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2000sandtoday · 1 year
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Things That Are Weird About Twilight As An Adult
Things That Are Weird About Twilight As An Adult. #twlight #stepheniemeyer #catherinehardwicke #robertpattinson #kristenstewart #edwardcullen #bellaswan #celebrity #entertainment #celebrityentertainment #movies #film #2000s #2000sera #2000film
Okay, so recently there was a fan screening of Twilight. It’s been ages since I read the book or watched the movie which came out when I was in high school. And I thought it sounded like a fun thing to do. So, I took myself to the movies and I watched it. It was so weird watching it as an adult versus as a teenager. It’s still a totally fun ride with a kick ass soundtrack. BUT you do laugh and…
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adamwatchesmovies · 2 years
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Chocolat (2000)
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While visiting with friends, the idea of watching a movie was brought up. Our host picked Chocolat because she thought it would please everyone attending regardless of our affinities and prejudices. She later admitted it's her favorite movie. No matter what mood she's in, it brings a smile to her face. Johnny Depp's presence helps - I'm told his face is worth a lot. I wouldn't put Depp as a key selling point since he's not in it that much but the rest of her reasoning is bang on. It's an erotic fable (without being too raunchy) that's just like its namesake: warm and satisfying. It’s a delight.
Vianne (Juliette Binoche) and her daughter Anouk (Victoire Thivisol) move into a quiet French village to set up a chocolaterie. Despite the town’s obsession with tradition and piety (much to the satisfaction of the mayor, played by Alfred Molina), Vianne’s chocolates slowly begin charming the residents.
Chocolat might as well be set in the same town that banned Kevin Bacon from dancing, except set in France and in 1959. Spend enough time there, however, and you'll see things aren't so simple. Mayor Comte de Reynaud initially seems to be a one-dimensional bad guy. He’s manipulative and obsessed with order. He even oversees the pastor’s sermon on Sunday - making countless alterations to it - before it can be read. He’s the main antagonist and you hate him until you realize he’s a real human being. Everyone here is. Even Vianne is a person with her own set of strengths and weaknesses. It isn't long before you recognize something of yourself in every one of them.
The film is about a woman who doesn’t fit in. In every way possible she’s the odd person out in this small town. What it's really about is an artist who decides to take on the stuffy establishment. A chocolaterie is a perfect analogy for her rebellion. Like a beautiful painting or a song, it seems to have no nutritional value. In fact, totalitarian autocrats will argue that it’s bad for you and easily conjure charts that demonstrate how a diet composed entirely of chocolate will kill you. They’d be right but wrong as well. The absence of what chocolate represents is just as detrimental to your health. It may not add years to your life, but it adds life to your years.
The performances are uniformly excellent. I was going to enumerate those who stand out until I realized I’d be naming everyone. Let’s just say that from the youngest child actress (Victoire Thivisol) to the veterans (Judy Dench) everyone shines. It’s got the right mix of laughs, romance, and the kind of drama that gets you all riled up. It’s light and frothy, but at being a sweet treat of a film it’s so good you can’t hold its humble ambitions against it.
Chocolat sucks you into this world and makes you fall in love with its characters. For all those reasons and more, it's a great pick for date night. (On DVD, March 20, 2016)
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meanwhileinfillory · 4 years
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2000 was the year of the Big Damn Crowd-Pleaser Movie™
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Team America: World Police
Team America: World Police
Team America: World Police
Release Date: October 15, 2004
Genre: Action, Comedy
Director: Trey Parker
Writers: Trey Parker, Matt Stone & Pam Brady
Starring: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Kristen Miller, Masasa Moyo, Daran Norris
  WARNING: POSSIBLE SPOILERS IN THIS REVIEW
 Trey Parker and Matt Stone have been creating a ton of laughs and a ton of controversy for the past twenty years. “South Park” is…
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adamwatchesmovies · 2 years
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Battlefield Earth (2000)
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If you know bad movies, you’ve heard of Battlefield Earth. I sat down with this bowlful of cigarette butts soaking in milk ready to have a good time. I tried my best and have concluded it’s not possible.
In the year 3,000, mankind is nearing extinction. Earth has been ruled for 1,000 years by the Psychlos, gold-obsessed galactic conquerors. When a greedy, politically ambitious Psychlo named Terl (John Travolta, AWFUL!) teaches Jonnie Goodboy Tyler (Barry Pepper) the Psychlo language and how to use equipment to create his own secret mining force, he unwillingly gives mankind a chance to overtake the evil aliens.
This movie leaves you scratching your head. Not because it contains mind twists or deep symbolism. Actually, the story is so simple it'll have you bored in no time. What's mind-boggling is that at no point in its production could this film have shown any promise whatsoever and yet, it was still made. The characters are either flat (any of the human characters) or so over-the-top they can’t be taken seriously (the aliens). To be fair, I’m almost certain Terl is supposed to be comical. These aliens conquered Earth, they saw our military in action, they leveled our cities… and can’t grasp that dogs were our pets and that mankind is only eating rats because of desperation. It makes no sense whatsoever.
