#I couldn't survive what you survived

[duahauuoplanh]

Still got it.

#heartbeat #Junho #Nichkhun #Taecyeon #Wooyoung #Chansung #Jun K #Lee Junho #What time is it? #2pm #My time is always 2PM #I put my heart into every gifset I’ve made #how did you all survive from that intense idol time? #cause I couldn't #not so many could #I couldn't survive what you survived #idol life was so humanly impossible in my opinion #all idols are supermen #parallels

[tubbytarchia]

gg buddy am I right (ethubs doodle that I don't know what to do with)

#ethubs #Ive wanted to draw ethubs angst for so many days but art block is still hitting hard and this thing has been sitting around for awhile #hey ethubers how did you. survive #last life ethubs upsets me so much make it end #The way after Bdubs dies Etho is trying to justify to himself not having given him a life to begin with rather than #telling him to prove himself #its like he expects the others who are with him to comment on it but they dont. Etho's all "I couldn't have just given it to him you know.. #without them asking about it or anything. And Etho just keeps going. god damn it Etho I feel so bad for them #dont even get me started on what Bdubs said to G about Etho grrrr GRRRR I saw that for the first time not long ago GRRRRRR #I still wanna draw proper ethubs though. someday #also the damage to Bdubs' face is supposed to be from the rocket Lizzie shot #does it make sense? No probably not but its an excuse to make him look more dead #tubby art

[cjsees-art]

shane

#one day I'll post about a fandom consistently #anyway we've been playing the new update and it's delightful :] #sdv shane #stardew valley #stardew shane #and as always shane is the prettiest man on the farm #I couldn't survive without diversity mod idk what to tell you

[introspectivememories]

multiple fears actually

#god i hope i didn't jinx anything by accidentally saying this aloud #those last two are my worst fuckin fears #please do not do this dc #bernard becomes a vigilante is my least favorite thing ever #*smacking you with a newspaper* HE'S A CIVILIAN WHO SURVIVED A SCHOOL SHOOTING! #WHY WOULD HE WANT TO GO OUT AND FIGHT GOTHAM CRIMINALS???? #the 'dc kills bear' thing is not my favorite but.... i kinda wanna see how tim would react to that.... #would he go numb? would he go crazy? would he give up on superheroing all together? #bc what does it matter that he's saved the city when he couldn't save the one person that mattered the most #bernard dowd #tim drake #timber #timbern #dc

[mayhemspreadingguy]

#hah so I survived the first week of the new semester! this painting was done during an especially uninteresting lecture when I couldn't #bring myself to pay full attention to it. so I decided to doodle something instead ┐⁠(⁠‘⁠～⁠`⁠;⁠)⁠┌ #this is definitely not my usual style but I felt like doing some inking again and playing textures and brushes that I'm not used to #(normally I use only three brushes - 6b pencil. square pastel. wet marker XD) #i found out that limiting my options is often the reasonable thing to do but sometimes it's also nice to experiment and go crazy x'D #but now my brain hurts from all the frustration from finishing this painting -recognizing when to stop sometimes proves to be a challenge XD #mayhem art #hiw should I tag this?? #dream of the endless #i suppose... i mean I strayed a lot and idk what the story behind this one is anymore #dreamling #if you believed me that this is dream then you surely agree that it must be Hob who's braiding Dream's hair right?

[uncanny-tranny]

Your life isn't a to-do list. You're allowed to exist, to take life as slow as you'd like. The dreams you have won't suddenly disappear. It's okay to stop and smell the roses, or to engage with "childish" things, or to recover, or do what you need to.

