#I just provide the drugs

[cosmicwhoreo]

Sounds like a YOU problem...

#at least once a week I get some schmoe. some yoyo accusing me of converting them into Blacaviar. As if expecting an apology- #I'm a dork with too much free time dude. #I can't make you lot do JACK #take responsibility for your own addiction #I just provide the drugs #cookie run kingdom #cookie run #captain caviar cookie #black pearl cookie #blacaviar

[shinobicyrus]

He’s only officially owned Twitter for 17 days.

#Twitter #Elon Musk #Blue Checkmark #Listen the Ted Cruz and Bush Impersonators were just....comedy gold #but this? #Elon is crashing the stocks of companies HE DOESN'T EVEN OWN #people warned him this exact thing would happen and only conceded #'maybe this is dumb' and then did it anyway #maybe this will finally dispel the ridiculous media image of him as some genius real-life Tony Stark #meanwhile Ely Lilly - having done literally NOTHING - not only lost BILLIONS in stock #because the stock market is all the worst elements of automation and human greed #but now them having to tweet that Insulin is in fact *Not* free #is sparking conversation from people asking 'Yeah but WHY is this extremely cheap to make life-saving drugs SO EXPENSIVE??' #and they deserve all of it #and I'm not even gonna touch the Lockheed thing because HOLY SHIT #I feel sorry for all the small time artists and people whose living depending on the networking and visibility Twitter provided #and of course the huge swaths of Twitter's workforce that were kicked to the curb on a fucking WHIM #but I am also loving the chaos #is making a lot of very rich people and companies very very miserable #Capitalism #Stock Market #Social Media #Billionaires

[gumdefense]

What is it with the mangas and torturing Gumshoe

I do like him being treated as a proper character instead of just being depicted as Edgeworth’s pet and a salary cut joke punching bag

But my god

#ace attorney #ace attorney manga #dick gumshoe #detective gumshoe #general my post tag #I think I should provide the context of that guy saying edgeworth got too friendly with him (an incompetent detective) #this is in the same case as this Emi person being dead and him feeling responsible for it bc he was her bodyguard #so this scene isn’t just one of the usual “haha he’s stupid” moments #plus it also takes a dig at his relationship with edgeworth #this happens when he’s already feeling like an incompetent idiot responsible for someone’s death #which is why there’s that panel of him looking horrified instead of like cartoony crying #oh also the guy calling him incompetent is someone he admires #and for the picture before that even Edgeworth is blaming him for it #he meant to stay up all night !! his coffee got drugged !! it’s not his fault !! #that whole case was just the gumshoe angst factory

[petitelappin]

I've started a hilarious game of AI Dungeon with my dear friend @adhdalistair where I've been able to dust off my old con artist tiefling OC, Doc Fitzgerald, equal parts swindler and healer.

#my art #digital art #sketchbook #ocs #this revamp of her is based more heavily on annie oakley's face #than the previous one was #the priest collar is part of her ruse. her primary scam is posing as a travelling cleric of ilmater to sell 'potions' that are not magic #most of it is just regular nonmagical drugs in the old patent medicine style but she also has genuine folk remedies she's picked up #one day she will get smited or something but i think the fact that she does technically provide people w minor healing has saved her so far #unsmote on technicality

[hotsugarbyglassanimals]

it drives me nuts how much suffering we force people to go through to meet some arbitrary idealized standard vs something that'd actually help. they're making my 60 yr old mom with fibro take pain management classes because they're too scared to put her on the prescription pain meds that she was already on before. i just read about someone with adhd talking about how the only med that works really well for them without making them depressed when it wears off or causing anxiety is desoxyn but doctors are too afraid to prescribe it to them because it's technically methamphetamine. the drug war is a complete burden on society

#when you know even a little bit of the history of the war on drugs you will go fucking insane. #i dont mean the reagan administration war on drugs i mean the harry anslinger war on drugs #i genuinely need to do more reading cause i cant just recommend the same two books all the time but uh #you all should read chasing the scream and high price :) #i'm gonna be doing more research in the meantime to see if there's more i can recommend than just those two #fun fact the reason why a lot of drugs are illegal worldwide is because of the US threatening sanctions :) :) :) #china didn't want to initially ban opium dens because it was a long standing tradition but the US threatened them :) :) :) #there was a program in britain to provide prescription drugs to addicts (of the drug they were addicted to) that was working ! #really well! the addicts turned their lives around substantially ! but the US threatened britian about it :) :) :) #and shut the program down. almost all the addicts went on to DIE right after #and the fucking racism. hoh boy the fucking racism.

