#Because the New York trip was a year ago and I can’t talk about what it really meant to many people

[itspileofgoodthings]

it’s been exactly one year of me making @thelonelybrilliance scream laugh

#My FAVORITE #not that I never made her laugh before but when we met in person it was just different #unlocked a part of me I didn’t know how to share #the thing about me and Emma is that I’ve known her for 7 years and we’ve been friends for 6 #But we were very restrained and almost formal for those first 5 years. and I never really talked about myself because what was there to say #and also I just loved listening to Emma’s stories and being one of her friends #but then we met and it was like all that restraint and formality (which I love) melted and we were best friends #who make each other scream laugh #and I LOVED our more formal days where we talked about serious things about once a week and just kept in touch and supported each other #through the various stages of our lives #but it was so deeply surprising and healing to me to suddenly realize that all the pieces were in place for me to just be really honest #and really vulnerable and really funny (turns out) all at once #anyway I mostly try to keep my thoughts on this in Emma’s inbox and dm’s bc that’s where they belong #and I know it’s kind of strange to be speaking on it publicly #for me and other people. But I wanted to reflect a little bit here #Because the New York trip was a year ago and I can’t talk about what it really meant to many people #anyway like I loved Emma so much before I met her and we had so many great and fun fandom conversations #but there absolutely was reserve and restraint and just this context. Until suddenly we didn’t need it anymore! #I am (it turns out) the most slow burn person of all time!

[lola-la-cava]

If You’ll Have Me

gif not mine !

Timothée Chalamet x Reader

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

The sunlight peeking through the blinds shone. Two bodies on the bed laid, intertwined. Timothée laid with his stomach against the soft mattress. His arm wrapped around Y/N’s waist.

She opened her eyes, waking from her slumber and gazing at the sight she’d grown familiar to and loved. Y/N admired his slightly parted lips and his unruly curls covering the top half of his face. She pushed them upwards only for them to slowly come back down. Y/N giggled at this and tucked it behind his ears.

“Hm? What is it?” he asked with a raspy morning voice that gave her so much butterflies.

It had been a few months since they started going out and he never failed to make her feel all giddy and giggly like a school girl.

“Nothing, don’t worry. Good morning”, she grinned resting her forhead against his. Timothée chuckled at this and pecked her nose.

They laid like that for several minutes, bathing in each other’s presence. Whispers of sweet nothing and light grazes on each other’s bodies are exchanged. The couple cherished moments like these before the day ultimately pulls them apart like it always does.

Only this time it was different. Timothée was leaving for LA again to promote a new project. It would still be a few weeks before they got to do this again.

Y/N continued to long for a time when she could spend time with her boyfriend without getting interrupted by press junkets, reshoots and award shows. They both did, but most of her job kept her tied down here. In New York. All the way across the country from LA.

Until now.

She’d recently resigned to pursue a more free lance job.

She groaned as she pushed herself up to sit up against the headboard. “Oh God, I can’t believe you’re leaving again”.

Timothée sighed as he looked up at her admiring her features. “I know, but it’ll be shorter than the other trips, I promise”

Y/N raises her eyebrow at this.

He sits up, putting his hands up in defeat, “Honest to God! I just have around 15 interviews scheduled. I’ll be done with in 3 days. I have a talk show to do and a fitting for the-“

Timothée continued to talk, but Y/N also commented. “-Hey, don’t worry. Take your-“

“And I have a bunch of open houses to go to”

Her heart drops at the sudden statement.

The room silences. “Open house, huh? When’d you start looking?”

He scratches the back of his neck, “Around 3 months ago?”

She inaudibly scoffed.

The audacity this man had. They’d been dating for months and not a single word of this came out of his mouth. Was he just gonna lead her on? Make her make a drastic decision about their relationship on the brink of him moving to the other side of the country? Y/N didn’t even know anymore.

But of course, she had no right to influence his choice in this. He’d been working toward where he was for years now. And he had nowhere to go but up. Y/N couldn’t help but be proud of him and support him. No matter what he does.

She put on a small smile.

“That’s great, Timmy. Oh, I’m so happy for you”

“Well, nothing’s really sure for now, but yeah fingers crossed.” he smirks optimistically with a blank stare on the comforter.

He zoned out, imagining their life there. He kind of expected her to handle the news with more enthusiasm. Of course, this wasn’t the ideal way he thought to reveal it, letting it accidentally slip out in a vent, but still. Y/N seemed solemn almost sad. Like the way she seemed whenever he’d leave for another trip.

Timothée’s body tensed all of a sudden. He looked at Y/N with a confused expression

“Y/N?” he called out to her, letting his hand rest on top of hers. She hummed earnestly. “You don’t think I’m moving by myself, do you?”

She sat up at his words, her e/c eyes trained on his. “You’re not?”

He started laughing. Loudly. As if he was teasing her for thinking that. Truly he was cackling because it was so appalling to the point that it was funny.

She frowned at this, “What are you laughing at?” He pretends to wipe away tears threatening to come out of the corners of his eyes and pouted. “Aw, did you really think I’d leave without you?”

“God, Timmy! Why’d you have to scare me like that!” The heart that was previously in her stomach soared. Y/N looked into his eyes for a second before she jumped into his lap to give him a bear hug. She remained clinging onto him.

For a few minutes, they stayed like that. Y/N fiddled with the curls in the back of his head as he rubbed her back. His hand all of a sudden rested on her cheek, bringing her gaze to him. “So, how ‘bout it?”

“I’d love to”

He grinned at her words and placed small kisses all over her face.

“If you’ll have me”

“It would be my pleasure, mon ange”

#timothee chalamet x reader #timothee chalamet imagine #timothee chalamet fic #timothee x reader #timothée chalamet #timothée chalamet x reader #timothee chalamet fanfic #x reader #timothée chalamet imagine #timothee imagine #timothée fanfic #timothée imagine

[7s3ven]

SANTA, TELL ME. draco malfoy

( master list )

IN WHICH… Draco Malfoy no longer enjoys Christmas, especially not when he has to stay at Hogwarts while all his friends are gone. But a certain bright-eyed Hufflepuff is glad to keep him company.

( draco x hufflepuff! reader )

“Santa, tell me if he really cares. ‘Cause I can’t give it all away if he won’t be here next year.”

—

Draco couldn’t remember when he had started to dislike Christmas. Maybe it was during his second year when he had to stay at Hogwarts for the winter and ever since then, he was required to do the same every year.

Draco mindlessly stared at the wrapped gifts his parents had sent him early. The cold Slytherin room was empty, everybody but Draco at home with their families.

The blond teenager was curled up on the soft couch, listening to the fire crackle and watching as the logs burned. Having had enough of wallowing in self pity, Draco slipped into a thick blazer and walked out of the common room.

He wandered around the halls, the sound of loud and joyful laughter catching his attention. He peeked out of the window, his nose slightly wrinkling when he saw Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. They were with two other girls that weren’t that annoying know-it-all, Hermione Granger.

Draco recognized one of them as Y/N L/N, a Hufflepuff who was unusually good at potions. The other girl was a dark-haired Ravenclaw with a stern beauty that contrasted Y/N’s soft features.

The group of four were playing in the snow, throwing it at each other and laughing when their noses turned red from the cold.

Y/N wore her yellow scarf which sorely clashed with her tight blue and white striped blouse, greyish-brown skirt, and puffy white jacket. She seemed to have fleece lined tights on because she wasn’t shivering.

Draco tore his eyes away from the happy friends and frowned. Even with his companions, they were never that carefree. But how Draco wished they could be. It must be great not having to worry about your every move and who you were friends with, who you liked, and who you were going to marry.

In a way, he envied Y/N. She was a pureblood brought up by muggle parents with no harsh expectations or demands.

On paper, she was a sacred pure but in every Slytherin’s eyes, she would always be an outcast. She was at every prestigious party in her bright and stunning yellow dresses, effortlessly sticking out like a sore thumb.

Draco released a sigh and ran a hand through his blond hair. He didn’t know what to do with Blaise and all his other friends gone. He had heard Nott was going on a trip to Paris. Wonderful.

Pansy was going to Italy.

Crabbe and Goyle were planning to visit a famous restaurant in London.

Millicent Bulstrode was going to New York.

And Matteo… the poor son of Lord Voldemort was stuck in the same orphanage his father had landed in decades ago. In the same room too.

Draco walked with no destination in mind until he ended up at the front gates of Hogwarts. He looked up, staring as the snowflakes dropped. Slowly, he stepped forward into the thick snow. He sank down into it and the cold offered a strange sense of comfort.

He had not been planning to go outside so he was wrongly dressed. Draco shivered slightly as the snow landed on his pale face. His cheeks were flushed red and his hands felt frozen. He wouldn’t be surprised if they were.

“You’re going to catch a cold.”

Draco hadn’t even noticed Y/N approaching him, her scarf in her hand. “If you plan to stay outside,” She uttered, trying to hand him the yellow clothing, “At least wear this.”

