#'that' being singleness/lifelong celibacy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angstymdzsthoughts · 2 years

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What if JGS promised Madam Jin that he would never cheat on her again before he died? Maybe a year before she died and she had been keeping her promise

But then JGY brings him the prostitutes, he dies and the rumor that he died in bed spreads to the whole world. Madame Jin is left a widow and humiliated, and she doesn't know whether to believe her husband or what they say about him.

His wife was leaving him. He understood why. Their son, their perfect boy, was dead and their grandson was growing up in Lotus Pier. He could see how heavily the grief weighed on her shoulders. Servants whisper about her new habit of sleeping in the room that was Jin Zixuan's childhood bedroom. He doesn’t know where she was planning to go, but Madam Jin was leaving the Jin sect and Jin Guangshen couldn't let that happen.

A part of him rationalized his actions. She knew too much about the secrets both he and the sect kept. Too many people are loyal to her and would follow her if she goes. He has relied on her for too many years and is now dependent on her to run the sect while he is busy being the chief cultivator.

He’s reluctant to acknowledge that he is scared of being left alone. Too stubborn to admit that he will miss her like a lost limb if she leaves. Worried that he will fall apart without her.

So they negotiate.

"No more bastards," she states as her first demand. "You have already acknowledged two of them. I know there are more, but I never want to see them."

"Done," he agrees easily. He had only acknowledged Jin Guangyao for the sect to gain glory despite their minor contributes during the war. He had only acknowledged Mo Xuanyu to remind Jin Guangyao that he is replaceable.

"No more whores. No more kitchen maids. No more mistresses." His wife glared at him. "Not a single one, Guangshen, I mean it. You will be a loyal husband for the first time in your life. I will not be moved on this."

This was more difficult. His lifelong vice ripped away in a second. His wife had never been warm to him so he knows that following this condition would basically be condemning himself to celibacy for the rest of his days.

"... Fine, you bitter old thing," he grumbled. He would have to get use to taking care of his own needs again.

His wife looks surprised a moment. If she thought a lack of sex would be enough for him to let her go then she was wrong. "Jin Guangyao will never be the sect leader. You will name A-Ling your heir and stay on that horrible throne until he is old enough to take it."

"Of course." As if that was ever in question to begin with! He would die before the son of a whore becomes sect leader.

#mdzs #jin guangshan #Madam Jin #Is the ending abrupt? Yes. Do I know how to end it more smoothly? No.

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thelesbianpoirot · 6 months

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Yes, exactly. I have very close female friends too, but I will always crave sexual intimacy as well. Even though I'm the kind of person who will only have sex with someone if I've known them for a while and I'm in a relationship with them, that doesn't mean I don't want to have it. And I honesly don't understand how your partner can bring you to orgasm and then you don't want to do the same in return? I know it's not a transaction and you can get something out of it even if you don't orgasm, but surely you want to pleasure your partner too because you're attracted to them and want them to feel good and it feels good to you to do that? Like I'm not against the concept of asexuality, I do think some people do have such low libido that it might be a useful descriptor, but it's just questionable to me how many asexuals identify as lesbians (or just how many are women in general), whereas I don't think I've ever seen a gay man say he is asexual...it's cool to just want to be celibate with your female friends but that's doesn't make you a lesbian

Forming close female friendships will make a lot of women more normal about their sexuality. It is crucial. You'll quickly see the difference between that and a real romantic relationship, even if there is a lot of over lap. We might raise a kid together, but it is no different to me from my mom living her her two friends for years because they were all single moms trying to get by. Women need each other, and you can experience that yearning for that, for female only spaces. But it is different from sexual desire. It isn't a transaction, but it should be a desire of yours to want to return a good feeling. It is a natural response of being attracted to someone, wanting to give them pleasure. I am fine with celibacy, and asexuality, but I do not believe asexuality is compatible with homosexuality, I think is it's own separate thing. Homosexuality is exclusive same sex attraction, asexuality is experiencing no sexual attraction, you can't remove sexuality from homosexuality, sorry. Low Libido lesbians exist and only want to have sex under their preferred conditions, committed relationships, without penetration, once or twice a month etc. I'm fine with this. I don't want all lesbians to conform to some standard, we are a diverse group like anyone else. You hit the nail on the head. There is no asexual gay man. There are gay man with sexual boundaries, and loads of preferences, who have been celibate for loads of reasons but you won't find one who says, "I don't experience sexual attraction to men but I still call myself a gay man". Yet online you'll find a bunch o' women who call themselves asexual lesbians, trying to barter their way out of eating pussy while calling themselves lesbians. I think we women are often insecure, and constantly trying to find ourselves, and in the process can get lost if there aren't understanding people to steer us in the right direction. And I want to kindly say to celibate "asexual" women, who don't experience sexual attraction to women, i.e don't want to eat pussy, that you are perfectly healthy, entitled to your boundaries, and deserve lifelong female companionship, but you aren't lesbians.

#thelesbianpoirot

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sidebaxolotl · 3 months

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Hi! What is your opinion on vocations for side b people? (I mean the specifics of celibacy - i.e. priesthood, spiritual motherhood, singleness without loneliness) I've been asked this question by both catholic friends and lgbt+ friends and I don't feel I have ever been able to give a good answer (I'm straight, so the "you have no clue how this feels like" (which is true) attitude does not help)

You'll have to be a bit more specific...

If you mean like do i think those things can be fulfilling? Yes!! I love being single sm. It can be hard, esp at first to decide to be a lifelong celibate but its honestly really awesome. I'm glad I didnt force myself to marry a man OR give up God and marry a woman.

I can't be a pastor or a priest but I've enjoyed discipling other women and being sort of a spiritual big sis! Thats kinda what I miss the most about my old church and I'd love to help out with that again in the future😩

It's definitely possible to lead a happy and fulfilled life without an s/o!

These things do require community and support so the best thing u and other straight/married ppl can do is be a good friend/found family to ur lgbt frens!!

