noticed the cons are more... professional? Where as Arizona cons have more of a fanclub vibe. Most panels are hosted by your fellow nerds rather than sony or production companies. I will say, that it's become more common and widespread in the last ten years, with multiple anime specific events year round. Back when I was a kid, I'd get made fun of for drawing 'japanese' people all the time.... it was pokemon fanart... Where as nowadays, I feel the average kid recognizes most big name titles thanks to hulu and such. 

What are your favorite anime/manga/webcomics and do any inspire your work?

Coffee: not really an anime, manga, or webcomic, but ive always been super inspired by the "scott pilgrim" series. when i was in middle school i was SUPER into it, reading all the behind the scenes stuff i could find. it even made me look into "comic illustrator" as a career option, but i also did the same thing with "game designer" and "animator" so yknow. as for webcomics, the only one i ever really got into was homestuck. side note- the overlap of oldschool homestuck fans and warrior u fans is FASCINATING to me. my current theory is that all these tumblr kids were looking for other webcomics to read while homestuck was on one of its MANY hiatuses(?) and so a bunch of them flocked to warrior u! theres tons of homestuck crossover content and references in fan art on our blog (some of the art styles also look homestuck-ajacent) so its at least clear that a lot of fans back then were also really into homestuck. ANYWAYS other than that i havent really read many other webcomics tbh? weird considering i MAKE one now but what can i say, im more of a Gamer than anything lol. as for anime, my favorite is easily keroro gunso (or sgt. frog if youre using the dub name)! its another thing i discovered when i was young (this time i was like 8) and have just never gotten over. theres a lot of Questionable stuff in it (prime example is an adult alien being madly in love with a 14 year old girl) but if i dont look at canon its not real so i love it anyways <3.i honestly dont know how many people really know about it since the western fanbase is so small, but its like HUGE in japan (or at least it was at one point, the titular keroro has a cameo in lucky star as a keychian) and the manga is still running to this day iirc. it was created by mine yoshizaki and the basic premise is that a platoon of frog-like aliens come to earth to take it over but they really suck at it. they begin living with humans and from there its kind of a mix between a slice-of-life and monster-of-the-week anime. i cant really say anything in depth about the manga because ive only read the first 5 issues of it, which are basically the same as the anime (fake fan smh), but ive heard that it gets more mature and serious than the anime does (which i guess is bound to happen when it goes on for so long). also the manga has some ecchi moments and blood used for slapstick purposes so if anyone wants to check it out just keep that in mind lol.

Myne: Obviously Warrior U. I'm a bit of a visual novel fiend, so Danganronpa is a series I've found a lot of inspiration from over the years. More recently  Though for the comic, I draw mostly from late 80s / early 90s high fantasy. Things like Labyrinth and Robinhood: Men in Tights. Honestly anytime I get stuck trying to come up with a gag, I look to Mel Brooks. 

So in continuing someone else's work, do you feel a sense of pressure to be just as good as the original?

Coffee: i definitely felt that way when it came to ambrosia, but i feel a lot less pressure when it comes to our upcoming issues. i wrote and made thumbnails for a few small scenes in ambro and i was SO SCARED of those scenes being noticably worse than the rest of the issue. i know the original creator has seen our version of ambro and those scenes by extention, but i dont know her exact thoughts on them. im satisfied with them but theres probably always gonna be that kinda star-struck stage feeling at the thought of the creator reading the scenes i wrote. its like getting stage fright. for our upcoming issues i dont feel as much pressure because theyre fully fan-written. our comics arent official in any sense of the word and theyre basically just fanfiction with extra steps, so its not nearly as stressful as trying to tie together an "official" story. there definitely WOULD be that pressure if we were ever given the rights to warrior u or something (which i dont want to happen) because then it WOULD be official yknow? also if the creator decides to keep up with what we post ill feel a bit more pressure, but i get the feeling that she wants to distance herself from warrior u a bit so im not sure how likely that would be.

Myne:  I do. Partially because, the fan content we’re making is completely free while the original series is purchasable on gumroad. So there’s a chance that some people may start with what we’re working on, then go backwards to the original.  I'm hyper aware of the tonal shift that's about to happen, no matter how much I try, I can't perfectly emulate someone else's writing style. The best I can do is capture the spirit of it. I just keep repeating "it doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be". It's a little harder taking that advice now that it's my scripts we're turning into issues. There is some freedom in knowing the series was never meant to be perfect though.

What drove you to writing the longest fanfiction for the series and how did it feel to be recognized and promoted by the original creator?

Myne: When I was younger, I would write fanfic instead of paying attention in class, and I really wanted a full story about the leads getting together. Knowing that the creator was reading every fanfic at the time added more fuel to the fire. I had a guaranteed audience, the audience. I was so grateful that she recommended it to other fans. That fic was 25k, I've written about 100 K in the last year to help maintain interest in addition to new pages to the comic. To that I blame hyperfixation and hiatus brain. You have to be the biggest fan of the thing you're making.

So i see the that most of your work including the webcomic Warrior U is on tumblr why did u choose to promote om tumblr as opposed to other webcomic outlets like webtoons, mangadex etc?

Coffee: the answer to this one is actually pretty simple; i already had a warrior u blog and tumblr is the social media/blogging site that im most familiar with! we have recently started using comicfury and tapas, but that was entirely mynes idea. im personally pretty content with just hanging out in my little corner of the internet so any attempts to expand or get the word out is mostly (if not entirely) mynes doing LOL!

Myne: It's interesting you bring up those two actually. Webtoons recently come under fire for being pretty crummy to it's indie comics, particularly if you write in any genre other than romance. Mangadex is a pirating website, so most of the comics there are fan translations rather than uploads from the creators : they had a pretty bad data breach a few years back too. At first we only had permission from the creator to upload on tumblr. Once we got permission to move forward with the fanmade run, we branched out to tapas and comicfury. They seemed like the best options for the genre and style we write in. Even still, we see about double the growth in readership on tumblr as opposed to the other outlets, and I think that's mostly because the blog updates daily, even though we only publish one page a week.

Do you have any plans on creating your own webcomic/manga?

