#AND THEN there's all the kids in my year that have died bc of substances. there's the phone call when i was AT A PARTY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

teenaan · 7 months

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actually so strange how i feel about my pop dying my nan died last year but she had been battling dementia for years but i wasn’t told she had it til 6 months after she was diagnosed because my dad is hopeless .. i’m seeing my dad for the first time in nearly 3 years tomorrow (i saw him at my nans funeral in october last year but i didn’t sit in his row and at her wake we only had one conversation) and i don’t know how to feel thoughts idk… like i hate my dad i resent him i don’t even call him dad i just can’t forgive him for how he’s treated me but i thought my nan dying would at least bring us together but it didn’t.. i hope my pop can i just don’t have the time or energy to carry the relationship all by myself i try to call him and i text him most days but he acts like it’s a chore he has to do not something he wants to. he moved to the other side of the country and didn’t tell me til 3 days later he just frustrates me i’ve always been kind i rarely hassle him for money even though he’s so well off i just don’t think i can ever be enough and so many people think it’s because i’m gay but he isn’t homophobic his oldest sister is a lesbian and everyone’s been so supportive of her i think it’s just because he had other kids that loved sports. i played rugby for 6 years to try and have a relationship with him and he came to 2 of my games the entire time i played that was when i first realised at around 7 years old i wasn’t a priority in his life he had a new wife and new kids i was just thrown aside.

i just really want to be enough for him one day i’ve alway acted like it doesn’t affect me but it really does my mum was as supportive as a teen mother with substance issues could be (bless her heart but she struggled) but also she definitely has some mental health issues from her own childhood that i think have just been the next victim of the cycle of abuse and neglect . i just don’t know anymore life hurts too much and i try to find the beauty in it but i can’t spend all my time at the beach getting high and drunk i have to work at this stupid fucking dead end job and the worst part is all my issues are my fault i dropped out of school i got a credit card but i didn’t have a single responsible role model growing up my mum a substance abuser, my nan also a substance abuser, my grandfather a substance abuser, my dad absent and a gambler, my nan who passed was a major drunk and she loved gambling and same with my pop i just want to do something with my life i want to escape the cycle i want to move from this fucking place my entire family has lived here it’s full of drunks and junkies i can’t do this i need to be somewhere where i feel free to explore and live my life and have opportunities but no the best i can have here is a dodgy apprenticeship or a fast food job…

i don’t even know what i want anymore i want happiness but it seems so unobtainable i live in a house surrounded by manipulative people who have just belittled me i want to leave my family but there’s no way i can afford it ever unless i have a stable job which is so hard to do . everyone i know is in university and i’m not doing anything i just want to get my life together but everything i do i just fail . i really truly think that is my destiny to just fail everything i do and life with my family forever . it’s selfish but i thought what if i get left some money when my nan died and i had that same thought earlier today after ruminating on my thoughts about my pop i could maybe do something with my life move somewhere experience life and not be a shut in is that sociopathic i don’t know i don’t feel guilty about it i don’t know how to healthily greave i’m so drunk writing this bc i’ve been trying to drink away my feelings sorry guys this is so long damn.

and i keep remembering when people would tell me stuff like i can’t see you in a relationship that really fucked me up there was 2 other gay guys in my high school and i was the only one who was fully publicly out and i felt like there was no teen love for me i still haven’t really had one all my failed talking stages and situationships feel so one sided it makes me feel unlovable the only time i get attention from men is when they want sex and i’m so over it

sex isn’t even good i hate it. it makes me feel so fucking sick 90% of the time but that’s probably unresolved childhood trauma tbhhh

i’ve really been wanting these prada sunglasses but they r so expensive but my mum wants them too so i think we could share

i have always been really insecure about my family and our finances we’ve been homeless before and my mum and i lived in a rehab and a trailer park so i really get anxious when it comes to money in either too irresponsible and reckless or i stress about it to the point i have a panic attack it’s so fucking embarrassing when i’m out with people who have never had to worry about their housing or food or even christmas they always had stable lives. but recently we built a house that we can barely afford the bills just pile up and i can’t help because of my new job it’s so horrific the wages the can pay you.. but due to my new house people always go around calling me rich when they have lived in the house their parents have owned their entire life i have moved 15 times i am 18 i have moved schools many times it made my life so unstable i never had friends and i was so severely bullied for being gay that i developed bulimia at first it was so i could leave school early from how bad people treated me then i started getting comments about my weight and it’s really fucked me up for my entire life and it eventually turned into binge eating issues making me feel like the fucking whale and now i’m on a hunger suppressant because of how shit and horrible i feel i’ve tried working out and eating healthy and it helps but i barely lose weight

tldr: i hate my life

this is so ramble but it’s my personal diary basically ijbol

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dykefaggotry · 1 year

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i know it's to do w trauma but i really truly hate how little i remember of my life... like. even other ppl i've met with trauma will tell me so many stories about their childhood or teenage years and have so many details to it. meanwhile i literally don't remember... much of anything. i remember very vague things and most of it is because i've talked about it with other people so many times that it's Become a pseudo memory, but anything i didn't talk about i don't really remember.

like i was going through my old blog yesterday, the one i had from 2014-2015 and it's actually genuinely distressing how much i do not remember. like just a small example but my boyfriend's parents bought us a blu-ray player and we've been watching first class bc i only have it on blu-ray and i told my boyfriend like haha this is the first time i'm actually watching it on blu-ray bc we never had one before so i kind of just owned it to have it and it came with a digital copy....... only to find a post on my old blog where i mentioned that i was pirating first class because i "didn't have a blu-ray player anymore" and had watched it 1000 times on the blu-ray. i literally do not remember ever owning a blu-ray, let alone watching first class on anything but pirating/streaming. and that was just smth small! i'm going through my personal posts and i remember literally fucking none of it. i would talk about girls i was crushing on and i don't remember who they are or what their names were, i would talk about shows i was watching that i'm now sitting here like i've never even fucking heard of that show. i would talk about my best friend on here, this girl named reny, and i hadn't even fucking remembered that her name was reny until now even though we were best friends for like 3 years. but i didn't remember how we met (which was apparently through roleplaying charles & erik, which i didn't even remember i had done with anyone other than my ex), i didn't remember any of our conversations, i don't even remember where she lived. i don't remember any of the classes i was talking about taking, i have misremembered so much that is clearly documented differently on that blog... i don't know anything about my own life

and it's genuinely really terrifying. like i know i Know it is a dissociative disorder of some kind to do with trauma but what bugs me is i don't know what kind and i honestly do not really Want to know.

idk. earlier i tagged a post abt younger me like she just wasn't the one that could make it to adulthood and earlier i was talking about teenage me and was like i may have been going by she/her at the time but that one has a distinctly they/them vibe and anything else feels weird. and i'm not looking into it or staring directly at it bc this is smth to discuss with a therapist (or better yet, not with anyone ever at all bc i don't want to think about it) but i genuinely do not feel like i was the one driving that body for that long. it feels like there was a young girl that died when she was 9, then there was a really depressed tween/teen that made it to 16, and after that there's been me. i have memories now, after 16, with actual substance to them. but before that? nothing. and the me that was there from 9-16 felt the same way about the kid that was 0-9 and i only know that because they talked about it. and it is! terrifying! i hate it! i don't like to think about it! i don't want to know what it means and i don't want to know how much traumatic shit i have simply just literally forgotten bc it doesn't feel like it happened to me at all.

i don't remember my life. at all. everyone else seems to. even the most traumatized of my peers will tell me stories with so much clarity and detail and they know all the names of their friends and exes and all these places they went and things they did... all i remember is where i lived and what i looked like bc i have pictures. that's it. even things like interests are all jumbled and mixed up and i thought i could at least categorize those with some accuracy, but looking at this blog... i can't. i've forgotten (like completely forgotten to the point that i do not recognize the media name) major interests. i've lost so much. i don't know how to take that.

#this is a VERY long trauma dumping post haha i love being mentally ill on a saturday night #idk i'm just really distressed looking at my old blog and idk what to do about it #other than living laughing and loving <3 <3 <3

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lilththeweeb · 1 year

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I wish I could talk about my dads death without people saying the same phrases “I’m sorry that sucks that’s hard you’ll get past it everything’s gonna turn out okay it will be easier.” I FUCKING know. I realize that some day the flashes of his body won’t stop playing my mind, I can’t stop seeing how the mortician made him look like someone I didn’t know, I never knew I could feel so much loss. I’ve lost people before my aunt, my grandpa my grandma. My parents giving me up for drugs and alcohol I’ve felt that but nothing prepared me for that immediate knee buckling heart break. Seeing my brother on his knees trembling crying shivering, hearing all of us cry at once the minute mom showed us dads body to see if we wanted open or closed casket, seeing his autopsy scars and his wounds still showing from his accident and hiding his skull damage with his favorite browns hoodie. We didn’t get along all the time he was complex. He was strict but playful he was the hardest working person you’d ever meet but he will sing the nieces and nephews to sleep with a lullaby “ah bye ah bye ah bye.” In a tune I never figured what it was from but it worked every time. He sexually assaulted me at 15 we were so distant for all the way until his dying day because I didn’t know how to get past it. I sit here now convincing my self he was working doubles he was diabetic he was out of it he was delusional he might not of understood what he was doing was wrong, but it was wrong, I know I shouldn’t forgive him just because he died but at the same time I did because he was all the father I had. I still loved him before I felt hate for him. I feel so guilty for feeling a small relief as well knowing my mom can finally start over but that’s the negative part to all she’s ever known since 1975 was him. He was her entire life. Now she’s alone at 64 years old, having to go back into the work force with two bad knees and back. I keep getting flashes of his face in that casket and the sounds of everyone crying and the overwhelming feeling of everyone’s sense of loss. It’s so hard to be a foster kid already feeling like you fit in no where, or being autistic and everyone making you feel abnormal, or complex ptsd where you never get a long moment of peace without substances or a distraction or BPD where all those emotions are amplified like they didn’t hurt as it is. I’m so tired of hearing people talk about how durable how strong I am because I don’t want to be I shouldn’t have to be I should’ve been kept safe. I shouldn’t of been emotionally aware at 5. I shouldn’t of had to go through all these things and even when I sit here say “i me my .” I feel selfish because how dare I feel like my feelings matter than any one else’s. Feels like I’m walking around with bricks in my pockets everyone sees how heavy it is and just pretends they don’t exist bc it’s easier for them then investing themselves In empathy or sympathy for a moment

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subcon-crybaby-charlie · 1 year

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Headcanons/the oc-ifications of DTMG characters bc i have a touch of brainrot for my DTMG au, Seeing Spirits.

