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goldenraeofsun · 3 years

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Day 23: Undone

When Cas was convalescing in the aftermath of Rowena’s attack dog spell, Dean told him, "Stick to socially acceptable binge-watching. You know, The Wire, Game of Thrones.” And when Dean got back from the lead on Amara, he actually wrote out a list. At the very bottom, he included Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel.

After Cas watched both series, he concluded that Spike was an idiot. Spike said he loved Buffy, but when he came back from the dead after saving the world for her, he refused to go to her. All because he went out in a blaze of glory - he couldn’t top that exit.

Suffice to say, five years later, Cas no longer considers Spike an idiot.

After Jack pulls him out of the Empty, human as ever, Cas returns to Broomfield, Colorado, under the name Emmanuel Allen. Thankfully, Daphne had already moved on to live on some sort of spiritual retreat in California.

Cas gets himself a credit card the way Sam showed him and finds himself an apartment. He applies for jobs, and lists Garth Fitzgerald IV as his reference because he assumes word of his death didn’t get that far outside of the immediate Winchester circle.

Sure enough, his risk pays off; he gets the forty-eighth job he applies for, a position at the local library. It’s part time and suffering from endless budget cuts, but it’s something to occupy his day.

He checks out cookbook after cookbook at the library and finally learns how to feed himself and resolves never to buy a previously-frozen burrito again.

He attends the library classes on computer literacy because, while he knows how to hack into traffic cameras and police records, those very specific activities are not very relevant to the daily life of a part-time librarian.

He doesn’t contact the Winchesters at all. This way, Dean will remember him fondly. He won’t have to deal with any of the messy reality of having a best friend - if Cas even deserves that title any more - who loves him.

Cas can’t risk it all being undone by crashing back into Dean’s life. He accomplished something special with that final speech; he feels it in his bones. But if he reenters Dean’s life, who’s to say Dean wouldn’t start to fear him and feelings, resent his presence, and doubt everything in their friendship leading up to that point? It could unravel everything he built with Dean. Cas will not be a constant, festering disappointment. Not if he has anything to say about it.

When Christmas comes, Garth sends him his only Christmas card, and Cas tapes it to his fridge. It makes him smile every time he walks past it.

On Dean’s birthday, Cas sends a card to their PO Box in Lebanon. He doesn’t sign it, but he wishes Dean well and includes fifty dollars.

In May, his coworkers surprise him with a small cake for his one year work anniversary and put him in charge of their upcoming Pride month display.

Cas had thought he had experienced human dignity and the satisfaction of a job well done at the Gas ‘n Sip, but that was nothing compared to how it feels at closing on May 31, staring at his mid-sized display of books with queer themes, both fiction and nonfiction.

But, of course, the next morning, the sky opens up and walnut-sized balls of hail rain down. Cas, already in the library, watches with dwindling hope as fewer and fewer people pass by the doors. Nobody stops inside for the whole first hour.

Cas checks his phone, frowning as he opens an email from Anisha explaining that she’ll be late because of a local power outage. She suspects the hail messed with a powerline in her neighborhood.

Sighing, Cas sets down his phone and picks up his latest book, a paranormal romance between two vampires over the centuries. It’s amazing how many ways humans have spun the vampire myth. It seems like the only thing they all have in common is the blood drinking.

The door opens just as Cas reaches the first sex scene, and Cas looks up.

A figure with his jacket raised over his head hurries into the library, swearing under his breath. Once safely inside, Dean Winchester lowers his coat, staring around.

Cas ducks behind his book.

“Hey,” Dean calls, his footsteps getting closer. “Rough weather out there.”

Cas’s pulse thunders in his veins as his mind clouds with panic. What he wouldn’t give to have his wings back so he could simply fly away.

“The blackout fried my laptop,” Dean continues, “so can I use one of yours?”

Cas steels himself. Cas can do this. He can pretend Dean is just another patron.

Cas lowers his book, forcing his gaze away from Dean’s (beautiful) face, and instead at the blank space over Dean’s right shoulder. “Of course,” he says. “Do you already have a login and password?”

Dean doesn’t answer, and Cas finally has to look at him.

Dean’s mouth has fallen open in shock, and all the blood has drained from his face. His knuckles clench his folded jacket with bone-white knuckles.

Cas coughs lightly. “Are you alright?”

Dean blinks rapidly a few times, his lips pressed tight together. “Fine,” he says through gritted teeth. He sucks in stuttering breath. “The login?”

“Of course,” Cas says quickly, grateful for the excuse to focus on the computer and answer the queries the library program requires for temporary computer usage. He writes out the credentials on a slip of paper and hands it over. “Use this username and password for 30-minute access. If you require the internet for longer than a half hour, please come back to see me and I can renew your session.”

Dean nods stiffly, spins on his heel, and takes off in the direction of the computers.

Cas lets out a silent sigh of relief and picks his book back up, but he might as be reading it backwards for all the sense it makes. Over the edge of the pages, he watches Dean sit at a computer on the far side of the table, so he almost faces Cas at the checkout desk.

It doesn’t take Cas long to figure out Dean is sneaking peeks at him over the computer monitor just about as often as Cas does over his paranormal romance.

At the end of an excruciating thirty minutes, Dean makes his way back to Cas. “I need to renew my session,” he says gruffly.

Cas nods.

As he clicks through the renewal process, Dean asks, his voice almost casual, “I’m new in town, but have I seen you around before?”

Cas shakes his head. A little too quickly, judging from Dean’s expression.

“Are you sure?” Dean presses. “Maybe somewhere in Kansas?”

Cas just stares, trying to keep his expression as blank as possible.

“Look, I don’t know-”

Dean breaks off as the door opens, and Anisha comes rushing in. “So sorry, Emmanuel!” she shrugs off her coat and ducks behind the counter. “First was the power. Somehow getting the kids ready for school takes twice as long in the dark. Then the car died. And will you believe a sinkhole opened just as I was leaving the house?” She swipe a hand through her dark hair.

After a beat, Cas says, “That sounds arduous.”

“You’re telling me,” Anisha says with feeling. “I’m just gonna go get coffee across the street since it seems like you’ve got everything handled,” she says, gesturing around the empty reading spaces, except for Dean. “You want a latte or something?”

“I’m fine, thank you.”

As Anisha leaves, Dean blurts, “Your name is Emmanuel?”

Cas tries to look offended instead of terrified. “Yes?”

“You’re serious?” Dean demands, taking a step closer, his eyes narrowed. “You’re name is - are you fucking with me?”

Cas swallows. “I am not fucking with you,” he lies.

He’ll have to leave. Once Dean vacates the library, Cas will escape town. How the hell Dean stumbled across him, Cas has no idea and no intention of ever figuring out, just as long as it doesn’t happen again.

Cas’s plan sounded so perfect at the outset. Leave Dean with all the good, none of the bad. Never contact Dean again.

But he never, ever, contemplated Dean finding him anyway. The United States is so vast, what are the chances Dean would ever return to Bloomfield, Colorado?

Dean opens his mouth, probably to order Cas to stop pretending, but his phone rings instead. He pulls it out of his pocket, frowning at the screen. “We’re not done,” he says to Cas, “but is there somewhere I can take this? Where I won’t get concussed by falling ice cubes?”

Cas nods to the storytime room, obviously empty of young students and toddlers. “Feel free to take your call in there.”

“Thanks,” Dean mutters, already accepting the call.

Cas once again picks up his book, but he can’t focus on a single word with Dean in the next room over.

“Maybe possession?”

Cas frowns. He would have noticed if there were signs of demons in his city.

“’M telling you, there’s something weird going on. First, I come to check out the haunting of a house that doesn’t goddamn exist.”

Cas can say with pretty much all assurance that there is no ghost activity in Broomfield.

“Then this freak hail storm knocks out the power in my motel, so I head to the library - yes, bitch, I went to the fucking library. It’s free. If Starbucks’ wi-fi didn’t cost a ten dollar cup of coffee, I’d go there instead.”

Based on the movement of his shadow, Dean is pacing in the storytime room.

“I guess it could be amnesia, again, but I can’t just up and call Rowena for a memory spell or something.”

A pause.

“Or maybe he is just pretending to get me out of his hair as soon as possible,” Dean says, his tone low and rough. “It looks like he’s been here a while, calling himself Emmanuel. Like last time, which makes me think it’s not a mind wipe situation.”

Cas leans over his desk, straining his ears.

“I can handle him -”

Cas flinches.

