#(my partner isn't very online so there's no point asking them lol)

[kirby-the-gorb]

#kirby #daily kirby #my art #digital #hal laboratory #nintendo #(edit: it's been found thank you! original tags preserved below) #I cannot for the life of me find one specific reaction image and its source post #the one where the person is coming to in a hospital bed after a surgery #and they try to eat their own fist #and get stopped #and make big wibbly confused crying faces #it's smooth line images interspersed with text #does anyone have it? #cuz that '🥺???' was me most of the day and I wanted the image so I could convey it #but I Couldn't Find It #and neither my wife nor my best friend have any idea what image I'm talking about #so they can't help #(my partner isn't very online so there's no point asking them lol) #do any of y'all have it pls #I want the original post but I can't even find the standalone reaction image which should be enough to find the post #I've found one iteration of someone drawing their oc in the meme format and that's as far as I got even with as much as I remember about it #favorites

[transmutationisms]

hi ! second time caller, for context ive been going through a lot of anti pysch recs and think i have a pretty good grasp on what my views are - unfortunately, confiding in my best friend or partner seems to elicit the "go to therapy! go back on meds!" response.

i was just wondering what your thoughts are on the very normalised use of those statements as like- a throwaway? ESPECIALLY when loved ones talk about self harm/suicide (particularly online), and also in the context of when someone's state of mind is based largerly on shit life syndrome/ a terrible environment (ie. in my case, and why i feel so strongly about it)

i hope i dont come off as already having made up my mind, and apologies if this has been asked before!

i mean i think it's fine if you have already made up your mind lol it's an insidious tendency you're picking up on: individualising social and political failures by rendering them the domain of psychological maladies. historically it has not always been the case that psychiatrists viewed themselves as apolitical; many early parisian alienists, for instance, considered individual health inextricable from the social environment, to the point of initially believing that the first french revolution would be key to achieving true health and well-being. but this isn't really a position the psychiatric profession embraces today & instead therapy and psychiatric treatment are thrown at people in lieu of political engagement. it's a very easy answer that mostly placates the recommender, who doesn't have to think very hard about thorny social questions, and ofc it's profitable for the psychiatric profession, which has often claimed scientific legitimacy partly by divesting from its more political and socially embedded elements.

[mppmaraudergirl]

If you don't mind me asking, how did you tell Mr mpp you write fics? I'm in a new relationship and I don't know how I'd even begin to approach this. This world is so dear to me and I worry that my bf will think it's silly (even though I know this is just my anxiety speaking & he isn't the type of person who would judge me for it)

I also worry about him asking to read my work. Idk if I am ready / will be ready for a while to give him access to this part of my life. The idea that he can easily find my stories online at any given point in his life is very daunting. I do not have any intentions of telling him about the jily community anytime soon but I can't help but think about this.

Bit silly but just thought I would ask how you went about it if you are willing to share. Thanks MPP ❤️

hi there! I have to disclaim that I did not tell Mr MPP right away. When we met, I was not active in the community and was not writing. For context, I was in my final year of college juggling a full course load, a 35-40 hour work week, and social/partying life. He did, however, learn quickly that I was a big HP fan and he read the series (as a kid he'd only read the first 3). I also read his favorite series and we read new books together, etc. I assume I'd mentioned that I wrote fic as a teenager but probably not much beyond that.

When I first started writing again a couple of years later, we were already living together. Then a few years after that I wrote a little again and we were married. In 2020, I jumped back in again in earnest and he was in too deep to get away from me (joking, ofc).

It would be disingenuous for me to wave a pompom and just say, "shout it from the rooftops! have no shame! fanfic is awesome!" That's really never been my approach lol. However, fanfic reading/writing is like any other hobby, IMO. Tell your boyfriend as much or as little as you are comfortable with. If he's into sports, anime, video games, comics, it's really not all that different. There's tons of articles out there now talking about the prolificity of fic.

When I first talked about it, I explained what I liked about the characters and how I've enjoyed spending time in the fandom. But I also told him that I wasn't comfortable with him reading my stuff and he understood that. I didn't tell him my pen name and he didn't ask. As time has passed though, I have given him things to read, or I've read him things I'm proud of, and I've even bounced plot ideas off of him. He even jokingly calls me by my pen name sometimes 🙃 Most recently, he's informed me that he started reading TWR which was... a surprise to say the least lol.

Just like most things in life, our conversations have evolved. At the start, it was enough for me to say I am being active in a fandom (reading, writing, blogging) and naturally as our connection grew stronger, I opened up more and more.

One last general thought: I have no doubt in my mind that Mr MPP thought it was silly at first but he is loving and respectful and never made me feel bad for it. A good partner doesn't tear you down even if they don't fully understand. He also respected my boundaries when I communicated them to him. Please don't settle for anything less than respect.

#mpp rambles #mpp rambles about fandom #mpp rambles about writing

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hey makenzie, i've got a bit of a situation here. i'm 25, never had sex before, and never paid attention during those safe sex psas bc i was sure i was ace and never wanted to have sex, due to a number of reasons - i'm autistic and very particular about things touching my body, especially food or fluids (i need to wash that shit off *immediately* or else i will combust) and probably also not eating enough but i digress. i matched with an amazing guy and now i think i want to do it but (1/?)

(2/2) i honestly don't really know where to start here. i know the risks and so i want to buy condoms but for some reason i get nervous about people seeing me buy condoms. i also haven't ever looked into getting PrEP or monkeypox vaccine bc i didn't plan on suddenly becoming a horndog. idk i guess i'm just looking for general advice for a 25yo male having sex for the first time and what i should expect/how should i prepare. like idk what douching is and at this point i'm afraid to ask lol

oh yeah, one more thing i wanted to add - while i'm not nervous about going into this bc this guy is seriously great and understanding as hell, i worry about my roommates hearing us and idk how to approach that. i probably worry too much as they seem to be fine with the noise level here (and me making protein shakes at 1am) but like. i still do. should i play music? put a sock on the door? i don't want them to hate me. ps: i love your blog and hope you have a good day

jesus christ I'm about to fit so much sex ed into one post

1.) start wherever you want; sex is whatever you and your partner(s) want it to be. only way to do it wrong is to do with without consent and communication.

2.) here are two fun facts about being an adult. the first one is that no one actually gives a shit about you buying condoms. no one gives a shit about you buying anything. your fellow customers aren't scrutinizing your purchases they're too busy worrying about you scrutinizing your purchases. the cashier definitely doesn't care, the cashier is contemplating killing everyone in the store and then themself. just buy the condoms.

the second fun fact is actually a house rule of mine, which is that if you're too squirrelly to acquire safer sex supplies yourself you don't get to have sex. the good news on that front is that ordering condoms online from places like Condom Depot is, like, really easy.

