#I’m glad I feel better though

[voiceshearingyouloud]

I was feeling extremely suicidal today, like the worst I have in maybe four or five years now, and I was deliberating over whether I should go to the hospital like pretty much all day and now that I feel better I realise that the moment I started drafting my suicide note in my head was probably when I should’ve decided that 😭

#it’s so hard to think logically in the moment though; and I didn’t want to worry my dad or my partner #even though me killing myself would hurt them more obviously lol #I’m glad I feel better though #finally at like 5pm after doing all the chores and getting dressed and making meals and napping and going outside and exercising and calling #people and watching my favourite things #and none of it made even the slightest difference #(and I was drafting my suicide note) #I was like alright I need to do something about this because I’m gonna get exhausted and lose the fight pretty soon #which is always how my suicidality has been #I’ve never made a plan I’ve just come very very close to being worn down by the constant obsession and just giving in #which is hard to explain to ER nurses! #anyway. as soon as I decided that it instantly was like a cloud went away so that was weird as hell and I still don’t get it but at least I #don’t want to die as much anymore! #I’m seriously good now; like just normal sad and tired #but it does scare me that it took me so long to decide to go to the hospital #cause that was really cutting it close for a while there 😬 #I don’t trust myself to get it right the next time. but hopefully I’ll remember this and just go #anne speaks #now I’m just dying over how hilarious it was that I was literally drafting my suicide note and still was like hmm I wouldn’t want to worry #my partner so I don’t think it’s wise to go to the hospital. #like girl?? what??? #suicidality tw #tw suicidality #suicide mention #suicide tw #tw suicide #all the trigger tags cause this post is pretty graphic lol #but anyway I’m totally safe now #wouldn’t want anyone to worry if you’re the type to worry about this #:-)

[slcepily]

redraw of an old pic from maybey like 6 yrs ago (under the cut)

💀💀💀💀 wellllll um 15- year-old me was very proud of this and that’s what counts right

#my little pony #mlp friendship is magic #art #mlp humanized #hmm not sure where my nostalgia for this show has been coming from recently #i had fun with this though #i’m in a weird spot where i’m shocked how much i advanced without noticing and disappointed that i didn’t change more #i stagnated for a long time and i’m glad to have like. physical proof that i improved somewhere #but on the other end it just feels like i should be better than this at the age i’m at #i’m just not a studies kind of person but Well those are kind of essential aren’t they #we will see

[zylice]

I am aware that this is old new but I feel so sad that he was so naive and didn’t know that he needed to ‘protect’ his private live! 😭

#Tom Hiddleston #Tom Hiddleston deserves better #protect tom hiddleston #he is too pure for this world #innocent guy gets taken advantage of pretty often and exploited it would seem. I can only hope that I’m wrong though. 🥺❤️‍🩹 #I know he’s a grown man but he’s certainly unique and feels deeply from what I’ve heard and seen #he’s too good for Hollyweird #Taylor Swift #Hiddleswift #sorry for bringing this stuff up again I just came across this article and felt for him. ❤️‍🩹 #I don’t condone posting pap pics but I just wanted the share the source of this screenshot #I don’t think he liked the excessive publicity but hopefully they had some fun together #I’m glad he’s settled now and wish him the best #as long as he and Taylor treated each other with respect and they all had fun then that’s great

[uncaught-coolfish]

Fun fact: When you constantly hate on female, queer, and POC characters because you're just a fucking loser shitting your pants over a white man not being the real hero, no one gives a crap about you pretending it's the other folks who are bigoted.

you want me so bad it makes you look stupid

#rwde #the way the post I just made fucking called it SHQJWKSNSHSH #I’m literally cooking pancakes and you’re asking for waffles. You cuntsucking bitch get off my blog #“Hate on” awwww sorry for hurting the fictional pixels you kin’s feelings. I’ll be better. Hey Blake your hair looks great lemme— #whisper into my monitor Real Quick #And whose the white man in particular? Your crowd sure uses that terminology a lot #I’m glad you at least read my post though. Fun fact: compliment! Don’t take it too far though you’re still fucking stupid #You think I’m pretending about anything? Did I pretend about RT being racist? Transphobic? Did I? Did I nonnie genuinely? #I hope your fucking show gets cancelled and all the people who have been hurt making it get better jobs. #Shrimple as that. Now get the fuck off my blog.