A long pause, and, “Who the hell would he be hiding from?” Dean demands. “No angel has bothered us for a whole year. No demons either. Who else but us? But me?” He makes a noise of pure disgust. “No, no, don’t fly back from Ireland - Eileen would kill you. I can hold my own. If,” Dean’s breath hitches, “if it does turn out to be Cas, I’ll let you know.”

Cas barely has time to pick up his paperback before Dean stalks back out of the storytime room.

“You never gave me the renewal code,” he says shortly as he stops in front of Cas.

Cas clears his throat. “You don’t need a new code,” he says. “I’ve already authorized your computer to start another session.”

“Oh,” Dean says, “thanks.” But he doesn’t move back to the computer table. Instead, he stays where he is, staring at Cas like he can figure out Cas’s true identity by memorizing the slope of his nose and exact shade of his eyes.

“Is there anything else I can help you with?” Cas asks tentatively.

Dean purses his lips. “Not really - it’s just you look just like an old friend of mine.”

Cas mouth goes dry, a lump forming in the back of his throat. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Dean says, meeting his gaze squarely. “I thought he died about a year ago.”

“I’m sorry,” Cas says because that is the sort of thing humans say in these situations.

Dean huffs a sigh. “Yeah, well, I was really broken up after he went.”

Despite his better instincts, Cas has to ask, “You were?” which is just an objectively stupid question. Of course Dean was upset - they had been friends, best friends for many years. Cas basically knows the answer already, but that doesn’t stop him from needing to hear it from Dean’s mouth himself.

“Course,” Dean says, giving him a funny look. “He - well,” he restarts, “before all that, he dropped some pretty big bombshells. I - uh, didn’t exactly catch on quick enough to tell him all the things I should’ve before it all went down the way it did.”

Cas leans forward. “Like what?”

Dean’s eyes flash. “Like the fact that he was such a fucking dumbass - more dumb, definitely more ass - for keeping all that shit to himself for so damn long.”

Cas reels back.

But Dean’s just getting started. “I can’t say that I would have held hands and skipped off into the sunset, but he didn’t even give me a chance! Yeah, I probably would have smashed some furniture and poisoned half my liver, but, newsflash, buddy, I did that anyway. And by the time I got my head screwed on straight, came to terms with a bunch shit I never thought I could, guess what? He was still fucking dead.”

Cas drops his gaze. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you sorry?” Dean says, rapping his knuckles on the counter and making Cas jump. “’Cause it seems like you’re just living some fantasy life in goddamn Colorado.” He rubs a hand down his face, stepping back like he can’t even stand to be in Cas’s personal space anymore. “So what was it, Cas? Were you lying the whole time, or did you just plain change your mind?”

“Change my mind?” Cas repeats, his brow furrowing, only catching his slip after the words left his mouth.

But Dean’s angry expression doesn’t waver, even in getting Cas to crack. Admittedly, it didn’t take long. “Yeah, since you obviously don’t care enough to drop a fucking line that you’re not stuck in some hell dimension.”

Cas blinks. “That’s why you think I didn’t contact you?”

“Why else?” Dean demands, a challenging glint to his eye.

Cas opens his mouth, trying to find the right words for probably the most ridiculous plan he ever made in his long life. “Well, it sounds stupid now.”

“Try me,” Dean says, his expression stony.

Cas sighs. “Do you remember Buffy the Vampire Slayer?”

Incensed, Dean snarls, “What the fuck does Buffy the Vamp-”

“Do you remember or not?” Cas asks testily.

“Of course I do.”

“You remember, in the season finale, Spike dies for Buffy? He sacrifices himself so she can live and continue to save the world. The next season, in Angel, he comes back from the dead.”

“Uh huh,” Dean says, so far looking mostly unimpressed.

Which is fair, Cas probably shouldn’t have read this deeply into his parallels with a television show geared for teenagers whose brains are not nearly finished developing.

“He doesn’t tell her he was resurrected because he didn’t want to undo all they had together.”

Dean slams both hands down on the counter, glaring. “Why the hell would telling me you weren’t being tortured by a primordial entity for all eternity undo jack shit?”

Cas sighs. “Because once I told you I was back, you’d have to deal with the reality of knowing me. Wholly and completely, for the first time.” He isn’t sure he’ll ever be ready for that. “And who’s to say if you’d be able to separate this version of me from what we had before? We had a good thing, Dean. I couldn’t stay to watch it all fall apart.”

Dean stands there, stunned. “You’re right, that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” he declares.

Cas slumps back in his seat.

“I love you, you moron,” Dean says with a grimace, as Cas jerks his head back up. “And I had to figure it all out alone. Fat lot of good it did, since by the time I could admit it to myself, you were long gone,” he pauses, finishing in a disgusted voice, “to Colorado.”

“I had no idea,” Cas says faintly.

“Not a huge surprise, flight risk,” Dean says, rolling his eyes.

“Do you mean it?”

“I can’t prove it by getting sucked into hell, so you’re gonna have to take my word for it,” Dean says gruffly.

“Dean-”

“Look, if that’s your only hangup on coming back,” Dean says over him, “Will you come home?” He shifts his weight to his other foot, looking nervous. “It’s not gonna be perfect, and I’m probably still going to fuck it up - not as bad as you just did, by the way - but I’d like to try. Get to know the real you, although he doesn’t seem all that different from the guy who saved me in that basement.”

Cas cautiously reaches out to cover Dean’s hands, still braced on the counter, with his own. “I’d like nothing better.”

“Great!” Jack says, appearing out of nowhere, making Dean jump. “I thought I was going to have to snow you in - in June, can you believe it?” He glances at the two of them, smiling. “Do you want to get breakfast? I’m feeling waffles.”

#suptober21 #destiel #fanfic #destiel fanfic #post series #canon divergence #mutual pining #love confessions #librarian castiel #human castiel #rae writes fic

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thatgirlbrynn-blog · 6 years

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#Sarah Michelle Gellar #Buffy The Vampire Slayer #Stirring Up Fun With Food #Stirring Up Fun #cookbook #cook #cooking #food #foods #foodie #recipe #recipes

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michaels-blackhat · 4 years

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So You’re Feeling White Guilt and You Don’t Know What To Do

I’m not going to rehash the most recent Roswell New Mexico fandom news. I’m not going to rehash any of the difficult and necessary conversations surrounding race and racism that have been happening over the last week. They are important, they shine an important light on fandom racism, and they have caused many to reflect on their own unconscious bias and how it has manifested itself in fandom. That’s important. That is the constant work of an ally: to reflect on your bias and your actions and take steps to inform yourself and do better. As participants in a racist society and a culture that tries to say that racism is only an overt, obvious thing, we must always take the time to listen to others and change our own behavior.

This post isn’t necessarily about that either. It’s about how you can do other, small things, for yourself to help a community and individuals who are continuously mistreated, whose suffering is continuously erased, and whose culture is continuously stolen. Political involvement is always an option, but it’s also not always possible. I know for myself, I work two jobs that leave me with 14 hours days multiple times a week, and only one day off a week to relax, do household chores, and prepare for my grad school classes. I can exercise my right to vote, right to assembly, etc. but sometimes doing more isn’t a viable option.

So what else can I do?

Below I have accumulated links to different relief funds, bail funds for protesters, language programs, native artist collectives and stores, musicians, and conservation project.. Some of the links will take you to a larger project that you can explore. Some of the links will be for direct donations. This is not exhaustive. This is limited to what I’m able to find and authenticate to the best of my ability. But I wanted to put this out into the world, as an example of different ways you can support people, cultures, and communities. I invite anyone to add on to the list, particularly people who are Native American.

Special thanks to @jocarthage for being an amazing resource and adding to my already long list. And @litwitlady for the bookstore link. Additionally, I was writing this and realized how long this got, so I started limiting to two or three links per area. Please, add on.

Relief Funds:

An article from Navajo Times that highlights different Coronavirus relief funds, including the Navajo Department of Health, John Hopkins Center for American Indian Health, relief for families and children, and Food Baskets for Elderly.

https://navajotimes.com/coronavirus-updates/relief-for-coronavirus/

Reply with recommendations

Bail Fund:

A thread on the O’odham land & water protectors: https://twitter.com/LaikenJordahl/status/1315707808470503427?s=20

And the bail fund: https://t.co/yzyDnEi0x6?amp=1

Generally, the National Bail Fund Network’s twitter page is a good place to go to keep up about bail funds for protesters for many leftist causes. They also help with immigration detention and the cause to end money bail in general. https://twitter.com/bailfundnetwork?lang=en

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Language Programs:

https://www.firstnations.org/projects/native-language-immersion-initiative/ : The Native Language Immersion Initiative aims to build the capacity of and directly support Native American language-immersion and culture-retention programs. They work with the National Endowment for the Humanities, along with support from the Lannan Foundation, Kalliopeia Foundation and the NoVo Foundation. The linked website has the list of grantees from the previous years, so you can go and explore the different language programs that have benefitted from the initiative. The NLII aims to support the cultural and linguistic preservation of all Indigenous Americans, including Native Alaskan and Native Hawaiian cultures.