Coffee: yes and no. i sometimes draw small fan comics and id like to make more polished and "finished" ones in the future, but nothing with any kind of overarching plot, at least not in the near future. i have a very hard time making original content for whatever reason. i DO have one (1) personal project that is completely original, but i plan on making a game with that. then again i have NO idea what im doing with that project anymore so who knows, maybe one day i WILL decide to turn it into a comic! only time will tell…

Myne: I have a visual novel I'm working on. It's about teen super villains that have to go to reform school. Think teen titans meets gifted kid burnout. The game's been in development hell since our first alpha build and writing about apocalyptic civil unrest wasn't as fun as it was pre 2020. We're about 200k into the draft for the full game and we're having to switch engines, which means cutting a bunch of features, but we're slowly getting there. If that fails, I'll try adapting the story into a comic.

To those people who will see this and decide to strut down the path of comic creation what is some advice you can give them?

Coffee: i think the most HELPFUL advice i could give would be this: you dont have to do everything by yourself. i personally have taken tons of inspiration from indie artists/game designers/etc. some prime examples of this are daisuke amaya aka pixel (who created cave story) and toby fox (who created undertale and deltarune), who both made incredible pieces of art that were defining to me as a person when i discovered them either entirely alone or almost entirely alone. you hear stories all the time of these great pieces of art being made by one or two people, and ive always wanted to be like that. as a result ive alwasy had a hard time reaching out for help when it comes to my art, feeling like if i cant do it all alone that itll never be as good as it could be. as a result though, all this mindset does is keep things from actually getting done and needlessly stress you out. NONE of the warrior u comics would exist if i had never gotten help from myne, and the blog would have probably gone inactive a LONG time ago too. i think thats the biggest lesson ive learned from this whole thing personally. theres absolutely no shame in working with a team of people if thats what needs to happen to see a project be realized.

Myne:  One, try not to put more than 8 panels on a page, that's helped me a bunch with page layout. And two, find someone you can show your work to. That can be a friend, a mutual online, a family member; as long as you have that one person asking "what happens next" you can keep writing. The stories/comics I have that are the longest are because of that. 

What inspires your art and what would u say you consider your style to be?

Myne: Invader Zim, Danganronpa, and Pacthesis have heavily influenced my art style. (pacthesis made a series of free dating sims on deviant art). I've always considered my art style to be pretty shoujo manga, but lately some of my pieces have been labeled too western for weeb spaces.

What advise can you give the next person who wants to draw art and share it with the world?

Coffee: i give the same advice to everyone i meet that says theyre thinking of making art in any form, and i mean it from the bottom of my heart: DO IT! im so in love with art of all kinds and the process of creating it, and i think that getting into any creative hobby is nothing but a good thing and i deeply believe that everyone should do it. whether you wanna draw, write, make music, develop games, sculpt, knit, etc, do it! quality doesnt matter at all, you can make the most technically awful thing in the world but as long as you enjoyed the process of creating it then it still has value. dont be nervous about your art being good enough. if you dont want to share it then you arent obligated to! i dont share like 90% of the stuff that i make but i still create art almost every single day! recently my qpp (queerplatonic partner) has gotten into drawing and im SO happy for them. they primarily use mspaint and a mouse to draw and their art is SO adorable and i love it so much, and im not just saying that because i love them. it doesnt matter what skill level you start at or what tools you have, you can always start making art. and dont compare the art that you make to others art, which i know from experience is a VERY easy trap to fall into. i dont have as much to say about that point because im not as passionate about it but uhhh yeah :3

Myne: Social media algorithms are not going to make you happy; no matter how well you play the game and low engagement does not mean you're a bad artist. If you keep posting and talking to other artists, you'll find your audience.

So at wonder con where we met ylu were cosplaying power from chainsaw man with a group of girls who were cosplaying other chainsaw characters. Do you girls normally group up and cosplay and if so how did you get into it?

Myne:  I was born into cosplay. My parents were gamers and cosplayers, and I started picking my own characters to cosplay when I was 14. I started getting more into it in college when I could find other people to cosplay with, it wasn't until this year I started aiming for photoshoots. I tend to be in at least one large group cosplay a con, and bring a different costume every day.

What was your favorite cosplay you've done?

Myne: It's a toss up between Persona 5 Joker and Alluring Secret Rin. Those were the ones I put the most work in that still hold up. Though I'm currently working on Eris from the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, and that may overtake them.

Have you ever thought to cosplay someone from Warrior U?

Myne:  I do actually! I've cosplayed as the main character Finn a few times. I really like taking simplified designs from comics/cartoons and turning them into heavily detailed looks. '

Where do you see warrior u being in 5 years from now?

Coffee: man, honestly if were STILL working on this project 5 years from now that would be CRAZY. this is already the longest ive worked on a single project before, along with being the most ive ever gotten DONE for a project, so thinking about what it could be like in 5 years is like. WOW. by that point we would have archived most (if not ALL) of the older stuff we could find, so our blog would probably just be new pages and fan interaction if were still going! the dream is still for a full fandom revival, and weve already got a small active fanbase (of like 5 people but still) so who knows, maybe that dream will be a reality?

Myne: We have at least 3 years worth of story drafted and lined up, and even more outlined. So ideally still updating. By then, we'll have some physical releases of the finished arcs that we've written available for purchase online and at select events. The creator has said she has no interest in making physical releases of the original run. I'd love for that to change, but I respect her decision and I won't press the matter. I'm just grateful we have permission to sell anything we make using her characters. 

If you could go back in time 5 years, what advice would you give yourself?

Coffee: 15 and 16 were ROUGH ages for me tbh. i wont get into it because its super personal, but i was struggling with a lot and just generally not having a very good time. i think the best advice i could give to myself would just be that like. things will eventually get better. no matter how dark or hopeless things may be, theres always a silver lining and a light at the end of the tunnel. now if 15 year old me would have taken that to heart is a whole DIFFERENT question, but thats what i would say. 16 was like right before i (finally) started getting treatment for my mental health, so i think considering everything thats what i would say.

Myne: So many bad things happened during those five years, but… I wish I knew what burnout felt like, so I could recognize it. I have this tendency to put my self worth into “how much have you done today”, so once I started working full time and my father passed,  I couldn’t recognize that I was physically and emotionally exhausted some days and needed rest, so I’d just punish myself mentally for not being more motivated. You shouldn’t need permission to rest, and I felt like I had to. It’s healthy to ‘nothing’ sometimes, especially if you’re dealing with things you have no control over.