Draco looked her up and down, wondering why she was even talking to him. All he did was bully her friends, at least the ones in Gryffindor. Draco and his posse seemed to leave everybody else alone.

“You helped me last month. So I’m returning the favor.” Y/N brightly smiled and Draco felt his face heat up, much to his dismay.

Draco thought for a moment before he realized what Y/N was talking about. It was true, he had helped her but only because that boy who was trying to flirt with Y/N was making a fool of Slytherin and he didn’t approve of making girls uncomfortable.

“Ah.” Draco murmured, staring down at the scarf. He slowly reached out to grab it. “He deserved it.”

“Matteo punched him.” Y/N piped up, reminding Draco of what had happened. Yes, Matteo had punched the idiotic boy while Draco stood on the sidelines, merely watching. “His nose started bleeding. I’m all for defending people but was that necessary?”

“He’s done it before. Matteo only wanted to teach him a lesson. Sexual harassment is no joke. That boy has tried peeking up girl’s skirts so my statement still stands. He deserved it.” Draco uttered it more firmly this time.

“Where is Matteo anyway?” Y/N looked around, trying to catch a glimpse of the brunette boy. “I thought he would’ve stayed behind.”

“I’m not sure why he went back to the orphanage.” Draco wasn’t the best at small talk, especially not with friendly people. But Y/N didn’t seem to notice as she rambled on.

She was relatively good friends with Matteo. She was one of the few who could get away with talking to him and not receiving a glare in return.

“He told me he was staying behind but maybe he didn’t want to be alone again, since he assumed you were leaving too. He kind of envies you and your family trips. He’s envious because you actually have a family.” Y/N paused, slowly covering her mouth. “Ah… I wasn’t supposed to tell you that… sorry.”

She lifted her head, locking gazes with Draco. “You’ll… keep this between us, right?” She sheepishly smiled, “I swear I don’t usually spill people’s secrets…”

Draco shrugged. “I wouldn’t be able to do much with that information anyway.” The blond hair turned around to walk away, but he realized he was still holding Y/N’s scarf. “I changed my mind. I’m going back inside. I assume you’ll be staying out here for a while so take this back. We don’t want you to freeze.”

Draco wrapped Y/N’s scarf around her neck, nodding. There was a slither of a smile on his lips before he spun around and strutted off.

“Why were you talking with Malfoy?” Harry approached Y/N as soon as Draco left.

She hummed in surprise and slightly jumped. “What? Oh. He’s not so bad. He’s actually… somewhat nice.”

Harry scoffed and rolled his emerald green eyes. “Malfoy? Nice? As if. Anyway, we’re going to walk around the pine woods. Wanna join?”

Y/N shook her head and beamed. “No. I’m good. I’m a little tired so I’ll see you inside.” Harry smiled back at her before jogging over to Ron and Anna, the Ravenclaw girl.

Y/N pushed past the large wooden doors, walking back into the warmth of the Hogwarts castle. The fire in the Great Hall crackled as Y/N entered, intent on warming her hands. But she found Draco standing in front of the Christmas tree, staring at it in wonder and awe and sadness.

“It’s pretty, isn’t it?” Y/N snuck up behind Draco, startling him.

“Jeez! Merlin’s sake, L/N, don’t sneak up on me like that!” Draco stormed out of the Great Hall while Y/N poured and huffed.

“Hmph. What’s his problem? He was fine before.” She shook her head in annoyance as she warmed her freezing body by the fireplace. “Slytherins really are bipolar…”

Though, Y/N couldn’t help but feel sorry for Draco. She knew he was the only one in the common room because Matteo had told her everybody always went home. Pansy confirmed it.

Y/N and Pansy weren’t close but they had worked on a group project together and for along relatively well. Unbeknownst to Y/N, Pansy tried her best to hate the kind Hufflepuff but she never could.

Y/N could hear footsteps approaching the hall and assuming it was Harry, Y/N didn’t turn around. She should’ve because as soon as she caught sight of blond hair in a reflection, she knew it was Draco.

“Come to yell at me some more?” She asked, a joking tone to her question.

“You helped decorate the Great Hall, right?” Draco inquired, getting straight to the point.

“Yeah, I guess so. Why?”

“I need you to decorate the Slytherin common room.” Draco held up a pouch of money, “I’m willing to pay.”

Y/N glanced at him as he jingled the coins. She shrugged. “Nah. I’ll do it for free. Let’s go!” She linked arms with Draco and dragged him to the supply closet where the extra decorations were being been kept.

“Why do I need to help you?” Draco grumbled as Y/N shoved the boxes into his arms. She huffed.

“What? You think I could carry all this by myself? Hey,” She poked Draco’s shoulder, “There’s things even I can’t do alone. Besides, you’re strong. Use it for something helpful.”

Y/N turned away, which relieved Draco because he refused to let her see his flushed cheeks.

“Wow, it really isn’t decorated at all. That’s surprising, especially on Christmas Eve. The Hufflepuff common room is almost too shiny with all the tinsel.” Y/N looked around the Slytherin Chamber in disappointment. At least they had their Christmas tree up, though it was a very sad and bland one. She frowned. “How do you guys live like this?”

“I helped you carry the boxes. I trust you’ll be able to do the rest.” Draco dropped the boxes full of decorations and hurried off.

“Huh? Wait! You don’t expect me to do it alone! I need to socialise! I’ll die if I don’t talk to people!”

Draco slammed his dorm door shut, making Y/N sigh. “He’s only nice when Matteo is around.” She mumbled, “Does he have a crush on him or something? I wouldn’t be surprised. He keeps turning down girls, even Pansy. And she’s gorgeous.”

Y/N sorted through all the tinsel, sighing. “I suppose if I were a boy, I’d go for Pansy. Or Hermione. Maybe Luna?” She picked all the green tinsel strings, making sure to leave every single red-colored one in the box.

“Daphne Greengrass or whatever her name is would be a good choice too.” Y/N uttered as she wrapped the green tinsel around the stair rail. “Hm, who else? Ah! Cho Chang! Cedric sure is lucky to be dating her. I’m almost jealous!”

Y/N sighed as she hung ornaments on the lonely Christmas tree. “Ginny would also be on the list I guess. She’s a total badass. Why won’t Harry notice her? If I were him, I’d fall in love instantly.”

She checked fireplace, and made sure to add some more wood to the flames to keep them ignited. “Pansy, Hermione, Luna, Daphne, Cho, and Ginny. A strong lineup. What about the boys? Matteo is handsome but I only see him as a friend. Lorenzo I would get with. Cedric? Maybe. Oliver? Yes. Dating Harry or Ron would be a little weird so maybe not. Besides, I ship Hermione and Ron.”

This went on for quite some time. Y/N had made amazing progress while talking to herself. The chamber was almost unrecognisable. Draco, who was cooped up in his room, clenched his jaw. He was covering his ears, trying to ignore Y/N’s annoying rambling.

But she kept talking. Over and over again. About useless topics too. Finally, Draco had enough. He pulled open his door and was about to yell something until he heard Y/N mention his name.

“Draco? Hm… I don’t know. Am I supposed to call him Malfoy? I feel like we’re on relatively good terms. Would I date him? A solid maybe. He’s so handsome but he’s a little bipolar. If only he was a little nicer. I wouldn’t mind kissing him.”

Draco slowly lifted his head, hanging onto every word Y/N spoke. If he was a little nicer… she’d kiss him?

“I’m going out. The room looks great. Thanks, Y/N.” Draco hurriedly grabbed her hand, pressing an innocent kiss to her knuckles before he hurried off.

“Did he… just say thank you?” Y/N huffed in disbelief. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard his say that.” She looked at her hand, still able to feel the ghost of Draco’s lips against her skin.

Draco had never been a nice person from the start but he figured the way to Y/N’s heart was to get on neutral terms with Potter.

Speaking of the devil, Draco could see Harry, Ron, and Anna walking into the castle.

“Morning, Potter.” Draco uttered as he passed the trio, trying his best not to scowl. “And Weasley and, I’m sorry, I don’t know your last name but I like your black hair.”

Once Draco was out of earshot, Ron and Harry shared a disturbed look. “Was he… poisoned or something?” Ron asked, “I prefer when Malfoy’s mean! It’s scary when he’s nice.”

“Hey, guys!” Y/N jogged towards her friends, wildly waving at them. “Have you guys seen Draco?”

“Yeah. He went that way. But he was acting super weird. What did you say to him to make him greet us and tell Anna he likes her hair.” Ron scoffed, “Or did you slip a potion into his drink?”

“Huh? I didn’t say anything!” Y/N exclaimed. She paused. “Oh… well, I did say I would kiss him if he was a little nicer. But I was talking to myself.”

“Bloody hell, Y/N.” Harry uttered. “Malfoy probably fancies you.”

“What?” Y/N tilted her head to the side.

“If you think about it, it makes sense.” Anna retorted. “I mean, he’s always trying to talk to you. He doesn’t bully you and he seems to stay away from bullying your friends as well. I mean, Harry and Ron and ‘Mione excluded.”

