#I am extremely depressed

[slythereen]

oh goodie charles will defend for carlos bc he knows what the term teammate means and he’ll actually listen to team orders and

#I am extremely depressed #this race has traumatized me #charles leclerc

[nylarac]

summary of bad things that have occurred starting in mid december to today:

fractured toe

got covid after managing to avoid it up until now

it's been nearly a month and i am still experiencing lingering symptoms (coughing, my favorite foods no longer being appealing, fatigue, worse asthma, rib/chest pain, congestion)

300 dollar water bill and likely another v expensive water bill to be expected soon since maintenance didn't fix the cause until recently (and i am still not confident that they actually fixed the issue)

got v unexpectedly laid off with 30 days notice

found out that i actually only have a week before i am unemployed and only 2 weeks' severance

my car's ac stopped working again barely a week after i got it fixed so there is almost definitely a leak that will need to also be repaired

dental trouble (a lot to explain but tldr teeth suck insurance sucks and everything is expensive)

which i guess summarizes a lot of this list lmao everything sucks and is expensive

#i am extremely depressed #should also be stressed but i just feel drained and numbed tbh #i really really want to do something fun between now and getting a new job but idk what #but things are expensive and/or the weather isn't right for most things i would want to do #like go to the beach #personal

[itwasabeautifulwebbing]

baldur’s gate 3 really is the game of all time for the gays who want to celebrate both sad pathetic wet men AND women’s wrongs

#baldur’s gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #minthara #minthara baenre #i am still thinking about that post i saw a couple of days ago #where OP was mad about men being categorized as babygirls and women as the only braincell havers #and OP was right that the latter girlboss-ification of women while subsequently never letting the narrative focus on them #(or having fandoms actually focus on them) #is depressing and exhausting #but that’s why!!! bg3 is so great imo!!! #the women characters in bg3 are absolutely the main appeal of this game!! #like yes astarion is extremely popular and with good reason #but he is not the only character with a delightfully feral and dedicated fan base happy to excuse all his wrongs because of his big sad eyes #/flourishes both hands @ minthara baenre will smith style #look at this sad war criminal and her big sad eyes and her arrogance and her insecurity #and her devastating sense of humour #she is hyperfixation material

[surreal-duck]

nui shenanigans

#doodles #duck scribbles #midoyuzu #yuzumido #hi ive been in an absolute Situation lately 👍 gonna drop off the face of the earth again so long fellas #enstars #yuzuru fushimi #midori takamine #what if we had nuis of each other and i made nui me kiss your nui......... #have barely been drawing lately outside of work burnout eating me alive for real 😔 #the horrors and depression and dysphoria may be unrelenting but mf so am i!!!!!!!!! #ahhh im behind on comms too i am extremely sorry 🙇‍♂️ gonna try get on top of those as best as i can #hoping to at least get out of my rut in time for the es rarepair week too tho o9 #survived fragrance on engstars w 2 naru copies 👍👍👍 girl help i dojt want to open the game for another month or so but alas. valk ss next #damn im rambling again. anyways aaaaaaaaaaaa i wanna drawi wanna draw

[nuppu-nuppu]

Ignore if you don’t want to read about me being stupid once again

#pls dont read if you cant handle venting and whining #once again i am here to say that i am the loneliest person alive and i feel like i can’t grasp the basic consept of friendship and do it lol #like idk how to be friends #i feel like i will forever be sad and lonely #and i know everyone will say you can talk to me and i know that but i’ve just been by myself for so long that i don’t remember how to have #actual conversations with people i feel like i am disconnected from reality #i feel like i am an extremely unlikeable person and that’s why i was all alone in highschool and idk i am oversharing on the internet again #because it’s the only place i kind of feel safe doing it #pls take care of yourselves first before comfoting me or anything im sorry i sound very pathetic #how do i start living again #how does one live anyway #im just in my head all the time #this was supposed to be hot girl summer but it’s once again summertime sadness #im so stupid!!! #im so anxious and depressed that i dont know what to do with myself #im so sorry for oversharing i have a therapist dont worry im kind of taking care of myself #but the eternal loneliness just wont let me go #idk how to be a person anymore #i’m just sad #thinking of going to a church and pretend to be a believer so i could have a community again lol

[beaft]

i'm into horror for a lot of reasons, but one of them is that it has this capability for externalising a kind of violence that is often only felt, not seen. my favourite works of horror use experiences like mental illness or oppression as springboards - they elevate psychological terror into something you can actually see and fight against. like, yeah, depression DOES sometimes feel like you have a monster living in your cellar that nobody can see except you! puberty DOES sometimes feel like you're transforming into something weird and dangerous! that's why i often find horror movies so cathartic - even comforting, in some cases.

and that's why i originally started to explore splatterpunk - because i read exquisite corpse and loved it, because it was a queer novel by a queer author that took the political violence of the aids crisis and made it literal, blew it up to a monstrous scale that matched the monstrous pain felt by the victims and their families. it felt genuinely subversive. it felt visceral. and then i read a bunch of other splatterpunk fiction, and was disappointed to discover that most of it was just an excuse for men to self-publish their badly-written snuff porn.

