#Anyway. ANYWAY.

[lucradiss]

Existing in more than one fandom space is like having more than one group of friends but both of them being so wildly different that any overlap at all would be like getting shot in the head

#like there are things that I would consider writing for House MD or Saw but not for Lord of the Rings you know #Same goes for reading #it's like how you have two personalities for your friend groups #and you make a joke that would absolutely score in friend group A #but friend group B just stares at you weird #like in LOTR or The Hobbit fandom I am so used to gentleness and care all around #Characters that love each other against the odds #but with House it's like #yeah these two men hate each other with everything they're worth #yeah they're so codependent that they would literally die for each other #yeah they have freaknasty sex on the regular #yeah i would talk for hours about their omegaverse dynamic #then saw is kind of similar to House in a few ways but fundamentally different because the love there is borne from such tragedy #or in AUs it's love at first sight #and you have these two men who are so so so different #and want desperately to take care of each other #THOSE DYNAMICS DON'T WORK FOR HOUSE OR FOR THE HOBBIT #I would never write House and Wilson lovey-dovey and caring just like I would never write Thorin and Bilbo engaging in pet-play #Anyway. anyway. #hilson #house md #thilbo #the hobbit #Saw #sawposting #chainshipping #fandom

[milkteamoon]

Jon doesn’t think he has a fear of doors — entamaphobia, or whatever you call it (and yes, it’s a thing, he’s done more than a few simple google searches about the subject). It’s not that doors themselves are particularly the issue here. They’re just wood, they’re not a particularly terrifying shape, they’re not going to grow teeth and try to eat people like they did in that one movie he’d watched with Georgie years ago, and he’s not an agoraphobe. Or a claustrophobe. Or any other type of -phobe that is seemingly linked to fear of doors, which he doesn’t have, mind you, because it’s not the door itself.

Georgie had once asked if it had something to do with the uncertainty. Something about “not knowing what’s on the other side”; something with a simple cause and a simple answer. He’d had to explain it to her a bit after she’d found him standing outside of her flat near midnight, just the same as he’d been doing for the past two hours, all because he couldn’t bring himself to raise his goddamn fist and knock like a normal person; of course, that hadn’t been the first time, but he doesn’t tell her that. He doesn’t tell her about sleeping in the hallway as a child after the wind had blown his bedroom door closed when he’d gone for water. About missing so many classes in high school they’d called his grandmother, because his teacher kept closing the door before he’d get there. About having to go buy new clothes because he couldn’t bear to open his fucking closet after he’d accidentally knocked the door shut, and god does he know just how irrational he sounds. It’s stupid that he’s like this. It’s downright ridiculous. And yet... and yet, and yet, and yet —

So: when Jon moves in, he gets his own key to their flat. Mr. Spider’s doors don’t have locks, he tells himself, so Mr. Spider can’t come in. That makes sense, right? If Jon has rules, then so does Mr. Spider. If Jon has a key, then he doesn’t have to knock, and if he doesn’t have to knock, then Mr. Spider can’t come through. Georgie keeps the rest of the doors open — when he’s home, at least — and Jon thinks he must be the only person in the world who feels safer seeing the darkened living room from their bed.

When Jon moves out, he takes his key with him and trades it in for a new studio flat. Less doors, you see, nothing but the bathroom and the closet, both of which he wedges open with a cheap pack of rubber doorstops; it’s easier if he can see in. If he can see into the room before he pulls the door open, then Mr. Spider can’t be hiding inside, right? It makes sense. He knows it does.

He gets a new job and starts waking up at six in the morning just so he can get there when most of the other employees arrive, so he can rush through with them or catch some poor sap’s eye who hangs behind long enough to hold the door for him, just to be polite. Jon acts polite back and tells them thank you. He always waits until he’s seen at least three go inside, because he knows Mr. Spider takes his meals in small portions. It makes sense. It has to. If he was so hungry, then he’d have taken Jon too all those years ago, and not just maybe-Daniel-Michael-Thomas as his lonely guest for dinner. Is he still there, he wonders sometimes, seated at Mr. Spider’s table? Jon doesn’t know. He doesn’t dare to find out.

He likes his job. He likes his coworkers. He likes his desk with no walls, dumped in the middle of a messy bullpen. He likes Mr. Bouchard, he thinks, strange as he is, who keeps his office door open so that Jon doesn’t have to knock when he goes to him for questions. “Open door policy,” he’d mentioned once during Jon’s training, and nodded at him like he Knew some secret between them. Jon knows that Mr. Bouchard doesn’t. That doesn’t stop him from being grateful.

And then...

And then — 

And then Jon gets a promotion.