Y/N sighed. “That doesn’t prove anything. Do you know where he went? I need to ask him about the decorations. I’m decorating the Slytherin chamber.”

“He walked outside. Probably to Hogsmeade to go on a shopping spree for himself.” Ron quietly scoffed.

“Tell me if you see him, ‘kay?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Y/N walked back to the chamber, staring at the work she had done. The Slytherin common room looked much more comforting and welcoming now. She smiled proudly, placing her hands on her hips.

“Looks good, Y/N.” She happily high-fived herself. Y/N sat down on the couch, slightly slouching. She waved her wand around while mumbling a small charm, smiling as snowflakes floated around.

Hours eventually passed and Draco still hadn’t returned. Y/N had finished decorating and she had refurbished the fire as well. She was so bored she eventually found a way into Draco’s dorm and cleaned it too.

“Santa, tell me, if you’re really there. Don’t make me fall in love again if he won’t be here next year.” Y/N quietly sang, humming the beat to the muggle song. She had went to fetch Hermione’s gift, a small radio that played all kinds of songs. Y/N was enjoying it very much.

She grinned as she happily swung her legs. She stood up to check on the fire, slightly dancing.

The chorus played again, and this time Y/N sang louder.

At that time, Draco walked in. He froze, watching as Y/N surprisingly hit all the high notes in the Ariana Grande song.

Draco slowly smiled, strutting towards Y/N. He tapped her shoulder, “You’re a good singer.” He complimented her.

“Oh… thanks. What took you so long? I finished ages ago.”

“And you didn’t leave?”

“I, uh… didn’t wanna leave you alone.” Y/N sheepishly smiled. “Oh, what’s that?” She pointed at the bag in Draco’s arms. “A gift for your friend?”

“I guess you could say that… but she’s not really my friend. More like someone I owe.” Draco held out the bag, shoving it into Y/N’s hands. “For you. Merry… early Christmas.”

Draco looked away, trying to his his reddening ears.

Y/N tilted her head to the side before she opened the bag, gasping softly. “What the… Draco… this must’ve cost a fortune.” Inside was a freshly pressed Burberry blazer.

“I overheard that you were going to Paris in Winter next year and it snows there occasionally, so I bought you something to keep you warm.”

“Oh… it’s lovely, Draco.” Y/N smiled, feeling the fabric. “I love it. Thank you… so much.” She couldn’t contain her laugh of happiness.

“That’s not all.” Draco reached in, pulling out a jewelry box. “Vivienne Westwood.” He uttered, showing her the beautiful silver necklace.

Y/N gasped again. “You didn’t have to do this… you spent way too much money, Draco.”

“I wanted to do this. Consider it my thanks for decoration. It looks great. Turn around so I can put this on you.”

Y/N slowly spun around, feeling Draco’s cold hands against her neck. He gently pushed her hair aside, lingering for a moment too long. He put the necklace around her neck, carefully clasping it.

“Thank you.” Y/N grasped the pendant, smiling. “I love it. And I love the blazer too.”

Draco was still standing behind her, not wanting to move as he inhaled the smell of her sweet perfume.

“Y/N.” He whispered, “Can I…” Draco hesitated, “Can I kiss you?”

“What?” Y/N turned around in shock, staring at him with wide eyes. Draco, misunderstanding it as rejection, frowned.

“Sorry. I just blurted it out. I didn’t mean it.”

The clock in the common room loudly chimed as it reached twelve o’clock, a reminder of what day it was now. Christmas.

Y/N reached out, grabbing Draco and pulled him forward. She quickly kissed him and shyly pulled away, her cheeks flushed bright red just like Draco’s ears.

“Merry Christmas, Draco.”

#harry potter x reader #draco malfoy #slytherin #hufflepuff #gryffindor #ravenclaw #hogwarts legacy #hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry #harry potter fanfiction #hermione granger #ron weasley #hogwarts mystery #one shot #all i want for christmas is you #santa tell me #christmas special

[whispering-coffee]

Okay so this post is LONG OVERDUE but I decided to do it now cause someone reminded me.

There was this one time a couple years ago back in New York City where I had ended up having an accident like, in public.

Basically what happened was I was going out for a restaurant and had some food and drinks. After that I decided to take a trip around the area and just explore, maybe buy something if I see a neat souvenir.

After a while unsurprisingly I start needing to pee, so I start looking for a bathroom obviously but can’t find any that allows use without having to be a customer (stupid rule honestly) but anyways, I held it off and went to this place called The Oculus, it was a very cool looking place and I figured it had bathrooms and well, it did but..

THE LINES, like oh my god the lines were so long, like 50 people waiting outside just to use the bathroom. Now obviously my kinky self wouldve been insanely interested to stick around and see if anything happens but I had my own issues and I sure as hell wasn’t gonna wait in that line, plus by this point I’m already getting antsy and my bladder was getting pretty full.

So I’m like well what the fuck do I do there’s nowhere to go, so i opt to try to make it back to my hotel and my room, but because this is ME we’re talking about and I’m making an omo storytime post, you can imagine what happened on the way back.

I was basically speed walking back and doing subtle dances waiting for crossings to turn green, then eventually about half way to the hotel I lost control aaaand wet myself, on the sidewalk.

Super embarrassing buuuut I look back on it fondly at least :D

#omorashi #omo #female omorashi

[dallonwrites]

UNTIL HEAVEN - WIP INTRO

matthew lejune / @dallonwrites / ocean vuong / mary ruefle

He knows that his headache is quietly growing vicious and he should take off his headphones, but now they’re singing about Heaven and Las Vegas – two places he has never been – and he knows that at some point, still unknown to him, his father died, and maybe that means he’s now stuck in Heaven or Las Vegas or somewhere in between. Or maybe that means he’ll just be everywhere, in the rain on Felix’s face and the ache behind his eyelids, and that’s how it’ll stay.

Genre: Adult Literary Fiction, novella (please god stay a novella)

Setting: San Francisco/New York, December 1990/January 1991

Vibe: shoegaze & dream pop, warm lighting, ginger flavor, a city skyline at night, going to church for the first time in years, feeling too old and also like you were born yesterday, disposable camera photos, the passing of time, stuff rabbit toy from your childhood, the hallway at a family gathering, planetariums, cold air on your face, retro christmas decor, realising you were once a child and that child deserved so much better

Deals With: parental grief when your parent was a piece of shit, Christian trauma, queerness in relationships, adulthood as you progress through your 20s, healing + building your own life after a traumatic childhood and what happens when that is disrupted

Soundtrack Essentials: The Cure - Plainsong / Mazzy Star - Be My Angel / Cocteau Twins - Cherry-Coloured Funk / Cocteau Twins - Heaven or Las Vegas / Beach House - The Hours / Jeff Buckley - Dream Brother / Tamino - Cinnamon

Synopsis: When Felix's father dies suddenly it's a week before Christmas, he and Beau had just begun experimenting with an open relationship, and he refuses to interrupt his life to mourn a man who doesn't deserve it. But when he can't stop his body from grieving, and his sister is growing obsessive over the morbid details, and at work he's teaching children that remind him of himself, an opportunity to impulsively leave sees Felix spend an insomniatic month in New York: diners at 3am, trips at the club, a birthday spent in a planetarium, one night stands to tell his boyfriend about in the morning, and a dangerously intense relationship with an enigmatic man who wants to know everything about his father.

This is another piece in my personal project/emotional support series and follows Revelations, Revelations and Lover Boy. If you know me you know Dorothy and Felix are my annoying children who I love so dearly and this novella is paired with a future novella that follows Dorothy during the same time. Fun fact! I only returned to writing because I wanted to explore Felix more and now I have an entire world that dominates my brain and it's all his fault! So this novella is kind of like a love letter to him. I also literally only created this so I could have a project that was soundtracked by historic Cocteau Twins' album Heaven or Las Vegas. Currently drafting because it won't leave my mind

The answering machine beeps awake -- and then, Beau's mother, reminding them that they're in charge of dessert tomorrow --and then, Beau's coworker wishing them both a Happy Holidays, a Stacy who Felix has never met -- and then his sister, sarcastic but loving, This is me calling so you know I made it home alive, just like you asked -- and then surprisingly, Goldie, Hi Felix, even though school broke up weeks ago, So I know it's Christmas, but I wanted to let you know that I talked with Joey's father and it sounds like he's doing much better at home already. He's even excited to come back to your class! And his father sounds super proud and optimistic about his progress and by the end of the last message he’s on the floor, back to fridge and elbows on his knees, face in his hands. And he lets out a shaky, snivelled breath that makes him push his palms harder against his eyes, against the wetness because he can’t cry, not over this, not when there’s still Christmas presents to wrap and last minute laundry so stop crying, get up, put on your new Mazzy Star record and get on with it. He straightens his back, holds his head up, takes a few deep breaths that feel more like gasping for air and also like pulling barbed wire out of his throat, gazes at the slants of streetlight on his living room wall. He can’t cry, not over this and not here, not in the home he’s worked so hard to make so warm. So he sits with himself, wipes his own eyes and holds himself in his own arms; when he feels calm enough, or trusts himself to be, he leans forward so he can open the fridge and reach in for the last ginger ale, cold in his hand and warm down his throat. Just him and the hum of an empty apartment.

