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peonierose · 5 months

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Kintsugi

Book: Open Heart

Characters involved: Maxine Moore (F!OC), Luna Auclair (F!OC) and Adam Sinclair (M!OC)

Summary: Maxine deals with a difficult time. Thankfully Luna and Adam are there to help her face her difficulties. In the end ”Family don’t end with blood.“

TW: Deals with anxiety and depression.

Words: 3,000+

A/N: This was difficult to write about. But hopefully you’ll give the story a chance. It’s not all dark and angsty it has light moments too. As always thank you to anyone reading and sharing my stories it really means a lot to me 🩷

10 a.m.

Maxine

What do you do when you have a bad day? When your world is falling apart? For when you feel directionless? And your mind is spinning? Making you dizzy, thinking you’re going insane when in reality you have a bad day and your body and your mind are telling you that you need a break.

Remedy? You surround yourself with the people you love. And sometimes that isn’t close or immediate family. As Bobby Singer said on Supernatural “Family don’t end with blood.“

I close my eyes and breathe through my anxiety as lie in my bed, my cat Milagros next to me. Her purrs make goosebumps etch on my skin but it’s a sound that’s more comforting to me than anything. I let my fingers curl in her soft fur, angering me further, bringing me into the here and now.

When anxiety and depression hit you? You want to be surrounded by love, but not overwhelmed by it.

Before I can stop myself I pick up my phone from my nightstand and I’m dialing Luna’s number. “Lu? It’s me.“ My voice must sound as horrible as I feel right now.

“Maxi? What’s wrong?“ Her voice is instantly on alert.

I wring out a sob and her voice waters immediately.

“Babe. Tell me what’s wrong!“ She says her voice wobbly.

“I know I shouldn’t ask you since you’re pregnant and you’re almost due and you have so many other things on your plate but I need you. Do you think you could come over?“ I was not able to hold my cries in, some tears leaked into Milagros’s black fur. And she rubs her head against my face, her whiskers tickling me slightly.

Her green eyes glow and she purrs again showing me some love.

Once I did I took her to the vet to get a check up and ever since then, we’ve been inseparable.

Luna's voice brings me back from my trip down memory lane.

“I know I shouldn’t ask you since you’re pregnant and you’re almost due and you have so many other things on your plate but I need you. Do you think you could come over?“

I was not able to hold my cries in, some tears leaked into Milagros’s black fur. And she rubs her head against my face, her whiskers tickling me slightly. Her green eyes glow and she purrs again showing me some love.

God never in my entire life was I more grateful to have found this little stray kitten outside my tattoo studio. She was malnourished and didn’t have a collar. Slowly I nursed her back to health and gained her trust. Once I did I took her to the vet to get a check up and ever since then, we’ve been inseparable.

Luna's voice brings me back from my trip down memory lane.

“Okay stay where you are, I'm coming over. I’ll bring your favorite snack.“ I can hear the smile in her voice, as she’s trying to lighten the mood.

I sigh and I can’t even laugh over her joke. As much as I want to.

“I just want my best friend sugarplum. No snacks needed.“ I say and immediately feel bad for saying that.

She must’ve picked up on my mood. While I try to relax a bit into my pillows.

“Before you apologize to me Maxi, remember it’s me you’re talking to. Your best friend. I’ve got you, babe. I’ll let Bryce drive me, he’s not working today.“ She assures me before I can feel that tight knot form in my stomach for relying on and asking for my friend's help.

I snuffle a little. Nodding, realizing with a start she can’t see my nod through the phone. And a small smile lifts the corners of my lips. Reminding me my lips could use some lip balm. I think there is a cherry-flavored one in the drawer of my nightstand.

“Thanks Lunes. I know it's asking a lot, but I appreciate it more than I can say.“ I am not able to talk more than the words that have left my mouth.

“Of course I love you and I want to be there for you when you’re going through a bad time. I’ll be right there.“

She says and we hang up.

It’s days like these that I appreciate all my friends and family for living so close by. They’re here within a quick phone call.

I must’ve fallen asleep because I heard knocking on my door. I get out of bed and take a second to just take a moment to breathe and collect myself. I know I don’t have to hide or put up a font with Luna. She’s seen me at my best and at my worst and vice versa. That’s why I love her like a sister.

We’ve got each other's back.

I walk through the hallway to unlock the door, not even checking who it is. But since I’m expecting Luna it can be only her on the other side. I open the door and see Adam standing outside my door. With a rueful smile on his gorgeous lips.

“Adam? What are you doing here? not that I’m not happy to see you.“ I ask still in my sleep haze, rubbing my eyes. Trying to make sure I’m not seeing a mirage. Scared my Brian conjured him because I wanted him to be here.

His smile falters a little when he sees me. I know what I must look like in his eyes. Messy hair, and purple shadows under my eyes. Lost a bit of my usual vibrancy in my eyes. I don’t think I even brushed my teeth this morning.

For a second I feel ashamed that this is the image I present to the guy I shared a kiss with, whom I went on two dates with. What must he think of me?

“I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d check on you. Can I come in?“

He asks, clutching my favorite flowers. A beautiful flower arrangement, with pink hibiscuses and other smaller flowers woven into, with the small that says ”Orchids Paradise“. He must’ve stopped by my favorite flower shop. It’s owned by Luna‘s dad Brian. He makes some of the most beautiful flower arrangements.

He seems unsure if I’d let him in and I’m debating if I should.

How am I going to explain what the fuck is going on when I don’t know myself? I feel my control slipping. My heart beats faster and my breath is coming in short breaths.

My hands start to sweat and I rub them on my pjs. I realize with a jolt I’m still in my PJs. Oh god. But fuck it. It is what it is, I will not apologize for greeting him at the door wearing my PJs.

“Maxi? Are you okay? Look, you don’t have to explain anything. I can tell you have a really hard time right now.“

He says softly.

“Why because of the way I look?“ I say shaper than I intended and wish I could take the sharpness away.

I rub my clammy hands over my face and just want to slide down onto the floor and cry and scream at the same time. Suddenly I can feel Adam's warm and calloused hands on my own who are still clutching my face.

“I wouldn’t change a thing about you. Because I see a strong beautiful woman. I see a fighter. I see someone that I care so damn much about who is struggling and I don’t know how to help you.“

He put my hands onto his chest and I just fell into his arms without meaning to. But it’s safe, comfortable and it’s Adam. He smells like wood, a warm summer evening, and oranges. In short, he smells like home to me.

“If you need to vent or scream, don't hold back. I would never judge you.“ He says and I nod, not able to form words. To feel this level of comfort? It can’t be measured in gold.

This is one of the reasons why therapy hasn’t worked for me. I can’t open up the way I can with friends. And so that’s what I do, when I struggle I know I have a support system I can fall back onto.

So that’s what I do. I just let out all of my tears, all my anger and frustration and sadness, and let the tears wash me clean from the emotions that I’ve bottled up for so long.

After a couple of shuddering breaths, I wipe my eyes and am embarrassed because I’ve soaked his dark olive shirt with my tears and probably even snot.

Before I can say how sorry I am for ruining his shirt he tips my chin up and I see only understanding and comfort shining in his deep blue eyes. It makes me smile a little.

“If you’re wondering about the shirt. Fuck it, it’s only a shirt. Helping someone you care about is a lot more important than a stupid shirt.“ He says and wipes an errant tear from my face.

“Am I that transparent?“ I ask aloud wondering if I’m that easy to read. I always thought it was hard to figure out what I was feeling.

Then I backtrack and look at him. His blond hair is in a messy bun and his eyes shine with an emotion that I don’t feel comfortable naming yet. I know it's love, but right now? I can’t focus on that. It’s not that I don’t have feelings, I‘m scared to say I love him too because I haven’t figured out how much I love him.

“Wait. You’ve never cursed in front of me, since I’ve known you.“ I voice my opinion out loud.

“I’m a man of many surprises.“ He grins mischievously at me. And that smile? It just does me in.

Before I’m fully aware of what I’m doing I get on my tip toes and press my lips against his. I can tell he’s surprised as he didn’t see it coming that I’d kiss him, not after I had a cry session against his shirt and very defined muscles just a minute ago.

But soon he relaxes against me and puts his hand on my neck to tilt my head to deepen the kiss. A kiss can be erotic, sinful, or sexy. But it can also be nurturing, caring, soothing, and give comfort.

It’s a mix of sexy, sweet, and soothing. When we come up for air, we just smile and stare at each other.

The spell is broken when we hear a car door slam shut outside. And I remember that Luna was coming.

Looks as if it took her longer to get here. It’s almost as if it‘s Kismet that Adam showed up to help me through a really bad time. And I’m glad he showed up when he did.

“Are you expecting anyone else?“ Adam asks when he hears the front door open and a loud exhale of breath.

We look down and see Luna with some bags.

Adam smiles softly.

“Need any help carrying those bags?“

Adam offered.

Luna squeaked like a mouse and looked up from downstairs.

”Oh yeah thanks for almost making my heart stop.“ She exhales and leans on a banister.

And I instantly felt bad. She came because I asked her. And in her late pregnancy she shouldn’t overexert herself too much. But I shouldn’t have worried because Luna looked up again and her smile became as sly as a fox.

”Am I interrupting something?“ Luna asked looking between us. I feel my cheeks heat and drag my hand through my hair.

That’s when he realized he’s still carrying the flower bouquet. Amid the kiss we both forgot about it.

”Oh these are for you. I thought something pink would cheer you up and I know hibiscuses are your favorite.“ He says handing me the bouquet.

”Thank you, these are beautiful.“

He nods and helps with the bags Luna brought in.

”No. Let us help you with those bags.“ I offer but Adam squeezes my elbow and shakes his head at me.

Luna stands next to me, sees the pink flower bouquet I‘m holding, and just winks at me. I sigh, I know she’ll ask me later. But it’s also a comfort to know she’ll be asking me, which makes my lips turn up a little at the corners.

Adam carries the bags inside my apartment and looks back at me once he’s inside.

”Where do you want the bags?“ He gestures to the bags he’s carrying.

”The counter in the kitchen is fine.“ I replied.

Luna walked inside before me and as soon as we were inside she beelined for me and we embraced each other. Both of us feel the effects of Ohana.

For some people, it might sound strange. But we both struggle with the same things sometimes so we’re each other's support system.

Luna holds me at arm's length to give me a good once-over.

”Still pretty and strong. Remember we all love you. And we’re all here for you. Okay?“ She caresses my cheek. And I nodded, tears coming out of my eyes. And Luna wipes them away gently.

Adam clears his throat.

”I...uhh...feel like this is your bonding time. And I don’t want to interrupt it. I’ll call you later, Maxi.“ He says and I nod.

Luna grinned at us and went to the kitchen counter to get the items out of the bags. Giving me and Adam some privacy.

He grinned and kissed me one more time before he said he’d call me later and walked out the door, closing the door on his way out.

The door just shut and Luna walked over not trying to hide her grin and I just sighed knowing what came next.

”Spill. Please. I am dying over here. I was so tempted to look over my shoulder to see the kiss. It was sweet and hot right?“ She bites her bottom lip, not able to contain her excitement.

”How do you know what we did?“ I asked her.

Luna produces a compact mirror. I snort at her little trick but have to give her points for creativity.

”I should’ve known.“ I put my arm around her shoulder and we slowly walked towards the kitchen. Luna grinned at me.

”Looks like there was some sexual healing involved.“

”You’re spending way too much time with Lahela.“

”That‘s true. But you’re also not denying it. So that means that Adam came here and kissed you and now you’re feeling a bit better.“

I just smiled. The worry and anxiety aren’t completely gone out of my eyes but it lessened a bit. I open the fridge and let Luna assemble whatever it is she’s doing and get us some homemade hibiscus tea out of the fridge.

”How did you convince Bryce to let you carry that on your own?“

I pour us two glasses and hand her one. She took a big gulp and answered me.

”With my cooking skills and telling him I’m my own woman and I can carry some stuff. Also that he’d spend the night on the couch.“

”Yeah that probably got him moving. So what have you planned there, sugarplum?“

I ask, pointing to dozens of bowls, some clay, and gold powder. As well an array of brushes.

”It’s called Kintsugi. Instead of throwing bowls or other pottery away after it breaks, Japanese practice or even tradition is that they mend the broken pieces with golden paint. Which highlights and enhances the breaks in the pottery and creates beautiful art pieces.“

She continues undeterred.

”Don’t worry, I made sure that the urushi lacquer is safe to use. Meaning that later you’ll be able to put food into your bowls.“ I lean against the counter.

”How did you come up with this idea?“ She smiled gently at me.

”Honestly? I felt like it spoke to me. Anxiety and depression do make you feel weak or like you can’t do anything right. Or as if you’re broken. I read somewhere how your imperfections make you more beautiful. But once you heal or have people who love you that are there for you? Something heals. And I felt as if Kintsugi is just like that.“

I raised my eyebrows.

”Okay. So we’re supposed to do what? Just smash the bowls onto the floor? Isn’t Kintsugi supposed to be if it accidentally falls and shatters and you’re then supposed to repair it?“ I asked and Luna shrugged.

”Well I do see your point, but I think we can make an exception in this case.“

I‘m still skeptical when I see her take a bowl and smash it onto the floor.

”Damn Lu, warn me next time.“

”Well I did say we have to smash them just like this...so technically you were warned.“ Luna grins at me.

She gives me some gloves and I pick up the parts of the smashed bowl from the floor since Lunes can’t exactly bend down herself.

My cat Milagros who’s been wandering around hissed and disappeared. Can’t blame her. I got a quick scare too when the bowl hit the floor.

”Looks like Milagors is not a fan.“ I say and put the parts onto the kitchen counter. Luna grins and hands me another bowl.

”Come on, it's cathartic. We‘re going to cathart so hard.“

I smile reluctantly and smash the bowl onto the floor. And I have to say it felt good.

”Okay this wasn’t half bad.“

Then she smashed another bowl down onto the floor.

”See? I was right.“ She wiggled her eyebrows.

”Okay smart ass don’t be smug.“ I said and she laughed out loud with tears coming out of her eyes.

After we smashed a good portion of the bowls we put them onto the kitchen counter. We have epoxy, small brushes, urushi lacquer the bowls, and a small plate to mix the powdered golden paint onto.

We apply the mixture to the bowls and put them on old magazines and newspapers I don’t need anymore. Now we need to let them dry.

I put my arm around Luna and we grin proudly at each other.

”Good job Auclair.“ I grin.

”Likewise Moore.“

We high-five each other just as one of the bowls slips and we burst out laughing.

”Well we have six more bowls. One of them will hold together.“

We both nod.

The next day...

I‘m sitting at Luna’s kitchen counter while we have some late lunch and she leans over as much as her belly allows.

”You’ll never guess what happened.“

She whispered. I set down my fork piled with lettuce and a strawberry.

”If it involves you and Bryce being naked, then no I don’t want to know what happened. I’m your best friend, but even I draw the line at naked stories.“

Luna rolls her blue-green eyes.

”It wasn’t anything like that I promise.“

”Okay go on.“ I pick up my fork again.

”I saw Bryce reading and making breakfast this morning.“

”And how’s that weird?“

”He was listening to Donna Summer‘s song Hot Stuff. He was singing and dancing to it. Surprisingly he’s got a very beautiful voice.“

”Shut up. Really? No way.“ I finished chewing before I replied.

Luna nods.

”Apparently it’s his favorite song. It must be a guilty pleasure song of his.“

I grin slowly.

”Oh the blackmail material keeps piling up. I love it.“

”Right? You know Christmas is coming up. Why don’t you give him a let’s say vinyl record of Donna Summer’s greatest hits.“ Luna‘s glow with mischief.

”You’re such an evil little person. I’m so in. Maybe we can even get it signed.“ I ponder over that for a second.

”It can even say ”To my biggest fan, love D.“

I say out loud while Luna laughs so hard the juice she drank almost comes sloshing out of her nose.

”Oh my god I’d pay money to see his reaction. Maybe we can swing this.“

Luna says after her laughter has quieted down.

We both grin and keep on talking and spending a few glorious hours in the sunshine together.

Always remember times can be tough. Sometimes they can be hopeless or unbearable. But as long as you have people you love who love you unconditionally? Who supports you? You’re never alone. Remember that.

#Kintsugi #Maxine Moore (F!OC)#Luna Auclair (F!OC)#Adam Sinclair (M!OC)#open heart #cfwc

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mcu-fan-fics-blog · 1 year

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Misunderstanding The Assignment

Mini Series (Not My GIF)

Natasha Romanoff x Fem! Reader

Word Count: 1115

A/N: Sometimes things don go the way we want them to... That doesn’t mean that we can’t enjoy the ride. I’ve had this idea for a while now as some of you know, but I think I finally found the right way to frame it. There will be more installments. If you like it let me know ;) ILY

Working in SHIELD changed you. That much was obvious, your discipline was through the roof, your mind was sharper than you ever thought it could be, and let's not even get started with the trust issues you’ve gained along the way. Then again maybe the mind thing isn’t quite there yet. See you could get so focused on somethings that you'd completely block everything else out. You practically lived under a rock in every aspect of your life except your work. You were always on top of that. Which is why you found yourself in the current predicament. See you’d been out on a mission when Clint came back with one of his projects and you weren’t really paying attention when he told you about his most recent assignment...

Natasha, who was she... She was the Black Widow. Not on your side that was what you knew about her. Color yourself surprised when you find Clint and her in the training room the day after you got back from your mission. “I see we let anyone in here these days.” You say lightly directing yourself towards Clint. He sighs. “Y/n play nice... This is Natasha Romanoff. She’ll be under my supervision, and yours too hopefully.” He says smiling lightly Clint was one of your closest friends and sometimes he took advantage of that. “How long are you going to be gone this time?” You already know where this is going. “Boss wants me back for at least a month, two and I get some brownie points.” He tells you knowingly. “So you bring back Natasha, then you dump her on me. Natasha who if I remember correctly... was your target. Someone you don't trust, someone I don't trust. And you leave?” You question.

He simply nods. “Come on Y/n do me this favor. You know how the boss can get sometimes, especially now.” You knew... Laura was newly pregnant of course she’d want Clint home. You sigh and he smiles knowing he’d already convinced you. “As long as you give credit where credit is due you hear me Barton.” He nods again. And finally someone shuffling catches your eyes. “Well Y/n this is Natasha. Natasha I'm sure you heard you’ll be under Y/n’s supervision for the time being. All I ask is that you behave.” There’s a small smile that plays on her lips. “I think that I can manage that.” With that and some other formalities Clint makes his way out of the training room. “I don’t trust you.” Is all you say. She tensed. “I’ve heard stories... very colorful....” Natasha goes to say something but you stop her. “But for some reason Clint wants to, so there must be something he sees in you.”

The eye contact is intense to say the least but neither of you waiver so you continue. “I am not your friend, nor will we be. We will train. I'll teach you some of the basics here at SHIELD then we’ll go our separate ways.” She nods in understanding. “One last thing, you mess up and you won’t be letting me down, you'll be letting Clint down. You do that, I'll hunt you down, and take you out myself.” This seems to irritate Natasha. “I’d like to see you try.” A condescending smirk on her face. “You don’t trust me, I get it.” Her accent heavy. You nod and don’t push her anymore. “Tomorrow at 4 in the morning we will meet her to assess your skills. Then some basics lay of the land and all here at SHIELD.” She nodded and made her exit.

You weren't necessarily happy with this development. Clint had a way of weaseling out of things when his family was involved. You couldn’t blame him, but still you were annoyed. The next day things didn’t go smoothly to say the least. “This did not have to escalate this far.” Was all you said between ragged breaths. See you were currently pinned on the floor with your arm suspiciously num and a stinging pain every time you took a breath. You’d barely gotten a couple of punches out before she was all over you. Maybe you should’ve looked deeper into her. You were definitely missing something. She was in a different mindset when you attacked, you saw the moment the switch flipped in her. You also heard when she zoned back in. She gasped and immediately released you.

She tried to get ahold of you again, but you didn’t let her. “You’ve done enough.” Other agents had already surrounded the two of you. It took two agents five minutes to pop your arm back in place and another one to walk you to the infirmary. Maria had already been informed and was waiting for you. “Is she a liability?” That was all she asked. “Fury will pull the plug if you think this won’t work.” You knew she was worried. You also knew that, that wasn't true. “You flatter me…” She chuckled. “Fury’s got a lot of stake in this. Natasha has a lot of stake in this…” You nodded. “It’s alright officer, I’m not pressing charges.” You joked. “I’ll be fine in a couple of weeks.” You finish off.

Someone had been stalking your door, you had a feeling of who it was. You opened the door before she could leave. “You here to finish the job?” You jabbed not so lightheartedly. It took her a moment to process your words, and another to school her features. “If you were a ‘job’ I would’ve finished it.” You chuckled. “You almost did…” You didn’t throw it in her face this time, just softly pointed it out. “I’m sorry..” , “It was my fault…” the statements left your respective mouths at the same time. You both acknowledged the statements, and made no move to take them back. “I mean it, I shouldn’t have pushed.” She nodded, accepting your reasoning. “I mean it too I am sorry for you arm… And your ribs.”

You went back into your room and left the door open for her to follow and she did. “You have some very powerful friends here.” You pointed out. It was somehow all pilling in front of you and it was all you could focus on. This was a mission, she was a mission. “Why.” It was all you asked. You knew better than to think this was only because of her skills, sure they were a part of it but, why her? She blanched at the question. And again you saw her slip a mask on. “We’re not friends nor will we ever be.” You nodded. With that she left and that was that.