Coffee: thank you for interviewing myne and i for your podcast :D!! its absolutely wild to think that ive done anything interview-worthy and yet here we are! for anyone thats interested in the comic because of this, i also emplore you to go check out the creators current comic "si3lah" (pronounced like si-ayn-lah i think? the 3 is a stand-in for an arabic letter) on gumroad! it deserves way more attention than it currently has and you should 100% go support the original creator if you like the stuff we do (wink wink).

#mod speak #interview #official

[star-ocean-peahen]

...........I realize I may have dug myself into a hole with Legacy of a Millennia

so like Link's main arc should be about her learning to belong. Like, she's got so much shit under her belt and it's physically and mentally scarred her in a way no one else in her entire world can understand. She feels like she can't belong in Hyrule because of who she is (someone kidnapped and ruined by the fey). And in the story, she meets people who can relate to her, Shei and Stella. Shei has also been displaced by era and lost everything he knew, and Stella is also a creature that no one understands. So she starts to believe that she can find a place in this world where she belongs.

But..............Shei dies. And I fully admit I only did that for the sads. (And story convenience.) But killing off characters for cheap reactions and plot convenience.......is like a Marvel movie. And nobody wants to be like a Marvel movie (Im generalizing here I don't think all the MCU movies are bad just some of them).

So......when Shei dies.....it doesn't really push her further toward her goal? All it does is make her grieve and need to figure out a way without him.

And I specifically want his death to feel like it shouldn't have happened. Like it really came out of left field and smacked you in the face. The reason for this is because I wanted to pull from real life, where horrible things will just happen with no justification, and the only way to move on from that is to accept it and adapt. (I'm fully aware that in the story and world I've crafted it would make no sense for Shei to die. But I want it to happen so I'm going to figure out a way to do it goddessesdamnit)

So now I have to figure out a way in which Shei's death pushes Link further toward happiness. Fuck, that makes no sense.

uhm

okay so—what does Shei represent in this narrative?? He represents something Link has to protect, and thereby representing the greater land of Hyrule. So if he dies, it's like she failed. Which is a bad ending. Um................Stella stella stella stella stella. SHE! represents the passing of the torch and the approach of a new era. Good I can work with that. If she represents how something horrible and broken can be made into something new and whole thanks to the Power of Friendship.......................then thats good thats a GOOD THING-

So......what if......she's the one who can pick things up after Shei dies and realizes she has to fill his shoes. BUT!! FUCK!! THAT CLASHES WITH HER OTHER ARC OF LEARNING WHAT IT MEANS TO BE HUMAN AND REALIZING SHE DOESN'T NEED FLESH TO BE IT!! FUCKIGN FUCKY FUCK!!!

Unless.................that arc happened in the first half of the game?? Seems a bit quick.......

fuck im completely stuck

TOO MANY ARCS!!!! TOO MANY NEEDS!!! MY MAIN CHARACTERS DON'T MEET EACH OTHERS NARRATIVE NEEDS WITH THEIR OWN!!!! THEY DON'T COMPLEMENT EACH OTHER!!!!

DO I HAVE TO REWRITE THIS ENTIRE FUCKING THING

#HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW #IM SO ATTACHED WHAT DO I DOOOOO #yes im AWARE this could all be solved if i just didn't kill shei #he could EASILY just reject his goddess powers and give them to stella #but THATS PLAN B #IM TOO COMMITTED TO MY ANGST #IM TO COMMITTED TO THEIR PERSONALITIES AND INTERACTIONS #FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK #Legacy of a Millennia

[allineedisabook-18]

Top 3 characters (from any media/fandom) you relate to and, if you want, why?

Not sure if these are the ultimate top 3 ever for me but just the ones that came to mind when I started to properly think about it today:

Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables)

Beth March (Little Women)

Lara Jean Song Covey (To All the Boys I've Loved Before)

More about why underneath!

Anne - where to start; she's a complete daydreamer which as someone who spends way too much time obsessing over fictional characters and just fangirling in general I hard relate. I also have such a tendency to be lost in my own world and not really pay attention/notice what's going on around me in the real world and just am very much someone who is stuck in their own head. She's also very imaginative and I feel like I really enjoy imagining scenarios for characters I like or media I've consumed a lot. She also strives for perfection at school and to be the best she can; as someone who loved school and probably cared about academic validation (and still care) too much I can relate to her there. The main reason though which is why she came to mind here is to do with Anne of the Island (the third book) so mild spoilers here. Anne loves love and is a hopeless romantic and refuses to settle for anything less than what she's imagined romance to be from the romance books she's read. In AoI she really struggles to actually figure out what romantic love is and what the reality of it feels like vs the expectation built up in her head from media. Just her whole experience with this in the book really resonated with me: I'm such a hopeless romantic and love reading about love but I find it really hard to actually understand and know my own feelings about people around me irl - what does it actually feel like to like someone romantically?? Do I fancy someone or just like them platonically? Have I built up the idea of romance in my head so much that when I actually experience/come across it, I won't realise? I also have a tendency like Anne to refuse to examine my feelings (even though I crave romance so much when I might actually be having a crush or something I just can't admit that to myself or actually try determine how I feel??) Anyways yeah just Anne's whole arc in the third book about what love actually is in practice and the hardships of realising that and understanding and admitting your feelings is something I feel on a very personal level. I don't think I see myself 100% as Anne in every aspect but this makes me relate to her a lot.