#felix's transition from guy who does cocaine in the bathroom to kindergarten teacher is still so iconic to me #the tiny hint at the dorothy sibling novella OMG #wip intro #until heaven #something about this wip intro is so scary to me even though i love this story so much #but i need my wip intros so i can make my pinned post....dropping then going to SLEEP

[firewoodfigs]

Tagged by the resplendent @roseofbattles :)

TEN GOOD THINGS IN 2023

1. New York / poetry readings — sometime around September, I got to feed an old, ostensibly impractical dream that’s emerged and lurked around since two decades ago. I wrote a poem and got to read it aloud in a wonderful art studio around Chelsea, teeming with so much talent and heart, thanks to the incredible @mirabile---visu. Thank you, dear friend, for giving my poem a home. I will remember this forever and hold dear to heart all the honest conversations we had over pizza, art and wine <3 you are such an inspiration and I can’t wait to see you again! Thank you too to the insanely talented @go-haywire for putting my words into print and allowing them to rest in a well-bound sanctuary — I carried it with me in New York as a lucky charm, and will always be eternally grateful for your generosity and faith.

2. New Zealand — sometime in April, in between jobs, I got to visit the amazing @tsaritsa in NZ, and it was two weeks of peace and great novelty, including but not limited to riding on a horse, feeding penguins, and donning on a firefighter costume! We also walked a ton and talked a lot and gazed upon a blanket of stars. Thank you for all your hospitality and love which I will never forget (and see you in 2024?!)

3. Other travels — I travelled a lot around Asia this year, for work and for fun! I got to see the cherry blossoms for the first time in my life with Japan with my partner. We also got to celebrate his birthday there, and it was an all around lovely trip; I’m really happy he got to have this break because he’s been truly working so hard in 2023. I also ushered in the new year with a dear friend in South Korea; the fireworks were nothing short of spectacular! We got a strawberry shortcake after and returned to our cute little apartment to just wind down and pen down our hopes for 2023 :) I also got to visit Thailand, Vietnam and Malaysia for work, which were really exciting experiences!

4. Job switch — sometime in April, I was confronted with this HUGE dilemma of staying here in my hometown or moving to… a tax-free desert… the latter meant I’d at least be able to stay with my previous firm, but after a lot of coffees and deep consideration I decided it was better to move on to someplace else and stay put so I could spend more time with my partner. In hindsight it was probably the best decision I could’ve made; 2023 has been quite emotionally distressing for us and I would’ve hated to see him ensure all of that alone. I was mildly apprehensive at first about the switch, but I’ve been really blessed to have the most wonderful colleagues and bosses and am really excited to see what’s in store next :)

5. Meeting new friends, and in a similar vein, catching up and reuniting with old ones :) New York was a dream, in large part due to meeting some of the most luminous souls I’ve had the serendipitous pleasure of knowing during the pandemic—first over a screen, and then in person, over karaoke, and bagels, and coffee, and ice cream, and of course fried chicken LOL. @x-rainflame-x @roseofbattles @nightofnyx8 @beware-thegemini @thatisadamnfinecupofcoffee @annespelledwithane it was so so precious getting to meet you all in New York and I will cherish our time there together forever!

6. Learning a language—I try to learn at least one new word a day, and I’ve also been working on my Japanese since moving into a Japanese firm. It really helps as well to have colleagues that I can practice with—I took classes briefly in college but it sort of just drifted out of my memory after the pandemic because I didn’t speak it regularly, but now that I do it’s been super fun!

7. Getting into Spy x Family — and consequently, getting back into fic writing :) all of this is @nightofnyx8’s fault btw, now I have to pretend I like this stupid fake family a normal amount (when I’m just obsessed an unhealthy amount lmao)

8. Fraud/investigations work — this basically consumed the entirety of my Nov/Dec and there’s not much I can divulge about it (apart from the fact that it pretty much aged me by a decade) but… I felt like Loid Forger and it was fun being a spy for a month. the end

9. Dealing better with anxiety (?)—question mark because my progress is… questionable. On one hand I think I’ve gotten a lot better at regulating (or perhaps suppressing) a lot of associated feelings, but it still gets frightening on occasion when the dam breaks free without much prior warning. Regardless I think it’s a marked improvement from the countless menty bs back in college lmao. To be very frank, having a stable income of sorts has helped a great deal; in college I was constantly plagued with the fear of not having enough to purchase required materials or at times food, and it was just a lot to deal with. It felt like there was no room for failure because I only had myself to rely upon, and success was the only tenable avenue out of poverty, but being able to now obtain necessities and even additional wants has done wonders for my mental health. It’s true that money doesn’t happiness, and I spend a great deal of time daily mulling over capitalism and consumerism and the like, but I cannot deny the sense of security it affords.

10. And finally, falling deeper in love everyday :) it’s easy to think we know a great deal about someone, except we don’t. People may appear simple, but the truth is we’re all a work in progress, and by extension, a continuing story. I could read a million books and write a million poems, but beloved, believe me—you will always be my favourite.

Goodbye 2023, and hello 2024!

#personal #writing

[dksw0rld]

LIVE

This year I encourage you to choose to live. It sounds so obvious and simple but we tend to get so caught up in life that we often forget to actually live. I’ve made a few posts in the past about how I decided to make actually living life a priority in 2022 and I can’t thank myself enough for doing it. I’ve been having the time of my life and have such great memories I get to hold onto to. I have these memories because I decided to be intentional with my time and my life. When I did, I experienced things I couldn’t have even dreamt up if I tried. I want to share some of those memories with you to show you how fun life can really be when you make yourself and your life a priority.

- A friend and I decided to go out when I was visiting my hometown, even though our normal way to spend girl time was to sit by the fire with a glass of wine and talk. That night we ended up going downtown.  We ended up accidentally going to a concert of a very famous singer, standing close enough where I made eye contact with the person several times. I still don’t even know how we got into that concert lol. I got hit on by his lead guitarist without even knowing he was the lead guitarist for this singer. After their set we hung out with the band for a while before heading home for the night.

- A few months ago, I decided to take an impromptu New York trip with a close friend. We were only there overnight but we had the legit best time of our lives. We went to an upscale bar in the city and met a foreign real estate mogul, went to a lounge with a bar at the top (we didn’t know that at the time) and somehow got let into an VIP exclusive party in the bar at the top while we were exploring the building. We danced our butts off with people we didn’t know. It felt like a movie. We ended up leaving there and were on our way to another spot when we ran into a beautiful couple (they were genuinely so good looking), we got to talking with them and they turned out to be an uber successful couple. The guy was a very well known architect and the woman owned a successful art gallery in the city. After talking to them for a little, they gave us their VIP bands to get into a super exclusive party going on that night. We also all followed each other on Instagram so I got a networking opportunity out of it too. Side note: this was before I hated Instagram and deleted it off my phone.

- Living life doesn’t always have to look like going out on the town. This past year I said yes to things I used to do as a kid but never think to do anymore, as well as new things and experiences. An example of this was going roller skating after not having gone for years because I thought it was “kid-ish”. I went with a friend after hours and it was truly so much fun. It was so freeing to be a kid again and let my inner child run free and play, or I guess in this instance let my inner child roll free and play. It was honestly so healing. If I had said no because of my preconceived notion, I would have never experienced that. Since then I’ve gone roller skating more and have so much fun every time.

Embarking on this journey has sparked a passion in me. These past few years I just went through the motions on autopilot. I wasn’t intentional with my time or my life. When I chose to end that cycle I felt myself truly come alive. I really encourage you to evaluate your life and see if you’re running on autopilot. If you are, break the cycle this year. It doesn’t have to be in expensive or lavish ways. What matters is breaking the cycle how you can and choosing to live your life with intention. I promise you, you will look back a year later with beautiful memories and gratitude for making the decision to live intentionally.

#dk #live intentionally #memories #i hope you choose to live

[literarygoon]

So,

June is Filipino Heritage Month.

In Canada, where Filipinos have been among the most reliably numerous immigrants in the past few decades, the date was chosen to commemorate the country's Independence Day in 1898. That's when they freed themselves from hundreds of years of Spanish colonization. 

If I'm being honest, I knew very little about the Philippines before I married my wife Kristina. When I was a teenager I sponsored a young Filipino boy named Nestor through an international charity, and when I was in the Yukon I wrote an article for the Whitehorse Star about the positive impact Filipino immigrants were having on the local economy. I also read a great novel by Alex Garland called The Tesseract that was set in Manila, but other than that I've been woefully ignorant about my family's origins.