[tariah23]

Well, I’m still glad that Gojo was always a character who was growing and learning at least. He’s literally one of my favorite characters of all time now. Like, he’s never been as perfect as how the fans would make him out to be despite canonically being viewed as an absolute nuisance to everyone around him (I don’t think his peers necessarily hate him but a lot of them probably hate to see him coming and the ones who’ve dealt with him long enough to consider him a friend, tolerate him and groan whenever he opens his mouth, too 😭… out of love. He’s extremely childish so there is only sm the other adults around him can take and to an extent, his students. I think the only characters in canon who adore him and their eye’s sparkle whenever he’s around, and being a silly teacher was Yuuji and Miwa (she asked him for his autograph (he’s the most famous sorcerer in the jjk world) and when she was alone, she did a little dance in the empty hallway 🥺…) from what we’ve seen even though the others still care about him, too. They just find him rather annoying, which he most definitely is. And he does it on purpose. He plays too much.)

#I’m also not usually one to get annoyed whenever ppl shit on the things I like #like I’m an adult sorry idc 😵‍💫 #but it’s always annoying seeing ppl who know nothing about the story complaining about it #even just as recently with the Gojo being racist shit 😭.. #like he’s a really great character despite all of that and even though Gege’s #execution of that could’ve been better or didn’t need to happen at all #because idk what gege was doing even though I do strongly believe that he used a moment like this to showcase Gojo’s ignorance and #that how he’s also human and makes mistakes since if you’re familiar with the series Gojo isn’t really treated like person at all #more like a deity and he doesn’t like that #but he’s never been one to voice his personal feelings and talk about his trauma ever #he gets treated like a god and because of this he’s never felt like he could truly connect with other people #so that’s why he puts on that whole act of being overly friendly/ playing with others and even rude to shut others out because of his #aversion to opening his traumatized self To other ppl like he’s so cool #and when he’s friendly he gives the others just enough of his affection so that he wouldn’t be worried about and not have others pry #but he’s incredibly flawed as well #I feel like gege could’ve showed Gojo being ‘humbled’ some other kind of way over the racism tho 😭. But it’s fine lmfao #I’m still so grateful that he had Gojo actually apologize instead of waving Miguel off like he didn’t matter because like I’ve said before #he literally never apologizes (this is probably the first time that I’ve ever seen gojo apologize to anyone in canon I’m so serious 🗿) #that’s literally not part of him #like he feels regret but he never apologies or shows that he actually cares about what others are expressing to him when they’re upset with #him. like this is crazy. but it shows that he did care about the mistake that he made which I appreciate…. like idk how I would’ve felt #about his character if he showed that he could care less when hurting someone like this🗿….. #I adore him so much sorry sorry for taking about anime I’m just 😭…. ❤️❤️❤️ #rambling #I’m glad that everyone is fucking with Miguel now because he is a really interesting character even though we haven’t seen much of him #he’s one of the few ppl who Gojo trusted enough to look after someone who he cared about despite the horrors #because he knew that Miguel would protect yuuta and do right by him #it’s very 😭❤️…

[mossflower]

k nevermind i’m actually fine

#<- liar. but i missed using tumblr like my own private diary ft Medias it’s like therapy (knows nothing abt therapy) #how we all doing. i see we’re interested in moles which i’m v glad i’m not missing #i am feeling a bit better though!! i go to uni on thursday which i’m excited about and today i went brambling for the first time this year #am still being beset by The Horrors but that’s just like a regular thing. and idk what i was trying to achieve by deleting tumblr #talking on here a couple times a day is good for me i think #like idk how many times i have to remind myself that Cutting Myself Off From Harmless Things I Enjoy Does Not Help Me Mentally #not redownloading the app though. the ad situation was fucking ridiculous and a solid half of the reason i broke down that day #which seems silly in hindsight but yea #anyway. we’re sticking with mobile browser tumblr. we’ll see if it lasts haha #morganposting

