#I’m drawing at the speed of one thing every few weeks lol. I’m trying tho! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

keepcopinghoe · 3 years

Text

catch up pt.1

quick rundown of what’s been going on with me

ramo is the first guy that i’ve consistently and personally interacted with since about 2018 and definitely the first guy who actually around my age that i’ve formed a relatively close bond with. i think it’s for this reason that i’m so attached to him. he frequently described himself as an incel (ironically tho) and i think his last actually non-paid-for sexual relationship was back in 2017. so i stupidly assumed that i was the only girl in his life that he was actually close with and this delusion i think in many ways also is what build the foundation behind the inexplicable quasi-infatuation that i have now.

on 06th june he told me about some girl that was part of his i***c*** discord which i already knew he was a part of since ages ago. i asked about her and he said she was from lithuania and that he was pissed off because some other guy was orbiting her which immediately set off alarm bells to me since there’s legit no reason to get pissy that someone else is orbiting a girl unless you like her yourself. he also said some shit to me which i think was unintentionally (or maybe intentionally?) hurtful, about how he could easily afford my prices and that i sell myself way below the market rate (both true but still). i think it’s both these things happening at the same time which particularly stung: ramo orbiting some e-girl who is involved in the same interests and hobbies to a greater extent than i am and also the emphasis that i’m a whore (and a cheap one at that) who no one would ever really consider as a serious dating prospect if they knew anything about my history.

i told him shortly after than i didn’t want to see him for a month or so, making up the excuse that it was because i was gonna be too busy. this is partially true cus i did initially have the plan to work every single day until the date of my breast augmentation/lift surgery which would be 25th june, earning like £700 a day in profit if i worked very hard. that didn’t quite come to fruition because there was some guy who booked with me that left a negative review on UKP which led to a fussilade of criticism from various users about me being a power-tripping time waster who frequently ghosted clients. this is kinda true except the power-tripping part; my timewasting is a direct result of substance abuse problems which is a direct result of whoring myself out to men that i often find unattractive. all in the preceding week (i met ramo on a sunday and this shit happened the following week).

two separate people passive aggressively threatened to send me another negative review over text, i have to provide a discounted rate to two of my regulars due to consistantly missing bookings, someone left me a negative review under my AW profile (which they did through sending a booking request that i didn’t confirm) saying that my service had declined massively over the last few months and that it was like ‘fucking a zombie’ and the final night of working on thursday (10/06), i saw this guy who has followed me under various aliases i’ve had in the past (jade/sana/etc.) and that i last meant at kingston premier inn in like june 2019. would have been a nice blast from the past in some respect but i made a stupid retarded decision to do coke with him - i then sniffed poppers which was retarded as well because poppers are a stimulant and speeds the heart up even further which i didn’t really know at the time. i then got super paranoid that i was gonna have a heart attack and kept telling the client in question to ensure that he call an ambulance if i collapsed, which i’m sure really got him in the mood. his name was james and i stupidly told him my real name. he couldn’t come and i felt like shit because i knew he didn’t enjoy himself - he told me in his mind that he had kind of ‘built’ the meeting up and i suppose it must have fallen massively short of his expectations. it is what it is.

i couldn’t sleep really at all due to the coke. i had several meetings arranged for the next day on friday with regulars all of which i cancelled. i just couldn’t continue on with the same routine of waking up in the morning feeling disgusting because i keep eating junk food delivery, doing an enema, getting drunk and just getting fucked until bedtime even though it was really good money.

i fucked around and went to chinatown on saturday evening and was feeling really happy and relieved about not having to work. i’ve figured that i can just make money after my surgeries and start again under a new profile where i don’t have any negative reviews attached to it and maybe rent out an actual apartment on a monthly basis, since it’d be cheaper than air BnB and i can set things up the way i want. i ate sweet and sour fish and egg fried rice, it was taste (ramo always says that lol).

idk what compelled me to do it but on 14th june, i looked through ramo’s likes on twitter. i think it was because i recalled seeing an obvious girl account in his likes previously - this is something i didn’t really think about at all previously but with the new information he had told me the sunday before, i ended up browsing her account which kind of led to a personal crisis. i found out fairly quickly that this girl was the same one he had referred to on discord (m** on discord, j**** on twitter) simply because there were screencaps on her media referring to the same discord and she was definitely from lithuania. i always assumed that women in these circles were lame and bland tradthots who lacked any kind of constitution beyond mindless pandering to irony poisoned scrotes and genuinely retarded wignats but i was suprised at how immediately endearing this girl appeared even to me, through the internet and as someone i have every reason to feel petty resentment towards.

her shitposts were funny and while she is edgy, she has an underlying sweet and kind disposition. her art is shit but cool in its own scrambled way. she’s also apparently only 16 so it’s understandable - i was a lot more cringe at her age and just as shit at art.

the feeling of inadequacy was overwhelming since in addition to being an actual whore, i’m super cringe, lame and normie compared to her. it made completely sense that ramo would orbit a girl like this and i’ve since completely re-evaluated my position and meaning in his life. it’s a good thing that my cope of feelings of intense inadequacy is to launch myself into a phase of hyper-productivity - i kept practicing drawing (apeing her in a way ig since i recently had kind of given up on drawing), fasting, reading, etc. to try and overcome how worthless and self-loathing i felt at being the unwitting basis of comparison to a young girl who was better than me in every conceivable manner. i even listened to msg 3.

i was in so much pain over this that i couldn’t listen to songs which reminded me of ramo (any i****c*** but specifically drug approved and also temptation) and when i did, i just felt anger at my position and a weird resentment towards him. worth mentioning than ramo had sent me a weird bootycall kind of text sometime before then which came across as really crash, so that made me feel even more devalued.

this is already super long so i’m gonna follow up with a pt. 2 later or maybe edit.