#positivity #encouraging words #life doesn't need to be a speedrun or a 100% run #sometimes it feels like i'm wasting my life but... who gets to tell me what is wasteful? i'm surviving out here and that's okay #and it's okay if you're also somebody who people think is 'wasting your life' #that's such a meaningless and frankly a very cruel thing to say to a person #because you'll see people call somebody's life wasteful because they're simply coping with disability/mental illness/grief/ect #it's a meaningless saying to tell somebody how YOU think they're wasting life. your life isn't a waste point-blank #we ought to be kinder to ourselves for choosing what we want/need out of our lives rather than placating to what is imposed on us... #...or the expectations we impose on ourselves #be kinder to yourself whenever you can. it's hard as hell but please choose kindness toward yourself #just something i thought about and felt like it was impirtant to me #i couldn't complete high school 'on time' because of covid and because i was in crisis. i felt so much shame about that. i felt stupid... #...i felt unworthy. but who decided that i am those things? the crisis i was in could have killed me. i couldn't deal with school then... #...it humbled me because i had to learn that i am not immune to needing to be kind to myself. i am human - i'm not a mindless drone... #...you aren't a mindless drone either. you are an individual. you deserve to feel safe. you deserve understanding and compassion... #...but not ONLY from others. you deserve it from yourself as well

[the-red-thread-that-strangles]

It tugs, sometimes. Curious and foolish.

That traitorous heart mana of his, reaching out, drawing in, seeking connection in the way that's in their blood, their soul, their nature. Synchronicity.

Rei's not known it, before.

Where other demons might be attuned to family, Rei has no one to claim the spot. So, his heart mana sings, unblemished, its lonely little sonata, the song of his homeland. All there is to him, granted by air and earth and starlight.

He has so much to give, and yet, it isn't good enough. Discordant, they say. Human, they snarl, disgust evident in their tones.

Thus, growing up Rei learns to compose himself. Pushes himself to the brink in order to rewrite his heartbeat's melody. Puts himself out there, gets stronger, richer in experience, whenever he draws back. Over and over and over again.

Until one day, pushing himself past reason, he almost doesn't return.

But while he hasn't been looking, a new melody has taken residence by his side. Soft and steady high notes, barely perceptible.

Morofushi Hiromitsu, faded, yet giving himself so generously.

Rei hears him, takes him in and amplifies the notes he's given, until others may do so, too. Until Hiro may do it himself.

Their hearts mana, separate but inseparable, resonating in response.

And Rei's called back home.

.

Rye is low notes, a deep bass, slow and steady.

He could enrich their harmony, if only he wasn't so gratingly offbeat.

Rye's unrefined and ever-contradicting himself. Cold and uncaring, yet bleeding red like the rest of them. A long-ranged combatant, always too close. The smartest fool Rei ever has had the displeasure of meeting.

He takes Rei's heart mana greedily, gives it back tenfold.

Then he takes Scotch's, and their tentative song, not yet given voice, dissolves into dissonant whispers.

.

When they meet again, Rei doesn't want to feel Akai's heart mana for the longest time.

It's too painfully familiar, echoes of the past still trapped reverberating within. Misery-in-resonance almost dusts Rei.

It's his duty to be here, and so he stays, but there's others to preoccupy himself with.

So, he remains a careful distance away from Akai. Doesn't see the muted melancholy wrapped around him until it's too late, until Akai's almost gone dark and quiet.

When he heals Akai, he pours all of his heart mana into him. Their hearts still sing the same tune, after all these years, discordant notes and all.

.

The journey is too perilous to allow them senseless grudges. Their lives are one. If either falls, the story ends.

They rely on each other's mana like air, sharing desperate breaths like drowning men in a land that wants to drag them under.

What even is left of their individual songs? It doesn't matter, anymore. They've shared so much it really is one and the same, disjointed notes smoothed out through time and touch and trial, into an elegy for Scotch.

.

As they finally reach tentative harmony, they rip themselves apart.

.

There is dissonance in Demon Lord Furuya’s heart. A furious ache that even Hiro's return can't soothe.

But he has a duty, to his land and his people. He can't stop to rest. Besides, the one to replenish his heart mana, he who's grown so good at it over the years, has left, exiled by Rei's own hand.