[jorvikzelda]

This may be a good and normal thing but I have absolutely zero regrets about having purchased the laptop last night. Like all day yesterday and even as I was buying I was going oh god should I should I not but now I’m not even having second thoughts about the huge display lmao

#SO FUCKING GLAD that I actually did some extra research rather than just going meh the one I looked at before is probably better #I think it was a SIGN that I got paid a little early for the month’s work and then like the day after the laptop I bought went on sale #(Didn’t actually pay immediately so I didn’t USE any of that money but that is besides the point) #Only with the reservation of man… it’s big… and heavy… and REALLY huge and that’s bad… #I HAD deep down been going ‘man if only there was a bigger laptop with the same specs as the one I wanna buy’ #And then!!! This baby pops up!! With a big display and BETTER specs!!!!!!!! #Cannot begin to express my excitement at playing Real People Games like that hasn’t even been a POSSIBILITY #Stray is at the top of my list right next to ranch of rivershine #And also probably Elden Ring that shit looks NEAT #(Also yes there is a catch and a reason this one is cheaper even though it’s better! The one I was planning on getting had an OLED display #This one’s just a normal good old LCD display. But in all honesty that is ABSOLUTELY a sacrifice I’m willing to make lol) #z talks #not horse game #Also the fact it’s not currently in stock so I’ll be waiting almost 3 weeks for it also very much feels like a good thing #Like. I have a Date on which I can expect to Receive It. And that means I have a very set time frame for the stuff I want to do to prepare #(mainly organise my cloud storage to make sure everything’s where it should be) #(but that’s a bigger problem than it might sound like because I have a LOT of files)

[d0d0-b0i]

always get so pleasantly surprised when people really like my stuff i post :) love you all. whether you celebrate something or not around this time i wish you all the best <3

#i always first and foremost post for me if not otherwise stated on the post itself #and that is what i always have done and aspire to continue. but #it makes me happy to see so many likeminded people around me #sorry. i am getting sappy and emotional; today has been draining for reasons i do not know #i am very tired and it is late for me so i will try sleeping soon #i am glad to have found such a nice and large fandom in sonic. it has allowed me to try and be more approachable and friendly while still #being myself at my core interactions. this year has been strange and new and exciting so i figured i might as well try #and make some more friends. which i have; i am happy to say :’) i have always had a hard time socializing. and to find people willing #to understand the things i say even though it’s worded weirdly #and i’m happy so many can enjoy the art i post <3 it means a lot to me #especially when i feel as if i don’t do enough. i like many others have some. issues regarding worth and content but i am trying my best #and. am getting better at it 👍 i think i might be getting sick ergo the sappiness and long tags #but i don’t regret the things i say. i love you all followers mutual ppl i follow #there is so much space in my heart and i am not afraid to admit that i get attached easily and do not know where friendships begin. #but i. am willing to try and find out! if the gods are willing; hopefully a good new year for us all next week! and more commmunity and love #i hope you understand what i am trying to convey. ive been scared of being this open but if i am not then i will never know living #and loving <3 will still be posting obvs i am simply joyous rn! gonna sleep now :3

[coldvampire]

.