The website also allows you to explore their programs, learn more about topics such as environmental justice within native communities, and donate directly.

Duolinguo has short courses in both Navajo and Hawai‘i. They’re not perfect, but they’re a good starting point. Spending some time getting used to the sounds and cadences can be really grounding in the realities of the language and grammar (and if everyone who read our fics downloaded it, it would give Duolingo a strong indicator of interest in these languages, which might encourage them to invest in making them full courses).

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Art & Clothing & Holiday Presents:

Art and clothing are grouped together, as a lot of the websites feature both.

Beyond Buckskin: https://shop.beyondbuckskin.com/

A shop/collective started by a member of the Turtle Mountain Chippewa tribe. They have a variety of products and you can learn more about their individual artist. They also have events, news, and a lot of cool things to explore on their website.

+their buy native list:

http://www.beyondbuckskin.com/p/buy-native.html

b.Yellowtail: https://byellowtail.com/pages/about-us

The clothes are designed by Bethany Yellowtail, a Northern Cheyenne & Crow fashion designer. The art and jewelry are made by hand by a collective of Native Americans, First Nations, and Indigenous creatures throughout North America.

SheNative: https://www.shenative.com/

A shop that primarily focuses on leatherwork, but does have other products as well. The aim of the company is to empower Indigenous women, so Idigenous women work on all levels of the manufacturing of the products. Additionally, they donate at least 10% of profits towards causes and charities that aim specifically to help Indigenous women.

Etkie: https://etkie.com/

This collective of Native American artists all hail from New Mexico. They specialize in beaded cuffs, all of which are gorgeous. Personal note, I very much want the Dawn Glass Cuff.

There are a lot of people who sell Native American art who are not, in fact, Native American people. Here are some sources:

The Indian Pueblo Store is owned and operated by New Mexico’s 19 Pueblo tribes. Find our physical location at the Indian Pueblo Cultural Center in Albuquerque https://www.indianpueblostore.com

The bookstore in the Smithsonian Museum of the American Indian has one of the best collections of books about Native American life, by Native American authors, anywhere we’ve found (if you become a member for $25 a year, you get their excellent quarterly magazine) https://americanindian.si.edu/store

Weirdly for a museum named for a man famous for playing a white cowboy in American movies, the Gene Autry museum in Los Angeles has one of the other really good collections of books by Native American authors on modern Native American life, as well as historical books: https://shop.theautry.org/collections/books

I haven’t been, but the Heard Museum gets recommended a lot and their shop has a lot of authentic Native American pieces: https://www.heardmuseumshop.com/

Birchbark Native Arts seems to have an extensive collection: https://www.birchbarknativearts.com and is associated with the bookstore mentioned below

Note from JoCarthage: In 2016 I drove to all 58 counties in California and started my collection of books on Native American tribes living and working in California, both as research for what I thought might be a book and because I was curious. A lot of the books I found are not on Amazon, you can only buy them in reservation book stores or National Park bookstores or little county museum bookstores. When the world opens back up again, that is a good process I have found for building my own understandings.

It’s not a perfect system, but when you’re shopping, look for the term “Authentic Native American artworks” and a seal like this one; here is a longer guide to buying Native American art:

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Music:

Spotify & website links are provided. This is also limited to what I know and already listen to.

A Tribe Called Red: Website: http://atribecalledred.com/ | Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/2jlWF9ltd8UtoaqW0PxY4z

Mary Youngblood: Website: http://www.maryyoungblood.com/ | Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/0pRrf0i6X4uUIdzYrA2mDz

Buffy Sainte-Marie: Website http://buffysainte-marie.com/ | Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/5exO2eW84QucBhrRhcK76x

youtube

[Video: A Tribe Called Red’s “Burn Your Village to the Ground”]

Books:

Based on the theory that the best information is closest to the source, all of the books below are written by Native American authors; the bookshops are owned by Native America booksellers.

Bookshops:

Birchbark Books, a bookshop in Minneapolis: https://birchbarkbooks.com/ They also have art, jewelry, and community events. When available, the links for the books below are provided through the store’s website.

Book Recommendations:

Nonfiction and hilarious: Custer Died for Your Sins, by Vine Deloria Jr (Standing Rock Sioux): https://birchbarkbooks.com/all-online-titles/custer-died-for-your-sins

Poetry: New Poets of Native Nations, edited by Heid E. Erdrich (Ojibwe): https://birchbarkbooks.com/all-online-titles/new-poets-of-native-nations

Novel (murder mystery): Chenoo, by Joseph Bruchac (Abenaki): https://www.oupress.com/books/14415530/chenoo

Poetry: When the Light of the World Was Subdued, Our Songs Came Through: A Norton Anthology of Native Nations Poetry, edited by US Poet Laureate Joy Harjo (Muscogee Nation): https://birchbarkbooks.com/CatalogueRetrieve.aspx?ProductID=9713772&A=SearchResult&SearchID=11528255&ObjectID=9713772&ObjectType=27

Art book: First American Art, Edited by Bruce Bernstein and Gerald McMaster (Plains Cree and member of the Siksika Nation) https://americanindian.si.edu/store/books-and-products#1845

(The Mitsitam Cafe Cookbook: Recipes from the Smithsonian National Museum of the American Indian by Richard Hetzler (Not a Native American person but the recipes reflect a huge range of modern Native American recipes and are worth cooking through ) https://birchbarkbooks.com/CatalogueRetrieve.aspx?ProductID=9685880&A=SearchResult&SearchID=11528257&ObjectID=9685880&ObjectType=27)

Here is a selection of children’s books, YA, memoir and biography, and Native American fiction and poetry, Native studies, and Native language

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Diné and other Native American actors’ accounts to follow:

Why include fun social media stuff: because we’re humans and we like nice things. It’s very hard to keep learning about something that challenges our whiteness and privileges if everything we read and consume is painful and grim. It also fundamentally limits the stories we consume about modern Native American lives if all we do is wallow. So read good poetry, cook recipes that are shared freely, follow pretty actors on Instagram. When Jo went through her house to find the above book recommendations, 4 of them were on her Native American section, one in her poetry section, and one in her cookbook section. Native American stories and food and life are part of modern American life and integrated them into your bookshelves and menus and IG scrolling is a good way to stay aware and learn more osmotically.

Kawennáhere Devery Jacobs (kanien’kehá:ka from ⁣⁣⁣ kahnawà:ke mohawk territory⁣⁣⁣) https://www.instagram.com/kdeveryjacobs/?hl=en

Tatanka Means https://www.instagram.com/tatankameans/?hl=en

Jay Tavare https://www.instagram.com/jaytavare/?hl=en

Forrest Goodluck seems to not be active on social media, but he’s worth keeping an eye out for https://twitter.com/forrestgoodluck?lang=en

Check out more here, from pocfansmatter https://pocfansmatter.tumblr.com/post/632180141361119232/my-favorite-native-american-men

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News Sources:

Note: none of these are perfect. They all have their own biases, foci, and weirdnesses. But if you subscribe by email to a few of them, you’ll get a pretty good idea of what issues are important, generally.

Native America Calling: https://www.nativeamericacalling.com/

Navajo Times: https://navajotimes.com/

Indian Country Today: https://indiancountrytoday.com/

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Conservation:

A petition to close Mt Rushmore and to return public lands in the Black Hills to the Oceti Sakowin (Seven Council Fires of Lakota, Dakota, and Nakota Nations).

https://actionnetwork.org/petitions/petition-to-close-mt-rushmore-and-return-all-public-lands-in-the-black-hills-to-the-oceti-sakowin

From the site: “Standing in solidarity with our ancestors, families, our allies, and the Oceti Sakowin (Seven Council Fires of Lakota, Dakota, and Nakota Nations), we are calling on Director Bernhardt and Representative Deb Haaland to close Mt. Rushmore and return all Public lands in the Black Hills to the Oceti Sakowin as negotiated in the 1868 Treaty of Ft. Laramie, as Indigenous treaties are the supreme law of the land.”

The Kumeyaay people are currently protesting against the illegal destruction of their sacred lands to build the border wall. You can keep up with their work and support them directly through their twitter account.

https://twitter.com/kumeyaayprotest?lang=en

The Native American Land Conservancy aims to reacquire Native American land, particularly in Southern California, to preserve and protect sacred sites and areas.