#if i didnt answer ur question correctly pls feel free to send a clarifying ask! got a bit rambly there lol #side b #side b ssa #voluntary celibacy #answers

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chicago-geniza · 1 year

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I have to assume it's the Xtreme Hereditary OCD-Autism-Schizophrenia Nexus Brainworms because all the psych literature--& the vast majority of my acquaintances bear it out--suggests that hypersexuality and/or eventual [post...intervention? What's the modality or methodology here?] adjustment into at least like, standard-deviation-from-whatever-people-call-The-Norm sexual drive/desire/activity are more prevalent/common responses to childhood sexual abuse, when afaik every single person save one in my entire extended family who got CSA'd did a full 180 & either had a juvenile psychotic break or went full Secular Consecrated Life and took an unofficial lifelong vow of celibacy and became a weird mendicant who tried to abdicate the body entirely. Anyway I'm the latter and I am so interested in what makes someone respond to molestation with more expressions of precocious sexuality vs. me, age 8, who made my mom buy me a modest bathing swimsuit for Muslim women, so I could wear it in the shower, with the door locked. Three siblings in the same family can all respond to abuse in radically different ways and I'm so so so interested in this lately. People keep talking about "puriteens" and I keep thinking about how much isolation/alienation/Not Knowing/being shut out of knowing/being disbelieved by adults, scornful of and scorned by "age-appropriate" peers, how that constellation of factors inculcated certain scrupulosity brainworms. Also thinking about "puriteen" Discourse. Nature and nurture hand in hand, "what if the child has bad vibes," etc., how one makes sense of the world and uses newly-acquired language in Tetris blocks, mixing and matching. Conversation as *practice*, as testing ground for ideas, with Internet your only option. Idk idk. Just thinking Gd help me if I were 13 now! And knowing I come from unusually prudish stock; how not to buckle under the weight and make your affect a politic, thrust your fear and disgust into the vanguard.

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menalez · 10 months

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Genuinely thank you for acknowleding that lifelong celibacy is not a simple decision. Even a woman who is fine being single and all might have a hard time saying no to someone she likes and perceives to be a good person/man. It's human. I don't know why some women on here refuse to acknowledge that even the best friendships fulfill you in a different way than romantic relationships do.

don’t get me wrong, there’s women out there who find it easy and are more fulfilled seeking more platonic companionships with women rather than wasting their time on romantic relationships with men. but that isn’t the case for a huge portion of women! it’s not easy overall, & that’s ok. if it were easy then more women would be doing it bc we all know partnering with men isn’t particularly rewarding and can be quite draining + dangerous to women. if it were easy then it wouldn’t be particularly radical either. we don’t need to pretend it’s easy to promote it as a choice ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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luckybyler · 2 years

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Harsh truth time: Assuming neither Hopper nor Jonathan is homophobic, it would be unrealistic for them to hate the idea of Will dating Mike.

It doesn't seem harsh, but the reasoning is. Memes about Hopper frustrated that Mike dates another one of his children are fun, and the Mike Hate Squad of Hopper, Jonathan and Max has gotten a chuckle or two from me, but in reality that wouldn't be the case, at least for the former two.

The same person can mean different things to different people. As El's boyfriend, Mike is some annoying kid constantly making out with Hopper's 13/14 year-old daughter who hasn't even had a chance to see the world and get a notion of herself as a person. Hopper doesn't even hate Mike, but he's annoyed by him. However, as Will's boyfriend not only they wouldn't hate him, but "he's dating Mike" is the part that they would be the least worried about, if not relieved by.

This is a cliché by now, but: this is the 80's in small town, Indiana. Back then and there, if your kid, especially your son, told you he was gay, you pictured him moving alone to the Big City as soon as he turned 18, going to the seediest part of its dark underbelly, mingling with all sorts of predators and weirdos and having sex with the whole city including tourists until he caught AIDS and died a painful death or was killed. I'm sorry to be so crude, but that was the image portrayed on tv even in the 90's. In 1987, princess Diana made worldwide headlines by shaking hands with an AIDS patient without gloves. The first antiretroviral drugs appeared in 1996 (as per the article). The murder of Scott Amedure happened in 1995. The murderer was acquitted of first-degree murder and instead found guilty of second-degree murder after using the "gay panic" defense. The man is now free. In summary, being gay = being in grave danger (see why I headcanon them as quietly being in a relationship instead of coming out to everyone?)

Between having their stepson/brother figuratively get thrown like fresh meat to the sharks and having him be in a relationship with his lifelong best friend who they found kinda annoying sometimes, I think we can all guess what situation Hopper and Jonathan would prefer. They and Joyce know Mike since he was little, they know he's always cared about Will and had his best interest in mind. Hopper has even trusted Mike with Will's life at least once:

Remember when Will was possessed and rabid and Mike, who was there at the uber-classified lab, told the doctors/scientists that they needed to sedate him, and then they did? That's the level of trust, say and "authority" (for lack of a better word) he has.

And the other way around as well: While Karen will probably be accepting like Joyce (and I think they have already talked with each other about the matter extensively even when Mike and Will are still in the process of figuring things out)), Ted will probably think that "that damn kid turned my son gay" and won't be happy about it. However, he (perhaps after a talk from his wife and Hopper) will reluctantly grin and bear it because, again, they've known Will since he was in preschool and know he's a harmless, well-behaved kid and they will keep each other safe from the real or perceived dangers of the gay single life. It would also be easier for Ted to look the other way and pretend they decided to make celibacy vows to one another and spend the rest of their lives being celibate dorks together.

#byler #will byers #mike wheeler #jim hopper #jonathan byers #joyce byers #karen wheeler #ted wheeler

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theshoesofatiredman · 3 years

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When I was a fundamentalist evangelical Christian, I believed there was no righteous expression of my sexuality as a gay man. As a result, there was no path towards romance for me. I was to remain single and celibate for my life and if I was able to do that, this would be success. As a person who deeply did not want to live life alone and deeply wanted a romantic relationship, this was very painful.

But I was all in. My faith was a huge part of my identity. I was involved in church events 3+ times a week, served in an invisible thankless role every weekend, prayed daily, read the Bible 4+ times a week, listened to a majority christian music, read C.S. Lewis and similar christian literature in my free time, and memorized whole chapters of scripture. I believed that I had a relationship with God. I believed he spoke to me. I believed he wanted me personally to demonstrate my love for him through my obedience.

I say all this because time and time again, when I get to what comes next in my story, the sincerity of my faith has been questioned. I don't know how else to prove to you that I loved Jesus, that my belief in God was profound and deep rooted. I was not ambivalent. I was fully committed and it showed.