#if you've followed me for any amount of time you'll know that i am profoundly anti-censorship and pro-sicknasty fiction #and i usually try to separate the author's identity from their work #but i have no stomach for stories by cishet men that are committed to exploring all the ways in which a woman's body can be brutalised. #it is not interesting to me. i don't enjoy it #unfortunately that seems to make up the vast majority of the current extreme horror market #depressing! #violence cw #rape cw #horror tag

[bl00dw1tch]

Watching someone play afop and im so. Oh my god. Oh my GOD. It's literally just a fucking showcase of all the Exact type of shit that has been happening to indigenous people and people of color have been dealing with for Centuries at the hands of white supremacy and imperialism. Like its literally just Showing all that Shit from the perspective of a Na'vi in universe. So it "demonizes" the RDA accordingly. And uet so many fucking reviewers are joshing on it and calling it Boring and Slow and Uninspired and that it makes human's 'cartoonishly evil' LIKE YOU PEOPLE HAVENT LOOKED AT A SINGLE FUCKING CURRENT EVENT IN YOUR LIVES. Oh my god im so mad at all these fucking reviewers now. The fucking AUDACITY to look at something this fucking Honest about the cruelty humans are capable of, while living during the fucking day and age with all this Knowledge we have at our fingertips -- the fucking audacity to look at this game and what the character goes through and not being able to muster up ANY other fucking emotion besides "ubisoft never was great at story anyway so idc lol" fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. Like actually. You can't even fucking ATTEMPT to connect to this story emotionally? Not even a fucking Smidge? Jesus fucking christ people need everything to be spoon fed to them these days. God forbid a piece of media actually ask you to meet it in the middle for once.

#horse.txt #vent // #im mad lol. the farther i get into the story the more mad i get #oh oh the humans putting the Na'vi in cages is a bit extreme? a bit unrealistic?? #what the fuck has been going on US borders for the past two decades then. #oh oh the pollution of the land and the water to hurt resistance efforts and native populations is so cartoonishly evil!! #HUMANS WOULD NEEEEVER DO SOMETHING SO DIABOLICAL 😱😱😱 #get fucking real. i am so tired of people looking down on Avatar when it's one of the first pieces of mainstream media that ive Ever seen #cover these topics in a fictional lense with So candidly. and nobody wants to fucking take it seriously because it makes them Uncomfortable #to see humans be the fucking badguys #iTS NOT EVEN ABOUT /ALL/ HUMANS THE REAL VILLIAN IS THE FUCKING RDA! ITS CAPITALISM!!!!! #THATS THE FUCKING POINT!!! but noooo people are so fucking sensitive they cant see it as anything but 'misanthropic' #like all of the humans in the resistance arent RIGHT FUCKING THERE for one. and for two ACKNOWLEDGING HUMANITIES FLAWS ISNT MISANTHROPIC #humans have flaws!!! we are capable of great cruelty just as much as we are great kindness!!! #if simply acknowledging and exploring that fact in stories is 'misanthropic' and depresses you then thats on YOU. #grow some thicker skin or something dude idk lol

[pipskippy]

2023 art summary ヽ(´w｀) i ended up not posting most of my stuff for the latter half (yet) but i’m really happy with a lot of what i worked on!!!!!

#my art #art summary #2023 art summary #art school is actually so fun sometimes did you know that. i made so many fun comics and experimented with new stuff. sometimes i wasn’t #any good at what i tried but it’s still sooo rewarding when i improved even just a little. and it feels REALLY good #to be able to show off some skills or familiarity with materials that i use less often these days #bc i can show my marker or colored pencil drawings and my classmates who have only seen my digital stuff are excited about it sometimes :-] #bc i really just like working in a lot of different mediums and i’m really thankful that my love for art and art making hasn’t dwindled #even though of course i have dormant periods and times where i don’t feel like making art or i feel frustrated with what i am able to do #it always comes back around. just like how i always feel better whenever i feel depressed #and i just love art and colors and i love the world and the people in it and myself and all the people i have been #anyways i hope you all feel happy or you will soon hugs and kisses goodnight (extremely loud thunk on the floor)

[britneyshakespeare]

i feel bad for raquel lee bolleau and i feel like what she's saying about the lack of transparency behind quiet on set is a bigger issue that the consumers of this type of content don't want to talk about or criticize. social media has led to a huge boom in tragedy porn and trauma porn about the entertainment industry but especially the children's entertainment industry, especially especially from the eras when the largest demographic in that audience were consuming it themselves.