3.) PrEP is great to know about but only necessary if your intended partner is at risk of transmitting HIV to you during sex, which is a conversation y'all should have if you haven't already.

getting the monkeypox vaccine is always a solid move if you're in a high risk area, although I do need to emphasize again that it's worth talking to your partner about whether or not they're a considerable risk for transmitting monkeypox (if they haven't had any other partners in the last two weeks, or none of their other partners have tested positive in the last two weeks, they're probably good). regardless, you can easily find somewhere to get vaccinated here.

4.) re: first time having sex, if you've spent literally any time following me you know the best advice I can give you is that you should literally just Talk To This Guy about what you both want to do and feel comfortable with, but watching this video from incomparable sexologist Lindsey Doe isn't a bad place to begin. I'm a big fan of how much she emphasizes lube!

5.) douching is the practice of washing out a bodily cavity with fluids. many people like to do it before anal sex to lower their risk of defecating on a partner by accident, but it's totally optional and not a requisite for anyone. if you're interested, you can find a good introduction here:

it's worth noting that douching presumes anal sex will be taking place, which is something to discuss. anal sex can absolutely rule but it also requires care; I'd recommend this other Lindsey Doe video for some hot tips on how to start exploring that:

if anal penetration isn't your cup of tea but eating ass may be, check out dental dams - even a clean anus runs the risk of harboring fecal matter and baby you do NOT want that in your mouth! in a pinch, a dental dam can be made in a hurry by cutting a condom open down one side and laying it flat.

6.) similarly to sexual partners, the best way to learn what roommates are okay with is to ask. do the courtesy of giving your roommates a heads up that a guest is coming over and that sex is on the agenda; let them decide if they want to clear out, put on headphones, or what.

why are you making protein shakes at 1 AM. what's happening there.

#sex edventures 2022

[majorbaby]

if your still doing these, my unpopular opinion is that a lot of the hype around characters that aren't Hawkeye, BJ and Trapper feels very shallow. There is only a few people that actually make thoughtful commentary or general fanwork about Klinger and Margaret. I give the benefit of the doubt to people who scream happily about very minor characters such as Nurse Kellye or Oliver, because they hardly appear, but otherwise? Seems fake.

oh yeah, the door is still open for anyone who want to send one in.

so this is highly subjective but i think i understand the vibe you're talking about. and while i don't think it's worth getting really worked up about, i think it's good to notice these things and point them out... that's generally my MO lol.

i'm trying to think of a way to put it in practical, even measurable terms... well, @thebreakfastgenie pointed out one time that margaret has a lot going on for her, canonically in terms of repression, but that trait gets assigned to BJ a lot (which in and of itself isn't wrong. i'm not saying anyone should feel bad about it) even though it's mostly a headcanon and margaret is right there looking into the camera telling us "i'm repressed"

with klinger i think his being militantly (no pun intended) anti-military, more so than any other character with the exception of hawkeye, who i would argue is his equal, tends to be overlooked. i even think he deserves more credit for this attitude than trapper does. like in the great fandom civil war of 'who was a better partner for hawkeye' klinger is the character who, imo, checks the most boxes: was there the whole time, did not leave without saying goodbye, shares similar core values, does countless acts of love and kindness towards hawkeye, direct action against the army...

most of the time, i don't think this is nefarious. like i don't think anyone is consciously thinking to themselves "i am going to purposely ignore margaret and make a meme or write a fic about repressed beej". i think it's unconscious bias, which is why it's important that anyone who notices it happening point it out and maybe generate the content you think is missing from the space. the more you introduce alternative perspectives, narratives and experiences the more likely it is people are to break from their standard ways of thinking. on the flip side of that, the more our 'notions' are reinforced, by media, by people in our immediate surroundings, by people online, the less likely we are to challenge them.

this is what "representation is important" was originally meant to do. unconscious bias is responsible for so many of our 'notions' that we can't really explain e.g. picture someone making dinner for their three kids, what gender are they?

now picture a character who has a close relationship with their best friend, they're very affectionate, and perhaps this character is a deeply repressed gay person - what gender are they? what race? what might their personality be like? what do you think they're like in bed?

there's no wrong answer. it could be a man or a woman making dinner, and neither BJ nor margaret have a monopoly on repression, but what are you more likely to think? you can play this game by yourself and no one has to know, but to your point, we tell on ourselves all the time, and other people can pick up on these things.

unfortunately movements like "representation is important" was tied up in a lot of like... yelling at people that they must diversify their tastes and to me this is counterproductive. people change very, very slowly and not in any lasting way when they're motivated by fear or shame. not only are some people more likely to become entrenched in their original views, but you also get what you're describing in your ask - this performance of caring about something in a very shallow way, but no tangible actions to support this, and back pats all around none more affirming than the ones we give ourselves. and that to me is even harder sometimes to unlearn. the idea that you're 'done' dismantling unconscious bias, which is a life-long process.

woooooof, sorry i got kind of carried away there. my final answer is: i agree, i just try to be tactful when pointing it out so as to not do more damage.

#race on mash #replies #re: mash #ask game #mash

[roguemonsterfucker]

It feels so odd seeing homophobic yautja as a concept. I have some fic saved from 2009 that's no longer online with concepts like that (or at least them treating homosexual acts as 'out of sight out of mind') but that's fic from 2009 and it reflects how media and society still treated lgbt+ that way at the time. It's bizarre seeing it in 2022?

Yeah, it's a bit jarring for me.

Like I said, I'm not against people exploring that as a concept. It could make for an interesting narrative.

It's just that I deal with that enough from even my own family to want to see it in my escapism.

Yautja and other monsters are an escape from reality for me. To bring any flavor of homophobia into it makes it too real.

Even if the point is "they're obsessed with reproduction and have to make babies" that's still *really too fucking close* to home for me, with my Hetero Christian Baby Making family where I'm looked down upon for deciding not to have children, even if I end up with a partner with whom I can reproduce.

I just want to picture yautja as accepting of all relationships (between yautja - I think it's interesting to explore the stigma of being in a relationship with a lesser species like a human lol) and not forced to reproduce. I do like the idea of reproduction being to improve their species, but that doesn't mean *everyone* would have to reproduce. It just means they would be very picky about whom they do it with.

Ah sorry I turned your ask isn't a little rant lol

[bisluthq]

Taylor has been 100x shadier when it comes to her exes as well as their ex partners. She released All of The Girls ffs. Kayla ain’t doing that. Idk why Swifties are acting so precious about what she does because by all accounts Taylor is much pettier. It’s like how Swifties are ready to revolt if Joe cheated on her meanwhile she’s said she’s cheated before and probably emotionally cheated on Joe.

Kayla legit isn't doing anything wrong.

I TOTALLY get it if you don't like her aesthetic or brand. That's just a matter of personal taste and no that would not be racist or misogynistic like that's just you liking what you like. Like I say, my fave influencer is Tally Rye and like if u tell me Tally annoys the shit out of you I'm not gonna go mount a defence because idk all influencers are a little annoying by definition and we just vibe with the ones that resonate. But like going "I don't like her aesthetic/brand" is one thing; going "I don't like her because she dated Taylor's boyfriend before Taylor did" is weird as shit lmfao.