Towards the end of 2017, something changed for me. While I had struggled with depression early in life, I believed it was something that was behind me. However, that autumn I began to experience an unremitting sadness that magnified my loneliness. I did not understand my own feelings at the time. It wasn't until late 2018, when I found the label of depression, that I would be able to truly open the door to making sense of the pain I was experiencing.

My faith was unwavered for a while. I cried out to God in my pain. I wept before him as I looked for solace, for understanding. I can remember how my skin felt during those times of acute loneliness, how I would turn to God in the hopes that he would hold me even when no one else could or would.

But he didn't. I sunk deeper and deeper into depression. On my worst days, I blocked out the world and hoped I'd go to sleep and never wake up. For several weeks straight, each night I would imagine my own suicide out my bedroom window, what it would be like to roll down the slanted roof beneath my window sill, whether I would die upon impact with the cement below or if I would lay there until slipping away after many torturous hours. Each morning when I woke up, I would regret the fact that I didn't simply die in my sleep.

In short, I hated being alive. I felt tremendously abandoned by God who seemed very distant and uncaring through this. I was in pretty frequent and intense mental anguish, but he offered me no comfort. My life felt like it had been taken away from me and I didn't even have it in me anymore to want it given back. I just wanted to lose what I had left.

There is, for me, no separating this experience of depression from my sexuality. The tension between my faith in God and my sexuality was immensely painful. I hated being gay. I hated that spiritual success meant a life of lonely celibacy. I wanted to love and be loved inside the most intimate of human relationships, but I believed that I would never be able to have that. I believed that God had said this precious dream of love must die in order for there to be love between him and I.

So I gave up on that dream. I was a hopeless romantic who tried his hardest to give up on his dream of romance, of lifelong partnership, of intimate connection, of the pleasure of physical intimacy, of the comfort that physical closeness brings. The pain of trying to eradicate the part of myself that longed for all of that was significant. It also became magnified as my depression deepened and the people who mattered most in my life started having that happy dream that I had to put to death again and again.

This could very well have killed me. I have spent years getting to a better place. Years of counseling and medication, both of which I'm still doing. My most desperate prayers, most broken moments, were spent in this time. All that and I still don't think I'd be alive without my partner. His love may very well have saved my life. Deconstructing my faith enough to reach for it, to accept it, was vital to my survival.

Growing up in the church I heard countless stories of transformation. I saw people break free of their addictions, find comfort in their pain, find peace in their conflict. I believed God saved people. I believe he saves people. It is anathema to my old belief system to say that the love I share with another man brought about a life saving transformation. It is downright heretical.

It also happens to be the truth.

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papirouge · 3 years

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Aw I'm excited for you moving somewhere new! New experiences are so fun!

I totally get what you mean with the lifestyle channels, I love watching cooking ones and I'll be thinking 'ah so relaxing' before I realise that I have to move out soon and live alone

And the people in the vids can cook so well? And I can only cook 4 meals (I'm good at them though)

Honestly I do wish I can share my life with someone when I'm older a lot... But then I also remember how the Bible praises singleness and relationships as having separate but equal benefits and that both are very good! And I think of a lady in my church who had accepted and enjoyed being single, and still eventually found a husband at age 40 and has two kids now

It's all about what God has planned for us and there's joy to be had in both lifestyles!

You're right, the Bible praises singleness, and I'm often wondering whether I may have the gift of celibacy lol. But then, why would I still longing for companionship? I often ask God to remove from my heart this desire because it causes me pain...

Marrying older is such a tender milestone💙 thank you for sharing this story. Ironically, despite my struggle with celibacy, I'm actually glad I never dated anyone. Being in my 30s with no romantic experience is definitely iconoclast but that's something I learned to appreciate about myself. I often get told I've got a very unique personality & outlook on life. Would I be the same if I had dated since my teens or had been in a relationship for several years? I don't think so. Growing out of the flock always pulls out very outstanding characters in general.

I also find the idea of men living alone for a long time very attractive (I find independence as a whole very attractive). Ideally I wish I could marry someone who's as inexperienced as I am.

I often get told that men around my age who are inexperienced aren't that many (which is true)... but it's not impossible. My two male friends have always been single.... It's just that we, lifelong celibate, aren't screaming it on the rooftops 🙄 We exist... maybe right in front of your nose (lol).

I'm extremely suspicious of people who've never been single for more than a minute. My latest crush (8 years ago) was exactly like that. He dated a girl, then they broke up, then a few days later he was already seeking for another one. He eventually met someone, firstly as a hookup, than she became his gf.... From my perspective of today, I know it was super cringe and I'm ashamed I could be attracted by this type of man, but back then it hurt me bc I felt like I was somehow missing out for not being "like that" : a cool girl that could be a love interest. I got friendzoned miserably lmao. This experience made me feel so dumb (for thinking I had a chance with someone....), insecure and vulnerable... I think something in me decided to never catch feelings again - and I did.

IDK why I started talking about me being rejected....lmao but basically I'm glad I'm not the person I was before and more importantly, I'm glad I didn't "get" the type of boy that I wanted (not bearing being single, hooking up with random girls, indecisive, borderline cheaters, racial fetishist, etc).

I can only hope God will either make me accept my fate of remaining single for the rest of my life OR make me meet the right person at the right season and keep him for the rest of my life. Amen🥺

#NOT ME CRYING WHILE TYPING ME GETTING REJECTED LMAOOOO #I'm an utter embarrassment #answered #personal

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nerdygaymormon · 5 years

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Michel suggests several things that local leaders and members can do to make wards & stakes better places for LGB members. However, these things don’t solve the underlying theological issues.

Accept that some people will not marry on Earth

There’s always been some people who remain single. We need to figure out how to minister to them as single people, not as potential future married people

Avoid stereotypes of singles and LGB Saints in Church

Teachers should assume the group they’re teaching includes single men & women, and LGB members, all who are trying to live the gospel. Don’t criticize people for being unmarried. Don’t characterize LGB people in sexually deviant or incompatible with the gospel. And speak against any such stereotypes brought up by class members.

Stereotypes are often an attempt to boost oneself by thinking of others as flawed or inherently lacking in some way.