The group has a mix of board members from a variety of tribes, along with members who are not affiliated with a tribe but have a focus and background in environmental conservation.

Reply with recommendations

Thank you for sticking with us through this whole list. It’s long, yes, but it does not even begin to show even a small percentage of places and artists you can support.

And as for what to do about your white guilt? Live with it. It’s not going to help anyone if you express your guilt continuously. It’s not going to help anyone if you push it aside. Live with it. We benefit from a racist system and we should not forget it. Do what you can to help others, lend your voice in support of others. And for fuck’s sake remember that it’s not about us.

#resources #native american #Tyler Blackburn #native american artists #indigenous peoples #I'm sorry I actually have no idea how to tag this #but also i'm not sorry for tagging the actor because I think it's a thing that people who maybe want to avoid the truth should see

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sunnydaleherald · 3 years

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The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Friday, October 22

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

Sleeping Arrangements (Giles/Jenny, G) by HAL1500

The crossover (Tara/Willow, PG-13) by katscardigans

My Best Friend Is A Monster (Dawn, Spike, G) by yvochrali

Time for Laundry (Buffy/Giles, R) by ElleV

A Monster Like I (Angel, Not Rated) by Dumbfuck_Mojave

The Dawn (Buffy, MCU xover, PG-13) by Emmeebee

[Chaptered Fiction]

You Learn Chapter 8 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by bramcrackers

(wishing only) wounds the heart Chapter 21 (Giles/Jenny, PG-13) by summers-maclay-lehane (ofstormsandwolves)

There's No Going Back to Normal Again Chapter 3 (Willow-centric, PG-13) by Rutkowski

Alternate Repercussions Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by JWS1993

You Learn Chapter 8 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by bramcrackers

You're the One Chapter 10 (Buffy/Spike, R) by BloodyThorn

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Here We Go Again: Operation Stop Real Family From Dying Chapter 4 (Faith/OFC, R) by Ren (mizdarknezz3)

22:16 Chapter 2 (Buffy/Giles, NC-17) by froxyn

Sillabub's Vampire Diaries Chapter 6 (Drusilla/Sillabub, Cats xover, NC-17) by Hysperia

Impression, Sunrise Chapter 17 (Buffy, Star Trek xover, G) by Energybeing

The Prickling of the Stars Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by JayeMaru

Boon Chapter 5 (Buffy/Spike, R) by Soulburnt

Sisters - The adventures of Sam and Buffy Carter Chapter 37 (Buffy, multiple xovers, NC-17) by fpb

Echoes of Beljoxa Chapter 51 (Buffy/Spike, R) by myrabeth

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Discussion of new Boom! Angel comics announcement by BAF, Stoney, Priceless

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[Articles, Interviews, and Other News]

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#btvs #buffy #Buffy The Vampire Slayer #ats #angel the series

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jackiekashian · 3 years

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Dork Forest 2011-2020 Cheat Sheet

The votes are in for 2020!

This is a list of Episode Numbers - Guest Name - Dorkdom. I take votes for faves of the year and then add a couple for variety of topics that I really thought were fun. ALL THE EPS have something for someone and are great but here is a starter list if you’re thinking to start listening to TDF and are not a numerologist completest.

Note: show’s been going since 2006 but I’ve only been surveying since 2011. The show is on all the platforms. Pandora, Spotify, YouTube. Start here if you like: www.dorkforest.com . Standup info and other podcast is at www.jackiekashian.com

2020 TDF EP 562 - Guy Branum - Mitford Sisters TDF EP 568 - Maria Bamford - Canadian Reality Shows TDF EP 599 - Jen Kirkman - Hallmark Christmas Movies TDF EP 565 - Darla Kashian – COOKING TDF EP 598 - Russ Kashian - Hallmark Christmas Movies TDF EP 549 - Tig Notaro – Veganism TDF EP 581 - Jenny Yang - Comfort Food TDF EP 591 - Amber Preston - Church Cookbooks TDF EP 574 - Ron Funches - Call of Duty and Animal Crossing TDF EP 577 - Barbara Holiday - Escape Rooms TDF EP 558 - Sarah Mowrey - Fleetwood Mac TDF EP566 - Matt Kirshen/Myq Kaplan - Advice Columns TDF EP 595 - Kristin Key - Mad Libs TDF EP 576 - Robert Jenkins - Guns and Safety TDF EP 588 - Sofiya Alexandra - Wheel of Time books TDF EP 570- Jim Woster – Columbo TDF EP 573 - Robert Hurt - Babylon 5 TDF EP 550 - Danielle Perez - Mariah Carey TDF EP 583 - Dar Vendegna - PIckleball TDF SPOILER 3 - Andy & Jackie - Rise of Skywalker

2019 TDF EP 523 Lydia Popovich Dolly Parton TDF EP 511 Auggie Smith Dead Comedians TDF EP 535 Christopher Titus Prince TDF EP 530 Phil Kashian Hitchhiking TDF EP 532 Brian Posehn Heavy Metal TDF EP 549 Tig Notaro Veganism SP1 Endgame Spoiler Dork Out TDF EP 503 Wynter Spears Public Restrooms TDF EP 524 Sara Benincasa Frederick Law Olmstead TDF EP 529 Caitlin Gill Murder She Wrote TDF EP 545 Mary Becquet Chinese Ghosts Vampires TDF EP 525 Matt Oswalt Taking Pictures TDF EP 510 Gary Anthony Williams Birds TDF EP 531 Robert Hurt DS9 TDF EP 547 Thom Tran The Flash TDF EP 540 Brian Jacobovitz Cthulu RPGs TDF EP 515 Judith Stephen CosPlay TDF EP 528 Justin Hermann Heroscape TDF EP 538 Dave Ross Zelda and LINK TDF EP 544 Sharon Houston Netflix British Reality Shows TDF EP 505 Kat Burdick Next Generation TDF EP 509 Michelle Biloon NYT Crossowords

2018 TDF EP 487 Amy Miller - Dolly Parton TDF EP 471 Emma Arnold - BEES TDF EP 499 - Erin Foley - Hallmark Christmas Movies TDF EP 481 - Cheryl Jones - Maritime History TDF EP 471 - Andy Ashcraft - GenCon TDF EP 482 - Nato Green - Union Organizing TDF EP 473 - Tamra Brown - Tiki Bars TDF EP 493 - Nina Manni - Air and Hotel Points TDF EP 446 - Carlos Delgado - Great British Bakeoff TDF EP 495 - Alice Wetterlund - Sharks TDF EP 487 - Mark Waid - Superman TDF EP 454 - Open Mike Eagle - Wrestling TDF EP 457 - Jean Grea - Ikea TDF EP 447 - Gariana Abeyta - All Genres have Great Movies

2017 TDF EP 390 - Phil Kashian - LOTR and MY BROTHER TDF EP 422 - Steve Agee - John Hughes Movies. Weird Science TDF EP 426 - Sara Schaefer - Cross Stitch TDF EP 431 - Jenny Jaffe - Planners. Calendars. Stickers. All the things. TDF EP 405 - Rebecca Sugar - Musicals TDF EP 438 - Jen Briney - freaking CONGRESS TDF EP 423 - Karen Rontowski - Moth Man TDF EP 401 - Jason Hatrick - Scuba diving TDF EP 429 - Kyle Clark - Halloween Theme Parks TDF EP 417 - Nat Towsen - Speed Racer TDF EP 402 - Tyler Hinman - Escape Rooms TDF EP 428 - Solomon Georgio - Black Sitcoms TDF EP 403 - Hal Lublin - Saturday Night Live TDF EP 408 - Al Madrigal - Jack Reacher NOVELS TDF EP 435 - Wyatt Gray - HP Lovecraft TDF EP 442 - Doug Stanhope - getting naked and Leisure Suits TDF EP 404 - Julie Dixson Jackson - Geneology TDF EP 427 - Lisa Allard – Quilting