Taylor shouldn't even be saying that because there is no evidence Kayla was like primarily at fault in the breakup/s. I've told y'all like I dislike my partner's ex-wife (who I've not met but might at some point because for the kids here who think otherwise you do bump into people y'all knew even if you're no longer in touch) because she hurt him super badly and was generally a crazy ass cunt and I'm the one now having to clean up some of her messes right because there are a number of hangups he has that are totally, 100% on her. The woman is a crazy ass cunt lol. HOWEVER, she is LITERALLY the only one of my bf's exes I dislike or have an opinion on beyond a few where they're nice and I like them (his first gf ever and him are still friends and she's in a tricky situation marriage wise right now and like we keep inviting her to come stay with us and we talk to her on speaker often and the two of them talk privately between that because like she's super lovely and I'm not going to be weird about him talking to someone he dated when he was 17-19 lol because like that was a long time ago???? And the girl is still nice!????)

My bf's most recent ex before me is someone I am very frostily neutral to but I think I told y'all the story as to why like when we moved in together he went off one morning about how I don't like tidy shit up and so I went to tidy shit up and I found a two page love letter from her from after the breakup like asking to get back together and I'm me right so I read the whole thing and 1) she's a shit writer lol 2) sorry for her that it didn't work like idk I guess as woman to woman I wish she'd managed to make it work since she seemed pretty upset in the letter 3) she left him - I mean they didn't live together or anything but they dated for like over a year - for her ex lol like that one's on her tho to then go writing letters is psychotic 4) I've asked him if like it'd make me feel better if I met with her like if we should yk reach out and invite her to stuff since it didn't end badly and he was like "no you're gonna hate the shit out of her and I don't want you to because I know how you're gonna make fun of her, and you will, but that's going to be making fun of me too and so you're better off in this current zone of neutrality" and I was like "fair enough king, I tried" (we have another ex he's still friends with - letter girl we hardly see around - he also doesn't want me to meet in person because apparently like her sociopolitical views are the kinds of shit I make fun of like a lot - like that ultra woke identity politics shit coupled with super centrist to right leaning fiscal policies and like lmfao yes I would make fun of that because that neoliberal shit makes no sense) but anyway: I don't dislike the clearly overly online woman lol and he can talk to her as much as he wants lmfao and I don't dislike letter girl like I don't want to read more letters from her but other than that she can do her thing.

So my point is if Taylor has no reason to be mad at Kayla why the fuck are fans mad?

[vanillahub]

General RP style and preferences

Repost, don’t reblog. Bold what applies. Strikethrough what does not. Elaborate on any points you’d like. Please be honest, we all want to find the people who work best with how we RP.

Types of RP / How I do threads

| I don’t I just do whatever is on my dash when I’m online | Mainly asks | I do little short things  mostly | I do my threads on discord | Long running threads that slowly build upon the muses |  

Plotting Preferences

| Wing it* | Get a general idea ooc and then run with it & plot further if need be | Long expansive thought out story arcs |

* = Only at the start, at some point we will have to get plotting if we wish to go further with our interactions/muses.

Type of threads I do / Prefer

| One-liners only* | Whatever dash shenanigans I’m online for | Para or Multi para | Literal Novels |

* = only for crack/dash shenanigans

Reply Speed for Threads & Consistency & Keeping threads

|  I lose threads all the time & don’t usually get back to them | I  tend to lose threads but please tell me if I have and I’ll reply! | I  drop threads pretty easily | I’m really slow but I WILL get back to you |  I reply on a schedule/queue* | I usually reply  within a week | I reply every day | I reply almost instantly |

* = I dump the majority of my replies in the queue. I use threads tracker, to help me manage what I've across all my blogs. I tend to be quick to get to replies, then I use the queue system to space them out, this way me and my partner can manage it properly.

On discord things are a bit different, seeing how there isn't a queue system. I'm not a particularly fast replier, and I hate feeling like I have to rush to put out replies. Which means, I really won't bother my partners to respond to threads, I want things to be pretty chill for us when RPing there.

Romantic or sexual ships

|  I don’t do these ships (specify reason if you would like)* | I’m not  against them happening but it is not the main point of my blog | All  ships will have to be super slow burn & discussed a lot OOC, super chemistry based (specify reason if you’d like) | I love doing ships, HMU  I probably already ship it just ask!** | I ship really quickly | I  autoship or ship within a few interactions | I mainly RP for the cute  ship fluff or smut |

* = Each one of my muses about docs/pages has a Ship bias and "ships I won't write" section (they range from things that make me way too uncomfortable to write, to straight up NOTPs). I have 3 side-blogs in different fandoms, I won't be listing them here lol ** = I love shipping, but I NEED plotting/discussions. Even for ships I’m biased to and enjoy, I’m strongly against the idea of “collecting” ships. I want every verse to receive the same amount of attention/development, it deserves.

Smut

| I do NOT do smut at  all (specify reason if you’d like) | I’m very selective about it | I  only do it on a separate (blog/discord/specify here*) | I mainly only do  asks relating to the subject on Sundays | I I enjoy writing it |

* = I have a smut blog and can write it on Discord! With that said, I’ve been prefering to do it on Discord.

Active hours [Specify Timezone, if you’d like]

| Mornings 8-10 | Midday 11-1 | Afternoon 2-5 | Evenings 6-8 | Night 9-12 | Ungodly hours of the day 1-onwards | Do you guys keep track of this?

Brazilian timezone: UTC -3. That's all you need to know lol

Activity Schedule

|  SUPER slow and sporadic, like once a month or so | Slow and sporadic  week long gaps between activity | Bi-weeklyish activity | Weekly  activity (specify if there’s a certain time you have school/work/etc.  off that you are most active) | Daily activity | I’m online nearly all  the time |

Starters

| I don’t do starter calls | I want to do starter  calls but often don’t have time | I do selective calls (specify) | I  don’t do calls, but always fee free to ask me for one!* I do starter  calls rarely/regularly/often |

* = I haven’t had much luck with those kinds of calls, as such I prefer sending prompts or liking others calls (whenever I can).

AUs

| I don’t do AUs | My blog is an AU but  outside of that I don’t do them | I sometimes do them but only with a  lot of plotting | I have a couple of AUs already feel free to request  them! | I have AUs coming out of my ears please interact with them! | I  love making AUs HMU to plot if you think of one! | There are some AUs I  won’t do (specify here) |

Check out my muses about docs/pages, I list my AUs there!