#marvel #marvel cinematic universe #MCU #Marvel MCU #MCU fic #mcu fanfic #Black Widow #blackwidow movie #black widow x female reader #black widow x y/n #natasha romanoff #natasha x reader #natasha romanof x reader #clint barton #fanfiction #fan fiction #mcufam

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imabeautifulbutterfly · 7 months

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Once Upon a Time on the Razor Crest

Summary: Din realizes he may need to alter his approach

A/N: Hello Lovelies,

I AM SOOOOO SORRRY!!! I was so exhausted yesterday, I came home and just went right to bed. I tried editing yesterday and I was just falling asleep as I was typing.

I do apologize for the delay, but hopefully you'll enjoy this.

Love oo

Due to the past history of the OC there will be discussions alluding to past domestic abuse, please note that as it could be a trigger for some.

Warnings: Fear, mentions of imprisonment, mentions of injuries and pain, discussions of weapons, learning to shoot, mentions of privacy, and a curious son, annoyance, over reaction, I think that's it, if I miss anything please let me know.

AO3 Link | Words: 1,035 | Previous -> Next

Main Master List | Once Upon a Time on the Razor Crest

THE RAZOR CREST SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

The lock on the door freaked me out more than I realized, thankfully it only lasted for a brief second, but the panic that arose in me nearly left me breathless. I couldn’t help it, as I thought back to the closet door that only locked from the outside. The hours I spent locked in there, when I stepped over the line, or when I smiled too long at any other man but him, or if I wore the wrong outfit. My body would be bruised and in pain, but there was nothing I could do, as I tried to find my way in the dark. The memory made my blood run cold, I felt frozen with fear.

I closed my eyes for a second, reminding myself this wasn’t the closet, Din wasn’t him, and I was free to leave.

Din watched as her face went through a fleet of emotions one right after the other. There was nothing he could do as the happiness she had been feeling earlier evaporated, like snow on a spring morning, at the mention of a lock on the door. It seemed as though the idea of being imprisoned freaked her out more than he realized. There was no doubt in his mind, she had definitely been through some sort of trauma. It was something he’d have to keep in his mind when it came to locking the place up at night, or making sudden moves around her.

“The inside lock on the door is fine.” I finally answered, as my mind focused on the kindness this man so far had shown me, “I don’t know why, but I’m choosing to trust you.”

He nodded in understanding, she was choosing to trust him. Earning her trust was more meaningful then he realized, “Then, I’ll make sure to do what I can to keep it. Ann, just so you know, we will respect your privacy. I’ll never step in here without express permission, but you’ll also have to remember I have a very young son who has a way of getting into trouble.”

I chuckled as I listened to his calming voice, “I appreciate you saying that, and I know you’ll try your best to keep earning my trust and respect. And just so you know, I don’t mind him being in my room, it’s not like I have anything dangerous lying around.”

“Doesn’t matter, we’ll still respect your privacy.” He stated with a finality to it, no one dared to question.

I simply nodded in appreciation, he didn’t have to go out of his way to make me feel safe, but he did. I appreciated his kindness and consideration.

“Speaking of dangerous” Din lowered his voice as he walked a little further into the room, “there’s a weapons cabinet in my study. It’s always locked. However, if I’m not home, please check it from time to time to make sure no guns are missing. I trust my son, but there are times when he lets his curiosity get the best of him.” His voice was low afraid of being overheard. It wasn’t because Vance didn’t know about the cabinet, but it became a habit whenever he was talking about weapons especially in the house. He always made sure to protect Grogu, prevent him from overhearing anything he shouldn’t. Din was adamant he didn’t want his son getting his hands on anything that could hurt him or anyone else. “It’s down the hall from the living room, the key is hanging on the back of the cabinet, near the top middle. If you’re wondering why I keep it there, it’s simple, it’s the only place Grogu can’t reach.”

It surprised me at first to hear he had a weapons cabinet in the house, although now that I think about it really shouldn’t. After all, we were out in ‘God’s country’ so it wouldn’t be surprising, if a rancher had a weapon’s cache on his property. I was impressed with Din and respected that he took weapons safety as seriously as he did. If his son was as curious as he made him out to be, it was good to be keeping on eye, on anything that could potentially be harmful.

“I’ll make sure the weapons are kept locked, to keep ‘Grogu’, I think you said his name was?” Din simply nodded, “Keep Grogu safe. And you don’t need to worry about me touching them, cause I can’t fire a blaster to save my life. So no need to worry there.”

“Well you’re in God’s country, which means you’ll have to learn eventually. There are a lot of wild animals out here, so it’ll be better if you learned how to handle yourself. Anyway, we can discuss that further down the road. There is also another weapons cabinet in the barn, key is located in the same spot.”

“Why two weapons racks?”

“Depends on where I am, and how quickly I need to get to a blaster”

“You expecting a Mandalorian squad to come parachuting down?” I smirked.

Din curled his hand by his side, “Excuse me! Let’s get something straight, I don’t ask questions, you don’t ask questions, deal?”

His tone of voice and the bridled anger threw me off. It was as though a switch had been flipped, and I said the wrong thing, once again.

Flashbacks of a disappointed face, and curled fists came flooding into my mind. I tried my best to swallow the fear down, I had completely forgotten what it felt like to truly disappointment someone, to have that look of utter and sheer mortification of steeping over the line, focused on me. Granted, Din hadn’t yelled, hadn’t cursed or done anything to really make me feel small, not like him, but for a brief moment, the tone, the firmness behind his statement made me think of my ex’s looming, domineering presence. I swallowed the nervousness I felt, taking a step back as I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to calm down, reminding myself I wasn’t in danger. I was safe.

Din regretted his reaction instantly, seeing her face have the same blank expression from before, made him feel guilty and scuzzy.

AO3 Link | Words: 1,035 | Previous -> Next

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seven-stars-in-his-palm · 6 months

Note

who says you're not getting an ask? because I'm giving you one right now!

anyway, I'm curious about Burn Fast, Burn Bright. not anything specific really, just surprise me ig. I love that fic of yours a whole lot as I'm sure I've stated to you before.

CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS?? TY!!! fic in question, which is OLD as HELL and I got second hand embarrassment from all the things I could’ve done better MAN. here are my thoughts before we get into it;

- this was the second fic I’d written for stanuary, and one of the longer fics I’ve written Ever actually. 15k words. I don’t know how I was able to produce so many words for these events ngl I hope I can redo that this year ANYWAY. first impressions? shallow angst. I think that’s what this is gonna be TO ME, because I’m the author and I hate myself. this was written almost a year ago… ough

- the descriptions will be Okay, but could be Better. I think I’ve gotten better at those hopefully.

- I was writing a lot of 80s angst during this time period and this was the second in that bunch. loose ties and ends, that one kid from jersey, unfortunate ends, like?? I was on a roll. what was wrong with me (still wrong with me)

- the gnomes are here? damn. I like gnomes

- oh that summary. already fucking me up

- I’m going in with the mindset that even at the time I knew that there was improvement to be had. This is my growing. I’m STILL growing. we can do this. I was still trying to find my groove. NOW LETS GOOOOOO

He’s left the damned duffel bag.

The one thing he had to take, and he’s left it behind. Stan has nothing to curse but his own self, because how is he so stupid as to not notice for a whole day? He’d spent the whole day driving through Oregon, hopping from gas station to gas station and it’s only now, the next morning, that he realizes there are no extra clothes to change into?

already onto a great start /genuine. an earlier draft had this to be a Lot more aggressive—using exclamation points and harsher language and shit, but once I realized that it would be a little odd that we start so strong, I toned it down. I think it gives a bit more of ‘resonate despondence’, which is very (sometimes) stan

Ford had always been bad at explaining things. He always expected the listener to know exactly what he’s talking about, be at his exact intelligence level, so that his ‘explaining’ could be understood with just a few words. 100% of the time, that isn’t the case.

literally me. best but of ford characterization someone could have conjured fr

okay already a detour but did you guys know I read my fics in my head in a VERY SPECIFIC tone, and that’s why most of the italicizations and em dashes exist? that’s why they’re there because if someone doesn’t read it the way I do I slowly die inside /silly I still do it today and I have to remind myself that I shouldn’t have to do everything for my reader. I should trust them.

(Yeah, Stan wants to let his anger out, but he’s not gonna kill the guy. Ford looks fragile enough as it is, and if he fights any harder he’ll probably break his leg or a rib. No point in damaging him, really.)

yes that’s so nice stan. you’re such a good brother dude oh my GOD IM—

this whole ford pleading scene here. here’s some bits;

“It…” Ford inhales deeply. “It’s not forever. I just need it away.”

“I don’t—Stan, I don’t want you to sail away to the ends of the Earth.”

“This—this, right here, I can’t do it.” Ford gestures to the portal wildly, giving it a scowl that could give Stan a run for his money. He almost thinks it’s directed at him, since he stands in front of the machine’s eye. “I can’t fix this!”

oh I’m feeling the feelings what the fuck. I can hear the last dialogue SO WELL. I remember vividly rewatching atots like four times just to listen to the fight and I’m still not desensitized. like the way ford delivers such a genuinely misguided request and seeing nothing wrong with how it might be worded which ALSO being on the verge of snapping? yeah ford I’ll give you a pass you’re going through shit. I’m so glad it still reads!!!

“I’m already too far gone, Stanley, an-and I can’t think of anyone else, anyone who would want to help.”

ohhhhhi can hear this too. it’s a Hint you know. it’s supposed to tip you off; something is REALLY wrong….

okay I’m restraining myself from pasting this entire ford exchange but it’s so GOOD. I’m flattering myself. And I didn’t even take that long on it I remember I wrote most of chapter one in a single burst. everything you see? barely edited. all put on at once. threw up on a page. I was feeling things

Ford sets the Journal aside. He, aside from the glaring obvious, does not look shaken up. “Yes, I know. Never… see me again.”

He sounds bitter. Almost too bitter for his liking. It’s almost contagious, from how it seems to roll off him and outwardly.

“You…” Stan has to phrase this kindly. “You know I don’t want that, right?”

Ford doesn’t relax. Instead, his gaze only darkens. “I know.”

i remember crying. I was tearing UP. that’s them. that’s something I would say if I were stan. make sure they know that I don’t want that. I…!!!!

Stan wonders what Stan will say.

one of the few bits I was smiling for when writing this….

So he should be here.

I forgot the name for this literary device even though I started using it religiously after this BUT YEAHHHHHHHH GET OUR FEELINGS BABE

not gonna paste it but what ford(‘s body) is hiding by. I’m gonna be honest despite watching atots so much I forgot where the portal opened. like dead ass, so I made it up. the bookshelf is supposed to be the portal. I think the fic ‘by the skin of your teeth’ was still severely affecting me and that was the portal in that fic. this is what you get when you don’t check your references. it literally happened to me yesterday! I was finishing up chapter six of do you remember hanging up the stars and it was about aziraphale and crowley on the ark back in 3000 bc right. I forgot what the ark looked like other than a Single Memory so I bullshitted it. I then remembered I had a Resource, Checked, and it was. well I completely forgot about where the humans would’ve gone. lol

I can’t paste it all bc it’s like the whole fic but Stan’s DENIAL. the way he’s sooooo deep in it that it’s a physical jarring when he’s ripped out of it. he’s literally such a denial grieved it’s SICK and I can’t believe I wrote it so easily. Ahem. that says things I think whether good or bad is up to your interpretation

some of these dialogues are weirdly cut off. I think Stan’s a lot more of a run on sentencer. hm

okay now I’m getting into the secondhand embarrassment that would probably be extreme heartbreak had into created this. I think at this point I was very emotionally worn down; not just from writing but Life too. there’s not much to say. it just Exists

oh that fucking letter. fucking letters. I love ford letters you know that they’re so delectable especially when he’s allowed to make them long. this WHOLE THING. wow. and the way he OPENS IT. classic ‘we don’t have much time’ action type beat *writes a two paged letter*. also the crossing out things. I’m a fucking genius. augh

I don’t know if you would like to stay in Gravity Falls after this, but I would like you to do two things, the two things I could not.

UHM EXCUSE ME YOU REALLY THINK SO?? LIKE GENUINELY??? woah buddy. anyways this hurts me because I know he’s being genuine about this he DOESNT know if Stan would like to stay. he doesn’t know. HE DOESNT KNOW—

Unless there is an afterlife, this is Stanford Pines, your brother, signing off.

(Thank you, Stan. For everything.)

THAT. THAT? I was kicking my little evil feet oh I WAS. I was thinking ‘what could I do in character that could REALLY fuck you up?’ and I landed there. I loved it so much I literally used the thank you ploy again for a recent whumptober entry and it STILL HIT FOR ME. like. ford and thank yous. always painful 🥹

Two: After all this?

Stan isn’t planning to last a week.

see look it’s funny because. because the summary is about stan always following through with his plans. it was a parallel. he went through with a plan and it resulted in ford fucking off the face of the earth. so now he’s got a new one. new mission, new plan, new end. I loved thatshit…..

He didn’t expect for the pawn off to be so violent.

I had a very different opening here; it was something with bill watching everything before unfold and THEN cut to ford going through with the plan? but then I decided ‘hey wait a sec we never see stan LEAVE after that little flashback. how did that leaving go?’ and now we’re here. damn I even had an alt opening

now that we know ford’s suicide is inevitable (and that we’re in his head) I start slathering that foreshadowing everywhere….

“Okay. Okay, I’ll go. But I’m comin’ back, ya hear me? I’m not leavin’ you again.”

it’s giving crowley saying ‘I’m coming back, I won’t leave you alone’. hehehe

It does untangle, after a few seconds of frantic pulling and Ford’s shouting beforehand.

Stan doesn’t have the decency to apologize. He flaps his palm as if he got burned. “Yeesh. Your hair’s a mess.”

look it’s funny because. because. well you know. hair untangling. corpse

“And get some fucking sleep! You look half-dead!”

There it is.

yeahhhhhhh I was just being mean. stan babygirl he’s already going to do it. don’t add insult to injury

It was time to enact Plan A. If Plan A didn’t work (which it had to. He didn’t even have a Plan B) then it’d be time to panic.

the original title for this fic (like the FIRST ONE. not when I turned this into a two parter) was called ‘Plan B’, because 1) plan A indeed does not work and plan b is suicide, and 2) B for Bill. :)

But knowing Stanley, he’d find a way to show just how pissed off he was at Ford even if he was in the afterlife.

:) x2. still proud of this

When Fiddleford first learned of the gnomes, he was more than disturbed. Almost spooked. Ford had insisted that as long as you had bug spray and mushrooms, they would be manageable. Sadly, Fiddleford had thought mushrooms ‘takin’ care of the problem’ would be in warding them away, that mushrooms were a repellant of some kind.

FIDDLEFORD MY BELOVED!!!! I love writing beats like this I still do. it’s just so nice to take random hcs and put them in the most tense and matter of fact situations just to distract us a little. make us look away, but not entirely. ough

He wants to shake on it.

it’s the little traumas that break our hearts.

okayyyyyy I’ll be honest ford leaving the portal for someone else to kill it is Very ooc. I’ll admit that. but I need my Scenario!!!!! I don’t regret it. just know that I acknowledge it. *cries*

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the ‘method’. oh ‘the method’. fucking kills me. he debated ont his. rationally. RATIONALLY I WAS LITERALLY THAT ONE MEME THATS SCREAMING AT MY CHARACTERS TO STOP BUT IM THE ONE WHOS PUTTING THEM THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE—

ough. the bullet points. okay I’m running out of commentary steam but let me say this. I asked for hcs on my blog right? so I could put some of those here because even I run out of hcs eventually, and people DELIVERED. I loved them. I put every single one in at least One point, and seeing these tiny memories just spring up at he’s doing this is like that thing with the fiddleford/mushrooms bit. he’s distracting himself. making th situation less scary in his eyes. OUGH

OH AND THE PILLS NOT BEING FORD’S BUT STAN’S? ONE OF MY KAST ALTERATIONS BUT SOOOOOOO WORTH IT. NO NOTES JUST ULTIMATE ANGST

Ford had considered being a doctor for some time while in elementary school. It was a given, considering his intelligence and avid nature towards sciences. His love for the supernatural always gave in however, and it has won every battle. But for a long time after, a part of him wanted to be a chemist, a manufacturer, a creator. Sure, it soon became a pipe dream, but for a while it was a genuine choice.

But Ford is an experimenter. He realized early on that he wouldn’t be able to resist pouring the components and chemicals on his skin, if only to see how they would react to human flesh.

motherfucker.that guy is literally me

btw these spaces after the em dashes are killing my soul. I remember once that I thought everyone else was wrong with no spaces and I was right. Oh, past me. No.

How could you not love someone like that?

God, he’s never going to see him again.

*SNIFF*

4.5 million humans in the world. 230 million humans in America. 7 million in New Jersey. 2 million in Oregon. Around sixty or seventy species of anomalies in Gravity Falls alone. And that doesn’t even account past Earth, if Crash Site Omega was accounted for.

I had to look all that shit up I don’t even know if it’s right. at first it’d been modern day stats but THEN I remembered that we’re in the fucking 1980s so ofc it’s different. ALSO LOOOK I FUCKED UP IT SAYS MILLION NOT BILLIONS. IM GONNA DIE. FUCK. either way we stay silly we stay silly!!! just know that little paragraph has caused me so much grief.

Ford always hated funerals.

this was the beginning of the ‘we hate funerals’ saga. still do hate them. I hate them, ford hates them, crowley hates them, ALL OF THE HOMIES HATE THEM 🫵🫵 /j

Mania is a feeling he knows well, and this is not that.

lmao name drop *i was on the verge of tears*

It’s Ford, the snow, and his candle, which has no more wax to burn.

THE TITLE THE TITLE THE TITLE—

the spacing. the html gave me sooooo much trouble but it was worth it!!!! every space was deliberated and checked and shit. ough. OUGH

okayyyy im capping it here because I’m so so tired. but!!! here it is. I just. wow. Less yet more corny than I thought this would be. I hope you enjoyed that little roller coaster, and I’m off on Life Adventures. Which means Errands. fuck…..

#ask game #the guys (with a z!)#so so so sorry my dude. but it’s here!!! ahH

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nii-chans-rabiddogs · 10 months

Text

Ghost?

TWs: Child abuse, dehumanization(?). hi i didnt forget about my boy whatre you talking about finally managed to write something :) i barely checked this over so it isnt the best but its mine so :D

@cupcakes-and-pain @maracujatangerine

I sat behind the boxes again. Jake said I shouldn’t have to hide like that, but Jake isn’t here and he can’t do anything anyways. Jake is nice, though, ‘cus he always gives me candies at the library. And sometimes he- oh no.

“Jaxton. Get over here. Now.” Mr. Anderson snapped, standing at the top of the basement stairs. I slowly unhid myself, and walked up the stairs. I didn’t speak, cus last time he got really really mad and made me wear a bark collar. I still can’t talk without flinching.

“Why did the school call me.” It wasn’t a question. I didn’t look at him, already feeling numb. Hopefully he’ll just lock me out again, anything is better than the freezer. Well, except maybe the doghouse, if he chains me up again. That was the worst week.

“.....sorry, sir….” I mumbled eventually, when Mr. Anderson started doing that weird foot-tapping and heavy breathing thing he always did when he was angry. He scoffed, before shoving me back and pointing down the stairs. I felt numb and distant already, as he pointed at the freezer. “Get your pathetic ass in there.” He shoved me again, and I nearly fell down the stairs. I could hear his footsteps behind me, before Mrs. Anderson called out.

“No, no, dear. I called the repair men over, remember? Put him in his doghouse, or the attic.” I stared at the floor. Maybe I’ll get the attic? Please?

“Darling, we had to get rid of the doghouse last week. And he is far too loud for the attic, the bastard will do something for attention. You know how he is.” I glanced up at Mr. Anderson, starting to feel hopeful. I ignored Mrs. Anderson’s reply, waiting to be told to go outside. They only ever let me out of the house for school, and…. Er. Anyways, I get to go outside now! They don’t trust me in the house while other people are over, unless I’m in the freezer or wearing the collar. But the collar is gone now, cus I buried it at the park, so they gotta let me outside!

Mr. Anderson shoved me for the third time, towards the front door. I stumbled up the stairs, running out of the house as fast as I could. I ran to the library, knowing Jake would be there. He’s always there.

“Jesus, runt! What’s up with you, huh?” He yelled out, standing just in front of the library. I smiled awkwardly at him, shrugging. Talking was still hard some days, but Jake said it’d get better, and Jake is always right. Kinda. Sometimes.

“Out, out of, of the house.” I mumbled, breathing heavily from the run. Talking was hard, and I always struggled to talk loud enough after the collar.

“They let you out today? That’s… Uh, nice. Say, the library just got more books, and Ms. Lydia said they have more snake books.” He smiled at me, and I smiled right back at the mention of snakes. Snakes are awesome, and cool, but not as cool as dragons.

I flinched a little as he grabbed my wrist, but he was really soft and nice, so I didn’t pull away. I followed behind him, and he brought me to our normal spot, but this time it had a red bean bag chair. I flopped down into it, and Jake went over to talk to the library person. I hope the new books were more focused on snakes, though. One book was just about people, and why they cared about snakes, but the actual snake part was really small and not very fun. “Hey, buddy. You’re real quiet today. Well, quieter than normal. It’s like I have my own little ghost.” Jake was crouching next to me, when did he get there? And- wait.

“.....Ghost?” Ghost was nice, that was a nice name. Better than Jaxton, though. Jaxton was cool, but not as cool as Ghost. “That’s my name now.” I decided, and Jake just looked at me. He shook his head, before nodding and smiling at me again. Weird.