2016 TDF EP 336 Jim Stewart Allen - Oregon Trail TDF EP 383 Jenny Chalikian – Xena TDF EP 387 Caitlin Gill - Roald Dahl TDF EP 358 Wil Anderson - Cricket TDF EP 359 Heather Simmons - Alice in Wonderland. TDF EP 340 Barbara Holm - Buffy the Vampire Slayer TDF EP 380 Beverly D’Angelo - things that Change your Life - Music, Places TDF EP 366 Karen Rontowski - Tarot Cards TDF EP 373 Stu Goldsmith - Boardgames with a STORY TDF EP 364 Maria Bamford LIVE at JFL Montreal (Bandcamp) 2016 I really liked: TDF EP 385 Jenny Zigrino - Authentic Historical Costuming TDF EP 347 Riley Silverman - The Potato. Mostly Frozen. TDF EP 355 Ivan Van Norman/Andy Ashcraft - Zombies & pen/paper games TDF EP 341 Cathy Ladman - Knitting TDF EP 349 Moon Zappa - The BIG questions TDF EP 368 Martha Kelly - Law and Order SVU TDF EP 367 Phil Johnson - Pirates TDF EP 362 Rory Scovel - Golf (quietly clap) TDF EP 339 Sovereign Syre - Spanish Invasion of Florida. TDF EP 348 Dash Kwiatkowski - Superman TDF EP 338 TJ Chambers - Chess TDF EP 379 Michelle Thaller – SPACE! LIVE DC Drafthouse (Bandcamp)

2015 TDF EP 303 Matt Saxe – all Vice Presidents. TDF EP 298 Jason Klamm – Vice Presidents and Lego! TDF EP 312 Greg Proops at LA Podfest – 70s Movies TDF EP 320 Wil Wheaton – BEER and Boardgames TDF EP 287 Michelle McNamara – Robert Durst and more True Crime TDF EP 294 Retta – Purses. Handbags TDF EP 323 Chez Amanda – Xfiles. Finally. TDF EP 310 David Koechner – History dork! TDF EP 268 Tammy Pescatelli – Thrift stores and Vampires TDF EP 279 Brian Kiley – Presidential Biographic Minutia TDF EP 285 Ian Abramson – McDonald’s Land TDF EP 316 Breanna Conley – Old time Photo Booth collecting 2015 another 12 that I picked: TDF EP 329 Robert Hurt – Space Ships TDF EP 321 Ryan Stout – Injustice. AS USUAL. TDF EP 324 Suzy Soro – Ghosts. TDF EP 313 Danielle Radford – great “bad” movies TDF EP 305 Murray Valeriano & Monty Franklin – Surfin. TDF EP 269 Christian Brown, Roselle Hurley and Andy Ashcraft - LARPing TDF EP 271 Bridget Everett - Barry Manilow, Richard Simmons & Rudy TDF EP 273 Sean Crespo – DUNE TDF EP 284 Brian Upton - history and aesthetics of gaming TDF EP 293 Live at Bridgetown Branum, Kilgariff and Preston (Bandcamp) TDF EP 300 Amy Shira Teitel – SPACE TDF EP 325 Gail Carriger Live in SF – Anglophile. (Bandcamp)

2014 TDF EP 259 – Laraine Newman - Dubstep TDF EP 245 – Brittnee Braun - Cosplay TDF EP 249 – Brian Regan – Line Mentality TDF EP 215 – Robert Hack – Doctor Who TDF EP 264 – Joseph Scrimshaw – Star War Prequels TDF EP 227 – Emily Gordon – Breakfast around the world TDF EP 239 – Rhea Butcher – Back to the Future Movies TDF EP 260 – Jimmy Pardo – Chicago (the band) TDF EP210 – Corey Olsen – Tolkien TDF EP 258 – Emily Heller – ESM & HS Debate

2013 TDF EP 177 - Greg Proops - Ancient History TDF EP 172 – Janeane/Bamford - Beading/SuzeOrman TDF EP198 – Live Podfest w Kilgariff/Bamford/Anthony/Valeriano - Salad TDF EP 189 – Moshe Kasher - Religion TDF EP 199 – Michelle McNamara - True Crime TDF EP 203 – Ryan Stout - Traffic Court

TDF EP 150 – Gina Yashere - Ghosts/Elevators TDF EP 151 – Craig Shoemaker - Wizard of Oz TDF EP 207 – Matt Mira - James Bond TDF EP 167 – David Huntsberger - Horses TDF EP 200 – Andy Peters/Mike Schmidt - Wrestling TDF EP 190 – Cameron Esposito - Lesbians TDF EP 202 – Matt Weinhold/Dana Gould/ Shawn Sheridan - Halloween

2012 TDF EP 129 – Live with Michelle McNamara (True Crime) TDF EP 111 – Jim Gaffigan (obscure news personality) TDF EP 117 – Corey Olsen (TolkienProf) TDF EP 142 – Live with Retta, Rajskub, Kilmartin and Scovel TDF EP 94 – Mary Jo Pehl (reading and writing and more reading) TDF EP 133 – Kira Soltonovich (Korean Spas) TDF EP 113 – Jesse Schell and Andy Ashcraft (oh. Video Games) TDF EP 98 – Henry Phillips and Mike Phirman (Guitar Comedy and Music) TDF EP 139 – Joel Hodgson (ventriloquism) TDF EP 93 – Live with Ernie Cline (the 80s and Ready Player One) TDF EP 102 – Dan Telfer (Dinosaurs and science in general) TDF EP 108 – Al Madrigal (Sales and Cartoons) TDF EP 148 – Guy Branum - Canada TDF EP 95 – Live with Kevin Eastman (ninja turtles) TDF EP 97 – Rose Abdoo and John Matta (tiny tiny ART! And The Thing) TDF EP 99 – Asterios Kokkinos (Pokemon) TDF EP 100 – PF Wilson – (history of the various football leagues) TDF EP 103 – Live with Andy Kindler (“indie” comic books) TDF EP 104 – Merrill Markoe (I feel like we talked dogs mostly) TDF EP 110 – Patrick Brady (animation) TDF EP 120 – Erin Foley (NY Giants) TDF EP 121 – Tom Franck (Art) TDF EP 130 – Lois McMaster Bujold (I dork out AT her. She talks writing) TDF EP 138 – Michael Everson (coding fonts for obscure languages)

2011 # 55 Greg Proops – Making Baseball interesting # 67 Hardwick/Palascak – Harry Potter # 37 Karen Kilgariff - Sandra Bullock # 16 Dana Gould – Planet of the Apes # 48 Aisha Tyler – girl on girl fandom # 24 Jen Kirkman/ Karen Rontowksi – ghosts/UFO # 49 Dana/James - HOLLYWOOD # 40 April/Vargus – TRIP TO MIDDLE EAST # 3 Madigan/Kilmartin – the KENNEDY’S #42 Maile Flanagan/Yuri Lowenthal - Animation #50 Michelle McNamara – True Crime #30 Ed Brubaker / Kermet Apio – Comics #14 Thrilling Adventure Hour – so many things Origin Story – #69 Andy Origin Story - #71 Maria #73 Rich Sommer – Mad Men and Boardgames #77 Matt Weinhold/Ken Daly – Horror Movies #82 Chad Daniels/David Huntsberger – just hilarious #80 Bengt Washburn – Fine art #51 Andrew Solmssen - IT #28 Eric Drysdale - VIEWMASTER #58 Bees – uh, BEES #63 Perfume – and, PERFUME #44 Jim Coughlin – A4 Paper #91 Trains!

NOTE Premium eps w/o iTunes: Here’s how to download albums from Bandcamp:

1. Download the .zip file from Bandcamp. 2. Unzip the file to your Music folder. 3. Rescan your Music folder. 4. Open the music app and listen to your tunes.

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faejilly · 4 years

Text

@servantofclio replied to your post “So Thing 2 has spent the last two weeks mainlining GBBO & Chopped......”

We've had really good experiences with America's Test Kitchen cookbooks, and they have a couple aimed at kids: https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Cookbook-Young-Chefs/dp/1492670022/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=america%27s+test+kitchen+kids&qid=1597953855&sr=8-2

@awaylaughing replied to your post “So Thing 2 has spent the last two weeks mainlining GBBO & Chopped......”

Seconding ATK's The Complete Cookbook for Young Chefs. While I don't have that one, I have their Gluten Free books and they do an excellent job there of explaining technique and differences in ingredients you can use.

@lemonsharks reblogged your post and added:

Kids Cooking from Klutz Press (now a scholastic imprint) was my very first big kid cookbook, and it’s a huge influence on my love of the culinary arts (and my knife skills) . This is what got me started combining flavors.

https://www.target.com/p/kids-cooking/-/A-52679527

I’m also a huge fan of America’s Test Kitchen and I suspect their kids baking cookbook would go over well too

https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Baking-Book-Young-Chefs/dp/1492677698/

oh, Klutz Press. I’ve got fond memories of them, too <3

and wow, that’s FOUR votes for ATK, counting twitter too. seems like a good place to start! :D

/thanks

@foxghost replied to your post “So Thing 2 has spent the last two weeks mainlining GBBO & Chopped......”

it's not for kids but when kidlet was 10 i got him a copy of "how to cook everything" by mark bittman and he read it like a novel (it's geared towards ppl who's never cooked)

and two for how to cook everything :D thanks <3

@kitsunekat9 replied to your post “So Thing 2 has spent the last two weeks mainlining GBBO & Chopped......”