[luvsavos]

random vent(?) in the tags, feel free to ignore i just have a lot of pent up emotions to get out today apparently

#mar.txt #it's weird being aro(?) and yet also longing for a relationship. maybe its just bc almost all of my friends are in one #maybe it's bc of how easily jealous i get #maybe its the fact that i'm constantly being reminded that i am nobody's most important person. there's always someone more important. #maybe it's just the all-consuming，gaping hole of loneliness within me #idk. #i don't even know if i AM actually aro or if i'm just so demi that i may as well be aro or if ive just had so many bad experiences that it #feels impossible for me to feel romantic attraction #a few of my ocs (shara and the alatreon) are how i think i'd describe myself; aro，but willing to be in a relationship provided the other #person isn't bothered by them being aro，bc they have their own equivalent to romantic feelings #i know i'll never have one though. for all my confidence and whatnot i still very much am insecure about my own loveability. because the #only thing life has shown me is that i very much am not loveable. all the way back in first grade ppl were already using me instead of #actually caring #'dating' me to make someone else jealous. so they could have a drug buddie. a fuck buddie. so they could try to manipulate me into things #because i was a young teenager desperate for validation and to feel like i mattered and belonged and they were nearly adults who knew they #could exploit that. i'm surprised i never had anything happen to me beyond being pressured into trying chew tobacco (awful and disgusting) #and doing it every time i was around my 'boyfriend' and his friends #the only two genuine relationships i had didn't last either; one lost feelings after three years and the other just sorta stopped talking to #me and iirc eventually picked up a boyfriend that was actually local instead of long distance #i am not worthy of love. i will never be loved in the way that my friends are. hell i won't ever even find a qpp(?). and that makes me sad. #to know i will always be alone. that i'm destined to die alone. but it is what it is i guess. i just wish it didn't bother me so much. #i wish i could be content in my loneliness and not be jealous of everyone around me. i wish i could accept that i will never be anybody's #most important person. that the only person i can or will ever be the most important to is myself. self love，yeah? ha. #maybe 2024 will have something in store for me. god i hope it does. but i doubt it will. more of my friends will get into relationships， #those already in them will stay in them and/or take a step forward in their relationship. and i will remain alone. just as i always have. #anyways. sorry vent over i'm just. ugh. upset today. emotions are stupid and i want a refund on them. i did not ask to be saddled with the #burden of feeling such intense，suffocating displacement and loneliness. i did not ask to feel these negative emotions so strongly. #i just want to be someone's most important person. i just want to matter.

[agent-cupcake]

You should be a coomer about Raphael, he’s got like Ardyn rizz but worse. As my favorite Sad Old Man enjoyer I think he’d be right up your alley!

i know it is deeply disappointing but i literally cannot thirst for anyone else until i get over this dude

so pretty

after THAT, who is to say, i have the mental/creative consistency of warm cottage cheese and the emotional loyalty of a CW character. i'm holding out hope dawntrail will provide me a new toxic man but if not, all bets are off and i may have to look elsewhere SO the point is: maybe. we'll see

#personal #jeff ward #to be clear it's not this character specifically i just like his smile in this #his character is a silly goofy man who does drugs he bought off a homeless man and then kills himself #which is not ideal but provided us with this so you know? worth it #also melanie bird was there god bless

[marchfall]

Jason Todd can either keep fighting Bruce for his daddy issues or continue projecting is mommy issues on him. He can’t have both. He needs to chose one!

#both his mothers chose drugs over him #he was abandoned by one and used/discarded by the other #he felt wasn’t enough for his real mother (aka Catherine the woman who actually loved and raised him) who he loved dearly and felt he failed #and the other (Sheila) never actually cared about him beyond his exploitability #for the record I ascribe to the idea based on that one panel that she was dying of cancer and she was self medicating #Katherine that is #but when does that matter to a child’s perspective? #Katherine didn’t have the capabilities to provide everything Jason needed but she tried her best and gave everything she could #she loved him and she made a chose that took her away from him long before her illness did #Jason’s bio dad was just a man of a bad crowd who was never willing to fully commit himself to the vulnerabilities and responsibilities of #being a good spouse and father #Willis was a weak man with a rough upbringing and no desire to be anyone but the product of his circumstances #who does Bruce sound the most alike #batman #alfred’s idiot child #favorite tire thief #bruce wayne #jason todd #character study

[starlooove]

What they don’t tell you about doing shit ur bad at for fun is that ur still worried about ppl seeing it 💀💀💀