“Okay, then. They’re still unpacking the books, so we need to wait for a bit, buddy. But, I got a brand new coloring book for you, AND it has dragons.” He handed me a book and some colored pencils. I started flipping through the coloring book because dragons are awesome and cool and amazing and needed to be colored immediately. Jake just laughed and ruffled my hair before grabbing his book and sitting down next to me.

I made sure my dragons were the most colorfullest things ever, cus dragons are the best and being just one color is boring and sad. Dragons are cool, but I don’t like hydras, because with their heads you can have lotsa friends, but only if you hurt the first friend, and that’s sad and mean. My favorite favorite dragon is Toothless, but I don’t like how normal he acts. Like, he was ‘sposed to be feral, and dragony, but he acts really human later on. I feel like Hiccup should’ve become more dragony, cus being a dragon is far better than being a human. But my favorite dragon that Hiccup petted was the speedstingers, cus they look like velociraptors from Jurassic park and that’s really really cool.

“Buddy, you doing good? You know, the name ‘Ghost’ is starting to fit you more and more, bud. C’mon, talk to me.” I huffed, pouting at Jake but he pulled my coloring book away and I had to throw a pencil at him for that crime. “Uh, hi. I was-” I flinched, breath hitching as I grabbed at my throat. Jake just hummed, patting my knee gently. I rubbed at my neck, not feeling the collar and sighing a little. “Was coloring my, er, dra-gons.” My voice cracked and I wasn’t able to talk louder than a whisper, but I was talking, and that was nice. Talking was really hard, especially when someone made me do it. But Jake was nice, and he never yelled at me, or made me speak louder, or told me to shut up, so he made it fun.

“And, and there was a kitty. Wi-th my dragons, and that was nice.” I smiled at Jake, and he smiled back at me and ruffled my hair again. I liked it when he ruffled my hair, it felt nice and he never yanked like the other kids at school, and he was always really soft and nice and just really cool. I wanted to talk more, but my throat hurt and I was tired and talking was hard. I shook my head, and Jake sighed before giving me my lollipop, and it was chocolate which was the best flavour.

“Okay, buddy. Guess you’ll just be my little shadow today, huh? My very own Ghost.” I nodded, and Jake smiled again. He smiled a lot, and always had snacks or bandaids on him which was nice, and he always made sure to help me with my homework if it was too hard. He was really good at math, since he was a junior, and he made math easy to do.

Jake gave me back my coloring book, and I started humming around my lollipop. I hurt my throat a little, but it was nice and Jake gave me another lollipop for it so I kept at it. I liked making Jake happy, it’s easy and he never gets mad when I mess something up or don’t wanna do something. Jake is nice. He never forgets about me, and he even lets me play on his phone if I get really super bored. He said he’d help me get out of the house more often, too, but I dunno. No one ever cares about what happens in the house. I hope Jake doesn’t leave like the others did, when they found out about the house. Jake can’t leave me, though, he promised and even pinky sweared to stay. He won’t leave me behind.

#tw child abuse #tw dehumanization #whump writing #Ghost #also new character: Jake!#hes a couple years older than ghostie #also this is set looooooooong before Gunner and Ghost met so #Ghost my beloved #also also this story went WAY differently than when I first started #fun fact! in the very very beginning before i even wrote stuff Hunter was supposed to be the good guy. but then my brain said No so Ghost #gets noone right now :))))))) maybe someday. once i figure out who should rescue him ofc #anywas love yall have fun #<3 #<33333

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khaleesiofalicante · 1 year

Note

Dani, dani, dani.

you already KNOW we’re gonna have to break down this new chapter. hopefully this ask isn’t too long, but i’ve got so many things to mention:

“And neither time did David do anything wrong but love a little too much.” and this will be the very sad beginning of a litany of great lines in the chapter

“You can keep thinking of him for eternity. I just want it to hurt every time you do.” as cruel as the line is, i really think it’s one of the clearest ways for the reader to understand mallory’s values

david manipulating mallory into feeding the kids, this man can be dangerously smart when he wants to be

logan 🥴🤢🤮

“I’m sorry,” David said. “Did he marry you?” I KNOW THATS RIGHT

max don’t stop calling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nooooo not the “they’re my kids” scene 😣

“You don’t have that. You don’t have what it takes to love him.” I 👏 KNOW 👏 THATS 👏RIGHT 👏

“He ruined Max and Max let him do it” dani why must you play with my sanity like this?

the flashback feels like the last piece of the puzzle. we already have a pretty clear picture of what happened, this scene just fills in any gaps and we can move on from the past and talk about mavids future

“how can i make it better?” max >>>>>>

if it wasn’t put in the show, what did david put in the show for when mallory visited him? we know there’s a torture scene, but do people just assume mallory did it soley out of jealousy?

“when did you stop trusting me with your pain” your honor, i would like to sue for the intentional affliction of emotional distress

“Because I promised to support your writing, David,” Max sighed. “And I do support it. Even now.” MAX >>>>>>>>>>>

mavid jaden slander 🥰

“Because I couldn’t help myself,” David smiled. “Because it’s you.” i think you mentioned that david’s fundamental reason for dating jaden would be pretty simple, and it really is.

“I don’t need a reason to love you.” 🥺

max only has two moods: fuck you david 🖕 or fuck you david 👀😼 and i respect that

“So, every time you move away from me, and it breaks my heart, I want to remember you are hurting even worse.” max is doing his best to be mature about it despite the shock he must be facing

mavid going back to using terms of endearment will give me the energy i need to get through next week

dark eyes appreciation‼️ as someone with dark eyes myself, seeing so many authors describe main characters with blue eyes made me a little insecure about my own eyes :( but i’ve grown to embrace that dark eyes are sexy and cool and awesome. thank you for the appreciation :) romanticize dark eyes agenda 🙌

the whole david exploring max scene was so cautious and soft, it feels like when you come home after a long time of being away and just feeling that immediate sense of comfort

“Max wanted to help and when he realized his way of helping didn’t help, he got frustrated.” honestly i’m on david’s side with this one. as mature as max has become, it’s hard to accept that his way of helping david won’t work any longer. david needs to be in complete control of his healing, he has had his autonomy taken away too much for anything else. luckily for us, max is very much a “tell me what you need and i’ll do it”

arthur got the role 🫶

jackson jaden slander 🥰 and just jackson being on maxs side too

the entire tattoo scene was a glimpse of heaven dani

“It’s the kind of energy I’ve manifested in my room” to be fair, confessing their undying love, being honest, and having a good hug was pretty close to what happened. so imma say arthur’s manifestations were successful

david finally writing again! and writing about other max!!

talking about games throughout the this chapter and even in the white house party scene was just so neat to me. for me, it kinda represents david purposefully lying to himself, or feeling like he needs to lie to himself, so he can heal. in some ways, he was playing the game for the entire 13 years he was divorced and making max hate him. but he doesn’t need to play any game anymore. know he just needs to be david.

oh the character development of these two 🥰 i really feel like a mom watching my kids grow into the best versions of theirselves.

you’re amazing, you’re amazing, you’re amazing.

ps: will the flashback scene of the next chapter be mavids first date 👀

pps: i just found out i got accepted into two more of the colleges i applied to! so i’m currently 3 for 3!!! two more to go 🤞

Please I love this list so much it was the fave thing I read today 🥺

And yes, next chapter is the first meeting and first date and first kiss it's gonna be so fucking fluffy i promise :))

PS - YOU ARE FUCKING COOL WOW CONGRATULATIONS AND LET'S KEEP GOING BABYGIRL.

#IALS

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noodlecupcakeswritings · 2 years

Text

A Second Chance - Chapter 6 (LokiXOC)

After the snap and losing her husband, Raven tries to settle on New Asgard with Thor and Valkyrie. But even after losing Loki twice before this time around doesn’t make it any easier. Until a variant of Loki shows up looking for her. Could this be the second chance they both need?

This is the next fic in my canon Loki/Raven series. Obviously, there’s a big-time jump from Thor (2011) to Avengers: Infinity War but this fic will tie up loose ends and cover that time jump at some point. So you will be filled in on what I have not written.

Warnings: Angst, Feels, Language, Mentions of murder,

Chapter 6

Raven

The next morning when I awoke, I took a shower and changed in the bathroom to avoid any awkward interactions with Loki seeing me half naked or just in a towel. I was going to have to get used to having someone else live with me again. Once dressed, I left the bathroom and ventured to the living room to find Loki already awake. He’d changed back into his clothes from yesterday. “I don’t suppose you have any spare clothes around?” He asked.

I hadn’t thought about getting him clothes until now, which only made me feel stupid. But I couldn’t go out there and get him any clothes without the risk of being seen with them. And then the Asgardians would think I had a guy over last night and was starting to move on from Loki when it was the opposite. “No. I’ll call Val and get her to drop some round,” I replied, “is your magic not working?”

“No, magic use is prohibited in the TVA, and I guess it’s still on the fritz, otherwise I would have used it to make myself some more clothes.” “Right.” Pulling my phone out, I shot Valkyrie a quick text asking her to bring some clothes round in Loki’s size. Within two minutes, she responded with a thumbs-up emoji. “Breakfast?” Loki asked.

“Sure.” He could have breakfast, but I wasn’t hungry as usual. Opening the cupboards, I felt my stomach sink at the realization that I barely had anything in the house to eat because I only ate dinner most days. And Loki couldn’t live off frozen pizzas, noodles, and cans of coke like I could. The last thing I needed was him asking questions about my current mental state and eating habits.

“I need to do a quick food shop; I’ll be back in like half an hour. Are you okay until then?” I asked. “Of course. Take all the time you need.” Shoving my feet in my boots and putting my jacket on, I left the cottage and headed into town, where I could buy some basics. But a full food shop was still needed now that I had another mouth to feed. Hopefully, Loki wouldn’t snoop around too much whilst I was gone, mainly in my bedroom.

Even if the drawer that had the pills and letters was locked, I just still didn’t want him anywhere near it. When I got to the corner shop, I grabbed milk, eggs, cheese, bread, sandwich meat, and cereal before heading back. When I reached the cottage, I spotted a few bags of clothes that Valkyrie had dropped off before making a start on his breakfast. If he was anything like my Loki, he did not know how to cook. I settled on eggs and toast whilst he riffled through the clothes, trying to find something to wear.

Already I could sense his distaste for the denim and flannel. “Is this all she could find?” Loki asked, “I don’t know about your husband, but I don’t exactly feel the cold.” “We’re living in a small fishing village on the coast. Most months it’s cold and you’ll want the layers, trust me. I know it’s probably not your style, but for now, it will do,” I explained. Loki paused, likely debating if he wanted to turn this into an argument. Thankfully, he didn’t, finally picking something out to change into.

He returned from the bathroom, taking a seat at the kitchen table. “Where exactly is New Asgard? What country are we in?” He asked. “Norway. Odin, whilst we didn’t always see eye to eye, chose well. The people here still believe in the old gods, still believe in Odin, Thor, you.” “Yes, I remember him saying out of all the Midgardians, he didn’t mind the Norwegians so much.” Plating up his eggs and toast, I put the plate in front of him, which he thanked me for. Good to know he still had his manners.

Sitting opposite him, I took a sip of my coffee. “Can you tell me more about your timeline? We didn’t get to talk much last night and I wanna get my head wrapped around this, so things are less…awkward,” I asked. Loki took a breath, as if thinking about what was best to tell me. “What do you want to know?” He asked. I had so many questions that it was hard to know what to ask first.

“You said The Avengers weren’t the ones to arrest you, does that mean you escaped or?” I questioned. “Raven and I used the tesseract to escape. After that, we were on the run for a while so Thanos couldn’t take the tesseract from us. But eventually, he found us,” Loki paused, “and then the timekeepers arrested me and put me to work fixing other timelines that my variants had meddled with.”

I noticed the pause, the sudden jump in his story. I knew Loki, and I knew when he was lying, which was something I prided myself on considering he was the god of lies. “And what about the alternate me? What’s she like? Are we the same?” I queried. “You look exactly like her apart from the hair. She still had it short and purple. Your tattoos match up, you both have the same taste in horror movies and books.”

He must have looked through my DVD collection whilst I was out, which reassured me he hadn’t been in my bedroom. But his answer just left me with further questions. Something here wasn’t quite adding up, and I was determined to get to the bottom of it. “And the time agency people didn’t think to send you back to that timeline? So, you two could be together again? Not saying I don’t want you here, I just don’t want an alternate version of myself without you.” Loki avoided my gaze, and there was a long silence between us. A sinking feeling formed in the pit of my stomach at his reluctance to answer me.

Something about the complete and utter despair in his eyes told me that his Raven was no longer alive. “Loki…what happened to her?” “Thanos murdered her to punish me for my failure to overthrow Earth, for stealing the tesseract from him. Snapped her neck as if she were nothing,” Loki told me with tears in his eyes, taking a shaky breath to stop his voice cracking, “but I killed him. I waited for him to go after another one of those stupid stones before I killed him.”

My heart sunk at the news of my alternate self’s death, made worse by how it was done. Thanos had snapped my Loki’s neck in the same manner, taking him from me before I could even say goodbye. My eyes filled with tears at the memory, and I quickly batted them away. “I’m glad you killed him. I wish I could have done the same, but Thor decapitating him is better than nothing,” I said, talking a little slower to keep my voice even.

Loki seemed visibly impressed by his brother’s actions, but that still didn’t numb his pain. Nor mine. A part of me wanted to take him in my arms to offer comfort, but he was someone else’s husband, not mine. “The timekeepers arrested me after killing Thanos. And showed me what could have been, showed me your Loki’s timeline. And seeing you by his side made me envious that I didn’t have that anymore. I thought if I came here after you had lost your Loki, I could perhaps fill that hole in your heart. And you fill the hole in mine.”

And just like that, all my sympathy for him vanished, and I stared at him as if he’d grown another head. He had some fucking nerve to admit that. But I knew I shouldn’t be too surprised; he was a Loki after all. Self-absorbed, egotistical, and selfish, just as my husband had once been. But my Loki had grown out of those less than desirable traits. This one hadn’t. “You thought you could swoop in and just replace him? That your mere presence would just make everything okay again? You're fucking delusional,” I snapped.

Getting up from the table, I knew I needed to get away from him and get some air before it turned into a shouting match. Storming out of the cottage, I headed down the docks to find Valkyrie. It was a good thing the walk was long and would give me a chance to cool off a little before I reached her. Infuriated was an understatement. I was so angry with him and his selfishness that I could have screamed. And it was tempting, I’d had a scream building in my throat for years now, but I was afraid if I started, I wouldn’t be able to stop.

When I reached the docks, I had calmed a little, but Valkyrie could still tell by my face that something had happened and let me vent to her. She listened carefully, occasionally sipping coffee from her thermos. “I’ll go talk to him,” she declared once I was finished. “No, you don’t have to do that.” “Someone needs to, and it isn’t going to be you. Besides, you need time to cool off.” As always, she was right, and I let her go.

Taglist: @jana-banana-fana, @afangirlshideaway, @kittyofalltrades

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hellhound5925 · 1 year

Text

Cyare Verd *Beloved Warrior*

Chapter Fourteen

A week has gone by since I came to Coruscant and things are going really well. The squad accepts me as one of their own. I'm still waiting for the Jedi Counsel and the Chancelor to decide if they should offer me a place in the GAR where I can fight along side the 501st. However, Anakin assured me he would personally talk to them which hopefully works because they are being deployed tomorrow. All I got was something about a separatist controlled planet in the mid rim.

——————

I sat in the mess hall at the table alone staring at my tray. They’ll be leaving tomorrow morning and I’m stuck here. I should be out there helping them fight. I understand the hesitation to put a Mandalorian out in the field with GAR troops but COME ON…I’m only trying to help… I’m not even feeling hungry anymore honestly. I made sure I had gotten there before the squad because I really was not feeling like myself and it wasn’t fair to them. I can’t help but feel like I should be there to protect them…something in my epan (stomach) tells me I need to be there…or is it because Rex will be gone and I’ll be here? It’s not just about him… or is it?

I’m so deep in thought, playing with my food I didn’t hear someone approaching. “Everything alright over here?” He asks. Instinctively place my hand where my blaster is strapped to my beskar before looking over my shoulder. Cody raises his hands as if to surrender and calmly says “Udesii vod, Ni ceta (Easy sister, sorry). May I?”. I nod at the empty seat next to me. “You don’t look alright” he states. “I don’t want to sound like ik’aad (baby, child under 3), but I was actually hoping I would deploy with the 501st…I’m worried about them” I spill, not really meaning to. Cody laughs causing me to give him a look. “Ni ceta (sorry), but that’s funny coming from you. Not that long ago you were bragging about how well they were doing in the training you were doing with them. Not only that if I remember correctly you even told me they trained you in their strategies and you were impressed” he explains. I roll my eyes and roll my neck knowing he’s right “I know I just-“ he cuts me off “care about Rex”. I’m totally speechless because he’s caught me. Cody has been a great friend outside the 501st and he’s listen to be vent - good and bad - about them a few times. I can feel the heat creeping up my face - I never wanted to call it what it was but I knew he was right. Cody smiles and I swear if he holds that smile any longer it’ll stick “Oya! I knew it! Fox owes me”. “Pare sol! (Wait one- like wait a minute), You knew what?” I asked now panicking. “Maker, I never thought I’d see the day where the great Raven Skirata loses her ramikadyc (commando state of mind- confident, determined)” Cody laughs even more getting attention of the troopers at tables around us. “Dirycir gar jorad! (lower your voice)” I whisper yell at him.

He stops and becomes serious putting a hand on my armored shoulder “Haa’taylir (technically means see but we are going with look), Rex - and his men, are well trained. You’ve seen it yourself, what we go through on Kamino. Not to mention, you trained them well yourself by the sounds of it. They’ll be fine, they’re mando’ade (sons of Mandalore)”. His reassurance is not really working, I look down at my tray. He switches tactics, “I heard General Kenobi talking with General Skywalker about getting you an official position in the GAR. Trust in the Force something will work out”. I look over at Cody and giggle “Thanks Master Cody” I joke. He rolls his eyes and removes his hand. “Not for nothing….I think you’re a good match for Rex’ika (little [brother] Rex)” he starts to get up from the table. “Vor’e (thanks) Cody……Tell Fox ‘Nar’sheb’ for me will you?” I ask over my shoulder. Cody turns around and winks “There’s the Raven I know”. I shake my head and turn my attention to my food, appetite slowly coming back.

I take care of my tray and head towards my quarters. Rex just happens to be leaving his when I turn the corner to our hall. He smiles at me as he approaches “That was a good session this morning, the men have come a long way”. I fake a smile “yeah they really have”. His smile falters and he gives me a knowing look, “what is it?”. I can’t even meet his eyes - I’m feeling guilty for not being more supportive….I’m being selfish - “Ni ceta (sorry) I should be more supportive, I’m just worried about you guys that’s all….” Straightening up with the confidence - in typical Rex fashion - and says “The 501st has been trained to be the best and you have helped us to be better then the best”. His emphasis on the word ‘you’ has me feeling some kind of way. The emotion is not one I can even find the words for, my whole being is flooded - heart pounding in my ears, heat rising from my chest - as I search for some kind of answer. “I— uh—“ Maker I must look stupid. Rex gives me the million credit half smile. “— I don’t think I had much to do with it, you’re extraordinary men” I finally say, Osik….Di’kut- I mentally curse myself. Rex starts to speak but I cut him off, “I don’t want to keep you, I’m sure you’ve got a lot to do before deployment” I smile at him. “yeah…uh…right….Ret’ (see you)” he replies. I head back to my room now feeling all flustered.

I opt to change into my workout gear and head to the gym here at the barracks. What better way to clear my head. I enter, put in my ear buds, and get to work. After about an hour of being there my comm link on my watch goes off. Confused - I look seeing it’s a message from Anakin ‘Meet me at the temple ASAP’. I wonder what that’s all about? I decide going sweaty wasn’t worth it, so I sent him a message back saying I’d be about 45 minutes. Racing back to my quarters I almost - literally - run into Fives, Hardcase, Echo, and Jesse. “Oya! Where you off to in such a hurry?” Fives asks. “Gotta meet Anakin, We’ll catch up later” I holler continuing past them down the hall. I shower quickly, throw cloths on and head out to the street to grab a taxi.

Making to the temple in 45 minutes was tough but I made it. The guards stop me at the entrance “no visitors unless accompanied by a Jedi”. “It’s alright she’s with me” I hear Ahsoka behind them, they let me through. She comes bounding over and throws her arms around me. “Good to see you too” I laugh. Glancing in the direction she came from I notice Anakin, Obi-wan, and a little green old man. I walk over with Ahsoka in tow and respectfully bow “Generals” I say - only because I’m not sure who this other Jedi is. “Raven Skirata, you must be. Master Yoda, I am” he introduces himself. “What can I do for you?” I ask, still wondering why I’m here. Master Yoda looks to Anakin and Obi-wan, “Brought to my attention it has, that a position with the 501st, you want. Useful, the counsel has decided. Short on Jedi, are we”. Placing my right fist over my heart bowing my head, “I’m honored to serve with the brave men of the 501st”. “Go you must, with them tomorrow, you shall depart. Commander Raven to the 501st, are you now”. My eyes widen, “What about Anakin and Ahsoka? I don’t want to remove them”. “Anakin and Ahsoka will be leading a new batch of 501st. You’ll be taking over Captain Rex’s squad - Torrent squad.” Obi-wan chimes in. Anakin, gar mesh’la jetiise (you beautiful Jedi). I glance at Anakin who puffs out his chest and smiles at me cockily, like he can read my thought. “I am greatful to the Counsel. I won’t let you down, neither will the men” I say bowing my head. “Know this, we do” says Master Yoda before turning around and heading down the hall.