Accept that single people can be lifelong faithful Church members

Treat single people like we do married people. They should be role models for all ages. Lessons, talks and activities planned so that singles are visible and can participate. Too often church lessons are about marriage, dating, parenthood & childrearing.

Exercise theological creativity and humility

Consider that God is fine with some of his children being non-heterosexual, maybe even glad about it. The LDS Endowment ceremony teaches that God instructed for diversity on earth in order “to beautify and give variety.”

Unless a spouse or children are specifically included, we can think of scriptural figures as single--Elijah, Abish, Moroni, Ammon, Paul, John, Mary and Martha, Mary Magdalene and even Jesus. Paul speaks of marriage, not as the preferred choice, but as a secondary option for people for whom celibacy would be too difficult.

LDS theology is really vague about the afterlife. We don’t know what celestialized bodies will be like nor their sexuality, or the social structures of that life. Sealings don’t mean that children live with parents, just that we are linked.

The D&C tells of ministering angels in the Celestial Kingdom, many members speak of this as a lesser opportunity and the best that single people can do. There’s nothing to suggest that God thinks either ministering or angels are dishonorable. And let’s not forget that D&C 132 intertwines the doctrine of eternal marriage & families with polygamy. So yeah, there’s a lot we don’t know.

Acknowledge forms of Gospel-friendly flourishing beyond family, work, and church assignments

Close friendships, volunteer service, aiding family members are things people can do that develop sacrifice, love, and opportunities to become more Christlike. Celibacy is a “refraining-from-action” which means isn’t a means for personal development.

Invigorate and honor non-familial relationships

D&C 130:2 teaches that heaven will have “that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory.” “Sociality” sounds like it includes friendships & other non-familial, non-sealed relationships.

Inclusion of singles in families

Married couples & families should consider how to incorporated single relatives & friends into their family lives and structures. In a church context, singles & LGB members should get the opportunity to work with children and families. Church activities should be setup so that single people can comfortably attend, not feel like they’re an afterthought.

Treat singles as adults

They are a whole person and have achievements, activities, sorrows & joys. Treat them as we would married adults, not as adults in embryo waiting to be married.

Respect singles’ emotions

The thought of facing a lifetime of singlehood can be daunting and cause sorrow. Seek to understand the worries and feelings that people have around being single.

Respect LGB Saints’ agency and life narratives

Use the labels that the individual prefers (same-sex attracted, gay, queer, etc). Don’t talk about the bravery someone shows in living their life if you don’t know how they think of their life, that sort of compliment can be offputting and convey that you think of their life as undesirable or lesser. Don’t give unsolicited advice, especially about the complexities of their faith or family relationships.

Make sure our love is unconditional — and that singles and LGB Saints know that

Conditional support (e.g., I support you in living the commandments) may be meant to be encouraging, but instead can feel manipulative. Such conditional support often isn’t perceived as loving.

As much as possible, do not penalize LGB Saints

The April 2019 announcement that “the immoral conduct in heterosexual or homosexual relationships will be treated in the same way” creates a gray area, especially in terms of taking disciplinary actions. Local leaders have leeway in their treatment of LGB members and should take actions that are not based on stereotypes, or a standard that considers non-heterosexual actions as worse than the heterosexual equivalent.

Honor the goodness in LGB Saints’ feelings, even their attractions

LGB love shouldn’t be thought of as different than straight love, it’s just as beautiful. For LGB members who have decided to remain celibate so they can remain in good standing with the church, they still are allowed to, and should be encouraged to, express their God-given desires. This could be in the form of non-sexual same-gender relationships, putting that drive into art or service or some form of an expression of love.

Too often straight people talk about the potential struggles of their LGB friends’ lives, same with married people thinking about the struggles of being single. Honor the good in their lives. This includes not just the “brave” lesbian you know at church, but any relative, neighbor or friend who is in a same-sex relationship, there is good in their lives that can be recognized and honored.

Realize that your best efforts will not keep everyone in the Church

There are a lot of things that local leaders and members can’t change, and these may be what causes your single or LGB friends & family to go inactive or leave the church. Your job isn’t to be nice in order to keep them in church, your job is to love them.

The above suggestions don’t resolve the tension that is inherent in the lives of single & LGB members trying to make church work. At best, they allow for a richer life & church experience inside the church for as long as they choose to remain.

#queerstake

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dadodgen-blog · 5 years

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An open letter to APT

I just want to rant for a second, because I just need to get a few things off my chest. I just kind of hope that you can empathize with me a little bit. Alabama Public Television refused to air a kids TV show episode that featured a wedding of a gay couple getting married. They said that that they felt that it covered to material to mature for kids. And that really did not sit well with me. I have been open about who I am, and who I am attracted too. I have spent over half of my life trying to change who I was, trying to “fix” it. I tried everything I could think of. I went to counselors, and did everything they told me. I prayed on my knees for hours at a time, crying out with all my heart for someone or something to take this burden away from me. I was miserable, and at several times got very close to suicidal. I was told that I had two options, lifelong celibacy or to fake it for the rest of my life. It wasn’t until I got to college and found friends who accepted me and my feelings that I started to heal. I got to such a better place than I ever was in high school. And I met people like me. Who had gone through the same things as me. And together, we decided that if God existed, he made us this way for a reason. We couldn’t fathom that God would play such a cruel joke as to create humans as partner creatures and then make them attracted to the wrong person. It just doesn’t make sense. So we all agreed that we would no longer suppress our emotions, or hide our feelings behind closed doors. But people still held on to their beliefs. I know Christians like to say they are persecuted by the world, and in some places that may be true. But not allowing Christians to deny people that are just trying to live their lives is not equivalent to persecution. I don’t want to “rub my flamboyant homosexuality” in the worlds face. I just want to feel normal, and be normal. I want to do what I see straight couples do every single day. I want to go on dates, I want to hold hands, and I want to get married some day if I find the right person. I want you to put yourself in my shoes, and flip the script. You’re on a date with someone. You’re eating at a romantic restaurant, holding hands, talking, and laughing. Then you feel it. The feeling of people staring at you. Families at tables all around you glancing over, some actively staring or glaring, not trying to hide their disapproval of you. You see a kid at a table pointing. You hear bits and pieces of conversation from the tables around you. You don’t hear everything but the words “sick” and “disgusting” can be heard clear as day. You leave the restaurant and walk around downtown, trying to forget about the patrons from the restaurant. You walk hand and hand, and your partner leans over and kisses you on the cheek. A truck drives by and a group of people lean out the window and yell “Faggots” as they drive off. This is what dating is like for me. This is my reality. Being afraid to do innocent normal activities in public because of the way I was born/made. People don’t hate gay people because it’s a so-called sin. If they did, then women who got divorced, or people who don’t honor the sabbath and go to church every Sunday would be just as ostracized. They hate gay people because it’s different from what they are used to. It makes them uncomfortable. It’s foreign. And the only way that will change is if it becomes normal. It’s getting there, slowly but surely, but Alabama insists on dragging it’s feet. This especially feels like a slap in the face as it comes not a month after a 15 year old boy took his own life after being bullied for being gay. As silly as it sounds, knowing that there were other gay people in the world was the only thing that kept me from completely losing it some days. And the fact that Alabama continues to decide to suppress that is atrocious.