#catch-up #from may 2021 ig #a lot has happened and it would be amiss to just start where things are now without any context especially since it's still quite recent

1 note · View note

nad-zeta · 4 years

Text

Match up 😉

I am the bubbly cuddly kind of girl in the group who has a really good sense of humor and try to show sass tho filled with adorableness (YEA IM ADORABLE WAT WILL U DO BOUT IT)-w- your partner in crime. riding horse? FULL SPEEDDD pulling pranks? Ayee lemme in fam. sing a song?? MAMAAAAA OHOHOHHoHoH~~~~ everyones perverted straightforward darling, got a problem u cant solve? no sweetened words babe I will throw the facts o yo face I AM KAWAII thats wat everyone says tho #youdontgettojudgeme my teachers says I will be successful in life due to my out of the box thinking, leadership skills and academic performance YOAAAIIIIIII MO DAO ZU SHI BUNNNIIIIIESSSSSSSSSSSS(give me nobu not kenshin plz) HUUUUUGGGGSSSSS CUDDLESSSSSSS ANIME BOYS?? *SHHHHRRRIIIEEEEEKKKKK SO PERVERT EVEN SATAN BE BLESSING ME(welp mah parents are concerned) so single even my lips are virgin turns to glance at boys ass grabs my besties boobs quotes vines(LoOK At ThiS GrAPh~~~~~~~) overconfident, narcissistic , intelligent[?] (at least I’m a top student) but also insecured the student who reads for a week before exam and mange to get 90% marks thehehe LETS DO THE FORK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL DINGDINGDINGDINH emails my English teacher ‘u’ instead of you still remain her prized student

Hi there, love! Thank you so much for the request 😃<3 I hope you are safe and well! ^0^ I hope you enjoy it, dear ^_^. Your match just came to me, as if it were written in this very title hehe. ❤❤🔥

So obviously match you with…………… Nobunaga lol

OOOOh girl, when you first arrived in Azuchi, you entered with a bang. You walked straight into that audience hall with your head held high, ready to fight. You now stood in the center of the hall, staring Nobunaga down. The two of you were basically fighting for dominance with your glares. Nobunaga was the first to crack under the intense staring contest, giving you the smuggest grin. He proclaimed you to be their new lucky princess. You thought for a moment, shrug, and said: “Nah, I’m good, but thanx.” Everyone in the room had to do a double-take. Nobunaga’s ruby eyes gleamed in amusement. “then tell me what it is you want as a reward for saving me.” You thought for a few minutes and then responded: “Nah, no thanks needed, you seem like a chilled dude.” Nobunaga just smiles, you certainly were an outspoken, entertaining woman. He then named you as castle chatelaine. You were super happy with that, so you just beamed up at him. You went to take a seat next to Masamune, who was waving you over to him.

Once war council was over; it was only you, Nobunaga, and Masamune left in the room. You were by no means a shy gal, so you chatted freely with them like old friends. They were so surprised and amused at all your perverted jokes and couldn’t help but howl in laughter. You were truly a hilarious woman. The three of you made jokes until Mamayoshi came to remind Nobunaga and Masamune of their duties for the day; they left to do their duties, leaving you all alone now with Hideyoshi. This boi thought from the moment he saw you, that you were going to be trouble.

However, you pleasantly surprised at him. You worked incredibly hard, and you performed your duties diligently, often exceeding all expectations of you.

Nobunaga wasted no time in spending every possible moment with you. You were such a strange woman, and he couldn’t help but feel incredibly attracted to you. It didn’t even bother him that you had now dubbed him as Nobie. Much to Hideyoshi’s disapproval. But Nobunaga loved how outspoken you were, and low key kinda liked the nickname. He loved that you were always up for any and all adventures, and often the two of you would sneak out the castle and go horse riding. You loved to ride fast and feel the wind in your hair. He really enjoyed these little horse-riding trips with you as it was always filled with laughter and jokes. He loved the fact that you laughed at all his jokes and would always have a comeback leaving the devil king howling in laughter. The two of you would always race back to the castle, to see who the better horse rider was, you always seemed to lose much to your frustration.

You and Nobunaga truly became super good friends really fast. He would often refer to you as his partner in crime. This was due to the fact that most nights, the two of you would be huddled around a makeshift drawing of the castle planning your candy heist. The two of you would plan everything to perfection, and then after executing a perfect heist, go back to Nobunaga’s room to chomp down on your precious candy loot.

Hehe and you truly fell in love with Nobunaga. You loved how even though he was the ruler and leader of a big clan, he just had this playful fun boyish energy about him. You two goofball are also known for pulling pranks on everyone in the castle in your free time. These pranks will range from putting whoopie cushions on Hideyoshi’s chair and then making a bunch of fart jokes, to messing with the silver kitsune. Although in saying that, you only pranked the silver kitsune once and never again cause that boi is the pranking master and will get you back x2 as bad. Like one time, the two of you just replaced his shampoo with honey, a harmless prank. But boy oh boy, did this kitsune get you back. This boy placed blue dye in all the bathrooms water supply, so when you and Nobunaga went to bath that night, both your bodies were turned blue from the waist down. You honestly thought that it was Nobu’s doing so you marched your way up to his room and slammed his door open only to run into him, storming his way to your room to blame you for the same crime. That is when Mitsuhide appeared and warned both of you against pranking him again.