Beth - this is going to be a Beth defence post lol; Beth was always the March sister that I related to the most. As a kid especially, (but still very much true now) I cared so much about being a good and nice person, I always want to try to be good and to be as kind as possible. Like literally if I make a joke that's slightly mean even if I'm just teasing I will feel Bad and worry that I'm not being nice and therefore is part of why trying to be funny kinda stresses me out sometime. I was very much a goody-goody two-shoes as kid and still am very much a stickler for rules and all that. Because of that I felt a fierce fondness for Beth who tried her best to always be kind and good and also could be very anxious about all this (I was a very anxious child, who has also grown up to be an anxious adult, yay!). It's also really hard to be kind and good all the time so I admired for for always trying. I know a lot of people find Beth boring and think she's too good, and therefore that that makes her uninteresting. I hate this narrative!! We tell kids, be nice and try your best to be good, but not too good cos then you'll be boring and no one will like you and I hate that. I was that anxious little girl that desperately wanted and tried her best to be as good as possible, always feeling like I was failing and tripping up, never being as good as I possibly could have, but also worried about being perceived as then boring and bland and no fun at all. This is why I will fiercely defend Beth; she's just trying her best to be the kind of person society tells her she ideally should be and when she does that, there's no winning, there's always a hidden goalpost or something that you can't see. I feel like in the books, we don't really get to see Beth from her perspective, only through everyone else's eyes and how they deem her perfect, without actually getting the reality of the anxieties and worries she feels like any other human being. Everyone sees her to be perfect, so they dismiss the actual struggles she faces and how hard she tries to be good and what goes into choosing kindness every time. Just because someone is kind it does not mean that is inherent and that they never feel differently. Kindness is a choice and the people perceived as good put a lot of effort into choosing to act like that, all the time. TDLR Beth's goodness did not come to her easier than her sisters, she simply cared about it so much that she made it her priority to always strive for. There's more I could say about some experiences I've had that have made me relate to Beth but going to stop here cos it's already so long.

Lara Jean - okay last one whew. This one is kinda similar to Anne. Lara Jean is a teenage girl who loves romance but never (before the start of the books) has acted on her feelings; there's this conversation she has with Peter in the first book: she loves romance but she's never dated before and she admits that when it's real, that's scary. It's fun to watch films and read books and watch characters fall in love and spend your time thinking about romance but when it's actually happening to you, you don't know how to feel or act and it can feel overwhelming. Just love being scary when it's real... this is exactly how I feel, you suddenly don't have control like you do when reading a story and the possibility of getting hurt is so real. I just agree with Lara Jean, thinking about love is fun but when it's real it's scary! Also I feel like she's the kinda teenage girl I was.

#this was so long omg #anyone who reads through the whole way to the end know that i am gifting you a sticker #bambi 🦌 #sorry for it taking me so long to answer this!! #i just knew that i would have a lot to say #and i never had the time to properly think about it how i knew i would want to #so i put it off till i would be able to do it like i'd want to and i finally have! #anne shirley #beth march #lara jean covey #lara jean #lara jean song #lara jean song covey #anne of green gables #aogg #anne of the island #little women #to all the boys i've loved before

[thisisatesttai]

I'm rereading Fables by Bill Willingham, and I think I'm going to document my thoughts on it, because as much as I like the premise, I've never been able to call myself a fan, and I want to know why.

(Also it's a comic that I can pirate online until I inevitably get tired of it again, so it feels a lot more manageable for my ADHD than, say, reading a book or sitting down for a two-hour movie has been.)

For posterity's sake, I've read most of Fables in the past, I don't know how many volumes but somewhere between 10 and 20, so more than half. Normally, I'd eat up this twisted fairy tale sort of thing, which is why I've read so much of it despite never being able to put my finger on what I don't like about it. Right now I'm partway through the second arc, which I remember being the arc where I originally decided I didn't like Fables, but I want to get my thoughts down about the first arc and why it's kind of stinky before I get into this one.

Oh, I'm discussing plot details openly here, so spoiler warning.

So the premise of this first arc is that Snow White's sister, Rose Red, has been murdered. Her ex-boyfriend, Jack Horner, best boi, is immediately put in the dungeon as part of an interrogation technique by our cowboy cop hero, Bigby Wolf. Immediately I'm like, there needs be a good justification for this. Like, I get wanting your hero to do questionable things, but you need a good reason to pull it off. I'll preface this by saying Bigby doesn't have a good reason.

So, while Jack is sitting in jail with no charges brought against him -- a fact that the comic is open about -- Bigby starts investigating with Snow, who he insists is a suspect, too. I was going to complain that he doesn't really have a reason to, but then I realized that him saying "well, we know there's bad blood between the sisters" is probably an excuse for Bigby to cut Snow out of the investigation in-character as much as it is for Willingham's convenience. There's a lot of time devoted to her being irrational, which is attributed to her having presumably lost her sister, but it does reek of misogyny and is an excuse for Bigby to shut her out.

Then we have Bluebeard, who I've never really understood, who they find out was engaged to Rose Red. He's very much the foul bedfellows sort of character, everyone knows he's a piece of shit, but no one ever takes him to task on it. In his case, Bigby just kind of yells at him and accuses him out of nowhere. This is supposed to be a tactic, too, but I've never understood what it accomplished, besides setting us up for the comic's big fight scene, when Bluebeard breaks into Jack's cell to do his own interrogation and Bigby goes full wolfman to intervene.

Fast forward to the end, it's the big party for all the Fables that's been a ticking clock for the whole arc. Bigby takes Snow on a date "for the mission" and she gives him the last key he needs to solve the mystery, so he goes to the upstairs pool, gets naked, and calls all the main characters up to the roof so they can watch him get out of the pool and explain how he figured out the mystery. I don't know why he does this, though I guess he's pretty open about staging the parlor scene for his own amusement, so I guess he wanted to do the explanation in a speedo? Whatever.

Turns out Rose Red faked her death, with Jack's help. They did it to swindle a dowry from Bluebeard. I will say, a lot of the actual detective work is kind of clever. The bit with the freezer is cool, and while the holes Bigby pokes in the crime scene setup seem really stupid in the moment, I will admit that I did not notice them on my initial read or this one, so I guess they worked. But I never feel like Bigby gets a good reason for why he was holding stuff back from Snow, or for his shitty treatment of the people he's investigating.

#fables #review #wolf among us

[unnursvanablog]

Our Flag Means Death, s2 / tv show review.

This is a mildly spoilery opinion on the the second, but also the first, season of Our Flag Means Death

There is an interesting flora of characters aboard the pirateship in both seasons of Our Flag Means Death; both supporting and main characters of the series, but also in the few guest roles that pop up here and there throughout the episodes which truly make the series what it is.

One of the main charming points of the whole thing is truly the lightheartedness of the series, the way it deals with the found family trope, the handling of queerness and how it is woven so naturally into the story. It truly is lovely and heartwarming as well as introduces different sort of dynamics within the pirate stories we are used from Hollywood.That and they don't take themselves very seriously makes the show a great, mostly cozy watch.