Billy:

° Baruch Cohen/Billy Joe Cobra was born to a weathy pop artist (Beth Copper) and a Singaporean immigrant (Adriel Cohen) and was into music at an early age thanks to influences from both. He loved learning about his dads culture while his mom dragged him to multiple toddler talent shows and the like, being a stage mom in all reality. This behavior later caused Billy's parents to divorce and since his mom was rich while his dad was not billys mom kept custody over him, later taking full custody by the time he was 12.

° When he was 12 he met jesse and he gave Jesse his necklace, which his mom scolded him for. (The ring on the necklace was actually something his dad gave him, im saying its a baby ring bc i have one of those)

° Billy fired his mom (who was his manager at the time) when he became a popular solo artist at 15, because he picked up her desire for people to be able to offer her something in return and he couldnt see anything she could offer him for being famous since she was a one hit wonder.

° His mom later died that same year from alcohol poisoning and so he inherered her mansion/his childhood home.

° Billy actually went to his dad after his mom died but asked to be emancipated because he found out his dad had remarried and had two other kids and he regrets asking for it. His stepmoms name is Barb and his stepsisters are Carrie (15 in seeing spirits) and Andy (12)

° Billy drank for the first time at 16, he was pressured into it but quicky picked it up as a habit along with marijuana usage, but after his death he cant stand the smell of either substance.

° Billy is Bisexual (like the irl artist Billy Joe Armstrong, whom he is based on) and genderfluid but due to having an image to maintain he tries to hide the fact that he likes boys as well.

° Billy was hit by a drunk driver while fleeing from a block party when he was 19, he died on the scene and instead of calling anybody the driver dumped his body elsewhere out of fear.

° Billy became a ghost the moment he died and he actually walked home, he didnt realize he was a ghost till Spencer moved into his mansion 5 years later.

° Billy has mommy issues, not daddy issues tho, his dad was a good parent. He wishes he could've spent more time with his dad.

Spencer:

•Spencer was born in 1999 and lived in a very small town in Michigan with his parents (Hugh and Jane Wright)and little sister Jessica up until they learned that they were related(though distant) to a famous popstar (Billy) and moved into his house in 2013, when spencer was 14 years old. They were given the house bc they were the only family members that wanted the house

•Spencer's anchor (the item that lets him see Billy) is an old gitaur pick necklace of Billy's. The pick on the necklace is red with a yellow lightning bolt.

•Billy actually threw the necklace at Spencer when he was moving into his room (Spencer's bedroom is Billy's old bedroom) because Billy didn't want them to move into his house. Billy didnt know he was dead at the time either.

•Spencer has depression and parental issues on both ends because his parents favor Jessica. He also has a hard time trusting adults.

•Spencer is pretty good at taking care of himself due to the fact that his parents leave him at home a lot, the old nanny he had (which was also Hugh's nanny) died in 2013 and his parents were gonna force him to go to Jessica's tournaments but he convinced them to let him stay home by himself.

•Spencer had a falling out with Rajeev the summer before junior year bc he kept ratting out his movie plans and other things he was excited to do to Lolo, and when he confronted him about this they had a fight. Hes still really good friends with Shanilla though.

• Spencer is AroAce and autistic.

• Spencer does script writing, Photoshop/advertisement on MeTube, and directing for his films, Shanilla does editing, and Ezekiel/Zeke (a new entry to the friend group/an oc) helps with the camera set up.

• Spencer likes scene/emo clothing styles.

Shanilla and Rajeev:

* Theyre twins but out of the two Rajeev is the most spoiled since hed be the one to pass on the family name while shanilla is the more responsible one of the two. Because of this, shanilla often babysits her brother and he has to go wherever she goes.

* Shanilla used to have a massive crush on Spencer but backed off when he asked her too and came out as AroAce.

* Shanilla's anchor is a rope braclet that Billy had with several music and snake based charms.

* Rajeev kept his anchor because Spencer didn't wanna fight with him to get it back. His anchor is a polished leather belt that belonged to Billy.

* Rajeevs fight with Spencer started because Spencer didn't trust him enough to tell him that he was going to a film camp over the summer because Lolo's dad was sponsoring the trip and Spencer expected that Rajeev would tell Lolo and she would have her dad cancel the trip.

* Rajeev is still forced to hang out with Spencer's friend group because his sister still hangs out with them and he has to go wherever his sister goes.

* Even though they share a birthday Rajeev is the only one who gets a party because Shanilla doesnt like parties and thus doesnt want her own.

#dtmg #dude thats my ghost #spencer wright #Rajeev bugwatti #Shanilla bugwatti #billy joe cobra #bjc #headcanons #oc-ification #oc mentions #dtmg: seeing spirits #dtmg au #alcohol mention #death mention #marijuana mention

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convenientalias · 2 years

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Finally started watching Word of Honor after watching it wander across my dash for like a year. Now it's been three days and I'm eleven episodes in and here are my thoughts:

Initially I wasn't sure I would be able to fully enjoy a show that's so callous about murder. It's not that I don't enjoy a good murderer or that I can't get into some villainous MCs, but Word of Honor takes death so lightly it's hard to see any narrative weight in it. I mean, Zhang Chengling's whole sect dies and the only real narrative weight this is given is "Oh, now Zhou Zishu's picked up a kid and ppl think Chengling has a Glazed Armor shard" instead of "Oh no, this kid's whole family is dead!" Even the kid himself is more focused on What to Do next and on getting Zhou Zishu to take him as a disciple than on Recent Traumatic Events. It's striking to me in comparison to other historical or wuxia cdramas I've watched--Handsome Siblings, the Flame's Daughter, Weaving a Tale of Love, and Ancient Detective all have similar adventure-y but lighthearted vibes, but when a main character's friends or family die, they take the matter very seriously. So I was wondering if I would be able to get invested in the plot or in characters who are so chill with murder (I was also like... did Wen Kexing slaughter that sect himself? still not fully clear on how involved in that he was).

I still feel kind of the same about Word of Honor's approach to death in general (though it does seem to take SOME deaths seriously, such as the Four Sages), but I have decided to just ignore that bc it does have a couple key strengths:

1. I enjoy Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing's relationship. It's not a very complex relationship, given. It's sort of a "I met you on the street and decided to follow you around and that we're soulmates" kind of relationship. But the two actors have good chemistry, and the characters seem to just enjoy being around each other. They're fun characters separately too--I love seeing Wen Kexing play Ghost Master, and Zhou Zishu's whole inner turmoil over his sins of the past. But it's just very fun to watch them hang out. You're like, "Yeah, I'd walk through the marketplace with you. I'd watch people fight to the death from a rooftop with you. Good times."

2. The whump is there! Zhou Zishu is coughing up blood on the regular! Zhang Chengling is pitifully waiting for his shifu to rescue him, also on the regular. Wen Kexing has not been whumped yet but if it were to happen, I'm sure it would be great!

3. The fight scenes are in general quite fun and there are a lot of them.

In short, so far it's a style over substance, vibes over plot kind of watch for me. Very bingeable.

#word of honor

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avengersassemble-fics · 3 years

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Stark Legacy

part 01/?? "the only person"

master list

word count 4.3k

an: :3 welcome to a new fic bc idk how to control myself

WARNING: this part does depict alcohol usage, and mentions of other substances a character uses to cope (though nothing is explicitly mentioned).

“An unemployment and housing crisis skyrockets to higher levels as people still struggle to adjust and accommodate the population we had years ago. Streets are littered with people seeking hope-”

“According to world economists, the surge in loan denials is leading to an unprecedented end, leaving the experts scrambling for a way to get the economy back on track, also claiming that the Global Repatriation Council may be asking for too much-”

“Protests break out across Switzerland as support for the group known as the Flag Smashers rises, with the Global Repatriation Council denying any comment on the matter, as well as refusing to comment on the rumours that the newly titled Captain America is investigating the matter-”

“What can we expect from Stark Industries now that Tony Stark is no longer with us? Pepper Potts, while having led the company in a positive direction prior to the Blip, has had no new developments over the last six months. With these newfound challenges the world is facing we’re left to wonder.. Who is going to step up as the ingenious mind behind new innovation? Will the youngest Stark continue on in the steps of father and brother, or are we seeing the end of the Stark Legacy?”

Click.

Silence filled the blue colored cottage that was tucked away at the end of the street in Ransdorp. Though dim and lifeless inside the cottage, outside the sun shined while birds chirped away happily and the sound of children playing echoed through the air. But inside the cottage, all alone, someone stood and tossed a television remote back onto the couch that was once occupied. They shed the blanket that had been wrapped around their shoulders all night while listening to all the different news reports, and entering a small bedroom and dressed in the dark. It was a Wednesday afternoon, and after shuffling through the cottage to grab a few things, the back doors were pushed and locked open, and a breeze blew through the house.

You squinted as you put a sun hat on and oversized sunglasses, overlooking the green oasis you had worked on every day for the last six months. Pushing away the thoughts of what the news had been saying, you stepped down onto the wooden patio that lined the back door and carried a hefty packed bag with you to the garden you had planted. You set the bag down and kneeled into the soft grass, and got to work on picking on fresh vegetables to use for your dinner later. Lucky for you, the soil was perfect here.

So… How have the last six months been for you?

Well the garden was a distraction your neighbor had suggested after finally catching you one day while throwing out a bag full of alcohol bottles you had consumed. You could see her take a second glance over your disheveled appearance, but she ignored it for the most part (which thankfully she did, you were a little sick of people telling you how to feel at the time). Naturally, instead of working through your problems, you distracted yourself from them.