The story is so poorly written I doubt even the source material (courtesy of L. Ron Hubbard, founder of the Church of Scientology) could be any good. It’s a Swiss Cheese plot with so many illogical developments only a blind devotee could've managed to keep this production going. This dull would-be action-adventure with some political machinations thrown in for spice fails at just about everything. It looks cheap. The Psychlos aren’t remotely frightening, intimidating, or believable. The acting is embarrassing, ranging from wooden to so over-the-top it could end careers. If it did come around and become so-bad-it’s-good, this is where I’d tell you about how much fun it is to ridicule, quote, and tear apart. Battlefield Earth is none of those things. You may have seen isolated clips (“While you were still learning how to SPELL YOUR NAME, I was being trained to conquer GALAXIES!”) but they’re not the show-stoppers you’re hoping for. They just sort of come and go, barely jogging you out of your comatose state. It’s not even fascinating to watch in a Showgirls kind of way. I couldn’t wait for the story to end so I could get rid of the DVD, which had been sitting on my shelf for years, waiting to be viewed. I had more fun digging for the pointless Easter Eggs hidden in the menus than I did with any of its interminable 117 minutes.
Usually, I’d try and find SOMETHING about a film like this to like, even if it's an ironic sort of like. A bad CGI spaceship that’ll make you chuckle, the puzzling scene transitions and camera angles, or a game you could play with the lurid use of color throughout, for example. That’s too much work. Battlefield Earth is a pair of underwear that's been soiled so many times it’s more feces than fabric. You may be curious to see it, even just the one time, but trust me, you don’t want to. (Special Edition on DVD, February 10, 2017)
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adamwatchesmovies · 3 years
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Supernova (2000)
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Supernova is a joke. Its endless problems compel you to nitpick it to death. Unfortunately, it's also completely forgettable so watch out; you might watch it once, hate it, and then accidentally see it again down the line.
In the early 22nd century, violent cartoons have been banned, robots and artificial intelligence are commonplace, and mankind has mastered light-speed travel. On the medical search-and-rescue- ship Nightingale 229, Captain A.J. Marley (Robert Forster), co-pilot Nick (James Spader), medical officer Kaela (Angela Bassett), medical technician Yerzy (Lou Diamond Phillips), paramedic Danika (Robin Tunney), and technician Benjamin (Wilson Cruz) receive a distress signal from Titan 37 - 3,000 light-years away. Teleporting there, the ship suffers heavy damages. With the man responsible for the distress signal (Peter Facinelli), the crew discovers a mysterious alien artifact.
I’ll get my biggest nitpick out of the way first. The Nightingale 229 is the most ill-conceived rescue vessel I’ve ever seen. The way the transdimensional jump system works is that everyone has to get into these capsules before the jump. If they don’t… did you see The Fly? I can buy that. The problem is that the ship only has 6 capsules!
On paper, this plot sounds like it could make sense, or be good. In execution, it feels like stuff just happens. The characters are flat and the performances are awful. It never feels like the events of Supernova are happening in a living breathing world, instead, it’s just some half-baked, hackneyed script that’s been chopped up and re-written over and over, held together with some flashy special effects and pseudo-science that raises more questions than answers. The only way to properly explain the film's stupidity is to spoil certain plot points but believe me, you still won't truly understand what it feels like to sit down and watch this accident in space.
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That mysterious artifact I mentioned? It’s a bomb. Not just a regular bomb, an explosive created by 9th-dimensional aliens to destroy everything in our universe. Why? Two theories are proposed. 1) They fear us. A ridiculous supposition. 2) They want to “enable humankind to achieve a new level of existence”. I’d buy that one, except for the fact that the artifact makes people go insane and go kill-crazy!
Here’s where I start asking questions. These aliens have developed a weapon that will destroy all matter in our 3-dimensional Universe - for kicks. Why hide it in the middle of some moon orbiting a blue sun? Why hide it at all? Just drop it in our galaxy and activate it right away. We’re told the device manipulates peoples’ minds into making them want to bring it to Earth, where it will detonate. That makes no sense. If you went through all the trouble to acquire an atomic bomb so you could kill Mike Schneider, director of “Night of the Living Dead Reanimated”, and instead of just dropping it onto the city where he lived, you spent days tracking down their home. It’s overkill and a waste of effort. What if someone figured out what the device did and found a way to disarm it, or better yet, sent it back to those 9th-dimensional hamster raisins and blew them up?!