Akai is a fool, but so is Rei.

He clings to the thrum of Akai's low warm notes, barely an echo within himself.

.

Da capo al coda, the cyclical rhythm of life remains the same.

Rei's still not good enough.

He's bested their best. He's saved the realms. And all that matters, in the end, is that they see his heart mana, and find it lacking.

But he's no longer the lonely manaspawn he once was. His song no longer just his own.

He's holding the position through skill and strategy, through force of personality. With the help of friends and allies gathered on his journey.

They'll have to listen to his tune, this time.

.

The key, of course, is an argument.

Their feverish crescendo crashes into mellow adagio - along with their lips.

Rei knows, then: if no one else accepted him, the boundless love in Akai's heart would be enough to supply his heart mana for as long as he lives.

It's exhilarating, to share every last bit of himself, to accept all of Shuuichi in turn. Synchronized in full, for now and as long as they live.

Pulsating, between them, the potential to compose a new melody, together. Point and counterpoint. Bright and warm and vibrant and home.

.

When he takes Akai's hand, leads him to the dancefloor, the festive joy of friends and family soaking the ambient mana with joyous ringing, it's enough to put pressure even on Rei's heart mana.

He can't help thinking that this should've been so much easier. But theirs has never been the easy way.

And it's not the conclusion, but the overture to their new life, together.

The waltz of their future, a thunderous symphony.

.

@floofiestboy's Demon King Furuya AkAm AU is giving me too many feelings. Go read it here.

#and may the gods have mercy on anyone standing in their way #if they are lucky they get to pick whether they want to be shot or fried #so. uh. floof I hope this is okay. because I have feelings about this AU. mana and hearts and their interchangability #if you couldn't tell #this is what possessed me at 5 a.m. this morning and I want it out #floof you are insane for this AU #they have to take in mana to survive #they're always shaped by their surroundings #and when that's not enough they have to depend on their connections #altering the receiver through said connection. potentially permanently. see exhibit A(kai) #as the connection becomes deeper their mana. their hearts output. literally flows more efficiently #the heart wants what it wants. literally in this universe #floof. floof I am shaking. you. me. it doesn't matter at this point #akam #iris writes things #long post #somehow I went from mana wavelengths to soul frequencies. I think. whoops #fic recs

[meredithbeckham]

don't you dare cry.

a softer world, the 100.

#echo kom spacekru #echo kom azgeda #echoedit #the100edit #t100edit #* #a softer world #echo and trauma :( #echo and repression echo and compartmentalization #if you cry they'll hear you so i didn't #i don't think it's a coincidence that echo really begins to ~shut down (as bellamy experiences it) #after the red sun. where they tranquilized themselves out of fear they would harm emori as they had once harmed costia once harmed bellamy #by way of mount weather under nia's orders #all of that trauma echo had been able to start to process on the ring now that they for the first time in their entire lives had access to #support and safety brought to the surface in a brutal and overwhelming and terrifying way #as echo was introduced to the primes - so familiar to someone who knows what it is to be broken down and made anew #all experiences that they likely couldn't have spoken about and regardless didn't have time to do so #i just get so sad about them #echo who has been fighting to survive their entire life #ash who became echo to do so - who was forced to bury their identity and all that came before to do so #echo who has associated 'weakness' such as crying expressing emotion etc with death their entire lives #'like a good little azgeda spy' their face when bellamy says this #echo's trauma weaponized against them :(( (i understand him and i love him i just cry)

[rottiens]

The other day you posted about shy boys and I have some thoughts about shy boy Choso if you don't mind. Also, this ended up being longer than intended, sorry 😬

Imagine, if you will, sitting on the couch in your jammies with your bestie Choso, your bestie that you know has a thing for you but won't make a move no matter how many hints you drop that you like him too, your bestie who blushes and changes the subject whenever you talk about sex/dating and the like, he's sitting between your legs laying back against you. You have your feet on the edge of the couch with your knees up beside him and he's resting his arms on your legs.