But what this seasons has in interesting and complex character arcs, where the characters we met and parted ways in the first seasons learn to trust again, let go of their egos and find themselves again, the second season lacks a bit of the overall structure and plot that the first one had. There the characters all went on a journey, but the story itself was also going from a to b and overall just saying a bit more until we arrived at the point where Stede having truly found himself and there was no turning back.

That felt lacking this seasons; a certain point to the story that we spent eight episodes following. The conclusion to the character arcs were handled beautifully but other than that the story did lack a bit of focus and just hobbled around between fun character moments and funny bits that fans would love. But what was the point, the theme.

So while the series is still full of shenanigans, action, humor and heartwarming incidents and adorable moments, and the cast is clearly having a blast on set which definitely translates onto the screen, and the queer joy that the episodes showcase is such a welcoming sight I did find myself quite tired after a whole of the bare-boned plot of the second season.

It seemed like it was all a filler; the fun character moments and funny scenes, which is fun for a while, but after a while the series seems to get a little bogged down by never having much of a narrative. There isn't a thread, a plot, that runs through the whole series to build up to. Expect for the character relationships but I wish there was more of a plot around those.

It felt like a fanservie. We got a whole lot of what we wanted so easily. By the middle I was starting to wonder what this series was really trying to tell us, what the point of the story was, and I was having a hard time to find the answer. It was a great fun and the character exploration from start to finish was excellent, but I personally wanted more than that. I guess now it was Blackbeard's turn to really find what he wants, compared to Stede in the first season, but it seemed a bit lost in focus.

In lots of ways the second season is a lot deeper when it comes to the characters themselves and I'm all for slow-paced character stories with minimal plot that allows the characters to be more complex and mature, but even though things are slow and the characters dictate the course rather than the story itself, things still have to happen and the narrative also needs to have some focus to it.

It was fun though and I did look forward to watching it every time. I would almost describe this as a cozy and fun watching experience that and I do so hope that we get more of it. I just wish the story itself was a little bigger or more tangible, so I hope if we get a third season that more thought will be put into the plot. Because this felt like it was giving the people so much of what they wanted, just in case if we never get to see these characters again.

#tv show review #our flag means death #tv show reviews

[film-frederick-murray]

18/9/22

Welcome to my blog!

My name is Frederick Spike Murray and I am a year one undergraduate film student at Edinburgh Napier University. Other than this I have a Short Course certificate from the British Film Institute where I learned the basics of film making and film review before working on my own short film in a group.

This blog is to document my progress in the course and my overall relationship with film. I love cinema and I hope my writings portray this to whomever reads it.

In my first week we were split into groups for a warm-up exercise : we were to make a short film in two days with nothing but an adjective and a noun, picked at random. Ours was ‘Small Actor’. Our immediate thought was to turn to our smallest friend in the group, Luke. We next realised small actor could also mean an unknown actor and were surprised by how dumb we were. Combining the two we set off to tell the story of a small unknown actor trying to accomplish his dreams whilst having an abusive relationship with his deadbeat brother who is trying to hold him back. Here is the film. Small Actor I feel very proud of this film, as lead cinematographer I felt the camera movements, framing and composition to be very deliberate however I understand all of these had very surface level meanings. For example the shaking of the camera to show our lead is in a frantic scene with his brother, or sitting him off centre to show how out of place he feels. Another main critique is more just wishing we had more time in the editing room, there were so many ideas we were just too late to fit in which I feel would have elevated each scene. Overall I am impressed with our work in only 48 hours however understand we could have done more.

I recently re-watched ‘La Haine’, probably my second favourite film at the time I'm writing this, only beaten by ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’. I respect that ‘La Haine’ is a far better constructed movie, however no film has moved me as much as ‘Perks’. I digress. After watching ‘La Haine’ for the 2nd time, I have little more to say than I did after my first watch. There were two main aspects of the movie which confused me after my initial watch: the fist was the cow that occupies Vince's mind, I could not figure out what the cow symbolised but I hope one day I will. The second thing I was confused on was the use of a dolly zoom as our leading characters enter central Paris. I now understand that the intention was not that of realisation or shock as the dolly zoom is often used, but instead to tell the audience that the youths and the city are one in the same, the shot slowly draws the background of the city closer to our characters, connecting the two, they are the future of their country. I doubt I have anything to say about 'La Haine' that hasn't been said and challenged hundreds of times over, but that wasn't the point of the watch, the point was to enjoy myself, and I did thoroughly. This movie is a perfect example of why I love cinema.

Today I went to the Edinburgh Filmhouse to see ‘Funny Pages’, a new A24 film written and directed by Owen Kline. The story follows a young aspiring cartoonist who, after the death of his questionable but encouraging art teacher, finds himself lost yet determined to devote his life to the art of comedy cartoons. Our protagonist soon latches himself to a mentally unstable man who worked within the comic book industry and views his life as that of a failure. The pairing of the two causes chaos to ensue as their un-symbiotic relationship collapses deeper than when they met. I felt the movie overall didn't have too much to say; the message was unclear and none of the characters had an arc, they all start fairly rotten and all end fairly rotten. However this is very clearly intentional and reflects the source material of funny pictures: the characters are all the exact same characters they were when the comic began as there is no further purpose than to make people laugh, what else can you do with three panels? Regardless, the film is one in which you can tell the filmmakers loved making it, there is lots of passion involved in every shot and every scene and that’s the main thing I look out for when watching a film.

[ascotwearingarc2]

@shedetect​  !

❛  could you be happy here with me ?  ❜

#this is better than an affair yeah? #shedetect #✦ ─── if i'm lost now then how do i find myself? \ MAIN ARC .

[bluejayblueskies]

Please say more abt how Martin fits the closed off trait I'm begging 👁👁

Okay, so I got a bit carried away with this and it got quite lengthy....

I've put a TLDR above the cut and the details, transcripts, and general discussion below the cut!

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TLDR: Martin is at his core a closed-off character who keeps his vulnerable feelings hidden and close to his chest. He instead focuses on caring for others and considering their feelings above his own, particularly in the case of Jon, who he cares for (sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice) throughout the podcast. His arc with the Lonely in season four and his interactions with Jon in season five demonstrate this lack of emotional vulnerability, and it's really only during the moments he spends by himself that we get significant insight into Martin's emotional state and inner thoughts.