But in all honesty… It’s been hard. Maybe it was selfish of you to think so, but you felt like you had been dealt one of the shittiest hands from the universe. The pressure from the world after… After Tony’s death was suffocating. As more paparazzi followed you around, the worse that anxiety had gotten. With that newfound attention, you had also been summoned by the United States government to attest for your time as a HYDRA agent. Lucky for you, in some way, they dropped any serious charges due to your restraint under the program, but sentenced you to weekly therapy sessions (since SHIELD had denied to disclose your mental capabilities). To your knowledge, Bucky Barnes had been offered a similar deal. The therapy lasted all of a month before you… Negotiated your way out of it, and returned to this safe place.

You drowned yourself in drinks and other activities after leaving New York, which in turn made your black-out episodes reappear, which had become evident as the photographed wall in your second bedroom started to be crossed out fast. You couldn’t help but twitch at the thought, and steered clear of that subject. But as of five months ago, you were all but cut off from all things Avengers.

Everyone had gone their own separate ways for the most part. Wanda was off the radar, Sam had gone and gotten a contract with the Air Force, Clint got his family back, Rhodey was some top notch Air Force guy (you didn’t really know what he was up to nowadays), Thor was gone offworld, Scott was making up for lost time with his family, and Bucky… Well, you didn’t know much about that situation either. Sam had tried to reach out after everything, but in one of your drunken states you threw your phone in the Weersloot river. You didn’t need a reminder of that day, or those few weeks even.

You never played the message Happy had given you from Tony. You never had the courage to do so, and you had it tucked away in your room safe and sound. Honestly? You were starting to think you never would be ready to hear what Tony had to say to you before he died. You just couldn’t bear to hear it, never would… Because if he even mentioned someone’s name you didn’t know how you would react.

When you started to think about Steve, you picked up a drink to take your mind off it. You had yet to come to terms with him leaving, because it still hurt like the day it happened.

Losing Tony was the worst thing that could’ve happened in your eyes. He was your family, though Pepper and Morgan had become your family too, Tony was the last piece of your family you could hold onto. The last shred to the past you fought so hard to remember and cherish, and now him and that part of you was gone. He was your everything. He always would be.

But Steve? Losing Steve wasn’t something you had ever even considered. While Tony was your soul, Steve was your heart. Despite everything you two had been through, the feelings hurt and the years it took to make it back together, Steve always had your heart. He was the man you wanted to fall asleep with and wake up to. He was the man you talked about growing old with, what life would be like if he gave up the Captain America mantle, he was supposed to be your future...

And then he stayed in the past, and left you here confused. Hurt. Alone.

You lost the two people you had left in the world. Your heart and your soul. And it was the most devastating blow you had ever felt… Everyday you wondered how someone comes back from something like that, if it was even possible.

Your thoughts were interrupted when a hefty softball landed in a thud in your garden and smushed one of your little tomatoes. You blinked at the sight before grabbing the ball and looking up to see the familiar short boy next door pulling himself up on the fence that separated your yard from his, and you grabbed a rag from your bag and wiped the softball off.

“Je vernielt in zijn eentje mijn tuin, weet je,” (You’re single-handedly ruining my garden, you know) you said to the boy and looked up at him through your sunglasses.

“Vergeef mij,” (Forgive me) he said and rested his head on his hands to watch you finish wiping his ball off. “Mijn vader wilde niet met mij spelen” (My dad wouldn’t play with me).

You stopped wiping for a moment and could see the sad look in the kids face. You smiled softly and stood, making your way over to the fence and handing him his ball back, though his expression didn’t change.

“Vraag het me de volgende keer dat je wilt spelen, oké?” (Next time you want to play, come ask me, okay?) You told him, and the smile reappeared on his face and he gave you a nod. You ruffled his hair as he jumped back off the fence and played once again. You went back to your bag, now full with vegetables, and picked it up to head back inside. You had a sweet pasta recipe to try tonight, and you think what you selected should work great-

You stopped in your tracks right before the back door. You lowered your sunglasses and lowered your gaze to the ground as you tried to focus on the sound in the air, the shift in the environment. You may have been slightly hungover but the presence was not hard to miss. You straightened your stance and gripped your sunglasses in your fist.

“Sam?” You called out. At first there wasn’t any rustling, but after a few moments you heard your back gate unlock and creak open, and that’s when you could hear the extra set of footsteps. You slowly turned around to face who had finally tracked you down, and were met with Sam Wilson… And Bucky Barnes in tow.

“What are you doing here?” You more so asked Sam. The pair glanced at one another and Bucky nodded his head at his partner in crime (God, you could just tell they were up to something) and Sam shoved his hands into the jacket he had been wearing.

“We came to see you, check in on how you’re doing,” Sam said. You chuckled a bit, and shook your head.

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” you called him out. “What are you really doing here?”

“We need your help,” Bucky said. You bit your tongue and looked them over, maybe just a little curious as to what was going on. Just a little. “We stumbled onto something that I think you may have some information on.”

You hummed to yourself for a moment, thinking it over. Truthfully, the last thing you needed was whatever this was. So you shook your head and shrugged your shoulders. “I’m afraid I can’t help, but thanks for thinking of me.”

You turned your back on them and stepped up a couple steps into your house, and was all but ready to close the door to the world and close yourself off from Sam and Bucky, but Bucky took a step forward.

“There’s more super soldiers out there,” Bucky said in a serious tone. You stopped in your tracks, gripping onto your door for a few moments before looking back out to the pair. Bucky was watching you intently, in a stare you had only seen on him once before (which you didn’t want to recount at the moment). There was movement near the fence, and your eyes darted there to see the neighbor boy peeping his head over to see what was going on. When his gaze met yours, and you gave him “the look” he disappeared just as quickly as he appeared, and you looked back at the pair standing in your yard and against all better judgement, motioned your head behind you. Understanding your cue, Sam led the way inside, and you shut the door quickly behind Bucky.

You moved around the burly super soldier and brushed past Sam to set your bag of veggies in your kitchen. You had to take a moment to compose yourself before facing the duo who had been watching you intently. “Okay.. Go on. What do you mean there’s more super soldiers?”

Sam grabbed something from his pocket, a phone it looked like, and pulled something up before handing you the device. You hesitantly took it and looked down at the phone, where a video began playing of the recent Gasel Bank heist. You watched as someone got beaten to the ground, but what was astonishing was the sheer strength the masked person showed. Captivated, you carried the device into the living room and plopped down into the cushions of your sofa and watched more footage, this time up close from what you could guess were Dumb and Dumber who moved to hover over you.

“We were hoping you might know something,” Sam said. You handed his phone back to him which he graciously accepted, and you tapped your fingers together in thought before looking over at Bucky.

“What makes you think I know anything?” You asked. Bucky seemed to huff in annoyance at your questioning him, in all honesty you just wanted to hear him say it.

“You and I both know what went into the replication of that serum, your program especially,” Bucky said. You felt a lump form at the back of your throat and you casted your eyes downward. “You were still there after me… Did they perfect Stark’s serum?”

You looked back up at his question, and you held his gaze for a moment. You couldn’t believe this was how your day was turning, and you were pissed that he of all people were bringing up your past, like you volunteered for any of that shit. You lightly bounced your leg as you fought to remember what you had known.

“HYDRA had been unsuccessful in using my father’s formula of the serum again, even after you managed to escape their hold,” you started. You swallowed the lump in the back of your throat and leaned back into the couch, averting your gaze from Bucky to the floor as you searched your memory. “They brought in a scientist, but it wasn’t my op, and it was on a need to know basis. The only reason we knew they started the research again was they started taking people from the Phantom program to test the serum on.”

“Phantom program?” Sam asked.

“That’s what they called us,” you mumbled. “All of us were deemed dead so… It was only fitting.”

“Did the scientist perfect the serum?” Bucky asked. You shrugged your shoulders and met his look again.

“Didn’t think so,” you answered honestly. “So if there’s serum still out there, he has to be your guy. Though I can say I didn’t see any kind of sign of that activity when working with SHIELD.”

“But it’s a start,” Sam nodded and Bucky looked his way. The two started sharing odd glances, and you watched in confusion. Sam suddenly looked your way and motioned around. “Think you could spare some time and do this mission with us?”

“Sam-” Bucky began to say as a warning, but you chuckled a bit which made him stop.

“I don’t do this anymore,” you told them as you motioned between them.

“Come on (Y/N),” Sam tried to reason as you stood up and walked your way back into the kitchen and opened up a cabinet in search of tonight’s bottle of wine to go with dinner. “I get that you’re going through it, I really do, but-”

Just as you managed to select the perfect medium-bodied red wine, Sam had come up beside you and took the bottle out of your hand. “This isn’t going to help you.”

“Yeah Sam and what is?” You asked while crossing your arms. “Because right now the only thing that would help me out is to see my brother again but guess what! It’s not going to fucking happen! It’s just me, here, and all by myself. All by myself…”

Your words trailed off as a heaviness grew in your chest. The atmosphere in the room was a lot more stuffy, and you would rather curl up and disappear then let Sam (and Bucky) see you cry. But here you fucking were, with Sam seeing the tears build up in your eyes and the look he gave you, you wanted to be mad but the only thing that you could seem to feel was just sad. You blinked back the feeling and took a glance back at Bucky, who stood in your living room and averted his gaze. You looked back at Sam, and put on the best front you could.

“You’re welcome to stay for the night, someone can take the bed in my room and someone can take the couch, but tomorrow? We go our separate ways again,” you said in a low tone. Sam’s look at you was… Disappointment. Before the sentiment could settle on your already guilty conscience you turned around and grabbed your keys and a peacoat and stopped at the front door. “Help yourselves to whatever you need.”

With that, you pulled the door open and just as swiftly shut behind you. The cottage walls shook for a moment before settling to a silence inside. Sam looked down at the bottle in his hand and set it back onto the counter before looking Bucky’s way, who still looked annoyed.

“What?” Bucky defensively asked when he noticed Sam’s stare. Sam shook his head at him and pushed the wine bottle to the back of the counter.

“You pushed that too hard,” Sam said, to which Bucky scoffed.

“Me? You’re the one who asked her to join us which, by the way, where did that come from?” Bucky questioned as Sam came back to the living room and sat down on the couch. Sam leaned forward with his arms on his legs and rubbed his hands together.