I can’t even wipe the smile off my face. “I thought you’d be happy to hear that…Commander…” Anakin says all smug. “This will be great fit, Commander Cody had many good things to say as well” Obi-wan says. “Take good care of Rex ole boy will ya?” Ahsoka asks. I salute them - considering they are now my superiors for real - “Sir, yes, sir”. “We should tell the squad. I’ll comm Rex, have them gather in one of the training rooms” Anakin says stepping off to the side. “Congratulations my dear, I must be off” nods Obi-wan. I reciprocate. “You’re the same rank as me now….Commander Raven” Ahsoka giggles. “It would seem so” I smile.

Masterlist

#clone captain rex #star wars clone wars #star wars the clone wars #the clones #may the 4th be with you #may the force be with you #rex star wars #rex x reader #captain rex x you #rex x you

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sanderchu · 2 years

Note

Sand, you are the only person I trust right now. I don’t even know you irl but I still trust you more than my actual parents.

And I will update you on the situation, hopefully sooner rather than later but my mom might take my phone away after I tell her

But, thank you for being there Sand. I love you /p <3

The next part is just me ranting about my little piggie, Twix<3

She was my first ever pet, I got her almost 2 years ago. The person we got her from said she had breathing problems and was going to put her down, but I kinda just took her from him before he could hurt her. I figured she wouldn’t live over a year and I came to peace with it but now that it’s been over a year, I thought she would live as long as she could. I feel so shitty about it. I used to get so pissed at my mom cause she would always say Twix was gonna die sooner than expected.

God I’m so sorry Sand you don’t deserve this in your box, I’ll stop

I’m glad you trust me :) that’s what I want.

Im not just a writer im here to listen, have laughs, get to know everyone or get everyone to know myself better. It doesn’t matter im always here <33

Update me when you can no rush at all I hope your phone doesn’t get taken but if it does then I just wanna say, it’s gonna be ok, if you do get it taken remember me :) it’s going to be ok <3 I promise I’ve gotten my phone taken so many times so Im used to not having it. Take that time to try something new, improve on something, prepare, whatever it is because it’s going to be ok <33

Ily 2 anon <3 I always will no matter what /p

Don’t apologize btw, im having a slow insomniac night anyways so this is perfectly fine <33

-Sand/Soot

#sands anons #sand <3

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teenageguidelinesforcraptimes · 1 year

Text

Thursday

It's not a Thursday right now, but it has been almost four weeks since that one bad Thursday, and I haven't uploaded anything in weeks. Yeah, sorry. School and stuff.

I try to be open, but I have to remind myself to do so as I'm typing this up. I don't want to create this blog out of anger and pain, and I'll probably word-vomit a lot of that stuff, maybe. I'm good at being in control when I'm emotional or something.

Did you know that you can literally not think straight when you're angry? It's a psychology thing. Your amygdala is what's responsible for emotions, like fear, anger, and joy. Ha, anyone watch "Inside Out".

So that part of your brain, when it’s riled up with power like an elephant on a sugar high, your prefrontal cortex, which controls conscious thinking, like logic, judgements, and making decisions, literally can’t process stuff properly, since you don’t have a clear mind in that state.

I’ll put a link down. It has information about the amygdala and prefrontal cortex. Not sure if it’ll work on Tumblr, though, since I’ve never done this before. Hopefully it works.

Anger and the Brain: What happens in your head when you get angry (psychcentral.com)

So, one of my many strategies of dealing with a giant adult bully at home is I run away a lot. Of course, I can’t stay gone, I have to come back unless I want to become a street kid for good. I never want to go back home, but I have to.

Four weeks ago, there was a fight. I don’t remember what it was about, but it was stupid, because they’re always stupid. I left to go to school myself the next day, so I could avoid my dad. It worked, but my brother told me that he had started saying things about me in the car on his way to school. Things about how stupid I am. I could imagine what he said. He does the same to my mum.

I knew that our dad was angry, and he was likely going to do more stuff when I had to face him. So I stayed at school after the bell rang, to avoid him.

There are other things that I’m not going to include. But I ran and hid in the school after it was time for everyone to go home. I stayed until I had to leave, and took the long way back.

Fear is a part of living in bad homes. Even if he acts like a total gentleman at times, I will never buy it. He’s gotten mad so many times, and hurt my mum, my brother and me that I will never trust him.

I don’t even feel that betrayed, maybe because I never really loved him in the first place? I hated him for a long time, when I wanted to die, and I got tired of hating. Really tired.

Lately, he’s not burning down the house with his tantrums. But I still expect him to blow up every single time.

And that’s what happened four weeks ago.

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ygreczed-3 · 3 years

Photo

The Walking Dead/Detroit Become Human AU

(so basically I was tempted to make a post to apologize about the mess my blog has become lately - feels like I’m posting AUs, artworks, sketches and comic updates in such a chaotic way… I’m really sorry about it ahaha 😅 Hopefully it will get better soon)

So this post is me drawing for hours and forgetting to eat on my break day (I finally did !!! Don’t worry ahaha) because I became obsessed with an idea again. Also I like to make concept arts and storyboards as if I was working on a professional project for a TV show/animation. I find it fascinating ! This time I don’t really have any plot or finished story, I just wanted to draw these scenes badly so… I just did.

I’d like to draw your attention to Connor’s curly hair and Hank’s design (strongly inspired by Kristoff from Frozen). I just LOVE these details.

⚠️Remember this is NOT a new series. Just me having fun with characters and a universe I like (aka The Walking Dead) !

Anyway, more ideas below 👀

*POW*

Hank open his eye again. The walker was shot in the head. Hank pushes the walker away, it falls dead on the concrete.

Looking up, he sees Connor with a gun.

Hank : Jesus… Thank you. I thought I was…

Connor : I wouldn’t have wasted a bullet for you if it wasn’t for your kid back there. Your car, does it work? Hank : … Yeah… I just… I was looking for some gas when… well… Can I drive you somewhere? Connor : Not really, I’m looking for someone.

___________________________

Hank and Cole are walking in a gas station with jerricans and pour what’s left of gas from the pump.

Cole : Dad, that mister from earlier, do you think he’s gonna be okay ? Hank : I think, pumpkin. He was the one helping us. Cole : Being alone sounds dangerous… He should have come with us. Hank : …

___________________________

It’s nighttime, Cole is sleeping in the backseats with a blanket, Hank is sleeping in the driver seat. He wakes up brutally as he hears something tapping softly against the car window : the young man from earlier. He rolls the window down.

Hank : You ? Connor : I’ve looked around the whole city. Now it’s too dark… I need a safe place to have some sleep, I was thinking you could let me in. You owe me after all. Hank : … Yeah sure. Get in.

Connor gets in the car. He takes his bag off and keeps it by his side, out of Hank’s reach. He takes his coat off but keeps a gun near him. Hank stares at him with narrowed eyes.

Hank : … You’re safe here, really. You can trust me. Connor : Sorry, but I only trust myself.

___________________________

It’s dark outside, Hank can’t really sleep with the stranger next to him. His guts dictate him to stay alert. He watches carefully as Connor turns his head to him, half-opening his eyes.

Connor: Can’t sleep ? Hank : … Well you were right… I don’t know you. What about you ? Did you sleep a little ? Connor : … No. I’m too… cautious. My brain won’t let me sleep with a stranger next to me. Hank : … My name’s Hank. You ? Connor : What the hell are you doing ? Hank : We agreed we couldn’t sleep next to strangers. I’m introducing myself. Connor : It won’t make it any better… *after a silence* I’m Connor. Hank : Nice to meet you. Connor: … Where were you before ? You… you act like a newborn in this hell… Hank : … I had a neighbor with one of those bunkers… with tons of food, water, enough to live for months. We… We were hiding there with her until… until a few weeks. Connor : What happened ? Hank : She thought she had heard a chopper. Thought someone was out there to rescue us… she opened the hatch and she was… attacked by those things… Connor: … the kid… he’s yours? Hank : Yeah… Cole. Connor: … Where’s her mom ? Hank : He’s never known her. Connor: Sorry. Hank : Don’t be.

*silence*

Hank : I think… I’m starting to relax… we should try to sleep huh ?

Connor is already sleeping.

___________________________

Connor takes his backpack as Hank and Cole take a breakfast with some fire.

Hank : You sure you don’t want to eat anything ? Connor : No thanks, I have my own stock. You should save your food for your kid. Hank : … Hey, if you ever need to find us… after you’ve found what you’re looking for, I have a police radio. Frequency 58,7 kHz. Connor: I won’t need it but- thanks. Good luck.

Connor leaves.

___________________________

Cole : What should we do now? Hank : … We need to find more food… and weapons. I’ll go downtown today. You… You’ll stay here alright? Cole : No I… I want to stay with you… Hank : I know you’re scared Cole… But it’s too dangerous. You’ll be safe hidden in the car. Cole : You’ll be quick? Hank : Back before sunset, pinky swear.

___________________________

Hank finds an axe on a bar counter.

Suddenly : *BONG BONG BONG BONG*

Hank : What the-

He runs outside and hides against a wall as walkers pass nearby, heading to the source of the ringing.

He looks up and sees Connor climbing on a ladder but a Walker is trying to grab his leg.

Hank comes and kills the monster. Connor : You..! Follow me !

On the rooftop, they see the church. It’s an automatic bell, the walkers are massively getting around the building. There is something painted on the wall that says “Find Jericho” with black paint and scribbled under it “Find 9s”

Connor : Nines… Hank : What is Jericho ? Connor : … A safe place for survivors. It’s hidden… to keep the thieves and killers away. Hank : … The church. Connor : What ? Hank : Jericho, it has to do with the bible. The message is written on a church’s wall. It’s not a coincidence, there might be… a hint in there. Connor : … But we can’t get inside with those creeps around… Hank : … Maybe they leave when the church stops ringing the bells. Connor : Or maybe we should try to lead them away with… Hank : With what ? Connor : … Your car.

___________________________

Connor : So, let me get it straight. You drive around the town honking. It will attract the creeps away from the church. I get inside the church and look for any kind of hint. When the bells start ringing I get out before the creeps come back. And what do we do with Cole ?

Hank : He’s going with you. I don’t want to have him in the car with hundreds of undeads trying to get me. Connor : … I don’t- Hank : Don’t worry. He’s a smart kid. He will do as you say. Right Cole? Cole : …Hmm. Connor: … Fine. Let’s do it.

___________________________

Connor and Cole sneak into the church. Connor kills two of the Walkers still inside the church as Cole follows him cautiously.

Cole : … Look. *he points out a book on the altar* Connor : … It’s a bible… The chapter about the Battle of Jericho… it can’t be a coincidence. *They look up and see something written with old blood on the wall behind the altar. It says “Rahab the harlot defied the King of Jericho. Here lies the key to the fortress.”* Cole : What’s a harlot? Connor : … You should… ask your father. Now… I have to read… and think. Cole : … We only have one hour left before the bells ring again… Connor : I know.

___________________________

Connor : … I don’t get it ! There must be something I’m missing ! Cole : … Connor, I found a map ! Connor : Not now Cole, I’m trying to focus… Cole : Connor, look ! Connor : Cole please I really need-…

Cole shows him the map… there is a “9s” written on it.

Connor : Nines ! Cole : Does it help ? Connor : … I don’t know-…

The bells ring suddenly.

Connor : Crap… we have to get out of here. Give me your hand, buddy.

___________________________

Hank is waiting for them : he has lit a fire and when Cole sees him, he lets go of Connor’s hand and runs to hug his dad.

Hank : I gotcha, pumpkin. *looking up at Connor* Did you find something ? Connor : I think… Hank : You think ? Connor : I have this map my brother left for me inside the church… there was some kind of riddle on the wall, and it must have something to do with this but… there is nothing noted on it. Hank : What’s the riddle ? Connor : “Rahab the harlot defied the King of Jericho, here lies the key to the fortress.” Rahab was a prostitute, she helped Joshua by hiding spies he sent inside the city… and Joshua spared her when he took the fortress. But I… I don’t see the connection. Hank : … Let me see the map.

Connor gives it. Cole sits next to his father, near the fire, and soon falls asleep. After some time thinking and overthinking it, Hank finally points to a town on the map. A city called Defiance.

Hank : Look. Connor : Defiance… Of course. The key lies in Rahab’s defiance… Defiance is a town… Fuck- You’re a genius…! Hank : Man, I was feeling like a Detective again… felt nice for a moment. Connor: You were a Detective? Hank : A police Lieutenant, to be specific. But yeah. Detective works too. Connor : … I don’t think the treasure hunt is done yet. You’re gonna need your supercop sense again ! Hank : … It’s good to see you all excited. Feels like meeting the real Connor under the survivor’s shell. Connor: It’s nice… that Cole and you don’t have that shell yet… humanity is a rare thing to find down there. Hank : … So, who is “Nines” ? Connor : My little brother. We lived together, in the same group of survivors. Our camp was attacked… we got separated. Hank : Looks like he’s smart. He solved the riddle all by himself. It took the two of us to understand the hint. Connor : He’s always been a nerd. Hank : Pffft… Well we should try to get some sleep. We should be able to reach Stoneton, then we’ll have to find more gas.

Hank gets up and carries Cole to the car seats.

Connor: … Hank…? Hank : Yup ? Connor : Can I… Can I come with you two ? I could go to Defiance by myself but… if you’re heading there too, maybe we could… Hank : What the heck ? Of course you’re coming with us. With our two half-brains we’re gonna need each other’s help to find Jericho and your brother, don’t you think ? Connor *chuckles* : Right.

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the-bau-quinjet · 3 years

Text

One Misunderstanding

Bucky x Reader

Summary: You struggle to fix Bucky's first impression of you. Bucky struggles with his own feelings.

Warnings: angst, Hydra things- like brainwashing and torture, a few curse words, panic attacks, anxiety

Word count: 5609

a/n: this idea came to me very suddenly, but I'm in love with it. Hopefully whatever I just wrote does it justice.

Masterlist

"Everyone, meet Y/N. She's the newest member of our little group, bringing in a whole new level of hacking and tech skills. Y/N, meet the team." Tony introduced you to everyone, eager to share your skills.

You turned to the group, getting ready to introduce yourself further, but instead tripped. You shrieked as you fell down the small set of stairs you were at the top of.

Sam, being the closest, caught you. "Good thing you've got tech skills." He chuckled as you righted yourself, firmly planting your feet on the ground.

"Haha, yeah. I'm not a big fan of violence." You winced as you said it, wishing you could take it back. You didn't want to get into the reasons as to why you don't like violence.

To your surprise, nobody asked why. You would have guessed they would have questions, but maybe they weren't interested in your past. They all had their own issues to deal with afterall.

"Eh, we don't need anymore people for fighting anyway. Welcome to the team." Steve greeted you warmly, as you would have expected from America's golden boy.

You gratefully shook his hand, glad to not have to talk about anything yet. Unfortunately, you tripped again when you tried to move back, falling into the one and only Bucky Barnes.

His hands steadied you, dryly laughing at your clumsiness. "You really are clumsy."

You did you best to not show how embarrassed you were. You couldn't deny the claim. Unless you were fighting, something you vowed to yourself to never do again, you were clumsy.

Being abducted and tortured by Hydra may have made you a competent fighter, but your aptitude for tripping over nothing never left.

"Right, sorry!" You greeted everyone else quickly, eager to get situated in your room. "I'm just going to unpack everything." You waved as you backed out of the room, bumping into the wall as you left.

You had just finished putting away your stuff when you heard a knock on your door.

"Come in!" You figured someone would have questions for you.

Unsurprisingly, Natasha was the one to step into your room. Of everyone there, you expected her to have learned about your past. It comes with the territory of being a spy.

"Hi, I was hoping to talk to you." Her tone was friendly, but clearly she was skeptical of you. Again, you weren't surprised.

"I thought you might. I'm assuming you read my file? Honestly, I thought everyone would." You laughed gently, shaking your head at yourself.

"I did. Your file is pretty bare bones though. I did some extra digging... Not everyone else is as nosy as me." She grinned, already pleased with your openness. "So, why'd you pretend to be clumsy?"

"Oh, it wasn't pretend. I've always been clumsy. When everything happened, and I learned how to fight, I thought my newfound agility would help. Turns out, it didn't. The only times I'm even the slightest bit coordinated are when I'm fighting or training, but I wasn't lying about that either. When I escaped, I promised myself I wouldn't hurt anyone else."

"Why join the Avengers at all then?" She looked curious, still unsure if she could trust you.

"I wanted to help people. I just didn't want to use the skills they gave me to do it. So, I learned how to code, figured I could help behind the scenes."

She smiled, letting down her guard. Clearly it would take some time, but you could easily see the two of you being close friends.

"So, nobody knows about what you went through?" She couldn't help but be curious about your past.

"Nope. I don't talk about it much, but it's not a secret. I'll answer anything you want to know." You smiled, eager to try and make a real friend here.

You spent the next few hours answering every question Natasha could think of. You told her about being abducted and experimented on.

That lead to even more questions, basically boiling down to the fact that you're not a super soldier, but you do have enhanced senses- and seemingly enhanced clumsiness for when you're not using them.

You told her about learning how to fight, and the punishments you would endure if you got it wrong. The two of you bonded over the shared experience.

Finally, you told her about how you escaped. When the Winter Soldier escaped, every Hydra effort possible was made to find him. That included you. Resources were spread thin, trying to cover more areas. It was the perfect opportunity for you to get out.

"Really, I owe my freedom to him. Even if he doesn't know anything about me." You felt the tears in your eyes, too many emotions swirling through you to keep it all in anymore. "Since then, I've learned everything I could about technology and coding, which pretty much brings you up to date."

Before she could ask anymore questions, there was another knock on your door. Quickly wiping the tears from your eyes, you called another "come in!"

Steve poked his head in the door, cautiously looking between you and Nat.

"I've been sent to stop the interrogation." He grinned, stepping farther into the room.

Nat rose from her spot on the bed, kissing him on the cheek while rolling her eyes. "It wasn't an interrogation. We were bonding."

"Yeah, over what?" He chuckled, trying to figure out what the two of you had in common.

Maybe it was the look in your eyes, or maybe Nat just likes knowing more than everyone, but she smiled conspiratorially at you before responding. "Girl stuff, babe. Just girl stuff."

You smiled as the couple left the room, grateful for not having to explain everything again.

Over the next few weeks, the team constantly teased you for your clumsiness. Well, not the whole team. Nat knew the truth, so she never said anything. Peter never teased you either, although that is likely due to the teasing he endures as well.

Weirdly enough, you bonded with the kid over it, eventually telling him about your past as well.

Normally you could shake it off. They clearly didn't mean anything by it. Except Bucky.

Whenever he said anything, he stared you down. His eyes felt like they were piercing your soul. You're not sure exactly why, but he didn't seem to like you much.

Which wouldn't be an issue if you didn't have an embarrassing crush on the man.

Really your infatuation started when you first escaped Hydra. His own escape lead to your freedom, so you admired him. When you found out he was working with the Avengers to help people, you admired him even more.

Watching him on missions is really what caused the infatuation to blossom into a full blown crush.

You, however, would adamantly deny that if anyone ever asked. Which is what just happened.

"What?!" You nearly tripped, again, with how quickly you turned to look at Wanda and Nat.

"You heard me." Nat stared at you, a neutral expression on her face. "When are you going to do something about your crush on Barnes."

"I, I don't- I don't have a crush on Bucky." You stuttered, a lackluster job at denying the truth.

"Please, Y/N. It's so obvious!" Wanda joined in.

The three of you hung out a lot around the compound. It was nice to have a support system to lean on when things got hard.

"Well, even if I did, which I'm not saying I do! He doesn't like me. I don't know what I did, but his eyes feel like daggers whenever we're in the same room." You started out strong, but quickly morphed into a sad resignation. It genuinely upset you that Bucky didn't like you.

"I think I might know what that's about..." Wanda bit her lip, immediately feeling guilty at having said anything.

"What!?" You eagerly turned to her, needing answers. You shuffled your way across the room, never fully rising from your seat on the ground.

"I don't know if I should tell you! I'm not even supposed to know, but sometimes his thoughts are really loud!" Her guilt multiplied.

"You have to tell me now! Then I can fix it!" You were practically begging at her feet from your position on the floor.

She looked at Nat, who just shrugged in return. "Not my place, although I would love to hear it."

"Ugh, fine. But you can't tell anyone I told you!" Wanda glared at the two of you, unable to say no to your pouting face. "The first day we all met you, do you remember what you said?"

Your face scrunched as you tried to remember. "I'm not a big fan of violence?"

She nodded, looking at you as if she just told you everything.

"So?" You asked incredulously, unable to follow her train of thought.

She rolled her eyes, having to spell it out for you. "He kind of took that personally..."

Immediately, you sunk completely to the floor. "Oh, god. Fuck! That's not what I meant at all! I just meant I don't personally like using violence! Shit, shit, shit." You continued to mutter to yourself as Nat and Wanda shared a look.

"Why don't you like using violence?" Wanda asked, intrigued by your reaction.

You thought back to your conversation with Nat the first day you got here. You told her it wasn't a secret, it just wasn't something you brought up.

"Can you just look in my head? I don't really wanna explain it, but I want you to know." You asked, glad to share you past with another friend.

Wanda nodded, seemingly doing nothing until realization dawned on her.

"Oh shit." She whispered, not even realizing she said it out loud.

"Yeah." You huffed out a dry laugh.

"Y/N... I'm so sorry." You smiled at her, having worked through most of the trauma already. "You totally have a crush on Barnes though."

That earned a real laugh. "Hey, that's not what you were in there for!"

"It's not my fault! You were thinking it really loudly!"

The three of you laughed together until you sunk back into a pit of despair.

"What do I do? How do I fix this?" You whined, laying back on the ground like a child.