Last year my father-in-law introduced me to Jo Koy, a Filipino stand up comic known for his racy, hyper-sexualized content. One of the most interesting things I learned from him is that there is a close kinship between Mexico and the Philippines, both in religious sensibilities (Catholic) and in basic culture. They're rebellious, hot-headed and considered "crazy" by their more conservative neighbours. He claimed this was due to them both being conquered by the Spanish, then rejecting some elements of their culture while embracing others. It makes for an interesting hodge-podge.

I was interested to learn, from a quick Google search, that the Philippines didn't truly become independent in 1898 — they spent another half century under American rule, only finally becoming free following the Second World War. When I teach Kris and Celista about the Philippines, it will be important for them to understand the devastatingly negative impact of colonization and why it's important to recognize the Indigenous culture that was suppressed and nearly wiped out, just like in Canada. 

One of the most shocking elements of Filipino history was the introduction of "human zoos" which were open as recently as 1958 in places like New York City and London. It was there that racialized people from a variety of origins were kept in cages and gawked at by their western oppressors. In 1904, Americans displayed Filipino tribespeople in zoos like this during the Summer Olympics. Just another reminder that humans are sometimes disgusting to each other, and it really wasn't that long ago that deeply entrenched racism dictated the reality of many people's lives.

While my wife was growing up, she routinely experienced racism. Because she was half-Filipino and half-white, she didn't feel like she truly belonged in either category. A lot of attention was paid to her jet black hair, her sun-browned skin and ambiguous features. When people talk about white supremacy, this is what they mean: close attention to every difference, every physical detail of somebody's body, all scrutinized and held up against an Aryan ideal we haven't quite successfully shaken from our collective consciousness.

But there's also all the things I plan on teaching my kids about their heritage to give them pride in where they came from. They'll learn about the warrior Chief Lapu-Lapu, the Philippine Insurrection, and the villainous Rodrigo Duterte. They'll learn that the country is made up of seven thousand islands, with innumerable distinct cultures. And karaoke, I've learned, is extremely popular, just ask my mother-in-law! Also, once you start looking for them, there's plenty of Filipino celebrities who have achieved global success — including Vanessa Hudgens, Manny Pacquiao, Nicole Scherzinger and (my favourite) Bruno Mars.

 One day Kristina and I will successfully take a trip to the Philippines, and I'm already stoked for the southeastern Asian sunshine. One of her relatives is a mayor (who was nearly assassinated!) and we have family scattered all throughout the islands, some of them in places without phone or Internet to connect them to the outside world. I can't wait to dive into the ocean, to see the tropical foliage and see firsthand the derelict weaponry abandoned there during World War Two. 

I want the kids to walk those white sand beaches and know this country is part of their story, and always will be.

The Literary Goon

[toddlertimess]

I don’t know what the last thing I updated was but here’s an update:

• Cayden turned 8 yesterday. I can’t even believe I have an 8 year old. I definitely miss when he was younger but I also so much enjoy that he and I can experience things together now. We are going to New York next week to celebrate my birthday boy.

• Costa Rica and I are officially done. We tried to make things work but ultimately he pulled the same shit. If I’m being completely honest he was extremely emotionally abusive and I put up with it for so long because I was so madly in love with him. I don’t know if he’ll ever change. Abusive people rarely do and it’s not something I want to sit around and wait for. You can’t tame a wild heart.

• With that said, I’m really struggling with being 30 and single. I feel like I have a clock ticking and I need to settle down sooner rather than later but I need time to heal from CR. The damage he did to me was deep and I still struggle with feelings of pain, hurt, disappointment and anger.

• I’m working two jobs to be able to afford to live. Actually my two jobs allow me to live a very comfortable life, affording trips like New York, something I would have never been able to do 2 years ago. But I’m extremely burnt out. I’m going to speak to job #2 about a set schedule and I’m hoping that will alleviate some of this feeling. Obviously it won’t all go away but holy shit, I’m struggling with motivation.

• LOL @ me complaining about burn out and then immediately talking about applying to grad school. I’m applying this fall for a fall 2023 start. I haven’t figured out how I will juggle everything but I’ll do it.

• I have so many goals I want to achieve in the next 2 years and I’ve never been more determined to achieve them: pay off all my debt, build more credit, buy a house, grad school. I know I’ll achieve them because that’s the kind of person I am.

• I want to start utilizing this space more. I really fell off last year when my mental health took a shit but I miss this community. I’m constantly lurking but I’m gunna try to write more often

#thanks for coming to my ted talk

[usaigi]

Chicago Trip

Lunar sys au character cards | Read all chapters on ao3

‘Birdy, do you have your bird flu vaccine?’ Marc asks her in a teasing tone. 

‘Why…?’ Birdy asks suspiciously, slowly glancing up from her game. 

‘Will they let you on a plane without it?’

Birdy groans, rolling her head back in irritation. ‘You’re so annoying, I’m not actually a bird. Where are we even going?’

‘Chicago.’

‘Why Chicago?’

‘You want to see dad again, right?’ She freezes, her pale complexion somehow turning even paler as the blood leaves her face. Slowly, he reaches over to grab her hand, gently taking it as if to let her know he’s not upset. Then, he says, ‘I owe you an apology. For how I’ve treated you. When we were younger, I used to get so frustrated with my dad because he never listened. He tried to help, to be there but he never actually listened to what I needed. It was always what he thought I needed. And I just realized I've been treating you the same way.

‘But you can’t keep secrets like that from us. It hurt me when I found you were messaging him, and I know that I hurt you first by refusing to even have a conversation about him but that doesn’t excuse your actions.’

‘I’m sorry…’ She says softly, tears clouding her eyes. She brings up the hand Marc was holding to wipe her tears. 

‘I can’t tell you everything right now. Maybe one day but right now, talking about the past, it physically hurts me. I feel this hole in my chest and I feel my heart sink–’

‘I understand. I know I joke about it all but when I think about it I get so scared and I’m convinced I’m still there and–’

‘I know.’ He pauses, letting the silence ring in the background. ‘I promise I’ll listen to you and your needs if you promise not to go behind our backs, okay?’

‘Okay. Thank you, Marc,’ and with that, Birdy wraps her arms around him in a tight embrace, resting her head against his chest. Marc hugs back, planting a kiss on the top of her head. 

Marc brings it up in the next system meeting, Birdy, Kid, and Steven vote in favor, Jake and Daniela don’t oppose it as long as they don’t have to talk to their dad, and Mr. Knight couldn’t care less about ‘non-Moon Knight problems.’

It’s Layla’s first time in Chicago, the Lunar system’s first time since they left all those years ago. A landscape of a distant past, part of Marc felt like a ghost haunting a memory as he walks past all the familiar sights. But when he looks at Layla's cheerful face, and when he feels Steven's excitement, Marc focuses on grounding, enjoying the present and leaving the past in a box. They plan fun tourist things for the start of the trip, in case it doesn’t go well with Elias the trip won’t be a total waste. 

Marc takes Layla to the bean, snapping artistic pictures of her beautiful self posing by the statue. And before they’re able to walk away, Marc gets a compulsive urge to slap the bean with his hand as hard as he can, making the whole bean ring. Passive influence strikes again.    

They go for deep dish somewhere nearby; Marc and Jake argue about pizza. 

‘New York slices are fine but one Chicago slice is the equivalent of two meals. You need a whole New York style pie for it to be a meal,’ Marc explains to Jake internally as the waiters sets the piping hot cheesy dedicated deep dish pizza on their table. Marc passes Layla his plate as she serves him a slice. 

‘It’s a casserole , it’s not pizza,’ Jake argues. 

‘Thicker is better,’ Marc shrugs, taking a sip of water. 

‘Yeah, I’m sure your wife agrees with that,’ Jake says casually, catching Marc off guard and causing him to choke on his water. Layla, completely obvious to their internal debate, tilts her head in confusion before passing him a napkin. 

And then they go see a play. 

“Want to go see Hamilton? They have tickets on sale,” Marc asks Layla, showing her the ad on his phone. 

“Hamilton’s such a weird concept, isn’t it? Like I understand trying to reframe and reclaim American history by casting black and brown actors whose stories have historically been erased but it still seems weird to have POC play slave owners and sing hip hop,” Layla says.

“So no?”

“No, I’d love to, I want to see Tomas Jefferson in a Miku binder.”

And they get good Latin food, none of the sweet stuff they have in England. 

“See Steven, this is what a pupusa should be. Not the garbage they have in London.”

“Mhm.” Steven just nods along, stuffing his face with the most delicious vegan bean and ‘cheese’ pupusa. 

Layla even surprises Marc with cub tickets, sliding the tickets toward him as they eat breakfast. 

“Cubs tickets?” Marc asks in disbelief. 

“Yes! I booked them as soon as we agreed to come here. Figured you and Kid would like it,” she smiles with rosy cheeks. 

“Layla, this is so thoughtful, thank you. You don’t have to come, I know you don’t like sports.”

“No but I love you and I want to spend time with you.”

And later they take Kid to the lego store, he struggles to contain his excitement as soon as they enter the store. Squeezing Ms. Layla's hand as he rocks slightly from side to side. 