“Take a look around Robo-cop,” Sam emphasized and Bucky let out an annoyed sigh. “You’re seeing what I’m seeing, right?”

Bucky looked around at your surroundings. He wouldn’t peg it as chaotic, but he also couldn’t pin it as put together. There were personal touches here and there, but it didn’t feel like you belonged here. Bucky wasn’t blind to what was going on here, but he also didn’t see how that pertained to what Sam was suggesting.

“Sam, we came for some information, we got it, so why don’t you tell me what you’re trying to say,” Bucky replied. Sam rolled his eyes and leaned back into the cushions.

“We let her come here, by herself, even knowing how devastated she was after Tony died,” Sam explained. Bucky’s eyes darted to the floor at the memory of him following you out to that shed the day of Tony’s funeral, and the empty expression your eyes held. “Hell, we don’t even know how she felt about Steve. We should’ve been here for this. And that makes us shitty friends.”

“Ah, I wouldn’t say we’re friends-”

“Oh I’m sorry, who's the one that said she owed you a favor?” Sam asked and Bucky shrugged his shoulders.

“I did, but that doesn’t mean-”

“Nah ah,” Sam cut him off and Bucky rolled his eyes. “If you two owe one another favors, then your friends.”

“That’s sound logic, Sam,” Bucky sarcastically said.

You tossed your glass bottle of whatever the hell it was you drank earlier into a trash can on your way back home. You pulled your keys out of your jacket pocket and jingled them around until you found your house key and hipped quietly. Your cottage was just in view and all the lights were out. You grumbled to yourself as you neared, forced to remember what had happened earlier in the day (and boy did you work hard to forget that Sam and bucky were at your lace haha). You stumbled up the two steps to your door and used the wall to steady yourself, before quietly shoving your key into the door and pushed the door open.

It took a second to adjust to the environment, but the whole cottage was pitch black, besides whatever light from the moon managed to filter in. You carefully walked around the couch and glanced down at who occupied it, and when you saw Sam peacefully asleep you then looked at the door to your room and shuddered at the fact Bucky must’ve taken residence in there. You huffed a bit, and pulled a spare blanket out of a basket and moved to the back door. When you finally got outside and shut the door to not disturb your guest you tossed your blanket onto the patio sofa you had and kicked your shoes off.

After shedding yourself of your peacoat and plopping down on the hard cushions, you inwardly cursed the two men inside. You were doing just fine before their arrival, you had a schedule of self loathing and drinking then sleeping that they were interrupting. You just weren’t looking forward to the repercussions of tonight’s sleep. You laid back across the sofa and looked up at the sky, though nothing was there anymore. Or at least there wasn’t anything you could see.

Let’s be honest here. The reason you had turned to drinking was because of the fuzzy feeling you got after awhile. Your mind got to drift to something else besides the memories of your past, like… what to drink next, or in this case, is that a star or an airplane? It made the moment more simple, it made you forget who you were until you woke up again. That didn’t mean you didn’t resent yourself for your actions, but you just added that to the list of reasons why your endgame was the best resolution. You just weren’t ready to tell anyone what that endgame was.

Your gate creaked and you tilted your head to look in that direction. You could barely make out the figure as they neared, Bucky’s face became more clear. You looked back up to the sky and shook your head a bit to yourself. Bucky came to a stop close to you, and sighed a bit.

“You should go inside,” He said quietly.

“You should just leave me alone,” you quipped back to him. Though you couldn’t see it, Bucky rolled his eyes at your drunken response. You suddenly felt a lot more sober, and you turned your head to face him. “You had no right, you know.”

“What are you talking about?” Bucky asked and you huffed.

“You had no right to bring up the Phantom program. I didn’t tell anyone about that, not even Tony,” you admitted to him. Bucky bit his tongue and looked up at the sky for a moment to collect himself. “I didn’t want anyone to go digging into the extent of that.”

“I didn’t know,” Bucky admitted. You blinked at him as he caught your gaze again. “Look… I’m sorry.”

You fell silent before letting out a small sigh and adjusting yourself to be a little more comfortable, your head finally starting to feel dizzy again. But Bucky wasn’t ready to settle this, he shifted his weight and turned to face you.

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” Bucky asked. Your eyes fluttered back open and you looked over at him. He had taken a step closer, and hovered over you, and you raised a brow.

“What are you talking about?” You asked him this time.

“The drinking,” Bucky pointed out. You huffed and turned your head in the opposite direction into the cushions, and Bucky rolled his eyes. “It’s not going to help you know.”

“Yeah and how would you know?” You asked and looked back at him. Bucky leaned down to get in your face, and you tried to move back from him.

“Because I’m probably the only person who really knows what’s going on in your head.”

You bit your tongue, and Bucky backed off. In a bit of a daze, you plopped back down onto the cushions and pulled the blanket you brought out up to your chin. Bucky rolled his eyes at you shutting him down, and he moved to the door to go inside. The sooner the morning came and Sam and he could leave, the better for him.

“I never blamed you, you know,” you said in a light voice. Bucky stopped in his tracks and looked over at you. Your eyes were closed, and you were breathing evenly. Bucky retracted his hand from the door knob and took a couple steps closer. He needed to hear that again.

“What did you say?” He asked. You stirred a bit, but didn’t answer him. Carefully, Bucky used his gloved hand to touch your shoulder, and give you a small shake. When you still didn’t say anything, Bucky sighed and looked between the door and you and cursed in his head.

Bucky carefully slid an arm under your shoulders, and then hooked his other under your legs. He hoisted you up into his arms and into his chest, and your head rolled into his arm. Bucky shook his head at it and carefully brought you back inside, and past the couch, and pushed your room door open with his foot. Bucky sat himself on the edge of your bed and balanced you in his lap with one arm, and pulled your blankets open with a free hand. When he finally got you into your own bed, he took the blanket you had outside from you and tossed it onto his shoulder, and pulled the blankets on the bed onto you. Bucky stood from your bed, and before leaving the room he took a final glance at you as you stirred just slightly.

Bucky closed your door, and walked back towards the couch and settled himself onto the floor. As his back met the floor, he couldn’t help but wonder if you meant what you said, about not blaming him for what happened. One thing he did know was he meant what he said. Bucky stared at the door to the second room in the house, and he shook his head.

If there was one person he truly wanted to make amends with, it was you. After all, you were on his list of names.

- - - - - - - - - -

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#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x stark!reader #Bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fic #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson x stark!reader #sam wilson x you #sam wilson x y/n #sam wilson fic #bucky barnes #sam wilson #tfatws fic #stark legacy

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liquidstar · 3 years

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god yeah i remember years ago seeing 7 deadly sins on netflix and going “oh i’ve heard people like that show! i should watch some :)” and then in the first episode the main character groped some girls tits or something and i was just 👁👄👁 what the actual shit

LITERALLYYY IT WAS SO GROSS it just gets worse the more you watch i had to drop it :/ it was disgusting. i saw gifsets and thought it looked like a fun adventure series but it was just so horny and gross. why cant we have more fun fantasy anime why must so much of it be like that just to cater to the horny nerd demographic.

i dont think its ALL bad obviously its a genre and theres bound to be good stuff in there too, like i said in the tags i even ended up enjoying re:zero bc my brother made me watch it even tho i super wasnt expecting to it was actually pretty good, maybe its just because i was watching it with him. but theres certainly more to the genre than lazy horny cashgrabs i think you just have to look for them. i even enjoyed bookworm despite not being a fan of the “reborn into another world as a child with your adult memories” trope, but that series wasnt creepy abt it

i guess the moral of the story is to not judge your perceptions of a series based on what youve heard through the grapevine. i mean, i originally watched zombieland saga as a joke bc i was expecting it to be a cashgrab on the monstergirl fad when it first came out, but it ended up being my favorite idol show with a lot of great substance lol.

but yeah i hate 7 deadly sins it genuinely sucked it was overly horny and the pig was obnoxious i hope it died. you know i hate it when i say that bc i love piggies i was obsessed w them as a kid. just not that one.

#Anonymous #Answered

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standarrow · 4 years

Text

abbacchio essay under the cut because he’s so important to me (god this is so long im sorry i have adhd i hope this is readable<3)

tl;dr being on how i think he healed and handled up until part 5 :”) + thoughts on his relationship to the team

tw!!! for all of the usual things that pertain to his backstory including: [death, alcohol abuse, police, ptsd/depression, etc]

i may be projecting<3 its fine

to start:

im not a fan of the way a lot of people handle handle abbas trauma and illness. the "entering a relationship fixes your problems<3" shit. or the romanticization of depression...i see both a lot, along with utilizing his substance issues as like a catalyst. i dont have to say why that shit isnt ok or healthy.

getting into it (because i want it to be this deep):

there is ... a lot of guilt that he shoulders around the death of his partner. someone he was friends with (and relied on him as a literal partner) died because He fucked up. that person wanted to protect him and died selflessly while he'd broken his own morals and he feels like it should have been him to pay for it.

but he wasnt. and now he suddenly has two mistakes and blood on his hands. getting fired doesnt even Begin to fix that, so he withdraws because he cant trust himself, cant trust the institution he was already disillusioned from, and imo hes angry that he didnt get punished worse for his own crimes (but cops always get off easy)

bruno finds him in the worst place of his life and gives him a chance to put schedule in his life, to protect even if its not in the way he originally thought he would. he still doesnt trust himself, i do not think he takes to working with a partner easily (what if he fucks up again. he'll get bruno/narancia/fugo killed.) and i think that reflects in why moody blues isnt meant for combat. combat = danger.

obligatory moody blues being an allegory for his trauma and ptsd surrounding the death of his partner.. constantly haunted by his own mistake and reliving that moment. heavily referencing his wish to redo, to know every detail of that prick he let bribe him that killed his partner, to have Control. because abbacchio isnt really about The Moment -- he's making sure the Moment doesnt have a chance to come to fruition. its nipping it in the bud before the weed can kill. he wants to make sure he can figure out whats going on First and protect. to figure out past events and prevent future danger.