Crossovers

| I  don’t do crossovers (specify reason if you’d like)* | I’m selective with  crossovers (specify reason if you’d like)* | I love crossovers! |

* = OKAY SO, I'm going to be bluntly honest. I'm VERY selective with crossovers, it's nothing personal. I just like being well familiarized with both fandoms I'll be doing the crossover. And even then, there are certain franchises, where I feel like a crossover just wouldn't be able to happen (that's why I never bothered to do a pokemon AU for my SW muses, or vice versa. Or even why I have no desire to make pokemon or SW verses for my Saint Seiya muses.). This sentiment only worsens, with franchises I know nothing about (my brain makes me feel like I should, in the very least, know one or two things about the other series. Even if the mun reassures me, that's not necessary for an interaction). In the end, I just want to do something that is fun, for both of us. **= The communities I outright refuse to follow/interact with are: Undertale, MLP, FNaF, Homestuck, Genshim Impact, League of Legends (this includes the spin-offs), Friday night Funkin', Disney, Marvel (especially the MCU) historical and real person fiction. Most well known series: YGO [season 0 & DM], Saint Seiya [classic], Star wars, Pokemon, Castlevania, Sonic and Tekken!

#[ rambles ]

[ncmvds]

😍 ; Is there anyone who inspires you or that you look up to? 

||: Munday Meme! | Accepting

|| Thank you for the ask!

|| In general, I admire people that have a sense of consistency in the things they do. I have ADHD and struggle to manage my time a lot so it looks to me like a kind os superpower. You know I once had an RP partner that used their calendar to schedule all their roleplay stuff? That's just wild to me.

|| In terms of the roleplay community, I usually admire everyone I follow in different ways or different degrees. Sometimes, people have really great character dynamics or maybe their thoughts are really awesomely organized. Sometimes people show incredible tact online when they're drama that I find it very classy and mature. (I hate to say it, but "maturity" isn't really the internet's strong suit at the best of times. lol) || In real life, I have a friend I really admire for her incredible tenacity and drive. She really wants to make the world a better place through her actions and has immense confidence in herself. Admittedly, I'm actually angry at her right now because of her approach: She doesn't mind upsetting people if it gets them to look at the issue, which... you know is okay to a point. I won't get too into it, but she can be very impatient and unforgiving with people who don't want to change in a way or at the pace she thinks they should. That's something I actually really don't like about her, but you know- she's not gonna change just because I think she should be nicer. Then she wouldn't be the person I really admire. :'V

|| Sorry I went into a bit of a rant there. What did I tell you? Poor attention span lol.

#::OOC Kay Speaking #::Anon #::Answered #I love that queen but she can be SUCH a bitch sometimes lol 😩😂 #::Munday

[xiaowhore]

how good is he at flirting?

includes: luke, artem, marius & vyn !

pronouns: n/a (somehow dodged using any, so gender neutral?)

a/n: manifesting luke ssr bc he won't come home

✧ luke pearce

on surface level, you'd think he's pretty bad at flirting

this guy literally friendzones himself

but he's an airhead who's good at flirting unintentionally

showers you in sincere compliments that don't compare to empty flattery. luke is nice like that,, so cheerful and supportive,,, your personal cheerleader, if you will. also very willing to help whenever you find yourself running into a problem

actually he's so nice that some people get the wrong idea

he'd compliment a girl so well that she'll think he's hitting on her... in a really respectful way

or he'd offer to carry their heavy bags and open the door for them

luke isn't trying to seduce them, he's just really used to doing those things for you...

and being your childhood friend has its perks!! he doesn't shy away from skinship — hand holding and hugs are a few things he can indulge in. you could say he flirts through casual touches.

“your hair grew longer again,” luke comments, brushing away your bangs. “they'll poke your eyes. you should get it cut soon.”

childhood friend flex alright

✧ artem wing

oh god he is terrible at it

29 years old and has no dating experience lmao

so pure,, and super shy,, or maybe just embarrassed?? he chokes up when he tries to compliment you and ends up chickening out more often than not

celestine is not amused

it's like she's helping a pubescent boy confess to his crush rather than coaching a whole grown man........ then again, she can't imagine artem saying pickup lines lol

he's bad at expressing his feelings verbally but he can be unexpectedly smooth??

as a superior, he treats his coworkers well, but everyone can see how he favors you

small things like bringing you a meal when you miss lunch, or waiting for you to finish overtime and offering to drive you home after

maybe invite you to eat dinner he prepared while he's at it. he's a decent cook, and he likes seeing your happy face when you taste his food. what? you say you want to eat his food everyday? sure, he can make that possible if you marry him

there is no in between istg

yeah it's not totally direct, but suggestive enough that his actions imply he's interested in you

(then again, given how dense you can be, he might need to wave a neon sign spelling “WILL YOU MARRY ME” so you'd finally get the point)

✧ marius von hagen

ah... this guy huh

he flirts with you all the time but the problem is he does it too much that you end up thinking his flirting is just a joke

not to mention you probably haven't ever considered him as a potential romantic partner; his position as the pax's ceo making things difficult aside, you most likely only think of him as an annoying little brother...

nevertheless, marius continues to pursue on! what marius wants, marius will get

he has tons of money. you might not be the materialistic type, but surely you'd still appreciate gifts right?

whether it be chocolates, branded clothes or jewelry, he'll give it to you. oh, do you perhaps like flowers? once he hears about this little detail, he immediately prepares a gorgeous bouquet. huh? you say you don't need all this stuff? then what do you actually want?

“a date.” you rub your aching temples, feeling your headache worsen after seeing marius's expectant gaze. “just take me on a normal date, you don't have to send gifts to win me over. a movie will suffice. and don't rent an entire theater this time.”

marius grins in victory. there's nothing more he can ask for.

“then can we hold hands?” before you could glare at him and immediately refuse, he cheekily adds, “if we don't, i fear i might busy my hands by making another online purchase instead.”

of course marius lied. when it comes to you, he only gets more greedy by day.

✧ vyn richter

oh damn. he is good. really good.

out of all of them, vyn is arguably the best at flirting. no i don't accept constructive criticism on this matter.

he knows what he wants, so he'll get it no matter what. he already has a few courting plans in mind.

a natural at slipping compliments in casual conversation. he doesn't get shy, not at all — what's there to be ashamed of?

you could be attending an art exhibit to marvel at paintings when he'd suddenly shift the topic to how beautiful you are. oh, is your face turning red now? no, don't hide your expression from him; he'd like to see what you look like flustered from his flirting. it's very adorable.

straightforward and doesn't make things harder from him. if he wants to hold your hand, he'd immediately ask instead of hesitating like he's in some painful slow burn fic. hm? you say he's bold? he laughs, but doesn't deny it. he'd rather go all out than watch you slip away from him.

he likes to observe your reactions, finding them amusing. just the smallest things make your face heat up. you're so cute that he can't help but tease you sometimes, purposely initiating more affection than usual.

“you're... somewhat touchy, aren't you, dr. richter...” you awkwardly cough when he has his arm around your waist again when you're watching a movie, directing you to lean towards him. you're afraid he might hear your loud heartbeat.