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haydengetsweird · 5 years

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Evangelical Christianity™️

I thought being gay and Christian was cool until my “friends” started slightly pushing me towards celibacy (lifelong singleness) and when I was like what the fuck no I’m such a romantic people person I cannot do that thing, they all wouldn’t subtly guilt trip me by saying “it’s supposed to be a gift” and if I don’t see it as one then I’m “not trusting God” and “getting caught up in worldly things” etc. and I started to believe it until I realized I was literally the ONLY one they held that standard to... none of my straight Christian friends doubted for a second they would get married one day. They took it so lightly.. when all I could think about was when I turn 40 and all I have is friends and they can’t hangout with me or relate to me because their lives revolve around family and their partners. I thought about being retired and how I won’t have children or grandchildren to visit me while my friends are busy with theirs. How dare you take one of the most basic human desires, to love and be loved intimately by other people, deny it of someone and tell them it is a gift they should be thankful for while you create a stupid Pinterest board for your future wedding and title it “Someday”

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exxar1 · 3 years

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Episode 7: New Year, New Project (Sort Of)

1/11/2021

Happy new year!

Things aren’t looking so good for the nation right now, but I’m pleased to say my new year is off to a good start. Sticking to my resolutions has been pretty easy thus far, especially the first one. Thanks to the Bible app on my phone and iPad, I’m able to keep up with my daily devotions on my lunch break. I also bought myself a Bible and a cover for it on Amazon as a Christmas present to myself. While I normally enjoy reading books on my Kindle or iPad, I decided that I prefer to read my Bible the old fashioned way. So I use that one for my devotions right before bed.

This week I also began work on one of my other resolutions. Last month, as I was browsing Amazon, I stumbled across a book titled “Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity”. It’s by a young man named Gregory Coles. Both the title and synopsis intrigued me, so I bought it for reading later. This week, I decided to use my lunch break to read instead of just playing games or surfing social media on my phone. I started Greg’s book on Monday and finished it by Friday.

And…wow.

This is the synopsis from Greg’s website:

Let’s make a deal, you and me. Let’s make promises to each other.

I promise to tell you my story. The whole story. I’ll tell you about a boy in love with Jesus who, at the fateful onset of puberty, realized his sexual attractions were persistently and exclusively for other guys. I’ll tell you how I lay on my bed in the middle of the night and whispered to myself the words I’ve whispered a thousand times since: “I’m gay.”

Is it possible to be gay and still follow Jesus? And if so, what happens next? If you believe the Bible calls you to celibacy, is it possible to embrace that calling without feeling like a divine typo?

Single, Gay, Christian is the story of one person’s journey through these questions. It’s about acting like your own alter ego, about getting epiphanies from mosquitoes, about singing happy birthday to yourself while literally hiding in a closet. It’s about being gay, loving Jesus, and choosing singleness in a world that fears all three.

Greg is only in his late twenties, and he published his story just four years ago. I was immediately captivated by his writing as he put into words so many thoughts, feelings, doubts, questions, and fears that I wrestled with in my teen years and, again, have started grappling with after reaffirming my salvation and faith in God four months ago. Like him, I was terrified of anyone discovering my secret. Like him, I questioned why God had made me this way. But unlike Greg, the only way that I could reconcile my conflict was to reject God, the church and the Bible altogether. I chose to walk into adulthood on my own, living my truth as I saw fit.

Greg, however, stuck it out with God. The end result is that he came to believe it was God’s will for him to remain celibate. He’s currently serving as worship leader in his local church while teaching English part time at the university as well as writing a second book. As for me, I’m about to start the very same journey that Greg just completed.

Four months ago, when I finally surrendered to God in a heartfelt, pleading, somewhat awkward prayer on a quiet car ride home from work late one night, I knew in the back of my mind that I was going to have to return to the very same issue that I had wrestled with in high school. That was one reason I created this blog, and I’ve spent the last four months mentally preparing myself by slowly opening various doors to my past and peeking hesitantly behind them. The first door was episode two of this blog.

This week, as I read Greg’s story, I slowly realized two things. One, it was time to tell my story, and two, it needed to be more than just a blog. One of my new year’s resolutions was to tackle the issue of homosexuality and Christian faith, to reconcile this once and for all so that I could move on with the rest of my life. Greg’s story gave me the realization that the best way to tell my story was to also write a book. So that’s what I’m going to do.

But then something else occurred to me. I don’t want to tell just my story. I want to broaden the scope of the book to discuss this issue in more detail. I want to interview pastors and church leaders of different denominations to hear their interpretations of God’s view on this issue. I also want to talk to others like me who have been struggling with reconciling their faith in God with being gay. I want to deep dive on Google and Amazon to find books and other resources that will help me learn the history of the church and its relationship to the issue of homosexuality. My story is going to provide the frame. All of my interviews and research will be the painted portrait. I’ve even come up with a title: Living Beneath the Rainbow: Reconciling my Homosexuality with my Christian Faith.