‘Can I get this?’ Kid asks, holding a new Spider-Man lego set. 

‘Don’t you already have it?’ Jake asks. 

‘No, I have the Spider-Man with the suit he wore in Germany, this one is the suit he wore in the battle against Thanos.’

‘Sure,’ Jakes sighs. 

‘Hey Jake? Did you fight against Thanos?’ Kid asks, as Ms. Layla pays for his present. 

‘Yup. We had to rescue Spider-Man from some aliens.’

And then they take Birdy to a cute ice cream shop where they decorate the ice cream scoop into little animals. 

“What if you get rocky way and kookie monster and I can get mango tango and tuti fruity and then we can share,” Birdy proposes, after intensely staring at the different flavors. 

“Of course, habibti. Just don’t tell Steven,” Layla laughs. “What animal?” 

“They don’t have birds or cats,” Birdy pouts, reading over the menu. “I’ll do bear and koala. How about you?”

“Panda and unicorn.” 

They snap a picture before decapitating the adorable ice cream cuties. 

Daniela demands to go to the zoo and Layla happily obliges. 

“Look Dani, the two little red pandas are snuggling,” Layla points out. 

“We should steal them. Gatarina needs some friends,” Daniela jokes. 

“That would be so cute.” 

Mr. Knight doesn’t even ask for permission, as soon Khonshu lets them know about a criminal in the area they’re already suited up, no time to waste. Layla joins them because someone needs to keep them in check. 

#moon knight #marc spector #layla el faouly #steven grant #jake lockley #marvel #usaigi speaks #mk lunar sys #lunar sys & dad arc

[placegrenette]

Think Globally, Tour Locally: Some Speculation on Ninety One’s Goals and Strategies

@queenofattolia, who is not an Eaglez but is a patient listener, asked me about Ninety One’s promotional strategies: specifically, what are they trying to accomplish, and for which audiences? And I decided to answer her publicly so that other Eaglez could tell me where I might be making mistakes.

So let’s go back to about a year ago, after the release of “Darn.” Ninety One were still under Juz Entertainment; the big Almaty concert with Orda, which had originally been scheduled to happen in August, was coming up in December; and the plan, or at least the publicly announced plan, was to go to the US. This was going to happen with the help of a guy I will be referring to here as Slightly Sketchy Promoter Dude. I had my doubts about SSPD from the beginning, not because I thought he had malicious intent (there was never any evidence of that) but because nothing in his CV said anything about understanding or having any connections in the US music industry, and everything in his CV suggested he was the kind of guy who would absolutely claim to others, and himself, that he could figure out the US music industry by sheer force of will, charisma, and intelligence. (You can see why a group whose best song features the refrain If you can do it, you can do it! Do it! might be susceptible to this kind of sale.) SSPD had a cousin who’d worked as a dancer in New York, and she was briefly going to serve as Ninety One’s new choreographer, but at no point during this buildup was any actual American label name-checked. I was worried that Ninety One was going to come to the US on the strength of some valiant but empty cheerleading and find themselves without a leg to stand on.

That was December. By March Ninety One had announced the split from Juz. (Also I think SSPD’s choreographer cousin had returned to the US.) But even after the Juz split they were apparently still talking about going to the US; I remember as late as April hearing rumors that the big trip was going to happen in May. It wasn’t until this interview came out in mid-May, in which ZaQ gave a noncommittal answer to the US question, that we knew for certain that the US venture wasn’t for certain.

@bbcblackjack has said several times (remember, Sara can read Kazakh and I can’t) that Ninety One’s still talking as if the US trip is on. And certainly in the Zamandas interview there was talk about establishing a global reputation, to the point that they’d be able to make $10 million off one song. (That was Ace talking, and he has taken the lead in my force-ranking of Member Most Likely to Prosperity-Gospel-Visualizing-ly Spout Big Ideas in the Hopes that If You Say Them Often Enough They Won’t Turn Out to Be Bullshit, y’all know what I’m talking about; Alem is second, ZaQ third, Bala a distant fourth.) But their actions since going independent haven’t pointed towards a US focus at all. Their priorities since departing Juz seem to have been 1) establishing themselves as an independent entity, 2) touring and getting to see Kazakhstani Eaglez for the first time since 2019, 3) recording an album, 4) maaaaaybe re-establishing themselves in an entertainment industry possibly shaken up by the possible fall from grace of Bolat Nazarbayev. Attach a lot of caveats to that last one. I’m really not sure of it. (I’m not even sure that Bolat has actually fallen; there’s still a ton of murk surrounding the current status of the various Nazarbayevs.)

Actually, let me expand on that last point a little bit: keep in mind that the group in general, and ZaQ and Yerbolat Bedelkhan in particular, have always said that they wanted to grow the Q-pop industry as a whole, and also that they believe the Kazakhstani state has an opportunity and a responsibility to encourage this whole. If--if--Bloody January resulted in some kind of shakeup, and if Bolat Nazarbayev really was getting kickbacks from basically every entertainment venue in Almaty and generally messing up the entire ecosystem under which musicians might get paid, and if the shakeup meant a dissolution of that kickback system without anything immediately obvious to replace it, then an optimistic Q-pop performer or four might well decide it was worth their while to stay put, tour locally, act nice to the current power structure (remember Kana Beisekeyev saying in the Zamandas interview that Ninety One was telling other artists to support Toqaev, the current president), and hope by doing so to build credit towards a healthier and better-appreciated-by-the-state music industry, even if it meant putting the group’s own American plans on hold.

I could be way off; it could be as simple as the group deciding that SSPD was Boss Yerbolat’s man and biding their time until they could get a US contact they trusted more, and check off some items on the to-do list in the meantime (in ZaQ’s case, getting married, and in Ace’s, going twelve rounds with Almaty’s commercial real-estate market). But meanwhile they haven’t even bothered to get an English translator yet for the songs since “Darn” and the new Space and tour videos. For all the possible US talk, all their efforts as an independent group so far have been strictly focused on the home market.

But... maybe that’s changing? Like I said, “Gap” as a lead single may point towards a desire to pivot back to a focus on markets outside Kazakhstan. And they may have found at least one useful US contact: the New York-based ATB Promotions, who’s handling Irina Kairatovna’s tour later this month. I am willing to bet actual money that if Ninety One performs in the US in the next year, barring some disaster befalling IK, it’ll be under ATB Promotions’ wing. (Which means I should start saving to get to Chicago, LA, New York, or Miami now. Discover Atlanta, ATB Promotions! Half the flights you’d want to book the guys on would connect in Atlanta anyway.) And we know the guys are studying English (the most charming part of those playlist Instagram Reels was Bala speaking English). If they are starting to feel secure enough in their home market to look abroad, I hope they get something more substantial than what SSPD had to offer. And also, because I am greedy and human, I hope they start paying someone who can go between Kazakh/Russian and English, and also start looking around and seeing what activity they can find in their foreign fanbases.

#ninety one #come find me eaglez

[martini-time]

So my thoughts on Cam and Lauren and what happened between them is that earlier on in the year after their valentines trip in New York together Lauren started thinking about moving to New York more permanently, maybe more job opportunities and it seems more of her friends live there(?), and Cam maybe didn’t take it so well so they had a bit of a fight and distanced themselves, hence Cam went to German Comic-con and that trip to Italy without her and they just spent some time apart. Then when Cam got back they reconnected for a bit and maybe Lauren didn’t mention moving and it was okay, he took her to Christians graduation and they where gonna give things another ago, then I think around this time (May/June) she brought up moving to New York again and Cam was like ‘okay well this isn’t gonna work because I can’t leave LA’ so they split - Cam unfollowed her on socials and everything, she unfollowed him and deleted all their stuff together and that was it they where over.

Now I think Cam went on his Europe trip, he’s had some time to himself and to think about him and Lauren and their relationship and stuff, and with him turning 29 and his friends getting engaged/married I reckon he has kind of panicked and thought ‘shit i like having a gf and I don’t want to be single and on my own’ and he’s gotten back in contact with Lauren and idk if they’re back together or just friends or what their current status is but they’re definitely talking again - hence them following each other back on socials. I think Cam has followed her mum and sisters in a attempt to show Lauren how much he wants to be with her maybe and how he’s serious this time around.

I could be completely wrong obviously but yeah this is what I think - wonder if you agree! Sorry for long ask hahaha

It all sounds like a pretty friendly breakup, but we've been watching what's been going on all those months. It wasn't okay when he took her to Christian's graduation because they looked terrible together, she didn't even want him to touch her and then she deleted her tags on pics with Cam. And she was in LA the whole time, but they weren't together, she was constantly hanging out with the girls. And then the Curren thing.

And I don't think she would break up with Cam because she wanted to go to NY. I think she wanted to move to NY because now she is free and nothing keeps her in LA anymore. And she wanted a change of scenery.

Well, these are my thoughts

#time to tea #cam #lauren

[the-eternal-quest-for-balance]

Life Changes and Life Lessons.