“not quite,” he admits, changing positions so you could rest your head against his shoulder. “but you're an exception to a lot of things.”

not so slowly but surely, the distance between you is becoming shorter.

#tears of themis #tears of themis x reader #tot #tot x reader #luke pearce #artem wing #marius von hagen #vyn richter #luke x reader #artem x reader #marius x reader #vyn x reader #tears of themis imagines #tot imagines #tears of themis headcanons #tot headcanons #luke pearce x reader #artem wing x reader #marius von hagen x reader #vyn richter x reader #tot — !

[dhaaruni]

Lol, off the top of my head, weird stuff she's said includes (and I'm obviously paraphrasing):

"Prince Charles and Camilla are so cute and enduring and therefore are evidence that plain-looking but charismatic women are more worthwhile pursuing than beautiful, empty women like Princess Diana, that stupid bitch."

"Ha ha I lied to my older, extremely wealthy and implied to be on-the-spectrum boyfriend of 3 weeks who's also my superior at work that I was getting evicted so I could move in with him and now we're married, isn't that CUTE?" (actual thing she did like honestly, it made me believe in prenups when I didn't before like nobody's marrying me without signing one now)

Relatedly (and this may be my being a huge prude), I think it's weird that she'd tweet explicit sexual stories about past partners when she was married like I would not be okay with it if my husband was tweeting to his 500k followers about his kooky sexual experiences with anybody, including me!! That shit is private!

"Who amongst us doesn't have a nanny to take care of our kids? as well as literally every time she tried to give parenting advice on Slate, which is probably related to this question she asked Twitter.

Nicole trying to talk about mental health always made me lose my mind like no Nicole, people with mood disorders aren't "more violent" than neurotypical people, violent people are violent because they are bad people and I resent being compared to rapists and murderers. They had a choice, and they chose to do terrible things, I also have a choice, which is why the worst thing I do is drink too much coffee!!

Her throwing money at her followers and them loudly propagating it as "look how great Nicole is for giving me money" came across as very forced noblesse oblige like she was the benevolent local rich person on Twitter really rubbed me the wrong way.

People would tell her celebrity gossip in her DMs and her response wasn't to share when men were being creepy and rapey but to go "I heard this THING about this MAN," sometimes without even naming them, like it got to the point that at the end of her online career, she tweeted that someone DM'd her that their friend was sexually harassed by Bill Clinton 40 years ago and literally nobody gave a shit because of how sensationalistic her framing of rape and sexual assault was. It came across as her doing it for the clout and engagement she got instead of actually caring about the victims.

And I totally agree with this.

#twitter #cardassiangoodreads #answered

[scarluxia]

Let's talk about some Adventures I had in Phoenix, AZ in 2015. It came up in my FB Memories and even though I determined to let everything from last decade go, this one still rankles. I got "in trouble" with these people for being open about my experiences on my Facebook because, even though I hadn't mentioned names, they didn't like me "putting their business out there".

CW for ableism, depression, rejection sensitive dysphoria, and I'll try to put all that in the tags.

My partner, Loki (yes real name), and I had been urban camping in Portland, OR for about a month. It had gotten cold and rainy to the point where we couldn't safely stay living outdoors, and Loki's father (who didn't approve of me) had demanded he come back to California and live with Loki's uncle. He made it quite clear I was not welcome, so I ended up going to Arizona because I had a friend who was willing to put me up. She and I had known each other since 2008 and I figured I would be safe with her. At the time, Loki was much more easily influenced by what his family wanted, and we ended up having kind of a nasty set of conversations over whether he was abandoning me.

While in Portland, my wallet had been stolen so I had no ID or SS card. I had reported it stolen of course, but had received no response until I was leaving Arizona.

My friend in Arizona had two young sons, a husband, and a boyfriend. Now, I have some sensory issues that make it so I have a hard time being around children. High pitched noises hurt me to my bones, like, even now I have to leave the room if my son gets overly excited and starts shrieking.

I was sleeping on the couch in the living room, which was where the kids would go when they woke up and where the TVs and entertainment consoles were.

Anyway, they wanted me to contribute to the household and whatnot but I was severely depressed and I think I've provided all the context I can remember? If the rest of this doesn't make sense, please know that there was a part 1 but it came up in my Memories on a different day and i didn't think I would be rehashing it.

So I couldn't do work, couldn't do anything anyone had asked me to do to satisfaction because various things that did not, in fact, depend on me. Maybe I wasn't being enough of a ~team player~, I don't know. But anyway, I did my best with what I had. Sometimes, because of THE EXTREME FUCKING SENSORY ISSUES THAT COME WITH AUTISM, I would get overwhelmed by the kids screaming. Two little boys, barely school age, and their parents sat them in front of a TV and gave them controllers. That's it. They had toys in their room, sure, but they weren't getting outside. I suggested taking them out a couple times, but firstly, I didn't know the area and wasn't about to go out alone, and secondly, I can't split in half and I'm not in good shape, so even if I had known the area, I wouldn't have taken TWO small children outside to run around where they could run out of the designated area. I'm kind of anal that way, I guess. But Woman A (mum) and Man B ("uncle") never got off their arses to help me take them outside, and Man A was at work.

Oh, yes, parental interaction with the kids. Woman A loved her sons very much. But at their age (3 and 5), they both should have been toilet trained. They should have gotten at least two hours outside every day. They threw fits when they weren't allowed to play video games because, instead of games being a special treat that was earned with good behavior, they were toys carelessly tossed at the kids to keep them out of everyone's hair. Conversely, and bizarrely, reading to them WAS a special treat. The father woke up, played games, basically brushed off his kids, and went to work. Same when he got home for lunch, and he *ordered* us to have them in bed by the time he got home for good. The mum did somewhat interact with them, but mostly just wanted them out of her hair. I wasn't so nice because I'm not good with kids in general and also loud screeching HURTS, IT HURTS IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP. (Same with snoring, or any noise made when I want to sleep.) This isn't me being a ~diva~, it is an actual manifestation of a mental disability.

Woman A was of the opinion that "everyone who lives in a house with kids automatically becomes a coparent", maybe because she wasn't willing to actually parent her kids herself.

Note from the future: I still disagree with the idea that "anyone who lives in a house with kids is automatically a co-parent". Parent your own kids. I don't expect my dad to parent my son when we go visit him and he made it quite clear when I was pregnant that he would not take on a co-parenting role (because his wives 30-50 years ago had handled the babies and he doesn't really know how to calm them down beyond entertaining them)

She got a really bitchy look on her face whenever I (who have been around children, especially TROUBLED children, all my life) made any sort of suggestion. Well sorry, lady, but it's not like you're doing such a great job with them. Y'all act like you barely want anything to do with them. Like they're cute and little and fun to snuggle, but actually teaching them anything? Forget about it, just toss em a controller and hope they don't kill each other in the game or real life. Meanwhile, they have no outlet for their natural physical energy, no real outlet for their curiosity. They're going to grow up stupid and sedentary, with "no one paid attention to me during childhood except when it was convenient for THEM" to deal with. The older kid recently got on meds for a condition that, from what I observed, was likely much more nurture than nature. And what everyone ate, my God, those kids were the only non-overweight people in the house, and it's little wonder! I bought ACTUAL NUTRITIONAL food for everyone, and the adults look at me like I'm from some demon dimension. I made a light comment about how I'd never eaten anything like what they had growing up. You know, boxed potatoes, veggies out of a can, white bread, sugary peanut butter. And Woman A was like, "well YOU don't have kids."