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Supernova is kind of fascinating, the kind of picture you’d love to see with the director so they could explain to you what went wrong. Except no one would bother documenting this catastrophe. This is just another obscure, crappy science fiction movie that reminds you of other, better works. (On VHS, January 21, 2016)
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adamwatchesmovies · 2 years
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Digimon: The Movie (2000)
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Though Digimon the Movie is awful, if you grew up with the television series - as I did - it retains a certain appeal. Even so, there’s no denying this theatrically-released film is a mess. The stories are a jumble, there are frequent plot holes and wild leaps in logic, the humor is bad, the characters flat… but at least it delivers on giving fans of the franchise something new... and the animation is pretty good.
The film is split into four parts. The first begins when Angela Anaconda (a character from the cut-out animation show of the same name) and her friends arrive at the theatre to see Digimon the Movie. What does it have to do with Digimon? Nothing! It's just a shameless cross-promotion.
The film actually begins in part two, when young Tai (Joshua Seth) and Kari (Lara Jill Miller) discover a large, mysterious egg in their home. When out hatches into a Digimon (digital monster), they befriend the creature. As it grows and becomes more powerful, it causes trouble for the children, particularly when another Digimon enters our world to do battle with it.
Set approximately 6 months after the Digimon television series concluded, Part 3 has a now-teenage Tai and his friend Izzy (Mona Marshall) discover a Digimon infected by a computer virus is wreaking havoc on the internet. This story's repercussions will play directly into the final segment of the film, in which the new generation of Digidestined children investigate a boy named Willis (Bob Glouberman) being stalked by another infected Digimon.
If you haven't seen the first two Digimon series, you won't understand what's going on. Die-hard fans will fare better but even you'll have to admit this film isn’t good. Firstly, this picture highlights one of the show's biggest problems: too many characters. If your favorite Digidestined is Joe or Mimi, you’re out of luck. This film knows there’s no way it can juggle the 8 original Digidestined, their 8 Digimon companions plus the 3 new children that form the second generation of heroes, and the 6 new plot-relevant characters, so it tosses most of them away. I’m grateful for the streamlining, but it’s a letdown and even with this purge, no one here gets any semblance of a personality. They look different and have unique vocal quirks. That’s what allows you to tell one human from the next.
More severe is the number of plot holes and stupid decisions made by our heroes. Tai and Izzy discover that Infermon is hacking into the Pentagon and shutting down all forms of communication while launching a nuclear missile towards Japan. Woah. The stakes have never been higher. This monster will kill them and millions of other people. When it’s done wiping out the Digidestined, who will be left to stop it? In this apocalyptic scenario, I'd be calling the other children non-stop and running to their homes, begging for their aid. Not here. No one seems to grasp the severity of the situation as these teenagers let summer school tests and petty romantic squabbles prevent them from banding together to stop the nuclear missile headed for Tokyo!
Even the Digimon don’t seem to grasp the severity of the situation, probably because they're banking on a Deus Ex Machina to come in and save the day - which it does. Infermon is so fast it can attack during stock footage. Do Agumon (Tom Fahn) and his friends react accordingly, Digivolving before entering the fray? No. If it wasn’t for this movie pulling random new Digivolutions out of its Digibutt, we’d be in serious trouble.
I’ve made few remarks about the Angela Anaconda skit because honestly, it’s forgettable. No one is going into this film to see that part anyway, it’s likely to be fast-forwarded through. The first segment is enjoyable, with some cool giant monster action and decent animation. There aren’t any superfluous characters and Fox Kids’ trademark bad humor is mostly absent. The final segment is probably the worst. The characters suck. They’re boring, unfunny, and annoying. The stakes are way down from the potential nuclear war from before, and it throws in a factoid about Digimon that should make you go “Wait a minute… if that’s true then what does that mean about the climax of the previous story?!” It’s no good. And this one’s Deus Ex Machina ending is particularly bad.
Back in the day, it was all about the big Digimon vs. Pokemon war. Pokemon had better video games, more recognizable characters, a card game that didn’t suck, and was much more profitable. Digimon had a plot and cooler-looking monsters. When it comes to the movies though, they’re both awful. There isn't a clear winner or loser, as both have crippling issues and problems so different I won't even attempt to crunch the numbers to see which is best.
Digimon the Movie is hardly a movie. It’s clearly a bunch of 40 minute-ish shorts stitched together with new English dialogue filling the gaps. It’s an incoherent mess and there’s so much bad humor, so many ridiculous developments that even those nostalgic for the property, will grow restless. I’m a slave to nostalgia when it comes to Digimon the Movie but even I’ll undoubtedly tell you it’s digiterrible. (Full-screen version on DVD, May 20, 2016)
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adamwatchesmovies · 2 years
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Reindeer Games (2000)
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Reindeer Games is unworthy of even a passionate dislike. It’s just kind of there, ready to be forgotten once you’ve stepped away from it. Reportedly, this action crime thriller was extensively edited and tweaked following lukewarm test screenings. I believe it. Only a panicked last-minute effort could've led to its ludicrous ending.