starting to heal:

i’ve done a timeline previously: he graduates high school in 1998, six months for the police academy, 6 months before hes out again.. joins passione in december (rainy season) of 1999, and by december of 2000 (~4 months before part 5) hes like.... well. doing better in terms of his alcoholism. we see abbacchio by part 5 occasionally and seemingly comfortably enjoying a glass or two, which speaks that after some time working hes sort gained some..... confidence in his ability to keep his intake low.

working for bruno means he cant drink as often or binge as much, hes needed and that structure keeps him in check, its not easy and yes he slips but its about and overall upwards climb because any progress is good progress... he builds a rapport with the team, comes to appreciate brunos role in giving him a chance and some peace of mind, sees himself in fugo, treats narancia like a little brother. relationships with others cant Fix your problems but friendship and structure can help, they can be there when you need it.

hes starting to trust himself more. and his relationship to fugo and nara were as crucial as his one with bruno is.

in purple haze feedback we see that he's been teamed up with fugo, and he knows fugos stand ability very well (see mirror man fight)... they Get each other and abbacchio sees a lot of his anger and distrust at himself in fugo, and easily calms fugo down when he gets upset (see mirror man episode in the car)

fugo helped him trust himself and others more .. that other people arent Fragile and arent going to die on him every time they get into danger and its not His fault. he relies on fugo and vice versa. the kid is powerful but also a smart tactician and extremely capable. they Get each other and it helps abbacchio trust himself in combat situations and helps calm his paranoia about getting someone killed while working ... and nara is just sunshine. hes an annoying little brother but it helps him retain normalcy. some sense of like. not everything is doom and gloom

his depression and general self? depreciation perhaps doesnt leave him because those kinds of thoughts mould your brain a certain way.. they dont just go away without some work. but perhaps time with bruno helps him start to realise his worth, the way the team appreciates him and his ability. his self consciousness can start to fall away a little bit. i think by the time december of 2000 (a year after his recruitment by my timeline) hes like... a lot more comfortable with the schedule of his life, it helps him get out of bed, gives his brain a structure to latch onto. the responsibility of overseeing the younger ones and helping bruno gives him the sort of hope for this original goal of wanting to protect

@ bruno (in a more romantic sense perhaps + why i think he distrusts giorno so much)

his relationship to bruno isnt fucking “godlike savior<3″ because thats.... needless to say Very unhealthy.

their relationship doesnt reach a point by where i think Either would even want to enter a relationship until about a year in (~4 months before part 5 begins)... theres a certain uncertainty i think bruno has with wanting to help abbacchio, he respects and cares about the other man and canonically sees him as his senior.. and i think theres a certain wall there that bruno isnt sure he wants to try to knock down, meanwhile abbacchio isnt sure when he built those walls but theyre safe (and what happens if you try to reach out?)

i think they sort of fall into it and its not... planned. its a little impulsive but it feels natural and they help each other because bruno is this comfort to abba, is the reason he has this structure and has made this progress himself and hes not....crediting it all to bruno obviously but bruno did play a Large Role. and bruno is all about little white lies, appearances. Yes hes fine. Dont worry, he has things under control.

and i think to an extent abbacchio knows of brunos softer spots (as does fugo, bc of the reason he and fugo team up as described in phf is to protect him) but abba doesnt realise to the extent that bruno is .... hiding his real fears. brunos a lot about compartmentalization (hi zippers) and being let into brunos internal... thoughts beyond the occasional worries he mightve shared is a big step for them. bruno buries a lot of his internal problems and worries. he has to. hes got to keep moving, keep working; people rely on him... but abbacchio is the person he doesnt feel like he needs to protect because theyre equals and maybe he can let someone in to shoulder his worries and vice versa. theyre partners.

which is why i think abbacchio initially distrusts giorno so much... its not tht he doesnt trust bruno, but bruno doesnt Tell him about this. he realizes he might not know all brunos fears (specifically @ his distate and hate towards the mafia i made the point about in the bruno isnt evil post where its like.. he Couldntve shared that information, otherwise he would endanger abbacchio)

and it scares him. it freaks him the fuck out because he doesnt understand who this kid is or why bruno trusts him so much but he trusts bruno so he goes with it, even if he doesnt Understand.

anyways thts my TEDtalk ty i love you for reading this if you got here<3

#EDIT: ok 2 rb if you want!!!#leone abbacchio #im not tagging it otherwise i just want this findable in my own tagging system LOL #all of this is from discord from dming adrian and simon so hi guys if youre reading the tags #i deal with a lot of the issues abbacchio does but i understand that that doesnt mean i didnt use language that might be incorrect #i understand and apologize !! feel free to send an ask but otherwise pls im not trying to start meta discourse over an anime character #i just wanted to get my thoughts out because im tired of seeing representations of him that i just. feel are SO so ugly #esp as someone whos struggled with the issues #caleb.txt #caleb meta hour

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mira--mira · 3 years

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...i think that i remember that you had gone and had mentioned somewhere that hashi has got four mothers, like not all of them at once i'm sure, but i guess for different au's that you have got? so the soulmate au with hagane, then kuuru from boaf au, then kiyomi for oot au and whoever the last one is supposed to be! i've got to say that your worldbuilding is just awesome how you have come up with all of that and how detailed that it is

I did! I mentioned it when I posted the two Kou’s I drew but never got around to finishing that piece, LOL. I have my design references and they’re rough but I’ll post them.

Anon, it blows my mind that you kept track of all the oc moms 🥺 and just for you I will reveal the fourth mom! (though with the valentine’s one-shot it may bump up to five unless I decide to use Kiyomi there too LOL) This is a short breakdown and in order of who’s most likely to murder Butsuma at any given point. Why is that my mom-ranking system? I don’t know, but it is.

Hagane (Two Hearts, Tied Together aka soulmate au)

The quintessential terrifying mom who loves her kids but will kill anyone who threatens them. She’s skilled in genjutsu, long-range weapons (kunai, senbon, shuriken), and sensory techniques. I love Hagane, she’s one of my favorite characters I’ve ever made but it’s very hard to put her in any aus because 1. she will murder Butsuma or 2. she’ll abscond with the Senju kids and throw the plot into disarray.

Kiyomi (Out of Time)

Kiyomi’s actually a mix of Kuuru and Busuko in terms of looks/skills. Since she’s from Uzushio she knows fuinjutsu, in addition to being skilled in suitons and poisons (though she was mostly a healer, not a poisoner). Kiyomi has generally become my “base” for Hashirama’s moms despite her being created last. She’s a good middle ground of a warm, caring figure who also will do anything to protect her kids.

Busuko (Birds of a Feather)

Ah the mysterious fourth mom! We haven’t gotten to Busuko yet because I am behind in writing for BoaF but hopefully this answers some questions to those who are curious! Busuko is not Hashirama’s biological mother. Since so much of that fic is about exploring cultures and I plan to bring in Uzushio in a decently big way, Hashirama is the biological son of Kuuru, an Uzumaki. I mentioned in the last BoaF chapter there were two options for the Senju to deal with Kou 1. marry Butsuma to an Uzumaki for their sealing or 2. marry him to another clan with a water affinity strong enough to counter her. Busuko is from that second clan and was the option Butsuma first wanted to go with before the elders refused. That’s because while Busuko is a strong suiton specialist and a sensor she is, first and foremost, a poisoner and has a kekkei genkai that negates poison for her but makes her blood one of the most poisonous substances in the world. All that said, I’ve read a few fics where if Hashirama and Tobirama have different biological mothers, Tobirama’s is vilified to hell and back and that is not how this plays out. Busuko and Butsuma were in love before the Senju elders made their decision and while Kuuru did die early, Hashirama was a product of that union (ie one of the bigger reasons Butsuma dislikes him in this au.) But Busuko adopted him and considered him her own son and absolutely abhorred Butsuma’s attitude/treatment towards him. They fought about it a lot before she died and that’s why she’s third on this list instead of fourth.

Kuuru (Birds of a Feather)

Hashirama’s biological mom and Butsuma’s first wife. Kuuru is the youngest sister of Ashina and was married off when she was seventeen. (I know that realistically this kind of marriage would have been with an even younger girl but I already feel ill at imagining a seventeen-year-old getting married so I won’t go lower.) It was completely political and she didn’t like Butsuma but wasn’t in a position to say no. In their short marriage they generally avoided each other, especially after she got pregnant. Kuuru was an Uzumaki so she specialized in fuinjutsu and was one an up and coming sealmaster and historian, in addition to having a small water affinity. She died shortly after Hashirama was born due to complications from his birth.

I honestly adore worldbuilding and figuring out how events before the story impact it from the start! (It’s also therapeutic to add in multiple moms bc canon refuses to acknowledge them!)

#naruto #ask #anon #hashirama senju #hashirama's many moms #hagane #kiyomi #busuko #kuuru #out of time #birds of a feather #soulmate!au

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jcrdvn · 3 years

Text

[ alex fitzalan, cis male, he / him ]. hey, is that [ jordan reeves ]? i figured it was them because they’ve been blaring [ fairly local by twenty one pilots ] all day. i hear they’re still living in [ mountainside village ]. everyone says they’re [ hedonistic & supercilious ], but i think they’re [ resolute & urbane ]. whenever i see them, i think of [ crisp white shirts with the sleeves rolled up, calloused fingertips riddled with paper cuts, & a subtle smirk under stormy eyes ].

hey, hi, hello! i’m chrissie and i’m super duper excited to be here n plot with you all : ) this is my trash kid and troubled son jordan. he’s honestly the worst but like he’s secretly a marshmallow under the surface, he just doesn’t ever show it. he feels like he’s the worst so he acts like he’s the best lmao he’s a very direct, aloof, deadpan snarker and carries around a lot of trauma and anger but is always up for a good time. he also has major daddy issues, like wow. feel free to hmu for plots and connections or light up that lil grey heart n i’ll shimmy myself into your ims!

the basics.