Imagine making him lift up his head so you can take out his hair buns to run your fingers through his hair and graze his scalp with your nails causing his head to fall back against your shoulder humming at the feeling.

Imagine snaking one hand over his shoulder and resting it on his abs and rubbing your thumb back and forth feeling the definition of his muscles through his shirt. "Just getting comfy," you say when he asks what you're doing.

Imagine the small whine that comes from him when you remove your other hand from his hair. His breath catches in his throat though when your hand comes to rest near his waistband. "Just keeping warm," you whisper in his ear when he asks what you're doing for a second time this time in a slightly higher pitch.

Imagine seeing the blush creep up his ears when you start mindlessly fiddling with the drawstring of his pants. It's not your fault it came undone, the knot wasn't done very tight in the first place.

Imagine his breath stopping completely and his hands starting to grip your legs when your finger tips slip under his waistband, not moving just sitting there.

Imagine seeing the tent in his pants steadily grow as you start to scratch gently at the skin just above his cock.

Imagine him squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head no when you breathe "tell me to stop," against the shell of his ear.

Imagine finally grabbing his cock and having to remind him to breathe because his fingers are leaving marks on your shins.

Imagine the mewls that you pull out of him as you stroke him so slow that he has trouble keeping his hips still.

Imagine having to shush him when you speed up, he's louder than the movie you two were watching.

Imagine giving Choso a reach around and playing with his hair again while telling him how good he's being for you.

Imagine Choso coming in your hand and you bring it to his mouth for him to lick clean.

Imagine, if you will, shy boy Choso panting and rubbing your legs up and down to try and calm himself down after the most erotic experience of his life. He's been so good for you, you should get him a glass of water and a snack when his breathing evens out so he can replenish.

#asks #best friend i can't believe you dropped this masterpiece #so casually in my inbox #tell me what do i do now that my morning is ruined /pos #tell me. #thank you so much for sharing this with me cause while reading I couldn't sit still #I got up twice to walk down the hallway of my house cuz hello #oh my god yes. choso in sweatpants; I wouldn't survive #god #cradle the bulge in his pants above the fabric first #and bring him a glass of cold water so real; I need to do this with him #and then hug him from behind and tell him what a good boy he is #I can't breathe; i need him #running all over the house #shy boys >>> #choso x reader #fav #🤍

[dhmis-autism]

"anyways id survive in that house" sounds like smth duck would say before dying. again.

NO BUT I COULD DO IT!!!!

not physically of course but mentally? i'm SOLID. i'm autistic, i hate change, i already have memory issues, there's no way that house would get the better of me i'd win for SURE

#youre telling me i can die over and over and i just come back?? #no sweat bro just dont worry about it then. be like YEAH im stabbed whatever. weird message about bee conservation. #see you boys back at the HOUSE lol #like i have spent the past 3 years of my life rarely leaving my house and mentally? i was fine. played monopoly with my family. read books. #had a movie night once in a blue moon it was fine had a great time #youre telling me i could do that all the time forever and once in a while i lose my guts or whatever?? i can SO do that #house i COULDN'T survive is like uh. the skinamarink house?? the monster house from monster house? #dhmis house? light WORK #yknow what. not even family. put me in there with two strangers i could totally make it work. im charismatic enough theyd totally like me #im VERY LIKABLE!!!! I COULD SOOO DO IT #GIVE IT ENOUGH TIME THEYD LOVE ME IM POSITIVE #my postings

[isfjmel-phleg]

In Grant's earlier appearances, he's written with a tic of using "wuhl" in place of "well" as an interjection. This would seem to imply some sort of accent, and I was curious what the implication was, because by all accounts, he shouldn't have a strong regional accent, if any. When his solo begins, he has moved eight times in the last four years, and probably more times before that. That's not long enough to pick up anything consistent.