Even though Nobunaga really loved you, he greatly underestimated your intelligence, which is a mistake he only made one. One day while the two of you were goofing off together, you spotted the latest war map and asked him about it. He explained the war strategies and plans for the upcoming battle in great detail. You looked over the board and map, something seemed off to you. The two of you continued on your day chatting and laughing, while something tugged at the back of your mind. That night you thought about the battle plans and strategies and realized they were slightly off and that they had too little men spread across the plain to successfully win the battle. You went up to Nobunaga to explain this when he basically just rejected your whole explanation. You legit told the facts to him straight, the two of you continued to bicker until you left the room in frustration slamming the door behind you.

You hadn’t spoken to Nobunaga in 2 days, and both of you were now off to war. You helped out around the camp, cooking and patching up injured soldiers. You and Nobunaga low key were avoiding each other, and EVERYONE noticed. It was the night before the final battle, and things weren’t looking too good for the Oda forces, you made your way to Nobunaga’s tent to give him the facts once again, and again he just ignored you. The next day shit was hitting the fan big time. Sweet angel Mitsunari arrived back in the camp being super injured, and that’s when you decided it was now or never. If Nobunaga continued the stupid ass battle strategy, he was gonna get himself killed, and it was no fun being mad at a dead man. You led Mitsunari into the medical tent and handed off your duties as the head doctor to one of the helpers. You then mounted Mitsunari’s horse and rounded up his troops. The lot was honestly running around like headless chickens without leadership.

You rode out onto the field, remembering the battle plan you wanted to implement to strengthen the Oda’s defenses, they were weakest at the point that Nobunaga took control of. You rode like the speed of light, praying that you weren’t too late. You sent a silent thanks to Sasuke as you still had his smoke bombs, he had gifted you the first night. You rode to support Nobunaga and threw down the smoke bombs, giving you the perfect cover to command your troops to file a flurry of arrows at the enemies and thus giving everyone enough time to retreat and regroup. You saw Nobunaga fighting on foot, and you rode you him, tugging him to get onto your horse.

The two of you rode back to camp. You led him to your tent and patched him up as quick as you could, while patching you up he asked about your strategy, this time listening open-mindedly. After being patched up, he left your tent and was off to the battlefield was more. That night the Oda arrived back victorious, thanks to your and Mitsunari’s improvised battle plan. Nobunaga led you to his tent and apologized for underestimating you and thanked you for your bravery and leadership. After what he had seen, he was determined to make you his queen. He cradled your head in his hands and kissed you for the first time.

The two of you, goofballs make the cutest couple. You had discovered that the devil king is a secret cuddle lover. He loves to hug and cuddle you at all times, whether you are in public or private this boi wants you in his arms. He will devote his life to keeping you happy and will shower you with love and cuddles from sunset to sunrise. He loves laying his head in your lap while you sing to him at night. It’s one of those rare moments that he feels truly at peace and can let his guard down. Well, that is until you start tickling him, then you better be in for a long night cause this boi will get revenge for this playful declaration of war. (^_-)

All and all, this softi boi love you so much from your crazy good sense of humor to your sweet soft cuddles. You are truly the yin to his yang. And the only woman worthy enough in the whole world to rule the world by his side

Other potential matches……………..Masamune

I hope you liked it, dear!🔥❤

#ikesen nobunaga #oda nobunaga #ikemen sengoku nobunaga #nobunaga oda #matchups #match ups #ikesen matchup #nobunaga matchup #submission

19 notes · View notes

nibscribs · 5 years

Photo

So uhhhh I drew a lot of RWBY this year... only two of these are non RWBY and tbh I could have just as easily put something RWBY for June Template