Tasty.com or tasty’s channel on YouTube has a bunch of stuff geared specifically towards child chefs!

oooh, youtube, good idea, I have a LIST of food people on there I keep... not watching. *laughs*

@rutherinahobbit replied to your post “So Thing 2 has spent the last two weeks mainlining GBBO & Chopped......”

Buffy wrote one: https://g.co/kgs/uWnevS I actually have no idea what it’s like or if it’s good so maybe not. But Buffy wrote it! ��❤️

😍

That does look like fun, goodness. Buffy wrote an entire book to tell us all to play with our food *laughs*

#jilly replies

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justlightlysedated · 4 years

Text

hope is the greatest of the gifts we'll receive

day one of thirteen: a sort of beauty and the beast, enchanted christmas au, dedicated to every single person who has ever read or liked or reblogged or rec'ed any of my fics, i love you all more than you will ever know, and i hope that you enjoy this gift from the bottom of my heart

The Story So Far:

Alex Manes, son of Duke Jesse Manes, who hasn’t been seen or heard about since he was ten years old, is trapped in the old and abandoned family castle. An enchantment that his dad told him was for his own protection keeps him from crossing the castle gates.

For ten years, Alex has been on his own, with only the enchanted items inside of the castle and the sporadic visits made by Maria and Liz (who had seeked shelter within the castle walls when they were seventeen and had gotten lost in the woods during one of the coldest nights of the year) to keep him company.

Sporadic because the enchanted castle has a mind of its own and keeps running people off. This leads to rumors that the castle is haunted and that Alex is actually the ghost of someone who died within its walls.

And it’s not exactly like Alex tries really hard to tell people he’s not a ghost.

He likes the solitude and he has his books and he has the entire castle to keep him company. He wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.

That of course, all changes one late November night during the tenth year with the arrival of Michael Guerin.

Michael had heard about the haunted but most importantly abandoned castle from stories Maria told from behind the bar, but he had figured that they were embellished, at least a little bit.

Michael believed in magic, but he in no way believed in ghosts.

The first night almost makes a believer out of him, but being saved from almost getting mauled to death by the very territorial wolf living in the stables by a very real, very alive, very hot Alex Manes changes his mind entirely.

He makes it his mission to find out exactly what’s going on, which becomes a real easy job once he has the enchanted castle on his side.

With Christmas around the corner, things seem to be going on the right track.

Alex doesn’t think that he’s a bad person.

He doesn’t deserve the reputation that living in a mostly abandoned castle gives him. He tries to do good things despite the fact that everyone thinks that he’s a ghost haunting the castle, not that he’s dissuaded anyone of that notion.

The only person who knows better is also the person who Alex is pretty sure was sent to torment him.

Michael is singing off key, to a Christmas carol while he decorates the hall outside of the library after Alex told him that he doesn’t do Christmas.

It’s Christmas Eve and they are the only two people living in the castle, not to mention the wolf named Buffy that has taken over the stable and the fact that the castle is enchanted and everything within it seems to have made it its goal to make Alex happy, and have decided that Michael is the key to that happiness, since Michael has been able to actually stay for an extended period of time, whereas whenever Maria and Liz come to visit the castle does everything it can to make sure their visits are short.

Alex had thought that that meant it just didn’t like anyone who wasn’t a Manes, but apparently, it just didn’t like Maria and Liz.

It loves Michael however given that Alex can see Michael being followed by a trolley full of Christmas decorations that is swaying in time to Michael’s horrible singing.

Almost like it can hear his thoughts, the trolley stops and turns to him, giving him what Alex thinks is a judgmental look.

Alex closes the door before Michael can turn and see him and leans his forehead against the door, exhaling deeply.

He waits until he hears them move down the hall, before he moves, pushing away from the door and walking back towards his chair and the book he’d been trying to read.

He knows the moment that Michael leaves the first floor to decorate the floor below it because it feels like the entire floor sighs, despondent at his absence.

Alex hunches down in his seat and tries not to sigh in unison. He can feel the chandelier watching him judgmentally but he refuses to accept responsibility for the fact that the castle is enamoured with Michael.

It’s only been a few days since he had stopped Buffy from showing Michael his insides after Alex had inadvertently scared him into running into the stables, but it feels like it’s been an entire lifetime.

Michael has gotten it into his head that Alex stays locked inside of the castle because he’s extremely shy, and Alex doesn’t know how to dissuade him of that notion.

He picks his book up and tries to lose himself in the story, and he almost manages before he smells like something is burning.

He looks up from his book and notices the vent that connects to the kitchen is open, and there is very light smoke coming out of it.

Alex is moving before he can stop himself, since it’s not like the castle will let itself burn just for the sake of matchmaking drama, but before he can tell himself that, he’s ducking into the secret passageway in the library that leads right into the kitchen.

He gets there in time to see Michael closing the oven with his foot as he carries a smoking loaf tin to the sink and then turns on the water.

The air is filled with steam, and Michael sighs, pulling off the oven mitts.

“Alright,” he says turning around to counter where Alex can see the cookbook making an attempt to hide back inside of the cabinet, like it’s attempting to escape Alex’s wrath. “Let’s not tell- Alex!”

He almost shouts his name, and Alex turns to him, raising an eyebrow.

Michael looks around, a blush working itself across his cheeks, “Sorry, didn’t mean to utterly fail at making a fruitcake and alarm you.”

Alex looks at him thoughtfully for a second, “Why are you trying to make a fruitcake?”

Michael darts a painfully shy look at him, before looking away.

“It’s a Christmas tradition,” he says. “My mom and I used to make one every Christmas Eve, and I just wanted to share it with you.”

Alex feels the entire kitchen cooing at how sweet Michael is being, Alex tries not to follow suit, biting down on his lip to stop the smile from spreading across his face.

Michael’s cheeks go even more red and Alex reaches out to get his attention, fingers brushing against Michael’s arm.

Michael jumps a little and turns to Alex, giving him a sheepish grin.

“First of all,” Alex says and casts a look at the oven out of the corner of his eye. “The stove will never let anything actually burn.”

Michael furrows his brow, “Then why-”

“Second of all,” Alex says talking over him. “Since you and your mom used to make the fruitcake together, wouldn’t it be better if we worked on it together?”

A sweet smile spreads across Michael’s face, and it leaves Alex feeling a little stupefied.

“I would love that,” he says smile widening.

Alex turns away from him and heads to the fridge to take out whatever it is they would need from in there to make a fruitcake.

The fridge opens helpfully, kind of smug, and Alex just glares at it.

Michael lists off everything that they would need from the fridge while he goes into the pantry.

They work in almost complete silence for a few minutes, Michael only speaking to tell Alex what he needed to do.

It’s only when Alex moves the fruit boiling away with some gin and spices for taste from the flame and turns to him to see what else to do, that he sees that Michael has finished mixing the batter, and is just waiting on Alex.

“We have to let them cool down a bit,” Michael says, and Alex nods his head, carefully leaning back against the counter beside the stove.

Michael smiles sweetly at him, and Alex looks away, blinking rapidly, ignoring the way both the stove and the fridge sigh, enamoured.

“What kind of traditions did you have, before all of this?” Michael asks, leaning on the island.

Alex purses his mouth, “I don’t remember much before all of this,” he says with some gentle mocking, that makes Michael rolls his eyes.

“But one thing I do remember is going ice skating with my mom,” he says, and looks around the room, ignoring the sympathy he can feel from every section of the castle.

“Right when the ice was strong enough to hold our weight, she would drag me out of bed at some ungodly hour in the morning, and strap skates on my feet and take me out into the ice.”

He exhales and looks back to Michael who is leaning his head in his hands, just staring at Alex.

Alex swallows hard. “It was the most that I would see her smile during the holidays,” he finishes, and Michael’s stare turns a touch sad, a touch pitiful, and Alex looks away immediately, turning back to the fruits and moving it around with the wooden spoon.

“I think it’s cool enough,” Michael says from right next to him, and Alex jumps a little not expecting him to be so close.

Alex lets Michael mix the fruit into the cake batter and stares at him as he puts the cake into the oven.

Michael closes the oven and turns to Alex.

He bites his lip and grabs Alex’s hand. “Come on.”