Bear with me, I'm going somewhere with this.

"Wuhl" is a pronunciation that (from what I understand) in the US is associated with the rural Midwest or the South. Grant has just moved to Marietta, Georgia (a suburb of Atlanta) when his solo begins, and before then, the Emersons lived in Dayton, Ohio. Which other states they've lived in is never mentioned.

So if he has any accent at all, it would most likely be from a place he lived in when he was still quite young. Which would rule out Dayton and Marietta. Not unlikely he might try to pick up on speech mannerisms in each new school to try to fit in, but the thing is...he doesn't use "wuhl" with Georgians. He doesn't always use it consistently; "well" appears in his vocabulary too.

In the instances of "wuhl" that I found, he is speaking to different people (his foster uncle Neal Emerson, someone connected with the lab that experimented on him, Ray Terrill, Kyle Rayner, and Roy Harper), who hail from a variety of locations. So what's the common thread?

These are all moments of vulnerability.

(Damage #9, 12, 14, and 16 / New Titans Annual #11)

In these panels, he is

Trying to get answers about his parentage from his foster uncle, who also happens to be a supervillain, and bringing up a potentially awkward theory of his that his uncle might be his real father.

Attempting to threaten a powerful woman who could give him answers about his past.

Pleading with a rather ticked-off Ray, whom he has met only once before, for his help with a dangerous venture.

About to admit to Kyle that he actually wants more danger on their mission in space because he's more comfortable in a war zone where "nobody's scared of me [...] they know a great weapon when they see one. And I don't have to worry all the time about hurting someone."

Trying to explain to his critical team leader why he was practicing using his powers (which inevitably got out of hand)--things got better later between him and Roy, but this harshness is typical of how Roy initially treated him.

With the possible exception of the panel from #12 (he's trying to bluster his way into getting information, so it's likely the seeming confidence is an act), he's feeling awkward about something in all of these cases. Note the body language--typically self-protective and/or compliant. And this is when "wuhl" slips out.

My guess is that it's a regionalism that he picked up when young (though there's a possibility it could be a Georgian thing he acquired more recently) and was educated out of using in general. He's usually quite strategic in how he interacts ("So if you cave, go all the way. Put on your best cheeser and be ready to beg!"), but reverting to sounding like a bit of a hick might be a sign of losing control over how he's coming across because of heightened anxiety.

"Wuhl" disappears from his speech entirely as of Titans 1999, in which he's (mostly) in a more stable environment, and continues to be absent through his time with the JSA as a young adult, when his speech gets a lot more profane rather than diffident and polite.

(Thank you to @brown-little-robin for her expertise on accents I'm not familiar with!)

#comicsposting again #GE: what I do is who I am #a tiny detail but it was clearly a deliberate writing choice and I wanted answers #...his body language around Roy here...oh my goodness #Roy is so gentle with him in Titans 1999 when he opens up about his childhood #but that hits harder if you realize that it wasn't always like that between them #that originally around Roy he was reverting to behaviors he would have learned to survive at home #(until he couldn't take it anymore and had a huge outburst and walked out. TWICE.)

[helpimstuckinafandom]

Endeavor really had his kid die and his reason to not change and continue on his bullshit was “well, I’ve come too far to quit now!” LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME FUCK

#fuck the redemption arc #fuck this stupid man's guilt #you were an adult doing this shit for years #you saw and knew what you were doing and saw THE biggest consequence and said that sign can't stop me cause I can't read #literally if he had stopped his stupid training and obsession touya would've come back #cause he would have come home and seen that things HAD changed #but no #(and yeah I know he couldn't have known touya had survived but also ''continue to abuse my family and in fact get more obsessive'' was - #- still not the answer) #anti-endeavor #fuck endeavor #touya's death was not enough for you to change but shoto's success was #fuck you #he's been on his redemption bullshit for the less than a year in canon time too #like just try to picture that #FUCK MAN PICTURE BEING DABI AND HEARING THAT THIS FUCKER IS TRYING TO CHANGE N O W #sorry not sorry if endeavor is your favorite/if you like him #but i've said this before and i'll say it again: if you don't hate endeavor my blog is not for you #like fundamentally i do not think i could get along with an endeavor stan #that's beyond a character opinion to me that tells me shit about you personally