Retrospective under the cut bc it’s LONG

RETROSPECTIVE January: First piece of the year! I still like this piece and I think it shows how much I improved from the original version of it. Also I just like looking at it bc it's soft content of my rare pair. I do think I made the rose look photorealistic which looks... bad esp with all the other more stylized flowers, and I got lazy with the bleeding hearts by just drawing one set and flipping them. Emerald's hair also could look better. February: I made this around GNG week, which was a fun, good time, long before the server imploded on itself. I got really lazy with the backgrounds, obviously, but I do like the poses in this one, tho it helped that I based it off of screenshots from Young Justice. I also just really like how Merc looks in this one. March: March wasn't a very prolific month for art, I don't think I produced much besides this and one comic piece for GNG week. I'm not sure why exactly, I can't find any specific reason why I would be unproductive that month. I'm gonna just assume I was drained from work all the time and didn't have the energy to put out good art, and also I was getting into a slump bc all my art was starting to look same-y. This piece isn't very good, but I chose it because I did it without a reference, and at this point that was going out of my comfort zone. It's obviously not super dynamic, but at the very least you can tell I intended there to be motion to it. April: This also wasn't a very prolific month for art, not as bad as March, but for the same reasons. I was also really starting to feel burnout from the RWBY fandom, specifically wasps and conflict within the GNG server. This was also when the Art vs the Artist meme was popular, and I realized I didn't want to do that meme because my art was too similar and boring, which also brought me down a peg. Though I put out a few good chibis in April, I chose my Mercury redesign bc I was really proud of it. I could never get the Emerald redesign to mesh quite right, but I can say I'm really proud of how Mercury's came out. May: May had me bounce out of my art slump and in full force trying to expand my skills! Specifically exploring painting. Although May was about as prolific as April, what I did create I put a lot into. It was difficult to pick between this and my app of Edison, because I'm really proud of both, but in the end I went with this commission of Mercury because I pushed myself to try and use an interesting perspective for the piece instead of my usual stand still and face the camera pose. Because I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, this was one of the best things I made all year, and may be my favorite piece of the year. June: TIME TO STRESS OUT ABOUT CONNECTICON! So if you follow me on twitter, you might have noticed I made a lot of posts at the beginning of the year low key throwing shade at myself for drawing my oc's instead of more "important" art. Well, that important art that I was procrastinating was con merch, and con was the second week of July, so I really had to get my ass in gear to finish merch on time (spoiler, I didn't finish a lot of it on time). This piece and July's piece are both posters I made for Connecticon, and while I like July's much better, that doesn't mean I find this piece bad. I really should have known that no one at con would realize it was a goonies reference tho -_-; I also lost a lot of love for this piece after season 6 of Voltron, which I watched while I was about 60% of the way through this piece, so I had to force myself to finish it. July: I love this piece!!!! Don't get me wrong, I know it has flaws, but look at it! The lines are so crisp, the colors look good, Roman and Merc's expressions are mwuah chefs kiss, and I just love all of them!!! ... except for Neo. I really didn't do her justice in this piece, her hair is too fluffy, her head is way to oversized to the point that she looks like a bobblehead, and her eyes are too close together. Really if you take out Neo's head that whole problem goes away. I also love all the tiny details I put in this one, from emerald's chaps to roman's rose to Neo's lace parasol. You can tell I was way more passionate about this piece than I was about the Voltron piece. August: pretty sure this is when I quit my job cashiering, and thank god bc customers suck. If I was going off of sheer popularity, Chibi Pyrrha would have taken this slot no contest, and while I love chibi Pyrrha, I don't think it was the best of the month. I chose this little princess and the pauper au doodle because I tried a year ago to draw these two dancing, and it looked like dog shit. It was flat and ugly. But this has motion to it, and even looking at it now makes me feel warm and happy inside. It's just a good cute drawing of my otp. September: My piece for the RWBY tarot project! I have a lot of mixed emotions about this one. on the one hand, I love how mercury looks, his expression, the lighting, the visceral gore from his legs (ESPECIALLY THE VISCERAL GORE ON HIS LEGS) and the hands of the undead, all look stunning and I don't think I could be more happy with how they turned out. And then we get to the background. The caduceus isn't the worst thing ever, but it's severely lacking in quality compared to the rendering on mercury in front of it, and a lot of it is clearly pixellated from me trying to stretch and squash it just right. And the fire is a hot (no pun intended) mess. It's flat, incoherent, and doesn't lead the eye anywhere. It's a shame too because I wanted to do more with it, but I a) didn't have enough time or patience to figure out what I needed to do to fix it and b) didn't want to go outside of my comfort level, so I gave up and decided to be satisfied with what I had. October: October was another good month for art, I made a turnaround sheet for Moss, painted a full body (and slightly lewd) Rudy, and made a decent attempt at inktober. Ok, so I got like 2 days in, but I improved a lot on inking from last year! Fun fact! this piece was originally going to be fan art of Lindsay Jones, but after I did some thumbnails to figure out a pose, I thought it would suit White Diamond better, and I could also sell it as merch. I love this piece. I think I captured the sinister mood well, and conveyed the story I wanted to without any dialogue (at least the notes on Tumblr make me assume I did a decent job, lotta people really wigged out lol) I really worked hard to get the lighting right on this one, and I think it shows. My absolutely favorite thing about this piece funnily enough, is Amethyst. I think I just did a great job drawing her and I'm proud of myself ok. Stevens bubble and my trouble figuring out how to get WD's leg just right are the only things that I dislike about this piece, but I might go back and fix those. November: IM SO PROUD OF THIS COMMISSION!!!!!! I worked so god damn hard on this chef's kiss poifect, and it really shows. I started using a new brush at this point, the Ojing series on Clip Studio Paint, which I recommend and have been using a lot since. I've also been using this shading technique since drawing this. I love how it sort of fades out but it's still really crisp. I also love all the little details that give this piece character, like her shoes and the stripes on her jacket. This piece really takes a lot of the stuff I learned over the year and combines it into one piece, and I could not be prouder of it. I have absolutely no problems with this one, though I do find the weapon a bit plain, but it's what the client described. December: AND NOW IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!! I had been working on this piece since August, going back to it every now and then and getting frustrated. I'm really glad I came back to it and finally finished it, since I love this pair and I put a lot of effort into it back in August. However, I'm also really glad I completely overhauled a lot of it, specifically the flowers. Though I'm not 100% happy with the mums in this one, they look a thousand times better than the mums I had originally sketched back in August, and were part of the reason I had such a hard time finishing this for months. I also thought it would be nice to end the year on the same note it started; with a flower couple. I've definitely learned a lot since January, and I hope to continue growing in 2019! 2019 GOALS!

Work on backgrounds for the love of god

Draw more stuff that isn't RWBY

Perspective

Make more speed paints and post more to youtube in general

#2018 summary of art #2018 retrospective #art progress #year in review #not art

14 notes · View notes

emperor-lover · 7 years

Note

Hey I love your scenarios. Can I please request a guanlin college au? Thank you!!

Thank you for loving my writing!! ❤❤ Sorry this took so long, i’m in the midst of all my final assignments and midterms at uni right now, but here you go!! It’s a bit more friendship with a hint of potential future relationship so maybe i’ll do a part 2 sometime later on if you’d like? Enjoy!