Nick Cassidy (James Frain) and Rudy Duncan (Ben Affleck) are prison roommates on the verge of release. When Nick is killed in a brawl, Rudy steals his identity to meet up with his girlfriend, Ashley (Charlize Theron). She and Nick met through prison correspondence so she has no idea what the real man looked like. When word of Nick's release reaches a gang of thieves, they think Nick/Rudy is their way into a local casino’s safe. As Gabriel (Gary Sinise) and his thugs hold the couple hostage, Rudy must stay one step ahead of everyone to survive.
For the most part, the film’s not particularly good, but it’s watchable. Charlize Theron takes off a lot of her clothes, which is appealing to anyone with eyes. There are a few amusing moments throughout. Theoretically, the plot could be interesting. In practice, it isn't. Ben Affleck is about as charismatic as a Christmas stocking with a hole in it. The jokes are as stale as that tray of nuts Grandma brings out every year. It should be obvious to everyone that Rudy is lying about what’s going on and completely in over his head. This fool is going to get himself killed, or he would if the captors had any idea what they were doing. Without anything compelling in the foreground, you might amuse yourself by predicting the obvious developments in this heist comedy. It didn't work for me but it MIGHT for you.
Reindeer Games tries to be clever by throwing a bunch of twists towards the end. These turns only serve to make the film increasingly confusing. It makes no sense. There’s no way you’ll see the picture’s final big reveal coming. No human being would ever conceive such a plot... unless they were some kind of hack movie villain whose actions don’t need to follow any kind of stream of logic because hey, it’s a movie!
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I normally wouldn’t give a film this limp the satisfaction of spoiling it, but its awful conclusion is the most interesting thing about it. In order, here’s what we learn. 1) Ashley romancing Rudy was all part of Gabriel’s plans. 2) She’s not Gabriel's sister, she’s his girlfriend. 3) Gabriel and his cronies have never performed a robbery before. 4) Double-twist... the whole thing was a setup by Nick! The man faked his death knowing (somehow) Rudy would take his place and help the crooks steal the money. Now Ashley and Nick will kill them all and take the cash. This plot makes no sense on so many levels. Why would Nick set his cellmate up to partake in a theft with such low odds of success? How could he fake his death in prison? Why the elaborate deception? Why not simply pull a normal heist and kill your associates - Joker-style - to avoid splitting the loot? From a filmmaker’s point of view, why would you go with the ending that makes your audience angry from the fact that your movie cheats? Spoilers END
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Reindeer Games is set around Christmas time, but it won't' add some pleasant variety to your holiday lineup like Gremlins, Bad Santa or Cobra would. It’s not good. It’s not "so bad it’s good". It’s just bad. Even with the amusing sequences with Danny Trejo and topless Charlize Theron, you'd rather throw Reindeer Games in the fireplace than sit down and watch. (On VHS, December 1, 2016)
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adamwatchesmovies · 2 years
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Anatomy (2000)
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I desperately wanted Anatomy to be good. I went in with hope. The longer I watched, the sillier the plot became until it turned into a ridiculous display I couldn't help laugh at.
Newly admitted to the prestigious University of Heidelberg Medical School, Paula (Franka Potente) makes a horrifying discovery while dissecting cadavers. There is a secret society operating on campus that will stop at nothing - even murder - to conduct their medical experiments.
From the setup, you might assume this story takes place in some kind of dystopia. It would explain the dialogue and why the characters’ actions are so out of place in the 21st Century. Either Germany must be the absolute worst place to be a female nurse/doctor, constant misogynist comments are the norm over there, writer Stefan Ruzowitzky can't write witty banter between “friends”, or the people responsible for this dub had one lousy German-English dictionary. This isn’t me looking for something. The first scene features a teacher making lewd remarks at Paula while pointing out to the whole class that she’s dissecting a man and that she should expect to find something unexpected between his legs. There isn't a single male character that doesn't hit or whistle at her. Meanwhile, fellow student Gretchen (Anna Loos) has only one subject on the brain: male anatomy. It’s a little disturbing, honestly.
Anatomy follows the stupidest woman in the world attempting to escape from mad scientists who say that it’s fine to hurt people if it will benefit medical science. The Anti-Hippocratic society is now kidnapping and murdering people to see what makes them tick. It's nuts, but the plot's got to happen somehow. Is it too much to ask for them to be written intelligently though? The villain's going around murdering people willy-nilly, going so far as to kill his fellow students. He and the other members of the Anti-Hippocratic Society make no attempt to hide their crimes. It’s like they want to be discovered and dismantled by the police.
The film goes from inane to infuriating thanks to Paula. She wanders around loudly proclaiming that she thinks someone at the school might be a killer. What if the society overhears you? What then? When confronted by the killer, she doesn’t grab a weapon. She doesn’t call for help. Even when she manages to escape, she goes back inside when invited into an obvious trap. She half-heartedly tries to call the authorities… once. Unfortunately, the officers at the station aren’t convinced by her lack of evidence and crazy-sounding story. Obviously, she's on her own. She might just take the maniacal vivisectors down too. The universe is on her side and a series of convenient coincidences during the climax mean the are actually in her favor.