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Martin, to me, is a character who is very used to hiding how he feels. He tends to care for others at the expense of himself, has low self-esteem, and has a predilection towards the Lonely, all of which go hand-in-hand with somebody who is very used to hiding their emotions--particularly the negative ones--because they either think they're not important or that they're inconvenient and inappropriate for the situation. On a textual level, that's probably due to growing up with a sick (and likely unsupportive) mother who he had to take care of, where there was 'no time' for his emotions to get in the way or for him to prioritize himself in any way, shape, or form.

Martin is self-destructive, dislikes moments of emotional vulnerability, and (I would argue) genuinely struggles when he doesn't have somebody else to prioritize over himself. (His mother at first, but as the series goes on, Jon settles comfortably into this role for him.) Additionally, the biggest way that we, the audience, know anything about Martin's emotional state is when he's alone and self-reflecting (such as in MAG 170 and 186 or when talking to the tapes) or when he's forced to talk about something vulnerable (such as when Jon confronted him about his CV).

We don't get much insight into Martin's character between seasons one and three (at least not as much as we get in four and five), but I find myself drawn to this bit in MAG 118, when Martin is talking to Elias:

MARTIN

So what? I don’t get to be angry? I don’t get to burn things? Just, just run around, making tea, while everyone else gets to actually have feelings?

I think two things are important to note here. The first is that Elias is surprised (or least intrigued) that Martin is acting in this way--specifically, acting on his emotions in such a dramatic way. (And given that Martin is doing this as a distraction, rather than actually acting out because of his own emotions, maybe he's right to be surprised.) The second is that this line very much implies that Martin doesn't talk about how he's feeling, not like 'everyone else' does. He doesn't talk about it, doesn't act on it--just 'runs around, making tea.' And when Melanie comes back in after Elias is done, Martin immediately focuses on the plan and whether it succeeded, ignoring Melanie when she asks if he's okay or not. He closes himself off, and as far as we know, doesn't talk about it at all after that.

And then Jon goes into his coma, and we reach season four.

Martin is incredibly closed-off during season four. He's self-isolating, self-sacrificial, and approaching a state of genuine emotional numbness by the time he's cast into the Lonely. There's a lot to unpack there, but I'm going to focus on a few main things, many of which can be drawn from this bit in MAG 158:

MARTIN

It’s not him! It’s not anybody. It’s just me. Always has been. I…

When I first came to you, I thought I had lost everything. Jon was dead, my mother was dead, the job I had put everything into trapped me into spreading evil and I… I really didn’t care what happened to me. I told myself I was trying to protect the others, but… honestly we didn’t even like each other. Maybe I just thought joining up with you would be a good way to get killed.

And then… Jon came back, and… and suddenly I had a reason I had to keep your attention on me. Make you feel in control so you didn’t take it out on him. And if that meant drifting further away, so what? I’d already grieved for him. And if it meant now saving him, it was worth it.

When you started talking about the Extinction, though… you had me actually, then, for a while. But then – (laughs sardonically) then, you tried to make me the hero. Tried to sell me on the idea that I was the only one who could stop it. And that I’ve never sat right with me. I mean, I mean, look – look at me, I’m not exactly a – a chosen one. But by then I was in too deep. So I played along. Waited to see what your end game was, and here we are.

Funny. Looks like I was right the first time. It’s probably still a good way to get killed?

This monologue is a big insight into Martin's thought process during this season, and I'm mostly going to focus on two parts: the self-sacrifice and the prioritization of Jon.

Self-sacrifice

There's quite a bit of discussion about Jon's self-sacrificial tendencies, but less so about Martin's, both in this season and in season five. In my opinion, Jon's self-sacrificial tendencies originate from (among other things) survivor's guilt from his traumatic childhood experience with Mr. Spider, his increasing belief that he's less than human, and the fact that he prioritizes the lives of others over his own. Martin's self-sacrificial tendencies, while very similar, come from the fact that he thinks he only has worth if he can help and care for someone else and the fact that he doesn't think he's important enough to live. (For example, he says in MAG 158 that he's 'not exactly a chosen one' and says in MAG 198 that he's 'not important enough to kill.')

It's a subtle difference between these two things, and I would argue that while Jon's tendencies are more rooted in the 'help' (ie, 'I want to help other people and I will sacrifice myself to do it'), Martin's tendencies are more rooted in the 'hurt' (ie, 'I will sacrifice myself and other people will be helped in the process'). There is, of course, overlap, and it's not a black-and-white distinction between the two, but ultimately, I think Martin is so used to prioritizing others' emotions and needs above his own that when he's left mostly alone as he is at the end of season three, with the only person left to hold onto being in a coma (possibly forever), he falls back into the same patterns of self-destruction and closed-offness, only without the 'help' to go along with the 'hurt' because there is nobody left to help (especially after his mother dies). Ultimately, he joins up with Peter because he thinks it 'would be a good way to get killed.'

Prioritization of Jon

But then Jon wakes up from his coma, and now Martin has justification for his self-sacrifice again, because he can protect Jon by continuing to work with Peter!

... Maybe.

Jon isn't harmed by Peter during season four, sure, but he does climb into the coffin and visits Ny-Ålesund and is tracked down by Julia and Trevor and struggles emotionally and morally with his own humanity and is hurt, in a way, by the distance Martin puts between them. And I hesitate to place blame for the apocalypse on anybody but Jonah, but if we're going to argue in-canon that Jon was responsible for the apocalypse (he wasn't, but that's not the point of this post), then Martin contributed to that blame and responsibility because it was his actions and decisions that ultimately drew Jon into the Lonely and resulted in him getting the 14th and final mark. (Again, I don't think Jon or Martin are at fault for the apocalypse, but if we were to blame Jon, we could blame Martin as well.) It was only after getting that mark that Jonah was able to use Jon to end the world, something that was hugely hurtful for Jon. So did Martin really protect Jon at all by staying away from him and continuing to work with Peter? Or was that just a convenient excuse to keep self-destructing?