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads // twitter thread    

The Surviving Sky

adult scifi/fantasy about a fracturing married couple who live with the last of humanity on a floating city powered by arcane science

Iravan is a privileged and powerful architect, who keeps them afloat with his plant magic

Ahilya has no magic - and is deeply interested in studying the magical megafauna which are the only thing that can survive the cataclysmic jungle on the ground

#The Surviving Sky #aroaessidhe 2023 reads #ok concept; vibes; immaculate #(also they're yaksha not megafauna but. for context that's not an innacurate description) #it didn't Quite go in ways i wanted in some ways #me at the dudes first POV: bro what are you ON ABOUT #fr tho the description of how the plant magic works is super interesting. it's all like. idk reaching into the quantam universe and changing #the way things Exist. or something. it all sounds very complicated #one thing that kinda bugged me is how it seems to be like. there is no (non-plant) life on earth at all and im like??? #there’s no way there’s NO life on earth???? ya heard of bugs????? the concept of a jungle existing with nothing survivng except megafauna #doesn’t make sense to me… i mean it is all very magical plants and tbh them saying there's nothing else doesn't mean that's true #however i couldn't stop thinking about it #I do feel like it keeps having the dude do something terrible that she should leave him before. and then explaining why it wasn’t that bad / #he had no choice….when she doesn't really do anything bad to him back........idk. i mean we're aware he's pretty shitty but also? #DIVORCE HIMMMMMMM #i understand the plot couldn;t have gone in the way it did if she did but also DIVORCE HIMMMMM #regardless i do think the concept and worldbuilding is all very cool and im sure i'll pick up the next one

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

just got to the stupid zaharas chapter and went through dimi and claude's conversation and my god

they really did not use a single quarter of a brain cell when putting that conversation into ag

"your issue is with the church, not with faerghus?" eh wot hootie tootie claude never had a problem with faerghus and hasn't been acting like it. makes it sound like they've been fighting each other (i.e. this is meant to fit gw but and they just copy/pasted the whole conversation bc it just makes no sense).

"we have nothing to gain by fighting you." yeah, you... haven't been and never said you were planning to.

"we could've been friends." and whhhhyyyy can't you? there is an entire zero bad blood between y'all and lorenz has already pretty much said this whole second half of the war thing has been proof of the friendship between the kingdom and alliance soooo...?

"had i joined with you" uh um but you literally did this has been ongoing for half the war now

additional funnies are claude just being so butthurt that dimitri is like this might endanger your life and claude is like aw shucks my life has been endangered since i was born i'm basically an endangered species!

also, dimitri saying it brings guilt to do the things claude would do bc he's been there. lel. claude had no guilt in gw tho (for killing rhea and all that shit).

but fr tho, it just seems like gw claude and dimi got warped into zaharas and the ag ones are just passed out in the normal world having the same yeehaw ass fever dream LIKE

this entire conversation legitimately makes worse than zero sense. i can only imagine how confused people were who played ag first and got this conversation bc it like, legitimately has no place in this route. this is like a fever dream on steroids that were laced with drugs.

i was lucky i was playing ag while simultaneously watching the other routes on youtube or i would have also been absolutely bonkers confused.