"I think you just need to talk to him. Explain what you meant." Wanda shrugged, unsure of any other advice to offer you.

"She's right. Just talk to him." Nat nodded along as you whined on the floor.

After a few days, you finally worked up enough courage to try and talk to Bucky. He had just finished training, so you knew exactly where he'd be: in the kitchen.

Walking in, you were glad to see him pulling ingredients from the fridge.

"Hey Bucky, can I, um, talk to you for a minute?" You stuttered through the words, nervous about what he would say.

He barely looked at you, nodding his head for you to continue.

"I just, I wanted to apologize." You trailed off when his head snapped up.

"For what?" Well shit. How are you supposed to explain this one without ratting out Wanda.

"Oh, well, um... I just thought maybe I said- I did something that upset you. Uh, you just don't seem to like me very much, which is totally cool, you don't have to like me if you don't want to. I just didn't want it to be my fault... Fuck." That went horribly. Taking a deep breath, you started over. "I didn't mean it."

Bucky is looking at you like you have three heads. "Didn't mean what?"

"That I don't like violence."

"So you do... like violence." He'd somehow grown more confused.

"Well, no." You paused, unsure of how to explain yourself.

"Then you did mean it." His soul piercing stare is back.

"I-"

"It's fine, save it. Some people get to choose not to be violent." And with that, he left the kitchen, abandoning his post workout smoothie.

You stared at the doorway, in shock over how poorly that went. You stood there , unaware of the 25 minutes that had passed, trying to figure out how it could've gone better when Steve found you.

"Y/N? What are you doing?"

You didn't hear him, too lost in the memories. Memories of Hydra, forcing you to do things you never wanted to. This happened from time to time if something triggered you into remembering, otherwise you had a handle on your emotions.

"Y/N?" Steve said your name again, concern evident in his voice. He gently laid a hand on your shoulder, trying to get your attention.

Everything happened so fast after that. The feeling of someone's hand on your shoulder caused you to panic. With all the memories of Hydra in your head, your training kicked in instinctually.

You grabbed Steve's arm, pulling him closer to you for better leverage. Before he could question your moves, you flipped him, pinning him to the ground.

The second you made eye contact, you realized what just happened. Horror and regret flashed in your eyes.

In an effort to get off him, you threw yourself backward, knocking into a cart full of pots and pans. The clanging of metal hitting the ground echoed through the small room.

Steve sat up slowly, trying to register the turn of events. You sat in a ball on the floor, tears pooling in your eyes, mumbling apologies over and over again.

Sam, having heard the commotion from the pots and pans, ran into the kitchen ready to fight.

"What- What happened?" He asked in confusion, lowering his arms from their defensive position.

"I don't know." Steve looked at you, still trying to figure it out.

"Y/N?" Sam's voice was gentle, but it still startled you.

You jumped from the ground, rushing to help Steve get up. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to. I never wanted to hurt anyone again." Your breathing was picking up, short bursts of air leaving your lungs. Your hands were shaking as you pulled him from the ground.

Your panic increased as you took in their concerned expressions.

"Hey, look at me." Steve's Captain voice, came out, urging you to make eye contact. You followed orders, breathing rapidly, your whole body shaking.

"I'm going to touch you now, is that okay?" His words were gentle, but commanding, causing you to nod in response.

He pulled you into a tight hug, rubbing soothing circles on your back.

You wanted to explain, to tell them what happened, but all that came out was a pitiful "Bucky".

"Do you want me to get Bucky?" Sam asked, trying to understand you.

The idea of Bucky coming back caused your panic to increase. You shook your head rapidly, "No! No no no no no." You kept repeating the word, shaking in Steve's arms.

"Okay! Okay, no Bucky." Sam reassured you, voice calm and soothing.

You’re not sure how long you stood like that. Sam moved around the kitchen, cleaning up the pots and pans you had knocked over.

When your breathing steadied, Steve asked, "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

You nodded, leading the two men to the couch in the adjacent common area. You sat for a minute, unsure of where to start.

"Why don't you just lead us through it all?" Steve suggested, still rubbing your back.

You nodded, grateful for the starting point. "I went to the kitchen to apologize to Bucky."

"What for?" Sam interrupted, already confused.

"Sam! Just let her talk." Steve muttered, slightly annoyed.

"Sorry!" He glared back at Steve before turning to you, "Sorry, please continue."

You couldn't help but laugh at their banter.

"Right, I wanted to apologize for what I said the first day I met you all. I realized how it sounded, so I wanted to try and fix it." You paused, waiting for the recognition to hit them.

It didn't take long. The two men nodded, silently urging you to continue.

"Honestly, Wanda told me that was why he always seems mad at me. You have to know, I never meant for it to come across that way! It's more of a personal, 'I don't want to be violent' than shunning others for doing what's necessary." You took a deep breath, not eager to relive the conversation.

"Anyway, I told him I didn't mean it. I just couldn't explain it right, and he got upset, which makes sense!" You turned to look between them, not wanting them to think you were insulting Bucky in any way. "I don't hold what he did against him. It wasn't his choice, and I completely understand that. I just couldn't put that into words when I was talking to him, and I made everything worse."

Tears popped into your eyes again, upset at what he must be going through. You weren't with Hydra for but a tenth of the time he was, and you didn't endure the same level of brainwashing.

"He said something about some people not being able to choose not to be violent, and then he left. I don't know how long I was standing in the kitchen replaying the conversation, but it brought up bad memories for me." You sighed again, working up the nerve to tell them everything.

"Wanda and Nat already know, but I guess it's your guys's turn. This was so much easier to just have Wanda read my mind." You laughed at your own joke, the two men sharing a concerned look.

"I was taken... by Hydra. They experimented on me, gave me enhanced senses, trained me to fight, and punished me when I did something wrong." Again, tears sprung into your eyes, occasionally falling down your cheeks.

"Why wasn't this in your file?" Steve questioned, more to himself than you.

"I haven't got a clue. I guess nobody knew about me? But, I escaped. They didn't brainwash me like they did Bucky, because I don't have the serum. Or, at least, I think that's why." You shook your head, refocusing on the important parts.

"When every available Hydra agent was tasked with searching for the Winter Soldier, I took it as on opportunity. Their resources were spread thin. I was able to getaway."

You went onto explain your reasoning for joining the Avengers as a tech specialist, trying to convey the same earnestness you did with Nat.

"You can ask Nat or Wanda too. Nat found out day one, Wanda a few days ago." You wiped your tears, hoping they believed you. "Actually, Peter knows too."

"I was stuck in all those memories when you came into the kitchen. I didn't even register that you were in the room, so when you touched me I freaked out. I never meant to hurt you!"

You looked at Steve fearful that he would be upset.

"Y/N, I believe you." You cried tears of relief at his statement, genuinely exhausted from the day. "It's not your fault, and you didn't hurt me. Just caught me off guard. You're surprisingly agile when you want to be." He tried to lighten the mood, glad to hear you laugh.

"Well, I train in the middle of the night sometimes. I- I want to be able to get out if I'm ever forced back there." Your voice was quiet, admitting a secret you hadn't even told Nat.

"We won't let that happen." The sternness of Sam's voice surprised you.

"Thank you." You wiped your tears a final time, looking between the two men. "Now, what do I do about Bucky?" You refocused your energy on fixing your relationship with the super soldier.

"He never would have said what he said if he had known." Steve started the conversation, defending his friend.

"I know. I don't hold it against him, I just wish I could explain. I get so nervous when he looks at me like that." You rambled, too tired to filter your thoughts.

"Like what?" Sam asked, eager for more information to tease Bucky with.

"Huh? Oh, I don't know. Like he can see into my soul." You deadpanned, earning a laugh from both men. "I just want him to like me." You nearly whined, upset by your poor relationship.

"Like you, huh?" Steve grinned. Nat and Wanda chose that exact moment to walk into the room, eagerly joining the conversation.

"Barnes? Did you tell him how you feel?" Wanda squealed with excitement.

You buried your head in your hands, avoiding the knowing looks the four of them were surely sharing. "Not exactly." You gestured to your head, hoping Wanda would figure it out and share with Nat.

"Ooh... It didn't go well, basically Barnes got upset, Y/N flipped Steve and had a panic attack, then told these two everything." Wanda explained to Nat quickly, trying not to make you relive it.

"We need a plan." Nat declared.

"No, I just need to learn how to have a conversation with the man." You rolled your eyes at yourself. "I'll try talking to him again." You went to leave the room, turning around to glare at them. "And none of you can say a word of this to Bucky."

Despite you request, Steve still tried to talk to Bucky.

"What's up with you?" Steve questioned, trying to subtly pry into Bucky's thoughts.

"Nothing. Why?" Bucky answered in a questioning tone, trying to figure out Steve's motives.

"I heard you talked to Y/N is all. How'd it go?" He gave up on the subtle approach pretty quickly, knowing Bucky wouldn't answer a question that wasn't asked.

"How did you even hear that, punk?" Bucky deflected.

"Not the point. Answer the question."

"Not great. I messed it up." Bucky sighed, annoyed at himself for barging out of the room. "She said wanted to apologize, that she didn't mean what she said." He ran his hands through his hair, struggling to explain where it all went wrong.

"Would've been fine if I could follow what she was saying. She was rambling about me not liking her, which you and I both know isn't true. Ugh, i've never been mad at her. I'm mad at myself! At Hydra for making me a monster! How could she ever like me if she doesn't like violence? My entire past is violent." He huffed, having worked himself up again.

"You're not a monster, Buck." Steve started gently.

"I know you think that." Steve gave him a pointed glare. "I know, okay? But what does she think?"

"Maybe you should try talking to her. You might be surprised by what you learn." Steve clapped him on the shoulder, trying to reassure him, before leaving the room.

Everytime you tried to talk to Bucky, something got in the way. The first time, he was called in for an emergency mission before you even got the word hello out.

The second time, Tony walked into the common area, completely oblivious to the tension, and put on a movie.

The third time, Steve and Nat interrupted you. You were just about to apologize again after an awkward greeting when the elevator doors opened. The sounds of the cheerful laughter and stolen kisses didn't really set the mood for confessing your past with Hydra.

The fourth, and final time, was the most embarrassing.

You walked into the room on a mission. You were going to talk to him, no matter who decided to walk in.

"Bucky, I really need to-" and you tripped on a toy Morgan left out, causing you to tumble to the ground. That would have been embarrassing enough, but there's more.

In your effort to get up, you tripped again, hitting your head on the coffee table, causing you to bleed profusely.

"Shit." You cursed yourself, holding your hand up to your bleeding forehead.

"Are you okay?" Bucky rushed to you from the other side of the table, concerned with the amount of blood spewing from your head.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Unfortunately, you chose that moment to jokingly reference your past.

Some of the people who tortured you had a sick sense of humor. Whenever they would hit you hard enough to make you bleed, they said something about only having one head. A play on words because of the greek serpent with multiple heads.

"Head wounds bleed a lot, I'm lucky I only have one." You froze instantly, unsure if he would have had a similar experience. Slowly, you looked up in an effort to make eye contact.

Bucky was also frozen in place. Clearly he understood the reference.

"Wh- where did you hear that?" Bucky struggled with his sentence, trying not to flashback to his time at Hydra.

"Oh my god. I'm so so sorry." You instantly started apologizing, trying to backtrack. "I really need to learn when to stop fucking talking." You said more to yourself than him.

"Where did you hear it?" He asked again, putting more power behind his words.

"Um, well, i've been trying to tell you for weeks now, but um, I also kind of, have, um, well, you see-"

"Just spit it out." There was the slightly miffed Bucky you were used to.

"I was taken. By Hydra. 9 years ago. Um, they forced me to learn how to fight. Tortured me if I did anything wrong. Forced me to do things..." You trailed off, realizing you didn't need to give him many details. He has first hand experience.

"Y/N, I-" You cut him off before he could say anything else.

"That's why I don't like using violence. I only know how to do that stuff because they made me learn it. I didn't want to use the skills they gave me." You took a deep, grounding breath.

"I don't blame you for anything you were forced to do. It wasn't your choice. You're not a violent person, and your past actions don't define who you are. You're here to help people. That's what you chose. That's who you are."

You made eye contact before you continued. "I've actually wanted to thank you for the longest time."

"For what?" He was incredulous, wildly caught off guard by everything you've said.

"The only reason I had an opportunity to escape was because 2 years ago, you escaped. If Hydra's resources hadn't been spread so thin trying to find you, I probably would've never got out. So thank you. For being strong enough to fight back."

You smiled at him, still unsure of how he was feeling.

"I... I'm so sorry." To say you were stunned was an understatement. What the hell could he have to be sorry about? Sure he was a little rude, but from your point of view he was completely justified in hating you.

"Bucky, you have no reason to be sorry. You didn't know, and I couldn't get out of my head enough to tell you. You just make me nervous." You clapped a hand over your mouth, shocked at having said what you just said.

You could see his face fall ever so slightly, causing you to jump back into your explanation.

"Not because I'm scared of you or anything! Hell, I could probably take you in a fight." You winked, trying to lighten the mood. It seemed to work, judging by the slight smirk on his face.

"I just, I've looked up to you for so long. Your determination to do good after everything you've been through is really inspiring. It's actually why I wanted to join the Avengers in the first place. I never would have-" You would have kept rambling if he hadn't stopped you.

"Y/N, I am sorry, and I do have reason to be. There's no excuse for what I said to you in the kitchen that day. Even if I didn't know, I threw everything you've been through back in your face. If someone had done that to me, I probably would have had a panic attack." He tried joking, but by the way you froze he could tell he struck a nerve.

"You had a panic attack? I'm so sorry! God, I just left you all alone and-"

It was your turn to cut him off. "Actually, I was kind of frozen in place until Steve touched me and I maybe threw him to the ground... Then I had a panic attack..." You smiled, trying to convey the joke. "So, I wasn't alone. Sam was actually also there. If anything, it made me better friends with both of them because I told them everything. So I have you to thank for that to." You playfully nudged his side.

He ran his hands through his hair, then down his face, clearly trying to deal with his own guilt.

"Hey, don't beat yourself up about it. You didn't know. It happened. We're good now, so we can move on." You smiled, trying to cheer him up.

"How are you so relaxed about all of this? You were tortured for years... I..." He was genuinely curious, trying to find a way to cope with his own pain.

"Well, even before that I always thought therapy could be helpful for me, so I really jumped in full force when I was free. Plus, if you can't joke about something, you haven't really moved on. Some days are harder than others, but I just try to appreciate the people I have now and the good experiences I've been lead to." You kept the tone light, trying not to get too emotional.

He just stared at you for a few minutes, making you questions everything.

"I mean, it's totally different for you though! I was only there for 7 years, you were forced into all that for like 10 times as long. I didn't mean to belittle-"

"I think you inspire me just as much as you say I've inspired you." He cut you off again, a small smile growing on your lips.

"Well, in the spirit of our newfound friendship, can I be totally honest?" You bit your lip, nervous about telling him the truth.

He looked nervous as well, but nodded anyway.

"I kind of, maybe, sort of have a crush on you." You watched his expression carefully, although there was really no need. His face easily gave away his surprise.

"You..." He stuttered, moving his fingers between the two of you. "Me? But, I was so mean!"

"What can I say, I saw through the facade... Well, really Wanda accidentally read your mind and told me why you were so upset around me when her and Nat teamed up to get me to tell you how I feel." You rambled again, realization dawning that you accidentally outed Wanda.

"But you can't tell her I told you that! She didn't mean to! She just said you think really loud sometimes and it's hard not to hear it! She did it to me too actually, I mean I told her she could look in my head so I wouldn't have to explain everything again, I know so lazy, and that's how she confirmed my crush on you." You said it all with wide eyes at a rapid speed, unable to control yourself around Bucky.

You slapped your hands over your mouth, forcing yourself to stop talking. Bucky looked on in amusement, slowly reaching to pull your hands away from your face.

"I won't tell her, if you get dinner with me tonight." He smiled cheekily, relishing in your blush.

"That's a deal I'm willing to make." You reached your arms around his neck, kissing his cheek before running to get ready.

***

Bonus:

Sam whined playfully as he looked at the high scores. "Whose username is 'God is a spoon' and how did they get so good at this game?"

He looked around the room, eying any suspicious candidates. Everyone denied it, throwing out accusations left and right.

It was another of Tony's team bonding nights and he chose VR games on the oculus. Obviously, Beat Saber was a top contender amongst the group.

You walked in with Bucky, unaware of the conversation going on, but immediately joining it.

"Peter! I bet it was him!" You playfully nudged the younger Avenger, having formed a close friendship in the early days. "What am I betting on?" Everyone laughed, happy to see you in a good mood after being so stressed for so long.

"Whose username is 'God is a spoon'." Sam chuckled after filling you in. You and Bucky settled on the couch, cuddling next to each other.

"Oh, that's me. Why?" You looked around curiously, trying to figure out what they wanted. "Is it a weird username? It was actually one of the catchphrase things in Just Dance on the switch, I didn't just think of it." You tried to justify yourself, causing more laughter.

"You?! How did you get all the highscores on this game? I thought you were the clumsy one."

You made an exaggerated face to show how offended you were, playfully swatting at Sam.

"I'll have you know, 7 years of Hydra 'training' and experimentation has its perks." You joked with the room. "One of them being I can beat your ass at pretty much any video game."

"Oh, you're so on." Sam smiled, glad he could joke around with you about it.

Meanwhile, Tony looked incredulously around the room, being the only one in the room who hadn't heard about your history, he was rightfully confused.

"I'm sorry, 7 years of WHAT?"

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #natasha romanoff #captain america #tony stark #peter parker #sam wilson #bucky barnes #marvel fic #tw: panic attack #steve rogers x natasha romanoff

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gubler-me-up · 3 years

Text

Eye of the Beholder

Request: So u and Spence work together and u haven’t gotten together before. One day, the weekend after a tough case, he comes over to hang out only to find you all puffy and a mess. (Like 3 day old unwashed hair). He realizes why, emotions are revealed, and boom! s m u t

A/N: Thanks for the request, @bi-sub-spence! Not going to lie, this took me a minute to write because I wanted to fit every component in that you requested but had to modify some things to make it flow (had to dim the smut down a bit sorry it’s still a smut tho!!) I hope you enjoy it!

Couple: Spencer Reid/Plus!size fem reader

Category: Smut

Content warning: Self-degradation, mention of a fire, mention of death, fingering, clit stimulation

Word count: 3.7k

——————–

You packed up your things to get ready to leave the bureau for the weekend. You felt as if the week had been longer than a normal week. It felt as if you had just lived through three weeks back to back with no breaks. On top of the case you and the team wrapped up, it felt as if the whole world was out of your hands.

A lot had been going through your head the week before the case. Usual feelings of doubting your impact on the world. The doubt of having a purpose. The case solidified your doubts of even being on the team anymore.

“Y/N.”

You froze when you heard Spencer call you. You felt your throat go dry and your eyes widened as you got lost in your mind. Everything seemed to play out right in front of you again.

“Y/N,” Spencer yelled.

He grabbed your arm to yank you away from the flames coming from inside the house. You tried to yank your arm away from his hand but he wasn’t letting you go. You needed to go back in there to save him. It was your fault he ended up trapped in there in the first place. You should’ve been in there with him.

You tried to yank away from his grasp again but he didn’t give you another chance of trying to get away from him. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you back. You were pretty sure he could feel you shaking to your core as manic tears started running down your face and the sound of despair left your mouth.

“Y/N, stop. We can’t do anything,” he said.

“Y/N,” Spencer called again.

You broke out of your train of thought as you turned your head to look behind you. He stood a few inches away from you and the concern plastered on his face wasn’t hard to miss. It was hard to think he would look that concerned if he didn’t already know what you were in deep thought about.

You grabbed your bag and placed it over your shoulder. You flashed a quick smile to show him you were fine. You didn’t fool either of you. You could see in his eyes he had this unwavering sympathy that you wanted to run away from. You didn’t want any more sympathy. You wanted to lay in your bed and forget about your life.

“Are we still on for this weekend?” He asked.

You raised a questionable eyebrow. “On for?”

“Remember? I was going to go over to your place, so we could watch some movies and order pizza,” he said.

“Oh, yeah, about that. I think we should postpone until next weekend,” you said.

You could see the instant disappointment and further concern all mix on his face. He reached out his hand to grab onto your upper arm. He gently rubbed it to send some reassurance your way. On any other day, you would have been giddy if he even reached out in an attempt to touch you but his touch only reminded you of him holding you back from the fire.

“Y/N, we can talk about what happened. You don’t have to go through this alone,” he said.

You flashed a smile. “Thanks but I just need some sleep. I’ll talk to you on Monday.”

Before he could get another word in, you yanked your arm away from his touch and walked past him. You rushed out of the bullpen before he could try to stop you because you knew he will. It’s not as if you blamed him for holding you back from saving a life. In fact, you blamed yourself a great deal for putting someone’s life in danger through your missteps. Going back in the fire was the least you could do to amend for what you did.

When you unlocked your apartment door, you didn’t feel your usual sense of relief of being home. After a long case away, you would have been giddy to be back in your bed. However, you still felt torn inside. You couldn’t get the fire away from your sight. The smell of smoke still filling your lungs. The last bit of chance saving Michael when you saw him close the door.

You walked in and closed the door behind you. You dropped your bag at the door as it was becoming too heavy. Not because it was packed heavily, you actually packed it quite light. You just couldn’t find the strength to hold anything anymore. You barely even had the strength to stand as you felt your knees shaking.

You could feel your whole body shake the more you walked towards your room. You wanted to crawl into your bed immediately and forget about your week. It would be even better if you could forget about your whole existence as well.