Monday Mutiny

April 8th, 2024:

Happy Monday. Below are five things that challenged, motivated, or entertained me this past week—hopefully they will do the same for you.

(1) For starters, I spent most of last week in NYC, where I was a guest on Elvis Duran and the Morning Show (you can listen to my segment here if you’re interested; I believe I come on around 1:35:20). Even though I’ve taken a step back from social media, I haven’t become a total hermit (yet). All in all, I had a good time in New York—and, yes, I felt the earthquake that everybody was talking about—but the most memorable part of my trip was the night before the quake, when I met up with a relatively new friend. We’d never actually met in person, but we connected online a year or so ago because we’re both writers and we talk often about books, ideas, serial killers, travel, and just random observations about the state of the world.

Monday Mutiny is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Anyway, the reason why going out that last night in NYC was so memorable for me was because it was so familiar—eerily so. For a moment, it felt like I had stepped back in time, and everything that has transpired over the past five years of my life was non-existent. It was dream-like, and I don’t know that I’ve ever felt something quite like that before.

There, in the commotion of a Midtown bar, I was sucked into a time-warp. I was immediately taken back to my life pre-2019, back to a time when I, myself, lived in New York City and spent the majority of my nights out and about—hopping from bar to bar as the life of the party, drunk and without direction, having short encounters and conversations with individuals that I’d never see again—all while trying to conceal the fact that I was dreadfully lonely in a city with a population of more than eight million. And, for a few hours last week, I felt exactly as I did back then, the same way that I had felt throughout most of my twenties and early thirties: alone.

So, when it came time to call it a night, as I walked back into my smaller-than-remembered Manhattan hotel room, I wanted nothing more than to be home, lying on my couch, with my son snuggled under my arm, watching a show about dinosaurs.

I had a taste of my old life, and I didn’t want it. Not even a little bit.

Over the years, my life has gone through a series of profound changes—as I’m sure many of you have experienced as well—and, currently, I’m going through another significant change, a change that wasn’t planned or chosen (at least not intentionally), but I’ve never wanted to live the same life forever. And, when I allow myself to step back and look at the bigger picture, I’m grateful for every change and interruption that has come my way—the good, the bad, the great, and even the downright painful—because they’ve all led me to a new life, a new chapter, and a new version of myself, a version that is almost always better than before.

(2) On my flight home, I watched this movie called “The Lesson” from 2023. And, if you enjoy movies that are a slow burn, more thematic than action-packed, you’ll probably like it. Personally, I thought it was a super original premise regarding the emotions of grief and envy—but it also happens to be a story about writers, so perhaps I’m more connected to it than the average viewer.

However, regardless of my personal draw to the movie, I can say with confidence that it was ten times better than that terrible “Road House” remake. I mean, I see what they tried to do with it, but it’s absolutely unwatchable shit. The original works too well. Name a better duo than Patrick Swayze and Sam Elliot—that’s right, you can’t.

(3) I read this passage from a book, and it hit me like a fucking brick.

“Nothing in this world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty. No kind of life is worth leading if it is always an easy life . . . I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”

—Theodore Roosevelt (American Ideals: And Other Essays, Social and Political)

(4) While I waited in the airport lounge at JFK—lying on a couch with my face covered because, well, let’s face it: I was hungover from the night before—I was asked by an older gentleman if he could join me. The lounge was pretty full at this point and I was taking up a lot of space, so I sat upright and we got to talking.

Turns out, he was a retired Broadway actor—and although our lives were/are separated by more than thirty years—we had a lot in common. We talked for two hours (I almost forgot that I had a flight to catch) about pretty much everything: food, architecture, dogs, horses, tattoos, social media, travel, and, most importantly, the power of good storytelling.

My favorite book as a kid, The Count of Monte Cristo, just so happened to be his favorite play to perform on Broadway—he, himself, playing the main character, Edmond Dantès—betrayed by a best friend and driven to seek revenge.

As he and I talked, I thought to myself, “Damn, what an interesting life this dude has lived.” Chances are, he may have thought the same about me. And, that right there, is the reason why I love airports so much: you really never know who you’re going to meet—especially when you’re willing to move your feet in order to make room for somebody else to take a seat. I think life works the same way: If you create space, you never know who will show up to fill it.

(5) Well, one of the cats just caught a bunny in the backyard while I was writing this—and the contractor showed up to replace some dry wall above the kitchen cabinets—so, I need to go handle some “life” stuff now . . . You know the saying: “Life, it comes at you fast—and even faster when you have a bloodthirsty cat.” But, seriously, if there’s one thing that I’ve learned over my thirty-seven years on this planet, it’s the fact that life changes when you least expect it. And, when it changes, your expectations of life, and yourself, are what make all the difference.

Thanks for subscribing,

-Kyle, aka “The Capt.”

P.S. If you find yourself in Florida later this month, I’ll be at Dunes Brewing on April 25th for a book signing, Q+A, and whatever else we can fit into the schedule. You can get your ticket(s) HERE—and I hope to see you there.

P.P.S. I will soon be removing my book Speech Therapy from Amazon. So, if you’ve been wanting a copy, you’ll want to buy one before the end of the month.

[normandyandback2022]

June 15 - 17

June 15

We headed out in the morning to a town called Gubbio which is an archaeologically important part of the world. The gorge created there over 2-3 million years.In 1970, a geologist found a layer of Iridium in the area. Iridium, very rare on Earth but common in space and the scientists of the world decided that this is where the meteorite that was 100 to 200 km in diameter hit Earth which killed all the plants which ultimately killed all the 65 million years ago. Kind of like the big Bang theory where life started all over again. We walked all over the town looking for more information about this but couldn't find any information booth or much about the big Bang theory. We got to the main plaza which I might add is again on the side of a hill and had a nice conversation at lunch with a British lady who was waiting for her family to visit the cathedral. It was very hot and we decided to go back to the hotel because we couldn't find the archaeological museum. I actually got back to the hotel and did some more research,  We found out that the town has a famous open air lift to the top of the mountain that was very near the plaza we were in but we didn't see any signs of it so we missed taking a trip up the side of a mountain in what is essentially a bucket lift. That would have been a hoot. Oftentimes on our trips we find out things after the fact because we can't get good information and we don't read Italian, French, Dutch, etc. We always have a good time. On our way to dinner that night a fierce thunderstorm was coming across the valley towards Assisi, great lightning show. We just made it to our Albanian restaurant for pizza as the storm hit. We took our usual seat near the counter and the waiter said you came back from the pizza. Of course we got the Neopolitanna pizza and he was gracious enough to put all the anchovies on one side of the pizza for me. The place got pretty busy because the people were driven out of the rain into the nearest restaurant. The waiter said it's either busy when people are out and about when it starts raining or if they are still at their hotel they just eat there. The food was as delicious as it was the 1st time. As we left we got a fond farewell from the waiter who was a very kind find young man who spoke very good English and I thought he was going to hug me, but we shook hands and I slipped him a generous tip. I think the people in the restaurant were just wondering why we were talking so friendly.   June 16   We had a great breakfast and there was a bus load of tourists there so it was kind of noisy but not a bad noise. As we left, we stopped to thank the man who was cleaning up and making sure that everything was proper in the buffet as we were eating. He was very surprised that we would stop and thank him and the staff for a very pleasant visit. He said he had worked in the United States for 4 years in New York, Baltimore, San Francisco and LA,  training for his job in the resort hotel chain he now works for. We had a fantastic interchange and he knew how to say Baltimore (Balmore). Checking out was nice as well because our friend Andrea was there to help us check out and he appreciated us thanking him for his personal service. Sometimes I think the service industry in America should send some people out here to be trained in how to treat their clients.   We headed out for Modena, the next stop on our journey to visit the Ferrari museums and hopefully the world heritage site. We hit a bit of a traffic jam that lasted almost an hour in Bologna and we got in another one just as we were nearing the Modena exit, so we were able to get out of  that and get to our hotel. It is a very large room in a nice hotel in a somewhat industrial/residential area. We went to the Enzo Ferrari home and private museum before dinner. That place was fantastic and we met a young couple  living in Switzerland. The man is from Dortmund and the lady is from Switzerland. They have an adorable, probably the 17 month old baby. She is a child psychologist and he works in logistics, moving materiel around the world. I got to drive a formula one Racer for 7 minutes and a simulator at the museum. I drove the Le Mans race course. I could drive an automatic or use the paddles on the left and right of the steering wheel to change gears. The attendant man told me to really really get on the break when I need to slow down for the curves verse and not to wiggle the steering wheel or the car will spin out . I did really well for the 1st 4 minutes for a minute but got a little excited and spun out on one of the turns. I was probably hitting 200 miles an hour on the straight away ( I saw another person going 300+KPH on another simulator)  before you had to slow down quickly and take the S curves before heading to another straight away. I only spun out the one time and Elizabeth was taping the run and listening to the guy who was telling her that I was doing a good job. It was bare knuckle I can tell you. But it was a lot of fun and I was able to make several circuits of the course and my best time was 2 minutes and 40 seconds. He told me that the best drivers in the world do it in one minute and 40 seconds so my time was very fast for someone who just sat down in a formula 1 car. I thought I was gonna make it all the way through without spinning out but it’s really hard to slow down really fast before a turn and keep that steering wheel straight because it is very loose. All in all it was a really good time. At dinner tonight we could only find 2 people who spoke English and one of them was a young lady who was born in Greece of Italian heritage and studied English in school and really liked it.  I swear you would not know she wasn't an American when she helped us with our menu. We told her we had visited the Peloponnese peninsula and that's where she was born. She had not been to the Island of Spetses, but she knew of it and we told her if she goes home to go to the 7 islands hotel. When we left, Elizabeth gave her her “business” card so if she comes to America we can assist her in things to do and maybe she will visit us.