#my Duke week shit sitting in my sketchbook 💔 #sorry babe let him stay there! #I think for rebellion I’m gonna do Duke joins red hood au #remember when Jason asked Tim to be his Robin? #well idk Batman did smth Duke wasn’t fw and he decided to dip and Jason picked him up #not to rant like I like Jason and all but idk how I feel about y’all saying #‘he just kills drug dealers and thugs’ #like IK in our minds Hes about community action and shit but canonically #he really just kills ppl and leaves it for the community to deal with #OVERSIMPLIFICATION IK DONT GET MAD ITS JUST NOT ABOUT HIM #anyways the point is I think Duke would give him a more nuanced look on ppl who commit these crimes in the first place #like Jason is very victim focus but Duke is very much about personal responsibility but part of that IS giving ppl the opportunity to grow #part of that IS the reformation of drug dealers and run of the mill thugs and sometimes a warning is all it takes #I think they could be a great contrast to Bruce and tim #in my mind they both obviously care a lot but they also lack so much knowledge on the average citizen #And tim specifically even tho he’s highly compassionate I like the idea of him having low empathy #and in my mind Duke is extremely empathetic but he’s a hardass and when it comes to his expectations #so like let’s look at Harley reformation right? tim wouldn’t FEEL for her like that but he’d be able to provid a lot of room for her to grow #like hed tolerate regression more if that makes sense #Duke would understand her plight and feel for her but he also says that it’s because he understands it that he can’t let shit slide #lowk like bruce…. #so when it comes to the red hood thing Duke is like ‘don’t shoot first 🙄’ but also all bets are off when u step outta line bc the fact that #u had the chance to grow and chose not to? he doesn’t like it and it twists later on where Jason’s the one telling Duke that its ok for ppl #to regress and that self improvement isn’t linear for anybody (including him bc the crux of the issue is that Duke is holding ppl to the #standards he holds himself to) I feel like I’m overexplaining badly but like. I will clarify if asked #anyways it doesn’t matter this is staying in the drafts

[thedreadvampy]

hey fun thing. fun thing I'm experiencing lately. is that the case which every terf journo in the fucking UK is freaking themselves about FINALLY being able to put on the front page - trans woman convicted of rape sent to women's prison - is uhhhhhhhh. really close to home? emotionally? for me? and it's on every fucking newsstand????

(obviously transparent as fuck every time that everyone's suddenly so concerned about the wellbeing of women in prison when all the same publications are usually in the CRIMINAL SCUM PRISONS ARE TOO SOFT TRAIN but OKAY. OKAY. since you suddenly care so much about female prisoners shall we uhhhhh idk address the rate of sexual assaults by guards? police? other cisgender prisoners? maybe rethink the whole 'prison' thing as a whole? oh this is just about how you think trans women are scary again? cool. cool cool cool.)

#red said #the commonality. not to overshare. is that i was raped in 2013 by someone who then went to court in 2015-16 following another incident #and that was a wake-up call for her about her increasingly bad drug and alcohol use and blackouts (which was what happened in both cases) #and so she started self examining on that and partway through the case she realised she was trans #and the thing is i know this bc despite what she did we were still friends by the time it went to court #i was a supporting witness because my experience was used as evidence that it was a pattern of out of control behaviour #anyway it dragged on for a while. even longer bc she was a us national in the us military so the civil case was dropped but #there was also a military investigation #which i didn't have to provide evidence for in the end but i was on the hook not knowing if i would need to for like. another 2 years. #anyway the transition aside there's a lot else about this case which resonates with my experience during that time??? #and it sucked a lot going through that case and i would prefer not to have to think about it every time i pop to the fucking supermarket??? #(also this is gonna sound bad but the thing i resent most about that whole affair was that during the case and her early transition #she leant on me for support a LOT? so i was doing all this trauma reliving and giving witness statements but also before and after that #she called me almost every day to talk about the toll it was taking on her. and i was like. i think you're right to talk about this #and i think you need support right now #but i also think. it's fucking wild that you think I'm the person to offer that when i just told you you assaulted me in a drunken blackout #like. my big Sick Trauma Feeling memories from that time are a) court and b) Oh No My Phone Is Ringing Again #anyway. this is a big trauma dump that may be misinterpreted which is why i don't talk about the case that much? #but this is part of why i hate terfs so much. the insistence on treating an individual's shit behaviour as condemnation of All Trans People #makes it Really Fucking Hard for those of us who've experienced individual shitty behaviour from a trans person #but recognise that that's just a statistical probability based on how many people do shitty things in the population at large #to talk about harm we've experienced without being coopted to a genocidal narrative