JORDAN OLIVER REEVES — twenty-five, aries, the arcane, struggling musician + part-time writer !

possible triggers : infidelity, divorce, alcoholism, drug abuse, cancer, death, car crash, funeral.

tl;dr. ah, here he is—my tol, troubled, grouchy son : ' ) don't u just adore ur resident trashy, snarky, but precious and sad fuckboi muse? bc i know I DO! anyways, before i digress, i'll cut to the chase. so, the reeves family: a line of manhattan-born businessmen / lawyers / diplomats etc. they're dripping in wealth, not always as squeaky clean as they portray themselves as to be. jordan’s dad was a douche, expected both of his sons to follow in his shadow and become lawyers, ran around behind his wife's back: the whole shoot and shebang of a classic a-hole. he always kind of ignored jordan in favour of his eldest son so jordan kinda became hard-hearted and resentful due to the lack of his father's attention. skip a few years and jordan spied his dad cheating on his mother with his secretary though he refused to tell another soul for fear of any potential backlash. soon enough, his mother found this out for herself, their argument ruined jordan’s thirteenth birthday party then they divorced soon after. his mother fell off the wagon, became terminally ill—all while his father was remarrying and expecting a daughter with his secretary. it was a hella rough two years for jordan. it got even worse. eventually, his mother passed away and his step-mother divorced his father to breeze off into the sunset with her new lover; leaving her daughter with her piss-poor excuse of a dad. at this point, jordan was lonely and angry but adopted the role of his step-sister's protector, shielding her from their father's increasing substance abuse induced violence. just before his seventeenth birthday, his father died in a car crash. of course, jordan didn't entirely mourn the loss. almost immediately, he and his younger sister moved in with their elder brother who helped jordan get into university. with dear ole dad out of the picture, he could finally pursue his interest and flair for music. after he graduated, he moved to stowe, pennsylvania with his brother and brother's family which is where he’s been living for the last few years. he's kinda ... struggling to break into the music industry but lord knows he tries his best. gold star for him, no? he plays a few gigs here and there, he gets by, makes the most of what cards the big bad world has dealt him. on the side, he writes occasional pieces for the local paper to aid in tiding him along. he's a determined son of a gun, we have to give him that! he isn't as cutthroat or ruthless as his father and uncles ( and, to a degree, even his brother ) but he does have trust issues and keeps everyone at arm's length hence his rather promiscuous background, oop? deep down, he has a good heart even if he does seem like a distant asshole on the surface. but, hey! he learned how to perfect a façade from the best—cheers papa reeves!

random extras.

he’s pretty nifty with his fists.

although he comes across as cocky and full of it, his mental health isn’t actually the best which is why he sometimes seems to fall off the face of the earth and sometimes becomes distant and aloof.

loves horror movies.

tends to repress his emotions until he explodes.

healthy coping mechanisms?? he doesn’t know them.

doesn’t fully trust anybody.

the only person he’s ever truly hated was his father.

is actually really kind and compassionate underneath.

is prone to pushing the self destruct button.

suffers from severe insomnia. legit only sleeps two or three hours a night, if he’s lucky.

low key afraid of cats but its cool, he’s a dog person anyway.

comes across as a narcissistic douchebag but that’s just what he wants you to think.

favourite coping mechanism? isolation.

is a little snarky and grumpy but if you manage to break this exterior, you’ll find he’s quite witty and easy going.

wanted plots.

ok so bc i have like two brain cells ( three on a good day, which, i admit, is rare ) i’m terrible at coming up with plots / connections but i’ve listed a few that i’d love to play out and develop!

naturally, i’d love to explore the pre-established connections for olivia and lyndsey and see what we could come up with to deepen those!

a best pal: someone he could trust, confide in and actually be 100% himself around.

friendship bonds: ex-friends, exes who are now friends, frenemies, fwbs, a secret friend from cumberland hills.

romantic bonds: exes of all kinds, secret hookups, former hookups, current hookups, past flings.

hostile bonds: enemies and rivals, friendships that have turned sour for whatever reason, clashes of personalities.

basically anything and everything pls n thank u! <3

#henlo pls luv my boy.#throw a like on this n i'll come pester u for plots!#snowcliffe.intro

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tcthetouch · 4 years

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𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎'𝓇𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓃𝑔, 𝓅𝑒𝓇𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒶 𝓈𝑜𝓊𝓁 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎'𝓇𝑒 𝓊𝓃𝒶𝒻𝓇𝒶𝒾𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝒶𝓇𝑒. 𝓅𝑒𝓇𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒'𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒.

『 jamie lee curtis. sixty-one. cis woman. she/her. 』 oh heavens, is that JUDITH MILLER from FAIR LANE i see roaming around mapleview? minnie may’s always calling them -CYNICAL & -SELFISH. i happen to think they’re not that bad! they’re a pretty cool “RETIRED” ACTRESS and every time i’ve seen them, they’ve always been +MAGNETIC & +WITTY. i hope i see them around again! 『 may. 21. est. she/her. 』

hello my pals ! after a very long day, i am finally here with an intro for a sexy lowkey demon !

BACKGROUND:

triggers: emotional abuse, brief mention of war, brief mention of considered abortion, substance abuse, brief implication of child neglect, brief mentions of death (but like.... from old age)

So… I’m currently too tired to do the ‘whole chart,’ but… a Sagittarius. Know this.

Now, to understand our dear Judith, you must first understand her parents. Her mother was a wealthy young woman, progressive in her views on social issues… for the time. Nonetheless, she was expected to hold up the standards of the time. Her father was the younger brother of a man deemed ‘a great soldier’ who died fighting in WWII. Followed by the memory of him and his own parents’ obsession with the man, he placed pressure on himself to live up to that standard. Shame there was no war………………….

They met at Judith’s mother’s debutante ball and hit it off. It was, what they perceived to be, a match made in heaven. But that’s always easy to say – it’s harder to prove when a good night culminates in an unexpected pregnancy. To avoid any public scandal on her part, Judith’s mother and father married before she began showing and moved to Mapleview where she would become an excellent mother and he would live up to his brother’s standards by… he was still figuring it out… maybe making the next great scientific advancement? or writing the next great American novel?

Sadly, in spite of her lifetime’s worth of training, Judith’s mother… proved to lack natural maternal instinct. Perhaps it was passed down from her own mother, transgenerational trauma beginning long, long, long ago. Judith’s father was so consumed with his grand ideas that he hadn’t the time to help! Between becoming the next Walt Whitman one day and the next Albert Einstein the next, all while working for his father-in-law, he just didn’t have any time at all!

Their marriage grew strained and, as Judith grew, they made it even clearer that she was the cause. If she, herself, didn’t do something spectacular with her life, then it was all for nothing!

Her father wasn’t forced into the Vietnam War as a part of the drafting lottery. No, as it grew bigger, as the army grew more desperate, as she began slowly maturing, as his marriage continued falling apart, he voluntarily entered in 1965, when Judith was seven. Before drafting even began!

Before he entered the war, Judith was the victim of plenty of degrading remarks and the occasional Unusually Odd Punishment (think bojack horseman w like beatrice seeing ~7y/o bojack take a cigarette and forcing him to smoke all of it bc he couldn’t waste a perfectly good cigarette!). However, the remarks grew more biting after he left for “the war effort.” The two moved back to California, her mother’s birthplace, to be closer to her mother’s father – an even better source of income when his sympathies were being played on.

...but it was suddenly back-to-work, no-sympathies-for-you when the war ended and Judith’s father was still alive… and, furthermore, when the war was lost.

With her parents’ marriage worse off than ever, Judith’s unconscious attempts to please them and live up to their expectations began sooner than they would have had the war been won. Or had her father been shot.

Probably.

Commercials began at seventeen, but they weren’t impressive. Minor roles began at eighteen, but they weren’t impressive. It wasn’t until she was picked up by an actual agent at twenty that she began actually shining, so to speak.

Which is actually a great accidental pun on my part, as her first big role was, much like JLC’s, in one of the first slasher movies ever made. Hoorah! But it still wasn’t impressive. It wasn’t big or prestigious, Katharine Hepburn wouldn’t have taken the role.

But what was even less impressive?

The pregnancy that followed shortly thereafter.

Her first thought was to find a doctor who ‘specialized’ in such ‘inconveniences.’ Between the knowledge that a lack of maternal instinct ran in her blood, all women in her lineage getting mistreated to the point that they were simply unfit, as well as the knowledge that she would have to immediately quit the career that had just begun if she wanted to raise the child…

But the father wound up being a hurdle. He was meant to be a one-night-stand, but he started showing up… again… and again… and again… until she relented and confessed to him that she was pregnant with his child (so she assumed, at least). He was insistent that she keep it… so the compromise became she wouldn’t abort it, but she would immediately hand it off to the man to raise on his own.

Daniel, named by his father, was born. Judith kept in occasional contact, but ultimately tried to leave that chapter behind her.

After that small bump in the road, her agent began lining up more career offers for her. They ranged from OK-I-guess to Not-Katharine-Hepburn-But-Close-Enough. So she clearly went for the latter ones!

Now, for someone who tried to stay clear-headed enough… it became pretty hard as she grew more popular, was invited to more parties, and… given the decade, was surrounded by cocaine! Thus began some more god-awful decisions, a list so long even Leo Tolstoy would put it down before he could finish reading it.

A few years through her increasingly successful career and she found out that she’s gotten pregnant yet again, this time being the result of a one-night-stand had during a borderline bender. For a few days, she obviously considered abortion again. But… how good would it be for her image if she cleaned up and had the baby… and, who knows! maybe she would break the chain of terrible mothers! if she was willing to sacrifice hedonism, then she was clearly doing something right! and… she also felt some remorse for barely keeping in contact with Daniel… so hoorah! replacement!

Turns out she also didn’t have that mothering instinct :\

But it was not, at all, for lack of trying. She never intentionally mistreated her child, Mia (named for Mia Farrow) – she had family days with her and hung out with her and… tried to figure out how to bond with her. She was never cruel like her mother or her mother’s mother or mother’s mother’s mother, so on and so forth and what have you, but… she was Innocently Insensitive. Still caught up in The Scene, there were some nights that were… very loud when she forgot Mia was trying to sleep and invited a bunch of people over.

Some hedonistic tendencies returned and she found herself allowing a nanny to care for the child more and more often. Never malicious, never cruel, even asked Danny Devito to be Mia’s godfather… but still wound up being a really bad mom.