it's already been problematic in itself that there is an oversaturation of unresearched and repetitive videos on the exploitation of former child stars. it seems like the creators and audience don't often ask themselves "have we gotten enough of this? do we need another take on it? is another video full of dan schneider rumors and gossipy forum posts really adding to the public discourse?" i don't know quite at what point it becomes exploitative that this content continues to be made, and be evergreen in social media algorithms. the volume, the reach, and the general lack of quality control are the evil triad. because we are far past the point where i really believe everyone consuming this stuff cares about exploited children. there's far too many people gawking and not reevaluating the systems of power involved. or, to put it more concretely: how many times do we all need to watch those clips of ariana grande squeezing the potato and spilling water on her neck? at what point is this just personally disrespectful and retraumatizing for the victims that for the most part we, the consumers of internet content, are claiming to advocate for?

quiet on set is the first time traditional media got involved in this niche. there is still a lot of value in some of the discoveries made by the series. but it does not have completely clean hands in this either. it does not feel like everyone involved in making the executive decisions cared nearly enough about the vulnerability of former child stars they recruited to share their stories, or hell, whose stories were told without their involvement, such as amanda bynes and racquel in episode 5. these people did not even give statements.

the focus of this docuseries was far too broad and not coherent enough at the end of the day. and they did not give enough support to all of the people they roped in to tell their stories about childhood trauma. i have a hard time trying not to be completely cynical about its whole production, because i really want to believe that many of the people who worked on it do care. not every individual involved knew or had control over the injustices that happened in its own production. but the executives? fuck em. they greenlit this thing, and probably incentivized the creators to make these episodes as fast as possible, because they knew it would be a cash cow. something as sensitive as THIS series should not be so poorly produced just because it will be a guaranteed smash.

#i am not going to watch episode 5. not unless investigation discovery addresses raquel sufficiently #text post #quiet on set #in many ways i think i'm just elaborating on what raquel has said herself. go watch her personal tiktoks #i think mainly where i deviate from her is that we all should be way more critical of the system we're contributing to #i already had criticism for how they talked about drake bell without any balance #i understood that they needed his involvement of course. it'd be extremely unethical not to have him #and i think for the most part his episode is the best part of the series. except for the very end #it's clear they had some favoritism with the former childstars they used for this #i think bell had such a good experience himself is because they knew they needed him. bc of how much he adds to it. #much of the series is really poorly placed together. like 100s of 'dark side of nickelodeon' youtube videos have been #but at the VERY least these youtubers have an excuse of not being professionals or journalists #this shit? should be doing WAY better. #and it's not. that's depressing. can we stop demanding all of these victims should come forward if this is the best they get?

[ganondoodle]

twitter VS tumblr :,)

i dont want to seem like im complaining, as i dearly love tumblr and the awesome people here, but this is a reason why i am so anxious about twitter dying; to be fair, this is by far my most suddendly and most popular art tweet (i am unsure why) and in no way the norm over there (my usual art gets rarely if ever above 1k) and im well aware of how differently these two platforms work

still sometimes its pretty hard to not worry about it, tho i dont want to sound like im not appreciating the people that do interact with my stuff here, i am very thankful for each and every one

im afraid im not eloquent enough to properly express how i feel about it all, but anxiety is definitely one of them

(edit: im not trying to farm attention to that post or something, just the comparison of the extreme difference how the same fanart posted around the same times of a pretty popular character atm got attention on those two sites is making me worry? anxious? feel weird?)

#ganondoodles talks #unsure what to tag this as #and yes i know i know #tumblr has way less users #way less giant accounts that can boost visibillty astupif amount #but these two sites are the only ones im comfortable to be on #the only thing that ever got this popular on tumblr is an old self deprecating meme that still haunts me #i worry i am doing something wrong here #.. maybe i shouldnt have added the process pics #idk #if it sound im damn near depressed about it #im not! #but that extreme difference is weird to observe #and kinda scary given what the clown baby keeps doing to twitter

[naomiknight-17]

Made 3 calls to fence companies today and now my heart is pounding so. Time for a break

#why are phone calls so fucking scary #i am sure this has nothing to do with my former jobs in telemarketing that drove me to extreme depression #mod post

[vaguely-concerned]

travis matagot just -- the very concept of him unlocks something deep and feral in my brain, even aside from all the changeling stuff. an angel looked upon you once as a child and, after seeing every possible thread and pathway of the man you will grow into one day, said 'I see no sin here' even as its holy flames consumed your screaming parents and the town around you. that angel, having stumbled head over heels to earth after killing god, later deliberately loses their name to you in a card game so the eyes of heaven can't find them. you and the angel have proceeded to annoy the everloving FUCK out of each other for centuries because you just keep. bumping. into each other!!!! through the power of like Narrative and also simply being two of the only people who've even been around that long. you've kept their name for them this whole time and never breathed a word of it, even though they seemingly never even explained why they wanted to lose it in the first place. you've sworn to die together or not at all.