[obihoe]

in narutoverse they dont do psychedelics, they just pay an uchiha to put them in a fucked up genjutsu

#i know i posted this before at some point. but i couldnt find the post #its just that important i Had to post it again #cuz its true. itachi told me so himself #uchihas are assigned cops at birth so theyre doing their part in keeping drugs off the street #by providing a healthy alternative :) #cops and trip-sitters at the same time #and mdr wanted to be the ultimate trip-sitter #but kaguya stopped him cuz she didnt think it was right for a cop to have this much power #really makes u think #naruto #posts

[serkonans]

the way we handle medical leave in the states even for people with good benefits is cruel

#the number of hoops i have to jump through. the way that my requirements for one surgery are apparently different from another surgery #even though there's nothing in the paperwork to indicate any need for that and the surgeries don't differ all that much #the way that they lost my initial letter and now i'm up against my deadline next week and they haven't even told me what day next week #so i'm worried that it's literally tomorrow #the way i am not receiving ANY pay for an entire month because of all the delays so i'm having to live off my savings #the way that every single person i've talked to has said something different about what is and isn't required #the way that for a lot of this i had to be navigating it while high on painkillers immediately post-surgery #the way that the group my employer contracts through has two different emails and names and flips between them constantly #the way that my healthcare provider does it differently than every other healthcare provider so i need special forms from them #instead of the leave group but then the leave group doesn't seem to accept the forms that they send #the way that the doctors office has seemed incredibly confused by my requests #the way that the ROI office told me they'd send over a completed form and never did #the way i literally don't even know who to call next to try and sort this out or if it's possible TO sort out #like i guess i'll call the leave group tomorrow and cry and beg for an extension. i guess i'll grovel bc it's the difference #of getting a few thousand dollars or not and i can't just be like oh well guess i won't get my short term disability pay #especially bc none of the hospitals have billed me yet and i'm getting scared bc i don't know what my ER bill is going to look like #bc they did xrays and a CT scan and they gave me a splint and a sling and a lot of drugs #so i do need the money. just sitting here like. idek what to do lmfao. #not tagging this bc i'm on desktop and i can't do the accent mark easily and idk where my phone is rn sorry

[chipjrwibignaturals]

i miss weed :(

#im mainly just bored tbh and like. I KNOW its just my brain seeking good chemical shit #which drugs Provide #(and also bc of that/my adhd i rlly have to look out for addiction) #but like!!!!!!! fuck that important shit im bored!!!!!!!!!!! #anyway. ignoring that im also taking care of my grandma this week so i cant be intoxicated like that #as well as being unemployed again means I have to stay sober to pass drug testing #but like. damn 😔

[danidoesathing]

Vide Noir

Part VIII - Z'Oiseau

#and thats the last part! #this was really fun I might do some more #given how empty this fanbase is I actually can provide new content #already in the midst of writing a fic. now will it be finished? well- #honestly its very funny to think this whole situation could have been avoided if lee had just told buck she dumped him when she left #girl you have every right to dump his ass but like. tell him maybe? #'buck we broke up' 'WE DID??' #AND SHE KEPT THE RING!!! HIS MOTHERS RING!! whats wrong with her (affectionate) #im not blaming lee for everything dont get me wrong. I just think its hilarious #and then she hooks up with a DRUG LORD like GIRL!! #shes so funny I love cringe fail women #dani speaks #lord huron #lord huron gif #lord huron gifs #lord huron vide noir #vide noir #vide noir gif #vide noir gifs #vide noir movie #Buck Vernon #lee green #z'oiseau

[floral-hex]

real depressing, probably delete when I’m not miserable and about to fall asleep

Ummm how do trigger warnings work here… tw: substance abuse. Alcohol. Uhhhhmmm just general sad times.

I’ve been thinking a lot about drinking again. Not that I was ever an alcoholic, but… maybe I was a little. I get a little loose with anything that makes me feel good. Long story short, apropos of nothing, I got drunk one New Year’s Eve a couple years back. It was nice. Then I kept getting drunk once or twice or thrice every week for a year before I decided it wasn’t worth it any more. Stopped being as effective, made me gain a bunch of weight, and was just all around a pricey habit. So… I mean, why would I think about doing that to myself again?