You opened your bedroom door to be greeted by the mess of your room. Clothes on the floor, cups half-filled covered your nightstand, your bed unmade. It would stay like that until you found the energy to sort it out. The way you felt like not moving for an eternity, you guessed it would have to wait that long to get done as well.

You passed by your huge standing mirror in your room. You stopped and looked at yourself. You scanned your body from head to toe and back up. You knew if you weren’t horridly overweight you could have ran faster to grab Michael in time.

You pinched the skin on your side. You kept pinching it harder and harder and harder until it became numb pain. You watched yourself in the mirror. You looked like an absolute wreck.

You stopped pinching your side and moved your hand’s attention to your face. You caressed over the scars of imperfections past covering your face. You tilted your face up to reveal even more of them covering your neck and chest.

You were disgusted by yourself. Of course Michael wouldn’t trust you. You looked like his enemy. You would run into a ticking time bomb as well.

You could hear your phone ringing from within your bag. You couldn’t find the strength to move away from the mirror to answer it. It felt as if your brain couldn’t think of anyone wanting to contact you after figuring out who you truly were: a monster. You let it ring.

And let it ring and ring again. You just let it ring as you stared at yourself until your eyes felt as if they were going black with only the imagery of flames being the constant flash of light in the darkness. You could feel the smoke in your lungs. You wanted to scream out for Michael but you couldn’t make a peep. You just stood there, useless.

Your phone was still ringing but there was a faint knocking coming from afar. You groaned as you opened your eyes. You didn’t even remember getting into bed but you were glad you were laying down. You couldn’t even fathom getting up. The noise around you, however, was making it difficult for you to fall back asleep.

You couldn’t think of what all the noise was for. You were starting to think it was all in your head. You couldn’t think of one person who would be calling you nonstop, let alone someone visiting you. You closed your eyes to try to shut out the noise and to go back to forgetting about your existence.

“Y/N.”

Your eyes shot open when you heard the faint sound of your voice being called. The voice sounded familiar but you decided to not decipher it. If you ignored them for long enough, they would probably go away. However, they kept calling and calling and calling your name. Your phone was also still ringing and if you could guess, whoever was calling your phone was also calling your name.

“Y/N.”

You slowly got up from your bed to go towards your front door. You had a feeling the voice behind the door was the only person you knew who would come to check on you.

You stood at your door and peeped through the peephole to see Spencer standing there, knocking and calling out your name. You couldn’t see his expression clearly but from the sound of his voice you could tell just how much concern he had for your wellbeing.

You would open the door to show him you were fine but he would see right through it. Your hair hadn’t been washed in a while, you were still in your work clothes and who knows what your face looked like with all the smudged makeup you had failed to take off. You would look like the monster you knew you were all along.

“Y/N, if you can hear me, can you please let me know you’re okay? I’ve tried to call you all weekend but you haven’t been answering. I just need to know you’re okay,” he said.

You sighed as you unlocked your front door but made sure the chain was still intact. You didn’t want him to see the whole of you. Just enough so he knew you were breathing.

As you opened the door, you saw his face immediately relax in relief as he saw half your face peeking at him. He looked at his phone and immediately hung up whoever he was calling. When he did, your phone stopped ringing as well, as you had expected.

“I’m okay,” you said.

“You haven’t responded to anyone’s calls or texts for almost three days. I-well, we were all worried,” he said.

“I’ve just been taking some time for myself. Nothing to worry about,” you said.

“If that’s the case, may I come in? I brought some movies and popcorn, so we can hang out and hopefully make you feel better about our last case,” he said.

As soon as he said that, you could feel your mouth go dry. The cloud of smoke came over your vision and the heaviness filled your lungs. It was almost too hard to stand. You could only shake your head as you tried to close the door. He stopped you by shoving his foot in-between the door, so you couldn’t lock him out.

You looked at his foot blocking your escape. You wanted to slam the door in his face and run back into your bed. You didn’t even know why you got out in the first place. Now he wasn’t going to let you go so easily.

“Y/N, can you please let me in?” He begged.

“Spence, I think it’s best I don’t,” you said.

“Why’s that?” He asked.

“Because…” you started as tears flowed down your face.

There was a moment of silence between you two as he waited for you to continue. You were having trouble piecing together why you didn’t want to let him in. You were a mess, you were worthless, you were hideous. You couldn’t let him come any closer to you.

Then you felt his hand cup your face as his thumb gently wiped away a tear. You didn’t want to look up at him to see any more of you. Not the tears, not the scars, not the smudged makeup. You didn’t want him to see you for who you really were.

“I’m not going to let someone I love suffer in silence like this,” he said.

You immediately looked up as soon as he said the word ‘love.’ You had to look at him to see if you had imagined those words leaving his mouth. As soon as your eyes met his, you knew he meant what he had said. His eyes were filled with concern and care you hadn’t seen anyone have for you in years.

You sighed as you unhooked the chain on your door to fully open it. He removed his hand from your face as he shuffled his way inside of your apartment. He didn’t take your eyes off of you the whole time as you closed the door. It made you self-conscious. He could see how awful you looked. The raw you. How you felt on the inside.

He looked at you with no distaste though. He gave you a gracious smile, almost sympathetic. You wanted to hide away from his gaze. Even though he was smiling at you, you felt as if he was judging every part of you.

He probably wondered why you were still in your work clothes from Friday or why your makeup was still on. Your hair was tangled and unwashed. You wondered if he could tell. You started to sweat from being nervous of him possibly thinking you smell since you hadn’t showered in almost three full days.

“It’s okay to ask for help sometimes,” he said as he dropped his bag.

“What?” You asked.

“Have you had a relaxing bath in a while? That's what I do when I’m feeling down,” he said.

“You said you couldn’t let someone you love suffer. I’m just happy you stopped by to say that. You don’t have to do anything else,” you insisted.

He shook his head. “I want to. I feel terrible for not going home with you on Friday to make sure you were okay. The look you had on Friday left me feeling…guilty.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Guilty?”

“I should have tried better to let you know that nothing was your fault about the case. I know how hard you take things and it hurts knowing you get down on yourself. I just want to hold you close to let you know everything’s okay,” he admitted.

You let out a long sigh after digesting everything he said. It didn’t fully erase the pain or depression you were feeling towards yourself or the case but you loved the fact he was trying. You could hear how genuine he was about wanting to be there for you.

You formed a small smile. “This job is haunting. It doesn’t help that tough cases weigh heavy on me and I start questioning myself even more than I already do.”

“You shouldn’t do that. You’re a great profiler, a great person, and most importantly, you’re you. You should love everything about you as much as I do,” he said.

You paused before you said anything again. That was the second time he had said he loved you. At first you didn’t think much of it but now you were considering he was trying to tell you something. You stared at him intently to see if he looked as if he loved you. If you were as great of a profiler as he said, you could tell.

“How much do you love me?” You asked, softly.

“I love you enough to start a hot bath for you and we’ll go from there,” he suggested with a shrug.

“I’d like that a lot,” you sniffled.

Spencer had his back towards you as you took off your clothes to hop in the hot bubble bath he had prepared for you. Even having him so close to you made you nervous. What if he could somehow see your rolls or stretch marks on your thighs? Would he take back everything he said before if he saw how low your breasts sagged without a bra?

You could feel the cloud come back over you as you hopped into the tub. Even though his words made you feel alive inside, you couldn’t shake the awful thoughts about yourself fully. It was not knowing how he’d react to you once he saw your naked body. If he saw your naked body.

You looked at him to see his back still turned as he leaned against the doorframe. You splashed some water on your face to remove your makeup residue, so you were completely you. You could feel your hands shake.

“Are you in the tub?” He asked.

“Yup,” you said.

“Would you like anything? I can get you something to drink or even a snack,” he said.

“No thank you,” you said.

“Okay, I’ll leave you to relax. I’ll just be out in your living room,” he said.

“Wait,” you said.

You paused before you continued. You didn’t know if you wanted to say what you wanted to anymore. You sighed as you were about to tell him ‘nevermind.’

“Can you stay here with me? Like, sit next to me,” you asked.

He slowly turned around to look at you. Your heart stopped as he examined you with wide, curious eyes. He smiled as he walked into the bathroom and sat on the toilet right next to the bathtub as you requested. He was blushing as he tried not to peek at the body parts not covered by the millions of bubbles.

You tried to cover yourself up with as many bubbles as possible. You couldn’t even imagine what he was thinking. He probably saw you for your real size and real scars and hated it. He was just too polite to say anything about it. You started to think it was a horrible idea inviting him to be with you while you bathed three days of filth away.

“You really love bubbles,” he commented.

“Yeah,” you whispered.

He looked at you concerned. “Is there something wrong? Is the water too hot? Do I make you uncomfortable? If I’m staring a lot, I don’t mean to it’s just that-”

“You think I’m hideous,” you said.

He violently shook his head as he looked repulsed by you even uttering those words. He gently grabbed your hand from the depths of the hot water to hold it in his. He squeezed it tight and held it close to him as he gave you that same genuine look from when you opened the door.

“Y/N, I know learning to love yourself takes time but I want you to know that I love everything about you. You’re the most gorgeous woman to me, inside and out. I’ll be here every step of the way to help you realize that,” he said.

You could feel the tears flow down his face as you listened to him. Some of the words he said were finally sticking to your brain as you started to accept his feelings. It meant the world to you he was there for you with such love and generosity in his heart.

“I love you, Spence,” you said.

He smiled. “I love you too. Is there anything else you need me to do for you?”

He used his free hand to wipe your tears as you thought about what you really wanted his hands to do. You wanted him to feel the real you. If he loved you for you, would he be willing to touch you in more ways than just your hands?

“It’s a weird request and don’t feel obligated to,” you said.

“I’d do anything for you. All you gotta do is ask,” he said.

“Can you make me feel…feel…” you said as you tried to put it into words.

He used his free hand to caress your neck up and down. You smiled at his gentle touch as he understood your drift without you needing to explain yourself further.

“Would you like me to go lower?” He asked.

You nodded. “Yes, please.”

He smiled as his face turned visibly red. He caressed his hand down your neck to your chest. You watched as his eyes focused on your breasts as he gently cupped one in your hand and gently massaged your nipple. You softly moaned.

“Am I doing good?” He asked.

“Very,” you moaned.

He smiled. “Would you like me to go lower?”

You nodded and he didn’t hesitate to obey. You watched as his hands caressed down your stomach. You held your breath as nerves took you over as he touched your stomach. You were sure he’d say something about your rolls but he seemed laser-focused on pleasuring you. Good thing his sleeves were already rolled up.

His hand reached your clit and you moaned as you felt him carefully rubbing it. You clenched your hand tighter in his as you tried to steady your breathing. You couldn’t imagine the last time you felt so excited inside. It was as if something inside of you was coming alive.

“Do you want me to go faster?” He asked.

“Yes,” you moaned.

He did just as you wanted. He circled your clit over and over again until you were practically moaning his name unprovoked. He yanked your hand towards him to move you closer to him. He embraced you in a kiss as soon as he snuck two fingers into you.

You aggressively moaned in his mouth as his fingers curled in you. He gently rubbed your g-spot as his thumb still worked vigorously on your clit. You could barely keep your composure as he made you feel things you couldn’t put into sensible words.

“Oh my God, Spence,” you moaned.

He kissed you again. “I just want you to feel good. Always.”

You grabbed onto his shirt to pull him close to you. He immediately went back to kissing you, not getting enough of you. He let go of your hand to grab the back of your neck to keep you in place. He engulfed every moan you let out as his fingers worked you.

They worked you so much, your legs were shaking in the water. You could make waves from how much they were trembling. This tingling came over your body and your breathing became unstable to the point you thought you weren’t even in the moment anymore. You were somewhere else completely experiencing heaven.

You broke away from his mouth as you let out a breathless moan. You felt the electrifying feeling of an orgasm go through your body. You hadn’t felt something so intense in years. Once it passed, you looked Spencer in his eyes. He stared at you with a joyous smile on his face as he pulled his fingers out of you.

“You look at peace,” he said.

“Because I kind of am. You’ve made me feel things I haven’t felt in awhile,” you said.

“I’m glad I could make you feel that way. I hope this is a start in making you feel happier and happier today,” he said.

“I think we’re off to a good start to making that happen. Maybe the next steps would be some needed help with cleaning my room," you said.

He smiled and nodded. “Anything for you.”

—–

MASTERLIST

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#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #Spencer Reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfic #dr. spencer reid #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n

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skiller0dani · 3 years

Text

Intoxicated | Klaus Hargreeves

M A S T E R L I S T TUA Masterlist

smut | teen!klaus x teen!reader requests info w.c | 8.9k summary | you fell in love with klaus when you were teenagers. but after he continues to relapse, you lose faith that he will get clean. when you see him again as an adult, has anything changed?

The first time you properly met Klaus you were both around 17, and he was slumped against the wall of an alleyway. His face was bare of facial hair, and he looked far too boyish for a needle to be still in his arm. You were only out looking for him as a favor to Allison, whom you’d known since you were both children. You never paid much attention to Klaus, or any of her other siblings but after hours of incessant begging you’d finally agreed to go look for him. You still remembered her frantic voice over the phone.

“Please? If my Dad notices Klaus is gone he’ll lock him up in the Mausoleum to dry him out.”

You might not care much for Klaus or his drug habit, but you couldn’t just let Mr. Hargreeves lock him up so that ghosts can torment him while he sobers up. You know Allison is just protecting him, but you can tell even she is starting to lose faith in Klaus. It’s honestly sort of heartbreaking. But hopefully if you get him back in time, maybe you can get him sober enough to fool Mr. Hargreeves into thinking Klaus finally cleaned up.

“Klaus!” You rush to him immediately, carefully pulling the needle out of his arm. You tuck it into your bag so that Grace can help you and Allison figure out what Klaus took. You trust that Grace wont tell Mr. Hargreeves, the only thing more powerful than the programming is her desire to protect her children. His eyes are barely open when he smiles at you, his pupils blown wide open. You brush his hair out of his face, his palm twitching in yours as you take his hand to pull him to stand.

“Can you stand?” You ask him, watching as his arm limply falls from your hand.

“You’re not really here, you’ve never even looked at me twice…” Klaus mumbles through a slack jaw. That’s when his eyes roll back.

“Klaus?” You gently slap his cheeks, trying to get his attention. You sigh deeply, worried when you see his eyes roll again behind closed eyelids. Is he seizing? His body jerks once before sliding further down the wall. You know you can’t leave him here, but you also know that you need Luther to come get Klaus, you can’t move him.

“Please don’t move, I’ll be right back.” You say hurriedly, cupping his cheeks to force him to look at you. Klaus grunts in what you can only hope is an acknowledgement that he heard you before you’re standing and sprinting for the Academy. By the time you’d reached your destination and had delivered your convincing argument to Luther, it’d been 45 minutes. You lead the way back to Klaus praying to God that he was exactly where you’d left him, but you doubt it. Sure enough, when you turned the corner into the alley, Klaus was nowhere to be seen.

“Shit!” You cursed, a panicked glint in your eyes as you helplessly turned to Luther.

“Please help me find him.” You plead, grasping desperately onto his arm. Luther has what you can only describe as a scowl on his face as he turns to you.

“I’m not doing this again.” He snapped.

“What do you mean?”

“Getting invested in Klaus’s recovery, I’m not doing it again. Letting myself believe that he could get clean only leads to more disappointment when he eventually uses again.” You can see layers of old scars in his eyes, reflections of all the times Klaus has relapsed and let his siblings down.

“Luther I get it, really I do. But right now Klaus is God knows where, and when Reginald realizes-” The mention of his father causes Luther to stiffen considerably. Deep down Luther knows that Klaus wouldn’t have substance abuse issues if he didn’t spend half his childhood locked in that damn Mausoleum being tormented by the dead.

“Let’s just find him quickly.” You nearly celebrate when Luther finally relents but you don’t, instead you immediately start searching the surrounding streets and alleys in search of your resident junkie. You doubt Klaus could go very far, he’d been in really bad shape when you saw him last. He could hardly sit up let alone walk, did he crawl?

“Found him!” You hear Luther call, and when you turn you see Luther standing with Klaus slung over his shoulder at the end of the alleyway. Klaus has the hint of a smile on his face as Luther hauls him back, and you’d almost say Klaus looks entertained. Although, it could be the hallucinations making him smile like that. By the time you’d arrived back at the Academy, the mysterious needle you’d taken from Klaus’s arm earlier had been thoroughly tested by Grace.

“It’s heroin.” Allison’s shaky voice came from the doorway of Klaus’s bedroom. You turned to look at her, watching as nothing but anger fills her eyes.

“He promised me that he’d never done any hard drugs, he promised it was just weed and painkillers! And he’s injecting heroin?” You can tell that she really is hurt, you can see the betrayal in her eyes before she’s turning out of his room.

“Allison-”

“No, I won’t watch him slowly kill himself. In 2 weeks when we finally turn 18 he’ll be gone anyway. Don’t forget to invite me to his funeral.” She snaps, wiping her eyes before slamming his door shut. It was then that you’d decided not to give up on him, because the second everyone lost faith in him was the second they signed his death certificate. Loving an addict is harder than you would think, but you were willing to be Klaus’s person, so long as he was dedicated to getting better. If Klaus gives up on himself, then there’s no point. So you sat on the edge of his bed and used a rag to wipe away dried vomit on his face and neck, plus you dabbed at a closing gash on his head which was still bleeding a little.

“Y/N?” You hear him mumble, and when you look up at him again you see his eyes have cracked open. You brush his hair off his forehead, and the look in his eyes has your entire body heating up. It’s not a particularly provocative look, more of a hungry curiosity. There was still gentleness there, and a sincerity beneath it all. All his siblings have given up on him at this point, and deep down you think Klaus knows that. They’ve reached the point that the next time Klaus goes missing, they won’t look for him or even worse- they won’t even realize he’s gone. The thought breaks your heart.

“Hi.” You can’t think of anything else to say. Klaus reaches one hand up to wind into your hair, a sly smile crossing onto his face.

“Can’t say I remember the last time we properly spent quality time together.” He raises one brow, his hazel eyes twinkling mischievously.

“That’s because we never have.”

“What a shame.” The smug smile on his face makes your cheeks heat up embarrassingly. You feel all mushy in his presence.

“You have to get clean before Reginald gets home tomorrow.”

“Oh wouldn’t want to disappoint daddy dearest.” You can practically taste the sarcasm in his tone, but still he keeps that damn smile stretched across his face.

“He’ll lock you away if he finds out, stop pretending like this isn’t a big deal.” You sigh, standing to find him clean clothes. Klaus pushes himself onto his elbows, his head is swimming. The nausea twisting his gut is hard to ignore, but watching you bend over in those tight jeans has him ignoring the discomfort. He wouldn’t miss the show for anything.

“Enjoying yourself?” You ask him once you notice him staring. You use snarky comments to hide how flushed you are, how flustered you are from the heat in his gaze.

“Enjoying the view.” Is all Klaus says, and you know he can see how red your cheeks are. You shake your head as you toss clean clothes at him, quickly diverting your eyes when he begins to undress with you still in the room.

“Jesus, warn me next time!” You squeak as you turn your eyes to the ground when he tosses his dirty pair of tight jeans at you along with his shirt. You hear the zipper of his tight black jeans pull up and that’s when you decide it’s safe to look. When you eye him again, he’s sitting up on the bed pulling his shirt on over his head.

“What’s the fun in that?” Despite his snarky comebacks and the smirk on his face, you can tell he doesn’t feel good at all. There are bags under his eyes and he winces every time he moves. You place a hand on his shoulder when he tries to stand, a look he can’t quite read on your face.

“I’m gonna make you something to eat, please don’t go anywhere.” The genuine fear in your eyes as you look down at him has Klaus rooted to the bed. Suddenly a fear of letting you down cripples him then, and he can only manage a nod before you’re leaving the room.

The first time you saw Klaus overdosing you had come home from work early. It was a few months since you and Luther found him in that alleyway, and he’d made no attempts to clean up. Of course you thought he was clean and attending meetings. Klaus knew you’d be heartbroken if you knew the truth, and he was borderline worried you’d kick him out if you knew he spent most of the day high. If he knew that you’d fallen head over heels for him, he wouldn’t be worried about being kicked out. Klaus was clean the first week he moved in with you, but then came the ghosts. Their voices echoing in his head, their bloodied and battered bodies plaguing his every waking moment. He had clamped his hands over his ears to try and block them out, and he actually endured the tortuous voices for 17 hours before he gave in and popped some oxy.

“Klaus I’m back-'' Before you could finish whatever you were saying you spotted him lying unconscious on the living room floor. You dropped a glass platter and everything felt like it was happening in slow motion. You immediately scrambled towards him as the glass shattered everywhere. Your hands cupped his cheeks as tears filled your eyes, and you could not stop shaking.

“K-Klaus?” You gasped, shaking his shoulders to no avail. His body was practically lifeless, and his skin was almost gray and colorless. You lifted his wrist to check his pulse, and nearly burst into tears of relief when you felt a pulse but it was fading fast.

“Damnit Klaus!” You sobbed to yourself, leaning down to see if he was breathing. You held your breath, and prayed you would hear his faint breath. When you didn’t, it felt like you had been plunged into cold water. The panic struck you deep in your chest and you quickly sat up to perform CPR. You tilted his head back as the tears flowed down your cheeks, and you quickly started compressions. You reached into your pocket to press the stupid little life alert button you’d purchased when Klaus moved in. In moments like this you knew you needed a quick way to call an ambulance. You listened for his breathing once more, and cried softly when you still didn’t hear any breathing.