Get ready for the killer who can sneak up on anyone, the human bodies made out of butter (meaning it’s a synch to take off the head), the villains who explain their evil plans without blinking an eye, and the disappearing classes of students. This is the kind of film that would have been over in 15 minutes if someone recognized that the flow of cadavers going into a school might be connected with the recent string of unexplained murders.
If you're interested in Anatomy, track down a version in the original language and turn on the subtitles. This dub is awful, with clunky dialogue and lousy voice performances. It’s so bad they randomly throw in Nazis as a way to raise the stakes. There’s a scene during the credits and if you can’t predict what’s going to happen in it, this must be the first horror movie you've ever seen. Everything before it you can predict from a mile away, so just keep what you saw before in mind and you'll nail it on the first try.
Anatomy is badly edited and written. The characters are one-dimensional. It wouldn't be so bad, but there's an interesting idea here: villains who know they are evil but justify their actions because it will save lives in the future. By squandering it, Anatomy turns from run-of-the-mill bad to abysmal. (Full-screen English dubbed version on VHS, April 4, 2016)
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adamwatchesmovies · 2 years
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Big Momma’s House (2000)
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Of course Big Momma’s House was going to suck. How could it not? Martin Lawrence playing an FBI agent going undercover as a fat black woman? This film's $170 million worth of ticket sales is frightening enough to make you saw open your skull and eat your own brains with a spoon. The question is: how bad is it really, and what, if anything, is good about it?
Criminal Lester Vesco (Terrence Howard) has escaped from prison. The FBI suspects he is attempting to track down Sherry (Nia Long), his ex-girlfriend and mother to his son. Initially agents Malcolm Turner (Martin Lawrence) and John Maxwell (Paul Giamatti) are just surveiling Sherry’s grandmother’s house, but when “Big Momma” (Ella Mitchell) suddenly leaves, Malcolm dons an elaborate disguise to gain the woman’s trust.
This is a one-joke comedy. Martin Lawrence is a man dressed as a woman. These kinds of pictures (which surprisingly often feature Black actors) follow a predictable pattern and almost always serve up the same platter of jokes. You could practically make a game out of it. In fact, my friends and I did. Put the following into a Bingo card generator:
Awkward Boner
Unconvincing Drag
All Caps Red Title
Clingy Horny Guy
Unexpected man magnet
Moments of false sentimentality to distract from the deception
“That’s a woman?!”
Easily avoidable misunderstanding
Bad dick joke
“A woman can’t do that!”
Bad communication skills
Two people being confused for one another
Unconvincing romance
Deception forgiven in the following scene
Awkward stalling
Unprofessional professionals
Cue ironic music
“Normal” but stupid female
“Can you help me with this outfit?”
“Damn Girl!”
Incredibly conspicuous drag
“Let me go get her” 
Lightning-quick change
Suddenly getting in touch with your inner woman
No homo
Female empowerment(TM)
Boob malfunction
Wig Malfunction
Slipping out of your fake voice
Sudden unexplainable knowledge about women
"The reveal"
Unbelievably phoney name
Purse snatching
Suspicious neighbor
Awkward trying on of clothes
Disguised as a family member
Animal-related awkwardness
Tampons
Men are gross
Bad makeup job
Just because I’m a girl, doesn’t mean I can’t _____
“Let’s get it on” music
Reveal by a side character
Must dodge undressing
Freudian slip
Bad liar
Bad boyfriend
“You’re my new best friend”
Don’t you wish more men _______?
Date with the cross-dresser
"The ridiculous lie comes up in real life"
Dancing
“I know your secret”
The secret isn’t cross-dressing
Armed with these custom Bingo cards, you can make Big Momma's House far more entertaining than it would be otherwise. Chances are good you'll encounter these tropes at some point, but who will complete their line first?
There are great pictures in which someone is caught following through with a ridiculous lie or everyone is oblivious to an unconvincing disguise. It's when your film is composed entirely of these that you’re in trouble.
Even if you’re incredibly forgiving, Big Momma's House still isn’t good. I know it’s a comedy, but why did they have to include a bathroom getting stunk up by an old woman, and why did we need to include the contrived love plot? If my new best friend turned out to be Nia Long in disguise and she asked me out I’d be thrilled. Her reacting this way to Martin Lawrence? Even if her son likes him it's unbelievable. You could have easily omitted this thread from the film and just focussed on making the audience laugh.
Normally I’d give a comedy with as few laughs as Big Momma’s House a worse score than a 1/5, but I found a way to have fun with it. There's isn't anyone in the world who will see the poster/DVD cover for this film and feel like they were duped once it's over. (On DVD, March 4, 2016)
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adamwatchesmovies · 2 years
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Street Fighter Alpha: The Animation (2000)
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Street Fighter Alpha: The Animation is based on a fighting game whose colorful characters beat the living snot out of each other for reasons that aren't exactly profound. As an adaptation of such fine material, it fares quite well. As a regular movie, it’s got a lot of problems, but anyone hungry to see Ryu, Akuma, Chun-Li, and the rest will easily overlook them.