#anyway the most exciting conversation I had today was explaining how I managed to fuck up the dog’s haircut #(he’s squirmy that’s it that’s the reason) #moving on though the main issue is I still need like. the crutch of being online almost #and I guess even though it feels awkward and lowkey uncool I’m glad there are apps for people just looking to find friends #downside is I can forget they’re there bc the notifs don’t work great #or I panic because I’m too hyper aware of myself with new people. why can’t this be easy what’s wrong with me #I get embarrassed by how much longer my replies are than the other person’s #I can’t help it I guess #if it’s short I feel like it’s coming off inauthentic so I overcorrect #but then conversation kinda fizzles anyway. which is okay! not everyone will be a winner and that’s fine #I know this and it makes me feel slightly better #still I just feel like. dumb I guess. in all these interactions. #that’s the word. because I’m perfectly comfortable with myself until I feel like i start to notice That Change in someoneone #anyone else who gets told they give off Uncanny Valley energy knows what this is. #like I can tell I did something wrong but on paper I did everything right #and I just kinda fold every time. bc there’s usually no salvaging a conversation past that point. #it’s Not that it’s easier to be alone bc I’m not having a good time clearly but something drives me to keep going despite it all #idk it’s stupid I wish I could just cut this feeling out and detach completely #I know it wouldn’t bother me to be pushed slowly away at least. #I’d really be the person who solved the lament configuration just to Hang Out lmao #I wish I didn’t make posts like these here btw. #that also makes me feel dumb but it’s like if I don’t at least put this down somewhere it’d be worse #I think tomorrow I’ll clean a bit. it’ll be something to do that has a visible result. #not like anything else that’s going on lol

[buck-yyyy]

is it silly that i genuinely think learning to do my makeup is one of the best things i’ve ever done?

tags for an explanation-

#to preface this- obviously i don’t think that anyone should EVER feel like they have to wear makeup to look presentable #not wearing makeup is normal and there is no bare minimum for makeup products anyone should be required to wear #but in the past year i’ve started to learn how to properly do my makeup #and honestly? it’s one of the greatest skills i’ve learned #it’s really therapeutic (despite the wild strings of cursing that comes from doing eyeliner) #the brushes and stuff have such a nice texture on my face and in my hands- it automatically calms me down #i love the packaging of all the products (i feel like a crow whenever i’m shopping for new ones bc i love the pretty bottles and tubes) #it’s honestly just fun to do as well- like using highlighter on the tip of my nose? that shit gives me so much serotonin holyyyyy #and i get to feel extra pretty for a little bit after i first put it on which is always a bonus!! #my hands have gotten steadier (though they’re still kinda wobbly it’s manageable) #there is no feeling better than getting an eyeliner wing perfect first try #plus i get to have glitter on my face?! HELL YEAH!!!! #i dunno just. i’m glad i taught myself cause it makes me really happy #fuck the beauty industry though. there’s so much bullshit there #FUCK anyone and anything that preys on and creates insecurities to sell products. it’s BULL. SHIT.

[arolesbianism]

Some Tali scribbles I did trying to refigure out her design since it’s been ages since I’ve last properly drawn her and I need to make her a new ref. I was expecting figuring out her face shape to be harder how was I struggling with this so much before wtf

#keese draws #oc posting #eternal gales #not doing all the usual tags on this lol #idk if I’ll get to making her new ref tonight but I’m feeling a lot better abt making it now #I was actually kind of upset earlier abt how much I’ve been struggling to draw a lot of the eternal gales kids so I’m glad #I’m still struggling with aris and Snek though which is legit making me kinda upset still. :( #these guys are my pride and joy I designed them god damnit why did I forget how to draw them #it’s ok I’ll figure it out but stillllllll

[gelatinorifice]

Was debating on whether or not I should post this. Decided it’s my blog and I decide what art to post.

Don’t tag this as traumacore or try to be funny in tags, please. I’ll just block you.

#gelatinous art #I’m feeling better rn dw #Glad I made this though. Got me back into colored pencils again. They’re fun #suicide tw #gore tw #gore #disturbing imagery #death tw #Vent #vent tw

[genderqueer-karma]

came out to my roommates and it went fine !!! they were supportive :))

#yo it's d :) #it came about mostly by accident but i figured it would help us connect a little more if i was more open + honest #it also reminded me that a lot of people aren’t like my family/the people i’ve been around my whole life and that not everyone thinks of #queer people as ‘weird’ or predatory. their lack of change in comfort is definitely different from ‘i love you’ from family with no support #i also had to tell them about my mana ‘obsession’ which was a bit funny #i feel better though. #i’m glad that now i don’t have to just be quiet about things anymore

[acotars]

(I have no idea if this will make sense—sorry I’ve had some wine this evening and so I’m rambling)

I think this is a “popular” opinion but not widespread—people need to understand that there is so much nuance to reading. Obviously there’s the “you can like things I don’t like” and vice versa, but also in HOW people enjoy things. Like take Fourth Wing (I know I know), but while I also agree with a lot of the complaints, I still was just like “that was a fun time, I totally ignored all the sex scenes bc I hate how they were written, but I was vibing the whole time.” And I feel like some people would still respond to my opinion like “okay but it was so horrible how did you even enjoy it at all??? Lame”

Like okay Betty, I love high fantasy as much as you, but sometimes I want something that just fucks, okay?