Kuanlin college!AU (that kinda wasnt a college au, idk i got a bit sidetracked by basketball lmao) ALSO HAPPY BDAY KUANLIN BBY HOPE UR SWEET SIXTEENTH IS LOVELY LIKE U KIDDO

he’s well known around campus as THE international student

like a guy who appeared from a manga/manhwa, he has godly features and proportions

just a very perfect looking human

He’s also the guy that still seems to be having a growth spurt because you swear he’s taller than he was a month ago

Has a keen interest in languages, so he’s doing a double degree in Korean and English

People’s first impression of him are always that he’s this really cool guy

He has this signature outfit of a bomber jacket and ripped jeans

and sunglasses

Everyone’s eyes are always drawn to him immediately

“he looks like a celebrity!”

as soon as he took off his sunglasses and sat down, he gave everyone this cute gummy smile and introduced himself

Despite his fashionable attire, he’s rather introverted and sticks to the same group of friends

The first time you met was in class at the start of your first year

you were running late because you had gotten lost because there had been a mistake in the timetable

you had made it in the correct building but it was seriously like a maze

and there was like 2 minutes left until the lecture would start but you were still so lost

1 minute to go and you were about to give up

when Kuanlin strolls past you leisurely

He’s about to turn the corner when he glances back at you

“um…”

you glanced over at the sound of his voice

“…if you’re looking for the lecture room for korean, it’s over this way…”

You thanked him in relief and followed him around 2 more corners before making it to a seat just in time for the lecture begin

After the lecture was over you spotted him leaving and you had rushed over to him

“Hey, thank you so much for showing me where this room was, you’re a life saver!”

He had looked away and you saw a slight pink flush light up his cheeks

“Happy to help.”

Your resolution when you were beginning college was to make lots of new friends so you decided, hey why not start now

“I’m Y/N by the way, it’s nice to meet you!”

As you introduced yourself, the two of you walked in step with each other

Turns out you do almost all the same papers as he does

The two of you end up just having this sort of silent seating plan

Like it randomly started one day and since then the two of you have always sat next to each other

Round mid semester exam time, the two of you would study together in the library

You’d take turns buying each other coffees

Kuanlin has remembered your coffee order in one go, much to your surprise

He gives off a very innocent vibe despite his mature appearance

He also tends to be very focused, and will always keep his emotions in check

Unlike you, because during exam time, u were streeeeesssed out

A complete contrast to Kuanlin’s very calm soul

The only times he breaks free from the calm is when he finds something funny

Like he’ll break out into this cute breathy laughter that’s super adorable

Because he’s an international student, he struggled to settle in at first at college

but after joining a few clubs and being introduced and meeting lots of nice people, Kuanlin really thrives in the college life

There is this really prestigious basketball team at your college - “Wanna One” and every semester they participate in a tournament against other college teams

Wanna One’s biggest rival is a team called “Mnet” (lol mnet, what a punny bball team name)

It’s such an intense competition as the winning club gets a huge benefit

like helping funding for national and overseas tournaments, helping paying off college tuition fees, getting more exposure to professional basketball scouters etc

It’s tough though because Mnet is a team that tends to play dirty and will try to dramatise anything so the other team will get fouled (can y’all tell im having way too much fun with this)

A few of your friends, and friends of friends are in Wanna One

So you went to the tournament to cheer them on

You noticed from the crowd that there’s a new but familiar face in the team

The arrival of the new maknae, the hidden ace, Lai Kuanlin

No one outside of W1, as well as yourself had ever seen him play basketball before

so everyone’s a bit worried because the stakes on the game are so high

but those worries were all put to rest as soon as Kuanlin stepped on the court

The star shooter of the match, he didn’t miss a single hoop and ended up being the player who raked in the most points helping W1 claim victory

After the game, you, Wanna One and all their friends went to a karaoke place to celebrate

You were sandwiched between Daehwi and Jisung who were singing their hearts out to some girl group songs

Everyone’s laughing and having a good time

But then you noticed Kuanlin surrounded by all these girls/new found admirers

And although he looked slightly flattered by the situation he also looked very uncomfortable due to the sudden attention on him

You weren’t too sure if you should intervene or not, and just as you decided you were going to say something, Jisung shoved the microphone into your face forcing you to sing with them

After many more songs, you decided this would be a good time to go outside to get some fresh air and a break from all the ruckus

“Y/N? what are you doing out here?”

Kuanlin was sitting on a bench outside the karaoke place

“I thought I’d take a break from the noise, it was getting stuffy in there…what about you, you’re the star of the night, you should be in there celebrating with the others!”

“Same as you, the craziness was getting to me”

You gave a light pat on the back, “Things wont be that normal for you anymore, you’re practically a celebrity!”