Life fucking sucks. A lot. My mom is slowly dying, some days worse than others. I’m so drained and exhausted and I hate this. She’s been in the hospital for about a week now, her second extended hospital stay in two months. I don’t know how to cope with this. I’m taking care of my brothers right now and it’s just so much. Cleaning, shopping, making sure they eat, taking care of them, the animals, everything, driving to see my mom who’s almost an hour away. I’m emotionally exhausted and I feel so alone and scared and to add on to that my hearing started to get muffled today and I’m worried another wave of intermittent hearing loss is coming on. It makes me feel so closed off. I’m trapped. I feel trapped and suffocating and scared and my mom is dying and I’m so alone and don’t know what to do and I just want something that will, even temporarily, take some of that away. I used my last klonopin today and it didn’t do much of anything for me. I just want to get so fucked up out of my mind that I can’t worry about anything. I’m barely sleeping. I’m so tired. I just want to be held. I want someone to hold me and tell me it will all be okay, even if it won’t. I just want someone to lie to me and comfort me for a little while. I’m so scared. I don’t know how to do this. I can do this because I have to. I don’t know how, though. I’m just flinging myself forward, or the world is pushing me forward, I can’t tell the difference right now. I hate saying all of this. I feel so needy. I know I’m allowed to be needy. My therapist gets on to me for always qualifying what I’m saying or down playing or ignoring my feelings, but I feel like such a burden when I complain. I don’t want to be selfish. I’ll suffer in silence all day, I don’t want to add more stress to everyone else. I have to be a rock. I have to be steadfast. I don’t know where to put it down. I don’t know where to rest myself. There is no where. There is nothing. My ears are full of droning noise and I’m in this dark room and I feel so cut off from the world. Like I’m in a small dark box and outside the box I know my life is falling apart but I just can’t quite make out what’s happening. I can’t see but shadows through dark glass. I want to stop feeling like this.

So I’ve been thinking about alcohol. and weed. and whining on some dating app about wanting to make out. I took a vistaril earlier, too, but it really didn’t do anything for me. It’s not an anxiety attack, it’s… it’s the void. and sadness. and stress. and loneliness. It’s too heavy. It’s too much.

I just need to sleep. What a loser.

#might probably most likely will delete this in the morning #then why post it? #maybe for catharsis #and reading this again in half a dozen hours might bring a new perspective to everything #naps and time can provide insight #you can ignore this #you should ignore this #alcohol mention #drug mention #lonely sad boy mention #sad times #hi I’m Ian. I have intermittent hearing loss and my mother is dying. I’m just a big ol mess. #im falling asleep #or I should be. I need to be. I will be. #I have such a hard time making myself sleep #I just want all this free time to myself but then I avoid sleep and it makes everything else worse #I have to get up in 4 hours to get my brothers ready for school #god I need a long hug #I would 100% cry if someone hugged me #also I need to make out and maybe get high but that’s all superfluous wishful thinking #I’ll be good substitute that with… uhhh… chinese food and the daily disappointing wank 😬🫤 #too many tags. I ramble. any chance to really talk and I open up and let loose #I’m sorry #this was dumb.

[cuntwrap--supreme]

The fucking audacity of this man to tell me he's never cared about me, then ignore me when I say that it was unfair to lie to me when I've clearly been in love with him for years, only to come back almost 2 months later asking me how work is. I can't do this shit. I'm too stressed as is. Too few spoons for my own day to day.

#leon bitches #I'm ignoring him until i can think of something to even say. if i ever do. #all i asked is clarity on what he wants from me because I've wanted nothing more than to worship at his altar for years #that i was the saddest most groveling mutt to ever be born and he was the hand providing sustainance to me #literally everything I've done since i met him was to try to impress him. every job. every achievement. just to get his attention. #and it was so fucking obvious that he has to be lying when he says he didn't notice #and he just thinks it's ok to ignore me when i ask tough questions. just ignore me and pick back up in a month #once I've had time to cool down or whatever #but i haven't cooled down. i can't. #he's hurt me so badly and so many times #and yet i continue to come back to him like the addict i am. and he's the drug. #i want nothing more than whatever scraps he can bother to toss my way. yet i know this will be my downfall. #my ultimate perdition #and i know i should wisen up and tell him to go fuck himself... but i can't bring myself to do so #because losing him is losing the person I've been for so long now. i don't know who i am without his influence.. #if he had just wanted something physical he should have said so to begin with #I'm a pretty understanding person. i know how people work and some people just want to fuck. that's fine. #but instead he made it sound as if he wanted to date me. and then didn't talk to me for over 3 months. #this cycle has been going on for almost a year now. i can't even begin to guess at how many years the stress of it has sheared from my life #so I'm ignoring him for now. perhaps in perpetuity. i haven't decided which will hurt less.