Jon and Martin, in my opinion, had very similar arcs in season four. Martin was sinking further into the Lonely and Jon was sinking further into the Eye. We hear a lot more about Jon's emotional struggle with this given that he's the POV character, sure, but Jon also talks about this with other people. He talks about it to Helen (MAG 152):

JON

…

When does it stop?

HELEN

(impatient) What?

JON

The guilt. The misery. All the others I’ve met, they’ve been – cold, cruel. They’ve enjoyed what they do. When does the Eye (inhale) make me monstrous?

And to Daisy (MAG 136):

JON

My – (large sigh) My memories of the coma are not clear, but I know I made a choice; I made a choice to become… something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I – I don’t know if I made the right decision; I’m stronger now, tougher, I can – (he cuts himself off) If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever? I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. And I don’t want to lose anyone else, so if I can maybe – stop that happening, and the only danger is to me, I – I’ll do it in a heartbeat; worst case scenario, the universe loses another monster.

But all we really get from Martin are the things he tells the tapes when he's alone and the monologue he gives in MAG 158. It makes sense that he wouldn't be as open, yes, given the nature of the Lonely, but I can't help but think of (MAG 154):

JON

The Lonely’s really got you, hasn’t it?

MARTIN

(no hesitation) You know, I think it always did.

Jon was always curious and hungry for knowledge; the Eye amplified it. Martin was always closed-off and isolated; the Lonely amplified that as well.

But then Jon pulls Martin out of the Lonely, they flee to the safehouse, and three weeks later, the apocalypse begins. Martin isn't as consumed by the Lonely as he was in season four, he's with Jon--the person he loves--for extended periods of time, and they're in an extremely stressful situation that's sure to be incredibly emotionally charged. There's a lot to be said about Jon's emotional vulnerability during season five and how Martin both pressures him for it and rejects it in different ways, but for the purposes of this post, I won't go too far into detail about the motivations behind how Jon is feeling and acting.

I will say, however, that in season five, Martin still continues to place a lot of focus on asking Jon how he's feeling, encouraging (or pressuring) him to share, and getting frustrated when Jon can't or doesn't (MAG 167):

MARTIN

Okay, so how exactly would you describe your current emotional state regarding all of this?

JON

I –

MARTIN

(overlapping) Go on, I’m all ears.

JON

I feel…

MARTIN

(go on) Mhm.

JON

(sigh) I feel… sad.

[Brief pause.] MARTIN

(flat) Sad.

JON

Very sad.

MARTIN

(*very* flat) Very sad.

[He sighs slightly as he says it. Their bags jangle.]

A few moments prior to this, Martin expresses displeasure that Jon is Knowing things about him, specifically pointing out his emotions (MAG 167):

MARTIN

It’s just – it’s weird knowing that you can know literally everything I think and feel. E-Especially since you’re not exactly the most open of people – emotionally, I mean.

I think Martin is making an effort to open up more to Jon. But I still think it's difficult for him to talk about how he feels so openly, and while he is completely in the right for not wanting Jon to Know things about him without his permission, I think it's interesting that the focus is on his feelings and that he brings up how Jon isn't emotionally open immediately after. It scares Martin to think that Jon could know, at any given moment, how he's feeling, and I think it's partially because he's not used to that level of vulnerability. He turns the focus on Jon, away from himself, and doesn't really make an effort to talk about how he's feeling about all of this, instead prioritizing Jon's feelings and mental state like he's grown comfortable with.

And when Martin bottles up his emotions--of which there are a lot, in such a stressful environment, they can explode out in hurtful ways:

MARTIN

(overlapping) I know! I know, okay, I just – (bracing exhale) Look, I j,just – don’t want to get burned, all right? It’s, it’s like my least favorite pain ever.

JON

Is that – a joke?

MARTIN

(a bit faster, a bit shaky) No, no, okay? I, I legitimately hate burns, alright? They’re, they’re awful, and they scar horribly, and they just – it – it just makes me sick; I, I hate it. Hate it!

I don't think Martin really thought about what he was saying when he told Jon, who has a large burn scar on his hand, that burn scars make him sick, and I don't think he meant it maliciously. But he'd spent the greater portion of the conversation talking around the fact that he didn't like burns and that was why he didn't want to go into the building, and so when it finally ended up coming out, it did so in an explosion of emotion rather than a conscious decision to share. Martin doesn't have a good handle on his emotions, and he doesn't have a good handle on sharing them.

(Is it too much for me to say that Martin was more emotionally vulnerable with himself in MAG 170 than he was with Jon when Jon finally found him?)

Throughout season five, Martin asks Jon questions, he expresses frustrations with Jon, he shows discomfort or fear at times, but for as much as Martin feels frustrated that Jon isn't talking about how he feels about their situation, Martin really isn't doing so either. The most he talks about his feelings is in MAG 170 and MAG 186, when he's by himself, and I remember MAG 186 in particular because before that, we really didn't know what Martin was thinking about for the majority of the season! And in this episode, we find out a lot of very important things about Martin's character. Like (MAG 186):

ALSO MARTIN

Look, I know what you know. Maybe I’m just a bit more… open about it.

Also-Martin acknowledges that Martin often doesn't say what he means and hides what he really feels, telling him that it's 'hard to be vulnerable,' and Martin is initially very resistant to the idea. And then, when Also-Martin suggests that Martin wants to stay so that he can be 'quietly sad,' we get (MAG 186):

MARTIN

We could talk to Jon about it.

ALSO MARTIN

We could. But we both know that loved ones make the worst therapists. They’re too wrapped up in trying to stop you hurting to actually help. But hey, we know all about that, am I right?

MARTIN

There’s nothing wrong with comforting people.

ALSO MARTIN

A cup of tea isn’t a resolution. At best it’s a… a plaster. At worst… a muzzle.

This is very interesting to me, because for all that Martin tries to help other people, he also believes that comfort doesn't always help and that you can't be your loved one's 'therapist.' I think this gives a lot of insight into why Martin doesn't share his emotions with the people he cares about, especially Jon; he doesn't want to put Jon in the position where he'll become his 'therapist,' and he doesn't necessarily think Jon can help. So instead, Martin just chooses not to be vulnerable at all, because he doesn't want to burden the people he cares about. But, when it's just him (MAG 186):

ALSO MARTIN

Don’t lie. You don’t need to. Not here. It’s just us.