Kuanlin had just hmm-ed in response, getting lost in his thoughts again

After that day, you didn’t see Kuanlin as often anymore, which surprised you

it was weird and out of character of him to not have him showing up to classes

and there was always one empty seat next to you, which made your heart ache a bit?

you felt sad that you hadn’t been able to see him at all recently, and he had been extremely slow in replying to any of your messages

Turns out this applied to all your friends in W1 too

You found out eventually that they were preparing for the big national tournament in the coming month, so they were too exhausted to go to class

Videos were popping up on snapchat and facebook of them practising late into the night/morning

sometimes only getting 1 hour of sleep every night, maybe less

you were so shocked, your friends were being overworked like crazy by their coaches, but they just kept smiling and saying that they’re happy

Your birthday comes round, and you decided that you were just going to have a small gathering because all your friends were busy

You sat in the dorm corridor with a small group of your close friends

As you blew out the candles to your cake, you couldn’t help feel upset that none of the boys had been able to make it, or even respond to your invitation

You knew that they’re incredibly busy, so you’re annoyed at yourself for blaming them

You forced a smile onto your face and thanked your friends who had showed up, and after digging into the cake, you all retreated back into your rooms

The clock on your desk ticks away, and as it hits 11.59pm, you sigh

For some reason you had wished that at least Kuanlin could’ve turned up for your birthday

You had stopped denying that you missed him dearly

you missed his voice and his laugh

and his friendship

you also missed that warm fuzzy feeling in your stomach whenever he smiled at you

A few tears roll down your cheek and you wipe them away angrily

Why are you getting so worked up over a boy?

A boy who is just a friend

Just a friend who bought you multiple coffees

and took notes for you in class that week when you were sick

and accompanied you on late night walks to McDonalds

A sharp knock on your door echoes through your room

Looking at the clock, it’s 3am, and you realise you fell asleep

who tf would be knocking at 3am tho

It’s saturday night, so you’re scared it’s some drunk person causing a scene so you stay in your room

Another knock, but this time a voice rings clearly with it

“Y/N? Are you awake?”

You go over to the door, and after a bit of hesitation you open it

Kuanlin is standing there, holding a present and looking apologetic

“Surprise! Happy Birthday Y/N!”

“You’re three hours late.” you turn your back on him and return to your room with him following behind

“Oh cmon, dont be like that, haven’t you missed me?? Me and the guys are sorry that we couldn’t make it earlier…”

silence

“Y/N? did you hear me?”

He turned on the light and looked at your face clearly

“oh…Y/N, are you crying??”

You shake your head angrily but there’s no denying the tears running down your face

Kuanlin is so concerned, and pulls you into a hug

“Hey, hey, hey it’s alright, what’s made you so upset?”

You hug him back, clinging to him, your anger evaporating at the close proximity

instead your heart is now pounding at an insane speed and you can feel the cheeks starting to heat up

“I just…I’ve just really missed you, you idiot”

you try to disengage yourself from the hug and hide your face but Kuanlin just wipes away your tears gently with his thumbs before pulling you closer and patting your hair

“I missed you too Y/N, a lot.”

He pulls away slightly and hands you the present

“The basketball season is drawing to a close, so we get to go on a break for a few weeks, I just thought I’d come let you know in person and give you this at the same time.”

His face is tinged with pink and he scratches the back of his neck in embarrassment.

After unwrapping it you see it’s a beautifully and intricately designed necklace

You marvel over it as it sits delicately in the palm of your hand

He’s still nervously looking at you trying to assess your reaction

“UH…if you don’t like it, there’s an exchange card in the gift box, so if you don’t want it you can change it to something nicer at the shop just in case you -”

“Kuanlin, it’s beautiful, i really love it”

“YOU DO?”

this boy had spent hours at that shop trying to find that freaking necklace

and every single member of W1 had seen it and reassured him that you’d like it

but he was still nervous af the poor kid

He took a deep breath to try calm himself down as he took the necklace from your hand and signalled for you to turn round

you did and he gently pushed your hair to the side

his fingertips brushed your neck as he put the necklace on you and you couldn’t help but shiver

Suddenly his arms wrapped round your waist and you were enveloped by his warm body

“Y/N…Happy belated Birthday.”

After Kuanlin left that night, you lay in bed replaying the scene over and over in your head

Something about your relationship with him was different now, but in a good way

Playing with the necklace still hanging round your neck, you smiled to yourself

Who knows how things will go from here, but right now all you can think about is the next time you’ll see Kuanlin and how much you liked being in his embrace

huhuhu i always struggle to end my AUs and they turn out extra mushy, im sorry! I’m going to try really hard to do at least one update a week, but because my final exams are coming up real quick I can’t promise anything! Remember, if you’ve sent in a request, I will put them up on my masterlist as soon as I’ve seen them, so you can check if I’ve received them/if i’m working on them there! Once again, thanks for reading!! xo

154 notes · View notes

thedappleddragon · 4 years

Text

Day 63 (Thursday May 14)