Um, no, but my father did.

I have a kid now, am working part time at min. wage because my boss sees my performance as so-so (plus she's been forced to give me a raise every time the County of Where I Live raises the minimum), in a single-income household, on as much Family With Kids welfare as My County will allow, and I still wouldn't feed my kid that crap LOL

Spoiler alert: they made me use all my food stamps on their household and then kicked me out later that month so... When I bought food I bought HEALTHY food, like, I've been on food stamps my entire life... Also, WIC specifically pays for WHEAT bread, fruits & veggies, and they do let you get peanut butter without sugar so idk what was going on there with them.

My father was a SINGLE PARENT raising a daughter in America after 20 years of living in Europe and raising kids with his previous wives. Well, up until the divorces, anyway. I was the only kid he ever got to keep. He told me things about how the others had been raised compared to how I was raised, and I saw the outcomes of different parenting styles in my peers as well. My father was a very poor man whose trade had been outsourced and who struggled to support us for years. And yet, we never went hungry, and he never fed me boxed potatoes. Never fed me sugary peanut butter, white bread, or veggies out of a can.

Ok I understand canned veggies are better than no veggies, and not everyone can get fresh, but you CAN get frozen in AZ. I always had fresh or frozen growing up.

It wasn't because we were living in the lap of luxury. It's because...

HE FUCKING VALUED OUR HEALTH OVER CONVENIENT, CRAPPY, NUTRIENT-FREE FOOD!!!! This is not a difficult concept. He ALSO read to me every night, despite having what I now realise was a very grueling day at work just to put said healthy food on the table. I didn't get to watch TV or play computer games (edu-tainment, the only kind I was allowed) until after all my homework was done. I can't remember if I was a particularly active child, but I'm sure I had the OPTION!!!! TO GO OUT.

Meanwhile, when I was at various stages of my life, I met kids whose parents shunted them from guardian to guardian because they didn't want to deal with them, kids whose parents were kind and supportive but rubbish at enforcing discipline, kids whose parents were abusive in every kind of way, and kids whose parents did their best.

You know, I wasn't raised perfectly. My upbringing lacked social grace and included some toxic ideas about womanhood that I've only been learning to overcome recently in my adulthood. But DON'T FUCKING ACT LIKE I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RAISING KIDS JUST BECAUSE I DON'T CURRENTLY HAVE ANY. I have my own life, the lives of my peers, and a wonderful online community of new parents raising children in kind and socially aware ways, to draw inspiration from. I can go to any one of them, and to my own parents, and ask "hey does X seem weird to you?" And they'll give me their honest opinion, which *is valuable*. I have even mapped out a general idea of how to get through some parts of my children's lives, and I'm not even planning to have kids for at least another few years. I mean, honestly, it used to be "I don't want kids ever", but dear gosh, if I can have any part of raising someone in a manner that defies procrastination culture, entitlement culture, and everything wrong with the way my husband and I were raised, maybe it wouldn't be a complete horror. If I can ensure that not all hope for the next generation is lost, hey.

Anyway, I've gone off topic...

I also had some issues with the men. Man B just didn't seem to like anything ever. I had no idea what Woman A saw in him. I remember one time he tried to tell me, a Christian, that I can't tell people what a "real Christian" is because it ~invalidates their identity~. Excuse me, no. It doesn't work that way. There are things that Christ taught, and anyone who blatantly goes against them IN THE NAME OF CHRISTIANITY, IS NOT A REAL CHRISTIAN. And yes, I realise this entire rant has been very judgey and technically I'm not supposed to do that either, but it's not like I'm saying they're going to Hell. Just that their kids are going to be sluggish and stupid, and I can't understand how these people have the gumption to try to lecture anyone else about life when they're not even TRYING to get their own lives together.

Yeah so they tried to lecture me about how I was "letting" Loki mistreat me and how I cared more about "socializing" with my estranged husband (I have separation anxiety) than helping around the house e_e They also implied I used depression as an excuse to be lazy.

Man B was supposedly "super employable." Well, okay, even though his "job hunt" seemed to consist more of sitting around playing video games, he was larger than my father (who is 6 ft tall with a protruding gut and weighs 240 lbs at last count) (My father and I are both 60 lbs above our ideal weights. But we're working on it!), and never seemed to get past the phone-screening process.

Now, Woman A told me that Man B was looking for work and that her family and some friends looked down on him for being a freeloader. Probably because she was anxious about me thinking the same. But here's the thing: I wouldn't have cared. Honestly. If you want to sit around playing games all day in your married girlfriend's apartment with her and her husband playing video games all day, go right ahead. If you want to bake three potatoes at a time and take them back to your room for a snack, hey, more power to you. But don't piss out the window and call it rain.

I don't care how employable you are, where you live, who you're living with, or what your lifestyle is like. It doesn't affect me in any way. But don't act like you're doing something you're not just to appease someone's judgmental family. That doesn't ever end well.

Now, see, I clearly have a problem with people who do that. I don't hide many aspects of myself, though I will refuse to answer a question if I feel it's none of someone's business or if they're just asking it to be a judgmental asshole. I refuse to compromise myself or my safe space to accommodate someone who can't make peace with who they are. Hell, you know me! You know my show!

Wait, this is Tumblr, so you might not know my show. It's a YouTube storyboard dedicated to processing and mocking some spiritual and psychological abuse I've undergone in my life. On Facebook, it was one of the things I was known for at the time because I was constantly posting clips and art, and trying to recruit voice actors.

I sell anyone out who I catch lying to me about anything! That's nothing new! And these people knew that about me. For SEVEN. FUCKING. YEARS.

So anyway. Woman A has a lot of great short term goals but no actual follow through because "I'm just not in the mood right now." No judgment there. I've totally been there. The only problem is when it gets ME in trouble.

"Let's walk the dog." "I'm not in the mood." Okay, then the dog doesn't get walked because I can't figure out my way around the place alone.

"Let's do the dishes." Woman A doesn't let me know when the washer stopped. Okay. Then the rest of the dishes don't get washed.

"Let's take the kids outside." "No I'm too tired." Okay, then they're going to be RUNNING AROUND THE APARTMENT SCREAMING WHICH MY EARS CANNOT FUCKING HANDLE so bye I'm just gonna borrow your room and isolate myself for a bit.