Alex lets Michael tug him out of the kitchen and through the hall, and into the front room, pass the staircase, across the downstairs living room, through the music room and out into the back garden, bundling Alex and then himself into their coats.

Alex stops them before Michael can drag them much further, feeling the terror of being so close to the barrier, but exhales carefully, when Michael lets him go and doesn’t do much but smile expectantly at him.

Alex makes a face and casts a look around the back garden.

It looks like a winter wonderland, covered in freshly fallen snow, and even the pond is frozen over.

Alex turns back to Michael.

“I figured,” Michael says, walking over to the small wooden shed where Alex knows he has at least one pair of ice skates. “That as long as we were doing my tradition, we may as well do yours.”

He pulls out the ice skates and Alex looks at the pond carefully and then looks back at Michael who is looking at the skates with trepidation.

“Do you even know how to skate?” He asks, and Michael just rolls his eyes and walks towards the small bench right by the pond.

Alex follows after him.

“What about the cake?” He asks, as Michael sits down and begins to take his boots off.

“It’ll take an hour and a half to bake through,” Michael says, looking up at Alex through the curls that are falling in front of his face. “I set a timer.”

Alex nods his head slowly, and just stares as Michael slowly gets to his feet and moves to the middle of the pond.

He turns in a careful circle and wobbles a little before he spreads his arms out and smiles invitingly at Alex, right before he slips, tries to catch himself and falls back on his butt.

Alex bites down on the laugh that wants to pop out, but Michael starts laughing immediately, giggling as he tries to get back up and fails.

Alex sits on the bench and puts his own skates on, they pinch his toes a little bit, but he manages to get to his feet easily, skating out into the middle of the pond, to help Michael get to his feet.

Michael holds on to him tightly, fingers wrapped in the open collar of Alex’s coat.

Alex catches him by the waist and tries to keep him steady.

“You’ve never done this before, have you?” Alex asks.

Michael gives him a mock glare, “What gave it away?”

Alex laughs, and lifts his hands to Michael’s on his coat and gently pries him away.

Michael makes a low protesting sound, but Alex just smiles at him, and moves back a little, keeping a hold of his hands.

“Come on,” he says, tugging on Michael’s hands and making him slide forward a little. “Just follow me.”

Alex leads Michael around the pond, and once he’s positive that Michael’s got it he lets him go and Michael takes a few steps on his own before he falls again, and the look on his face is so betrayed that Alex can’t help but giggle.

Michael starts laughing as soon as Alex does, and Alex helps him back to his feet.

Alex loses track of time as they continue to skate around the pond, until Michael is able to let go of Alex’s hands and skate by himself.

Alex stops on one side, and watches Michael circle the pond by himself, whooping and putting his hands in the air as he passes by Alex.

Alex wants to tell him that he’s going too fast, but instead just continues to watch Michael with a soft smile on his face, ignoring the way that he can feel the entire castle watching their interaction.

Michael takes a corner too fast, and before Alex can brace himself, Michael is barrelling into him and they both slip and fall back in the snow bank.

Alex lands on his back, and Michael lands on top of him.

They lay there for a single solitary moment before Alex bursts out laughing, Michael following after a few seconds.

Michael laughs into the crook of Alex’s neck, and Alex feels his entire nervous system jumpstart, making him giggle a little helplessly.

The laughter dies out and Alex sees the moment that Michael realizes how close they are pressed together.

Alex watches as the smile and bright eyes are replaced by parted lips and an intent look.

Michael moves in a little bit closer and their noses brush as he tips his head down a little, and Alex gasps, inhaling shakily.

Michael’s eyes dart up to his and Alex doesn’t know exactly how he’s staring at him only that, only that it lights something up in Michael’s eyes and he leans in even closer, eyes falling shut, and Alex can’t look away from him.

Michael moves even closer, and Alex can feel his hot breath on his mouth.

And then the timer goes off, startling the entire kitchen and making Alex jump and knock his forehead into Michael’s hard.

Michael pushes away from him, landing on his back in the snow, groaning as he presses a hand to his forehead, and Alex bites down on his lip.

“Sorry,” he says, and Michael opens his eyes and his cheeks are flushed with embarrassment. “The timer went off in the kitchen, and it kind of startled me.”

Michael looks at him speculatively at that, but doesn’t really say much as they get the skates off and head back to the kitchen.

Alex follows behind Michael at a more sedate space, so that by the time he makes it into the kitchen, Michael already has the cake out and is stirring something in another saucepan on top of the stove.

The entire kitchen smells like Christmas and feels warm, and for the first time in a long time, Alex is looking forward to the new year.

The door to the kitchen closes, pushing him forward a little, and Alex glares at it behind himself before he walks further into the kitchen.

Alex leans against the island in the middle of the kitchen and watches as Michael serves them slices of crumbling slices of hot cake and two mugs of what looks like hot chocolate, humming Christmas carols underneath his breath.

Alex hopes that he doesn’t ruin the image by singing, and the pots in the pot rack above him clang menacingly.

Alex rolls his eyes, and Michael turns to him with a smile.

He sets the cake slices and the mugs of steaming hot chocolate down in front of Alex, and leans on the opposite side of the island.

“It’s still hot,” he says as he pinches a bit of the cake between his fingers and blows on it before putting it into his mouth. “But it’s tradition.”

Alex just shakes his head a little, biting down on a smile as he starts to eat the cake as well.

“Okay,” Michael says once they’re halfway done, and Alex has drunk half of his spiked hot chocolate. “I think, in honor of adding new Christmas traditions to the roster, that we should have a Christmas ball.”

Alex gives Michael a look.

Michael just smiles back winningly.

“Hear me out,” he says, and then launches into a passionate spiel about how celebrations boost morale and how he has the space anyway, “And it’s not like we would have to invite people. We can just celebrate, the two of us, and the entire castle.”

Alex stares at him, at the way he talks with his hands when he gets really excited about something and has the faint thought that he would do anything to make sure that Michael is always happy and excited and never upset.

His eyes widen a little, and Michael stops talking and looks at Alex. “So what do you say?”

Alex is about to tell him that he doesn’t know, but just to tease him a little, when he goes cold all over.

He closes his eyes and concentrates and he can feel someone trying to get in through the gates.

The fact that they use a key to unlock the padlock tells Alex that it could only be one of four people, and not one of them can know about Michael.

“I don’t think so,” Alex says a little harshly, eyes flying open.

He regrets the tone and the way that Michael seems to curl in on himself, eyes going wide and hurt.

“I just wanted-” he starts and Alex cuts him off, grabbing him around the arm and leading him towards the secret passage that leads straight up to his room.

“I think you should retire to your rooms,” he says and pushes him into the passage.

Michael makes an aggrieved noise in protest, saying Alex’s name, but Alex closes the door in his face, locking it and then willing the entire castle to make sure that he stays in his room.

He feels the castle acquiesce to his request and lets out a relieved breath before he turns around and begins to hide all of the evidence he can find that two people are living in there, before he walks fast to the front hall, and sits down in the chair in the sitting room and book within easy distance.

He takes a deep breath and prepares himself to deal with whoever it is walking towards the castle.

Michael doesn’t angrily slide the door close, but he does stomp his feet all the way to his bed.

He drops himself down and lets his face fall into his hands.

He doesn’t know what went wrong exactly. Everything seemed to be going fine, better than fine really, and then out of nowhere, Alex just snapped out of it, like he had been under a spell, and Michael had said something that triggered him to wake up.

Michael exhales roughly and throws himself back on top of his bed.

It’s hard to believe that not even half an hour ago, he almost kissed Alex.

It all felt like it was a dream and Michael had been rudely woken up.

He presses his fingers to his mouth. He can almost feel the press of Alex’s nose, and his breath against his mouth.

Michael makes a low mournful and turns to his side.

He opens his eyes when he gets the overwhelming feeling like someone is watching him, and right there on the side of his bed, is a small black box with a blue bow on top.

He sits up and reaches over and picks the box up.

It feels a little bit heavy, and whatever is inside moves when Michael shakes the box slightly.

He opens the box and finds a note resting on top of a pocket watch.

He picks the note out and sets the box aside, unfolding it carefully.

this pocket watch is enchanted to show you whatever you wish for, just close your eyes and wish with all of your might and then open the watch

There is no name on it, but he knows that it’s from Alex.

He picks the pocket watch out of the box, and looks at the silver surface. It’s inscribed with a rose pattern, and Michael passes his thumb over the imprint before he inhales deeply, closing his eyes and thinking about what it is that he wants to see.

He feels the watch heat up a little in his hands, and then he exhales and looks down, opening the watch.