Set some time after Akuma’s defeat at the hands of Ryu (voiced by Skip Stellrecht), the hero's insides now burn with sinister power. Seeking to quell the Dark Hadou building inside him, Ryu retreats from society, only to discover that he has a younger brother, Shun (voiced by Mona Marshall). The boy also harbors the same sinister force within him. With the help of Chun-Li (Lia Sargent) and Ken Masters (Steve Blum), they hope to save their souls and discover those who seek to exploit it the Dark Hadou.
Only two plots can come from these fighting-based, plot-lite video games. The first is that an evil threat manifests itself and demands that a world tournament take place so it can beat the strongest fighter we can produce. The second is that some mysterious corporation or millionaire organizes a tournament while secretly (or sometimes not so secretly) using high-tech machines to analyze and steal the fighting techniques on display. This movie does a good job at the latter by making the story interesting when there isn’t any fighting going on. Actually, there isn’t that much fighting in this movie. There’s enough, but if you expect to see dozens of crazy characters crammed in, you will be let down. Someone wants to exploits Ryu’s Dark Hadou. The question is who, why, and how?
Street Fighter isn't filled with wall-to-wall action, but when you get fights, they’re exceptionally well done. The punches feel brutal, and despite the wild characters existing in this loopy world, it somehow feels real. There are men whose fists are so big their fingers are like pythons. There’s a guy with a heart shape cut in the middle of his mohawk, fighters who must stand at least 3 meters tall and whose faces are so bizarre you’d hardly believe they belong to the same species as Chun-Li… but you don't notice during the film. I don’t know if it’s the story's tone and flow, the animation, the character designs, but it works somehow.
With that said, this is not a definitive masterpiece no one should ever try to improve upon. Some characters could've been merged to give more impact to the scenes where they're in peril. The film cheats by bringing back to life a character who clearly died during the beginning. It's also a film made only for the fans. So much isn't explained I you'll assume this is a sequel to a movie you haven't seen... but it's meant to stand alone.
To a certain extent, you have to judge a movie based on what it wants to accomplish and what its audience will expect. This is why Street Fighter Alpha: The Animation is getting a 3.5/5 rating from me. I'd rather revisit the “so bad it’s good” Jean-Claude Van Damme live-action film than try to wrap my mind around this adventure but if the idea of a faithful (sometimes to a fault) picture about Street Fighter gets excited, I say go for it! (On VHS, February 21, 2016)
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adamwatchesmovies · 3 years
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Cast Away (2000)
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Everyone "knows" Cast Away. The setup, the volleyball, the ending... but do you remember how it felt?
Set in 1995, Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks) is a FedEx systems engineer marooned on a deserted island after a plane crash. We follow his desperate attempts to survive and return home.
Director Robert Zemeckis takes the time to set up everything that’s important and make this more than a survival story. Before Chuck is stranded on the uncharted, uninhabited island, we really get to know who he is. You see him as a demanding but fair employee of FedEx, a regular guy having Christmas dinner with his girlfriend (Helen Hunt as Kelly), someone who thinks he’s about to die in a plane crash, a lost soul hoping to be spotted via messages left in the sand, and as a survivor. When you follow a single character through as drastic changes as Cast Away offers, you learn to understand them more deeply than you're accustomed to. A role like this is a gift for any performer and Tom Hanks delivers a masterful performance.
Once Chuck is alone, it just keeps getting better and better. You bear witness to a full range of emotion as he struggles to survive. You feel the frustration as he furiously rubs sticks together to start a fire and this leads to my favorite scene in the movie, a sequence of pure jubilation when flames appear. You feel his terror when the need for shelter pushes Chuck to enter a dark cave. The whole time you’re begging that there aren't bats or skeletons or wild animals in there to frighten him (and you). There’s sadness in his forced isolation and comedy in the way he makes the best of his new life. Even though you probably know who Wilson is, I don't want to say much about him except that he's funny, memorable, and kind of disturbing in the way he reveals so much about human nature without actually doing all that much.
Even if you remember what happens, you probably haven't revisited Cast Away for a while now. Look at the theme throughout. The way the picture handles loneliness, how Chuck’s character before the crash turns into the person living on that island, how his obsession with time plays out. It's also a lot of fun to see a survival scenario like this play out. I think everyone at some point wonders what it would be like, how someone might cobble together tools, how they'd gather food, build a shelter, AND find a way to escape. You can tell the tactics Chuck uses have been thoroughly researched and are genuine.