"Let's go to the gym!" "Maybe later." But later never comes.

Do you see where I'm going here? As for the men, they BOTH complain that they're "doing too much" around the house. Okay, probably fair for Man A, who works full time and deserves to come home to a clean house. But Man B. Wtf. You literally do nothing, except when you do, and when you do, we're meant to throw you a parade? That's not how adulthood works, or so I've heard.

Note: All three of these people are older than me. I was 24? at the time, fresh out of trade school, on my own for the first time in my life. (Maybe 2nd? I ran away when I was 17 but ended up with my grandparents so idk if that counts.) Woman A was 26 at the time and had been married since 2008, had experience with office work and parenthood, etc. Both men were older than her. I was a chronological adult with the life experience of a teenager, so I felt comfortable saying that.

So did I mention that I'm sleeping in the living room during this stay? And the adults don't go to bed until like 2 AM, which means, because of my disability, wherein I cannot sleep if there's any sort of non-ambient noise, *I* don't get to sleep until AFTER 2 AM. And the kids? They come in the living room screaming at 6 AM. Yep. Okay. Living on 4 hours of sleep, for the mathematically challenged. That and dealing with the emotional turmoil of being separated from my husband when I've got high separation anxiety in the first place. All my pain, everything, it's up to 11. and I'm supposed to contribute but there's not really anything that allows me to contribute.

So what do they do? They ambush me. Call a "family meeting" to tell me absolutely everything that's wrong with me, after WEEKS of telling me what a big help I am and how grateful they are to have me around. Tell me I'm letting my "social life" get in the way of me helping around the house. Hmm. Social life. You mean, VENTING IN MY SAFE SPACE (Facebook, no names named) AND TRYING TO MEND THINGS WITH MY HUSBAND??????????????? Okay. Well since you guys treat your woman like shit, you clearly don't understand or appreciate devotion to one's spouse. Seriously. Woman A told me she used to have extreme separation anxiety with Man A, and that he would brush off her emotions as irrelevant. Her solution was to make it a poly relationship and take a lover WHO TREATS HER THE EXACT SAME WAY. I'm serious. She got no emotional support from either of them. They basically just threw pills at her and trained her to lie down until her feelings went away.

And she had the gall to lecture me (24 at the time) about how Loki (19 at the time & from a pretty horrific family) treated me. LOL ok. Log. Splinter.

As she knew, I'm monogamous. I do have some opinions on polyamoury based on individuals I've gotten to know who are in those types of relationships, but those opinions are irrelevant to this series of rants. Except one, which is pertinent: if you're going to take another lover, they should provide something that your existing lover(s) don't. If you're suffering from low emotional support and you just find someone else who doesn't emotionally support you and who treats you like a child who can't be trusted??? What are you even DOING? Like, she told me NEITHER of her men trust her judgment. What the fuck is a relationship without trust? And don't even try "dick too bomb" as an excuse when you tell me you haven't gotten laid in months and your husband is using your condoms on Woman B.

They don't support you. They don't trust you. And yet YOU'RE telling ME that things with my husband won't get better unless I follow your lead and take another lover? HELL TO THE NO. My husband has his faults, but if I tell him Person X can be trusted, he believes me.

Except for his ex-girlfriend whom he tried to add to our relationship when he tried to be poly, months later. That went Badly.

Or maybe he just knows I'll deal with them myself, with my hot, hot temper, if they turn out not to be trustworthy. He also doesn't treat me LIKE A CHILD. And while I sometimes point at things and make small motions when I can't physically talk, or sometimes even use baby talk when I'm feeling cutesy, I DON'T POINT AT A PIECE OF PAPER AND GO "THE CARRRRRR!!!!" IN AN INCREASINGLY HIGHER PITCH BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY, "Honey, I think we missed the car payment this month. Can you double check while the agent has you on hold, please?"

Okay, being a dick about losing words due to stress was not my finest moment, but at the time, I was just so appalled by how they treated her and how she allowed them to treat me.

So basically these adults who are nowhere near having their lives together, and aren't even really trying, put me on blast for not having everything running perfectly when THEY expected it to.

Let's reiterate. I couldn't get a job because I had no ID or social security card. I was waiting for them to be returned to me. I couldn't walk the kids or the dog, go to the gym, or complete all the household chores because no one would guide me. I need that guidance because of various components of my disability, which I really hate admitting to because I'm super fucking prideful, but I figured hey, she's not neurotypical either. These people will understand.

Their response when I brought this up? "You're an adult. You should know better." Sure, okay. But you should know that a child ought to be potty trained before he turns 5, or even 3; that kids need to run around, are entitled to their parents' attention and consistent discipline, and need!!! healthy!!!! food!!!!

Oh, discipline! So, she would send Older Boy to his room over misbehaving. But rather than enforce time-out, she'd go, "oh, I think I'm being too haaaard on him," and just... Relinquish. He's not about to learn anything that way, ma'am.

They called me trying to reconnect with the person I love more than almost anyone on this earth "obsessing over your social life". Well again, you treat your woman like shit, so MAYBE my undying devotion to the person I love goes a LITTLE bit over your head.

They told me that the household should be my first priority. Except no, because I am an autonomous person and my FIRST PRIORITY is, was, and ever has been the love of my life, whomever that may be at the time. That is 70% of my personality. I'm pretty sure anyone who had ever met me can vouch for my extreme devotion, and this woman had known me for SEVEN. YEARS. I'm not going to throw away 70% of myself to do an impossible task that no one will help me with.

They told me a lot of things I wasn't doing right, and for those of you who also struggle with anxiety and depression, you know that being told for weeks that everything is okay and you're so great and so helpful, and then being told that you're rubbish at everything... You know that that is hurtful. Devastating, even. I wanted to kill myself. I said that. I said that and expressed my feelings about some other things, in my safe space, without naming any names.

And even though I was posting in my safe space, I was polite about it. I was as gentle and rational as possible. I wasn't calling anyone out. Not like I am now. I wasn't trying to lead a witch hunt. I was just overwhelmed and trying to express my feelings. Trying to get myself not to kill myself. I had to tell myself over and over again that it's not what Loki would want for me.

In the morning, they woke me up and kicked me out. Said it was rude for me to say I don't care about their household. I never, NEVER said that. I said "Loki is my first priority." Something along the lines of "that's just how I am and I shouldn't be vilified for it." That doesn't mean I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. IT JUST MEANS THAT MY PRIORITIES WILL *NEVER* BE WHAT SOMEONE ELSE WANTS THEM TO BE. I AM A PERSON. I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DECIDE WHAT TO PRIORITISE, AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!

I MEAN, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. MY NAME IS *SIGYN*. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU IGNORANT ASSHOLES EXPECT?! WHY THE HELL SHOULD YOU HAVE FELT THREATENED BY ME SAYING ANYTHING IF I DIDN'T NAME NAMES AND WAS ACTUALLY RATIONAL? IF YOU SAW THIS, *MAYBE* YOU WOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE PISSY, BUT NOT THEN!