June 17 

We headed over to the Ferrari factory for the second Museum about the Ferrari car. It was very interesting and comprehensive. More technical than the Enzo Ferrari Museum with many more examples of Ferraris from first one to the last few years.  It's too much to describe in words and unfortunately we are not able to transfer pictures from my camera to my phone to include in the blog. I thought I had everything worked out, but technology being what it is, the Wi-Fi connection here is not good enough to connect the camera to the phone. We nearly drove over to the main Plaza which has a UNESCO World Heritage Site.  we wandered around town for a couple of hours looking at the old buildings in the architecture which is fascinating. it was getting pretty hot so we just had it back to her Hotel about 2. We rested up and went to our favorite restaurant next door for coffee and pastry.  We will drive to a small town in Switzerland tomorrow morning for a way station to Frankfurt. We will be in Frankfort on the 19th, getting ready to come back on the 22nd. We might be able to see my other “daughter” Sandra one more time before we leave. We will stay in a hotel at the airport the night of the 21st to get up for our early morning flight on the 22nd.  I will try to post some pictures if I can get the camera to connect to my phone again otherwise when I return to the States. 

[petnews2day]

Searching for the White Bird in Newfoundland: Discovery Channel program airing tonight on search for missing French plane in pond

New Post has been published on https://petnews2day.com/birds-news/searching-for-the-white-bird-in-newfoundland-discovery-channel-program-airing-tonight-on-search-for-missing-french-plane-in-pond/

Searching for the White Bird in Newfoundland: Discovery Channel program airing tonight on search for missing French plane in pond

BRANCH, N.L. — Evan Careen

The Telegram

[email protected]

@evancareen

For aviation history enthusiasts, the mystery of the l’Oiseau Blanc (The White Bird) ranks up there as one of the great ones, rivalling the disappearance of Amelia Earhart.

Rumours have swirled for almost 100 years that it crashed in Gull Pond on the Cape Shore of Newfoundland in 1927, which will be explored tonight on an episode of Expedition Unknown on the Discovery Channel. The show is expected to air at 9:30 p.m. on June 15.

Ric Gillespie, executive director of The International Group for Historic Aircraft Recovery (TIGHAR), will be featured on the episode, titled ‘Lindbergh’s missing rivals,’ which gave him the opportunity to do something he’s wanted to do for a long time.

“I got a phone call about a year ago from the Discovery Channel, saying they were looking to do a show on the White Bird, and everywhere they looked my name came up,” he said. “So, they asked me if I was interested in doing more on it.”

When the plane went missing, the two pilots, Charles Nungesser and François Coli, were vying for a $25,000 prize for completing the first nonstop flight between Paris and New York. They left Paris on May 8, 1927 and, on May 9, witnesses in Newfoundland reported seeing or hearing an airplane heading in that direction.

Charles Lindbergh ended up completing the historic flight less than two weeks later. But no trace of the French pair, or the plane, were ever found.

‘We were kind of stymied’

Gillespie, who lives in Pennsylvania, has been interested in the missing plane since the 1980s and has made six trips to the island over the years, searching for the plane and what happened to it.

One of those expeditions hauled up an as-of-yet unidentified piece of metal, currently in the possession of The Rooms.

Gillespie was interested in doing more on the mystery, since the trips he had made in the 1990s were inconclusive and cost had held him back from doing some of the other work he wanted to do, such as a magnetic survey of the area.

When they were searching in the area in the 90s, he said, they couldn’t understand why they were getting so many false positives when they tried to search in the pond.

Discovery offered to foot the bill if he wanted to come back to the island for the show, and Gillespie agreed.

“They twisted my rubber arm,” he said with a laugh. “I told them we did what we could 25 years ago, but didn’t have much luck.

“We were in that pond with electromagnetic sensors, and we’d get these big anomalies and think, ‘Oh my God, this is great. We’re on the edge.’ And then we go check it out and it would be a rock. So, we were kind of stymied.”

Gillespie can’t speak about what the show may or may not have recovered yet, and won’t be allowed to until after it airs tonight.

Early aviation role

Joining Gillespie on the trip was local aviation archeologist Lisa Daly, who said she was excited to be involved. Because of the province’s location, Newfoundland was a big part of early aviation history and some of the stories that popped up around it.

“If the l’Oiseau Blanc had succeeded, it would have been the first flight from Paris to New York. If the Dawn had crossed, Frances Grayson would have been the first female to cross the Atlantic, not Amelia Earhart,” Daly said.

“We have all these mysteries and these ties to aviation, huge firsts, particularly the 20s and 30s. Aviation just captured everyone’s imagination, whether it was the Hindenburg floating over Newfoundland or one of these aeroplanes or the Atlantic Air Race in 1919. It’s definitely great fodder for mysteries and untold stories and such.”

Daly, who also cannot talk about what they may or may not have discovered, said if anyone is interested in finding out more, a public presentation and discussion of the plane in the pond legend will be held at St. Luke’s Anglican Church in Placentia on June 18 at 7 p.m.

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#Birds News

[isabellescreative]

Mystery Meets Destiny

By Isabelle Dakin

It is a cold winter day in Russia. The year is 1999, and an American man named Joseph hops off a plane in Kaliningrad. With over $15,000 secretly strapped to his chest under his clothes, he’s a man on a mission. 

Far away from New York, in Kaliningrad is one-year-old baby Jonathan, quickly left behind at an orphanage by his mysterious biological teen mom. It was not too bright in this new home for Jonathan. With such little money, they were struggling. “The caretakers were extremely underpaid. They weren’t paid for months at a time. They would have to beg the fisherman at the docks behind the orphanage for fish to feed the children” Jonathan explains, as he recounts what his parents told him. As a result, he had caught salmonella, chickenpox, and food poisoning all by the age of 1. “I almost died,” says Jonathan. 

What caught Joseph, and his wife Ellen’s attention was baby Jonathan’s smile. He was the only child smiling out of all the orphans in their pictures. When they met him they knew they had to take him home, and they would do whatever it took. This led to quite a few trips to Russia to fight for him. The thousands of dollars strapped to Joseph’s chest were very necessary, as there was inevitable bribery to be faced by the court and any run ins with the police. “If the police were to stop my dad, he would need money to bribe them. Otherwise they could just lock him up. That’s just how it was in Russia.” This dangerous endeavor was not made any easier by the lengthy fight held up in court either. The adoption process took several days in court, and upwards of $15,000, some of it bribery money, some of it not. It is not easy adopting, let alone in another country. But Jon’s soon to be parents were determined. He goes on to tell me about a woman named Svetlana from the orphanage, “she discreetly let my parents spend time with me in her house before the adoption went through, even though she was not allowed to.” She was willing to risk it all for the family that was meant to be. 

Once in his new home in New York, Jon began to grow up as an American boy. He was told at around the young age of 5 that he was adopted. His parents have always been very open to him about it. “I never felt any different or weird about it, I'm proud to be Russian. I don’t meet very many other Russian people here in the U.S, let alone adopted kids. It makes me unique.” 

Growing up, he was told stories about Russia by his parents, but never any stories about his biological mom; as there is very little known about her. Around 18 Jonathan started to become very curious about his birth mom. He tried to search and investigate online, but absolutely nothing can be found about the orphanage, which is presumably now shut down. With no details on the internet, he has to live with the mystery. 

Although he has to live with the unknown, he is still very interested in his Russian culture.

“I would love to go back and visit Russia one day, but I'm scared because since I have dual citizenship, once I enter Russia, they can decide to keep me there and I won’t be able to leave. They are very strict. Americans can’t even adopt from Russia anymore.” With such a risk, Jonathan may never get to go there. 

Regardless of the mystery,  Jonathan lives in peace not knowing all the details. Now, 22 years old, Jonathan is studying criminal law at Mercy College, and plans to go to law school just like his father. Like father, like son - whether there’s blood or not. 

“Over twenty-one years ago I was at an orphanage in Russia, and now I’m here at Mercy College talking to you. It’s funny how life works.” It was the kind souls of the hard workers at the orphanage, the fishermen, and one couple, who saw a baby boy that stood out from all the others that made this better life for Jonathan possible. Putting up the fight was more than worth it. 

#writing #creations