(and not to say you aren’t allowed to not like things, but there seems to be a fine line between “hey! I didn’t like this but that’s okay” and “I hated this and I CANNOT comprehend why ANYONE could find even an inkling of fun from this + I’m going to subtly implicate that I think people who like this are stupid”) (obviously not for books that are objectively hurtful or offensive)

And of course you can go so many different ways than just that example, but it’s a mix of gate-keeping, prejudice, lack of empathy, and a bit of a superiority complex that makes it so hard for the reading community to really be united.

#you are SO right i’m glad you’re saying it #the superiority thing is so truly genuinely unbelievably exhausting but it’s how some people get through the day so idk idc #but yeah i’ve had irls scoff and laugh at my bookshelf and i’m like dude. i’m 24 years old ok like #i don’t need to play weird childish games about who’s better for reading what #i like it and it’s bad vs. it’s good and not for me vs. i don’t like it and i think it’s bad vs. it’s good and i love it? all valid!! #all real!!! and where a book falls on that axis will be different for every single person!! #i read a good amount of literary fiction and as an amateur writer i usually like it because it’s so fun to read invested writing like that #but ALSO! i usually have a lot more FUN reading a romance novel or a silly fantasy series #and i read primarily for entertainment and not for educational value. and that’s okay! #it’s so bizarre because you don’t see people scoffing when someone watches the walking dead instead of a documentary or like the letter M #but as soon as someone reads for entertainment above anything else it’s a waste of time and they’re stupid. #this feels entirely unrelated to your ask but i’ve wanted to talk about it for too long #and IVE HAD WINE TOO #i agree w you wholeheartedly though and i’m glad you sent this #anon #asked and answered #hot takes

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Me, age seven: Energetic but bored only child who constantly asked for their parents to adopt one of the kids in those “find me a home” news specials. Begged on their hands and knees to go to public school so they could meet people their age and get acclimated to society.

Me, age twenty: Apathetic, jaded adult who views any amount of communication as excruciatingly laborious. Is either indifferent or hateful to most people their age. Wants to wander off into a forest so they can die alone in some remote tar pit.

#When I say “hateful” I mean that seeing teens/young adults do normal things like hanging out in stores and laughing out loud grates on me #I never got to do that #I don’t want to be a killjoy though… it’s not a healthy mindset and I should be glad they can feel happiness but… damn #I don’t say anything; I just scowl internally and walk in the other direction #You’d never know it from watching me on the job though. I feel more comfortable around little kids because my job is to protect them #I have a reason for being where I am; and anyone who tries to hurt my babies will get their eyeballs ripped out of their skull /hj #And kids aren’t acclimated to verbal communication all the way (neither am I) #so I find I understand their words better and they understand my words better than most adults would #My little inarticulate buddies (affectionate) (I’m actually more inarticulate than they are sometimes LOL) #If you had— you— you— you want— if you… could do so much you could do anything? #< me speaking with a fried brain (which is all the time now)

[luhrmannatural]

literally experiencing massive culture shock over last night’s stranger things/byler discourse posting because i could make a post that says castiel is straight and tag it with destiel and it would get like three notes with no comment from anyone but i make one post about noah queerbait allegations that i put in the byler tag to ward off mean homophobic people and suddenly i’m getting anons

#to be clear ​anons i love you i’m not mad and you’re all so correct #it’s just so funny to me like is this what it’s like to be in an active fandom #glad we’re all on the same page though fr #a.txt #stranger things #byler #discourse #<- i guess? better than nothing for blacklisting but again feel free to suggest something else