Cast Away gets a bit long towards the end but once the credits finish rolling, you won't believe you just sat through a 144-minute movie. With its memorable scenes, unlikely three-dimensional characters, interesting themes and ideas, great writing, and a great central performance by Tom Hanks, there’s something for everyone here. (On Blu-ray, August 14, 2015)
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adamwatchesmovies · 3 years
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Frequency (2000)
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Frequency is a tight time travel film. At 118 minutes it could've used an aggressive editor, but if you’re wondering where exactly it’s headed, stick around. It's worth the wait.
In New York, 1999, John Sullivan (Jim Caviezel) re-discovers his deceased father’s ham radio. He's blown away when he hears his father, Frank (Dennis Quaid) on the other end of the frequency. After preventing his father’s death in a fire, the present is altered. Now, a serial killer whose reign of terror ended years ago... didn't. Using their knowledge of the future, the two men hope to prevent the murders that wouldn't have happened if they hadn't meddled with history.
For the first 50 minutes, I pegged this as an interesting drama about a father and a son reconnecting despite the father’s death 30 years ago. Throw in a couple of pieces of advice and BAM! you've got a better future/present than you began with. Interesting, but it's just the tip of the iceberg. The real meat of this story begins afterward. I know 50 minutes sounds like a long time but the movie is never boring, it’s just not action-packed or filled with thrills like the second half.
When John and his father get involved in this serial killer business, it’s terrific. John is a cop. He has access to all of the resources necessary to stop the crimes. The names of the victims, what time they’ll be killed, and where. If only he could travel through time himself! Instead, he has to entrust the saving to his non-policeman father. What if Frank is killed attempting to save someone else? Did they just undo everything they accomplished before? Then there's the problem of the continuously altering present. By the end, you're double worried because you have two timelines in which our heroes might face a deadly fate.
Frequency is satisfying because the characters are as intelligent as you are. How great is it that these guys take time to think and figure out how they can overcome the difficulties of being 30 years apart, and use that gap to help each other out? So many stories use time travel as if it was magic. This story uses it scientifically. I love it.
A few factors prevent Frequency from being a classic just waiting to be discovered. The first is that it’s too long. Every scene that focuses on the Aurora Borealis, (the ham radio is tied to it) could have been dropped entirely. You would get maybe 5 minutes’ worth of time out of that and if you trimmed a bit on the mushy but endearing material between the dad and his son, you'd have an hour and forty-five minutes of magic. The second is the exposition. There are too many explanations handed out for things that don’t need any clearing up. You might also call out one rather amazing escape plan by Frank as over-the-top but it's no big deal, not when you're enjoying the rest so much.
Frequency has a plot that’s pretty tight (not tight tight, but pretty tight), surprising twists, moments of sweetness, thrills, genuine intelligence, and an inventive plot. Dennis Quaid and Jim Caviezel are terrific together both as a team working in unison and as a father and son making up for lost time. Wow, was I pleasantly surprised. Frequency isn’t perfect but it has more than enough charm to win you over. (on VHS, November 19, 2015)
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adamwatchesmovies · 3 years
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Remember the Titans (2000)
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Remember the Titans is formulaic. Isn't that the case with every football film based on a true story? You can predict where everyone will end up. Does it matter when the results are this crowd-pleasing?
In 1971, coach Herman Boone (Denzel Washington) is assigned to put together a football team for the integrated T. C. Williams High School. The locals are not pleased to see Boone’s predecessor, Bill Yoast (Will Patton) booted down to the post of assistant coach and if that wasn't enough drama, the players seem determined to stay divided among racial lines until he breaks through to them.
I get the appeal of seeing a live game of football but for me, a film about the sport is far more engaging. The camera ensures you never miss the bone-crunching tackle or that amazing play that turns the tide when there's only a second to spare. You don't learn about the players from interviews or newspaper clippings. You get to be there the whole way. “I know that already! That applies to every great sports movie!” you say. And you’re right. What’s this movie got going that other sports movies don’t?
Remember the Titans is filled with underdogs; more than other films of its genre. A new coach automatically falls under extra stringent scrutiny. So does a new team. Boone isn't just a new coach, however. He's a black coach in a predominantly white field. As is his interracial team. Even among themselves, there's tension.
There are many effective human moments as the topic of racism is addressed. We see these young men deal with their prejudices and break barriers are they learn to function as a unit. It isn’t about one side being right and the other being wrong, it’s about a bunch of talented young men who have to learn to work together to unleash their full potential. Seeing the friendships that develop, those that dissolve due to irreconcilable differences, and seeing someone suddenly realize what they believed for years is wrong? That’s movie magic. Whether the ball is being thrown or not, you're completely engaged. Everyone will find someone to relate to and cheer for.
My one criticism is one that’s almost inherent to even the best sports films. Ultimately, you can predict what's going to happen to the players and coaches because what we're seeing is essentially a highlight of a football season within a three-act plot. There's something to be said about needing to adhere to formulas to satisfy the audience. Nevertheless, you can't say it wouldn't have been refreshing to see this reinvent the wheel or break some new ground. I'll also point to the character of Sheryl (Hayden Panettiere) as an element that could've been improved. The performance is good but the character is overwritten.