Jon moves out of research. Jon gets rid of his old desk. Jon gets a new office — a private one, Mr. Bou- er, Elias, ensures him cheerfully — one where he won’t be disturbed during work, because this office comes with a door. An old door. One that creaks something awful when it’s first pushed open, and no amount of rubber stoppers will stop it from closing on its own. How professional, Jon wants to laugh, but he knows it will come out like a sob. How ridiculous that he’s tried so hard, and yet he always seems to end up at square one.

And the thing is? Jon knows it’s just a door.

Of course he does. He’s not stupid. It’s- it’s just a door — just wood and metal and oil for the hinges — there’s nothing special about it, there’s nothing he can’t see on the other side through the little window that displays the rest of the bullpen. He says that he’ll manage. He thanks Elias for the opportunity. He can’t very well turn down a promotion just because his new office has a bloody door on it, no matter how much that childhood instinct screams at him to run away, get away, get far enough away.

The window helps, for the most part, but he still tells his assistants not to knock. Cites something stupid about how it will ruin his recordings if they do. They seem to buy it just fine and get in the habit of simply coming in when they need him — or at least, Tim and Sasha do. Martin, of course, forgets this rule about a week after Jon tells them, and Jon’s certain the panic attack he gives him is justification enough to have the man transferred back to the library. If Jon could report him about it. Could admit that the half hour he spends in the restroom afterwards is because he’s trying not to throw up from terror and not because he just ate something bad, but he realizes who sounds like the irrational one here.

So he manages.

He manages.

It’s simple if he breaks it down. There are steps and rules and lines that he doesn’t cross. That Mr. Spider doesn’t cross. They have an agreement, he thinks, to some extent, because while Jon didn’t invite himself to dinner all those years ago, he still invited someone. That makes sense, doesn’t it? It makes sense. An old favor. Don’t knock. Don’t open the door. Don’t knock. Don’t open. Don’t knock. Don’t — 

Someone’s knocking on his office door.

A crisp, simple knock knock, just like anyone would do before a closed door. A common courtesy. A meaningless gesture. A chance for him to open on his own time, if he’s busy, but that doesn’t stop the jolt of ice from shooting up his spine.

Jon knows it isn’t his assistants. He knows, he can see them, all sitting at their desks shuffling through papers and boxes like he’d told them. No, it’s Elias at his door, with his neatly tailored suit and wristwatch that he checks as he waits. He can’t see Jon, but Jon can see him. Just like Jon can’t see Mr. Spider, but Mr. Spider can see him. Funny how that works, isn’t it? Doesn’t really make much sense.

The knock comes again, two quick raps, and Jon has a choice to make. It’s Elias at the door, not Mr. Spider. He stands up. He walks over. He places his hand on the knob. It’s Elias behind it. He can see this. He knows this.

The thing is, Jon’s never been afraid of the door itself.

The thing is, he thinks Mr. Spider knows this too.

Jon opens the door.

Elias looks up, meets his eyes, and then smiles.

“Ah, Jonathan,” he says pleasantly, “just came to see how you’re settling in.”

#anyway. ANYWAY. #tma #file this under: random motifs I'm oddly passionate about #sorry this was meant to be a meta post but it turned into creative writing. idk what came over me #my writing #the magnus archives

[shima-draws]

You blogging about One Piece Treasure Cruise is really making me want to play it…is it fun? Do you recommend? :D

FROTHING AT THE MOUTH UMMM HI YES you should get OPTC and play it it’s SO much fun. I’ve only been playing for about a month (?) or so and I’ve been having a TOTAL blast

I know that generally gacha games can be really hit or miss for a lot of people but I will highly recommend OPTC bc of the MASSIVE amounts of freebies they give out. I’ve played lots of different gacha games over the years and I’ve never seen a game give out as much freebies as OPTC has;; There’s multiple different game modes you can do and they all have different rewards where you can literally just. Choose the character you want. There’s some game modes where you can challenge the same boss over and over and get multiple of the same character to increase their level to the max. They’re stupidly generous with their rewards too like just by leveling up or beating a certain quest or doing a challenge x amount of times they’ll give you a sugo rare (basically a 6 star character, the best units in the game) for free! FOR FREEEEE!!! Also they give tons of unique rewards to rookie players as well so just by getting the game and starting it for the first time they will bury you in Stuff :)

A lot of gacha games are pay to win but honestly you don’t need to spend any money in OPTC to A. Have fun and B. Win harder challenges. It really just depends on how you build your crew and with all the free handouts you’re BOUND to get some really good recruits even at the very start. And if you don’t mind spending a little money they do have achievement packs that unlock whenever you hit a certain level, and the rewards are very generous.

Anyway coughs now that I’m done ranting about how much free shit they’ll give you the actual gameplay is a lot of fun too, like I mentioned there’s lots of different game modes but they generally all revolve around the whole building your crew thing. And a few of these game modes will reset every couple weeks and let you get new characters/rewards so things are always changing and updating! They just had an event to get a free 6 star Bonney and then super evolve her into a 6+ star with her in her Egghead outfit and like.