“Klaus please, please.” You didn’t know what you were pleading for, but you were so desperate for him to be okay that you couldn’t think straight. You continued compressions and then breathing into his mouth for 10 minutes before the emergency services arrived. They nearly had to pry you off him before shoving a breathing tube down his throat, and injecting him with something in a syringe. You’d climbed into the ambulance next to Klaus, his hand held tightly in yours. He looked lifeless in the hospital room, his eyes were closed and there were tubes sticking out of him. The steady beeping from the monitor was your only clue that his heart was still beating. You called his siblings, but after 5 hours you figured they weren’t going to come, you doubt they’d even listen to the message. Underneath the fear there’s anger, so much anger. How could he do this to you? He lied to you. He said he was clean! Did he ever attend a meeting or was that just a lie to go get more weed and pills?

“Hey you.” You hear his raspy voice from beside you. Once he started breathing on his own again they replaced the breathing tube for oxygen in his nose. The doctors said they would need to keep him here until he completely detoxed. There are tears welling in your eyes and you refuse to meet his eyes, you’re upset and he knows that.

“Baby I’m sorry.” Klaus tries, his hand reaching out for yours. You keep your arms folded as a tear finally falls down your cheek. Klaus hates seeing you cry and he hates even more that he is the reason you’re crying. You weren’t entirely surprised to hear him call you baby, you and Klaus have gotten close during the time he’s been living with you.

“Please look at me.” Klaus begs, a break in his voice that lets you know he has tears in his eyes. You lifted your gaze to meet his, and you see how sick he looks. His skin is gray, his eyes are sunken in and they have bags under them.

“How could you? You lied to me.” Your voice is soft, broken. This is the first time Klaus has truly let you down and you can’t help but wonder if this is how his siblings have felt every time he’s let them down. You see guilt flash in his eyes, the look in your eyes is worse than any other look Klaus has received from his brothers and sisters.

“What if I didn’t get off work early? Then you’d be dead Klaus!” You sobbed, tears wracking your body.

“Baby I swear when I get out I’ll get it together. I-I’ll clean up I promise.” A stray tear falls down his cheek and Klaus quickly reaches up to wipe it away. His hands are trembling when they reach for yours again but you still don’t budge.

“No Klaus, you’re going into fucking rehab. I can’t live with the constant fear of coming home and finding you dead. I love you too much to lose you.” The last part slips out by accident, but you can’t take it back. Klaus’s eyes widen as another tear trails down his cheek, and this time he doesn’t wipe it away.

“You love me?” How could he not know? You laugh bitterly as tears continue to cascade down your cheeks.

“Yes I do, and if you give even half a damn about me you’ll check into rehab.” You beg, your watery eyes finding his. Klaus lays his head back, his own teary eyes looking up to the ceiling before they close and he takes a deep breath.

“I love you so fucking much, so I’ll do it. For you.” Klaus finally whispers, reaching for you one last time and this time, you take his hand.

“Please tell me you’re going to take this seriously. Please? I-I can’t lose you.” You beg a few days later once Klaus was finally cleared to leave the hospital, but he would be going right to rehab. The doctors had him sign a document agreeing to be taken straight to an intensive rehab program as soon as he was released from the hospital. Klaus in all honesty was a tad bit put off by the idea of going into rehab, and was downright terrified of having to deal with the voices. Luckily he had Ben with him to help keep him sane while he was in rehab. Klaus really does love you, and he really does want to give sobriety a shot- but only for you.

“I promise, I already said I was really going to try.” Klaus sighed, turning his gaze down to look at you.

“You have no idea what that was like for me Klaus. Coming home to your lifeless body, I-I thought you were fucking dead.” You snapped, looking away from him as tears build in your eyes again. You’re so sick of crying. You feel his fingers grasping your chin, turning your head to look at him.

“I’m not dead baby, I’m here. I’m gonna get clean, and I’m gonna stay clean. I promise.” Klaus whispered before pressing his lips against yours. What you didn’t know then was that Klaus would be making that promise a hundred more times, and he’d be breaking it a hundred times. Deep down he didn’t want to get clean, he didn’t care enough about himself to try. The dead were too overwhelming, too scary, too much. Klaus couldn’t handle it, he didn’t want to. What he wanted was to be completely numb. The kiss was watery, but you pressed against him with such ferocity you almost took him by surprise.

“Mr. Hargreeves? The van is here.” A nurse says, clearing her throat awkwardly from the door. Klaus breaks the kiss first, his forehead pressed against yours. You can’t stop the tears as they trail down your cheeks. You sling his bag over your shoulder as the two of you head outside together. You see a man in scrubs take Klaus’s bag as other patients from the hospital pile into the van.

“I’ll only be gone for 3 months. Be back in a flash.” Klaus smiles, but the mischievousness doesn’t quite meet his eyes.

“I love you.” You whisper as he presses a kiss to your forehead.

“I love you.” Is the last thing you hear him whisper before he’s climbing into the van.

Klaus’s sobriety didn’t last long after rehab. Sure he’d attended all the group therapy sessions, and the annual detox therapy, he saw his therapist and followed the steps. He’d gone through the entire agonizing process of detoxing from the drugs. He wanted to be better, but then the voices came once more. Wailing in his ear about how desperately they wished to be alive, all the horrible details of their death, all the people they left behind. Ben tried to talk Klaus through it, to help him embrace his powers rather than reject them. But when Klaus sat straight up in bed, your sleeping body next to him and a thousand desperate voices screaming in his head he couldn’t take anymore.

“Don’t do this.” Ben pleaded, although he sounded defeated more than desperate. But Klaus’s shaking hands were already reaching for the closest pair of pants, which happened to be one of your skirts. Klaus was way more than itching for a fix, he was downright clawing for one. His eyes were wild as he stood up slowly, careful not to wake you up.

“She trusts you Klaus.” Ben tries again, he’s begun resorting to guilt tripping to keep Klaus sober. For the last few days it’s seemed to work, but Ben doubts it’s going to work now. Klaus is too far gone. “That isn’t going to last forever, eventually she will give up on you.”

“Shut up.” Klaus hisses, pulling sneakers on before turning for the door of the apartment. Ben appears in the doorway of the staircase, and Klaus raises a brow.

“Save whatever speech you have planned, I need it now.” Klaus says desperately, walking down the stairs- through Ben.

“Screw you Klaus, you’re taking advantage of her!” Ben snaps, you may not know Ben is around but he’s gotten to know you. He cares about you, in a sisterly way, and he hates seeing Klaus take your love and throw it away.

“Shut the hell up Ben.” There is genuine anger in Klaus’s tone now, his fists clenched as he continued towards where his normal dealer hangs out. Ben doesn’t particularly like hurting Klaus, but dammit someone has to stop him from destroying his own life.

“If you really cared about Y/N, you’d turn around and go home. She’s still laying in bed, thinking you’re next to her. How amazing is it that she wants you to be next to her, and you don’t seem to care at all. If I was alive, I’d love her right.” Ben yells, and this causes Klaus to freeze.

“Like hell you could! Y/N only wants me.” Klaus insists, but Ben can see the insecurity swirling in his eyes.

“For how long? When she realizes you relapsed again she isn’t going to want anything to do with you. Or you could go home Klaus, and put her first for once.” Ben says, his voice calmer this time. Tears well in Klaus’s eyes, he loves you more than anything on this whole planet.

“I’m sorry, I need it.” Klaus whispers before turning down the alley to see his dealer. This time, Ben doesn’t follow him. He can’t watch Klaus overdose again, he can’t watch him throw you away for drugs.

The first time you have sex with Klaus, he was high. You don’t know that, and Klaus knows exactly how you’d react if you did. It was a month since Klaus had gotten out of rehab, and you believed it also signaled a month of sobriety for him. In reality, Klaus hadn’t even made it a week before he relapsed after rehab. You wanted to celebrate with him, to do something nice for him. Ben watched you light candles while Klaus took a “nap”. It made him sick to see you do so many nice things for Klaus, while Klaus was really shooting up in your shared bathroom. You’re out here setting up something nice to celebrate Klaus’s sobriety, and he’s injecting heroin into his veins. It truly does make Ben sick. You lit the last candle, and when you reached up to remove your robe and reveal your lingerie- Ben disappeared. He isn't a pervert, he knew where this was going.

“Klaus?” You called nervously, smoothing your babydoll lace as you sat on the bed. You knew you wanted this, you were just nervous. When he emerged from the bathroom, his eyes widened as they landed on your nearly exposed breasts. He’d never seen you so naked before. Klaus swallowed a thick lump in his throat, and suddenly everything felt hotter, and tighter.

“Hey.” Is all he can say before an easy smile makes its way across his face.

“I just wanted to congratulate you on 1 month of sobriety.” You say softly with a smile, and then all the happiness drains away. Klaus feels sick to his stomach as guilt nearly brings him to his knees. You believe in him, and he’s pissing it all away. He wished he was stronger, but he isn’t. Klaus is weak and he isn’t worth it, and soon you’re going to realize that.

“You didn’t have to do this.” Klaus whispers and you shrug with a nervous smile on your face.

“You don’t like it?” You ask, your eyes widening. You’re really putting yourself out there and you can only hope he likes this. Klaus takes a step forward, his hands landing on your hips.

“No baby I do! I love this.” Klaus reassures you, and you feel your cheeks heat up when you see his eyes go wandering down your body. HIs lips lower to yours then and you feel like you’re up in the clouds. Klaus feels his heart breaking with every tender movement, every gentle brush of your fingers through his hair. It’s all he can do but to grab you and press you against his body with a bruising force. The desperation in his movements is what catches you off guard, his hands are hauling your thighs up around his waist. Normally Klaus isn’t this assertive in the bedroom, but he needs to feel your skin against his. He needs to know you’re here with him, because soon you won’t be. He knows that.

It’s not long before you’re undressed and your legs are spread open for him, and Klaus has no idea what he ever did to deserve you. Deep down he knows he doesn’t, you deserve someone like Ben. Maybe that’s why what Ben said really struck a nerve, because deep down Klaus knows if Ben were alive- you’d choose him. You’d never choose Klaus if he were being compared to Ben. Klaus grasps his cock in his hand before guiding the head into your tight opening, and when he pushes into you- it feels like absolute heaven. But there’s only one thought on Klaus’s mind, I don’t deserve this.

The second time you see Klaus overdose, it’s the morning after the best night of your life. It’s the morning after you sleep with him, the morning after you feel truly connected to him like you’re one. You stretched with a yawn, a smile on your face as your hand reaches over to where Klaus is sleeping next to you. When your hand finds cold sheets your eyes blink open, he’s already awake?

“Klaus?” You call softly, waiting for a response. When you don’t get one you finally drag yourself out of bed, you enter the living room. Again no sign of Klaus whatsoever. Panic creeps into your chest then, he’s just out getting coffee or something to surprise you. You bite nervously at your nails before you turn back to your room to push into the bathroom. The sight before you draws a gasp from you. Klaus is slumped against the wall, his arm still on the toilet with the tourniquet around his arm. The needle is on the lid of the toilet next to his arm, and you immediately rush towards him.

“What have you done?” You whisper desperately, reaching for the life alert you have in the bathroom. You have one in every room in your apartment, which at the time felt like overkill but now looking back on it you’re happy you did. You pull Klaus to lay on his back, yanking the tourniquet off his arm. You try to feel for a pulse, and much to your horror you don’t feel a pulse. You frantically press your ear to his chest, his heart isn’t beating.

“Oh my God Klaus!” You nearly scream in horror, balling your fist up and slamming it down on his chest as hard as you can. You continue to do this, tears cascading down your cheeks. He’s dead, his heart isn’t beating.

“Klaus, why? You said you were sober!” You scream in pure emotional agony. You hardly notice when the paramedics arrive until they pull you away from him.

“H-his heart isn’t beating. Please help him.” You beg as they rush him out of the apartment, but this time...you don’t go with him. You’ve finally reached the point all of Klaus’s siblings reached, the point where you just can’t take being let down anymore. You believe in him, you feel hopeful. Then you feel lower than low when you realize he relapsed again, you can’t do this anymore. You can’t take the let down anymore.

It’s a few days before you go see Klaus in the hospital, and you know what you have to do but you’re not sure you have the strength to do it. Klaus is sitting in bed, eating chocolate pudding, and this time he looks worse than last time. He glances up at you when you come in, and he has to do a double take.

“Baby-”

“Please don’t. I don’t want to hear your excuses, or your promises to get clean.” You interrupt, and it’s only just now that he notices a suitcase in your hand. There are tears endlessly falling down your cheeks, and inside you feel completely dead. Klaus knows what the suitcase is for, he knows that you’ve lost faith in him. Just like Ben predicted you would, but despite the fact that this is all Klaus’s fault...Ben still sits nearby with a look of sadness upon his face.

“What’s the suitcase for?” Klaus brings himself to ask the dreaded question even though he already knows the answer. You swallow a lump before depositing the suitcase on a chair at the end of his bed.

“That’s all your stuff. D-Don’t come back to my apartment. Don’t call. I can’t be with you like this.” You cry, watching as the broken look on your face crosses onto Klaus’s.

“Baby please don’t do this. Just give me another chance, I’ll stay clean this time-” But you’re already shaking your head, taking slow steps back towards the door.

“We’re over Klaus. I’m done. I can’t be terrified of finding your dead body, I can’t wonder where you are at night or where you’re going when you sneak out. I can’t live like this anymore, I don’t want to live like this.” You sob, your shoulders shaking as you cry softly.

“Please don’t give up on me, not you.” Klaus pleads, and the look in his eyes nearly makes you change your mind, But then you remember where he is, that he did this to himself. You shake your head.

“You’ve given me no choice Klaus! I can’t take it anymore, I can’t handle anymore heartbreak.” You snap, tears heavy on your cheeks.

“I can get my shit together, I can!” Klaus pleads as your hand finds the door handle. He can’t lose you, not you. Anybody but you.

“I know you can, but I can’t wait around wondering if you’ll get your shit together before you overdose and die. I can’t wait around hoping the latter will come first. Goodbye Klaus.” You open the door and step into the hallway.

“No, Y/N please. I love you.” You hear Klaus call before you’re closing the door behind you. Your heart shatters as you do, and continues to shatter as you walk away.

Despite what you said, he called. He called over and over again and even came to your apartment. You remember him knocking and begging you to open the door, you had slid down the wall sobbing softly with your hand over your mouth. You love Klaus more than you’ve ever loved anyone, but you can’t watch him die. You can’t. You had to let him go and hope that someday he gets clean, and that he stays clean. You hope that someday he finds something or someone to stay clean for. Clearly, you weren’t enough.

“Please open the door, I know you’re in there.” Klaus begs, leaning against the closed door.

“She’s crying. I don’t think she’s going to open the door.” Ben says, poking his head through the door to look at you. His heart breaks for you, he tried to warn Klaus this was going to happen.

“I love you Y/N, just give me one more chance please.” Klaus tries again but you stay rooted to the floor, your body shaking through the tears.

“You’re hurting her Klaus.” Ben says softly, and Klaus finally takes a step away from the door with a look of realization on his face. He is hurting you. You don’t want him here, and as much as that kills him it’s the truth. The longer he sits here in the hallway, the more you’re going to cry. He has to let you go. He quickly wipes away falling tears before slinging his bag over his shoulder. Klaus leans down to slide something under the door before heading back down the stairs, and this time he isn’t going to be coming back. You turn to see a piece of paper with a plastic bag sitting on your kitchen floor. You lift the bag, and inside it is a necklace. It’s a silver heart with diamonds along the side, but on the inside is a rose made out of rose gold. You feel tears drifting down your cheeks as you turn to the note.

“Happy 1 Year Anniversary. I love you. -K”

You collapse to the floor, clutching the necklace and the note to your chest tightly. You never thought you would lose him, actually you were stupid enough to believe you could save him from himself. But you can’t save him, you never could. No matter how much you love him, it’s time to let him go and you can only hope that the next time you see him isn’t at his funeral.

-9 Years Later-

The letter clutched in your hand was one you never thought you’d be receiving. It’s from Allison, saying that her father died so she’s in town. You can’t fight the excitement you feel upon realizing you’re probably going to see her soon. You missed her. The prospect of running into Klaus crosses your mind, but c’mon what are the chances he’ll even show up? His father locked him in a Mausoleum for most of his childhood, you know for a fact that Klaus has no love for Reginald. You’re surprised Allison is going, but then again Reginald always did his little “experiments” on Klaus. Never the others. Besides Vanya, he treated Klaus the absolute worst. So you seriously doubt Klaus will turn up, plus you’ll only be there for like 10 minutes to see Allison. That’s the only reason you’re standing here, knocking on the door.

“It’s been a while Miss Y/L/N.” Pogo says once the door opens. You smile upon seeing him and can’t help yourself as you stoop down to hug him tightly. You’ve really missed Pogo these last few years. But you had to forget all of this, push it to the back of your mind. Any reminder of Klaus would cause you to collapse into tears, so you couldn’t think about any of it. There were a few times you nearly asked Allison to use her powers to erase your relationship with Klaus from your head. There was a while where you felt like you couldn’t be happy without him, but overall you did fine.

“Oh my God! Y/N!” You hear her before you see her and before you’ve even properly turned around Allison’s arms are winding around you tightly. You feel tears burning the backs of your eyes as you hug her back, it’s so good to see her. When Allison pulls back, her eyes scan your face before flickering behind you.

“Where’s Klaus?” If it were a few years ago, the question would have sent you to your knees in tears. You shake your head with a smile.

“We broke up a few years ago.” The pain behind your eyes is unmistakable. Allison nods before her gaze is flickering down to the necklace secured around your neck.

“Then what’s that?” She lifts the necklace in her hand, the necklace Klaus had slid under your door.

“It’s just a necklace I don’t know what you-”

“I helped him pick it out Y/N. It was the last time I talked to him.” She said and you nod slowly. You hold the metal in your hands, you’ve been wearing it every day since he gave it to you. Clinging to it like it’s the last piece of him you have, which is sort of true. You stole a few t-shirts of his too.

“I was just about to poke around in my Dad’s office, wanna come?” The playful glint in her eyes sends away the tears that were about to spill over your cheeks. You nod instantly, that was the one room they were never allowed to go into. You skip up the stairs behind Allison, running your fingers along the bannister. You remember all the times you ran up these stairs with Allison, either running away from Reginald or Pogo. Or the times you’d gotten hurt and Grace was there to run her fingers through your hair and hold you to her chest, she really was the best mom. She was a mom to you too, your own parents are pieces of shit and the only person you ever really had was Grace.

“Wow, so weird being in here.” You say once you two breach the threshold into the office. It only takes a few seconds for you to hear someone rummaging around in the drawers. You doubt Luther could fit behind the desk without you seeing him so it’s not him, and you just saw Diego in the hallway. Vanya was downstairs last time you checked so that means…

“Klaus?” Allison says it first. Your heart is in your throat as he stands to his full height, which is a few inches taller than the last time you saw him. He has facial hair, he doesn’t look like a boy anymore. He’s really grown into himself, he’s still super skinny though. His fashion style has changed a lot since the last time you saw him. He’s almost sort of feminine now, and you’d be lying if you said he didn’t look hot as hell. His eyes light up upon seeing her, a wide smile stretched across his face. He hasn’t seen you yet, so you’re going to just sneak out. You turn and head for the door when you hear his voice.

“Y/N? That you?” You hear the happiness edging at the tone of his voice. You can’t bring yourself to turn around, you can’t look into his eyes and remember how much you’ve missed him. He’s probably still using and you can’t get sucked into his addiction again. You stay stock still, tears burning at the corner of your eyes as you see him come into your view. He uses two fingers to tilt your chin up, and when you look into his eyes- it’s all over. They’re the same hazel eyes that you remember, the same softness behind them. The tears trickle down your cheeks before you can stop them. You shove past him and out of the room just as Luther comes in, he lights up when he sees you but the look quickly falters when he sees the tears on your face. His gaze trails back to Klaus and then a look of realization finally reaches his eyes.

“You should go after her.” Ben suggests as he moves to sit on Reginald’s desk. Klaus doesn’t say anything as he empties his pockets of things he was planning to sell before Luther caught him.

“Klaus, you're like an open wound for her, fix it. I thought you loved her.” Ben snaps, and this time Klaus glares at him before storming out of the room.

“I do love her.” Klaus snaps back.

“So talk to her and stop being an idiot.” Ben says, and the anger in his eyes is unmistakable. Klaus groans, pressing the heel of his palms into his eyes.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“How about, ‘I’m sorry’?” Ben suggests sarcastically. Klaus rolls his eyes. Turning towards the railing of the stairs, Klaus spots you next to a giant window. You’re stood with your arms crossed, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t happy to see you.

“Don’t think it’s going to be enough, but I’ll try.” Klaus says softly, looking into Ben’s eyes. Tucking the ornate box he stole from the office into his pants, Klaus makes his way towards you.

“Hey you.” Is all he says, but hearing him say those words with his voice, it’s almost too much. It sends you right back to the first time you saw Klaus overdosing, it’s what he said in the hospital room when he woke up. You push a smile onto your face through the tears.

“Hey.” You wipe away a falling tear as you turn to look at him, and you see his eye fixated on your neck. Klaus reaches up to touch the necklace, there’s a smile on his face.

“You’re wearing it.”

“I never took it off, since you gave it to me.” You admit softly. Klaus looks up to meet your eyes again, and you swear he’s wearing eyeliner. Why is that so hot? Why is him dressing sort of like a woman so damn sexy?

“So, I hate this small talk but how have you been?” Klaus asks, stuffing his hands in his pockets. You casually wipe away a few tears, pretending that neither of you know why you’re crying. Even though you both know you’re crying because of him, again. What kills you the most is that everything else about him looks different enough for you to convince yourself that it’s a different person. But his eyes are the same. The same soft, puppy like eyes and every time you look into them you see the broken look on his face when you broke up with him.