He doesn't feel like he needs to pull his emotional punches. He can't accidentally hurt somebody or put them in an awkward position; it's just himself. But what's said to himself remains with himself, and (at least on tape), he doesn't discuss any of this with Jon. Not even the bit about, if it came down to it, Martin would have rather had Jon smite him than continue to rule over a domain. He goes right back to being closed-off around Jon, but now we, the audience, know what lies underneath, and how little of it reaches the surface.

In fact, the thing Martin's probably most vocal about is how Jon's feelings about himself bother him (MAG 199):

MARTIN

I guess that’s why it really bothers me, you know? I try, but I can’t actually imagine ever making a decision that I knew meant losing you.

And it… It hurts to know you can.

And I think he has a tendency to use anger and frustration to cover up hurt, shying away from the admission that something Jon's done has hurt him (an incredibly vulnerable thing) and instead relying on the less-vulnerable and more external anger to cover it. This is more speculation than true analysis, but I think that's a lot of what's happening in MAG 200, when he discovers that Jon has already assumed the position of the pupil and has, in Martin's eyes, broken his promise.

.

TLDR: Martin is at his core a closed-off character who keeps his vulnerable feelings hidden and close to his chest. He instead focuses on caring for others and considering their feelings above his own, particularly in the case of Jon, who he cares for (sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice) throughout the podcast. His arc with the Lonely in season four and his interactions with Jon in season five demonstrate this lack of emotional vulnerability, and it's really only during the moments he spends by himself that we get significant insight into Martin's emotional state and inner thoughts.

#tma #the magnus archives #martin blackwood #tma meta #jonathan sims #(because i do talk about jon a bit in this too) #i actually think martin isn't good with emotions at all #both his own and others' #i think he doesn't quite know what to do with them so he puts on a mask and defaults to things he knows will work #*thinks about the low empathy autistic martin high empathy autistic jon post with love in my heart*

[merakiui]

hi, you can ignore this if this isn't fine, but I just really needed to rant about it also this has spoilers)

like I'm scarily concerned for traveler. like the inazuma chapter has to have taken a toll on them.

this was probably the first time since they've been in teyvat where they almost lose their life not once but twice. this is their first time that they fought an archon, someone who is extremely powerful.

traveler has been lucky in the first two nations, but this one has to have been so different for them. like they made friends and in the end they lose them, and then with that side quest of cleansing , they lose someone again.

then throughout the ending of the chapter, I'm pretty sure this one should have affected them. this is the one where they were conscious and finally got witness just how close they were to losing their life without ever being reuniting with their sibling again. like I'm pretty sure not even the unknown god had an intention of killing them in the beginning or at least that's how I saw it

then those headaches of theirs when walking away. like like paimon wasn't affected by it, and it only seemed like it was just them.

like how is the traveler even doing? are they even doing well, with everything going on?

I'm just so concerned for them if I were to think outside of the story lines mihoyo gives.

(this might not even make sense, I've been fishing to make myself feel better about the story)

(spoilers below!)

Oh, definitely! After the traveler witnesses the Raiden Shogun execute Signora with the same move that killed Kazuha's friend, it's the first time they've met and interacted with an Archon who isn't as free-spirited as Venti or as calm and collected as the very wise Zhongli. This is an Archon who rules strictly and absolute; her word is law and she shows no signs of changing it in order to uphold the ideal of a perfect, unchanged eternity. It's the first time the traveler realizes that the Raiden Shogun can and will kill them should she get the chance and that there's no way of escaping that. She did not hesitate when ending Signora; she will not hesitate when she raises her blade at the traveler when the time comes.

And Yae Miko wants the poor traveler, who just fought in a life or death battle against another Harbinger who was vastly different from Childe, to go back inside the Plane of Euthymia and basically convince Ei to 'come out of her room.' It's absolutely dangerous; the traveler's odds of beating the Raiden Shogun were cemented the minute they witnessed firsthand on multiple occasions just how powerful she truly is. And it's terrifying. If an entire resistance stands no chance against her, then how can the traveler possibly be expected to win the fight?

There's no way the traveler can walk out of the Inazuma arc and not be traumatized. They fought an Archon twice, defeated a Harbinger, narrowly escaped another Harbinger, were thrown into all sorts of wild and potentially fatal situations, and even lost some important friends (Teppei and Kazari for example). And at the core of it all, they just want their sibling back. They want answers that haven't been given to them by three nations now. But any journey won't be without danger and risk. Although this time the risk was far greater than what they bargained for.

In Mondstadt and Liyue, the danger wasn't nearly as grave as it was in Inazuma. Of course it was still highly dangerous, what with purifying Dvalin before the massive, corrupted dragon could inflict anymore damage; and going up against Childe and foiling the Fatui's scheme regarding Osial. But with both of those arcs, the traveler was accompanied by their friends. They had help and assistance. There's always reassurance in numbers because the odds are better than the odds that come with being alone.

When it came to battling the Raiden Shogun, the traveler didn't have any help. It was just them and an all-powerful Archon stuck in the barren Plane. Not even Paimon could enter the Plane of Euthymia those times in the quests where the traveler has to fight the Raiden Shogun (first when Thoma's Vision is about to be forcibly taken and again when they're thrown inside the Plane after trying to attack the Raiden Shogun (shortly after Kazuha fends her off)) and Paimon almost always accompanies them no matter where they might go. Paimon is not only a close friend of the traveler's but their moral support as well.

The traveler was all alone in that vast and seemingly empty space and the odds of beating the Raiden Shogun were incredibly and horribly slim. And if the traveler dies, their entire journey would have been for nothing (as their main goal throughout all of this is to find and reunite with their sibling). They would have never reunited with their sibling and all of the friends they made along the way would never get to see them again if the Raiden Shogun had slain them.

So the traveler has every reason to be traumatized and frightened after what took place in Inazuma.

#chit chat #genshin spoilers #i did not mean to write so much #but i felt like i had to get those thoughts out there #poor traveler... i hope they'll be okay #i also hope mhy doesn't show them to be perfectly fine #when they leave for sumeru #i've also been fishing to give aether a break >_< #fishing has become a lifestyle now #i get why childe likes it so much