Bro. That’s so RUDE,,

I will say they do dump a lot on you so it can be really. Confusing and complex lol. I wouldn’t say I know the ins and outs of this game QUITE yet but I have learned a lot of things since I started playing, so if you have any questions feel free to come ask me 🥰

Also the game’s 10 year anniversary is happening (Franky voice) SUPER soon so now is a great time to start playing bc they’re definitely gonna give all the players heaps of rewards ;)

Anyway I’m totally not obsessed with OPTC can’t you tell

#Shima answers questions #I love this game SO much…….. #I literally just got like 3 free sugos today by doing Pirate Adventures. Again. FREEBIES!!! #OPTC #One Piece #One Piece Treasure Cruise #I’m p sure they’re giving out tons of free sugos depending on your alliance bounty too which I’m like. Hehehe. HAHAHA. YESS. YESSSSSS!!!!!! #My bounty is p decent and all the members in my alliance have high bounties too so #Anyway. ANYWAY. #Play OPTC I say pleadingly so I’m not alone 😭 #I gotta ramble about it to SOMEBODY who understands

[cityandking]

thinking about the dark. thinking about everyone seeing helaine turn to stone. thinking about the last flickering gleam before the light goes out and the void closes in, suffocating, and the realization that not everyone will weather it. thinking about daichi doing what he always does and trying to find the spark, to find the spark and if he can’t find one he’ll make one, and reaching out, up, from the underdark and the corrupted void and the deepest darkest depths of the world and touching a filament of pelor's light, a single moment of relief before he realizes it's not enough and he can't save everyone and he has to make a choice.

thinking about the choice. thinking about the grinding indecision and the void and the certainty that he'll choose and he can't un-choose and that means saving someone and failing someone else and no matter what it's going to be someone that he loves. thinking about how he's been there before, in the dark, the zaref-or choice, how he stands there staring (staring, but not seeing) down the choice like a monster or the ocean or a great drop of knowing, knowing that he can't escape it and knowing what he's going to choose even before the choice is made and the unbearable dragging weight of making the choice anyway.

thinking about afterwards. thinking about the great burning inside him and the desire to end this as quickly as possible, to make it all stop, and the war slipping between the cracks, ugly and burning and ruinous. thinking about the fire and the obsidian and the crumbling dust, which no one sees except for the person who watched him slip into the abyss too, who has seen all the worst parts of his burning.

and afterwards, when the light steadies, when there is nothing left but the ruins and the wounds.

#voidhopping campaign #daichi #anyway. ANYWAY. #mine; daichi #I guess??? #tbd #maybe

[jackklinemybeloved]

emily calling eating the big bad wolf a communion… girl you can’t just say that and expect me to be normal about it

#might have to literally bust out my literary analysis book from AP lit #and make a webweaving post with the chapter ‘if they’re eating it’s communion’ #or whatever the fuck it’s called #anyway. anyway. #neverafter spoilers #neverafter #dimension 20 #emily axford #ylfa snorgelsson

[kylejsugarman]

god. au squared jesse in season 1 obviously cares about baby and loves her a lot, but shes 4 months old and he didnt know what to do for most of those 4 months and was mostly fine relying on his parents to answer a lot of those questions even if he despised all the judgment he got from them. he loves her, but he also likes being young and irresponsible and not having to constantly problem solve and stress about a tiny little life. but then here comes walt and his life completely changes and jesse starts. Wanting baby. capital W wanting. during the cooks, he looks forward to coming home to baby. when he wakes up in the hospital after tuco and his crew beat him, his first thought is baby. the entirety of "grilled" is him about to jump out of his own skin because it's not just that he doesnt want to fucking die: he doesnt want to die and never see baby again. and then it culminates with "down", where his parents are kicking him out of ginny's house and diane instinctively starts to take baby from him so she can be raised in a proper environment, and jesse won't let go. also instinctive. just a few months ago, he probably would have been okay letting his mom take her, but the thought now horrifies him. he knows he's in way too deep and that he's not going to be able to give baby Everything, but after all these near death experiences and general insanity, he's realized that baby is the most important thing to him. the Only good thing. his purpose. he'd rather sleep on the floor of an impounded RV than sleep comfortably without her by his side.