Remember the Titans is probably loaded with inaccuracies and exaggerations. That goes without saying and ultimately, doesn't matter. The performances are good. Its message is easy to subscribe to, legitimate, and earnest. The game scenes are well shot and the drama is compelling. Is it a little manipulative at times? Maybe, but this just makes it all the more thrilling and inspirational. As far as football movies go, it's among the best. (On DVD, July 5, 2015)
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adamwatchesmovies · 3 years
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Romeo Must Die (2000)
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I just finished Romeo Must Die and I’m pretty miffed. After sitting through this poorly acted, clumsily executed, and appallingly written movie the title’s got it right. Someone's got to die, someone's got to pay.
In this watered-down, very loose adaptation of William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, the feuding families are two gangs in Oakland, California; one Black-American, the other Chinese-American. When Po Sing (Jon Kit Lee) is murdered, his father, Ch’u (Henry O), the leader of the Chinese-American gang suspects their rivals are responsible. When Po’s brother Han (Jet Li) breaks out of prison and makes his way to America to avenge his brother’s death/figure out who did it to prevent a war, he falls for a woman from the Black gang, the prime suspect behind the murder, Trish O’Day (Aaliyah).
If this film was titled anything other than Romeo Must Die you would never guess, nor would you associate it in any way with Romeo and Juliet. This is a martial arts action movie/detective story with the thinnest, flimsiest excuse of a romance thrown in. A love story made even weaker by Jet Li, who barely has any dialogue. If he and Aaliyah fought side-by-side you could "show" their chemistry through physicality, but she's got no fighting skills, so that doesn't happen. You feel no sparks between them. Even if you rub two sticks together fast enough you’ll get a bit of heat. These two? Nothing. To compensate, some comedy is thrown in. There are a slew of would-be laugh-inducing pratfalls with Anthony Anderson as a buffoonish thug working for Trish’s father but he’s never very funny and feels out of place. Take those elements out and all you have left is a boring action with a mystery that’s easily pieced together. Not sure if that's better, or worse.
Back in 2000 when this picture was released, this was going to be Jet Li’s American movie premiere in a lead role. As such, the film manages to crow-bar as many hand-to-hand combat scenes in its running time as it can. It's what the audience wants to see, but in a world where people have guns, it doesn't make much sense. The best scene in the film does involve a killing blow so intense we have to see it in X-Ray vision though, so it's almost worth it just for that. You might also pick a certain football scene as the highlight, but only if you embrace this film as bad, which you should. Aaliyah might have had some box-office draw too, and to her credit she’s much better at delivering her lines as Li.
Romeo Must Die can be enjoyable, but not for the reasons intended. I say go in knowing this is a bad movie, grab some friends and make fun of it as it plays. There's no shortage of material for you to ridicule, from the performances to the love plot, the tenuous relation to Shakespeare, the contrived scenarios that lead to martial arts fights, and more. (On DVD, January 22, 2016)
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adamwatchesmovies · 4 years
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Me, Myself & Irene (2000)
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I had low expectations when I began Me, Myself & Irene but I gave it the benefit of the doubt. This barren landscape of a comedy is a tough one to get through at nearly 2 hours.
Rhode Island state trooper Charlie Baileygates (Jim Carrey) has been stomped on and taken advantage of by everyone his whole life. His suppressed rage has caused him to develop a split personality, Hank. After a violent rampage, his coworkers are eager to get rid of Charlie and entrusts him to bring Irene Waters (Renée Zellweger) to the police in Massena, New York.
The idea of Jim Carrey playing a Jekyll & Hyde type of role is promising. The man's a natural when it comes to going all-out and he does it well. You just wish both of his characters weren't losers like they are. You expect the “evil” side to be able to throw punches, or street smart or something. That way the milquetoast regular guy could be the “straight man” to himself. Audiences welcome underdogs. Dual losers? not so much. He sucks in the way only a phony, manufactured, badly-written character in a lousy comedy can suck.
The Farrelly brothers are trying way too hard to be funny while having no idea what to do with their time. We’ve got jokes about sex toys, masturbation, cleft chins that look like anuses, and more juvenile material that feels like rejects from There’s Something About Mary and Dumb & Dumber. To be fair, there are some laughs here and there. The end credit's insistence on identifying every single person - including the extras - is amusing. Renée Zellweger as Irene is pretty good. Maybe it feels that way because she never does anything to irritate you.
Just thinking of Me, Myself & Irene is exhausting. It’s a comedy that isn’t funny. It’s got some romantic elements that aren’t sweet. There are no memorable characters or scenes that haven’t been done better somewhere else. I didn’t like it, I don’t recommend it, I don’t want to think about it anymore, or watch any of Me, Myself & Irene ever again. (On DVD, February 16, 2015)
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