I woke up from a wierd dream an just hung out in bed for a it. I did a few loose sketches for fun, and I want to try drawing more than I have been, which is not at all. I watered my plants and noticed that the flower seeds I sprinkled in were doing nicely. My other 3 “flowers” aren’t doing great, I’ve had them for months and not a single bud, just stems and a few leaves. I think the biggest one is dying and I don’t know why. The tomato plants in our front yard are also dying, even tho we’re getting a ton of rain. My potato plant is wilting, so maybe I need to water it more?? I don’t know. I’m not great with plants but they’re a fun pass time. I even started a bean experiment with a wet paper towel, a plastic baggie, and about 10 different types of beans I took from a 15-bean mix that you’re supposed to put in soup. The first time, I didn’t have them in a baggie, and I think my cat ate them lol. I haven’t checked if any of them are sprouting yet, and I think it’s been 3-ish days. The strawberry plant out front is doing great though!! There’s even 3 tiiiiiiny green strawberries forming! It rained today, so I opened up my window to listen to it while I worked. I was very productive today. I finished my extra credit English assignment, did 2 weeks worth of assignments for band class, filled out an end-of-the-year review/exam for art, and completed a lesson for my digital applications class. I’m low key proud of myself >:) none of it was too stressful because I placed it out and listened to music/mbmbam when the task didn’t require a lot of brainpower. I also helped my sister print stuff out for her classes that she’s super stressed out over. I’m only a little nervous about a a couple of things I still have to do, but I brush it off because I know they’ll be easy and I can finish them soon. Anyway, after working for a few hours, I ate and took my new laptop back to my room and played webkinz for a bit. It was wierdly stressful, because that laptop has a higher frame rate and brighter saturation and the desktop app has a wider view of the screen, and everything seemed harsher and faster. Normally, the shitty slow frame rate of my school laptop makes things easier to look at, and I didn’t appreciate it until I saw all the animations playing at their normal speed on the new laptop. The weight lifting class was especially stressful because the bar was moving so fast lol. I think I’m gonna stick to my school laptop for that for as long as I can lol. But after my Stressful webkinz experience I played stardew valley for hours. I was more attentive about giving gifts to the townsfolk this time and was able to get Haley to dance with me at the flower festival >:) I had like 5 hearts with her at the end of spring year 1 because I gave her daffodils every chance I got. Its so much easier to give gifts and stuff because I have my school laptop open right beside my while I play on my new one so I can pull up each characters schedual and fave items whenever I want and it’s great lol. instead of selling all my crops I’ve accidentally been hoarding them and only selling the silver and gold quality ones. I gues I’m doing it mostly for gifts and recipes even though I’ve never done a lot of cooking in that game. I chose the forest farm layout, and didn’t discover that foragables spawned in the left side until like 13 days in when the salmonberry season started and I realized there were berry bushes on my farm!

TLDR this was just a lot of me raving about video games

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #corona diary

1 note · View note

sanguinesprout · 7 years

Text

Therapy/Counselling diary #8 (my memory is baaad plus some general frustrations and encouragements)

This past week was kinda hmm... nyeeeeh. I wouldn't say I did anything particularly exciting or new or memorable and I was kinda sickly but it wasn't bad bad and that's all that matters ^^ My memory is bad bad baaaaad in other words, same as usual lol

I’ve decided I’m gonna try to write this weeks (or well, last weeks) stuff using the tumblr app this time, I haven't really used it much, but it's been pretty neat so far aka I cba to clear my desk and use the pc. My typo rate is srsly v. high tho and I wanna shorten the words cuz phone typing and effort but I think I actually type about the same speed with my phone as I do on the PC hah... If only I could read back the text and edit stuff easier as I go along though... oh welp. (Whoa phew, I thought I accidentally posted it by accident lulz the app gives a 'it posted' notification when I save it as a draft what even lol)

This weeks counselling app was... pretty alright, though I'm feeling the pressure and the nerves more now because as predicted I am expected to try even more harder with the communication and skill learning stuff for next time and I really arghhh xwx I only just got over the last wall and the next one seems way more difficult to scale... but I think I can do it... I just need to push away the unhelpful thoughts and persist..! >^<

So that sheet about emotions and thoughts I had to do... I only managed to write two small things but it's something at least, we didn't actually look over it this session because we were still looking at the unhelpful behaviour sheet from last last time which was a slight relief but I still have the sheet now and need to fill it by next week xwx

The behaviour we went over was to do with comparing yourself to others and I really can't remember a lot of the things that was said gdi... maybe I'll just bullet point some of the important stuff and the rest will come back to me easier... and so I don't forget even more lol I'm just feeling extra lazy and unmovtivated hahaha.. ugh @v@"

🍰 Every person has their own views on things/their own way of doing or reacting to things and there is no right or wrong way in essence. Like baking a cake, one person may use so and so ingredients and the other such and such or even something that seems pretty unconventional but they both still result in cakes. Another person may prefer the taste of cake 1 over 2 and another person cake 2 over 1. No one is wrong in their choices, it’s just personal preference.

🥞 All professions work together in harmony and are necessary to make up and keep up a society. There is no need to be ashamed of or think lowly of your profession because it is just as important (eg. trash collector people, some people might think lowly of them but without them there would be a mess of vermin and disease etc etc as juxtaposed with another profession like a doctor which is usually thought highly of).

🍕 The only way to break the cycle is by doing. Doing will provide you with the experience and evidence needed to override your negative presumptions and this in turn will allow you to get past the things holding you back and grow. Your beliefs should run on facts and not irrational thoughts which probably hold no truth at all.

🍔 Like reading a book, you only know as much as you've read (your current and past experiences and beliefs), but there is still so much left to learn and absorb if you push forward and continue. The parts you haven't read yet (future experiences and knowledge etc) may be the positive and powerful parts needed to neutralise and flip back the negative beginning chapters.

🍝 You live in a place where freedom and choice is encouraged and accepted (unlike some other places in the world where people live under strict control), so why would you willingly choose to cage yourself in with all these rules and restrictions..? (T^T Idk why... but I don’t want to no more that’s for sure!)

🍦 Everything you do should be for your own approval and not anyone else’s. It’s your life and your choices, not theirs. Your own opinions matter most and your own wellbeing should be your priority. Do it all for yourself.

🍩 I would really like a doughnut right now, damn. I can’t have any of these foods rn cause of my diet lolol... they’re unhealthy anyways ^^”

These are some really awfully phrased retellings of the stuff the counsellor told me, but that’s basically all I can remember right now but they give very interesting and useful views on things. Normally I would rephrase them even more or not include the examples but w/e I need to stop being so afraid, just get it all down nice and straightforward and truthful! Yeah, I could've just used the actual bullet point formatting but food emoji is much more exciting of course :D I literally can’t think anymore about last week, I’m just so overwhelmed with this week, my head hurts with the mental effort x^x I decided to go back to using the pc, the app is good for brief things only I guess.