#DCB Three Hopes Run #FR THO LIKE. THAT ENTIRE CONV IS LIKE. WHAT JUST HAPPENED??? #WHERE DID THIS ALL EVEN COME FROM??? MATTHIAS IS ALIVE YOU KNOW #CLAUDE GOT TO SEE FAERGHUS' LEGENDARY HOSPITALITY (he fucked the king) #at this point like. im just laughing bc. did they even NOTICE the context they copy/pasted into this route??? #even if ag claude post war still wanted to fight rhea and yadda yadda hoo haa #half the conv still makes absolutely no sense at all and doesn't even follow the route #ag is aaaaallllmmmmoooost perfect but then like. the oversights are so bad lmfao #i still look at this and am like. how. no like literally HOW. how did they look at this and not be like #hmmm this makes... so much of no sense to this route that we should prob make a new conv for it #WAIT I GET IT NOW THIS IS WHY RODRIGUE DIES #HE SAW THE FUTURE AND WAS LIKE OHHHH HELL NAH #RODRIGUE SAW THE ZAHARAS CHAPTER AND IT KILLED HIM. BUT! IT WAS A DOUBLE KILL! RODRIGUE DEFEATED THE ZAHARAS CHAPTER! #HE SACRIFICED HIMSELF SO AG WOULDN'T HAVE THE BIGGEST MOMENT OF WTF IN FODLAN GAME HISTORY EVEN INCLUDING HEROES #RODRIGUE SAVED US ALL. HE COULDN'T BEAR TO LET US WITNESS IT #THAT'S WHY IF HE SURVIVES WE GET THE CHAPTER!!! BC HE DIDN'T REALIZE IT WOULD HAPPEN SO HE DIDN'T KILL IT! #AND SINCE HE DIDN'T KILL IT IT DIDN'T KILL HIM BACK. IT'S LIKE THE BARRIER THINGY IN RD'S FINAL CHAPTER #THAT PROTECTS ASHERA. IT DOES HALF THE DAMAGE TO YOU THAT YOU DO TO IT #SO IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL IT CAN ACTUALLY KILL YOU. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO RODRIGUE #BUT THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT HE KNEW HE'D DIE BUT HE HAD TO DO IT TO EM #HE HAD TO DO IT TO SPARE EVERYONE THE WONKIEST FEVER DREAM KNOWN TO MAN AND DRAGONKIND

[arsonist-chicken]

Do you ever like.. get a sudden surge of love and admiration and just general happiness because of a friend, so much so that it's almost overwhelming, and you are just so, so glad you met them and hope you'll never have to let them go and get to keep them in your life forever? Yeah ❤️💖🐗🧚‍♂️🦄

#i should go to sleep #but these are the moments i wonder again if i know what a crush feels like and if i can tell the difference between periodical very strong #but platonic affection for a friend and having a tiny crush on them #oh well. in the end does it matter? #but it would still be nice to be able to tell the difference. if nothing else then to know when i actually have a crush on someone i'm not #that close to like that friend or that fond of #fucking hell god please never let me have to let them go. i don't think i've ever met someone i'm that comfortable around and around whom #it's so easy to just be myself #or rarely. maybe with two other friends i don't feel the need to hold back myself from blurting stuff out and interrupting them and #apologising and asking them to continue or just like.. say whatever comes to mind or touch electric pasture fences to see if it still stings #(it does btw but in a sensorally really nice way 10/10 would recommend) #why do amazing people often live so damn far away? last time i met a bunch of people i really got to love was almost lifesaving and #definitely mental health saving. we used to talk every day and now i barely know what any of them are up to :( covid really fucked us over #with everyone just trying to survive and stay sane. we really lost touch and now it #*it's hard to get that back because we're strewn across europe and brasil and the us and everyone's an adult with responsibilities now #i miss them :( gotta try harder to rekindle that #anyway @the universe or whatever fuckers listening: if you put me in circumstances that make me lose touch with her like with them #i'll set the world on fire. she's become far too important to me to let that happen #okay as always i couldn't damn shut up in the tags alright bye bye good night whatever my cat's purring now instead of snoring #scientists of tumblr invent a teleportation machine now. i want to lie in a park and watch dogs and read side by side and remember how good #life can be #mine