When Mia moved out, she was beginning to realize she was too old to continue going down the road she was on – to continue making the same mistakes over and over. One child was college-aged, the other was… somewhat older, although she’d lost track of the years. Yeah, she sent birthday cards and made calls every year, but time had just begun blurring together…

As a side-note, this was also around the time she was encouraged to write a memoir. She wound up having to get a memoirist which is a wc!!

The “best thing possible” happened when her mother died a year ago. Her father had already passed, but that was in Fresno – a quick trip. Her mother died in Mapleview, where her roots were laid. Also pls picture her eulogy for her mother like the eulogy in “Free Churro.” Anyway...

So what did Judith do?

Up and disappeared!

It would’ve been a really excellent publicity stunt… if she’d ever returned.

She likes to pretend she’ll never return to Los Angeles. The mountain air is so clean and crisp, life is so much simpler, people are so much less… corrupt.

Alas… somewhere in the back of her mind, has many plans to return to her old life. But she needs to make amends first, right?

TL;DR:

(tread lightly if any triggers under ‘backstory’ are triggers for you!)

born in mapleview. parents were awful but also it was a case of transgenerational trauma so there are nuances there. father “abandoned” her and her mom to go fight in the vietnam war bc he wasn’t able to fight in wwii like his brother. came back and joined them in fresno and judith’s mom was like “well u guys lost.... cant say it was unexpected with someone like u fighting :\” judith was like “well i’ve learned i’m what ruined their marriage even tho i’m also the reason they got married so guess i’ll go make something of myself bc i want them to be proud.” eventually got cast in a halloween-esque movie, because of course. got pregnant, yeet’d it to the father, “it” being daniel. became a class-a hedonist. got pregnant again, but got clean and kept her, named her “mia”. was a pretty good mom for a while, then forgot that kids weren’t “used” to the 1980s/90s equivalent of modern-day raves. mia left for college. judith was like “wait,,, im too old 2 keep living this life omg.” mom died a year ago. was like “oh wow perfect excuse to come back to mapleview and pretend i never lived in los angeles ever in my entire life goodbye all ties and connections!!!”

PERSONALITY/MISC.:

spent the majority of her life trying to live up to the expectations set by her mom when she basically said “you better be something great to make up for being alive” + trying to unconsciously make up for ‘ruining’ her parents’ marriage.

ngl family took inspiration from the sugarman-horseman family in bojack horseman bc i just finished rewatching it and :\ i miss it :\ which, in turn, means there’s a tiny bit of muse inspo from the eponymous, but,,,,,,,, like she may not be a good person,,,,,,, but if u’ve so much as seen up to s2e11,,,,, she aint THAT bad.

further basis was fictional director kelsey jannings (of such fame as “women who love women who love recycling”) when she said that celebrities tend to stagnate at the age they got famous. and judith got famous when she was 20.

I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO MAKE IT EXCESSIVELY CLEAR THAT SHE NEVER HAD MALICIOUS INTENTS TOWARDS HER CHILDREN. she just knew she wasn’t ready to be a mother with daniel - it was terrible timing and she genuinely worried about how she would be as a mother ( considering how poor maternal instincts were... basically passed down through generations ) - and she didn’t know how to connect with mia, especially as an addict in the hollywood machine that was literally filled with drugs, thus proving her hypothesis that she would be a poor mother correct. like... I JUST NEED TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT THERE WAS NO ABUSE INVOLVED. SHE AT LEAST DID BETTER THAN HER MOTHER WITH THAT ASPECT.

but, as marina once said, “[she’s] now becoming [her] own self-fulfilled prophecy. oh, oh no! oh no! oh no!”

saddie disguised as a baddie.

also spent the majority of her life as an absolute hedonist. remains one, but is currently clean and trying to remain that way... maybe...

wants to be good so very bad, but doesn’t know how to be.

in spite of said hedonistic and escapist tendencies, she does have a very strong work-ethic. you know. thanks to both her parents + her capricorn moon.

no way to avoid saying she’s selfish, though. no way to.

CONNECTION IDEAS:

** all are open to any gender

her other child (a wc on the main!)

her memoirist (a wc on the main!)

her childhood friend from when she was still living in mapleview (a wc on the main!)

some fans! idk!

arm candy. pls. she’s bi so. they can be a himbo or a herbo or a thembo.

you see she’s decently older than all of the characters so i feel like most of this will rely on brainstorming and/or chemistry in threads

FEEL FREE TO EITHER LIKE THIS OR HMU 2 PLOT!!

#mapleviewintro #judith .#judith | intro .#this got so long ahsdlkfjasn #also. for all u aesthetic fans. i apologize for the capital letters i copied and pasted it all directly from google drive and.#did not feel like going back and correcting all of it afhskjdlajs #also!! there's a tl;dr at the bottom j bc. i accidentally wrote the next great american novel.

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eirichele · 4 years

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My daughter Lucina and anti-furry gay king Soren

okk soo lucina

How I feel about this character:

i feel like. she was a very nice concept as in a marth for a newer generation but unfortunately they went too hard on her (immaculate tbh) aesthetic rather than substance and shes kind of flat as a result 😔 which is a shame bc the little we see of her is like. so heartbreaking and insanely good potential to be incredible

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

severa!

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

inigo. he is THE lucina sibling for me. their support version and interactions are just so sweet i love them

My unpopular opinion about this character:

she deserved more spotlight than robin. and like people dont rly like hearing it bc of the nostalgia goggles and robin is actually a decent avatar unlike the newer avatars but the pacing of awakening is reallyyyy bad as a result? it was weird bc she and chrom are very sigurd and seliph inspired but shes like almost a minor character? in her own game? its just pretty nonsensical

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

act 2 shouldn’t have been valm nonsense it should have been her act :^( like literally act 1 you do all your pairings (w some quicker support gains to compensate for the shorter timespan ig) and act 2 is lucina and the kids. it would have solved the issue of kids being too underleveled when you get them and future past is incredible and that kind of writing would have been so much better than whatever the hell valm was about

my OTP:

lucisev GOOD

my cross over ship:

smash ships suck but maybe snake should give her one of his guns as a little gift

a headcanon fact:

lesbianm.... soren

How I feel about this character:

probably one of the best written tellius characters ever lol. i like his character development despite being fairly minor

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

just ike tbh

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

skrimir jajkkbjgl. its just so funny and its good for him to have non ike friends. take him up on brunch sometime king 😩 titania too is sweet w him on the few times we see them interact

My unpopular opinion about this character:

ok lol so. i hate when i see people compare him with ingrid or whatever bc of his racism when their situations are so different its not even funny. like yeah ig the furry racism metaphor sucks in the end but his reasons to be racist are like. internalized self hatred shit vs. being just a privileged white girl who refuses to learn. its really not the same even though i also refuse to stan/defend him for that

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

damn i wish his solo ending Actually explained what happens to him after? like i know you’re gay king but his lifespan is like. enormous he cant be hung up on ike for like 800 years right??? Hello.

my OTP:

ikesoren ig? i prefer ikeranulf kvjjkd but if its just for him then yeah

my cross over ship:

lucius fire emblem should be his friend and drive him to therapy bc they’re in the exact same situation but he coped w that much better kvnsdfv

a headcanon fact:

i like to think after ike died or left without him he like makes an effort with the goldoans

send me a character,ship or 5 characters to rate

#ask #ask game #Anonymous #EDIT: i fuckimg forgot soren #long post

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clamorbelli · 5 years

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whaddup . it’s ya boy , skinny penis . ok so there’s not much to put here except hi to any new people that might’ve not seen my intro for noelle & angelo ( CLICK HERE ). i’m jaz, & this here is my newest babe, sebastian higgings. i’ve definitely missed stuff, but underneath the cut u’ll find plenty of fun stuff abt him. and by fun i mean tragic , bc sebastian is a piece of shit. ; )

‹ LIKE THIS OR HMU IF YOU’D LIKE TO PLOT WITH SEB. ›

TRIGGER WARNINGS : death, drugs, alcohol, emotional instability, therapy mentions, unhealthy habits, blood mention.

◟ * ◊ ─ keith powers + cismale + he/him » * believe it or not sebastian belongs to the higgings family. they are 26 years of age and are known to usually spend their time around buena vista apartments. the photographer has been living in victoria for 22 years. the people closest to them describe the bisexual + aquarius to be +inspired and +autonomous as well as -callous and -debauched.

sebastian is the ( current ) eldest son of the late johnathan and sasha higgings, born to the couple when they were happy, in love, and a shining example of what marriage should be. sebastian was a momma’s boy through and through from the day he was born, severe separation issues plaguing his infantdom, only rectified through intense therapy. his bond with his mother, even after finally being convinced she wasn’t the only nice person in the world, never wavered however. they were thick as thieves.

there was never anything remarkable about seb’s childhood except his fondness for the family camera whenever they went on holiday. his parents first believed it was a desire to model, but they soon came to understand it wasn’t being in front of it that seb wanted, he wished to be behind it. from then on they gave him a disposable on every trip, and before long the house was full of his amateur photography.

when he was ten, the unthinkable and unfathomable happened. his mother died. seb had been an entirely normal, average kid up until that point, but part of him died the day his mother slipped away forever. it was impossible for it not too, with the amount of time they’d spent together, his dependency on her at birth, the fact she was his best friend and it didn’t matter what the kids at school thought. as a child, he was ruined, affected for the rest of his life in ways he didn’t quite understand yet.

seb was sixteen by the time victoria was adopted into the family, and his reign of terror on victoria had long since begun. he came home with bloody noses and bruises more times than he could count, he sneered and spat at other kids in the playground, knowing they could do little except beat him to a pulp and have their parents foot the bill. he started drinking all too early, dabbled in drugs no sixteen year old should’ve touched, spent nights away from home, uninterested in the new woman in his father’s life.

victoria, however, was a different story. the pair got on like a house on fire, likely because of their bratty, conniving ways. at that age sebastian was like gasoline and his newfound sister was the match. natalya still had seb’s heart from when they were kids, his sister being the one thing in life he still felt warmth for, but victoria had managed to form a relationship of her own with him. for a while it was them against the world, until cassandra stepped in, pitted the girls against each other, and made life infinitely harder for a boy already on the brink.