Early in my senior year of high school, as part of a joint assignment for my Bible and English classes, my teachers assigned my class a religious topic that we had to research and write up in a term paper. In addition to the usual library research, we were required to interview the pastor and other leaders in our church. As with everything else in high school I did the absolute bare minimum required to complete this assignment. I loved English but despised Bible class, and I can’t even remember the topic my partner and I were assigned. I think it was predestination. Whatever the case, I did the library research, we both sat down for all of 10 minutes with the pastor, and then I wrote the paper. I have no doubt that our teachers gave us a “B” at best, or, more likely, a “C”.

Mrs. Tutty, I know you’re a regular reader of my blog postings, so I want you to know that I’m here for my makeup assignment. This time it’s just me, and this time I promise to do more than just the bare minimum. This project will require my heart and soul. In addition to the various research methods, Bible reading and prayer, I will be returning to my own past. There’s a scared, angry, frustrated, lonely – so desperately lonely – kid that’s been waiting 25 years for me to talk to him. I am going to have to peel away the faded scars of old wounds that I assumed were healed long ago. I need to reconcile with myself before I can start reconciling and building my new relationship with God. I know already that this is going to be painful, and part of me really doesn’t want to do this. I would rather just focus on the main issue and go from here.

But, in the last couple months, as I’ve been my Bible and learning all over again how to pray, I have felt God strongly reminding me of that burden that I thought I had thrown away years ago. In many ways, I’m right back where I started as a freshman in high school. How do I reconcile my faith with being gay?

But that’s not the only reason I need to write this book. Last year I decided that I wanted to get a boyfriend. I was tired of living the single life, and I had felt a need for quite some time to find that “special guy”. That was back in June when I created the Tinder profile and I met “Alfred”. And those of you who read my blog already know how that turned out. But that didn’t stop me from continuing my search for true love.

But, right about that same time is when God started to actively work within me, flipping all kinds of switches that woke me from my 23-year-long selfish complacency. I gave myself back to Him started this new journey.

Sometimes irony can be a real bitch.

After finishing Greg’s book, I have been having all kinds of new inner conflict. The main question now is, what if God’s will for the rest of my life is that I remain celibate? Just when I have begun experiencing a new kind of loneliness and the accompanying desire to satisfy that romantic hunger, I am now faced with the prospect that that hope will be forever denied me. My secret hope for this new project that I’m embarking on is that I will find the answers I’m looking for. That I will find a new peace with God and I can finally put to rest this issue once and for all.

But, deep down in my soul, my super-secret hope is that not only will I resolve and reconcile this issue, but that I will also be rewarded with finding love in a lifelong relationship with another Christian man. I desperately want to experience that love that my parents and all my brothers and so many other people in this world – especially other gay Christians – have already had the joy of living and experiencing.

But…

But what if I reach the end of this particular journey and I get the answer I don’t want to hear?

I promised God four months ago that I was His completely – heart, mind, body and soul. I will do whatever He asks of me. And in my head I know that He will give me the strength and resolve to follow through on that promise when He finally gives me answer to His will. But in my heart, I just don’t know if I can accept the answer if it’s one I don’t want to hear.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. In my typical, type-A personality fashion I’m listing all the things that can wrong with the car before I even begin the road trip. It’s time to just get in, turn the key, and start driving.

There’s also one more good reason to embark on a project like this one. I came back from Christmas vacation transformed. Not only did I feel well rested and refreshed, I also felt a very distinct sense of inner calm and centeredness as I jumped right back into a full time work schedule at both jobs. I hadn’t realized until now, looking back over the last seven months, just how angry, frustrated, and downright hostile I’d become, thanks to all the shenanigans of this country’s citizenry. I spent most of my free time surfing social media, arguing with strangers, ranting and raving like Chicken Little on speed and steroids, and most of it was for very little real result, except maybe fueling my own warped sense of righteous indignation and moral superiority. (But, for the record, I was right about almost all of it.) It also didn’t help that I was charging through most of my days on just 4 ½ hours sleep per night, thanks to the two full time jobs.

My ten day vacation was a Godsend, in more ways than one. Not only did I catch up on sleep, but I also took the time to do some serious reflection and prayer. When I returned to Las Vegas last week, I felt an eerie mixture of calm and peace, as if my whole self was enveloped in a nice, warm invisible blanket. Even that whole, crazy shitstorm on Wednesday at the capitol didn’t ruffle me. I completely ignored the TV in the break room at Walmart as I devoured Greg Coles’ story on my Kindle app. Even my interactions with the customers at both jobs were different. The old me would have been silently judging and cursing all the annoying people – the ones who take forever to do a simple task like printing off a bank statement for a loan application, or they ask dumb questions about common sense stuff, or they want to give me their whole life’s story while the ten people in line behind them silently glare at both of us.

But not the new me. I came into the new year with a new attitude. I knew I needed an adjustment. That’s why one of my resolutions was to be more kind, sympathetic and understanding to the people I interact with daily. But I think my calm, peaceful state of mind is also due to my renewed faith in Christ. I know that no matter how shitty the world around me is going to get, I have faith in the One who’s really in control of it all. And now, thanks to my new writing project, I have something into which I can pour all of my free time, my energy, my passion and my creativity.

I don’t know how long this will take. I’m hoping no more than a year, at most. I’ve already made contact with someone I found on Twitter who runs a ministry in Nashville, TN, that helps churches to create their own ministries specifically to help LGTBQ Christian teens who are struggling with their sexual identity and their service to God. I also contacted Greg Coles via his website to thank him for his book and I asked him if he would be willing to correspond with me to discuss his story – and my own project – further. No response as of yet.

But now I have a special request for all you out there reading this. If you know of someone like me who’s going through this same struggle and is willing to talk about it, or if you belong to a church that is either gay friendly or not, or if you know of any resources that you can point me to that will help in my study and research on this topic, I would greatly appreciate the assistance. I especially would like to speak to pastors or church leaders of the Lutheran, Presbyterian, Episcopalian or Methodist denominations. (I already have a Baptist pastor in mind for my first interview, hopefully later this week.)

Happy New Year, folks! It’s going to be a good one! I can feel it!

As my brothers would say, “Hoo-Rah!”