They kicked me out after having asked me to buy them all food. I had used up all my food stamps. Because I hadn't anticipated this at all. I hadn't known they would take such offence to my existence, to my ways. To the fact that I value the man I married more than I value... Whatever they wanted me to value, I guess.

Fun fact: I ended up in a women's shelter after this, and one woman told me to actually kill myself because she was tired of hearing me cry at night.

They said I hadn't made any effort to get my life on track. Because I can just snap my fingers and make my ID appear. Because I can just manifest the money for a replacement. They said all these things that left me almost unable to breathe, in retaliation for me posting that I was suicidal.

Later, Woman A told me that this had been a long time coming and that they were trying to make room for Woman B and Woman C, both of whom were willing to have sex with the men, which is something that I would not. I feel the first woman I met at the shelter was accurate when she said they basically kicked me out because I wouldn't sleep with them.

I also later found out that my ID and SS card had been returned to sender. The Portland PD called me and told me. So my father came to the conclusion that the people I had been staying with sabotaged me from the start. For a while, I didn't feel it, but last night I dreamed about it, and the dream made me angry. I didn't deserve to be treated that way. And I really had to get all this off my chest, so for those of you who didn't immediately whip out your tiny violins, thank you.

#ableism #depression #rejection sensitive dysphoria #sensory sensitivity #child neglect #child abuse #resource insecurity? #i forgot about the part where someone tried to mansplain Christian gatekeeping to me #emotional abuse #polyamory but make it toxic #suicidal ideation

[souladventure]

What I learned during the Covid19 lockdown after losing my passion business.

Despite all the losses incurred because of this global cluster-fuck known as the COVID19 pandemic/lockdown, I've learned so many invaluable truths and realities that probably wouldn't have ever surfaced otherwise. Here are a few that i'd like to share with everyone so I could just get it out there for my own wellbeing and possibly help others in the process:

1. I learned so much about myself and how weak I am (or was) mentally. My heart and mind didn't fair so well when I lost so much and I'm still coping as I write this. I feel a lot stronger emotionally now after such a debilitating and humbling experience. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger I guess.

2. If you get into a business that’s directly related to a passion that brings you joy and purpose, brace yourself for the turmoil and negativity (that comes with any business) you will be introducing to this passion of yours. i.e. Surfing for me was all positivity until I had to start hiring friends and dealing with different groups who either saw me as a threat or just felt I was competition to them. I honestly just wanted to help an industry grow so every stakeholder involved, including myself, could flourish but I didn't expect a lot of people to hate on me for it. 

The good news is after a decade many of these haters became my friends again when they realized my efforts actually helped them and that I wasn't there to take anything away from them. Surfing is a huge part of my lifestyle and my relationship to the community is something I'd like to maintain as a positive zone instead of a cutthroat business arena. 

I'm happy to say that although I share the same passion for food and I am now committed 100% to this industry ("Tito Paolo's Inasal" est during lockdown May 2020), I'm not emotionally involved with anyone else in it and I would't care less if anyone hated on me.

3. Don't get into a business that relies entirely on the skills of only a very limited amount of individuals that aren't readily available or expendable. For this reason, i chose to close down Skwala Surfboards, a passion project i dreamt about since '99 and materialized in 2010, when the pandemic further burried me in debt. You will pay for this big time if the employees or partners who are the only ones who can perform the main operations of your business suddenly act up. (This was something I actually already knew even before the pandemic but because I was so passionate about it I still decided to continue. Now I’m facing the ramifications of being blinded by a grave emotionally driven decision).

I don't regret this tho because I still built something that was considered the best in it’s time and also established itself as the pioneer of a growing industry. This satisfaction doesn't stem from merely bragging rights but more so on the fact that I know that I can be the best at something I focus all my energy on. (I'm happy to say I have shifted this focus from surfboard manufacturing to food where I feel just as fulfilled and continue to grow and innovate.) 

You yourself have to be the best at providing the product/service of your business so that when the people you hire fuck up you can fire their asses and do it yourself. I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever learn how to shape a surfboard but I’m proud enough to say that I am the best beginner level surfing instructor and I make the best inasal.

4. Don’t expect your employees to make any extra efforts or sacrifices for you in times of crisis and prioritize your business in its entirety. Do not give more than you can afford no matter how desperate they are. They will never sincerely appreciate your gestures of kindness and generosity and you best expect that they will never return the favor! Your business isn't a charity and it's survival as a whole should be paramount. Sorry to say but in my experience the employees will never ever truly understand nor realize the value of their employer's survival. They will still slack with their work and expect the same salary despite the sales amounting to zero. And don’t be surprised when they fucking steal. That’s because they feel like its their right to do so (A common issue in third world settings). To top it off when everything is close to being dead they will still ask for backpay. Make sure you are prepared legally and financially for this. But don't you ever believe you have loyal employees who are willing to join you in the muck when the shit goes down. I wouldn't either so I'm not judging anyone with this statement and I'm eating up the losses. But except for those who stole...fuck them.

5. Learn to let go and do it sooner so as not to lose more than you really have to. If you think going through a breakup is tough, try losing your dream business. Make sure you are on point with calculating your losses and pull the plug as early as you can. Don't allow your passions to overcome your decision making. One of the first things my father taught me in business was "Never fall In love with your ideas" and I'm still kicking myself for not listening. What I can add to this is if you aren’t part of the lucky few whose passions just so happen to be highly lucrative businesses then instead "Do what your are good at over doing what you love! Because when you succeed at what you are good at you can do absolutely anything you want!" Anyone who tells you otherwise is either a rich kid or a Woke AF grass fed hipster.

6. Get work online. Start a vlog, a podcast, teach english or teach anything. Just take the steps to begin a career online because this is easily available and it's work from home safe. I'm only beginning to do this now and yes I'm gonna make a vlog or podcast interview about all of these things I mentioned above but only after I'm done sorting all my shit out.

That's all I have to say for now and I'm happy to also say that I've been moving forward with a more positive attitude lately. I'm stronger now and I only care about things that are valuable to my growth. I still deal with depression and anxiety on a daily basis but this has reduced as I see new goals on the horizon.

I wanna thank all my friends who were there to drop a line and support me in even the slightest of ways when I most needed it.

I want to thank my Dad and family for being there no matter what. I'm crying now as I type this. Man, you don't know how much gratitude I have for you guys.

I also want to thank those who still stayed buddies with people who burned me in business. It allows me to know where to classify you in my internal contact list. (Facebook should have that...Friends list and Frenemies or Fake Friends, lol.)

I also want to thank God...yes I believe in you. Live Jesus in our hearts...Forever. Amen. 

#perserverance #covid19 #bounceback #comeback #bankruptcy #wfh #workfromhome #freelance #business #passion #life lessons #depression #anxiety #motivation #entrepreneurship