he and his father argued daily. blazing rows that ended in smashed kitchenware. seb was losing it but the higgings patriarch failed to see his behaviour as anything more than childish cries for attention. seb didn’t know the empty feeling in his chest wasn’t normal. he didn’t know he shouldn’t play with girls emotions until they cried. he didn’t understand why he only felt things when he was getting into schoolyard fights or looking through the lens of a camera.

seb graduated high school and chose to do an online course for photography, honing his skills whilst remaining close by until his sisters graduated. when they did, he only managed a year without natalya before leaving the city himself, he would miss victoria dearly, but they facetimed every day and skyped properly at the weekends. before he left he told his father to stick his businesses up his ass. he was disconnecting from his legacy. his final words to his father were full of toxicity and rage, as they had been for 12 years now.

he went to new york, cliché and crazy as it may have been, and found a surprisingly immense amount of success. through some ridiculous means, his shots were picked up by a local, renowned photography blog, the owner of the blog also owning a gallery, wishing to display his work. from then on it was up and up. seb travelled the globe, was able to shoot the most incredible places, spent his weeks on planes and trains and on his feet. he had his dream, he made a name for himself, he didn’t need his father.

seb may have had the career of his dreams, but his personal life was a shambles. full of one night stands with no substance, exes that hated his guts, friends who’d found it too unbearable to be around him. he was arrogant, confident in himself to a fault, unable to connect with passion on any level except with his work. he was a riot, a fun guy to be around who was willing to try anything once, but he lacked the ability to form meaningful relationships. people came and went and seb was left, alone, in his fancy apartment somewhere in manhattan. he was as lonely as he was the day his mother had died, things in that regard had never changed.

the phone call he received when victoria died shook him to his core, the male feeling something other than debauchery for the first time in a long time. his father? a fucking waste of space who failed to keep his children safe, but victoria? he flew home just days ago, having one emotional instinct left in him – his brotherly instinct. natalya was still alive and god knows seb was going to lose another member of his family.

PERSONALITY :

ok so yeah, seb’s an dick. when i say emotionally unavailable i mean . . . highly, on an unhealthy level that requires some serious therapy. seb lost himself when his mother died and since then he’s been trying to find some solace in these flings he always has but, of course, he never will. he’s apathetic when it comes to people becoming attached to him so tends to be particularly cruel with ppl who get involved w him.

asshole . like, just not . .. a nice person . will point out someone’s faults, will tell u if ur skirt is ugly as fuck, willing to laugh in your face if he thinks what you said is stupid. just doesn’t . . give a f. needs to grow up.

hOWEVERRRR R rr. ofc if he was like that 24/7 he’d never even get people into bed in the first place so he can, of course, turn on the charm. he’s very flirtatious, loves sex and sexually charged conversations. flirting is a hobby for him and it’s one he has fun with. if ur not looking for anything deeper, seb isn’t too bad ig . if you can engage him on things he wants to talk about, keep things chill, not take his dickheadedness to heart, etc, he can be manageable. sort of.

massively confident, but unfortunately it’s justified. he’s beautiful, he’s talented, he’s rich of his own accord, and he’s successful. he’s massively independent, but finds it hard to work in a team.

he’s ! lowkey ! a visionary !!! when it comes to photography he really is that bitch and is genuinely incredible at his job because it’s something he’s actually passionate about. he never turns down the opportunity to photograph, so even though usually he loves money, he’d be willing to do a lot of photography for free whilst he’s back bc ? he just loves doing it, and it reminds him of his mom and how she encouraged him.

uHhh bad habits to the max. the only one of my charas who regularly takes hard drugs and drinks, has a penchant for mdma and is looking into microdosing to help his artistic ability.

WANTED CONNECTIONS :

exes from before he moved away

fwbs

best friend, probably only 1 bc . . . intolerable

any kind of connection from before he moved, bc it’s always exciting to see someone again after four years right

enemies lmao

people he knew in new york, if anyone has charas who’ve been there recently

people that were friends with vic

i dunno i’m not good at these y’aLL KNO I LIKE BRAINSTORMING DOMFDOD

give me some angsty shit too

#victoireintro #❛ · ˚ . — 𝒗𝒊. casey frey fan club! › out of character.#finishing off memes and getting to ims now ! finally odmfksds

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thatfriendlyecho · 4 years

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List of Male OCs: D&D Styled OCs

What, something of substance? On this blog?? Excuse me what????

To give context, these are my D&D Babies™️, at least all of the male ones. I have definitely have not played as all of them, but I would love to incorporate them into a campaign or a story one day.

Quick Warning, I have a lot of monks,,,and I mean a lot.

aNYways, let's get it

Charoseth "Pip" Filburn. Kalashtar monk, lawful neutral.

Doesn't know his first name, so he calls himself Pip bc it's easy for him to remember.

Red hair

Heterochromia (one red eye and one green eye)

His appearance is loosely based on my little brother, who has dreadlocks, similar brown eyes and caramel colored skin

One of my many cinnamon rolls

Kinda gay,,,just a little

A whole baby

Charo, the name of the spirit that shares his body, can't stand Pip because he's kinda dumb, so it always saves his ass from danger by scaring him

Felix. Albino tiefling bard, neutral good.

Has white skin and red, pupilless eyes

Kind of blind

Okay very blind, he can't aim to save his life

Wears a cloak constantly bc the sun is a deadly laser

Was a dancer in a travelling circus

Flirts with everyone, no one is safe

Painfully sarcastic

Insecure about his appearance

Plays the flute and viol

His human mother gave birth to him in a circus tent, but then died after freezing to death three hours later. She was a prostitute living in secrecy so that his father, a tiefling war general, didn't find and kill her.

He gets his albinism from his mother

Silas Ellescar. Elf (Eladrin) monk, chaotic good.

I think most of my male OCs are gay oops-

Loves the stars and sky

In the game he's in currently, he stole a motorcycle and named it Sheva.

In game he has almost died three times bc elves are kinda hated all over the continent he lives in

His character appearance was loosely based on Prince Zuko, minus the scar and excessive angst

He's actually really young, and maturity wise is the youngest character I have (in human years he is 16)

Scarily independent, and he's the most reckless in his party

Loves rocks, his sister, and the sound of "mean people" in pain

Might be a sadist,,,maybe

Teekl Heiresi. Changeling rogue, neutral good.

Another cinnamon roll

It's actually unsure of the actual gender of Teekl, but he uses a more masculine appearance.

Selective mute

Has an "emo fringe", but he just doesn't want to creep people out with the fact that he has one eye so he covers it

He can be the squishiest party wise, but he's really, really good at being sneaky so he hasn't died yet

My first ace character

Questions everything about everything

When he does speak he has the thickest Australian accent

Turns into a mouse when he's scared, it's an instinct that he developed after living in slums

Adonis Lolth. High elf warlock, true neutral.

This is my gayest character

Has no reason to buy, sell, or give a fuck

He made a pact with a demon for revenge, and it has since then fucked with his moral compass

The irresponsible wine mom friend

Talks to himself very often

"Curiouser and curiouser..."

Wears big round glasses

When he smiles it either means "end-my-suffering" or "they'll-never-find-your-body". There's no in between.

His husband was executed after accidentally killing a woman, so Adonis has a personal grudge against women

Phynwen Astreas. Aasimar barbarian, chaotic good.

Brain the size of a walnut

Actually stupid

Stronk but s o f t

Loves butterflies and collects their wings

Chaotic. Very chaotic.

Undyingly loyal

Often called the party's "danger doggo"

Has a personal vendetta against chickens and religion

Speaks Giant for backstory reasons

Is 7'1" but still tries to hide behind people like a little kid

Aroace

Amnesiac

Confused constantly

Never, I repeat NEVER get him drunk.

Lived in a forest after being kicked out of his village

Unnecessarily violent and loud

Zenrir Redfable. Tiefling warlock, neutral good.

No one: H- Zenrir: "Peasant."

Thinks being noble is a personality trait

He absolutely despises it when Teekl speaks because he has no idea what he's saying

He kinda reminds me of Monoma from MHA-

He's literally just an asshole, there's nothing else

Fascinated by poor people

Always angry at literally everyone

Loves children but should never be left alone with one. Ever.

Agni. Fire genasi wizard, lawful neutral.

Curses, like, a lot.

Sparky sparky boom boi

Reads like no one's business

Has a laugh that can cure diseases

Scares kids because he's way too excitable

So,,,squishy

"That's kinda gay."

Hisses before he speaks

Afraid of water because, well, obvious reasons. He was also a pirate once, and almost drowned after walking the plank.

Kai. Water genasi monk, lawful good.

Why do I have so many monks

No, he doesn't know what you just said.

Spacey as hell

"Yes...?"

Gay Disaster™️. Don't flirt with him, his response will be either fainting or screaming. Or both, but that hasn't happened yet.

Smart enough and caring enough to be the mom friend, but he's too spacey

Hugs people for fun

Agni is his brother from another mother, literally. He stayed in their village while Agni rebelled and almost got himself killed with a group of pirates. They reunited twenty years later.

Syrlok Godelyth. A drow rogue/bard, true neutral.

Tried to kill Pip for money, but he got his ass kicked. Pip spared him bc he felt bad.

Pip fell asleep on his shoulder once and it still fucks him up to this day.

The only reason that he has that dumb name is so I can make him say dumb shit and the response will be "No shit Syrlok"

Also angsty

So much emotional baggage

Someone give him a hug

But like...

Metaphorically

I have a backstory for him but it's just very, very angsty. Like grotesquely angsty.

Anjel Nailo. Drow cleric (knowledge domain), lawful neutral.

Forgets that he's a cleric almost all the time

Has a serious staring problem

Has only been seen blinking five times in his entire being with his party

Hates armor with a passion

For some reason he has a charisma of 14 and all he does is stare at people and smile awkwardly

Head over heels for Kai

Related to Melancholia Nailo (one of my female OCs)

That's all of them (for now). If for some reason you read them all then, thank you for reading. I apologize if I started giving less details as I continued, I started at 7:30 and ended four hours later.

Anyway, I'mma go now, bye~

#my ocs #my ocs are my children #d&d ocs #dungeons and dragons #dnd 5e #lgbtq

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