#syd squeaks #heartwarming. this guy's parental instincts showed up after getting the shit kicked out of him. #au squared #anyway. ANYWAY. #jesse pinkman #baby ayuluk

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL #really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us #ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great #extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore #the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog #its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow #i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating #i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one #i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it #theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget #anyway. anyway. #our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by #there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!' #we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad #cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now #maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that #im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away #ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free #i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20 #i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her #but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more #maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know #because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before #i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years #i dunno. i dont know #anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process #the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months #the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time #when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move #just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend

[tyresdeg]

theo is in for the rest of the season lol

#anyway. anyway. #i’m bitter but he seems excited so good for him #i’m somehow sadder now than last year when david got announced #ughhhhh

[shoshiwrites]

I am so full and sleepy from my sister's bday dinner (hi house-made pasta and espresso in the tiny cups) and very much looking forward to sleeping in and spending some quality time with my inbox tomorrow

#shoshi.txt #i theoretically don't do anything besides go to work during the week #but commuting 5 days most weeks and a combined 3-ish hours is a lot! and tires me out! #and i feel like i should keep myself on the early rhythm (and usually my body does make the decision) but also. i need sleep #please feel free to send more sleepover weekend asks! #i have a few more fic recs asks to do and i'm going to see what prompts and other ask memes i have still in there #it's also supposed to be kind of coldish and rainy so #maybe watch a movie or something under a blanket #that would be nice #anyway. anyway.

[hetchdrive]

Nope still awake because now I’m thinking about that Ocean Vuong quote about lighthouses.

A monster is not such a terrible thing to be. From the Latin root monstrum, a divine messenger of catastrophe, then adapted by the Old French to mean an animal of myriad origins: centaur, griffin, satyr. To be a monster is to be a hybrid signal, a lighthouse: both shelter and warning at once.

#the first time i saw this quote years ago was like. relevatory. #anyway. anyway.

[ratgirlcopia]

if i start posting about my one copia-coded oc. well. be ready for that.

#thinking about her so much lately. she kills people for her dad who pretends he's not her dad. she's autistic. she's never been truly loved. #she loves ants and has an ant farm and leaves old food all over her bedroom so more ants will come over. #she has a ridiculous makeup routine she has to do every day or she'll die. she eats string cheese and cold boiled eggs and energy drinks. #she has a younger half-brother who's a marine biologist and hates her. #her entire character arc is her wanting to get fucked so bad she orchestrates a coup. #she's jesus coded (dies age 33 and comes back). #somehow i made her long before i ever knew copia existed. but i'm sure you can see now why he appeals to me so much. #anyway i wrote one egregiously long book about her but it ended up in my backlog. and got kinda unwieldy. #so i'm gonna pick it for scraps + write another one and just. focus on what really matters this time (all of the above things). #she's probably my favorite oc like i for real have written something in the range of 250k words of content about her. #anyway. ANYWAY.

[seagullcharmer]

working on a small lineup so here's starlight for now ✌️

#my art #chain link fences (au) #clf starlight #character ref #why'd he turn fuzzy. tumblr stop nuking my pics. #anyway. sketching out ideas for my silly au. i'm settling into this as his main outfit #may also wear like. the champion's tunic + climbing pants (that's my usual outfit in botw) #but that's a pain to draw 👍 #all i know is. amber earrings. loosely tied hair. freckles. also rare smiles #currently working on lvling up the hero's clothes rn before i go fight the calamity. since ig i've finished all the sidequests!!! crazy!!! #anyway. anyway. #behold. starlight my boy

[stone-stars]

fig warlock/paladin arc is so compelling <3

#sometimes you turn to art because it's all you have #and then you find other things #anyway. anyway. #i'm normal #fhjylb #hanbles

[rhymaes]

I’ve been having. Thoughts

#anyway. anyway. #perhaps consuming Wuthering heights & tgcf #in the same. week span. was not wise* for me** #*the absolute best possible option **for an insane creature #but yeah. kept having this thoguht in the shower & was like oh the tumblr phds woudl love this so

[ocdhuacheng]

Anyway I’ve been super busy so I haven’t been posting about csm that much but trust me I be Thinking it anyway I love nayuta and denji so much this last chapter did not go how I thought it was going to go which is probably a good thing bc I was expecting close to the worst but that’s not exactly saying much bc denji is currently being made into a pincushion. Or maybe Jesus.

#wailing. #anyway. anyway. #I just love nayuta I’m so proud of her so much #also denji was like. not chill exactly but not as snapped as I thought he was gonna be considering the last chapter. l #THERE IS STILL HOPE #um anyway I need to reread it again tho once things calm down so I can start rotating it more thoroughly in my brain #.txt #csm #denji #cc

[jackklinemybeloved]

princess rosamund du prix in the trials of baba yaga you are breaking my hearttttt

#siobahn fucking KILLED it this episode #she’s just. so heartbroken the whole time. I’m obsessed with her. #her voice cracks. her reaction to the prince dying and trying to save him as best she can. showing up haunted back to the baba yaga’s hut. #reacting to Gerard’s sacrifice by clearly projecting like ‘it had to be worth it if it cost so much. right?’ #she just wants to be happy but more than that she wants agency #anyway. anyway. #dimension 20 #neverafter #princess rosamund du prix #neverafter spoilers #siobhan thompson