#single #gay #Christian #life #writing

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infinitenature · 3 years

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The Monk/Nun Archetype represents the lifelong and selfless commitment to Spirit. This is also someone whose focuses solely on work, regardless of it is connected to spirituality or not. This archetype has a heightened level of focus because of being single-minded in whatever they are doing. The celibacy allows the energy to be conserved for their work or spiritual practice. The Shadow Monk/Nun Archetype is disconnected from the real world, self-absorbed, and overly pious. It is easy to get caught up in the mission, that one forgets the bigger picture. We don’t come into this realm to operate alone. The lesson in this is to be balanced, even with the single-minded nature of this archetype. #archetypes #monk #nun #sacredcontracts #nunarchetype #monkarchetype #carolinemyss #tarot #tarotcards #loveinfinitenature #archetype #archtypalpsychology #sacredcontract #shadow #shadowwork #tarotcommunity #tarotonline #tarotcard https://www.instagram.com/p/CIOJ1yDpSb0/?igshid=1qcodows9edi7

#archetypes #monk #nun #sacredcontracts #nunarchetype #monkarchetype #carolinemyss #tarot #tarotcards #loveinfinitenature #archetype #archtypalpsychology #sacredcontract #shadow #shadowwork #tarotcommunity #tarotonline #tarotcard

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alecsrandomthoughts · 3 years

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The tension of Grace and Truth.

WINTER 2016

How Should Christians Respond to Gay Friends or Family Members?

Caleb Kaltenbach (M.A. ’07) is an alumnus of Biola’s Talbot School of Theology, lead pastor of a large church in Simi Valley, Calif., and a married father of two. He’s also an emerging voice in the discussion of how Christians should engage the LGBT community. That’s because Kaltenbach has an insider perspective, having been raised by a dad and mom who divorced and independently came out of the closet as a gay man and a lesbian. Raised in the midst of LGBT parties and pride parades, Kaltenbach became a Christian and a pastor as a young adult. Today, he manages the tension of holding to the traditional biblical teaching on sexuality while loving his gay parents.

Kaltenbach’s unique story is detailed in his new book Messy Grace: How a Pastor with Gay Parents Learned to Love Others Without Sacrificing Conviction and landed him on the front page of the New York Times in June. Biola Magazine reached out to him to talk about his book and his perspective on how Christians can better navigate the complexities of this issue with truth and grace.

In your book you say that it’s time for Christians to own the issue of homosexuality. What do you mean by this? How would you like to see this play out?

Christians can own this issue by caring enough to get to know the whole person. If you think that identifying as LGBT is mainly about sex — that’s shallow. The theology of “whom we have sex with” might be black and white, but the person and related experiences aren’t. Once my mom told me that she and her partner hadn’t been intimate in years. I asked why she still called herself a lesbian. Her response was that she had a community filled with friends, acceptance, a cause and deep feelings. It reminded me that people have depth. Care enough about a person not to reduce them to their sexual orientation. If someone who is LGBT says that it’s not mainly about sex, why immediately throw the “homosexuality verses” their way? Talk about holy living down the road. Perhaps Christians can own this issue by being kind and making a new friend.

You challenge Christians to stop avoiding or merely “tolerating” LGBT people, but to engage in meaningful relationships with them. What should that look like?

The more Christians stop treating people in the LGBT community as “evangelistic projects” or “those people,” the more meaningful relationships will develop. Here’s the secret to engage in meaningful relationships with anyone: Treat people like actual people. Embrace the tension by developing friendships over meals, coffee and more. Engage in conversations. Try to understand who they are as a person (experiences, hopes, dreams, fears, etc.). Don’t seek to “fix” anyone, but point to Christ. Here’s a hard truth I came to learn over the years: It’s never been my job to change someone’s sexual attraction. God didn’t call me to “restore” LGBT people to a straight orientation. It’s not even my job to change lives. It’s God’s job. He has great experience in the “life change department.” My responsibility is to love people, make friends and journey with them.

You write that one definition of love is holding the tension of grace and truth. What do you mean by this and who do you think models this sort of love well?

The uncomfortable feeling in the tension of grace and truth is love. and God as well. However, love never harms. A theological conviction should never be a catalyst to treat someone poorly. We can accept the person without approving of their choice to be in (or pursue) a same-sex relationship. Love people, but remember what the Bible teaches. Deepen your relationships, but hold firm to conviction. Never give up on the person or Scripture. Love never takes sides. Love has no exception clause. I see this love lived out by some parents of gay teenagers. These parents love their kids no matter what and nothing about their relationship changes. They thank the teen for trusting them with this part of their life. At the same time, they hold true to what Scripture says not only about sexuality, but also about loving others.

What happens if our “love” is not accepted at all because we still hold to truth? What would you say to an LGBT person who argues that “acceptance but not approval” is not actually love? Isn’t that the direction society is moving, that anything short of full approval is actually bigotry?

To the LGBT person: Be careful taking a hardline stance on something that isn’t your foundational identity. Your main identity shouldn’t be defined by your sexual orientation; rather God should define it. People are entitled to their beliefs. Many examined Scripture, believe that sexual intimacy is for a man and woman in marriage, and aren’t homophobic or hateful. If these people are loved ones (being loving towards you) why shut them out? Don’t distance yourself because they don’t agree with you or the kind of relationship you might have. Don’t treat others who disagree with you the way you wouldn’t like to be treated. They might be intolerant in your mind for not agreeing with you. However, are they treating you poorly? Do they love you less? Do they not value you anymore? Don’t become intolerant by not giving them margin to have different views.

How should and how shouldn’t Christians respond if someone in their life or church community confides in them about same sex attraction?

Christians make too many mistakes when someone comes out to them. They try to advise counseling. At some point, they will throw out Bible verses concerning homosexuality or marriage. Some Christians try to “relate” and often compare same-sex attraction to other sins like murder, theft, etc. Emotions like depression and anger will usually set in. Unfortunately, these are all the wrong things to do. Everyone needs counseling, the person coming out probably knows how you interpret the Bible regarding sexuality, and they don’t want to be compared to Hannibal Lecter or Gordon Gekko. This is a moment to listen and affirm your love for them. Think of it this way: The people coming out to you have chosen to share a very intimate and personal part of their life because you are someone they value. You can never get this moment back, and responding the wrong way is devastating.

How should a Christian respond if invited to a same-sex marriage ceremony? Is attending a gay wedding a tacit affirmation of the sacredness of the vows being exchanged?