“Good. I’m good, you?” You and Klaus really did detest small talk, but when it comes to you two you need to take baby steps. Maybe you can be friends but you doubt it, either way you have to take it slow. Really slow.

“I’m great.” He says with a wide smile, you nod once before turning your gaze out the window again. There’s one question poking at your head, refusing to be ignored. So you lick your lips and slowly turn to him.

“Klaus?”

“Hm?”

“Did you have anywhere to go after I...I um-”

“After you kicked me out?” You don’t expect the words to sting so much when he says them, you don’t think he intended to say it bitterly but he did. You nod.

“No I didn’t, but I figured it out.” He says with a shrug. You feel guilty as you look back out the window, and that’s when you notice him inch closer to you.

“I’ve missed you Y/N.” He says softly, turning his body to face yours. You feel tears in your eyes again, you know what he’s doing.

“Don’t.” You say softly, but his arms reach on either side of you to grasp the railing behind you- effectively trapping you in place.

“I really missed you.” Klaus says sincerely, his lips ghosting over yours. It’s too much.

“Stop! We can’t do this again Klaus.” You gasp, shoving him away from you. Klaus’s eyebrows knit together, but you know he really isn’t surprised.

“Baby I’m different now, I won’t let you down again-”

“Really? Then what’s this?” You snap as tears drift down your face. You grasp the bracelet on his wrist, the bracelet from rehab next to the one from the emergency room. You see him shrink in on himself, knowing that he had in fact been caught.

“After all these years and you’re still using, and you overdosed again? Do you know how lucky you are to be alive? Dammit Klaus, I’m not getting pulled into this bullshit again. I can’t.” You yell, crying uncontrollably now.

“But I still love you, I’m so fucking in love with you.” Klaus pleads and you know he means it. The annoying part is that you love him too, there’s never going to be a time in your life that you’re not in love with Klaus. You shake your head, you really wished you could control your damn emotions. You turn to storm down the stairs when you feel his fingers gently close around your wrist.

“I know you love me, you wouldn’t wear that necklace if you didn’t.” Klaus says desperately, a look in his eyes you can’t quite place.

“Please Y/N, just kiss me. One more time, please.” Klaus pleads, and you close your eyes as you release a heavy breath. You grasp onto his shirt tightly before pulling his lips down to meet yours. Klaus sighs happily against your lips as his hands grasp tightly at your own shirt, pulling you as close to his body as you can get. Your lips move against each other, and you can already feel the heat rising. You moan against him when his hand slips between your legs on the outside of your jeans. You pull away from him as he presses his palm against your core.

“W-We can’t do this Klaus.” You gasp, your head tilting back as he grinds his hardening cock against you. He winds his arms around your waist, his lips finding the sweet spot just under your ear. You mewl softly, your hands grasping his shoulders tightly.

“Sure we can, you don’t want a relationship- fine. Doesn’t mean we can’t have a physical relationship.” He whispers, biting at your neck in a way that makes you feel like you’re melting. You sigh softly as his hand slides under your shirt and up your back.

“C’mon baby, let me make you feel good. Use me to get off. Please.” His filthy words send another wave of arousal through you. You look into his eyes and when you see the heat simmering in them, you know you can’t say no.

“God please make me cum Klaus.” You plead hoarsely, and his lips press against yours again. He hauls your legs around his waist as he takes a back hallway to his bedroom. He presses you against the wall outside of his bedroom, grinding his cock up against your core. His lips trail kisses from the corner of your mouth, all the way down the column of your throat. Your head tilts back and hits the wall, your entire body buzzing.

“Just please tell me, are you high right now?” You gasp, his hand toying with the button of your jeans. Klaus hums in thought.

“A little.” He admits, and it definitely bothers you, but you need to cum so damn badly that you don’t care too much. Klaus kicks the door shut behind him before dropping you onto the bed, his hands yanking your shirt over your head.

“Wait, is this my shirt?” He asks, lifting the fabric to inspect it.

“A memento, come here and kiss me.” You plead again, your bra joining his shirt not too long after. Klaus happily obliges, yanking his shirt over his head before his lips are on yours. Your hands find his scarf, which strangely looks good on him before pulling it from around his neck.

“Nice scarf.” You comment against his lips. Klaus’s tongue swiftly enters your mouth and you, honest to God whimper against his lips. No man has ever made you whimper before. Your hands reach down to unbutton his pants, and you begin to push them down his legs. Remarkably, Klaus has managed to keep the giant box tucked into his pants concealed, kicking it under the bed when you look down to help untangle the pants from his ankles. You help peel his pants off before you’re sliding onto the floor in front of him. You pump his cock in your hand a few times before you’re taking him down your throat. Klaus hisses as his head tosses back, and you have to admit that the way he looks sends heat between your legs. His arms holding himself up as his neck is exposed, his eyes squeezed shut, his chest heaving. He looks fucking beautiful. You lick a line up the underside of his cock, you still remember exactly what he likes. That’s honestly a little pathetic, but at this moment you couldn’t care less.

“Fuck baby I don’t remember you being so-” he’s cut off when you suck lightly, and he moans. “-being so good at this.”

He swallows thickly, daring himself to look down at you. The sight before him nearly makes him cum on the spot. You’re looking up at him through your lashes, there are tears in your eyes, and your mouth is stuffed full of his cock. He can see it bulging in your throat. You bob your head up and down his full length, but eventually Klaus yanks you off him by your hair.

“If you don’t stop I’m going to cum and I won’t get hard again.” He growls, pulling your lips against his. Klaus’s hands are quickly unbuttoning your jeans, his hands hooking into the waistband to push them down your legs along with your underwear.

“You’re too clothed.” He mumbles against your lips, you eagerly help him undress you. Klaus gently pushes you back against the mattress to lay underneath you, his hands pressed on either side of your head. His eyes are practically twinkling as he gazes down at you, and there’s a fond smile on his face as his fingers brush against the necklace once more.

“What?” You ask, your cheeks heating up from the look in his eyes.

“Nothing. Just...this is my happy place.” He says and you turn your head away when it starts to feel too emotional.

“This is just sex Klaus remember? We’re not getting back together.” You remind him, and you hate the crushed look in his eyes but he nods.

“Yeah, I remember.” He says softly, the head of his cock nudging at your entrance. You moan when you feel his tip sliding against your lips, and just that one sound has reignited the fire in Klaus’s eyes. He reaches down to grasp the base of his cock, watching with nearly sadistic eyes as he teases you by rubbing the head along your entrance.

“Don’t be an asshole.” You groan, your fingers curling around the sheets. Klaus leans down to press his lips against yours before he’s sliding into you in one languid thrust. Your breath catches in your throat as you wind your arms around his shoulders. You’re not as tight as Klaus was expecting, which can only mean one thing. You’ve had sex with somebody else, and deep down Klaus knows that he has no right to be upset about it. But he is, he’s really upset about it. He quickly sets a brutal pace, pinning your arms to the bed as he bites down softly on your lower lip. You wriggle one arm free so you can reach up and grasp tightly onto his neck, your fingers curled around his throat. Klaus’s eyes roll back as he continues to pump into you.

“Fuck I missed this.” Klaus groans, his other hand snaking between your bodies to toy with your clit. Klaus has slept with one other person since he was with you, but that was different. It was a man. To Klaus, sex with men is just as good as sex with women but nothing is as good as sex with you. There’s something about you that just makes his toes curl, that edges him a little higher. Maybe it’s because he’s helplessly in love with you, but who knows. Klaus knows he won’t last much longer, especially when you begin to clench around him. He missed being this close to you, feeling one with you. Feeling you. He missed it all, everything about you. He is going to get you back, Klaus has made it his goal to get clean. For you. He never wants to lose you again.

“I missed you,” You gasp, you can’t help it. You did miss him. More than you thought you would, and you thought that time would heal the wound but it didn’t. Actually, the more time that went on the more the wound seemed to open. Klaus continues to push into you roughly, the head of his cock hitting that sweet spot with every thrust. You hold his chest tightly to yours, your eyes squeezing shut when his fingers gently pinch your clit. The tidal wave breaks open then and you’re squeezing around him so tightly that it draws a strangled groan from him as you gush around him. You moan obscenely as you cum around him, your hands holding him tightly. Klaus gasps as he thrusts into you roughly before pulling out of you and instantly cumming all over your stomach.

“I needed that.” Klaus sighs happily, standing to clean your stomach off. You watch him toss the tissue in a trash can before reaching around for his clothes.

“Leaving?” You ask in disbelief, he won’t stay with you for a little bit? Klaus leans back over you before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Sorry baby, got an errand to run.” He says reaching under the bed to grab the box. Klaus slides the scarf around his neck once more, and when you see the box you know what he’s up to. He’s going to sell it for drug money. He tosses your clothes onto the bed before turning towards the door. Just before his hand tugs the door open, he turns towards you again.

“Be honest with me, do you still love me?” He asks and you bite down on your bottom lip.

“I still love you Klaus.” You admit, watching the small smile on his face.

“I love you too.” And before you know it, he’s out of the bedroom and closing the door behind him. It’s immediate that you should not have had sex with him, you should have said no but you couldn’t. Why?

Because Klaus is your addiction.

#klaus hargreeves smut #tua fanfic #the umbrella academy #klaus hargreeves #tua smut #the umbrella academy smut #luther hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus x reader #klaus x you

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hangezoeenthusiast · 3 years

Text

You failed me

multiple x gn!reader

word count: 2,524

warnings: cursing, yelling, arguing, death, angst, blood, explosion, the egg (it deserves its own warning)

synopis: you guys failed me(us)

(the lyrics go with each person, might not get everyone, and also xd’s part is kinda wonky)

song: rät by penelope scott

I come from scientists and atheists and white men who kill God They make technology, high quality, complex physiological Experiments and sacrilege in the name of public good They taught me everything, just like a daddy should

Quackity, Karl, George, and Sapnap left you. Your mentors, your friends. The ones who taught you everything you knew. They went to build their little “Kinoko Kingdom” while you stayed in the ruins, the dust. “They’ll regret that.” you swore. You built something better, something greater.

It was called “Las Nevadas”. A place where everyone was allowed. They would remember not to fuck with you. They would soon realize that they should watch their back for the rest of their short, stupid lives.

“Watch out, you guys, I'm watching your every move.”

And you were beautiful and vulnerable and power and success God damn, I fell for you, your flamethrowers, your tunnels, and your tech I studied code because I wanted to do something great like you And the real tragеdy is half of it was true

Wilbur majorly fucked up. He was supposed to be with you to the end, your guys’ country, right? No. He left you behind. He went to find peace, find his heaven, while you stayed on earth, wallowing away until your flesh seeped off your rattling bones, rotting away by yourself, with no one to bare witness.

“Why didn’t you bring me with you Wilbur?” you asked his stupid grave on top of the once L’Manburg. “Why did you get the ecstasy, why do I get the remains?”

“I’m coming for you Wilbur, and when I do, we are going to wreck upon justice on everyone who wronged us, wronged you, they will feel our wrath.”

But we've been fuckin' mеan, we're elitist, we're as flawed as any church And this faux-rad West coast dogma has a higher fuckin' net worth I bit the apple 'cause I trusted you, it tastes like Thomas Malthus Your proposal is immodest and insane And I hope someday Selmers rides her fuckin' train

"Y/n!" Technoblade yelled. "I TRUSTED YOU, AND YOU BETRAYED ME, FOR WHAT, TO BLOW UP A STUPID COUNTRY, A COUNTRY THAT WAS DOOMED TO FAIL FROM THE START." He started to battle you, missing every single swing, blinded by fury.

“YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE.”

"LOOK AT ME GODDAMN IT."

You looked up at him in the eyes and boldly said, "No, Techno, don’t you see, you’re in the wrong here, you’re the one who betrayed me." You were blinded by friendship, you couldn’t see that Tommy had betrayed Techno, and that what the Butcher Army did to Techno was terrible.

"What do you mean Y/n, you know what they did, they wronged me, they used me, they tortured me, they gave me hell, so I gave it back to them, I destroyed the things they loved, the people they loved, you see Y/n, those who have treated me with kindness I will repay that kindness tenfold, and those who treat me with injustice, that use me, that hunt me down, that hurt my friends, I shall repay that injustice a thousand times over, do you understand?"

"No I don't, Techno, you can't do this.” you begged. He pushed you out of the way, "Get out of my way Y/n." “No, I won’t, I won’t let you destroy everything we worked for.”

“Well, then I have to fight you.”

And thus the battle began, Swords clashing against each other, blood spilling from open wounds, friends digging each other into a whole both of them couldn’t get out of. Techno was letting you off easy, he knew his strength, he knew that he could’ve beaten you in one swipe, but he didn’t want to kill you.

So when you had the opportunity, you swept from under his feet, and knocked him down. You placed your blade onto his neck, pressing down until a little drop of blood appeared, “Stay down Technoblade, or I’ll do something worse than try to put you on trial.”

He watched as you walked away from him, trying to save L’Manberg from a worst fate than death itself.

“One day Y/n, you’ll see, I’m on your side.”

I loved you, I loved you, I loved you, it's true I wanted to be you and do what you do I lived here, I loved here, I bought it, it's true I feel so stupid, and so used I feel so used

"Why would you do that Dream? You didn't have to do that." you interrogated. Dream had stupidly blew up the community house. You both didn't plan that, he had gone behind your back. "I had to Y/n, you wouldn't understand."

"What do you mean I don't understand, you went against my back, we were supposed to-" you cut off yourself, "Dream, don't you understand, you did something stupid, and what did you get, you got stupid jail." "The reason I did that is because I needed to isolate myself from humanity." he said, proudness lacing his words.

"What do you mean?" you questioned. "If anyone knows I can revive people, I'm screwed, so that's why I need to be by myself, yeah it sucks major ass, but at least no one else will know, well, besides you anyways." "I have a task for you Y/n/n, I need you to find a way to bring Tommy and Ghostbur in here."

"Why Dream?"

"I'm going to revive Wilbur."

I was your baby, your firstborn, the hot girl in your comp-sci class And I was Darwin's prep school dream, bred, born and raised to kick your ass I fell for circuit boards, rocket ships, pictures of the stars If you could only be what you pretend you are

"PHILZA MINECRAFT COME BACK HERE." you were chasing Phil, through the woody forest, covered by oak trees. He had information on Technoblade's whereabouts and you needed it. You chased him with your enchanted netherite armor, netherite sword and axe, and a few op potions. Your goal was to capture Philza and interrogate him on where Techno's place was. The thing was, you were his child. His own child trying to kill his own son.

He felt betrayed, his own child turned against him and their brother, their family. "The Butcher Army must've gotten to you somehow." he thought in his head. Surely, his darling Y/n didn't do it on their own will, right?

He was incorrect, you did it because you believed that Techno needed to be brought to justice, by punishment. You believed that your own sibling needed to die, because he was a "liability" to L'Manberg's growth and future. He needed to die because as long as he would live his long life with his little enderman Edward, retired, he would still cause trouble to everything you, Quackity, Tubbo, Fundy, and Ranboo had built.

He pleaded, "Stop Y/n, you don't have to do this." You argued, "I do Philza, as long as he lives, my plans for L'Manberg will forever cease to exist."

He felt like shit, you called him Philza, not Dadza, or Dad, or anything besides his normal name. "Did I screw something up?" he asked himself quietly under his breath. "Yes you did Phil, you took the traitor's side." you had heard Phil mumble.

"HE'S NOT A TRAITOR." Phil yelled at you. "Yes he is, he deserves what he is about to get, I will say it again, where is his base?"

"I'm not saying, Y/n, why are you doing this, Techno is your own sibling." "He's not my sibling anymore, that stopped when he destroyed L'Manberg, you're lucky I forgived you." you declared.

"Y/n/n, please don't do this."

"I have to Dadza, I can't let him roam free."

When I said take me to the moon, I never meant take me alone I thought if mankind toured the sky, it meant that all of us could go But I don't want to see the stars if they're just one more piece of land For us to colonize, for us to turn to sand

Bad had tried to convice you to join the Eggpire. You had no effect while being next to the egg, and he had to take you out. People who had no effect towards the egg had to be eliminated.

He was creepily following you, waiting until you stopped to get a chance to capture you. He had hope that you did have an effect, that you would join the Egg with him. He didn't want to kill you, you were his best friend, besides Skeppy of course.

"Come back here Y/n." he said. "No chance in hell Bad, get the fuck away from me." "HEY, LANGUAGE!" he exclaimed. "No language, get away from me, you're creeping me out."

He threw his trident, spinning in the air, trying to catch up to your frantic steps. You were trying to get to Church Prime, where no one could kill anyone, hopefully Bad would abide to that rule. You were just about to step on Church Prime when you bumped into a hard, armored chest.

You looked up shyly, and saw Punz, with his red eyes reflecting anger. "Where are you going Y/n?" he questioned. "Somewhere." you blankly stated. You were desperate, you didn't want to die, or anything else that Bad was going to do to you. You tried to dodge Punz, but he placed a hand on your shoulder, "Stay right here Y/n."

"No, get away from me, I don't know what's wrong with all of you, but go away, I don't want anything to do with your stupid Eggpire." He raged, and grabbed your wrist heavily, "DON'T TALK ABOUT THE EGG LIKE THAT, IT WILL TAKE CONTROL OF THE SERVER, AND YOU ALL WILL BE ITS SERVANTS." "LET ME THE FUCK GO PUNZ." you screamed. You were wiggling in his grip, trying to escape his lunatic self.

While he was holding you, you saw two other shadows behind you. It was Antfrost and Bad. "What do you guys want from me, I didn't do anything wrong."

"You are against the Egg Y/n, people who are like you and Tommy have to die."

"Well, I'm not dying today." you murmured under your breath. "What was that you said?" Antfrost asked you.

You smirked, "I'm not dying today, I'll tell you one more time, let go of me."

Bad and Antfrost walked closer to you, Punz right behind you, all of them cornering you into a tight spot. "What you going to do about it Y/n, you're cornered."

"You'll know when they get here, but for now, you better run boys."

'Cause we're so fuckin' mean, we're so elitist, we're as fucked as any church And this bullshit West coast dogma has a higher fuckin' net worth I bit the apple 'cause I loved you, and why would you lie? And then I realized that you're just as naïve as I am Oh, you're so traumatized it makes me want to cry

"Tubbo, don't do this." Schlatt had unfortunately found out that you were a spy, that you were on Pogtopia's side. He had ordered Tubbo to kill you with fireworks, to light you on fire, give you blisters all over your body. "Please Tubbs, you're my friend." you pleaded.

"I can't Y/n/n, or something worse will happen." he whispered to you. "What do you mean?" you asked. "He can-" he trailed off, looking somewhere else besides your eyes. "Tubbo, you don't have to do what that stupid bastard tells you to do, you're your own person, with your own thoughts and actions."

"I'm sorry Y/n, I hope you can forgive me."

"TUBBO N-" you was cut off by firewords hitting your skin, making blisters and burn marks all over your body. You lost your second canon life, feeling betrayed by Tubbo. He killed you for what, a stupid father who never cared about him in his entire life, a father who exiled his friends that actually treated him like a person, and not like some random piece of trash.

You respawned in your bed, feeling bruises and bumps mostly on your forearms and your back.

"I'll help you Tubbo, I’ll get rid of him.”

You dumb bitch I loved you, I loved you, I loved you, it's true I wanted to be you and do what you do I lived here, I loved here, I bought it, it's true I'm so embarrassed, I feel abused

“Come on Y/n/n, come with me.” Punz begged of you. He wanted you to visit the Egg. You didn’t want to be controlled by a stupid omelette. "I'm not Punzo, why are you so obsessed with that stupid thing."

"DON'T SPEAK OF THE EGG LIKE THAT."

You put your hands in front of you, accidentally touching Punz's chest, "Ok calm down buddy." He didn't calm down and instead yelled at you on why you had to join the Eggpire.

"If you join, you will be forever happy."

"If you join you'll get whatever you want."

You were tired of the members of the Eggpire to convince you to join them, you didn't like eggs anyway. "Punz, for the last time, I'm not joining you, stop telling me."

“Then you have to die.”

So fuck your tunnels, fuck your cars, fuck your rockets, fuck your cars again You promised you'd be Tesla, but you're just another Edison 'Cause Tesla broke a patent, all you ever broke were hearts I can't believe you tore humanity apart

“XD!” You were pissed at him, he had destroyed your house, made your friends pissed at you, just everything you liked. All because he wanted you for himself.

He wanted you to be dependent on his every word, and he was being a manipulative psychopath. And you didn’t tolerate that, it was like he was his human counterpart, Dream.

He walked to you with confidence, waiting for to get a hug from you, well, he didn’t get that. You slapped him so hard his head swung to the left.

“WHAT THE FUCK.”

“That’s what you get you stupid son of a bitch. You fucking ruined everything.” “Calm down Y/n/n, what is wrong?” He acted concerned, but you knew that he was faking. He would do anything to get someone’s approval.

“DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT’S WRONG, IT’S YOU, YOUR STUPID PRESENCE IN MY LIFE. YOU KEEP ON WALKING AROUND LIKE YOU FUCKING OWN THE PLACE.”

“Calm down darling, just take some netheri-” you interrupted him by slapping the ore out of his hands. “I don’t need jack shit from you XD, you know what, take back the necklace, I don’t want it.” You pulled the shiny, green emerald necklace off your neck, and pulled XD’s palm out.

You placed the necklace filled with memories, and put it on his hand. You closed up his palm, and walked away, leaving XD to his own accord.

“We could’ve had evertything X.”

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