In terms of doing something brave or well out of my comfort zone, I walked down a few streets on my own and went to collect some post. It’s something I’ve done before (though not completely on my own) but I still had a hella awkward time at the desk cause the queue was kind of jumbled and idk if the person before me was actually someone that came after, I thought maybe they were an employee and went behind them instead or maybe they skipped in front idk ugh... I really suck at looking and remembering people’s faces sometimes.

If I wanted to go somewhere else on my own my parents would probably not let me go and my dad would lecture me all the safety things even more than usual (seriously, I get the don’t talk to strangers type of line every single time..!). I’m not a child, I shouldn’t have to ask for permission and this time I didn’t ask, I just said where I was going and why and left but if I tried that to go anywhere else then they’d get ruffled. But the main thing is the communication again I guess, as long as they are informed, it’ll lessen the stress and make them more open to me taking my own initiative.

Like I understand they want me to be safe, it’s what parents do and I obviously don’t want to run into any trouble too, but sometimes being too overprotective and overly cautious means I’m just stuck and can’t grow at all. It just goes to make me even more scared of the world, when I should be out there doing things like everyone else, it sucks.

I know in parents eyes, their daughters and sons will always be their kids, their babies, but at some point they will see them as adults too and well, that just isn’t happening for me. I haven’t proven myself worthy of the adult title and I also feel I don’t deserve it yet, it seems a long way off still but it feels so ridiculous, but what is age but just a number anyways, everyone goes at different paces. I shouldn’t dwell on this too much and just try my best to prove to myself, yes myself first and foremost, that I can be an adult, I can be responsible and independent at least a little more. I need a better action plan really... besides the vague, get a job, learn to drive, cook etc. idk what else @^@” I’m getting a little ahead of myself with even this though, gotta not forget, take things slow and gradually, baby steps!! ^^

In my other endeavours with art and posting things online, it’s just come to a stand still or gone backwards actually, I’ve just gotten so scared again, I can’t put a pen to paper or even leave a comment on other people’s stuff anymore and it feels really awful, like why can’t I just do it and forget about feeling foolish or judged or inadequate, I keep overthinking again gdi..!! >^< I keep wanting to plan things and have things all perfect and ready instead of just getting things done as I go like other people... damn, I keep saying like other people, constantly comparing myself to them, that’s another reason I’ve gotten scared to try again with anything.

Gosh, these unhelpful habits are for reals and are the worst, at least I’m more aware of them though, maybe I can fight them back a bit better now that I know how draining and evil they are... Okay! I challenge you unhelpful habits!! Imma throw you in the trash and get my ass moving! You’ve got nothing on me! I can do it!! Ugh... ;^; No no, no sad! Fight fight fight! Go go go! ò^ó

My sis got me a lot of gifts relating to art, she encourages me through this and her kind words and wants me to do well, I want me to do well too and to show my gratitude with action, so imma do well and make a lot of nice arts to be proud of! They don’t have to be perfect! I saw a quote that was something like ‘even the pages on your bad days are better than the ones on the days you did nothing’ (I just totally butchered that lol) or something like that and it was like, damn, that’s true. A little practice even if it’s not serious is better than nothing at all! Okay okay I’m pumped!

The stuff I had to do this week is to help out at the front of the shop, gain some experience and converse with customers..! I already attempted it once for a short time and welp, it was scary but I guess not that bad (also I kinda botched up a phone order maybe) but I keep reading into things too deeply and negatively and it scared me off and now as usual the week is ending and my opportunities to try are limited, need to get my ass in gear, c’mon I can do it! Don’t be afraid, you’re doing well, keep going! ^^”... go go go! ^u^

Maybe I can kill 2 birds with one stone, sit and observe but also draw, space is limited though so idk if it’ll work out but there’s no harm giving it a try I guess. Must not forget to fill in that emotions/thoughts sheet ugh, I should have done it as I actually do stuff but I do things in bad and unconventional ways. Need to break a lot of habits. I downloaded this app that is supposed to help you build new healthy habits, so far all it’s wanted me to do is to drink water when I wake up so I feel more energised lol but I did it and it does help, I wonder if I can build a lot of other good habits too, it certainly makes things feel more fun in a way.

Everyday in my mind I want to look over the days happenings in a more positive light and congratulate myself for all the small things I did that I maybe I wouldn’t have some weeks ago, so I can see how much I actually improved and have put effort in. Even though on the surface it just all seems meh, I want to let myself see how things have actually become a little easier and how the negative thoughts relating to them has begun to affect me less and take up less space in my conscious. Be proud of yourself and all your endeavours, silly!

Hmm, this post is probably shorter than my usual one but oh well, I don’t want to spend too much time rambling or ruminating or being a paralysed perfectionist, I’ve got other bigger fish to fry! And draw and eat omnomnom! Yolo! x3

Okay okay, now I’m going to go do some artsy fartsy stuff or at least have myself set up for it and my conversing/experience gaining challenge hoo! Believe in yourself, you can do it! Let’s go go! :D

Have a lovely evening and keep trying, keep flying! ^^

#therapy #avpd #anxiety #social anxiety #depression #thoughts #feelings #family #self-motivation #trying a little is better than not trying at all #it's okay for things to not be perfect #believe in yourself #do it all for yourself #challenge the negative #keep going #baby steps #you can do it!#let's art and kick ass!

0 notes