Attending may put you in a difficult position as one who believes marriage is for a man and woman. However, you’ll have influence in your relationship with the married person. Fear shouldn’t keep you from a situation where others disagree with you. There might be a chance to share your faith with others at the wedding. Later, when the newlywed has a season of doubt or turmoil, you might be the person they turn to (giving you the chance to share Jesus). But there are also reasons why you may not want to attend. Hurt feelings may result, but God created marriage for him and the couple. You need to stand for truth, and this might be one of those times. In the end, the couple might recognize and remember your integrity. Either option could carry relational difficulty, doctrinal tension or emotional baggage. My advice: Pray about it and represent Jesus well with your decision.

If celibacy is the only option for a same-sex-attracted Christian who wants to remain biblically faithful (you argue this in the book), what can the church do to better minister to these people? Can we just casually tell them “no sex for you!” and leave it at that?

Some argue the Bible doesn’t address same-sex loving monogamous relationships, so it’s fine. However, all passages dealing with homosexuality agree that same-sex intimacy isn’t God’s design — monogamous or not. Sexual intimacy is from God for a man and woman in the covenant of marriage. Outside of marriage, there shouldn’t be any expression of sexuality. Our sex-obsessed culture makes celibacy out to be cruel, when it’s a blessing. There’s more focus on God, freedom in life, acknowledgement of attraction while still holding to biblical convictions. Intimacy isn’t only sexual; it is also experienced through lifelong friendships, supporting causes and family. The church must create an atmosphere of relational opportunities for single people. For example, if a single person is sick, hospitalized, or needs help — the church should support them through small groups, funds and other ways. Celibacy is a sacrifice for Jesus, and the church needs to prepare for that sacrifice.

What are some ways local churches can better minister to the LGBT community?

Allow people to “belong before they believe.” If you’re going to ask people not to identify with the LGBT community, you’d better have another community ready for them! Give people margin for God to work in their lives. Healing and spiritual heart surgery takes time. Help people to feel safe about admitting struggle without fear of backlash. Create an environment where it’s OK for teenagers to ask questions and be authentic. Train youth leaders to listen and ask the right questions. Create support for parents of gay teenagers. Spend time with LGBT people outside and inside your church (they are there). Listen, ask questions and learn. Don’t allow church policies to hinder needed conversations.

Caleb Kaltenbach (M.A. ’07) is the lead pastor at Discovery Church in Simi Valley, Calif., and the author of Messy Grace: How a Pastor with Gay Parents Learned to Love Others Without Sacrificing Conviction.

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guiasmith · 4 years

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So people are still ignorant about the gays

But this time it’s around the concept of “confirmed bachelors”.

Firstly, background. I’m a college student (for software development) currently in an ethics introduction course. It’s a gen-ed, meaning most people have to take some form of it, and this one in particular has the usual grueling textbook. Thank goodness this one’s free because I’d ask for my money back. Besides weirdly gendered language at times, filler double explanations, the fact that our teacher has equally good or better examples in our Blackboard lesson plan, and the name being “concise” despite its lack of conciseness 80-90% of the time, it has this one specific passage under the first subsection of the Kantianism chapter. Note that this passage is not condemning anyone and you don’t have to be aware of what Kantianism even is.

“Consider a common argument against homosexual sex: if everyone did that, disaster would soon follow, for the human race would quickly die out. Even if this were true, that wouldn’t show that homosexual sex is immoral. Why not? Well, consider those who have decided to remain celibate—perhaps they are priests, or committed lifelong bachelors who believe that one shouldn’t have sex without being married. What if everyone did that—in other words, refrained from having sex? The same results would follow. But that doesn’t show that celibacy is immoral.”

The middle sentence about those who remain celibate is what I’m focusing on here. The author seemed to miss the entire concept "confirmed bachelors", and the yikes of people who've suffered from things like conversion therapy with a dash of irony. It may be coincidence or unaware poor choice of words, but I'll still point it out. "Committed lifelong bachelors" brings to my mind several things.

Firstly, the tragic one is the people who've internalized homophobia justifying not having sex at all. I've run into several of them as historic and current examples, many of them religious figures like pastors or priests suppressing or actively self-deprecating their feelings. More people today just “choose to be celibate” instead of committing a perceived sin.

This is a bit of a tangential example, but here goes: I’ve heard of some poor misguided man who didn’t “act on those urges” because he went through conversion therapy or intervention by his parents and church leaders. I found out about this because he has a panel at a Christian youth gathering titled “Homosexuality ruined my life!” My friend was forced to attend said panel because he was outed as gay by our pastor, but this panel’s goal very much backfired because everyone agreed this guy was not very persuasive in saying being gay was bad at all. If anything, the church clearly ruined his life. He’s lonely, reliant on them because of lost job prospects, can’t really speak of benefits the church has provided since he’s still considered an outcast by many, and can’t even make a sound argument as to what was wrong with him in the first place. But that’s not what the book’s talking about exactly, just one example of who it’s glossing over.

Second, on a much more positive note, asexuals are being recognized, albeit indirectly and in a general, not all-encompassing example. I would bet asexuality is a big bag of nope in Kantianism because it’s duty ethics and identity concepts like aces kind of screw with universal rules that Kantianism tries to construct.

Thirdly, on note of the same phrase that implies asexuals who use religious justification to avoid physical relationships, I think it stands to reason this author is just some tangentially aware fellow that doesn't know "committed lifelong bachelor" is a concept that comes from the old phrase "confirmed bachelor" or "committed bachelor". This was a self-identified term for single men who usually had fellow bachelor "close friends" or "roommates" in the 19th century.

In reality, besides the odd asexual, they were usually gay.

This, the saying that "one shouldn't have sex without being married," is exactly the argument many used to say they were good men who followed the law and were morally pure to avoid getting persecuted and prosecuted for being homosexuals. This also loops back around to religious figures who cannot get married and thus "certainly couldn't dare to engage in sexual acts". You know, the cloistered queers. (<- Link to great podcast episode that gave me that term and later also taught me “confirmed bachelor”.)

Further on this point, that sentence followed after talking about homosexual sex. It's situationally ironic that, in a sentence about celibacy as a point to consider besides homosexuality, a concept of identity from homosexuals is used. This all probably comes from some blissful ignorance on the author's part, but it is both tragic and comically ironic choice of words. I could not let it go unsaid.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

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