what if you met an eldritch horror as a child and then became their best (and most irritating) friend/life partner/frenemy/perpetual thorn in their side (affectionate). I'm obsessed with this idea of being divinely judged as unworthy of damnation so early in your life and having to have that in the back of your head forever even as your self-loathing and trauma start piling up over the centuries and you have done so many shitty things along the way. like. is he trying to prove them wrong. is that part of his whole thing about trying to escape the narrative. or is it to prove that 'no actually awful things happen to me because I'm awful, you got it wrong from the start (fuck you btw)' because at least that feels like a choice, like some kind of control to hold on to? what is going on here travis. what the fuck

#skyjacks #campaign skyjacks #travis matagot #gable skyjacks #trable #like mostly in a. narrative/thematic sense?? because both the bickering everyday dynamic and the uh Cosmic scale ones... #sets my head spinning honestly. what the hell #I'm catching up with this podcast and spoiler warning: it's still excellent #just how easily travis accepted that gable was the angel that destroyed his hometown (including his parents) is so funny and so sweet to me #he was just like 'eh. more than enough water under that bridge to wash that one clean tbh #I am also a huge albino turkey for this hugely emotional conversation btw' #and he's equally blasé about finding out gable like. caused the partial end of the world. #the only time he freaks the FUCk out is when he finds out they lied about having figured out how to die so he got to leave first #skyjacks spoilers #anyway listen to campaign skyjacks it is extremely good and travis actually is Like This all the time #he's a jaded depressed old man in the body of a trickster twink. one of the ideal character archetypes tbh

[applejongho]

this just in: kpop boy cuts his hair how he wants and fans took that personally

#my brothers in christ it's not that deep 😐 #like me personally. not my favorite hair on him. BUT. he has expressed he rly likes this hair #which is more important than my some guy opinion #so if he loves it so do i #it's also his body not mine so 👍 #like i am EXTREMELY glad he likes his hair like that is more important than anything ever #the ppl that are 'in mourning' or 'are depressed' respectfully get a grip and be for real and get a job or something and touch grass like #apple lady words

[dumbthiccbitch666]

heheh pls ignore me bein giddy but am less than 10lbs away from being under 200lbs n am very excited n proud of myself n have no one to share this with

#have not been under 200lbs since i was like 17 n i thiught i was huuuuuge then fr was just chubby #i also don’t rlly think the weight you are matters but being almost 290 last year was the heaviest i’ve been #n i was extremely depressed n insecure #which still depressed n still insecure but less so lol #is very weird clothes shopping tho bc i don’t believe i’m the size i am #it’s almost like i miss my ass being thicker but i’m glad i’m smaller idk being less curvy has also been a thing but #i just need to start working out and doing squats etc

[chaosinstigator]

ngl… my excitement for this weekend literally vanished last night

#daniel ricciardo #danny ric #dr3 #f1 #formula 1 #dutch gp 2023 #I’m trying so hard to find it back but - #listen danny fans yall know #the emotional toll we’ve been through the last year #or two years depending on how long you’ve been watching but I’m baby I’ve only been here for a year #but seeing him lose his happiness and his seat… spending the first half of the season without him just going nutto for the glimpses we got #here and there and then BAM surprise we get him back! but no it’s 2 races and then A MONTH OF BREAK #but it’s okay bc he’s excited he’s ready he’s COOKING and then yesterday #the emotional roller coaster I am exhausted #I can’t imagine how he feels after all this but we know he’s got great people around him thankfully #anyways yes so now that I have a taste of him enjoying being back in a car.. seeing another x amount of races he’s forced to sit out feels #extremely depressing #I honestly don’t know if I’m up for it and like ofc I do root for other drivers but they’re not Danny yknow? idk maybe I’m just a lil dumb #joey rambles #sorry sorry I’m in a sad girl moment tm rn #which is not great since I have to go to a work thing tonight

[inamindfarfaraway]

Actually, everyone couldn’t have died at the end of Black Friday, because then Peanuts the Hatchetfield pocket squirrel would have died too as he was in Papa Ed’s pocket. Remember the sacred law: if there’s an apocalypse, he’ll survive it. Next you’ll tell me he doesn’t like to nibble around in your pocket. Heathens. 

#i am tired of people saying they died because it's depressing #so if the logic that hatchetfield is an extremely unlikely target for russia's first strike on america at the very beginning of ww3 #won't convince you #i'm trying the Appeal to Fandom In-Joke Bullshit #starkid black friday #black friday starkid #black friday musical #hatchetfield #hatchetfield series #hatchetverse #peanuts the hatchetfield pocket squirrel