The clock surface is visible for a second, before it clouds over, and an image becomes clear.

Michael feels his breath catch in his throat as he makes out Max and Isobel looking like they were in the middle of a discussion, and feels a pang of longing in the pit of his stomach.

He hasn’t seen them in just a little over a month, and while it’s not like he doesn’t miss them daily, it’s worse, to see them like this.

He inhales shakily and closes the watch.

He jumps when he hears a door slamming open and he pushes himself off his bed, deciding in that moment to leave. If he hurries, he’ll make it to Max and Isobel before Christmas Eve is even over.

And they at least wouldn’t suddenly go through a mood change, fast enough to give him whiplash.

Michael grabs his bag and goes to the door.

He twists the knob and pulls and the door stays shut tightly.

“Fuck,” he says and pulls harder, but nothing.

“Come on,” he says. “You cannot keep me in here.”

He gets the overwhelming feeling that the door is telling him that of course they can keep him in there.

Michael huffs out a frustrated breath, but he knows that if he doesn’t leave right now, he won’t.

If he talks to Alex just one time, the will to leave the castle will just abandon him.

He doesn’t know what it is about Alex that has him so captivated, but he’s not going to stick around if Alex is going to be like this the entire time.

He turns and walks towards the window to see if he can open it without having to beg.

He’s trying to prop the window opens when he notices the two figures in the dying sunlight.

He quickly recognizes Alex as the one who is struggling, being dragged by the collar of his jacket like a bad puppy. Michael doesn’t recognize the other guy, and they’re too far away for him to make out any features, but Michael realizes immediately why Alex never wants to go outside.

They barely make it pass the hedge walls of the back garden before Alex starts yelling and struggling even more to get away from whoever.

The person lets Alex go, and Alex crawls back immediately to the safety of the hedges, and collapses on his back.

The person walks back towards Alex slowly, and they have the same shade of dark hair that Alex does, and Michael remembers vaguel the portrait of the four brothers that he had found in the basement along with other portraits of the members of the Manes family.

Michael is sure that they say something, but he can’t hear anything.

He knows Alex’s body language well enough by now to realize that he’s being antagonistic, and he’s proved right when Alex spits at the person.

They grab him around the collar of his coat and drag him back over the hedge, and Alex starts to yell again, loud enough that Michael can hear it clearly.

Michael is moving before he realizes, dropping his bag on the floor and running for the door.

The door opens easily, and he doesn’t think about the why as he rushes through the castle halls, wishing for once that Alex didn’t live in an abandoned castle so that he wouldn’t have to be running for a full five minutes before he even makes it out of the back doors.

Michael skids to a stop as Alex’s yells hit him full force and he finally hears the other person talking, asking him questions that Alex couldn’t possibly answer.

Michael reaches the hedge, and searches for something to use to help Alex escape his attacker, but in that moment he hears a loud howl, and then there is Buffy, wrapping her huge jaw full of pointy teeth around the attacker’s arm and pulling him away from Alex.

Alex drops to his knees, and whimpers low in his throat.

Michael goes to him, wrapping fingers in his jacket, and ignoring the way he weakly protests and pulls him closer to the castle.

Alex sighs in relief, and slumps on top of Michael, making them both fall to the snow.

Michael holds on to Alex as tightly as he can, and stares as Buffy chases off the attacker, snapping at his shins as he runs away, leaving behind a trail of blood pouring from the wound on his arm.

Michael doesn’t fully relax at all, trying to get Alex to move and realizes that he’s passed out.

He’s still breathing, and while that’s all well and good, Michael cannot carry his dead weight all by himself.

He’s startled out of his contemplation of what he’s going to do, by Buffy, who huffs, and while Michael freezes, remembering intently the way that she attacked him several days earlier, she just gently bites Alex’s arm, and somehow manages to get him thrown across her back.

She carries Alex inside, and Michael stands up and follows after them, looking back towards where he’d last seen the attacker, but he doesn’t see anything.

Buffy sets Alex down in front of the fireplace, and then whines until Michael is making a fire.

Buffy lies down right in front of it, curving her huge body around Alex, and Michael sits back in one of the armchairs to stare at them.

He wants to do something, but there isn’t anything that he can do.

It doesn’t seem like Alex is hurt. He isn’t bleeding anywhere. And he’s not pale.

It doesn’t take too long for Alex to start waking up.

Michael stares at him as he buries his face in Buffy’s fur, before blinking his eyes open and staring straight at Michael.

He doesn’t seem surprised to see him there.

“You have to go,” he says in a voice so low that Michael is sure that he misheard him at first.

But Alex just continues to look at him seriously, and Michael starts shaking his head immediately.

“What? No,” he says protesting immediately and Alex pushes himself up to his feet, only stumbling lightly, but catching himself.

He stands tall in front of Michael, illuminated by the fire.

“My family aren’t nice people,” he says, swallowing hard. “And I can take whatever they do to me, but they’ll kill you if they find you here. You have to go.”

Michael blinks rapidly at him, and he wants to protest, but Alex is looking at him desperately, eyes wide and pleading, and Michael really doesn’t want to go.

He inhales carefully, and looks at Alex seriously. “Okay,” he says, and Alex deflates immediately, “But I have one condition.”

Alex looks at him with a furrowed brow.

“I’ll leave after we have the Christmas Ball.”

Alex stares at him, looking slightly stupefied, and then his face twitches into a fond smile that makes Michael’s chest ache.

“Okay,” he says. “We can have your celebration, but you have to go right after.”

Michael nods his head, and he would celebrate the win, if it didn’t feel so hollow.

The piano plays a gentle Christmas tune, and Michael drags Alex to the middle of the ballroom, letting Alex take the lead after he almost makes them both trip and fall to the floor.

Alex holds him close, clasping Michael’s left hand with his right, and pressing his left hand low on Michael’s back, while Michael settles his right hand on Alex’s shoulder.

Alex moves them in circles, taking them on a waltz and overcompensating when Michael manages to almost trip them up.

Michael isn’t a dancer by any means of the imagination, but Alex has obviously had training at some point.

“You’re good at this,” Michael says, when he trips and Alex catches him and turns them expertly.

Alex just hums, and Michael bites down on his lip.

The dinner had been fine, but silent. Even when Michael had thanked him for his gift, Alex had just smiled, that soft smile, the one that told Michael exactly how fond Alex was of him, but he hadn’t said much.

Michael felt anxious, a squirmy feeling in the pit of his stomach, like he was running out of time, but he didn’t know exactly what he needed to do.

Alex spins them around and the song changes to something more soft and less Christmassy.

“I don’t want to go,” Michael blurts out, unable to help himself.

Alex slows their movements to a stop, right in the middle of the room and the piano stops playing, hitting a discordant note.

Alex sighs, “Michael,” he says in a hushed voice.

“I know,” Michael says sighing and pressing in close, dropping his forehead to Alex’s. “I know.”

“You won’t be safe if you stay,” Alex reminds him, voice barely trembling.

And Michael knows, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it.

“What about you?” He asks, letting go of Alex’s hand to wrap his arms around Alex’s shoulders, holding him close.

Alex slides his arms around Michael immediately, “I’ll be fine, I promise.”

Michael doesn’t really believe him, but he doesn’t have much of a choice.

“I’ll come back,” Michael promises as the piano begins to play again and Alex sways them from side to side, his eyes falling shut.

“I know,” Alex whispers, and Michael vows to return back to him, no matter what.

#malex fic #thirteendaysofgiftfics #okay so the way the story goes michael leaves and gets to town where he finds isobel and max immediately and asks them for help #tells them that he needs a way to break the enchantment on the castle #and isobel thinks that he’s delusional from hypothermia and takes him to the infirmary #where he finds the guy who attacked alex and demands to know why #the guy turns out to be alex’s brother who was sent by their father to find out what alex was keeping a secret #and he tells them all about the enchantment on the castle #basically jesse figured out that alex was not only magical but also gay #and used a curse to tie his magical powers to the castle and keep him prisoner #alex doesn’t know this #he just knows he’s never supposed to leave #michael and the others go searching for a way to break the curse with michael keeping an eye on alex through the stop watch #until one night he sees that the castle is on fire they go to save him #and michael convinces alex that all he needs to do is believe that he can cross and he’ll be able to do it #alex waits until the last possible moment burning his leg horribly beyond repair but he manages to escape #several days later #michael and alex are looking through the wreckage of the castle and alex finds the rose pendant that had been used for the curse #he and michael kiss and the power of true love’s first kiss brings the castle back from the brink of destruction #and so they move back into their enchanted castle #and they all lived happily ever after

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